Finding Peak w/ Ryan Hanley - Alan Stein Jr. Explains How to Stay on Top

Episode Date: March 31, 2022

Spartan philosophy, built in the black-ops lab of business: https://www.findingpeak.comFinding Peak podcast: https://linktr.ee/ryan_hanleyAlan Stein, Jr. is an experienced keynote speaker and author. ...At his core, he’s a performance coach with a passion for helping others change behaviors.He spent 15+ years working with the highest performing basketball players on the planet (including NBA superstars Kevin Durant, Steph Curry, and Kobe Bryant). Through his customized programs, he transfers his unique expertise to maximize both individual and organizational performance.In his latest book, Sustain Your Game, Alan explains how high performers who want to learn how to maintain excellence across the short, intermediate, and long term. It assembles invaluable advice and lessons from successful athletes, entrepreneurs, social scientists, journalists, CEOs, motivational speakers, business coaches, and consultants, as well as my own unique personal stories.Don't miss this episode...--Recommended Tools for GrowthOpusClip: #1 AI video clipping and editing tool: https://link.ryanhanley.com/opusRiverside: HD Podcast & Video Software | Free Recording & Editing: https://link.ryanhanley.com/riversideWhisperFlow: Never waste time typing on your keyboard again: https://link.ryanhanley.com/whisperflowCaptionsApp: One app for all your social media video creation: https://link.ryanhanley.com/captionsappGoHighLevel: It's time to take your business workflow to the Next Level: https://link.ryanhanley.com/gohighlevelPerspective.co: The #1 funnel builder for lead generation: https://link.ryanhanley.com/perspective--Episodes You Might Enjoy:From $2 Million Loss to World-Class Entrepreneur: https://lnk.to/delkFrom One Man Shop to $200M in Revenue: https://lnk.to/tommymelloIs Psilocybin the Gateway to Self-Mastery? https://lnk.to/80upZ9This show is part of the Unplugged Studios Network — the infrastructure layer for serious creators. 👉 Learn more at https://unpluggedstudios.fm.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Happy holidays. Want to give your host a gift? Consider subscribing, rating, and reviewing the show this holiday season. It really helps the show grow. From all of us at believe, have a Merry Christmas, everyone, and a happy holiday. Good laboratory in the basement of his home. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the show. Today, we have an absolutely tremendous episode for you. Back to the interviews with Alan Stein, Jr. Alan is a tremendous guy who has worked with some of the best athletes in the world, particularly in the basketball space, helping them raise their game, get to peak performance, stay at that place, both mentally and physically. If you want to go back and listen to the first time, I interviewed Alan. It was probably about a year, maybe a year and a half ago. Just scroll back through the archives of this show, and you'll find Alan's episode on Raising Your Game.
Starting point is 00:01:14 Today, he's on the show because he's got another book out called Sustaining Your Game. essentially what this is, is once you hit that pinnacle or you hit kind of fifth gear in your growth, how do you stay at that level? How do you not hit a plateau and then step back or fall back to where you were before? It's an absolutely tremendous conversation. We get very deep on a lot of different topics, both in success, drive, growth, leadership, stress management, stat, you know, how to avoid and or deal with stagflation, or stagnation. Stagnation. It's just an absolutely tremendous conversation I enjoy every time Alan is on the show.
Starting point is 00:02:00 And I highly recommend you pick up his new book, Sustain the Game. You'll hear him mention it at the very end, but I want to hit you with it now, too. It's called Sustainthegamebook.com. And go to sustainthegamebook.com. Pick up Alan's book. I'm just a big fan of everything. does. I follow them on Instagram and LinkedIn and just a great guide to have in your ecosystem. Before we get to our conversation with Alan, I want to give quick shout out to the sponsors
Starting point is 00:02:23 that make this show possible. First is Podium. Podium is a set of tools that allows you to quickly, concisely, accurately, efficiently, effectively communicate mostly via chat and text through your website or through their text platform with your customers. We use Podium and we have an incredibly high. I've talked about this in the past, incredibly high connection rate. Oftentimes when people reach out to you, it is very hard to get a hold of them after they've reached out. If you're not immediate and what podium does by using text instead of email, allows you to quickly get back in front of your customers so they can reach out to you via chat,
Starting point is 00:03:03 but you're reaching back to them via text. It's wonderful technology and it helps increase our connection rate with new prospects. I also want to give a big shout out to Tarmica, T-M-I-K-A-D-R-M-I-K-A. com T-A-R-M-I-K-A-Tarmica. Tarmica is changing the game on small commercial business, helping you rate multiple carriers at one time, and they've just recently added a PATH sponsor. I'm going to give them a quick shout-out because we still love them.
Starting point is 00:03:27 Pathpoint is now on Tarmica. So now you can quote both standard lines as well as E-N-S business through Pathpoint through T-R-M-I-K-A-D-K-A-T-R-R-M-I-K-A. Tom, tarmica, tarmica, tarmica, tarmica, t-a-com. Get some tarmica today. All right, let's get on to this absolute tremendous conversation with Alan Stein. Hey, hey, what's up, man? Nothing. How are you? I'm good. How are you doing? I'm doing well. I didn't get a chance to listen to your whole Will Smith take, but I'm very curious. Oh, yeah, well, I don't know. It's, it's probably most contentious take that I've taken, which was essentially one. I, you know, a lot of people,
Starting point is 00:04:20 it was funny. It was, it was an interesting exercise in contextualizing your argument. My initial take that spurred the whole thing was watched it, did a little research around it, and I sent a tweet out that said, I believe Chris Rock has every right to make. the joke that he made. I also believe that Will Smith has the right to smack the shit out of him. Now, my point there was not that I think that it's right or that there shouldn't be any consequences for Will Smith's action. My point was that if you say something, there are repercussions that you can't control, right? And that my, and where I was trying to get to and maybe some of my politics will come out of this is that I feel like a lot of people, and this goes across the board,
Starting point is 00:05:16 not left, right, whatever. I feel like too many people in our society today just say all kinds of things, offensive things, hurtful things, you know, lies, all this stuff. And then they're just like, yeah, but you know, you can't, you can't, you can't do anything. That's just my truth. That's my live truth. That's the truth. And I'm like, yes, you have every right to say everything you want. But you can't control. If you piss somebody off, they might come at you. Absolutely. And you, now that doesn't mean that it's right or that I condone violence. I don't. And that's kind of the context part is people are like, violence is never the answer. And I'm like, well, what happens when Vladimir Putin invades your country? Is violence the answer then? What happens when a,
Starting point is 00:06:02 when a kid, when a bully walks up to your son or daughter and knocks them to the ground? What are you going to do? You're going to tell the teacher, right? You know, going to happen the next day, that bully is going to walk up to your son and daughter and find an even more hurtful way of knocking them to the ground. And at some point, and this was kind of my general point to the whole thing, which hopefully for the people that listen to the whole podcast they got, was that I personally believe tough times are on the horizon for us. In general, I don't know, I don't think the world's coming to an end or anything like that. I just think that times are going to get tougher and that it is.
Starting point is 00:06:41 a good idea to start to harden or toughen or start thinking proactively about the defense tactics, both psychology, our fitness, our network, our business, or, you know, whatever, our relationships, we start to proactively think about those things from the standpoint of we are going to, you're going to have to defend yourself, right? That might mean a competitor coming into business. It might mean, uh, a relationship with someone. It may mean physically someone trying to take something of yours. And I don't know that I feel like we've become soft in so much as we can just go,
Starting point is 00:07:23 hey, someone, I don't like this. Someone come fix this thing for me. And I just don't know that those, when our resources are scattered and our municipalities, our government, our networks of support start to become spread thin, and we have to actually start to stand up for ourselves and take ownership of our life, which is what, I don't know how I got there from Will Smith, bitch slap and Chris Rock,
Starting point is 00:07:47 but somehow I did. And that was kind of the point. So it was like, you know, and then I got a lot of feedback, mostly around the violence is never the answer. And I'm like, well, you didn't grow up where I grew up. Because if violence wasn't the answer where I grew up, I would have walked in the school
Starting point is 00:08:02 and had the shit kicked out of me every single day. Like at some point, I had to respond. And, yeah. I just, I can't, you know, I think everyone, violence, I'm not pro violence, whatever. I just feel like if you live in a gated community, 20 miles from an urban area or a trailer park, and you make $300,000 a year and your kid goes to a private school, it is really, really, really easy to say, violence is never the answer or whatever. Right.
Starting point is 00:08:31 And I just don't know that that's reality. I mean, anytime we use the word never, my skepticism immediately. goes up. You know, even if you say violence is rarely the answer, at least that's a more appropriate sentiment than never. I mean, it's, uh, and it should be a last resort of a last resort, always. That that was sure. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. I, yeah. And it's just amazing how much coverage that's gotten over the last 36 hours. I mean, it's unbelievable. And I think part of it, too is, I mean, that was so uncharacteristic and off brand for Will Smith, who for the most part, has an absolutely impeccable resume and reputation. I think that's the first time the entire
Starting point is 00:09:18 world has seen him do something even remotely questionable. And you're talking about someone that's been in the public eye since he was a teenager. So that's probably one of the reasons that it raised so many eyebrows. And yeah. And I actually, you know, I mean, for what it's worth, I thought his apology the next day was appropriate. And, you know, I mean, I don't know if his PR team helped him write it or not. But nevertheless, it felt genuine. I felt it was the right thing to do. He made a mistake.
Starting point is 00:09:44 He owned it. You know, I've heard, and I don't know if this is true or not, but I think a few years ago at the Oscars, Chris Rock said something else that kind of took a jab at Jada. So I think there was a little bit of contention already there. Because I was thinking if, If somebody else made that same joke, you know, would it still have stung as bad to her? Like if it was a friend, maybe not.
Starting point is 00:10:11 I don't know. Everything's in context. But I thought the strangest part of the whole thing was he made the joke. Will Smith was laughing at the joke. And Jada, obviously, you can tell by her facial expressions, was really off put by it. So Will Smith went from laughing to then all of a sudden defending her honor. That was quite a turnaround. I just thought it was interesting.
Starting point is 00:10:33 No, no, it's a really good point. You know, I think by taking any kind of, I want to say I took a stand, by having a viewpoint on the situation, I somehow have become like now people like send me all these articles and break down. I have like 20 DMs of people like breaking down the situation. It's really interesting. You're not in a bad way. I love that stuff.
Starting point is 00:10:52 I just, it's very interesting. Anytime you take a stand on anything, you're going to get some polarized responses. So I commend you for taking a stand. I thought it was cool to do it in kind of podcast form because it's, you know, it's, almost impossible to get anything and keep it in context in some of these shorter for you know yeah obviously i'm sure what i realized on that original tweet had you had an opportunity but when you're limited to a certain number of characters yeah that's why twitter is so tough man that's why twitter is so tough you know i um i've had so many interesting experiences
Starting point is 00:11:25 with twitter because i have a blue check i have 13 14000 followers not like i have 100 000 followers but you know i've been on to Twitter for almost 14, you know, like almost since like the second or third month that it existed and I got blue checked and whatever. And it's it. So I get. I, I have the capability that some people don't of like going viral because I have the blue check. For sure. So during, during, um, during, uh, 2016, maybe. No, the, the last one where Trump lost. I said, uh, I tweeted out that I thought, But a, now I since have lost all respect for Andrew Yang. But at the time, I said, I think an Andrew Yang, Tulsi Gabbard ticket would be amazing to have this entrepreneur. He's an Asian guy. She's Hawaiian. And, you know, just like this dynamic of like, you know, some of the multicultural aspects of that make our country amazing.
Starting point is 00:12:29 And he's an entrepreneur. And she's been an Indian. She's also a military. I'm like, this is the kind of ticket. I would love to see go up against Trump because I felt like it was very representative of what makes America such an amazing place. And that thing, I mean, it went bananas.
Starting point is 00:12:49 Like it just like my Twitter was just like going like this. And it was just an off the cuff thing. Like I didn't even think twice about it. I just was like, man, this would be an amazing ticket. And I tagged the two people. and I was like, I just, I don't, I literally put seven seconds of thought into it. It just hit my brain. I was like, I think this would be fun.
Starting point is 00:13:10 And, and dude, it went crazy at both sides, right? So I had people, you know, people from Republicans saying, you know, she's a this and he's of that and all this kind of stuff. And then other people going, yeah, it'd be amazing. And then it just was wild. And I was like, I can see how people get hooked on that feeling. because at first I was like, you couldn't help it. You come in and you have 4,000 likes on a post.
Starting point is 00:13:38 You get this immediate hit of feeling important, you know. And logically, I know how silly that is and, you know, whatever. But I can see how people get hooked on this, making these short, provocative comments, whether they believe them or not, to get that attention because it is intoxicating. And if you're not like, Of course it is.
Starting point is 00:14:04 Emotionally mature enough to take a step back and go, this is just idiots who don't know who I am hitting a button on a stupid app. Like if you're not, if you can't take that step back, oh my gosh, that rabble hole is deep and dark. Well, it's yeah. And it's so funny because if you and I right now put our heads together and tried to strategize something to go viral, we have very little chance of making that happen.
Starting point is 00:14:26 Yet something that you said crosses your brain for seven seconds in an emotional moment. I mean, it is crazy. But to what you said earlier, I think that's a really interesting point as far as we all have the right to express ourselves however we'd like, but we also have the right to face the consequences of whatever that may be. And, you know, just like Chris Rock experienced the consequence 30 seconds after he said it, you know, Will Smith better be prepared to have some backlash and some consequences to his
Starting point is 00:14:55 behavior, whatever that may be. And I think because he was quick to apologize and, because he has a pristine reputation, I think most of the world will be quick to forgive him. Yeah. Especially those that tend to look at it through the light of he was defending his woman's honor. Like some people make that as more noble than maybe something else. So yeah, it'll be interesting to see how that unfolds. It was just, I mean, when I first saw it, I thought the thing was staged.
Starting point is 00:15:24 I literally thought that was a ruse to improve ratings and that they had already talked well in advance. hey, I'm going to make this joke. Hey, you come up and do this. Hey, we'll make it look real. And we ain't telling nobody about it so that, you know, the cat's not out of the bag. And I guess the more I see and hear on it, I guess that's not true. I guess it was real. But that was really crazy.
Starting point is 00:15:45 Yeah, you know, so I had a couple of my buddies say the same thing. They're like, oh, that was staged. See the way he follows through on the slap. And I think, I think that he is obviously dealing to get to someone we want to talk about today. He is dealing obviously with a level of stress and anxiety about whether it's this topic or another or multiple topics that manifested in that moment with the primal. And I think, you know, I don't, I don't mean this to be sexist, but I can only speak through the lens in which I live, which is that a man feels for his, for his spouse, be that, you know, whatever, male, female,
Starting point is 00:16:26 whatever, that when you have that sense of connection and your your willpower is dropped because of stress and whatever that, you know, and someone comes at that person, that what's what it looked like to me was someone who was obviously hurting about things that we may or may never find out. Of course. It was, he was pushed in that moment. He, he probably tried to laugh because he's in this setting and that's what you do. And he looked over. He saw her hurt and he lost his mind for a period of time.
Starting point is 00:16:56 because I would guarantee there's no way he would ever do that again. Like, Well, well, there's, there's also this societal expectation that you will defend your woman's honor. And if you don't, then that in and of itself is somewhat emasculating.
Starting point is 00:17:10 So he, he, in a moment of despair, he looks over, he sees the woman that means a lot to him is hurt by this comment. He realizes the entire world is watching, and it's time for me to do something. And,
Starting point is 00:17:21 you know, but it also brings up the point of that you just raised, we rarely know the full context of any situation. We see a snapshot. I mean, we don't even know for a fact that Chris Rock knows that Jada is suffering from a medical condition. He might have just thought she shaved her head for a movie role. And, you know, she's a beautiful woman.
Starting point is 00:17:41 So let's make a funny joke about a beautiful woman not having hair. You know, he probably wasn't trying to do what it ended up doing. He's a comedian. He makes jokes. An observationalist. It's, that's what happens. I mean, when you look back on, I'm a huge Ricky Jervais fan. Yeah, me too.
Starting point is 00:17:58 You look back at some of the things that he has said and no one even considered rushing the stage to punch him. And he would admittedly probably say he said four or five things that deserved a kick in the dick. And it never happened. So, you know, here's my take on that. Yeah, I guarantee. This is a fun conversation by the way. Yeah, no, I guarantee that people wanted to. They just didn't have the balls to do it or weren't willing to face the consequences.
Starting point is 00:18:22 For sure. was part of what I was trying to convey is one I'm not convoning Will Smith walking I'm slapping shit out of his shit at Chris Rock. If anything, you should just slap the shit out of him backstage or just approached him. Two, I actually, I actually, again, in context, so everyone who's listening to this, you're going to freak out, please don't. I actually commend him for standing up for his wife because I think in the community that which he lives, that Hollywood community where emasculation is rampant, right? It's everything. If you, if you present yourself as a man, you are toxic and it's all this, you know, which I hate all that nonsense,
Starting point is 00:19:04 personally. That's just my personal opinion. Sure. But I actually think it was even more powerful that he bucked that trend, which, which think about how many starlets have been trashed up from that stage and the man who showed up with them or or woman or whoever counterpart didn't stand up to that person right or say hey stop or whatever they just take it and I get it's the context um but so I give them commitment but I think the issue is most people aren't willing to face the consequences of that action I guess my point was look right there are moments where the wrong thing is the right thing to do and you just have to to face the consequences, right? Sometimes standing up for the person you care about is the right
Starting point is 00:19:52 thing to do and you're just, you're just going to have to know that there's going to be ramifications for that action. I've defended friends who I defend them because I believe in them and there are negative ramifications for me for doing that and I would do it again. And I think, I guess what I was saying is we can't be scared of the repercussions. if we feel what needs to happen, needs to happen. And sometimes it just does. Yes, the only thing I agree wholeheartedly. And the only thing I would add to that is having the emotional regulatory skills and presence of mind to make that a conscious decision in the moment and not an emotional knee jerk reaction.
Starting point is 00:20:36 But if what you said earlier is true, he was just overwhelmed in the moment, had this primal reaction almost like it's an out of body experience, slaps him. And then 30 seconds later goes, oh my God, what did I just do? That is completely different than in the moment going, you know what? I'm going to go up there and slept the shit out of this guy. And whatever happens to me for it, I'm willing to accept because this is what I'm choosing to do. Those are very different things. And I think, you know, with Will Smith, obviously having never met him or known him, everything he's ever done in his life appears to be well thought out and under emotional control.
Starting point is 00:21:13 And I have so much respect for that. I think now I'm not judging him. He may have had a moment of weakness and Lord knows I have had plenty of those, but there's a difference between leaning into something like you said, I'm going to defend my friend because it's the right thing to do. And whatever consequence I suffer from that, I'm going to be okay with it is completely different than just flying off the handle, which which is what a lot of people do.
Starting point is 00:21:37 And that is so not like Will Smith to do that is why I think it's insane. I mean, if Kanye West would have gone up and smash, Chris Rock, people like, all right, here's Kanye again. This is just what he does. Yeah. So yeah, it is, it is really interesting because I know in my life, one of the things that I'm really trying to work on is getting to a point that I don't give my power away to anyone else. And no matter what someone says or does, no matter what's going on in the world, I don't let it affect how I show up in my mindset. And obviously, this is really challenging to do.
Starting point is 00:22:09 But like, I wouldn't want to give someone the power to have control over my attitude. and control over my anger, I want to be the one to control that. And if I choose to unleash it, it is my decision and my decision only. No one can make me respond that way. And, you know, I think, you know, Will will reflect on this and he'll come to certain conclusions. I love that he signed his apology, a work in progress. Yeah. I mean, because we all are. I mean, and anyone that doesn't think they are is most likely in denial or completely unaware. So, yeah, I just thought the whole thing was fascinating. And I really don't get into that kind of stuff.
Starting point is 00:22:48 Yeah, me neither. I kind of stay away from it. But it was impossible to not address it or even take a look at it because it has been everywhere. If it was based. So one, I'm so glad that you added that because I completely and utterly agree. And I don't know that I could have or was going through my mind, the ability to articulate that that keystone, which I think is the most important piece
Starting point is 00:23:11 is do it through an intentional action, not through an emotional response. And I think Will's was an emotional response and all that, which is why, you know, I didn't condone the action. I just was trying to make the point that if you say stupid shit, expect stuff to happen.
Starting point is 00:23:30 And that doesn't mean that it's right what happens. And it just means that I struggle with the concept in our society today that people can do and say shit with Z. zero repercussions because it's their lived truth or some other nonsense that I think is stupid. We all, we, we, we, you are, you are an adult. You have to make choices, some of which you can allow to just be made through emotional bursts or through intentional action.
Starting point is 00:24:00 But either way, there's repercussions for every action. And I guess that's what I was trying to convey. And that, yeah, I believe, I believe in action today. is you're still, there's no excuse for inaction, right? It's take, be proactive and what's coming and address is where I was trying to go by. But no, I thought that caveat was absolutely perfect because that, that is the case. If he, if he came back and said, and his apology was, look, Chris Rock has been messing with my wife and me for three years. And I, I told myself the next time I see him, I'm going to smack the shit out of him.
Starting point is 00:24:38 And when I saw him up on stage there, I was just waiting for. for my moment and I did exactly what I came there to do, I'd be like, well, you know, that's still kind of messed up, but at least, you know, at least you, it's your, it's your decision. It's your decision. That very much felt like what I think and kind of I want to, I do want to pivot this to a certain extent, well, to a large extent to your new book and talk about, you know, all that. It's as leaders, right, as as individuals, this is, you know, I think a lot of times when we get ourselves in trouble, right? And kind of bringing this back to business and why a lot of people come to this show,
Starting point is 00:25:15 the decisions we regret the most are the ones where we allow stress or, or urgency or something like that to evoke an emotion that drives an action that if we had taken the time or had the emotional maturity to handle, we may not have to. And those, I think oftentimes our biggest regrets are like, where you're like, oh my God, I don't know what happened to me. I'm so sorry. I had a blackout moment. It's like, yeah, but as a leader, you can't have those moments or at least.
Starting point is 00:25:48 Definitely not. You know, you get that in the early stages of your career when you're still learning, but when you're at the top of the mountain, you can't be doing that shit. No, you absolutely can't. And that's why I did, I found this whole thing as kind of a microcosm of certain lessons that we can all learn both personally and professionally. And that's really what I've been fascinated with. And ultimately, I mean, you look over the last several years in particular, the last five for sure,
Starting point is 00:26:16 just how divisive our country has been on a variety of different topics. And to the point where I think a lot of people would love to just walk around slapping a lot of other people and slapping people that disagree with them or people that have a different stance or that if you say something that offends me, then I have the right to slap you and so forth. So I just, I find the whole thing really, really interesting. And, and all of it, in every situation, we never have the full context. And to me, that's one of the things that helps with emotional regulation is the admission that this person just said or did something. And I saw or heard what they just said or did in the moment, but I don't have the full picture.
Starting point is 00:27:01 I mean, you know, I mean, even if we, like right now, like, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, can kind of see, I see you and I see kind of a foot or two around me. And then everything outside of this starts to get blurry. And every single thing outside of my office right now, I can't actually see. So my view is very limited. And that's true in life. You see or hear someone say something. And you may think you have all of the information, but you rarely do. You don't know the full backstory. You don't know where that person is in that moment in their life, what they've been dealing with. You know, so for me, I'm constantly at struggle with trying to extend as much grace and compassion to other people as I can when they say or do something that I disagree with or is even stupid, as judgmental as that term may be, because I don't know everything that led up to that. I don't know, you know, I mean, if you really want to take it deep, you know, if you were to say something right now that I disagree with, you know, there's a, there's the framework that I use.
Starting point is 00:28:04 The first framework that I use would be, you know, that this is merely a perspective, that Ryan and I are not arguing over a fact. We're arguing over a perspective. And that if I believe I'm entitled to my perspective and opinion, then I need to allow him to have his. Even if I disagree with it, he has the right to have it. So there needs to be a little bit of mutual respect. Even if what you said is fundamentally in opposition to one of my core values, you have the right to say it and believe it. the next thing. And then once we can agree that this is not a truth that we're arguing over, it's merely an opinion, then what I want to try to do is give you the benefit of the doubt
Starting point is 00:28:43 that you are doing the best you can with the tools that you have. Whatever you just said or did is based off of where you grew up, how you grew up, how you were raised, your gender, your ethnicity, what you read, watch and listen to, who you follow on social. Like all of that has created a bias in the way that you see the world, just like all of that has created a bias in the way that I see the world. And it takes a little humility for me to admit that if I grew up where you grew up, I was raised how you were raised. I lived where you lived and I watched Red and listened to everything you currently do.
Starting point is 00:29:18 There's a good chance I would probably share your opinion. Yeah. But I don't. I have different inputs. So I'm going to have different outputs. And you are as well. And then the last part of that framework that I find really helpful is instead of trying to convince you you're wrong and that I'm right and that I'm good and that you're bad.
Starting point is 00:29:35 I just try to lean in with some curiosity and fascination and go, okay, Ryan just said something that blows my mind how bonkers it is. I'm curious how an intelligent informed person could possibly come to that conclusion. So I want to learn more about why he thinks what he thinks. Where did he get this opinion from? How did he form this perspective? Because I just can't even believe someone would think something that crazy. so I just try to lean in with fascination.
Starting point is 00:30:01 And I find when I follow that framework, it doesn't mean that I'm going to agree with the person. It just means I at least leave the door open for a respectful and civil discussion or dialogue. And it may turn me on to new information that I wasn't aware of or it may strengthen my own convictions. But under no circumstances, is it going to enrage me? In no circumstances, am I going to give you the power over how I'm feeling about myself? and I'm certainly not going to, you know, react emotionally no matter what it is that you say. So those things I find are helpful. And with all of that, it's certainly not easy.
Starting point is 00:30:39 And some days I do much better with that than other days. But at least that's a framework for me on getting along better and being collaborative and cooperative with people that may view the world very, very differently than I do. What's up, guys? Sorry to take you away from the episode. but as you know, we do not run ads on this show. In an exchange for that, I need your help. If you're loving this episode, if you enjoy this podcast,
Starting point is 00:31:06 whether you're watching on YouTube or you're listening on your favorite podcast platform, I would love for you to subscribe, share, comment if you're on YouTube, leave a rating review if you're on Spotify or Apple iTunes, etc. This helps the show grow. It helps me bring more guests in. We have a tremendous lineup of people. coming in, men and women who've done incredible things, sharing their stories around peak performance, leadership, growth, sales, the things that are going to help you grow as a person and grow
Starting point is 00:31:39 your business, but they all check out comments, ratings, reviews, they check out all this information before they come on. So as I reach out to more and more people and want to bring them in and share their stories with you, I need your help. Share the show, subscribe if you're not subscribed, and I love for you to leave a comment about the show because I read all the comments or if you're on Apple or Spotify, leave a rating review of this show. I love you for listening to this show. And I hope you enjoy it listening as much as I do creating the show for you. All right.
Starting point is 00:32:08 I'm out of here. Peace. Let's get back to the episode. Yeah. One of the things that has really helped me, I go to see a counselor almost every week or every other week. Just to talk through stuff. Man, I wish that I had started doing it a long time ago.
Starting point is 00:32:26 It just helps you. Like sometimes we talk about almost seemingly nonsensical things, you know, just like how my, you know, how my kids are doing or whatever. And then in talking through that, you start to, like you'll say something. And be like, ah, why did I say that? Right. And one of the things that she has helped me with almost as like a filter even before that framework that you just described, which I think is amazing,
Starting point is 00:32:53 is she's like, understand that very few of us. us, we're not Shakespeare. We're not Po. Right. Like, like, our ability to articulate how we're feeling is often very limited. And then if you throw emotions, you throw stress, anxiety, tiredness, excitement, energy, all these other things into the mix. Sometimes the words that are coming out of our face aren't even what we actually mean. Right. So I say something to you. you and you go, Jesus, that's fucking crazy. Why did he say that? I want to be curious, which I absolutely love curiosity.
Starting point is 00:33:35 And then you'll say back to me. Like if you get mad at me, now we're fighting. But if you can come back to me and go, you know, that sounds crazy to me. Why did you say that? Or maybe don't say crazy. You say, hey, I have never thought about it that way. Why did you say that? And then I go, geez, I didn't even really mean it that way.
Starting point is 00:33:54 What I meant to say was, and now all of the stuff. the situation has been, you know, at least to a certain extent, brought down a notch. Maybe we're off a DefCon 5 and we're back down to 4 or 3 because now I realized that that I didn't even mean to say what I said to you the way that I said it. And since she gave me that tool, I guess, or whatever, a filter. I like to think for some reason framing things as filters seems to help me. But I think through like, you'll say something and I'll go, I'm going to before I react or even comment I'm going to make sure that Alan meant to say it that way
Starting point is 00:34:33 and if he did that's great we'll talk about it but if he didn't then I'd rather get how he really wants to articulate it first and man when you when you can do that or catch yourself and again just like you I'm you know catch myself a certain percentage of the time not all the time when I can catch catch myself instead of reacting asking that question hey is that really what you meant or is that how you meant to say that? Because here's how I heard it. Man, the number of fights with my spouse has come down, you know, any arguments with anybody or just disagreements or whatever has really
Starting point is 00:35:06 started to contract because now I'm giving that person the word you used, which is one of my absolute favorite words, grace, giving that person grace to make sure that they've said what they wanted to say, the way they wanted to say it and not just how it originally came out. And that, man, from a leadership perspective, now that I have a team, last time we talked, I think it was still just me. I got nine people now. Wow, congrats, man.
Starting point is 00:35:33 Thanks. Thanks. It is fun, amazing, and incredibly stressful all the same time. But that's where you can put these tools into practice. Yes. You know, it's been great to manage this stuff. It's like, did you really mean to say it that way? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:50 Not that that's wrong, but did you? Well, this is where, I mean, one of the, you know, one of the. tools of being an active listener is called a list back and listing back what the other person said but using their exact same language because then you confirm the accuracy of what they were saying, but you give them an open door to amend what they said if for any reason. So, you know, Ryan, I just want to make sure I'm hearing you correctly. You said that you feel this, this, this, this and this or, you know, and now that gives you a beat to be able to say, you know what, that I didn't articulate how I'm feeling very accurately. I kind of spoke from a place of
Starting point is 00:36:25 emotion. So no, Alan, I didn't mean it that way. Here's exactly what I meant to say. So any of these tools, but they all, they all take patience. They take grace. You know, they take an openness and a curiosity. They take humility. And all of these things are appropriately tethered when we're stressed, when we're angry, when we're in the moment, it's harder to access all of those different tools. So the key is having the emotional regulatory skills that we don't allow ourselves to get to the point where we're siphoning off all of these conscious skills that we have and all of these tools that we know we can access and not resorting back to just some of these primal emotions and that. And that's really challenging. And the closer something
Starting point is 00:37:10 is to you, the more personal it is to you. If it happens to be a topic that's a sore point of contention, then that just inflames it. It makes it even more challenging to be calm and have access to these different tools. So, you know, that's another, another tool that I use for myself is is trying to depersonalize everything. Even if someone was was verbally attacking me on social media, you know, I take a step back and go, okay, they're, they're not really attacking me. They're coming from a place of hurt right now. They're coming from like all this venom and vitriol that they're spitting towards me is not really because of me. It's because of other things going on in their life. So I don't need to take it personal. You know, I mean, even, even Chris Rock's joke, his job is to
Starting point is 00:37:56 entertain masses of people. I don't personally think he had a point of contention with Jada. I think he saw an opportunity as an observationalist to say something humorous for the good of the group. And it just so happens she was the butt of the joke. I don't think he woke up that morning and said, I'm going to, you know, I'm going to stick one in her in front of people because I really want to get her. I don't think he did that. That's just my opinion. I just think she happened to be on the receiving end of the joke. And because I think if there had been any other female in that audience with a shaved head, he would have made the same joke towards them. It just so happens that he made it. And there was some backstory. And like you said, now you've got all of this stuff going on in Will Smith's life. It boils to a point. You know, so yeah, I think the more we can maintain emotional control, the more we have access to the tools that we consciously know are in our best interest, and then we can use them.
Starting point is 00:38:56 And, you know, that's, and of course, a lot of the stuff on social, people are hiding behind the web. They're hiding behind, you know, most of the things that people would say to you about whatever it is that you tweeted would not walk up and sit down shoulder to shoulder with you and say the exact same thing. I mean, I would say that's a very, very small percentage. So I know that's another guide I try to use in my life. I don't make any comment or say anything on social that I would not say to the person if they walked in my office right now. And once again, that's not always easy to do. It's easy to hide behind that curtain.
Starting point is 00:39:30 But that's a standard that I certainly try to live up to. Yeah. I, you know, I actually heard, I can't remember where I heard I was listening to a podcast like yesterday or maybe or whatever, you know, it had to be yesterday. um that he was actually the point of that joke was actually to uh make her like actually like like hey it's all good like yeah like no one cares it's all good that this is happening like don't feel bad like we still like you know the the communities you know and and so it's just to be to your point you say something doesn't have context or maybe you don't say it the exact way that you
Starting point is 00:40:11 mean to or you're not able to explain yourself. And if, you know, it, it, it doesn't hit the right way. And if you're not given that opportunity to explain yourself, then, you know, then, then, then misunderstanding. So it's just very interesting. So let's, so sustain the game. Got a new book. You're on.
Starting point is 00:40:32 So if everyone who's listening, if you did not listen to the first time Alan was on, go back in the archives. You'll hear the first episode. It was amazing. one of the best podcast episodes created in the history of podcasts. So just, you know, just want to let you guys know that. This one's right on its heels. So you got the new book, sustain the game.
Starting point is 00:40:51 I know we've talked about, you know, kind of loosely on some of the concepts, but tell us what's it about. Why'd you write it? Let's get in and dig in a little bit here. Sure. So raise your game. The goal of raise your game was to get folks, give them strategies to reach optimal performance, whether that's in business, sport, or any area of their life.
Starting point is 00:41:09 and sustain your game is giving folks the tools to stay there for long periods of time. And I found there are a trilogy of characteristics that make that increasingly difficult to stay on top of that mountain and that stress, stagnation, and burnout. So those are really the three areas that I dive deep and try to uncover. And what I found fascinating about those three areas is they've got kind of different timelines in the way at which we experience them. You know, as we've been talking about since we hit record, you know, stress is really in the short term. Stress is in the moment. Stress is what we feel on the day to day. Stagnation is my belief is kind of that mid-stretch, that midterm. And then burnout is something we feel when both of these things accumulate to a boil and we really find that we're not loving what it is that we're currently doing.
Starting point is 00:42:00 So I've always been fascinated by folks that have been able to stay on top of their game for long periods of time. You know, I mean, right now in sport, we have two of the best examples in history of that with LeBron James and Tom Brady, you know, two guys that have been, you know, at top of their proverbial mountain for two decades and are, you know, still apparently in their prime. And, but then you could look to any other area, you know, whether you're talking about somebody like a Warren Buffett or an Oprah Winfrey or even Ice Cube, you know, somebody that has been able to constantly reinvent themselves and stay atop is fascinating. And, and for me, you know, everything I write about is also what I'm currently experiencing in my own life. So, you know, when I wrote, Raise Your Game, it's because I was trying to ascend to reach optimal performance. And while I do believe that is a never-ending journey, and I certainly have not maximized my own potential by any means, I am now in a position where, you know, I'm in touch with the way that I'm living my life. And now my goal is to stain this for long periods of time. And to be the best father I'm capable of, be the best speaker, the best business owner.
Starting point is 00:43:07 all of these things. So yeah, if I can make sure that I know how to manage stress stagnation and burnout, then I've got a nice runway ahead of me. And I'm, I'm 46 years old. And I don't see any reason why I won't be on this planet for another 46 years. So I want to take everything I've learned during the first half and appropriately apply it to everything I'll experience in the second half. Especially if you're doing deadlists on a regular basis, right? So, yes, absolutely. So, okay. So I want to talk, I want to get into, so stress, I'm sure there's a whole bunch about stress, but I actually am going to be very selfish. And I want to get into the concept of stagnation. Absolutely. This is this is one that I think, you know, being that 95, 8 plus percent of our audience here are people in the insurance industry. I do get this feedback from a lot of people, right? Like you, you know, the business is stressful. But it's in general, the stress in our industry tends to be manageable stress, right?
Starting point is 00:44:08 There's no, you know, we're not stock brokers where any day the market can crash down or whatever. You know, we're selling. There's leadership stress. There's sales stress and there's day-to-day client stress and all that. And I think it's, I don't want to say standard because everyone's different. But, you know, I think there's whatever. For sure. However, in our industry, because of the repatripping.
Starting point is 00:44:32 of our work. And the fact that it tends, except for certain edge cases, not to be a big win industry, right? You sell an account. You sell an account. You sell an account. And you wake up and you're like, okay, I sold accounts. That's great. You know, like, you know, all of a sudden you pop your head up five years later and you're like, do I still sell accounts? Do I, what do I do? Like, I feel like this is something that our space tends to hit is these moments of stagnation and then what I see and then I'll be quiet. I'm just to give you some context here. What I see people do is then they tend to chase stuff, right? They chase technology or they chase some new sales program or they they start chasing mergers and acquisitions. And maybe these are the right things to do.
Starting point is 00:45:26 But often they feel, I'm kind of going back to our intentional versus unintentional, they feel more emotional reactions to a sense of stagnation, then an intentional act based on a course they want to follow. So can you talk a little bit about maybe what stagnation is from a high level of people are listening to me say this word over and over again and have no idea? And two, what are some of maybe the concepts that you've found that can kind of work through that? Oh, most certainly, man. You said so much insightful stuff there. A lot of great stuff to unpack. I view stagnation as akin to kind of treading water. Like you're moving, but you're not really going anywhere.
Starting point is 00:46:03 And it's kind of that plateau that many people feel, you know, you've been climbing that ladder and you've been, you know, experiencing growth. And then at some point, you just kind of hit and the status quo just becomes the norm. And, you know, one of the first things that we have to do is have an awareness that we are stagnating. That's one of the hard parts about stagnation. It's not, you know, when when someone hits rock bottom, in whatever area, you know, they're, they're kind of alerted to the fact that I have to make a
Starting point is 00:46:33 change because things have gotten really, really bad. That's not really the case with stagnation. It kind of hides in plain sight because things aren't that bad. But at the same time, they're also, you're not full of elation and joy and fulfillment. You're almost just numb to the fact that, you know, the wheels are in motion, but you don't really feel like you're getting anywhere and and that numbness over time is what will eventually lead to burnout, which is why it needs to be addressed. But it's so important that we have an awareness and have the humility to acknowledge when we're stagnating. You know, I'm a huge believer that you'll never improve something you're oblivious to and you'll never fix something that you're unaware of. So the first
Starting point is 00:47:17 step is being able to say, you know what, I've been treading water for the last few months. I've got kind of a numb feeling. You know, no, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, not like the world is coming to an end, but at the same time, I'm not really enjoying what I'm doing. I need to start making a change. And, you know, I've also am a heavy believer in the concept of extreme ownership. So this is where you fully hold yourself accountable to the stagnation, that you don't blame, complain, or make excuses about other people. You don't, you don't blame it on the economy. You don't blame it on circumstances. You don't blame it on, even on a pandemic, which has been an incredibly trying time for two years now,
Starting point is 00:47:56 but you don't blame your stagnation on any of that. You take control and acknowledge the fact that I've allowed myself to stagnate, and I'll be the one that gets myself out of this. And, you know, one of the very first steps to doing so is reaching out, is kind of expanding, you know, outside of your smaller world and reaching out and reading, watching, and listening to things that invigorate you, trying new things, reaching out to people that appear to be clicking on all cylinders and are in nowhere in any point of stagnation and figuring out what it is that they've done to get
Starting point is 00:48:33 themselves out of the treading water stage and actually start swimming forward. Yeah, that and a quick trip to Argentina for an ayahuasca, a round of ayahuas, that too, open your mind. I have heard that. Yeah, yeah. So, yes, I think, you know, I think the thing, one of the things that's helped me with stagnation a little bit is finding ways to spice up normally mundane. I think the worst thing you can do. And when I, and I've made this mistake.
Starting point is 00:49:06 So I'm not, this isn't me like judging anybody because I've made this mistake a ton of times. Is you feel that sense of stagnation, right? You feel this sense of like grinding or. dullness or you know there's a lot of different ways to describe it and then you do something freaking crazy right you make some radical change because you feel like that's the only thing you can do and it's like if you can if you can keep yourself from doing that and instead i don't know uh write one LinkedIn post a week on any topic right just just something do figure out something that that's that's a small thing but like something different maybe maybe
Starting point is 00:49:44 start dressing differently right go if you if you if you dress casual lot, go more formal. If you dress formal all time, try showing up to work in jeans and a hoodie and see how that feels. Like, you know, I don't know, like go for a walk in the middle of the day. Do a, do one of those like reach out challenges where you text somebody from your past every day. Like find something very small, work related or not that that can, and I think work, if the stagnation is work related, work related would probably be better, but something small that you can do that breaks that up. And it's funny how then all of a sudden the shit that felt dull,
Starting point is 00:50:24 yeah, you're like, I don't mind doing that so much anymore. I'm back kind of back in my groove, right? Or you can get some little win or get a trainer at the gym or golf coach or something. You know, those, I feel like if you can keep yourself from doing the big crazy thing, you know, because that's where you can do something. some dumb stuff. You know, if you can stay away from that, these little tiny things can like wake your brain up to all of a sudden you start thinking about something different and then it's not dull anymore. Oh, absolutely. I love that you went in that direction. And a good portion of the things that
Starting point is 00:50:58 we should look to tweak are on the bookends of our day, our morning and our evening routine. Oh, yeah. I like that. You know, it's that old, that old quote, we are what we repeatedly do. So take a look at your morning routine. What do you do most mornings for the first 60 minutes after you wake up. And what are some minor tweaks that you can make to that? Sometimes it's actually switching the activities themselves. Other times it's switching the order in which you perform the activities, you know, but just try to do something a little bit different because we tend to have a little bit more control on the bookends of our day. Yeah. We do during the meat of our day. And I think if you can make some of those tweaks, and like you said, these are not radical changes.
Starting point is 00:51:40 They're kind of like little micro reinventions that we can say, hey, this is what I've been doing and this is how I've been feeling. So if I want to feel differently, I need to change what I've been doing. You know, we can't forget cause and effect. You know, whatever it is you've been doing has been leading you to the results you've been getting. And if you don't like those results, then you've got to go back to the process part and the habits and the behaviors part and start to change some of those things. And yeah, it is amazing when you you tweak the screws on some little things, how that can have a profound impact, you know, on what you're on how you're feeling. And I'm also a huge believer that our perspective on the world and the way we view ourselves has a lot to do with what we consume. Certainly it has a lot to do with what we consume nutritionally.
Starting point is 00:52:31 I mean, if you eat garbage, you feel like garbage. I mean, that's the truth. but same thing mentally, you know. So maybe you find that you've been consuming traditional news sources and you find yourself a little bit moody or frustrated or pessimistic. Well, there's most likely a direct correlation between the two. You know, if you start listening and reading and watching to more inspirational content or something more educational or you try and pick up a new hobby that's completely outside of what you've been doing, it will change the way you feel. And that's, that all goes back to that take control.
Starting point is 00:53:05 part. You know, we need to take control for the environments that we're creating and the behaviors that we have and own the fact that we alone have put ourselves in a position of stagnation, so we alone can get ourselves out of it. Yeah. Yeah, I completely and utterly agree. And I like the idea of the bookends. I hadn't thought about that. I also completely agree. You know, what I think is funny, not funny, interesting, interesting on this topic is when you pick a thing, like like I picked about and I've probably people listen to this show I'm probably sick of hearing this but like I have gotten really into deadlifting 41 years old never deadlifted um COVID hits right uh uh gym opened back up August of 2020 started working out at this new gym
Starting point is 00:53:55 it's a real steakhead gym it's it's grimy and loud and the guy makes all his own equipment it and it's big and like you know he's got some regular stuff but then he he literally like welds together machines to do all these excites i actually think it's phenomenal it's awesome but like it's 22 to 26 year old steakheads we're all tatted and big huge muscles and they're you know there's mirrors everywhere and they're constantly flexing in them and and and uh i love it because no matter what i lifted that gym there's somebody 20 years younger you're lifting twice as much, right? So I started working out of this gym and about three months later,
Starting point is 00:54:39 it's one of the few gyms that has a full Olympic pad setup. It's got nine Olympic pads for deadlifting and all the exercises and stuff. And there's just not that many gyms that have that. So I got into the deadlifting. And I was like, this is interesting. This is something really, it's challenging, but I can do it on my own. so I don't have to have a partner and whatever. And what just focusing on working on.
Starting point is 00:55:06 And when I started, I can only do 185. I can now do 405. And it's taken me, whatever that is, 19, 20 months to get here. And but this is the point. I've did so much context. This is the point. In focusing on that one thing of trying to, to pick up this thing and really grow and be good at it and form,
Starting point is 00:55:28 I've had to research barefoot shoes and read about the pros and cons of bearful lifting versus wearing shoes and different stuff. I've had to physically think about the things I'm putting in my body. So I have fuel when I show up. I've had to think about my sleep. I've had to research a bunch of stuff and put all this new information in my brain. I've had to find ancillary exercises that are going to help me with stabilizer muscle. So now I have this whole hobby that has.
Starting point is 00:55:58 come out of nowhere, which is, you know, whenever I'm feeling down about work, I can go do this other thing and it jacks me back up. And I just, you know, I think too often we get stuck and you don't realize that if you want to run, well, now there's like 17 things that you're going to have to learn and read and change to be a good runner or golfer or whatever. That's why when people bang on golf and I'm like, yeah, but it gives somebody something to strive for and to think about and to challenge them. So, you know, I don't, I feel like, you know, these things are really healthy to have them.
Starting point is 00:56:33 Oh, for sure. Well, man, well, first of all, congratulations on such progress. And I, I know from all of my years as a basketball performance coach, the deadlift is an incredibly challenging and physically difficult exercise. So you really pick the mother load there. And, you know, you have made tremendous progress. So in 19 to 20 months, you've gone from 185 to 405. But at some point, and you'll notice. this at some point, you'll start to not stagnate maybe in your desire to improve the deadlift,
Starting point is 00:57:03 but your actual ability to crack, let's say, 410 or 415, you'll start to stagnate. And you'll say, hey, man, I've been going to the gym for a month straight. And I have not been able to get over this hump. And the fun part will be lifting up the hood and start to tweaking all of the things that you just mentioned. Yeah. Because what you'll have to say is, okay, with currently what I'm eating and currently how I'm sleeping and currently the regimen that I'm following, the time of day I work out, the set and
Starting point is 00:57:30 rep pattern that I use, the ancillary exercises, all of that stuff, I'm going to start to need to tweak those things a little bit to see which one of those variables allows me to get past where I'm kind of stagnating right now. And to me, that's the fun part, is saying, okay, you know, here are the other, you know, leg, hip, and core exercises that I've been doing to support the deadlift. Well, I'm going to mix those up and do some different ones now because I'm I'm trying to get over this hump. And I've been deadlifting every day at four in the afternoon, but now I'm going to try it at eight in the morning and see if that changes anything.
Starting point is 00:58:03 And, you know, I've been eating primarily a, you know, a paleo diet, but now I'm going to switch to something else. And to me, that's the fun. I get so much enjoyment out of tweaking so many things in my life with a goal of improving a performance in whatever. Maybe it's running a half marathon. Maybe it's how many pull-ups can I do, you know, whatever it may be. But to me, that's the fun.
Starting point is 00:58:25 I'm so glad you went in that direction because that is one of the key ways to prevent stagnation is to constantly toy with those variables. And, you know, that will be cool. And then the immense joy you'll feel when you crack that stagnation and then you deadlift 415 and then 420, I mean, that's going to keep driving you. And then at some point, that will start to stagnate and you'll have to refigure it all out. So, you know, with strength training in particular, because of its progress, aggressive nature, it's inherently built into the system that you've got to keep tweaking the
Starting point is 00:59:00 inputs to tweak the output. And really, we can apply that lesson to every area. You feel like a chemist. You're like, well, I got to this beaker in here and this. And then, you know, I got to make sure my previous leg day was, it's, it's fun. You know, and I think what I, what I, you know, to spin this back to business again is, you know, for those are listening, you know, I don't, you know, I don't want to do that or that. The interesting part is it could be, this could be anything. This could be reading books. It could be picking up a writing habit. It could be a whole bunch of things. But what I found is this idea of pushing, plateauing, having to break down, re-evaluate, change, adjust, dealing with the frustration of having to do it, even though I know it's coming. It's so frustrating.
Starting point is 00:59:45 It's happened. Right now, I'm living through it with my bench. I can't push 265 right now. I've had 255. I've done 260. For some reason, right now, 265, I get caught in the transition every time. So I've had to break it down. I feel frustrated. And then dealing with that and coming back, the cool part is it carries over to the rest of your life. You start to look at your relationships and, okay, maybe this relationship's not going great.
Starting point is 01:00:10 How can I adjust? What am I doing wrong? Business. Maybe if I'm going to try sending emails a different way for a little while. Or I'm going to try answering the phone differently or reaching. I'm going to reach out to my team members differently. Like you start to, it starts to infect your brain, this concept of build, tear down, rebuild, build, tear down, rebuild. And, you know, I don't know.
Starting point is 01:00:34 It's, again, you know, when there's a guy in crypto that I follow and he always says, when you're in doubt, pull back. He actually says when in doubt, pull out, but the sexual connotations. I guess I said it anyways, but it rhymes better. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it does rhyme. better, but, which is also good advice in and of itself, just for everyone who's listening. You know, when you pull back, you don't see plateaus. You see steps. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:04 And that, when he said that to me, or not to me, he said it. And I was listening. I shouldn't say, said it to me. I was listening to what he was saying. He's like, yeah, when you look at this chart, he's like, everyone sees these moments that are flat or maybe even a little down and they get all crazy. He's like, when you pull back, it doesn't actually look like that. He goes, it looks literally like a ladder or a setter steps.
Starting point is 01:01:24 And that's exciting. And I think we forget about that. For sure. Well, one other thought on this. And this may sound counter to what we've been talking about, but it isn't really, is also learning how to detach from outcomes and learn how to just love the process. Like when you can get to the point that the actual work is where you derive your enjoyment, then you're experiencing freedom.
Starting point is 01:01:49 I mean, and I'm saying this tongue in cheek because I know this is not how you live your life. But if your entire self-worth was predicated, you can deadlift 420 pounds, you're setting yourself up for a pretty miserable life. Because on the days that you've deadlift 420, you feel good about yourself. On the days that you can't, you feel bad about yourself. And I don't think that's the way to live. When you can actually say that I actually love tweaking my nutrition, I love tweaking my sleep, I love tweaking my sleep, I love trying. new workout programs and set and ret regiments to try and get that. This is what I love.
Starting point is 01:02:24 And if I happen to deadlift 420, that's just the byproduct. That's just the, that's the bonus. Then you've got something really, really special. And, you know, I mean, I have that same approach even with my book at present. You know, I'm not worried about how many copies I sell or whether or not I make a bestseller list. Those things would be nice if they happen. But I actually love the process.
Starting point is 01:02:45 I love writing the best book that I'm capable of. And then I actually enjoy the marketing and promotion and try to get it in the hands of people that I think will enjoy it and benefit from it. That's the part that I actually enjoy. So whether I sell a thousand copies, a hundred thousand copies or a million copies is irrelevant. That's just the bonus. I actually enjoy the work in the process. And that's so true even for working out. I mean, if you love all of the stuff that you're doing to improve your deadlift, then you've already won.
Starting point is 01:03:14 It doesn't even matter if you actually reach that goal or not if you're getting for full. from what you're doing. And that obviously applies to business. And there's nothing wrong with having a quota or a number's goal for a quarter for a year. It's great to have those North Stars. But once you have those North Stars, take your eyes off of them and focus on the day to day. Focus on the things you can do today to inch yourself closer to that North Star. And if you actually enjoy the day to day and derive fulfillment from that, you've already won. you know, because I don't believe in putting my own self-worth and self-confidence into external validation or into external measures. Those things are beautiful rewards when they happen,
Starting point is 01:04:00 but I'm not worried about it. I mean, I'm enjoying this conversation with you right now. Whether 1,000, 100,000 or a million people listen to this conversation is irrelevant. Whether they all benefit from this conversation. Certainly that's my hope. I mean, that's why we're having it. We want to add value to other people's lives. But I'm actually, enjoying this time with you immensely. So I've already won. And so it's kind of changing the game because we live in a very outcome-based society that tells us we have to hit these certain markers.
Starting point is 01:04:30 And if we don't, then we're not successful. And I just refuse to play that game. I create my own game. I set the rules. And I love the work. And that means I've already won. Dude, I think that is an absolutely amazing vantage point on the world. I'm so glad that you spent this time with us.
Starting point is 01:04:47 Guys, two book collection, Raise the game and sustain the game. I'm sure on Amazon they have the like, if you get this one, get this one too. So get both. If you don't have them, don't be stingy, get both. Because most of you got to raise your game first,
Starting point is 01:05:01 then you need to sustain it. But if you're just interested in this book, sustain your gamebook.com. Sustain your game book.com. Also have it in the show notes. If for some reason you want to go to my site first, but don't go to sustain your gamebook. order, pick up your copy.
Starting point is 01:05:20 Alan, where else can people get at you if they just want to get into your ecosystem? The easiest thing. My website is allensteinjr.com. I have an ancillary site, which is stronger team.com. And I'm very easily found on all social media platforms at Allenstein Jr. I love having these discussions. I love talking Will Smith. I love talking books.
Starting point is 01:05:41 I love talking business. I love talking deadlifts. So if anyone wants to continue this conversation or you've got something you want to share or ask, just shoot me a DM or shoot me an email. We'd love to keep the conversation going and always a wonderful, wonderful experience connecting with you, Ryan. Thank you so much. Yeah, you too, man. I appreciate you coming back on and wish you nothing but the best. This is always time incredibly well spent. Thank you. Thank you. Close twice as many deals by this time next week. Sound impossible. It's not. With the one call
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