Finding Peak w/ Ryan Hanley - Unlocking Transformative Leadership: The Power of Curiosity, Presence, and Resilience | Dr. Eric Peeples

Episode Date: September 17, 2024

Spartan philosophy, built in the black-ops lab of business: https://www.findingpeak.comFinding Peak podcast: https://linktr.ee/ryan_hanley What if every encounter you had was an opportunity to learn and grow? In this captivating episode, we sit down with Dr. Eric Peoples, a distinguished keynote speaker, executive coach, and pastor, to uncover the secrets of harnessing curiosity and presence in leadership.On a mission to help leaders Finish Big: https://linktr.ee/ryan_hanley Connect with Dr Eric PeoplesWebsite: https://ericpeoplesenterprises.com/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-eric-w-peoples-a873b76/Dr. Peoples sheds light on the immense value of maintaining a learner's mindset and approaching life with humility, encouraging us to treat every interaction as a chance to discover something new.By exploring the transformative power of staying present, he offers practical techniques inspired by Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now," helping leaders and individuals alike to stay focused and engaged in the moment.We also dive into the nuanced difference between loneliness and solitude, with Dr. Peoples emphasizing the importance of solitude for reflection and self-care. He provides a fresh perspective on how solitude can be a restorative force, contrasting it with the often negative connotation of loneliness.Additionally, our discussion touches on the significance of embracing differing opinions and the mental resilience required to lead effectively. Drawing parallels to athletic experiences, Dr. Peoples illustrates how understanding loss and pushing through challenges can foster growth and resilience in leadership.Finally, we redefine aspects of leadership such as resilience and aggression, challenging common misconceptions. Highlighting the mental toughness required by athletes, Dr. Peoples debunks the myth that aggression is inherently toxic and instead frames it as a necessary trait for dynamic leadership.We also touch on the importance of purpose-driven living, loyalty, and the long-term impact of one's endeavors. Wrapping up, we share exciting news about upcoming podcast episodes and projects from Dr. Peoples, ensuring that this episode is both enlightening and inspiring.Don't miss out on these powerful insights that could transform your approach to leadership and life.--Recommended Tools for GrowthOpusClip: #1 AI video clipping and editing tool: https://link.ryanhanley.com/opusRiverside: HD Podcast & Video Software | Free Recording & Editing: https://link.ryanhanley.com/riversideWhisperFlow: Never waste time typing on your keyboard again: https://link.ryanhanley.com/whisperflowCaptionsApp: One app for all your social media video creation: https://link.ryanhanley.com/captionsappGoHighLevel: It's time to take your business workflow to the Next Level: https://link.ryanhanley.com/gohighlevelPerspective.co: The #1 funnel builder for lead generation: https://link.ryanhanley.com/perspective--Episodes You Might Enjoy:From $2 Million Loss to World-Class Entrepreneur: https://lnk.to/delkFrom One Man Shop to $200M in Revenue: https://lnk.to/tommymelloIs Psilocybin the Gateway to Self-Mastery? https://lnk.to/80upZ9This show is part of the Unplugged Studios Network — the infrastructure layer for serious creators. 👉 Learn more at https://unpluggedstudios.fm.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

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Oftentimes we live with such a high level of urgency that we don't have time to stop and smell of roses. We're kind of like, I'll just go into store and buy some versus me stopping and actually looking at something living. Every encounter I have with a person is a treasure hunt. Let's go. Yeah, make a look. Make a look. The Ryan Hanley Show shares the original ideas, habits, and mindsets of world-class original thinkers you can use to produce extraordinary results in your life and business.

This is the way. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the show. We have a tremendous episode for you today, a conversation with Dr. Eric People's. Dr. Eric is a keynote speaker, executive coach, and pastor, and we dive deep into what he is seeing out of the marketplace among leadership trends, how his most successful clients are using certain mindset, certain leadership mindsets to dial in and to finish big with the projects they have in front of them. This is an absolutely phenomenal episode. If you are in a leadership position or ever wish to be in one, take notes, my friends. As always, we don't run ads on this show and all that I ask in return is that if you enjoy the content, share it with a friend, text it to somebody, email it to a colleague, and if you're feeling super froggy, leaving a rating and review on Spotify or Apple helps tremendously for new individuals such as yourself to find this show and understand exactly what we're talking about here and what we're trying to do. Get better, become the best version of ourselves, become focused, formidable finishers.

My friends, I love you for listening to the show. Let's get on to Dr. Eric Peoples. Dr. Eric Peoples, my man, I'm so excited to have you on the show. Dude, so good to be here with you, man. Love, love just what you're doing. Love the energy. So excited. Dude, I always know it's going to be a good conversation when I have to say, like,

stop talking, like, let me record. Like, you know what I mean? When we're, like, kicking it before we go live and we're just, like, crushing conversation. and I have to like catch myself and go, this is like what we should be talking about because people are going to want to hear this. So, you know, I got to see you speak live.

We got to spend, you know, probably 45 minutes chatting before you talked. I kind of caught you on the side at the event. And, dude, I just love your approach, your nature. Like, I'm always intrigued by guys who are confident, who are strong. strong characters, strong willed, strong in their beliefs, but at the same time have this like humility and understanding and compassion for people. And like, that's what immediately drew me into you. Not to just stroke your ego right off the rip. But, uh, but I was so, I'm so impressed by

the way that you handle yourself in those environments because I know, especially when you're a speaker, you're getting bombarded by people all over the place. And sometimes it can be, I don't want to say overwhelming, but it's just you're trying to do your thing and you get all this stuff. And, And you were just so generous for your time. And I just wanted to start the conversation by saying how much I appreciated that. Well, it was, you know, it's, uh, it was a joy to connect with you. And I think one of the things, too, it works, uh, both ways in the sense of, you know, there's something dynamic when another leader who's a high achiever who's going after it has

curiosity. And when I say curiosity, not just kind of to curiosity to poke holes, but literally like you have a learning attitude that is, it's, I love it. That's that to me. I think humility, if you're a learner, a lifelong learner, humility is a part of the package. If you walk into a room and think, you know, I'm the biggest and baddest and I know everything, then you're in the wrong room. Find another one because, dude, I love learning.

So I appreciate what you're sharing. I think that's a really good point. I love that, like, I think one of the first descriptors on your Instagram profile is lifelong learner because I'm the same exact way. I read voraciously. a lot of different topics. I just love taking information. And one of the things,

I actually had a conversation with a friend about this the other day, he said something similar. Like if you're the alpha in the room or whatever, you're in the wrong room. And I said, well, I said, you know, I agree with that. And we always want to be surrounding ourselves with people who are going to push us.

But I also think there is something to the fact that you may think you're the alpha in the room, but there's always something you can learn from people, right? Like someone who's just starting out, well, they might just be starting out in this part of their life, but maybe they went through something when they were growing up, or they're also a concert pianist on the side, or whatever. And yeah, maybe like in a certain context or the alpha, but I feel like if we, like you said, approach all situations with curiosity and humility, there's, we can learn from everybody. And I think too often people hit a certain

level of success or whatever knowledge or status. And it's like, well, you know, what could I possibly learn from that person? They're only doing X amount of revenue or their business is this or they're only this old. And it's like, yeah, except everybody has these ridiculous, amazing stories. And you probably know this from your podcast too. And there's just so much you can learn from people. Yeah. Yeah.

And, you know, I think that with that whole learning piece, it's just, again, I just, I think the, just the, you know, the older I get, the more experiences that I have, the places I go, I think there's the reality of, you know, we're in a, being in a room and learning from life experiences and hearing what other people think. I think the gift of presence and being, you know, listening and not just, you know, metacognition where you're listening and you're listening and you're really listening and someone can say to person, I'm actually, I'm actually hearing you. You're making a statement or, hey, tell me a little bit more of that. How did that happen? And I just, I'm always curious. You know, I'm on a plane a lot. I said,

I might say to someone like, hey, so how did you get started? And it's never like, you know, you're connecting the dots, but life is like this, rarely is it just linear, right? Yeah, yeah. I love that. It's just, it's a joy to me to have the experiences. How do you, how do you cultivate presence in your life because I, and I've mentioned on the show, so the audience knows this, but I have, like, diagnosed very high level ADHD. And for a long time, I was that guy who, like, you'd be on the last syllable of your last word of what I perceived was the last word of your sending. I'm already responding, like, on top of you, right? Or, like, I'm trying to project how your sentence is going to finish in my head as I'm listening to you, and I can't

wait to respond, even if I'm incredibly interested in what you said. And I've had to really work hard, and actually part of my work on this podcast, even though I literally just did it to you, part of my work on this podcast has been trying, it's been like an exercise of trying to be a better listener and being more present in the moment. For someone that, at least from the outside as an observer, is very good at being present in the moment. How do you work on it? Is there a practice? Is it just something that you, do you prep yourself sometimes? Like I sometimes in the hotel room will like be present in this moment. Nothing else matters for the next two hours.

You're going to go down. You're going to shake some hands. Get to know what's going on. Do your thing. Afterwards, you're going to listen to people, you know, whatever. Like I will like almost prep talk myself to be present in the moment. Do you have anything that you do like that? Or how have you cultivated that presence?

I think there's two things. And that's a great question because oftentimes we live, such a high level of urgency that we, we, we, we don't have time to stop and smell the roses. We're kind of like, I'll just go into store and buy some versus me stopping and actually looking at something living. And so one of the things that, um, I train myself in just from, um, being around older leaders who are brilliant, uh, brilliant people. And that is every encounter I have with a person is a treasure hunt.

And so like me talking to you. I'm like, man, I, this guy, I love, you know, my attraction to your heart was for, the heart for people. Like, you want to help people win. And so when I hear that, I'm like, dude, I'm in. However, I can be a part of that story, that journey, like, that's easy for me. Now, I can tell you that there have been lots of, you know, conversations, lots of, like, just, you know, people are like, hey, I've got this big idea and it's bigger than a screen. Right? It's like crazy stuff. And you're like, um, yeah, but are you making a difference? Are you making it matter for others? And I think one of the, so that's, that's one. I'm just curious. I'm going to, I'm going to be Orion today and it's going to be a treasure hunt, man. He's going to say something that I'm going to take a note on and it's going to spark that. And the other part, just from a real practical standpoint is, is that I actually, um, I have my ring on my wedding band and I will sit there. And sometimes if it's flying, you know, conversation with others, I will actually put my hand, my hand over my ring and I will

spin it 15, 20 times just to make sure that I'm hearing what you're saying. Yeah. I'm not engaging because I think you're at the end of your sentence or whatever, because I, much like you, my mind works really quickly. And so I have to create, I have to create pauses. Otherwise, I will step, I'll step on them on. moment versus add to it. Yeah. I read, I was reading Eckertoli's The Power of Now, which I highly recommend to everyone. I found the second half to be a little repetitive,

but the first like 50 to 60% of the book is just absolute pure gold for this particular topic. And in there, there was this idea of space, like building space between your response. and it's it's not just one so you can collect your thoughts and make sure that your response is thoughtful and something that you actually mean to say but it also shows the other person it's it's respect for that other person in the conversation because when you finish when that person finishes and you immediately jump in now there's moments maybe you're with your buddies or your friends and you're all jacked up and you're telling story and that's a different environment but when you're in a moment where you're you are trying to learn from someone and you are listening to them

and I've really tried to do this. I'm going to, I'm probably going to mess it up a couple times in the show. I'll forgive me for that. But what it does is it shows that other person, I care enough about you to delay my response and actually be thoughtful in how I respond to you. Because if you're listening to this guys, you know, one way that you can see it is how often when you first respond, do you correct that initial three, four words that you start with? Or do you say a few words and then almost repeat those couple words again before you get to your thought? What that shows is I haven't actually collected myself enough to respond yet. And which I've found I can be much more thoughtful in my responses when I try to build in,

even a beat, just a beat. And that person, now they want to listen to you. They don't, you know what I mean, versus, you know, something to say something to you and you respond. And you can just tell. They're just like, you know, I don't care what you're saying. It's just, it's an interesting, it's such an interesting thing. The other thing in that book, and I apologize, I'm talking, I just want to get this out of my face. He's got this idea that I, it makes perfect sense when you hear it. It's a little ethereal.

So I do apologize to you guys if you're not into this kind of stuff, but I think it's valid. he makes a very clear point early in the book that there is literally no such thing as the future or the past. Doesn't exist. All that exists is this moment right now with you. And to spend every moment that we spend out in the future or back in the past is essentially a waste of time. Not that we shouldn't do self-reflection. Not that we shouldn't do goal setting. Those are powerful things.

But if I'm sitting here going, okay, I got to get through this conversation with Eric, and then I got this thing I got to do for this project over here. Now I'm not here with you. I'm not in this moment with you. I'm living in another time or place, and it doesn't allow you to be at your best. Sounds like sports psychology. Yeah.

You know, the last, and especially working with some leaders in the field of, with high achievers as relates to sports, how do you, the last miss you made, the poor golf swing you took, you know, living in the presence, living in the now. That's, I think that's a very interesting thought. I also do believe in the time and energy that we invest in the moment is, I've heard it said, a professor told him it, call it one time the gift of presence.

And so I'm able to, it's not only is me exchanging the gift of being present here, but I'm also receiving the gift of understanding, learning, curiosity, growth. And I think when you curate your respective relationships, you don't find yourself saying, wow, what a waste of time. Because you're living with such a high level of intentionality, not just out of from a give and take standpoint, but you're going, wait a second. Are you tired of endless follow-ups and missed opportunities in your sales process? Chasing leads is a losing game. That's why I created the one call closed system, a battle-tested sales system that uses behavioral psychology to close deals

in just one call. No more, let me think about it. No more. I'll get back to you. Using the one-call closed system, we took new reps from 25% close ratio to over 80% in just three months. To grow fast, you must close deals faster at zero extra marketing cost. The one-call closed system allows you and your reps to build trust, address pain points, all while watching your revenue skyrocket. Ready to stop chasing leads and start closing, visit master of theclose.com today. Close twice as many deals this time next week. Visit master of theclose.com to learn how. I'm going to be in the right room with the right people at the right time. And so being a good investor or even a good steward of my time and energy, that curates the moment from being simply an opportunity,

right, and being like distracted. buy those things to understand wait that's a distraction this is a real opportunity because I'm in a room with curious people I'm learning I'm growing I'm developing I'm adding value and so the idea of past or presence I think that you know how you learn also has to be a part of that factor too yeah and that's just you know from a you know from a purely educational standpoint some are organic learners others or not so um you know We can write books with theories too. I mean, maybe it works in his world.

Yeah. And maybe for others too. Imagine what your life would be like if you were fully present in every moment viewing it through the filter of opportunity. Like every moment, every interaction, from the coffee that you're handed by a barista to the exchange of a Coke at the counter on a gas station or a conversation like this one, if you were fully present and passing a. all through the filter of this, this is an opportunity. And maybe that opportunity is very small and nothing comes of it, but you don't know if you're always just projecting out or assuming you know.

I mean, that's the other thing. And I find that I sometimes, I guess in my past, I've worked very hard, especially as I accumulated more leadership positions. And really, that's where I want to take our conversation, ultimately is into leadership, but was you, by being, by being present, you're able to fully grasp each opportunity as presented and dissect it for what it is. And instead of what I did in the past was go, I already assume I know what Eric's going to say. So I'm just going to kind of plow through this instead of, man, I wonder where Eric's going to take this conversation today.

Like, man, I can't wait to find out where we go. Like what branch of the brain or knowledge or experience are we going to touch it? Like it's just a, it's like this tiny little reframing, but man, it opens up the world. And that kind of leads me into where I wanted to go with you. You work with a tremendous number of high achievers all over the world. We were talking about a little before. You know, you're recently in Ecuador. You're traveling to Brazil.

You're all over the country. You know, when I first met you, you were at a mastermind full, a room full of 100 of some of the best minds in the insurance industry. high achievers. Like, I guess what is the state of leadership today? When you're, when you were talking about high achievers, the individuals, the men and women that are just, they're dialed in, their teams behind them, things are going well. Like, what is the state of that leader today? What does that look like?

I think that's a really great question because we all have, you know, we all have internal pressure going on and external pressures that are going on. And so depending upon your vertical market, what I am seeing is it depends on the pressures that people are actually, I wouldn't even say under, but I would say the pressures they're responding to. And so one of the things I love doing in why travel is I love helping leaders lead. I love them helping them win and focus and finish strong. And one of those pieces is in winning is, you know, what's important now. And so I would say the universal struggle when the pressure is on is becoming living from in a silo, living in isolation, your own, even I would say it's almost like it's not cocooning. It's just running hard after, running hard after things. And so some of the questions that are popping up and I'm running hard after things,

and that can either be your acquiring stuff. That's also a knee-jerk reaction sometimes. I have less of a problem with people going after stuff because you can always sell it than where you're burning your life in time. You can always make more money, but you can't make more time. And so I'm watching the burn ratio. And so I'll say this. from a professional standpoint, I'm seeing people who are struggling with the intergenerational disconnect.

You know, the average 35-year-old is spending as much time on a video games is a 15-year-old now. People are after, you know, on their social media, you know, show the best, hide the rest. 34% of our population is dealing with, has being interviewed said, surveyed that they wrestle with loneliness once a week. Some people think about being lonely once a week and 10% say they wrestle with loneliness every day. So this isn't like, you know, Joe Average, I'm talking about people who are moving the dial in some form or fashion.

And so when you think about how that's directly connected to the pressures, I was, to winning is it's the misalignment with what's important now. What's important now from a 40-year-old is different than what's important now for a 60-year-old. And so I think it's those having those moments of clarity where we really come to grips with in our lives, where we're going, I need to make sure that I'm around, again, I'm a big proponent about the right relationships. I'm around people that can challenge me to curate my moments. Like, for instance, do you need to go to, do you need to go to Hawaii for a month,

or should you go to Hawaii for two weeks because you, that's where you're going to be best Richard. Like this different, it can sound really granular, but that's where the, that's where the, the kind of the, crazy decisions are made when you're talking to yourself. And I'll say this, and let you go here. One of the conversations, one of the things I found about Eric People's is, is that when I have a conversation with myself, me, myself and I, I'm always right. I've never had a bad idea that I even thought, too, you know what? And without talking to someone else, I'm like, That's a great idea. Sometimes it's not.

So who are you talking to to help create friction? Friction's good. To focus on what it is you say you're after. So there's a bunch of questions that I have in there. The first one is specifically about loneliness. And this can be in your work and your personal feelings however you want to answer. Part of me, so I like being alone. I enjoy it.

I have two kids. I have a decent number of friends. I have a woman who I've been seeing for a little more than a year now, and it's a great relationship, and everything is good. I love spending time with her. But at the same time, I really enjoy being alone. And that wasn't always the case. That's something that I've worked on and whatever.

Do you think that some of the feelings of loneliness are a misaligned, with what spending time with yourself really is or people aren't doing the work. Like, to me, part of it, to me, is, like, is there, can we reframe loneliness as positive time spent with ourselves? And is it maybe culturally, we just have, we've lost the skill of being alone? Okay, I'll say it this way. And I'm reminded my wife tells me to, don't make two points. sure you finish the second one because otherwise I did say I have two ones I get hung up on the first one

but the first one is there's a difference between loneliness and solitude what you're speaking about is solitude you've got all these other relational factors that that make you who you are that that you that you're there's a giving out right you're you're pouring out you're giving out you're responsible for things you've recognized that responsibility and so now you're saying this I got needs some me time which is healthy most people don't have me time because they don't like me time. And what I'm talking about is they don't like themselves. And when you don't like yourselves, then the sound of silence is the echo of your

misalignment dissatisfaction is so loud that you start putting and pulling things into your life. You create a vacuum by nature because you're trying to fill it with something. And so you hear the words fulfilled. I'm not fulfilled. Well, you know what? It's, it's fulfillment is, I think, is directly connected to even the seasons of your life. I remember for my, you know, you said you know, your two boys, you know, I, I know, I, God, you're say something.

No. Okay. I know the funny part about it's like, but fulfilled. I remember when my daughter was 14, 14 months old and fulfillment was her sleeping through tonight. We're like, oh, man. It's like, you know, it's like, rest is a weapon. Sleep deprivation is, is, is for torture.

Over, you know, 50, 50 hours to 70, you're cracking. You're telling, you're saying, you're telling everything. And so in the season you're in, what does it look like for you to live a fulfilled life? Well, you just find what's important now. So now let's focus on that. How do we get there? How do we get from here to there? And so if you, if, so loneliness is the sense of unfulfillment.

Solitude is where you're able to rest, reflect. And even an attitude of gratitude is, is, is that threat is we throughout. the conversation. And so, you know, there's a, there's a, I think there's a major, there's, there's this, uh, disconnect when people are, are you lonely? Well, most people who say they're lonely or burnt out. Well, you're giving energy to the wrong things. Mm-hmm. And the, and the, the, the drive to not disappoint people is, um, is dangerous. Yeah. One thing that helped me in this area was, I, I've been described. as a disagreeable person.

And I used to take that as a negative. And I did a lot of reading on this. And actually, there's a guy, his name's Eric Weinstein. I don't know if you've heard him. He's, I'd say he's intellectual to a certain extent. He's a physics guy, math guy, and he does a lot of podcasts and stuff. And I really fell in love with his work. And he talked about on this show, and this was like a year or two ago that I, that I, that I,

heard this, he talked about his relationship to his disagreeableness. And he's like, we have, we've, we've developed a, we've developed a false narrative around what it means to be disagreeable. And what he said was questioning things, having your own opinion, understanding and being okay with, I could have an opinion that I share with you today that you could just say, I hear you, I don't agree. And technically, that pushback is disagreeableness in the purest sense of the context, but it's, am I going to be okay with this person that I respect, enjoy, and care about, disagreeing with opinion I have. And I am, you know, and it took a long time to get there. And my point in this little diatribe is that when you start to become okay, I think a lot of that loneliness, that sense of being alone is I want, I need everyone to like me and agree with me and I agree with them and everything needs to be okay and happy and fun.

And it's like that is just simply not life. And in fact, when you start to be okay with the fact that I can enjoy someone, care about someone, and we could have two or three things. that we just intrinsically disagree about, and that's perfectly fine. All of a sudden you start to go, oh, like, I'm not alone. That person likes me. We're connected. We just disagree on this one topic over here, which is perfectly fine, because there's like 17 other topics that we do agree on.

And we like don't, we don't focus on all the things that we do agree on that we shared values we have. We tend to focus on that one value that we disagree on, and then that creates this disconnect and now all of a sudden we're like we're isolated and by ourselves and i just don't think we talk about that type of stuff because coming all the way back to leadership i mean geez you you know and can speak to it even more than i can like when you're a leader there everybody's going to disagree with you about something you say right i mean you just that's part of the job it is and i the one of the big challenges that we face is, is that when you think that leadership is a popularity contest,

then you, then there's two things that happen. Let me say two things that happen and I'm going to say two. Number one is you're not being true to yourself, but number two, the people who think they know you have actually never met you. Imposter syndrome. Well, I don't want to say this because what happens if I get in trouble? Well, what does happen if you get in trouble? Now, again, I think there's a different, as far as I ask also pre-qualified people in the

conversations. I ask him, hey, so I don't say, tell me your toughest moment. I go, have you ever play the sport? And depending upon what the sport is, like, what did you play? Baseball. Baseball, yeah. Baseball. So, let's see. I mean, can you count how many times you got hit by a ball? I mean, come on. I mean, that's just, that's a part of it. And you, and the thing is, is that you have a resolve that you didn't quit. You did not win every game you played. And so, There's a disconnect, even in a leadership development process now. We, it's, it's, there's the, there's a, the push of followership development process versus leadership development process. One of the folks who mentors me has had a lot of influences, John Maxwell.

You know, for me, I'm okay, if you will, with my, understanding my inadequacies. Because I know I need to grow. I know I need to learn. then I'm not threatened by you saying that you don't think I'm enough. That's okay. It doesn't matter. You know, I'm picking it pickleball. I don't know why I'm pick a pickleball.

Everyone says don't play it, but I'm an aggressive person. I played sports. I played football with just full contact, right? And I'm thinking, I said, I'm going to learn how to play pickleball in the back 40 because I know I've played racquetball, table tennis. I played in racket sports and I just love a golf. I love the part of just full on, full tilt, right? And so, like, I've got to know my audience, but I also need to know me,

learning the game, the different pieces of it. But when you are an athlete, I think there's a part of the mix in your life as a leader where you understand what it means to lose, having the resolve to get back up, and also the making the decision. Like, you know what? The only thing I didn't lose, I'm learning. So I, football was my, baseball was my love, but football was my favorite sport. So I was, I had a scholarship to play football in college, and I got three concussions my senior season, and it ended my football career.

Yeah. But what I loved about football in particular, and baseball has a lot of this, too, but I'm similar to you, it was like all those societal, governors that we have to put on our personality to like integrate into like you know rational human like niceness in football you can take you can turn all those governors off and you just get to be a hundred percent aggressive and what what I think you know what we miss when we watch highlight reels or we look at our favorite stars is we look at the great catch or throw or tackle. And we don't see how the play before, that linebacker who got the sack on the highlight

reel, the play before they got blindsided by a guard that they didn't see, and they were picking themselves up off to ground. You know what I mean? And they got drool coming out of their mouth and blood, and they're, you know, they're kind of like shaking it off. Yet they turn around, get the play call, get back in their position, and then they make the highlight real play. And you're forced in the motion.

at least from my experience. I've never played sports like rugby and some of the others that are also full contact, but you are forced to say all this pain I feel is not going to stop me from the goal that I have in whatever the position is I play in that particular sport. It translates, I do think it translates a lot of different sports,

a lot of different things, but in particular, I find football players get one, they get this like meathead tag, which is, I think, completely false. If anyone who's played the game, you cannot be a meathead. You can act like a meathead, but you are not a meathead. The meheads don't make it.

And, you know, I think they act like meheds because it's fun. Who doesn't want to act that way? But like in regard, they're all, you know, the most successful are incredibly, incredibly intelligent individuals. And, you know, you are going to get knocked down. Not like, oh, I didn't make this sale, like literally knocked to the ground and have to pick yourself back up and re-engage in the game. And if you have an ounce of hesitation, you are going to get knocked back down to the ground again until you lose that piece of you.

And I think that type of mentality is what we need to have as leaders today is like, it's okay. Like, you know, we look at, I'm listening to Walter Iisons and biography of Elon Musk, right? And I love Elon Musk. I think he has an incredible number of personality traits that I think could be questioned. However, this is an individual who, in the purest sense, has been knocked to the ground so many times. And he just keeps getting back up. And that's how he got to be there. It also allows a level of craziness and a willingness to destroy his personal life and all these other things.

But I just, it's like we've lost, we've lost aggression. Do you agree with that? Like we've made aggression into this toxic thing that I don't think it has to be. It can be toxic. And I don't mean yelling and being a jerk. But there's an aggressive nature to leadership that I feel like has been, has been, I don't know, just put in this box of bad. And I just, I don't know how to break it out, I guess. I think you're on, you're onto something because it also, too, is under.

understanding the audience. You know, it's people who, you know, if we were sitting in a room, listening to a leader's share about all the wins they've had, our curiosity would be sparked. Tell me about your failures. Tell me about the challenges. You didn't get from here to there without some valleys, some potholes, some challenges, some pick yourself up, dust yourself off. You didn't even get there. Maybe you didn't even get there by just picking yourself up. There are others who helped you get up and to move. And that, you know, that just blows up the fallacy of self-made man. No, there's some resolve and determination that you have to have when it's obvious what your assignment is. And I, I'm a, you know, as a person of faith, understanding purpose. It is what,

I know why I get up in a morning. I know what I'm after. I love helping leaders lead. But there also is that part of the vetting process inside of me that says, um, You know what? You've got to want it. If I want what you want more than you, more than you, then I'm wasting my time. But if I can throw gas on a fire, if I can open a door for you or connect you with someone you need to know, then, hey, awesome. I'm excited to be a part of it. And this domestication of the leadership approach, I think, is a great fallacy.

And in some ways, why many aren't winning. And when I'm talking about winning, I'm not just talking about, hey, winning, what's important now in a sense of like, I'm talking about winning overall where the grand scheme of things you're able to say, this is the target, this is what I'm after and I'm finishing well where people, it's undisputed. You know, people can, people can say whatever they want to about Elon Musk, but the bottom line is, is that he's winning. In some form or fashion, he's winning in a way that others would want to. Yeah. I think it's perfectly reasonable to say, I don't want his life. I don't want his life. No.

He's even said, you don't want my life. However, to throw out everything, and I had a, I hate when I do this, but I had this online argument about Elon Musk with a guy, which I, you know, whatever. And he's saying, what has he ever achieved? And I'm like, I get it. What it ultimately came down to was he didn't like his personality. And it's like, okay, I can appreciate. that you don't like his personality.

His personality doesn't really bother me that much. I wouldn't want his life. I wouldn't want that. But how can you deny results? I had a podcast guest, and I'm going to butcher his last name. Rijiv, I apologize. It's Rijiv Peshwara.

If you go back, his schick is, and I don't mean schick in a negative way, is positive autocratic leadership. And he got there because he was doing a survey for some client, and it came back that over 16,000 responses, they had like, what would you want in a leader and all these characteristics like a personality test, but what you would want of a leader? And it came back unequivocally, more than 20 countries, 16,000 plus responses that an autocratic leader like Steve Jobs, or Elon Musk is what people want to follow. And I found it so intriguing because everything we read today is, you know,

this nice kind of beta personality and everybody's equal and all this kind of stuff. And I, those are come from good places. I don't mean those to be, to downgrade those. But at the end of the day, we need someone who's got a vision and we believe is going to pull the ship. You know, you see these, you know, great leaders, you know, stand behind their. team and poor leaders stand out in front. I'm like, I don't think that's true. I think great leaders do stand out front and they act as the tip of the spear.

They deflect all that. They take all the fodder. They take all the hits and the flack so that their team can be amazing. If you're standing behind them, they're taking that crap. And I want that guy or gal who's going to be like, screw everyone. We're going. Like, you know, we're going to get bloodied and beaten and yelled at. But at the end of the day, we're going to get to this place that we all want to go to.

And it takes a little bit of like, like, mf, like guts, like a little bit of Angela Duckworth's grit. Like, you need this. And I just feel like we don't cultivate it enough anymore. Well, it's, I don't think that we, I think cultivation for, I would say, for leaders to lead requires someone giving an opportunity. and taking a risk. And it also requires failure. And so what ends up happening is, again, that whole idea of domestication as far as leaders. We, we, you know, it's, it's that part where we, and I think that also there's that, there's that it can be generational, but also to, from a global standpoint, there's lots of nations and people and cultures that that is not the mindset.

The mindset is very much along the lines of my ceiling is your floor. So if I'm going to help launch you into your next now, then I've got to tell you the truth. I can't pretend that you're not going to take some hits. You're not going to take some shots. That's a part of the mix. When's the last time you went to buy a car and you asked them, did it have a, was it come, does it going to windshield? No, it comes with a windshield.

It comes with tires. It comes with a challenge. And you know what? Before you drive a lot, you have to have insurance. Because they're betting you do have an accident. You're betting you don't. No, you're betting you're like, I'm going to have an accident. No, no, no, no.

They're betting you don't. So we have challenges. We have stuff. And you know, I just look at this and I go, if we want to be people who impact the future, then we've got to act like it. We've got to have the conversations. You know, I say to my leaders, I'm not here for your comfort. I work with, and I don't say that as an ogre or trying to be, but I will not be, I would

say domesticate in a sense of saying, listen, you know, I work with people who, it's like live fire. I work with warriors. I work with people who are all about life to the floor. And so for me, having conversations are like, come on, come on people. Like, let's go. Like, they don't, they don't need to be amped up. They are. They don't need to be, uh, they need to understand their big deal is loyalty. their big deal is we are committed to the cause to win. And here's the other part, whatever it costs. I think some of the things you're saying, if I had to sum it up, I'd say the challenges right now we're dealing with people who've counted the cost

and they think it'd be better for Ryan to pay than for me. Yeah. Yeah. Slightly, I want to, something you said, just spurred a question that I'm interested in. And you can answer however you want to answer it if you feel uncomfortable. you know, you said man of faith myself as well. I wear a cross, tattooed a cross on my arm. I actually have two cross on my arm.

I very much, faith is a big part of my life. And I'm interested in your take on like free will versus fate as someone who strives to be the best version of themselves. Where do you stand on that particular idea? You know, I think if I understand it correctly, just free will, you're saying, you know, whatever happens happens. And then there's the other side that is, I'm going to do this because I have the faith for it. Is that what you mean? I mean, is our outcome in life predetermined? Or do we have the ability to dictate the outcome? Okay. So you're talking about, so from a theological standpoint, that's called predestation my foreknowledge. But anyway, I think it's really interesting that question because, you know, I've lived long enough where there were enough people that didn't believe in me that caused me to question what I felt that was burning in me. And now when I look down the line 30 years later, they were wrong.

I was right. I can't say I wasted my time. But I'm so grateful for those challenges. or if you even would say the resistance. Friction is good. Friction is how we drive our cars. Friction is how we fly planes. It's friction.

And so the idea of being a purpose-driven person, which I believe is important. And being purpose-driven, again, in my world that I live from, is not just acquiring things, but impacting people. You know, I just among the other things I do, there's time. I just did a funeral three weeks ago. guy said, hey, man, can you know my mother's funeral? You know, nothing she said towards her last hours was I wish I had more stuff.

It was always more time or I wish I could have talked to this person. And, you know, when you begin to think about that whole free will, I think that a lot of folks, that's a really great card to cash when we just don't want to take responsibility. And I, you know, where we just were kind of like, you know what, I don't want to have to, I don't want to have to pay the price. I don't want to have to attach a, it's not even a belief system, but I just want to do my own thing. What will be, what will be will be. I can't imagine living like that because it's just, it's like pop all the hope balloons. As a person of faith, again, it's getting clarity on why you live. I live to help people win. I want to help you

win. I don't care if it's riding your bicycle, man. I'll be out there. and put training wheels on that thing. We'll start with tricycle. Like, what's our goal? Let's go. Because most people who live from the place of it being all about self-requirement, 50 years after your death, no one will even remember you. That's powerful.

That's brutal. That's frightening. And that's taking into consideration. Again, I've, you know, I got my doctor organization and leadership. Do I study all this stuff? How do the mom and pop shops that started 50 years ago? They don't exist anymore. How do they get gulved up by big box companies?

Well, there was something. to be said. And more and more, that's uncommon because uncommon a sense of something being lasting 100 years. But if you go to Japan, they have a hundred year business plan. Oh, man, what's all about? They think intergenerational. And so when we start putting into the mix of free will and other things, I haven't heard a lot of that thinking, connected to generational wealth, the long game. Off times, it's, it's been filled, the folks I've actually worked with in that kind of along those lines, it's been filled with a lot of regret because they didn't count the cost

fully. But when you step up, I say step out when you're living by faith, the person living by faith, yeah, there's a part of disappointment. Yes, there's challenges that go through, but, you know, that come, that happened. But ultimately, at the end of the day, you can say, you can say, you can say, you can, you I did the best I could versus I tried. Now try means something in horseshoes and grenades, but the best I could might make me jump on top of that grenade.

I had a coach in high school. I'm a baseball team. I played in a very high-level baseball team, and we were struggling in the middle of season, and a lot of it was just we weren't getting along as a team kind of playing for ourselves. And he said, this is a guy that also smoked a cigar on third bases he was coaching their base so understand the time period that we're in he goes you sons of bitches you're not just playing for the name on the front of the jersey you're playing for the name on the back and what he meant by that was every action you take out here isn't just a reflection of you or this team it's a reflection of your parents it's a reflection of your siblings of the grandparents that come watch you play of the cousins that come watch you play like you're playing for more

more than just yourself or this team. You're playing for everyone who supports you, who cares about you, because if you act like a clown out here, that reflects on them. And that has stuck with me. I don't think I had, I probably,

you know, I was probably 16 at the time. I probably hadn't thought that deeply about it. But when he said that, it shut every single guy in that dugout up. We went on to go all the way. We lost a tough game in the state. championship but we went on to turn our season around played amazing it that i'm telling you it you

could have heard a pin job not a single guy in that team had probably ever heard something like that said that way and explained in that way and i'm paraphrasing a little bit and there were way more curse words um but it was it was like this moment where i i to what you said like when in america did we lose generational thinking like when did we say stop saying, I'm not living for me or just me. I'm living for my kids. I'm living for my kids' kids so that I can instill lessons in them. I can set them up, you know, through, you know, whatever, however I feel I need to do that so that they then can be in a position to take care of their children and their children and on we go. Like, when do we lose that? I don't

know the answer, but it feels like we have to a certain extent. I think the, word that it comes to my mind is, and I talk about this often, is responsibility, right? There's this, there's this part where your coach was speaking to you all, and you took responsibility, and I, you'd break that word of response ability. You have the, had the ability to decide right there. I am empowered to make a decision right now for my future, for my friends, for my family, for my people, who I represent. and I'm going to represent them well. And so when you look over, you know, just over generations in the past probably 50 years even, maybe more, maybe 75 actually, there was a pivot from, well, it's not out of my hands.

You know, we've got, we've got shareholders to care for. We've got, I have to do this. And I've got to make the cut. I'm sorry because it's, and so that responsibility as if, you know, like some, it gets lost in translation. Like, no one has the ability to make me mad. I choose to be mad. I have a response ability.

My response to someone's ignorance doesn't mean I've got to escalate. I can say, you know what? And I'll say something simple. A couple days ago, I'm in the supermarket. I'm waiting in line. I took the, you know, you take the ticket for your waiting line at the deli. And there was a stack of numbers on the top. And I took with a number from off the top.

and I'm standing there and the guy says 98 and I had been standing by the deli guy says 98. I've been sitting next to a guy for probably five minutes just waiting. He's 98 and the guy who looks at it. I said to him, what number are you? He says him, he was 99. I go, oh, you were here before me. So I switch. He could switch with him.

I take 99. He's like, wow, it's very, those very kind of you. Like, thank you. Like, he was a shock. Remember back in the day when that was just normal? Like, literally, I'm like, wow. What happened? What happened to just not decency and consideration?

When you were convinced that you actually have to fight for everything you get all the time, that no one's going to ever take care of you, you've got to take care of you to such a level where, you know, you know, if we had the Titanic happen nowadays, there would be, who knows who would be in the boat? because the fighting, the craziness would be going on because we think that our moments right here are the most amazing moments ever. I say this. You know how your moments will be measured 50 years from now when your grandchildren are talking about you and your kids' kids are talking. It's like what I remember what dad, man, this is experience. I remember that guy Ryan, man.

It was so powerful. I had this moment in my business. I thought it was all over and he said something to me that was amazing. Let's make our moments count. That's what's missing, I think, and today we're not taking. Our responsibility is like I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, this is amazing. This is amazing. It's just, it's, it's giving me fodder. We'll do this again in six months or so, bring you back on the show.

Hey, I'd love to. I just enjoy your viewpoint on the world. I think your approach, as I started with, is this really wonderful and needed mix today of passion and strength mixed with humility and understanding. And I think we need more people like you out doing what you do. Where can people connect with you and go deeper down the rabbit hole in your work? Well, you can find me Eric People's Leadership Podcast. That's one of them.

and I can't wait to have you on mine. It's going to be awesome. Stay tuned. I got a new assistant. Yay. Coming, yes. And also, Ericpeples.com.

That's my Instagram handle. But you can find me through podcast, Instagram. And stay tuned. I'm looking forward. Hey, back, I love to be back of six months to tell you more about the book

we're writing. It's going to be awesome for sure. Done deal. Hey. Eric, thank you so much. I wish you know the best, my friend. Hey, my friend,

honor to be with you. Thanks again. Let's go. Yeah, making it. Make it look. Make it look easy. Thank you for listening to The Ryan Hanley Show. Be sure to subscribe and leave us a comment or review wherever you listen to podcasts.

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