First Date Follow Up - The Jubal Show - The Jubal Show wants to welcome YOU to the Hemorrhoid Hour!

Episode Date: October 21, 2020

The Jubal Show helps a man who was having a great date until his hemorrhoid burst in the middle of the date! Hopefully, he hadn't 'burst' his chances with her in this First Date Follow Up!Let us know what you think on social!Follow us at @thejubalshow @Jubalfresh @thatdreas @evanontheradioSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, everyone. It's Katie Couric. Well, the election is in the homestretch, right in time for a new season of my podcast, Next Question. I'm bringing in some FOKs, friends of Katie's, to help me out, like Ezra Klein, Jen Psaki, Astead Herndon. But we're also going to have some fun, thanks to some of my friends like Samantha Bee and Charlemagne the God. We're going to take some viewer questions as well. I mean, isn't that what democracy is all about? Check out our new season of Next Question with me, Katie Couric, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join the conversation.

Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hits 106.1. First date follow-up. The email that we got for today's first date follow-up just said, please, the worst thing ever happened on my first date, and I want another chance. It didn't go into detail about what the worst thing ever is,

but hopefully Silas, who's on the phone for a first date follow- the worst thing ever is, but hopefully Silas, who's on the phone for a first date follow-up right now, will tell us. Silas, what's up, man? How are you? Hey, guys. I'm all right. You know, kind of had an awkward experience, but I'm doing all right. Okay. Yeah, your email didn't say much. It said that you went out with a girl. What's her name? Her name's Callie. Callie. And it said the worst thing ever happened. And I don't want to know what that is just yet. I want to find out about her first. So how did you meet Callie? We met online and we've been talking for a while actually. And I didn't think it was going to transition to like actually do a dinner date. So when she said yes, I was like, oh yeah, let's,

this is going to be awesome. And you know, basically that's where the terror ensued. The terror ensued. Wow. All right. What could have possibly been so bad? Okay. Okay. So I have developed a hemorrhoid.

Okay. Oh, okay. Oh, no. I think everybody's had maybe a hemorrhoid before. You have a hemorrhoid, and that's why you think she's not calling you back well sort of at the date i was pretty tense and like i was sitting really tensely just kind of like nervous trying to make a good impression and i kid you not i am sitting at the table and my hemorrhoid burst oh what what happens i've never had a hemorrhoid. Does that blood? Yeah, well, it's painful. I've

never had one burst, but they're painful. It's like a mushroom cloud, like if an atomic bomb goes off. Is that what happened? So it was like, and then you shot up through the roof? Is that what happened? No, I mean, thank God it wasn't that bad. First of all, the searing pain, like my face must have just like contorted. And then I just kind of just made a brief excuse and ran to the bathroom, like trying not to clench and simultaneously clench at the same time. Oh, wow. So I think Evan just like wanted to brag that he's never had one. Yeah, Evan's over here bragging.

It wasn't a bragging moment. Yeah, seriously. I'm sorry, Silas, that you had to call up here. It was so insensitive of English Evan to rub it in our face that he's never had a hemorrhoid. Very insensitive. I'm just trying to tell him it's like a very common thing. Right. Okay.

Yeah. And it's painful. Yeah, I know. It sounds it. It's itchy and painful and it's not fun. Yeah. You throw some preparation H up there and it still don't help. Is that what that's for?

Preparation H? I know of that medicine. I know of that. Well, the first time you have a hemorrhoid, go to the drugstore and grab yourself some preparation aid. Does it go in? With chasel pads. Does it go in different kinds? No, it just goes on the outside.

Okay, so it's like a coating. Right, right. Silence. I don't even know if we need to talk about your date anymore or if this has now just become the hemorrhoid hour on the Jubal show. Yeah, I mean, we can talk about this more if y'all want. Well, I think we could talk about this for a very, very long time, but let's get back into your take.

So I do know that when a hemorrhoid bursts, well, I've heard, I haven't had one, but was it a lot of blood or was it not that much? It was a fair amount of blood, and that was kind of the panic I had once I got to the bathroom. So I'm sitting in there, and I don't know what to do. And so basically I rushed back to the the table and I was just like, look, I've got a family emergency and I just have to go. I'm so sorry. And just, I bailed. And that was it.

I bet she thinks that you didn't like her at all. Yeah. She has to. Yeah, probably. People use that excuse probably all the time on dates. Like I have a family emergency. Yeah. But you actually didn't actually. You had an emergency. You did have an emergency, though. That's for sure.

Yeah. The worst part is she was awesome. And I thought the date, like, I was a little nervous, but I thought it was going really well. And so, I mean, that's why I reached out to you guys because I was just like, if I can get this, like, if I can get another chance with this, I would be so happy because she's awesome.

Okay. Well, I'm guessing she hasn't talked to you after that. I mean, it sounds like everything went horrible. That and I'm basically mortified to reach out to her because if she saw anything, that's just like, yeah. All right. Well, we'll play a song and then come back and see if we can get you and your hemorrhoid another date.

Okay. Thanks, guys. Yeah. All right. We'll do it next. It's the Jubal Show on Hits 106. The new Hits 106.1. First date follow-up.

Right in the middle of a first date follow-up, and today's first date follow-up is sponsored by Preparation H. It's not, though. It's really not. You really sounded like a real radio host when you started that intro. You're like, welcome back to you. Welcome back to the first date follow-up sponsored by Preparation H. Get it right, get it tight.

I should, wow, pretty good at this. Did you prep that? IUp, sponsored by Preparation H. Get it right, get it tight. I should, wow, pretty good at this. Did you prep that? I think, yeah. Preparation H? I Preparation H'd it. Just like Silas, who's on the phone right now. See, that's how professional I am. I didn't even remember the name of the dude that's on the phone.

But anyway, Silas is on the phone for a First Date Follow-Up. Why were we talking about Preparation H? Because Silas had a horrible thing happen to him. He met this girl named Callie online. He was really into her, but on the date, apparently, his hemorrhoid took over. Bummer. And it busted. Right, Silas? Yeah, that pretty much is the horror story of my weekend. Yeah. He ran to the bathroom because he knew that this had happened, and then he decided that the only thing he could do was to get out of there. So he went back to the table and told his date that he had a family emergency.

And then he bounced and he shuffled. Yeah, he shuffled. He didn't bounce out of there. Yeah, it was the least amount of friction that I could have is the way I moved. My only question from your story was, did you sit down in your chair when you came back? Or did you just stand at the table and be like, I got a family emergency. All I can think about is that chair from now. Oh, absolutely not. I did you sit down in your chair when you came back or did you just stand at the table and be like, um, I got a family emergency. All I can think about is that chair from now. Oh, absolutely not. I did not sit down. I didn't sit down until I got to the car. And then

I barely sat. I was just kind of like holding myself up on the steering wheel. Oh, well, okay. Well, he's not getting a call back and he knows why everything went wrong on the date. It was very awkward for him and leaving like that. you can understand why she's not calling you back. Oh, yeah. I mean, absolutely. Okay, so our goal here is to get her on the phone and see if she'll go out with you again, if we can convince her, because it probably was not a good date on her end. But are you ready to call her?

Let's do this. Alright, here we go. Hello? Hi, may I speak to Callie, please? Yeah, this is her. Callie, how are you? This is Jubal from The Jubal Show. Do you know what that is? No, I actually didn't really get what you said.

My name is Jubal. I host a radio show called The Jubal Show. It consists of me, my hot-ass wife, Alex Rayash. That's me. And English Evan. Hello. Is there like a reason you're calling me? We got an email about you from somebody. Okay, cool.

Well, we do a segment on our show where if you go out on a date with someone and then end up not calling them back, they can email us to get you on the phone and find out what happened. And have you been on a lot of dates recently? Nope. So it kind of narrows it down to, is it a guy named Silas? It is a guy named Silas.

Bingo. He wants to know why you're not calling him back. Really? I kind of got the impression that he can get out of there fast enough. Yeah, he told us a little bit about your date. He said it's kind of awkward at the end of it, at least. Well, I don't really know how that could be anything to do with me, considering that the evening seemed to not have a whole lot to do with me on his end anyway why do you say that uh

i don't know like he had his phone on the table and there was just a lot of text messages and they all looked like they were from his mom and then she like tried to call him twice and he just kept on like you know like declining to call me like sorry sorry just kept on like, you know, like declining the call. I'm like, sorry, sorry. You know, like it's 6 p.m. on a Friday. Like, why is your mom calling you so much? Yeah. So his mom was calling a bunch.

Yeah. So then he like all of a sudden gets up and like right after she called him a second time and like runs to the bathroom. And the next thing I know, he's coming back and he like just literally was like, I got a family emergency. I got to go. I'm like, really? Okay. What? Your mom can't stand that you I got a family emergency. I got to go. I'm like, really? Okay. What? Your mom can't stand that you're on a date?

Like, okay. Dang. Bye. I don't know. So that's why you're not calling him back because of the phone calls from his mom? Well, just that and the fact, I mean, like seriously, we hadn't even gotten a chance to order food yet. You know, like he got that many text messages, that many phone calls, and then he just dips.

We're past that age of me being okay with a mama's boy. We're adults now. You know? Yeah. Okay. Well, there is more to the story. Okay. And I don't want to tell you, I don't feel like it's my place to tell you his truth.

And I don't feel like it's my place. It's not my place. You know whose place it is though, Callie? Is he like on the phone right now? Yeah. Yeah, you're smart. He is on the phone listening to this conversation. Are you serious?

He's on the phone right now? Yes, he is. Silas? Hey. Hey. Hi. Silas, do you want to tell her, or do you want me to tell her or do you want alex to tell her or english evan honestly i feel like the only one that can bring some grace to this is english

evan even though he doesn't know anything about the specific situation personally i feel like he can deliver it the best okay i can uh i can try so uh callie uh you know how some people when they try and like push too hard, you might get an internal issue? External issue. Or external. As it was explained to me, it's called a hemorrhoid. Okay.

Yes, well, Silas, on your date, a hemorrhoid erupted inside of him. Outside. Outside. Wait, it's outside? So it's just hanging out? Yeah. Oh my God, Silas. This has all gotten confusing.

Callie, I'll just wrap it up for you. Silas had a hemorrhoid on your date and was embarrassed and wanted to leave, so he made up that he had a family emergency to get out of there. You did a terrible job. That's the short version. Silas, you chose the wrong person

to try to explain that. I wanted to go into detail. That was such a letdown. That was such a letdown. That was such a letdown. It actually was hilarious, though. Oh, my goodness. That's why he left abruptly. Silas, is that true?

Yes. Like, the worst part about it was I thought everything was going pretty well up to that point. And I'm just, I'm so sorry that I bailed. Okay. I mean, that explains some, but why the heck was your mom calling you so much? Like, the biggest thing wasn't even just that you left. I mean, that was definitely part of it, but it was also like your mom just kept calling you. Yeah. You know, I get that. And I swear I'm close with my mom, but I'm not a mama's boy. I think I was so excited about our date because I've just really enjoyed talking to you and getting to know you. And I think that that maybe indicated too much to her.

And so she read more into it than I wish she had. That on top of a hemorrhoid. Okay. Yeah. I was actually really looking forward to meeting you, too, because we have been having really good conversations. I don't know, maybe that's why I took it as so much more of a letdown in some ways because I was actually pretty excited too. Well, there you go. Both you guys

were excited. It's just bad timing for there's really no good timing for a hemorrhoid but really, really bad timing for a hemorrhoid and also his mom was calling a bunch because apparently he was raving about you. So, Callie, would you like to go out on another date with Silas and his roid? We'll pay for it.

I'm not paying for that. Can I be clear? We're good now. You're on good terms. What do you think? I mean, yeah, I can see how it was just kind of a perfect storm of awkwardness. So, like, sure. I'd go on another date with you.

We did it. Yes, we did. And this normally date with you. We did it. This normally doesn't happen. No, it doesn't. Yes, that's awesome, Callie. Thank you so much. You will not regret it. Alright, sounds good. Well, a successful first date follow-up, also very educational. We'll play a song. In that time we'll Google pictures for Evan.

Yeah. Or Evan can Google pictures. I need a close. Jubal's First Date Follow-Up. Hey everyone, it's Katie-Up. Hey, everyone. It's Katie Couric. Well, the election is in the homestretch, right in time for a new season of my podcast, Next Question.

I'm bringing in some FOKs, friends of Katie's, to help me out, like Ezra Klein, Jen Psaki, Astead Herndon. But we're also going to have some fun, thanks to some of my

friends like Samantha Bee and Charlemagne the God. We're going to take some viewer questions as well. I mean, isn't that what democracy is all about? Check out our new season of Next Question with me, Katie Couric, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show or wherever you get your podcasts. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF. And me, Mandy B. As we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives

dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.