Fitzdog Radio - Annie Lederman - Episode 1065

Episode Date: August 21, 2024

My neighbor and dear friend Annie Lederman sweats with me on a hot August day.Follow Annie Lederman on Instagram @AnnieLederman

Hey, welcome to Fitts Dogg Radio. It's exciting. You can feel the anticipation in the air. The announcement has been official. I look I've talked about it. My my I hired a publicist who's my dear friend Michael O'Brien. And he told me to announce today that my special is coming out on August 27th. I talked about it last week. I didn't know. Apparently you're supposed to build it up. I guess it hasn't been built up,

but at least you're familiar with it. It's been in the works for a while. I tried to record it a while back. I didn't like how it turned out. We had some production issues. We flushed it, we threw it out, I started all over again. And here we are, a week out from it being released on YouTube, I want everybody to see it.

It's for the world. It's not behind some paywall. Although I will say this, there is a donations tab on the YouTube page and if you feel so inclined and there's no pressure, you want to throw two bucks in, five bucks, 10 bucks. I spent about $50,000 of my own money which I won't be getting back. I'm doing it just to put out a special.

That's what it takes these days. And so, yeah, if I recoup a little bit, great. If not, just watch it and enjoy it. Tell your friends. More importantly, comment on it on the YouTube page when it comes out. Tell your friends, all that. Okay, anyway, enough about that.

So, update, I bought my new Mustang last week. I talked a lot about how much that meant to me. How nervous I have always been to buy myself a nice car. And one of the main reasons is I'm afraid something bad will happen to it and then I'll be too sad. I'll be so sad. So I bought it a week ago,

and today my wife accidentally scratched the door. Now listen, it's almost a relief because now it's happened. Now it's not perfect anymore, and I'm not mad at her because she's on crutches. And what happened is I was getting her in my car and the crutch scratched the door. So what are you gonna do? It's done. It's not a perfect car anymore, which is better for me.

I'm not perfect. But we took it for a ride yesterday. She's been cooped up with this broken foot for three weeks and barely getting out of the house and so I decided to take her out on a drive yesterday up through the Malibu Mount, well, it's actually the Santa Monica mountains, but it's in Malibu. And we drove up, if you ever get a chance, you're in LA, you want to take a pretty drive, go up the PCH, past Pepperdine University,

take a right and go up to Mulholland Drive and make a right and just zip through there back down. It is spectacular. It's some of the most beautiful scenery in the country if not the world. And it's little serpentining roads and I got the car. You can put it in sport mode and I'm just ripping through the turns and my my wife, to her credit, did not once say slow down or be careful. She knew I was behind the wheel of my new Mustang, and that I wanted to open it up,

I wanted to see what she could do, and she did a lot, she did a lot. She made me proud. And that was fun. And then we get home, and I should show you a picture of my backyard but our backyard got torn up about I don't know two weeks ago and then the contractor keeps telling us that he's waiting for part that we waiting for the tiles to come in we're just throwing some tiles down in the

backyard it's not a big job it's not big yard, but it's been sitting there for two weeks. And I know the tiles are there. I've talked to the tile store. And so then today I come home and my neighbor has demoed his house and is rebuilding it. And guess who's over there working on the house? My guy, my crew, my whole crew of guys, they're over there. I go, what are you doing? And they're like, well, the boss wasn't there, the main guy wasn't there. And they said, whoa, he asked us to work out.

I go, what the fuck is going on? Is this a joke? And I'm walking around in dirt. I'm tracking dirt in the house because our backyard got dug up to the fucking dirt. Pipes hanging out. So I gotta have a talk to my neighbor about poaching my crew. That's my crew. That's my crew, motherfucker. I leave in the morning. It is Sunday night as I record this and I am getting on a plane at 7 a.m. get to New York and head straight downtown to do Skanks. You know the Skanks show show what's it called skank fest skanks anyway whatever it's called love those guys uh we'll see who's there I don't know who who's in that crew anymore but I know Okerson and Gomez and a Soder part of that. I think Soder's part of that. So

we'll do that and then I'm gonna do... what else am I doing in New York? Bonfire, Jay Okerson doing David Cross and then a bunch of serious XM shows. I'm doing We Might Be Drunk but not on this trip. I'm going back to do it. And then I'm off to Austin to do, I did Ari already. I'm going to do Kill Tony and Rogan and Your Mom's House. Anyway, a bunch of, you're going to get sick of me. You're literally going to get tired of seeing my face, but this is what needs to be done to get this podcast,

to get this special out there. Also coming to you live in Louisville at the Louisville Comedy Works, August 23rd and 24th, that's this weekend. Denver at the Comedy Works, August 29th through 31. Austin at the Mothership, September 6th through 8th. Tamescula, Alaska, Tulsa, Tacoma, San Francisco. Just go to FitzDog.com, it's easy.

Get the dates, get the tickets, come out, say hi. You know, it'll be fun, trust me. All right, I'm keeping this very short today because I have to pack, I'm gonna be gone for three weeks straight. I'm home for one day in the next three weeks. And so I have to pack, I gotta I gotta pack I gotta go I already did shopping all weekend for my wife this fridge is fucking packed freezers got a

lot of frozen dinners in it lots of toilet paper and we arranged the schedule with the kids where they're taking care of her you know they they forget about her come back she's dead she's starving. So anyway I got a lot to do. So anyway my guest this week is my very dear friend and neighbor Annie. You know her from Lights Out with David Spade. This is not happening. She used to be on Girl Code on MTV. We used to do Chelsea lately a lot together, Adam Devine's house party, and her own podcast. So what else do you need?

We had such a great hang. She came to the studio this week. She and my daughter bonded, which was really nice. And here's my chat with the great Annie Letterman. Welcome to the podcast. It's Annie Letterman who's been on many times. Why? Because she's one of my dearest friends. You're my top eight.

Really? I think you're actually more than my top eight, but it's kind of scary to tell someone that. It's like, you're a clinger. But I was thinking in MySpace, you would have been in my top eight, like 1 million percent. Wow. Yeah, you're definitely my top eight. I have a question though.

Your top eight that you had during MySpace, are you still that close with all those people? Yes. Cool. Yeah. That's why I like you, you're a real dude. Well, I feel like, you know, it's really hard to create history with a new person Like you can get excited about somebody and this is something we lack. We don't have history

So that's why you're one of the few people that's why I treasure you because it's so rare that somebody enters my life now Yeah, that I feel a connection to but we do have like we do have little bits of history, but we weren't close. So we did a bunch of weird TV shows, which are almost traumatic events. They're weird. Chelsea, pull the mic up to your mouth. You're taking, oh, that's what Chelsea said too. That's how I got the gig.

But Chelsea's, you had a different experience because you'd been on it so many times. Well, I had also been, I had been her head writer on her previous show. Wow, I didn't know that. Yeah. The Girls Behaving Badly? No, it was called the Chelsea Handlers show.

Oh yes, I remember, yeah. It was a sketch show. It was actually, she was really good at sketch. It was before Chewie, right? Did Chewie, I think Chewie joined during that show. I met those producers and they told me like the lineage of Chewie, how Chewie was a porn star. What?

Yes, Chewie was a porn star. What? Yes, Chewie was a porn star. No. And Chewie, by the way, showed me so much love. I was so scared at Chelsea, because it was just such a, I'd never been on TV. Yeah. And there was just a lot of things moving all the time. And the only person that was always really nice to me

was Chewie, so I would give him so much attention to the point where I went down to hug him, and he stuck his tongue in my mouth. No! He tongued me! He did? He played me, he groomed me. Ah!

He groomed me. Ah! Ah! Rest in peace, he died. I peed that little nugget. Oh my god. What a cute little casket, a little baby casket they put him in.

Oh, I didn't see it, was it on social media? No, I'm just assuming. No, I'm just assuming he had like a child's casket. Oh. Save a little money on that. It's the least sad use of a child's casket is a grown man. Yeah, I think Somebody asked Hemingway. What's the shortest novel he could write and he said Six words Baby casket for sale, never used.

Never used is good, right? Yeah, no, it's sad. But why would it? The baby died. But why was it never used? Because the baby died before it was born. Like a miscarriage? Slightly used might be sadder. Yeah, lightly worn.

Lightly worn. Shad in twice. My daughter, who you just met. Beautiful, you have a beautiful family. I love your family. Oh, thank you. I used to jokingly hit on your son and now it's weird because I have met him so many times

that I'm like, does he know these jokes? Well, no, you flirted with him through social media. You loved his pictures. No, you never responded, but you used to tell me. It was a joke to you. It was a joke to you. I mean, he is handsome, which makes it weirder. But that was always my joke with my friends who

had sons that were teenagers. Yeah. It's like, I'm coming for it. And then all of our colleagues over the pandemic got popped for this. So now I'm like, oh, I was kidding. Hey, let me tell you something. When I was young, I always dated older women.

When I was 19, I dated a 40-year-old one summer. Oh, whoa. Yeah, she was great. I stayed friends with her for years. Until she died 10 years later. Until she died. Well, that's what's creepy now is when I think, oh my God, she's now almost 80 years old.

You'd still bang her. If you weren't married, you'd bang her. You're a weirdo. I could see you just creeping into that crevice. And her name was, I can say it, Joanne Palumbo. Oh, I thought it was gonna be Ethel. Didn't you guys think it was gonna be like an old lady's name?

No, she was like a Italian family from Queens, and her sister was, I think, Debbie Palumbo, who was a hairdresser. Debbie Palumbo. She was the younger sister, and she was dating my older brother. A name like that only cuts mullets. Yeah, it's all mullets and extensions. No offense.

No offense. You're saying that's the girl mullet is in extensions? A little bit. Can I interrupt you one second and go back to it because I have to tell you what happened to me last night. OK. This autistic guy came up to me and he goes, I love your haircut. And I went, oh thanks. He goes, it's like two lengths. I go, oh no, that's just my extensions aren't blended. Like I didn't do my

hair well. You're not supposed to see that part. And then he apologized a bunch as they do. But you love autistic people. Didn't you used to work with them when you were younger? I did, I almost became a behavioral therapist. Yeah. Because it was fun, I worked with this little autistic kid and then I worked with, at Easterseals, with, there was a variety of special needs there, but they had one autistic kid that did not fit in

with our crew, because he was violent. Yeah, there's always one violent one. He would just beat us, and all the other ones were just like cute cerebral palsy kids just kinda like hanging out in their chairs and we would let them wrestle and we'd run around in their chairs. It was really bad.

Honestly, we should be in jail. We would be going around in their chairs like all the counselors. We were having so much fun. Like it's wrestle time, Wrestlemania! And we're just like, beep, beep, beep, beep. Racing each other. When they caught you betting on the fights,

that's when they sent you away. Oh my gosh, just throwing money at them as they're down there. It's like deer hunter. They're all like army crawling because their legs don't work. Those would be good fights. Honestly, and they love wrestling so much. It was such a fun, that was such a good job. That was like the best job ever.

Did they hit on you, any of them? Yes, they were in love. And you would start to get, it was weird, like, because it it was a summer camp I worked there for like maybe three or four years you would get jealous when they'd move on to another one. Like I'm a sicko. Yeah. There was one kid I would call him he was actually such a G. He had a degenerative brain disorder I don't know what I can't remember what was called because he was the only one we had with that. But he, I would call him every Christmas and he would without pause at the end of the conversation, his parents, you know he's

on a regular phone, he, I would go, okay Chris it was great talking to you, Merry Christmas and he'd go, love you too. I'm like what a geez, this family just thought I was like, I love you, I'm gonna fucking bang you. He's like, miss you, love you too. I was like, didn't say that, said Merry Christmas, it was so good. That's a good power move. I'm gonna do that to people. It was good, you should do it to Palumbo.

Yeah. So tell me about Debbie Palumbo. Joanne Palumbo. But her sister was Debbie. Oh, Debbie, yeah. So Debbie was a hairdresser and she was with my brother. Me and my brother and this kid, Sean Burgoyne, who is from Belfast in Northern Ireland, real tough kid.

Okay. Like an exchange student? No, he and my brother got thrown off a train together in Paris because they had fake tickets and then they became good friends and then he went out and my brother was going to... Fake tickets? I can't even get fake tits. What do you mean you can't? I don't know, I was just being like Mark Norman. No. No. Just kind of flying off. Blue Jews. And so he then lived with my brother at Fordham in the Bronx where he went to school. Okay.

And then came out to. His family. His sister in the Hamptons. Gay, sorry. This was in the Hamptons. Gay, hey. Sorry. And.

No one's laughing, I want everyone to know the whole place is not laughing. No, I tell them not to laugh. You do? Yes. Do you want them to laugh? No, not now, there's too much pressure. But I am seeing some smirks.

What is this, like two bears, one cave? Why, Bert interrupting the whole time? No. Your time, I'm Bert. No, they got it, they're all laughing. Same size tits. Okay, sorry. You've shown your tits on the internet.

I didn't mean to. Do you wanna know what happened? Yeah. We're gonna finish this story. By the way, it's gonna be the last five minutes of the show. We finished this story. It's, yeah. But we will finish this.

Yeah. On my old podcast, my producer Anthony, as a joke, I would flash him and I would say, does it count as a me too if you're not getting paid and then he would Put a bar over it or pixelate them or something probably just one pixel. It wasn't a lot Yeah, it wasn't a lot. The bar was more of like a little Hitler mustache, but Covered both of them very weird, but he He won it was Thanksgiving. I remember because I was with my family for support he

He forgot he put he uploaded the wrong Video yeah, so he uploaded the wrong video and I got it was really sad how few DMS I got it was like four or five. Oh You should pay your producer. Like it didn't, because my fear was always, you should go viral. What are you going to do? Everyone viral. If you guys are any L E D E R M N. B O O B S. But yeah, so and it was only up for like, he was, he was a waiter too. So I had to like call him as a waiter at a country club. I was like, motherfucker. And he was like, Oh my God for like, he was a waiter too, so I had to call him a waiter at a country club.

I was like, mother fucker, what? And he was like, oh my God, and so he was freaking out. I thought it was funny. Because there's a part of you that was like, this is great. Well, I was livid, because I was like, what if they look like shit? And then I saw them, and that was good angle. I was like, noice.

I was like, perfect, what a perfect crime. Right, right. It's not my fault. So somebody who gets hair extensions. The way you're judging them, because now I'm realizing you're not actually looking at me. Your eyes are actually going wall-eyed and looking at the side of my head.

Oh, I thought you meant we're looking down at your breasts. Well, it's never happened. My feet maybe. People, I go real low. I go, hello, my eyes are up here. So why not get breast implants if you're gonna get hair extensions? These clip out.

A padded bra is like the type of breast implants that we get. I don't want breast implants. No? Sorry, you want me to have them? No, I don't like them. By the way, we discuss it a lot. I feel like every podcast we've done we've talked about whether I'm gonna get a boob jam.

Well, I don't like them because everybody goes big and then at the end of the day I think that, oh, I just bought a new car. Are you catching my ADD? That was like crazy. No, it all connects. Okay. It connects, I bought a new car. You ever think about headlights?

Huh? No. I know you bought a new car. I'm very excited about it. All right, so I bought a Mustang. You're embracing it. Yeah. It's kind of like a new car. I'm very excited about it. All right, so I bought a Mustang. You're embracing it. Yeah. It's kind of like a book job.

But I'm embracing it, but there's things about it I don't like. I don't like the side view mirrors. I don't like the air conditioning buttons. Like, it's not a great dashboard. But I don't like that you have air conditioning, but you have to be in the future. My car is a, it's an iPad.

I'm driving it. Do you know my Tesla, when the light changes, it dings to tell you to stop texting. It literally goes, stop texting, it's time to drive again. You go, really? Yes, well, I don't know if that's why, but it's good for it. Wow.

I'm literally playing Candy Crush, and I'm like, oh, I'm driving. Wow. It's good. So anyway, my point is, you get a car and you love it, and you're excited about it, and I feel young and I feel like I was just telling Owen. You're kind of wearing a hat. You're like a different guy.

Yeah. This is new car guy. Yep, yep. I've got on a colored underwear. But also you're wearing like he had a Subaru so this is like a kind of a Deike hat. Is it Deike? I mean, if you're in the Subaru, yes.

Yeah. If you're in the Mustang, no. Right. What if you're in a Subaru, yes. If you're in the Mustang, no. Right. What if you're in Tesla with this hat? It means that you own a small tech company. Yes. And you want a certain mail. It's in Cobra.

What is Cobra? Are they paying you? It's a golf company. Are they paying you? No, but I got it free. This is getting sad. Should I get paid? Yeah.

Whatever my agent lies, his voice goes up and I saw him on the side. Yeah! I gotta start asking you about it. Anyway, so the point is you have a car like this. And I love it to my core already. It completes me. And so the little things like the air conditioning and that, you own it. The same way with my wife.

I am all in. You own her? like with my wife. Like I am all in. You own her? Huh? You own her? I own my wife. How do you feel about that? Well, I was leasing and then I took the option to own. Finally? Yes.

After the kids moved out? 25 years ago, yeah. No, when we got married. That is kind of what it's like. When you date, you're leasing with the option to own. And then when you get married, you own. And you just have to deal with the receding hairline. Like that's how I looked at it with like Todd and I'm talking to a very bald man

But when I first was dating him his hair was receding and I went I don't care. Yeah No, because it's it's like is Bic is Bic paying you for this look at the spot on my forehead now I don't know from the thing. I look like an Indian I don't know from the I look like an Indian Or Trump So you buy the car because it's the and you love everything about it then you you you realize that the depth Because it's not even in the middle it's way I love it. It's like, it's like. And there's no one laughing. No one's allowed to laugh. I love it. You're like, no one laughs on this comedy podcast.

No, everybody laughs. No, it's fine. They laugh, but you got to really earn it. They're a tough crowd. They like filth. Wait, did you lie? Wait, I'm so sorry. Did you lie and tell them not to laugh?

No, I never told them not to laugh. That hurts. Wow, guys. Fuck you. Pissed. I'm gonna burn this dance studio laugh. That hurts. Wow, guys, fuck you. Pissed. I'm going to burn this dance studio down. I think they feel as professionals they shouldn't overly laugh.

But I think if something breaks through, it's fun. It's just fun. It's devastating. It's fun to see what they do laugh at. Guess they're not Mark Norman fans. I've been throwing Mark Normans out this entire time. Yeah. Who's funnier, Mark Norman or Sam Morrell?

I think Sam is like more. Like he sits and he writes jokes and stuff, but Mark is just like his brain is just moving really, really fast. And he sits and write jokes, too. But I think I don't know. I guess Mark, I think they both work really. They do. That's their little bond. They're talented. they're both naturally very talented and part of it is Sam is a true New Yorker, like he grew up in the city and there's something about his cadence and his confidence and his snarkiness.

You can tell he's a big dick, you can tell Sam has a huge cock. I don't know that he does but I feel like I know. What about Mark? I think Mark has a very average, not anything that he's like embarrassed by, but nothing to write home about. Right. What'd you write home about? Mom, hey Mom. Mom, my cock's huge. Remember when you used to wipe shit off of it?

It was small then, now it's big. Bigger than the balls now. Remember how the balls didn't even drop? They dropped. Like New Year's Eve in my sack. I talked about this on stage, but my brother showed me my, when my brother's son got circumcised, he's like, do you want to see his, see it?

And I was like, yes, of course. Yeah. And it looked like a soup dumpling, like with the meat on the outside. And I never have looked at soup dumplings the same. That's before it was circumcised. After it was a mess. Yeah. That little mess on top. How old was he when it was circumcised after yeah mess. Yeah

Got circumcised baby. Yeah, well three day old or something. All right We weren't we're not Jewish like that. Like there was no rabbi kissing it and giving him her God, I love a brisk on wrong where you give a child herpes in the beginning. Yeah No laughs. Okay. Oh, I hear a laugh. Hi. There you go. Well. It was a good, that was guttural. He kind of like went into the couch. Well, because he's anti-Semitic.

Aren't we all at this point? Who do you like in the Palestine Israel thing? I'm a Zionist. Oh, good for you. Did I tell you about when I went to the meeting and they had a bunch of gelt? What meeting? I went to this meeting at an AA, no, a meeting at a production company, and this woman had a bowl of gelt, and it was like June.

Gelt is that Jewish candy that's like for Hanukkah, and you do the dreidel, and it looks like coins. Don't look in disgust when you realize what it is. Ugh, gelt. You should feel really guilty. I feel guilty. But she has this bowl of gelt. Jewish gelt? You should feel really guilty. I feel guilty. But she has this bowl of gelt. Jewish gelt.

So it's the first moment I've stepped into the office. I grab a handful and I let it kind of fall through my fingers and I go, I'm a Zionist too. And it's like dead silence for 30 seconds. Like a long 30 seconds. My manager when we left, he goes, the Zionist thing was the craziest thing I've ever heard. It was a great meeting though, I broke the ice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good that you recovered and that shows true confidence because it's almost like stand up, sometimes your first joke dies. I didn't feel like it died. Well, you stood behind it. You stood behind it. Yes, I stood, I hid in an attic behind it.

Right. Did they find you? True joke. I would have died. You were write about in your diary when you got home. I was like I think I Have a crush on this soldier. He's got a cute Was that in the book? No, I don't know. I didn't read it. I've never read a book in my life You said to me you wanted my book and I was like you're not gonna read it So I'm not giving it to you. No. No, you said I'll give you your book I go I'm not gonna read it and I said maybe I know I said maybe it'll be the first book I ever read and you go no.

I think you said Todd will read it to me. Todd will read it to me. Yeah. So you go to this meeting what's the worst pitch meeting you've ever had where it didn't go right in the end? They always go well and then I don't follow through and I lose deals that could have been... What do you mean follow through? Like I had a meeting at Paramount I think it was or Universal where they were like we want to buy a script from you. Like on scene they were like...

Oh and then you didn't come up with the script. And then I didn't write a script. Wow. Well my agent what happened was I was working with this guy. This was before I knew how to collaborate. I didn't know how to like say if I didn't like something. You mean get other people to do things for you? No, no, no.

No, that would be great. Yeah, because that's true collaboration. Oh, God. There's so many people I know where that's their skill set. They have nothing else and you're like, damn, and they go far. You're like, yeah, good old Cobra clap. Is that what it's called? Cobra.

Cobra clap, golf clap, cause it's a golf company. Is that a Sam Morrell or a Mark Norman? Okay, so, yeah, but I wanted to do, I wanted it to be my voice, but the other writer, I didn't know how to tell him when I thought his stuff sucked. What's your show? Okay, you get a sitcom.

Let's make it a multi-cam live audience type of a sitcom. You're the star. What's the show? Okay, so it's 1997 because those have been out for a while. Yeah. No, I would like to do, it'd be a fun like to do like an early 2000s, not like that 70s show, but I like the idea of like cell phones breaking, like because I would get drunk and my cell phone would be in two pieces and it's like there's things like that that don't exist anymore there's no flip phones to break there's no everything's so easily fixed now so that's the show I like the yeah my show would definitely be in sham I would be in shambles I don't know yeah but does anyone care about seeing that anymore

just someone with their life's a mess I liked Herman's head maybe be a remake of Herman's head what was the remake of Herman's Head. What was the one with Zoe Dashanel? The new girl. That was cute. She was adorkable. I like that. That was the catchphrase, adorkable.

Was it really? Yeah. And everyone loved it. But that was the thing about that era of TV shows is it was all puns, whether it was Sex and the City or Two Broke Girls, the entire writing staff was gay men that wrote puns. Look at you, afraid to touch it. You're so afraid of Hollywood.

No, I was trying to think of, not even a little bit, I was trying to think of how I could make pun into a butt sex joke. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pun, punting, pun. Well, they just want the show to get into the back end. Pun and a cock in the bun. I don't know, I was just trying,

it was not a Hollywood thing at all. We're in Hollywood. I don't think there's rules, I think the rules are fake. But then I get in trouble and I get banned from things and I go, oh, maybe they. Yeah, yeah. I know, but you try to be loose and free and fun

and then you go like, oh, why the fuck did I say that? You want to know my worst meeting? Yeah. Is that why you asked? It's okay. You had a good one. A good bad one. Go ahead.

All my meetings are brilliant. Nothing has ever come out of a meeting for me, but it's been so fun. I've never gotten a thing. But I always leave like, I'm a fucking gangster. I make them laugh in a way that makes them not wanna work for me. It's gonna happen.

You are the most overdue person to blow up. I feel like you, I feel like Fahim Anwar is gonna be very big. Love my Fahimi. And I feel like Godfrey is gonna be big. Godfrey is big. No, but he's gonna get bigger. Godfrey was the 7-Up guy.

Yeah, but- Godfrey's like a very famous person. Godfrey's so funny. No, but I see him as like leading in movies. Being like a Kevin Hart but tall. He's got charisma and he is funny and sharp and good looking. The funniest thing about him, I don't know him that well, but... Black.

Black as night. When we were at... Dark. When we were at Skankfest, do you do Skank Fest? No, I'm doing Legion of Skanks though on Monday. You got it, the festival is a different, it's a different thing, it's so fun. Maybe they'll invite me. So, I just tell them I'll burn it down if I don't go,

like I don't allow them to not invite me. I make one dollar, I don't, everyone else is like, why don't you ask for more money? I'm like, it didn't even occur to me I could do that. I just, I'm like, like let me there it's so fun but so Godfrey's there and we're all like at the casino after shows and he's at either roulette I don't know what he's at one of the tables and he's just you think he's talking to you he's has an earpiece in the entire time it's the

blackest thing I'm like are you an actor driver at the at the casino he's just talking to I don't know if you get off driver? At the casino he's just talking to you. I don't know if he's... Does he have like a... He's secretly... It's like I didn't know he was talking to me. Because you could cheat if you have something in your ear. I don't know if he was talking to... They don't know. They couldn't tell. It was crazy the entire time on the phone. Yeah. That sounds like a Persian. It's very like Uber drivery. Yes. Persian Uber driver.

But I love it. I love being rejected. Who's your favorite Persian? I Don't know who's Persian and who's what I think for him is Persian is I guess for him? Yeah For him I brought up last night and I went you don't know who this person is Yeah, never heard of this person. Yeah, it's so weird cuz he's so funny. So funny He wasn't even offended by it. He's got new material every time, good looking. New, like great material. I just feel like, you know, he did that thing with, who's the bigger Persian guy?

Goat head or something, goat face. Goat face, it was like a sketch show. The guy who's on The Daily Show. Yeah, Hasan Minhaj. And then he got somewhat canceled for something? For something. Was it he was lying about all his stories on stage? Someone threw antics on his daughter and it was made up.

But I like his son. I have one of my favorite memories on this earth with his son. We were at the Laugh Factory and while he was on stage, I would not have recognized this person, but while he was on stage, all the way in the back row, he goes, is that Steve Wozniak? Like, I don't know. I think he like, I would have been like, is Jerry Garcia still alive stage, all the way in the back row, he goes, is that Steve Wozniak?

Like, I don't know, I think he like, I would have been like, is Jerry Garcia still alive? Like, I don't know who that man is. I don't know how he looks like that. And it was Steve Wozniak. Really? Yes, was at the Laugh Factory. So when he gets off stage, I'm like,

we like, we're talking, we're like, what do you think he drives? Like, what kind of car do you think he drives? And so we staked out outside after the show to see what he left with him and his wife left. They left on segues. They put helmets on. It was like a moment of like, we're in the matrix.

We created this. Steve Wozniak has gotta be worth $10 billion. Just a hideous dresser, just a disgusting little pig of a man, I loved it. Like a cool guy, but like just nothing. Right. Love that you can see true wealth is like you look like shit. Well Tim Dillon's like that. He dresses like a slob. He'll wear like gym shorts to the comedy store. I love this is why I love him. And then pull out in a five hundred thousand dollar Rolls Royce. Tim is which I'm kind of pissed about because he is my sugar daddy. I'm like, isn't that my inheritance? Um, are you spending all my future money, Papa?

Um, no, he is, Tim dresses like, he dresses in polo, he just dresses like a W word. Yeah, a W word? Oh. My favorite word that they took from me. What else did they take? They took the other word that it rhymes with. Uh-huh.

That's always been gone actually. That's never been allowed and I never liked it. No, that's not true. I never liked it. There was a moment where it was allowed. Don't act like that because we know why you're pretending that it was allowed. I don't care. Don't dig it back up. Listen I want to talk to you about... That's so funny. There was a moment it was allowed. Let me ask you this. You've taken Molly. You've taken Ayahuasca. I've taken Molly. I've taken both. Ayahuasca, right? Ayahuasca. Which one do you feel like, because everybody experiences some sort of transcendence

when they're doing it, which one stuck with you and made like a real change in your persona, your soul? Probably Whip cream Whippets. Stop it. When I huff that Whippet can. What about the, have you ever tried paint? Paint is great except for then you have black face when you're done. Oh my god that's great. You're getting, you're treading on some areas that we don't want to go back to. No. That one, it was this weird like four hour period it was allowed. Yeah. It was like this one long podcast with like a other bald guy.

And it's like two bald guys together. It's okay. All right, enough. Okay, I'm pitting out here. Oh my God, I'm green screening in a green shirt, but it's not. Oh look, you have a little pit sweat going. I always have pit sweat, I'm in fight or flight. Do you smell?

No. Okay, I have no body odor, and I barely sweat. I wish you were wrong and everyone was lying to you. Smell right here. Your face right now is too excited. Is that your thing? You have like armpit play? I have.

You have to get boner in front of your daughter? Oh God. But how crazy I wore green and it's not the wrong green. It's not, it's fine. It's working. That would have been funny. I would have loved if I was see-through the whole time. I love a green screen mishap.

But nobody cares, nobody cares. We've already proved that. Nobody gives a fuck. I'm see-through, I may be able to see-through. Nobody cares, we've already proved that. Nobody gives a fuck. Especially since you could be like Lady Godiva with the hair down in front. I always thought she'd be black because of the chocolate. She was sweet inside though. Oh, a nougat, she had a nice nougat inside.

Chewy. So which one stayed with you? Which one made like a real change in your psyche? Iowaska, one million percent. It did which one stayed with you? Which one made like a real change in your psyche? Iowaska, one million percent. It did. It stayed with you. But it's like, it's so funny. So I am feel right now there's an Iowaska retreat that I was invited to in September and I'm not, I actually am not interested in doing it. In the desert? No, no, no. I do it in Orlando It's my it's my that's like the least that's

I would have ever guessed and I have this like love for Orlando because of it like I look at Orlando in such a different way than I did when I was younger when I was like I just don't even notice. Yeah, the riff-raff Why is flora ever there's always like a shirtless guy in like cutoff shorts. Yeah. With no shoes and the full paint and like just so, and then you go and you go, oh, it's so humid here that you're sweating from like the inside out and you, what else am I going to do other than huff paint?

Right. What could I possibly do with my life? I think it's also when you huff paint, you head south. You go like, I can't live indoors. Emotionally, physically. Yeah, you just go as far as you can away from everything. That's why, you ever go out to like, Provincetown? You ever go out to Alaska?

The ends of the earth are people that are like, at the end of their rope. They just have traveled and they end up there. The Keys, you ever see the fucking Keys in Florida? That's where the real freaks are. Wait, Bianca came back, Bianca's been on vacation that works at the Comedy Store. Oh, really?

She's been on vacation and she came back with blonde braids and it's the funniest thing I've ever seen. To just come back from a vacation, so I've been on vacation, she said that she was, she's the waitress at the Comedy Store. She was like serving tables and Don Barrow. She knows she's black.

She's black, well. Or we've argued about that. You question it, which is so crazy. We called her on a podcast once because she told me that she was Middle Eastern and South American. She is, but she's black. But I think she's like. If the cops will shoot you,

you're black. I think she's Eric Griffin black. Eric Griffin's ethically ambiguous, and he won't tell me. During the Black Lives Matter marches that were right next to my house, by the way, there were cop cars on fire and stuff, and helicopters by my house the entire pandemic, literally outside my house, I called Eric Griffin and I went, It's time! What are you? What are you? No more scarting by in the middle

what are you are you a are you a black square on Instagram or are you actually black no I don't know if he's Latino he could be Middle East he could easily be Egyptian I think there's black involved I just go will the cops shoot you I think we should next time he takes a piss at the comedy store I'm gonna go in with a Schwab and I'm gonna send it into 23 don't say Schwab is triggering. Schwab? Schwab? Is it Schwab or Schwab? It's not Schwab. Why'd I say Schwab? Yeah no yeah no I'm sorry did I trigger you? I thought you were looking at are you Yeah, no.

Yeah, no. Sorry, did I trigger you? I thought you were looking at, are you going to look at cock size? No, no, no. For 23andMe, you've got to get the DNA and send it in. What does this kid look like? If this kid's got the curly hair, he's like... Right, right.

He's black. Yeah. Well... I love catching a Haitian. I'm good at kind of catching a Haitian Yeah, and go and it feels so good when when I when I go to someone are you Haitian they go? I am yeah, how did you know I go? I just kind of have a thing working. I can tell Haitians There's a little gingery part of it. Yeah

They look like they've just been through a hurricane Why what? Stress there must be be living in a place that gets hurricanes every year. One of my best friends. I just heard on the news yesterday that a tree, I'm not making this up, a tree fell down in Haiti and hit a power line and 300,000 people lost their power.

You just picture this jerry rigged like. You know like when the homeless try to get power off of a telephone pole and there's all these wires true nightmare I know oh my god, and then but so my one of my best friends grew up in the Virgin Islands in st. Croix You're not allowed there, right? Because I'm not a virgin. Yeah, but I mean the opposite of a virgin Yeah I'm not a virgin. Yeah. I'm not a virgin, I'm a...

You go through the TSA scanner there and they just go, doot, doot, doot. They just call me Croix, not Saint Croix. There's no saint involved. They go, Croix. He has like a picture of his house when he was a kid, of it getting- Who does? My friend Nick, who lived in Brooklyn,

of his house just being completely destroyed. Yeah, wow. And you just, and they framed it, like isn't this cute? And then they rebuilt their house, and then there's a hurricane again. Yep, what's crazy, and then they got civil unrest. You had baby Doc Duvalier come in, who was a fascist,

and he just destroyed the economy, stole all the money. You know about that, right? I have learned more in the past 30 seconds than I did in my entire career as a student. I was very uneducated. Yeah. Well, you don't read either.

I know nothing. It's a challenge. Yeah. It's my eyes, I fall asleep. Do you fall asleep? I'm gonna start reading though At 41 I'm ready. When do you start will you read magazines? No, Matt What do you read news articles on your magazine's exist? Yeah, I get the New Yorker delivered. Oh my god You're this is like I didn't think you were that old

You get magazines delivered to your house? This is like clinging to the past. And I get so excited when they show, because when I was a kid- If you had a Tesla you could read them while you drive. I know. You don't do that. No, the Tesla, I don't do the auto- we never got it to work, it's scary. When I was a little kid I used to get Boys Life, which was a magazine for boys and probably pedophiles. I know, they're like, what are these boys into? How do I groom them? Boys Life, which was a magazine for boys and probably pedophiles. I know. They're like, what are these boys into? How do I groom them? Yeah. And it was a lot of bathing suit shots. And and and I was so excited it would come.

It had puzzles. It had stories. It had projects. And I would run to the mailbox and then and then I got older. And I used to get Mad Magazine delivered. Oh, Mad Magazine was so cool. Every week. Because because of the gap? Yes. No but seriously did it feel did that feel like validating? And Letterman made me feel validated. Yes I like I do love a gap I am drawn to people with gaps I mean Paul Shears is I don't even go out a gap. Yeah. I mean that's there's a continent. It's a canyon yeah. I just did this podcast yesterday.

You did it yesterday? else the one about movies No, they're taking a they only do that part of the year and then they do another one. It's just like a chat You know, I love Jason Manzoukas. He's the best joke about him. He goes he's half man half Zoukas That's great that's fantastic That perfect. Yeah, I did a movie with Jason Manz Menzel because he's cool. Yeah, he's really smart. Yeah. But so what was Paul's? It was just like an interview podcast?

Yeah, you just chat. You just hang out. Were you guys just spitting? Was this like spitting through the? That actually would be so good. That would be a great segment. People would like that. Post-COVID, you don't see that like hands on spit anymore.

Then I would get Cracked magazine, and then I started getting Cracked was great. National Lampoon and then Rolling Stone. Okay, getting boring. The Rolling Stone is amazing. Really? Not only, I love music, but also it had good political stuff in it also.

Do you play music? Yeah, well I'm a very, I'm an okay guitarist. I'm a good harmonica player. Oh, cool. And I wanna learn the bass. I've always wanted to play bass. I played bass in a band. Is bass easy?

When I was in seventh and eighth grade, I played bass in a band. Okay. Because my friend was an insane guitar player. It just seems really lazy bass. It is lazy. Well, it can be lazy. And it kind of is like lower on your body.

Like you're like. Yeah, it's way heavier than a guitar. Is it hard? No, it's not. If you wanna play're like... Yeah, it's way heavier than a guitar. Is it hard? No, it's not. If you want to play rudimentary bass, it's pretty simple. But then you got guys like John Entwistle or... Who's that? He's for The Who.

Okay. And John Paul Jones from Led Zeppelin. I wish I'd done The Who's on first stroke. I thought of it too late. Do it. Who's the guy? What's he from? The Who? No, no, no, what band? The Who, John Entwistle's the bass? What's he from? The Who?

No, no, no, what band? The Who, John Entwist is the bassist for The Who. The guy, it doesn't work. That could have been our classic band, that could have been the clipable band from the show. I've never been able to successfully pull off on Who's on first because I always think of it about 10 seconds too late.

All right, let's try it, let's try it. We'll edit this to perfection, thank you. My friend's got a baseball team. I'll tell you, the players have the oddest names. What are their names? Well, who's on first. No, I can't, I don't want to do their bit. Hell.

I thought we're gonna evolve it. I don't think you can evolve it. That's a perfect piece of comedy. Don't sip after you say that. Don't punctuate it with a sip. He wouldn't look me in the eye by the way. That was perfect. What's the greatest comedy bit ever of all time? I was just thinking about one of my favorite jokes is Nick DePaulo.

He goes, he's like, my wife always spends my money. I'm gonna butcher this, but you'll get the gist. He goes, my wife always spends my money. He goes, I come home the other day. She goes, look, I got this rug for $500. He goes, why is it $500? She goes, oh, it's soundproof. He goes, oh good, the neighbors won't hear me stabbing you to death.

And then he goes, I hope it's waterproof too for when I roll you up and throw you in the river. Oh, he's the best. It's so funny. He's like, I'm in New York City, I'm walking down the street and I see this guy, I see this woman and she's screaming, why did he leave?

Hollen was, why did he leave me? Why does he leave me? He's like, I don't know, I've known you for 30 seconds and I could use a vacation. Oh my God. I also, my favorite joke is when Natal, because it just hits so, it hits so close, when Natal goes, do you ever talk so much shit on someone you want to call them up the next day

and thank them for all the good times? Did you see his new special? I did. Oh my God. I have a recorder at my house that I bought over the pandemic. What do you mean a recorder? You know he played the recorder with me? I kind of like, I'm inspired by him to learn the recorder.

Yeah. Yeah, and you know that the story is the last two minutes of the special is him playing the recorder to a bunch of sea lions? Yeah. Do you know why? You told me why, but tell the audience. Oh, okay. Well, the audience, let me tell the audience so basically

Netflix has protocols and this special has to be at least 40 minutes a Tell shot an hour, but he really only wanted 38. He's matured. I've I've been very tight with the tell for 25 years I've never seen anybody obsessed Yeah, Specifically that. Yeah, pretty much. Why do you think it was exactly 25 years? What do you think about getting married? Because if you get married you need a good friend that you can call and talk to about the marriage. And so he obsesses about, he obsesses so much about Dave's old porn, he wanted the outtakes for the DVD extras. And he did it for so many years that I went, Dave, nobody buys DVDs anymore.

Like they were still buying DVDs while he started the project. And so he edited it, anyway, so 38 minutes and they wanted 40, so they wanted him to add more standup in and he didn't want to, so he just went down to the war and he played the recorder in front of the sea lions for two minutes.

He's funny, always. He's so good. Even when he's kind of sad, he's being funny. He's so, I love that. But he's also the most gentle, giving, generous, sweet, he's the best. I did, I opened for him and Jeff Ross when they were doing the Bumping Mike Tour.

Yeah. And we were at the Morongo Casino where morons go. And do you think that every time you hear it? Morongo! I never thought of that, yeah. Where the morons go. I mean, I've never not. Yeah, yeah. I thought everyone. That's perfect.

So we were, they paid me in cash like 500 bucks in cash and I just we just did it at a it was just a blackjack table the whole time and I always chain smoke cigarettes when I'm with him because I just want to spend as much time with them as possible so if he goes for a smoke break I'm like yeah I smoke. Yeah yeah. Uncle can I smoke? Like chain smoke. Yeah, I smoked, sure. Yeah, yeah. Uncle, can I smoke? Like chains. But yeah, it was just, it was so fun to hang out with him.

Mark Maron told me that he quit smoking many years ago and then he just interviewed Keith Richards and Keith Richards handed him a cigarette and a lighter and he smoked it. Sometimes it's, you gotta do it. I had quit smoking weed and Norm, before Norm died he was like at the Comedy Store and we were outside and I just smoked a joint with him Yeah, am I gonna not smoke a joint? Yeah, and that was the joint that You must feel really bad about they traced it back to that joint What's the best la party you've ever been to Whitney Cummings puts on the best parties because they're so random. It's like I'm like starstruck in so many like different facets of my life, like different stages

of my life. Like there's like a 10 year old starstruckness. There's a current starstruckness. Like it's there was like a girl, what's her name from Friday Night Lights. She's like the hot girl from Friday Night Lights. Why can't I remember? Too young, too young. Minka Kelly. She's so hot. She's so hot. And so like, she's just like, you have this girl crush on her. You're watching the show. You're like, she's like fucking so stunning. And then I'm like seeing her in person and then I'm not cool. I went up and I'm like, I'm weak in the knees. I thought she would think it was funny. I was being, but sometimes I really like, and I think they're gonna think it's funny.

And she just went, I like your work too. No clue who I am. Doesn't follow me back. You know what I mean? It was fine. I deserved it. But, and then John Lovitz was there and he liked weak in the knees.

John Lovitz, I went, John, I'm weak in the knees. That was exciting. Yeah, I could see him liking that. And that was so exciting to meet him. It was just so weird. Yeah, Whitney has great parties. She just, it's like, I could see him liking that. And that was so exciting to meet him. It was just so weird. Yeah, Whitney has great parties. She just, it's like, I haven't seen her yet, but I know Melissa Etheridge haunts a few of them.

Yeah. I mean, are you fucking kidding me? Didn't she throw you a party for your birthday recently? She threw me a party for my birthday, and it was like, I knew two people, and the rest were amazing. You know what I mean? Oh, you didn't get invited?

Didn't get invited to that one. I was in a weird place where I was like, do I not have friends? Having to invite people to a very last minute birthday party, you go, do I have friends? Yeah. Did you have a big party for your 40th? Yeah, we went to Vegas.

It was me, my fiancee. We got engaged the day after my birthday. So I did a show at Wise Guys in Vegas for my birthday. All proceeds went directly to the slots. I said, buy merch, paying cash, don't be a dick. And yeah, the entire check, we just gambled. And so that was my first night. My friend Mary Lou, who's my hypnotist, Mary Lou Rodriguez,

she's the best. Did you ever hit her up? Is this the one who tells you to spend more money? No. That was a coach which We're gonna get back to the other question to follow up with He's writing Shippa Sherpa Oh Sherpa you mean shaman hypnotist shaman

But I think your staff your staff of people You have a shaman. I have a shaman you have a hypnotist you have a who's the one who? Therapist you have a life coach. I stopped talking my therapist. She was the least useful you had a therapist You have obviously when you take psychedelics. Is there somebody that takes that's my shaman. That's your shaman. I have a breathwork instructor Did she tell you to brush your teeth is it weird that you don't have to floss who doesn't floss your teeth are so gappy I just suck I'm so fun being friends with you yeah it's oh it's endless I just love people I want to make laugh and yeah want to make me laugh It's so fun being friends with you. It's endless. I just love people I want to make laugh,

and want to make me laugh, and that's all we do. It's so weird when you aren't aligned like that with people, with comedians, because some comedians just aren't like that. They're just all about the stage or whatever. Or they're really moody and you can offend them. You're like, whoa. Right. Whoa, when was that ever a thing

that we were doing for real? Yeah. I was thinking about it today while I was journaling. I think when you know someone respects you, when they burn you, when you know there's respect, it's so much better than a compliment. Yes. It feels so good and I think it's

because my dad was so roasty and so mean. Yeah. And it's like, it lights me up. My dad, I had gained weight in college and we were on a family vacation and I mean it was, it was, it was the elephant in the room. Yeah. It was the cankles in the room. I gained the weight and we were, we had a house by this lake in upstate New York for family vacation. Oh, isn't that nice. And I go to, to dive off the dock and I'm midair and my dad goes,

look, it's Annie Waite Gayness instead of Greg Lou Gayness. It was like so good. It was so good. I was like, I was crying. I was in the lake crying laughing. I was like, it was so brilliant. Annie Waite Gayness, Greg Lou Gayness. Like, do you get that and I have AIDS

So it was like a double Like oh, it's just like my dad and my whole life has just been these brilliant just burns that are so funny Yeah, and my mom kind of like Scott don't do that and I'm like mom shut up bitch It's funny like yeah, like her kind of not getting it and being like, what's going on? My dad, one of our epic moments, we were at the, I had a time period where I had gotten incompletes from college, so I'd sort of graduated. Like I just wasn't gonna do them. I was kind of in this little.

What school? The College of Santa Fe, went out of business. Okay. Yes, went out of business. It went out of business two times. Rick Ingram went there first semester. Mervis, the big crazy wizard that's at the comedy store, the B.O. wizard I like to call him.

And the body odor's wild. And I wanna say it publicly. Yep. But he looks like body odor also. He's an amazing guy too and he loves to hug. And it stays on you. It's wild but we do love him, he's a sweetie. So he went there.

My college went out of business two times. It went out of business once. It came back as, it was the College of Santa Fe, then it came back as the Santa Fe Institute of Design, University of Design. Then it went out of business again, and the barracks burned down. They were like barracks that the Christian brothers

that founded it. Dorms, you mean? They were barracks, like army barracks. down. They were like barracks that the Christian brothers that founded it. Dorms you mean? They were barracks, like army barracks. Did they use them as dorms? That's where the Christian brothers lived. And they had the, our cafeteria was in the old morgue. Oh my God. Isn't that cool? Yeah.

It was fun. And then the barracks had like the social sciences. So that's where my classes were. All right, so you went, we're in and out of college. We're in and out of college. We're in and out of college. I move home. I broke my foot. I was living at the second, in the second floor

of this apartment building and it was too hard to walk my dog. So I was just like, I'm going to move home to Philly. Yeah. And I had this like six to eight month period where I did nothing. My dad kept like, I would go to get a job application and my dad like, you don't want to work there. Like he really wanted me unemployed

because we're having so much fun. He was retired. And so we were just going to like matinees and going to like, we call it getting Jew food, we go to the diner or whatever, get fucking matzo ball soup and shit. And we just had this epic time and we went to the post office together,

we were just running errands, went to the post office together and we were just running errands, we went to the post office together and I was sending my friend a present and I was like kind of taking a long time to write him a letter and my dad just like jokingly antagonistically is like, come on, like let's go and I'm like dad, shut up, I'm not done, like we're just kidding, it's not like a real fight.

We're just kind of causing a scene and this old lady's like about to leave and she has her hand on the door and she stops and she like pivots around she goes you know what young lady you could tell like she was like biting her tongue she's you're a real itch I was like I was like 21 or 22 yeah and so then she leaves and then my dad didn't really hear her and we're like it's kind of raining it's drizzling we're like out in the parking lot go going to the car. I go, did you hear her?

He goes, what did she say? I go, she called me an itch. She's like, oh, I wish I'd heard her. I would have told her you're more of an aunt. And we like fell. I mean, we were laughing so hard. I was like on the wet pavement laughing. And we can't wait to tell my mom.

We're like, call my mom up. We're like, oh my God. And we tell her the story. And she's like, I don't get it. This fucking bitch. My mom. I heard this lyric of a Zach Brian song that goes, I was raised by a woman

that was hardly impressed and I carried that shit deep in my chest and I'm like, that's literally all of it. That's good. Unimpressed my mom. I had the opposite, my mom was overly impressed with me. I feel like a lot of male comics have that. She used to tell me, first of all, she laughed at everything I did. I remember when I was like a lot of male comics have that. She used to tell me, first of all, she laughed at everything I did.

I remember when I was like seven years old, she said, Greg, take out the garbage, go get a tie and take out the garbage. And so I came out and I had my father's tie on, and then I carried the garbage out and she literally fell down on the ground. That is funny. How old were you?

I was like seven or eight years old. It's hilarious to have a man's tie on and doing a chore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get a tie and take out the garbage. She was laughing so hard. How old were you? I was like seven or eight years old. It's hilarious to have a man's tie on doing a chore. Get a tie and take out the garbage. And where was your dad? Why wasn't he taking out the garbage? He was drinking. See, these are the two things you need.

My father literally never did, we have a picture of my dad one time, he took his dish to the sink. You pretending to be your dad is so funny as a kid. Well, he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. To fill in, you're like, but you really had to be the man of the house, it is so funny. Well, he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. To fill in, you're like, yeah. But you really had to be the man of the house. It's so funny.

He, one time he brought his dish from the table to the sink, and we stopped him. We got the camera, and we have this picture of him with the dish in his hand. That's so funny. He would like, if there was a light bulb out, he would call an electrician. Like, he did zero.

My mom is so sturdy and like thick and such a dude. What is she Norwegian or something? She's um Scottish, British and Irish. Oh yeah. We found out through 23andMe or maybe some of that's my dad. I think she might be mostly Scottish. Okay. But so she she's just such a dude. Yeah. So she just did all the stuff. My dad worked all day, and my dad would just come home and do fucking nothing, which was funny and who cares. He would yell at us a little, he was kind of mean.

But my mom just always took on the dude stuff. But it was cool, I'm actually very grateful my mom was so distant and just chilly with her compliments. They just weren't there. But because she gave me my ability to draw, like I'm a good artist, if she had encouraged that, I would be a boring ass fucking visual artist. That would be all I did.

My dad gave me so many laughs. Like he just, he gave me my humor and he just fed it so hard. He just laughed at fucking everything I said. There's things, I remember when I was like 11 and went to IHOP, I go, why they call it IHOP? It's like I sit, you hop. It's like the stupidest thing.

He like brings it up to this day. He's like, he just, everything I said was brilliant and funny and so. Because then you feel empowered to try. I mean, I really believe anybody can be funny. Like you talk to the wife of a guy who seems like the most dour, angry, and she'll be always, oh, he's a really good guy,

and he's so funny. And you always go, everybody thinks their spouse is funny. And I really think everybody is funny. I think everybody has a sense of humor, but some of us were encouraged, and so we're not afraid to try. Comedy, comedy. Oh, bomb left and right, you've heard 10 bombs on this show.

Right. I don't care. Is that low? Well, I mean, the under over was 15, so you're almost there. I like the idea of you taking bets before I come on. And we have a light you don't see behind you that goes off when you bomb. With like a leaderboard, like the Jerry Lewis telethon.

I'm too young. But I really think it's about the Jerry Lewis telethon. I'm too young. But I really think it's about. Jerry Lewis, I mean it's crazy. Did he have a gap? Oh, for sure, he had a big gap, yes. Milton Berle had a big gap. You know what I like? I like our age gap too.

We have a good age gap. Yeah, we do. Because we connect. Because we're almost a generation apart. Yeah. You're almost old enough to be. What's your age? I'm 58.

58. You're 41? 41. So I would have been 17. So yeah, technically you're young enough to be my daughter. But you don't see me. But I could also be her mother. You don't see me as older though, do you?

No. Well, the Jerry Lewis thing was weird. I mean, I know things. But I guess that was around. That was around mean I know things as an older person but I don't think I have the energy of an older person. No. You walk very fast too on our walks. I'm sweating a lot.

Do I walk? When I'm walking am I walking? Well I think also, yeah I like to think of walking as exercise not a stroll. No it's good. We go on a old you you seem you seem when we walk you seem old but not like not like 58 old You seem like 500 year old. Yeah, man when you walk. Yeah. Do you know how your dad walks? It's crazy Yeah, uh-huh. Yeah Like there's like like he's just only thinking in Proverbs

He's like I got high coos on the tip of his tongue I'm like what is this man doing and they're all in French I'm like he's about to just break out in karate or something. What is this guy doing? And then all of a sudden I go I solved the crime. Oh wait How about when one of his fans which he doesn't watch this show because girls are on it I guess he only likes the show The Boys. The Sunday paper show. He basically stalked us and you let him in so hard it was crazy. He stalked us, he was sweating, he had been trying to find us around Venice.

I find, here's what I find, when somebody's stalkery towards me, if I let them get to know me, they go away. They go away. He also had the vibe of like being a producer. He did seem like he had something for you. Yes. Did he not seem like he had something to offer? Well, he seemed like a guy who had his shit together. He didn't seem like some guy you'd be afraid of.

He was sweating. He was trying to find us. He found us like an hour and a half later. Yeah, he crisscrossed in a way that you went like, wait a minute, he was going that way and we were going this way. How is he in front of us now, sweating? He went, it's like he ran down every single block looking for us. And then he goes, oh, there's a little pit stand there too.

He goes, oh, you're a fucking disgusting pig. What a disgusting pig. Oh my God, that's unusual, I don't usually sweat. Oh, you're nervous? It's hot in here. No it's quite warm in here. So he's like running around chasing us and he's like he wants to like tell Greg something that he and Gibbons forgot. It was like a correction. A correction like you actually got this thing wrong which is such a funny weird stalker and nerdy thing to do you actually got this thing wrong which is such a funny weird stalker and nerdy thing to do and then you just invited him to play golf with you. No he asked if

he could play golf with me. You go we need a fifth. Yeah yeah yeah. You go we need a fifth which by the way is the really got me to the point golfing is so gay like no girls allowed we need a fifth. We play with a girl who's part of our group. And how long is her hair? She's a lesbian. Exactly, thank you. And sip. I like our walks because you are new to Venice. Not totally new, but I feel like I've been there for so many years, I love showing you stuff about Venice

that you don't already know. You know every human. Every, it's wild, it's so cool, you know everyone. By the way, they never care about who I am. No, they don't. It's so cool. You know, everyone, by the way, they never care about who I am. Now they don't. It's really weird. I'm not used to that. Yeah. I think it's like people are I think I will say this about your age. I think people your age don't need new friends. Yes. They're like we're settled in bitch. We don't need nothing to do with you. It's true. But you're not

because I'm too I'm too old to be your daughter. But yeah. So they know I'm not your kid or maybe they already know your daughter. Yeah and they know I'm too old to be your daughter. But yeah. So they know I'm not your kid. Or maybe they already know your daughter. Yeah, and they know I'm married. So they know I don't need, to be respectful to you, they don't have to be respectful to me. They can just completely ignore me. And you're always like, this is Annie. And they're like, cool.

And I'm always like, don't you write on family go? But then you're good because you're very curious. You always ask questions. Well, cause I want to get something from them. I'm like, did they have something to offer me? These rich people that are just playing pickleball all day obviously got some money in the bank. Yeah. I want to get something from them. I'm like, did they have something to offer me? These rich people that are just playing pickleball all day obviously got some money in the bank.

Yeah. So, all right, before we go, we do a thing called the Fastballs with Fits. Why are we looking at them? I mean, the feed out is wild. A man, this is male privilege. But. Do you know how many men would be jerking off of my feet

if my feet were out like yours right now? Crossing your legs and having barefoot. I mean, you're really flirting right now. Yeah. With the foot fetishes. Paul is like, I look at Paul as like he's a very free, he also does different, he experiments with psychedelics also for his mind. Oh, I can tell.

But he does it in a very focused way. The shirt's unbuttoned in a way that I could tell. Yeah, he goes downtown to the Chinatown area and he buys very cool shirts. I was thinking to say, like, drugs from them. I was like, that's not controlled. No, no, no. He's in Chinatown.

He buys these little rocks. It's so weird. And then he gets this tin foil. And they have an apartment. And he stays there for three or four days with 10 other guys. He has to get those lighters out of the torch. It's very weird. It can't be like the regular

brick lighters. Yeah and he loves tin foil. I guess he likes to save things. Anyway so here we go. Is it unfair that some people are naturally likable, outgoing, and even good-looking and that some aren't. Is that fair in life? Is it fair? Well, I'm asking somebody who's good looking and outgoing. I mean, I was hoping. Is it fair? I mean, the Lord didn't give me to-

Do you think you have an unfair advantage over somebody like- Don't say a name. No, I'm not gonna say a name. I think some ugly people have an advantage over me. In what way? I think uglier people can be dirtier. On stage.

And people don't think they're being dirty. Yeah, but there's also something, there's a nice juxtaposition of somebody being good looking and presentable, like say somebody like an Anthony Jesselneck, and then being super dirty. I think people like that because they're not expecting it. And comedy is the unexpected. I think men are, I don't know if this changes

or if I'm wrong, I've never been a man. I have this feeling that men are always looking at women of whether they could fuck them, whether they wanna fuck them. What would it be like to fuck them? Is that the truth? Yeah. So audience, it's a nightmare.

The whole audience is like, could I fuck this girl that's up there? So then if I say something a little bit dirty, they're like, yeah, I could. And I'm like, no you can't. This guy the other night, this kid, he was like a 23 or something, he was sitting there with his two friends,

I was like talking shit to him, and I like turn away and then turned back and he had sunglasses on when I turned back. I go, how fucking dare you? I was like, I'm gonna knock you out. I was like, to put your sunglasses on while I turned over here, thinking you're better. I'm like, you trying to fuck me little kid?

It was so funny. But I'm like, he is still, even though this kid is 22, he's still like, can I fuck this 41 year old bitch? Okay, what's the greatest comedy? He can, he's too old for me. What's the greatest comedy candy's too old for me? What's the greatest comedy performance you've ever had I've ever had? They're all really good What's the best one I've ever had I have like

Memories of just being in the pocket I don't remember like which show like maybe it was like a Sam Trippley show there's just times you just come out and you're just like fucking every word you say smashes it's not like I can't remember like a specific thing but I do try to be in the moment with all my sets so yeah they're all pretty good even when they're bad I try to be like it what am I doing? It is about being in the flow. It's like sports. There's like Monday night, Kevin Nealon has this new jokes show at the Laugh Factory.

And you go up, you do all new material for like eight or 10 minutes and then he comes on and you sit down together and he just chats with you. It's really great. And Kevin is, Kevin is magic. Kevin Nealon is- He's the guy from Weeds. And Kevin is magic. Kevin Nealon is... He's the guy from Weeds? I'm just kidding, I didn't know who he was. He's one of the funniest human beings

on and off stage I have ever met. And when he goes up and hosts the show, he does material up front and he turns them into... I love that. The most generous, open crowds. And so I went up and I went up and I had one of those flow sets where you just, your timing is impeccable.

You're not pushing. You're just, like you said, in the pocket. And then I went up and then I chatted with him and we had a lot of fun. And then, what's his name, went up? Why am I forgetting his name? Tall guy wears a jean jacket. He used to play tennis.

Kirk Fox went up and took it to a whole other level. Like his interview with Kevin was one of the funniest things. He did a yes and thing with Kevin where Kevin went, so you used to be a hobo. Yeah, I was, but not anymore. And he would do a hobo story. And then he'd go, and is it true you played the ukulele and he goes well yeah at a pretty high and they just did this interview where he yes and everything

with stories. It sounds like it wouldn't be funny but I believe you. Well cuz Kirk was when I say. I was fake laughing and I couldn't do it. No in the zone. I'd be so famous if I could fake laugh. Yeah you got a good laugh though. But I it's not fake. It's real. I'm always laughing with you. Okay there are two types of people in the world. Go. White and black. Sorry Asians. Sorry Asians you're one of us. Have you ever joined any clubs? I joined this thing only white people are allowed. I joined, I did Landmark Forum. What's that? Which was more of like culty. It's like a, do you remember Est? Yeah.

It's the derivative of Est. No kidding. I did that and I did it for like almost a year and then I escaped. Did you live there? No, no, no. It was just like, you would do weekends and then they're like, you live there? No, no, no. It was just like you would do weekends and then they're like bring all your friends,

bring all your enemies. They soak you for money? Yeah, call you all the time. And then they use NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming, which I think is fucking awesome actually, because Neuro Linguistic Programming, when it's used right, will break you out of every block you have and help you live your best life.

But when used for marketing it will get you to spend your life savings on a weekend like it's crazy it's like they'll just go like They'll call you and they'll be like do you want to sign up for the advanced course and you're like Yeah, I guess I would like to but but I can't and they go well. Why can't you? You know why I don't have the money and they go what what about money is like stopping you like well I don't have anything that you, well, why can't you? You go, well, I don't have the money. And they go, well, what about money is stopping you? And they're like, well, I don't have any. They go, you don't have any? Or you just have some?

You go, well, I have some money. And they go, and are you making more money? Yeah, I mean, I do tend to make more money as time goes on. So you don't think you'll make more money if you spend this money? It's like, like. They make it like an emotional barrier.

They try to set it up like it's a metaphor. And they're not necessarily wrong, right? Because you can make things work. And maybe they are helping you break through a barrier because it is something you want to do. And maybe it is a deeper thing that maybe I don't want to evolve more as a person, and so I'm using money as an excuse. But sometimes, I still want to do the advanced course.

Well, you feel honored that they asked you they often frame it like that we just we have selected you because you're so good to go to the advanced class. They didn't do that but I've been in things like that where they're like improv troops always do that I had a shaman that I don't that I don't fuck with anymore who was very like you know I don't want to have to like leave you guys behind. It was like that type of thing. There's going to be this new world thing.

And I'm like, that sounds like the guy who made you drink the shit and wear the Adidas. Remember the Heaven's Gate guy? I'm like, left behind bitch. What the fuck are you talking about? You Kurt Cameron? This is bullshit. There ain't no left behind.

And by the way, I won't be left behind. And if I'm left behind, the cool people are being left behind. Have you ever borrowed a lot of money or lent a lot of money? What do you do, that 23-year-old in the front row? You doing that to me right now? Yeah. Did you look up and were you surprised?

These are my Gucci's. I found them because of Marie Kondo in my house. $500 glasses I thought were gone. Just in a basket somewhere. Have I ever borrowed a lot of money or lent a lot of money from my parents? I used to borrow money all the time from my dad. My mom would always say no, my dad would always say yes, and I loved it.

This is when you weren't working at that time? This was like, yeah, it would be like in between gigs then, definitely. But it would be like, I would be panicking and I would call my dad. And then I realized that I actually had a block on manifesting and creating wealth because it felt so good to be saved by my dad.

It actually felt good. Interesting. And my mom, and it felt good because my mom would be like kind of a bitch about it. Even though I love, I'm like talking to my mommy, but she would be like, no, she can't have money and my dad would be like, shut up, woman, and get me money. He loved, and even there was a situation that I,

situation I wanted to leave, but financially it wasn't a good decision. And my dad was like, I wish, because now he's been retired for a really long time, they're on a fixed income, he's not in that place. I would never ask him for money now at all. But it was so sweet. He just said I wish I had like a hundred grand I could just give you right now to like get you out. And it was like so sweet. It just felt so good even though. Can I tell you a story? Yeah. I mean just

that dynamic that you said that you wanted him to take care of you. When I was about seven or eight when I did the tie joke, we were at the Shannon's house. I'll never not think of you as in a full suit that's like dragging on the ground with a briefcase you can barely carry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it's so funny.

So we were at the Shannon's house, which is probably about 10 blocks from our house. And I'd ridden my bike there. And then my father came and he said, all right, come on, we're gonna go to the driving range and hit golf balls. So I got on my bicycle and he was still talking to the Shannon so I started riding home and halfway there I stopped and I waited for him because we have a station wagon and I wanted to put the bike in the back and he saw me waiting and he goes you drive your own bike home

and then he took me to the driving range with my brother and sister, and they hit golf balls and I wasn't allowed to. Because you wanted him to put the bike? Because I wanted help. Well, it's better that you didn't get in the car because it was obviously wasted. He was obviously, get a fucking blackout to say that to a kid.

I mean, you're wasted if you say that to a kid. My dad has a lot of stories about that with his dad where he, his dad, he shit his pants. He was supposed to go over to this kid's birthday party and give him a present. He was like three or four, maybe five years old. And he shit his pants. And his dad made him go over with shit in his diaper,

or in his pants and give the present anyway, like humiliated, like walking there. It's just like this sort of like, His dad made him go over with shit in his diaper, or in his pants, and give the present anyway, like humiliated, like walking there. It's just like this sort of like, teaching your kid to be a man in a way that's like the bad part of being a man. Like teaching them the like, like holding in any sort of.

And not being able to ask anybody for anything. That really affected, in a lot of ways, it made me very autonomous in my life. Like I've always taken care of myself and my family. And, but I think there's a part of me that isn't able to ask for things. Except for people to be in my podcast. This would be so good if they started laughing now.

While you're telling their story, they start cracking up. Isn't this hilarious? Laugh track. Yeah, no, that's, yeah. But then when you, I think your job as a, because you do have a choice, right? And I think at this age, I'm really learning that some people don't choose the light.

They lean into the darkness. They wanna be the victim. They wanna, and I've watched my parents, they blossom out. Like you see some older people that go in. My parents, like my aunt goes in my dad blossoms out They grow yeah, that's great. So that I'm so lucky I have that Example, but you and they laugh. Yeah and laughter is the way you stay open. But so they

Final question. It was going to be so good. What's the hackiest bit you've ever done in your life? Wait, your job, this is what I was going to say. Yeah. Oh, it's really funny. I can't wait to tell you this. So your job as a person that wants to bloom out is to be able to take the things that

were kind of done to you and look at how they've actually helped you in your life. And not that you go, it's good that it happened, but you go like, it's what, and you, it's like a gratitude for just like being what you are in that moment. I think it almost brings us back to what the point I was making about buying a new car, being excited, not liking the air conditioning, the side view mirror and saying, I still love all of this and this is a part of my car so that's why I'm not getting a boob job please don't get a boob job I never get a boob job if I get a boob job it's like a bit yeah I just become a fucking plastic surgery person as like a character something there's no I couldn't even imagine it are you on a zempik I'm on some of glue time is. Is that a like Ozempic? Yeah.

It's the best. Are you worried? No, you look great. I'm happy that you feel good about yourself. What if I was like private about it? I'm just kidding. I've never been private about anything. This is nothing you've ever been private about.

Edit it out. Well, it's so annoying because I look younger than my age and everyone's like, stop telling everyone your age. And I'm like, I fucking have like Tourette's of the truth. I cannot. Every night I go on stage, I go, I'm 41. And people are like, you are? Yeah. But it is fun to have that happen.

I think it's cool to be older than people think you are. Well, I wanna be what I am. Because it's like a wisdom. Isn't that our job as humans? Yes. To be ourselves. I remember this comic said to me when I was in New York, I got married and I had a kid and I was doing jokes about it like, are you going to be the comic that talks about their

kids? And I was like, no, I'm going to be the comic that always talks about the truth of their life. That's what a good comedy is. Did you say that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Never talked to you again. He probably quit comedy after that.

It was Marc Maron. Oh, Maron is so bitter. I love Maron though. He's one of my favorite people on earth. He's one of my favorite people. I team. He's one of my favorite people. I have such a soul connection with Marin. It's so fucking weird. I think you have that or you don't have that with him.

It's like one or the other. The people that get that annoyed by him, I just think, don't you get it? It's like even, like Kevin Brennan. I love Kevin Brennan and he's toxic, but he makes me laugh and I think that the whole thing is a bit. Are we about to make it into the Babelverse?

Yeah, oh God, right. All right, nevermind that. I like to know a little bit what's happening in those worlds, but I don't know much. I don't wanna know anything about it. Final question, what's the hackiest bit you've ever done? Okay, I had a joke. A friend gave it to me.

My friend Mike is very funny. He's never done comedy before. He goes, you should do this joke. I go, oh my God, that's great. This is why I never take jokes from people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I go, this joke is fucking awesome. It's so funny.

I do it on stage. I'll tell you what it is after. I do it on stage. It's like, it kills. Someone comes up to me and they go, oh, I know like an open mic or that has a similar bit. And I go, Oh, no, no, no. Yeah. So I go, OK, so then I Google it to see who if I can find the open mic or. I just accidentally hit image.

It was a fucking meme. You could Google it was so hacky, you could Google image the joke. It was so bad. it was about CrossFit. Okay. It was like CrossFit's like the opposite of Fight Club. When you do it, the first rule of CrossFit is you have to tell everyone you do it. That's a great joke.

But it was already, like my fucking friend just gave me a fucking meme. Like they don't understand. And now comedy is memes, kind of. Like there are people that have full careers doing that. I had somebody give me a joke and they said it happened to them. And so I said, can I do that in my act?

And they go, yeah, absolutely. The betrayal. So I do it in my act and I was taping a TV spot for, there was this old show called Comedy on the Road on A&E way back when it was my first TV credit. Yeah, big deal. And I heard this joke like two weeks before and I was like, I'm fucking closing with this.

And the joke was, I pulled up to, I'm in Kissimmee, Florida with my friend and he goes, no, it's pronounced Kissimmee. I said, no, it's Kissimmee. He goes, no, it's Kissimmee. So I said, all right, fine. So we pulled into this fast food restaurant at the drive-through and I said into the speaker, I said, can you tell me very slowly where we are?

And the guy goes, Burger King. So I do the joke, it fucking kills. And then like everybody was like, dude, that's like a joke. That's like a joke joke that's just around my friend told me it happened to him like pickets to Titsburg but the thing is too it's not because some people that aren't comics they they think to make the joke land they have to say it happened to them yeah but the insult is when you said I'm gonna use that he didn't go. Yeah. Part of the bit is saying it happened to you. Unless it was a bit his bit on me. Maybe he was fucking with me.

He's like actually a genius. Was this Mark Maron too? Because I could see him doing that. Annie Laderman what else can I say? You've got some tour dates coming up. I want your help with my special and I need it to be on camera. What? I want your help with my special and I need it to be on camera. I told my life coach I was gonna say it on camera. I, of course. My life coach literally was like,

you have to talk to Greg. I brought you up in my life coaching. Really? I wanted to return my life coach for a sec. I have eight sessions with him. Yeah. Third session I was like, can you return a life coach?

And then fourth session he ruled. What's it cost? Off, we'll tell you off. It's embarrassing. You're gonna make it all back. Do you want to know how much I spend on all that a year? On all what? All these different shamans and life coaches? I don't know but I would like to gather it together and tell you. Yeah let me know. It's a lot. It's definitely like a couple teachers. And you lease a Tesla. You live in an apartment that I think your apartment is

$6,000 a month. Guys, I'm fight or flight. I'm barely above water, but it's great. But I look here. My Tesla's taped right now. I was like to my business manager, can I get my Tesla fixed? He goes, oh.

I go, it's taped. My Tesla's taped. I I have a taped Tesla the bumper's taped to the car I had a paper clip on my my sear my Prius but I believe like you just fix everything you'd be cute and all the money comes in he doesn't like think it's cute to be cute yeah I know my credit card got declined this is actually this is worth you have to borrow money from your dad on the fixed income pretty soon. No, I know, no, no borrowed money. I'll never borrow money. I also don't lend money unless it's a gift. Always write it off. Never expect money to come back when you lend it.

I had a friend that was like, can I borrow $500? I don't wanna ask my mom. And I was so pissed at him. Ask your mom. You didn't ask your mom yet? Yeah, right. And also he's friends with billionaires. I'm like, fuck you.

I was so mad at him. I was like, fuck you. I was so mad at him. I was like, how dare you come to me? So annoying. Go to either your richer friend or your fucking mom. But my credit card got shut off after I got a colonic. What's today's date? I don't want to promote.

The woman had sucked shit out of my ass and then my credit card. I had to come back the next day. I was like, did you take seashells? So the 25th to the 27th of July, you'll be at the Phoenix something. You, I already did that. That was July, oh that was July 21st.

What am I doing? They gotta fix my fucking website. The Comedy Store, you'll be 826. I invited Greg to do it and he's not gonna be there. I'm not in town. He's gonna be, that's the day your special can do it. It's Annie Letterman and Friends, yes! That special day.

You know it has to be announced. We're not announcing it yet. Oh wait, when does this come out? Yes, my special is coming out. That's why his armpits are sweating, he's nervous. That's why this day. Guys, I have to just say something. When you watch this special,

it's not just about watching the special, you watch the whole fucking special, it's gonna be fucking amazing, but you love Fitz Dogg, you love him. You're his fucking people, people, people, so it's up to you to comment on it say how fucking amazing is like it And share it literally send it to people post on your Instagrams Tell everyone and they have to watch it from beginning to end so it gets in the algorithm

Thank you so much, and you go everywhere you go you talk about it talk talk talk It's gonna be that good, but the algorithm doesn't care if things are good. Well especially since I'm going to get kicked off the algorithm because it's dirty, so I need people to spread the word. No, no, no, no. It's very important and when it comes out, you watch it fucking immediately from beginning to end. You don't turn it off, shut off your YouTube and then come back.

And then if you're heading out to the store, put it on again. While you sleep, it's actually really good. It's good to manifest laughs in your sleep, so just put it at a very low volume. Have it run, I'm not even kidding, just have it run on repeat over and over and over again for the rest of your life. This man should be a billionaire, okay? I'm manifesting it through you.

He's so excited that he got a fucking, what's your car? Mustang. A Mustang, guys this is sad. Yeah, thank you, Annie. A Mustang, guys this is sad. Yeah. Thank you, Annie. Also, Toronto on August 31st. Yes, it'd be so fun. Eugene on September 12th. There's more than one day, he's like not.

Back at the store on the 17th. Naples, Florida on October 10th. Tampa on the 11th and 12th. Look at you with the little Florida runs. I'm doing little runs. Bloomington on the 18th and 19th. Mall of America, bitches. You know I'm a mall bitch. Chicago at the Den Theater on the to run. I'm doing little runs. Bloomington on the 18th and 19th. Mall of America, bitches. You know I'm a mall bitch. Chicago at the Den Theater on the 23rd.

I'm excited. That's one of my favorite places in the world. Then after that I'm going to. Boston on November 22nd and 23rd. No, but after, I'm doing Chicago and then I'm doing the one Comedy on State after that, but I don't know where the tickets are. It's not on your website. Not on your website.

Don't shame me. Your website has something else that's out of date. I can't remember what. But yeah, you need to take a pass on your website. I will never be doing that. It will be my reps doing that. Okay. I'm sorry, you get 10% of my income.

I know. Fucking figure it out. I know. Work it. Sometimes they complain too. Yeah. Oh. Yeah.

I go, you take emails. Right. You take emails. You have an agent and a manager agent manager and business manager and a business I percent's going out ten goes to the agent ten goes to the manager I've got goes to the business manager and then you got to pay do you pay a publicist? No, but you got all these other shot, but I fucking should yeah Well, you save a lot of money with your fiance because he does all your videos is my guy Yeah, he was rude to me last night. We're we got a He's never rude to me ever. Yeah he doesn't seem like he would be. Came home with Taco Bell for him. Nacho fries. So excited to see him because he usually

comes to the comic store with me. I'm like Todd Todd. He goes what. Never talks to me like that. I go how dare you. I have done that to him many times, but my feelings were so hurt. He never talks to me like that. How long did the fight last? A couple hours. Really? I said sleep on the couch. No.

But then he like- You told him to sleep on the couch? Yes, sleep on the couch. Fuck you. You should be excited to see me. Holy shit, a couch fight? I didn't see you for three hours. Couch fight's big.

But then he didn't sleep on the couch. He slept next to me. But this morning, I usually walk the dog and then I go, Randy, go get daddy. And I just walked in silently. But that's your big thing. You love to walk the dog to the coffee shop every morning. I know, but I've been trying to not go to the coffee shop because it takes too long.

And it's also- I have a whole morning- I'm so upset about the way you spend money sometimes. Like I believe in all this shaman stuff because that's bringing you somewhere. They're not telling me that was one good- But my daughter does this. My daughter buys coffee out. She buys sushi constantly.

I shouldn't have that kind of. She knows how to live. No, no, she has to save her money. It's gas station sushi. It's gas station sushi. Now that we got problems. It's not breaking the $15 or more. Okay, listen.

Hey, but that adds up. If your sushi's not $50 or up, you're going to get a tapeworm. Yeah. Wait, can I tell you what my new morning routine is? I know you keep trying to end this, but I won't allow it. Yeah. I wake up. Right.

I take one of my pills. OK? I swish with coconut oil in my mouth for 10 minutes. Did your breath therapist teach you to do that? No, I just learned, I don't know where I learned this, it's called oil pulling, it's good for your gums, because my gums hurt all the time. It's good for your gums, and it makes your teeth white,

and it tastes good. I should do that because of my gap. Oh my god, it'd be squirting, I did cough the other day and spit oil everywhere, Todd was laughing so hard. That's when we liked each other. He's so nice to me that when he's mean to me it hurts so deep. Can I tell you how much I love Todd? He's so great. He's got great energy. He's always laughing. He's mellow but then he lights up when he says hi and smiles. He's funny. Yeah he's funny. He's

he'll zing ya. He's he really like he'll he'll do a thing like, he never lets a thing go. Yeah. So like, we were going to, I think we were going to like the reptile store. We were going somewhere that was past, we were leaving a restaurant, driving past our house, and then going to another place. And I forgot, he was like driving,

I forgot we weren't going home. So he like starts to go through the stop sign, that's like where our house is, and I go, like I start to go, that's where we live. And I go like this, and then I remember, we're not going and I kind of put my hand down and then he waits like 30 seconds and he goes why'd you put your hand up and point at the house? Why'd you put your hand up? And I was like there was a moment like he's not gonna let me get away with doing that. It's just funny the call-outs to me are the funniest. All right we'll see you soon.

Brush your teeth after the oil pulling. I walk my dog. I meditate. I do that TM app. Yeah. I listen to Bob Roth gives a little introduction in the beginning. Nice. If you get it on the hour you can do these zooms. Yeah. He gives like two to three minute little like talk. What do you pay for that? Nothing. Oh. It's not like you. No. Can't you find a way to pay for it? Then I roll on this thing that was kind of expensive. This like I roll out my neck and my back while he's talking then I do my meditation then after that I write for 30 minutes 30 minutes playfully Play us. He just let the pen go playful. Hey morning So it's an hour and 35 minutes total so you're done your day starts around 11 a.m. Then after all that

Well, I was coming here. I had to leave at 10.40, so I left at 10.47. You're always late. Today you're only five minutes late. Well, three if you don't count parking. Remember that you were late for a walk once and I got mad at you? No, I've blacked out anytime you've had

a negative emotion towards me. How late was I? Like an hour, and then you showed up with a fucking, a coffee from a store. Oh, people don't like that. If you're gonna be late, don? Like an hour. And then you showed up with a fucking coffee from a store. Oh, people don't like that. If you're going to be late, don't show up with... People don't like that, but what you don't understand about me with coffee is I get it way earlier in the morning and I sip it all day.

So everyone always thinks I got it. I got it way before I got off track. That coffee was sitting there. It was in different places in my house. Sometimes at night, there's this much of the coffee. Really? So I was drinking it on the way to the comedy store, getting places in my house. Sometimes at night, there's this much of the coffee. Really? Yeah.

Damn. So I was drinking on the way to the comedy store, getting ready for my set. So I promise it wasn't that. All right. Because I would have just walked in a couple of days. I remember the last time you were, after that time, you came right on time.

Well, that must have been a fluke. No, no, I think you remembered that I got upset the time before. Well, you're good because you do have a very busy schedule, so when you do walk in there, there's a very specific window of time. You always have dinner or something you're doing, hanging out with your family,

Richard is a good family member. Yeah, yeah. We don't have many of those in our business. No, we gotta take care of those guys. Anyway, we ended this podcast 25 minutes ago. Annie, you're a delight. I'm so- I love you, thanks for having me again.

I'm so happy you came on again. And let's do it more. Of course. Okay, God bless. Come back to my show too, Annie Wood. Okay, God bless.