Fitzdog Radio - Bobby Kelly Talks Boston Comedy, Tom Brady & Near Death Moments | Greg Fitzsimmons

Episode Date: June 10, 2026

Subscribe to Greg Fitzsimmons: https://bit.ly/subGregFitz Comedian Bobby Kelly returns to Fitzdog Radio and immediately goes off the rails. Greg and Bobby talk about growing up in Boston, the early comedy scene with Dane Cook and Patrice O’Neal, Tom Brady’s insane aura, dangerous camping trips, amusement park terror, and multiple life-saving rescues that somehow turned traumatic. They also get into Bobby’s years working with people with intellectual disabilities, weird vacation disasters in Costa Rica, and why older comics just want peace and quiet.A chaotic and hilarious episode from two podcasting OGs.Subscribe and follow for more episodes every week. This show is produced by Gotham Production Studios and part of the Gotham Network. https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/studios/ Follow Greg Fitzsimmons: Facebook: https://facebook.com/FitzdogRadio Instagram: https://instagram.com/gregfitzsimmons Twitter: https://twitter.com/gregfitzshow Official Website: http://gregfitzsimmons.com Tour Dates: https://bit.ly/GregFitzTour Merch: https://bit.ly/GregFitzMerch “Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons” Book: https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82 “Life on Stage” Comedy Special: https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial Listen to Greg Fitzsimmons: Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio Sunday Papers: http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod Childish: http://childishpod.com Watch more Greg Fitzsimmons: Latest Uploads: https://bit.ly/latestGregFitz Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/radioGregFitz Sunday Papers: https://bit.ly/sundayGregFitz Stand Up Comedy: https://bit.ly/comedyGregFitz Popular Videos: https://bit.ly/popGregFitz About Greg Fitzsimmons: Mixing an incisive wit with scathing sarcasm, Greg Fitzsimmons is an accomplished stand-up, an Emmy Award winning writer, and a host on TV, radio and his own podcasts. Greg is host of the popular “FitzDog Radio” podcast (https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio), as well as “Sunday Papers” with co-host Mike Gibbons (http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod) and “Childish” with co-host Alison Rosen (http://childishpod.com). A regular with Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Kimmel, Greg also frequents “The Joe Rogan Experience,” “Lights Out with David Spade,” and has made more than 50 visits to “The Howard Stern Show.” Howard gave Greg his own show on Sirius/XM which lasted more than 10 years. Greg’s one-hour standup special, “Life On Stage,” was named a Top 10 Comedy Release by LA Weekly. The special premiered on Comedy Central and is now available on Amazon Prime, as a DVD, or a download (https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial). Greg’s 2011 book, Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons (https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82), climbed the best-seller charts and garnered outstanding reviews from NPR and Vanity Fair. Greg appeared in the Netflix series “Santa Clarita Diet,” the Emmy-winning FX series “Louie,” spent five years as a panelist on VH1’s “Best Week Ever,” was a reoccurring panelist on “Chelsea Lately,” and starred in two half-hour stand-up specials on Comedy Central. Greg wrote and appeared on the Judd Apatow HBO series “Crashing.” Writing credits include HBO’s “Lucky Louie,” “Cedric the Entertainer Presents,” “Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher,” “The Man Show” and many others. On his mantle beside the four Daytime Emmys he won as a writer and producer on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” sit “The Jury Award for Best Comedian” from The HBO Comedy Arts Festival and a Cable Ace Award for hosting the MTV game show "Idiot Savants." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Fitzdog Radio. I'm your intrepid host, Greg Fitzsimmons. Been doing this now for, I think about as long as my guest has. We're the OG of podcasting about 16, 17 years now. And I want to do an ad real fast. Usually I do an intro separately, but I feel like you're such a good guest. I just want to get into it. So let me do my ad. I mean, you can.

I'm not, I don't know why you're, you're, you're about to make it into something when I am fine with everything you're doing. Okay. Because you're so, see, when we get around each other, it becomes this Boston thing. We have to learn that we've, we're not, we're not in Boston anymore. You're a family, we're fathers, we're husband. Yeah. We're not that, you know, you got that hat on.

Right. You know what I mean? My collars pop, for some reason. Your collars popped. I don't know why. I just saw it. And you did it halfway. I didn't.

It was just when I put it on, it stayed. Yeah. So I don't know how to kind of, there you go. Is it down? It's down, but now I felt like you brought Miami into the room. Well, we really do look like the outsiders. I'm a Sosch, Italian Soce. You're a, what are the oilies?

Westy? No, no. What was in the outsiders? The oils, the greasers? The greasers. You're thinking of Westside story, right? No, the greasers were in outsiders. You know the outside.

Yeah, yeah, stay gold pony boy. I'm going to stop right now. This is why you made that statement. I'm going to do this ad before we go into it because we'll just go off. Right. I'm going to shut up and let you do your ad. Make that money. Make that money, Greg.

Let's make this money. And here's the way we're going to make it. We're going to talk about tempo meals. You probably do ads for tempo meals, right? Oh, my God. Is that like a pre-cooked? It's pre-cooked. It's pre-cooked.

Some of these meal packages are like, you know, they send you free sandwich. And you get a box like, what am I hiding on a farm? All this, it's got carrots and a shredder. And I got to bake this and I got to combine. If I wanted to cook, I wouldn't order to food service. Yeah. You know, send me the meal. So Tempo sends you the meal and it only takes two minutes to cook because it's not frozen.

Right. It's not like some hockey pot that you got to put in the oven three times. It's extremely nutritious, which would be great for you because I know you really taking good care of your dog. diet these days. There was something in that. There was a little, we'll get back to it, but I think that was not a compliment. I think there was something in that.

I think there was something that was involved in that, but we'll get back to that. There's chef crafted meals and it's one serving. You're not going to overeat because the serving is the right. I mean, you're saying that. I mean, now there's definitely you're saying something. You're going to eat just right. Yeah, okay. That's, you don't have to say.

overeat and then kind of throw it my way. Well, if somebody who's betting the under over on you, they might take the over. Well, there you go again using these fat words that I don't like over. I don't like it. You're going to eat just right. They rotate over 20 new recipes every week so it doesn't feel repetitive. And there's a meal that I just had. There's a garlic cream chicken that I'm telling you, you feel like you're at a good Manhattan restaurant.

Like down, like below 14th Street. That was good, man. Let me tell you something. People talk about your comedy. Yeah. But they never talk about your acting. And I'm going to do this. I want to talk about your acting later because I looked at your IMDB.

You've done a lot more acting than I thought. Yeah. They want me to talk about. Improv, not so good, but acting. Whatever that one. Give me the lines. Maria Sharapova. Did you know she eats tempo meals?

No, I didn't. It's in the college. every week. They are obsessed with that Maria Sharpova eats 10. Why, these meals are good for us, guys like us. Yeah. Because I usually come home after things are eaten or done. Right. And you could have something like this and throw it in while everybody's asleep. Yep. And eat your food. Right. And get your nutrition. Because as, because we're older gentlemen now. Yeah. And you know, we can't just, you know, throw a bag of chips down our throat. No. No. Those days are over. And the thing is,

as the father and the provider. You make the money for the food. They eat all of it. You come home with this none. And so you go, you know what? I'm going to put a tempo meal on. It's two minutes. And then the microwave, when it's done, it dings. And the next day your wife goes, hey, you're dingin

at one in the morning. I'll be, I'm going to ding you. My wife actually left me a half-eaten hamburger the other night. She made hamburgers. She goes, I left you a hamburger. My son was hungry. So she said eat half of that. And he didn't cut it in half.

He bit it in half. And it wasn't even equal. It was like not even a right down the middle half bite. Yeah, it was like a two-fifth. Yeah, that's what I got. A half-eaten hamburger. Not anymore with Tempo. For a limited time, Tempo is offering my listeners 60% off on your first box.

Go to Tempomiles.com slash Fitzdog. That's Tempomeils.com slash Fitzdog for 60% off your first box. Tempomeals.com slash Fitzdog rules and restrictions may apply. I don't know what that means exactly. Sounds scary on food. Restrictions? What could the restrictions be? Well, maybe you are lactose intolerant.

Yeah. Maybe when you eat, you get violent. You know, some people get violent when they eat. I get violent when I don't eat. Yeah. Yeah. Jesus. Yeah.

I've been, I've actually, the first fight me and my wife got into, so funny. Remember the Cambridge side gallery mall? Sure. When it came out. Yeah. It was, you know, oh, my God, there's a mall. It was so big. And look at this thing.

And we went, I took her on a date over there on my motorcycle. And we go in and she goes, I'm hungry. I go, okay, well, we'll go get something. She goes, well, when it just opened, the cheesecake factory. Yeah. It just opened. Sure.

And to me, at that time, it's expensive meal. Yeah. And she's like, I want to go to the cheesecake factory. I'm like, what are we going to go? Let's just go to the new. What were you doing for money at this point in your life? I had five jobs. I worked with mentally, how do you say it now?

Mentally handicapped, retarded people. I don't know what the name is. Isn't it great? Isn't it great that you're the guy that's in the trenches? changing diapers, getting kicked in the balls, and you're not allowed to say the word because it's offensive. Well, what are you get in the rank? Well, when I got there, it went to MR.

It went from mentally, it was retarded, and then mentally retarded was the right phrase. Then it went to MR while I was there. So I had to say MR, and then it went to something else. You know what I mean? It was... Now you say people with intellectual disabilities. Okay, fine.

Great job, by the way. I love those. I live with them. I live with six elderly people with mentally, what is it again? Intellectual disabilities. But I lived, I loved it. I lived there. I got free rent, free food.

It was Cisco government food, but I didn't care of time. And I worked Monday through Friday. And then I worked. You slept there? Yeah, dude. It was a three family house. Yeah. And they had, we had the triple deck guy.

We had. Exactly. That was our projects, right? That was the white person's project, the triple-decker family. Yeah. And we had the first two floors, and then a regular family had the third floor. No. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. And, but they were high functioning out, like 50 and up. What is it again? Intellectual disability. God damn it. Let's you say ID. The first word is so much easier. Yeah.

But ID makes sense because it's like an id. They're like people that live with an id and no super. ego. Oh, I live with a fewids. Yeah. And they were the greatest. I used to put them on my motorcycle. Really? Oh, dude. I was friends. They were my friends. Oh, they loved you. Yeah. I used to take Barry. He was a big guy. He had Down syndrome. And I would put the helmet. I had that like half helmet, but it didn't fit on his head. So it just, the strap was like under his nose. And he would hold on to my belly button, like put his fingers in my belly button and they'd just be riding with his tongue out. Catching flies.

Bob. And I'm a buckle fast. Go fast. And, yeah, we were, I mean, those guys are the best. And I actually would not tell girls that I just told girls that had weird roommates. So, because I could bring girls back there. Because it was my home. Really?

It was my home. I had like, so on my floor, there was three guys. Yeah. And then I had. It all worked there. We had a TV room. Like a, you know, we all used. And then my room, I had a big room with me.

I had a waterbed. I had a king-sized waterbed. I just found in the trash that I set up in my house. I didn't even know if it was legal. Yeah. But I had this big water bed. I had like a little bachelor's pan. Wow.

So I would bring girls back and they would come out, you know, ba, and the look on their face. And they were so loving. They'd come up and hug her. And, you know, And the thing about Because they're horny too, right?

They have same sexual desires as we do But they don't have They don't know gay, straight They don't deal with any of that stuff Whatever turns them on They're good with The first week I was there

You know, I'm real, I'm nervous Because I have to stay over So I have to be there from 11 to 8 in the morning I have to get them up in the morning Get them to bed at night And get them up in the morning So they go to work every day All them went to work.

So one night I'm in my bed and I hear, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob. And I run in this guy's room and he's just wanking it to me. He's going, Bob, Bob, Bob. And I go, I go, Barry. He goes, get out of you, Bob. Get out. Leave me alone. And I was like, I was like, I had to tell my boss, I'm like, last night he was

masturbating, I think to me. And she said, well, he probably finds you attractive. They don't really. Yeah. They're very undiscerning. Very under, but the sweetest, I mean, probably one of the best three years in my life. I was going to college at the time, doing comedy at the time. Bunker Hill community?

Well, you'd have to say it. Yeah, you'd say it with disdain. Hey, that was a major war. That was a major battle in the war, Bunker Hill. Oh, this college was a major battle. And C-Pitt. Wait, see, bring the girl over the apartment. Yeah.

And they, and... Oh, they would come up and hug her and... They would like one night he like she had big gazubas and you kind of like, ah, I was like Barry. And he's like, ha, ha, ha. And she's like, no, it's okay. Because he's, you know what I mean? No, it's amazing. Like I've worked for like 15 years with best buddies, which is a, it's a group that

help people with intellectual disabilities. Oh, God. And they find them jobs. They find them housing. They find them internships. It's an amazing. Tom Brady was the face of it. Right.

The entire time he was on the Patriots, he was at all the events. He knew everybody's name. They fucking loved them. And so I flew up to Boston to do this bike ride from Boston to the Cape to raise money for Best Buy. I mean, they are in like colleges and high schools throughout the country, like hundreds. And then they're international. And it all got started by this guy, Patrick, who's Maria? The Kennedy Shriver, Patrick Shriver.

Yeah. Anyway, there's a touch football game the night before the bike race at Harvard Stadium. And they got the best buddies, the people are playing, especially at the Eds. Then they got the Patriots. Fucking Edelman's there. Gruncowski's there. Brady's there. Plus like four or five other guys.

They show up. There's a crowd in the stands. And then there's some low-level celebrity. It was like me and one of those big chefs. I don't know those chefs, but one of the famous chefs. Yeah, yeah. And just like guys that weren't big, but they were celebrities. So we go out on the field and we split into two teams.

I'm on Brady's team. Nice. And I, have you met Brady? One time, yeah, one time I was in the locker room and I panicked. And someone asked me to take a picture. And I was like, everybody smiled, but not as good as Brady. and nobody liked that little remark. Yeah.

You said that? I said that. And then it was done. And he just walked out. I was like, can I get a picture? And I never got a picture. How did you feel when he looked in your eyes?

I felt weak. That is how I felt. I tingled. I was like, you get weak. That type of confidence. That aura that he has. That smile and the,

he looks. dead in your eyes. Yeah, it's like a Tom Cruise thing. Yes, that's exactly what it is. He looked dead in my eyes. He's in a double-breasted, this is after a Miami game. They just, I don't even know what the game was. Yeah.

And he came out in a double-breasted suit. And as soon as he walked out, you could feel him walk out before you could see him. Yeah. And then he came out and the room just changed. Yep. And everybody just kind of turned. Yeah. And I was just sitting there.

Yeah. Just staring at him. And he's beautiful. Oh, he's. He's, it's a different genetics. And he wasn't, which is weird. College, he was a goofy kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But he's become this sick, amazing superhero, Superman, everything you want to be as a man. Yeah. In one human being. Doesn't age. Doesn't age. And now he's at this. And so we huddle up on our team.

Your hands on his ass. I thought about it. I said, let, you know, let me be. the quarterback and you be the center. Let me just nestle my hands under the pocket. And so we're huddled up and he's saying to the best buddies, he's like, okay, you run out that way, you're gonna run up that way.

And then I'm looking at him like this. And he looks at me, he goes, the fuck you're looking at me. Just go out. He thought you were one of the guys? No. So we run a couple plays and then I'm on the sideline. I run up the sideline and I look over my shoulder. and he's looking at me.

He's locked in on me. He's going to throw me the ball. Takes the ball back behind his ear and just pops this tight, lofting spiral. I mean, this thing is hanging in the air and I'm running and I got my hands out, basket catch.

I'm like, don't fuck this up. Don't trip soft hands. Just bring it in and it lands on my hands and I pull it in and I catch it. Oh, my God. And now there's two best buddies in front of me and I dig them out and I score a touchdown.

And I look back and Brady's just got his face out. He's his hands over his face. Like, what the fuck is wrong with this guy? Why would you dig him out? Let him. I wanted to score a touchdown from Tom Brady. Yeah, but it's not your day. It's not my day.

It's for the ins. You really, you know what you did the right thing? Because if you let them tackle it, you might have lost an ear or an arm. Somebody would have grabbed my dick. I went down. I went down. stairs when there was one guy Leo and he would just go, hi Bob, hi Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, hi Bob, Bob, hi Bob, hi Bob, hi Bob, hi Bob, hi Bob, how you know what I mean,

just let it go in and out. But the other guy, Ed does just big guy, kind of grumpy all the time, mustache, right, so I hear screaming in the morning one day. Mind you, I'm out of rehab, you know, what do you like, 21 at this point? Not even. I'm 19. I'm 19. Yeah. 19, 20, maybe. Uh-huh. And, you know, I got a few years sober out of juvie jail and rehab, you know? Yeah.

And I'm working at this place. And I hear screaming and yelling. I go downstairs, Ed's got a knife. Oh. Screaming at Leo. Damn. Yeah. Screaming because he hated Leo.

Yeah. He felt like he made him look bad. Right. You know, he didn't like how he was more disabled than Ed. Right. And he's yelling at him. And I'm like. I but I'm you know I'm just off the streets you know I see a knife I'm like put that put that

put that knife down Ed yeah and he's like you're escalating so he cut you're doing the exact opposite of what you probably should have done so so he gets the night and he's like I'll kill you so I grab a knife I go you want to fucking go let's fucking do this head I'll fucking slice you up He literally goes, I'm sorry, Bob, I'm sorry. I didn't need to do that. I go, I'm sorry too. Let's keep this between us. But he never bothered Leo again.

And I got full compliments from like the bot. Like, how did you do? They get along so well. The guy, there was a guy. Before there were lipstick cams in every clock. When I first got there, the guy David was in the first room, wouldn't get up. And she's like, look, he's hard to get up. He doesn't get up.

We got to get him out to work. We can't really, he misses his bus all the time, blah, blah, blah. So I would just go into his room and do what my mother did. Annoy him. Yeah. I would sit at the end of the bed and go, wake up, wake up, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, time to get up. Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, give up, Dave, Dave, come on, get up, Dave, Dave, let's go. Dave's time to get up.

I would sit there every morning. So you did the same thing the other guy was doing to you. Yes. It would be funny if he was standing next to you saying, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob. Bob, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave. Dude, we tell you something. Three weeks into my job there, I had to take a day off. My boss had a cover for me.

When I came back, she's like, I woke up this morning. He was up, ready, and out the door. He ate his breakfast. What did you do? I was like, I just had some talks. You know what I mean? You're the id whisper. Dude, I did so much stuff you're probably not supposed to do.

do, but it worked. Yeah. There was one guy that was Billy downstairs, rock and roll, had rings on every finger. Right. And every night, he would turn the lights on. He was afraid of the dark. So every night I would get a call from my boss. I drove by the house.

All the lights on the first floor were on again. Can you please make sure they're all? I go, I shut them all off. Yeah. And I'm getting in trouble for this. So I got to go down, turn them off. He turns them all back. Turn them out.

Like three or four times I'd have to keep going out. And Bill, stop. And he had a guitar too, and he was going, like Cory Feldman. You're around you. So one night I went downstairs, I shut all the lights off. And I waited in the bathroom. And he came out, and I was in the bathroom.

I left that light on so he wouldn't have to shut off. And he came on. Bob, my fucking motherfucker. All fucking asshole. They swore. They're fucking asshole. And he turned all the lights back on. So I went and I turned him all back on.

off and I kind of knocked on his door and he came out. Fuck ball. He was like freaking out. Yeah. Because it's happening so fast. Yeah. I turn him on. He comes out, fuck an asshole, a motherfucker.

And I did it again. Is he black? No, he wasn't black. So he, uh, is that, did it? I've never seen one of those. Interesting. But he comes out again, but I shut the bathroom light. I turned the bathroom light on this time.

I had it off. So we need to go in. Yeah. So I turned that on and I'm hiding in the bathroom. And he comes he's scared now because he doesn't understand this. Yeah. It's happening so it's happening immediately. Yeah.

He doesn't understand that I'm in the bathroom. So he comes in the bathroom and he goes to turn the light on. I thought I cured down syndrome. I he was like, what the fuck? Dude, wouldn't talk to me for a month, but never turn the lights. Never did the lights ever again. All my techniques were. Dude, you were basically one full of the cuckoo's nest, just torturing the patients into submission.

You were a nurse ratchet. That house was running like a smooth ship when I was done with that. Dude, they, um, um, I was thinking to say Sue Costelli used to work with the, with the, with the, with the, with the, with the, with theids as well. Yeah. But you know what's fucking crazy is my grandfather, there used to be so many different terms for it. Yeah. My grandfather who is born in like 1900 in Ireland, they had, I got his birth certificate because I'm applying to get my Irish citizenship.

Can you do that? Do you have any Irish grandparents? My whole family's Irish. Grandparents, yeah, grandparents. So you know you can get an Irish passport. Yeah, I've been told. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're dead.

Is that all right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, it's better. Yeah. And it's better than the dead. I don't know about that. I'd rather have them alive and not have the passport.

But whatever your family is about. I'm going to get out of here. I'm out of this fucking country. Shut up. What are you, Rosie O'Donnell? What's going on? No, not 12 months a year, but I'd like to get out four months a year. I'd like to go during winter to somewhere like Portugal and just chill and just get off the news feed for a little while.

Yeah, I do that in the Hampshire. I go away for the summer. Oh, right. Were you just there this weekend? No, I went primitive camping this weekend. Because I texted you. Yeah. And it came back.

Bobby is only available by satellite, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, I don't give a fuck. You're going to be there on Monday? I picture you by a campfire going. Who the fuck would text me? I took my son up to a mountain in the Catskills. Uh-huh. And we camped out for a night in the woods.

Oh. Yeah, it was. What do you call that? Primitive camping. Why is it primitive? Well, because it's not, it's not like a K-O-A or it's not like, It's like other. You hike your tent on your back?

You hike everything in. Yeah, yeah. So you hike up and other hikers have made little campsites in the woods that you can use. There's clearings. Little clearings. There's like, you know, they're all over the country. Right. So you can hike up and there's 150 feet off the trail or water.

There's little sites. Nice. That you can camp out. But there's no cell. There's no water. There's no bathroom. Right. You're going to carry your own water in.

You've got to carry your own water in. I actually, I have a water filter. There's a, there's literally at this space we go that's called Vernouy kills is four waterfalls. And the top waterfall where one of the campsites is, you can swim in, you can jump off the falls into a pool. It's in a swimming hole. But I would take water and filter it out of that river. Amazing. But I messed up.

So I took two other comics too. Joe Russell and his wife. But the problem with that is I had to I had to pack everybody's stuff because I have all the stuff. You got enough for four people. But I messed up. I didn't pack enough food

and we didn't bring enough I didn't understand how much water everybody's going to drink. You know what I mean? And I got a 13 year old son who's just guzzling and I got to, dude, you ration that. It's like we're in Vietnam. But I have this filter

So it's a three liter filter. So I filter the water. But when it comes out the other end, it's still a little green. Yeah. And I didn't read, I didn't really read the instructions. Oh my God. So I was like, I don't know if it's okay because you can get beaver fever, which is like a parasite from drinking like stream water. You have to filter.

So then I boiled it. And it was still a little, you know what I mean? Yeah. But I had a jug. I had a jug of water left and I had one in my you had the private stock I had one in my tent

a private stock and they were like thirsty and they were like well I guess we'll just try it I was like okay I mean so they drink and then they were like Max do you want some

he's like yeah I'm like don't drink that because he didn't know I had a private stock he's like no dad I'm going to try it I go no you don't need to try it just drink I had like a little while I go just have this you can have this He said, no, and he takes a big sip. I'm like, oh, shit. He's like, Dad, you try it.

I'm like, no. He said, come on, dad, try it. I go, I'm not, I literally was like, I'm not drinking it. And then he hands it to me and I just dump it on it. I go, no. Wow. I go, I'll be the case study. Like, I'll be the, you know, if you guys all get sick, I want to know that it was to water.

You're the control group. And then we went into the tent. I was like, Max, I got water right here. Fuck him. So I knew we get sick? I don't know yet. It takes a couple days, so we're going to find out. Well, that sounds fucking beautiful, man.

Well, we have the house in New Hampshire that we, I take July and August off. Yeah. And we go up there. And it's, I mean, I turn into a redneck. Yeah. I grow my hair out. I grow my beard. I'm listening to the country.

Yeah. I got a truck. Do you feel more racist? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Especially in New Hampshire where there's literally no black people. I just did a show there two nights ago.

You don't feel racist. you just feel fine. You just feel this weird relaxation. Yeah. You like to wave. You know, you go every, you wave. Yeah, yeah.

You know the store. You never whipping your head around. Actually, when you come back to the city is when I get, when you become like, mm. You know, fucking loud.

I can be loud. You know, right. Yeah, up there, you're not racist at all. No, I was just up in, uh, this.

town called Rochester, New Hampshire. Have you heard of that? It's about half hour, 40 minutes in from like a gunkwit, Maine. Yeah, I know it is. And, man, it's so beautiful. And I got a lobster roll that was as good as anyone I've ever had in my life. Yeah. And the crowds were, you know, I just loved, last week I did, I did Laugh Boston,

which you're going to do coming up in fall. In October, yeah. And then I got, and then I did a gig in a Gunquit the next night. I just, well, I did Laughboss, and then I went to Vermont. My friends have a farmhouse in Vermont, like in the middle of nowhere. Yeah. And they've got, they dredged a pond, beautiful big pond. They got a deck on it with a sauna with a big glass.

You're looking out. And they're farmhouse. You just keep driving out of road. So you get 360 degrees of mountains around you. And I swear to go, within two hours. I wasn't thinking about, you know, Nate Braggotzi selling out arenas. Like all this stuff that normally is in my head is just gone. Usually minus his theme park.

That a comic gets to name rides is like nuts to me. A comic that opened for me at a college and we had to stop because something fell off his car. And he had to rip it off and throw it in his trunk. Yeah, right. Yeah, I know. I mean, it's like I'm this close from being a carny. Like I would be a guy working at that park. I'm trying.

I have to do merch where I go, pay what you want. You're like, how much is it? Whatever you have. And it's got to be cash because I don't claim this on my taxes. Yeah, I want this on a Venmo. Pay whatever you want. I'll take the five. You like this, Jack?

I mean, I'll sell you this jacket. So I relaxed and then and then I did these gigs and I was like I did New Hampshire in Vermont and I had the best sets because I didn't have any stress and you realize like you need that. You need that getaway time. Well, I think me and you with similar in writing

is that we have to experience something to talk about it. Yeah. I mean, you're a writer. You can sit down and write stuff. It's more righter than me. But like I can't, I can't sit down. I remember years ago I heard Jerry Seinfeld.

I wake up and I, you know, I write for three hours. I have a yellow legal pad and I have to sit. Yeah, there's all these rules that are the only way you're supposed to do it. And I sat there with a frigging legal pad. I went from a pencil to a pen to a felt tip pen. I went from a legal pat. Will. I mean, I have every.

notebook. I have every, I had a custom made. It said BK on it and stamped it. I mean, I can show, I have digital notebooks, five of them. Every form of, hey, let me try to do this the way you're supposed to do it. Right. And the only way I do it is by taking time off and living life and having shit happen. Right. And then and then I'll be like, oh, that's, that's, I got to talk about that. Right. Or that just happened. I got to talk like, you know, I went, I went, I went snow tubing and I fucking was fat as hell. And I went past the snow and hit the dirt and broke my ribs and it was on video. That week I was on stage.

But do you start with talking about it on a podcast and then bring it to the stage and then work on it after that? I bring it on the stage. Bring it straight to the stage. I bring it straight to the stage and I talk about it. Like I just, I was in Costa Rica and I saved a girl's life in the ocean. Dude. What?

I saved the girl's life in a swimming hall in Costa Rica. You're a hero. Isn't that fucking crazy? We both did that? Yeah, you know, Kim Condent saved the girl's life in the swimming hall. No, that was in Austin, I think. Wait, wait, so tell me about the ocean. What happened?

We were, my wife, we, we, we, we, it was the first time we spent money on a vacation. Really? Well, we usually do like Aruba or she'll use all my points. Yeah. Well, she's a nickel chaser. I love nickel chasing wives. I, it just. You need it, though.

I know, we do. Yeah. She has a nickel. She has all our money like her mother. Nickel. Okay. That's not what you said. I said nickel chaser.

Can we roll it back? That'll be the clip. I think she might be one of those two. She's from Everett. You got a tissue. I need a tissue. Do you? You got a globe.

You got a chick fucking about to kill herself This isn't me I'm just borrowing You got a bunch of books Nobody read I didn't But she

We were going with Mike Caltor You know Mike Caltor Sure Number one best friend But he spends money Is he your best friend Yeah he's one of my best friend I knew you were going to bring it

This guy is such a pro Thank you so much Well it's you know Seven below in the studio Let's have it as cold as possible So we go on vacation With him and his family Yeah.

And we get this crazy. His wife is way too hot for him. It doesn't even make sense. Well, it does. In show business it does. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You think if he was working at Home Depot?

Yeah, right. But so we're there. We're staying right downtown, Tamarindo, and we're having a great time. But she has me doing all this stuff, like going to see sloths, you know, going to a coffee, chocolate, I mean, I don't want to do that. I want to go to the beach. I want to eat. I want to relax.

I want to shut it down. Yeah. But I'm on a bus. And I'm going through the jungle. I'm doing all this stuff. So the last day, Mike leaves. We're by ourselves. And she's like, I want to go to a different beach.

I want to go to like a local beach. And I'm like, why? This beach is amazing. There's so many beautiful, why don't we just go to another beautiful beach? She goes, no, I want to go to like a, so she talks to somebody. She goes, there are a beach that nobody go. And I'm like, why? would we want to go

when nobody goes? Is there a peace beach where people get stabbed because they're tourists? Yeah. Yeah. And she finds this beach in between two of the best beaches in Costa Rica. Like one's named Paradise Something and the other one's named Florida.

I don't know. And in this beach where the locals, and I'm like, we show up nothing. There's no snacks. There's no coffee. There's no assayee. There's nothing. I get and I'm like, and I'm like, listen, I'm a freak when I travel.

I find out all the dangers. And in Costa Rica, swimming is the most dangerous thing. Sure. Because of the waves are serious. The rip tide and the undertow and the waves. And you want a lifeguard. Yeah, I don't, I don't want to be in danger. I don't want it.

I'm 55. Can you swim? Yes. but not, not to save my life, maybe, but not for other people's lives. So I told him, I stay between the big waves and little waves. We will get sucked out. You will die. Yeah.

That's the way I roll. You will die on this. I scare everybody. You will die. And you don't have to go far in and get pulled up with a riptide. No. You could be 10 feet out. 10 feet out.

Yeah. So we're in the, they're in the water. I'm sleeping. I'm like, I'm going to lie down. I lie down. And it was funny because I thought something was on my back. And I thought she threw something on my back to fuck with me because nothing infuriates my wife more than me relaxing.

If she sees this face, something starts to burn in her vagina and comes up through her nipples and into her fucking head. When she's like, I hate that you're relaxing. Well, I'm with the kid. So I think it's her, but I'm like, I'm not even acknowledging it. So like 25 minutes goes by, and then I felt claws in my back. It was a four-foot lizard sleeping on my back. No.

I jump and scream. As soon as I scream, it just shits out of fear on the smartphone back. And it's like, it's like old avocado with mayonnaise. Oh. She's cracking up because they were both saw it. Oh, they knew it was happening. Oh, that's why women are evil. Nothing makes my wife laugh harder than me getting hurt or something bad happening to me.

So the normal protective instinct that a wife has is flipped. Flipped. I hear her in the middle of the night scream. I'm up. What happened? Do you need anything? She hears me scream in pain. Ha-ha.

What happened? Yeah. You stop you telling the luggage. I asked you to move. cracks up like she's watching a prior in live in concert so I go on the water and I'm with she's like you play with him I actually she wouldn't even wash it off my back I had to wash it off my back and all of a sudden me and him are playing and I hear help help her help her and it's a little girl coming in from the water pointing back out oh and I look and there's a little girl

floating but not moving like just her head what way out like past the big waves she got sucked out and she couldn't get back in past the waves past the big waves damn and she face down no she's just kind of like oh okay looking at me in terror right right you know and i and i immediately like look for somebody else to go get her like her parents a local with like 50 abs and a tattoo of a iguana fighting a spider monkey. Something. Some uncircumcised fucking shredded guy that would just swim out using his uncircised penis to get out there faster.

Nobody. So I'm like, so I swim out to her and I get to her and she's just staring at me like in terror. Yeah. Like I saw it. Like either that she was just flipping. out that like some manatee was talking like a Disney, hey, right, like some ocean creature. Like a Disney movie. Yeah. So I, I, she immediately goes to grab me. I'm like, don't grab me. Nope. I was a lifeguard, camp out, Jewish camp for one year. Yeah. And I was like, shout out,

muzzle tough. And I go, I'm going to put my hand out. You grab my hand. Start kicking as much as you get. I'm going to kick. We're going to go back in together. Okay. So she does. She starts kicking and we're going back in. But we're really not making that much. We're going in. Because the undertow is pulling you out. And there was a, like, there's a point where I'm like, this is my kid, this my wife.

And I got this girl. I don't know who she is. And there was a point where I was like, you know, one of us isn't going to make this. Like, we might not both make this. Yeah. And it's not going to be me. Like, honestly. You got the priority straight.

I got like, I guess, I get three. podcasts. I got a lot of stuff. Yeah. Like this is my last day where it was like, I don't know if I'm gonna I don't know if we're gonna make it. And like I don't, I'm in my brain. I'm like, I don't know. How do I let her go? Like, I don't, I'm not dying.

I didn't want to be here. I don't, I don't want, like, what, like this sucks that I have to make this decision. Because you're not hearing like swelling music and feeling like a hero and like I'm the guy. No, and I was trying to like give pep talks, but I'm not, I don't know how to, and those like even at my son's lacrosse game,

the other dad's like, 67, strip down, fee left. And I'm just like, God works in mysterious ways, Max. Live and let live. You know, I don't, I'm just using it. Yeah, right, right. I don't know what's... Flow, get in your flow state. Yeah,

yeah. My wife sucks, too. We both suck at yelling shit out at pep talks. Max, Stand up. Bend your knees. He's looking at what? Max, did you read great expectations? You got an essay tomorrow.

The walls of lack and delay. Now crumble away. Fulfill your destiny. What the hell is that? That's just something I heard on YouTube one day in the sauna. And so I'm trying to talk to her. It's not happening. Finally, I see her father.

I don't know where he was, but he comes exactly six foot six. Yeah. Black dude. Okay. Running down. Oh, this girl's black? Yeah, she's black.

Okay. And I found, I didn't know that that needed to be in the story. Well, I mean, there is a little bit of a stereotype about the swimming skills. Well, the funny part is that when her father did come out, grabbed her hand and they didn't know about this beach, which I did. It's shallow and then drops off quick. Yeah. He went under and let go and kind of went back in. And that the stereotype really did come to play.

Yeah. Because I was like, what? I was like, not now. Don't make stereotypes true right now. So, yeah. Another guy comes out there, God, they grab her. Leave me, by the way, left me. So I had to like dig down and get through the big waves.

Yeah. Finally got up on the beach and we get up. And I mean, dude, I was at, it was, I was done. Completely exhausted. Completely exhausted. The mother came over. She was crying, like, you know, gave me a hug. The daughter, who I saved came over and gave me a hug.

And then the father, it was weird. He was shirtless and wet. I was shirtless and wet. And he's six, six. He came over and held me like to his belly button hole. Yeah. And my mouth was just, her. And it was just making this weird conch shell.

He's like, thank you. I'm like, you're welcome. And that. and then I went back to my wife and she was crying. Yeah. And I'm like, what are you, what are you crying for?

What's up? She's like, you know, God put us here so he could save that girl. And I was like, you won't even give me credit for this? Wait,

she said he saved the girl? She said God said God put us here. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, right, right. God didn't do nothing. No,

God dragged that little girl past the waves. He was trying to kill her. Yeah. I did it. Uh-huh. And she was, like, we're gone. I was like, shut. We're out of here. We're gone. We went, I, we went to the beach that it was beer. Dude, this beach that we went to, this beach that we went to, this beach

that we went to after this. Guys in grass skirts with, buddy, serving trains. Waves were perfect. Yeah. Everywhere you walked were full seashells. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? Like they planted them the night before. Yeah, it was like nuts. Yeah. Like sea shells. The wave, the sun was setting. Baywatch guys looking, looking to help anybody that's struggling. Dude, there was a pizza place with Wingwong. It was the perfect place. I want to stay there next time. But she took me to this hellhole with iguana shit on my back where I had to be fucking Michael Phelps.

I almost died. Not one snack. Not a fucking nothing. Not even a fucking fruity drink. Nothing. Dude, you're a hero. I'm a full. That's a full.

You are a hero. I mean, did you go to the, did you tell the story when he went to the nice? beach? No, I went to the night's beach. It was so, so beautiful. I just lied down on the beach and just watched the sun go down and I was like, this is where we should have been. Dude, I was also a lifeguard or I took lifeguard training. I actually never had a job as a lifeguard, but I did the training. And I've saved four people's lives in my life. Four? I saved my aunt, got sucked under in Atlantic City in the fall. You know how the way Dave's getting the fall on the Jersey shore.

She went the water on the fall? And she was like 82 years old and she got sucked out. And I had to dive in and I got her in the cross, cross chest carry with the side stroke. Side stroke. Got her in. My buddy Evan Dunsky. Donsky.

Who created Nurse Jackie and he was a fanci guy. Were you really? I was on Nurse Jackie. Wow. Yeah, I played. Probably met him. I played, no, probably didn't. One day, one scene as a cop, most of my stuff.

Yeah. And I said something to Edy and then walked by. Yeah. And then last year, Edy was on the bonfire. And she came in. I was like, hey, good to see you again. She was like, huh? Yeah.

I was on Nurse Jackie, that one scene. I said this one line. She's like, yeah, don't remember you. Yeah, yeah. She was riddled with cancer at that point in her life. She had cancer? Oh, bad. Yeah, she had it really bad.

While she was doing Nurse Jackie? I think so, yeah. Oh, my God. So, but the one I really want to talk about is I was in Venice Beach and I'm swimming and it's the same thing. I hear, help, help. Black guy. And I swim over and he's got a shaved head and he's bobbing up and down and we're past the waves. I go out and I, he wouldn't turn around.

So I swam under him and I came up behind, got him in the cross chest carry. And I start. and I'm yelling out for help. This is like very few people on the beach and I'm screaming because this guy's fucking huge. Yeah. And I'm swimming, I'm swimming. I can't, you know, the waves are pulling us back out.

And then I finally, like, I'm struggling and I get them just past the waves. And I can't even, like, I can't move. I'm so exhausted. And then all of a sudden the Baywatch boat, you know, they got a boat in Venice. That pulls in. Some hunk dives off the back.

comes in. Now, I got the guy at this point. We're past the waves. Right. And he comes in, grabs the guy from me, goes into the beach. And now there's a crowd of people. And they're applauding him. Plotting him. They're videotaping it. I got sucked back into the wave. I was so tired. Now, I'm stuck in the fucking waves and I can't get out and nobody notices. And like five minutes go by. And I finally make my way back in again. Oh, thank God. He didn't have to save you. You'd get double applause. I know, right? Oh, my God.

So I come in and the guy, the guy hugs me and he's like, and he goes, man, you saved my life. And then he goes, I shit myself. Did you swim through shit? I think I did. You swim through shit. Why did I need that detail from him? Yeah. But yeah, we're lifesavers, man.

We're heroes, not lifesavers. There's a difference. Yeah, it's a pretty good feeling. Let me tell you something. Saving somebody's life. And I think the universe knows that because a week later, I was in New York, and there was a guy on the ground spazzed out. And I called 911.

Everybody else was standing around him. I go, I'm calling 911. Yeah. I had like a superhero voice. Yeah. I'm calling 911. And I called, right now, we're on the corner of 14th, between 6th and 5th, close to the fifth in front of this this uh 551 we're standing here now there's a barricade in front of us people

just look at it all right dude relax did you stick around or you know i had therapy i had to go i don't know if he lived i can't i did all i could do you talk about your hero complex and therapy i don't know what it is marcy i just when i see danger i jump in i hate danger yeah i hate it yeah but yet is that why you got out of new york city because i kind of love that danger. Like, I loved living here because I used to like walking through the East Village late at night and seeing scumbags and not knowing if somebody's going to attack me. And I, and I, it made me kind of walk tough, like, not aggressively tough, but just like I could take care of myself. I don't mind city danger. Yeah. City danger I like. Right. I know what you're saying.

There's a city danger is a different vibe. I'm talking like danger like. Danger like, you know, like swimming where you're not supposed to swim, jumping off a cliff into it. Like my son just did this. He jumped off the cliff. Could hit a rock underneath, get paralyzed.

I don't want to do any of that type of where God will teach you a lesson, danger. You know what I mean? I'm not into that type of danger. I'm not into, I'm not going parasailing. Yeah.

I'm not going to, you don't want to do any skydiving. Right. Like someone almost got me to skydive. I was in a Ruba and someone, we should go skydive and it's right here. It's only, you know, he's like a couple hundred bucks. We should do blah, blah.

I'm like, and then I looked it up and there was a four out of five rating. Yeah. I'm like, dude, this should be a five out of five mandatory. There should not be two star reviews. Where's the fifth star? Yeah. What happened to the fifth star? What's that guy's name?

Yeah, where is the one star review where he, you know, I don't like that type of. danger where it's like you're putting yourself yeah city you have to be in it right you have to take the subway you have to walk the streets street danger i'm fine with yeah but like yeah like these people go on safari and there's just a lion yeah and it's just right there looking at them it's like f you no the fifth star is the the the the guy who's the one star review it's not him it's never the person writing it yeah it's their widow yeah exactly or they're They're a sad brother.

Yeah. We were parachailing one time with me and my wife. And I looked over and we're a hundred feet up. Yeah. And I look over and the line's frayed. And I'm like, done, the lines frayed. I'm like, she's like, it's okay. I'm like, you don't know that.

Yeah. You're not a, you don't know rope. You don't know tension. You don't know the capacity. Make the signal, whatever this is. And these guys are just yapping because they do it every day. They're just talking. about whatever couch salad they're going to make later?

They're trying to bang one of the other tourists that's on the boat. You think those guys don't get late all the time? Yeah, do we. Oh, they're picking them off left and right. We did a helicopter thing, but one of those old helic-you know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Like the training helicopters? Yeah.

It's like I did. No, I did a plane ride in Juneau, Alaska. I met a guy in a bar. I was there late at night. And he's like, yeah, I'm a pilot. He goes, you want to go up tomorrow morning? And I was just young enough to go like, yeah, I'll do it. So we get to the, we get to the, the runway.

And the guy's got a 1948 stinson. I remember that was the name of the plane with a wood fucking rotor on the front. And he's doing this thing. He's doing this. And it's not starting. We're there for 10 minutes. And he just keeps whipping it. And I'm going, every time he whips it, it doesn't go.

I'm like, dude, it was a hundred bucks cash. I'm like, I don't know about this shit. Yeah, right? He gets it going and then I sit in the plane and there's two, we're going out to Bear Island because he said if you go low enough, you can actually see the bear. That's fun. Yeah. Yeah.

And so there's a pass. There's a mountain pass you got to go through. And he's like, hold on. Sometimes this gets a little rocky because the wind is coming down from two directions. And we hit it. And I mean, it was like, I felt like, what am I at World War I flying ace? It's God trying to tell you. Hey.

You're not supposed to be up here. Don't come here. This is for the Bears. Bear Island. And we're flying around the engine stalls out. We have to glide and kick the engine back in again. And I was like, get fucking, we're going back. He's like, no, no, no, no.

You got to see Bear. You paid the hundred bucks. We got to see Bear Island. And so we're going over Bear Island. I throw up out the side of the plane. And then we come back and, uh, Yeah, that's it. That's it on me for private planes, helicopters, nothing.

Look, I get it. There's certain times you have to do it. But on vacation, when it's time to chill out, I don't need to do this horseshit. Yeah. You know, like I go up in the woods and, you know, there's bear and stuff like that. But it's black bear. Yeah. These are berry eaters.

Right. I got bear spray. I got other people that I can outrun. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's not, it's not that dangerous really. Yeah. But as far as put myself in this like jumping off like like bungee jumping.

Yeah. I'm good. Even amusement parks. Yeah, I don't want to. Roller coasters. Nope. Done. I don't want to be that guy.

Yeah. At the top of a roll. I don't want to be the guy at the top of the roller coaster just stuck for seven hours on the news. Just like this. And then like, okay, we're going to get you up. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. No, no, no.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. I don't want to be that guy. I don't want to see my picture on the way out of me looking like a scared child. It happens to me on the flume at Santa's Village. There's a photo of me on my fridge and me going, and I'm at my fattest, too. I was like 360 at the time. So it's just my little wife, my little kid and me going, it just looks like an animal. Yeah.

And then on the way out, they want to sell you the photo for like $60. Is that I'm like, this photo here? This way you're selling for $60? Yeah. Is that the one that you're selling? Yeah. Got it. All right.

Thank you. We're good. This is funny that all the shit you buy, those stupid things that you buy that you never, ever, the key chain, the photo. All this shit is just for 10 years down the road to go, what do you want to do with this? Right. Just throw it out. Dude, I sell pins after my shows.

And I say to people I go, look, I don't know why you're buying this. I go, this is going to end up in a drawer with your flashlights and your dead batteries. And you're going to be moving. In like 12 years, you're going to be moving. You're going to go through that drawer and you're going to be like, why the fuck do we buy this? I literally say that on stage. What are the 80s coming back in a dungery jacket? You got to put all a fitty pin's on your thing?

You got your Jansport backpack? You're going to throw it on that? Dude, I got, I sold stickers at one point. And I remember going, I was at Stress Factory in Jersey. And it was a great show and I sold all these stickers. And I had to park in the parking lot up at the top. So I kind of had to walk through the parking garage. And as I'm walking, I'm just seeing my stickers.

And I picked one up. Then I picked two. Then it was like I had all my money back like in stickers by the time I got to my car. What should you sell a sticker for? Like five bucks. Or whatever they want to give you. I had a clump of stickers. I was just put them in my car.

Yeah, dude, it's a weird, it's a weird business that you, we, you know, selling stuff after the show makes me sick to my stomach. But it's, they do want something. Here's the thing about it. Like, and, you know, some comics are kind of snobs about it. I want to, I want to say hi to the crowd on the way out because that makes a big difference. When you do that, people make a connection. they want to come back and see you next time. Yeah, absolutely. And I remember when I started out in Boston, and you started probably like four years after me. Yeah. And Dane Cook, I'd be at an

open mic night and Dane Cook would be there. And Billy Martin used to host the open mic night at Nick's Comedy Stop. I had a red sock shirt. It was too big. I looked down. It said Ed So. Right, right, right. He goes, yeah, the Pittsburgh Steelers have the something hankies. He goes, the Detroit Pistons, the Detroit has the Piston Panties. He was a best one. He was a great joke writer. He was actually great joke writer.

I think he's the EP of Bill Maher. Bill Maher for like the last 12 years. I remember the best compliment I ever got. The meanest thing ever said to me and the best compliment ever, when he used to host a Wednesday night at the Colon's, I would go up and I killed. And he came up to me as I was coming offstage. He goes, I hate what you do. But it works.

He goes. Because he's such a joke writer. He would wake up and get all the papers. He had the yellow pad. Because he was a hack. You know, he was a hack. He was corny. Self-admitted hack.

And he came back to Boston and threw everything away. Yeah. And started. Well, he was in Pittsburgh. He was a hat. Brand new. Right. And that's when he started writing.

Right. Really just jokes. And he started writing for Leno and Letterman and mostly Leno. And he was, it was very cool that he did that. He started, he goes, I threw it all the way. Every joke from my whole career was gone. And he started fresh writing jokes. I got arrested in Chinatown, which was rough, especially when they put those handcuffs on.

Yeah. But because people started kicking Duke footballs through my hands. It was just right, like, Tonight Show jokes. for Lennon and he would use him in his act and try him out. And he just became a great writer. And my first special I put out live from the Village Underground, he actually texted me. He said, I watched your special.

You figured it out. You figured out how to become a great comedian. That's great. Basically saying you took that garbage that you used to have. And you're actually very funny now and you jokes who very, and I was like, that was like the biggest, for me, the biggest compliment is that someone that hated me.

And what I literally, I hate what you, he really went to hate what you do to saying you're actually a good comedian now was pretty, but he was really a mentor to all the comics came up except for you. No, he was a mentor to me.

Yeah, I mean, he hated it. I mean, he every night and you know, Sunday nights, the open mic night was like, dude, 25 comics would go on. doing five minutes each. And he went up and down, up and down. If somebody died, he did a couple jokes, brought him back.

He'd give you advice after the set. He was so non-except for you, like very non-judgmental. Well, he was right. I would go on stage and go, lo-lo-l-lo-l-l-law. What's up, fuckers? Nice tints. Yeah. Yitty-d-de-doo.

Was this leather jacket, Bobby? This is leather jacket, Bobby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no sleeves, Bobby. Right. Flannel no sleeves, T-a-sleeves, Bobby. He was 100% right. I was 100% charisma.

So Dane used to go up on those. And if Dane was on second and there was 25 comics, at the end of the show when there was only 13 people left in the crowd, that dude was standing at the door saying good night and shaking hands to every single person. Absolutely. He would stand there and do it. And we actually started like, I remember me and Patrice would do it.

Yeah. And we would play the game, you too. who got the most you two's. So like, come up to like Patrice, you were so funny. I'd be right next and be like, you were so funny.

You too. You were good too. You were so funny. Oh yeah. I liked you. Yeah, yeah, right? I liked you. One of my openers got the best one.

We were at the Comics Roadhouse and the guy came up, Bobby, I love you. I've seen you like eight times. And the middle, the other middle of it was like, dude, you were hilarious. That joke,

I couldn't stop laughing. And then the MC was like, dude, you move well on stage. And you, good hustle. Good hustle, kid. I started cracking up. I'm like, your moves. Nobody moves like you. Hilarious.

I wanted to talk to you about this is the point in the podcast where I, um, I don't know.