Fitzdog Radio - Dulce Sloan - Episode 1040

Episode Date: February 7, 2024

From the Daily Show, FOX’s The Great North and NPR I am psyched to welcome back the talented, Dulce Sloan. Follow Dulce Sloan on Instagram @DulceSloan 

Welcome to FitzDawg Radio. It's a rainy, rainy day here in sunny Los Angeles, California. It's pilot season is about to start. I don't know if they're going to delay it. I just got my teeth whitened. I got new headshots. I've been doing a lot of crunches. And spiritual journeys so that I can connect more to the sitcom material that CBS is putting out this year. See if I can play a dad. I'm too old for a dad. I'm almost in granddad country for TV shows. If I'm even in a country.

I think I'm in a small island nation. An archipelagio or whatever they call it. I don't even know if I'm in Hollywood's vicinity, but this hat's going to help. I'm wearing my uncircumcised sweater and my hat my brother gave me. I think he gave me this hat. brother gave me. I think he gave me this hat. Welcome to the podcast. Thanks for joining me. I'm feeling pretty good. I have one of those, I don't drink, but I have kind of a hangover from fun last night. I went out, I was invited to the Steven Tyler's Grammy viewing party, which was at the Palladium in Hollywood, this beautiful theater. And lots of celebrities, lots of good music, good food. It was great. We just basically, me and my friend Tom O'Neill went. I took some mushrooms.

I'm not sure if he did. And I ran into a bunch of friends. Saw Baba Booey, Gary De La Bate from the Howard Stern Show. I hadn't seen him in a couple years, a few years. And so great to see him. Caught up. Saw Bill Burr. Nikki Glaser.

Bunch of comics were there. Tiffany Haddish. And who else was there? Jeff Ross came by. And I was sitting at my table. This is the best. We come in. It's pouring rain.

And we get inside the tent. And then we sit down at our table and the the plaque the you have a place setting and there's your name is in front of your plate each person is just probably a thousand people at this event and you get you they give you your table number sitting next to me is caitlin jenner are you shitting me so everybody at my table saw that it was uh caitlin jenner everybody's waiting for her to show up and she never did she never did it was like waiting for goudo but i but we had him table 16 was hot we had um a lot of nice people there. Kelly was there, Bob Saget's widow, and a woman there who sat next to me that I absolutely am best friends with for life. I know that sounds weird, but sometimes

you meet somebody and you just connect. And her name is Marsha Stephanie Davis Marsha Stephanie Davis and she's an actress lives in Costa Rica but just a groovy spirit and she's a big Howard Stern fan she recognized me which was nice and then I went and I brought her to

Baba Booey and she met him and she was very excited to meet him but Steven Tyler is amazing he's got this organization called Jam for Janie, I think it's called. And they raise money for girls that are getting out of foster care to help them integrate into the regular world. They're at very high risk. The women that come out of, they turn 18 and they're kind of thrown out of the foster system and like 50 of them have babies in the next few years 25 are homeless 75 are on drugs it's really rough and so it's a great charity they raise so much fucking money what they at one point steven's on stage he's like all right who wants to just write a

check right now for a hundred thousand dollars and there's this awkward silence comes over the room because everybody's flipping through their head going all right i could be a i could be a fucking hero right now but that's a lot of dough and there's some big wheeler and dealers there there's a lot of music producers and you know people that don't i don't know what they do but you know you can tell they're rich then this fucking dude just stands up 100 grand right there on the spot and then this other woman they auctioned off a 60 1965 corvette sting. Just one of the most iconic, maybe the most iconic Corvette in history, fully restored. And she spent a half a million dollars, $500,000, little old Chinese lady. And I was just like, all right, what now? You're going to drive it home?

She's going to take it on the highway and go about 35 miles an hour? I mean, that's, it's just, I don't think an old lady is going to get everything that car has to offer. Is she? I don't know. Maybe she should donate it to, like, some pimply-faced 17-year-old who's trying to finger-bang a girl in his class. This will put him over the top. He's going to rip that thing into fifth gear on the 405 at 2 o'clock in the morning. That's how that car is meant to be driven.

Anyway, what else happened there? Oh, Jesus Christ, the Black Crows. I've always been a huge fan of the Black Crows. I've always been a huge fan of the Black Crows. I think Shake Your Money Maker is top 12 rock albums of all time, maybe 15, top 15 rock albums of all time. Hit after hit after hit, all rock hard. And Chris Robinson is one of the great front men in history he is uh badass he's cool funky the band is i mean they're just a blues based rock and roll band pure rock band

and his audience he's the thing is like it's such a baller move to show up at an industry event where everybody is musicians. It's like hot rock and roll chicks. It's like, you know, every dude, literally not exaggerating, every dude in their head on black jeans. Like, that's it. You can only wear black jeans. And then, like, oversized shoes, like, funky, weird shoes. A lot of, like, velour blazers, like like maroon velour blazers, black fingernail polish, but, and, and, and like, uh, frizzed up hair, a lot of products, cool dudes. And to get up on

stage in front of this group and fucking bring it, they killed. Everybody was on their feet. They did like seven or eight songs. They did a new one that was really cool. But I saw girls in their 20s singing every word to their songs. I say every word, so I must have been looking at them a lot if I noticed it was every word.

There was a lot of eye candy. Samantha Fox was there. Zooey Dashanel hosted it. She was charming. Who else? Anyway, it doesn't matter. I'm not going to sit here and name drop. It was an amazing night.

But I was thinking about Chris Robinson and about who I think are the best front men in history? What rock and roll bands have the best front men of all time? Obviously, you got Jagger, Plant, Daltrey. All right, that's the Matt Rushmore right there. And then you got, I'm going to say a front woman. Chrissy Hine, to me, is one of the great front women of all time. Joey Ramone. Rod Stewart. David Byrne. Freddie Mercury. David Lee Roth.

I made a list here. Jim Morrison. Billy Corgan. Lou Reed. Anthony Kiedis. Ozzy. Those are my guys. And if I have to throw another womaniedis, Ozzy. Those are my guys. And if I have to throw another woman in there,

Annie Wilson, Ann Wilson from Heart is incredible. I hate that it's mostly men, but I don't know how many women are, I guess Janice Joplin in The Holding Company. She was pretty incredible. You had Grace Slick from Jefferson Airplane. You had, I can't say Sinead O'Connor because she didn't really have a band.

It was just, it was her. So I'm talking about bands. So if I'm missing any, write me at fitzdogradio at gmail.com. What front man am I missing? And don't say Axl Rose. I don't know. Write me at fitzdogradio at gmail.com. What front man am I missing? And don't say Axl Rose. I don't know.

Something about him feels too L.A. The good ones died. You know, the really great front men, they had the decency to die at 27 years old so there could be lore. You could make up stories about them. Also watched Killers of the flower moon over the weekend and so many people uh it's too long it made me sad i was sad what do you mean you were sad what is this fucking news to you that the native americans were treated badly in this country?

What are you, a fucking, you've been living in a cave? Did you not go to eighth grade history class? Have you not read Howard Zinn? Have you not read Cormac McCarthy? Here's one. Read a book called Empire of the Summer Moon. That's incredible um what else and then it's movies with Last of the Mohicans um uh Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee uh it's all there the movie this movie Killers of the Flower Moon is a masterpiece it's Scorsese at his best

De Niro gets out of his own way you don't see De Niro in the in the role uh DiCaprio's great the woman that play I should should have written her name down but the woman who plays uh the lead she's she's incredible um great movie. Highly recommended. Worth the three hours and 20 minutes. Just what else you got to do? Huh? All right. I'm going to keep this quick. I'm excited about today's guest. I want to tell, somebody last week wrote in and they said, I wish you would tell more stories about your siblings, because it seems like you have a lot of funny stuff to say about them. So I thought of two very quick things just before the podcast. I was like, what is some funny thing? One time me and my brother were upstairs and my mother was very, my mother is this

little woman from the Bronx who's very tough and has a very hot temper. So we grew up with her trying to discipline me. My brother were raging maniacs. We were hell bent on trouble all the time. So we were upstairs and she's yelling at my brother. He's standing at the top of the stairs. She's at the bottom of the stairs. I'm laying on the ground near his feet because I'm in we used to love when the other guy got in trouble we just enjoyed seeing him get reprimanded so I'm on the floor and my mother is yelling at my brother and I'm laughing so he starts to grin he starts to chuckle and she goes what are you laughing at mr snicker face done we're fucking done i howl he starts howling she gets the belt it was worth it it was worth it i i don't remember

laughing that hard in my life um mr snare and we called each other mr snickers face for many years um the other one was me and my friend sneaky pete and my sister were sitting on the roof of our house and we were smoking pot through an apple with tinfoil as the screen and we're sitting on the porch and uh my next door neighbor is it was named arthur lit and he was the town judge so we're smoke a pot and i nor my friend sneaky pete hands me the apple and i reach for the lighter and he goes with it with it you got a picture a lung full of smoke as he's saying it it's already already lit, already lit. And I thought he meant already lit, like Arthur lit, the judge. I thought he meant, and I threw the apple down the gutter and started going inside and he fucking burst out. He goes, no, I said

already lit. And me and my sister almost fell off the roof um all right listen dates coming up don't forget hollywood i'm coming coming there st patrick's day show on march 16th it's gonna be amazing uh at the improv i got helium in portland coming up february 22nd to the 24th those will sell out get your tickets soon huntington beach the, the Rec Room, March 2nd. La Jolla Comedy Store, March 8th through the 10th. And Tampa, Sidesplitters, April 4th through the 6th. Go to FitzDawg.com. Get yourself some tickets. And don't forget, if you are a member, if you're a premium member, you get half off your tickets. Just email me the receipt, tell me how many tickets you need, and we'll take care of half your tickets. Also, this show is

sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp helps you help yourself. I mean, I have been married, it's coming up on 25 years this summer that I've been married. And we had a romantic weekend together. It was just beautiful. I felt so connected to it. And I realized it was work. You know, marriage is energy you put in and the energy that you get out of it. And BetterHelp is a way to take your relationships to the next level because you can't get close to somebody unless you can accept yourself, uh, feel good about yourself, be honest,

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Whether you're looking for one or not, visit betterhelp.com slash FitzDawg today. Get 10% off your first month. That's better, H-E-L-P, betterhelp.com slash FitzDawg. Do it. Okay. My guest today, she's been on before, but the last time was online this time was in person which was nice she's a delight she's on a fox animated show now called the great north you hear her a lot on npr wait wait don't tell me she did a movie called chick fight with alec baldwin um she's amazing she's got a new special coming out. It just came out, actually. Verified stand-up.

And she's a Daily Show correspondent. That's her main credit. She's a Daily Show correspondent. She's great. I hope you enjoy her as much as I did hanging out with her. Here is Dulce Sloan. Welcome back to the podcast. Dulce Sloan, who is in person. Last time, we were just talking about it. It was the podcast. Back to the podcast. Dulce Sloan, who is in person.

Last time, we were just talking about it. It was the beginning. It was, well, for L.A., it was the beginning of what would be a year of indoor. And in New York, I didn't realize New York went outside so fast. So you guys were already out after a few months. Well, technically, it wasn't lifted, lifted. Yeah. So, like, because the show sent us home the week before lockdown.

Because a lot of studios and productions. The Daily Show. The Daily Show. Yeah. Started sending people home actually the week before, like, the world went on lockdown. Yeah. So, it was in March. Right. And then they were like okay we're it's not gonna take

long which everyone thought was gonna take long and then la started new york started trying to go off like what la was doing so it's like then they la extended to april we extended to april y'all extended to may we extended to may and then june came and they were like okay you can go outside but you can only do stuff outside. Right. Like you don't have to be confined to your house and so that's when all the restaurants got the outdoor spaces the swimming starts doing comedy shows outside one outdoor show I never did was

there was one in the park. In Central Park? Yeah I don't know which park it was in I didn't go. One I don't go places when there's no bathroom two I'm a grown adult so I don't go anywhere where there's no bathroom because people would hit me up like oh we're doing this outdoor show you want to a bathroom um and to him a grown adult so i don't put it where there's no bathroom um because like people hit me up like oh we're doing this outdoor show you want to come i was like where can i pee yeah i'm like i'm like i'm not coming so jacob williams and i'm a great comic from new york he

was telling me that he did this outdoor show in a park the thing about doing the shows in the park is that you're not allowed to have any amplification why not because it's illegal in the park okay so like you can't play loud music whatever in this particular part and so he was just doing stand-up next to a tree with no mic right right or um i think stand-up new york started doing comedy shows on the subway and i was like listen on the cars or on the cars no and i was like listen um. On the cars or on the platform? On the cars. No. And I was like, listen. One, I haven't been on the subway since 2019 because I'm a good person. What do you mean? Oh, I don't ride the subway.

Oh, because you're above that? No, because it bothers me. What do you mean? There's too many people. Yeah, yeah. There's always somebody touching you. Right. And you don't say anything. Uh-huh.

And then you're just getting bumped, too. I feel like somebody's trying to pick my pocket, steal my purse. And then it's too many people breathing. It's disgusting. It's too hot or too cold. And yes, I'm above it. You're literally above it. I'm literally above it.

Also, the subway freaks me out because I know how physics works. So it's like when you're walking down to the subway, if you see where the sidewalk is and then where the tunnel, there only this much dirt i know and i don't know if it's pretty amazing and i don't want to test it yeah i don't want to we're also you're on an island there's only like there's also a fault line going across 14th street and they're saying it's just a matter of time right and so if the train stops just stops Yeah. Because even if you're in traffic, at a certain point, you can get out of a car. Uh-huh. You can always get out of a car.

You can't get out of a train. Yeah. So if you're on a train, I've been stuck on a train before, and I was like, fuck this. I'm never going through this again. So what do you do? You take Ubers everywhere?

Everywhere. What's your Uber bill like every year? I don't know. It's tax deductible. I love when people use that excuse. You're still spending the money. Yeah, but it's a travel expense. Yeah, right.

So it doesn't count against my income. Yeah. Literally, it's deducted from my travel expenses. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. Yeah. So that makes your tax rate lower.

It makes sense to me. Right, right, right. And it's all like, cabs are all cash. You can't get receipts. I mean, who does receipts anymore? Oh, you can definitely get a receipt printed. They're annoyed when they do it. But also it's like anytime you run your card, people are going to need a receipt.

I'm like, why would you need a receipt when you run your card? The card has a record of what ran. So the only time you need a receipt is you pay in cash. Right. You got Harvey Altman as your accountant? No. I have Jason Brown over at PTD. He's a PTD. Yeah, I was just like, well, wait a second. Why am I keeping as your accountant? No. I have Jason Brown over at PTD. Oh, okay.

PTD? Yeah. Yeah, I was just like, well, wait a second. Why am I keeping these receipts? Yeah. The card keeps a record of all these things. Yeah. But yeah, I can't.

It's amazing when you start making money, because I don't know how long you've been making money. Probably 10 years now? You've been like- I started doing stand-up full-time in, oh, ooh. Sorry, my car just told me that my doors are unlocked do you want them to go down and lock them?

oh no I can lock it from here that's amazing it's truly amazing quick recap Greg Fitzsimmons only has the basically he only got the promo trial for this software he only got the promo trial for this software he only got the promo trial for the software he used

for his podcast last time I checked he's done over a thousand episodes so I feel like he would have made enough ad money to have a hundred dollars but yet here we are being the cheap comic he's always been hey the chair is new how do you like the chair

I mean I pre-think it was a problem I mean I feel like I might be itchy when I get up. I don't know what goodwill you got this chair for, but this is giving borrowed. Yeah, there was a Labradoodle on there before you. Sustained. That sounds absolutely accurate. You're right. And Marina Del Rey.

It sounds right. It sounds correct. It sounds like how things were happening in your life on a daily basis. So let's talk about the 60th birthday party at the improv. Did you see people that you wanted to see? Did you run into some landmines where you were like, oh, I don't want to? Listen, the only landmine that I saw ran away from me. Oh, really?

Oh, yeah. I don't have to run from people. Oh, I like that. It's great. My favorite part of it was just sitting there talking shit, just kiki-ing with Lonnie Love

because I hadn't seen her in a long time. Yeah. And so it was funny because usually when there's just two black women just sitting there enjoying their lives,

some white lady would run up and say something silly. She's like, oh, y'all, Juvia's holding court. And it's like, we're having a conversation and we don't know you. Yeah. um so but it is nice because my friends always make fun of me that like

i'm the person that everybody comes and says hi to uh-huh which i was like no that's not true and while i'm telling him that's not true somebody came over and said hi to me and i was like yeah yeah this does not prove your point yeah stop looking at me like that yeah but yeah it was nice to just chat with her I got to see Finesse I got to see Craig Robinson a comic one of the newer comics Vaughn Roberts

so I saw a bunch of people but it was the Improv was the first club I got passed at in LA oh that's cool so

was it Rita who passed you over there I believe it was probably Rita who passed me. Because I got passed there in 2016, right before I moved out here. No, maybe 2015. Okay. I think I passed in 2015 when I was coming out around when I did JFL.

Yeah. Because when I did New Faces, I think I got passed the Improv after that. Uh-huh. And then I got passed the La laugh factory when i moved here in 2016 and then i just got my name on the wall at the comedy store oh congratulations thank you people people understand what a big deal that is because they don't it doesn't matter how big you are i have seen national headliners like yourself come in and it's kind of humbling but then when it happens it still feels pretty sweet right well it's interesting the thing about it and i wish more comics thought this way is that

one club doesn't determine how successful you are right as in am I glad to be passed at the store? Absolutely. That is an achievement. There's a milestone for a comic. But if it never happened. I'm still a good comic and I'm still a working comic. Yeah. And the other thing I wish comics knew is that your credits do not transfer. If you are passed at the store, New York does not care. Right. Chicago does not care. Atlanta does not care store New York does not care Chicago does not care Atlanta does not care Philly does not care if you are passed at any club in New York

no one in LA cares no one in Philly cares no one in Chicago cares your credits don't transfer so if anything I would want for comics to do is just be nicer to themselves because if you're working you're working if you're working.

If you're past it, there's four clubs in your city, you only pass the two of them. You're past the two of them. That's right. And you're also touring on the road. Right. And you're doing, it's like, I feel like sometimes we, there's these milestones

we feel like we have to hit. And if we don't hit them, then it's like, I'm not successful. And it's like, you tour. Right. You sell out shows. Right. I also think that there's something about comedy that, you know, people can argue this to some extent, but I think more than a lot of areas of show business, it's a meritocracy.

You go on stage and they either laugh or they don't laugh. And, you know, and some bookers can make a judgment on whether or not you're making them laugh the way they want you know whether that fits in the sensibility of the club if it has a sensibility and that's fine and you can't change that all you can do is do your act right but if you do your act well there's a you you will succeed it's a business where you can't be stopped if you're funny if you just If you just keep showing up. And I see so many comics that are really funny get discouraged because there's so many comics that aren't funny who have a lot of confidence. Yep. And it is still the wildest thing.

Yep. To see. Because it's like, where did you, I watched you bomb. Yeah. All five of us who were on this show. Yeah. Watched you bomb. The audience watched you bomb. Yeah. All five of us who were on this show. Yeah. Watched you bomb.

The audience watched you bomb. Yeah. And then you got off and was like, I mean, that was great. You're like, what did you hear? Yeah, yeah. And I have seen comics fucking kill and they'll go, ah, that one joke. And I was like, one joke?

Yeah, Dave Attell beats himself up. He annihilates and then beats himself up. It's nuts. Every time I see him i go hi mr attell and i don't think he's ever been like understood what's happening because i go oh hey and then i think i always go why does she call me that's my favorite thing because i'm just all of a sudden i'm just 10 hi mr attell he's like what's up? I don't think he's ever, I'm probably the only person who calls him Mr. in a month. Anytime I see him, it's the same thing.

Hello, Mr. Attali. He's like, all right, stop it. But it's also like, I think it's good to not achieve everything. It's important that maybe you have some milestones that you don't hit because it keeps you working hard. And even if you never hit them,

the fact that you were working towards something isn't a bad thing as long as you're not beating yourself up about it. Right. Or ignoring the other achievements that you have. Right, right. Because I've seen comics who perform at JFL yearly and will have a show

or they're on a show that runs for at JFL the whole time. Like they're in Montreal for three weeks. And then they'll go, I always hated I didn't get new faces. You're here every year. There are people that get new faces and then never come back to Montreal. Yeah. It's been a blessing that I've gone back a

couple of times, you know, maybe like three times or I was a new face in 2015. I've been back like three or four times. But there times. So I was a new face in 2015. I've been back like three or four times. But there's people who I was a new face with who have never been back to Montreal. And I was like, it's a credit you don't need. But at night, I was like, you literally don't need it. Because I've been back, but I've done galas and stuff, but I haven't gone back. And the galas are great, but it's...

Are they? I mean, what is it? Well, first of all, let me tell you something. I'm from the South. Yeah. So when you tell me gala. Mm-hmm. I remember I was like, there was this gala.

My manager was there, Reg Tiger. And I was like, there's these galas. I don't have a dress. And he was like, what? I was like, there's not a. I went to a gala at the end. He's got a dress on. That's hilarious.

So I was like, he was like, oh, no, they're just shows. I was like, why is it called a gala? It's just a big-ass show. I was very confused. Yeah. Because I did a Russell Peters gala. We were just doing a show. I was like, y'all need to, come on, Canadians.

Y'all need to get a gala right. This isn't a debutante ball. No, which I would have loved to have been a debutante. But I was like, yo, man, I'm from the South. Y'all got to use words right. Yeah, that's hilarious. I just find those galas are tough because sometimes it's like a four o'clock show and the crowd is really old and then they put 12 people on the show and you're at the end and it's like i've had good and bad experiences with the galas it just depends but

like if you get a nice like sweet spot like 7 p.m yeah Yeah. Ooh, a 7 p.m. gala? Yeah. What a time to be alive. Yeah, that could be good. What a situation. Right. But yeah, it's interesting. I just really wish that comics would pay attention to what they have instead of always looking at what they don't have. Compare and despair right and so and that's

what i'm trying to do with my life is just go i have these things and that's what i had to do at the end of last year i was like i didn't do this you know it's like because i do want to get married i do want to have kids and i'm not any closer to that than i was five years ago and it was like i didn't achieve anything my friend was like bitch you bought a house what are you talking about got a house in the car in the same month you need your whole family out you got nominated and it was like I didn't achieve anything. My friend was like, bitch, you bought a house. What are you talking about? You got a house and a car in the same month. You moved your whole family out. You got nominated. And I was like, yeah.

All right. Okay, finish what you're saying. You got nominated? So the show got nominated, and then we won. And then I found out this morning I got nominated for a GLAAD Award. Nice. So you know how I hosted the Daily Show and then the strike started? Yeah.

So the episode that I had was I was interviewing Shasha Colby, who is now my mother of the House of Colby. And she was talking about, and she was the runner of RuPaul's Drag Race.

Season 15, I believe. And she was talking about how like being a happy trans person and that episode got nominated for a GLAAD award this morning okay so I might win a GLAAD award nice that's pretty cool so the show went on Monday and I went on stage and it was interesting because it's like it was funny because after uh after Trevor left and the show got nominated, I was like, we're going to win the year that he's not here.

Yeah. That's when we're going to win. All right. That's when we're going to win. And then, of course, moving John Oliver to another category really helped. Yeah. That guy's like a magnet for awards. It's crazy.

Every award show he wins. He beat SNL. Yeah. It's like the votes just follow him. But Trevor started the acceptance speech. And the Black Lady Sketch Show. Black Lady Sketch Show. Which is very funny.

Very funny. Robin Thede. They made an amazing show. And they were up against SNL. And I was like, if Black Lady Sketch Show beats SNL, this would be crazy. And it didn't. But that's not the point. I'm saying here.

I think they did win it one year, though. I think their first year they won it. They won an editing award it's not been against it's not been the show as a category yeah

it's been like it's like editing awards and things like that which is still an accomplishment yeah but yeah that's how Trevor

started his acceptance speech where he's saying I knew we could be John Oliver if they took him out of the category is basically

what it was so is it weird because have you the whole time you've been there, was it Trevor? Because if he leaves, is there a worry among the staff that, like, there's going to be personnel changes with a new host? I don't. I haven't even had time to think about that. Well, now you're thinking about it because I put it in your head. Well, no, I'll say it's...

I don't know if that affects us. I don't know if you've ever been on a TV show. Talent is the last to know anything. Right. You read about it in the trades, usually. In the trades, I'll tell you. I don't know. If we get you. Yeah. I don't know. If we get a new host, I don't know.

And they haven't decided on a new host yet, right? When I tell you talent is the last to know anything. Wow. I don't know anything. Yeah. I don't know anything, but I also like knowing nothing. Yep. Because I can't worry about anything if I know nothing.

I love your mindset. You're so introspective. Thank you. I read, I didn't read your whole book, but I read a bunch of it. Thank you. And it really is. It's like some shit you say in there. Like at one point you say

that your friends would punch you in the face if they knew what you were saying about yourself. Yes. And that our own narrative about ourselves defines how we feel and the choices that we make. Yeah, my friend said to me that if someone spoke to me the way that I speak to myself, they would punch that person. Right. Oh, right. That's what it was.

Yeah. So it's... And two of my friends who have never met each other, who live in... One lives here and one lives in Atlanta. Yeah. Both said that to me within, like, the same year. Right. And I was like, okay, I need to work on this. So what did you used to say to yourself that you don't now?

I'm just trying to be nicer in general just how I speak to myself because it's like I put a lot of pressure on myself. In the same way, for prime example, I was like, I don't know. Everyone's thinking about it over their year, and I'm'm like there's all these things i didn't do and that's why my friend reminded me that you bought a house here it's like so it's all of these things so i didn't even think about those things because i'm too busy looking at what i don't have which is a lot of what comics do is just go. I need to do boom,

boom, boom, boom, boom. Okay. Goal. Met it. Boom.

Bye. Goal. Met. Boom. Bye. And I have to stop thinking that way. Yeah. And it's just like,

Oh, do people treat you the way they treat you because of how you look or these things? Cause it's like, someone's always, I'm still black. So I'm still a woman. I'm still a plus size woman.

So when someone's always going to have an opinion of who I am, my body, and they're going to have preconceived notions about me. I'm always going to be the bad guy. I'm always going to be a monster. I'm always going to be this person. And so you have to go at a certain point. Do I, because I've been acting since I was a child and I'm a consummate performer. There you go. And I love to give the audience what they want.

Yeah. performer there you go and i love to give the audience what they want yeah so do i act like the person that you think i am or do i continue to be the person that i am and i want to be right because if you want me to be loud and rude when i come in here sir we can be 10 toes down yeah but i better win an emmy in this bitch you know what i'm saying so if you want me to put on a performance of a century i will be viola mayor street davis julianne moore i will do everything in here to make you realize that if this is the person that you want me to be okay i will hurt your fucking feelings because that's what you expected me to do right right you wanted me to be intimidating okay but i'm not intimidating you're intimidated you don't know why all right because i've had to do everything i can to still have confidence

when the world tells me i shouldn't all right right every day somebody wakes up to make sure that i feel bad about myself people pass laws people pass just there's companies that make sure that my clothes aren't in the store for what i still have money right so throw some extra fabric on a fucking hanger. Because you know who makes sure my clothes are always in stock? Walmart. Walmart keeps my clothes in stock. Is that right?

Yeah. Walmart keeps a plus size. Walmart knows their clientele. Yeah. So it's, there's a lot of people that spend a lot of time making sure people feel bad about themselves because of who they are and how they look. Right. And it sounds exhausting.

Well, it is. And it's, you know, it's an advertising culture. Everything in our culture is about how do we fucking squeeze an ad in the seat behind you when you're in an airplane or when you're trying to watch a video on the internet. It's like we are just inundated, and these images are created by people that have a very narrow view of what our society should be.

Right. But there's also legislation that tries to make sure of that. Because it's like, I've just never understood what someone does with their body, unless they're causing harm to someone else, has anything to do with people. So if I'm not harming another person, why do you care if someone decides, hey, this isn't the body that I'm comfortable in? It's crazy. Because you have no problem with somebody getting new titties, a new ass, a new face, no matter how many times I'm going to walk in there. But if someone wants to go, hey, this isn't the body that I feel like I should be in. So I need to change

certain things about my body. Yeah. All of of a sudden everybody has a fucking opinion so the new titties are only allowed to go on women yes yeah new titties no you were made you feel like that you were born into the wrong body or you are someone who know how many you identify non-binary or whatever you're like I need some titties I mean and if you're not a cis hetero woman you shouldn't get titties yeah that money

that car's gonna charge the same that's right that cash gonna be the same so why do you have an opinion about it yeah but also it's but it's the same thing it's like

well your hair is not real and da da da da these women are men listen there's a lot of men who need men have been wearing toupees forever and you've made the choice to not do that.

You've gone full Patrick Stewart. That's it. I own it. Patrick Stewart. Live your life. Yeah. Live your life. Yeah.

Remember back in the day when you used to put screws in men's heads so they can tie their toupees on? Yeah. Yeah. I know guys that have the scars on the back of their neck because they did the- Hair transplant. The hair transplant. Listen, you know how many men are going to Turkey? Turkey? Yes. That their neck because they did the hair transplant. The hair transplant. Listen, you know how many men

are going to Turkey? Turkey? Yes, that's where you go for the hair transplant. No shit. Yeah, so you go to,

so Brazil, Dominican Republic, Miami, you get a new ass. And then for men who want a new hairline, they go to Turkey. Wow,

around the world. Listen, get out of America. You can get some stuff done. My friend went down to Mexico to get his teeth done. A lot of people are doing that. My mother went to Columbia to get work teeth done. A lot of people are doing that. My mother went to

Colombia to get work done like 20 years ago. No shit. Yeah, he went down and his teeth were rotting and so they put in all they had to shave them down. Yep. Cap them. Yep. He was down there for a month and a half. Sounds right.

And then he came back and a year later they just started falling out. Yeah. No, they didn't start falling out. Yeah, they're falling out. Oh, no. Yeah, so, I mean, in general, they're good. But I don't know if he went to somebody reputable.

But, I mean, he was going to have to spend, like, $60,000 here. And he ended up spending about a tenth of that down there. Wow. But that's what you get. I mean, it depends on where you go. You also got to do your research. Right. So, but yeah, it's,

I'm always confused as to why we spend so much time just trying to make people feel bad about themselves. Yeah. So. Well, it's totally logical. I mean, it's, if you don't, I mean, in the words of RuPaul, if you can't love yourself,

I don't know how you're going to love somebody else. Right. So if you can't love you. Yeah. Then of course I have to make other people feel bad. I struggle with that so much. And sometimes I go like, I don't want to be mad at my mother. Yeah. Or my father. Mm-hmm.

But where did it start? Where did this, I have this insane self-loathing that I have gotten past. I've managed to have a career for 33 years, working hard, luckily been able to get opportunities, but it's all been despite this monologue inside that's told me that I'm skinny, I'm bald, I'm not masculine enough, all these things that men get. So I can get it as you have circumstances that are by society standards much more difficult than what I've been against. But I get the dynamic and the thing you said in your book about looking at that conversation in your head and challenging it. So where do you get the strength to challenge it?

Do you go to therapy or you rely on friends or you have spirituality or one thank god i'm pretty and you are pretty thank you and so uh that is step one yeah is just going oh okay it is gonna sound fucked up but it's like even though there's all of these things, it's, hey, she's still pretty. Or it's because I've heard you're pretty for a black girl. You're pretty for a fat girl. And I was just like, and some dude said that. I was like, sir, one, you could have stopped pretty. That's where.

Because see, this is what happened. Yeah. Oh, you're pretty. For a. And that's when the legs closed. You understand? The amount of pussy that men have talked themselves out of is absolutely amazing to me. Because you could have seen between me down there, if you'd have stopped, there should have been a period where you put a comma.

Yeah. And so I also, it's a constant conversation of you have this bad thought and then you let it go because i have looked at a picture of myself and been like i can name all the things that i don't like in that picture and then two days later i can see that picture and go oh i do look good or just a picture or the picture just from just another angle right and it's like oh i do look nice or all like this and so it's like i'm very like for a long time i couldn't listen to my voice recorded or i couldn't watch myself yeah um because i was knit i would this was this and i should have got this angle and oh i shouldn't wear this shirt

because for a long time i couldn't watch myself on daily show yeah or on anything that i did because i would go oh it's did this and they did this. And so it's still a thing. But it's like because I have those moments where I can look at one picture and go, I look awful. And then two days later and look at that same picture and go, I look great in this picture. What do you think the difference is? How I felt that day.

Yeah. And so I have to. And so I know that how I feel about myself fluctuates fluctuates and changes so i can't always trust how i assess myself because i know it changes right so i have to go okay i'm not telling myself the truth all the time right so i have to make a conscious effort to go. It is OK if on this day I look at this picture and go, I look ugly. And then two days later, I can look at the same picture and go, I look great. I have to acknowledge that those are both thoughts that I had.

But at the end of the day, the positive thought is probably the accurate thing, because I was talking to my manager about something. And he said to me, oh, I was talking to my manager about something and he said to me oh I was talking about the book and all I could see was like what was wrong and all the things and he was just like he said I want you to take a day and talk about me talk to me about this tomorrow yeah he said because right now you're in a spiral right and I noticed them and now because I've gone to therapy I was going to therapy about a year and my therapist broke up with me because I moved. And I did not know this, but telehealth. So I had to get a new therapist because I moved to L.A.

Yeah, you can't do it for a therapist in the same state, in a different state. Even though we're on Al Gore's internet. Which is wild. And I was like, since she's not licensed for California, she can't therapize me. It's crazy. But even like I was meeting with like I had to tell a health thing for like a nutritionist or something. And they asked me before I got on, they're like, are you in the state of California? I was like, oh, no, I'm on the road. They're like, then she can't meet with you. So some girl can tell me to eat because i was in indiana which is where

you need to be told how to eat i mean listen i'll find lettuce somehow um but i've been to scotland i don't know how those people survived i didn't see i never fought so hard to eat a vegetable in any place in my entire life when i was in scotland haggis i had it on a and i was like this is this and i i remember i was there and then I'd gone to London like maybe two years later. And I was like, oh, this is why colonization happened. This is why colonization happened. Because if I'd have got out of here and been able to be warm and dry, I'd have brought everybody and guns with me too. And find some spices and some people with tans.

I got to get the hell up out of here. What is this? Oh, the sun? Yeah. Let me too. And find some spices. Listen. And some people with tans. I got to get the hell up out of here. Right, right. What is this? Oh, the sun? Yeah. Let me get, bring everybody. Right, right. I'm killing all y'all.

I'm taking your shit. Because it's wild because they had all these spices. They didn't take them. You've had the food in England. They didn't use them. They were like, ah, tea. Right. Let's put these leaves in some water and let's really get into it.

Right. So, yeah, I remember it was just rainy again and it was hot. And I was like, yeah, this is why they took over Fourth Planet. Yeah. Yeah. They had to move on. They had to move on. The coolest thing that I saw was I was hosting this show called The Great American Joke Off.

We filmed it in London. We were were all confused don't worry about it and so it's the people that do whose line is it anyway so I guess they filmed that over there too but they um was it British comics competing it was British comics against American comics okay well it was like a mix of the teams uh-huh um and so there was one night I was I was on the balcony the balcony of the flat, the condo I was staying in, the flat. And foxes over there are kind of just like raccoons. They're just outside. And so, and apparently it was a nice, I was in Knightsbridge, which is a very nice part of London. Bridge, which is a very nice part of London.

And I'm standing on the balcony and I see a fox crossing the street. And I said, ooh, a fox! And the fox looked at me and then dropped his head like, hello. And then he ran across the street and I said,

did this fox just curtsy? This fox just bowed at me? And nobody wanted to believe me. And I was like, no. I said, ooh, a fox. And Fox stopped and went, m'lady. And then he went on about his fox night. And nobody wants to believe me, but I know what I saw.

That fox said, m'lady, and kept going. Foxes get it. They get beauty. He's a gentleman fox. That's right. He's a gentleman fox, and I will not let anybody, anybody tell me that I did not see a gentleman fox. That's right. He's a gentleman fox, and I will not let anybody, anybody tell me that I did not see a gentleman fox. How dare you?

I saw Lord Foxworth out on his nightly rounds, and he was having an amazing evening, and I was glad to be part of it. I was happy to be in his presence. You saw a fox. I saw a fox who bowed. Yeah, I like it. Come on, foxy lady. Wow, wow. So, yeah.

We had one time when I was a kid. This is how old I am. But we had steel roller skates. This was before there was like polyurethane. Yeah. They were fucking steel wheels on roller skates. We already had rubber. So why did this happen?

My mother, I didn't grow up poor. I grew up middle class. But I'm saying why was this? we my mother I didn't grow up poor I grew up middle class but I'm saying my mom had a poor mentality she didn't buy us anything nice but I what I'm saying is why was we already had wheels and we already had rubber because why did a company put steel wheels on roller skates we already had rubber as an invention. So not that your brother bought them. Why were they available? Why were they being made? They were cheaper.

How is rubber expensive? It's on every car. I have a problem with the manufacturer. I hope that company went out of business immediately. I think they did and we used to skate on them and our road was, the asphalt was a little rough. But you know, because it's asphalt.

So, but, you know, sometimes it's, like, nice, smooth. Yeah, okay. This was, like, rock. This is when they put a lot of rocks in the asphalt. Oh, just truly gravel. Yeah, it was gravel with some glue. Right. And so we would skate on these, and our fucking fillings felt like they were going to fall out of your teeth. It was just, so one night we hear this noise in the garage.

It's just like a, we think it's an intruder. So my mom opens up the kitchen door to the garage and we look out and there was a raccoon with his front feet on the roller skate and he was pushing it around the garage in a circle. That's funny as hell. And this is before cell phone. before video right this would have been the greatest viral video of all time yes he didn't nod to me though he didn't bow listen my mother told me one day she called me our cat queen esther who we still have uh my mother called me one day and she said uh i was at work she called me and she said uh queen esther because

she would leave her work at like five in the morning so i was asleep and she said queen esther was at the end of the sitting at the end of the driveway with a fox really just hanging out no shit just her and the fox just sitting at the end of the driveway this is in georgia and she said another day she came out to work and she saw the fox chasing the cat and at first she was and she was like oh shit what do we do and then she came and then it was the cat chasing the fox they were just playing around wow and then they were she said one day she came out for work and they were just sitting on the end of the driveway just yeah having a time that's amazing see if they get along, why can't white people and black people get along?

Because one of us isn't a fox. Oh, right. Also, they don't have money. Yeah. Because I wonder about that. I'm like, do they know that they're... Well, because I think about it, because it's like our cat, Miracle, was one day killing... She was always killing a squirrel.

She loves hunting shit. Yeah. One day I saw her grab a bird out the sky. Really? was one day killing she was always killing a squirrel. She loves hunting shit. One day I saw her grab a bird out the sky. Really? Like the bird was like sitting there with the take off and she grabbed it by the wing and she ran in the garage. We never found this bird so I don't know where it went. But she kept killing. One day I came home from work and there was a squirrel

laying on the front porch and I was like oh this squirrel is sleeping on the and then I called my brother and he took care of it but And there was a squirrel laying on the front porch. And I was like, oh, this squirrel is sleeping on the. That squirrel's not asleep. Yeah. And then I called my brother and he took care of it. But she was killing all these squirrels. And my mother was like, you got to stop killing all these squirrels. Next day, there's a dead chipmunk in the yard.

Or, and then Esther one day was in the yard. And she's, ma, ma, ma, ma. And we look out. She has killed a chipmunk. And then my mother was like, so cats call squirrels squirrels? Because I told her to stop killing squirrels. And now she's killing chipmunks. So do they call animals what we call?

Do squirrels know that they're squirrels? Yeah. Right. Do squirrels know that we call them squirrels? Uh-huh. Because it was like, oh, well, this is a squirrel. Yeah. The cat's like, well, that's obviously a squirrel.

But this little joker, well, that's a chipmunk. That's a strong move if you're a cat. Right. Don't let them know you can understand. Right. Just be quiet. But the question is, I didn't know that. So the squirrels know that they're squirrels because the cat knew it was a squirrel.

Yeah. So it was like, she said stop killing squirrels. And then she killed the chipmunk. And I was like, oh, wait a minute. Yeah. That's my first thought. Yeah. I didn't know they used the same words we use.

Right. Because it's not like as a kid you have to teach kids animals we found Miracle on the side of the road and I did not sit up with a baby book and Miracle and go this is an elephant this is a lion this is a squirrel this is a chipmunk

so how do they know which one is which Miracle just sat on the couch took it in and followed directions, God bless her. Listen, I'll tell you this. We did, I would go to work and I would leave PBS on. And so maybe that's how they learned.

Oh. By watching PBS all day because Esther loved. Was she a liberal too, the cat? Probably. I mean, she's been waiting for her tote bag forever. Because Queen Esther,

she used to watch, when I would watch Bob Ross, she'd sit at the very end of my bed. Because in my first apartment, like the TV was very close to the end of the bed. And she, and I would come home from like the 1 a.m. show. And so it was like 3 or 4 in the morning and Bob Ross was on. Yeah. And she loves Bob, and so now my mother will put on Bob Ross like for her during the day.

Because there's a Bob Ross YouTube channel that's amazing and so she watches like Bob Ross especially in the evening when I'm home so she doesn't come downstairs because of the dog yeah and she's 15 years old and the dog is two yeah so he's got a lot of energy it's a German Shepherd and so she'll start going and we're like come downstairs and she's like so she's not coming uh but my mother was like, go turn her TV on. And so you go upstairs and you put on the Bob Ross Marathon on YouTube channel. And she watches her Bob Ross. Because one day I came in the room and she was like, just watching this man paint.

Yeah, I could see that. She loves it. Yeah. I mean, he's entrancing. It's like I've never painted in my life, but I've watched hours of that guy paint. It makes you feel like you can. Yeah, right. And then somebody, I saw it on Instagram, they took all of the pictures that he painted and put them in order in, like, a video.

And it's, like, it's one continuous, so it's, like, each scene is a play off the previous scene. No kidding. one continuous so it's like each scene is a play off the previous scene no kidding I don't know if this is true the way he put it together but it looks like you're moving through a place

no shit and then going through different seasons in that place I was like what but they robbed that man oh he didn't get paid he uh

let's just say I don't think his family gets any part of his legacy okay so like the Bob Ross kits that they have and stuff now also I found out he had a perm. Oh, of course he did.

I was upset. Yeah, yeah. But I remember as a kid they were like, well, you know, he's actually in jail painting this. And I was like, really? I think it was just because there was no background. And I was like, oh, you don't know what public access TV is. I tried to watch a documentary about him. The first 15 minutes was so sad I had to cut it off.

Yeah. I was like, I don't know. No, the feel-good one is the one about Mr. Rogers. Have you seen that documentary? No, because I never liked Mr. Rogers. You didn't like Mr. Rogers? As a kid, he creeped me out. Really?

I didn't like that he was changing clothes in front of children. Kind of a pedo feel, yeah. It felt weird. Yeah. And someone was like, he was just changing sweaters. I was like, I don't care. I didn't like it. Plus, he talked too slow.

His puppets was raggedy. Yeah. I didn't like it. Plus he talked too slow. His puppets was raggedy. I didn't like it. I never liked Mr. Rogers. I think I felt neutral about him until I saw this documentary and then I realized like as an adult I think I liked him more than I did as a kid. Probably. Also the man single-handedly saved PBS. Yes.

As a network, as a concept, as a label. Right. He saved PBS because he had to go before Congress and explain to them the value. Oh, that's PBS. He had to go before Congress and explain to them the value. Oh, that's right. He had to sit before Congress

and explain the value of PBS to them. Yeah. And they're like, oh yeah, we could just have people that just say what the news is.

He was also very progressive on race. There was a point where the mailman was black and he washed his feet on an episode. Yeah, they put their feet in the, they were like, because I see little clips and stuff. And it was like, there was an episode where it mailman was black and he washed his feet. Yeah, they put their feet in the arm. They were like, because I see little clips and stuff.

And it was like there was an episode where it was like it was hot outside. Hey, let's share a beverage and we'll put our feet in this pool of water. Yeah. And it was like, this is crazy. What I think is so interesting is America tells a very specific lie about racism. And that is that it only occurs in the South. Right. I've always thought that was the strangest thing.

Right. Because I've been to America and I've lived here my entire life and I will tell you right now other places are racist. Boston is probably the worst in the country. I was in Boston doing shows. I said you know that they say about Boston,

you get your bachelor's in racism in the South, you get your master's in Boston. They didn't like that. No, they don't like it when you say it when you're up there. But the black people were like, thank you. I was like, you're welcome. All right. But that was the thing that was so odd to me

because I remember I moved to New York. They were like, oh, New York is such a melting pot. I was like, no, it's not. Why do you say that? I said, because if you know where a race of people lives that's not a melting pot there's a term I lived in I had to give the classes when I was a kid all through school and I had a gifted social studies class

and they said the true term of America is not a melting pot it's a salad bowl meaning you all occur you all exist in the same place, but you stay what you are. If you're a carrot, you're always a carrot. You don't become soup. Right. We don't all become this one minestrone kind of beef stew situation.

If you're a carrot, you're a carrot. And then you put on the dressing that is the American flag. But you don't become anything else because you can always go through and pick all the carrots out and then put them in Washington Heights. And actually, I consider Atlanta, and I've spent a lot of time in Atlanta, and I know you grew up there,

the most integrated city I've seen in some ways. Yes. And what people, it's so funny because I grew up in a predominantly, when we moved back to Atlanta, I was in a predominantly Mexican neighborhood. Uh-huh. Mexican El Salvadorian and a majority of my neighbors were illegal.

Yeah. And so I remember one day when I was 19, I'd come home from school. I think it was like maybe a holiday or something. It was a Sunday morning and I heard all this yelling. And I woke up and I looked out the window and there were eight, this was ice had just started so this was like a year after ice had started and there was like 8 20 passenger vans that came through the neighborhood no shit and one of the ice officers i was looking out the window of our front door and i remember looking him look at me in the face and i saw him go and he went and he said not her and he kept going so ice officer

looked me in my face and went she's black we don't need her and then they took my neighbors and then they took my other neighbors and so they left with full vans yeah all of them were full they brought in eight vans they left full there was whole apartment buildings where it was like four unit buildings or eight unit buildings and everybody was gone and they hit on a sunday morning because that's when the men were home so they made sure they got so like my one of the guys i grew up with his neighbors it was a married couple and they had four kids four or five kids and she had like a fresh baby like i don't think six months old not even three months old and so the first two kids are born in mexico in the last or mexico was that were they

all sorry no mexico and then the last three kids were last two kids were born in america but the whole family gets deported and then the kids can come back when they're 18 no kidding but if your parents aren't legal and you're under 18, you have to go back with them. Right, right. And what they do, because one of my homeboys got deported, and he's Guatemalan, and it took them six months to send him back because here's the thing people don't realize.

When you get deported, if they don't have like a plane full at the time, like if they didn't have a plane full of people, you just stayed in detention until there was enough people from your country to fill up a plane yeah so he stayed in detention until they had enough Guatemalans to send back and then he got deported wow so and then Atlanta has like I think the third largest Korean population in the country oh really because there was I've been watching Korean Korean dramas which are very popular now. To go along with your drink? Hey.

But, and also they just, there was an article recently in the New York Times about how popular Korean dramas are among black women. But I started watching them when I was like 14 or 15

because Atlanta has a Korean TV station called KTN. And so some of them had subtitles and some of them didn't. And so that's how I started watching them because the ones that were set in modern times had subtitles. Because otherwise I wouldn't know what the hell was going on. I know a few words now to be cute, but that's how I started watching them when I was a teenager

because Atlanta had a Spanish channel, had a Korean channel, and then all the regular English channels. Right. So it's a very diverse place, but people don't want to believe you because it is the South. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I'm going there tomorrow.

I'm working at the Punchline. Have you worked at a club? Yeah. I mean, I've tried to headline there, but they're, for some reason, not. Yeah. They never get back to my agent. That's hilarious. So I've stopped. And you're from there's hilarious so i've and you're from there

it's always the place you're from that's the boston was the last place to let me headline and that's where i started doing comedy i headlined there i think a year ago and i was at um city winery uh-huh but in one night i made twice as much money as i would have made right doing a weekend at the Punchline or any other clubs. I'm just like, I think I'm okay. Yeah. I think I'm okay.

Yeah. The City Winery gigs are nice. They're nice. They're nice. They're all over. But it's interesting because my agents are like, we're trying to get you a weekend. I was like, and what's interesting is like, one of the comics was like, oh, the lady over at the Punchline, you know, she's so proud of you.

I said, that's interesting. Really? And she's like, yeah, she lady over at the punchline, you know, she's so proud of you. I said, that's interesting. Really? She's like, yeah, she says that she's proud of you all the time. I said, she says that for your benefit, not mine. Yeah. Because you know what she's never said to me? She's like, what? That she's proud of me.

She says it for your benefit. She doesn't say it for my benefit. Yeah. And I don't know why she's lying to you. So I don't understand the point of this. So what club did you work when you were in atlanta um i started at the skull but oh you did yeah wow so the ice took a stand-up class big kenny was teaching it uh-huh and i um so the club so there's because a friend of mine used to run the door at the funny farm

And one of my little sisters from college that roswell Off redder so like roswell off redder area And one of my little sisters from college ran the door and so she let me in for free So it's like 2007 And then I met like big kenny and clayton english and um a couple other comics And just from talking to them and having conversations with them. They're like you start doing stand-up I was like i'm really all right, but I have a theater degree and I was I was honestly afraid to do stand-up yeah because I'd never been on stage where I was saying my own

words and I was myself right and so he was like no you're supposed to do this you're supposed to do this and so for two years he had me come see him do blacktop uh which is like I think at the time the only all-black improv group uh-huhhuh. And they would perform at the old Uptown. Okay. When it was still like right across, when it was still downtown near Georgia Tech. And so anytime we'd have a new stand-up class, he's like, come on, come on, come on.

I was like, ah. And then come like April of 2009, I'd gotten laid off from a job. I was on unemployment. Also, for those of you that don't know, unemployment is not welfare. Unemployment is not public assistance. Unemployment is paid into every time you have a job. You pay for it.

You pay for unemployment. Because what you don't know, it says unemployment insurance. So you know those lines when they take money out of your paycheck? Yeah. One of those lines is unemployment. Right. It's not welfare. Yeah. One of those lines is unemployment. Right. It's not welfare. Yeah.

Stop putting your family through this. Go get your unemployment check. There's no shame. There's no shame because you literally work. I know a lot of people during the pandemic that weren't taking unemployment. I was like, what the fuck is wrong? That's your money. That's your money.

I worked for 30 years without taking unemployment. When that pandemic hit, I was like, give me my fucking money. And you know what they did? They paid me. pandemic hit, I was like, give me my fucking money. And you know what they did? They paid me and then like a year later they sued me because I had gotten a residual check

during that year and a half period. Oh, you have to report that as any time. I didn't know. Like the residual check comes in it's like direct deposit. I didn't notice that like a $60 check came in for a TV show I did nine years ago. Yep. So I ended up having to give them thousands of dollars back.

For 60 bucks? Because they claim the whole quarter. They discount like the whole quarter. Okay, no, that's just fucked up. Because I've gotten unemployment. I've had to do stuff. I've had to deal with that. Yeah.

You have to. But it's interesting because I wouldn't even thought to even include a residual check as income. And so, oh, that's annoying. Yeah. But yeah, and then Big Kenny came to me again. He was like, I'm doing a new stand-up class. And I was like, and the class was $300. And that was basically like my entire unemployment check.

Yeah. And I was like, I don't have the money for this. And he's like, you don't have to pay. You're supposed to be a comic. I'm not going to charge you for the class. Nice. And so I was still I wasn't sure. And then I saw and I saw my mom about it.

And she said she had a dream that the whole world was laughing at me. And she was like in the dream. Why are you laughing at my child? And I was like, all right, Jesus. All right. All right. All right. So between my mother's dream and Big Kenny not charging me,

I started taking a stand-up class. And then the Funny Farm closed while we were in the middle of doing the class. And then we moved over to the Laughing School that had just opened. Yeah. And so my graduation class was at the Laughing School. Nice. And so that's the club I started at. So you owe Big Kenny a lot.

Yeah, and I talk about him all the time. I talk about him all the time. He was really a blessing. Because sometimes people see talents and abilities in you that you can't see in yourself. And so I think that's one of the takeaways that I want people to have for the book, where it's like sometimes when someone's telling you, hey, you should try it, sometimes you should try it. Yeah. If it's something ridiculous like, hey, you ever murdered somebody?

Right. You ever tried crime? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Might not want to try crime. Yeah, you have strong hands. Have you thought about choking somebody? Hey, you good with math? You ever thought about robbing a bank?

No. Oh, you got a photographic memory. You ever thought about stealing credit card information? Maybe not. Yeah. You're a fast runner. What about smashing grabs? Have you considered it?

Listen, we're still doing B&Es in this time and country. So it's like sometimes someone can see a talent in you that you can't see in yourself. Yeah, right. So sometimes you have to go, okay, let me just see what happens. Yeah. And. Well, I want to ask you more about the book before we go. I don't want to keep you too long.

Okay, this is good. Well, let me ask you this. There's Fastballs with Fitz, which we started since you came on last time. Ooh, what's she? Fastballs with Fitz. I'm going to ask you some questions and you're going to answer them. Okay. Who's the worst opener that ever went on ahead of you?

A guy so bad I can't remember his name. Oh, we don't want his name. Just give me the story. I'll tell you. I can tell you he had more merch than jokes. Yeah. I love that. They spent half their set promoting their merch.

And he was one of those comics who was like, well, ladies, you know you need to be doing. Hey, sir. You need to be doing, hey, sir, you need to be more, must worry about the ladies and more about your hairline. And so what was interesting that weekend

is that, just a quick story, I did not know Eagle Witt, who's a great, who's an amazing comic in New York. And so I was down at the DC Improv

and I had six shows with this dude. And it also, it's like, he was also like not polite to me. Uh-huh. And very kind of dismissive of me as if he shouldn't even be opening for. Right. Not just me. There's a lot of that.

Probably anybody. Mm-hmm. And so I was like, what the fuck is, okay. And then the manager of the club was like, hey, I'm going to throw Eagle up to do some time? I was like, who? What's the boy's name? Eagle Witt.

I was like, I don't know. But that dude was just, but the dude was, just the opener was just so bad. Yeah. And he was like, come on. And Eagle's like, please. And so just giant just eyes. And I was like, all right, I'll give him seven minutes.

Yeah. It can't be worse than the gentleman that's going on now so Eagle does the 7 minutes and then that dude does his time and I go up and Eagle always says I love Dulce because the first time I ever met her she made me

$1000 because Eagle went up did his 7 minutes I went to the manager and said Eagle's my opener for the rest of the weekend. No shit. And I took that dude off the show. Wow. So that guy was supposed to do six shows.

I think we were doing five or six shows. And so he did the Thursday. I think he did the first show on Friday. And then Eagle was, and then I think Eagle did so yeah I was doing five shows and then Eagle did the second show

Friday and then both shows shattered yeah I took the dude off I was like Eagle's the opener and then the manager of the club went

good nice because I don't know if he was also trying to get this dude off these shows but yeah I saw Eagle

for seven minutes and I was like take that dude off my show so did you start bringing this guy on the road with you well Eagle was already was doing stuff so yeah I don't know our schedules

didn't ever coordinate yeah but do you bring somebody regularly I do I bring Amina Amani who's amazing she's been opening for Mateo and um and then I'll bring uh David Perdue who's a comic out of Atlanta okay he just opened for me and I bring Lace Larrabee on the road with me. But she's the headliner now. She just did America's Got Talent. Me and her actually started a lip gloss company together called Giggle Gloss as a way to sell merch on the road. Yeah. And so now we're going to start partnering with other comics for them to be able to sell Giggle Gloss' merch on the road.

Nice. So, yeah, we started in—we launched in April of last year, and've had about uh about 400 orders that's amazing and I've probably packed like 350 of them everything's at my house so um but yeah it's been really great so yeah I've had an opener I kicked off of because he was that bad I like it all right um have you ever not finished a set on stage I got very sick in 2019 and I couldn't talk because my tonsils were swollen up uh-huh as I was speaking yeah so what the club did as opposed to me doing I had to do at least 30 minutes to get paid so they extended the host and extended the opener and so I just did a she was like listen you got to do 30 minutes I extended the opener. And so I just did a, she was like, listen,

you've got to do 30 minutes so I can pay you. And so I've done that. So I've never walked off a state, but I definitely had to do a shorter set. That's strong. Because I was dying. Yeah, I respect that. Yeah, because then I got back to New York

and found out that I had strep, staph, tonsillitis, uveolitis, and thrush all at the same time. Staph is the worst of them, right? And so it took a month for me to get better because once I got over one, because I remember I was out of work for like, I was so sick I lost, I couldn't eat, I couldn't keep cold water down. So I think I lost like 20 pounds in two weeks. Damn.

I looked great when I did my half hour. Yeah. Because I was just because I remember telling Tiffany Haddish had called me to say what's up. She said what's going on. I said I got sick and I lost 20 pounds in two weeks and she said come cough in my mouth.

You lost 20 pounds in like six days. I said probably. She said come cough in my mouth. Where are you? That's what you should have done after the show when you did your 30 minutes. Instead of selling merch, I will cough in your mouth for $20. 20 pounds. And so I was still sick because there was these lozenges that I had to take because the medicine I couldn't take on the plane because the bottle was too big. And I had to take two of these. I'd take five pills in

a day every two hours. Wow. So one of my friends would come with me, Danielle Perez, who's an amazing comic. She had an alarm on her phone. And every two hours she would. So one of my friends would come with me, Danielle Perez, who's an amazing comic. She had an alarm on her phone. And every two hours she would hand me one of these pills I had to take. Yeah. But yeah, I was down bad when I was sick like that. Damn. It was nuts. Once I got better, I thought I was

better because my tonsils had gone down and my throat felt better, but I was still not like 100%. And I went back to the doctor. He's like, oh, yeah, you still have strep throat. And now you still have, and you still have flush. And you did the full antibiotics and you still have the strep throat? Because I had so much.

I had staph and strep and tonsillitis and uveolitis. And so like one would away. So in a month I had all of these things. Damn. And then Trevor had just had surgery on his throat. So I was like, I could not go to work. Right. Because I got better

for a little bit and they were just like I was like I'm not feeling and they're like get out. I was at one point I think I had a mask on because it was so cold outside because I wore masks

on planes starting in 2016 because people are disgusting. Yeah. So I haven't worn a mask on a plane forever. You still do now. I did especially

because it was the Emmys on Monday and apparently COVID is back and then this other thing going around where it's like it's a stomach flu I've been wearing a mask on a plane forever. You still do now. I did, especially because it was the Emmys on Monday, and apparently COVID is back, and then this other thing going around where it's like it's a stomach flu and everybody's getting vomiting and diarrhea and stuff. So I was like, I'm not going to get caught out like that. My dress is expensive, and I actually have a date.

So who was just a friend anyway? That's not the point. Did you go to parties after it? Yeah, we went to the Governor's Ball after. Ooh, that's nice. It's a big to-do. But once you're at parties at a certain age it's like the median age in here is like 48 no one's dancing really we're just standing around talking eating past hors d'oeuvres and we're at a bar yeah so

and then we went to the disney party after that and i ran into some friends oh that's cool you know and i saw quinta and Ayo and Alex English who's a writer over at SNL who's very funny. So. Did you meet any new celebrities that you hadn't met before? Uh,

no. Yeah. Everybody I knew that I saw so it was just like, I saw, I said, hi to Cheryl Lee Ralph again and Giancarlo Esposito

and then Padma Lakshmi and I saw Janelle so it's like now I'm getting to the point like one of my career I was like oh I know a bunch of people at these things how do you know Giancarlo Esposito I met Giancarlo Esposito because uh I was hosting so um two years ago I hosted the Hollywood Critics Association Awards and it's like a two three hour show. I'm hosting the whole awards and then at the very end of it I fell down the stairs on the backstage

and twisted both of my ankles. No shit. And so I went to the after. You were in high heeled shoes? Yeah, but there were, but there were, there were brand new shoes

I'd never worn them before. Yeah. And so I was reaching for, and I guess I got too confident or whatever, and I was reaching for the stage hand's hand, the stage manager's hand

and just one ankle and I just crumbled. And then they sent like whatever, and I was reaching for the stage manager's hand and just one ankle, and I just crumbled. And then they sent like six firefighters, and I was like, how big did you tell them I was? Six firefighters? Six firefighters? I didn't need six firefighters. They put me in this tiny makeshift unfoldable wheelchair, got me back to my room, and I'm sitting there, and I can hear the after party, and I was like, no, I'm going to this after party.

So security took me to the after party and I was like no I'm going to this after party so security took me to the after party in a wheelchair no shit and then I had to get a wheelchair for the plane because I twisted both of my ankles

yeah wait so Giancarlo came up to you in the wheelchair at the after party he was like because I was just hosting a show

yeah yeah you saw me the past two three hours and then now I'm in a wheelchair yeah so everyone's like what happened

and Shirley Robbins like the entire cast at Eleanor and Ellen was like what happened but I already knew Quincy I already. Yeah. So everyone's like, what happened? And Shirley, like the entire cast at Eleanor and the Venture was like, what happened? But I already knew Quince. I already knew Janelle. And they're like, girl, what? And I was like, ah, Phil. Oh, God.

And then, but we're all performers. So everybody's first reaction was, thank God it didn't happen during the show. And I was like, that's exactly what I was thinking. Yeah. Thank God this did not happen during the show. Yeah. That's awesome. What's the other questions?

Final question. Okay. What's the other questions? Final question. Okay. What's the hackiest bit you've ever done? Oh, man. Uh. I think you're supposed to forget those.

I know. Some are etched in your mind, though, where you go, where you shudder. Damn. The hackiest bit I've ever done.

Um. I guess I have a hacky bit that people hate that I think is funny. Um, or basically it's like, I always think about like a young white girl who's dating a black guy and her family has shunned her. Just, you know, they're racist. They don't want to talk to her. And they're good Christian folks. So they wait until they're married to have sex. And then on her wedding night, she finds out that his dick is small.

It makes me giggle all the time. Because it's like, your father stopped speaking to you. And you thought you were with a black man and it's his dick is small it makes you're the one of the few people who think only comics think this is funny yeah but because an audience does not and i've said it's a hacky thing but it's like there's always this assumption because like i've seen black men with small dicks i've seen white men with large dicks. It's not, you know, we've set this standard and she believed it. And, you know, her dad won't even talk to her. That's hilarious.

And now in this man's dick. And now you've married him. You believed the high. Right, right. They wanted you to marry an Asian guy who maybe was hung like some of their last names are hung. Listen, stupid. It's like your father, you know, your family, they stopped talking to you. Yeah.

Your mom didn't even, your father didn't give you away. Yeah. Your mother didn't even come because they're that racist. Yeah. And this man's dick is small as shit. It makes me, I don't, listen, I don't even, this is a fictional person that I made up. Yeah. And it cracks me up. I made up. Yeah.

And it cracks me up. I love it. All right. Well, listen, the book is out. When did it come out? It comes out February the 6th. Okay. It's called Hello Friends, Stories of Dating, Destiny, and Day Jobs.

Okay. Well, I read a bunch of it, and it's just great. It's very like- Thank you. I don't know. It's just very genuine. It's very authentic. It comes off really nicely thank you

I uh a lot of it because I asked Michelle Buteau because she wrote her book Survival of the Thickest and my manager tricked me into writing this book and so

because I was like I don't know if I can write a book he's like well let's just take a meeting yeah and then that kept me well let's just take a meeting and then we took enough meetings and then somebody

was like well we'll give you money to write this. And I was like, did I just? Wait a minute. As a registrar, we were just selling a book. He was like, congratulations. And I was like, no, I've been had. Yeah. So.

You didn't realize you just got a homework assignment for the next year. For the next year, yes. Right. And so she started, she told me to start with stories that I couldn't tell on stage. Yeah. I she started she told me to start with stories that I couldn't tell on stage yeah and that's what the basis of you know me talking about like getting a nine on a math test or stories about guys that I've dated or you know me starting at Daily Show um they're all things on stage that were too long to they're all stories that were too long to tell on stage right and so when I thought of the book I I thought of like,

the way that I thought about when I was writing it was I'm just literally just like, okay, girl, let me tell you what happened. Okay, and then this happened. Yeah. Like basically, well, long story longer. And that was the idea that I got for the book was like, I want it to sound like I'm talking to you. Yeah, that's what it comes off as.

It's very conversational. And it's a lot to it makes you feel good about yourself in a lot of ways. There's a lot of stuff that struck with me. And also you're on a Fox animated sitcom called The Great

North. Is there a new season of that coming out? It just came out January the 7th. And so I play the character Honey B. Shaw Tobin. She's the only black character on the show. She's married to one of the kids on the show, Wolf Tobin. And I got to help design her character. Oh.

So they showed me her character design. I was like, what if we just gave her an afro? And then when we got to the first table, we were reading off all the standee of her. My headshot, I have an afro, and there's a flower in my hair. So if you see Honey Bee, the character, she has an afro and there's a flower in my hair. So if you see Honey Bee, the character, she has an afro

with a flower in her hair. Nice. So that's why it's because of my head shot. I like it. You got to get a fox in that show. I know.

I know. Show's on Fox. And don't forget Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. You still do episodes of that? Yeah, apparently I'm going next week. Listen, Peter Sagal

has not banned me yet. I love it. Because I keep showing, every time I'm on there, I'm like, they're not going to Sagal has not banned me yet. I love it. Because I keep showing up. Every time I'm on there, I'm like, they're not going to ask me to come back. Do you find people come out to see you at the clubs from that show? Yes. I've had a lot of people go, I heard you on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. I'm a huge fan.

I was like, man, because I wanted to be on it. I grew up listening to NPR, watching PBS, all of that. But when I started doing Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, because the first time I did it was in lockdown. Yeah. And so I was like, they're first time I did it was in lockdown. Yeah. And so I was like, they're never going to bring me back in here. Yeah.

And then they just keep bringing me back, which is a blessing because it's so fun to do. Yeah, I know Tom Papa and Alonzo Bowden, they've both developed big followings from it. Yeah, Alonzo does great on that. And then you got some tour dates coming up, February 1 through 3, Comedy Club of Kansas City. Yes.

February 8 through 10, Arlington Draft House. I was just there. Great room. Yes. February 28 at the Brea Improv in California. February 29 at the Oxnard Improv. March 1 through 3 at Zaney's in Chicago. Also coming to the Emanuel Theater in Pennsylvania

and the Comedy Zone in Jacksonville in April. Go to, what's your website? DualStateSloan.com. And I'm going to be at South by Southwest March 8th through the 13th. Oh, well there you go. Which is always fun. But DualStateSloan.com to get my dates. And then GiggleGloss.com to buy my lip gloss.

Get it. Let's get it up to 500. Yay. All right. Thanks for coming back on. Well, thanks for having me. Well, I'm just like NPR. I'm just going to keep having you back.

We did. Listen, I'm excited. Anytime that I can show up somewhere and say some words into electricity, I'm excited. All right. Good. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.