Fitzdog Radio - Hans Kim - Episode 1068

Episode Date: September 11, 2024

My pal from Kill Tony, Hans Kim joins the show.Watch my special "You Know Me" on YouTube! Go to https://takethesis.com/GREG to take the free 3-minute quiz to find out what your brain needs and use code [GREG] to get $60 off your first subscription order when you sign up for Thesis. Thanks to Thesis for sponsoring today’s video!These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. #sponsored

Hey everybody, welcome to FitzDog Radio. It's an exciting day here in FitzDog Studios, otherwise known as my living room today. And you like that painting behind me? My friend Josh's father did that. Anyway, big day because we hit 250,000 views on the special! 12 days in. I don't know if that's good. I think that's good. We certainly did enough promotion for it, but I think it's a great start and I want to thank all the people that watched and told their friends and commented and it just, it means a lot to me. I put a lot into it and I feel like it's all coming back. The comments are the thing that really make my day. I read them all and it just makes me feel like,

I don't care how many people see it, but the ones that are seeing it seem to be really loving it. So thank you for letting me know thank you to Kill Tony I that's coming out to tell me here this it will be out I did it with Sam Jay it was a riot I made a bunch of different people do spelling contests and Ryan sicklers podcast is out this week. I just did Tom Papa and Fortune that came out today. So we keep on pushing.

Keep on pushing. Let's let's let's go. I just got back from the mothership in Austin, which is where I did the special and did a weekend headlining with just so many cool comics hanging out. It's it's sketchy. Sixth Street, where the club is. All these people move to Austin because they say L.A. has too many crazy homeless people.

Let me tell you something. Nothing compares to Sixth Street in Austin. It is that it's zombies, dangerous zombies, they literally have a Navy SEAL security guy walk me from the club back to my hotel, which is two blocks away. And I need it. People just come right at you. It's nuts. And just every nook and cranny has another shoeless, dirty person shooting up or smoking a pipe. On the street are guys trying to prove themselves, like young dudes, crazy women, every chicks and daisy dukes,

and practically topless and screaming and slap I saw a slap fight between these two girls I get into the elevator am I I don't know how this guy got in the elevator at my hotel cuz you need well you need a key once you're in the elevator but I got in the elevator and this guy was in there and he was all tatted out first of all how do meth heads have so many tattoos like you're literally spending every dime. You don't have a house or a car or a phone because every dime you get goes into your fucking arm

or your throat or your pipe or whatever. And yet, you manage to be covered in tattoos. Is there some kind of priority when you're begging on the street of like, all right, left pockets my tattoo money, right money is my crack money. Why not blow it all on the good time? Come on, party hard. So this guy, I get on the elevator and this guy's in the elevator and I think he's just like a guy in a band he just looks like maybe a rock and roll guy and and then he starts ripping the control panel off of the elevator off the wall he's got his fingers in it and he's going I have to get in here I got to get in here they

put something in here and he's got a foot his foot against the wall and he's pulling and I'm like what the fuck is going on here? And I got really like I was squared off. He was a pretty big dude, not like he was big enough that you add methamphetamines and I was scared and I was squared off and I was like ready to do battle and then the floor and then the door opened not at my floor thank God it opened an earlier floor and somebody got on and he went running off and I was like Jesus what's going on in this town so I stayed in the hotel well

actually stayed in the mothership just bought a condo, this huge two-bedroom condo on the 20th floor of this building. It's in the hotel, but it's like the hotel has a wing that's apartments that they sell. And so it's floor-to-ceiling windows. Well, you can see it in my interview that's coming up, but you'll only see the one angle. I should have given a tour, but it's incredible. It's like just tricked out with like a fucking 150 inch TV, beautiful couches,

got a balcony with furniture, guitar, record player with all old comedy albums. Everything's totally stocked. So I stayed there and it was so nice. And I'm the first guest, I'm the first person to stay and all the headliners at the mothership are gonna be staying here. And I'm the first one to break it in.

And I did not break it in. I have to say, it's so pristine, I did not even masturbate all weekend out of respect to Mitzi and uh maybe Paulie Shure is going to be staying there I don't want him to be in a condo that somebody jerked off in so I play the guitar a lot I did my podcast, which you'll see later, with Han, Hans, Hans Kim, which I thought went very well. I didn't know how it would go because he's kind of, he's a little on the spectrum, he's a little ass-burger-sy, but man, he was really interesting and very forthcoming. I thought it was great. Also Troy Conrad who is the

infamous photographer at the Comedy Store for years at all the comedy clubs. I would say he is he is the guy who has shot comedy in his life. There's one other guy, why am I forgetting his name right now? He did my last headshots, but he is the guy who's been haunting all the best comedy clubs. He goes on tour with all the biggest comedians, with Burt and with Joe, and he's amazing. So he shot me last night, which was so fun.

I got a bunch of amazing shots on stage and then in front of the club and backstage. So thank you to Troy. and I'm back in LA. Jesus, I've been gone for three weeks straight. Straight, so I'm for two days in the last three weeks. So I'm back for a few days and I'm off to Chicago. I'll talk about that in a minute but stopped off and went to Maine for a couple of days this past week. My friend Mary turned 60. I might have mentioned it but she's one of my dearest friends for 35 years I've known her and she's just the greatest. She tough family, grew up in Dorchester, brothers were all like Golden Gloves

champs. Her father was a bookie for Whitey Bulger in Dorchester. And just the thick accents and the brothers are like ball busters and they get you into headlocks but they fucking hurt. Like they don't realize it hurts. And so I did a toast where I ripped them all which was pretty fun. It was fun, but what a great weekend What a great collection of friends and family the done Tom O'Neill author of chaos was there The dunks keys and the Malloy's everybody for our neighborhood a lot of people flew out from all over the country so That was great and

If you'd like to tell your friends the special is called, you know me. We literally just hit 250,000. Subscribe to my YouTube channel, that will help. Donate if you like the special. Throw a few bucks in the kitty. You can click on the link right there on the YouTube page. Leave some comments.

If you are a listener to the show I'm counting on you. This is this is a big moment Also a big moment this weekend. I'll be in Rosemont, Illinois outside of Chicago at Zany's September 12th through the 14th Temecula at the Montserrat winery September 21st I'll be in Fairbanks, Alaska September 25th through the 28th. Also coming to Tulsa, Tacoma, San Francisco, Cleveland, Atlanta, Janesville, Wisconsin, Nyack, New York, Raleigh, North Carolina, Milwaukee, Vegas, Pittsburgh. Go to FitzDog.com, get yourself some tickets, come out and say hi, I got a brand

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who is a guy who we kind of go through his journey. You know him from Kill Tony. He's like blown up. He's playing theaters now. And a few years ago, he was like a struggling comic living in his car And it's kind of a testament to what kill Tony can do for somebody's career But he it's worked because he kills he comes on and he does new stand-up and it's really solid. It's really funny He's an interesting guy, and I sat down with him. I hope you enjoy it. Here is Hans Kim.

My guest Hans Kim is sitting in kind of a historic moment. This is the very first, I'm the first guest at the Comedy Mother Store condo. I'm the in kind of a historic moment. This is the very first, I'm the first guest at the Comedy Mother Store condo. I'm the first guest of a guest. That's right. Guest of a guest. And what do you think of the place? This is amazing.

Yeah. Yeah, this is like, you made it penthouse apartment kind of vibe. Yeah, it feels like as somebody who has brought no women back here, have done no drugs here, I feel like it's gone to waste. It's a waste for me. I've had a lot of water. I masturbated twice.

Oh, the whole weekend. You got a sexy sound in your voice when I said that. This is a topic I know a lot about. Are you chronic? I do two or three a day. Every day? Every day. Wow, where do you find the time?

Oh, I don't know. I try to make the time sometimes. You've got to make the time. You've got to be committed. Got to prioritize. Yeah, right. And do you ever go bareback, or is it always assisted with video? I always do video.

Even if I start out thinking about something, I'm like, OK, let's kick it up a notch. Let's take it up a notch. Turbo charge it. And what's your category? Massage, Japanese massage form. Dude! You told me about this.

Are you serious? I got you into it? You got me more into it. The check massage porn. The Czech. That shit is crazy. Those guys are studs. The thing about the Japanese hidden camera massage porn

is that the masseuses are often kind of gross dudes. They're like pudgy and they're older and the Czech dudes are like studs. It's a different vibe. Yeah, the ladies are more into it They're way more into it I think there's something about the Eastern European women that they are just they're very comfortable with their sexuality They're very very much. They take charge of the sex and

They're gorgeous Yes the sex and they're gorgeous. Yes. They have that fucking, I don't know what it is. Maybe if in a hard time you're like I gotta have hot daughters. Yeah. Yeah. Just so I can get up, kick, you know, get my family up a rung in the social standing if you have a hot daughter that could change your life. Used to be one of the strong son for the plow, and now it's a strong daughter for the... to get plowed. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha the point with my pornography where I feel like I don't want it faked, I don't want actors, and I don't want there to be a victim. Is there a victim in Czechoslovakian hidden camera massage porn?

Hans Kim, your answer. I don't think so. It's hard to tell. I don't care enough to find out. I don't want to find out, but I hope not. I mean just in the sense that like they're into it. They're getting something out of it. They're all orgasming. But that videotape also may come back and haunt them at some point. Yeah. They always blur out the dude's faces in the Japanese porn.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But not the girls, which is more important. Yeah. Like the dude's like, oh my God, I can't believe you right more important. Yeah, I did like oh my god I can't believe you did that a girl like that could ruin your marriage prospects No one wants to marry someone with that. Yeah, you can see that right? Like I know someone has fucked my girlfriend really well, but there's no proof of it Yes Well when you say really well does she compare you to past lovers?

She does sometimes. I try to avoid it. I just want to be like, this is a category of its own. You're best in class. Yes. The 500 pound weight class or whatever. I don't mean she's heavy or anything, but. Well, the first time I saw you make love to a woman and I and I didn't see you. But I was on stage.

Kil Tony, this is going back about a good three years ago, and you were on the show and you were brand new to the show. It was literally like maybe your second or third appearance. And between the beginning of the show and the end of the show, you went upstairs, met an audience member who took you into, was it? A broom closet. A broom closet.

And you made sweet love with her. Yes. Doggy style standing up in a room closet with a condom. And then you came back on stage. No, you told me. How did I find out and I brought it up on the show. On the Joe Rogan Experience. Oh, but I didn't, oh, okay.

It was in the green room. I was just like, hey guys, just had sex. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I can't keep my mouth shut, so. And then I immortalized you on the Joe Rogan Show. Was that good for you? It was amazing for me. Then Joe had me on the show the next week.

Yeah. That Tuesday maybe. Maybe the next day. So not only have I introduced you to Japanese hidden camera in Czechoslovakia and hidden camera porn, I introduced you to the Joe Rogan experience. Yes.

Wow. And then I was on it, thanks to you. Wow. A couple years later. Well, you earned it. You're a really funny comic. Every single time you go on kill Tony. Your stand-up is rock solid I've done shows with you. We went to Atlanta one time with Joe Something like oh, yeah the Fox Theater and you killed it. Thank you Greg. Yeah honor to meet you

I've heard about you know, I've grew up listening to you guys and so crazy to actually know you. Where did you grow up? Well, thank you, by the way. I meant to say thank you, but I'm very curious about you because, you know, you kind of became big, very fast. I didn't know how long you'd been doing it before because the Kill Tony thing kind of catapult you very quickly into, you know, I wouldn't call it fame, but notoriety. Public knowledge, public domain.

So where did you start and how long had you been doing it before you kind of got found on Killtony? I started in Seattle for five years. No shit! Really? Doing open mics. Yeah. Whoa! What was that scene like? It was like a forgotten corner of America. We were still connected. We were almost Canada, it felt like. People would headline there and you could see all the best headliners come through

but like the open mic scene was like completely cut off from everything else. We just have Portland below us and that's it. It's just Seattle and Portland up there. And then in Seattle, I used to play a place in Bellevue. Parlor Live. Parlor Live, which was a real fun club. It was kind of a weird setup because.

Lots of money. It was, yeah, it was Microsoft, I guess, is headquartered there, right? So you get a lot of rich people, but they were cool. And it was, the room was set up really well, and it was very well run. And Jay, Big Jay Hollingsworth used to be the door guy and and then you know did a lot of comedy in Seattle. He was always there. He's the best guy. He's so nice.

Yeah yeah and funny. Yeah he's very talented. He's a grinder too that guy fucking he's he's got that Boston charm he's always like out there. He's so big, but you're like, he's so nice. Yeah, yeah. So when you were doing comedy in Seattle, what was your income? How did you pay the bills? Oh, I was just mooching off my mom and my dad. I was just living with my mom. That's where you grew up? Yeah, between 24 and 28 or something like that.

23 and 28, I was just living in my mom's house. And then eventually she left for Korea and I had this whole condo to myself. No way. So for five years I didn't pay any rent. What? Really? Just doing open mics, three, four open mics a night,

just coming home, living for free, writing jokes and going out every night for five years. It was such an amazing boost for me. Wow. And where did you get the money for food, and cars, and phones, and all that stuff? I would Uber. I would Lyft.

I had a job at Burger Master in Bellevue doing the buns. You were the bun man. Yeah. You should have gotten a license plate bun man. I like buns. I like big buns. Damn, that's pretty cool. That's five years of just going to school, basically.

Were there local comics that you learned from that were good? Gabriel Rutledge and Olympia, Kermit Apio, Brad Upton, those are the older guys. Is Kermit black? No, Kermit Apio, Brad Upton, those are the older guys. Is Kermit black? No, Kermit's Hawaiian. Okay, I knew he was not normal. Normal. Yeah, he's brownish, I guess,

but he's very white appearing besides the skin. Yeah, there were like local comics that I loved, Andrew Murphy, you know, like Brent Flyberg. So who's come out of Seattle? Is Adam Ray from Seattle? Adam Ray's from Seattle, but he, I don't know if he spent a lot of time there. Fahim, Fahim Anwar is from Seattle.

Fahim Anwar. He was one of my heroes growing up. He would headline. I would be like in awe watching him at laughs. Yeah. Fahim's the guy. There's a few people. We were actually talking about this in the green room last night. We were talking about people that we can't understand why they're not huge. And Fahim's one of those guys who's doing very well. He's got a really good, solid career, so respected by everybody. But every year I keep waiting for this like, you know, the theater tour to start, you know Godfrey is another guy. I think I'm like that. Yep. Yes. He's so talented. Yeah and me

Well, I knew about you from such a long time ago from the Joe Rogan experience. Well, comics know me and I really look at my life sometimes and every time I get down, because you get on social media and you see somebody walking on stage to his fucking arena and everybody's cheering and then you see them get on a private jet. I got to get off Instagram because that's not me. I take Coach to an Uber. I don't stay in condos except for here and Denver. Otherwise I stay in decent hotels.

I make a good living. I raised a family. I'm married 25 years. I fucking love my, I just got off the phone with my wife. In love with her, my kids wanna be around me. They like treasure me. You're a good human being. I got good friends and I'm sober, I'm healthy physically,

I got a lot of things to be grateful for. And I have the respect of my peers, which I think career-wise might be the most important thing is that when comedians like you say nice things about me, that's better than playing a theater in a way. You know what I mean? Because I have such respect for stand up. Yeah. People that have a lot of success, some people, you know, they're not very well liked and that eats away at them.

They know it and they hate it. Like Ellen DeGeneres is miserable right now. She's a billionaire. But she knows nobody likes her and so she just lives in her mansion alone with her doormat girlfriend. Yeah and they're trapped because your ego won't let you go out meet people and work your way back in. By the way today's show is brought to you by the Hyatt. The Westin. I'm sorry, the Westin. There was these three women in bath robes. I've got the shades down, but you've got to see this condo, the floor to ceiling. There was three women in bath robes standing at the window, and I kept thinking that they

were going to flash me or something because they could see me and I could see them. It was a very weird moment. Yeah, you guys are meeting as equals above everyone. or something, because they could see me and I could see them. It was a very weird moment. Yeah, you guys are meeting as equals above everyone. 20 floors up. So it's not like I can, if they were to flash me, it's not like I could go attack them. They're very safe.

It's a zoo. Flashing zoo. And don't you think it would have been exciting for them? It definitely would have been exciting for me. I would have like pumped my fist or and instead they just took a bunch of selfies in bathrobes and they were like pretty attractive younger women. Oh my gosh. Yeah Well, I don't know why anyone would flash because it doesn't do anything for me being flashed or getting being the flasher Yeah, watch some guys are into it.

Yeah. But if you have it. What's the best voyeur moment of your life? I have drone footage of a woman flashing the drone. Where was this? This was right here on 6th Street, right in front of the Vulcan. Oh, so you had the drone just going down 6th Street, and some woman saw it and flashed it.

Yeah. That's awesome. Luckily I was recording at the time. Have you ever seen a woman in a window? No. I feel like that's a thing that I missed out on as part of my generation. Yeah. I feel like people are more aware of it nowadays.

Or I don't know there's less window window time for young people. There's too many window dressings now. There's too much this the shades, there's drapes, there's curtains, there's blinds. I mean what happened to the old days? It was just an open window. Well nowadays you're gonna record it so now people are like more I think Right, I see what you're saying. Yeah. All right, so let's go back to Seattle. You were born in Seattle I moved there when I was seven. I was born in New Jersey. Oh My dad was going to Rutgers in New Brunswick with he was in college when he had you yeah How was your mom when she had you? Probably 21, 22.

And they're both Korean? Yes, they just moved to America. Did they know each other in Korea? Yeah, they married, they came together, they had me. They were going to move back. But then it was sort of like when you're holding onto a hot air balloon, it just keeps lifting up. Like I was too Americanized by the time they were ready to

move back, so like, fuck. I see. And what did their parents do back in Korea? My mom's parents my mom's dad was an actor. He was like part of an acting Country Korea was going through some shit for a while But he was doing acting and he was like in the thick of it, just acting for... Wait, so this would have been like during the Korean War. 70s, 80s during the military dictatorship.

And then my dad's family was a bit wealthier. They had property, I don't know exactly what he did, but I think a lot of it had to do with property management and being in with the right crowd. I have no idea. But he was more rich. Now, in Korea, are black people the ones that run the groceries? It's just the opposite of here.

So they came up with money. So when they came to this country, they had some support from the grandparents. I think so and they he was in a doctorate program so they were living pretty poor like students but then once he got his job at Microsoft that's why we were in Seattle he was a mathematician for the research department just doing theoretical math no kidding yeah they just paid him to do math really yeah and did your mom work

my mom no she was a stay at home but she was really into math as well and Yeah, they just paid him to do math. Really? Yeah. And did your mom work? My mom, no, she was a stay at home. But she was really into math as well. And once we were out of the house, she started tutoring and teaching math. And that's her passion. How were you at math? I was all right.

It's hard work. It's not intuitive, I don't think, to anyone. Well, that's what I've heard about. American kids say that they're math-phobic. And they say in Asia, that's just not a concept. You just do it. It's like working out. You just apply yourself, and over time, you get it.

Yeah. But there are kids that are not good at math in Korea, but very, very rarely. The white kids. Yeah. The ones that look white are very, very rarely. The white kids. Yeah. The ones that look white or have the most white tendencies. Yeah. And that's a big push, I guess, in the education system

in Korea is math. Yeah. It makes sense to them, to our way of thinking. Right. It's hard work. It pays off eventually, hopefully. Do you find yourself attracted more to Korean women than than American women? I think so. Yeah

Just because there's something similar going on there, but I very rarely see them in comedy I don't know if in LA it's different But Koreans performing or in the audience in the audience or performing. Yeah that matter Well, cuz Koreans let me turn off my phone Koreans are hard-working They're not they're not lazy around wasting time at comedy clubs exactly Yeah, they say the Koreans are the hardest working of all the Asian people I think so where the middle child nobody really respects us enough. So we have to work harder. Yeah So yeah, I mean Japanese they get like, you know, they get kudos just for being Japanese, right Chinese

They have the whole army a billion of them But Koreans are like we got to work or else we're gonna get fucking invaded again Yeah, you've been invaded a lot. Yeah. World War I, World War II, Korean War, Vietnamese War. Weren't you guys invaded during the Vietnamese War as well? I don't think so. We were helping you guys out. Oh, you were invading Vietnam. Right, right, right.

Yeah, it is weird. And have you spent much time back there? I used to go back every year pretty much for like seven years and then like yeah spent like a month there You ever go to the DMZ? Yeah, I've been once. What's that like? It's crazy It's like it's a very tourist place now. It just stay on the track. Don't Straight too far. It's like a museum Yeah, it used to be like the craziest place ever. North Koreans digging tunnels, popping up,

killing people, going back in. Really? Yeah, there's a whole history of North Koreans building tunnels and they'd get caught. I'd be like, no, that was your tunnel. They'd be like, oh no, but the blasting tubes are pointed from your direction, so we know it's yours. No kidding.

And they tried to assassinate the South Korean president. They had like a commando squad infiltrate all the way to the Blue House. Really? Yeah. It was a crazy time. Damn. Because Korea was under like a puppet dictator. Like America just installed some random dude that would just massacre all the people.

The North Korean leader? No, the South Korean. Yeah, we were doing worse than leader? No, the South Korean. Yeah, we were doing worse than North Korea until like the 80s. So yeah, they wouldn't respect our president at all. They would just come in and try to kill him. Right.

But yeah, it's cool to go there because it's like, this is what it looks like when people don't get along to the utmost degree and all the technology and military and violence that comes with it. They used to have a TV program 40 years after the Korean War where old people would meet and they would film it for KBS, it was like ABC in Korea. And it would just be people just bawling their eyes out. They haven't seen each other in 40 years

Because that's how Koreans hold a grudge. We just fucking Knuckle down and right down. Yeah, it's like Irish people. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we've were occupied by the British obviously So there's similar parallels like Israel and Palestine Yeah, Irish people are very pro-palestine right now very pro-palestine. Yeah And you know, and I don't have it, I don't have a horse in the race. I don't really know how I feel about it. My wife is Jewish, so you know, I gotta take her side. That I respect, but there's people that aren't even Jewish that are on Israel's side, I'm like,

what is it for you? Yeah. My girlfriend's Jewish too, so I get it from her perspective. She's just on Team Israel. Yeah. So I get that. Well, I mean, the thing is, is when your people, when there was a genocide against your people 70 years ago,

you kind of feel like you got to buckle down no matter what and get behind them. But at the same time, you look at the Palestinians and this most recent action against them is just deplorable. But at the same time, then I go back again and I go, well they're also hurling fucking bombs at Israel around the clock all the time. But I don't know, it's very complicated

and that's why I think people, people read a few news stories and then they jump in with both feet, you know, and he goes, it's all emotion. Yeah. Yeah. Whereas the Irish conflict is much more easy to read. Like the Brits came in there and have occupied for hundreds, like 800 years and the Irish are like this fucking rag tag Badass we just won't assimilate, you know any other country if they were occupied that long would eventually go All right, we'll drink tea and we'll fucking put the Queen on our dollars, you know, and the Irish are just like no We're gonna fucking play bagpipes and we're gonna bomb you we're gonna fight we're gonna you gonna, you know, like I got this tattoo,

the harp, because the British, for hundreds of years, didn't allow Irish traditional music, and if they caught you with a harp, they would kill you. They'd kill your whole family. And so they would bury harps in basements, and they'd have these music sessions in the country that people would sneak off to. And you know the language, Gaelic,

which is the Irish language, they kept it alive for hundreds of years even though if you spoke it you would be killed. Yeah. Just for speaking. Yeah. Fucking British. The British man, people in this country,

we got racism all wrong. People are like, black people get racism, Jews get racism. What the fuck, what have they ever done? Then you look at the British who like, colonized, they committed genocide in India, in Africa, and here, and Australia, and you're just like, well, why are we,

the fucking Dutch, you know how evil the Dutch are? Oh, the Dutch East Indies company yeah I don't know much what is that South America or Africa okay they were in they were in uh yeah South they colonized South Africa they were apartheid was them and then all different areas of Africa the Dutch came in yeah Africa is easy to look over. You're just like, oh, that's just Africa. It's always been like that. It's true.

Yeah, they got fucked. Yeah. So all right, so why did your parents leave and go back to, you said your mom went back to Korea. Where'd your dad go? My dad is back in Korea right now. My mom is in Oakland. She went back to Korea, came back your dad go? My dad is back in Korea right now. My mom is in Oakland. She went back to Korea came back here

to the States. My dad once he was done with Microsoft he was like I just want to go back to where I can talk to people. Really. Yeah. He went back. So your parents split up.

Yeah they're sort of separated now. I don't know if they're officially divorced but they're living apart from each other. Well, was him leaving the country about going back to Korea, or was it about getting away from your mom? I think a little bit of both. Really?

I think so. We don't really talk about it. You don't talk about it. You are Irish. You guys are Irish. I just want to say, yeah. And so he stayed over there. And how long ago was this? This is after I graduated from college.

I'm 34, 35 now. So this is like 15, 17 years ago. You're 34, 35 right now? Are you 34 or are you 35? 35. Why do you say I'm 34, 35? I just wish I was younger. I've never heard anyone describe their own age with a you say I'm 34, 35? I just wish I was younger.

I've never heard anyone describe their own age with two numbers before. It's just a vague concept at this point. And so when your mom came back, why'd she move to Oakland instead of Seattle? That's where my sister is. She found a job. My middle sister, I'm the oldest, she's the middle, and then my youngest sister joined them. So they're all there.

All the girls in our family are together in California and Oakland. In Oakland? Who the fuck lives in Oakland? Isn't it kind of a dump? Yeah. My mom got her bag stolen at a Costco. Really?

Yeah, and the Costco wouldn't help her. In Oakland, they're like, that happens. Is she broke? Why Oakland? Well, my sister married a guy who is like a native of Oakland, okay So I think he is like Oakland do or die and they're kind of like on board with that like at least he has like a Passion. Yeah for a place. Okay, and He's Chinese and yeah, it's an interesting mix. Yeah

What college you go to Georgia Tech, Atlanta? Really? Yeah, how'd you like Atlanta? I loved Atlanta Yeah, the school was 70% men, which I had no idea before I got there. Is it a tech school? Yeah Yeah, Georgia Tech. Oh, Georgia Tech. You just said yeah Yeah, well, I guess that makes sense. What percentage Asian? Probably like 30 25. Uh-huh pretty good for a southern school. Yeah, and Did you meet girls there? Not even a little bit not once No, I didn't I met women, but I never had sex you were a virgin through college college. Yeah, 22

Alright, and then you moved from there back to Seattle Uh-huh. I did a stint in Chattanooga at a startup company Uh-huh that didn't work out I got fired for arguing with the boss and not really doing enough Did you have sex there in Chattanooga? I? Had sex I did an internship Near Atlanta, that's when I had sex and I went to Chattanooga. I had sex. I did an internship near Atlanta. That's when I had sex and I went to Chattanooga. I don't think I ever had sex there. Alright, walk us through the first time you had sex because at this point you're

like 23 years old. 22. You're 22 years old. You're all backed up. You're all horned up. And how do you meet this girl? It was at a party. So we, I was doing an internship. We went to Georgia Tech, my old school, and there was a house party. I was just talking to this big black woman, black girl. She was my age. And then we went to a club. She couldn't get in because she was 20 and I was 22. So it's completely legal. But, uh. Can you say big? How big? She was like, she wasn't pressure sized, but she was maybe Miss Pat sized.

Miss Pat size, OK. But taller. Yeah. And then she got into the club somehow, and then we just started grinding and dancing. And we even kissed probably. And then we went to another party after that. And then she happened to be there.

And then I was like, oh my god. And then we started kissing there. And then I got her phone number. And then she decided to come down to Noonan. Or no, I went up to her place. She had a beautiful place. It was like a hotel. She was really doing well.

And then we had sex. And then in the middle of sex, I was like, can. She was really doing well. And then we had sex. And then in the middle of sex, I was like, can I tell you a secret? And she was like, uh-oh, what is this? And I was like, I'm a virgin. She was like, oh, that's why you're so bad at this. Yeah. That's the kind of feedback you were looking for.

Oh my god. You waited till halfway through? Yeah, I wanted a completely organic experience and then I revealed it so that, because it was not, I was like, I don't know what to do. I don't know where to put what, who to, who to high five or whatever. I'm guessing she didn't have sex with you again after that.

No, we started seeing each other for a little bit. Okay. And then we stopped seeing each other when she found out I wasn't really looking to be exclusive. Oh, look at you. Wow. Yeah, I mean, I was a virgin with standard. Yeah. I could see that. I mean, if it takes you that long to have sex, you're probably gonna want to have multiple partners at that point.

All right, so you go back to Seattle, you start doing, did you know that's what you wanted to do when you got back there? No, I got fired from my job. I was just like, what am I gonna do with my life? I was listening to Joe Rogan all the time. I had the bug, I wanted to try stand-up. So I was like, okay, let me try this.

I'm not doing anything else. It was probably like a week back My mom was pissed. I got fired. I had no direction in my life. Yeah She was like you're staying out till 1 a.m. What the fuck were you doing? Cuz I got caught with weed earlier. Uh-huh, and I was like, I'm doing stand-up comedy and then no questions She was just like, okay, you found something Okay, and she just let me stay out as late as possible. Use the family car.

You stay at home for free and just do comedy for five years. And she was just like, she's glad I found something. Wow. Yeah. That's amazing. And when did you first start making a living? When did you quit the day job? Probably here in Kill Tony. When I got Kill Tony day job? Probably here in Kil-Toni.

When I got Kil-Toni was when I finally just got my head above water. How long ago was that? That was three years ago when I was having sex in the room closet. That was probably my moment. That was your moment. Yeah. I was living in New York in a van, so I was working like part time so I could make that work.

I was on like part-time so I can make that work. I was on food stamps But yeah, I mean I wasn't like making enough money to live like a human being until I came to Austin So you alright so Seattle you get your five years under your belt you start to feel like you got a strong 10-15 minutes to show clubs, so then you move to New York Mm-hmm, and you drove in a van to New York or you bought one when you got there? I bought one when I got there. Did you know you'd be living in it when you bought it? Yeah, I bought a minivan first I was just like I'm in New York. I'm working all the time. I live in Sunset Park Far away like I'm not doing what I want to do yeah, let me just cut down on all the expenses and

Just do what I was doing in Seattle, because I knew what that was like. So I wanted to replicate that in New York. And so you put a mattress in the back of the van? And what month was this? This is six months into New York. In January was when I first started living in a van in New York. And you'd sleep with the van off with

just a lot of blankets? Yeah. Damn. I got great sleep in that van. And what if you had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night? I had a plastic bag in the beginning. A carrier and a plastic bag in the morning. Yeah. Looking for a place to dump it. And then I got a bucket, laundry detergent buckets were great. Those oil buckets, those clear large cooking oil buckets were great.

And I would just pee in that, throw it up, because they're everywhere in New York. So I'd just pick one up when it got too dirty. There was like fucking solids starting to form in it. I'd just throw it away and get a new one. Throw in a garbage can? Yeah, anywhere. And what about bowel movements? Inside venues, you know, I'm not really a big shitter maybe like once every two days. Well your body

probably starts to regulate itself when you can't go that often. Right, yeah. So during the day if you had nothing to do would you just sit in the van and yeah sit in the van right go to a cafe right or go to a park just hang out yeah air everything out and then it took you a minute to break into the clubs in New York I never got anywhere in the area started from scratch and stayed at the bottom and then the pandemic happened and then I came here and then that's when something happened for me. Wow. That's crazy.

So did you drive the van out here from New York and continue living in it? Yeah, I have it here somewhere. Somewhere. Ha ha ha ha ha. Stashed it. Damn, and now you got an apartment on 6th Street. Like a man, I shouldn't give away your address,

but it's a pretty big venue, big avenue. Yeah. And you're living with your girlfriend? No. Is it exciting for you to wake up in the middle of the night and go pee in a toilet? I must feel so good. I mean, really, there's probably some things

that you don't take for granted now. Yeah. Climate control. Everything's the temperature I want it to be. Privacy. I don't have to sleep by cars. Where did you use to shower? You know, like New York sports.

What is that? New York gym. Sports club? Yeah, sports club or something. So you got a membership there. Yeah, I would get trial memberships for a week. I really wasn't showering enough. And then I'd go to other gyms.

24-hour fitness was hard to get into. There's so many gyms in New York. And you just get week-long memberships at each one. Saunas. They were nice gyms. Would you work out while you're in there or just shower? Sometimes. I wish I did no more was there anyone

that looked after you in New York yeah a lot of a lot of good friends there uh-huh not so good that they put you on their couch I actually didn't like that is more preferable for me to stay in the car uh-huh but yeah someone gave me a job at a sushi restaurant I was awful at it. Yeah. And then I quit suddenly. I was a maitre d living in a van greeting people on fucking midtown Manhattan, these rich people. And I don't know what I smelled like, but I was Asian. So it worked. So then you come out here and the pandemic's going on and things start to open up, Kill Tony starts again,

and then you're just one of the hundreds of people that puts their name in a hat on a Monday night. You get called up and what happens the first time you do it? It goes all right. I do my jokes, they make me jump over my leg. I was like trying to like do anything. I was trying to do anything. I was like, please, I don't care about how I look. I'll do anything for the show.

I get called up two or three times. Then Tony gets canceled, that time he got canceled for the Pang Dang thing. And then he was like, hey, why don't you come back? You're Asian. So I was singing the national anthem, doing whatever I could. He's like, come back next week, I'll give you a minute. And then that's, I did the minute and then Tony was like, you want to be our first replacement regular? And

I was like, yes. Wow. So it was fortuitous that you were Asian at that time. Yeah. And that you happen to be doing good sets So it was fortuitous that you were Asian at that time. Yeah. And that you happen to be doing good sets and it was just like, all right, this is, this is a good fit. Yeah. That's crazy. And who is the guy that, that Tony got canceled over? What was that guy's name?

Peng Dang. Is he still here at Austin? No, he's from Dallas. Okay. And then he moved to New York for a bit. I don't really know where he is. Yeah. It's kind of a weird move. Yeah. Yeah. Very anti-social. Right. I like airing out dirty laundry. I should have stayed in the community. Yeah. I mean, the thing about comedy is so much of it is in context of what's going on in a room at a certain time and

You know like you look at what happened to Shane Gillis on that podcast about what he said And I think we really thought that the Asians were untouchable. We thought he can't say the n-word He can't make fun of Jewish people, but we thought Asians are safe. All said we can't even make fun of you guys Yeah, they're just it's just math. Nobody's actually offended. The Asians weren't offended. It was just people being like, you can't do this to these people, and you're

doing it to these people. So technically this should be illegal too. Yeah. And there's a small contingent of liberal Asians that will amplify what is microaggressions but. It happened at Sarah Silverman about two decades ago on the Conan O'Brien show. She did a, I can't remember what the joke was.

It might have been, I have a friend who's Asian and he made a joke and he made a pee pee in my Coke or something, you don't remember that old joke? Yeah, Sam Talent did that joke. Oh, he did? On Killtoni. I had no idea what he was talking about. So I learned about it then. Yeah. So she did some version of that on Conan. I may have it wrong, but there was this Asian group that really stuck it to her and Conan ended up apologizing on the air because of it. I don't

know if she ever did, but. All but alright so you start to become a regular on Killtony and then how does the money start to come in? Where do you start from? Going on the road yourself? Probably started with opening for Joe Rogan at the Vulcan. Paid pretty well. It's a good paycheck. Yeah got me, you know into my first house right or my first rented room in a house and then I started touring I started going out with Tony and You know, I guess touring is where a lot of it comes from. Yeah I have a YouTube channel that makes me like maybe $1,000 a month if I'm lucky you want to plug it haunts Kim on

YouTube I Need to post more but you can see like a video of me and the kissing a bunch of women Uh-huh. It's like a montage that I made is that the thing now? Are you like the guy who's hooking up on the road? No, that was my thing when I first started when I when I met you for the first time But no, I'm not hooking up on the road that much. I think it's sad if you're out at the meet and greets just hunting.

Yeah. Because you can always tell. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. But I have a girlfriend now. You have a girlfriend. So when you started going on tour, opening for Tony probably more than Joe, because Joe's obviously not, he's not doing any of that but like opening for Tony you would meet girls and you'd hook

up with them? Yeah. And would they know that was your thing and so they wanted to be part of the experience? Some of them yeah I'm sure. Not to take away from your charm I'm sure you were very good on your own but I'm just wondering if it was like it was like you know girls wanted to be another notch in your In your gun belts. I mean some people don't like that. They're like, oh, I'm just another you say this to all the girls Right, but yeah, it helped out a lot for sure. Yeah. Yeah, I know what I look like

It's not a bad-looking guy. Thank you. I guess not. I, yeah. Do you think you're not a good looking guy? Yeah. No, no, you're fine. Thank you. I mean, you're not like striking, but I wouldn't say you're unattractive. Okay. I just, I just don't think about it or try to, you know, that's the best way to do it.

If you don't think about it, then, you know, you're not taking yourself out of the game I used to be good-looking. I Mean I wasn't like gorgeous. I think you have a good head size good head size. Yeah Yeah, good head like me. My head is just there's something going on It's long yeah, right Yeah, very long. Yeah. I think I mouth-breathed a lot. Uh-huh.

And that kind of dropped everything down. OK. Apparently, that's really bad for you according to this Netflix documentary. Really? Uh-huh. Mewing. Uh-huh.

I forget what it's called. But some guys just like, if you close your mouth, you can look better. Absolutely. I was once on the Chelsea Handler show. And the producer, Sue Murphy, came out during a commercial break. And she goes, close your mouth.

You're literally sitting there like this. And I realized I do that all the time. I constantly catch myself, and I close my mouth, because I go like that. Yeah. It looks horrible. It looks horrible. Nobody looks good with their mouth open. No, no

All right, let's get to the part of the show that's called fastballs with fits I'm gonna ask you some questions. You're gonna answer them, okay? Have you ever borrowed money from anybody yes Who and how much and have you paid it back? I paid it back $10,000 from a family friend to buy my first Sprinter van, my only Sprinter van. Oh my god. Because I was living in a minivan for six months.

Yeah. And then I borrowed $10,000 from a family friend. And then I paid them back throughout the pandemic. I wanted to stop during the pandemic, but my mom was like doing a Korean hissy fit, sighing really heavily. And I was like, okay, I'll pay them back. And it turns out I made more money during the pandemic

than ever before in my life. How did you make money during the pandemic? So Washington State, where my licenses was still, cause I never transferred to New York, they were given out like 400 bucks a week. Really? Yeah. And all I had to do was apply to one job and show them,

or like, I didn't even have to show them, I just had to click. I guess I did that. Yeah. So I was getting 400 bucks a week or something, or 200 or something. Yeah. So I was totally able to pay them back.

I was paying that back like a thousand a month or something. Yeah. So I was totally able to pay them back. I was paying that back like $1,000 a month or something. I just didn't want to. But yeah, my mom made me pay them back. And then I pay them back every month. And were they always cool about it, or did they ever put pressure on you to get the money? No, they were super cool about it. That's amazing.

You going to do something nice for them now? I have to, yeah. Yeah, you should do something nice. them now? I have to. Yeah. Yeah, you should do something nice. Give them that van. If you can find it. I don't think they want that van. With the jugs of piss in it. All the cum stains. Oh god. Did you ever bring a woman back to the van?

Oh yeah. No! Really? Yeah, that's probably the most sex I had up until now, is in the van. What? I don't even know how to have sex in a home now. How did you meet these girls? Comedy, I met one girl through comedy, another girl through comedy, they were comedians.

Yeah. And went over to a girl's house, so I didn't have sex. Some random Tinder date, didn't know I did comedy, that was the only non-comedian that I had sex with, but it was an in the van. So you never had sex on some random Tinder date. Didn't know I did comedy. That was the only non-comedian that I had sex with. But it was an in the van. So you never had sex in the van? Oh, I did with the two comedians. You did.

Yeah. One was in the minivan and then the sperm van. One was only in the minivan. And then I had some sort of thing with another comedian during the pandemic where we were traveling from San Diego to fucking Arizona or Joshua Tree. So I was having some sort of tryst.

I don't know if I ever had official penetrative sex, but it felt pretty. I mean, I can't imagine, and no offense, the low self-esteem of a woman to go into the van of a man who's showering in gyms. The van's gotta smell horrible. And to have sex with you. I think girls like a story.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, that's great. All right, next question. There's two types of people. Go. Two types of people. There are people who are aware of other people in the world and are trying to be a helpful part of the whole thing. And there are people that are like main character.

Everyone else is just sort of to the side and it doesn't really matter. Yeah. And I think there's great ways to do both. And America is like a place where people that are like type A personalities can really benefit everyone else by being the best version of themselves. But I prefer like people that are more, you know, not trying to be the main character all the time. Yeah.

Maybe on stage, yeah, but off stage. I think that it's really grating to me to be around someone who just leaves you no room to exist. And it is hard. I mean, I like your answer a lot. But it is hard as a comedian because you do have to live in both worlds. You have to be the person that's pushing themselves on social media look what I'm doing pay attention to me

comment on what I do and Be on stage everybody shut up listen to me for now and then also get off stage and be like oh Thank you for coming to the show would tell me about yourself Where are you front you know and if you don't do you from? You know? And if you don't do that, you can really get fucked up. If you don't balance it out by caring about the people around you, I mean, you become a lunatic and nobody likes you. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy if you're at a meet and greet, just even at a meet and greet where people just saw you be the main star. You just have to, okay, that was that. Now it's back to whatever.

People don't like that sometimes. They want you to be the guy they just saw on stage and all of a sudden you're like, hey, I punched out. Now I'm just trying to get you to buy my stupid pin. You're just a $10 bill to me right now. All right, have you ever not finished a set on stage? Yes. What happened?

This was Detroit, I think, opening up for Joe Rogan. I don't know if I wanna tell this story. You can tell it, it's a safe space. So I had smoked weed and I was bringing up Brian Simpson. Tony wasn't there that weekend. He was doing his own thing, I think. And so I go up first. I do my jokes.

They're doing all right. I do my best joke. It does all right. And then I have one more joke left. And I'm like, well, this is as good as it gets. So if you guys are allowed if you gave me that for that joke I can't even imagine what you're gonna give me for the and it's a theater it's the Fox Theater in Detroit yeah so

I did about ten minutes you're supposed to 15 I'm supposed to 15 Brian Simpson is not waiting you know watching five minutes of my set. He is in the green room. I introduce him Brian Simpson He does not coming out. I just walk off. I just walk out like that's what's supposed to happen And there's the weirdest murmur in the audience That's the kind of vibe in the audience. I've never seen an audience like that. Hopefully I never will. So I go up into the green room. I poke my head in, hey, Brian, I introduced you.

And Joe is like, what the fuck are you doing here? And so we all walk down. And I'm like, do you want me to introduce you again? And Brian's like, no, I got this. I've been here before. Don't worry, I got this. He was so, he was a mensch. So he goes out, he fucking saves the show. He just blames it on himself, I think.

He's like, oh, sorry, man, I got too high. His audience doesn't know how much time I was supposed to do Yeah, their phones are all backed up. Anyways, yeah And then Brian does this time that Joe comes out. He's like, sorry guys. I think we got Hans Kim too high So that was the first show the second show was I did my time Good. Yeah. So when did you start getting high before you went on stage? I try not to but with Joe, Joe takes little puffs. Yeah. So I'm not gonna turn Joe Rogan down. So I took a couple puffs. Yeah. I really don't think it was the weed. I think it was just my self-confidence. Yeah, yeah. The weed will amplify your lack of self-confidence in a given moment. That's why I could never do it on stage.

All right, final question. Hans Kim, what is the hackiest bit you've ever done? I mean, if you come out this weekend, I do a lot of it. The hackiest bit, well, I have a set that I did when I first came out, and it's like at a Thai restaurant. I'm like thank you for decorating the place for me. I said as an Asian guy, you know, it's like,

I have to be careful how I park. I'm like man, I'm running down the whole race with how I park. And then no punch line, just general insecurity about being Asian. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I still do that about Irish stuff. I mean, you kind of got this tool belt that you can use when you go on stage, you know? And how you use it, I definitely, there's times where I go, wow, I'm really playing into some Irish stereotypes with this one.

I could probably work on that. Then there's times I go deep into interesting thoughts about the Irish. But yeah, when you're starting out, you definitely lean on the real obvious ones. Yeah. Yeah. All right, listen, do you want any tour dates you want to plug?

Yeah, I'll be in Boston. I'm doing the Wilbur. Oh, that's amazing. This weekend. I'm so excited. Just you? Yeah. Look at you.

Blowing up, huh? Yeah, I'm so thankful they'll let anyone up. No, I'm just kidding. No, it's a really good theater. Yeah, I'm so excited. And then I'm doing Richmond, Virginia, Funny Bone. I'm doing Toronto in February. I'm doing Oklahoma in December. Uh-huh. That's all I can remember at this point. Okay, that's great. All right, Hans Kim, what a

pleasure. Thank you so much. Thank you, Greg. This is an honor. Oh, thank you. That's nice to hear. We broke in the the condo. Yeah. The mothership condo. I'm glad I'm one of the first to see it. All right. Good. Let's make love. Thank you. You