Fitzdog Radio - Ian Bagg - 1032

Episode Date: December 6, 2023

Canadian comedian Ian Bagg shares stories growing up in a youth detention center and fighting his way out of a gang. That’s not true but I’m trying to use hooks. He is genuinely hilarious. Follow Ian on Instagram @IanBagg

Hi, welcome to FitzDog Radio. I'm your host, Greg Fitzsimmons, formerly Gregory Fitzsimmons. I think the only time anybody ever called me Gregory was when my father was about to throw a beating on me. He'd be downstairs and I would have done something bad and my mom would warn me. It was literally like that whole like, wait till your father gets home. And she did. She waited till my father got home and then she would tell him. And then he would stand at the bottom of the stairs and he would go, Gregory. And that meant I had to walk down 14 steps. I counted them many times. And then the fireworks erupted.

Oh, did I learn a lot. It was really a learning experience. Did it change my behavior? Absolutely not. Made it worse. Made me angry. Made me do crazier shit. So I've never hit my kids.

I've wanted to very much at times. But, and who knows? Maybe they will not be so successful that they're doing a podcast in their living room at 57 years old. Living room, not in the office. Office is gone. We'll talk about that more during the podcast. My guest today, Ian Bagg, we just spoke this afternoon. Love that guy. I'm really happy. He's had a great couple of years of success. He's building something pretty special because he's very

talented and we're going to talk to him. And we had a great talk. And we were back in the Fitz Dog studios, back in my back house. And it's nice. I think my daughter's not psyched about it because she kind of hangs back there a lot. But you know what? Until I get set up in my new office, that's my office, baby. Get out. Get out.

Owen just left on Saturday. He went to Central America for five months. And it was sad sending him off. I love the shit out of that kid. He's a good young man. And I think he's going to come back a lot more adult than he left. It's going to be a very serious trek. Him and his buddy Gabriel, they're going through Guatemala and Mexico and I think somewhere else. So I can't wait to hear the adventures. I know I kidded around last week about him getting kidnapped. Hope he doesn't.

That would be one of the worst things that could possibly happen. But without risk, there's no reward. So he's gone. And, you know, I already miss him, but I'll tell you something. The French couple that is renting out his room are lovely. Such nice people. And the wife, she looks adorable in his old soccer jerseys. It's like a new look.

And the French are so fun. Like she, she takes a pair of, uh, takes a pair of denim jeans and she throws the soccer jersey on it, but then she puts her hair up and she makes it cute. And they're pretty good about doing the dishes. So that's fun. And I'm learning French. What else? We had a party last night. We were out very late. Very late. We went to Penmar,

the golf course, the public golf course in the neighborhood. And Dennis Gubbins had a party. It was Dennis Gubbins and Mikey Fitzgibbons had their birthday party. They're born on the same day. So it was Fitzsimmons, Fitzgibbons, Gibbons and Gubbins and Mikey Fitzgibbons had their birthday party. They're born on the same day.

So it was Fitzsimmons, Fitzgibbons, Gibbons, and Gubbins together. I should have taken a picture of us together. And about 50 people outside of Penmar on the deck. And there was a fire pit, football games playing. We met at around 5 o'clock, watched the football game, and everybody drank a lot. Some people were on mushrooms and Gubbins was in rare form. He was dancing and making everybody laugh and doing bits. Gibbons was being like a master host. Um, what else happened? It was, it was 54

degrees. Is that cold? Is 54 cold? Because we were certainly bundled up like a bunch of pussies. But people don't think 54 is cold where they live. But if you take ocean air and breeze and you mix it in at 54, it feels 10 degrees colder. But we hung out late. We closed the place. That's our claim to fame at this age is we we shut down golf courses not bars anymore not nightclubs golf courses

we're the last ones there yeah motherfucker going hard i was in san franc this weekend. Thank you to all the people that came out to the Punchline, my second favorite club in the country. We had a blast. I mean, the shows are so much fun there. The crowds are just so cool. And then I came outside, and I was with Molly, who's the booker, who I've known for 25 years. And we walk out back on the way out of the club

and there is this loud noise, this screeching. And she goes, it's the parrots. And I guess there's this famous flock of parrots in San Francisco that I think they came about, she said like a pet store burned down and a bunch of them escaped and then they grew into a flock. And there were hundreds of these green parrots with red faces and the little beaks. And they were cuddling up next to each other.

Did I post a picture? I think she posted a picture. I'm going to post a picture too. And they were cuddling with each other and they were flying around it was it was beautiful it was like fucking moon behind them and they were all in these trees it was really nice who cares Greg who cares about the parrots get to Ian bag right, let's do it. If you want to come see me do other stand-up shows, I will be a big announcement.

I've been remiss in promoting this show, but if you're around on December 13th, I do my annual benefit for the Best Buddies, which is a group that helps people with intellectual disabilities. They're amazing. I've worked with them for many years. And we do a benefit show at the Comedy Store every year. This year we got Sarah Silverman, Andrew Santino, Bobby Lee,

Ron Funches, Annie Letterman, and a special unannounced guest who can't be announced because he's got a big theater show in LA coming up and he doesn't want to peter out his ticket sale. I don't know. Anyway, it's going to be a great show. Get your tickets at FitzDawg.com. Also, I'm coming to Fort Worth, Texas,

Milwaukee, Wisconsin, the Den Theater in Chicago on January 13th, Atlanta, Portland, Oregon, La Jolla, Tampa, all tickets at FitzDawg.com. Come on out and support live comedy. Also support other live things. If you want to see live things, Game Time is the way to do it.

It's an app that is so simple to use. It's so intuitive. You can look at what's happening in your town. Like right now, I'm looking at the app, and it says that I can go see the Rolling Stones in July for $68. That sounds pretty fair. Stevie Nicks playing this week for $65. Look, seeing live performances, and game time, you can see theater, sports, comedy, music. And so it's a great way to track

prices. They dip, they get these last minute deals you can jump on, you can take a look at the view from your seats right on the app. And the app is just, it's a couple of taps. It downloads right to the app. You don't have to print. You don't have to download. No bullshit. It's just done. They've got, what else? Last minute seats, flash deals. I can't recommend it enough. I've used it many times. Take the guesswork out of buying tickets with GameTime. Download the GameTime app, create an account,

and use code FITSDOG for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code FITZDOG for $20 off. Download GameTime today. Last minute tickets, lowest price guaranteed. All right. I also want to talk to you about holiday season is coming up. It brings up a lot of trauma, if not at least discomfort and anxiety for people. You know, do you exchange things?

How about, you know, how about focusing on yourself a little bit? You know, give yourself a gift. Find out about online therapy through BetterHelp. And what they do is they have you fill out a questionnaire. What are you looking to work on? What are you focusing on? What do you want to achieve? And what's your background? And then they pair you up with a licensed therapist who is a specialist in that field, in that area you want to work on. I got

paired up with somebody who is amazing. And she helped me through the pandemic. I've worked with her for a couple of years. She explained cognitive behavioral therapy. We worked on it together. I got homework assignments. It's really, it's flexible. It works with your schedule. And I can't, you know, look, therapy in general, just do it for yourself. You deserve it. You deserve to have a more, you know, a more full, enjoyable life. And this is the best way to do it. So visit betterhelp.com. In the season of giving, give yourself what you need with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash FitzDawg today and get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash FitzDawg. Okay, let's get to it. This guy was, he was a finalist in Last Comic Standing. He was on

The Tonight Show. He's been on The Late Late Show. A lot of films films Comedy Central special Showtime special Conan O'Brien Marin's podcast Your Mama's House he's done it all but more importantly he's a guy who has a good heart

and is a very decent person and really funny so sit back make some popcorn pour a little couple fingers of scotch and enjoy my talk with ian bagg Ian Bagg is my guest take three Ian Bagg is my guest after a couple of when people ask me

from now on how many times I've done this show I can now say seven what is this your third time my third time yeah today so I was just saying we're back

at the original fitz dog studios which is the uh bonus room behind my house and um i was just talking about like the adventures i had when i first started 13 years ago before anybody serious there were no podcasts so i used to ask people everybody did it back then jimmy kimball used to do it sarah silverman dave navarro was a regular guest yeah i had crazy and now all those people you call them and they're like yeah they just no yeah no how much so bella donna comes here with her husband slash manager oh i thought it was gonna be slash yeah with her husband's slash manager. Oh, I thought it was going to be slash. Yeah, her husband is slash from Guns N' Roses. And she's sitting here and I have a hot tub in the backyard.

And she goes, I want to go in your hot tub. And if you see that window right there next to the orange tree, that's where my wife is reading in bed. And it's 11 o'clock at night and Bella Donna gets naked and goes into my hot tub. And I interview her while she's in the hot tub and I'm sitting outside. Oh, my God. I'm going to answer my own question that I asked you earlier. Why don't you just do it here?

I know. This is the place. That's why? That's kind of why. Yeah yeah were you asked to move it by your wife that day no my wife does not give a shit she truly does not give that's really great yeah what about your wife same thing she's got other shit she's doing she doesn't give a shit right she just looks at you like you're dumb and then she looks at you like you're dumb and then you can see her question

everything she's gotten herself into huh maybe I should have stuck with Jeff then you bring that fat check home from the La Brea Improv and she gets quiet real fast you give her some merch money and here's some merch cash dude my merch cash has saved my marriage.

I come in from the road and I throw it at her. I always throw a big wadder because I don't take Venmo or credit cards. So smart. All cash. I've made the mistake of tracking it, therefore. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But you just, you pay the real government right she's the government you mean yeah yeah yeah and she counts it i never counted no way i do it and she gets she jumps right up she collects it she counts it she gets very excited and then we buy stuff you know like we we buy furniture and thing anything i can write off goes on the credit card that's awesome. And then the other. What do you do with your cash? I spend it on my dogs.

Because that's where I was earlier. I was like, I had to take my dog to a dermatologist. No. That the dog that we found on the beach now goes to a dermatologist. I'm like, oh, my fucking fucking god why has my life not changed how's your skin i mean you know i'm gonna itch i'm gonna start itching see if my wife sends me to that same one same one weirdly enough we do have a dermatologist a block down so i'm just like huh one of us is being overcharged oh my god my friend just got a korean dog i don't know if you heard about this but now they're

saving dogs from korea out of meat markets right yeah and they ship them here and so my friend got a korean dog and the thing has chronic diarrhea and won't sleep on the same floor as them wherever they are if they're on the ground floor eating dinner dog is upstairs if they go upstairs to sleep dog is downstairs and just diarrhea is all over everything that sounds like a teenager yeah i won't be on the same floor as you and i've got diarrhea i'm a 14 year old they've just rescued a fort they've rescued a 14 year old from korea yeah all you hear downstairs is like farting noises and k-pop oh my god yeah what kind of dog is it is it it's uh it's a small dog i don't know it's an anime it's it's an anime dog it's purple.

Has a lightning bolt on his forehead and pointy ears. And diarrhea. But it's anime diarrhea. Yeah. So it's very fast. It's rainbow. It comes out rainbow. When's the last time you had diarrhea?

I don't know. About two weeks ago. Really? Yeah. When you travel on the road road something always sneaks up on you right yeah you I don't I rarely shit on the road really and it's not conscious I don't

say I'm not going to I just there's something in my body that just holds on to it my friend Trent's the same way really yeah I mean I'll notice four days I'll check yeah if I'm usually I'll notice like four days I'll check yeah if I'm usually I'm gone

for three days I go Thursday and I fly home Sunday and I will look at the toilet paper I'll notice the toilet paper like on Saturday night

and it's still got the little triangle on it I'm like wow no way didn't use it didn't use it is it that or your memory's gone

and you forgot to wipe for a whole weekend or I'm really into origami maybe Bobby is right Is it that or your memory's gone and you forgot to wipe for a whole weekend? Or I'm really into origami. Maybe Bobby is right. Craig has forgotten to wipe his ass in four days. Oh, that's sad. Yeah, I'm used to having the bidet at home where you don't really wipe very much.

You got the bidet? We don't, but I love, I want to get one. Did you, like, do you have the whole toilet that's a bidet, or did you add the piece? He just added a piece. It was like a Costco.com, real low-end. And you love it. I love it because people get heated ones, but I kind of like the cold rush,

because after a bowel movement, things are a little hot down there. And then you get a nice cold, it's like a little popsicle. Let you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was just in the Middle East in October and that two weeks was just cold water bum hitting.

Oh, really? And I loved it. Yeah. Oh, they all have bidets in the Middle East? Yeah, everyone. Where'd you go in the Middle East? I went to Oman. I went to Bahrain.

I went to Dubai. And I went to Bahrain. I went to Dubai. And I went to Jordan. Damn. Yeah. Do people know you there? Do they turn out? No, not at all. They just, I don't know how they sold it.

But I did have some show up to see me. But it wasn't like I was making mass tickets. And I had booked this last year. So, you know, I was going, I want to go. I want to go see it yeah yeah is that your first time in the middle east uh what in 2004 i went to dubai and um who are the guys that are um i can see the guys that are doing the peacekeeping between everybody over there right now um they had the world cup oh well like qatar qatar that is it yeah qatar i have one

sitting right there um i was all their names sound like you can make fun of them and and they wouldn't be mad but it's the other way around yeah yeah Is there any good food I can Dubai around here? Will this place ever be definished? I love how rich they are over there. They're like, well, we built all this stuff, but now we're just going

to build bigger versions of it. I'm like, try something else. Yeah. You got them all. Let it go. You mean the towers? Yeah, the towers?

Yeah, the towers. And the islands that they built that look like. So now they're building bigger ones, right? That's Dubai, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I had fun over there.

Are the women in the full burkas? No. In Dubai, no. In Dubai was this really rich, ugly men and just the hottest women ever. No kidding. Yeah, it was just insane. I was just like, oh. Are they native or are these coming from other places? I think they're all brought in.

Yeah. I think they're, from what I've told, the Turkish women are the hottest ones, right? I don't know. Turkish delight. Because, yeah, the Turkish delight. They're covered in chocolate, but they're just like a, mm. You have to wear a burka. You have to wear chocolate.

Yeah. I always thought it was just, they just picked who the uglier women were to keep them covered. That's what I thought it was. Because when you go to those places, not everybody's covered. You're like, oh, some of them have to be covered. Yeah. The first time I went.

That's why they leave the slit so you can peek in and see if they can. The first time I was there, we went to a place called Wild Wadi, which is water slides. And there was a lady in a purple burqa

ahead of us. And when she got to the bottom of the water slide, it was completely see-through and she was naked underneath. And it was just all these teenagers

standing in front of her looking and I'm just like i don't think that's the point of the burka well apparently lingerie sales are huge in the middle east like wherever there's burkas they stay there's yeah yeah it's huge well because they Because everything underneath is fantastic, apparently. It's like a present. I haven't bought my wife negligee in 20 years. Yeah, probably the same. Really? Yeah, like a robe. That's what they buy her every year, a robe. Used to get her nice underwear.

Now you just get a robe. Cover that up. Started as a lace robe. Now it's fucking deep terry cloth. Down to the ankles. Holy shit, I'm Muslim. I just realized it. She puts the hood on.

It comes all the way over her face. It just turns into a Star Wars character with a robe. So warm. How long have you been married? 12 years. No. Yeah. Damn, I didn't know it was that long.

Yeah, it goes quick. Yeah, it does. We're just like, oh, maybe we should get some shit done. Well, it goes quick if it's going well. I think it goes fucking slow if it's not. My friend is miserable in his marriage, and I met him at a bar the other night and uh he walks in he sits down next to me he orders a drink and then he just goes she hates me

oh no and i was like oh it was so dark oh does he still love her i think he i think he's attracted to her and i think there's like a there's a loyalty but he resents that she she's a big spender and she's a ball buster yeah that makes me come and she's very yeah she's very pretty yeah just a hard-ass woman. Yeah, right. I don't blame him. That's, you feel bad, right? I was talking to somebody about guys our age that are still closeted. Right. You just feel, oh man.

I know. That's a tough role. It is. And you really wonder who they're doing it for. I guess like my one friend stayed in the closet until his mother died. No, both his parents died. and then he came out at 50 and then my other friend's sister came out as a lesbian same thing when the parents died both of them are very catholic east coast catholic east coast yeah i could see that i guess i guess but they've got the parents got to know, right? No, neither parent knew.

Both of them are not... Just from the posters they put on the wall? The music? Just Lilith Fair going on in both rooms. Why does she keep getting Subaru Legacy Outbacks? She doesn't go in the woods. She is so smart. She has the hiking boots and the outback and yet never goes camping. And she has dog food, but no dog.

What does that mean? It means she'll feed dogs everywhere. The lesbians will rescue a dog no matter what. Oh, yeah, yeah. They do. They're rescuers. I wonder what that means. I never knew this.

I didn't know lesbians fall in love immediately. Do you know that? Yeah, they call it, and they fall in love. They say, what's a first date for, no, what's a second date for a lesbian? A U-Haul. Renting a U-Haul, right? And what's the second date for a gay guy? There is no second date.

That's funny. Have you ever heard of lesbian bed death? Yes. My buddy's been pushing me on all this stuff. They just become, they become the same people. Yeah. Yeah, and I'm like,

huh, those are never the lesbians I thought about. Yeah, I guess so. I don't know. I can see that because my next door neighbor michelle is a she's a veterinarian who rescues animals and uh and a surfer and she had a fucking subaru that's funny and she used to joke about it and uh yeah she talked about lesbian bed she had a girlfriend for a long time, and the girlfriend was half in the closet. So she wouldn't move in with her.

They dated, they surfed together, but she just never would officially come out. And so she ended up breaking up with her because of it. Like, yeah, you have to, right? But she did say that, that they became like each other. That's exactly what she said. Because if it's a guy and a girl, you almost will emphasize your male side more

to be attractive to the girl and vice versa. Yeah. But if you're two girls, you share clothes. Hobbies, music, makeup. Dildos. Yeah, dildos, both ends. Ugh. Good for them. Yeah. I would just say all i could think as soon as you brought up the veterinarian was i took this our dog to the old dermatology yeah veterinarian she's the hottest veterinarian i've ever seen in my life really and she had this

massive diamond ring on like the biggest diamond ring on ever of all times and i'm all i could think was is this the blow off every guy that comes in here that brings his shih tzu in to get checked please sir don't even look at me you know that's she was so hot though it's like do you think that are you sure you know what you're talking size of the rock is proportionate to the hotness of the woman i find that i find that really gorgeous women have big diamonds. I want to, I agree, but I'd like to see what the guy looks like. Right.

Is the guy maybe a little uglier? Is he compensating? Right? Yeah. My wife's ring is huge. I am so ugly. Oof. Well, you know what they say,

Japs, Jewish American princesses. Goes the other way too. What's that? Japs. What's the difference between a Jewish American princess and a Mexican American princess? The Mexican American princess has fake jewelry, but real orgasms. difference between a jewish american princess and a mexican american princess the mexican american princess has fake jewelry but real orgasms that's awesome oh my god

oh good for you girls yeah maps yeah maps i guess that's hilarious right maps and i'm not even the other one will get me canceled for sure how you haven't let world war Yeah, maps, I guess. That's hilarious. Right. Maps. The other one will get me canceled for sure. You haven't let World War II go. Where did you get your wife's wedding ring? Someplace in Virginia Beach. Why? Why? She kind of ruined it.

We were out there. I was going to ask her parents, and then I was going to get... And somehow it came out. Oh, her parents live there? oh so you fit you so you scrambled and i scrambled yeah i scrambled and took her and said let's do this let's because i was i'd been looking i was in south africa touring and i started looking over there i was like blood diamond yeah yes yes it's still red yeah what's this red tint oh that is butthole it smells funny this smells this smells like it's more expensive than we're paid for it

so did you use your merch money to buy it no no not that 12 years ago i don't think i had merch do you remember how much you paid for the ring i think about i think about seven thousand no shit yeah six or seven at the time it was for me it was a fucking it was it cranked me you know yeah so i remember when i got married a long i got married 24 24 years ago that's really have you been well your kids are that old that were almost that old so that makes sense yeah my son's 23 yeah so at the time i spent four thousand dollars which was you know you and i were working the clubs in new york city at that point we weren't making shit so four grand was a lot and uh and but then when I got it appraised by the insurance company they appraised it for seven

thousand because I got the rock from this guy my dad used to go to a guy at the uh Waldorf Astoria named Rocky and Rocky knew people no way and so my dad had died and I went to Rocky and he knew me because I used to go with my dad sometimes. Uh-huh. And so I said, I need just to rock

because my friend, you know Kevin Flynn, the comedian? Yeah, I remember Kevin. Yeah, yeah. So, oh Jesus. Speaking of Kevin. Zane Lamprey,

do you know him? Yeah. You do? I don't, I know the name, I don't know him. Okay. I'll put him on the podcast.

What's up, man? How are you? Good. How are you? Good. Are you around? Are you in the country? I am.

Oh. I just saw pictures of you traveling. Where were you? This summer I was in Ireland and Spain, but then this weekend I was in San Francisco. Oh, God. Okay. All right. I remember I saw pictures of you someplace.

I'm doing a show on the 13th in Venice. It's like my new, mostly my new stuff. And if you're around, I'd love to invite you. Don't you live in Venice? I live in Venice. I'd love to come down. Okay, awesome. I love watching comedy shows.

That's good. That's good. You're in the right business, buddy. I'll send you some tickets. You let me know if you want any more. It's LA. It's mostly friends. Great.

If you want to invite anybody, just please let me know. Maybe Ian Bagg. Do you know Ian Bagg?, if you want to invite anybody, anybody, you know, just please let me know. Maybe Ian Bagg. Do you know Ian Bagg? I do. How do I know? I don't know. He's a comic.

He's kind of a big Canadian dude. He's great at crowd work. Yes, I know him very well. Yes, I do. Yeah. Yes. Okay. Yeah, that'd be fun.

Anything to make Nick nervous would be fantastic. Oh, nick will be there okay good i love it yeah nick gets very nervous yeah he'll be nervous when i tell him you're coming yeah all right great yeah it's it's wednesday the 13th um which is a week from this wednesday i um the other thing too is i finished up the special i got the sound and all this kind of stuff and i i have this new agency called viral nation they're kind of trying to get me sponsorship for like my social media okay that's good nothing has happened so they wanted an opportunity to like watch the special and they've kind of been sitting on it for a while so just just like you know i'm getting i'm actually getting ready.

One of the things is I want you to see what I'm doing because I will be recording this, what you'll see as a special in April. Yeah. And like the one that you and I recorded, it should have come out already. You know what I mean? But I'm just kind of waiting. Right. To see if these guys have any interest. But then my last question to you is, don't you have a special that's supposed to come out yeah i did well i recorded one in march and then it got fucked up because

the comedy store produced it and the cameras were broken and so i redid it two weeks ago at joe rogan's club in austin and then i'm gonna put that out got it yeah so i'm gonna put it out hopefully like february or march that's great who so did you – did they just use in-house to do it or did you have – No, I hired an 800-pound gorilla. Oh, got it. Got it. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah.

Great. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they have built-in distribution and stuff too, right? So are they going to shop it? I guess so. We'll try Netflix but probably end up on YouTube. Who knows?

I mean nobody wants me right now. Well, remember though, there's that back door to Amazon if you want to have it on Amazon, you know? Yeah, but then nobody sees it. I want people to see it. Yeah, they'll see it if you send them there. You know what? You probably would do really, really well if you just put it up on YouTube. I think so. I'll just hit all the big podcasts. You ian bag has one and rogan and tom segura yeah that's good yeah how many did you shoot two two on a saturday night and is it edited already no he just sent me the cuts so i'm gonna look at it this week but wasn't there one from like a year ago or something? Yeah, last March. That was when I did the Comedy Store. Wait, this last March?

Okay, okay, this last March. I see, got it. Yeah. Because you were trying to fix it. I thought you were trying to fix it. Yeah, we tried. For like four months, we tried to fix it, but it was unusable.

Two of the cameras weren't working. Oh, I see. Okay, okay, i see what the problem right awesome cool well good man i'm excited share it with me if you can when when it's you know oh i'd love to yeah i'll send it over to you and then uh send me the tickets and i'll see you uh i'll see at your gig you got it brother all right see ya okay i thought that was gonna be more fun i for sure thought he was calling for parking. You live in Venice, right?

Can I park at your house while I go do a show? That's hilarious. Do you know Ian Beck? I don't think so. He's a big guy. Does crowd work? Oh yeah, I know him very well. And then he just moves on.

I love it. I was like, come on, say it it i was just like come on take me down don't find them funny boring well fuck you bane there are no good canadian comedians no come on now hey i got a question about your so you talked about how it was ruined because you only got one camera angle well we had four or five i think we had five cameras but the main one on the right was like set to the wrong resolution and the one that was capturing the crowd just didn't work at all okay so we tried to edit around it and then ultimately can you take clips out of it though and use it no because the set i did ed rogan's is

pretty similar it's a It's almost the same. But it'll be different than what they'll be seeing so you could use it as promo for your... That's true. Right? Yeah, yeah.

I mean, you're putting a lot of clips out lately, huh? Yeah. You editing them yourself? I'm hiring editors. I'm actually looking right now to have my own personal... If you're out there and you're an editor

and you want to be in the bag business... If you'd like your checks to be late? No. Your checks to be like your girlfriend? Late and bouncy? I'll pay you the same way Greg pays his wife in merch money. I'll just come over to your house. I have two I'm probably,

I have two or three guys that we use, but I'm looking for one that'll be on call just for me. Yeah, because you want to get them out fast. I want to get them out fast, but I also want my ideas to go to them, right? Because I'm filming a lot more different stuff. Right.

So I'm starting to do vlogs now, which I go out and do stuff in cities that I'm touring in, but then I talk about it on stage, right? So I put starting to do vlogs now, which I go out and do stuff in cities that I'm touring in. But then I talk about it on stage. Oh. Right? So I put it all together. I put two or three of those out already.

But I want my own... I want him to travel with me, too. Wow. And here's the other thing. I don't want him to be a stand-up. Because, you know, a lot of those guys are stand-ups. I don't want you to be concentrating on your stand-up career. Oh, I see.

I want you to make movies. I want to help you make movies. Yeah. And I want you to help me make my visions-up career. I want you to make movies. I want to help you make movies. And I want you to help me make my visions too. That's smart. That's smart. So you'll fly the guy out. You'll put him up. Put him up.

Pay him. Pay him. He'll be on a weekly retainer. And then the other stuff will be, you know, we'll figure that out. Ian Baggs has gone to another level in the last year or two. How much was the Rogan love? How much of a bump did you get from him shouting you out you know what i got a lot i got a lot from him from burt tom and and

him talking about me and and ari like they were they're talking about me and and and all on different podcasts or all the same time yeah right and but the weird part was that happened as I was getting viral, like stuff happening viral. Yeah. So that topped that as well. Like it was a weird little storm, as they say. Right. It was cool. Yeah.

I still haven't done his podcast. I'd love it. I'd like if I do his podcast, that'd be awesome. But I just the fact that I got to work at his club. Yeah. When you see that, that that promo photo they put up of you, you're like, yeah, I'm in the cool kids. You know, you feel different. Right. It's club kids club yeah and then you're in the green room and they got

the second room and then in the second room there's like ron white and rosanne yeah and all these people are going on you're like fucking i'll be over here yeah i'll be over here in the bigger room you guys have fun enjoy yourselves yourselves over there. I hope it sells out. Good luck. That's the best part. It sells out. Like you don't have to do a single promo. You just show up and the shows are sold out.

And the crowds that show up there are fantastic. Yeah. They're there for comedy. It's kind of like a new comedy mecca. You know, they go there because they want to see comedy, not because they're having a party and getting all fucked up. Right. You know's really cool they're educated fans of comedy i think there's a that seems to be happening a lot more than it used to right the educated comedy fan oh i mean it's great i i used to find it annoying because people used to blog a lot about comedy do you remember there was like a, was it called a special thing?

There was like a, there was like a website called a special thing and everybody would, all these nerds would go to like Largo and then they would all blog for two days about who did what bit and that's derivative of this. And it was just like,

who the fuck are you? But now I love it because the people that show up, like they know that comedy doesn't have parameters and that you can talk about that. There's a context. If I do a joke, that's smells of racism,

right? They get it. Right. They get, we're kidding. And they, they, they're there for fun.

Yeah. They're there for fun to escape and see where your brain takes them. Right. Right. Whereas you, you brought up the other comedy person that oh it's derivative of this because somebody did this joke in 19 you're like hey man have you ever gone on stage right just just try to see you know just try to do it just try to do it and then figure out how much you need to talk about and how you need to your mind has to connect to 200 minds so yes you might be derivative of times but are you derivative in your own way right right so i just i get no they go like he's doing airplane jokes yeah yeah because i had a

really funny new thought about how pilots have to be salespeople with credit cards and i haven't heard anyone do that right now i got five minutes on it and now i have a new credit card why because they're good they're good if i mean he landed that plane i'm gonna buy i'm gonna get that credit card it's like his merch after you know he stands there at the door as you walk out and he sells his credit card that'd be great if you got percentage of every ron you seem to be your flight from albuquerque to la seems to be really up on the credit cards what are you doing up there the entire flight you're trying to read you're trying to watch a movie the other thing about the credit card is is anybody else buying anything we're up here here's what i thought two free bags all right three i'm gonna give you three

free bags i do it all the time i cycle through credit cards i'll get the american credit card i'll get the 50 000 miles uh-huh there's no annual fee the first year and i put it i put a a reminder on my calendar for six months later cancel the the American card. That's smart. I cancel it. You can get another one within six months. So once a year, I'm getting 50,000 miles from each airline. That's so smart. Some of them you have to spend like $3,000, but that's not hard.

Spending is not hard. No, they give you three months to spend three grand. That's easy. I remember somebody telling me once how they would get these cards and they'd get you know when they're giving away more kind of like there was money you got some sort of cash back yeah they would be they would pay off with another card and they'd get that cash back so they're basically hitting that's how they're making their money to live damn i'm just like wow that's a lot of work i have one and a half million points right now

among all my credit my cards together question are you planning for something big well the problem is every time i want to use it it's a holiday and then you look at how many points it is and it's like like we went to ireland this summer in august and that's a holiday and then you look at how many points it is and it's like like we went to Ireland this summer in August and that's like peak and it would have cost like I would have spent the whole million points

getting my family to Ireland and back so I always wait and then I I don't know it just never seems like a good time so they just keep adding up

yeah if you can get your family to go in off season it's fantastic right but your family they'll fuck that shit up you don't use your points for business travel do you no no season it's fantastic right but your family they'll fuck that shit up you don't use your points for business travel do you no no because it's right off yeah right off yeah

so when do you use your points i actually give mine away more like i have one credit card that has my chase has all my points but my my frequent flyer points i don't use anymore i give those away to who to whoever needs them family members whatever like really because yeah because because i need i'm a bad guy but i'm the you know who are you all your points with american is that i get a lot on american and i get a lot on uh hold on i'm trying this off so it doesn't be um i've got my wife has an american express card that she just has had for years and just realized she has 250,000 miles on after years of using it.

And then, yeah, all of them spread out. So on United, that's where I have all my points and my flying points and then a couple of Sparrow Stove. But United plus points are important for me. Okay. But the regular points aren't that's

why i give them away a plus point gets you upgrades yeah upgrades how often does it upgrade you not too bad like pretty pretty good especially on international flights yeah like yeah i'm always i don't think i've ever i don't think in the last 10 years i've done i'm gonna knock on wood after i say that not been upgraded to business class. Because you would be tough. I don't even want to go. Yeah. I don't want to.

Yeah. You don't want to sit next to me. I don't want to sit next to you. That's the way it is. You fucking, the armrest jockey over there. I, the other night I got on a plane and I was bumped up to a lie down bed to Chicago.

Really? Yeah. From, from, uh, from LA to Chicago, lie down to Chicago. Really? Yeah, from L.A. to Chicago, lie-down bed. Nighttime? Yeah, midnight. Lonzo Bowden was over here.

I seen him, so I said hi to him afterwards. On the way back, he's in the exact same spot. We're in the exact same spot. No shit. It was pretty funny. Wow. I haven't seen anybody fucking traveling forever, and then I get him on both flights.

I'm like, will this plane make it I think that's a sign I'm trying to think who I've seen on flights lately Pauly Shore was on a flight the worst is when you get on a flight with somebody you bump into in the airport and they're in first and you're in coach

being in coach is never fun but it happens every so often to all of us yeah i remember getting on and sitting in first class and then uh quiet riot came on and went to the back of the fucking plane i was just like oh man well they better be quiet 14 year old ian just cried those guys are supposed to be rock stars they're supposed to be rock stars. They're supposed to be fucking flipping shit in the first class, not me. And they're asking for extra crackers. Yeah.

Is there any chance we could have an extra meal? We don't even have meals on this. Shut up, quiet ride. We're not gonna take it. I guess we'll take it. We're not gonna take it. I guess we'll take it. That's their last album.

I guess we'll take it. Shall we call ourselves Peaceful Protest? Nope, we're Quiet Riot. All right, I want to ask you some questions. I always have a script because there's things I want to get to. All right, I want to ask you some questions. I always have a script because there's things I want to get to. All right, then. Why do you think gay people are so funny to us? Like, why do we all make so many gay jokes?

And teenage boys do. Old men do. Everybody does. Everybody makes gay jokes. The gays make them? The gays make them. Yeah. I'll tell you why.

Because those cocksuckers are crazy. I just think, I think with everything that, I think comedy comes from a little bit of a challenge, right? Yeah. And they've had challenge since as soon as they were attracted to somebody right right so and i think that's how you get to bounce around yeah like that that funny you have to have a challenge to be really funny which which surprises me when you see a gorgeous woman doing comedy i know i'm like what's that challenge you've been through well

that's why matt rife gets so much resistance. Like, I just can't believe. I mean, it's luck. I also, here's the other thing about that. Can I interrupt that? Interrupt it because I don't want to, because I'm not talking shit about Matt Rife. No, I'm not either. I'm the last guy to talk shit about Matt Rife

because I honestly don't know his comedy at all. I'm the same way, but I also think when he sold that tour, I think that company said, we're making money on this tour and we're fucking shoving it down your throat. Oh, it was, he signed a huge deal

with, whatchamacallit. I don't know if it was Live Nation or somebody else. Yeah, it was Live Nation. But it was a big, big number that he got up front. Yeah.

And they were not losing. Right. And that's what I think the biggest problem with that he struggles with because he hasn't some of it a lot of it he's found naturally yeah okay whatever they are they're girls whatever who cares right yeah but they're also trying to force it on people not naturally right right the gays wouldn't they would just been funny and that would have been fun well the gays probably go see Matt Wright. Absolutely.

But, like, his, I don't know what his struggle is, but, like, you know, you look at a guy like Bo Burnham, and you're like, all right, he's a good-looking guy. He comes from, like, middle class, upper middle class. But then you, like, you find out he's actually had, like, an interesting life. Right. You know? Struggle, yeah. Yeah, I mean, Dane Cook, people used to shit all over dane cook and it's not not that he's gorgeous but like he was a good looking considered

cool guy by young people and he was an act out comic which is also something that people like to make fun of but my feeling is like let him fucking act i love act out comics i like people that go on stage and go i am going to give you a fucking show right good for you we're going on a trip you're going with me right yeah yeah i i i don't understand when when i don't when it's the comics that turn on the guy yeah i kind of go hey guys come on right or girls whatever it's it's you got to tip your hat to anybody that makes money in this fucking business. How they did it, whatever. Did they?

Did they do something bad to a bunch of other comics? That's different. Yeah. Right? When I was in Canada, there was a guy, and I was just talking to this the other day. I started out, and this guy pretended he had cancer, right? Uh-huh. Oh, I heard about this.

Yeah, he's famous. and he did a fundraiser and then he just moved to a different city and nobody cared i'm like how the like how do you get away with that that's an evil guy that's who you should be mad at yeah like not not matt rife who's struggled and not struggled but done his work to where he is you know right so wait but this this got into the papers though the guy with the cancer oh yeah yeah yeah i think rogan showed it to me a long time ago i'd love to see yeah yeah i i seen his name the other day and something i'm like this guy this guy just he hadn't he pretended he had cancer and took a bunch of people's money that's there was a guy out of boston and i'll say his name vinnie favorito and he uh he used to borrow money and not pay it back he used to

he knew he was leaving town and he used to teach comedy classes so he got like 50 people to pay him up front for the comedy class no way and then he held a benefit for a woman whose husband was like a state trooper who died and they were gonna have a benefit and he goes we should do t-shirts and he got like a thousand dollars from her to buy the t-shirts fucking left town with that money too and moved to vegas allegedly i should say allegedly i love that a criminal did a fundraiser for a cop i know oh that is terrible yeah yeah, yeah. So, I mean, look. I haven't heard that name in forever.

You've heard the name though, right? Yeah. Yeah. The story I heard about him though is that they were in Vegas, him and his fiancee, and he asked her to marry her. And then he went gambling and came back and got the ring halfway through the night. He said you changed. Shut up up give me the ring if that woman waited for a second ring she deserves whatever she has coming to her that should have been the greatest red flag why do you have state cop t-shirts? This is weird Just put it on

It's a medium, Vinny Yeah, there's a couple comics I'll talk shit about Not many But besides him, I can't think of anybody else's name But that's different That's like taking from people You know what I mean? When you talk shit just because a guy's doing

well right that's that's that's just pure jealousy that's all it is and there's nothing wrong with being jealous there's nothing wrong with being being even like maybe just a little annoyed by it like that's human nature but yeah you don't need to fucking drag a guy no and i or girl sorry that i forget the women yeah the women sometimes i i don't get jealous of the women because i i really do truly think they have a harder time um i think it's hard as a woman to go on the road absolutely yeah i mean they really do get harassed you see it and it's like i you know what's that word microaggressions there's little things that people do and you got to be tough and uh they should have extra security

every time yeah like uh i was talking to a female comedian the other day and she was in new york and somebody had run on stage and just grabbed onto her and no none of the staff came out and got her and she said it was nice but it was like who knows if you know who knows and i knew where she was going next so i forwarded ahead and just as a friend to ask them to put on the extra security but that should be every female should have extra security yeah and i was just at a club where the booker was telling me that most of the female headliners have a uh a list with pictures of people that are on a watch list to not allow them to come into the show.

Terrifying. Yeah. Absolutely terrifying. I mean, the biggest female comic in, one of the biggest female comics in LA performs regularly at a couple of the clubs and does not allow her name to be advertised for shows because she doesn't want people coming

because she's got so many stalkers because she's very pretty. I though i know where she is every time uh that is she uses a fake name on the that's terrifying yeah it's sad you ever had a stalker uh a couple yeah yeah you know i don't really care um i care but i don't I just you know you block them whatever you got to do and they show up to a couple shows and then you're just like hey I don't fucking we'll take you out I don't care yeah you know we'll play we'll play if you want to play but I don't know it's it's it's's different. It's different for a female, no matter what level it is. Yeah. I mean, like it's just it's it's so creepy. Yeah. It's so creepy.

Yeah. It's like. For a woman, it's got to hurt, first of all, the level that you are scared for your well-being and then second of all it devalues your work as an artist because you realize oh you're not interested in what I've crafted you're interested in you know the fact that I maybe talk dirty like there's one particular comedian I'll tell you after the show and she's very raunchy and she attracts a lot of stalkers because it's like she's talking dirty and they get into and they think they're she's talking to them right right so yeah i had this stalker that used to come uh in providence rhode island every time i go there she'd come out and she literally said to me once at one time because you know i'd be selling my merch and she'd hang around and she's like uh she's like it's so weird i just i always blow the headliners that's hilarious it's so weird

i don't know how it happens but it's just weird so what are you doing what are you doing now oh my god yeah what i'm just featuring. That's what I'm doing here. Where were those girls when I was single? Ugh. It's insane. Some of the guys, I just like, I like taking younger guys on the road just to see them chase girls all over the place. It's really, I was like, oh, that was a lot of fun and a little crazy and have fun, you

know? Yeah. It's pretty great. of fun a little crazy and have fun you know yeah it's it's pretty great um have i ever told you the story about uh the couple that would talk to me after shows in houston no so there's a couple that are talking to me after shows two times i'm there i end up becoming this is back when facebook was just friends you had to add friends on kind of like yeah there was a limit of 2500 people or something and the woman was stunning and the guy was just kind of weird but they would wait at the end of the merch line and then talk to me for like an hour and a half and then somebody would have to drag me away kind of thing right really and then one one night my

wife and i are watching dateline and i look and like, holy fuck, that's that girl that used to talk to me. He fucking murdered her. No. Yeah. No. And it's exactly what you think. They're busy swinging and having a good time with everybody. And he got all jealous and fucking killed somebody.

It never ends well, does it? Yeah. And all I could think was, wow, I could have been two before a murder. Damn! It was so crazy. I'm just like, those are the people that I thought were weird, and they were definitely weird.

Did they flirt? Did they actually proposition you? They didn't proposition me, but the conversation was just weird. And I'm just like, oh, something's up here, but I don't know what's up. Is somebody asking me to do drugs, or is somebody asking me to hang out? Because I don't know about you, I don't like to oh, no, something's up here, but I don't know what's up. Right. Is somebody asking me to do drugs or is somebody asking me to hang out?

Because I'm not, I don't know about you, I don't like to go hang after the show. Never. Right. Almost never. And you still get invited, right? You get invited every night.

Yeah. Yeah. And I'm like, no, I don't want to. Yeah. I don't drink after shows because it affects the next show. You know, if I'm going to have drinks. I don't drink.

I don't fuck around. So what's, what do I stand to gain by going out? Right. don't go out but they're always inviting you out we're all going across there and then sometimes i'll come back come on we're all come on you like invite you a couple times you're like no i don't want to go yeah but yeah it was like that though it was like where are they where are they inviting me to yeah so the only time i hang out after shows is like you know the certain place like san francisco or denver where comics come and hang and they like to watch you and then you and then you stay in the

club right hang out for a couple hours like i like that that is good yeah that rogan's club was another one yeah it was good just mitsy's room yeah did you go down to mitsy's room i went down there did you do what i did i bought did? I sucked up to the staff. I bought them pizza. Oh, that's nice. That pizza sucks, though. What's that? That place next door?

I don't know where they got it. They ordered it from someplace else. It was probably someplace else. But I do try to do that wherever I go. That's nice. On a Saturday night, I'll just order five pizzas for the staff. Really? Just to say, hey, thanks.

Because you try to tip a couple people. Right, but it's not fair to the other ones. Yeah, so you just make sure and then you still tip a couple people. The others don't feel like they got ripped off. That's a great idea. Yeah, take it if you want. Yeah. Go Chinese food.

What's that? Go Chinese food. Yeah, that would be my thing. What was I going to say about hanging out with comics um oh yeah yeah we're talking about joe's room yeah when i was there uh it's fucking in one night i'm hanging out in the mitzi's in mitzi's room with joe shane gillis ari shafir, Mark Norman, Sam Morrell. Jesus Christ. Ron White.

All and we hung out like close the place. It was like it was one of those nights where you kind of pinch yourself like, do you know how many fucking fans in this country would kill to hang out with like one of these people? That's insane. That that roster is just that. Well, those guys come in together. Mark Norman and Shane and Ari come in together. No, but they have like a once a month or once every two months they come in

and they do Rogan's show together. That's funny. And then Sam and Mark do shows together. So they were together. And then Ron's a local. I was there Thanksgiving weekend. Therefore, Joe wasn't doing the shows. Therefore, nobody was in town.

Oh, right. But still, those guys that worked the door there are so interesting. They're all MMA guys. I just had great conversations with those guys, the guy that ran the place. Yeah, it was the other comics, because there's comics coming in and out, and you're just like, oh, that's interesting. Johnny Manziel kind of just wandered through the place. yeah it was just it was the other comics just because there's comics coming in and out and you're just like oh that's interesting johnny manziel kind of just wandered through the place oh really that was interesting to me no shit yeah the picture from the braves no the uh the the football johnny football oh that's who it is yeah yeah yeah right um

yeah i've heard i've heard some weird yeah some weird people show up there. He's created this thing that even people that aren't comedy people want to see. They think, oh, it's going to be insane when they go. And it's a nice club. And for comics, it's like, oh, it's everything you've basically ever wanted in a club. Or a theater. Everything's there, so it's easy for you like oh this is this is what i thought would be everything but lockers from right from the movie punchline right right right yeah uh the green room is like the thing that joe really felt strongly about was

that the comics be able to come in and have a green room and access to the stage without having to run into the crowd because it it a lot of the comics that work in this club are at the level where it's really uncomfortable to be around the crowd because they immediately surround you and they want selfies not me but like a lot of the a lot of the really big guys and i love the lights though the light that would let you know how much time yeah like i thought that was just brilliant and clocks everywhere i like the clock just to make you a little less like nervous about what am i going on like yeah well you know what i did when i just taped my special there a couple weeks ago and i had changed the whole order of the set kind of because i realized i was going to do it

in texas and originally i was opening with my anti-gun material and I was like, that's not smart. And so I shuffled a bunch of things in my set the week before. And so I actually got a teleprompter and put my bullet points in it and they had it like right in front of the balcony. That's awesome, dude. It took so, because the thing is, no matter how many times you've done a set, just worry that the the the the anxiety of taping it you're gonna space on a bit or you're gonna forget you know sometimes you have a little bit in between two big bits and then later you go oh fuck i left that great joke out right and so between having the clock there and having my bullet points my mind was totally free and i did a little bit of crowd work that fucking you

know you just get on a on a taping you don't want to waste time but i also did want to get a little crowd work absolutely and i got i got a couple nice hits in that's great yeah good you can use that as promo too yes you know i mean you can take it out of the special and use it as promo right well i did like an hour and 10 minutes and I want the special to be like maybe 45. Wow, you got so much promo. So I get a lot of promo. That's awesome. When's the last time you did a special?

So what I've started doing is putting out an hour every couple months. No. Yeah. So what I'm... So here's... I did... My first one was, I want to say in San Francisco, I had a guy come in with three cameras.

The punchline? Yeah. And we put out an hour from that. Is it the guy who lives up there? He's good. Yeah, Tim? Is it Tim? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's really good. He's really good. And I learned a lot from him. So now I'm starting to mask my own equipment to do this because the next one I did, I did from Laughs Boston. Oh, yeah. Boston. That's a fun club. Sorry, I don't know why Boston. But it's a fun club. Yeah. own equipment to do this because the next one i did i did from laughs boston oh boston sorry i don't know boston but it's a fun club but i use the feed from them uh-huh and they don't have any

mics going out into the audience and they just they have it just coming through the the one microphone that you're talking through yeah so it gets garbled i had some complaints about that i'm like okay and also it doesn't sound like you're doing well because it's not picking up all the laughter. It's just not right. Yeah. Even though there's so much stuff in there that I just wanted to put out, that's why I was like,

okay, I can't be ashamed by anything. It's just, but I'm just, it's not the quality. At first, I'm stumbling, I apologize. But I had to get quantity over quality. Okay. Right? So now I'm getting my third one together.

So I got that quantity out there. Now I'm moving the quality up. So now I bought all my own sound equipment. Yeah. Right? So I'll be taking that around. You hang the mics over the audience? Hang the mics.

Hang the mics. Go through my... I don't know. We're running some other things. So we can now edit the sound. Nice. So that's perfect. Yeah.

So, and the next step will be moving up our camera that we bought, like our cameras. How many cameras are you bringing out? Three. Great. I'm trying to figure out how to do one from the stage. I haven't really learned yet. You can get a lipstick cam and it's

they're really cheap quality though no no no it looks it looks it's not going to look as good as the other cameras but you know neil brennan did one did you see his special shelves or whatever he had it sticking out of the back of the the stage i'm going to look at that and look at that it looked great yeah i'm telling you so you can see who he's talking to when he when he yeah yeah yeah yeah that's that's perfect and and so he just kind of puts it right behind him right i probably probably get two of those and put them up yeah one on each side yeah one on each side yeah so that's that's why i want to get that that editor and you know from videographer together as one and make that as a package to be able to put those out every two months to an hour. That's great.

And what do you put it out on Instagram? YouTube. Yeah. I love YouTube. Yeah. But also we're putting... So YouTube has levels of censorship on it. Yeah.

So you kind of have to play with it a little bit because you don't want to get dinged, right? So I put it out fully uncensored on Patreon, which I don't have a huge following. But when people complain about what I have for free, I say, well, for the price of a cup of coffee, you can. Right. Right. So, yeah, just kind of trying to build everything. So when you put it because, yes, somebody was telling me the details of the algorithm and

there's there's hard rules like if you say fuck in the first eight minutes you get thrown off the algorithm did you hear that yeah and then you got it you got to censor it and then there's certain words in particular that will just like if you say rape or things like that. Murder. Oh, really? If you watch social media, you will now see people saying unalived. No. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, which is so weird because, right?

I'm not telling you to go out and rape. I'm not telling you to go out and murder. It's part of a story. So I... No, it's supposed of a story right so i know it's supposed to be the internet was supposed to be unlimited free speech and it's the opposite it's actually more censored than what you could do on cable or even broadcast tv i'm sure you could tell a murder story on broadcast tv yeah yeah i'm sure i don't and i talk like a guy from where I grew up. I say fuck a lot. And sometimes fuck is my comma, right?

So things just move so fast. Fuck works perfect as a comma. So that kind of stuff screws me up. But you have to do a little bit of editing, a little bit of play with it. But you put it out there, and then you put it out uncensored on your Patreon, and you can just keep putting more and more out, right?

That's a great idea. And what percentage of that is crowd work that you put out? So crowd work will be about 70%, right? But at the same time, I like to put out unfinished jokes right and then the next time you see the finished joke right

oh that's good it doesn't have to be the finished joke like when we started in New York when you're putting something on TV you fucking whittled that

until it was perfect right well you can put it out again and it's and it's and it's more finished more refined or taking a longer story right so

and and people will notice that they're like i like the way you what you've added to this yeah so yeah yeah that's great it's like uh going to a museum and seeing picasso sketches right for the actual painting right because you're picasso i'm picasso I'm Picasso. Yeah. I'm a pick. All right, here's my other questions. Hold on.

There's a thing called fast balls with fits. You ready for this? I like it. Too fast. Have you ever saved somebody's life? No, not that I know of. That's why it's called fast dogs sometimes. No. Fast balls sometimes. It sometimes you're like unless that really sticks out no hope i never have to knock on wood have you taken a cpr class when i was a teenager yeah i need to take one actually no i took it

again because i was coaching my son's basketball team and they made everybody take a cpr course it's kind of a smart idea yeah and they also background checked you for i remember i coached hockey that we had to go do our thumb prints to make sure we weren't diddlers yeah yeah yeah they're not fucking around yeah use that instead of rape diddle diddle diddly do um what is the greatest comedy performance you've ever had is there a night that stands out where you just walked off stage and went, I can't ever do that good again?

You want me to suck up right now? At Rogan's Club Saturday night early show. Oh, really? They stood up at the end like I've never had a crowd stand up at the end. I was just like, oh. And then Thursday night in Chicago, I had a crowd when I walk on like be so excited i was

looking to see what they were excited about and it turned out they were happy to see me like it was so bizarre yeah i've never had it before so right so bizarre but yeah but but that stand-up thing i was just like oh it was everything was landing where i was supposed to land yeah yeah that's the last one I remember. Yeah. That's the thing about these clubs is when you set them up right, and you go to some clubs,

some of the chain clubs in particular, they don't really put a lot of thought into the height of the ceilings, upholstering the walls, carpeting so it absorbs the noise, a good microphone. The last thing they think of is stand-up. The last thing.

And meanwhile, we're not a band. We don't need a sound mixer. We don't need equipment. All you need to give me is a good mic, a decent sound engineer who's actually going to pay attention. Many of them just sit there and do nothing. Tell me a club that had a really

good sound engineer well other than we'll take that one club out but uh where's the last place you had a good sound engineer usually a kid that's just hired right yeah it's usually just a kid who has no experience because i'll come in and i'll be like hey like i'll do a live podcast sometimes and they'll have no fucking idea how to record it and it's like how did you get this job because i didn't want to be a waiter yeah yeah exactly right but my point being if you give the comic all those tools they are going to give you a show at the top of their ability and your crowds are going to want to come back again and again which is going to sell more tickets and you're going to make more money than a fancy glass that they buy.

Right. Right. Right. There's two types of people in the world. Go. Boys, girls. No, that's not it. Sorry.

There's two types of girls. Two types of people in this world. Scared and not scared. That's good. That's good. And can one person go from that, go in each of those categories or are you one way your whole life? I don't think you're that way your whole life. You're just, I think you can go into both.

I think one side has anger involved in it. And once you're able to get that side out of you, the anger goes away. Or vice versa. Right, you can go from there to, yeah. Right. Because something can happen that shakes your whole foundation so and that can make you scared um if and the not scared people more the time their foundation is set was it ever challenged or they just got lucky

and were never traumatized by something? I think it's been, definitely everybody that's not scared has been challenged. To be not scared, you've had to come to terms with things. Right. Right?

There's some people that aren't scared that are just oblivious. Right. Right? Right. It's either, there's some people that aren't scared that are just oblivious. Right. But for the most part, I think you have to, you've come to terms and you're doing your best, right?

It is weird with stand-up because I grew up, my father used to hit me a lot and I have real trauma from that. Mm-hmm. And I was drawn to stand-up because the fear Mm-hmm.

of going on stage was so intense that I was drawn to it. It was like a challenge to me. Interesting. And so every time I go on stage, I'm scared. And every time I get off stage, I'm filled with a sense of peace. And like Thursday night, I had a show at the Punchline in San Francisco. And I had some shit happen to me that brought up a lot of anger.

I told you I got kicked out of my office. But it was done very unceremoniously with 10 days notice after 13 years. And I was very angry and I was having violent fantasies. And so I went to the, and I dealt with it for 10 days. My mom was here for Thanksgiving. So I was just pushing it all down. I was cleaning out the office. I was entertaining my mother. I was planning thanksgiving and then all of a sudden i go to san francisco and i get there at noon and i've got eight hours to the show nothing to do and then it all hit me all the emotions hit me that i wasn't dealing with and when it came time for the show i was sitting in the dark in my room i have depression so i'm just looking at the ground

and I'm like I had to force myself to get dressed I walk over there and I'm in the green room and the poor opening act is a guy I never met before and I'm usually very charming with the opening acts

if I don't know I make sure they're having a good time you know that they feel welcomed and I always shit on them and it's fun and this guy I literally couldn't say two words

and I was like how the fuck am I going to do And this guy, I literally couldn't say two words. And I was like, how the fuck am I going to do this? But in the back of my head, I knew I would be able to because I have for 33 years. And so they introduced me, and I went on stage, and I just said, I said, I don't know how I'm going to do this tonight. I said, I am really sad. And they kind of went, wow, this guy's for's for this isn't a bit this is for real

and they fucking lifted me up i love this and i as i'm telling you within 10 minutes it was all gone and i was in the moment so good and i came off stage and it was gone and i it's kind of been gone ever since my that's my favorite though. My favorite is honesty. Yeah. Like on stage. Right. And the comics that I don't enjoy aren't honest. Right.

They're not, they're not like, and nothing about their humor is honest. Right. But the fact that you're able to just go up there and say, say that it's just like, that's just, I would have been like,

just pinned on that the whole time watching. Yeah. Just because it, it's so honest and it's the best and comedy doesn't have to have any laughs at times right and it's so good because you'll get to the laughs i know oh look at chapelle i mean he's considered the greatest comic and yeah you know he just he can take five minutes to just be a great orator. Just, yeah. And I said to the audience, I said, I'm sad,

and yet I am expected for the next hour to be the life of the party, to be funnier than anybody in this room. And then they just kind of laugh, like, what a situation. Well, you're fucked, sir. I didn't think you were funnier than me then when i didn't know you were sad i was waiting for you to earn my approval actually do you find that when you have something going on in your life that's bad or stressful that you actually have better sets um i find that it lets me escape from the situation although i'm like you i will somehow talk about it yeah yeah but it

it lets me escape from it's it's a pressure valve right yeah yeah who knows i've always heard comics say if i didn't have this uh you're gonna be on stage if I didn't have this, I'd be on stage. If I didn't have this, I'd be a mass murderer. And you kind of look back and go, I wonder if that guy actually did kill people. Because this is an escape from me, but I wasn't that far. Yeah.

Yeah. I was going to tell a story, but it has the word rape in it. Unsexed. Yeah. All right. I'll ask you two more questions, and then I'll let you go. All right.

Even though I could talk all day, you're one of my favorite guests. Oh, thanks, man. You have to do this more often. You don't live far from here. Yeah, I don't live there. It didn't take me that long. Yeah, anytime. Just call.

I do this more often. You don't live far from here. Yeah, I don't live there. It didn't take me that long. Yeah, anytime. Just call. What is something you've turned down recently? Corporate.

You did? Yeah. So good. No way. But those pay tons of money. Not anymore. No? I'm selling some tickets. I don't care.

Oh, I love it. tickets. I don't care. Oh, I love it. I just like, I said, I said, no. I said, no, that's nowhere near enough. And I said, I can find you somebody that would probably be excited to do that. But I have no interest. Yeah. Right. I seen a comic that I started out with posted a video the other day.

And they were in a small Canadian town. started out with posted a video the other day and they were in a small Canadian town and they were in a room that I'm guessing a banquet room and you know those big tables circle tables with a bunch of people around them yeah and he showed set he sold out again and he showed the empty tables and he showed them full and I just like i i i can never do a banquet room again it's traumatic yeah it was it was so sad to me yeah yeah and your hands are tied not only are they set up in a way that's not gonna work you're not gonna win they're serving dinner while you're performing yep they are all afraid to laugh in front of their co-workers It's something that might be seen as inappropriate. They're distracted.

Maybe they're drunk because they've been drinking all day a lot of times. And then they tell you, don't curse, don't talk about politics, don't talk about sex. And now you're supposed to do an hour. An hour. And you've just mentioned the four things that they want. Exactly. Right? Right.

I remember I did one for a roofing company. And they said I couldn't swear. And I'm like. Meanwhile, they roofie people. I said, they roofie people. That's hysterical. But I said, have you ever had your roof done? Those motherfuckers are up there swearing the whole time.

I didn't ask for that. No swearing while you're doing my roof. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, let the motherfucker burn, right? Yeah. Who's the worst opener that you ever had? You have to say their name, but like describe the worst opening act that you ever had.

Can I tell you? Can I tell you? There's a guy, Reggie Steele, and this is completely different than the worst opener. Yeah. steel and this is completely different than the worst opener yeah but just like funny and the most likable guy ever and you just spend the first eight minutes trying to dig out of a hole because you're not him no kidding and i fucking love it wow because it's so much hard work yeah like he's just the guys want to be him and all the girls want to fuck him. Right?

Reggie Steele. Reggie Steele. Sounds like a porn name. I know. He's a six foot eight black guy from Alabama that played college basketball. Just jacked like a motherfucker. And he's funny and he's got the best smile and it's just, and you're just like. Damn.

And he's from san francisco and at first i remember the first time i was just like i just walked into that sledgehammer that i wasn't expecting yeah right i'm like holy shit took me 20 minutes to get out of it right so but that's that's the best opener that's the best of the worst though right yeah like i i don't i don't want to have to do that every night yeah right but But I think the worst opener is the guy that has stuff he wants to sell and doesn't ask you. And then you see a 10-minute sales pitch instead of using all 20 minutes for comedy. Right, right. And now when you try to pitch your merch, all of a sudden they're looking at you like, oh, gee, what is this, like a fair?

Yeah. Is this a fair? Yeah. Is this a bazaar? Yeah, that's... I've had the opener and the feature act do that. That blows my mind. If they ask you, do you allow them to sell the merch? No. Yeah.

Maybe now, but before it meant that time with the crowd meant a lot. Like it was me shaking a hand meant whether they were coming back to see me right right and the feature doesn't have the are you getting booked back again how are the sales like were they better than last time yeah you know so why should i share that with him right and and the other thing is 20 minutes of prime real estate on a stage in a club and to use five minutes of it to sell merch. Right. Is fucking blasphemy. Yeah.

You know, it's it's it just makes me I'm just like I could have another friend just do an extra five minutes and you can only do 15 if you don't have the 20. You know, I mean, yeah, like it's it's. Well, if you're a feature, your goal should be to be a head headliner and the way you're going to become a headliner is by going up there blowing us off the stage i mean it's like you're you get to do a sprint you get to do a six six sprint yeah i gotta do a fucking hour i gotta do a half mile race here i have to i have to do a marathon and i have to see a bunch of guys from Trinidad start with me. And I'm not happy about it. You're right.

So, yeah, I don't know. It'd be different now, but I also take guys with me now, which I don't like because I know how hard it is for a local to get stage time. And I remember being the local that didn't get the stage time. So I want the local to get stage time right and i remember being the local that didn't get the stage time so i want the local to get the stage time but right now the guys i'm taking with me are helping me build and produce stuff so i have to take them with me so yeah i mean i there's some people i bring on the road and one in particular sells he sells t-shirts but i always feel like this guy you know i know what they're paying features on the road these days.

I tried to tip. Do you tip? Well, I'm buying the guy his hotel room on this trip. That's a tip. Because they're not paying for it. Yeah, I do that sometimes. That's a tip. I just get the hotel.

Yeah. All right. Dude, do you remember fucking, stage time is worth gold, man. Yeah, right. So when these guys have to come back with money, no, you have to come back without a loss is what you have to come back with. Right.

If you're featuring, yeah, you probably should have some sort of part-time job that is supplementing you to be able to do stand-up. We all did. So I can't feel sorry for you. I've had guys that, well, I need this. I have a family.

Why do you have a family as a fucking feature? Features don't get families. Families are for closers. Exactly. Families are for closers. But seriously, you're just looking at them like, hold on, you thought you were going to come out here for five shows and a hundred bucks

and feed a family of two? Four, sorry. I forgot the parents on that one. You thought you were going to come out here for five shows and a hundred bucks and feed a family of two. Four. Sorry. I forgot the parents on that one. All right. Last, last question. What's the hackiest bit you've ever done? Oh, so many.

The one that really makes you when you're falling asleep and you've got wispy little dreams about, you know, floating in the sky like a bird and then all sudden you remember a bit that you did and you're awake you're wide awake uh where's the best place to have anal sex in a cemetery because it makes a girl nervous and she tightens up a little bit more I just I recently put that out as a clip and I just like

oh fuck I just I just lied in my room for half a day you know that's pretty good you'll still use it though it's too good to drop

alright Ian Bagg is going to be coming to see you oxnard california december 8th through the 10th brea 21 through 23 of december san diego new year's eve 12 30 through the 31st denver comedy works january 4th through 6th oh you're gonna have fun there i'll be fine i'm doing both too oh really i'm doing a thursday at the south and then the other ones can i tell you a funny story before we go yeah so two years ago i'm in denver at the south club and you know how they have that little bar yeah i'm sitting there it's when uh the pandemic we're coming out of the pandemic but you had to have vaccine card

to go anywhere right so everybody's inside the room room started there's a bunch of comics because they always have a lot of comics in the green room it's felt more comfortable sitting out by myself right so i'm sitting across the across the bar by myself at a table with a bag of merch and there's one lady in the bartender and she can't go in because she doesn't have her vaccine card and she says to the bartender how's the show this week and he goes which makes me how right this makes me laugh she's she's leaving and this is two weeks before christmas she's leaving and he goes uh come back in january that's when the good comics start coming back right so i'm just like this guy is fucking hilarious he either knows who i am or he doesn't know who i am and he's fucking completely honest and i'm kind of having a little thing about i'm here in december fuck i must be a shitty comic

right so i'm like do i talk about on stage and get him in trouble or do i just tweet about it i have no followers on twitter nobody hears about tweet about it so i tweet it's gonna be a great week don't say where i am the bartender the bartender at the club just told a lady to come back in january that's when the good comes go on stage come off bartender bartender comes up to me afterwards you know when we're all wrapping up and sold merch blah blah blah he goes hey you're really funny and i go maybe one day i'll be here in january right uh-huh next night i come in manager comes over ian can i talk to you and i'm like yeah uh we read your tweet and i was like what it goes we read your tweet and we fired the bartender no right to which i go you guys nobody follows me on twitter so how the fuck did you read my

i go i didn't want anybody fired yeah i'm a comic i'm supposed to make things funny that happened he goes no we've had problems with the guy we we watch the cameras and all the cameras have microphones and we heard what he said no shit so we fired him i'm like i don't want him fired please hire him back and they're like no he's, he's gone. So I'm like, okay. Saturday night, I'm sitting in the exact same spot. Waitress comes up to me. Hi, Ian. Hi, how are you?

Just want to let you know you had my boyfriend fired. And I'm like, I didn't have anybody fired. I didn't want anybody fired. I just tweeted what he said. It made me laugh. It actually made me laugh, right? I go, but here's my merch money for the week. I feel horrible. It's just before Christmas. Hopefully this will help you guys get through Christmas, made me laugh it actually made me laugh right i go but here's my merch money for the week i feel

horrible it's just before christmas this hopefully this will help you guys get through christmas and then he'll find something afterwards right well he wrote you a letter blah blah blah gives me this letter this fucking cocaine fucking talk right whatever was it threatening not at the time manager comes over right as she leaves don't worry we're gonna fire her and i'm like i'm like you cannot fire her you cannot fire her you've already fired somebody while i'm here and blamed it on me i i don't want anybody i didn't want him fired i don't want anybody fired i actually wanted people fired before they never got fired so i don't know how this person is getting fired. Don't fire. Okay. By Saturday night, you're waiting tables during your own show.

Christmas Eve, I get a message on Instagram. Well, I hope you're happy. My girlfriend got fired too, you fucking asshole. I'm just like, what the fuck? So last time, last year I was downtown. I just walked into the club. I'm like club like all right who wants to lose their job i felt horrible but apparently they'd had all sorts of problems with them so wow but i was just like that manager should be fired now you know what but still the bartender yeah it is oh it is it's amazing it It's my top two favorite clubs in the country.

What's the other one? I never say because if I say it's my second favorite and then I go to Philly Helium or the Punchline in San Francisco and they go, so I hear your favorite club. So I always leave that number one spot open. Very smart.

I'm a very smart guy. Very smart. All right, listen. You're also going to go to dania beach in florida on november 11th dania where's that uh basically where remember the other club was in florida west palm yeah that's where they've moved that club they did i like that west palm apparently they they uh tore that down and turned it into High Rises. Oh, that's right. I heard that was happening.

Right. Milwaukee, Indy, San Jose, Nashville, Salt Lake City, Vegas, Portland. All dates are available at ianbag.com. And you can follow him on Twitter. But I looked at your Twitter account. I think you have like 300 followers. I actually got rid of it so it probably wouldn't be me oh okay

yeah I just got rid of Twitter yeah but Instagram is the place to see you and also YouTube there's specials going up all the time TikTok Ticket Talk It Facebook so you stay on top of all those sites yeah that's a lot of work

a lot of work it A lot of work. It's been crazy though. I'll do a humble brag while I'm here. Good. So I went from 5,000 followers on YouTube in January and now we're up to about 225,000. No shit. And 130 million views this year.

Damn. And then Facebook went from 20,000 to 400 000 no shit and i don't i just it's just putting it up and responding to people there's a little bit of hate i try not to respond to the hate but yeah just just putting stuff up and just letting them see you i guess is helping so i'm just so happy for you because we go back 25 years to New York. To New York. And you've always been a great comic. Oh, thanks, man.

Well, you're a journeyman. You do it right. And then you just had a few things happen in the last few years through your own efforts of putting shit out. And it paid off. And I see you selling out clubs all the time now. That's got to feel good it feels it's fun it's just fun it's really fun and you know anything i can do to help my friends is

basically what i'm trying to think of right now and continue on this little thing so i always if anybody asks me i always just tell them what i did and help you know i know i don't hide the secret or anything right yeah so if there's a secret, who knows? I think we're like popcorn. We all pop at different times, right? Yeah, right. So was it Chris Case that you used to hang out with? I'm friends with Chris Case.

You guys, I remember you guys when I first moved to New York, you guys. He was from Boston as well, right? I don't know if he was from Boston, but we wrote on Politically Incorrect together in New on bill marshall yeah yeah and he was the guy here's the crazy story of chris case he comes to the office and his wife was from beverly hills and her name is portia of course and portia from beverly hills and so he comes into the office and he's like craziest thing happened he goes we had dinner with this woman who is a friend of my wife's from beverly hills and she's a little crazy and she started telling us that she's been blowing

president clinton no and her name is monica and we're like that's fucking weird and so like three different times he came in he goes yeah she came over and she said that he put a cigar in her and all these details that didn't come out for a year a year later the story broke no way yes

you know who she was she goes she goes and sees comedy and she says I usually blow the headliner I usually blow the president yeah I usually

I'm not I'm not here for the vice president alright brother thanks for coming on all right we'll see you soon