Fitzdog Radio - Ian Bagg Episode 1125

Episode Date: January 28, 2026

Subscribe to Greg Fitzsimmons: https://bit.ly/subGregFitz One of the quickest minds in the biz Ian Bagg joins me. We laugh. Oh we laugh.  We have a wide-ranging conversation about comedy, career longevity, and the realities of grinding it out in clubs before viral success. The two dig into comedy history and influences including Mel Brooks, Richard Pryor, Gene Wilder, Jonathan Winters, and the evolution of stand-up, while sharing brutal road stories, bombing at private gigs, and behind-the-scenes roast chaos. This episode blends sharp comedy, insider Hollywood stories, and unfiltered stand-up talk, making it a must-listen for fans of comedy podcasts, stand-up comedy, and Greg Fitzsimmons’ FITZDOG Radio. Upgrade your sleep with Miracle Made! Go to ⁠https://trymiracle.com/FITZDOG⁠ and use the code FITZDOG to claim your FREE 3 PIECE TOWEL SET and SAVE over 40% OFF. Follow Greg Fitzsimmons: Facebook: https://facebook.com/FitzdogRadio Instagram: https://instagram.com/gregfitzsimmons Twitter: https://twitter.com/gregfitzshow Official Website: http://gregfitzsimmons.com Tour Dates: https://bit.ly/GregFitzTour Merch: https://bit.ly/GregFitzMerch “Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons” Book: https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82 “Life on Stage” Comedy Special: https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial Listen to Greg Fitzsimmons: Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio Sunday Papers: http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod Childish: http://childishpod.com Watch more Greg Fitzsimmons: Latest Uploads: https://bit.ly/latestGregFitz Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/radioGregFitz Sunday Papers: https://bit.ly/sundayGregFitz Stand Up Comedy: https://bit.ly/comedyGregFitz Popular Videos: https://bit.ly/popGregFitz About Greg Fitzsimmons: Mixing an incisive wit with scathing sarcasm, Greg Fitzsimmons is an accomplished stand-up, an Emmy Award winning writer, and a host on TV, radio and his own podcasts. Greg is host of the popular “FitzDog Radio” podcast (https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio), as well as “Sunday Papers” with co-host Mike Gibbons (http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod) and “Childish” with co-host Alison Rosen (http://childishpod.com). A regular with Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Kimmel, Greg also frequents “The Joe Rogan Experience,” “Lights Out with David Spade,” and has made more than 50 visits to “The Howard Stern Show.” Howard gave Greg his own show on Sirius/XM which lasted more than 10 years. Greg’s one-hour standup special, “Life On Stage,” was named a Top 10 Comedy Release by LA Weekly. The special premiered on Comedy Central and is now available on Amazon Prime, as a DVD, or a download (https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial). Greg’s 2011 book, Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons (https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82), climbed the best-seller charts and garnered outstanding reviews from NPR and Vanity Fair. Greg appeared in the Netflix series “Santa Clarita Diet,” the Emmy-winning FX series “Louie,” spent five years as a panelist on VH1’s “Best Week Ever,” was a reoccurring panelist on “Chelsea Lately,” and starred in two half-hour stand-up specials on Comedy Central. Greg wrote and appeared on the Judd Apatow HBO series “Crashing.” Writing credits include HBO’s “Lucky Louie,” “Cedric the Entertainer Presents,” “Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher,” “The Man Show” and many others. On his mantle beside the four Daytime Emmys he won as a writer and producer on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” sit “The Jury Award for Best Comedian” from The HBO Comedy Arts Festival and a Cable Ace Award for hosting the MTV game show "Idiot Savants." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. Hey folks, Greg Fitzsimmons here, host of Fitzdog Radio coming to you, no matter what is going on in the world. The L.A. Rams, they're out of it. I thought they were going to win the Super Bowl this year. I think I might have predicted that a couple times. I was wrong. It's now going to be the New England Patriots. I say that.

I got some good Patriots friends. Dave Rath, Dickie Egan, Ted Fine. So good luck to you guys. Dudley Shotwell. I'm cheering further for you. Anyway, I guess let's cut to it. What are people talking about today? Obviously, what's going on with ICE?

Or the federal agents, so not always ICE agents. But I think it's very difficult to train these people. Once they're in, once they've got their little vests and their little face masks, they're off and running. There's no retraining these guys. You got to get the next generation of ICE agents. We've got to identify where they're coming from and train those people. So by the time they enter, they know the rules of engagement. They understand what civil rights are.

So where do we find them? That's the question. Here's a couple of areas we may want to start looking. identifying first, men who are sending out for penis enlargers. That's a big group. Get that mailing list. We got anyone who played Stanley Kowalski and Streetcar Name Desire. Could have been a high school production.

Could have been college. Find them. Straight bouncers at gay clubs, question mark. Any guy with a nickname, including me, Fitzdog, If you're over the age of 24 and you got a nickname, you're probably headed for ice. Let's talk to these people. Let's counsel them. Men whose fathers later became their mothers, big red flag.

Anybody who still wears their varsity jacket and their high school ring. They should not go into ice without some training. Women named Terry who sell steroids at the locker room at your gym, guys that went out for JV wrestling, and were cut because they popped a boner during a match. How about the guys who criticized the show heated rivalry to a highly suspicious level? Let's get some classes going for them, guys from the Navy who weren't asked and didn't tell. All right. That'll do it.

Let's look for those people. Let's get them right. Let's get their heads right. I'm coming to you, Austin. I'll be there. God, I leave tomorrow. I'm going to be doing the Joe Rogan experience on Friday. That comes out next week.

And then I'll be on Kill Tony on Monday. That comes out in a few weeks. And I will be at the Comedy Mothership Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night. Now, that's a lot of Austin. That's a lot of voices that may not always be the same as mine. So it's going to be, I think, an opportunity to engage and discuss ideas with people. And I think that should be the goal for everybody right now. I'm also coming to Sacramento at the punchline February 5 through 7, Philadelphia, Helium, February 13 through 15.

Happy Valentine's Day, Lexington, Kentucky, Houston, Fort Worth, L.A. will be doing the St. Patrick's Day show, March 17th of the improv, Janesville, Wisconsin, Bakersfield. Go to Fitzdog.com. Get yourself some tickets. Come out and see some live comedy. also want to talk about, with this podcast, one of the upsides of this podcast, and there's many, is I get ads and they send me free samples. And the one I just got,

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There's no risk. That's try miracle.com slash fits dog. Code Fitzdog at checkout. Thanks to Miracle Made for sponsoring this episode. Okay. My guest is a dear old friend of mine. We came up in the trenches in New York together 30 years ago, and we've played ice hockey on the same teams,

won a championship in New York once. And just an all-round great guy. He's a guy that's been slugging it out in the clubs all these years, is always killing, headlining great clubs. And then just in the last few years, thanks to the intranet, he's really kind of blown up. He's very in the moment, very quick, just a very special act. Anyway, you know him from The Tonight Show, Colbert,

specials on Comedy Central, HBO Showtime. Please sit back and enjoy my conversation with the great Ian Bags. Thanks for coming, man. It was good to be here. Put the mic near your face as if you're somebody... Are we actually recording now? Yes. Oh, my God.

Do you hear the echo? You can tell. That's how I know, because somebody else is wearing headphones. Wow. Classy, Greg, with all your cameras and your one microphone set over there. It's the Greenlandm studio. You guys have got a lot of things, but not a lot of things. Well, the green screen we could put anything we want behind us.

Remember that because I can put a huge cock going into your ear. Yeah, there it is. Not your ear. Not my ear. And of my marrow. If you had a choice of... Cock to the mouth or cocked to the ear, which would you take? No, I think if the choice was making love to a gentleman in his rectum or receiving oral from a gentleman.

No, performing oral on a gentleman. they're both gentlemen right yes they're british hmm would you rather blow a gentleman and this is not hypothetical by the way this has to happen right afterwards and you've got to change your accent um

I think I'd be I think I'd be a top yeah I think I think I'd have to go in the rectum just because he'd be polite about it because he's a gentleman yeah he'd have douched what do you call it uh duched right no when you do your rectum it's

uh Um, Anima. Enema. Yeah, there we go. I like us both pretending that we don't know what it is. Meanwhile, my number one internet search is enema of the state. My favorite movie.

Enema of the state. Woo! That was good. When we're done. Good night. So let's talk about the woman who shot in the head in Minnesota. All right. No, I don't want to talk about that.

We don't want to talk about that? I mean, we could. It's pretty crazy. Do you think the car is worth anything? Like, do you think it's up for sale? They'd have to change the brakes. They'd have to change. They clearly don't work very well.

Because it picked up speed afterwards, like you wouldn't believe. Who would buy it? Left wing or righty wing? Who would buy that? Mel Gibson. Mel Gibson. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Yeah. Somebody like that would. Yeah. Yeah. I think those guys have fucking fun. I like to do fun stuff. I got to get a car that's a much been murdered. And not replace them.

At the window. Get in there, sweet tits. We're going for a ride. Do you remember a girl, she had blonde hair? When we all first kind of moved to L.A., there was the Glitter Gulch had a comedy show. Do you remember that? Yeah.

And a girl ran it and she had crazy boobs and blonde hair. And I can't remember her name. She used to date Mel Gibson. No kidding. Yeah. And she had stories of him hanging on the front of her car when she was trying to leave after they had a fight. Really? Yeah.

And I was just like, I'd go do shows there just to hear the stories about Mel Gibson. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, sometimes I hear stories like that and I think to myself, I've lived a good life, you know, and I had some crazy times when I was younger. Right. But you look at a guy like that. Man, I'm not even trying. She was in that magazine Star talking about him, Star magazine.

Really? Yeah. Yeah, I remember. That's how I found out. I was just like, hey, that's that girl. Deloise, Deloise, Elana Deloise, or something like that. I can't remember. Is it Dom Deloise?

No, it wasn't. That's her. Oh. No. Oh, by the way, guess what I did last night? What'd you do? Speaking of Dom Deloese, I went to Judd-Apittal made a new documentary about Mel Brooks. No way.

And it's a two-parter. Of course. And this was the first half, and it was the premiere of it. So it was very nice of Jed to invite me. Yeah, very nice. And so I brought my wife, and it had a red carpet where you go up there. Nice. And so there was a bunch of comics I'm friends with it went.

And Mel Brooks showed up. Like, nobody expected him to show up. He's 99 years old. No way. A hundred in June. Of all the things he shows up to. I know. Yeah.

And so he showed. up and he's tiny. You know, he's like bent over and like, you know, he's 99. Yeah, yeah. But he came out and the documentary, first of all, is just, I mean, I don't think there is a comedian, comedic director, comedic writer who does not consider Mel Brooks to be one of the fundamental influences on him. I mean, it's pervasive.

Yeah. And when I was growing up, my dad, my dad was a fanatic and the producers was his favorite movie of all time and he used to play the movies for me and then we had the 2000 year old man albums and we used to play them for me when I was a kid we listened to it over and over again and then when I had

my son we used to play backgammon when he was like seven or eight years old we played backgammon and I would play the 2000 year old man albums because I'd collect comedy albums and play them all and he would be dying so anyway so we go out on Halloween night and Mel's son

lives right around the corner from us. No way. He's a famous novelist. He writes graphic novels like Gen. Z. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Generation, whatever.

Anyway, so I go to Owen. We're trick-or-treating. He's eight years old. I go, Owen, it's Mel Brooks. He goes, somebody's dressed as Mel Brooks. I go, no, it's Mel Brooks. And so I point, and we walk over, and I said, hi, Mr. Brooks. I'm a big fan, and Owen is a big fan as well.

He goes, you're a fan. He goes, and so my son said, That's so, you're a fan. It just works right there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'd rather have a, I'd rather have a spoiled nectarine than a fresh peach or whatever. There was a line from 2000-year-old man.

And so Mel Brooks died laughing. He's like, who's this fucking kid who knows that? No way. So he took a picture and it's on our mantle. It's been there since he was a little kid. So anyway, like he comes out and the movie is amazing. And it's like, you realize that he's a very. very, about the time this podcast comes out, it will be on HBO Max, so you can go watch it.

But you see what a troubled guy he was so insecure. I mean, he grew up, he felt like he was unattractive. I mean, you know, he's not the worst-looking guy, but I guess, you know, he, I think it was very difficult. He grew up in Brooklyn, and everybody was Jewish. And then once he moved to Manhattan, he felt very out of place. And I think he went to war at 17 years old. Right. And he went over to World War II. And he used to poke around with a stick. for unexploded minds. That was his job for two years. And we can't believe he takes life serious. Yeah, right.

But I mean, you wonder why he made, you know, springtime for Hitler and all this stuff. Parading the Nazis. And Judd asked me, he goes, did you do that with the intention of making a statement about, he goes, I made that because I thought that would make people laugh. And that's why I do things. He goes, I'm not here to. I love that. Yeah.

I love that. Yeah. It's funny that you, so I was a huge Jonathan Winters guy growing up, right? Sure. So years ago I went to pay my SAG bill. This is years ago at the SAG office on Wilshire. And there was a sign up tonight, Jonathan Winters doing a question and answer because of some documentary he was doing. And I was like, I got to go see it.

I got to go see it. And he was the same way. Went to war, right? came back. His parents have sold all his stuff because they didn't think he was going to make it home. Uh-huh. Right? So he comes back and they're like, oh. Oh my God. They're like, why are you here? Right? So he talks about committing himself into into, into, uh, into, into, into, into, into, that's what he called it. And is he Canadian? No, no, no, he's not. He's, I can't remember. He's Midwest guy. I think Minnesota. I think he's Minnesota. I think he's a Minnesota. Yeah. So, so, so, so, but he just talks,

You just, you hear the sadness in him too, right? Yeah. But just the funniest guy ever and just, just all about funny. Yeah. That's it. Wasn't trying to change the world. Right. Just wanted you to escape and let him escape, right?

Do you think Mel Brooks is the same way, just him escaping by making you laugh? No, it was about acceptance for him because he was a smaller kid in the neighborhood. And the one thing he could do, right? The one thing he could do was he goes, everybody loved me. Everybody liked me. I made everybody laugh. And I was accepted. That's awesome. And so, you know, the problem with that is when his career, as he starts off, and he was doing stand-up from when he was 14 years old, up in the Catskills, you know. That's crazy. And so he comes back, goes into the Army at 17, comes back at 20,

and now he's 20 years old, and he's been a comedian and fought in a war. You know what I mean? And so then he starts writing for Sid Caesar. He meets Sid Caesar, and he's writing on, You know, your show of shows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A famous writing staff of, it was Neil Simon. It was the other Neil. Woody Allen. And Neil?

Yeah, I know. I'm not going to be able to name any of those names, but I know exactly what you're talking about. And so anyway, they... But wasn't it weird back then that all those writers were just, on any of those shows, were just massive stars? Yes. Right? Yeah. Just like...

No. the writer's room for blazing saddles? Yeah. Richard Pryor. Yeah. Who's in the writer's room? Yeah. Push him in there.

Yeah. So anyway, so he has success with that. He comes out of the gate hot where the show stays on the air for five, six years, and it's the number one show. And it's one of the first shows on TV. You know, this is when TV was starting to broadcast. This is, you know, 19, late 40s. Right.

And so he goes from that. And I think he went out. And he did, he made a movie and it tanked. And then his career just freefall. He couldn't get hired. Really? And meanwhile, he had married Anne Bancroft, who I don't know if you know who she is, but she was a huge story right way and movie star.

And so out of his league, everybody would meet them be like, what, what is the deal here? How does this make sense? And so she supported him. And it was very, you know, in those days, being supported by your wife was very difficult. thing. Look down on. Yeah. So they had a few kids and he was very angry. He was very difficult to be around. His kids talked about it. Really? Everybody he talks about it. He goes, I was really an asshole. I was a bad guy because he wasn't getting acceptance for being funny, you know. And so they, she kicked him out. And then she, he ended up meeting, no, this is, this is, I'm sorry, this is his first wife,

who was a haughty. She was a dance. girl. She was like a Ziegfield folly. And so he marries her. They have a bad relationship. Then he meets Sam Bancroft. She's supporting him. And then he hits it big with She calms him down. Well, she encouraged him.

But he was going to give it. Yeah. Right. He was going to give up and she slapped him in the face and said, no, get back in there. Because, you know, one of his movies he fell. Even when he did the producers, like he won the Oscar for the producers and didn't get work after that. And then

He did blazing saddles. It took a while back then to get canceled for today. Oh, my God. Yeah. Would that movie be made today? No. No. Yes.

No. I mean, look at Tropic Thunder. Yeah, but they use the word that is nuclear now, the R word. They use the N word a lot. In Blazing Saddle. Sailing Saddles. I know my kids saw it and they were a little trouble by it. Yeah.

And they used it a lot. The movie actually showed about seven instances of somebody saying it. Yeah. So I don't. That irreverence made that movie, right? Yeah. So can you make that movie without that irreverence? They also punched a horse in the face and knocked it out.

They also had the German singer, you know, fucking the black sheriff and talk about how big his cock is. Oh, my God. She was so great. What was her name? She was a blonde girl, right? Yeah, she was a little voice. Yeah.

Oh, man, she was one of my first crushes. Yes. You're just like, oh, my God, she's funny and she's gorgeous. And she's like, like that voice, you're just like. Yeah, right. Yeah. And then, you know, and then originally the sheriff in Blazing Saddles was this famous old Western guy.

And the first day of shooting, he threw up on the set a couple times because he was so drunk. He was an alcoholic. And I guess Mel knew he was an alcoholic, but didn't know it was that bad. Right. So he gets shit candy. He's talking to Gene Wilder on the phone that day because they were friends. And Gene goes, I'll be there tomorrow. He's like, what are you talking about?

He goes, I can do that role in my sleep. He goes, I can make this good. No way. Flies out the next day and starts shooting. And that was it for him. I mean, think about it. They did Blazing Saddles together. They did Young Frankenstein together.

Yeah. They did the producers together. There's also when he starts working with Richard Pryor, right, too. Right. Before Stirk Raider. Yeah. Yeah. So that sends all of that.

Does he end up working with Richard Pryor if he doesn't do Blazing Saddles? Right. And Richard Pryor was supposed to be the sheriff in Blazing Saddles. Really? The studio wouldn't sign off on him. But he wrote for him. Racism works for once. I got to say, Richard Pryor is great.

The guy who did the role was perfect. Yeah. Because he just was so toothpick in the mouth, feet up on the desk, you know, cool, confident. Yeah, so good. Yeah. He said, yeah. What other movies was that guy in?

I don't know. That's a good question. Like if I had producers that weren't playing video games on their phones right now. I don't even think they're in the building. They checked out as soon as we started talking about black and white movies. As soon as we made fun of the studio, they were like, fuck them. Let them do it on their own. Why didn't they sign off?

I say racism, but why didn't they sign off on Richard Pryor? Because he was just. That was a reason. They thought it was too crazy. Yeah. But that's the first time him and Gene Wilder, are working on things together. Oh yeah, yeah, for sure.

Yeah. Yeah. And then, so we watched the movie. It's like an hour and 45 minutes for the first part of this series. And then they bring Mel Brooks out and Judd chats with him for half an hour. Does he take questions from the audience? No. No.

But he was pretty sharp for 99. And for how long did he talk? Good 20 minutes. That's insane. Yeah. That's insane. Yeah. There are certain old guys.

that you see and you just like, oh, man, they are the luckiest, because they're still sharp. Yeah. They still have something they love. Yeah. And they, I'm trying to think who the hockey guy is. It's like around that age. Scotty Bowman. Scottie Bowman's the same way.

I was just like, I did a roast with him. Oh, here we go. It's up on the screen. Look how fancy we are now. Leave on little. Leave on little. Sucky producer. He only lived to be 53 years old

Born in All right Do we have his other movies? Okay Zero credits Okay Tales from the Crypt True Colors

In the nick of time McGiver He was in McGiver Who wasn't? I know that's like coach Everybody has coach in their credits Fletch lives Alf

No way Yeah In 1987 he was in Alf That's his last credit Would you do it if you knew It was going to be your last credit Absolutely just for this Just knowing this is going to happen

Later on in life when you weren't there No And not only is he still enjoy it He currently is producing Part 2 of Young Frankenstein Younger Frankenstein They're doing space balls as well Oh I don't know

I think they're doing spaceballs. Maybe that's what I'm thinking of. I thought it was Young Frankenstein, too. Maybe both. And he's got a TV show on the air. They're filming now with Zach Alfenakis in it. Oh my God. That's awesome.

Yeah. At 99. And then he talked, oh my God, I was so sad. He talked about Carl Reiner, his best friend for his whole life. And somehow Rob Reiner came up and he just, his head just went down. And he said, I'm just so glad that Carl was not alive to see what happened. And, and I mean, somehow within 30 seconds, he got a laugh. He got out of it and had the audience.

Because he always was laughing really hard. Right, right. But that's his, that's his talent. Like, yeah, that kind of pain causes that kind of humor, right? Right, right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's one that I can't, I still can't process that Rob Reiner thing.

You know what I can't process is process, I'd say process because I'm Canadian, is how great of a kid Rob Reiner and was to his father. And how kind of, from what you hear, there was nothing like that with him and that kid. Yeah. Like that just blows my, I was just like, and he gave him every opportunity, but he still wasn't. I think it was just a mental illness. an extreme mental illness. I hope.

Then he started medicating with drugs. Right. Self-medicating. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know what you do with that. You know, I don't know. I don't think there's anything.

You don't take him to Conan's party. I'll tell you that much. Right. Jesus. Yeah. I don't know how Conan feels about that because you know they were trying to call the police. Really? And Conan talked them out of it.

He told them to not call the police. Oh, my God. I'm back to being a Leno fan. Is that our clip for the week? Cheers. Did you go to that party? Conan's party? Yeah.

No. Really? I would think you would be running with those people. Are you serious? You looked at me like, what are you kidding? No. I go to some parties. No, I don't go to a lot of parties.

Yeah. I mean, Judd's... Not murder parties. Judd's very good to me. You go to all of his party. openings, premieres, all that stuff. I find him fascinating. I find him,

his documentaries, his shandling documentary was fantastic. Yeah, yeah. I find, do I think he's the funniest comic? No, I think he's horrible, right? But what he does with film and stuff like those documentaries,

I don't think he can be touched. No, and it's such a service. When you think about the fact that first of all, he came up as a writer. He wrote for Gary Shanley. He was a very successful writer. Right. Then he becomes a director who puts out like seminal period of filmmaking where R-rated comedies came back hard. Like, can't be touched.

Right. Right. It's insane when something. Like that's talent. I don't know. I don't, and don't take it as his stand-up because I don't think, I don't think, I think he's one of those guys that love stand us so much he wants to be part of it. Yes.

But he has this incredible talent. And he's like, what if I could just have that? Everybody wants stand. I mean, how many actors do you know that like started and standup? Then they went into. Musicians. They all. Rappers.

Yeah. Everybody. But then transitions into documentary filmmaking and he realized what a gifted is to the world that Norm McDonald, Bob Newhart, Melbourne. Brooks, Gary Shanling, that he is putting forever documentation of their talent in a way that is presented where it's honest. It's not a fluff piece. I mean, they really got very much into Mel's dark side. Good. And he did with Shanling. I felt like Shanling maybe it could have been more. I feel like Shanling had a little bit more of an attitude of being not such a nice guy. Shandling was one day

he liked you one day he didn't yeah right and that was my relationship with and i think a lot of guys from the comedy magic from the comedy magic from the comedy magic one day he thought i was the brilliant thing he'd ever seen next day he pretended he didn't even recognize me right right yeah and i i would push it back to him and i think that's why i got the other side a little bit more than the dark side yeah right right oh he liked that you were pushing back yeah yeah i'll beat the fuck at you But, yeah. But, I mean, in terms of that, he's really, he's done a huge service for the comedy world and for the history of comedy to document these great performers.

Well, his, he knows comedy. Like, he knows funny with what he can do with film and documentary and writing. It's like, if this comes across like I'm lacking respect on him, no. It's just we have this other. thing called stand-up that I know not every funny person can do. Like the funniest people I know in the world don't do stand- right, right. Right. Farrell. Yeah. Yeah. Just guys that I grew up with. Right. Yeah. So, yeah. All right. I have questions for you. Oh, shit. I hate this. Oh, you don't? You love this. I love questions. Last time I asked you who your best Asian friend was.

Shbabi Lee. No. Did I ask you it last time? No. That's one of the, is it. Is it, is it? Is it, is it, is Bobby Lee? No. Everybody said, I almost should have an asterisk when I ask this question. You're not allowed to say Bobby. That's really funny. It's my wife's friend, Candice.

I think she's fantastic, and she's the most interesting person I've ever met. Really? She's got a doctorate in a bunch of things. And just fascinating to me, 50-year-old single woman, good-looking woman. Really? Has never been able to find love.

Attractive? Attractive. Like feet? Jesus would have loved them. Right. Jesus would have been washing those in a second. Oh, he would have been all over them. Petacure.

Just fascinating to me. And we call her canned ass. So. That would be funny if you had a nail salon and you called it Jesus pedicures. That's really funny. And it's just a picture of him on his knees. A little sits bath. Nails for Jesus.

Jesus nailed it. Oh my God. And when he washes your feet, the water, he uses is actually wine. At the end, at the end. Yeah, it gives the skin a glow. And you get a glass. They don't bring it. They always talk about them washing feet, but they don't say it might have been a fetish.

It's true. You know, and there was a reason why. why he demanded the women wear open-toed sandals on those walks. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. So he had something to wash. Right. You want to have dirty.

Some sand on his feet. Dirty. Oh, yeah. Mm, proverb. I don't have a foot fetish, but I appreciate a good set of feet on a woman. I'm not a foot fetish guy, but you, you, every so often you'll go, oh. Yeah. Right.

Right. Yeah. I go, oh, wow. Sure. Yeah. And then once in a while, you look, and you go, whoa. Jesus. Those are some dogs there. God damn.

They're all different lengths. She'd go to Iraq for a couple years and then I didn't give her boots during the war? What the hell happened? Did she have a Fred Flintstone car? Those are some bricks, baby. Well, dancers sometimes have those mangled feet. Yeah. On their toes all those years.

Basketball guys. Oh, God. Every so often they'll show like LeBron's feet. You're like, what the? Dennis Rodman's are a disaster. Yeah, the rest of his body looks fun. fine compared to his feet. Jesus.

Oh, fine. Wow. I'm talking like alcoholism. Good thing he plays defense if he's around you. Try to keep those hands down there, buddy. Traveling towards him. Three throw, free throw. Elastic shorts.

A belt to deal with. Short. Short them. I'm surprised guys don't do that on the court more. Right? I'm like, it just seems like the most obvious way to get a guy. You're going to get fouled. Just massive black guy with a tiny weenie.

Yeah. I imagine the Harlem Globetrotters must pull that move, right? I've never seen them, but... You never saw the Harlem Globetrotters? No. Dude, when I was a kid, you talk about... It's so funny when you think about comedy influences. Mel Brooks, Steve Mark, people name the pillars.

Right. But when I go deeper and I really think about my influences, like Harlem Globetrotters were huge. That's funny. And because they all had different personas. And it was this Marks Brothers dynamic where the New Jersey Generals was the team they played every game. Right. And they made fools of them. But they were the status quo guys.

They were the good looking white guys. And these are the black guys from Harlem And they were mocking them They were making fools out of them And it was like the Marx brothers You know? Yeah, yeah I love that energy

And then The other weird comedy influence That I would say I had Well, obviously certain cartoons Like Bugs Bunny was huge Absolutely in Bugs Bunny Doop doop So long, screwy

See you in St. Louis I love it And then the jerky boys, the prank calls. Remember the jerky boys? I never got to know them until I came to New York. That was the first time I'd ever heard it. I'm like, I'm like, what is this? And I had no idea that influenced the Simpsons, you know what I mean, with a prank calls.

So I was like, those, the jerky boys, did they ever, were they ever standups or anything? No, they tried to do a couple movies that were really bad. And there was maybe, I think the first two volumes. volumes did extremely well, and I don't know how well it went after that. Do you think if it came out now, they would be monstrous stars just because of the internet, right? Yeah, because what they did was, I mean, so many people have done prank calls since then Jim Florentine's very good at it. Obviously, crank yankers has had like a ton of great ones. But they did it in a way that was like you felt like there was like three idiots from Queens.

who were really funny. It's almost like how impractical jokers is so much funnier because you know that they're friends who grew up together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I feel like that with those guys, you know. Me and my friends still to this day, every time he answers the phone, we do the, I don't see so good, God damn it.

I'll bring all my shoes. And we talk to each other like that for maybe 10 to 15 minutes at the beginning of every call. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. That's good friends right there that'll do 15 minutes. Who were your offbeat comedy influences that most people wouldn't think of?

Really? I mean, Jonathan Winters, obviously. But it was those early, like when I was a kid, those crazy movies like Cannonball Run and stuff like that. Funny thing happened on the way to the forum. Yeah. But also some Bill Murray movies that never became huge, like a meatballs. A meatballs was great. Just so good.

Up the Creek. You remember that one? No. There was one when they go paddling. I just thought those, though that era of movies, it shaped me. Yeah. Just, yeah. Yeah.

I'm trying to also. Bob and Doug McKenzie Strange Brew. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which is just the funniest. part about Bob and Doug McKenzie from what I've heard. And by the way, that's another great documentaries, the John Candy documentary. Oh, I heard that. Yeah, I got to see that. And it's a,

two-parter because it's really dark for you. Yeah, you're like, I was just like, I had to stop watching and come back to it because I was just like, this is taking me down a road. I don't know if I can do. But that Bob and Doug McKenzie, apparently because SCTV was filmed in Canada, they needed Canadian content, right? So they just came up with that stupid thing and just like to fill their Canadian content and then became a huge thing. Right? So that's hilarious. That's what I like about that story. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was huge. That was like Cheech and Chong and Bob and Doug were the sort of like real underground feeling. Yeah. You know, they were the less commercial Wayne's world. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mad Magazine was huge for me. Cracked. Oh, were you crack guy? I was a

I was a cracked guy. Wow. Yeah. And I don't know why I was a crack guy. I don't know if I couldn't get Mad magazine or but I was, but that can't be true because everybody else read Mad and I read Cracked. I read Cracked as well. Yeah? Yeah, we had a really cool librarian at my school and they used to stock Mad and Cracked. Really? And National Ampoon in high school. I never got National Ampoon. That was really great. That was very smart. It was very satirical. It had like a point of view. Have you seen the Chevy Chase documentary? Did you say Chevy Chase? Chebby.

You said Chevy. I say Chevy, yeah. What did you say? Well, it's Chevy Chase. I say Chevy. Well, you shouldn't. I'd call him the levee. What if the levee breaks?

Say it again? Chevy Chase. What did I say? Chevy Chase. Like the car. Okay. I never thought I was saying it. I didn't think I was saying it like the car.

but I never realized I said the car like that. I'm only 50. So the documentary is good? The documentary is interesting, and I wanted to know what you're feeling about him was because people think he's an asshole, right? Well, I can tell you very firsthand on that. Well, first of all, his daughter,

who were both friends with his comedy story is just the sweetest. She's so great, so fun. I want to know, because I can't, I'll tell you my first. I can't tell if he had something that worked and now it no longer works, but he keeps trying it, which turns him into an asshole because it doesn't work, he just keeps getting deeper, deeper into it.

But you have something different. Well, I mean, obviously growing up, I've loved Fletch and what was the movie he did with... Fletch, too. He did a bunch of... Well, family vacation. Right. Anyway, so I get asked to do the Comedy Central roast of Chevy Chase. And, you know, I'm like...

I had no idea they did that for him because that must not have been good. Oh, it was not good at all. Oh, my God. Because we all get there. And first of all, the lineup, why am I on the lineup? Like, I don't know Chevy Chase. Right. That was an immediate red flag because usually it's like, you know, guys, you've done films with.

He was on SNL. How many people can you pick from on that alone? Yeah. And so it's me. It's Al Franken. It's Stephen Colbert, Jeffrey Ross, Lisa Lampinelli, Kevin Meaney, Todd Barry, Mark Marin. I forget who else. So nobody he knows.

Nobody he knows. And so he shows up with an attitude. He's like, I don't know any of these people. They're like, yeah, they went out to Diane Cannon. Everybody said no. Nobody wants to do it except Lorraine Newman. She was the one person that showed up. Okay.

So we get up there and he puts on beard sunglasses and he faces away from the dais and does not crack a smile for, Ian, it was a four-hour show. Oh, my God. And it was starting at one in the afternoon at the Hilton in New York. And it's all old people because it was the friars club. It used to be the friars club in Comedy Central Roads. So it was all these old Jews from the friars club. Oh, my God. So everybody's bombing because they're looking at Chevy and they're looking at us.

We make a joke. They look at Chevy. So it was killing the room. He didn't shake hands with anybody backstage before the show. And then I went up and I went second to last. Oh, my God, on a roast. Yeah. Can I interrupt?

Did anybody try talking you out of it? Did you try talking yourself out of it? No, I was 29 years old. And you were just thrilled. Yeah. And tell that, yeah. All right. Yeah.

So I had good jokes. I was like, I heard Chevy's answering machine. It says, I'll take it. I called Paul Schaefer, Dr. Phil with AIDS. Oh, my God. Yeah. And so, anyway, like, I had good jokes. And, like, the New York Post did a story about it.

And they listed two of my jokes. And I got cut out of the spell. I never aired because it was four hours. So it was a, you know, they aired 90 minutes. So a lot of people got caught. But the New York Post picks two of your... Well, they were there live. But they picked two your jokes.

You think they go, hey, maybe those were some good jokes right there. Maybe we should put that in. Yeah. But I think it's probably for the best. I don't know how good it would have looked. But so I didn't have any love for him. But then I met him, he came in to see his daughter at the store, and I met him one night. And he watched my set.

He was very complimentary. And we had a really nice long talk. I told him about the roast. And he goes, you know, I only did that because my wife had a charity. and, you know, they donate like a million dollars to the charity or something. Right. He goes, but I didn't really want to do it. And I was like, he shouldn't have done it.

You shouldn't have done it. Should have just gave the million dollars. Yeah, right. I did a gig not too long ago that I shouldn't have done for a friend. I did this. Who's the old, my God, of age and I can't remember it. He's anybody. Carlene Williams?

No, he's the manager for the. the Yankees when they won all the all the uh panettes no no just not in the late 2000s mid 2000s um Joe Torrey Joe Tori two first names I told yeah yeah what's up Tori that's really funny well my buddy Joe Tori apparently was came from an abusive family oh Jesus right so they do a fundraiser for Joe Tori every year because he has a foundation to make it safe at home for kids kids, right? And they want dark humor at it. I've heard a couple other comedians have done it. And my friends, like, will you do it for me? I'm on this board. And I'm like, yeah, okay, I go, it's going to suck, but I'll do it, okay? It's in New York? It's in L.A. And I go, it's no money.

It's just me popping and doing it, right, in front of all my bunch of rich kids, right? But rich people. And I go, I need a light on me, good sound, and they can't be eating when I'm up. Okay, that's fair. Right? That's all I need. Well, guess who's getting salads. That's not eating. No light. Sounds horrible. Joe Torre goes up and mumbles. And now, and introduces me, come on. Which, by the way, mumbled.

And what they could hear was him talking about abused children. Yeah, yeah. Before you could. Yeah. A lot of kids are abused. Anyways, let's get on the stage right now. Comedian, brown. And I go up there and it's just clink, clank, clank, clink, clink.

No lights on rich people. All these old guys with young women. And I go, it's nice to be here at this father-daughter dance. Right. Right. And it just goes downhill from there. Just, just, just, and there's a group of hot girls. And I go, oh, it was when Katie Perry went to space.

I was, girls, how was space? And they laughed. And everybody else. And then this old guy chirped me. And I go, I go, who's, is that your grandson or your kidney donor? Right? And it goes, all of a sudden I see Joe Torrey walking towards me. And I go, holy shit.

I'm Andy Petty. it in the World Series. I'm getting the ball taken away from it. Right? So I end it with, for a bunch of people that are supposed to make people feel safe, you fucking suck. And they just walk off. I'm like, suck my dick.

Baseball sucks. Just keep walking through it. Oh, it's horrible. It was horrible. Oh, those. And it really does come down to that first joke on those gigs. If that, if your first joke on a private gig does not work. they decide as a group as a group that they are going to shut down and they and because the dynamic is

it's it's social climber types absolutely and so they don't want to laugh at stuff nobody else is laughing at so there's never usually on a bad gig there's at least a pocket yeah so it's like a it's like you find that pocket right and you stoke that pocket yeah and maybe you can get it to start to spread right but when you don't or you stay with that pocket right but when you don't have or you stay with that pocket. Or you just stay with that pocket. Right. Right. But there's no pocket. I did a gig like that at the Four Seasons and it was for a famous music entertainment lawyer, like the biggest one in the business. I can't remember his name. But I went up and they introduced me as everybody is still standing. And there are, the photographer for the event is in front of the stage with the most famous people in

music and they're taking pictures. Yeah. And I'm standing at a podium with one of those thin microphones. And I have to ask people to sit down for five minutes. You're a douche. And now you're a douche. And everybody hates me. I'm the police. I'm the cops.

And then they finally sit down. They also don't think you're the comedian. They think you work for the hotel. Exactly. Well, I was wearing a red jacket and a black boat. And had keys. Somebody forgot their Audi? I should have done that.

And then, so I get him to sit down, and now I am tanking. And meanwhile, my agent, who never comes to see me. Oh, my God, that's hilarious. He comes out because he booked it, and he knew there was going to be a lot of famous people there. So he comes. He wants to hop up. And he's sitting in the front row, and he never sees me live. So I'm feeling the pressure.

And so, but in the front row was the table with Cheryl Crowe and her friends, and she fucking threw me a lifeline. They put their heads back and laughed and clapped. And it's like you said, I just played to that one table. That's, I didn't. I would say those girls, those hot girls, they may have liked me, but there was some... Wait, hold on, it's Mary Fitzgerald. Okay.

She's from Boston. All right. This accent. Fancy. It's from Dorchester. Tough check. Her father was a bookie for Whitey Bulger. Jesus Christ.

Yeah, he was in jail a lot. Fitsy! It's the hotline. Now, I'm doing a podcast. Do you know Ian Bagg, comedian Ian Bagg? Yeah. Oh, shit. Hi.

He's sitting here. Oh, there was more for that. Hey, Ann. How are you? Yeah, good. Thanks. We're recording now, so is there anything you want to promote on the podcast? The Last O.G.

Or Cougar Town? She's a writer. She writes on all these shows. Cougar Town. 15 years ago? Sure. Well, what's the most recent project? Teaching at As asylum improv in Boston.

That's my project. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah, now, Mary is one of the, she was one of the top writers in Hollywood for many, many years. And then this thing called COVID happened. Never heard of it. And then Hollywood decided to shudder everything. And now I'm doing podcasts with road, road comics, not even.

Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, came at me hard. Road comics. Ian was a, he was a finalist in last comic standing in 2015. And then, Col. And then COVID happened. Five years later. I know. It fucked me.

It fucked me hard. That wasn't the worst thing that happened. Oh, okay. I had no idea. Yeah. That's really funny. I was at Mary's father's funeral and it was a picture of the most Irish pub and the most Irish part of Boston. And it was a bunch of guys that looked like they were all double parked.

They were all different. Those kinds of guys. And they're also checking the bottom of the car before they got in. Why does everybody have a mirror on a stick? Yeah, I didn't know an Adidas track suit was appropriate for a wake. Oh, yeah. No, that's dress wear. My God.

How many Celtics could be here? All right, Fitsy, we're going to play paddle tennis this week. Oh, Jesus. We stop. Great. We should do too many COVID jokes. It's called menopause, Mary. It's called menopause.

Quit smoking. All right. Okay. See you. See you. See you. Nice to meet you. Take your back.

She's the best. I've known her. Her father was Whitey Bulger's bookie. Bookie. My God. There's got to be things in that house. She grew up with, she had three brothers and two sisters, and the brothers were Golden Globes champs, the toughest kids in Dorchester. That sounds terrifying.

Yeah. Why would you create your own death wish at home with those three kids? Right, exactly. Oh, my God. And so then she goes and she gets a scholarship to Phillips Academy, which is where like George Bush went. It's like the most Blue Blood Ivy League school, but she gets in, I don't know if it was academics or if she was really good at track, but she gets a full ride to this private

school. And then she gets a full scholarship to Wellesley, which is like one of the best women's colleges in the country. And then she gets a writing fellowship to NYU. So she goes there for free. It gets her master's. My God. And then, but I met her. I was at BU and she was at Wellesley, but she was dating. There was an Irish guy from Belfast, Sean Bergoin. And he was a Catholic kid from Belfast. And he came over to this country. And I think that might be one of the funniest terms of overheard. There was an Irish kid from Belfast. I meant Catholic. He started with Irish kid from Belfast. I'm like, okay.

So he sleeps on my couch. He comes out in the fall. There's a regatta, which is a boat race on the Charles River in Boston called Head of the Charles. And my brother, who knew him, sends him up to Boston and says, stay with my brother for the weekend. You got to go to this regatta. Stays for the weekend. This is in October. And he stayed until May on our couch. We had four guys in an apartment and Sean on the couch. couch. And he was the fucking greatest dude. So he starts dating Mary. And I meet Mary through him. And we stayed friends. So it's been 35 years. That's awesome. My closest friends. Sean put it all together. Yeah. We lived in New York together and out here.

You live with her out there? I never lived with her, but we lived in New York at the same time and LA at the same time in Venice Beach. So is mine. I've hit that age. Jesus. Where orifice is just started dripping. Just leaking for no apparent reality. Right. Hopefully it's a top one, not the bottom one. All right, let's get to it. Was there music? Have you...

Did you hear it? Did you hear? I'm guessing we're pretending right now. Shabbardoo! Shabbardabadooee! It's like inside the actor's studio. It's just a long pause. I love it. Yeah.

Have you ever been arrested? I have not. Okay. Where did you lose your virginity? Australia. Two? A hooker. At what age?

18. Price? 150. Was it just you or your friends jumped in on her as well? Well, I didn't have much money at the time, so I'd do barter with all five of us for 150. No, no. No, it was one guy. It was me, it wasn't a hooker.

I was just a girl, but still cost me money. Had you meet her? Through my cousin. Oh, so she was like a regular among him and his friends. Yeah. Attractive? Yeah, I thought so. Yeah.

Yeah. Who knows. Later on in life, girls look different, right? So not saying she's age, but she may have not been attractive, but I was so young and horny, she may have been attractive. How old do you think she was? I think she was probably three or four years old. She was from this island. Have you ever won any awards? No. Trophies? Yeah, like hockey, you know, just stupid hockey things.

What's the highest? What's the biggest trophy or the most important trophy to you that you won in hockey? Just, you know, we went to the Winter Games, the British Columbia Winter Games, Northern BC Winter Games, and we won, I think, a bronze. So I think that's, that was my... You? I would have thought you would have said the Police and Firemen's League at the Chelsea Pearson. We played on a team together and won the championship. You got me.

You got me. That is, that was actually the best team meal afterwards. It was. Yeah. Tim Robbins took us out to a steakhouse. Yeah. We weren't, we weren't dealing with that steakhouse back then. No, we were not.

We were very excited about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is fantastic. Well, I think it was, he's won Oscars, and I think that was more important to him. He's such a hockey fanatic. Yeah. He really was like, it was a huge deal to him that we won that. He was very serious about it and very excited when we won afterwards.

Yeah. Yeah. And then all those guys were taken out by 9-11. A lot of guys were. So we got to win many, many times after that. First place again, the actors. Oh, my God. All right.

Did we, in fact, land on the moon? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If we're going to fake something, the moon. doesn't seem that impressive, right? I think if we were going to fake it, we should have had all women working in the control towers.

Oh, that's really funny. Or at least a woman there when we landed. This is so great. This is amazing. Are you sure we on the right side? Why would you pick this side? This is the dark side. Oh, my God.

If you do one more U-turn, I'm going to puke on you. Why are doing so many U-turns? Because I have to. I don't care. Come on, we got to go. I'm not ready. We have to launch. Who would you want to play you in the biopic of Ian Bagg?

Ooh. Oh, Jonah Hill at a bad time. Oh, okay. What do you mean at a bad time? Well, you know, he's been very different weights. Oh. Does weight go up and do you? down? Yeah, it fluctuates. Oh, because I would have thought you said. Oh, that's what it in and out.

He doesn't get, doesn't get taller in order. He does. He puts it all on his feet. Somebody with a giant head. I was, let me see. Jeff Garland? That would be good. Maybe Will Ferrell, heavy wheel feral. That might be fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're much thinner than he used to be, though. I'm up and down. I'm like, uh. Are you up and down or are you side to side? I'm thick this way, not this way, not this way. But where would you say, where are you in your range right now? You seem like you're in a good, good place. Yeah, I'm pretty good. Yeah, I'm pretty good.

I think I should be down further down. What was your maximum weight? Oh, I think I was at three, three bills. No. Yeah, yeah. Were you really? Yeah. Surprised because what was your maximum weight?

151. Exactly, yeah. But I've always been basically the double size of you. Yeah. If I stand next to you, I'd be the double size of you. Wow. Speaking of canned ass from earlier, we took her skating once in Carrie and was like, take her for a rip around the ice, right?

But she can't skate. I just remember, I felt like she was made a balsa wood. Ripping her around. I'm like, oh, my God. So light. I should have went on Asian. Should have gone Asian? Oh, God, if I could only go back in time.

All right. Last question. When's the last time you apologized? I'm Canadian, so probably earlier today I said, sorry, but for no apparent reason. But really apologized? Yeah, deeply, because you apologized to me for running late for the, you know. Yeah, I, well, you asked me to be here at 11. I was, it said, I was supposed to be five minutes early, and then it was 11.03, and then I

stopped on the freeway. And I was just, I hate that because, you know, people are. Well, I was stuck in the same traffic, so we were fine. I got here late as well. You didn't let me know. I would have been just hanging. Yes, I did. After I texted you, you don't apologize.

I'm Irish. We blame. We blame and take responsibility, but keep it inside. Catholic guilt. I actually, my mother died last year, and my father and I had a really tough relationship for the last five to ten years. And I apologized to my father for not. understanding what he was going through and making our relationship worse because I hadn't I didn't I didn't get how sick my mom was so so that sick for like five years five years yeah like we we

dealt with like heart stuff and then some other things happened and and and you know so I didn't get it I didn't get it until afterwards when I could see the relief you know like her being out of pain and him not being worried the whole time. Right, right. And so I apologize for just being a piece of shit kid. So, yeah. And how did he accept it? He did pretty good with it.

Like, yeah, yeah, he did. He actually, you know, he said, oh, I thought it was being me. And I was like, no, it was me not getting it, you know. Yeah, I mean, just not understanding. So, yeah. And this was all long distance. It was that much harder. Yeah.

So, but when I go home to visit them, it was really, really bad, like our relationship. So. Yeah. And I always thought it was him, but it was actually me. Yeah. All right. Good for you. So I'm sorry to get deep on that. Well, if you want to see him get a lot lighter than that, he will be in Edmonton, January 30th through February 1st, then Vancouver on February 6th and 7th. Omaha, February 13th at 14th, you're not going to be with your woman on Valentine's Day.

That's my promo shot. Hey, baby, I want to go to Omaha for Valentine's Day? No, fuck off. Did you say Hawaii? Oh, Omaha? No, I'm good. I'm taking to Hawaii February, February 8th. Oh. So that'll be your early Valentine's. Yeah. Yeah. London, Ontario, Toronto, Montreal, Vegas, Calgary, Stress Factory in New Brunswick, New Jersey.

Do you like it? Love it. Me too. You shouldn't love it because they're rowdy. It's like a lot of Jersey Italian gumbas. I love it. And they challenge you, but I love that. I thrive often.

Yeah. And it's an oddly shaped room. It is. With an oddly placed bar. It should not work. It should not work, but it is fun. It is fun. Yeah, yeah.

And Vinny's deaf. And Vinny's deaf. Club owner who owes the show is deaf. And he brings in eggs to put on the cheeseburgers that are from his chickens in his backyard. And mad at the government because he's not supposed to. Oh, my God, is he mad at the government? Nashville, Lexington, Winnipeg. Go to Ian Bagg, two G's.

The second G is for good comedy. Oh my God. Thank you, Greg. I always enjoy being around you. This is great. Thank you, man. You too. I love having you in.

Thanks, buddy. All right. We'll see you soon. Fuck you. Did you say fuck you?