Fitzdog Radio - Jared Freid’s Family Plan | Greg Fitzsimmons

Episode Date: September 2, 2026

Subscribe to Greg Fitzsimmons: https://bit.ly/subGregFitz This episode is sponsored by Rocket Money. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster at https://RocketMoney.com/FITZDOG Jared Freid joins Greg to talk about his new Netflix special The Family Plan, moving to Florida to be closer to his brutally honest parents, getting back together with an ex, taking a break from drinking, and discovering how GLP-1 medication changed his relationship with food. They also get into podcasting, surviving terrible comedy crowds, flying coach past Joe DeRosa in first class, Jared’s book Walking Red Flag, and the hackiest bit he still keeps ready for a bachelorette party. This show is produced by Gotham Production Studios and part of the Gotham Network. https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/studios/ Follow Greg Fitzsimmons: Facebook: https://facebook.com/FitzdogRadio Instagram: https://instagram.com/gregfitzsimmons Twitter: https://twitter.com/gregfitzshow Official Website: http://gregfitzsimmons.com Tour Dates: https://bit.ly/GregFitzTour Merch: https://bit.ly/GregFitzMerch “Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons” Book: https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82 “Life on Stage” Comedy Special: https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial Listen to Greg Fitzsimmons: Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio Sunday Papers: http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod Childish: http://childishpod.com Watch more Greg Fitzsimmons: Latest Uploads: https://bit.ly/latestGregFitz Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/radioGregFitz Sunday Papers: https://bit.ly/sundayGregFitz Stand Up Comedy: https://bit.ly/comedyGregFitz Popular Videos: https://bit.ly/popGregFitz About Greg Fitzsimmons: Mixing an incisive wit with scathing sarcasm, Greg Fitzsimmons is an accomplished stand-up, an Emmy Award winning writer, and a host on TV, radio and his own podcasts. Greg is host of the popular “FitzDog Radio” podcast (https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio), as well as “Sunday Papers” with co-host Mike Gibbons (http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod) and “Childish” with co-host Alison Rosen (http://childishpod.com). A regular with Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Kimmel, Greg also frequents “The Joe Rogan Experience,” “Lights Out with David Spade,” and has made more than 50 visits to “The Howard Stern Show.” Howard gave Greg his own show on Sirius/XM which lasted more than 10 years. Greg’s one-hour standup special, “Life On Stage,” was named a Top 10 Comedy Release by LA Weekly. The special premiered on Comedy Central and is now available on Amazon Prime, as a DVD, or a download (https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial). Greg’s 2011 book, Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons (https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82), climbed the best-seller charts and garnered outstanding reviews from NPR and Vanity Fair. Greg appeared in the Netflix series “Santa Clarita Diet,” the Emmy-winning FX series “Louie,” spent five years as a panelist on VH1’s “Best Week Ever,” was a reoccurring panelist on “Chelsea Lately,” and starred in two half-hour stand-up specials on Comedy Central. Greg wrote and appeared on the Judd Apatow HBO series “Crashing.” Writing credits include HBO’s “Lucky Louie,” “Cedric the Entertainer Presents,” “Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher,” “The Man Show” and many others. On his mantle beside the four Daytime Emmys he won as a writer and producer on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” sit “The Jury Award for Best Comedian” from The HBO Comedy Arts Festival and a Cable Ace Award for hosting the MTV game show "Idiot Savants." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Two and five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. Hey, it's me, Greg Fitzsimmons. Welcome to Fitzdog Radio.

My guest today is Jared Freed, who we had a great talk last week. I can't wait for you to see the conversation we had. Not much to talk about up top. Just want to, my house has a gas pipe running from the front house to the back house, and there is a leak. So we recently spent an inheritance that we got from my wife's aunts. and we built a new patio in the back, and there's a leak underneath it,

so now we have to tear it all up. So I just got that phone call. That's fun. I saw my niece last week. Here's other good news. She told me she's dating a tattoo artist, and my niece doesn't have any tattoos. And so I'm a little concerned.

I think that for a tattoo artist, She is like a blank slate right now. Her skin is virgin snow. He's going to have a lot of visions of what's going to happen after probably about two years. She's going to look like an overpass on the 10 freeway. Just Chinese letters and gang symbols. And then he'll break up with her because there's no space left. That's how these guys are. Um, something else I want to mention.

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monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at RocketMoney.com slash Fitzdog. That's RocketMoney.com slash Fitzdog. RocketMoney.com slash Fitzdog. Do it. All right, let's get to my guest, the great Jared Freed. This guy, he's crazy. He's crazy.

He's this good-looking hot-shot comic, and he moved to Florida to be with his parents. We're going to talk about that a little bit. He has done a lot of stand-up on TV. He's got a Netflix special. He's been on Fallon a bunch of times. whatever, I don't need to sell you. You're in. You've already decided to listen to this podcast.

Now you're going to. Here is Jared Freed. Jared Freed is heating up the podcast set today. Great color, by the way. What are we calling that? I would call it. Boisenberry? I'll take a boison.

I think it's a, on camera it looks more pink than purple, but this was a purple. I would call this like a fuchsia. I would say fuchsia. Fusia works. My prom date who was poor, she lived in the projects. Well, don't offend me. Both, you're calling me a poor lady.

Well, I mean, if you're going to pick like a porn category, I think poor ladies, you're going to get a lot of traffic. You're going to have, I mean, I don't even know. Because they need to be rescued. Guys like that. She's poor. You know, like, I think there's something. A guy who saves woman. Oh, you ever drive past a bus stop and you see a haughty?

And you're like, I got a car. Like, I'm in. I'm valuable. Men just want to be valuable. Yeah, you want to, you want to pursue. You know, men like to, you know, want to be a provider. I can provide her with a ride to and from work. Not from, to your apartment.

Oh, yeah. Okay. And then there's a bus stop like, just a block away. She's right back in the transit system. She loves buses. I, I watch you on say, I love that you're,

you always, you had something about, I'm a sick dude in disguise. I don't look like a sick guy. Yeah. And I'm a sick fucking disguise. And I love that. Well,

what's hard about that is that I have kids now that watch my podcasts and occasionally watch my stand-up. Okay. And they really, like I raised my kids, you know, we curse around the house a little bit,

but for the most part, like, raised them pretty, pretty well. Well, I would say it's like the parents who allow their kids to have a sip of alcohol. Yeah, right. And then they don't go out and drink like crazy because they're like, this isn't a big deal anymore. You're out there talking about picking up a chick who's poor and needs a ride and she'll suck your dick to get it.

I didn't say that. That's the imagery you painted. And your kids are like, oh, who cares? That's just dad saying crazy. No, it's not, though. No? That's what you would think. but for some reason

my last special came out and they were both horrified I loved your last special oh thank you man I loved it I appreciate that I'm a long time fan I was just telling them

I was like you know Greg Fitzsimmons like you were like the original to me when I got into like listening to podcast you were the guest you were on all the shows yeah

I just remember like and that's how I knew you you're like the first comic that I knew as like a comic on a podcast you know what I I mean. Like it's weird that like and I'm not even saying this. I'm not an older guy. I'm just like how much podcast has changed over there's. I mean, I was downloading on my iPod Nano. 15 minute segments of radio shows and then hearing you on local LA radio. Oh, okay. So I'm hearing you and I'm like, I'm like, this is the game I want to be in. You know, I want to be fucking with my friends and talking shit and going out and seeing a new city on a weekend.

Yeah. You're doing it. And I'm doing it. And I look at look at where it brought me. But it is, you know, it is unusual, like this path in show business has not existed before. This niche that you and I are in, which is the podcasting stand-up world. Yeah, we do some TV and, you know, we both wrote a book on Simon & Schuster. But for the most part, it's a world that feeds it. It's, you know, it's circular. You do your podcast. You promote your tour dates.

People see you on the road. They start listening to your podcast. You do other people's podcasts. but that literally 10 years ago, 10 did not exist. I was, yeah, and I was trying to get into a world I didn't even know exists. Like what you're saying, like the idea of having ads on my podcast, I was like, no, no, no, I'll get to talk directly to the people that like my stuff from my podcast so that I can do my shows. I didn't think of like having ads on there as well. Yeah.

And then that comes into play and it becomes its own full-time job. And, you know, I think that's why it's like, I think, you know, that's why it's tough for us. Like, we hold hands with this world of podcasting and kind of like a little bit of influencery thing. And then you're also a comedian. Like, I'm a stand-up. Like, that's what I love doing, you know. And that's why, you know, we have like, you know, I do want the other thing. I want the other worlds.

I would love like a sitcom. But I'm like, that doesn't even exist. Like, when I've had these meetings, I come to L.A. And you go, they're like, would you act? I'm like, I don't have economically to audition. It makes no financial sense for me to wait in line at an audition and take the night before to learn all these things. The financial, you know, as an economics major myself,

where am I going to spend my time? Right. I'm going to make the thing on Instagram. I'm going to shoot myself on Instagram, making fun of my parents, and then that bit blows up. And someone goes, oh, he's got a podcast too. I'll go listen. And now I've got ads that out of my pocket.

You know, like, it's attraction instead of chasing it. You're drawing it to you. Right. And it's almost like. I mean, that really is what it comes down to. Well, and some people make enough money where they go, they got gold handcuffs. You know, they have the gold diamond-plated handcuffs that are like, well, I can't do anything else. I got my pockets.

I have the worst part. I have the bronze handcuffs where I make just enough to be successful, but not enough to like, you know, that I'm like, how could I, you know, that it's enough. I think I have the zip ties that they do at protests. Right. It's a weird play. Because I have the special coming out. I'm like, I'll hope the special.

Like, I just want to keep doing what I'm doing. Like, I know I'm playing prevent defense, which sucks too. Yeah. Just keeps listening to my pocket so I don't have to like do other shit. But I feel like you're the guy. Like, you're one of those guys that I always think of like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the year. This is the year, Jared.

No, seriously. Like, you know, you've got a strong voice. You're a killer stand-up, consistent. You're not hard on the eyes. Thank you. That's why I wear fuchsia. Yes. You work with your color power well.

Listen, I know when people say, whoa, pink shirt, I'm like, yeah, pink looks good on me. I know how to play. You almost look Italian. I was just talking about it. I got a lot. I know, I know. I was just talking about Adam Crollas, a guy you used to go on the show a lot. I go.

I'm on tomorrow. So I was just on there. And he had, I said I had a bit about people saying Merry Christmas, I'm like, you think I'm good looking enough to be Italian? And then I'm realizing, I'm like, he kind of had a bit where it was like Jews are good-looking Italians and Italians are stupid Jews or whatever it was. And I was like, oh, I must have like had that in my head when I did the bit. And yeah, no, I've been blessed with Italian looks.

Yes. Greek, I get Greek a lot. No. No, okay. No Italian. Let's not overplay our hand here. Sorry, you're right, you're right. You're right.

A Greek would never wear a pink shirt. No. A Greek would never have titties like these. Speaking of which, I was thinking about you. You went to Penn State, right? We are. All right. So I'm reading the news today on my news feed, and it is a big newsday for Penn State.

Pretty wild. Your fraternity brothers. Not my. Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is the problem with being a Penn State alumnus. And I was in a fraternity. There was tragedy in the fraternity I was in. Joe Paterno, tragedy?

No, no, no. No. So that's the thing. I used to tell people, they'd be like, where'd you go to school? Where'd you want a fraternity? And I would always say, the more you Google, the more tragic it gets. Like, stop Googling. Like, it's like, because any Penn State graduate

has to deal with a horrifying story, the Joe Paterno, the Sandusky thing. And like, listen, we're not the victims in this whole thing, but we have to always answer to some guy two beers in that's like, uh, and like, what do I say? You know, what do I say? And now today, you know, the story of the fraternity pledges that are cutting up cocaine, and it's a big, now my group chat, my colleague. Cutting it up, like, they're moving weight.

Moving weight. Yeah, a lot. And the kids look so kid-like. I know. And it's, I had one guy, and it's so funny how everything becomes political. Everything. I'm on the group chat with all my fraternity brothers, and it's blowing up, everyone's sending the pictures. And, you know, you got the one right-of-right-wing friend who's like,

I don't know why this is a bigger story than any other drug story. I'm like, you don't understand why this is a huge story. Look at the kids' pictures. It's just, it's like, what's the saying? If it bleeds, it reads. If it looks like a 19-year-old who's pushing cocaine across the country, of course, it's going to be a story. How many kids that are not in college are doing the same thing every day, it's not even near a news item.

But when you take rich white kids and you have them do something bad, People suddenly give you, like, even killing people. If you're poor, you can kill a couple people and still fly under the radar. Greg, what's the story that you would put on TV? But I'm saying, like, when someone's like, why is this story? I'm like, what a fraudulent argument? Why would this story be any different than any other? Are you kidding me?

If you wrote a TV show, it was a six-episode TV show that was on Netflix that had cliffhangers every episode. This is the show you would write. Fraternity Pledge Brothers, whose dad is somehow involved in Pittsburgh. This is the show. It just shows to me when people go political. Like, what? You can smoke out a fraud take at any turn. You'd put this on TV.

You'd watch it on Netflix. It's a documentary you'd watch. There's a reason. But it's a Mertag story in South Carolina. You're putting that on TV. You know. the actors. Like, oh, no, look at the woman in Boston. Karen Reid. Yep. I think there's going to be like six documentaries on that.

I know. All right. Do you want to hear my jokes I wrote about this story? See, you're a great comic. This is why you're good. You're writing jokes? Like, I'm sitting there being like, oh, this is crazy. Go ahead. If you want to learn, if you want to learn more about the story, do not Google Penn State scandal. Right. That's going to get a laugh from like half the room and then the other half is going to like, well, I don't get it. Ironically, drug trafficking is going to be the only job AI hasn't taken over by the time these kids graduate.

That's, I could feel that even production liked that joke. They were like, even production, they go, ah. That's a smart joke. Penn State officials became suspicious when 13 students were able to pay their tuition. Funny. That's. Time to pull down the statue and the quality. of Pablo Escobar.

I like this. The thing about Penn State, we're not, like, I love my education. I love my school experience. I never, like, to me, I was like, I went to state school, Pennsylvania. Like, I had a great time. Yeah. I don't think of it, like. Oh, it's so far beyond a state school.

It's probably the best state school. Stop it. Other than Berkeley. You're thinking, when people, I can tell when people thinking of Penn and not Penn State. Oh, I thought Penn State was considered one of the best state schools in the country. Penn State's a bunch of, you know, we're all a bunch of medical, we're a medical device salesman. We're not, we're not like smart people. Yeah.

Penn State, to me, like. It's like Michigan State and Michigan. Yes. No, Michigan, good school. Michigan State. All right. Yeah. You know, like, I, and this always gets like people mad.

There's like 10 schools that matter. The rest, you better go to grad school or you better have some money to be able to like, and you better be a good. If you're not in the Ivy League, it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. What jumps off a resume? I would put Penn in the Ivy League. Penn is in the Ivy League.

No, it's not. Yes, it is. Penn? Penn? All right, it is. University of Pennsylvania? I'd really dig in there. I dig.

I'm Doug. No, Stanford, Ivy League's, Michigan, UNC, Duke. Berkeley. Berkeley. These are all like, oh, whoa, when they see a resume. Any other thing, like, you know, that's why the college grift, like, when when people are like, oh, what did I put my money into? Like, yeah, I think there's something to be said for that.

Like, the only test these kids were focused on were the fentanyl strips. Okay, yeah. I'm picturing. That's such an inside Coke joke. Yeah, yeah. That, like, I don't know how many, like, I would, look, I'd be, like, curious to who gets that. Yeah. You know, like, if you meet, like, you do that at a party.

Yeah. And you're like, oh, his. wife, oh shit. She parties. Does she do about the fentanyl strips? You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I'm picturing a fat guy with his pants around his ankles, standing behind a sheep

saying, it's not your fault. This has never happened to me before. That missed me, but it would... Because when they're hazing, you know, fat guys fuck sheep, and he can't get an erection because he's on coke. I never did that, but that's... You never fucked the sheep? No, man.

What about a girl and a wool sweater? An Irish broad. What about a girl in a wool sweater? I'm just thinking of how Jewish I am. I'd be like, it's itchy. Get it out of here. Yeah, oh, my God. Come on, you're going to wear the sweater?

I got my Irish sweaters. I got three of them. Every time I go to Ireland, I get another Irish sweater, and they're the most uncomfortable things in the world, but they look really cool. They're like shipmen. Is it like that type of sweater where like a ship captain would wear it underneath? Yeah, yeah, yeah, with the sort of braided looking, what do you call that?

Do you golf when you go there? Oh, yeah. That's awesome. Yeah, yeah. That's like, I did that. I took up golf. Really? Yeah, and I, Des Bishop got me in at his country club.

He was just here last week? Des the best. Last week. I love Des. Yeah. And he is like, I was like, I'm going to do shows in Dublin. He's like, I'll get you into my country club. And I was like, that's.

fucking amazing. And I was so new to golf. I'm still new. Yeah. But what, and then, like, everyone knows Des there. Like, he's a famous. He's, like, the guy there. But also.

He has a couple big TV shows. Huge. And then he also is cousins. Everyone knows. Like, everyone in Ireland is this, like, I didn't know that everyone in Ireland is nosy. Yeah. It's a big, like, big gossip place. Well, spilling tea comes from Ireland.

Oh, is that really? Yeah. Drinking tea. And that's funny because I, you get in the cab. What are you doing here? Yeah. I'm a comedian. Des Bishop.

And then he go, oh, yeah, he goes, oh, my cousin used to know Des. And then took me to the, I go, that's why I'm going to this golf course. He's like, oh, yeah, Des would have belonged here. And it was called the island, and it was beautiful. I just. What town?

Outside Dublin? Yeah, it was the golf course called the Island Golf Club. I bought a hat, the whole thing. I think he was supposed to be there with me, so he snuck me on. Really? And then my caddy was his buddy's younger brother. So, like, so who'd you play with?

Myself. As I do every day. Yeah. That's, I mean, It's unusual. Why? Well, it's kind of a social. Usually they carry you up with some other guys.

You don't play on the road? Not by myself. If I play by it, I'd like, I think I sometimes would prefer to play by myself. I can see that. No, I would like to. You just don't get that many opportunities

because usually it's like packed with people trying to play. This was, for whatever reason, maybe it was a weekday. Yeah. And, but when I go on the road, I go to public courses, I always get matched up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. With people. That's the best. That's the best. And it's like, You wait to see how long it takes for them to ask what you're doing there. Do you make things up? Sometimes I say I sell paper.

Is that what you say? Or water. I sell water or I sell paper. Because they're not going to ask a second question. Ends the conversation. Yeah. Yeah. I used to say consultant on flights because consultants also fly places and no one knows what a

consultant does, but also no one is vulnerable enough to say they don't know. So they don't ask any questions. Everyone thinks they should know what a consultant does, but no one knows what a consultant does. Well, the worst is like when you're sitting in coach and someone goes, what do you do? And you say, I'm a comedian. And then they look at you like, okay, okay. Who you open it for? Coach, coach guy.

That's so your own thing. That's so not them. That is so you judging yourself. Well, you know why? because I just did a comedy festival in Tampa. Oh, the coastal creative place? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I go to the airport, long story short, my flight,

I missed my morning flight, which was direct to L.A. And I ended up having to wait four hours for a connecting flight through Austin. And it was a 14-hour day. That's great. That's brutal. So anyway, I get on the flight, and now the flight's going to Austin. Well, I was joking around at the festival, like, it's good to be at the Austin Comedy Festival in Tampa.

It was all Austin comics. So now I get on the plane and I got to walk through first class and fucking Joe DeRosa is sitting in first class. Of all people. Of all fucking people. And he's feeling himself with a Netflix special out now. Oh, he's looking at me

because he's in the last row of first class. He knows I'm walking back to him. I got the walk of shame gone. I should have my shoes in my hand. Right. And so, and then I walk, You're like, I was delayed. I swear.

I swear. Oh, my God. I swear. I'm a diamond member. I'm a million miler. I swear, Joe DeRosa. Please don't judge me. You should have seen my L.A. direct flight.

And Joe's puffing his chest with the Netflix special doing all the podcasts. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's a bad time to see him. He's having a minute right now, isn't he? Well, for him, yeah, he's feeling. Again, we're all. A sandwich shop three years ago.

And now he's on Netflix. Yeah. And you're walking by him. Going to coach. Right. I'm doing this for 35 fucking years. Yeah, that's bullshit. I was...

You should have picked them up. Get up. Get out of my seat. I feel like doing that when there's a child in first class. Yeah, we all have a dream. Yeah. Yeah, we all. The child in first class is especially bad.

It's not just bad because, like, it's a kid who didn't earn it. Yeah. It's bad because someone paid for that so they took away. Yeah. That would have been an upgrade seat. Right. You know, that would have been... You know, the cheapo me, I'm not buying a first class seat because, again, we fly so much that you hope to have the status that that seat should be yours.

Yeah, if I'm on American, I'm pretty consistently, we're going to bump up. Other airlines, no. Luckily, I'm small, so it's not a big deal. But when Joe DeRosa is sitting there, judging you, Joe DeRosa. I don't know Joe well, but I know how, I know I'm well enough to know this is enraging. There's a group of 10 people. A group of 10 people I don't want in that seat. He's one of them.

Yeah. Yeah. And the rest of them are all from Skank Fest. Well, was the festival fun? It was a lot of fun. It seems like you want a festival run by that type. Like the Skank Fest type because they're like this is a, they want this to be. It's not like a, you know, a festival run by like a company is going to be not as connected.

I feel like something like this will be like You do one show and then you do another show And I would think this is a Like this is a festival I would want to attend It was for the audience It was very up close and personal Right It was very intimate

If you're a fan If you're a fan It was amazing And it was extremely well run This guy Jake runs it And he had Is he the YouTube account that like Reports on

On specials He reports on everything comedy Except me I'm so outside of this group. You know, like, it's funny that you say, like, the skank. I love Lewis. I think that all these guys are great guys.

Like, Joe, I'm a fan. I don't want anybody from Skank Fest sitting in first class while I walk back to coach. That's a good policy. I would say that's a fair policy. But to get back to this festival. Yeah. And it's called the Joke World Festival. The guy Jake is running it.

And here's how, here's how, like, bootstraps he is about this. Like, he sunk his life savings into this first year. And I go to him at one point, I go, well, who's doing the blah, blah, blah. He's like, well, we got volunteers. I go, well, who's, and then his father's saying there. He goes, his mother is doing that. And then, like, I laugh in his face. And then, like, 10 minutes later, I'm talking to him.

And this other volunteer walks in and goes, Jake, your mom says you should put the other seats. This guy's going to be, like, the next head of Netflix, too. Exactly. How old are your kids? 25 and 23. As a guy with 25 and 23 year old kids who are trying to do whatever they're trying to do or trying to make it and whatever, do you look at this guy and go, what's your view? Like, do you have a different view because you're a dad? Oh.

Because, like, he's, you know, we have all tried to do something weird. So, like, we understand where he's at. Yep. But, you know, you go, wow, what a road he's taken. Like, good for him. I'm happy. This kid, he played football. at a D3 school.

Really? Okay, so athlete. He's the sweetest guy and he ran a good festival. The first year was kind of flawed. My only complaint was because their crowd isn't big enough because you buy a day pass. Right. You got to do a show in this room at eight and then you do another one at nine in the next room. Well, that crowd is now migrating to the next show.

I just did that material. Exactly. So I bombed on a show and I was like, That's weird. Those are jokes that usually work. And so then I realized, and then the late show, I was like, oh, yeah, you got to do different material at each show. So they kind of need to give comics the heads up. Very funny.

Yeah. Well, I love that. I love any form of trying and effort and, you know, that's an entrepreneur. Yeah. You know, like, good for him. And I've heard of him just through comedians. And then I go to the YouTube. I'm like, this guy reports on everything.

Except me, Jake, what the fuck? I'm going to put you in touch. He would love you. I got podcast five days a week. I never shut the fuck out. My special came out and he promoted the shit out of it. I didn't even ask him to. He just did.

It was really nice. Yeah. Well, I love when, like, comedy fans get into helping, you know, doing comedy business. Because you're like, oh, they care about it. They get it. They're trying to get it. As opposed to Netflix doing a festival. Who knows?

I mean, listen, I'm not going to upset Papa Netflix, okay? Yeah, but I'll tell you. That Netflix festival. The family plan. What's it called? The family plan. I am. Thanks.

No, you know what it is? I need Jake here to plug me. Now, I'm taking a moment. I'm taking a moment to summon my, I'm putting my heart out on my sleeve. I did not watch your special. And I always watch my guest specials. This one, I just came off the roof for 10 days. I was at a funeral.

Long story, but I... If you got three excuses, you got zero excuses. I get it. I was so unprepared for this. And I said to myself, thank God it's Jared, because I knew we could do exactly what you've been doing for the last 26 minutes. We can talk a lot of bullshit. We can talk a lot of bullshit. I know I can go with you.

But I can't support the special in a way that I'd like to. I like to quote bits and... There's other ways to support it. It's not even out yet. It's not even... Well, it's coming out. September 1st. All right.

I'll wait until it's out to put this out. I would love that. After September 1st. And people, if you're listening, watching, just turn it on and watch it. watch it. You're going to love it. Watch five minutes. Go watch. Well, it's all about, it was a one-hour story about going to the beach with my parents. Okay.

I literally, it was a one-minute. Back in Massachusetts? No, I live in Delray Beach, Florida. My parents moved to Boka. You live in Delray Beach, Florida? I live in Delray Beach. Get the fuck out of here. I moved about a year and a half ago.

Yeah. I go back and forth to New York and here. Hilarious. It is, my parents live in Boka. Yeah. And I've been in New York 18 years. And they were like, what are you doing there? And I was like, I like to go up at the cellar.

I do my podcast, and I live in this apartment that's a one studio in the West Village. I was like, I think I got it all. But I wasn't really living. Like, I was like, you know, I was 40 with no coffee table. No girlfriend? I was single. And then my parents are like, why don't you come down? Like, you can travel from here.

You can go on the road from here. Are your parents retired? Basically, yeah. Yeah. My parents are retired. They're young, and I like hanging with my parents. And this happened in 2018. The story was my dad asked me how much I weighed

while we were at the beach. And I was so angry about it. And it was 2018, 2017. What was the answer? You'll get to it on the special. The family plan, September 1st on Netflix. So I do, so the story, I would go on stage and I try to tell it,

but you know when you have like, I had my other bits that worked? Yeah. And then I had this story, but my dad asked me how much I weigh at the beach and then it would never work. Then my special came out before. I had another special.

And then I was like, I had some confidence. I didn't really, I come off as a confident guy, but I'm insecure. As a comedian, you know, body, mind, I'm insecure about everything.

But I was like, as a comedian, I was rushing and I wasn't doing things that I like to do. I was like, not to, you know, talk badly about it, but I was just, the jokes I were doing were working,

but they weren't me. And then I was like, let me tell this story, but my dad asked me how much I weigh on the beach. And it was something I did on a podcast and I got a lot of response from it. Yeah.

So I start telling the story and it's like, not doing great, but then I was like, let me explain my dad. So then I do these bits about my dad. And then I was like, let me explain my mom. And I started doing these bits about my mom. Then let me explain that, like, I'm closed my family. We go on vacation together.

Yeah. I was like, we go on vacation. I'm an adult. A younger brother. So I was like, when we go on vacation together, I was like, and I had this bit about us going vacation together. That's the opening bit of the special crushing. Yeah.

Now I got like 10 minutes on vacation with my parents. And my dad asked me how much I away at the beach. And then I'm talking about it. And then I had this thing about Rob Lowe, who's the spokesperson for Atkins Cook. and it makes me so fucking angry. I fucking hate. Because he's always skinny?

Yeah, fuck him. So, and it's a lovingly fuck him to Rob Lowe. So I was opening from a show Wolf. She's like, that bit, you gotta keep doing that. She was encouraged me to do that bit. So I was like, this all kind of goes together. Right. And then it became an hour special

about going to the beach with my parents. Do you feel like it's a one-man show? Yes. As much as a special? Absolutely, but with jokes. Would you think about like trying to launch it on Broadway the way some of these other guys do? No.

I want to be a stand-up. I see that and I respect it. But, like, I think when you go towards Broadway, you get away from jokes. Like, now I'm doing all my, my hour is now about my dad offering me his Ozempic at dinner. Uh-huh. So now I'm doing it again. Yeah. Because I love the format of, like, one story, an hour show, and let me see if I can do it.

I love that. Yeah. I love that because I think it's important to sort of reinvent yourself as a stand-up. I'm ready to. Well, I think we all get to stages in our standup where we go, like, I can always get closer to who I am. I can always peel back another layer. And so that's amazing. You did that.

It's funny because we're talking about podcasting, and I have podcasting to thank for that. Yeah. I make some money from podcasting in a way that lets me be myself. I don't need to chase, you know, a joke that will do well on an algorithm. Like, I can do my, I can work on my hour, you know. So, like, I don't need – Crowdware clips, I put them out, but, like, they don't matter to me. I do want to talk about Israel a little bit.

Oh, yeah. There goes. The algorithm will shoot us right up. I, like, you know, so now I'm doing the story right now on the road. One hour about my dad offering me as a Zembek, I got mad about it. I now am on Wagovi. Yeah. What's gone on with that?

I think the social shame of being on a GLB1 is, like, crazy. Oh, I – maybe – I live in a bubble in L.A., but people talk about it, like they talk about the weather out here. Totally. They talk about it, but then if you ask, who's on a GLP1, you know, there's a couple people that are, you know, the idea of, like, you're cutting corners is, like, crazy to me. Like, no one does that to people on ADD medication at all. Like, this is as much ADD medication as it is anything else. The vanity part.

But it's kind of the magic drug, because it's not just about weight loss, but I hear, like, addiction. I have a friend who had a drinking problem and, like, doesn't crave drinking anymore. Late night eating. It cuts down on your cholesterol? It's truly a great, it is a great drug. And the only reason I started, well, my dad offered me, I got so mad at him again. And then we were out golfing. It was my dad and his friend Allen.

And Alan's like, my dad's 68. Alan's probably in his 80s or 70s. Alan's like, it's the best drug I've ever done. And I'm like, what, you're on it? And he's like, he's not getting ready for spring break. And I was like, why? he goes, it's just, this guy's a marathon runner. This guy's like an older guy with good shape.

Yeah. He goes, it just keeps you even. Yeah. Like in a way that, and I now on it, like, I think it's made. You mean it suggested your mood? Well, my mood was so affected by eating. I did, like, if I ate badly, whatever my brain considers badly, it would send me on a, like for the rest of the day,

I would just eat, eat, eat, and eat, and I was, like, released to be able to eat whatever I wanted. Oh, I see. Plus then physiologically, you're crashing. You got sugar spikes and all that. Happy, sad. And the pressure to, like, work out if I had a bad day yesterday, now that's, like, gone. I work out because I want to work out. I eat things that I like.

Like, when you look at yourself naked and I do want to see you later. I'll get you there. Do you see a different person or do you, because some people get stuck in their old body image when they look at themselves. I just told Amber over there I was like I gotta, before you came here I could see myself on camera I was like I gotta get away

I can't look at myself on camera like I just can't and because I think you have like a really I'm okay I'm doing I'm doing better I'm happier. You better you're there I'm happier but you know my mom every day when are you gonna up the dosage?

They're telling me to up the dosage my parents are fucking crazy how skinny are they? My dad I say in the special I have a bit of my dad and I have the same exact body like we look like What fruit?

My dad and I, I would say, are more tissue box. Uh-huh. My mom is small. My mom's skinnier. But like my mom, the other night, she goes, I got home. My mom goes, I brought her Chinese food because she was at the house. And my dad and I went and saw local professional wrestling in Boka, the Boka Championship Wrestling League. It was awesome.

Yeah. Matthew Mashler. shout out to him. He'd put together a great event. You know, the Brutus the beefcake, you know, Brutus the Barber Beefcake was there and gangrel, like all these wrestlers.

What do I mean? They used to be famous or something? They were in WWE. So if you don't know, you don't know. So he, but we went to this event and I come back and she goes, take the fried rice. Take the, take the lo main. And then my dad goes, oh, and take the,

and my mom goes, take the fried rice, take the loamane. And my dad goes, oh, and take the spare ribs. My mom goes, he doesn't need it. So it's like, they're giving, giving, giving, he doesn't need it. It's like you kind of run into hurting your own feelings. Yeah.

At every turn. It's like you never know when you're going to hear back about how you don't look right. Yeah, yeah. So they're hitting you from both sides. It's, they're filling, you're giving you shitty food and then telling you're overweight. Eat, eat, eat. We got to talk about the eating. But that is a Jewish thing, isn't it?

Yeah. Jewish people with their bodies is very weird. But like food is a very. emotional thing. Like I grew up Irish where there is literally no emotion tied to food. We eat to survive. We didn't have it for a while. We're happy to have it. I can eat just as easily in a Denny's as I can in a fine dining restaurant. And Jews, there's so much love. Yes. And granted, it's misguided love sometimes. Like you said, maybe they're overfeeding you. Maybe they're me the wrong food. There's a lot of Jewish comfort food that isn't necessarily great for you.

Food is the reason you get together. Right. You know, when you, when you give, when the reason you are surrounded by people you love is the food, the food gets kind of confusing. Yeah. And I can say that about college sports. The reason I, when Penn State goes undefeated, hold on, I got two more. Two more jokes, play. When Penn State goes undefeated, that keeps the hang longer. Yeah. That's why I cheer for Penn State more. As much as, like, I don't know the players on the team. I know that my buddies are going to get together if they're 9 and 0 rather than if they're 5 and 4. Now, I feel like that's the same thing with sex with my wife.

It's not for the orgasm. It's just for the crying and begging for forgiveness. Right. Like, that's the part that really excites me. That's the confusing part. Yeah. That's not why I show up. Right.

That's why I stay. You want the after effects. Yes. Yeah. So you're from Need a mess. And my friend from college, who was my best friend in college, Jeff Ginn, is from Needham, Jewish kid from Needham. Unheard of in his time. Wasn't a very Jewish area.

No kidding. Needham is more of an Irish Catholic town. Really? Especially for your, from me. That's why he loved me. Right. Yeah. That's why he got, that's why he knew how to get along with you.

He did. Because from Needham now is like a very Jewish town. Yeah. So whenever I bring it up, ooh, you know, it's weird when your town changes. Like, my town is a nice town. Don't know. I love Needham. I'm a rocket through and through. But when I went there, it was like, you know, nice enough. It wasn't Wellesley. Like, it wasn't Wellesley, but it also wasn't Framingham.

Right. That's true. So when someone now, I'm like, when I say, oh, I'm from Neatim, ooh, people are like, oh, Mr. Rich guy. Yes, we were rich, but we were the Jews and the rich part of town. You know, like, it wasn't like a rich town. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's funny. You were the richest kid in town. No, no, no, no. But you were up there. You were in the top one percent. We were doing okay. I know, South Street.

Parents, doctors or something? No, no, no, no. My dad sold liquor and he was a wholesale liquor, beer, and wine. But our neighborhood was nice, but it wasn't, like there was a nicer part. Yeah. If you were really rich from Needham, you went to private school, which is like, as you know, with kids, like, if you live in a town with a good school system and you send your kids to private school, you're fucking rich. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like...

But you know, that pocket of the country is famously... famously, I mean, you talk about what's the town that Conan is from? Well, he's from Cambridge. No. No. Louis is from. Newton.

Newton had a lot of comedians come out of it. And Newton is a city, and that's where my dad's from, that Newton has more of a Jewish, because Newton was a city outside of a city. So, you know, back in the day, there was two Jewish, it was like Newton, and then there's like North Shore, Swan. Dompscot area. Yeah. Dedum's near me.

Yeah. And that was a Bay State League rival. But yeah, my dad was from Newton. Newton was a big comedian spot because I think more because it's a city. I think Jonathan Katz is from Newton. Yes, he is. I think. Louis, are you sure Conan's not from Newton?

He might be from Newton or Brookline or Cambridge. I know that area. Right. But yeah, a lot of comics. And, you know, comedy's big. like there was a boss you know there's a boston scene you started there to start you know the no we used to go out we that's why I know all these towns I I I did stand-up comedy in need them and dead them and Natick and framing you were doing it at the Calloon and you're doing it at framing ham yep and you were doing it at like

and all those like I had the I started in New York and then I would like go home to Boston for like the holidays yeah and then I'd like try to poke around where can I go on stage and then you start to meet all the Boston guys yeah and there's fucking funny. Like everyone was like, and also like Massachusetts, New England

kind of like produces a shithead. Like everyone, everyone was like my grand... Right, my grandmother was like that. Like I brought, I'll never forget it. I haven't had told you this story,

but I opened for Steve Sweeney. Steve Sweeney is like, the Boston comic is Lenny Clark and Steve Sweeney. Don Gavin. Don Gavin. And Don is like the funniest.

He's the best. I mean, I got to know Don. a little bit. I opened for him at the at the Borgata and then he moved down to Florida but he, but I opened for Steve Sweeney and my grandmother came

and it was at Nix but Nix had like moved to like this nightclub it was just like a sign on the door that said Nix and I told my grandmother I'm like Nana you gotta come and she came and the guy whoever owned Nix at the time I Ryan this guy Ryan

Ryan who he's still Ryan's a good guy and uh they got me in the like open for Steve Swam. I'm like this is a big deal. My dad, like he's like pumped. My grandmother comes and then the guy Ryan comes on me and goes, hey, yeah, yeah, you got to

talk to your grandmother. I was like, excuse me? He goes, your grandmother is pouring her own drinks. And I go, what? She used to bring around nips. She would bring nips, smirnoff, vodka nips in her purse and she'd pour her own

drink. And she got a little got a little slow. Wow. And I go, what? And I thought he was going to be like, you're doing great. You're killing a kid. No, your grandmother's pouring her own drinks. Tell her, that's how we make money here, is off the drink sales.

And I'm like, so I go to my grandmother, I go, Nana, you got to stop pouring your drinks. She goes, you can tell him to go shit in his hat. That was her response. And my grandmother, like, you know, she would come to the shows and she wasn't. Like there to laugh. You know, she's there to whatever. She's an alcoholic or just cheap? No, just cheap.

You know, the whole family. That's how. Also, they sold liquor. My grandma. Oh, your dad was a distributor. We all had alcohol. So the idea of buying alcohol, my family was like a crazy. Why would you do such a thing?

Like, that's crazy. Here's how much my brother-in-law drinks. I was just in New York. And he's the greatest guy in the world. He's a builder. And he drinks like three six-packs every day. And then they've always got friends over the house and they've got two giant refrigerators that are just stocked with beer.

And so I go, what's going on? He was like, my sister's like, oh, yeah, we just got invited to a Yankees game. We were in the box of this big distributor or a wholesaler, this big wholesaler. I go, how did you get invited to that? He goes, and she goes, well, I go, well, who was invited? She's like, distributors. it was like the box was filled with big distributors. Yeah.

And my brother-in-law. So he drinks so much. That's how much beer you guys. So he found like a rep to give him wholesale priced beer. No. And that's how we, and the rep was like, you're my guy. I think the beverage center has distributors that work out of it. Right.

He goes to the center and he becomes such good friends with this guy and such a good customer. that he was the only human being invited, not a company. The only non-LLC? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is great. Oh, my God, he's such a character. That's so funny. And never seems drunk.

Well, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, right. Well, that's, if it doesn't, like, I haven't drank in over a year. Did you quit? I took a month off and kept it going. Yeah. Like, I don't want to, like, I don't want to put a label on it. Right. I've enjoyed not drinking.

I like waking up in the morning. It feels good. But drinking was so linked to my weight and how I felt that there's some people that like, you know, they're like, don't get that drunk. You know, like they don't show it. Well, yeah, but that's your heritage. You literally come from liquor.

Yeah. I mean, I was like 12 wearing a collo a t-a t-shirt. Like we had all the merch. Did you, we were able to sneak a lot of booze out of the house? Yeah, that was like, and it was always weird booze. Like it was like, because it was all, my dad would bring home. Corvoisier. Like, well, it would be like three stooges beer.

You know, like, or like chocolate vodka. Like it was all the test shit. Like a promotional. Yeah, promotional. Or like, yeah, we'll see if this works. Hilarious. So I'd be like, why, you know, you go to a party, it's like, I brought a handle of cotton candy flavored gin for everyone to share.

And everyone was like, we don't want that shit. We'd rather go to a liquor store and ask some stranger to buy it. it for us. Right. Then you're free, you know, Christmas-themed beers that you have from 30 years ago. Yeah. You who rum. Right, right.

It was always that. It was like, they're doing a thing. And this is before alcohol. Like, now alcohol, like, they've kind of like nailed it, even though people are drinking less. Like, the whole Spike Seltzer thing. Yeah. Like the whole, like, low calories spike seltzer, all that type of stuff.

Like, we're kind of in, like, a golden age of, like, Being able to get fucked up without really like back before that, you'd have to like take this swill and try and stomach it. Yeah. And they were, you know, Southern comfort. So coline was the best we had. If you think about it. Ugh. Like that came up bad.

It went down bad and you threw it up even worse. Yeah. No, I listen. I have a drink in 36 years. When you stopped, were you like? I had a problem. You had a problem. Yeah.

My dad had a problem. That's the thing. I don't think the problem thing, I don't want to like go, you know, do you hear people who are like, I had a problem? You're like, no, no, you fucking didn't. No, I wasn't like that guy. Are you judgey of other people and how they? No, I think anybody that, to me, having a problem with alcohol means that you're thinking about how much you're drinking a lot. And it's taking energy from your life.

And if that's an issue for you, then you should cut it out of your life and focus your energy on more productive. things. Like I was constantly planning when I was going to drink, how much I could drink that night, and then going past that constantly, shame the next day. It was my whole emotional, and I just, and a lot of it had to do with my father being an alcoholic and not wanting to be like that. So it, hangovers felt even worse because it was guilt and shame attached to watching him like that. Yeah. So for me, I had what they call a shallow bottom. Was it shallow? Like it wasn't a, I didn't have to suck dicks for sandwiches to drink.

And, you know, I got. So this is all like, this is addiction speak. So. Yeah. Yeah. Shallow bottom just means that you sort of like, like, I never, I never lost a job. I mean, I crashed a car and I got arrested a couple times. But it wasn't like horrible.

Right. I guess that's like the stuff that I like, I get uncomfortable because I'm like, I like to drink. I never bothered anyone. Yeah. Just myself. Right. And kind of what you're talking about. That's a definition.

It's a totally personal. There's no quantifiable way to say you should stop. And it's the same thing with weed. So, you know, like, if weed makes your paranoid, I don't fucking smoke weed. Right. I remember, so my dad and I were golfing, and my dad goes, what do you think would make you feel better if you did it for a month? And I was like, you know, is weed or drinking? Well, I don't smoke weed.

So he was like, this is a very Danny Tanner moment he's having with me. And I go, I think I could take a. month off from drinking and he goes okay give it a shot and I was looking at the month ahead of me and I had Rochester and I was like you got a drink in Rochester it's like a kind of a shit hole and then I was like but I and I had Nashville and I was like you got to drink in Nashville it's like the most fun place in the world and I was like hearing myself say that I'm like if you got to drink because it's bad and because it's good maybe we see if we can get a month in yeah and I then I was like it was March I think the last day of March I was like I had a wedding on May 9th

I was like, let's get to the wedding. And then I got to the wedding and I felt good. I was like very happy. Didn't really feel the need for a drink. I was having fun at the wedding. And I was like, I'm going to keep it going. I'm not going to drink at this wedding. I remember I talked to my dad like a week later.

He goes, I really thought I'd kill two birds with one stone. I was like, what are you talking about? He goes, I got he had to stop drinking, but you didn't lose any weight. Oh, my God. I see why you move to Pliya. I see why you move to Del Rey. Right. You want to be around all this positive support.

Unbelievable. Can you imagine? Every one of their friends are the same way. That's the thing. When I fuck with my parents, when I talk about them, I am in no way deluded to think that it's just them. Like it's all of these people, all of them, all their friends. They're all hilarious.

Walk me through. Sorry, I don't mean to cut you off, but I'm kind of hung up on you moving down to Del Rey. Sure. Because, like, you know, you're a guy who is in the trenches in New York. You're banging out. out four sets a night. Yep.

You're working on your act. You're part of this scene of Colin Quinn and Keith Robinson, like the funniest, coolest hangs. And then you go, I'm going to go hang out with my retired parents in Florida. Like, what do you do when you want to work out stand-up? Is there a local club? There's no real local club. I, you know, I went there with like 45 minutes in my pocket. Yeah.

So I'm happy I had that, like, to like, be able to. to go on the road and working on the road. I was more just like I need more life. I need to have more life stuff. Do you have friends down there? No. Every woman asked me that question. When I went down to, when I moved, it was like more than a year ago, June 2025.

Every female in my life, do you have any friends there? And I was like, no, I don't need a friend. And then I was there a year. I met up with this guy. He's like, we got. together for coffee and he was like I got I moved here a year ago too oh my god we got this whole big group we all hang out every weekend I was really he had friends I was like I haven't made one fucking friend here I you know my friends are comics but like

you know like doing stand-up is such a social thing that you don't feel the need for more social like so I go back to New York when I go to New York I go on stage every night I'm there and I work on shit but I kind of wanted more life you know like I that doesn't sound like more life I it really was It wasn't. Nothing. I mean, it sounds like you have no friends.

You're not getting laid. Your parents are telling you're fat. Right. It's really a humiliation ritual. And you're not even good at golf. No, I really suck. I wish I was better. I really, I have stopped pulling.

I've straightened out the, yeah, the slice a little bit here and there. But, no, I like, I really do like, when I'm there, I feel really at ease. Hey, look, I love Florida. I was just there this week, as I told you, this past weekend. And my mom lives in Jupiter on the East Coast. She's right down the street. Right down the street.

Jupiter is beautiful. Jupiter's amazing. Yeah. And I've been going to Florida since I was a kid. My dad used to bring me down there. And I love the tropical smells. I love a little humidity in the air. It's great.

The morning smell in Florida is like something I like, you know, I just love. I, I, 18 years in New York, I needed a change. I love going up on stage. Like I do love doing a 15-minute set and like figuring it out. But like I needed to be able to figure out. I don't know. You're not living with your parents.

No, I got a place. And they're in Bocke. I'm in Del Rey. Del Rey is like everyone knows Del Rey. They're like, oh, my aunt lived there and she's 100. People in Florida are like, Del Rey is so young. People outside are like it's so old. It's a good mix.

Atlantic Avenue is like a fun time. Yeah. They're, my parents are in a community, so I get to like, kind of like go into their bubble. They're in a bubble inside a bubble inside a bubble. You know, there's the bubble of a country club community. There's a bubble of Boca, and then there's a bubble of Florida. So they are so far removed from reality that I actually enjoy hanging with them because it's like there's no real conversations. You've been down there for, what did you say, a year and a half?

Yeah. Have you dated any women? So I have a girlfriend now. Yeah. Oh, there you go. Well, my girlfriend. Daisy Dukes and sat on the back of a pickup truck. That's what we do.

We shoot the gun. Rob ATM machines. That's all we do. We're Bonnie and Clyde. She and I reconnected and got back together from way back when. And then... Wait, way back when? Well, I mean, like, it was a few years before we dated.

And then... Wait, where did you first meet her? In New York. And then she moved down to Florida? No, she lived in Philly. And I was on the road. and she like, I got a text from her as I was going to, she kept getting my promotional ads for my show.

She's stalking you. Well, no, I was thinking of her because it was, so I wrote a book. It's called Walking Red Flag. The book is out. And while we were broken up, I was writing this book. And a lot of it was like reflections of like how we dated and what I was doing. And then I was thinking of her and I like have stories about her in the book. Did she read it before you published it?

Yeah. She like loved it. Yeah. And when we got, you know, when she, I was thinking of reaching out and I wasn't sure and I didn't want to bother it. You know, like I was the one that ended it. I didn't want to like. Sort of feels like you should put an addendum onto the book on the new, the new prints of like, we're back together again. Well, I didn't mention her. It was just like stories that were like high level. Did she move down to Florida?

Well, I'm trying to get her to move now. And I want to, so I want to move like, now we're back together and I'm like, so Barry, like, this is the best. Like, she's going to move down there and your father's going to be like, you know, you can. could take a few pounds off. I'm horrified for her having to deal with my parents. She likes hanging with them. She gets it. And it's been wonderful. Like I, and I don't know if that's a thing.

When you go to, now the Florida conversation includes her. And we're talking about it. And like, how do you, what would our life look like down there? And that's a different, you know, and it's funny. She looked at my apartment in Del Rey. She goes, what was your vision here? Like, how are you going to have a family here? Like, what was the, I go, the vision was, I live 10 minutes from the beach.

Like, who gives a shit? And she's like, I don't know. You know, she's looking at this. Like, it's, I'm driving a two-door Jeep Wrangler that I call Cher Horowitz in a apartment that's 10-minute walk from the beach. Like, I'm living a bachelor lifestyle. And then we got back together. And, you know, now I'm like, you know, there's a piece of me. like I do want, like, I want to be able to go on stage.

I want, you know, so the Northeast is a little bit calling to me. How long you've been back together? Since January, since that's when we. But when you reconnect, is it, it's almost like they say when you quit drinking or doing drugs, when you go back to it, you go back to it like with a fury. And do you feel like you guys getting back together again was like, did it, did it become more intense than it was before? I don't think so it became

I was not to compare you to a drug no but I understand what you mean I you know when we got back together I was so much more open to the I was different you know she

you know I even told her before I left I was like we were before the last special you know she was someone we were dating and and I felt very insecure and like and now I'm having all these like like deja vu moments.

Like she's here with me before this special comes out. But I feel so confident. You know, like I feel good. Like she calms me in a way that I'm like, I feel very lucky. Do you feel like you processed a lot about your relationship

by writing the book and that's made you a better partner to her? Yes. I feel like it was like my form of therapy. You know, like the book, I think I'm proud of the book, but I don't think it'll ever be like a, I don't mean,

I, I, I, I sound like, I'm told not to say this, but like, I don't think the book will ever be like the New York Times number one seller that I would love for it to be, but it is the proper dating book. Like if someone's single and they're having trouble being single, I think they should buy my book right away. I'm not going to make money off that. Like, I just think it's a very personal telling of being single and it's meant to make you laugh. Yeah.

But it is vulnerable from a male point of view, which you're not going to hear. right now because the dating world is just so co-opted by hot takes and algorithm plays, in my opinion, the only thing you see about dating on the internet is like just people, like fun women and angry men. How would you compare this book to he's just not that into you? I would say this is a more personal tale because it's all true stories. But also humorous. Yeah.

And it's jokes every page. I mean, it's going to make you laugh. Like I thought there was a woman last night. So I said if you buy 10 books, I will come to your virtual book club. So I've done these zooms and I've gone in and I'm talking to, you know, a woman and her friends and she's the one single woman. And she hadn't dated someone since COVID. And she was saying I'm the very, because I have all these definitions of single. And one of them is very single because I remember I talked to a girl in Dallas from on stage and go, you know, who you hear with?

She's like, I'm very single. And I was like, what does that mean? and I give a whole description of being very single. And I understand that. She goes, I'm very single from the book. And she was talking to me about, I was like, so do you like, she was like, what was your number one tip for me? I was like, do you have a dating app?

Are you on the apps? And she was like, I haven't been on since COVID. I'm just like very happy. And I have my friends. And I go, and I could hear from her. She's so afraid of her finding horrible. Like a lot of people. So a very single isn't in a positive way.

like comfortable with being alone with yourself. It's more of afraid of dating. Seemingly. In this scenario, it seemed like, oh my God, why would I ruin out my great life? And I felt that way. I was the same way. Why would I date someone? I used to joke, the only thing that could ruin my life is a woman.

You know, because like, but that's man, woman, whatever you're into. Like when you're single and you're older and your bills are good, your life is happy, your job is good. there's a little piece of you that can't be vulnerable enough to meet someone. No, I completely, I get it. I got off the dating apps entirely. I haven't gone out with anybody. I'm happy for you.

Good for you. I'm happy you got off. But she's not alone in her plight. You go, well, all I'm going to find out there is like horrible stories and men being awful. And I'm like, I go, well, because the dating apps become consuming. I go, it's got to be one piece of the dating pie. And also, you're sitting here with three friends who are married. They have three husbands who are not thinking about you at all.

You don't even know their husbands. Go on a walk with their husbands and them. Go make a drink in a big water bottle, make a cocktail, put it in a Stanley cup, and go on a walk with your friend and her husband. Your friend's husband has not thought of you once as far as fixing you up. He has people. And you want a friend's husband, and you know this, guys will go.

When your wife brings up her single friend, you'll either say, oh, she sucks or she's cool. That's how men distinguish, ah, she's cool. That's like a huge thing. So like, I think from the book, it's like just a very male. Like, and again, I have a female audience. And when they bring their boyfriends, you talk about this festival with all the skank fest people.

Yeah. My audience is so different from that. It's women who go, this guy's funny. And the guy goes, If I don't know him, he ain't shit. Yeah. And then they get broad and they go, all right, he's not lying to you. Yeah.

You know, I think they assume I'm lying to their girlfriends, which I'm not. I'm doing so. Well, here's the thing about you is, you know, women are attracted to you, but men see you as a guy they want to play golf with. I'll take it. You can't lose. I think 2006 is going to be a big year for you. You got two podcasts right now. Two.

One you do by yourself, which is called the J train. The J train. been doing that for how many years? More than a decade. Doesn't that get like, I feel embarrassed. Dude, I've been doing my for 16 years. Every week for 16 years and then I do two other ones every week. And I want to hear about it.

I know how much is it enrage you when someone's like, do you know, you ever hear of Rogan? You ever hear? You ever hear of Shane Gillis? That's like the number one. I can always see the guy. I know what the guy looks like. You ever hear of this guy? Shane Gillis. I'm like, I can see

that guy. I can see him right now and you're like, that's like, Shane before he became so huge, he was the dude who wanted to let you know he knew comedy. Yeah. Bring up Shane. Right. There's always that guy. Norman was a guy like that. Yeah. Sam gets that. I don't know

who's that guy. There's got to be another guy. I think I'm that guy right now. You might be that guy. Yeah. So big year for both of us. Big year for us. All right. So the special will be out, well, it'll be out by the time this comes out. Thank you. So, uh, check. Just watch it. The family plan. The family plan. It's on Netflix, which is a big deal. They don't put out specials the way they used to. No. And, um, also if you want to see Jared live, I'm going to tell you right now, you're going to go to Jaredfrey.com. Listen, I've done a podcast before. October 16th and Huntington, New York. That's the only one date you have listed. That's literally, that's literally, on your website. I know because I'm trying to get more

day. I got to get more date. They'll be on there. By the time this comes out, I'll have more dates because I have the Ozempic special to shoot. I got to shoot that. But there'll be more dates. Jaredfrew.com. I mean, listen, just watch a special. I'm really proud of it. And buy the book. The book, if you're single, you should buy the book. I think men, you know,

the power of the book is it's going to put words to feelings that you have. Before we go, we do a quick thing called Fastballs with Fits. I love it. I don't think we We always tried. No, you didn't do this. Last time you were here, no, we didn't do it. This is a new segment.

This is the, this is the clip. It's clippable. Clippable. You're on to me. We have the clip already. We have to have the clip. No, the clip was, I thought of it before when you were talking. I can't remember.

There was a very clippable moment. Okay, good. Have you ever been arrested? No. Where did you lose your virginity? Freshmear College. Really? No.

Was it? He don't know? Freshmeyer of college. Yeah. Did you get a hand job in high school? I think so. Okay. I wasn't like, you know, Johnny Cool guy, you know, like the, I mean, I was at all the parties.

So those Needham girls didn't really need him. Ever won any awards? I'm about to accept an award. at Needham High for the Business Association. So there's some sort of business award and it's crazy. I just found out we put out, talk about clips.

I call my parents, my dad goes, are they paying you? This is the first thing he says. Are they paying you? No, Needham High isn't going to pay me. Asshole. I go, you guys want to come? My mom goes, it's too cold. It's me, I think Marty Walsh, who was the governor of Massachusetts,

Sunni Williams, who was just in space, the woman that couldn't come down. Wow. And me. Oh, my God. I'm getting this distinguished business award, and it's like the award is on the Friday before Halloween, so I'm going to go back.

I'm bringing my girlfriend. We're going to go. Dude, you're getting laid that night. I better. You're going to have that award in your hand while you're doing it. That's how I want it. That's the dream. What TV role would you most like to have gotten?

Kevin James and the King of Queens. Like I would love to be, I want a nice little 12-year run. I want a sitcom in the worst way I wish they, I think my family would be the perfect thing to write about. What's your sitcom? Just my family. Yeah. Living in Florida? Maybe.

I don't know. Something like that. I just, I don't know. I always, I love sitcoms. I'm like mad they're gone. You know? Like, and I think it's funny

when people talk about comfort shows, they're all sitcoms. Yeah. And then you're like, so we should make more of those, right? Yeah. And where are they?

Nowhere. So it's like, it's weird that the money making structure, you go, if that's what we like, let's make more of them. Well, you know what you got to make now

with these vertical dramas. That's what everybody's watching. You heard about these? No. It's shot on, it's shot vertically. No, So you can watch it on your phone.

But no one watches those. What are you talking about? We're going to make one. Do you guys want to make one? That's why your things are in vertical. Look at your. I see it. Yeah.

I know. I get it. It's all vertical, man. I'm not trying to resist the future, but I do think we love these shows. Like, you know what I want? The King of Del Rey. The King of Del Rey. You know what I watched the other night?

Will and Grace. You ever watched the pilot episode of Will and Grace? No. It is unbelievable writing. It is like, it's truly art. Like, I, they explain Karen. You know, Karen's the assistant for grace. Okay.

Karen is the rich woman who weirdly works for grace and is like this loud woman who, she became a, you know, Megamilali becomes the star of the show. They explain her in one sentence. Yeah. They literally, she's on the phone with Will. She goes, he goes, she goes, my assistant's late. And he goes, isn't that woman like a billionaire? She goes, yeah, but she likes to work for me.

And then she pops in, she goes, hello! And you're like, I know her already. I know everything. I don't need any other explanation. Right. At that point, they were shooting like snipers. Like, they were so good at writing the sitcom. You know who is a great writer on that?

Was the main, like, joke writer? Who? Laura Kightlinger. Really? You know Laura Kightlinger? No. I just said really. Great comic.

Really? But she's like the gun for hire for jokes on. sitcoms over the last 20 years. She just comes in, one or two days a week, punches the shit out of it, gets paid. They back up the drinks, the drinks truck and the drinks truck. And where's she right now? Like I would imagine she's like, she's probably sitting there warming her arm up in the pen because there's like so few of these shows out there. But she's just waiting. Yep. And I think like, that's someone I would want to like be like, get in here. Yep. Like I, I don't know, I have, you know, I think people want to.

that like hard jokes yeah good hard jokes just the the whole thing with jack look at raymond look at the characters well look at the you know will and jack like will being you know jack the flamboyant gay guy yeah will the suited up you know buttoned up gay guy I couldn't believe it was from like it's almost like we've gone backwards like it was like more progressive we can't have a gay president like every democrat wants Pete Buttigieg and everyone goes yeah but we can't yeah I don't yeah I don't so afraid to run a gig. Yeah, but that's like when they say we can't make that movie anymore.

It's like, well, we're talking about the movie. Yeah. Like, what are you talking about? It's happening. It's here. Let's get him out here. Yeah. No, Buttigieg is, what a watch on Fox News.

You ever watch them on Fox News? He's great. You watch them and you're like, wow, this guy like. It's not vitriolic. No, no, no. He engages. He listens. He counters.

Right. You want to say to some people who are agreeing with him, hey, man, let him talk. Yeah. You know, like, when you find someone that, like, you know, like, oh, I love Buttigieg. Okay. Now that you said that, you should shut the fuck up.

Yeah. Right. Because, you know, it's like, you know, we're judged by our worst, not our best. Yes. You know, so. All right. Last question. What's the hackiest bit you've ever done?

I have a bit that any time I see a bachelor's party, I use it because I want to get people engaged and I'm not proud of it. Yeah. But it's a bit I've always done. If I, is, you know, being in a club and. You have the audience there for you, and then you have the Bachelorette party there for them. And I always do it. And I always say them, do you guys have penis straws? And they're like, they hold up their penis straws.

I was like, you'll never see that from a bachelor party. You never see a bunch of vagina sippy cups because you'll have a bunch of guys being like, you'll be like, no one would be able to be around them. You'd be like, you'd see a guy just using his finger on the top of the cup. Some guy would come out of the bath and be like, I just fuck my cup. I got to get out of here. That's my hacky bit that I always do if I see a bachelorette party because I'm like, just get over the humph-and.

And that's the thing, like, with all these crowdwork videos and stuff, like the clips, I'm like, some, you know, I see, sometimes I see the crowdwork video that's like the bit you do at a club that you're not proud of. And I'm like, that was for us. Yep. Keep that weapon in the drawer, you know? You're here to work on the act, but you kind of have an act that lets you work on the act.

Right. And I think, like, you know, I look up to standups like you and, like, the people that went on the road and did this. And, you know, the reason comics get accused of being such curmudgins, I think, is because our world gets co-opted and entered into by people who are using it for their own. Yes. They're not, they don't like to do it. Right, right, right.

And I love to do stand-up. I know you love to do stand-up. So, like, a bit like that, I'm like, if I saw someone like doing it online, I'd be like, fuck, you gave away my shit bit that I need. You know, it's like a wrench, you know? That's like a hand grenade. You're in battle, and a bachelor party is a battle,

and you need to win that battle. My girlfriend's parents came to my show in Miami, and Miami Improv, the people that work there are great. I love everyone there. It's a tough audience. Very Latino, right? Very Latino. They call it Little Argentina, and the,

area and like also I'm just not filling the room so like but there was a group of women with pink shirts on they're all wearing matching pink shirts and I could see them on the monitor and my girlfriend's parents are there they're like oh look a fun group of people in pink shirts and I reacted as if I just saw like like a huge

like I reacted as if like Godzilla came over the hell totally yeah and he was going to murder my whole family and they didn't know and I was like I'm sorry and like I got a and I went on stage and I go what are you guys all here for they're like We all, we're moms who go to the gym together. I was like, thank God.

Not a bachelor's party. Not a bachelor's party. And they were so cool and nice and fun. And I was like, I felt like I got lucky. Yeah. And I don't think anyone knows how, like, it's just how it works. Like, my dad would just do it. Well, you don't want a group in general.

You want individuals in the audience. Maybe couples. I mean, my favorite audience member is that guy or that girl that comes to the show alone because they're a comedy fan and they sit towards the front and they're the best. Yeah. And the worst,

the larger the group, the worst of the situation because now you're not in control. They're, whoever their alpha is, that's who's in control. So I'll tell you this is, I was in,

I'll never forget where I was because my now girlfriend who was at the time, my ex-girlfriend. Yeah. Or my, you know, that I was, she always said,

she would always say, I want to go to Des Moines. and I was in Des Moines. I'm thinking about her, and this weekend was tough. I didn't say, you know, Funny Bone, Des Moines. Yeah.

I didn't, listen, I'm not like a, Des Moines, you know, I hope, maybe the special makes it so I don't have to say, hey, I'm in Des Moines, you know, whatever. And there was a, they did a holiday party. It was a company Christmas party, and they were also going to get tickets to the show.

So he must have done a thing where, like, hey, you get all the free booze, you know, they offered the company did their Christmas party, party before and they're all hammered. And then they're half the room. Half the room is this company Christmas party. And a man and a woman are sitting up front and they're like, just like, legs open looking

at me and they just yelled at the openers. And now I got to go up. So I'm like, okay, I'll go up. And like you said, like they have taken over the room. And I go up on stage. I was like, hey, everybody. And I'm like, and this is, I go, give it up for the company Christmas party and everyone, you know, class.

I go, what do you guys do? And the guy goes, we sell shit. Like just a total ass. The guy up front. And I go, well, I don't think you sell Bibles. Like I said something like that. And then I kind of get them. And then I go into my act.

And at the time I'm doing the act that's on Netflix right now. And I go, well, I vacationed with my parents. And the woman next to him goes, my parents are dead. And I go. And I. And the whole audience stops. And I go, and she goes, come on, do something with it. I like dark humor.

And I go, well, now I know why they killed themselves. Nice. And she, it was as if I shot her between the eyes. I was like, I now know why they killed themselves. They had to listen to you all of them. Yeah. And the audience go, and I go, you heard her. Yeah, yeah.

I had to like, pull everyone together. I go, you heard her. She said she likes dark humor. She did this. And you can see people like holding back and laugh. And she just sat, it was the first five minutes. And she's now crying at her seat. Oh no.

And like the person next door is like rubbing her hand and I'm just like going into my act. I didn't come there to be mean. Like I didn't like I'm doing a story about my parents call me fat. Like let me go into my act. Like but you got to pull out the. And I remember like the whole show she just sat there like couldn't believe. And I'm like and I'm like laughing at it. in my head. I'm like, I can't believe. How

funny is it that she's like, I like dark humor? And then I do the darkest joke you could maybe think of. Yeah, yeah. And then I'm thinking of her going home. Like, as I'm doing my act, like, in the back of my head, I'm thinking of her like, how was the Christmas party? Yeah.

She's like, I don't know. Like, I don't know. It's just like, and I'm like, why again, these groups, they come. Yeah. And then the worst version of that, of course, is the corporate date where you go to the company. Oh. where they're drinking, and it's only them. And now it's like, you don't stand a chance.

Well, at that point, you just, you do your best. You do your best. And you can't. And you'd be very nice to them. That's like, T.A, what do they say? Think about the money. T-A-T-M, Jerry Seinfeld's thing on those gigs. And I literally do.

You know, like, that's all you can do is go like, if I think I'm going to kill, I'm delusional. Right. And the only way you're going to survive is to look at that group and go, all right, if I can do the hour and stay clean and keep my composure, that's a W. Totally. And you have to be happy and fun. You can never be mad at them. Nope.

I'll actually, I'm sorry I keep telling me. I went to, I got brought to Cannes. I went to Cannes for Cannes, which is a big marketing festival. Spotify, let us do a panel. It was crazy. But they had a concert. Benson Boone is on stage. And I had this moment where I like,

and he's going, come on! And he's doing flips. Like Benson Moon does flips and shit. And every song, I was like, I can't believe how many Benson Boone songs I know. And I'm sitting there with my drink and I'm like loving it. And I could see him going, come on! And I'm like, yeah, it's because we, and you have, how many corporate things that go, we loved it, you did so great. And I kept thinking I was like, oh, he thinks he's doing badly because we're not a bunch of 17-year-old girls screaming at him.

Right. he's judging it against his best show. And as soon as a comic, when you start saying, well, that didn't go well, or well, I'm bombing, that's when they go, oh, he's bombing. They didn't know you were bombing until you said that. It's the dumbest mistake I make all the time. Oh, no, you have to be, oh, I'm happy, I'm having a great time.

This is as good as any show I've ever done. If it's a club, you can dig in. Different story. Yeah, and you can shake it up. But in a corporate event, all you got to do is make one wrong turn, and you'll never get back on the highway again. I just remember Benson. I'll never forget it because he was just so,

he was trying to get something out of us. And I was like, this is it. Yeah. Like, I'm having a good time. I'm 40. Yeah. You know, I was 39, just swinging my hips. Of course he thinks I'm bullshit.

Like, I was having the best time. Right, right, right. All right, listen, I had the best time. This was awesome. Thank you for being here, man. You're the best. Good luck with the special. Thank you.

Can't wait to see it. I enjoyed the last one. And I think it's going to be a big year for you. I appreciate Listen If it goes well enough We'll make sure that you're in first class When you open for me

On the road You hear that Joe DeRosa You're going to be a coach That's right Comfy Plus or nothing You're not