Fitzdog Radio - Jeff Dye - Episode 1067

Episode Date: September 4, 2024

Jeff Dye and I meet up in Denver and talk about sobriety on the road, Bigfoot and which if us is more loved by Boston club owners.Watch my special "You Know Me" on YouTube!

Hey, welcome to FitzDog Radio. I'm in Denver, Colorado. What's this cow over my shoulder? That's Jim. I don't know. There's a cow over my shoulder. I'm at the the Denver Comedy Works has this very cool high-end condo which I don't we talk about me and Jeff talk about the condo on the show so I won't get into it but but I've got a cow over my shoulder and I'm kind of enjoying it. The cow has pensive eyes and I have been on the road for the last two weeks straight. I have two more weeks to go. I'm going home tomorrow for two days. Those will pretty much be my only days home.

And I can't wait to see my wife. I miss her, I love her. Honey, if you're listening, I'll be right home. I wish we could have phone sex, but I don't think I could ever do that. I don't think I could do that because I don't think I could look her in the eye when I got home. You know, it's just, I have too much shame. I think I'd be too embarrassed if I,

I don't know. Like I've never been able to role play. Role playing hasn't been a big thing. Like the only role I've played is a guy who's not ashamed that he's currently having sex. That's the role playing that I do. I role play that I'm a Protestant. Like a Lutheran. Lutheran swing, baby. Yeah, from what I understand. But yeah, I'm trying to stay sane. I'm working out every day. I'm

meditating every day. I'm dealing with the social media as much as I can, trying to get back to people. And I gotta thank everybody who has been so incredibly supportive. The special's been out for three days. It's got about 150,000 views, which is so far beyond what I expected. And I owe it all to you guys telling each other, posting it on your socials,

leaving comments is huge, that boosts the algorithm. And so keep other, posting it on your socials, leaving comments is huge, that boosts the algorithm. And so keep watching, watch it again. Just watch it again. Don't tell YouTube you're doing that to jack me up. Just do it. This is really helping me out. And some people are donating,

which you can do on the YouTube channel. That's very nice if you want to kick in a few bucks. Why not? Why not? I went fucking broke making this thing. YouTube channel that's very nice if you want to kick in a few bucks why not why not I went fucking broke making this thing I might as well make a few bucks back from you if you enjoy it and I also want to thank Logan Potter my social media guru she's amazing Michael O'Brien and Val and Ari Shaffir especially holy shit this guy I talked about a little bit on Sunday papers but Michael O'Brien and Val and Ari Shaffir especially. Holy shit, this guy, I talked about a little bit

on Sunday papers, but Ari Shaffir has gone so far above and beyond what a friend should ever do for another friend. Every day he texts me two or three times, you gotta do this, you're not doing this. He's reposting, he's telling other people to post. He he's just been amazing. He actually donated. He donated 50 bucks to me on top of like putting me on his podcast and

cutting up clips and putting them out. And I mean, I don't know, did I blow him at some point and blocked it out. But he's the best and obviously Rogan for letting me tape at his club and putting me on his podcast this week did a bunch of podcasts in the last week Rogan's came out I did Shane Gillis's podcast that came out Santino's came out Ares came out Marins Jim Jim Norton and I'm coming up still doing a bunch I've got Kill Tony comes out in a couple weeks I'm doing your mom's house with Cigura and who else? Burr, Bill Burr is having me out so it's a the train's still rolling but so

far so good and thank you I want to go I don't want to bore you guys but thank you so much I'm gonna keep this short because I had a nice long talk with my guests today and we should get to that. Other dates coming up I got the mothership in Austin next weekend or this weekend as you hear this Temecula California September 21st and and then Alaska, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Tacoma, San Fran, Cleveland, Atlanta, Janesville, Wisconsin, Nyack, New York, Raleigh, Milwaukee, all these dates at FitzDawg.com. Get some tickets. All this material will be new. Nothing from the special. I've already got a new hour that I feel like is just as good as the old hour, which is is you know, I feel good about. All

right. Anyway, enough about me. Let's talk a little bit about the fact that the support for Fitts Dogg Radio comes from my bookie. I love football. I'm so excited. This is it's here. And what makes me more excited is getting involved with some good old fashioned gambling. I just, I remember last year right out of the gate I was doing my bookie and I got involved with the first game of the season right out of the gate. Jets bills, 9-11, Aaron Rodgers comes out who I can't stand and he comes out all this hype and he was on hard knocks on HBO and I just whatever so he comes out and then as we

all know gets knocked out in like the second play of the game and you think all right the Jets once again this is over and they win the game at overtime and I won because I bet against my beliefs and I just I don't like Aaron Rodgers but I think he's a great quarterback so anyway I think he's back this year so I still have to fill out my bets but you know my bookie is it's just it's fun if you want to get involved you just go on there and you put in the code fits and you get like a they double your money up to two thousand dollars it's like a hundred percent bonus on your first deposit so I mean I don't I'll get into it more later I don't understand how my book is

making money because they seem a little too generous. But you can sign up for free. They've got these promotions like weekly risk-free boosts on Thursdays. If your bet hits, you win big. And if it doesn't, and this is the part I don't really understand, they refund your wager, which you know, look, they're are their sponsor and I want them to stay a sponsor and I'd like it if they didn't go Don't go out of business. So I think that they should cut the shit and not do this But I would if I were you take advantage of them while they're still solvent Hundreds of thousands of dollars in prizes with their super survivor and square contests, huge cash rewards. When you're ready to get started, use my promo code FITZ to claim a bonus that doubles your money up to $2,000.

100% bonus on your very first deposit. You heard that right. Double your money with promo code FITS before you even place a bet. And you know what? You're gonna have so much fun that I want you to share it with me. Well also I should say there's a loyalty program, loyalty rewards program. So the more you play, the more you win exclusive giveaways, all kinds of stuff. So anytime you want to get involved just email me FITzdogradio at gmail.com. Let me know fun bets you made that paid off and we'll talk about it on the show. Okay, let's get to it. My guest today is a headlining powerhouse. He was a finalist on America's Got Talent. He goes on a lot of TV shows that you would know and love him for. It's very

handsome. He came over to the condo today and we hung out for a long time. Really enjoyed it. Here's my chat with the great Jeff Dye. ["The Great Death of the Dead"] Nice. I'm sitting in the, um, there's only one comedy condo in the country that me and about 30 or 40 other comics will stay at that are at our level. 100%. And it's the Denver Comedy Works.

Wendy Curtis runs it. She's got this beautiful two bedroom art deco. She's got amazing style, a lot of flair. And it's really like a fun fun it's a fun condo it's not a place I if I was single I mean you're single yeah what's your experience in staying in this condo so I love the location it's right near the club it's terribly decored and I love Wendy to death. Big fan of Wendy. I would say it to her face.

It's humiliating. To bring a girl back here. To bring an adult woman to this place. Because I don't know what your life is after the shows, but when you bring a woman back, they assume it's like, oh, this is your everyday. If I'm staying at the Four Seasons, they think I'm at a Four Seasons all the time.

If they see me at a Motel 6, they go, he must be at a Motel 6 all the time. He's poor. It's this one experience that I have. So they take him here and I'm like, I have to convince them that this isn't my place. That you're not trisexual or quad sexual. I'd never even heard of that. But it is amazing in our line of work, when we go out, there's a week like last week, I was at the Four Seasons. I went in and I did Rogue and he puts you at the Four Seasons. of work when we go out, there's a week, like last week,

I was at the Four Seasons. I went in and I did Rogan and he puts you at the Four Seasons. And then the week before that, I was in New York doing podcasts for my special and I was on my own dime and I went on a hotel tonight and this place was called the Grand Central Suites or something. I was like, it's got five star ratings. I went there.

It was a fucking guest quarter suite. They didn't tell you. I mean, their guest quarters are fine. But it's four walls. There's like, there's no, here's the little things you can tell them not a good hotel. There's the shampoo is on the wall in the shower.

It's a dispenser. It's bolted in. Bolted in. There's no tissue paper. They just want you to use the toilet paper instead of giving you a separate tissue paper. No coffee maker. But if you had that exact same hotel in New York City,

you'd be like, this will work. No, that's where I was. Oh, that makes total sense. Right, right, right. In New York, the room is the size of a bed. Yeah. And you where I was. I was in New York City. Oh, that makes total sense. Right, right, right. In New York, the room is the size of a bed. And you go, oh, I guess this is fine because it's New York. Well, it is fine, yeah, because you're not there much.

You're barely there. You're out all day. You're out all night. But then it's just like for some people, their standard of living is in a very thin range, whether they're on vacation or they're home, because they only vacation one or two weeks a year. We're basically vacationing 25 weekends, 30 weekends a year. And it's just a wild swing of what you have

to be able to accept. Sometimes they go like, all right, here's your hotel. And it's like in a corporate area. So now, there's no restaurants that are walking distance. The hotel doesn't have a restaurant. Well, how did you fucking, did you think out eating for your guests? It's a 15 minute Uber just to get a coffee.

Yeah, yeah. And I'll stay at that coffee shop for like three hours because I'm like, well I don't want to Uber back now, just do all my work here. And you don't even, and then the next week you're staying in a beautiful hotel with a spa. But that's a perfect metaphor for our industry yeah I think and I don't know I can't speak to like what you do I'm very puzzled by your career but for me I will do a terrible or not terrible they're all fine but I'll do like a bar show.

And people are fine with me, they're like, hey, he's fine. And then the next night I sold out a packed comedy club and I'm king guy, everyone's like, that's the guy. So, and it feels like every night is a different expectation, you know? And even with the people you keep the company of, you know, like, and at least in my career, like one night I'm in Utah with

a bunch of like really nice Mormon fans who are great. They're telling me about their wife and their kids. We're eating pizza at a pizza parlor. The next night I'm with the chef of that comedy club at a strip joint and they're all doing cocaine. You know, it's like it's so different and it's just night to night. You can't get an expectation. Yeah, it swings wildly and then also some clubs you show up and you come down the escalator and there's a guy in a black suit and a tie and he's got an iPad with your name written on right takes your bag and feels great. Right. And then

other times you show up and they're like, yeah, take an Uber to the hotel. So now I'm in fucking Cleveland trying to figure out their system. And so he's like, Oh, we're going to take the shuttle bus to a lot and then you order and it's like, come on. Yeah, you think you've arrived every other day. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny you said that you don't stay in condos. This is one of the only ones that only one. So and I have a no condo rule and I should probably enforce it here too. But why did I Daniel Tosh told me he doesn't do it because he's like, I don't want to stay in the same bed that

Darren Carter the party starter stayed in the week before me and I was a great comic I love darter. Yeah, that's a great reference. Yeah, like someone you don't want to sleep the party starter in your bed It's just a perfect Anecdote, but I don't do it because I don't wanna mix, like let's say I have a crazy night and I break something or I bring a person back that's whiling out on drugs or whatever. Like whatever may happen in the hotel room,

I want that to be between me and the hotel. I can come down and say, hey, whatever it costs, let's deal with, I don't need to bring my boss into this. Yeah. I don't want, now there's gossip around the comedy club, did you hear what happened at the condo? Yeah. So it's like, that's the main reason I want some.

No, I have my, I sell my pins, which I gave you one the other night, you're welcome. Thank you. Great pin. It's a great pin. It is a great pin. I should sell them on my website, but I only sell them in shows.

But then you have to ship it. Then I gotta ship it. Yeah, you sell them for 10, you lose four on the send. pen. I should sell them on my website, but I only but then you have to ship it Then I got a ship it. Yeah, you're selling for ten you lose four on the cent exactly So they come in these little plastic, you know And that's my thing is like I realized there's a couple that are laying around and I was like, oh the housekeeper is gonna Say yeah, he's doing crack. We know we know Greg right when he stays at the condo, you know, yeah exactly I'm worried about that all the time. In fact one time I don't I've never shared the story. I Stayed a condo. This is what started my no stay at condo rules I

worked at a comedy club and That how long you've been doing it since 2005. Oh Baby, yeah. Well, that's nice. Thanks So in 2008 I stayed at this condo and it's beautiful and it's great but they wouldn't shut the hell up about not bringing people back. And at the time I have a girlfriend, so back in LA, so I was like, okay good, this will keep me honest, this will be whatever, I won't bring anyone back. I was very respectful about their stupid rule about not having anyone there, not even friends.

They were like, don't even bring the opener here. And I was like, okay. So I watched baseball and then, you know, it was freezing cold, it was like three feet of snow, so it wasn't like a lot really to do. So I kind of stayed at the condo, which was nice. I come back home, two days later, I'm getting all these calls from my agent.

I was like, what's up? He's like, dude, they're furious at you. And I was like, what? It's a good weekend, you know, I hit some bonuses. What's the problem? And they're like, well's up? He's like dude. They're furious at you. I was like what it's good weekend You know I hit some bonuses or what it was what's problem and they're like, well, I guess you they said you brought someone back to the condo They found condoms in the trash Whoever you let stay over or you left the shower running so it flooded the whole bathroom Now they've got a remodel the whole bath. What I'm going. I didn't bring anyone there Yeah, they made that very clear.

And so we went through this weird argument. For over a decade, they were under the belief that I was bringing some person back that ruined the thing. The worst part about it was that every few months, I would hear some comic go, oh man, we heard about what you did up in that club. Oh, they kept talking about it kept talking about yeah, because they used me as the example for why you don't bring people Yeah, we had Jeff like they made it sound like it was me What club was it?

well I don't know if I want to share it because I think what happened is maybe somebody was cheating and They used me as like the fall guy. Yeah, you know they they brought a girl there used some condoms Whatever did whatever you know people do guy or girl there used some condoms whatever did whatever you know Guy or girl and then and then was I must have been Jeff die You know he was here last and you know how he is you know and like it was a bit It is how you are though is it no, but like it's I don't use condoms And how do they know you weren't just jagging off with a condom sometimes you don't want to come to say Yeah, you already get the lube on there. Trying to get used to it.

Yeah, you have to clean up afterwards. What's weird about it is my girlfriend was like, well, did you? And I was like, no. And then that club didn't book me for years. It was terrible. Well, the other thing is, I was thinking about with condoms. The first time I put a condom on,

I had no fucking idea what I was, I didn't know that there was one side that you unroll, on the other side you just get stuck in and now you've ruined all the lube because it's stuck in on your crown. And so I thought to myself, why didn't I practice alone once? Yeah, that's smart.

Just figure it out. And my friend James Lambert had this joke, he goes I remember the first time I put a condom on I was screaming my head off I had no idea it didn't have to cover your balls it's a great joke he was a he was a killer I started in Boston and there was just a lot of great joke writers like Jonathan Groff who ended up being like he's one of the biggest sitcom showrunners Yeah, Hollywood right now for that name

Guy named Brian Kylie who I know Brian. I love Brian. Yeah Brian was the first monologue writer on Conan Yeah, still and he wrote till the fucking end Fucking day for 25 years that dude sat down and he wrote killer Monologue jokes season machine. That's another reason. I like podcasting Right like the fact that we're doing this right now like one of the things so they were saying like me saying maybe Howard Stern So it doesn't respect the podcast thing. I like it because even if we weren't recording I get to do this with you Yeah, right. I remember Brian Kylie. He loves baseball. I love baseball. His son loves baseball. We have these great conversations.

I think his son played college baseball. Yeah. We'd be in the green room at Comedy Magic. We'd have these great baseball coming. And I'd always go, hey, we should get a beer and watch the game or something. And Brian's like, yeah, I'm married. No.

But when I said, Brian, come do my podcast at my house, he's like, sure. Because he can justify that to his family. Yeah, I'll go to this guy's place and we're just going to record a podcast for an hour. Yeah, right. It's work. But that's the hang. Yeah. And so it's like. sure, because he can justify that to his family. I'll go to this guy's place, and we're just going to record a podcast for an hour. But that's the hang. Yeah. Cell phones are off.

Yeah. That's nice. If you're in a club, the club hang is also great. Love the club hang. You get interrupted a lot. There's a lot of people that come in and interrupt. But you're talking about Boston. so yeah so James Lemur was one of these guys and he wrote killer jokes then Louis CK became a writer on

Conan O'Brien when it first started yeah Louis was one of the first writers became the head writer really and he was Conan is to the Simpsons as Louis is to Conan there you go yeah right I've known that. The early years of Conan had Louis C.K. as a writer. That's pretty fascinating. Louis C.K. had a guy named Dino Stamatopoulos, who is a huge writer now. Who else was on there earlier? Anyway, James Leamer came on. He hired James Leamer.

James didn't get it. Oh, really? He would take two hour lunches and walk down to the village and you know, vacations and like, meanwhile, there's like thousands of people dying for a network writing job. So it is hard to give you jokes to someone else or to write for someone else takes a gift too. I don't know. I think it just takes humility. I mean, the ability to do it is there. If you can write a joke, you can write a joke. Well, but it's my pride of giving it away.

Right, right. My ego of being like, well, I want to be the star. Why would I give this goal to? And I wouldn't be able to watch someone do my joke and not be like, I wrote that. That's my joke. Have you never written on a show? Never written on a show, no.

But I've had great writers that have made me very funny on things. You know Scotty Landis is? Yeah. Have you never written on a show? Never written on a show, no. But I've had great writers that have made me very funny on things, like you know Scotty Landis is? Yeah. Scotty Landis, he does the, with Kurt Brownell or the Bananas podcast. But then also he's an incredible writer and such a funny guy.

And I'm like, he's like the secret to this show. Like he was like the lineman. I get to be the wide receiver, the quarterback that gets all the love, but like he's the one making those blocks that gives us the, yeah. You watching that show Receiver right now on Netflix? No. Dude, it's badass. What is it?

What is the? It's like, well, you know how they have like hard knocks, and they have all the F1 and the golf. Yeah, full swing. They've gotten very into sports documentaries. And this one is about the four best wide receivers in the league okay so it's I saw the one about quarterbacks and I hated it yeah Kurt Cousins Patrick Mahomes and I was like and Aaron Rodgers you know he wasn't on it he was on Hardin but no the

quarterbacks when I was like oh so his wife just wants to be like a Kardashian or something. I know, I know. I'm like, I've known Patrick since high school. I didn't even like him, right? And then you go to the other quarterback's house, and he's just like a nice guy. He's just a nerd. Yeah.

But nice guys are great. I love nice guys. For cousins is the nice guy. We don't need a show for nice guys. Well, that's why the golf one was so fucking dull. Because the golf guys. They were all nice guys They all have the same house. Have you noticed that they got the same stucco like every golfer has the same goddamn house

Yeah, just dry like boring no style doesn't feel like yeah Yeah But but the receivers ones good the receiver one is receivers are famously flashy black guys So that maybe it might be a little more interesting. Right, well DeAndre Adams is very flashy. I don't know who that is, but I'm guessing he's good. Justin, what's his name, Jefferson is very flashy. He started that dance, you know that dance where they score and they go like...

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's pretty good actually, I can't even tell. That's pretty good actually, I wish this was on video. Okay, so that one's better then. The quarterbacks one sucked. I tried to like it, and I like those players. There's nothing wrong with Kirk Cuddle and Mom. George Kittle is the best personality in the NFL. We need to start making that a thing,

at least for the stuff I watch. You don't need to bring your wife into this No, she's not interesting now, and I guess you're very pretty. I don't know a single comedian's wife She has great taste in clothing. Look at her clothing. She has great taste. She's good at shopping with your money But what does she do? She throws parties for your son that cost $50,000 and then gets mad at you because you're you know're not the life of the party or whatever, but you're an athlete. Why would you be the life of the party? You don't want to mingle with your kid's friends' parents

from preschool, who are just going to ask you the same 20 inane questions. How tall are you? Did you ever get hurt? Where did you play college? Did you ever get nervous? Seriously, I don't know how we've normalized that kind of show. It's very strange. I go, and I couldn't know how we've normalized this, like that kind of show.

This is very strange. I mean, I couldn't care at all. Even on full swing, like they show their wives, again, all very beautiful, but they all say the same things. Oh, when he's playing bad, it's really stressful. Yeah, I know. Yeah, he just said that. We know it's probably stressful.

Has anybody done a show, I was thinking about this, has anybody done a show like this, an in-depth study behind the scenes of the family and professional and the condo hotel life the club the actual Machinations of showing up to a club Ordering food between shows we might just be biased, but that sounds great I mean, that's kind of an interesting don't show any of the stand-up.

No stand-up. We've seen it. We can see the stand-up, but show what the actual lifestyle is. Exactly. I have a good reputation for how much fun I have on the road. I'm never not doing something on the road. A lot of times, a lot of-

Are you pitching yourself to my show right now? No, no, no. But what I am saying- yeah, actually, yeah. If you do the show. You're in the pilot, my friend. Yeah. Just tell me what everyone in the network is. in our you're in the back of our head

Don't worry. We've always got you on the board. You're on the short list. Yeah, cuz we know you have buzz and heat never Yeah but what I was gonna say is that like a Long a lot of the books I've read or the stories I've heard is like a lot of people a lot of comics really don't like the road and I think it's because they drink a lot or their addicts or These maybe the towns they don't like or for whatever reason they just kind of stay at the hotel or the condo and I think it's because they drink a lot or they're addicts or maybe the towns they don't like or for whatever reason they just kind of stay at the hotel or the condo

and I'm the opposite. I will find a million things to do in the town. Really? I don't like to be in. Wow. Yeah. I can't do it. Well it's not that I can't do it, I just don't want to do it.

That's amazing. I'm the opposite because I have ADHD and so the idea of being alone in a place where there's no distractions Where not necessarily that I'm sitting in right? I am actually doing a lot of writing this week because when I'm at this club Yeah I take advantage of it because I know I'm gonna come home with five new minutes if I push myself great room It's a great one is infinitely better than the south one. Oh, yeah. Yeah in my opinion cuz they're right on the stage Yeah, there's not like a balcony and and there's nothing wrong with a balcony

Oh, and they're bolted in. What does a balcony mean? It means high ceilings Yeah, that's what we don't shut the hell up about right, you know, and so it's just it's just a little different Well in the downtown room, the seats are bolted to the ground. You can't move you are You're facing straight at the stage. Their shoulder to shoulder. The bar is outside the room. The energy is great. And the reputation of the downtown club is that it's the best club in America. It's got a great rep. People like being there. You know, like with the comedy store when some terrible comic that's been doing it for three months is still killing. They're like, oh, I have trouble on the road, but I always kill here. You're like, yeah,

no doubt. There's that excitement to be at a famous place. Yes, and the audience feels it the crowd knows it Yeah, and same with downtown comedy works people. Yeah, the mothership is like that San Francisco punchline is like that There's places that ACME is like that people are excited and they know the reputation. Yeah, they want to be there But so tell me about you on the road then. So like when you were in downtown Denver, last time you were here, what did you do in downtown Denver? So I've, over my 19 years of doing this,

I've accumulated just people in every city. Friends, people that do different things. So my first thing is when I get to the town, or I've already kind of texted everyone like, hey, I'm coming to town. So like today will be a pool party after this. Really? Yeah, if you want to come, you're more than welcome.

I'm an ADD, I can't go out. Well, like we'll go to a pool party, but then like even if it's just walking around, I like walking around, I love a stroll. Me and Dennis Reagan used to always talk about how we love a stroll, you know? And I liked communities and cars because they would do that. They would just go walk, because when you're walking,

you just get to talk to the person you're with. And if you pop into a store, I don't even have to like what the store's selling. I'll be like, let's just look in here, you know? And then after shows, will you go out with audience members? Yeah, I'll hang with the audience after the shows, but that's getting less and less. Less because I stopped drinking, I'm sober. But then secondly... Secondly?

Secondly. Is that what is that one of them? Secondly? No, that's not a word. But B, should've went with A and B, huh? Not first and second. A and B. I love when people go A and then they never do B. Yeah, you go, what happened?

And you're distracted for the next half hour. Like, this is a long A. The fuck is B? Just said, they're talking about other subjects. Or they go A and then they go N2 and you go, no! Yeah, wait a minute. You didn't go to college did you? So a you stop drinking. Yeah, I don't drink so that changes it You know, it's not as easy for me to just like do shots with them and hang out

But the two as I've gotten more successful, it's become kind of a little bit of a zoo Yeah, I didn't ever anticipated that like I thought oh, I won't care. I love the attention, but it's a little overwhelming like no some people like Bert Kreischer because I sometimes I go on his tour bus on that crazy tour he does He walks through them all yeah every single person that comes up Selfie conversation stays calm and then transitions right back into a conversation with you Yeah, and then he does his show and then he talks He's like a machine for him. He's like he is a fucking machine all day long. Yeah doing social media Talking to his assistant and then during the day. It's never just a it's never just sitting in this in the tour bus

It's like no no today. We're gonna. We were going to a wiffle ball tournament. Yeah one day They picked him up. I mean we went in golf carts to an amusement park. Yep. I'm just a far less successful version of Bert. Oh my god. It's fun to do all the things. Yeah. You know?

And I think it stems from my parents. My parents didn't do anything. My parents worked. But then I was not a victim of abuse, but definitely a victim of neglect. So me and my sisters, my parents didn't watch TV. They didn't have hobbies. They didn't have friends They didn't have family over we didn't do holidays. They literally didn't want to do anything. What did they do at night? They would kind of just sit

Talk to each other. Did they drink? They'd know they didn't drink. They didn't cook dinners. They didn't make lunches for us They wouldn't do our laundry. They did where make lunches for us. They wouldn't do our laundry They did swear to God. They did nothing. Were they religious? No, that's really hard working And so what they do for work like my dad we had like a bevy of jobs But it was like selling parts for like big machinery like hotaches and cranes and construction stuff, but he's exhausted He would come home and he's like, I just don't want to do anything So they would lay on the couch or they would go to bed earlier What you know, they'd put on a TV, but they're not watching it

They would you know the TV be on and then they kind of be bopping into the kitchen and then walk outside My mom also worked and they were just she got out She worked in like an office for a medical facility. Huh? So because of them I'm the I want to do everything guy. Yeah, like I just wanted the yeah What is it? Like I remember I went I had roommates for the first time like living outside of their house. I was just so stimulated with people doing things. Yeah, my roommate's like, I'm getting out here, I'm gonna go get my ears pierced.

I was like, I'll get my ears pierced. He's like, really? I go, sure. And then like I got my ears pierced. I took it out like two hours later, but like I just wanted to do what he was doing. And so it's like that, I know that comes from trying to not be like them.

I wanna do all the stuff. Do you feel that you are manic? Do you think you have like a low grade bipolar thing? I don't think it's, no, I don't think so. But I have had to learn how to like be fine with just being alone. Is it hard to be alone? No, I'm really enjoying it.

But I also don't wanna enjoy it too much that that becomes, you know, the thing. Cause I don't wanna- You don't wanna end up like me. Well, no, I don't wanna start going like getting excited to cancel plans or like be that person who's like, like I can't stand with some of those. I hate people. I'm like, I'm people. You hate me.

I think it's just like, I, this year I realized like during the pandemic, I kind of started slumping and I didn't really come back from it for a while so it wasn't not this year but the year before my motto was for the new year was like say yes when somebody asked me to do so and I just did I started going on hikes or you know you want to go fucking go to the horse races yeah yeah yeah you want to go to Vegas for the weekend yeah yeah hey I'm throwing a first pitch for the Boston Red Sox You want to join me? Yep. I'll do it. Yes. You can be my plus one When is it we'll be on the field and they'll meet you they'll probably ask you to do one soon. No shit Yeah, yeah, I'll get you the dates after this. We'll go together

I'm gonna do a show in Boston. I think do you know what's the guy John Tobin John Tobin? Yeah, he's a good man. I think we're gonna be John for 30 years. Good. Yeah, I him. Yeah, and he's one of these he's pretty powerful in our business and he'll reply to a text I can text him here. Why yeah, I'm like I like something You know what I like to do sometimes let's both text John Tobin at the same time That's a good game and then whoever text he texts back wins five bucks. I'm into that. Yeah, I'm on you Oh easy. Yeah. Well, I know but I got I got demo You know, all right try to be here John Toby Just hey, can you call me well, I'll say can you call me and then you say I gotta tell you a story

and then you say I gotta tell you a story. We're both texting the same thing? Can you say can you call me? I'm gonna say can you call me? And then you write, give me a buzz. Yeah, that's good. Okay. Tell me when you're saying it. Don't, wait, no, not yet.

Give me a buzz. Give me a quick, just a buzz. Okay, and. Three, two, one, set. Okay. It just went through, bro. That's exciting. I like this game.

Yeah, John started, when I started comedy, he was a door guy at this hell room in Andover, Massachusetts. Yeah. where he used to take the tickets, seat people, police the room, pay you, drive. A lot of the headliners had lost their license. One man gang. And he worked for this guy, Dick Daugherty. And I think he was paying him $200 a week.

And he wore a suit. Nice. I knew he was going to amount to something. Because here's the thing about life, and I want to instill this in my children. Work you know what you're asked for in a job? Most people do about 10% less. Do 10% more.

100%. And then you will be the person that it's just so fucking simple. Yes. And John Tobin would wear a suit and he would get there early and he would shave and he was polite and it was always 10% more than you asked of him. Yeah, and now he's got a dozen clubs and he is on he's a big Man University earned it. He was a city councilman for a while really I I've been beating this drum for a long time about being like I've been beating this drum for a long time about being like

Just work hard. Yeah, like and also like I hate this this is the attitude This is in my act even when they're like well, they don't pay me enough to like but like where did this? Like the reason I dress nice when I'm on stage and stuff. Everyone goes always doing that for chicks I dress nice every day like I have like casual clothes and then I have like a thing and I do that because I want Them to know like I'm taking this serious. Yeah, I don't just these as some everyday thing I'm taking life serious. Yeah, I want to look nice for you Like I'm whatever so I'm beating that drum all the time and this is there's this kid that I mentor he was a I've lived in Venice for like 22 years and so I've seen a lot of my friends like their kids grow up Yeah, so this one kid I've known him since he was little and he grew up and he went to Emerson University in Boston great kids super funny

And so when he started doing stand-up, I started giving him advice and then I've taken him on the road And I watch his tapes I give him notes I you know try to get him in at the clubs Yeah, and also but I said to him in I mean, what are you doing? You're wearing a fucking gray worn-out hoodie on stage. You need a haircut Yeah, you're you're unshaven You're you you know and I asked him for tapes to show to the clubs and they're really low quality And I just go man. I don't know. I don't know what to tell you like. I don't want to seem like

superficial but like Presenting yourself well is a part of it. There's a million comedians out there You got a bike don't give them a reason to say no to you, right? Yeah I don't know that I think that the the successful era of like the Jeanine Garofalo and this kind of like grungy like I don't Give a fuck or oh, I wouldn't want to make these people laugh anyways, was kind of a thing. Like that worked for a long time.

But at the end of the day, that can't last forever, and the grunge era's over, and like that was kind of the exception, to be that like, oh, they're so confident, like they must, but that's, we can't all be like that, because now that's the norm and it's just gross It's on although the hoodie thing has very much come back like well, I think that the style of comedy has kind of come to

This I do shows in fucking laundromats and we're and it's very it's very you know I think because a lot of comics are coming for this so little stage time in the main clubs That people are really you know creating opportunities for themselves Which I've always said is the other thing I say to young comics just start a fucking comedy show because then Everyone you book they book rooms you get in their rooms and very Boston move to yeah It's a very Boston move, but I mean I don't care if I'm doing a laundromat in San Francisco Yeah, I'm gonna look nice because I want them to go, oh, this guy is, he cares. Don't dress like it's laundry day.

Exactly. It's funny, you told me this story, and I'd love to share this on your podcast. There's a guy, and he's just a comic from Louisiana. He hasn't been doing it long. He's this kind of like tough, you know, Louisiana guy, white guy, he's very nice. He's a very kind guy, but he's pretty intimidating looking, you know?

He's got this kind of roughness to him. And he's become a dear friend, but at the time he was a guy I knew and I liked and whatever, where during COVID, it's this, there's this round in LA, it was called, do you remember what that? Oh yeah, that guy. The outdoor one, the guys were paying a ton the Houston Brothers room But I don't know what it's called. It's great something light. It was like some sort of like gosh

It came behind a club. It was in a parking lot between two buildings. Yeah, I can't remember what I was called I was called it was some hyperbolic name like the great Super show super comedy Supernova. So we're doing Supernova. And the comic on stage makes, I think he said, a fag, right? And instead of a gay guy getting mad, it was, of course, a white girl who was with a gay guy who was like, that's not funny.

You can't say that. And the comic is like, what? And then she goes, he's gay. And then the gay guy wants nothing to do with it. He's like, I was fine with you, but also he doesn't want to turn on her. She's making this big scene. And me, I know Bill Burr was on that show, but I don't know if he was there.

It was like just a lot of comics waiting to perform that night. And we were like, okay, we're all excited. Let's see him wiggle out of this. And then this girl's just causing a big scene. Now, Nate is not on the show. In fact, I don't, and no disrespect to Nate. Nate Bragazzi?

No, no, my buddy Nate that I just told you from Louisiana. Oh, okay. And no disrespect to Nate, but like they would never book Nate at Supernova at that point in his career, you know, where he was at at the time. And he doesn't work for them or anything. We're all like, all right,

this comic's getting yelled at by this chick, let's see what happens. Nate, without missing a beat, walks all the way up to the front of the show, where the girl, he goes, you gotta go. He's like, come on. And he's grabbing- Was he working there? No, he wasn't working there. He wasn't on the show. He's not even a comedian in there, zeitgeist of booking.

And the girl's like, excuse me? He goes, you gotta go, can't do that here. I'm sorry, I got a call from John Tobin. Nice. 30 years. You should have got it. Johnny, you just earned me $5, my friend. I did?

Yeah, I made a bet. I'm doing a podcast with Jeff Dye and your name came up and he's talking about what good pals you are. No, I didn't say what good pals we are. I said what a good man you are. I said what a good man you are. He said what a good man you are. And I said, well, you're not as close to him as I am. I've known him 30 years.

And so we made a bet. Did you get a text from him around the same time as me? Yeah, he said, can you give me a buzz? I just came back from a lunch day. I was actually thinking about both of you today. I just told a story about Jeff. I was telling him today's my birthday. Happy birthday!

So two of my favorite people in the house. Sixty? Fifty-five. Fifty-five. Nice. Fifty-five. And so I just talked about you guys, I talked about Jeff at lunch about being the first-pitch king of Major League Baseball. What's it, 24 teams now, Jeff? Yeah, Boston will be like my 25th first pitch.

Oh, we know that. Really? Yeah, it's going to be awesome. Yeah, I wanted him to come. I was saying, well, John, what we were saying about you was that you're one of the most powerful guys in our business. You're up there. You're daddy in a way and you'll still like reply to a text I can't think of many people who will just reply, you know It's always goes through the agents or the managers or it takes four days and like you're like is still an honorable man with power Well, that's a very much comedian attribute, isn't it? Yes, it is.

That's why we like it. Oh, I love both you guys. This is a great treat. Jeff, your special is just awesome. Dude, thank you. Oh, it is awesome. I appreciate that. A little dirty for my taste, you know?

Yeah, Jeff prefers more of like a, a, a T-Motaro. Yeah, I'm more of a TIG comic guy. He didn't take his shirt off or gaslight anybody. Yeah, yeah. So, um, so are you gonna go to this Boston Red Sox game with him for the pitch? Well, yeah, cause Jeff, you're, you're in at Laugh Boston like the next month, aren't you? Yeah. Well, that's why I was like, I'm not, I don't want to do a show while I'm out there. Boston Red Sox game with him for the pitch? Yeah, well that's why I was like I'm not I want to do a show while I'm out there. I just want to hang out Let me see I got all of them on the calendar just give me one sec We can do this off the air, but anyway listen. Thanks for calling me back first It was a $5 bet that I just won.

He's gonna Venmo me. I also do think that it would have, I'm so much happier he called you than me if you've known him for 30 years. Yeah, that would have been bad blood. Yeah, yeah, that would have been really unfair. You guys are friends. Yeah, yeah.

I've actually had him on my podcast. Let's put the fire under his ass a little bit. John, so now, what if me, Fitts Dogg, and then Matt Reif, what about these big money kids? What if Shane Gillis texted you at the same time? Who would have got the call? It would have been Fittsie. Nice.

Hey, by the way, if you ever get it, when you're in Boston, bring your podcast equipment. This guy is, as you know, one of the great storytellers of all time. Have him on your podcast. Yeah, well, if Tig isn't available. All right, brother. Good talking to you. I'll be happy to share them with you, Jeff.

All right. I love it. See you guys. Bye. Five bucks. I love that Boston accent he's got. I know, it's great. So wait, so Nate bounces this girl

Yeah, and the gay guy's like all to everyone's taking a bag, you know Yeah, so then they he's like if you want to you're welcome to stay you weren't disruptive But she's got to go and if you want to go with her you both out so he bounces both of these people from the show and then We were like that was amazing. Like no one thought to do that. He goes, I used to be a bouncer in Louisiana. And I was like, that was amazing.

And to the Houston Brothers credit, they hired him. They go, will you work here? Like that was amazing. They just took the initiative. And Nate was like, sure. I come back to the comedy club the next night, because there's nothing else is doing comedy at the time during lockdown. And Nate is in front sure, I come back to the comedy club the next night, because there's nothing else that's doing comedy at the time during lockdown.

And Nate is in front of the, you know, he's at the door wearing a slick black suit, working, getting paid. And I go, look at you, dude, this is amazing. He goes, yeah, they are, I mean, they're nice guys, you know? And then I go, they had you wear a suit. He goes, nah, this was my idea. Like, even that part was like him being like, nah, I'm gonna do the thing.

It doesn't matter what you're doing. And I see PAs, because I've written on a million TV shows, and you're on set, and then the PA shows up, and the PA has got torn jeans, and then they're sitting, and they're on their phone. And then the other PA is standing, hands fold in front of them, wide stance,

eyes escanced, looking for any opportunity to help out. And that's better. And the thing is, and then they, ah, things are fucking tough here. Yeah, for you they're tough. That guy with the hands folded, he's working right now. Climb the ladder. It's also a good way to kill time is by being productive.

Like, you know, work is a little more fun when you're when you have things yes Do yeah, I'm doesn't drag my father who I told you was in radio in New York when when things were tough with commercials Because you know my father did a ton of voiceovers and and because all the videos were done out of New York way back When I don't know why but I guess all the ad agencies were in New York so I did the radio commercials and so my father would get ads just by being on the radio they did casting directors would be listening to WNEW they'd hear my dad's voice they go oh he's perfect for the cheers campaign and then he wouldn't even audition he'd just bring

them in and he'd get the ad but then things dried up because all of a sudden like Tom Selleck is doing the VOs and you know, it's all famous people. And so my dad used to go to the Friars Club in New York. Nice. You ever heard of the Friars Club? Yeah, I love the Friars Club. And he's sitting there and there's a table full

of other VO guys, radio guys, and they're all sitting there and they're bitching and complaining that there's no work. And they look over and there's my father and he's sitting there with two casting agents that he's taking out to lunch. Same room. Yeah, right. Exactly.

Right. Yeah, I've never really grasped, I guess, I don't know if it's my naivety or like I'm just different or something, but like I don't wanna be unhappy. And so it's like, it's not fun for me to be in a bad mood so I don't want to be in a bad mood like I'll do whatever it takes to not like I'll make anything fun I got a DUI I did do all these punishments I made it fun yeah I was like excited to be in

the second DUI yeah but I was excited to be in the Zoom classes to like do the thing I'm like I'm doing the DUI course and everyone else is like... It would be funny if they made you do Zumba classes if you got a DUI. I'd prefer that you lose some weight. Wait tell me about the DUI course and everyone else is like. It'd be funny if they made you do Zumba classes if you got a DUI. I'd prefer that, you lose some weight. Wait, tell me about the DUI. It was, well, I don't really wanna talk about it much, but like the punishment, I still was like, I'm gonna show up, I'm gonna be excited to do it. Cause what's the alternative?

I still have to do it. Why would I wanna be all mopey and like sarcastic and like, I can't believe I'm here. It's like, well, let's have a good time with it. I worked on a Hollywood video, loved it. I worked at all these terrible, what would be considered terrible jobs, but I had a good time.

That's a better way to live your life. And you're bringing, it sounds corny and I really, I don't do standup to bring joy to people. I do it because there's an element in me that's narcissistic. I certainly did it to get laid early on. Like there was a lot of ulterior motives and bringing joy to people and I'm sorry people that are listening, if I bring you joy, I'm really glad, but that's not the reason I do it.

But at the same time in life, I very much like bringing joy to people. I like the surly cashier that I go out of my way to be nice to and I see the frown turn upside down. I love that. I got a good Tommy John again story about that. Oh yeah. Yeah. So I I'm very much that what you just described. I love people. I love life. I'm like a dog. I'm like feeling a burst with like I just love life. Right. Some at Starbucks. I'm very much that what you just described. I love people. I love life. I'm like a dog I'm like flick. I'm gonna burst with like I just love life, right? So I'm at Starbucks with Tommy We're about to go to cigar lounge and I say hey good morning and the girls like What can I get you? And I was just you know good. I'll just say good morning And then she's a couple good morning, and I go you like working there. She's like yeah, it's okay

You know we have this little exchange which is what I wanted and then I go, you like working there? She's like, yeah, it's okay. We have this little exchange, which is what I wanted. And then I order my stupid coffee. I get Tommy, Tommy walked away when I'm doing the little good morning bullshit. And then I go over to where we pick up our coffee and I'm like, you know what I mean? It's like, it doesn't take much to have these little conversations,

instead of just being like a robot. I could have ordered from a robot. I'm ordering from a young lady. I'd like to talk to her. And then Tommy just looks at me and goes, we're very different people. Just so annoyed. Like, what the hell?

Just get. I don't. He goes, I don't want to talk to her. I just want my coffee. And I think that that is kind of just how my brain's wired much differently. Well, I think it is true. I think comedians go one way or the other.

And I find that some comedians look at me and they're like what is your fucking and other ones go like man I wish I could do that you know and You're very un-Boston. Well I'm not a Boston, I'm actually a New Yorker. Oh okay. But I went to college in Boston and then I started doing stand up while I was in college and so then after I graduated I stuck around for a few years so I very much consider myself a Boston com. I'm proud much consider myself a Boston comic.

I'm proud to consider myself a Boston comic. I started with some of the great people. Me and Rogan and Burr and Louis and Marin and David Cross and Patrice and you know, Bobby Kelly and Dane. Like we all started at the exact same time. That's a hell of a, I mean that's like one one hundredth of the Boston comics that have came out of them. It's such a big, probably the greatest scene in comedy history. Probably, yeah.

But you fit none of the stereotypes of Boston. Well, I don't know if that's true. I definitely have a, I mean I think I'm in a good mood right now. You and I haven't spent that much time together in our lives, but I think most people would consider to me me to be pretty caustic. And I get into fights. Really? Oh, that's very Boston. I didn't know you were fighty. Like verbal fights or fist fights? Both.

Nice. I didn't know that. I've never been in a fight in my life. I spent two weekends in jail for fighting. Really? But I quit drinking as well. Was that the Irish coming at you? I got beat a lot. Both my parents beat me pretty frequently. And me and my brother, I had brothers a year apart from me. So I was like, you know, it was just a natural instinct. And so, you know, I just went to it.

I still fantasize about it a lot. I found there was a couple in the front row. Really? Thursday night. First of all, you get to the Denver Comedy Works. You want to get to that next level of your comedy career. What's that? Just punch a guy in the front row. You know how much people will talk about that? It was like oh Fitz dog. He punched a guy. Yeah, I think I think audience members would be aware when they came to shows that you would

that you had done that. But I come I and you're, it's like being on a date with a perfect 10 who's got a great personality and the table next to you are three fucking frat guys from Jersey that are ruining everybody's night. And so this couple's up front and they got their feet up on the stage and the guy's meth-y looking and the woman is, got her head back and they're just over-laughing

and then having comments after every joke. What night was this? Thursday night. You were there. I was there. I saw exactly what you were talking about. And so I fucking, oh, I got so, and I really, I fantasized, and then I leave the show. I gotta turn off my ringer now.

Oh, Jon Tobin is texting me and I'm walking back at from the club to the condo and they're out front now and they're screaming great oh my god about 50 yards away so I can clearly hear them and I'm not turning around yeah you're and now they're following me going fucking turn around and now I'm like now I can fight them without having any And it took everything in me not to turn around and go punch this fucking guy in the face That's hilarious and and I and I didn't but I'll tell you what though not drink. How long has it been for you? 313 days. Oh, congratulations. Thank you. Yeah, I feel good and I'll tell you it is I'm on the road now for a month straight except for two days. Nice, but are you actually stopping or is he just taking a break? No, no, I'm on. Oh, no. No, I haven't drank in 34 years. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Sorry, but it is but I did smoke pot

Yeah for Probably 15 years not Not a lot. Not chronically at all. Well, it's a different ball game on that. Yeah. But then I stopped doing that like four months ago, and I find that being on the road for four months is not good for my mental health, and it's not good for my sobriety. And I find myself at moments like that really reaching.

Sure. Yeah. It rears its head for sure, yeah. And so, I... Also, nobody ever talks about the positives of substance abuse, it's like, I think someone might have said it on, gosh, I wish I could credit the comedian,

but there was someone about how like, oh, it was Doug Stanhope, I think, where he's like, nobody talks about how much, how many times I didn't do something terrible because I was drunk. Yeah. You know, like how many flight attend times I didn't do something terrible because I was drunk Yeah, you know like how many flight attendants I didn't yell at or punch or say, you know, cuz you had the sauce and you go I don't let it slide. Well, that's a certain type of drunk. Yeah alcohol behaves differently in Yeah, yeah, I mean I got to think most of those airline freakouts are probably cuz of alcohol

Yeah, yeah sure, 100%. And so, I don't know, but it's hard. There's a condo, Joe Rogan's club is buying, they're so crazy, they're buying a suite in a hotel and just tricking it out, making it beautiful. Be great. And that's where you're gonna stay when you work at the mothership.

Yeah, I don't know if that's a good idea for them. But they call me and they go, we're gonna stock it with a bar and I know you're sober. Are you gonna be comfortable with the booze in the room? And I really had to think about it. Like, I really, cause I drank one night in 34 years. And that was Kevin Meany was one of my best friends. Oh, I love Kevin Meany.

When he died, I spoke at the funeral and I was with his family and everybody was drinking Boston guy. He well, no He's a New York guy as well, but started in Boston. Okay. Yeah, I knew him since I was a little kid really Yeah, he was very underrated guy. You don't hear a reference I really feel like no I've never seen anyone kill harder than Kevin Meany one also and you could correct me if this is incorrect but from my observation He felt like a mainstream comic while simultaneously being an alternative comic. That's a perfect way to say you He was doing both camps perfectly and you're like, this is interesting. Yeah, and Anyway, so the night that he is funeral

I stayed at my sister's house and I was in her her they have like a bonus room that has a you know fold-out couch and a and a regular couch actually and a pool table and a bar and I fucking had some I had like three swigs of chivas regal. Oh, man And and it felt really fucking good, but I'm gonna ask me about that Rogan room I was like, I don't know if I'm straight there. I'm safe alone in a room with booze. Yeah especially well so like the reason I know that I said oh I don't know if that's a good idea for them to have a condo that has all that shit is because the type of comic that the mothership is kind of fostering or endorsing is all the substances. Yeah.

You go to that that big locked up green room that's at the top, everything's on that table. There is weed, there is a bevy of alcohol, people are doing mushrooms, I saw guys who probably shouldn't be on anything, taking everything, it was kind of all the things. Ever done a while, like at Skankfest? No.

It's just drugs, Just a lot of drugs. It's coming up, isn't it? Yeah, in Vegas soon. And so I felt pretty tempted to drink when I was at the mothership. And I was pretty young in my sobriety as far as I'm still young in my sobriety. But I think at that point, I only had a few months. And I was like, ugh. And I also, in my act, I go, I'm two months sober and the crowd cheers and I go, it's court ordered,

and that gets a laugh, but it isn't court ordered. I'm just, I'm using it as a- I have a court ordered line in my act. Yeah, like an easy laugh, and I've since stopped saying it because I don't want people afterwards to be like, oh, well, it's just court ordered. No, you made a strong choice, and the thing is, is when you get through a night like that,

at the mothership, it's tough and it really, you feel alienated, you feel anxious, you feel a little angry. And then the next day you feel fucking great because you did it. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, and you don't get that reward if you, yeah, 100%. You do in meetings? I go to one meeting every Wednesday, and I love it. Okay.

The first AA meeting I ever went to, I was like, these people are losers. I'm never gonna do this again. I'm not like these people. But it was just a bad meeting. It was like one of these ones that just, you know, kind of was... Now the new people are looking at you and going,

I'm not like gonna be like, is That's the thing, because they were like, I mean, because anyone could come in. So there was some homeless guys in there, and there was some people that were just really lonely, I think more than anything. And I was like, no thanks, not for me. And then I got invited to a different AA meeting, and the second I walked in, I was like,

oh, this is what I need. These are people who are like me They listen they're all comics. It's like 99% comic. Oh, really? So I already knew every most of everyone or of them and And it's been like a godsend. It's a kind of guy. That's now my drinking This is going to these meetings or talking to these people are hanging out with these people and so I've a sponsor I got a sponsor. I'm going to start doing the 12 Steps only now that all my punishment is over. Because I was already kind of busy with doing DUI, punishment,

and all these kind of things. But I'm glad it happened now. I'm glad it happened now. Obviously, at the time, I was not happy about it. But it made something good out of it. Yeah, it really is. really is I think I look back and I look at my life I started about a year after I started doing stand-up and it was basically because I didn't want to fuck up the one good thing I had in my life

you know. Yeah. And so I look at now I just sell it 25 years this month I've been married I got two kids. That alone is incredible. Yeah I got two kids that are that love me and actually go out of their way to spend time with me. Love that. And I have dear friends. How old are your kids? 21 and 23.

Perfect. They're fun to hang out with. They're really fun, and they're good people. And we have deep conversations. And I have so many positive things in my life, and I have a lot of gratitude And that that is a big part of sobriety to is gratitude, you know reminding yourself of what you gain from your sobriety Yeah, I was just talking to Brandt. We were one of the baristas was like

Talking to the other barista and they're just young people and they were going I just I just love that It's a college town, you know I just love a college town. And I was listening to them say that, and I was saying to Brandon, it's funny how we change. Because when I was their age, I was like, I love a college town, everyone's drunk and doing drugs. And then now at this age, I'm like, fuck this town.

Everyone's just drunken on drugs. But they're doing the same thing. But my perception of it's like, I went to college. It seemed more interesting when we were yeah it was awesome I used to love it and now I hate it for this the same reasons that it was awesome right it's just that I've grown up you know yeah yeah I can't and that's fine for them but I can't be that anymore yeah I don't want to be the 41 year old at the college party you know no I don't

understand why you get to a certain age when you're in your 50s and you're still, I guess especially you see somebody at a club, at the comedy club, and he's in his 50s, and he's drunk and being disorderly, and you're like, have you not figured out the pattern yet here? Right. Like, you still think this is okay?

Do you like Jordan Peterson, Jordan B. Peterson? I don't really listen to him. Okay, well he's a phenomenal author and like a clinical. You see the Canadian guy? Yeah, from Toronto, the clinical him. OK, well, he's a phenomenal author and a clinical. You see the Canadian guy? Yeah, from Toronto, the clinical psychologist. He's kind of changed my life a lot. In the way of like, I was a big advocate of like, no, let's just have fun.

Let's be like kids. Kids get to have all the fun. And why grow up? And it's like, I was chasing happiness instead of meaning. And he talks about these subjects really well to mostly men like myself who need it. They need a dad. They need someone to say, hey man, grow up, you know? And here's why growing up is good, you know? But he has a great thing about like, there's nothing like, we love a baby. A baby is great and a baby is dependent and a baby is cute. But

there's nothing worse than an old baby. Like you were just saying, like you see it and you go, oh, you're still doing this? Like that was fine when you were that age. How many relationships, how many marriages are two babies? And you know, the thing, how did you stay married for 25 years? Because we're not fucking babies. We talk, we figure things out. We show up, you know, and like, we don't,

the thing I would say to my wife is, you're counter punching. Instead of, I say say to my wife is, you're counter punching. Instead of I say to her, hey listen, you know, whatever it is the thing that is that's bothering me. And then she goes, yeah, but you don't counter punch. Hear what I'm saying. Take it in, address it.

I'm not saying you have to accept it. You can say, well, I don't buy that, but don't bring up a new thing right which is how people should debate politically right stay on the top yeah yeah you know this policy is this well your guy and I go what are you doing no that's not how that works yeah he just then you know nothing is a common but like I really think that like you know when you married to, even if one person's a child, and a lot of times you get this with somebody who's chemically dependent. And I mean, I went to Alan on a lot and just seeing that alcoholism is a family disease and that people are feeding into it.

And the person who is the enabler has just as much of a disease as the person who's using it. And a thing to work through for sure. Right, right, right. So, yeah, anyway, I want to ask you some shit about, I like to, at some point in the podcast, ask some people a thing or two about themselves. Let's do it.

You've got a podcast called The Friendship Podcast that you've been doing for like eight years now? No, we started to do it and then I stopped doing it. Oh. Yep, it's still a glib somewhere, I think on all things comedy, but I haven't been doing it. I'd like to bring it back,

but podcasting is so, you've gotta really be consistent, and it's expensive, not for you, evidently. This is, you know, whatever. No, I send all this to a producer and an editor, and I pay them to put it up. Okay, yeah, so I was just paying all this monthly thing and then also like to get guests is stressful. Yeah.

You know, even me like I could, you know, there was a part of me that's like, I could go to a pool party. Maybe Greg would come to that, you know, we didn't, you know, but so that part of it's just difficult. Yeah. With comedy, I've already done the difficult part and now it's a very enjoyable process where I generate money. So the podcast is tough, but I do have a wrestling podcast with Freddie Prince jr. Oh, I love him. Yeah, he's awesome And we did a show with him once really. Yeah, he was probably great to work with right? He's awesome. He was great Yeah, he's just such a fun dude. Yeah, he's he's one of my favorite people Yeah of all time and we do a twice a week podcast called wrestling with friends wrestling with Freddie

So we're not professional wrestling. It's about professional We love wrestling. Really? Yeah, and he like his his he's from Puerto Rico his dad was and so Excuse me, they're very families big into wrestling So he grew up loving it and then later went to work for Vince McMahon and wrote on WWE and now his kids are watching It with them That's a tough gig. I had a friend for McMahon They would you would do a match and then you'd get on the jet that night

Yeah, and be looking at scripts for the next day Yeah, and if you didn't work hard you got fucking ripped apart for it. Yep So this man the closest every week week after week week. From what I've read about Vince McMahon, he's Jamie Masada. It's the same guy. So like, and for anyone that doesn't know, Jamie Masada is the owner of The Laugh Factory, who I love and Laugh Factory's been very good to me,

but I've noticed men like Vince and Jamie, what their thing is, is like, if you have a good eye, like if you're bad at your job, he will fire you. You are gone. You don't get to be bad at your job. He will fire you you are gone You don't get to be bad at your job here, and you better work hard But if you're too good at your job you have an idea that wasn't his idea now You're almost a threat to him, and you're gone So there was net like it's really hard to please the guy because if you're too good again

I can't handle it if you're too bad He's like you're out you know so it was one of those kind of things But Freddy lasted a pretty long time then ended up just going, the money's not worth the squeeze. The money was not even good. Yeah, and he's been rich his whole life. Yeah, right. So he's going, why am I doing this?

Doesn't his daughter also help run it? Vince McMahon's daughter? Well Vince McMahon is out now. And Shane McMahon and Stephanie McMahon weren't involved. He didn't leave it to them, which is crazy. Or I don't know how that works financially. But his daughter married Triple H, a wrestler, Hunter Hirst Helmsley. And that guy, Paul is his real name, did marry Vince's daughter.

And so she's still in it somehow. But like her name's not whatever. So it's complicated. Yeah. So we do that podcast twice a week and then I have a podcast called, I have a different podcast called Everybody's Got a Price and so it's me and Josh Nelson and we ask people like how much to like shave your head. Oh I like that. Yeah and then they say, you want to give me one? Yeah well I'll give you guys or yeah so we'll do like a hypothetical one with you because you have a lot of money.

Yeah. It's not as fun with rich guys. Right. Rich guys go, why would I do that? You get a poor guy. He's like, I'll jump down that cliff, you know, for 50 bucks and then we film it and then people get to see where their money went. Right.

So like how much to wear a fastball from a major league pitcher? Wear? Oh, get hit by it? You got to get hit, get plunked by a pitch You get all the gear fast well you get all the you get a helmet you can wear the Elbow guard the same thing the players wear you gotta step in the box, and he's gonna hit drill you I Would they usually go fastball because those don't move I Would need $10,000 for that. It's pretty good, actually. I thought you'd be a lot higher.

No, because it's part of me that thinks it'd be kind of cool. It is cool. Yeah, and also they do it. Yeah. So you're going to have a I love the guys that don't react. Oh, that's the best. That's badass.

Isn't that weird about baseball? I've never said this out loud. So if you get hit by a pitch, right, and then you're like, hey, man, you just threw a rock at me at like 90 miles an hour like you bitch right to the pitcher the fans boo the batter Yes for getting mad about it. Yeah, it's like you know he has every right like that guy just assaulted him Wait like I don't understand how that part is he should if he fights him that's different But he should be allowed to be upset Well, I think it hurts on it depends on whether it's intentional.

If it's a bad, if it's... Very hard to determine. Well, you know if there's some bad blood and maybe sometimes a guy will hit a homer and then he'll point at the pitcher, whatever, then the next time. Pimp the homerun, yeah. Then if he gets up next time, they're gonna give him a little chin music.

Those old rules for sure apply but even I'm trying to think even that I think that they'd be okay to be like dude That hurt like it's it's crazy They're like John Carlos Stanton last night He gets plunked by a pitcher who almost ended his career a few years earlier for hitting him in the face It almost ended his entire career. John Carlos Stanton's facing him in the box and the guy hits him again, high and tight on the shoulder.

And then John Carlos Stanton's like, motherfucker. And then that guy's like, what bitch? It's like, dude, you're the guy. You think I don't remember you hitting me in the face with a pitch? And everyone's booing John Carlos Stanton. It's like, what is that? And then he later hit a home run off of him.

And he, the same game. and then he bat flipped and then stared him down and pimped it yeah but these pictures now that these pictures don't hit it's so unfair the pictures have to hit I think football should also be 11 guys both sides special teams we could start that league that would be a could that be a good you know XFL tried to do a thing and they started there like XFL was like we're football But we're not football that have been a good change that it's got to be the same 11 guys same 11 guys And if you if a guy gets injured now you got 10 no specialty shit No, that's that's a great idea

And I think but although I do think they should protect wide receivers more I am watching this receiver show it is brutal How these guys get hit because you're looking back over your shoulder Yeah, and then some tackle just lines you up All making football more dangerous, yeah, that's not a popular tape Yeah, because my pops is is Terry Bradshaw, right? Oh and he talks about because my pops is Terry Bradshaw, right? Oh, and he talks about like your pops is Terry. He's like a dad to me. Okay, he's very we're very close. Oh, you did a travel show with Yeah, right. And we just got really close. And I'm

also like, I love saying that too. Yeah, cuz he's just like, I think this cool guy in my life and I, I name drop him at every chance. I love him. But he went he talks about it. It's like this cool guy in my life and I name drop him at every chance. I love him. But he talks about it. It's like, he's like, we know what we're signing up for. It's football. And the reason when I go to like a mall and people shake my hands or people say, oh my gosh, Terry Bradshaw, is because they can't do what I can do. Like it takes some balls to be out there.

It takes like- Yeah, but he would have done the same thing without ending up with- Why are we making it so safe? These concussion disorders that these guys are getting where they're getting fucking... They would do it all over again. Yeah, but they shouldn't have to. Why should you end up with a brain disorder in your old age? Make it as safe as you can without compromising the game. Yes. Yes. But don't just start changing things and go, you can't touch the quarterback and we don't tackle...

Well, you can't hit him from behind with the top of your helmet into his helmet. That's an extreme example. Sometimes you're going for the tackle, and then the receiver himself goes down to catch the ball. Now it's helmet to helmet. That guy was in the zone. And that guy moved into where his stride,

and they go, hey, that was helmet to helmet. And he's like, dude, I was just tackling yeah, but I mean I would say the chain the change happened about five years ago And I've seen I haven't seen the game get noticeably worse worse I still think do that then that's fine Yeah, I just think body to body contact is hard at these wide receivers man Take and they sometimes are getting hit by two guys at the same time. And the wide receivers are not built like linemen.

I mean, they're fucking all muscle. They're thin, a lot of them. You look at Randy Moss or some of these guys. They got little thin legs. And they're just tall. Yeah, they're just quick guys. Yeah, yeah. I love when you watch a guy just get clobbered.

Cause I'm a Seahawks fan. So we had the Legion of Boom. Yeah, like their whole strategy was like just who's the most gigantic? Athletic black guy that can just smear a guy. Yeah, and that was our that was our defense Brandon Browner from the Patriots and then we had a cam chancellor I'm trying to think Earl Thomas who wasn't a huge guy But he was really lightning quick so he would go get the get the guys and then tackle the shit out of them. But those guys, we watched, they just murdered dudes. And I loved that. And they're going, hey, that's too much.

But it's like, that's what we like. Because you come from WWE, so you like. But that's pretend intense violence. This is real violence. They're not faking it. But when your team does it, football,, football is a gnarly game. Yeah. All right, listen.

I want to ask you about this. I went to your Wikipedia page. Bigfoot? Yeah, I love Bigfoot. Like on what level? The same level that you like WWE. So I have a lot of- Like you don't believe in Bigfoot.

I have a lot of strange interests. But if you want to talk to Terry Bradshaw, don't talk to him about football. Talk to him about horses. He'll talk your off. You want to talk to, you know, trying to think of another good example, like Will Clark loves hunting. You'd want to talk to him about baseball, but he wants to talk about hunting. I love Bigfoot. It's like my thing. It's my most thing. Wow. I could see that. I could totally see that. It's interesting to me.

I love the idea that there's this species out there that we all think is preposterous to believe in. It's so likely. You can do so much homework on Bigfoot and then go, oh, I get how this would be real. And then dudes who live in Manhattan will be like, that's fake. You're like, well, what would you know about it?

You've never read up about any of it on the internet. You've never looked into it I was in Costa Rica and I saw I saw a black Panther which you never Everybody's like we were out with a local who is we're on a boat thing and he's like dude He's like you have no idea. Yes, I've lived here my whole life. I've heard about them. I've never seen one Yeah, and you know that there's black Panthers. Yeah same with bears You know how I know guys that have been the here my whole life, I've heard about them, I've never seen one. Yeah, and you know that there's black panthers. Same with bears. I know guys that have been in the woods their whole life, they never come across a bear.

But we know that there's thousands of different species of bears and millions of bears in the woods. I was at a campsite called Split Rock in California, just camping, and we're up on this big rock and we're just looking out. And it's not a huge, big property, probably 30 acres or something. And we looking out and I you don't hear anything you don't see anything and I was like man how many people are staying

at it because he owned the place it's how many people are standing he goes I don't know I probably got 150 people on the property I go there's 150 humans because it was night I was like in these woods he goes yeah they're all out there they're paying me to be here and I couldn't see any of those humans, let alone the birds, the squirrels, the coyotes, the wolves. Now take a nocturnal ape that probably lives like in some sort of cave systems or at least like hides itself. It could be right next to us. We wouldn't know the same way that panther could be right next to we wouldn't know. Moon landing. I could go either way on that, but I'm leaning towards fake

lately. When they say to me, we got two astronauts at the space station, and it's going to take us nine months to get there. And then I think about 1969. Live television, immediately. They had no computers. They put a rush on a race to the moon. Yep. I had a 69 Bel Air that fucking thing would break down from Boston to New York They took a 69 motorized vehicle and they took it to the fucking moon and they landed it immediately

Do you notice that like the second they did the broadcast? They're like we're on the moon now Yeah, and they're like that's kind of quick. Yeah, and like well-timed. Yeah also What was the other part of that that I was thinking of oh They killed so many astronauts trying to do it that like at one point you might go He might just be safer to fake this a fool Russia into going. Hey, we did it You don't have to come here. Yeah, we put a flag and look we're playing golf up here Look, we brought a scooter up here and the wind blowing the flag Like there's a but like I'm like you I could go either way like obviously somebody could talk me down from this about 30 seconds

but I do think that conspiracy theories are born out of Evidence Motivation well motivation. Yeah, like good arguments. Yeah, like I mean any any well this this There's just there's always a series of facts you can collect on any on anything and it's just I think it's fun To see somebody who's collected those facts sure can present something in a cogent way And what else if we're trying to rush to write Russia to the moon? Yeah, and you also have an election You know Kennedy's trying to go you know which by the way what a speech we choose to go to the moon Like I've who talks like that? Yeah

I've never heard that voice. I know it's gone now and if funny thing is he was born in Boston and he has It's people thought it was a Boston accent people in Boston like we don't fuck. I've never heard anyone talk He moved from Brookline to Bronxville, which is Westchester County in New York And somehow they pay his father didn't talk like that. Yeah, like the the brothers all put Ted talked the same way. Yeah, I'm friends with RFK. I've never heard Anyone talk the way Kennedy talked and maybe those common voice back then but I've never heard that vernacular We choose to go to the moon. It's like this strange very Simpsons II voice Yeah, yeah, but it was I gotta imagine if you kill a bunch of astronauts on TV sometimes in Failures that you're gonna have to say, you know, maybe maybe it's a little safer to just say we went there

Let's film this thing. It's good for the country. All right, we're gonna do a thing called fastballs with Fitz right now Have you ever borrowed a lot of money or lent a lot of money? I've done both. Really? Yes, I've lent out more money than I can even, I'll never get any of it back. Do you expect when you lend it out

that you will get it back? No, never once. They say that's the key to lending money. Yeah, but it's never been a big, it's been big amounts a few times, but for the most part it's you know 500 here, a thousand there. It's not like 50 grand or something. Has it affected friendships in any case?

Nope. No, it hasn't. And you've borrowed, who did you borrow from? I borrowed from Terry Bradshaw. You did? Yeah, but not on purpose. So it was, I was like closing on my first home. And famous move if you ever on my first home. Famous move if you ever like buy a home. They're so casual with our money. These real estate people and the lenders and all that.

They're like, oh, just give us another 50 grand more and we can get, and you go, don't casually ask me for like 50 grand more. So I'm in Marrakesh with Terry Bradshaw and we're on this little rickshaw and we're going to these nice little places and it's fun and the spirits are high and we lean on this little rickshaw, and we're going to these nice little places, and it's fun, and the spirits are high, and we lean on Terry as our leader

for, like, positivity and happiness. And usually I'm pretty up there, too, being happy and positive. We're like dogs, you know? And I'm all now stressed. You know, we're on a different time zone. They're saying, I need 50 grand, or this house might not be able to close,

or I don't even know if it was 50 grand, whatever the amount was. And then Terry goes, listen, bub, I'll give you the money, but we got to turn around this just, you don't talk about it no more. We'll get it figured out like a dad. And I was like, okay. And I like, you know, they let me, him and his wife, let me borrow the money. And you paid him back.

I'm trying. Yeah. Yeah. I've been real slow to pay him back. I was going to sell my car to give him the money and they're like, listen, no rush, just take your time on this. So it's not affecting the friendship?

No, no. It's amazing how often you bring up Terry Bradshaw. I love Terry Bradshaw. Jesus Christ. He's the best. What have you turned down recently? Quite a few TV things. Yeah? Yeah, I'm not very fond of acting,

so unless it's a very good role that I like, that I'll enjoy working on, or maybe there's someone on the project that I would love to meet or work with, I'll do it. Cause imagine they try to cast you as autistic pretty often. And you're just tired of playing that. Tired of it, yeah, enough's enough. Yeah, well it's like, the TV's dying, you know?

And so they make these terrible projects, and I'm like, I don't wanna be stuck in a trailer memorizing someone else's crap jokes. Yeah. No offense. Hey, listen, that was a shot at the writers and I didn't mean for it to be, you know, these sitcoms. The boy I don't mind if people resent the jokes. Just fucking do it.

You know, I get these actors that come on and all of a sudden they're like, Yeah, I made some change. Oh, did you because we had 12 guys from Harvard pour over this for a week straight. And the reason why this line is that way is because it's an eight episode arc. And we're paying off something from three episodes ago and setting up so you going into your fucking your with your funnier your studio apartment in North Hollywood and this is your first acting job

and you're gonna punch my shit up? I got four Emmys, you little fucking cunt. Do you know, do you ever hear the story about the Cohn brothers on The Big Lebowski? I know that they were very- Every word in The Big Lebowski, which is my favorite film, it was in the script. So I guess as rumor has it, it at least how I heard it was that Steve Buscemi

Jeff Bridges and Walter Solczyk John Goodman they do that one of the bowling scenes. It's kind of in the Yeah, what in the middle of the movie? They shot that first because they had the bowling alley for the all the bowling alley scenes And I guess they were all riffing and it's was the first day, everyone's excited to be on set and they're like riffing and they're doing this thing. It was so hilarious that they go, cut. Even the cameraman's bust up laughing,

and everyone's having a great first day. And then one of the Cullen brothers comes up and goes, hey guys, that was great, but let's read the fucking script. Basically just goes, we're gonna do what the script is. And it was a message to them. Like, we're not doing, this isn't a Will Ferrell movie where you just decide what you're going to say and whatever. And that's why that movie is so great. Because the actors are phenomenal and they act.

And the writers are phenomenal and they wrote. And that's a key part of it. No, Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross, they talk about who was the guy that directed that Anyway, he's the same way he says if you're if your action is to walk to the table and pick up the glass of water Don't ask me why Walk over to the table and pick up the glass of water perfect. That's all I like to I like coaches or teachers or bosses like that Like I'm very teachable Yeah, you know if I do the read bad, just tell me just go hey Jeff that this that's not the read We'd like it like this and I can give you that yeah

But if you pussyfoot around me and go like well, we were kind of thing like I'm like just lead me Yeah, direct me motherfucker. You're the director. Yeah. All right last question. I'll ask you What's the hackiest bit you've ever done? Oh, good question. What a fun question. I used to do a lot of little tricks, like little road tricks. I'm trying to think of some of them. Oh, here's a good one.

Oh, it's your birthday? You know, some birthday bullshit. I say, oh, I know never to ask a woman's age. How much do you weigh? Yeah. Fucking, I know never to ask a woman's age, you know, how much do you weigh? Yeah. Fucking, I did it a thousand times. I'm trying to think. There's little tricks like that you just pick up that were, you know, who knows who wrote

that? That's like the oldest, it's like older than vaudeville, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's always like the, somebody walks into the show late, say, can I get you something? Yeah. Like a watch. I mean, that's just going to laugh every time.

Oh, yeah, your feet are on the stage. Oh, no, no, are you a performer? And they go, no, then why are your feet on my stage? Yeah. These kind of little things. And then some acts literally build in. I won't mention, there's one comedian who literally, his entire act is quote unquote crowd work,

but it's the same setups every time. There's a very, very successful comedian. I'll just say it, it's Eliza Schlesinger. And she'll be killing, and she'll be like, I like this half of the room. You guys are better than this half of the room You know you guys are better than this half of the room, and then she goes you're this this room is Like a like a patient who had a stroke You know like this is this one's this part's doing fine

But this half is like you know she's basically comparing and she must like that joke so much because she'll be doing fine So then half of the other room is like, what the fuck, what are we doing wrong? So it doesn't even work, but she's still so committed to saying that to the crowd. That's a very confusing choice. Didn't she beat you in last comic? Yes she did, she did beat me.

First place. And here you are. She's doing a lot better than me, let's say that. Here you are in a condo in Denver. Well here's the thing, I wouldn't change my life for anything. I'm very blessed and I'm very happy. I'm a nice person with a great reputation. She's a very angry, cold woman that has a terrible reputation and she's got more money than me. So good for her. Well listen, Jeff Dye, if you want to see him and you should, this guy is a first rate you know talk about a headliners that are there because

They got a hot Instagram account or they're on a fucking sitcom from the 90s Like this is a guy who made his bones coming up doing good hard stand up And you killed the other night you came on my show. It's happy to see you He's gonna be in Houston Tulsa Medford Mass Vegas DC Colorado Springs Boston Springfield Mass West Bend, Indiana Chicago Madison, just go to Jeff die dy e.com Buy yourself some tickets check out a link to his new podcast that he does with Freddie Prinze called wrestling with Freddie and And that's it. Thank you so much. Thanks for having down man. Yeah, we'll go to the pool party

Let's get some shorts on just send me photos All right, all right You