Fitzdog Radio - Jeremiah Watkins | Greg Fitzsimmons

Episode Date: April 22, 2026

Subscribe to Greg Fitzsimmons: https://bit.ly/subGregFitz Greg is fresh out of therapy and questioning gratitude, happiness, and why having everything still isn’t enough. Then Jeremiah Watkins joins the show and things immediately go off the rails. They get into comedy club horror stories, bad breath interventions, the chaos of opening acts, and the strange psychology of stand-up. Jeremiah talks about performing with legends, turning down distribution for his new special Crazy Pizza, and why betting on yourself might be the only move that matters. There’s also talk of Disneyland taking over people’s personalities, the weird divide in comedy audiences, and what happens when a show completely loses control before the headliner even hits the stage. Plus: Fast Balls with Fitz, including virginity stories, career regrets, and what award Jeremiah actually wants to win. This show is produced by Gotham Production Studios and part of the Gotham Network. https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/studios/ Follow Greg Fitzsimmons: Facebook: https://facebook.com/FitzdogRadio Instagram: https://instagram.com/gregfitzsimmons Twitter: https://twitter.com/gregfitzshow Official Website: http://gregfitzsimmons.com Tour Dates: https://bit.ly/GregFitzTour Merch: https://bit.ly/GregFitzMerch “Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons” Book: https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82 “Life on Stage” Comedy Special: https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial Listen to Greg Fitzsimmons: Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio Sunday Papers: http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod Childish: http://childishpod.com Watch more Greg Fitzsimmons: Latest Uploads: https://bit.ly/latestGregFitz Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/radioGregFitz Sunday Papers: https://bit.ly/sundayGregFitz Stand Up Comedy: https://bit.ly/comedyGregFitz Popular Videos: https://bit.ly/popGregFitz About Greg Fitzsimmons: Mixing an incisive wit with scathing sarcasm, Greg Fitzsimmons is an accomplished stand-up, an Emmy Award winning writer, and a host on TV, radio and his own podcasts. Greg is host of the popular “FitzDog Radio” podcast (https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio), as well as “Sunday Papers” with co-host Mike Gibbons (http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod) and “Childish” with co-host Alison Rosen (http://childishpod.com). A regular with Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Kimmel, Greg also frequents “The Joe Rogan Experience,” “Lights Out with David Spade,” and has made more than 50 visits to “The Howard Stern Show.” Howard gave Greg his own show on Sirius/XM which lasted more than 10 years. Greg’s one-hour standup special, “Life On Stage,” was named a Top 10 Comedy Release by LA Weekly. The special premiered on Comedy Central and is now available on Amazon Prime, as a DVD, or a download (https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial). Greg’s 2011 book, Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons (https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82), climbed the best-seller charts and garnered outstanding reviews from NPR and Vanity Fair. Greg appeared in the Netflix series “Santa Clarita Diet,” the Emmy-winning FX series “Louie,” spent five years as a panelist on VH1’s “Best Week Ever,” was a reoccurring panelist on “Chelsea Lately,” and starred in two half-hour stand-up specials on Comedy Central. Greg wrote and appeared on the Judd Apatow HBO series “Crashing.” Writing credits include HBO’s “Lucky Louie,” “Cedric the Entertainer Presents,” “Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher,” “The Man Show” and many others. On his mantle beside the four Daytime Emmys he won as a writer and producer on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” sit “The Jury Award for Best Comedian” from The HBO Comedy Arts Festival and a Cable Ace Award for hosting the MTV game show "Idiot Savants." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming, Ontario. Hey, welcome to Fitzdog Radio. I am, just I am. You know, I think that's going to be the name of my next special because I was listening to Eckhart Toll, the power of now. And he said, you're not supposed to think about I was or I will be, just I am. So I want everybody, take a second, close your eyes, take a breath, and just say, I am. don't say it out loud or your wife is going to say an asshole or somebody's going to fuck up your

chi but feel good about feel good about yourself i was in can you tell i was in therapy yesterday i started therapy a few weeks ago which is just amazing it's such a good feeling to be 60 and talking about your mother in therapy and i love my mother but yet it comes up it's got to come up and uh And I realize someday my kids will talk about me in therapy. But hopefully I'll be dead by that. Anyway, my therapist said I should do gratitude pages, you know, where you write down all the things you're grateful for. But then I thought, well, who am I writing it to?

You know, like, I have a lot to be grateful for. Like, literally, on paper, I could not be happier with my life. It's just all there. and marriage, kids, I'm worth $7 million. I'm not. But I'm comfortable. And then I think, why am I not happy?

And I say, so who am I thanking? Who the fuck am I thinking? It almost makes me feel worse because I go, I got all this shit and I can't be happy. I'm not writing gratitude pages. Then I feel like sad for the people that don't have all the stuff I have, you know? And I think how fucking sad are they?

What do their gratitude pages look like? I'm friends with Greg Fitzsimmons. Anyway, we're going to get into it right away because I have a great interview today. I just wrapped up with Jeremiah Watkins, so we'll talk to him. If you want to come, oh, do I have ads? I don't know if I have any ads. Let's just say, buy stuff. I will be in Escondido at the Grand Comedy Club, April 24th and 25th.

Brea Improv, May 8th, Boston, at Laugh, Boston on May 29th and 30th, Rochester, New Hampshire, at the Opera House, June 5th. Agunquit, Maine, Jonathan's on June 6th, and then I'm going to be in St. Pete, Cincinnati, Columbus, La Jolla. It's all at Fitzdog.com. Check it out. Buy some tickets. Come on down. Oh, by the way, Amber, do you want to open for me down in Brea? Yeah. Okay. Amber will be there, one of the producers of the show. She's very funny. And let's get to it. My guest today, you know him from his Amazon Prime special family reunion. We talked about a lot of his credits on the show, so we'll get those. But he co-hosts the trailer tales podcast. He hosts stand-up on the spot. He's got a lot of great sketches online, does a lot of stuff with Dr. Phil. And really fun, cool. guy. Here's my talk with Jeremiah Watkins. My guest today is a gentleman, and I say that. Here, pull the mic right up next to your face because we, they kind of,

pull out the arm a little bit on that. You've worked with AV before. Yeah. There we go. I was trying to over tune into the mic. I'm going to finish this mint. Yeah, why don't we wait for you to finish your mince? Let me finish my mint. I appreciate the conscientiousness about the breath. I was trying to keep it away for the... Dude, I hung out with the guy last night who's breath. He's a friend of mine.

Okay, he's a good friend of mine. It's like a fear of mine that I have. It's like the stinky breath thing. That's why I literally popped a mint right before. I have a total fear of it, yeah. What comedian, just between us, what comedian at the store has really bad breath? Off.

Off air. Off air? I'm trying to think of who. Oh, Eric Griffin sometimes. Yeah, that's exactly who I was thinking. Frick. And I love him. He's like one of my good, good friends too.

Yeah, I spend time with him. We go to lunch. We live on the west side. And I think I'm just going to have to start roasting him because I think that's the only way that he will take it. Yes, yes, yes. Well, actually, let's save this for the podcast. This is a really good topic.

What do you do with a friend who has bad, Okay, yeah, yeah. As I was, I'll save it. And what else? What's going on? It looks like you've got some road work coming up. On the road a bunch. Yeah, on the road a bunch.

Yeah, that's fun. About to announce Australia for a little bit. Oh, sweet. Yeah. You can do a few cities? Yeah. Sydney, Melbourne, and, oh, there's one other. Is it Adelaide?

No. Sydney and Melbourne. for sure. I did Belburn once. It's a fucking beautiful city. Really good vibe. Yeah, I've been out there one other time. Oh, you have?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. We did a kill Tony there like forever ago. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. We did like three cities out there. And I think we're doing the same run with Dr. Phil Live. So I'll go there with Dr. Phil Live with Adam, and then I'll stay an extra weekend to headline some shows at my own.

Oh, nice. Yeah. You bring in the family? No. No, maybe when they get older. They're so young or no. I bought my son when he was maybe one. And it was great.

Kids are, because you don't buy an extra seat. Just fucking sat on my wife's lap. When they're that little, yeah. When they're free, that's great. Yeah. She breastfed. Yeah. You know?

Yeah, you didn't even have to ask for a drink on the flight. Your wife's right there. Right, yeah. Yeah. Coffee tea or lactation. Right. But I mean, it just clears their head so they don't cry. It puts them to sleep.

Breastfeeding is like your travel companion. Oh, yeah. And then like I did this Melbourne Comedy Festival. And they asked me if I wanted to do a tour, like just a mini tour of some like, you know, third tier cities that were close to Melbourne. Like jump in a van with a bunch of Australian comics go do it I was like oh that sounds fucking great And so my wife's got this one year all I was like do you want to go she's like no you go just go

So it was like a you know five day thing I was like I left my wife in Melbourne And she loved it she had a blast But it really She go to the beach there? Yeah they have a place called Phillips Beach and it's where all the toy penguins are And if you go there they have bleachers

up because it's like an environmental protection area and they don't want you trampling on their nests and stuff so you have to sit in these bleachers and then you sit there and all the penguins as soon as the sun starts to go are we close all right we want to tell me all right here we are my guest jeremiah wotkins in the always communicative green studios uh we're talking about Australia where he's going to go. Melbourne, Melbourne, as he said it. I said Melbourne, because that's how the locals say it. Yeah. If you say Melbourne, they're always like, look these Americans over here. Yeah, yeah.

They don't know anything. They don't even say Melbourne. They don't know they say Melbourne. They don't know how to be passive, aggressive and late. And I'm doing Irish. What happened? I used to be able to do accents. Wait. No worries. They don't know how to know worry. That's like a little bit more British what you're doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but I mean, Australia is just the prison colony of Britain.

That's right. And Ireland. They sent the fucking Irish there. Yeah. They sent the Irish all over the place. Don't kid yourself. We were, England has oppressed Ireland. For 800 years, they've occupied Ireland.

They fucking starved us to death. Literally a million Irish fled, another million died of starvation all while they were exporting food and fish from the island and selling it to other countries. They thought we were animals. And you know what? We showed them that we are animals. It's called the IRA. Oh. You ever heard of a car bomb? Oh, yeah. They usually call it an Irish car bomb. An Irish car bomb. Well, we taught the Palestinians how to do it. That's quite the flex. Well, the Palestinians were the Irish You're doing it all wrong

Okay Here, here, come gather around This is how you actually do it Here's how you do it, lad How you do it, come over here Yes, you want the thing blowing up Not just catching on fire You don't want him stumbling out of the car

And making it down the block You want to add the whole car to implode Right Yeah Especially if you got a big family in there Big Palestinian family So back in the 50s or 60s The IRA saw Israel as a sort of an extension of England because England was creating the state of Israel.

And I'm not a guy that talks about Israel. I'm just talking about the history of Ireland. So they just reflexively took Palestine side and started teaching them how to do this kind of urban guerrilla warfare. Okay. And so to this day, the Irish are huge Palestinian supporters. Okay. I'm not one way or the other. I don't really care.

I don't care. I don't know. You've got a whole green studio, Greg. I don't know. That's true. And I have been drinking since 9 o'clock this morning. Are you a little Irish? Yeah.

And you look like Scandinavian or something. I mean, I'm a European mutt. Yeah. I got Scottish, Irish, Welsh, a little bit of British, but yeah, it's mainly German. So nothing with a tan. German Irish. Oh, yeah. Anything that can get Scottish.

Skin cancer. Yeah. Me. Right. Yeah. Except you don't have the light eyes. That's a big forecaster of skin cancer. Right.

Right. I got that. You can see my neck. Mm-hmm. I mean, it looks like I microwaved it. I wasn't going to say anything. Well, you're a roaster. You can fucking roast me, man.

Okay. Do you want me to go? Yeah. I love it. I love being roasted. You look like the old turtle from Kung Fu Panda. Ha! Not the young one?

No. The old. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The tortoise. Yeah. That, that, that, uh. I look like one of the birds from Kung Fu Panda.

That's okay. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The crane. Yeah. You look like, uh, you look like, uh, you look like the guy that, uh, carries a tiki torch. And Trump says is one of the good guys. Uh, you look like one of Dana Carvey's deleted characters. Oh, I like that.

You look like in medieval times You would have laid on your back And they would have told time By the shadow off your nose That's a great sundial joke For all you historians out there That's a very smart, good joke right there Now are you still doing roast battle

No, I'll go up there and I'll like Because that's what you started with right? Yeah, I started with all those guys Doing roast battle Kill Tony, the Comedy Jam, all that stuff You were the wave during the roast battle Yeah, yeah That was funny as shit

That was lightning in a bottle. If people don't know, there was this show called Rose Battle, it still goes. But it doesn't have the wave anymore, right? No, I'll go up there and, like, Jamar or Willie and I will, like, guest judge or, like, go on the panel, that kind of thing. But, yeah, we don't do the wave anymore, yeah. Right. Yeah. That was just pure silliness.

It was. Literally the definition of silliness. You'd go up there in costumes and, you know, guys would rip shirts off and dry, hunt. hump each other. Anything for left. Anything for left. Just anything physical, stupid, whatever. How did Comedy Central not buy that show? I remember at a certain point.

Well, they did. And then they canceled us. Did it ever air? Three seasons. Get out of here. I know. See, I knew it should have been bought. It was.

Why'd they cancel it? Just like anything else. It's cheaper for Comedy Central to buy a new show than to raise after three seasons. It's the two or three season thing. And then, you know, they cut stuff. Yeah. Yeah. So it was cheaper for them to rerun like South Park or Amy Schumer's show or, you know.

What's the most you've ever seen somebody actually get hurt? Like get their feathers in a, in a, however they, whatever that metaphor is. Ooh. I don't. Like, has anyone ever got stung and then just gone silent? I think, uh, I can tell on stage. I've seen it happen a couple times. usually if they're

how they do it is the battlers will meet ahead of time and they'll say hey all of this stuff is on the table there's one thing that don't bring up police yeah right

I've seen a couple people be like I don't care and in the moment they go for that thing and you see it hit them and they're talking about a dead relative or something like that and that's when you see them get actually hurt and like you piece of crap I told you that was the one thing to not talk about you can just see it behind their eyes so that i've seen that happen a few times where i was

like oh like they definitely that was not on the table to to roast and that is the mentality of not all comedians but some comedians of just like killing means more than anything else yeah all costs i think one of the things like on the tom brady roast i think he one of his things is say don't touch you can touch everything but i said uh i thought i heard um that he did that he did didn't want anybody to joke about his kids. He's like, don't joke about my kids. You can come after me. My divorce, marriage, all that stuff.

Don't come after my kids. I think one comic might have done one joke. Well, he also said don't talk about Robert, was it Robert Kraft in the massage parlor? I think it was Robert Kraft, the owner of the Pats. And Jeff Ross took a shot at it, and Tom Brady actually whispered to Jeff to cut the shit. You remember that? Yeah, that's what it was. They left it in.

They left it in. Yeah, it was a live broadcast, right? Yeah. And Brady, you know, the funny thing is Tom Brady was the first, people don't realize, he wasn't just the first person to get roasted on this Netflix series. He's an executive producer. So after he got roasted, he came out and said he regretted it because his kids did get upset and his ex-wife got very upset and he said it was a bad experience. But why say that?

that when you're producing four more roasts. Yeah. So. And also you, like, you've kind of already publicly said you were going to do it. So, like, why backtrack on something that it made you a ton of money? Yes. It's kind of like, I don't know, it's kind of hard, like, when, like, these only fans models say there's been multiple times when they'll do the content and stuff. And then they're like, I'm a mom now.

Please don't look at any of that stuff. It's like, you did the videos that, like, you have the house and the cars and all the things from the luxury from those videos. But now you're saying it's just like a kind of cake you need it to kind of situation. Well, this, which by the way is one of my favorite only fan sites. But there's a porn star named Bella Donna, who I became good friends. I hosted the porn awards a couple times. So she co-hosted with me once. And she's a fucking great woman.

Like, it's really funny because she's known as one of the most hardcore porn stars, the shit that she's done. Okay. But she also was one of the first to create her own production companies. So she was keeping, a lot of these women get paid $1,000 for the day, and that's it. I mean, this is back when sales of DVDs and videos were, you know, it was, they made more money in porn than the NFL, NBA, all put together. Porn was very lucrative. But they were getting $1,000 a day. So she came in, she started a production company,

and she showed a lot of other women to do it. She was vegan. And so she was over my house one time, and she was in the hot tub naked, and we were doing a podcast. And she was with her husband slash manager. She was doing the podcast naked? Yes, in the hot tub, in my backyard.

How did you arrange that, Greg? It just happened. I didn't plan it. Like my studio used to be in like the bonus room of my house and there's a hot tub in the backyard. And your wife, fine with it? I, you know, like I mentioned earlier about we'll do anything to kill. Like I didn't ask her because I hadn't planned it. But our bedroom is about seven feet from the hot tub.

And it was like, you know, 11 o'clock at night. And I really said to myself like, this is going to haunt me. Like I have kids. Like this is a moment where I guess. got to tap the brakes a little bit. And so Bella Donna, who used to do, I mean, every kind of porn, but one of the ones she was really famous for was late-term pregnancy porn. And now...

So the real classy stuff. Yeah. Well, so she gets out of the business and she moves to, I think it's like Oklahoma to a small town and figuring nobody's going to notice and she can just raise her kids there. But nobody's heard from her. She's keeping a low profile. She's living her life. But those kids at a certain point are going to be like, that's me!

Oh, in the video? Yeah. They're going to see it. Their first credit. Their first I-MDB entry. Oh, man. There's my hand right there. Oh, my God.

You got two kids now or one? I have two. What a transition. You got two. Jeff Sex, with your wife while she was pregnant? Oh, all the time. Loved it.

Yeah. It's almost like a waiter coming over and says, can I top off your coffee, you know? I always say it's like hooking up with a completely different person. Yeah. Yeah. Like a fat woman with a belly. It's like I got another hall pass.

All right. That's hilarious. It was great. Bigger tits. Dude. Different colored, you know. Yeah. Emeroid.

Yeah, I don't know about that. My wife's got a hemorrhoid. I got one too. I mean, I get them. Do you? Yeah. How do you deal with it? I had to, yeah, I had to go to the doctor recently, and they're like, you got a, I was

sit so much with travel and, like, between editing and all that stuff. Yeah. And then also, I think I internalize stress, too. So it just goes right to my butthole, dude. Also, pale skin is another one. we have thin skin. That's why. Really?

Yeah, a lot of a friend of the family was a woman who she shot out her stomach out of her vagina. When she was older, she was quite a bit older. She shot her stomach out of her vagina. How do you do that? One of her organs came out of her, because your pelvic floor just goes away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was called prolapsed vagina, and she had to get a full hysterectomy. Yep.

you've met some interesting folks and I had on the podcast she was in the hot tub with me I said what's that floating what is that that's my stomach that's your plus one okay yeah

it's not it's not good getting old you're in your 30s right you're what are you late 30s I got a lot ahead of you kid I just turned 60 last year I know well dude it sucks it's like you so many more like people in your life comedians and different people who we met over time to start passing and like it's yeah

rough it's rough but then you sort of get used to i think you got to wrap your head around mortality a little bit or you'll go crazy i think you're forced to yeah yeah yeah you have to you have to figure out a way to deal with it and lean into it head on because it's it keeps coming keeps happening yeah and you kind of got to look at life as a gift and that it was a gift that it was a gift that you had this person in your life. It was a gift that, you know, those around them had. And it's funny because, like, in the scope of how much time has passed since human beings have been alive, like, we're such a fucking fraction of a razor blade edge. So what's the difference if we live to be 86 or 57? It doesn't really matter. It's what you did during those 56 years. Very true. That's why I'm

to start living. I really feel like that. I turned 60 and people like, oh, you must feel old. No, I feel like I'm at the point where I've accomplished a decent amount. I've raised a couple kids, you know. I've got this podcast. I got this fucking crew of people.

Look at them. Look at the excitement in their eyes. And, you know, I guess my point is like, I'm transitioning into the, I don't need to, like you, you're fucking, you got balls in the air and in your pants. Yeah. And you're pushing videos and you're doing live shows and I know you direct and you got to do it all at that age. Yeah. And you don't know which thing is going to really stick.

Like you're getting traction with all of them, but you don't know which one's going to pop. Sure. And then at 60 you go like, all right, I kind of know which things are working and I need to not do all of them anymore. Pick one and then, you know, relax. Sure. I mean. Does this sound like I'm having a breakdown right now? Slowly unraveling as the podcast goes on.

No, it's totally fine. I think I should pick one. I don't, no, I don't have the time to. do more than one or anything like that. Kids are out of the house. No, it's good. Marriage is good. It's solid.

Yeah. My agent doesn't need to call me. He gets it. That's fine. He knows my lane. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think he's telling the buyers, like, take it easy on Greg this year.

Let's give him the summer off. He needs a little time. Time to himself. Reflect. He's unraveling. No, I'm not unraveling, but I am having a little bit of an existential a crisis. But like you, I've always had anxiety. And I really, if I can impart anything to you as a younger comic, who I respect, don't stress. It's going to work out. You know, like I had a therapist

once tell me, picture yourself as a kid and go tell yourself that it's all going to work out. I try to, regardless of if I'm up for something, like a part or whatever, or a booking or, you know, in the biz, like, before I go into it or after I do it, I'm like, I'm already happy with life. Yeah. If I get this, this is an enhancement. Right, right, right. But like, I used to, you know, go into stuff where I'm like, this could change things. Yeah, yeah.

This could be the thing. And I'm like, it's all the thing. I'm living the thing. I'm in it. Right. I'm literally going to pursue my dream full time all the time. Yeah. Have family, awesome friends surrounded me.

Like, it's great. That's it. That's the key. Family and friends. Yeah. And, you know, I see some comics and they get older and they haven't nurtured friendships or family. They put it all in their career and you just, and you see that. And they're dead inside now, you know.

Yeah. No, you know, without bringing it down too much, we just had a, we're talking about death and stuff. We had a good buddy at the comedy store, Alex Young. He just passed. And he was a door guy at the store. And I was on the road. And this was, this is tough. I've never experienced this.

I watched his memorial through Zoom because I was on the road. And I couldn't, I literally couldn't be there. I just had something on the books for over a year that I had committed to. And I watched his memorial through Zoom and the amount of comics and people who came out for him really spoke to how loved he was as a person. And you saw a real community of people come out. And it was almost better in a weird way. that I watched it alone in a hotel room because I could fully grieve and not be, like, in the room, I would have been, you know, I would have been trying to keep my defense up,

but I had nobody around me. Yeah. And I was like, okay, let's cut loose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was a sad, because he was younger than you are, and he's got a little daughter, and, I mean, he was one of those guys, he was a door guy at the store, and every time, you know, you pull up and the door guys and it's funny because the women are called door guys

also at the comedy store. But they're all comics and you know, pretty much without exception they're like really they pick them to get the job you have to be a decent enough comedian that they're because they're going to give you spots at the club while you're working there. But you also

have to have a good vibe. They don't hire people that are difficult to be around. You don't make it long if you don't have a good vibe there. And he had the best vibe of anybody. When I pulled up and he was there, he just had this natural smile, this positive energy, but kind of self-deprecating. And he was just, he was the best. That was, that was really sad.

Anyway, what do you do if you have a friend with bad breath? Because this happened to me recently. Yeah. I'm talking the kind of breath where you go, all right, you're married. Has your wife just internalized that, that she not notice it anymore? I mean, it's like a rotting tooth or a garlic addiction. I don't know what the fuck it is. I've had a couple friends, some of them comedians,

who have legit bad breath. And literally, we started the podcast a little bit late because I was chewing on a mint because there's a fear of mine is that I'll have bad breath in a conversation. Then people will walk away be like, how does he not smell that? He's got the biggest nose here. Right.

How's he not smelling his own breath? What's going on? That's like a fear of mine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, somebody will be like, he's not self-aware enough to, anyway. It's like an oven vent. Right, right. Just the circulation is just ridiculous on this thing.

I have a buddy who he has recurring bad breath. And after a while, like, I put up with it for quite a while. But then I'm like, I'm going to see this guy forever. And I will sometimes just literally, if he's in conversation with somebody, I'll like nudge him a little bit and I'll hand him a piece of gum. And that's my sign of like, bro, you got it. start chewing some gum. You've got to get out whatever's going on.

But some people, like, I keep putting it up with. The gum thing is just handing them, they get it. And if they turn it down, then I'm like, your breath stinks. Right, right. Because have you ever done that? Have you ever, hey, anybody wants some gum? And then the person with the worst breath is like, no, I'm good. No, I don't need any.

No, it's fine. I just, no, you, no, I don't like gum. You don't like gum? You want a mint? No, no, I don't. just ate. I know I smell it. Do you want a toothbrush? Yeah, yeah. Here's a bottle of history. But I thought of an idea last night about it when I was with my friend, which is an app that lets somebody know anonymously. It says, you have somebody who cares about you deeply that wants to let you know because if you tell somebody, then it's a thing for the rest of your life.

Then they're always going to, they may be hurt by it. They may feel weird around. you after that. No, it is a personal thing. But if it's an app, there's no fingerprints on it. You just let them know in a loving way. The app is a loving app. It does a lot of emojis of roses coming out of a mouth. So you send their cell phone number to this app and they get an anonymous text.

It's brilliant. Okay. I'm on board. I think we can even step it out to other situations. What about breakups? Well, no, because then they know who it's coming from. How did this happen? Do you know anything about this?

The app said it. I didn't want to do this. I hadn't thought about it. But now that you're bringing it up. Right. Yeah. It does seem like, I mean, are you thinking what I'm thinking? It's kind of cosmic energy.

Yeah. The app is texting you. It's God. They say it's God. Yeah. Maybe that's the name of the app, God. and you can tell people they talk too much. Some people got to go, you know what?

You're fucking dominating every conversation you're in. Dude, if you got that text from God, you'd listen. Well, because he programmed you. Right. Yeah. Can we take this to Shark Tank? Are you looking for investors? Well, what else could you use it for?

I mean, you could tell people that they should quit comedy. Oh, wow. I wouldn't tell anybody to quit comedy. comedy because I've seen people that started slow and you really didn't get it at all. And then all a sudden, something just, they just go into another gear. Yep. And then you're like, wow, this is great. But then you see some guys who you're like, I don't think anything's changed. No. That's baffling. That's baffling. Right. And they're not making a living. They're sweating out of day job. And those are always the ones that romanticized stand-up and talk about the brotherhood of the other comics and like and it's like okay

that's what you're into you're into the hang you're done for the hang you're not for the whole art of it right yeah right because that's the problem with the comedy store is it's such a good hang and it really is like you said with alex's funeral i mean those were all comedy store people yeah it's really a caring group that's obviously hilariously funny and you know you can't get bigger personalities. So if you don't have a social life, what's better than just being a shitty comic and get to hang out with all these people? And also, you're not going to find a better hang. It's literally some of the funniest people you'll ever meet in a welcoming environment. At night with a bar. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And then you do get to go up. And in your mind,

you probably think you're doing okay, even though, you know, nobody else does. I mean, there are door guys. there's one that was there for a while, a long time. And finally, the Booker just let this person go. And, you know, go back to Lincoln, Nebraska, start a family, get a real job. You know, save this person. It's tough. It's tough. If you're not seeing them grow, yeah.

No, because all of a sudden they're in their late 30s. And they've got no career. They've got no resume. You can't walk in for a job and go, yeah, I used to park cars at a comedy club for 12 years. I know. You don't want to get into making fun of these people because you were one of them. Didn't you work at the store? I didn't, but I hung out there so much people thought I worked there.

Oh, I thought you were one of those guys. Yeah, yeah. People thought I was. So you were there, but you just weren't getting paid. I was there so much. Yeah. I was like, do you want me to park your car for you? I can't.

I was just like, anything to get past here, sure. Yeah. You're wearing a red vest in the club. Right this way, yeah. Shoulder massage? Sebastian, can I take your keys, please? Thank you. Yeah.

What does he driving these days? Something pretty nice. I forget what kind of car. I heard you showed up something really fancy the other day. I can't remember what it was. What do you driving these days? Oh, I still got my beater, dude. You do.

Oh, I got a beater. Nice. And it just keeps getting worse. I'm riding this thing until truly the wheels fall off. Is it a money pit at this point? No, I haven't been putting money into it. Unreal. Let me guess.

It's either a Toyota, it's a Toyota. It's a Honda. Oh, I was gonna say Honda! Yeah, yeah. Honda what? Honda, CRZ, they don't even make them anymore. Is that like a mini? It's a two-door coupe.

Two-door coupe. Mm-hmm. So how do you manage that with two kids? My wife hates the car. Yeah, that's no good with kids. Yeah, she, we're talking, I'll probably eventually have to get a sedan. Dude, get a Subaru Outback. I've had two of them.

They run forever. Easy access. Great in all weather. Quiet cabin. You're a lesbian. You live in Portland. Well, yeah, you get that. You do get a lot of that.

I mean, it's such, I couldn't do it. I couldn't do the Subaru Outback. I can't do a minivan. I'd rather do. Love minivans. I would rather. do now what I've been eyeing but they're freaking expensive the new electric VW buses oh oh dude dude those are amazing and they get super long battery life yeah but no they're I think

they're $100,000 they're very expensive yeah and plus it's one of those things where the you get the baseline but then you're going to want the mini fridge in the back and I know there's a lot the options on the VW. They start at like 60 grand. I'm like, yeah, you're gonna want to spend another 30 in options. Seriously,

because you don't want to be in that fun truck and it's not doing the fun stuff. And not have all the things. Yeah, it's like dating a really hot chick and she's fucking shopping at the Army and Navy store or flea markets. It's like put some decent fucking clothes on.

Step it up a little bit. Step it up. Yeah. I paid a lot of money for you. Look at you. Okay, you're dressed. Yeah, you sir roasts me as soon as I walked in You're like are we exercising? We're doing Pilates? I'm like first of all

I didn't realize that the shot was going to show part of my leg I thought it was gonna be just up here So now you'll extra for the people at home Hello, numbers are gonna be high this week Woo, yeah you got good legs Thanks man, where do you play basketball? I do I'll be playing later tonight Really? Yeah, comedian league? Yeah, it's like I only play with people who who are in the industry

because they have something to lose. What do you mean? I will not play at 24-hour fitness or anything like that. All those guys who play at 24-hour fitness still think that they're going to be scouted by the NBA. Oh, I see.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All of those guys who play at open gyms and stuff in the back of their mind think they have a glimmer of a chance of making a professional team somewhere. And they play like it too. Yeah. And it's elbows and how you're,

how you get bloody noses and how you get like hitting the teeth in the mouth. I'm like, I use my body for literally everything I do. Right. So like I'll play with other comedians and other people who have to also use their face for stuff. Right, right, right. Yeah. Yeah, I play hockey.

I haven't played since the pandemic, but there was a comedian league that we used to play in. Yeah. And it was very respectful. Right. But then I played in New York in a league that was a police and firemen's league. And Ian Bagg was on my team. and that shit, you'd go into the corner to get a puck

and you got hammered. Yeah. Because it's police environment. Yeah. They don't care. One of the teams was FBI. The FBI had a fucking hockey team. And they were the biggest duches out of everybody.

I used to play in a league where it was comedians and agents. I stopped playing with the agents because they were playing so dirty. It was unbelievable. William Morris. Really? Some of those guys over at WME? I mean just Hack City. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was like, what are we? Yo, you rep some of the guys on the other team. Chill out, dude. Like, don't. None of us made it to college or pros or anything, so everybody calmed down. Well, when I started in Boston, I played in a league. It was a comedian league, but the Booker of the best club kind of organized it. He was like, and so you play.

And if you played. you got spots oh interesting yes and so I felt bad for the female comic comic in Boston you know the one the one we had

felt bad for her it literally was there was so few female comics in Boston and not a lot of black ones Patrice O'Neill I came up with him and I remember he got me a gig in Roxbury

which is the black neighborhood, one of the black neighborhoods in Boston. And I went down there and I got my ass handed to me. I mean, it was all black and age. And the thing with the black audience is if you get them, they're the best crowds in the world. It's some of the best crowds over. But if you don't get them, they will literally turn their seats sideways and not even look at the stage. And so I got that. And I'm up there doing, I mean, I had just started.

And I was up there doing jokes about the Brady bunch. And then I got- Was that one of your opening jokes? like Brady Bunch shows? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, so they're like this thing. Yeah, right, right. And so we go back to the white club afterwards.

I was like, man, that was fucking hard. He was like, I felt like I didn't have any shared experience with anybody out there. And he just looked at me for a long time and he goes, yeah, I get it. I was like, oh, that's you every show in the white clubs. It's like, yeah. And it's still a very segregated world. Like comedy, you think of a guy like earthquake. Earthquake.

He should be so mainstream where everybody should know him but it is kind of fascinating He's just in the black clubs. Yeah. Like he has a Netflix special and like a lot of recent stuff but like still

he's not a household name and he's like so, so fun. Yeah, but there's a whole thing. They still call the Chitlin circuit where there's like black clubs and you know Kings of Comedy sort of like put a light on that

you know that these were great comics that was D.L. Hugley and Cedric the Entertainer and Paul Harvey, and I think there was a fourth guy. I mean, there's people like even like in the comedy scene like within

podcasting where it's, it feels like two different camps. Yeah. Black podcasting and white podcasting, which is crazy. Like all throughout names of some people who who I think are a couple of the funniest people working today. Like do you know Tony Baker or Kev on stage? Yeah.

Okay. I'll say their names in certain circles and be like, I don't know who they are. I'm like, they're killing it on social media and they're selling out everywhere and you've never heard of them. Yeah. Like, that's wild to me.

Like they're, Kev on stage and Tony Baker and that whole crew are doing kind of like, honestly, what I'm seeing like what early stages like Adam Sandler or stuff did, like where they're booking all their friends and they're making productions and stuff. And it's awesome.

It's really cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, the Internet should be the great equalizer, but it's still people find their algorithms, you know, and it doesn't introduce black comics to white audience as much. They just think they, the algorithm thinks that you just want what you are. Yeah, more of the same kind of a thing. Yeah. Yeah. But, no, I try to bring black comics on the road with me. And, you know, sometimes they get, they get bumped up and they start headlining. And, you know, and it's just exposing them to a club that they honestly have hard times getting. into sometimes. You know, this is a guy named Deon Curry out of Indianapolis.

He's like my main feature act. And then he comes in and then they bring him back as a headliner. Yeah. And I can't get them to feature for me next time. Right, right. Do you ever do that? You get a fucking feature? He's suddenly headlining on you?

Yeah, I've had a few features over the years where I'm like, well, I'm stoked for them, but I'm like, oh, man, they were amazing, but I'm happy for them now that they're headlining, which is dope. Right, right. There's a bunch of guys out of Texas that I've used over the year. that are headlining that they're hilarious. CJ Landry is a comic who used to feature for me a bunch and he's starting to headline and he's hilarious.

Tony Casillas. He works at the mother. They both like worked at the mothership and there's another guy who is out of Austin right now that I use a lot named Joey Smith. That's great. And yeah, a lot of those Texas guys I love taking on the road. Yeah. And it's also like it's nice getting somebody started and then you just kick back and get those sweet, sweet commission checks, you know.

Just fucking... You take commission from... Not a lot. Just I wet my beak, you know? What do you mean wet? And that's offensive saying that around me. Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking about that.

Don't say wet my beak around me, okay? Jesus Christ. I like to just get a sniff of the action. Okay, that's way better. Yeah, right, right, right. I'll accept that. What was the other thing I want to ask? Oh, I want to ask you, I was...

Last night, I got invited... You know the Woody Show, the radio show, the Woody Show? It's literally one of the biggest radio shows in the country. They're syndicated all over. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They broadcast out of L.A. Yeah. So I do the show sometimes, and so they had this thing. This show, here's how big the show is. They took over Disneyland last night from 9 p.m. to 1 a.m. where the whole, I forget which part, I guess there's different parts of the park, but this was the California Adventure section. Do you know Disneyland at all? Yeah, my wife's family is.

big Disney family. Are they really? They love it. Oh, that's so fucking weird. I don't get those people. They fucking love it. They love it. I've been with them one time and I'm like, I can't do it again.

No, and they want to be there at 8 a.m. and stay until the fireworks, right? Yeah, like, so I didn't grow up with it. They're from California, so that's like one of their big things. Yeah, yeah. So we had worlds of fun, man. Yeah. If we want to talk about worlds of fun.

What was your action park? It was worlds of fun and oceans of fun, baby. They were right next to each other. Like, if you were well off, you'd do both parts. Okay, yeah. But usually you'd get to only choose one or the other. Right, right. Right.

And it was 40 or 50 bucks to get in. Right. Disney is now $240, not including the $40 parking. Yep. Yep. That's if you get the fast pass, which if you don't get the fast pass, you're going on about three rides over the entire day. You've got to get the fast pass.

I know it's insane. Yeah. That's without buying a fucking hat. So I'll go like if I happen and, you know, I've been, I think once or twice ever and I told my wife I was like, this is just not my thing. No. Like I'm happy to take the boys. Like we went to the beach over the weekend. I'll get in the water with them.

I'll get out in the ocean. Like I'll go. We'll go to the playground right afterwards. Like I'll do physical stuff, basketball, soccer, all that stuff. but man I cannot I'm just not a Disneyland guy it's also in a sense when you're living in a crowded city I don't want to go to a crowded park I want to go to an empty campsite also we're around literally audiences

that are surrounding us all the time so for me I'm like why would I on my day off throw myself into a giant crowd yeah and I'm not even performing and it feels so fucking corporate everything you see is like oh, I didn't know Disney own this artist's music and, you know, everything is tied in. And then you hear about the cruise ships

and my friend, my friend's family is a Disney family too. And she was a VIP tour guide there as a teenager because she grew up near Disneyland. Yeah. And so she was showing me the different places where she had sex at Disneyland growing up. Like there was the, you know, this was before there was cameras on everything. And so she's like,

I go, well, who was your favorite VIP that you've got to give a tour to? And she's like, oh, without a doubt, it was Bob Sagitt and John Stamos, came down with their kids. I don't know if Stamos had a kid at that point, but they came down, and she's like, in Stamos,

I had such a big crush on him, and he was just so fucking nice and blah, blah. So we go to this Woody thing, and they had like a VIP area. They had like a bar and open bar and food and all this stuff. But the point is, The park, thousands of listeners were, it was not packed, but it was busy.

Yeah. With people that just won tickets listening to the show. And so we go to the VIP thing, and I'm with my friends. I had five tickets. I had my wife and three friends. And we walk in and we're standing there for three seconds. And I was like, JC, look over there. It's John Stamos.

And he got invited by the Woody Show to the VIP room. So we walk over. And I don't know John well, but like enough that I went over and said hi. And I introduced her as the, I said, she gave you a tour here when she was 17 years old. And she, and she was talking to her. She was here for five years. And she said you were her favorite tour. And he fucking immediate, it was like, do you want to take a picture?

He was so fucking cool. He's awesome. Yeah, he's a great dude. Yeah. I got to do, we did a Dr. Phil live with him recently. and I played a kid, I do a different character in the Doctor Phil Lives with Adam Ray for each episode and we are at the Comedy Summer Main Room

and we did a, I played a kid from Full House like in one of the seasons that like you just didn't really see. Like I was like a neighbor, right? So he did like one of his Uncle Jesse pep talks with me and Adam on stage. And it was... That's a funny idea.

It was so fun. And he couldn't, like... And right before we went on, like, he's like, you got any jokes? Like, pitch me some jokes I should maybe do out there. And he used, like, one or two of mine, and I was like, all right, heck yeah. And then Sagitt, I grew up, like,

huge full house kid. Really? I loved that show as a kid. And we did a Kill Tony episode years ago in the main room at the store when Sagitt and Doug Benson were on the show and we played

full house characters as the band. So I played Uncle Joey and Doug Benson dropped his marijuana pipe on the stage and like it just so happened during the middle of show and I picked it up

and I go, Doug, do we need to talk about something? And they changed the lighting to a spotlight and Red band started playing this music and Sagitt's right there and he's just dying laughing because it was like exactly

one of those moments that was on full house and it was so fun yeah and I'm like I think you need to quit this habit Doug and Doug's like it's kind of my life at this point

you played into it so great I'm doing Benson interrupt us tonight where you watch a movie oh yeah interrupt it and make comments on it and it's 420 was yesterday, so this is kind of like

this is like, you know, being in the city, the Super Bowl is in. Of course. And you're doing a club, you're doing the funny bone and nobody fucking shows up. It's time for fast dogs, fast balls with fits. Fast dogs? Fast dogs with balls?

That's what we should call this. Yeah. Fast balls with fast dogs with balls. We just changed the name of the segment. Good, man. I think you played it before, right? I think so. I'll do my best to try to answer fast.

By the way, you want to also promote for Jeremiah Watkins. He's got a special called Daddy on YouTube, which... I got a new one coming out in the next couple months called Crazy Pizza. Look out for it. I think I'm going to put it on YouTube. That's probably... Is that a reference to, like, you know, pizza literally means pedophiles. Like, it means young kids.

No, it's actually a sweet, innocent bit that has to do with the special. But it could also be about pedophiles, too. But you know that that's Epstein's whole... The pizza thing? Yeah. Yeah. Fastballs with fits. Hey, maybe that'll make it viral.

I think those kids were. What charitable work do you do? Um, what charitable work do I do? Um, there's a, uh, there, I mean, this is something that, uh, it's not necessarily that I do, but we're like, my wife and I are, are a part of, uh, there's something in LA called the Miracle League. Uh-huh. That, uh, the Dodgers, uh, sponsor and it's kids of all abilities are welcome to come on Saturdays and play baseball, um, like as a team. And, and, uh, and, And my son, both my sons will go to that from time to time. And it's kids of all ability.

You'll see kids and teenagers like in wheelchairs and there'll be kids on the spectrum. I hope they don't pick teams. No, no. There'll be a lot of last picked kids. Everybody's split up by the coaches and that kind of a thing. That's a way better way to do. That's something. But as far as like charitable work that I do,

I try to, what I do is I try to donate as much stage time as I can to different benefits that resonate with me and different stuff like that. Like there was an autism benefit that I just did recently at the upstairs comedy club and, yeah, different stuff like that. Now, that's the thing about being a comedian is you're doing a lot of benefits and not only you're raising money, but it energizes the charity. The people all come out. Yeah. You know, and it just, now that's good. Um, you ever been arrested? Uh, no, I have not.

No. Maybe you get chased by the cops as a teenager? Um. You ever get pulled over? Been pulled over. No ticket? Never had a ticket that was, uh... You're the squeakest clean guest I've ever had.

Yeah, I know. It's, uh, it's boring in that regard. Um, I got one, I got tags. I got, uh, expired. It's the only ticket that I've had, but like those are non-moving, but yeah. I only have non-moving violations. That's what they called my wife. Where did you lose?

I'm still trying to figure that one out. It's kind of like a Rickles joke about how his wife, or Rodney joke about his wife not fucking him. Oh. I should have said that's what they call my wife in bed. There it is. Yeah. Or maybe that's what you would call Cosby having sex with a woman. A non-moving violation.

Okay, I like that. Usually on the third pitch, it's the best. Where did you lose your virginity, Jeremiah Watkins? Let me guess. There was a pickup truck involved, a six-pack, and a field. Yeah, and her name was Bessie. I, in Hollywood, California. No!

Yeah, yeah. How old were you? I was 22. No. Yeah, man. Was this a religious thing for you? Were you abstaining or were you shut out? No, I was abstaining for as long as possible.

And then I finally, like, originally I was like, I'm waiting until marriage. And then, like, I kept dropping things down, you know, talking my way out of it. And then I was like. I'm waiting for marriage. I'm waiting for somebody I love. Yeah. I'm waiting for somebody I date. I'm waiting.

If she has eyes. Yeah. No. So I wait until I was like, you know what, if I love the girl, then I'll do it. Yeah. And the person who I did, she's my wife. No! Yeah, yeah.

So you've only had one lover in your life? No way. One love. One love. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's amazing. Yeah, I did.

Only one. Wait, how many lovers has she had? I've never asked her. You want to call her? None of my business. No, I don't want to know with my wife either. She had a number, though. She was not shy.

Can we get a slow zoom in on Greg as he thinks about that? Slow push in on Greg. Pulls his calculator out on his phone. Battery dies. Do you think you're a good lover? Yeah. Based on what? The response?

Because it's really not. a control group and an experiment. There's only one. There's only one. So, like, I would hope so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I have, you know, like, you know, with my wife, like, I have nothing to compare it to. Yes.

She could be the best or the worst ever. She could be awful. And I have no idea, and I'll never know. You'll never know. Ignorance is bliss, my friend. Wow. That's amazing. One woman in your whole life.

I love that. I love that. I was with. a lot. I slip with a lot of women. I shouldn't say women. A lot of girls. That doesn't sound right. Yeah, go back to women. Well, I wouldn't call a 16-year-old a woman. That's when, so that was your peak time when you were a teenager? No, this was last week. Fitz? No, when I was very active out of the gate from 16 on, where I grew up in New York and everybody was

drinking a lot, doing a lot of drugs, having sex a lot. And nobody even dated. It was just like, you just kind of, everybody hooked up. Gotcha. And then I got to college, and college was just a, I went to Boston University. 40,000 kids. Oh, yeah. And there was like a lot of, like, Jewish girls from Long Island.

Back when being called a Jap was like a real thing. And is that something you can say anymore? Well, if you are talking about Jewish American princess, that is fine, right? You can say that, but if you say the other one, no like you. I did not have sex with any of those women. I did not launch any strikes into any of those women. But a lot of Jewish girls and big numbers. Caught funereal diseases several times.

How much worry did you have? have like on your first one or two. About getting them pregnant or VD? VDs. No, they were virgins. You didn't care? I was a virgin slayer. It's the best.

Well, yeah. No diseases down there. It's like being a skier. We call it the virgin snow. Fresh powder, baby. Fresh powder, baby. All right, this is getting creepy. Okay, how many, I got to know,

how many comics at the comedy store when you trade the mic with them, how many of them do you whisper to them something like you do to me? Only like four or five. Okay. Yeah. I think you,

Earl Skakel, I think you might be the only two that I whisper something to. Yeah. It's something that I do. Well, yeah, I do it to Fahim, you, Owen Smith, I mean, one or two other people.

Yeah. And I just, I remember the first time I did it to you, you literally almost couldn't get off the stage. I whisper a horrible thing in his ear. So now we've started to do it back and forth in volley. If I bring him up or vice versa, it's very exciting. Yay. And so if you ever see us on stage together, really look hard at our lips. Try to read our lips, see what we're actually saying.

I love that when they do that on the internet. They find lip readers. and they tell you what Kaylee Jenner or whatever her name is. Caitlin, Caitlin. No, I'm thinking of the kids. Who's the one that's fucking Timothy Chamoulet? Oh.

Oh. Kenren. Kendrick? Kendrick. Kendrick Lamar. Kylie Jenner. It's Kylie Jenner. I am so proud of myself that I couldn't know

a Jenner or Kardashian if I was punching them in the face. I wouldn't know their names. I mean, that's good for you. I just feel like you've got to choose what you know. Sure. You have a certain amount of bandwidth in your brain and you can choose what to use it on. Yeah.

You know? I mean, if you want to ask me about, you know, New Wave French directors, I could go on for hours. Really? Oh, God, yeah. I mean, I could break down a lot of the film noir. I can name every great piece of abstract expressionism from the 70s, but I can't name a Jenner.

And that's okay. Ever won any awards? Yeah. Not recently, but yeah. What were the awards for? The awards were for... So in high school and college, I won a ton of... Broadcasting and filmmaking awards.

Really? Yeah. No shit. Yeah, that's what... Would you make short films? Short films, sketches, music videos, news stories. I won for all those different categories. There's film festivals that I had won.

News stories. Music video awards, sketches. Were they all online? It was like almost pre-online. It was like that was kind of like... like how you you were ahead of the online thing you were at the beginning of it yeah so like the film festivals and stuff so

I would I mean I've had my channel for that long where like since like the infancy of YouTube um but the the stuff that I would throw up on YouTube would get literally back in the day if I got a hundred views on something I was like oh I can't believe freaking a hundred people saw this I can't believe I watched that video a hundred I can't believe I refreshed a hundred times. Oh, I used to try to, before they traced IP addresses and stuff, I would just sit there and be like, juice it. Juice it and they're like, whoa, people are going to see this.

Wow, this is awesome. Yeah. What's the one award you want to win in your lifetime? Oh, easily. Academy Award, easily. Is that your thing? I would love. Do serious acting?

Well, I mean, I do acting and I want to do more of it. Oh, yeah, you're the voice of Batman or something? Voice of the Joker on a Cartoon Network show called DC Superhero Girls. I've been auditioned for a lot of different roles in the DC and Marvel universe as of late. You know, hoping to book more. But yeah, no, I've been acting since I was a little kid, and I would love to Emmy, Oscar. I mean, even Grammy, I would freaking love. Get an Egot, man.

I would love to, you know. so easily would love you know that's definitely a goal for someday i want an egot to van yeah emmy grammy oscar tony um adult entertainment video what would the category be for the adult double anal you want to be the other guy ooh i'm booked up So is she. Who killed JFK? It's a podcast. Government?

What branch of the government? Legislative. So the Supreme Court? Yeah, man. The Supreme Court killed? Yeah. I like that. I mean, it would take 11 guys.

Mm-hmm. Is it 11? How many people in the Supreme Court? Jesus Christ, look at these three. Is it nine? Or 11. Nine or 11. Where were you on 9-11?

It's 9. It's 9. Okay. I was at school, headed to school. Yeah, and then they cut, then we had a half day. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. Because they thought, they thought Kansas was going to be the next.

Although we were. What's weird is that places like North Dakota is where all the nuclear arsenals are. That's where we launch all our... They literally were telling us, we're the heartbeat of America. That's where they're striking next. We're right in the middle. That's where they're going next. Yeah.

Yep. That'd be said. That's a good movie script. The Chinese going, like, we must go Kansas. I turn Irish again. I know. what have you turned down recently it's always a tough question

when the industry fucking stalled out four years ago I turned down a place an outlet for my special yeah that's smart put it on YouTube man that's where it is right turn down an outlet for my special you want people to fucking see it

you know I know well I can make 60 extra thousand dollars if I put it on fucking VEP or whatever it's called like yeah and then and then you want to ask your fans to pay $9 to see a special. That's the thing. It's like I invested a bunch of money into the special. I'm very excited about it. Um, self-produced it, directed it, edited it, but I, I want to keep betting on it. Right. So I'm going to, I'm going to put it on my YouTube. Get eyeballs on it. Yeah. It's called Crazy Pizza, the innocent version. Not, not the, it's,

there's an innocent, there's a bit that's in the special that it'll make a lot of sense. Why, called that. I also have crazy pizza merch. It'll either sell real well or not at well at all online. Could go huge. But in person after the shows, people like it a lot. And is it true you shot it on a

Caribbean island? Next question. All right. Finally, let's ask you, Jeremiah Watkins, what is the hackiest bit you've ever done? Have you asked me one before? Maybe I already did. Let me go to a different final question. Because I feel like I might have told you, I might have answered this question before. I probably did. I really have to review my

podcast with guests before I do it again. Um, what's the, what's the worst feature act you ever had go on ahead of you or opener? Oh, it happened recently. Really? Yeah. Okay. Um, I had, uh, it was a it was a host that I was angry. I had to calm myself down before I went on stage to do my hour. Because it was so bad. This was for the taping of your special? No, no.

Do your headlining set. No, it was a headlining set. I forget where I was. It was a local MC you haven't met before. Local MC and it was even worse. They said that we knew each other from LA, that they were visiting family. And I like, you know when you're like,

no, I think I would know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so they lied. They're starting off on a lie. They stood in the hallway with you at the store once. That's how they know you. Maybe. I don't know.

But it was like, and I'm very, like, I'm always down to talk to the people who I'm working with over the weekend, hang out before, after the show, whatever. If they're chill, right? But like, this person just came in with an energy and I was like, all right, well, like, maybe they're going to kill them. I'm hoping for the best. They did a horrible set, and then after the feature reset the room and got it back on course,

like they dug whatever this person just buried the show in. Already I can tell the audience has lost faith in the show, right? The feature corrects it where I'm like, dude, thank you. They go back up there, and then they do more time before they bring me out. Big faux paul. You never do that. And they go, they're taking, they go, y'all remember this song? What about this song? They start doing karaoke with the crowd. There's no punchlines. I keep waiting. I'm like, is this linked to a bit?

Oh my God. They're like in West Philadelphia, born and raised. I'm like, what's happening? They're eating into the show's time. The audience doesn't even know what's happening. Is the DJ playing music or is an Acapella? It's so, it gets so bad in the room. And when I got up on stage, I go, what's happening right now? I go, did they just ask you to sing? And the audience goes, yeah, I go, did they have any jokes with it? I literally ask you on it.

They go, no, I go, all right, well, this is going to be a big left turn. Let's do some jokes. Oh, shit. And then I hit them with material. Usually I'm like very loose or whatever, but I'm like, they need freaking secret. CPR right now. Right, right, right. So, like, I hit them with jokes for a while, and then I went in and, you know,

later Rift and had more fun with being silly, but I was like, this room is dying right now. Yeah. And they've lost all faith in what this show is. This person with you for the whole weekend? No, they were just there the one night, and I was so grateful. Oh, okay, good. Would you have asked to be, to have somebody else come in? It was, I asked management, I was just like, I was like, are they here all weekend?

and they're like, no, they're just here tonight. I go, fantastic. And I didn't speak all of them or whatever. I was just like, it solved itself. It was one of those things. Right. But it was so bad, like, I might have been like, who, like, is it possible for them to do a guest set or something instead than host?

The host is a very important job that, like, a lot of times I give to the youngest comic on the bill. And, like, that sets the tone. If they're real bad, it's... It is weird. Like, I came up in Boston and the format, and this makes a lot more sense. the headliner goes on first and does 15 minutes and they bring the opener he does 10 then he goes up and does a chunk brings up the feature who does 20 and then closes the show with another 15 now that's a harder job for the headliner but it's like their show though it's their show yeah and i believe at the end of that show that crowd is going to remember and embrace that headliner more yeah and it's a better experience for the other comics they're getting set up to not fail. What I'll do sometimes

on the road when it's like buddies who I'm bringing with me on the road is all even I'll come out at the top of the show. I was like, hey, I got a couple buddies with me tonight. Like, you'll see me here in a little bit but like I'll give them a real good intro from the stage. I'm like, all right, come to stage now is like I've been doing comedy with this person like over a decade,

like sketches, all this stuff. Please welcome, you know, Peter Banchowski or somebody close buddy, whatever. And they always tell me they're like, oh, dude, that made my set so much. You know, He's just you just biting the bullet of just saying hi to them. Right. And then having them out.

Stamping their car. Yeah, yeah. Right, right. I like that. Earlier you said you won't speak ill of them. Do you think that when doctors have to talk to the families of patients outside the room, they mostly speak ill of the patient? I literally just thought of that joke right now. Probably.

Are you speaking ill of my joke? Are you speaking ill of my joke right now? Jeremiah Walkins, we talked about the special, but also if you want to see him live, he's an explosive performer. You'll never see the same show twice, I'll tell you that much, which sometimes is a relief after the show. He will be at the comedy store on May 7th doing his stand-up on the spot show, which I've done in the past, and I absolutely love. Oh, yeah. You killed. We've got to have you back, dude. I love to. What room are you doing it in at this point? In the belly. We're doing in the main for a little bit, but I don't.

do like the belly. Now the belly is where you think a new shit. That's the, that's the lab. It's, it's great, like, for the show.

It's so, like, you're right on top of the audience there, and you can hear all the suggestions very easily. So, also the main room is fun, but it's a very perform,

like, when I do the main room, I don't do a ton of new shit. I got, you got to hit them in the main room. Yeah, no, for sure. Yeah.

For sure. April 24th and 25th in Tulsa, April 27th, Jimmy Kimmel's show. He's doing another stand-up on the spot out there in Vegas. Yeah, I'm doing it with Josh Wolf, Lunell, Lunell, and John Goblicon. Wow. Yeah. You spelled his name?

John Goblicon? Yeah. J-O-H-N-G-O-B-L-I-K-O-N, John Goblicon. St. Pete's on May 1st and 2nd, Des Moines, Denver, Syracuse, Omaha, Portland. Get on board if you want tickets. Go to Jeremiah Watkins. That's J-E-R. E-M-I-A-H-W-A-T-K-I-N-S.

Like, like Aunt Jemima. Yeah. Get tickets, go see him. Thank you, my friend. Thanks so much for having me, bro. You're the best. Love you. Love you.

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