Fitzdog Radio - Jim Florentine - Episode 1039

Episode Date: February 2, 2024

From Crank Yankers, Howard Stern and VH1’s “That Metal Show,” my old pal Jim Florentine joins me. We talk about the comedy softball league in NYC and bombing in Philly. Follow Jim Florentine on Instagram @JimFlorentine 

Welcome to FitzDawg Radio. I'm in the FitzDawg studio adjacent, which is a bedroom in my house. Got the Sunday Papers logo up there for you. And we're just getting through. We're just getting through a day. A Tuesday with not much to do. Not much? What the fuck was that? What am I saying? Four cups of coffee and it is 2.30.

That's about right, isn't it? It seems about right. Here's my story. Grew up, both parents from the Bronx, dad, mom, not a lot of money. Dad did well in radio. Moved us from the Bronx up to lovely Westchester County, where he was successful in voiceovers and radio. And I watched him and I fell in love with being in front of people and being funny and telling stories. And I watched my dad in a tuxedo emceeing benefit shows with a bunch of hokey jokes about growing up Catholic. And I drive home with him and I just stare at him like he was my hero. And then I got a little older. I started collecting comedy records and going into all the clubs in New York City during the week, on the weekends. I'd see shows. And somehow in college I started doing stand-up, and I never looked back,

and now here it is 33 years later, and I'm sitting in Venice Beach, California, just keeping the dream alive, just keeping on keeping on. I mean, there's no goal. There's no high point I'm looking for. I just love it. I love where I am.

I love what I do. I love podcasting and stand-up. I like writing on TV shows. And if I never make it any further than this, I am completely content in my life. And that's a nice place to be. I don't know that I ever had a goal except to just do it. Just to be invited to the party. I just love the party. I don't always that I ever had a goal except to just do it, just to be invited to the party.

I just love the party. I don't always like all the guests, but that's part of it. Some of the guests I love. It's like any party. There's some people you want to hang out with, people you're going to tell stories with, you're going to shit talk with. There's some people you avoid. There's some people you mock.

There's some people that you can't make sense of how they got into the party. And so you want to get into the VIP room of the party. And you want them out of the VIP room. But sometimes they're in the VIP room and you're outside. But you go, you know what? Who needs the velvet ropes? Who needs to get past that fucking monkey of a bouncer slash club owner slash TV booker? I'm good. I'm good at the St. Louis funny bone. I'm good at the fucking Houston improv, wherever. Just doing it. And now I got kids that are trying to figure out

what to do with their lives and they're looking to me for direction. I don't fucking know. I can't teach you anything about getting started in life. Hopefully I modeled something that you saw something that I saw in my father, which was he found something he loved. He enjoyed it. He pushed himself because he wanted to be better. And now my son's out of college. He's in Central America for five months,

riding around on what he calls chicken buses, because half the people on the bus have a fucking chicken in their lap, in Mexico. He's loving it. Climbing volcanoes. Best thing is he's talking to older people that are giving him advice, people that have been in the game a little bit, looking for jobs.

And I think he's going to come back with his sails full, with some inspiration, with some direction. And then my daughter, she's taking classes and she's figuring it out. But there's nothing I can do. All I could do was try to live my life while I was fully in their lives and hope that it maybe rubs off

and they can have half the fulfillment that I've had in my career. And also that they can model having close friendships and a life partner that you adore and you like to go out on dates with every Saturday night when you're in town. And then you like to cuddle up with on the couch every night and you get tea for her every morning while she's in bed and you kiss her face. And that's life. That's life.

It's not about selling out the fucking Madison Square Garden. I don't know what's going on with comedy these days. Everything's getting too big. Relax. Relax, everybody. We're not rock stars. We're just dick joke comics telling jokes to people eating deep fried mozzarella sticks in a mall outside

of a city. That's all. Flying coach home, taking an Uber. That's all I need. Need fucking Madison Square Garden. Come on. Is that really a good show? Did anyone really enjoy that?

Or did they get caught up in the hype that they're going to see someone at Madison Square Garden and go like, wow, that guy's huge. No. That's miserable that guy's huge. No. That guy's miserable. Maybe not. Maybe, look, I can't judge. Other people have other priorities. Other people want to push themselves harder.

They got more discipline than me. They got more drive than me. I have depression. I shut off. I try to push myself, and I get to a certain point. And then I have to check out and sit in a room for a few hours and stare at the wall and wonder why, why any of it makes sense. And I saw that in my father's eyes too. My father had depression.

He was an alcoholic. And I saw him in the mornings hung over staring out the window at nothing. in the mornings, hungover, staring out the window at nothing. Coming home, sitting in the den with the door closed, chain smoking, viceroys, picking his nose and reading books. That's it. And I saw there was a dark side to all of this, and I accept that's part of it.

What about the comedians that are always happy? Stop it. I like to see a fucking disturbed comedian working in a basement room in front of 125 people. Anyway, here we are. We're in chapter three of my life, or I should say act three. Act one was before kids. Act two was during kids. Act three is kids are growing up. What now? What do I want to accomplish now? Do I want to just tread water or do I want to go to a higher place? I want to go to a higher place. And I think part of me feels like now that I don't have to spend as much time on the kids,

I got this new one-hour special coming out. I got a script that I'm working on with a funny guy and trying to sell that. And maybe I want to punch through a little bit, see what it feels like in the ether. Maybe not play Madison Square Garden, but what about an 800-seat theater instead of the 200 or 300-seat rooms I do? Maybe. Would it make me happier? I don't know. I think it'd give me a little more freedom. But anyway, that's where I'm at. Just wanted to update you on where I am in my life. Took last week off. It was the first podcast I did not put out since last April. And I needed a week off.

And I took it and I enjoyed it. I got a lot of emails of people going, where the fuck are you? I'm back. Thanks for noticing. Very into football right now. Watch the games on Sunday. I made the mistake of going to Penmar,

which is the golf course up the street, and all my friends hang out there. We play a lot of golf there, and they've got a very cool outdoor restaurant with about 12 big screen TVs and good food. And I thought it'd be a fun hang. I went there for the Super Bowl last year. It's not. I want to hear the game. I'm sitting at a table, and at the next table between me and the screen are six chicks in yoga pants, hungover, obsessing about when they're going to show Taylor Swift again and whether or not Kelsey is going to dance when they play a Taylor Swift song.

How about it's fucking third and long? How about it's fourth and short, and they're fucking going for it, and they don't get it, and they end up losing the game by three points. Did you notice that while you were sucking down your fourth mimosa and trying to flirt with a guy who's not interested in you? I'm not going there again. Super Bowl, sitting on my couch with maybe two people and I'm watching the Super Bowl. I'm going to listen to every word that comes out of Tony Romo's mouth. I don't know who's calling the game.

Maybe it's a Troy Aikman, Joe Buck. I like those guys. They're manly. They make me feel like a woman, which isn't a bad thing. I like feeling like a woman. I sit on the couch in high heeled shoes and lipstick and toenail polish. And I just feel like a woman while these two guys talk about hitting men and bootlegs and button hooks and play options and all this shit that I don't really understand, but I hear every week. Makes me feel, again, like a female. like a female. Had a very social weekend. Had a boys' night out. We went to a fun Italian restaurant in Hollywood. Me and a bunch of showrunners,

Frank Sebastiano, Chuck Sklar, Mike Gibbons, Chris McGuire, talk shop. Toasted a guy named Tom Johnson, who was a friend of ours, who was a fellow writer who just died last week, and told some funny stories about him. One of the things he said was, he goes, I don't know about my health. Is it bad that I think that a Snickers bar is a, what did he say?

That a Snickers is a granola bar? I forget what it was. Anyway, here's to you, Tom Johnson. Rest in peace, my friend. Also did Laura Keitlinger's podcast. She's a fucking riot. She was on SNL and wrote for everybody. She's one of the biggest writers in

history in Hollywood punch up she's a sniper comes in on on sitcoms and just sits there and fucking fires off punch lines boom boom boom they bring her in one day a week that's it right before they tape and she just fires up the script with funny punchlines. She's the best. Been meditating again. I started up again a few weeks ago. I'm feeling more present. I'm feeling more connected when I talk to people. I have more energy.

And so I highly recommend if you don't meditate, it's not complicated. You can learn it on YouTube. Just look up meditation. It's fucking simple. Just listen to your breath, observe your thoughts, and do it for 10 minutes. Try to build up to 20 and notice how you feel. And I know people go, I can't do it. Yes, you can. You can do it. Try it again. Just keep trying it. It is worth it. Don't give up because your mind races. That's the whole point. You're going to notice your mind racing. And the more you notice it, the more it's going to start to quiet because you're going to see a pattern.

And you know, I don't need to think that same thought every 45 seconds. I noticed it. I get it. I see you. I see you. You're good. Just stay right there. You're an arm's length from me. You don't need to be in my face. I can keep you right there. You don't have to go away. I know I need you. I know you're a thought that I need to take stock of, but you don't need to be in my fucking face. That's what meditation does. listen to The Cure today. People talk about who are the greatest American bands of all time. You know, I don't know who you think. People talk about Smashing Pumpkins, The Doors, obviously Hendrix, but that's not a band. Do you consider that a band? The Jimi Hendrix Experience, yeah.

Put him at maybe number one for me. But how about The Cure? How about some of these new wave bands, The Talking Heads, The Cure, The Smiths, B-52s, that's a fun fucking listen. Put that shit on in your convertible and drive to the beach. All right, so we got some emails from you guys. Clint said he was talking about not remembering

people's names, but liking them. Talking about a guy who was extremely engaging, outgoing, fun, great personalities, but I cannot remember his name. And then there's people with personalities you can never forget, but you cannot remember their names. Other people, you'll always remember their names, but not remember much about them at all. And it made me think of your segment, there are two types of people in this world, go. So there are people you remember and there are people, others who you only remember by name. Which would you rather be? Obviously, I'd rather be the one they remember me. What's my name? It's random. My name was assigned to me by my parents, probably in the hospital room, in the delivery room, scrambling. Greg? It's not a good name. It sounds kind of waspy.

It sounds like a nerd. It sounds like a square. Greg? Who are the Gregs in the world? Gregory Peck? Greg Gumbel? Greg Louganis? Huh.

None of them that compelling. But my personality, now you got something. Now you got something you can hang your hat on. Maybe they go, oh, there's that guy. He's kind of mean, but somehow I like him. That's me. Be that guy. I just had a friend of mine, Lori Vanderhart,

in New York, who texted me a picture of us in first grade. And we went back and forth naming the kids. I swear to you, I remembered 70% of the names of fucking seven-year-olds. When I was seven, my memory was acute and I still have it. It's uncanny. And yet if you ask me about those kids' personalities, I don't know many of them. Mima Mosca, I remember her, big Italian girl. I remembered Sammy Davis, his brother Steven. Yeah. yeah Cindy Vieira who I had a crush on kissed her at the Tarrytown Lakes I think she had a light mustache

she was Portuguese very cute anyway Rory Gonzalez says that I just finished Confederacy of Dunces I enjoyed Ignatius in the book very much. He's going to start Antkind next.

Also, I know you have siblings, but we hardly hear about them. Do you have any fun stories from your youth good enough to share on the pod? Of course. Talked to my sister this week for about an hour, and God, she was my best friend growing up, truly. She's about three years younger than me. One of the kindest, funniest, sweetest, caring people I've ever met. She works with special needs kids.

That's been her job for many years. She's a teacher. Highly, highly disturbed. Is that the right word? That's not the right word, disturbed. Highly impaired. Is that the way you can describe people with intellectual disabilities? And she's a great mom and makes my week when I talk to her. She's the best. show called Make Me Laugh back in the 70s. And me and my sister and Norman Dodge and my brother, we used to sit in the kitchen. We were probably about 13 and we'd get like a six pack and split it. And we'd take turns trying to make each other laugh in a game show format. And I can just,

I don't know that I've ever laughed as much in my life as like those nights, just hanging out, my parents would go out. And then there was a night when I was a little older, I was probably about 16, and I was driving, and I got pulled over, and I didn't have my license. So they took me into the station because I was so young, and I called my house, and my parents were out. Brother and sister were home. My brother's a year older.

And I said, you got to bring me down the license to the police station. So my brother and sister dressed up as my parents. My father had this T-shirt. It said, I gave to Eddie Aid. It was like a t-shirt. He went to a party for his friend, Ed Moyer, and they made up these t-shirts. My dad wore it all the time. So my brother's wearing that with a blazer and he's got a cigarette dangling out of his mouth. My sister has on one of my mother's Paisley blouses and big, her big sunglasses.

And she's got a cigarette. She's about 13 and they walk into the police station and they, and the police just look at them and they go, what the fuck is going on here? And they released me and they brought me home and I got a picture of it. If you have my book, dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons, there's a photo of the three of us. I think I have a beer in my hand back at home when they sprung me from the joint.

I'll tell some more. I'll think of some more stories about them. We had a lot of laughs growing up. And then we got, all right, we got my guest. Let's get to it. Don't forget, you can still get the Sunday Papers koozies at fitzdog.com. You can also get yourself Grapefruit Simmons t-shirts. Oh no, you can't. They're not on the website anymore. No more t-shirts. You can get the premium membership at FitzDawg.com for nine bucks a year

or something, fuck, 19 bucks a year. You can get a thousand of the back episodes. You also get a half off if I come to your town and do stand-up comedy.

You're going to email me at the website and I'm going to give you half off tickets. For every ticket you buy, you get a free one. How about that? Pretty sweet deal. All right, let's get to my guest.

This guy, I go way back with this guy. In New York, when I was just coming up, we used to play on the comic strip softball team and we had a lot of laughs and he became the crank yanker guy probably the most famous crank caller in the country he hosted that metal show on vh1 classic he's got a show on series xm he dated robin quivers from the howard stern show uh he's got a ton of credits. Great dude. Funny comic. And we're going to talk to him right now.

Before that, dates coming up. Hollywood Improv on St. Paddy's Day. Well, the day before St. Patrick's Day, March 16th. Get tickets now. Also at the Portland Helium Comedy Club, February 22-24. Huntington Beach at the Rec Room, March 2nd, La Jolla Comedy Store, March 8th through the 10th, and Tampa Side Splitters, April 4th through the 6th. Come check out some live shows, tickets at fitzdog.com.

All right, here's my guest, the great Jim Florentine. Let's hear that voice. I've had it since ninth grade. Really? Yeah. I used to call my friends out of school if we cut class. So I called, yeah, this is Mr. Corrigan. Kevin's not coming in today. They'd all use my voice. And we trekked the secretary at the school all the time. But it was embarrassing because it turned at ninth grade. So I'd walk down the hallway, everyone would just go, say something. I'd go, what? And they're like, ah, they'd just be laughing

at me. Yeah. Like Froggy, who was the little rascal? Yeah. I think it was Froggy. Yeah. Yeah. And then if I got called on in class, like, what's the answer? I go, 72. They'd be all laughing. But the thing is, like, it's got to give you a certain confidence. First of all, you're not a small guy. You're six foot? Six one. Six one, deep voice. It kind of gives you an advantage in life because our society really does value big women, big men, and hot women. That's the fucking currency of our society. And when you're little, I'm fucking five five not even five foot eight little woman's voice I was always intimidated by guys like you but I was never a bully or anything like that but did you feel the power like the confidence I'm not really no no I never really did no because I

wasn't like that I wasn't like a jock I mean I played like baseball when I was younger but I wasn't a jock I didn't I wasn't a I'd never gotten fights. I think my last fight was maybe like sophomore year. So I was never like that guy, like just roughing people up and just be, you know, so, uh, but no, I never felt, but then I realized like, as I started dating girls, like, Oh, I like a tall guy. That's why I'm with you. I'm like, Oh really? That matters? I never knew it mattered. I'm like, damn, that helped a lot. Isn't that weird how much it matters? And then you see a little guy. I fucking love seeing little guys with a hot chick.

I think this guy's got game. You know, they got that crazy confidence. Like, Mitch Fatel would always get crazy pussy. Tall women. Tall women, yeah. Yeah. So I should say, Jim and I started out in New York together. Well, I did two or three years in Boston before I moved to New York,

but then I moved to New York in like, I want to say like 94. Is that about the time you were starting out in New York? Yeah, about 92 I started. 92, yeah. Passed the comic strip at 93. Yeah, that's when I was there, 93. Yeah. So we kind of came up in New York at

the exact same time, hanging out at the Strip, hanging out at Stand Up New York, down at the Cellar, New York Comedy, Boston Comedy. Boston Comedy Club, yeah. Yeah. And then we also played on the Comic Strip softball team. That's right. That was a blast. That's the only reason I got past the Comic Strip, because I I knew I'd hit a softball. Yeah, you were really good. Because what happened was I would go with me and Eric McMahon. Yeah. We'd go in, and Jim Norton, we'd come in from Jersey,

and we're trying to get past these clubs. So you just had to hang out at the club. Yeah. So we'd always be hanging out at the comic strip. And then softball season would start, and everyone was saying, man, Lucian, the booker, he really loves his softball team. He's really passionate about that.

I go, I can play. And Eric's like, yeah, I can play too. He goes, well, come down for practice. We came down for practice. Then we played the first game. We won like 15 to 4. They won like one game in three years. McMahon was 4 for 4.

I was 3 for 4. And Lucian's like, oh, my God. And he goes, listen, you can't be a ringer. You have to work at the club. So I'm going to have to look at you to audition. And I remember him auditioning me. He's like, he brings me in his little office. He shakes his head.

He goes, ah. He goes, you know, your jokes are very sophomoric. He goes, I'll never forget. He goes, you have jokes that guys in the locker room will nudge each other afterwards. He goes, but you know what? He goes, you know, we need a voice like you in this club. He goes, I'm going to put you on late, the last spot on Monday. But Kandison and Dice used to get that spot.

And the prom kids will love you because of your jokes. Oh, brutal. I mean, 3.45 in the morning I'd go on at a prom show. You remember those prom shows? Yeah, yeah. For like $75. We're like, oh, yeah, we'll do it. 4.20 a.m. at Dangerfields.

Yep, yep. Dangerfields even did a thing during prom season where there was so many proms coming in that they would hire like five comics. Everybody did 15 minutes and then when it was your turn you just went on again. So the show never ended. It was just a rotation that started at 8 o'clock and went until 4 in the morning,

and you just went up. Rogan used to do it. And it was the same crowd some of the time too, right? Oh, yeah. People would hang out. They'd leave. They'd come. There was no beginning and the end.

So people would show up, and they'd go, Did we miss the show? No, it just started. Wow. And the craziest part was like, Meanwhile, we meanwhile, we're like in our 20s still. So these prom girls would come in, you know, 18-year-old girl, and they're always wearing these low-cut dresses. And you're looking straight. You can see right down their fucking dresses.

And then I would always go, you guys are tired, everybody. Let's stretch it out. Arms in the air. Stretch it out. And that was good because it killed like you know 30 seconds because those prom kids were tough the worst you know what i mean so anytime you are that 15 minutes was tough to do they didn't want to be there they're like why are we at a comedy club right right they always had to look on why we listen we should be in the limo i'll be trying to get late

or go to some party somewhere and we're stuck at a comedy club. And they don't relate to any of the material. None. Yeah. None. But you did get paid more. Instead of 50, you got like 75. Yeah, it was like $75, 70, maybe 100 or whatever. Yeah, right. But I remember getting, okay, your prom spots are 1.50 a.m., 2.50, and then 4.20 a.m. at Dangerfields.

I'm like, all right, I'll take them. Oh, my God. Brutal. But back in those days, parking was, for some reason, all the comedy clubs had parking. Like you could stand up New York,

you just park on Broadway. You go to the comic strip, you could always park on like 81st, 82nd Street on the side streets. You get out of the village, no problem. Washington Square Park at night, because at night,

everything opened up. Catch a Rising star, easy. Yeah. But so I had a car. When I first moved to New York, whatever, 93, I bought a Mazda 626. It was like a 1982 Mazda 626. And I was in New York for 10 years. I had that car for 10 years.

I never washed it. I used to get dents. I'd leave the dents I didn't want anyone still on my car so I made it look like shit but that fucking thing I don't think I ever got a tune up oil change nothing I just ran it for 10 years did you take that on the road to all row gigs like yeah rascals okay but you didn't drive to like you know it was Detroit. No, no, no, no. It was just a back around the city car. Okay, but that's great. Yeah.

I bought a Toyota. When I started doing colleges, I made like five grand, which I couldn't believe. Yeah. You got five grand at college? No, between like six or seven of them. And then I wound up buying like a brand new Toyota Tercel. I got like 35 miles to 40 miles because it was a stick shift. Yeah.

And I just, I bought it with 5,000 and I had it paid off for like a couple of years. I had 210,000 miles on that thing. No shit. Yeah. And I, to this day, my son's like, dad, why don't you get a better car? I still have a Honda Accord, a 2018 Honda Accord.

I still have to squeeze in the spots in New York City on the street, going to do the stand, the cellar, you know, Gotham. I go, so it's going to get scratched up. I can't have a nice car. Right. To this day, I still can't. Yeah.

And I squeeze in. The other day at the stand, I had like an inch on each side. My friend's like, how did you get in? I go, I've been doing this for years. Because you couldn't pay. When we weren't making money, you couldn't pay to put in a lot.

Hell no. There's no way you were paying. Nope. I'll drive around for an hour. I can't pay $35 to put in a lot for the night. And then you start. And then when it's tight, you just park halfway up the street. You put the hazards on.

And you just look in your rearview mirror. You're looking forward and back at the same time, waiting to see some taillights come on. And then you go flying up there and grab that spot. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You just hang. Yep. Exactly.

And still to this day, I'm doing that. Well, the best was, remember Jay London? Jay had the cab. He used to drive had the cab. He used to drive a taxi cab. And so, like, he'd come to a spot at the Strip, and then he'd be like, I'm heading down to the cellar, and everybody sit in the back of his taxi and get a free ride downtown. And he would also double park it outside the comic strip and go into his set. Right. Because, you know, a cop's probably not, oh, it's a taxi or whatever.

They didn't know if someone was in it or not. Yeah. And he'd just run in, go do his set, and then run back out. It's great. He had some good jokes. Oh, he was so good. He was so... He still is.

He's still doing it. He's out here now. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I don't remember his jokes. I just remember, thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thanks. Thank you. Let me move over here. And then he moved like an inch. What was your first car that you ever had? Because you grew up in Jersey. I grew up in Jersey. I forget what the car was.

It was like a, I forget. It cost me $300. I remember it had no front bumper. It had a piece of wood as a front bumper. Really? Yeah, and then the passenger seat on the floor was all rotted out. It was all rusted out, so they just put the mat over it. When I bought the car.

I didn't know. Yeah. And then I put my foot down. I'm like, what is this? There's a big hole there. Yeah. So it was great because we used to drive around me and my friends and drink beers and then just throw the empties right out the hole. Because you didn't want any empties in the car if you got pulled over.

And then whoever had a piss would climb into their passenger seat and just piss as I'm driving. That's amazing. Did you put a toilet seat over the hole? No, we didn't do that. But it was just like, okay, I got to piss. All right, the nine guys, get out. Oh, rolling over to the front seat.

Go piss in there. Because that's what you did. We'd just drive around, listen to heavy music. Led Zeppelin. Cranking it in the car. My stereo system was more than the car i think it was like 350 to put in at a pioneer yeah oh yeah the booster equalizer power booster and they're just driving around crank heavy metal music drink beers and we thought

like girls are going to come to the car like hey those guys are cool like you drive around the neighborhood hey maybe she's out yeah and if she was like a bunch of losers right right now my i had a 76 volkswagen rabbit that was my first car same thing the the floorboards were rotted out and when it when it got slushy out all the slush would get kicked up into the car and then i park it i come out in the morning and the whole the whole floorboards would be a sheet of ice i'd be driving with my heels are slipping around on the floor while I'm trying to hit the pedals. A Pontiac Le Mans it was.

Oh, there you go. That's what the car was. Yeah. It was orange. It was awful, but it was 300 bucks. Yeah. The Pontiac Le Mans was big back then. The Monte Carlo, the Grand Prix, they were all similar cars.

Yeah. Yeah. Easy to fix. Big fucking hoods. Get in fucking hoods yeah you get in there i do my own oil changes yeah i learned how to do that so right by used tires at the junkyard yeah always oh yeah which is insane like who would buy a used tire now you know what i mean you need tires yeah i'm just gonna go get a used i go to junkyard i need tires for yeah no problem it would just be one tire.

Didn't even match the other ones. Didn't match the other one. Didn't matter. Right. Yeah. Yeah, no, I still drive a Prius, man. I got a fucking Prius. It's got dents on it.

I don't give a shit because we turned my garage into a big bonus room in the back, you know. And so that was where we would park. And now we just park on the street and I live in Venice. So it's like, people are always ding in the car. So I just don't give a shit. It's just not something I care about. It doesn't matter. Like the neighborhood I live in, everyone's got nice cars.

Yeah. Teslas, Range Rovers. I'm like, I don't care. Right. I got a used Honda Accord, it's good. I buy a used one every four years. Yeah. With like 40,000 miles on it.

That's smart play. And I don't care. It's like, you know, I never cared about a car. I don't know. I never, like, I'm not trying to impress anybody. I don't want people looking at me anyway when I'm driving. Right, right. I want to be discreet.

Yeah. You know. It's like at the comedy store, you know, people, they got that back lot where everybody pulls up. And it's like, all right, what's he driving? What's he driving? What's she got? You know? And I just pull up. I usually drive on my wife's, she's got a Subaru Outback. I drive that because it's got the Sirius XM in it at night. And I remember everybody would make fun of me. And then one day Joey Diaz showed up with his Subaru and I was

like, oh, is it cool now? Is it okay now that Joey has it? Yeah, when I used to come to L.A. to do spots, I'd have to rent a car at LAX. Yeah. And I'd get the PT Cruiser. Yeah. Because they were only like $14 a day. Every other car was like $50. I'd go, I don't care.

And I'd show up at the comedy store in a PT Cruiser. All the time, I'd go, whatever. I'd go, no, I'm not getting laid in L.A. anyway, so it doesn't matter. Right. If you have to have three TV I go, no, I'm not getting laid in LA anyway, so it doesn't matter. If you have to have three TV shows and movies, so I'm not worried, I'll take the PT Cruiser. Yeah, that's like, remember Get Shorty, where they pull up to the rental car lot and all they have left for John Travolta is a minivan.

And the lady goes, it's the Cadillac of the minivans. And then by the end of the movie, like everybody in Hollywood's driving a minivan because he made itivan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he made it cool. Yeah. So listen, we got a lot to talk about. Jesus Christ.

I looked you up online. This is your first, I can't believe this is your first time on the podcast. I feel like we tried to do it a couple times and it never worked out. Yeah, and then also I did yours when you were on Howard 101. Right, okay.

I know I did your show a few times there because I think, were you still, no, you weren't in New York then. No, I was out here. I was out here. Oh no, sometimes I did it in New York. You might have come in when I did it in New York. Yeah. Yeah, you did come in. I think you came in with somebody else as a matter of fact.

I'll never forget. I'll never forget. You sent me a text. So, you know, I dated Robin Quivers from the Howard Stern show. And then it didn't work out, whatever. We broke up and she announced it on the air and you text me, you go, hey, you want to come on and talk about it?

I go, no, I'm not ready yet. He go, all right. He goes, yeah, no problem, dude. I want to put you on the spot. Just be aware there's animals out there. I'll never forget that text. I go, thanks. Cause I knew you wouldn't be like brutal with it.

But I just said, I go, it's too soon. It just happened. She just announced it. So let me lay low for a little while. You go, just be careful out there. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like the Oprah interview.

Yeah. Come on soft. Yeah, yeah. We do soft lighting, you know. But we were friends. So I knew you weren't going to just nail me to a cross over it. So I was like, if I was going to do it, I was going to do it with you. But it was the same day.

Yeah. I did it the same day? Yeah, because you heard her. She goes, yeah, we broke up in the morning. And you texted like two hours later, and you were doing your show that night. I go, no, I better wait a little bit. I was circling, looking for tragedy. You know, she sent me a bottle of wine last Christmas, which was so random.

Really? Because, like, I always got along really well with her. I mean, as you know, she's just a wonderful person. Amazing. And caring, and, like, you came on the show, she'd always be supportive and great laugher. And so I think i definitely sent her like christmas cards for years but it had been i haven't been on the show in eight years probably i mean you know he sort of changed formats and yeah comics stopped coming in as much so

seven a year eight years ago and then i get an expensive bottle of wine from robin quivers and i just was like, what? I thought, honestly, this must be a mistake. This is like an old mailing list or something. And I sent her a note. I don't know if she ever got it, but that was weird. Have you had any contact

with her? No. Probably like before the pandemic. I'd see her up at Syria sometimes because I was always up there doing all the stuff i work on ozzy's boneyard oh right on the rock channel and i'm up there doing other shows and stuff so um but we we ended off on good terms yeah you never know with that stuff but you know we talked a bunch afterwards i haven't got any contact probably in five years so dude that was the craziest i mean of of the big moments on the Stern Show, because you were like me.

We just went in there every couple months. We sat in like every year after year. And then all of a sudden, you're dating Robin. It was like the untouchable. Every guy would come in and flirt with Robin, especially the black guests. They'd all talk about how they wanted to fuck Robin. And Howard would say that, you know, he'd egg it on. But nothing ever happened. And then all of a sudden, she's dating you.

I had no idea. Look, I didn't go in there that day. I didn't think, oh, man, I would never in a million years, like, see her in the hallway, go, hey, you want to go on a date? Yeah. That would completely be crossing the line. Right. So, you know, I just told this whole story.

My girlfriend died, and I told the whole story I wasn't on the show for a while and then Howard's like, oh man, whatever he goes Jimmy a single Yeah, he goes Robin. You're single. Check. Yeah. I am. She just broke up with her long-term boyfriend What about you two? And check all please and then Artie Lang was there, of course So the next 45 minutes just ball busted come on You don't want to go see a black Sabbath tribute band with Jim and his dirtbag friends? You know, all this stuff.

You know, come on, I'll take you to go see a Van Halen tribute band on your birthday. Yeah, you can take a piss through the hole in the past. Yeah, yeah. He'll take you to Applebee's in Jersey. You don't want to hang out in Jersey. And then finally, you have like 45 minutes. He goes, you know what? I'll go on a date with you.

Fine. I was like, holy shit. Wow. So we exchanged numbers. And then, you know, it I'll go on a date with you. You're fine. I was like, holy shit. Wow. So we exchanged numbers. And then, you know, took us a couple of weeks to get it together. We met in the city and we had dinner. And I was so nervous going in, you know. But then I thought, oh, you know what?

She hangs out. She's been in that room with Howard and those guys for years. Yeah. So she's been around this. Yeah. And we had a great time. We were friends for like three months. We just see each other

whenever we could and then it blossomed into something else but then ultimately you know the stand up you know just kills relationships

yes you know especially when she's working during the week and then I got the weekends I gotta go work yeah I wasn't gonna stop

and she's waking up at 5am everyday for work 5am so it was tough and then she's like you're gonna be gone this weekend

I go yeah I'm gonna be gone next weekend and next weekend. So it really, you know, put a toll on the relationship. Yeah. You know, so ultimately it just didn't work out. But it was great, though. She was awesome. It takes a special woman to put up with our schedules.

It really does. Yeah. It really does. I mean, I feel for them. It's tough. Yeah, right. You know, and then you want to stay home, but then you got offers and you're like, you're still at this point.

We've been doing it for a long time. Yeah. I just said, I'm going to start working like every other weekend. I'm going to work two weekends on the road and then I'll work one in the city and I'm going to just take one off. That's my new schedule. Right. That's what I did because I just worked the whole fall, like every weekend.

And now I'm booked to start next weekend, the next eight weekends. Yeah. Well, the thing is you can't, you can can't spread it out like that because you've got the clubs you want to work. They've got people they're trying to book ahead of you. So when the weekend opens up, you've got to grab it. And sometimes you end up with seven or eight weeks in a row. And then usually, I take the summer off. I mean, I do spots in town, but I try not to go on the road on the weekend because you play Philly, the whole city's on the fucking Jersey Shore every weekend.

So you can't draw. And so I take it easy, and then I try to book everything during the rest of the year. Yeah, I slow it up in the summer, too. Yeah, especially the East Coast. Anyone who knows the East Coast, as soon as Memorial Day, you're screwed. Yeah. June, July, up to late August. Right, right. So, yeah, I usually take that time off, too. coast as soon as as soon as memorial day you're screwed yeah june july you know up till like late august right right so yeah i usually take that time off too but sorry about that let's see who's

calling it's my wife let's put her on hey baby what are you doing just hanging out what are you going to Tarzana oh that's fun to see the baby what are you wearing what are you doing on your podcast she hung up yeah she's like wait a minute

he doesn't ask without any other time she never gets upset with me. We were just talking about this. Like, I go on the road. She's cool, you know. I make Saturday nights when I'm in town. I never work.

That's a date night. And then, you know, if I'm in town, like, I usually, I'll only go out three nights of the week. I'll go out Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. That's it. And I'm around the rest of the time. And then I'm gone, like other weekend. Like last year, I worked 20, I think I worked 23 or 24 weekends last year. And that's right where I want to be. Now, is that somewhere you don't have to get on a flight, like local gigs, a couple hours away,

San Diego, that kind of stuff? Some of them are local. I'll drive to San Diego, I'll drive to Irvine, Brea, Ventura, but mostly it's getting on a plane. Yeah. And the tough thing is, you're lucky, man. East Coast, you're so much closer to most of the gigs. You go to Atlanta, you go to Chicago, upstate New York, Florida, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Chicago. Yeah, all that stuff. No, it is. And for me it's like four hours every time I get on a plane.

Yeah. So I've tried to pick up more work on like Portland, Seattle. Yeah, see I don't really do that area. To me that's too far. I'm like, nah, I'm not going up there. I'll go to LA, San Diego. So yeah, I'll stay more. Yeah, that's all the comics do that the west coast guys do all portland yeah at all i

never go up there i used to years ago i do texas that's easy yeah texas is great yeah yeah i just did rogan's club god damn is that unbelievable it's great isn't it oh yeah yeah it's a it's unbelievable it spoils you for any other club, really. And I just taped my special there like a month ago. Oh, you did? Yeah. So I had two shows. You know, I did Friday night, so I got to do it twice.

And then Saturday night I taped two shows. And I feel like I got – originally I thought like the first show, oh, I got it. Like I really feel like everything worked. And so I taped the second show and I was just having fun. And then I went back now that I'm editing and I was like, oh no, most of the good stuff was in the second show. Like some of the stuff I thought worked in the first show I listened to, I was like, oh no, that wasn't, that wasn't a great laugh. So you got, you got to do two.

Yeah. No, it's the same thing happened in my last special. I thought I got it the first show. I was loose the second and I went back. I listened, I used 90% from the second. Right, it's the same thing happened in my last special. I thought I got it the first show. I was loose the second. Yeah. And I went back. I listened. I used 90% from the second.

Yeah, right, right, right. Yeah. Where'd you tape it? Fairfield Theater in Fairfield, Connecticut. Uh-huh. Yeah. White people, huh? Yeah.

Yeah. Plus, I had a busload of my friends and family come up. Oh, you did? Yeah, yeah. From Jersey? Yeah, they all wanted to come. I rented a bus for them. That's amazing.

Like a 50-seater. They all came up. You know, we're all drunk. I go, you coming to the first show? Yeah, they all wanted to come. I rented a bus for them. That's amazing. Like a 50-seater. They all came up. You know, we're all drunk. I go, you coming to the first show? Nobody's staying for the second show. Yeah. Because they're drinking on the bus, you know, all that stuff. So, yeah.

I go, just, no, you're not coming to the late show. They go, we'll stay for the second one. I go, no, no, no. It's sold out. There's no seats. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't do anything. Right, right.

Get the drunks out. My one nephew fell asleep during my special. He fell asleep in the crowd halfway through. Did you point it out? No, I said, you should have got a shot of him. That would have been great. I would have put it after a joke. I would have just cut to him.

He's like, sorry, I started drinking at 11 in the morning. I get it. That's hilarious. Yeah. Yeah, Connecticut's a weird place to do comedy, man. There's a lot of comedy there now. Yeah. There's a ton of like these little clubs.

Bridgeport. It's a whole scene now. Yeah, you got, you know, Stanford, New York Comedy Club's got a club in Stanford now. Yeah. There's all these theaters. You got Hartford. You got the two casinos. Right.

There's a lot going on. Yeah. And then if you live in Connecticut, you can play Boston. You can play New York. Yeah. You know, Pennsylvania. So, yeah, so I miss being in New York, though. I've got to tell you, like, doing spots out here is just not the same.

Like, you know, like I said, I go out like three nights a week, and sometimes it's only one spot in the night. And, you know, you're in New York. If you go into the city, you do three four shows easily every room's got two two clubs right you know you know i just did the stand last week you know i did like four shows yeah 8 30 upstairs 8 9 15 downstairs up down up down i'm out right perfect right i don't have to run around i don't run around the city anymore i stay in one spot do you ever go up to the comic strip or stand up New York no stand up New York once in a while a comic strip a couple years ago I didn't walk in there for like eight years yeah I think I might say it's a bitch to get

up there yeah oh in the Upper East Side yeah you know but you know I won't go around the different spots yeah I can't the Cellar, they got how many rooms now? Like four going. Yeah. Plus they just bought the McDonald's. They did? They bought the McDonald's and making that into a comedy club. So they're going to have five clubs within four blocks of each other.

Yeah, you know what a McDonald's right on 3rd? Yeah, of course. Right there, it's been there for years. It closed. On 6th Avenue. Yeah, it closed, which McDonald's never closed. And they bought it. Wow.

And they're making it into a comedy club. I think it closed because it was like a homeless shelter. There was so many. It was bad. Yeah. So that's going to be a comedy club. Damn. See, I'm going to come back to New York in March,

and I'm going to spend a couple weeks and just do spots. I just miss it so much. It's great because you're really, you know how it is. You just get in the groove. You're like, damn. It's like going to the gym six days in a row. Right. Yeah.

So, but sometimes I got to take a break. You know, I don't do the comedy cell anymore because, you know, they put you on too late. Yeah. I can't go on at 1.45 in the morning. Right, right. In front of 21-year-olds. Yeah. It just doesn't work.

Right. They don't want to see me. I don't want to see them. I know. Even Attell's been telling me that it's like he's not that into going in late anymore. Because he always goes on last. The stand is a little different. They're a young crowd, but they're locals.

Comedy sellers, tourists go there now. Right, right. So everyone around the world, I got to go to a comedy seller. Yeah. The stand is young, but they're good. Yeah. They're not groaners either. I have faith in this new generation of kids coming up.

Yeah. That go to the comedy clubs. Right. You know, they don't care how old you are, which is always a thing. It's like, oh, he's old. I can't. They don't care as long as you're funny. And they don't except for like the race stuff and maybe the trans stuff. They will give it as a white guy. But other than that, they'll laugh at anything. I find that when I'm in a legitimate comedy club, they get the context of, if I'm saying something racial, not racist, but racial, they get that there's some context,

that I am an old white guy, and I'm going to say some stuff that sounds antiquated, but that's the joke. Right. But then you go to, like, a fucking room in Las Feliz, or your version would be Brooklyn or something. They don't get it at all. It's like it's written on a piece of paper

and they're going over it with a highlighter pen to see if anything doesn't ascribe to their liberal values. It's fucking crazy. I don't step foot in Brooklyn in a club. I can't. I just know they're going to hate me and it's like it's not even worth it. You seem like one of those guys that's like

not a liberal, not a conservative. You're just somewhere in the middle. I've always been in the middle. I lean a little more to the right as I get older. Right. But, no, I've always voted both ways and stuff. I never got involved in politics. Yeah.

I don't care about that stuff, you know. Yeah. I never did, and people, like, get crazy over it. Who cares? I know. You know? I know. Somebody yelled at me the other night because somebody brought up Gavin Newsom, and I was

like, you know, I don't fucking, I go, I don't know about it. I don't care. Right. I go, and then after the show, well, you got to make, you're either on his side or you're not. And I'm like, no, I'm on the side of people that are not fucking fighting each other because the politicians have pitted you against each other because that makes it easy for them.

You're playing into that game and I'm not. They love it. Yeah. I don't follow anyone on social media. I don't even watch any TV shows. I don't watch Fox, CNN, MSNBC. I don't watch any of that shit. I'll go on Greg Gutfeld's show on Fox,

but he talks about politics for like five minutes. Yeah. Make a couple Biden jokes, and then it's just goofy stories. Right, right. So I got no problem, you know, and I've known him for a long time. You probably did Red Eye back in the day. No, I never did it. Oh, you never did?

Okay. All the comics in New York would do it. Yeah. You might have been out of there by then. Yeah, I think I, I think I, I think I might've done it remotely from Denver once. Sometimes if you were on the road, they would like set you up satellite. But, uh, yeah, I, you know, Fox news, MSNBC, all that stuff. It's all a circus that it's like a cult. Both sides get so into it. And then they come out of there like they got a homework assignment to go spread the word. They're like evangelical about this bullshit. I know. You know?

Yeah. I just, I have football guys over every Sunday for football. I go, do not bring up politics. You're leaving. You could do anything else. You could shit on my floor. Yeah. But don't bring this stuff up.

Right. Yeah. I don't want to hear it. I don't care. Yeah. You know? So, yeah, I try to stay in them. I don't, I don't care about that stuff. Who's your football team? Miami Dolphins. No shit. Yeah. It's brutal this year. I mean, were they playing the Chiefs on Saturday? Yeah. It's going to be minus six degrees in Kansas City. That's not good for

the Dolphins. Two is 0-4 in In any games, he's played under 32 degrees. Oh, is that right? Yeah. Yeah. His fingers don't even close. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, he grew up in Hawaii. Yeah, right.

He's in minus six degrees. Right. So, yeah, I mean, but I go to games. I bring my kid to the games and stuff. I've liked them since I was a kid. You mean you go to Miami to go to games? Yeah, I go to Miami or I'll go to- No shit.

Yeah, I went to Washington because I played them this year. I went to the Jets in Jersey, MetLife Stadium. So I bring them like three games a year. I don't get it, man. I love football. I watch every weekend, but I go to live games. I miss the replays. I miss the announcing.

I like to record it and then fast forward through commercial breaks and halftime. I find it very hard to sit at a game live and stay interested. It's tough, but, you know, my kid likes going to them. We'll pick a few each year to go there. So if it wasn't for him, maybe I would go. I used to be friends with the old Dolphins coach, so I would get hooked up, and then he got fired. I'm like, God damn it.

Oh, that sucks. Yeah. And, you know, the new Dolphins coach, Mike McDaniel, the guy's name is, you know, Dan Soda, the comic Dan Soda grew up with them. They're like best friends. So Dan's like tight with them and stuff. So I always get the inside info from Dan. Didn't you have some crazy story at the stadium in Philadelphia in the parking lot where somebody

was having sex in a car that you were with maybe I think I'm thinking of somebody else I don't remember that it was one I was thinking he was a philly guy no Craig Gass oh that's who it was Craig Gass had some crazy story yeah right I wasn't there for that I wasn't at that show like, he met, him and his friend met two girls in the stands. And then I think Craig went down to the girl's car and was having sex with her. And then the husband showed up. Yeah, the husband showed up and opened the door or whatever. It was at a corn concert.

It was a rock concert. It's just so funny that it was at the Philly Stadium, because how many viral videos that come out of that fucking parking lot? No, because the Dolphins played the Eagles this year in Philadelphia on a Sunday night. A Sunday night game. My son was like, you want to go? We live an hour and 15 minutes away. I go, we're going to get beat up.

Yeah. I go, even if we cheat. He goes, they won't beat up little kids. I go, they'll beat you up too. I go, just think, when those games start at 1 o'clock in Philadelphia, the Eagles, they get to the parking lot at 6 in the morning and start drinking. So imagine them drinking from 6, probably they'll get there at 9 a.m. and drink until 8 o'clock.

The game just starts at 8. So they're already drinking for 11 hours. Right, right. So I'm like, no, we're not. Oh, so you didn't go. No, we didn't go. I go, it's better to watch it on TV. And they lost too, which would have been miserable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm like, no, we're not. Oh, so you didn't go. No, we didn't go. I go, it's better to watch it on TV. And they lost too, which were miserable.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I tell them, I go, I'm too old to get punched in the head. There's always some guy, because I won't wear any dolphin gear when I go to like a Jets. I go, someone's going to punch me in the back of the head. So I'm angry Jet fan. Is it worth it? I'm going to hit my head and die.

It's almost like how politics has gotten so divisive. Sports has gotten the same way. There didn't used to be. You could wear a jersey from the other team in the old days. You literally there's very few stadiums you're safe wearing an opposing team's jersey to the game. No, I know. I know. It's real. It's every weekend. There's three different brawls out the park. A lot of people dying and stuff. I know. And I don't know what happened. But all of a sudden, like in the last five, six years, it's crazy. It's a mindset in this country. Whether it's politics or sports, people just get tribal and they get violent.

And it's like the worst is that, you know, the Raiders, who always had the fucking craziest fans in the league, they moved to Vegas. But they still go to all those games. But meanwhile, Vegas is the stadium most likely to have people from the opposing team because people go, fuck it, let's go on vacation to Vegas and see our team. So half the stands is always people from Philly or wherever, and

then the Raiders fans, they go fucking crazy. And there's always fights. Yeah. Yeah, because you don't want your... That would happen with the Dolphins for a long time because everyone was from up north. Yeah. Boston, New Jersey, New York moved down there.

Then all of a sudden, maybe Dolphin fans, the Patriots or the Jets. Right. So that stadium would be half and half all the time. Yeah. Now it's more the Dolphins. They made the stadium smaller because they couldn't sell all the tickets.

Oh, really? So now it only has 62,000. Yeah. They pulled the fast because they would never sell it out. And all the other teams would buy up the tickets. Everyone wants to be in Miami in December. Yeah. November.

But now it's all sold out with season ticket holders. Yeah. They'll still get like 7,000 or 8,000 people from another team. But it's not as bad. But I'm not wearing a jersey. And then when you see these guys on grown men with face paint on or wearing some costume. That guy left the house like that? Yeah, I know.

That guy has a job he has to go to on Monday. Right, right. This isn't Halloween. What are you doing? And also, at the game, you're a hero. You got fucking feathers in your hair and you're no shirt. But then you get two blocks from the stadium, you look like a fucking asshole.

You do. You know, and your team loses and you got to take the costume off and be walking in a car. Like, this really wasn't worth it. Yeah, yeah. There was this comic named Ed Regine

back in Boston and he did time for, he was a car salesman on the side, used cars, and he was setting back the odometers, and they don't fuck around with that, man. They sent him to jail for like five or six years. So anyway, that has nothing to do with the story. So he gets out, and his show, he would go on and drag, and he would kill. He was a really funny comedian. He would kill,

and then he'd get in his car and drive home, and he got pulled. He was a really funny comedian. He would kill. And then he'd get in his car and drive home and he got pulled over one night, dressed up as a woman. And this is before the trans thing. The cops were fucking dying. They were shitting on him and they called another cop car to come look at him. Really?

So do you think dolphins can go all the way this year? No. No. No. No, they got too many injuries. They got like nine. I've never seen so many injuries in the NFL. You know, I think it was Chad Johnson who used to play in Ocho Cinco. Yeah.

Had a theory that these guys, it's their diets. Uh-huh. That they eat like shitty food all the time. Right. You know, and they barely hit each other in training camp. Yeah. You know, they got new rules now. Right.

And there's three preseason games, and they only play the starters, maybe a half of the three games. So they're not used to getting hit. Oh, sure. So Cinco thinks everybody's a pussy in the league today. He's always talking about that. Is he? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

But, you know, and also Tom Brady, who never would get injured, never worked out with weights his whole life. would get injured was never worked out with weights his whole life. Everything he did was push-ups, pull-ups, running, but he never did weights. Oh, really? Yeah. And I think he's got a crazy diet, like a really good diet. Yeah, yeah. But no, they're not going to go all the way this year.

They had their hopes up. Yeah. They were three games up in the division with five to go to win the AFC East and they blew it. Yeah, they always do. You think the Rams have a chance? No, the 49ers are too tough. They gotta play them. The Rams are unbelievable

because they went for it all. They signed all these players. They spent all this money, traded all these draft picks. They won that Super Bowl. Yeah. And then, you know, they had to get rid of everyone because of their salary cap. Right, right. And then within, like, two years, they're back up top. They're back up top. They drafted really well. I mean, these guys, they got in the fourth,

fifth round, that receiver, Puka, whatever his name is. Yeah. Yeah, it's amazing. So they restocked that team quick. Right, yeah. I mean, you know, and that guy, what the fuck is his name? The wide receiver. Cooper Cup?

No, no, no, he's a tight end, isn't he? No, he's a receiver. Oh, he is. Yeah. Now, who's the guy, the guy you just said? Pook or something or whatever. Pook or something, whatever. He's a rookie, yeah.

But he was a 19th round pick. Right, he was a, yeah. Like, they had no idea. No idea. That Puka something, whatever. He's a rookie, yeah. But he was a 19th round pick. Right. They had no idea. No idea. That was a fucking smart pick. They hit on him, yeah. I mean, he was like the, I don't know, like the 37th receiver in a draft or something. Yeah.

But I mean, they got marquee players. The Rams have got a lot of fucking Aaron Donald and what's his- They got Stafford. Stafford's amazing. Williams, is that the running back? Yeah. He's really great. He, is that the running back? Yeah. He's really great. He's one of the best running backs in the league.

So I don't know. Maybe. Yeah, if someone knocks off the 49ers, possibly. Yeah. I got the 49ers to win the whole thing, though. Yeah, it looks like. Yeah. But then again, Shanahan in big games.

Right. You know, he kind of chokes. Right. He was running out of offense when the Falcons were up, you know, what was it, 22-3 or whatever, 28-3. Yeah. And wasn't Brock Purdy injured a little bit this year? So who knows if he's 100%.

Yeah, he's all right now. Yeah, I think he missed a hit, a concussion. Yeah. But, yeah, we'll see. All right, enough about sports. Let's talk about this fucking, when did your special come out? Everybody is awful is the podcast. Yeah. And the special isful is the Podcast. Yeah.

And the special is called Bite the Bullet. Yeah, that came out about a year ago. On Amazon Prime? Yeah, it's on Amazon. Okay. On Tubi TV. Yeah. All that so.

Is this the one that was about your girlfriend dying? No, that was a one-man show called I'm Your Savior. Okay. I did that as a one-man show. Then I did one about my divorce called I Got the House. Because I got the house. What'd she get? Give her some money?

Yeah, cut her a check. Yeah. You know, I had a prenup, thank God, but... No, you didn't. Yeah, of course. Fuck yeah! Well, you know,

it's not like... You've been married a long time. You probably got married, you know... 25 years ago. Okay, yeah. So, you know, I just, you know, it's not like you've been married a long time. You probably got married, you know. 25 years ago. Okay, yeah. So, you know, I just, you know, barely knew her. So I'm not going to just go, yeah, no prenup.

What was the conversation like? Well, you know, first she said, I got no problem signing a prenup. I got no problem. She brought it up. Yeah. I go, okay, cool. That's good to know. And then when i gave it to

her my brother goes look there's never a good time to give a woman a prenup because you could be in hawaii you know on the beach a nice romantic and hand it to her it's still gonna be a problem and i handed it to her you know and then she cried she did yeah because it's basically like look i don't trust you sign here yeah that's what it is but she signed it she did yeah yeah because i just said listen i got you know i got all this stuff i've been doing for a long time i got you know i built up a career and stuff i got this house you know so let's see if you know if it doesn't work out i can't just lose everything yeah so she was okay with it and then it didn't work out but when i was doing a special i was just telling about what everything

that went down, and the crowd was feeling bad for me. So my tagline was, I got the house. Relax. And then I made it all. It was like Rodney. I got no respect. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got the house. Yeah, I got the house. That's hilarious. Are you in touch with her? She's not the mother of your child. Yeah, she is. Yeah, yeah. So we get along fine now.

Oh, okay. Everything's good. That's good. Yeah. And how old is your kid now? He's 13. 13? Yeah.

Holy shit. Yeah. That's a good age to be a dad. That's when you start to like, I remember 13 is when I showed my son movies that I always want to show him, like Stripes and Caddyshack and fucking Breaking Away. Do you guys sit down and watch movies together? Oh, he loves the mob movies. Oh, he does.

I mean, he's amazing. This is his favorite, like, the top five movies of all time is Shawshank Redemption. Well, Goodfellas is his favorite movie. Good man. Bronx Tale, Shawshank Redemption,

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, and I forget what the fifth one is, but he's got good taste. Yeah. He didn't like Casino that much. Yeah. He's got to drag the little. He loved Goodfellas. David Spade, when he used to do that.

Remember he did that bit on SNL where he was the entertainment critic? No. It was called David Spade's Hollywood Minute. Right. And he would come on and his review of Casino was, Casino. Casino, that's great. minute right and he would come on and his review of casino was casino oh it's Scarface was his face yeah I finally showed him Scarface like three months after this kid Jesus Christ he loves it no he watched the whole

Breaking Bad all the Breaking Bad episodes yeah he's you know I was teaching him young you know when you're divorced you can get away with that shit right right you know when the moms in're divorced, you can get away with that shit. Right, right. When the mom's in the house, you can't put that stuff on, but when he's with me... So did you guys have a different parenting style? Not really. I mean, he was five when we got divorced, so four and a half. But now, do you guys communicate about having the same parameters with him, or you both just kind of do it your own way? In the middle, somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. He's pretty self-sufficient. like having the same parameters with him or you both just kind of do it your own way um in the

middle somewhere yeah yeah he's pretty self-sufficient you know he goes to school he does his homework he gets good grades yeah he plays basketball he doesn't get in trouble there's not a lot going on where we got to really you know how does he get to school every day hit the bus from her house and your house well no from my house where she lives she lives like a half hour away so she's got to drive them and then pick them up later. The bus stops right in front of my house. The school's a mile down the road. Perfect.

Do you even wake up with them in the morning? I do wake up with them, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I let them out. I just open the door, let them out like a dog. All right, I'm going back to bed. Because I got to say, I'm a good dad.

I was very present, but I didn't do the mornings. Well, if I was married, I probably wouldn't have done the mornings. Right. But I'm up at 6.15 with him. Yeah. I got to make his lunch. I got to get him breakfast, give him his vitamins. Right.

Make sure he eats everything, and then, you know, either I'll stay up or I'll go back to bed or whatever, but I've always gotten up with him. Yeah. I did it for a while up or I'll go back to bed or whatever. But I've always gotten up with them. Yeah. I did it for a while and I was like, nothing happens. They don't talk. No, no. They just get up and fucking, you know, my wife can handle that.

Yeah, yeah. No, there's not a lot of communication going on. They're exhausted and they're just like. Yeah. No, when you need entertainment, that's when you bring me in. Dinner? I'm great at dinner. Yeah.

I tell stories. I tell jokes. Roast everybody. Right. It's awesome. Play games after dinner. me and dinner i'm great at dinner yeah tell stories i tell jokes roast everybody right it's awesome play games after dinner you know soccer games i'm at all those but the morning for what what's the payoff yeah no it's great and i would i would walk them to the bus right in front of my house but i'd go to a bus stop with them and this year it's like dad don't come to the bus stop anymore oh really yeah i'm like all right because don't come to the bus stop anymore. Oh, really? Yeah, I'm like, all right, because I would talk to the other neighbors

that dads would bring their kids up, so we just hang and talk and BS, but they don't come up, so no one comes up anymore. Yeah. So I'm like,

all right, fine. Right. You know. So you got a girlfriend yet? Yeah. He does? Oh,

does he? No, no, he doesn't. Oh. No. I mean, he might,

he said he had one a couple years ago, but I don't, you know, I don't believe it. about 11. Yeah, but no,

not yet. No, because he said, he goes, the other day in a car, I was driving him and his friends to like a sleepover. And he's like, can you believe, you know, Luca asked about Anne-Marie? Do you guys ever kiss? That's gross. That's disgusting. Why would he ask that? Really?

Yeah, and I just turned the radio down. I go, listen, I go, in two more years, that's all you're going to be talking about, you and your guy friends for the rest of your life. Yeah, right. You know, so what happened? So I know you think it's disgusting now, but in two years, that's all you're going to want to know.

Yeah, right, for the rest of your life. Yeah. That's right. Always. I had this funny idea in the shower last night. I was thinking about a boy band, like a boy band. They're all 13, 14 years old, and they're singing a song about, and I got a crush on Susie. She's 13 now, whatever. So that's their song. Becomes a fucking monster hit, but it turns out they're a one hit

wonder. And now they're in their 40s and they got a tour, but they're still singing that same fucking song. It's about a 13 year old girl. No, it's true because I, you know, I'm in like the heavy metal hard rock scene.

So I go on these like heavy metal cruises and I host and do comedy. Yeah. And stuff. And there's a band, Winger, that was popular

back in the 80s and they had a song called She's Only 17 and they still sing it. Yeah. But he messed around. The lead singer kept waiting. He goes, she's only 56, he says now

and the crowd laughs. That's hilarious. And even like Kiss had a song, Christine 16. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if they still do it live or whatever. Right. Yeah.

Yeah, I think back in the 50s, the ages were even younger. It was like 14. Yeah. You know, Chuck Berry would sing about 14-year-olds. No, all those rock guys were taking 13-year-old girls on the road with them. Led Zeppelin was, right? Yeah. Was it Jimmy Page?

Yeah, and the other guy, there was a bunch of them. I think, I don't know who else from that era, but- Rod Stewart, maybe? They would just sign off. The parents would sign off like a legal guardian. They were allowed to go of them. I think, I don't know who else from that era. Rod Stewart, maybe? They would just sign off. The parents would sign off like Legal Guardian. They were allowed to go with them. Right. It's crazy.

Yeah, I know. That's why that movie Almost Famous was so great because it was all based on real... Was it based on Zeppelin? I don't know if it was Zeppelin. I think it was another band. I forget who. It was pretty much all the same with the groupies.

Right. You know, there's not so much around anymore. I don't know, maybe with the younger bands. It's so weird. Like, well, there's a couple of comics that dated young girls. But for the most part, like, you're just dealing with the, you know, the audience is older. So you're not picking up young groupies. Yeah, because this one comic friend

would open for me and it's all like friggin metal dudes just an older crowd mostly guys right right and then he would open

you know for D'Elia back in the day he's like damn what the fuck he goes I don't have to bring condoms on this when I'm opening for you I know that

there's nothing around what do you mean they're too young no I'm just for my audience. Like, I'm not going to get laid. Oh, when he was open for D'Elia, it was constant. Yeah, the girls would just get dressed up to go to the show.

He goes, I got five guys in Iron Maiden shirts in the front row. So he's like, there's nothing here. I'm not getting laid this week. I'm like, yeah, sorry. I don't have a young girl audience. Yeah, I know. I get women to flirt with me on the road sometimes, but it's never... I think they sense my lack of sexuality towards them because girls just don't flirt with me.

I shut it down. Yeah. Like sometimes they loiter. Like they come by, you're selling your merch, and they just kind of fucking hang out, and they stand there, and you're like, I don't know what you're waiting for. I just fucking talked about my wife for 20 minutes on stage.

And, you know, but they still hang out. It's fucking, it's there, you know? Yeah, there is definitely, you know, they still, it's not as much as you get older but yeah you know you have a few just hanging around when's the last time you hooked up with

somebody on the road let me think it was before the pandemic so really yeah wow I think probably

yeah maybe late 2019 maybe damn somewhere around there people just imagine that you go on the road and you're just hooking up with different women every weekend, but that's not the case. Early on, I mean, you know, when I had the long hair. Right. You know, I first started.

Yeah. You know, I looked like a rock star. Yeah, you were a handsome guy. I did those gigs in Pennsylvania and they were still behind five years on the look. So even though that look was out of style by 94, in Pennsylvania, I was in my prime. Acid wash jeans. Oh, yeah.

Band logos on the back of your denim jacket. All the comics would take me on the road, like Rich Voss, Bob Levy, guys that were already headlining. Because they're like, oh, this guy's, you know, girls are always coming around. Yeah. I was horrible. I remember I would bomb.

I'd do like seven minutes. Yeah. And then the boss would go up there and kill for like an hour. And then he'd get off stage. I'd be talking to two girls. And they wouldn't even acknowledge him. The boss goes, did you see his set? That's amazing.

What's going on with Bob Levy? I haven't heard from that guy in forever. He's doing like podcasting and stuff. He is? Yeah. Is he doing like... He does like a live... Firehouse shows on the road?

He's doing some gigs, but he's making a lot like doing podcasts, like these live YouTube shows. He does... You know that comic, Shooley? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, him and Shooley have a whole network in this comic.

Mike Morse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they have a whole thing they do. Oh, that's good. I always liked Reverend Bob Levy. Yeah, yeah. Levyy have a whole network in this comic. Mike Morse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they have a whole thing they do. Oh, that's good. I always liked Reverend Bob Lee. Yeah, yeah. Levy helped me start in the beginning. He's crazy.

Yeah. But I love him. Is that how you got on Stern? Through Levy? No, I got on through... How did I get on? You know, Don Jameson, my friend, knew Gary De La Bate.

And I had that first Telemarketer CD where I was messing with Telemarketers. Yeah. I just made myself, I went to a local place, I didn't have a record label, and we dropped it off.

And Gary knew me from hosting some gigs around. Uh-huh. So we dropped it off his office. He goes, all right, if it's funny,

how do I play it? Yeah. And I'm like, and he put it on his desk with like 6,000 other CDs. Yeah. And we walked away, he's never playing it.

The next morning, he started playing it. No shit. Yeah. And that was the time when we were all going in. Me, you, Carolla, Rogan, Chappelle, Nick DiPaolo. Nick all sitting in. Yeah. You know, that chair before they hired

Artie full time. Right. It was perfect timing. I remember Rogan was in studio when he started playing this. And Rogan was like, holy shit, man. I didn't know he did this stuff. You know, he knew me and stuff. And he's like, we got to get this guy in here. Yeah. How we're saying and stuff. And then like two weeks later, I was sitting know he did this stuff. You know, he knew me and stuff. And he's like, we got to get this guy in here, how we're saying and stuff. And then like two weeks later, I was sitting in the chair.

Yeah. It happened that quick. Dude, that chair was something else. I got to tell you, like, people say like, you know, what was it like? You can't describe it. You go in there and first of all, everybody treated you great. I fucking love Ronnie the limo driver.

You know, everybody that worked for that show was quality people. And then you'd sit down and Howard was the most generous guy, like on and off the air. Gave you your plugs, sang your praises. You go to commercial break. So what's going on, man? How are you? You know, and then you'd go on the road and you fucking sell out your shows it was the greatest it was amazing i remember the first time i went in first of all i

was a huge stern fan before yeah i work construction sites i tell people you can't use any power drills when he's on only at the commercial breaks yeah i don't i need to hear the radio i'm on the roof put the freaking put the roof up like this is awful but i hear the radio. I'm on the roof, put the freaking roof up. This is awful, but I had the radio listening to him doing lesbian dial-a-date or whatever. I'm like, this is fascinating. So I grew up listening to the show, and then I finally got a chance to go in there, and I'm in the green room. I remember sitting there for the day. I'm like, all right, I can't get nervous. This is my one shot. I might never get this ever again. And then I remember I cracked some joke about him, like right in the beginning of the show, and he went to a commercial break. He goes, Jim, you sound great on the air.

Just do exactly what you're doing. I was like, holy shit. Yeah, yeah. It was amazing. No, super nice. I've been out to dinner with him a couple times. You know, my girlfriend passed away. He called me a couple times checking in on me.

See, I was a great guy. Yeah. Yeah. But they always made you feel comfortable on that show. They absolutely did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it was just creatively very exciting to sit there

because you had Fred dropping fucking bombs, great clips, sound effects. They let through funny callers. Robin would... And you were just in the middle of it, and it wasn't on you to carry it. All you had to do was just be a sniper, just throwing jokes here and there. That's all they wanted from you.

It was fucking great. Yeah. Well, that was the problem though, sitting in that chair, you know, when you're in there, if you sat in on the news, like if someone always had a crazy story about you that heard or whatever, or they were asking. If they didn't have anything, then you get someone from your childhood call up. Oh, I remember when Jim did this, so you get attacked from everywhere.

But that was what the show was about. They loved that stuff. Yeah. Like the more fucked up stories you have from your childhood, the better. Yeah, I told him a story about how I almost blew a guy in the woods one night, cause I was drunk. Wasn't there a story where you were in a park bench

with a guy or something, or was it the woods? i remember that one yeah yeah and i and it was so funny because like it's something that happened when i was like a junior in college and i wasn't gay like i was never attracted to guys but i was always like hey what if like you know he's try every i'd slept with a million women and i was like let me fucking try blowing a guy and so and then i anyway you know the story so i go into the woods and i don't do it i see the women and I was like let me fucking try blowing a guy and so and then I anyway you know the story so I go into the woods and I don't do it I see the dick and I was just like gross I had no interest so I told my wife that I had never told anybody it happened my junior year of college cut to 15 years later I've never told a soul that story. So I'm sitting at dinner with my friend Mary Fitzgerald, her boyfriend and my wife.

And I tell the story. Just I don't know why. And they're fucking dying. They're dying laughing. And my wife was pissed. She's like, how is it you never tell that story? And then you tell it in front of our friends. And she doesn't usually get upset.

It was one of the few times she ever got upset. And I was going on Stern the next week and I wasn't planning on telling the story and I did and it was like the biggest hit I ever had on the show. And it was the thing they brought up every fucking time I went back. They brought that up again.

That's amazing. I know they love that stuff. There was some guy called in. Remember Pips Comedy Club in Brooklyn? Yeah, of course. Yeah, I forgot about this story. He called up. He's like, oh, Jim's a legend. He goes, I was at Pips one Club in Brooklyn? Yeah, of course. Yeah, I forgot about this story. He called up. He's like, oh, Jim's a legend.

He goes, I was at Pips one time. I was at Open Mic Comic. He took some girl in the bathroom, and he was banging her in the bathroom, and she slipped, and she hit her head on the sink, and they had to stop, and they had to get an ice pack, and she got a concussion. It was a true story. I forgot about that.

They were dying. They're like, oh, my God. We've got to book you for next week.'s great i forgot about that story but people would always call in you know and tell that stuff thinking back i should have got plants i should have had like some girl call in and say i slept with him he's got the biggest cock you've ever seen in your life amazing yeah yeah you probably still wouldn't be married today though that's true yeah that's true but no that show in its prime was unbelievable sell out every show it was great you know when i'm sitting in that chair i didn't know they were looking for a permanent host but gary just said hey listen

we're just gonna have different guys come in all the time right and you know i was like all right great so for like four or five months it was i remember july 18 2001 it was almost two months before 9-11 it was the first time I ever sat in. I remember that date. And then Artie got the gig later that year or whatever like that. That's fine. That was perfect for him. He did the impressions. His life was crazy. His life was crazy. And I liked just going in

every six or eight weeks and just doing plugging and selling out shows. It was perfect. Yeah, I mean, that's a tough gig, man. And for Artie, it was like they couldn't have picked someone better. He basically would come in on Monday morning. He'd just been in Vegas where he was with a stripper. He lost his money gambling.

He's still hungover. He's falling asleep during the show. Like that brought a new life to that show that it really needed because Jackie had been gone for a little while. Yeah. And it was kind of like those guys were all going to bed at eight o'clock at night to wake up. So nothing was happening in their lives. So Artie was like,

he was amazing. And that's what would have happened if I got the chair. There was not, there was nothing interesting in my life. I'd be going to bed at eight o'clock. Yeah. I just be, I wouldn't be doing all this crazy stuff.

So it was, it was great that he got it, but yeah. Have you talked to Howard lately? No, I email with them every all this crazy stuff. So it was great that he got it. Yeah. Have you talked to Howard lately? No. I email with him every once in a while. You know, I'll keep in touch every couple years. Yeah, that's what I do basically.

But yeah, I have no contact or anything. But you know, we're still on good terms and stuff. Can you believe he caught COVID? I mean, you know, it's crazy. He's not exposed to anybody. He lives in his house and doesn't go outside. Well, that's the thing. You're not exposed to germs. Right lives in his house and doesn't go outside. Well, that's the thing. You're not exposed to germs.

Right. You got to be out there and get some germs. Yep. I remember my kid first went to preschool. He wasn't around kids at all, like three years old. Yeah. He was sick for six months. Uh-huh.

Right. Five-year infections, once a month, this, that, because he was never around kids. Right. He needed the germs. And after six months, he was fine. Yeah. You know? I've been on the road nonstop since COVID.

I never caught it. I got it once. Yeah. Mild, super mild. Yeah. Yeah, but... I think because I was just around it. Yeah, absolutely.

I was just constantly around it. Yeah. I mean, it was pretty nerve-wracking going out there. Especially if you sell merchandise afterwards and these drunks are breathing on you. Yeah. You know, and they don't care. Oh, no. They want selfies. They put their head right next to you. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, right in your face. And then it's five

minutes because they hand the wife the cell phone. She doesn't have the passcode. She puts it on video mode. Meanwhile, you're trying to sell your shit and fucking 50 people have just walked by your table. Oh, yeah. This guy's got you in a headlock. You still got your arm around. Yeah, yeah. Or they hand it to the drunk guy. Hey, can you take a picture?

Some guy, I don't even know. Here's the phone. I'm like, do a dry run. Yeah. You're waiting in line for 10 minutes. Go ahead. Can you get a picture? You just hit it like this.

Yeah. Then the guy's like, what do I do? What do I hit? I don't have a flip phone. And he's got his arm around you. He can feel his hot pit. Brutal. His armpit on your shoulder.

Brutal. Wet. And then, you know, five minutes, they finally get it together after like five minutes. Like, smile. I'm like, I'm not smiling. Let's fucking get this picture over with. And then they start taking it from different angles. Yeah.

Take one fucking picture. And they go, you want to look at it? I go, no. I go, we're too mediocre looking, guys. We're not going to get better looking. Who cares? Who cares? I go, we're both fives on a scale of one to ten.

Even if they did a Vanity Fair photo shoot, we we might be a six let's move the fuck on that's my rap every time they don't buy anything i know yeah thanks yeah thanks a lot and look i don't want to send the wrong message to people if you come to my shows i'm very happy to meet you after the show it really especially when you do a podcast it's nice to put a face to people that go, hey, I've been listening for fucking 10 years. I love that. But look behind you when you're doing it. Look at the line behind you.

Factor that into how long you hang out at the table. I don't want to know that you saw me on I Love the 80s and start reading my fucking Wikipedia page back to me. I know it. I was there. No, I know. You got to, you know, look, for me meeting rock stars over the years, I know just get my shit in really quick. Yeah.

Hey, man, can I get a picture? I'm a big fan. Sure. I saw you at the Garden in 86. It was one of my best concerts. Thank you. Thanks. Appreciate it.

I'm out. Yep. That's it. Keep it tight. I don't go. You remember. I'm out. Yep. That's it. Keep it tight. I don't go, you remember me? You're walking on a, New York City,

you're walking down the street like 1994. I said hello to you and you're like, my hat? No, I would never say that. Right, right.

So who's out in music? Who's in metal right now that's new that we should be paying attention to? There's not much. I mean, Greta Van Fleet, but they've been out for a while yeah i like them you know um there's this band called sleep token out of uh the ghost oh yeah yeah right but that's like not even heavy metal even though they're considered metal right it's almost like bloister cult kind of like

rock and there's a band called sleep token out of of England that's a big buzz on them right now. Yeah. But I don't, you know, I don't, I'm not into too much of the new stuff. Yeah. I still go back to the old stuff. Yeah. You know.

What, I'm trying to think of, there's a two-piece band out of England that I like. The Royal something. Royal Oak something. No. Oh, Royal Blood. Yeah Oak something. No. Oh, Royal Blood. Yeah. Yeah, I sold them home for the Foo Fighters.

They're fucking great. Two guys, I know. Yeah, two guys. Yeah. Yeah, they rock. Yeah, they were good live. Yeah, yeah. But I've lately gotten into,

this is going to sound sacrilegious to you, but in the last two years, I started getting into country music a little bit. I always hated it. Now there's some really good shit out there. There is. You know, um, Zach Brown. Zach Brown's great.

Chris Stapleton's amazing. Stapleton's unbelievable. Jason Isbell. Yeah, he's good. Um, no, I, I get into country. I got a lot of country lately. You don't tell your metal fans that, do you? No, they, they know.

Yeah. Blackberry Smoke. Do you hear that band? No. They're like Southern Rock Country. Uh-huh. Cross between like Lynyrd Skynyrd with some country with some Black Rose. I'm going to write that down.

They're great. Blackberry Smoke. Blackberry Smoke? Yeah. Okay. So I always liked Southern Rock too. That kind of Southern Rock Country type. Yeah.

So there's another band, Whiskey Myers is really good. Uh-huh. So, no, I get in the country too. Yeah. I got no problem. I've seen Zac Brown like three times. Wow. Yeah.

That's cool. Yeah. Do you go to concerts alone? Sometimes, but usually not. I bring my kid. My kid's been to like 17 shows. No shit. Yeah.

Loves it. Wow. What was his favorite? Probably ACDC. We saw him in MetLife Stadium. Uh-huh. But he's seen Black Sabbath. He's seen all these bands.

He loves it. Does Angus still bring it through the whole show? Yeah. Well, they've only done one show in the last seven years. Oh, really? There was a show called Power Trip out in the desert where Coachella is. Yeah.

Like a heavy metal version of it. So why did they stop for seven years? You know, Brian Johnson, the singer, lost his hearing. Uh-huh. So they had to stop, and Axl Rose filled in for a little bit. And they haven't done a show in seven years they uh you know brian johnson the singer lost his hearing so they had to stop and axel rose filled in for a little bit and they haven't done a show in seven years they thought they were retired they put an album out during the pandemic though and they booked this one show out of the desert they did one show yeah like two months ago supposedly they're gonna do a tour angus has got all like gray hair now yeah and somebody's still an animal out there yeah i think he's 68 years old i just remember like i i had no idea what a live live acdc concert was i'd never been to one and

so like i kind of went down the rabbit hole and started watching their concerts and i was like holy fucking shit this is like this is like a whole other level there was that one from uh germany did you see the one in germany uh no the one in south america i forget what it's called where there's like a hundred thousand people in a soccer stadium jumping up and down going crazy singing every song yeah it was this one in germany that was like that where it was like a hundred thousand people and the stage was fucking moving and yeah it's insane. I mean, I was never a huge metal guy.

Like for me, it was like Zeppelin, ACDC, but I never went into like heavy metal necessarily. No, you never went like Motorhead, Judas Priest, Iron Maiden? I mean, it was on. Like I grew up in New York, so it was on K-Rock and WNEW. Like I was exposed to it, but I kind of feel like my friends were we were classic rock kind of like that was it okay we listen to you know southern

rock was definitely part of that but then there were the guys that listen to heavy metal were real devious fucking felons in my town oh really this is in Boston or is this in Tarrytown okay sorytown. Yeah. Okay. So there was these guys and they used to listen to priests a lot and they got arrested and they

went to jail for years because they were on angel dust. Angel dust was big in Tarrytown in the 80s. And these guys smoked dust and then they were in the cemetery, and they dug up a body that had just been buried that day. And they were playing football with body parts. And the cops caught them, and they got sent to jail. Holy shit, yes. And then they got out of jail, and there was this court. There was a Beekman Avenue. It had benches on it, and it was kind of like a bad part of town.

And they would sit out there with a boom box and they would listen to that music. So that was always my association with that music, was like, this is the fucking devil's music. Yeah, I mean, yeah, that's pretty extreme. We never did that shit, you know. No, but, you know, the people that were in there, like in high school, we were the loners. Yeah. You know, and then, you know, so there you know the people that were in that like in high school we were the loners

yeah you know and then you know so there'd be a few of us who know we stick together because we like that type of music right but then i realized you know when i'm getting out of high school into the college i'm like girls don't like this stuff no and then you try to get laid you know i remember going to parties i'm going up to girls like the second thing i'm like i think judas priest is gonna break up to like what yeah and they would walk second thing I'm like, I think Judas Priest is going to break up. They're like, what? Yeah. And they would walk away from me. I got my Aussie shirt on, showing up at like a frat party.

Right. Like, this guy's a weirdo. And then I'm like, I got to get girls. So I started to listen to other music. I started to listen to like new wave music. Uh-huh. And shit that was on like the police and stuff like that. Yeah.

Stuff that was on MTV. Right. And go to like dance clubs. So I'm like, this isn't working. Yeah. With, you know, because no girls like that stuff at that time later on in the 80s when like you know uh winger and bon jovi and cinderella came around then girls started liking that got roses yeah yeah they didn't like the the heavy stuff at all there was no girl iron maiden fans what about punk because that

seems like it's a cousin to heavy metal it It is. I never really got into it. It didn't work for me. I had two older brothers that got me into this stuff. Yeah. So when they were 17, I was 12, just driving around in a car. They were just cranking, you know, listening to heavy metal. So I had no choice. Right.

Hard rock, Aerosmith, Ted Nugent, that kind of stuff. What was the movie, Heavy Metal Parking Lot or something? Yeah. Was it Heavy Metal Parking Lot? Yeah. And was that Judas Priest? Yeah. Was it Heavy Metal Parking Lot? Yeah. And it was at Judas Priest? Yeah. So you must've been around. I mean, if people haven't seen the documentary. It could have been me in that movie. Yeah. Talk about that movie a little bit. No,

it's just, you just hang out in the park. I still do it to this day. You hang out in the park a lot. You just crank, you know, music from your car, you know, your boom box or whatever like that. You drink beer and you get to the concert like three hours early yeah and just be silly and say stupid shit right you know and i still do to this day i go to there's a there's a venue near my house like an outdoor pavilion i go we get there like four hours before the show yeah we set up we got food we got beers we're cranking music that's awesome yeah it's the best i do it in the summer all the time. Yeah. Yeah. How's Joey Diaz doing? You guys live near each other. Yeah, like right down the street.

He's doing great. Yeah? Yeah. Is he out doing stand-up? No. Not at all? No. No shit.

What a waste. He's done a few shows here and there. He popped in, popped out, but he's doing his podcast. He just said, look, I want to hang out. I want to be around my family, my daughter. It's kind of beautiful. He's doing his podcast. He just said, look, I want to hang out.

I want to be around my family, my daughter. It's kind of beautiful. I love his commitment to his family right now because it's funny. Some people, like you look at the guys that are doing arenas on bus tours and all that stuff, and it's like more power to them, but like, you know, how much do you need, you know? No, believe me, I could make more money out there too, but I want to be around. My kid had a middle school game today, I'm mad that I'm not there.

Yeah. I love being at his, I love bringing him to practice, bringing his friends, going to the practices, going to the games. I hate missing that. Joey's like, I don't want to be in a hotel room on the road on a Saturday, my daughter's playing a softball game. Right. And I'm sitting there in a frigging Holiday Inn

just waiting to go on stage eight hours later. Yeah. And I want to be at that game. He goes to practice. He goes to the games. Yeah. His wife, Terry, coaches his daughter's rec basketball team. Uh-huh.

So he's there all the time. Yeah. And that's what he wants to do. He hangs out with all the parents. He gets all the parents high. He does? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So he's got the same personality. Same personality. Everyone in town. They had friends within like two days. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So he's got the same personality. Same personality. Everyone in town, they had friends within like two days. Yeah. They go, we lived in LA.

Nobody wanted to hang out. Everybody would bail on you. Within two days, they knew the whole neighborhood. Right. There's all kids around their kid's age. There's six girls staying over the house. She's staying over there. Yeah.

They're all in the community now. Right. They're great. That's awesome. It was so funny when I brought Joey around, you know, I'd bring like my son's rec basketball games outside and some park in Jersey. And all of a sudden, like all of a sudden everyone's like, Whoa, is that Joey Diaz? Like they're all pointed. I can see them. And then all of a sudden these dads come up and start talking to me. Hey, Jimmy, you're doing any local shows and Joey's right there.

They want to get to Joey. Right. I knew what they would do. Uh-huh. They would come up. Is that Joey? I'd get texts. Was that Joey Diaz with you?

I'm like, yeah. Like, holy shit. It was like major news. Yeah, yeah. Everywhere that he was in the town. Yeah. That's wild. I miss hanging out with him.

He's one of the guys that like really made the store a special place to get off stage and hang out. You know, that hallway was like Rogan and Joey and Bird and Ari Shaffir and like, you know, just guys that you could fucking laugh with. Like just silly laugh. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. So yeah, I miss him. Give him my best. He's doing great though. He's like, you know,

he just says, I want to be around for my daughter. I want to, you know, be around. You know, so, and that best. He's doing great though. He's like, you know, he just says, I want to be around for my daughter. I want to, you know, be around. Yeah. You know, so,

and that's what he's doing. Yeah. He loves it. We were supposed to see each other this summer. I was at uncle Vinny's. Yeah. Yeah. That's near us.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. I call them up. Yeah. I was going to come down that weekend, but I was at a time when I was going to,

yeah. Oh yeah. He was going to come down and then he didn't, he didn't make it. Yeah. So, um, all right.

So let's, let's talk about your podcast for a minute before we go. Jesus Christ. We've been talking for a while. Your podcast called Everybody is Awful, except for you? Everybody's awful except you, basically. Except you. Yeah.

Because I don't want the people listening thinking they're awful. Oh, I see. So if you're listening. Right. So it's just me ranting about stupid shit. People send in, fans will send in stuff that they think will annoy me. So it's just you alone. It's just me alone. Dude, that's the way to do it.

I've been doing it for 12 years now. Once a week? Yeah, once a week. I do Patreon, so I do some extra episodes or whatever, but pretty much once a week. One hour? 45 minutes. Yeah. I do 45. You do ads? Some. I got some extra episodes or whatever, but pretty much once a week. One hour? 45 minutes. Yeah. I do 45.

You do ads? Some. I get some ads. Yeah. But I do well on Patreon. Nice. Doing extra episodes. Yeah.

And I could do it right in my kitchen. Like I said, I don't have any studio space. I could do it in a hotel on the road. Right, right, right. And it's just me ranting about stupid shit, and people know it's the stuff that I would hate. I go, Jim, I just saw a pickleball court just over by my house. Any comment and I'll do 20 minutes on it.

Yeah, that's great. So, yeah. And you know, like you said, with the podcast fans, they come out to the show. They always support, which is great. Do you do video with it or just audio? Just audio. I'm starting to do video for Patreon, but yeah. Again, who needs to see us?

I tell people, I go, yeah, it's just me talking in a microphone. You really need to see that? Hold up a headshot. I'll mail you a headshot. Exactly. You can tape it to your fucking iPhone. Also, oh, you know what? I didn't have your fucking dates. Do you want to plug some tour dates before we roll? Yeah, what do I

have coming up? I'm going to look look it up February 23rd 24th I'll be at Governor's in Long Island New York and then uh January 26th

27th the comedy Comedy Works in Saratoga Springs New York oh Comedy Works in Saratoga Springs

yeah same as Denver no it's different Tommy Nietzsche you know Tommy at Albany no no you never did those rooms no hold on I've got your tour Yeah. Same as Denver? No, it's different. Tommy Nietzsche. You know Tommy at Albany? No.

No? You never did those rooms? No. Hold on. I've got your tour right up here. I'm going to make sure I get all the dates. Bite the Bullet. What's Bite the Bullet?

That was my last comedy special. Oh. All right. Tour dates. Yeah. Rochester, New York? Yeah. I don't know when this is going to air. That's next weekend, January 22 to 20th. Oh, yeah, that one have aired. Yeah, yeah. Oh, look at you. You put

the logos up for bonkers in Orlando, Florida, February 3rd and 4th. Winchester Music Tavern in Lakewood, Ohio on February 9th. The Attic in Columbus, Ohio, February 10th. Kenosha, The Attic in Columbus, Ohio, February 10th. Kenosha, February 16th and 17th. Governors, February 23rd. Uncle Vinny's on March 30th. Say hi to him for me. You got a lot going on. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Down in Sidesplitters in Tampa in May. Yeah. I'm at Sidesplitters in May. Maybe we're double booked. Yeah. That's a fun one. That's a good fucking room. Probably my favorite we're double booked. Yeah. That's a fun one. That's a good fucking room. Probably my favorite room in the country.

Yeah. I put it as my top three. It's unbelievable. Yeah. And that guy that runs it, what's his name? BT. Yeah, BT. It's the best.

Great fucking dude. It's amazing. And what I love is I used to work the Tampa Improv. It was the worst club in the country. Brutal. And I never wanted to work there again. It was one of those clubs every year I'd go like, I'd do it. I'd go, don't, I'd call my agent, don't book me here again.

So then, and Wiseguys, I wanted to work, but there was an owner there. I didn't know the guy. I guess he didn't like me or whatever, so I didn't work there. And then he came in and he booked me right away. And I've been there ever since. And it's what, I look forward to it all year. The improv in Tampa, it's called the funny bone now I guess they change the name but anyways big theater high ceilings three three different levels three balconies in a bad part of town at night going back to your car going back to your hotel yeah side splitters in the suburbs

and a little strip mall. Yeah. Perfect. Yeah. No, and yeah, the Tampa Club and then they'd always tell you that, you know, you get bonuses when you sell out and they would tell me

and it didn't have to be a hundred percent. You get a bonus if you sell out 90% of the club. Oh, you didn't get any bonuses this week. Well, then why was the third balcony full?

How did you get people up there if the bottom wasn't full? Yeah. They always rip you off. Yeah. Yeah, constantly. So, no, that guy's he's the best, BT. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's great. They got another room like 45 minutes away. It's actually in a movie

theater. Oh, do they really? Yeah. No shit. Yeah. It's about 45 minutes away from the Tampa. Alright, I'm gonna get booked down there. Yeah. Alright shit. Yeah. It's about 45 minutes away from Tampa. All right. I'm going to get booked down there. Yeah. All right, my friend. Website is jimflorentine.com. Yeah.

And tour dates we gave out. Listen to the podcast. Everybody is awful. The special Bite the Bullets on Amazon Prime. Dude, I'm so psyched you came on. Thanks for making time. It was great seeing you, man, after all these years. Yeah.

Real long history. I know. Yeah. Yeah. Good to see you was great seeing you, man, after all these years. Real long history. I know. Yeah. Yeah, good to see you again. You too, man. Okay.