Fitzdog Radio - Joe DeRosa & Maddy Smith - Live From St. Pete

Episode Date: September 9, 2026

Greg Fitzsimmons hits the Joke World Comedy Festival in St. Petersburg, Florida for a live episode with Maddy Smith and Joe DeRosa. They get into Joe’s Netflix special, the insanity of comedy festivals, terrible hotels, testosterone, dating comedians, life on the road, merch hustles, writing for TV, Greg’s years working on Ellen, and what turning 60 has him thinking about next. Plus, Greg puts the audience to the test with “Talk Your Way Out of It” before wrapping things up with Fastballs with Fitz. MADDY SMITHWebsite: https://maddysmithcomedy.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/somaddysmith/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@somaddysmithYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@somaddysmith JOE DeROSAWebsite: https://www.joederosa.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joederosacomedy/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@joederosacomedyYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@joederosacomedyX: https://x.com/joederosacomedy This show is produced by Gotham Production Studios and part of the Gotham Network. https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/studios/ Follow Greg Fitzsimmons: Facebook: https://facebook.com/FitzdogRadio Instagram: https://instagram.com/gregfitzsimmons Twitter: https://twitter.com/gregfitzshow Official Website: http://gregfitzsimmons.com Tour Dates: https://bit.ly/GregFitzTour Merch: https://bit.ly/GregFitzMerch “Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons” Book: https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82 “Life on Stage” Comedy Special: https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial Listen to Greg Fitzsimmons: Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio Sunday Papers: http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod Childish: http://childishpod.com Watch more Greg Fitzsimmons: Latest Uploads: https://bit.ly/latestGregFitz Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/radioGregFitz Sunday Papers: https://bit.ly/sundayGregFitz Stand Up Comedy: https://bit.ly/comedyGregFitz Popular Videos: https://bit.ly/popGregFitz About Greg Fitzsimmons: Mixing an incisive wit with scathing sarcasm, Greg Fitzsimmons is an accomplished stand-up, an Emmy Award winning writer, and a host on TV, radio and his own podcasts. Greg is host of the popular “FitzDog Radio” podcast (https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio), as well as “Sunday Papers” with co-host Mike Gibbons (http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod) and “Childish” with co-host Alison Rosen (http://childishpod.com). A regular with Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Kimmel, Greg also frequents “The Joe Rogan Experience,” “Lights Out with David Spade,” and has made more than 50 visits to “The Howard Stern Show.” Howard gave Greg his own show on Sirius/XM which lasted more than 10 years. Greg’s one-hour standup special, “Life On Stage,” was named a Top 10 Comedy Release by LA Weekly. The special premiered on Comedy Central and is now available on Amazon Prime, as a DVD, or a download (https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial). Greg’s 2011 book, Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons (https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82), climbed the best-seller charts and garnered outstanding reviews from NPR and Vanity Fair. Greg appeared in the Netflix series “Santa Clarita Diet,” the Emmy-winning FX series “Louie,” spent five years as a panelist on VH1’s “Best Week Ever,” was a reoccurring panelist on “Chelsea Lately,” and starred in two half-hour stand-up specials on Comedy Central. Greg wrote and appeared on the Judd Apatow HBO series “Crashing.” Writing credits include HBO’s “Lucky Louie,” “Cedric the Entertainer Presents,” “Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher,” “The Man Show” and many others. On his mantle beside the four Daytime Emmys he won as a writer and producer on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” sit “The Jury Award for Best Comedian” from The HBO Comedy Arts Festival and a Cable Ace Award for hosting the MTV game show "Idiot Savants." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, everybody. Welcome to Fitzdog Radio. Happy Labor Day week. It is, uh, what's today, Tuesday? Tuesday or Wednesday? I don't even know. My God. I think it's Tuesday. It is Tuesday. Day after Labor Day. And always a big weekend in my family. I grew up with a dad who was in radio and he, one of his jobs in life was he was the hosts of the Jerry Lewis Telethon in New York. So, Basically, the telethon, depending on where you lived in the country, 45 minutes of each hour came from Las Vegas, which was hosted by Jerry Lewis and had Ed McMahon there and all the big names. And then they had, I don't know, a dozen other cities that did the 15 minutes of the hour, New York being one of them. And my father was the host. He was the New York host for the Jerry Lewis Telethon. and he did it with Tony Orlando for a while,

and he did it with, oh God, what's that guy's name? Mr. Adams from the Adams family. God, why am I forgetting his name? Anyway, his son is in The Hobbit. What the fuck? What is his name? Anyway, so I used to spend every,

it was a 36-hour gig for my dad. It went for 36-hour straight. He was on every 15 minutes. every hour for 36 hours. And my family would go down and I got to meet people like Brooke Shields. I met the village people.

It was very 70s. And anyway, Jerry's gone. Is he still alive? I don't know if Jerryliss is still alive, but I don't think the telethon is going any long. I got to check, but I just remember it always ended with Jerry and he would have a kid on stage.

in a wheelchair and then he would sing a song, and I'm not making this up, called You'll Never Walk Alone Again. And there would not be a dry eye in the house. People got hysterical. So God bless you, Jerry Lewis. He did a lot of good in your lifetime. You raised a lot of money for a great charity. And I'm proud that my family was in some small way a part of that. In LA now I'm sweating my balls off. It is we got a heat wave. Here's my week. How is your week?

Here's mine for the last five days. Major heat wave and then gas leak in the house. So we call the gas company. They come, they shut off the gas. We call a plumber. He comes. He tells us that our gas line, which runs from the front house to the back house,

and runs underneath a whole patio we just built. with stones. It's all patio pavers. Anyway, that's where the gas line runs, and that needs to be torn up. So they tear that up and dig in and hit the water main. Now we got water gushing into the backyard. We call the water company.

They, of course, take forever to get there to turn the water off because it has to be done with this giant tool they have in the alley. And by the time they get there, it's flooded. They shut off the water. They try to fix the pipe. They can't do it. The weekend starts. They leave.

They say it's fixed. We call the long story short, there was no water for the weekend. And then the electricity goes out. There's a major rainstorm. We lost electricity for the day. And that came back on. and then the Wi-Fi went out. So in the middle of this,

I flew to Vancouver, Canada, to do a show, and just between me and you, don't tell my wife and my daughter this, but I was so happy to get the fuck out of here. I got to LAX. I've never been so happy to be fucking packed into a hot plane. Wasn't hot.

My house was hot. The plane was cool. Thanks to the people in Vancouver that came out. We had a great time. Thank you to the built, more cabaret theater. And that's it. Today's episode is two guests, which is rare,

but I was at a comedy festival, the Joke World Comedy Festival down in St. Petersburg, Florida. It was their inaugural year. The first time they did it, this guy, Jake, pulled it off. It was first-rate. Comedians were treated great, good stages, tons of crowds.

everybody had a blast. And you never know. I mean, people try to start comedy festivals all the time. But this one's going to be around for a while. There's a little too many Austin comics. Okay. Maybe wean off that a little bit next year. Although I did have one of them on my podcast, Joe DeRosa, who's a legend.

He was great. Hung out with Jamar Nabors, who's one of the guys from, do you remember the Rose Battle? he was part of the wave, the black guy. He's an interesting dude. I flew back with him. And we just talked the whole time. I've always known him over the years,

but I never got to really go deep. Anyway, Matt Peters came down and Brianna from the Gotham Comedy Production Studios in New York. They flew down with suitcases full of audio, video equipment so we can do the podcast. And I appreciate the shit out of them for doing that. We had a nice lunch down there. And it was just great.

It was great. And we've got some other good podcasts coming up. Dave Kekner, I just interviewed a couple days ago. What a legend. What a funny, smart, deep, warm. Cannot say, and we had such a good time. So set your calendars for that'll be out in a couple weeks. We also had, I had Kelsey Cook in recently.

She was great. Dane Cook, her sister. her brother is coming in in a few weeks as well. So a lot coming up. Also going to be in La Jolla at the Comedy Store, September 18 through 20. Get your tickets that will sell out. Fairbanks, Alaska.

I'm doing shows September 30th through October 3rd. That will not sell out. There will be seats available. You can pretty much stroll up at showtime and be guaranteed a seat. a seat to watch me perform. Batavia, Illinois at the Comedy Vault, October 15 through 17. Then I'm coming to Toronto and Phoenix. Go to Fitzdog.com, get some tickets. Also want to talk to you a little bit about a tool that has helped me a lot. I hate finances. I hate staring at numbers and

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fits dog. Rocketmoney.com slash fits dog. All right, here we go. Here's the podcast. My guest, Maddie Smith, who you'll hear it on the podcast because something very funny happens where I thought I'd never met her before. And what she's is just, I love Maddie Smith. is such a great hang. I look forward to spending more time with her. You know her from. Obviously, her big thing is ridiculousness on MTV. She's a big star from that. She's also been on BET, HBO, Barstool Sports. Joining her is the great Joe DeRosa, who you know from crashing. You know him from Breaking Bad. He's got a new special.

out that's amazing. It's kind of blowing up. They put it out on YouTube and it got so hot that Netflix stepped in and grabbed it. So you can watch that now on Netflix. We'll talk about that. So kick back and enjoy from all the way in St. Petersburg, Florida at the Joke World Festival, my live podcast with an audience with Maddie Smith and Joe DeRosa. Welcome to Florida, baby. I love it. And St. Pete, I'm trying to figure it. out what St. Pete's identity is, I think it's you get married in Tampa, you get divorced, and you move to St. Pete. Is that about right? No? Is it hipper? Yeah. Yeah, it's a little

bit hipper? Okay, what am I doing? I'm going to move to this chair. Let's just bring my guests right out because this is crazy to not have them. Can you make this mic a little lower because I think it's, I think it's a little hot. My guest today, oh my God. This woman is from Wild and Out on MTV. She's a really great comic who, honestly, I'd never met before today, but I've always loved watching her stand-up online, and she's got a new special.

She's going to be taping in Philadelphia at the Punchline in two weeks, so go to her website, mattysmith.com? Maddie Smith, have a hand for her. Hey, everybody. Thanks for having me, Greg. Are you kidding me? I'm so excited to have you. I'm so fucking pumped to be here.

The crowd is lit. The crowd is lit. Yeah, it's 1 o'clock in the afternoon and they're shit-faced. Yeah, as you should be. They're all divorced. Nice. Fuck them kids.

Now, you've only been here for a couple hours, but what's your hot take on St. Petersburg, Florida? Hot take on St. Petersburg, Florida. Florida is that they're not ready for the crowd that this festival attracts. Yes. So I'm watching girls and little Lulu Lemon sets pass guys with

you know what I mean. Do I even need to say it's like skank fest but like even more like skanky in some ways. Yeah. Yeah. There's like more chain wallets. Yeah, I feel like it's freaking. And then the girls are coming home from SoulCycle and they pass a guy with no deodorant on. It's awesome to watch. It's awesome to watch.

To pick up truck, I didn't know you could put more than four wheels on the back of a pickup truck. Me neither. There's like triple sets of wheels on the back. Right. And what are they putting in the back? Dead bodies. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

St. Pete. All right. Actually, they probably don't even live in saying. They probably came from outer towns. You know what I mean? Clap if you're from St. Pete. A few people. Yeah, that guy looks St. Petty.

Yeah, yeah. He's got that beard. I know you got the wrap around sunglasses. Let me say. Are they the wraparounds? What kind of pickup truck do you drive? It's a forerunner. A four-runner?

All right, close enough. Yeah, yeah, we'll take it. All right, let's bring out our other guests. And I really am. I'm so flattered that these two would take time out to do this show, especially since this next guest generally stays out till 9 in the morning. So the fact that he's even up at 1 is great. He's got a new special out on Netflix, which is called,

what's it called? I never promised you a rose. Garden. One of the worst titles I've ever heard for Stan. Please welcome Joe to Rosa. Look at you guys both double fist and the beverages. You got to stay hydrated. You got to get

dehydrated. Yeah. It's good to be here. Now, do you think the room isn't completely full? Because this is called the Allen stage, aka the King Gesture Stage at the off-central venue. Right. Did you know how hard it was

to find this? I was like, just call it the off central stage. Yeah. And they go, no, it's the Allen stage, but that's also called the King Jester stage. Yeah. Where's that? It's at Off Central. Right. Well, look, I mean, this festival is really, it's

the Austin Comedy Festival set in Florida. Yes. Agreed. All the comedians are from Austin. A lot to kill Tony almost here. Yeah. A lot of like, I almost got pulled. Yeah, yeah. It's a lot of guys that are... Cool to see.

They're killing for one minute and then seeming confused afterwards. Yeah, it's really cool. Yeah, it's cool to watch. And they're like, yeah, I'm disabled. You know what I mean? What? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

By the way, can I correct two things that you got wrong in Maddie's intro? Yeah, yeah, I wasn't going to... Is this arrogant of me? No, no, I'd rather you than me. It's her specials taping at helium in Philadelphia. What did I say? The punchline.

Which is like, you think I'm trash. You know what I mean? It's just... Tell me how you're really on a black show and that's the black club. I, yes. Yeah. And I recognize that. I'm trying to branch out.

Wait, I work. You recognize that? Yeah. Or you recognize that. I recognize that. No, you said recognize. No, okay. What doesn't matter?

You know what I meant. I'm off of attack. We're in Florida. Recognize, recognize. This guy doesn't give a fuck. He has red brown sunglasses. Okay. No, I'm screaming.

Just drop letters. But wait, here's the other thing. You said, I just met her today for the day for the day. the first time, which apparently you've met her before, because when you said that, she went, what? Yeah, we were, we were, we had like some pretty funny convos as Skangfest, and that's where I was like,

oh, that's why he booked her. Oh, that's you! Oh, my God! Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. I'm not, I'm not being disingenuous right now. I'm now remembering you're the same person as that girl. Yeah. You were wondering who that girl was, it was me. Oh, my God. Full combo. That is so fucking funny. I'm like, that's why I got booked.

Stop it. No, but you were so fun at Skangfest, and you were with somebody that I know. Annie. Annie Letterman. Exactly. And you said I looked like Hannah Einbinder. That's right. Yep.

Okay. Can I tell you a similar story? My wife is obsessed with Mad Men, and when it first came on the air, I came home, and she was sitting on the edge of our bed watching it with her pants off. Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah. And I was, and then she, every week we have to watch Madman. She fucking loved John here.

So then we go to this party in Hollywood. Sarah Silverman has this big party on a rooftop. You've been to it. No, I've never been invited. It was one of those things. It was kind of an A-list party. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. It was one of those things that drove me crazy that I never got invited once for the four, five years I live there. It's literally the coolest people in Hollywood. Not even the most famous, just like the cool. Anyway, so I'm standing there talking to my wife. Oh, cool. And my wife looks up.

and her jaw drops and John Ham walks in. And he walks over and he walks right up to us. And he goes, Greg. And he gives me a giant fucking hug. And I'm like, what? I go, what? I'm looking at her over his shoulder like, what? And then he looks at me, he goes, you don't remember me.

I go, no, he goes, John, I used to hang out at the improv with you and Sarah. I go, that's, you're the same John? Wow. Yeah. No kidding. wife had her pants off watching you. I hate you. Wow, that's so cool.

That's wild. I had a thing with him once. I saw him in a bar. It was Michael Chey's birthday party. Were you ever invited to that? It's like the coolest people in New York. Like the cool, not famous, just like cool. It was great.

I wasn't at that one either. Eight craft service people from SNL. Me and Michael Jay in a bar. No, but John Ham was there. I met him very briefly. I did Doug Love's movies with him, but it was one of the ones where there's like 12 people. So I didn't really, like, sit with him.

You know what I mean? We were just all part of this big group. And we were at the bar, and I had ordered shots, and, like, he looked at me and went like, hey, man, and, like, raised his glass at me from across the bar. And I'm like, does he remember me from Doug Love's movie? Like, it was crazy, you know? So, I don't know.

Sort of like your story. Is that the whole story? Oh, my God. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Endings in the Patreon or something. I said I wasn't going to do any material from my special. And then I did.

That's my closer in the Netflix special. Then he looks at me and I go, do I know this guy? Boy, you really didn't promise a Rose guy. No. How about promising a couple fucking endings to stories? I don't know why I felt like that was a full story. I also thought my bit about the stage names was going to do better. Because it says the Allen stage.

Yeah. Right. But then it's also, never right. Well, you know, look, you're that guy. You come out. You're edgy. You make fun of the situation and people laugh. Yes.

Yeah. You know. Not always. Right. How is the hotel you're staying in? Are you in the good hotel? Because there's two hotels. I think I might be in the good one.

What does that mean? Is it the second stop on the van or the first stop on the van? Might be the third. Yeah. All right. I think I'm in the good one. It's over here. I know if I want to say stalkers.

You'll be, you'll have checked out by the time this airs. Yeah. You could say your room. I mean the people here. I mean, the people here, I see a couple guys with single dads who are trying to get some loving. You know what I mean? Yeah. But, yeah, I think I'm in the good one.

It's right over there. If I'm in the good one, I'd hate to see what the bad one looks like. Yeah. Because mine sucks. Well, here's the problem with, you know, not to sound like the eldest statesman of comedy, but like I'm in the van from the airport. And I'm with a bunch of these, like, younger comics. Young holes. And so they pull up to the first hotel.

The first hotel is the low end. And then you go closer to the water where the nice one is. And so they're getting out and I go, all right, have a good time, you guys. I heard this place is fine. You'll love it. It's great. Call me if you want cable or whatever.

I'll be in my play. And like they all just fucking looked at me. And then somebody said out loud, is this a bit? And I was like, get out of the van. Just fucking get out of the man. Yeah. I texted Mike Cannon and Mike Feeney on the first night. I was going back to my room and I was like,

I'm just grateful the smell of dog piss gets stronger when you get into the room. It is a mildew that I have never encountered. The hotel is fucking mildewy. Wait, so you're in the bad one too. Are they all just mildewing? No, I'm in the good one. Do you have a big pool behind yours? I don't know.

Our pool is on the third floor. next to the lobby. Oh no, you're in the bad one. Yeah, we're in the bad one. Are you in the one with the same name

as a person that was a famous reality TV star? The Theo Van Hotel? I'm over there by the water. Yeah. It's got a giant lobby. No, did you not put together? Hilton.

This is the... I'm like, uh, tequila. Who's the reality store? Hilton. Paris Hilton. It's the Hilton Hotel. It smells like dog piss. I'm sorry, it does.

Joe's on Netflix now. He's afraid of brand deals. So Joe's got a new special that he originally put out on YouTube. How many views did you get on YouTube? I think it's at like $850,000 in the first year. That's fire. That's great, man. Thank you.

But in this sick fucking day and age we live in, you're, it's, it's, I know. know that that's good and I'm happy about it. No, you're not. But you're because you, because you look at everybody else and you're like, why didn't I get $3 million in the first year? Like, it's crazy. What a sad state of mind. Exactly. How many people would fucking kill to have $850? And to go on Rogan and promote it. And then to go on all the, and yet you sit here with a pink microphone in your hand. And you complain that it's not more. No, no, no. I am not. I want to be clear. I am not complaining that it's not more.

I'm saying we are in this landscape where your brain is constantly doing this comparison. It's always being shoved in your face. And it's so sick. You just want to go, I just want to enjoy what I did here. But right under it are the suggested things. Do you mean the downside where Netflix then buys the special from you to air it

and gives you more money? Right. It just sucks. Yeah. It's been tough here, man. You mean the part where people are actually coming out to see your live shows. Look, Greg. Tickets are moving. Just because

I bought two homes from a podcast where I argued about burritos, don't tell me I'm fucking lucky, okay? Don't tell me I'm fucking lucky. Shout out, shout out. Shout out. Shout out. Salvocono. Shout out. You get, like, I don't want to sell out your private life, but I

know for a fact that you meet beautiful women on the road. Pretty consistent. Women. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes. I'd put a parentheses around beautiful and women.

Yeah. Now let me ask you this. You go on the road because guys, guys brag about their conquests on the road. Oh, yes. Do you ever meet guys on the road? No. No. When I get off stage, they know, like, she doesn't want to fuck.

The vibes I put out when I'm doing stand-up are like, guys come to my show thinking I can be the first one to tell her she's beautiful. and then they're not at the meet and greet. You know what I mean? Like they duck fast. They come in with high hopes and then I'm on stage, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, and then they don't try after.

Well, do you call your meet and greet, M-E-A-T and greet? Yeah, yeah, I do. Suck on the meat and greet, yeah, I do. Still nothing. Damn. Just a much older black dudes who are saying,

you will always funny. You will always keep doing it. But the ones who are trying to fuck, they don't try to fuck after the stand-up. Yeah. Have you dated any black guys? Never dated, but, you know.

Data. Had them inside. You know what I mean? Yeah. Good. Well, I think that's important for your brand. Yeah, I agree. I think you have to like experience it to be able to talk about it and connect with the community. Yeah.

Yeah. See it, suck on it. Right, right. Just, yeah, just have a little them in you. And then to get a little that DNA in you. You know what I mean? What is post-coid alike with a with an, African-American gentleman versus a Caucasian.

Caucasian will say my stomach hurts. I'm hot. Do you have air conditioning? Black guy will say, oh, it's some good, pussy. You know what I mean? Huge difference just in the respect and the review portion of it. White guys are like me, me, me, me, me. Black guys are like, yeah, let's do that again.

I'm like, I'm tired. I'm making all this up. But, yeah, huge difference. two guy anymore. Are you around two guy in the same night? What? What's two guys? Can you have sex twice in the same night? Yeah, because I'm on testosterone. Is that what

two guy means? You go twice? I don't know. Oh, okay. Yeah. Time, I said. Yeah. No, you said two guy. Did I realize? Yeah. Matt, can we cut that out? Yeah, you're like, I'm not often do I do the two guy thing. Yeah, us neither.

I'm sorry, I am so fucking nervous. today about this podcast. It's a big deal. Yeah, it's joke world. Yeah, it's you guys. Have you run into joke himself? Yeah, oh my God. Yeah, he's walking, Dr. World, he's around.

He's, yeah. He's fucking funny. Yeah, he's sick. Yeah, testosterone has allowed me. So before it, you didn't, and now you do? No, it was weird. It was weird. I was, I would get incredibly

after orgasm, which is a gross word, but I would get incredibly sad immediately and just tired. And then I was like, get away from me. Like, I was like, do. I don't have sex with this person for a week.

And that's how I was. And then I started taking testosterone and all of a sudden, like, I was like, I'd finish and then I'd be like, hey you're great and then 30 minutes later you want to have sex again? And I was like that's weird and then I googled

why do men feel sad and tired after an orgasm and said they have low testosterone depression of tea yeah so it's changed my life it actually allowed me to have my first like true relationship really oh because before he wasn't in that terrible feeling

after sex anymore I'm just going to say when you described it like that's got to be hard to be in a relationship when you feel like It was very hard. It was very hard. Yeah. Yeah. It was so.

Or very not hard, probably. Right. Right. Yeah. It changed my life. Yeah. Yeah. It was good.

So does that mean you're in a relationship? No, no. It's over. It ended in disaster. But, no, it ended fine. She's great. We're still friends. No.

But it was my first. I was 47 before I had a true full, like, year-long relationship where I loved her. And then when we broke up, I was devastated and crying all the I'd never experienced that. Wow. Yeah. It's to get excited if it ended. Yeah, fresh start.

Yeah, if I was dating somebody and they were like, I'm not really, it's not working. I'd be like, ooh, I'm back on the streets. I'd get excited. This was, I was like, oh, this is what it feels like to love somebody. I would love to do it again. I thought it was really nice. Yeah, being a loving relationship. Yeah, it's nice.

It's nice having a partner. Yes, it is. This is awful up here. I don't know you're talking about 800KN. I'm not enough. Grow up. For any women that are watching the podcast right now, if you're looking for a guy who is never satisfied and goes into the coital position after sex and cries, Joe is available. That's your man. I'm ready to go.

Have you noticed a difference in your workout regimen with a tea? I started exercising. Are you pressing? I just do shit at home with dumbbells, but the point is that I do it. I just never. It changed all this shit. It tighten this up. Cortisol gets it normal.

You know, I don't know. Did you get it? Either that or cancer. Something's eating away at me. Yeah. Yeah. You do look good. I noticed that last night.

I should not. No. You saw what I was doing last night. No. The way you drink, I would think you'd be more bloated. That's the honesty. That's cortisol. I've been watching a lot of videos about cortisol.

Oh, yes. And they're like, when your cortisol levels are That's why you're bloated. It's not because you're fat. So basically these videos are like, don't worry, you can be a fall-down alcoholic and not look bloated. Right. Just get your cortisol in check.

But yeah, like that's all cortisol shit. Yeah. Puffy tits and all that stuff. Right, right. Stress. Yeah. Jesus. Are you a drinker?

No. Smoker? Yes. You're a smoker. Yeah. Stop drinking. Yeah. And then how much weed do you smoke?

I smoke pretty much earlier there. Are you high now? No, I respect this podcast. I respect that. I was like, I need to be sharp for the G-Dog show. I got to thank you, really, because you woke up this morning in the Adirondacks, in New York, and you made the effort to get to Vermont and then connect flights to get here to be on this podcast. Connected in LaGuardia.

My house is eight minutes from LaGuardia. I could have just left. Wow. I could have just said, fuck joke. Damn. You know, but I made it. St. Pete. Stand up.

Well, part of that might be just wanting to get away from living eight minutes from LaGuardia. Exactly. Because it's not a cool thing. Wait, why do you live out there? It's Astoria. It is? Yeah. That's eight minutes from LaGuardia.

Moves to Austin for one year. No. What are you doing out there? I felt like that was like you're getting into like Forest Hills and all that shit. It's right. Yeah, it's like Astoria is right there. Oh, okay. You know, Grand Central Express.

Oh, all right. Well, there you go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I woke up early as fog. Happy to be here. I smoked a little weed later. Smoke all weed later.

I'll smoke weed with you tonight after my shows. Hell yeah. Which I rarely do. Very rarely do. Let's do it. I got a couple pre-rolls. Because I know you're a good hang. I remember.

I'm a good hang. Yeah. I can't believe you were thinking about some other girl. They're like, who's that cool redhead? That's floating around. You got this crazy hat on. You want to have Maddie Smith on your show? Oh, she'd be great.

Yeah. Yeah. I do have a cool hat. Yeah. It's a cool hat, but it's just, I'm just bad with that. I'm the only one without a hat on. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I like that you're rocking the Kangle. Is this a Kangle? Oh, yeah, this is a Kangle. Yeah, I kind of like got into this and it's not being. I don't care that I'm bald, but I'm so pale that the light bounces off the top of my head. Yeah. So I just wear it, sir, you know.

If you do it backwards, you could be a cool black on. No, okay. No, no, no. Backward hat. What's the cutoff age on Backward hat? Like 11? I think, right? But a backwards cangle is a little different.

That's like Uncle. That's Sam Jackson. That's fire. That's fire. That's fire. Really? Yeah. All right.

That's. Now, say the N word. Say the N word. Say it. Say it. Say it. Yeah, that looks good. Do you have different ones that match different glasses?

Because that matches your glasses, perfect. It's so good. It's like a film. No, I do have a lot. I like to buy caps on the road. and when I go to Cleveland, they've got a place called the Mad Hatter. Do you know Hilaries in Cleveland?

Yeah, they don't book me. But go ahead. Oh, really? Nope. They are now with 860,000 views. Oh, yeah. Here we go. I'm going to talk to Nick Costas about you

because you'd be great for that room. Yeah, no, no, no. He's been talked to, I believe. Greg will help. Jokes on you, Nick. I'm doing seven minutes at 3 p.m. today. In a venue. people can't find.

Hey, this is the first year of the festival. So I think it's going unbelievably well. It's so well run. The staff is great. And the lineup of comics is really all kinds of really cool comics. Yeah, it is. It is a good lineup. It's a fun lineup.

Everybody here is a good time. Yeah. There are no wet blankets, you know? Because sometimes these festivals have a lot of wet blankets at them. There's no divas here. you know what I mean it's all guys that like to and gals that like to have a good time

party one way or the other it's fun it's a really fun and the agents haven't started showing up yet that's what kills the festival those the lanyards right chapstick this they're always wearing chadstick Maddie huge fans

thanks where's my money yeah so annoying huge fan I should carry around CDs of my special and make a huge fan just pull them out and be like 20 bucks and make an agent buy my CD. Yeah. Yeah. Show me how much of a fan you are.

How long did you sell CDs for on the road before you wrapped it up? I barely ever did because my first my first records with comedy were with Comedy Central. They wouldn't do a physical. The worst. I wasn't popular enough to have a physical. So then I had to print a physical

and it was very limited amounts. And then I was trying to sell the download cards. Yeah, yeah. And I couldn't sell those. And then I had a music CD I would try to sell. Like I just, and it just never worked. I never made that much extra money. And I very quickly was like, this is a pain.

I'm just not going to do this. That's a bummer because, you know, there's a lot of comedians that do that and it works out really well. Yeah, yeah. How come it can't be you? Because it's like the 850,000 thing. It's, yeah. I'm always the bridesmaid.

Right, right. I'm at that age of my career now, though, where I, you know, I spin that. Yeah. I go, you don't want to be the guy with $2 million. Oh, you want to be over here. Yeah, you want to be able to walk around without people recognizing you all the time. I like my life, man. I want to be able to walk down the street.

When my crowds come into my show, it's not like going to see Bert Christa where you're fucking packed in and you're waiting online. Mine, you could put your feet up on the seat in front of you. It's COVID-friendly. Oh, yeah, yeah. Lots of room for the particles to breathe. I don't need a bunch of excited people in the audience. No. I like the indifference of this is the night we could go out.

Yeah. Who's here? Whatever. Hopefully. And also there's like plenty of time. You can hear way more jokes with me. It's not like interrupted by these long laughs. Oh my God.

It's concentrated jokes. Yeah. Really. Just packed in. Yeah. Yeah. Did you, wait, do you guys do a lot of merch? I feel like now, well, now you, it's just online.

Like now you, it's way easier. Now you can just go, hey, I got merch here. But we did back when Sal and I were doing taste buds, we did merch. And it just didn't, even then it just didn't. I thought for sure we would sell all these. It did a fine. At live shows, if you do well, they want to take something home. They almost want to tip you.

So I sell these little pins that I got from China. And it's real Chinese lead. It's like really good quality. Like mainland. Mainland China, love. And I sell them for 10 bucks. And it's a no-brainer because you're not asking for 20 bucks. It's 10 bucks.

And I don't have to pack a suitcase with T-shirts. It's a bag this big with my carry-on. And I don't take Venmo or anything, so it's all cash. What do they say? The pin. They say Joe DeRos's friend, Greg Fitzsimis. No, it's just my name and my face. Cool.

And it's fucking easy. And I never liked selling merch before, but this is fun. That's easy. Two people here showed up with T-shirts of me that they must. made. No. Wow. I swear to God. Really? Yeah, two two different people and one of them I was I was like talking to it was when you and I were talking in the hallway and then I don't know if you remember I got kind of like pulled away by some guy. Because it was a crazy guy? No, this guy from the festival pulled me away. He's like, hey, Joe, come on, we're going to

go this way and go to that bar. And he started pulling me away and I go, dude, I'm fine. I'll get to the bar and he goes there's a guy with your face on his shirt standing behind you you should probably walk over here and I was like it's fine man I'm fucking flattered that that guy yeah put my face on his fucking t-shirt

and I went back and turns out the guy was right I should have right right yeah who no who no yeah do merch so I do the t-shirts but once those are gone I'm switching to small things pins yeah hit me up I'll put you in touch with my pin guy

I would love that. Hong chow. He sounds a really cool. Yeah, I'm sick of logging T-shirts around. I'm sick of it. It's like such a slog. And then it's like you've got to lay them out. And then am I a small?

Meanwhile, people are like, I even say when I'm on stage, I go, I'm going to be selling pins after the show. This is not a meet and greet. I'm making sales. So do not park yourself in front of my table. No. And start saying, I remember you from I love the 70s. Nope. And I go, I don't care.

I said because, and then if you want to, and I go, don't, don't ask for a picture. You don't want a picture with me. You're, you're going to, and it's always like, it's always like the guy hands his phone to his wife. And then he puts his arm around you, and he's got a sweaty pit at your shoulder, right? And then she's going, with your pass code.

Yeah. And people are streaming past. Bottleneck. Yeah. There's pintails right there. There's your pin cells. And then eight years later, they're going to be looking at their camera all like, who's this guy?

Who was that? He looks angry. He looks like he's losing money right here. Yeah. I should delete that. You were talking about meeting women on the road? I have a joke in my act right now where I say, people think it's, oh, you're single, you do comedy. You must meet women all the time.

I'm like, no, I don't. Because without fail, whenever I stand in the lobby to meet the audience after the show, it is never a woman that talks to me. It is the fattest, most disgusting, man that wants to close talk me for 20 minutes about how my podcast prevented is suicide. Yeah Just Watching Hot woman After hot woman

Just file out I'm like, grow Yep Yeah Always glad I could help Yeah Always that And you can't

Snip that conversation He's talking about suicide Yep, you got it Yeah I was my darkest times Yeah Yeah I just had my abortion

And then I heard your special Oh wow And I immediately regretted it Oh my God Watching the special, not the abortion. I felt good about that. The abortion cheered me up. They had it on in the room during the procedure.

Oh, my God. You ever have like a meet and greet fan who you're like, wow, he was like a big fan. And then he's like, I saw Joe de Rosa. I saw Greg. And he's like a fan of every single comedian. Yeah. And you're like, this doesn't fucking count. Yeah.

You saw everyone. Yeah. You actually said that to Joe, who was very cool last night. My son, who is 25, loves comedy. And it's not because of me. Like, it's just his whole generation. They're obsessed with stand-up comedy. And he loves Joe DeRosa.

So Joe was nice enough to make a video from last night. But it was funny because I said to him... We sent him a video. Yeah, we sent him a son of video. That's so cute. Yeah. I tried him 50 bucks. No, he said, I'm your real father.

And then I sent it to him, and he didn't reply. He finds me offensive. He very... Let me see if you... replied yet. No, he didn't. So anyway, but I said to Joe, my son

loves you, he loves Bobby Kelly, and I just saw his face drop. I was like, that's the boy, never tell somebody who else. Just that one person. You know what? You know who loves you? My son loves you. You know who else he loves? You know the demented guy who buses tables of the improv?

He thinks he's the next big thing. You and him. Huge. He doesn't even know who Bobby Kelly is. Right. Yeah, I knew a girl that before she got married, she was dating a guy, and I won't say who it was,

but she almost dumped him because of who his favorite comedian was. Really? Was this comedian mean? It was Greg Fitzsimmons. Oh, my God. Wow. Kimmel, you just said his name like that.

Was the... It wasn't that she was offended by the person's material. She just was like, what? Right. You know, that's... Whatever.

People have their taste. Yeah. I'll tell you after who. Okay. Has there been gossip at this festival yet? Yeah, what's the tea? Who's fucking? What's going on?

Have you guys fucked any comedians? No. I'll tell you who's fucking the comedians. Joke world. Yeah. No. Yeah. I'll tell you that much.

Tell you that much. Now, are you single? Mm-mm. Oh, you're not. I have a lover. I always have a lover. Same sex? I'm a catch.

No. I don't know. Is it the hat? What the hell? Is it the outfit that makes me look like a trailer trash mom? No, I'm a straight woman. And you live with this person? No. Okay. So he live also by LaGuardia? Actually, yeah. We live a few minutes away. I like to keep my space. He's over at the Hyatt. Yeah, he's at a he's posted up at a hooker hotel. And we like it that way. Come in for an hour at a time. Do you ever watch? Are you familiar with the, you guys know the Dave Portnoy pizza? Yeah, one bite pizza. Do you watch the kid that does the Portnoy impersonation?

No, but I already love it. It's one of the funniest things they've ever seen. He does the pizza parody and he goes, he goes, one bite, you guys know the rules, even though I'm going to take six bites right now. Yeah. Then he turns around. He goes, can I take a bite out of the crust?

Like, that's fucking normal. Because he always turns the crust. It's just very funny. It's a very funny impression. Yeah, and he's like, oh, 7.1. Do you ever see the guy who does it? Anthony Bourdain, but he's reviewing like shitty restaurants? Yeah, I like that.

Did you see the Pizza Hut one? No, but I already love it. Put it up on the screen. Pull it up. Can we pull it up? Yeah, it's very funny. It's like that Bourdain cadence. Yeah. And he has such a great joke in it where you're like, God damn it. How do nobody think of that? He goes at Pizza Hut, all they serve is Pepsi, the cola that comes with an apology.

That's great. So, don't you hate when you're dating a comedian? I dated a comedian for like three years. Okay. Can you say who it was? Sarah Silverman. Oh, really? No, don't say it like it's not believable.

No, that's why you were invited to the rooftops. That's what I was going to say. It wasn't Sarah. I just hate that you guys were shocked by it. Can we guess? Lisa Lampinelli? No, I didn't expect you to say a famous person. Yeah. I just was like, oh, I thought you were going to, you know, I don't know.

I thought it was some of horror. It was Lisa Lampinelli. Yeah. Yeah. You know, she's the queen of mean. She is. Yeah. I can't believe you handled that.

I know. It was an abusive relationship. So don't you hate when you're dating a comedian, people go? So if you guys are like riffing, who gets the bit? Who gets the joke? I'm like, we both want to kill ourselves. Okay? No one gets it.

It's a sad, it's a sad relationship. There's no riffing, right? There's no riffing. It's all, I don't want to do the show. I don't want to do the show. Fuck me, fuck me, fuck you. It's not fun. But that's what people, you know, like, I open for, like, Theo Vaughn and the meet and greet.

They're like, it must be a crazy green room. Like, yeah, Theo's crazy. You know? He's really nervous about where his grilled chicken is, you know? Yeah. It's not. That is so funny. When people picture the green room of a festival,

they think we got on party hats and there's little people running around. Yeah, they're busting balls. And it's people just going like, can you believe fucking Joe DeRosa only has 850? Like, it's all negative. We're so embarrassing, a special bomb. Dude, do you hear His merch sales? Yeah, oh my God

He couldn't crack the album thing It was just like sad And then he tried downloads And he tried download And then it's like he comes and he cries Like, what? And then you're like Oh my God, hey Joe, how are you?

Hey, what's up dude? It's good to see you, congrats on the special My son loves you Can you make a video? Yeah, we love your stuff I don't believe your son loves me I don't believe he exists I think it was a whole made-up story

I'm so fucking upset that my son is ghosting me about this because he usually gets right back to me. I'm going to call him right now. Call him. Do you want to hear a quick story while you're looking at up? Is he on the West Coast? While I'm looking it up.

Annie Letterman used to make fun of me. Do it? No, it's ringing. I'll wait. Owen. He's blocked me because of you. Cute, right? Yeah. Please record your message. When you finish recording, you may hang up

or press one for more options. Owen, it's Joe to Rosa, we're very sad you haven't responded to the video we sent. How old are you? How old is he? 25. This picture, he looks 11 years old. Is that

just an old picture? I've known him for a long time. At least six, seven years. Owen, hit us back. We're worried. Yeah, the ringer's on. Call us back. Bye. I dated, I also dated comedians. Not very, you know.

Nicki Glazer famously. Nicky and I actually did date. Yeah. I didn't know that. Yes, we did date. And I was head over heels for Nikki. Yeah. Yeah. Even after you came?

Yeah. Still maintaining? It's very impressive. Even after you glazed her? Yeah. Oh, boy. By here. Wyland.

Wylan. No, but I hooked it. You know, the dated and hooked up with a lot of female comics. And Annie Letterman used to make fun of me for it. And then one day she goes, she goes, how do you do this? How do you get these female comics to hook up with you? And I go, it's easy. I just say, hey, I think your closer is really funny.

Oh. They're like, oh, my God. Do you mind if I sit down, actually? That's good. I was a joke. I don't really sure. I don't care about anything. Yeah, yeah.

We never fucked, though. We didn't. We didn't. I do remember before you had a boyfriend, there was a period where I was lightly hitting on you. Yeah, I remember. Yeah. Yeah I remember

And New Year's Eve I remember This is when you still drank On New Year's Eve You were You were slamming shots At New York Comedy Club And I said

I go Maddie What the fuck I texted you You didn't text me back And you go I don't chase And I was like Okay

And I say I don't chase I attract I attract That's what you said I don't chase I attract Left this muffle going Oh blah blah

Blah blah Yep Yep palm of my hand bye bye wait a minute I remember his face too he was like

yeah that's what Joe Joe just waits for the you know last call that's what he does last call comedians no this was at 7pm

oh was it yeah it was early then why was I blackout what the hell you were an alcoholic yeah no it was it was early you got done early

and I still had to go do more shows yeah yeah yeah it was early but you weren't blacked out You were just getting... Yeah, I was getting started. Tor up. But, yeah, that was... I don't chase, I attract.

Which... But you were chasing her. That's what I felt like. I was like, you're not chasing. I texted you. Yeah. That's me chasing. Yeah.

And I said, I'm... And I said, you don't know what words mean. He's still trying to pick apart the riddle three years later. Yeah, it confuses me. It's like a Greek tragedy. I know it is. Wait, so let me, just to put things to perspective, there's a significant age difference here, correct? Between us, too?

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, is it? Ten? I'm 49. How old are you? Really? Yeah.

I'm 34. Yeah. All right. Wow, you thought I was older? I don't know what I thought. No? I thought maybe 44. It doesn't sound like she thought at all.

I thought you were in the mix of all the guys who are 44 right now. Thank you. I had a girl said to me recently. She goes, how old are you? I go, I'm 48. She goes, You do not look 48. And I was like, wow, thanks.

How old do I look? She goes, I don't know, 46? That's a useless fucking compliment. That's great. Yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't pin you as that. Thank you. Because Bert is what?

50 something? Bert is 50 something? I think Bert's over 50. Is he 55 or something? Yeah, Bert's over 50. I didn't pin him as close to. How old are you? Guess.

Or do you not want to say? I don't get a shit. 58. 60. Nice. Yeah. It hit me hard. Nice.

I was like, fuck, man. I got to think about retiring soon. Why did it hit? In what way did it hit you? Are you tired? Yeah, I'm tired. But it just made me think about how hard I've worked for as long. I started in college.

I literally, I started doing it as a freshman. By the time I graduated college, I was making a living as a comedian. So I've never had a job. Yeah. But I've been fucking grinding all these years. And I kind of look at it like, it's time. to start a new chapter where me and my wife, she's a doula, so she can, like, she can arrange her out, like, she can take off two months.

Yeah. So I start, I'm thinking about, like, I want to go to fucking Thailand for two or three months at a time. You know, be like, R. You should. Yeah. Right. Like, just take off.

Get out there. So I guess being 60 in a way, it's not bad. It's more about I need to change. I need to make a transition in my life and stop chasing this career. I mean, I'm never going to get it. You already have. It's not happening. Mine has like 920.

Yeah. You can't go down. But I can't believe you love the road. We're talking about this backstage. And you're like, I still love the road. I'm out there every weekend. Do you think, I don't mean, I truly don't mean this in any insulting way. Can you cut this out? I don't mean this is a slight at your family.

But do you think having a family allows you to enjoy the road? because it's a little mini vacation every week. You get away and whatever. Oh, for sure, when they were little, but I didn't go on the road. I wrote for TV for a lot of years, like yourself. And, you know, that gave me big breaks from the road. And I would just do local spots.

And then as my kids got older and moved out of the house, I started working the road hard. You had the most infamous of all writing jobs. What's that? Ellen. Oh, I refown. Really? Yeah.

Four Emmys. Dude. That's what's up. Yeah. Was she as mean as they say? She was worse than anything you've heard. Yeah, nice. She was awful.

She was a cruel, vindictive, insecure. Is this taping? You couldn't look her in the eyes, right? I could, but a lot of people couldn't. Crazy. So I worked, we didn't really know, we knew who each other were. We didn't know each other at that time. Yeah.

But I was working on the lot. It's Warner Brothers lot, or was it Paramount? For what show? Ellen. It was Warner Bros. NBC. Yeah. Yeah, I guess NBC Warner Bros.

Yeah. So I worked on the same lot. I was writing for the Pete Holmes show. He had a talk show that Conan was producing. And there were three shows. So there's a commissary on the lot where everybody goes to eat lunch. Tonight show is. Yeah.

And it's like high school. All the staffers from all the shows are sitting there and gossip spreads. very quickly. And there were three shows every day. You heard a horror story. It was Ellen, two broke girls,

and Rebel Wilson's fucking horrendous show that she had. So like all this stuff that came out about Ellen, I was like, man, I've been hearing that shit for years.

Somebody told me, and I will not say who, you can tell me if it's true, somebody told me the way she had her writer's pitch jokes where she would line them against the wall, like firing squad style, and go, go, go, go. Well, I was there in the first two years, and actually she was, apparently that's the

nicest she ever was. And we used to sit, we used to sit in her office, and she had fucking, you know, big shabby chic sofas, and it was very chill, and we'd ordered coffees, and they'd bring them to us, and then when the show started doing well, her attitude changed. I think the against the wall, no eye contact stuff started a little bit later. She's like, we're only at 800K. Stories would circle, man. So about her.

Yeah, it was in Rebel. Yeah. Rebel was down the hall from us. Right. And their writers, we'd run into each other on smoke breaks. Yeah. And we'd be leaving. Pete, let us leave every day at six.

Like clockwork. You could set your fucking watch to it. Because he was like, I'm not fucking staying here on there. And then you and I both wrote on his other show crashing. Yeah. Nice. I was only there for a few weeks, but yeah. That's it?

What happened? Yeah. Oh yeah, what happened? Nothing bad, but I was on the show in the beginning. No, it was a good three-week run. Yeah, totally normal. End your contract early. It really, it wasn't, it was nothing bad.

I was hired week-to-week as a consultant. Oh, okay, okay, yeah. It was a week-to-week gig. Judd Appetal liked me a lot. He kept adding another week. and I was gearing up three times it was supposed to be four days that it was a week that it was two weeks right yeah but I was gearing up to to do my first Comedy Central special my first hour and I was directing it and it was a big thing for me and and I just kind of realized like I'm not this isn't where I'm

supposed to be I'm not supposed to be in a writer's room I'm supposed to be out there being a stand-up right now and I just didn't I just didn't want to continue on with it. I've written for a lot of shows. I don't think I've ever been asked back. Because I'm not a, you might relate to this. I'm not a writer first. I'm a comic first.

And the problem, I never leave on bad terms, but I'm just, when you're a comic first, you get very passionate about your ideas. You have no problem telling the head guy. Well, that's dumb. I don't think that's funny. You know what I mean? because you're a comic.

And it's weird, and it's a thing I was never able to handle. You go out on the road on the weekend, and you're the king of the castle. And then you go to work on Monday, and you're an employee now. And it is a big shift. No, when you're in your office and a PA comes by and goes, we're in the room,

and you've got to, like, jump up and get nervous and go in the room. And it's like, oh, God. I had fun writing on every show I ever wrote for. I had the most fun on tires, and then I had the most fun on Pete's show because I was a monologue writer and he wanted stand-up monologues. He went a conceptual.

It was never jokes. It was like, you know, what's the least scary monster was one of the premises, you know? And you write a whole monologue about that. So I loved doing that. And I really love Tires because Tires was, it's Shane

and so many of my, John, and so many of my friends. But I'm also very aware. Like, I'm just not, it's a weird, I don't know. Yeah, just got to get to. that fucking health insurance. That's the other reason why with my family. Oh yeah. That health insurance

every year. Good health insurance. Right. But you also wrote at a time where you could, it's a very different thing now. Yeah. You know, I think. You know, you wrote at a time where I feel like you could be equally a comic and a writer.

Yeah. I was writing at a time, by the time I started writing, it was very apparent. It was like you either get sucked into this world of writing or you have to avoid it and do comedy. Yeah. Which is why I only write on something every five years or something like that.

But, you know, I don't know. That was, I don't know. No, I had a lot of gigs where they let me out on Friday so I could go on the road if I wanted to. I'm sure the other writers love that. You know, because that's the other thing, too. You know what? If you're getting shit ton of stuff on the show, they don't care. Right.

It's all about getting shit on the show. And there's dead weight in those fucking rooms. There's so many people that are ass-k kissing friends of the show. runner and they get nothing. Because some shows will have 12, 15 writers on them. Three of them are writing the show. Yeah. So be one of those

three and then you can take Friday off. Joe DeRosa. Oh, before we go, I want to do one thing real quick. I want to play a game with the audience. You guys up for it? All right. Do we have the handheld camera here? Where's Matt? All right.

Here's a thing called Talk Your Way Out of it. And what we do is, I'm going to give you a situation that's very awkward and you are going to talk your way out of it. And I'm going to ask for a volunteer. Can I borrow your microphone? I'm going to ask for a volunteer of somebody that would like to participate in this game. Raise your hand.

Okay. Right over here. This guy I met before the show, he's from Maine and he came all the way down for the festival. That's what's up? Hello. What's your name? Eric. Eric.

Thanks for coming down, Eric. Thanks for being here. He lives in a fucking shack in the middle of the woods. Off grade. Yeah. Yeah, so he's like Stephen King. Yeah. He's a couple hours away, yeah.

Something tells me he's going to have your face on his t-shirt later. Okay. Don't put your face. Don't put her face on the t-shirt. She chases. She detracts. I remember how to fuck it right. Listen, your clothes are really funny.

Don't chase. Don't chase. There's a cute intern at work. You sneak up behind her when she's seated at the desk and you take scissors and you snip off a piece of her hair and put it in a baggie. Her coworker sees you. Talk your way out of it. You know, I've been talking to her for a while. She said, you know, she's really into this genetics thing.

you know, I figured her birthday's coming up, so I wanted to surprise her, please don't let her know, because, you know, you'd ruin the surprise. So maybe it's, you know, it's a birthday thing. It's thoughtful. It's not creepy. That was fucking good. That was very good. Yeah.

I mean, I guess they usually use spit, but I guess they can use hair, right? I jerked off in my test. Huh? Yeah, I wanted them to use sperm. Yes. Did it work? I'll dry it up. Now, which writing job were you on

when you jerked off? Don't kid yourself. There was a phenomenal amount of that. All right, who else? Who would like to go next? Raise your hand. There we go. The guy from St. Pete.

What's your name? St. Pete guy? Josh. Josh. Are you Jewish? No. Every Josh you've ever known as Jewish. Really?

Business managers are always Josh Jews, respectfully. Yeah, I guess you're right. It's a Jewish name. Yeah. It is? Yeah.

It's from the Bible. Josh? I don't know. There wasn't a in it. Did you convert because you moved to St. Pete? No. All right.

You are, you get into a little scrape with a car parked on the street in front of your house and you pull over, there's people around, so you jot a note and you put it under the windshield. And then it's your neighbor's car. And then he's got a camera on his fence and he sees that you wrote the note, but the note has somebody else's name and somebody else's phone number that you made up.

And they knock on your door and they say, why did you write a fake name on this? Talk your way out of it. Originally, my, when I was trying to do it. do the right thing. I was trying to think about what was going to be the best thing for this. And my wife decided to tell me that her best friend was in town. And her best decision was going to be for this situation, which I'm screwing up right now, is to take a decision on this and go for it. And I wanted to go with the right person. And this, you know, it wasn't me. It was somebody else. So are we going to wrap up the section where we go? That's fine. Thank you. That was great, Josh.

I don't know how that's getting them out of that. Take that mic. Stretch. I'll tell you that much. Let's wipe that down a little bit. Josh. All right, before we go, the final section we always do on Fitzdog Radio is called Fastballs with Fitz.

Okay. We'll alternate back and forth. Okay. Is this going to be a quick-thinky kind of thing? And then we say like, I'm not going to be good at it. He's going to say it. He's going to say the N-word accidentally. It's going to be weird. It's almost going to be normal for him.

Yeah, no, I'm ready to play. I'm just not going to be good at it. Okay, yeah. Yeah. Way to take a shit on the bit. No, I'm not shitting. I'm shitting on myself. I'm saying I'm not quick with it.

These are very straightforward. Okay. This is really easy. Okay. Have you ever been arrested? Not really, no. I did get caught stealing, and I was apprehended by the story. security but I was not arrested.

How old were you? I was 14. And remember the club on the steering wheel? Yeah. When my mom came and picked me up, my dad was driving the car and I was in the back seat and she was hitting me with the club. She was poking it back at me. Oh wow. You son

of a bitch! That's abusive. Yeah. Jesus Christ. It was the 90s. Were you adopted? Yeah. You were an adoptive mother beating their fucking style. She didn't beat me with it. She was just... No.

She was just poking back at it. My mom's a good woman. And I won't... My mom returns my fucking calls. This is really embarrassing. All right. What's the hackiest bit that you've ever done? Probably the one that

I feel like everyone has where we say I used to drink. I used to drink. I used to drive. You know what I mean? I feel like everyone has like, drink, drink and drive. Yeah. Yeah. So I would say that. All right. Yeah. Is that a boring answer?

My whole act. My clothes are. Blah. Fricking out. All right, Joe. Who's your best Asian friend? Steve Byrne. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I think he might be my only Asian friend. What? Steve. Bobby Lee. You can't say Bobby Lee.

I should say that when I do the question. Because everybody says Bobby Lee. No, but Steve Byrne is my closest Asian friend. Good. Okay. Okay. What is, have you ever not finished the set on stage? Yeah.

What happened? Just a shit New York City show that they wanted me to do 20 to 30 on. Audience wasn't fully there. There was like eight people. Yeah. One of those shit shows. Yeah. It was like college kids who came in from Trinity College in Connecticut.

They were looking at me like, I'm insane. Yeah. Got to like 14 minutes. Peace. And of course you get out stage. You're like, I'm so sorry about that. I didn't know. Yeah, I did. The show sucks. Yeah. So, do I not get my $12? Right. Like, are we good? Yeah. We did, you know, Ari Maddie?

Yes. Ari Maddie and I dropped in on a show in Austin the other night and the audience sucked. And he went on and was going to bring me on. He was supposed to do 10 minutes. And three minutes in he goes, okay, I'm good. Joe, get up here. Yeah, yeah. And then I went up and I was like, what the fuck, man? You were supposed to do 10 minutes. And he's like, have fun. And then I did about four minutes. It sounds like, fuck this. I love that. And left. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway.

Yeah. It was just funny. Where did you lose your virginity? Ooh. I lost. I was old. I was 21. No.

Really? Yeah. I was 21. I had massive Catholic guilt and tremendous AIDS paranoia. Because I grew up in the church. They told us that like AIDS was a punishment and all this shit. so scared of diseases. Sex is a sin, all this shit.

Anyway, so I took me a while to get comfortable to get all that shit out of my head. So I had sex the first time I was 21 with a college professor that worked at Temple University. She was 36. Wow. And we had sex in her house. She was moving the next day to Atlanta, so her house was empty, but she had set up an air mattress with candles. And I took her to dinner and she banged me on the... Wow.

She banged you. I can't I don't remember because I was chasing and she was attracted Yeah Yeah Yeah

No I can't remember if I was on the bottom or the top I think I was on the top How'd you get her? Did you tell her That she closed her lectures Really strong?

Yeah I met her in a bar And I had always said this thing For older women And I met her in a bar And I was so I was so like intrigued and excited

That I met this hot older woman and then she was also a college professor, and I had gone to Temple. I wasn't currently. But so it was the school temple, not Jewish. Yeah, yeah. Not Josh. Yeah, not Josh.

She's posted up there. And I asked her out, and we started going on dates. And then, like, one night we were fooling around at her house, and she's like, hey, listen, I got to tell you something. I'm moving to Atlanta. She goes, I'm at a place in my life. I just can't do frivolous stuff anymore. And I said, well, I'm not trying to have sex with you and run because I'm a virgin.

And she was like, that actually makes me want to have sex with you. And she, like, was into that she was going to take me through the first time. Yeah. Yeah. Did you? Well, don't clap. Hell yeah. He caught AIDS.

Yeah. I got it. And they got kicked out of temple. All right. We got to wrap it out. I wish we could go all day. You guys are great. But they do have another podcast coming.

If you would like to see my guest live, Joe is going to be at the Grand Rapids Comedy Club. Wait, wait, those dates moved. Don't plug those. Sorry. All of them? Yeah, my dates moved. Just go to Joderosa.com for my upcoming shows.

Thank you, though. I appreciate it. But, yeah, some of those got moving on. Maddie Smith will be in Philly, taping her special on August 27th at the Helium Comedy Club. Jacksonville, September 11th. Be careful. Don't fly that day.

Never forget. Raleigh, North Carolina, October 1st and 2nd, Nyack, October 3rd, Buffalo, where she's from after that. Big homecoming show. And I want to thank you guys for coming out. It means a lot to us. This was really fun. Really fun.

Thanks to Gotham Productions for producing. And then who's the other producer on this? What are they called? What is it? Joke. Joke. No, no, no. There's a production company.

Whatever. Thank you to everybody. Thank you to joke world. We'll see you guys next time. Bye-bye.