Fitzdog Radio - Joe List Tells Wild Comedy Road Stories with Greg Fitzsimmons

Episode Date: June 24, 2026

Joe List joins Greg Fitzsimmons for a hilarious deep dive into comedy, Boston comics, Catholic guilt, road stories, Louis CK getting COVID in 2026, Skankfest chaos, Mike Donovan legends, Nick DiPaolo memories, and the strange reality of making a great living in stand-up while watching your friends headline arenas. They swap stories about opening acts gone wrong, growing up in Massachusetts, drinking disasters, comedy careers, race, religion, family, and why some of the funniest people alive never become household names. Plus: Bill Burr, Tom Papa, Colin Quinn, Joe DeRosa, Tim Dillon, Matteo Lane, Sacha Baron Cohen, Borat, Sean Penn, and plenty more. Joe List is a stand-up comedian, co-host of Tuesdays with Stories, co-host of The Regz, and one of the sharpest comics working today. Subscribe for new episodes every week. This show is produced by Gotham Production Studios and part of the Gotham Network. https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/studios/ Follow Greg Fitzsimmons: Facebook: https://facebook.com/FitzdogRadio Instagram: https://instagram.com/gregfitzsimmons Twitter: https://twitter.com/gregfitzshow Official Website: http://gregfitzsimmons.com Tour Dates: https://bit.ly/GregFitzTour Merch: https://bit.ly/GregFitzMerch “Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons” Book: https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82 “Life on Stage” Comedy Special: https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial Listen to Greg Fitzsimmons: Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio Sunday Papers: http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod Childish: http://childishpod.com Watch more Greg Fitzsimmons: Latest Uploads: https://bit.ly/latestGregFitz Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/radioGregFitz Sunday Papers: https://bit.ly/sundayGregFitz Stand Up Comedy: https://bit.ly/comedyGregFitz Popular Videos: https://bit.ly/popGregFitz About Greg Fitzsimmons: Mixing an incisive wit with scathing sarcasm, Greg Fitzsimmons is an accomplished stand-up, an Emmy Award winning writer, and a host on TV, radio and his own podcasts. Greg is host of the popular “FitzDog Radio” podcast (https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio), as well as “Sunday Papers” with co-host Mike Gibbons (http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod) and “Childish” with co-host Alison Rosen (http://childishpod.com). A regular with Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Kimmel, Greg also frequents “The Joe Rogan Experience,” “Lights Out with David Spade,” and has made more than 50 visits to “The Howard Stern Show.” Howard gave Greg his own show on Sirius/XM which lasted more than 10 years. Greg’s one-hour standup special, “Life On Stage,” was named a Top 10 Comedy Release by LA Weekly. The special premiered on Comedy Central and is now available on Amazon Prime, as a DVD, or a download (https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial). Greg’s 2011 book, Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons (https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82), climbed the best-seller charts and garnered outstanding reviews from NPR and Vanity Fair. Greg appeared in the Netflix series “Santa Clarita Diet,” the Emmy-winning FX series “Louie,” spent five years as a panelist on VH1’s “Best Week Ever,” was a reoccurring panelist on “Chelsea Lately,” and starred in two half-hour stand-up specials on Comedy Central. Greg wrote and appeared on the Judd Apatow HBO series “Crashing.” Writing credits include HBO’s “Lucky Louie,” “Cedric the Entertainer Presents,” “Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher,” “The Man Show” and many others. On his mantle beside the four Daytime Emmys he won as a writer and producer on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” sit “The Jury Award for Best Comedian” from The HBO Comedy Arts Festival and a Cable Ace Award for hosting the MTV game show "Idiot Savants." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi, comedian Greg Fitzsimmons here in New York City, home of the New York Knicks. Yeah, baby. I'm here at Gotham Production Studios, and good to be here, and I've got an amazing guest, Mr. Jill List coming up. We'll talk about him in a second. Flew in, and there was a baby. Yeah, I don't want to be the comic talking about the baby on the flight. but I'm just thinking about the emotional range of a nine-month-old baby where the child was crying so intensely hard. I was thinking about how many times as an adult you go to that place.

It would have to be like it's literally child run over by a garbage truck crying. That's that's the intensity. of this cry, followed 20 minutes later by looking at me and laughing hysterically, harder than I have laughed since I saw Kevin Meaney 15 years ago bombing at Catch a Rising Star. Like the range, the deepness, the commitment to emotion that babies have, it's incredible. And you think about the older you get, the less of those feelings that you feel. And that's why when the Knicks won, people went out of their fucking minds because it was collective. It was pure joy like we never feel.

And obviously, if you're from San Antonio, sorry, maybe you were crying like that baby in row 13A. That could have been you when your little pussy Wemby choked and couldn't go to the hoop because he's afraid because he's skinny. I'm skinny. But anyway, I'm not going to waste time. let's get to it. I don't think I have any ads this week. So let's say we have no ads this week and say I will be coming up and performing coming up at the Oxnard. Well, it's actually called Levity Live in Oxnard. That's the 11th of July, the 12th of July. I'm in Mamba in Huntington Beach. Pittsburgh, July 24th and 25th. And then Cincinnati and Columbus in August. 26 and 27th. Go to Fitzdog.com, get some tickets. Love you guys.

Here is the very funny. You've seen him on the Tonight Show many times. Letterman. He's got a movie called Fourth of July that he made with Louis C.K. That's amazing. Here is my guest, Mr. Joe List. I'm here with my guest, Joe List,

who is just one of those guys that's always got to bring bad news. What are you talking about? He survived. Our friend almost died, but he's fine. That actually is really good news. I mean, if you don't almost die at some point in your life, have you really lived? Yes, especially when you get into your 60s.

I mean, once you're in your 60s, you're on death's door. Yes. Don't you feel? What do you mean, don't I feel? Don't you feel that way? Why, because I'm 60? Are you 60? I'm 60.

I didn't realize that. I just turned 60 last month. We had a huge party. I went big. Here's the thing about the 60th birthday. How old are you? 44. Yeah, here's the thing about the 60th birthday is you're in Hollywood.

A lot of people's instinct is, go quiet on it, fly under the radar. Don't let anybody know that number. But the other way to go is to just celebrate it. And so I invited like 150 people to my house. And we got Mexicans, you know, to cook. Oh, I see. And we got bartenders. and we had a masseuse, we had a blackjack dealer,

and 150 people invited 149 showed up because nobody has parties anymore. Right, oh, that's great. Especially in L.A. Nobody has a party. That's fantastic. Who is the one asshole? Uh... All right.

This could get us clicks, is all I'm saying. Who is he? I saw Bill Burr showed up. Wow, nice. Tom Papa. Tom Papa didn't come? Tom Papa didn't come What a bag of shit

Everyone write to Tom Papa And say you're a fucking dirt bag Right Well and he's really He's the glue of a party Because he can talk to Anybody That's nice

You can feel safe My kids can talk to Tom Pop At a party Wow I don't think anyone's ever said that about me And I would like them to No I mean I'm very social of course

But like I don't think people are like You got to You would want to be present. There should be a guardian while you're talking to the kids. Yeah, yeah. Well, no, I mean, I don't mean I'm a pedophile or anything. I mean, I'm good with talking about me. Nobody said that. How old are your

kids? Why do you say it like that? That's not a very kind of feeling. I'm wondering if they're too old. Yeah, yeah. I'm just saying, because I can pull my thumbs off. I do the fake walk down the stairs, but if they're like 17 and 19, they're not going to be that interested. No, they're 22 and 25. Yeah. See, I can talk

to what 22-year-old. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I bet you could. I say six, seven. Yeah. I know the language. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's mid. You got nieces and nephews?

I do. I have a niece that's 21. Just turned 21. My nephew just turned 18. And how old is your kid? Two and a halfish. It'll be three in October. Yeah.

Dude, that is prime time. Yeah, that's great. I'm old, though. But you're kind of an old dad. Yeah, it was 33. Oh, so that's not old at all. Yeah. That was like 41, 42, 41.

Three is such a cute age. Oh, yeah. It's the best. But you got them all the time because I haven't started preschool yet. Yeah. And they're active. He starts in September. Yeah, we have no nanny and no family.

So it's, uh, this podcast is like the greatest thing that could ever happen to me. It's like, quiet. You're like, your phone vibrates and I'm like, I got to do Fitzsimmons pod. And then my wife's like, it's not. Yeah. She's like, is that like a big pie? I'm like, it's huge. It's huge.

I got to go. I got to prep. It's a big studio. I got to prep for a couple hours. I got to come down after. It's like Rogan. It's three hours long. I told her way back at 10 p.m.

She's like, really? I didn't really. I'm like, yeah, yeah. It's fucking. I got to go to the New York Public Library, get out some books, research, Irish, Bronx. Now, oh, that just reminded me of something.

Can I bring up a thing? When that show, I love the 80s, I think it was. Yeah. That was, like, huge. Yeah. And I think we talked about this a little bit when I saw you in, wherever I saw you, Los Angeles.

I thought you were Boston when I was young. Yeah. Because you Fred Fitzs, everyone with an Irish name, you just assume it's Boston. And then you started in Boston. Well, I went to college in Boston. Right. So I thought you were Boston, and then they did a thing about the 86 Mets. And then you were talking about how it was the happiest moment of your life.

Yeah. And it sent me into, like, a rage. And I was like, I've got to find out what's up with this guy. I know, because I was in Boston at the time, in college, when it happened. I was at Harvard. And, um... Is that real? Why do you mean is that real?

Why is that so unbelievable? You don't seem that, you know, bright. I don't? No, I'm kidding. But do I not seem bright? You don't seem Harvard-E-ish-esque. You mean in a duchy way? And that's in Cambridge.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I feel like you were at like Simmons College or something. That's a girl's college. Huh? It's all women. Well, I don't know. That's just the energy. I dated a girl from Zemin.

Is that right? She was the valedictorian. She spoke at the graduation. And every time we had sex, she cried because her sister had been almost molested one summer on the beach. Oh. And that was enough to send her into tears every time we made love. Oh, this is horrible.

Yeah. I had a woman cry in the middle of sex one time. What happened? She was married and I didn't even realize we met like at karaoke after a show and I was making love to her. And in the middle of it, she went, I'm married. And I was, I had like a moment of like, what do I do here? And she was like relatively recently married. And I think about her a lot because like I was like 21 years old.

This is like whatever I look like, this is the best I've ever looked. Yeah. Like I was just a gangly fucking goof with wire frame glass and my teeth were really jacked. Oh, I remember you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so this poor lady is still living with this idea that, like, six months after she got married, she fucked like a big, goofy nerd. What was the song that got her in bed with you? I guess that's why they call it the blues by old old John.

I could really bring the heat. And, yeah, it was bad. And I've told the story a couple times before. And then she was pretty drunk. I mean, we were both hammered. And I remember I had my, I had driven. into the city. I still lived in Whitman Mass, which is like 40 minutes south. And when she started crying, it was like a thing. We had to stop having sex. I was sitting there

and I was like, well, I can't go home. Like, I'm drunk. Yeah. So I just had to lay next to her sleeping. And she was like, wait, so she was in the home that she lives in? No, no, this is a hotel. She was in a hotel. I was at her hotel. And yeah, she was just like crying next to me. And I was like, well, I don't really know what to do here. I don't have anywhere to go. So I just just kind of was like, all right, it's okay. And neither one of us came. It was just, it was horrible. I go back and forth between this is hilarious and I feel bad, but I hope that she doesn't

think about it much. Well, I tried to have sex with this woman a number of times and she cried each time. So how do you think that makes me feel? Not great, I would imagine. No, not good at all. Now, did you really go to Harvard? No, I went to Boston University. I knew it.

Well, I hate that you knew it. I hate that you could not even entertain the notion that I went to bought. Well, you know, you know. Is it that, I mean, is it that do you think I'm slow? I don't think you're slow. I just don't think you're like really smart. Yeah. You know?

Right. Like exceptionally smart. Right, right. You seem like, you know, you're very funny, obviously. Yeah. Thoughtful. Uh-huh. You know, you're a good man.

But you're not a great man. But Harvard, I mean, come on. And nobody would refer to it as Boston, as Harvard, right? Oh, is that a thing? I don't know. I don't know either. That's how far I am from having gone to Harvard. I don't even know that you wouldn't say Boston.

I don't know. Maybe you would. I don't know. I don't know anyone. You know who went to Harvard? Francis Ellis. Do you know him? No.

He's a comedian. He's very fun. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Would you know if you hadn't known he went to Harvard? Would you buy it? Well, he's like a really tall, well-dressed, like, he feels much more Harvey to me.

Yeah, yeah. No, I want to say preppy, but he's like, he's not wearing a Grateful Dead t-shirt. You know, he's like, you know, if we had a producer, I'd be like, hey, pull up Francis Ellis. Yeah. But, you know, I feel like I've hurt your feelings. I feel terrible.

No, not at all. No, I just, I actually, what bothers me is when people think I'm smarter than I am, And I think that's, it's kind of racist because I think when you're as white as I am, people just think that you're really smart. And I speak well. Yeah. I don't speak good. I speak well. Yeah.

And so my grammar is good. I'm polite. And so people assume I'm smart. I'm not smart at all. Yeah. I think I get this a little bit sometimes too. People either think I'm a fucking total retard or like really smart and went to college. Yeah.

But I actually almost failed out of high school and have. zero education. You didn't go to college? No. I didn't even like kind of, I never filled out an application. It didn't even cross my mind to go to college. Yeah,

I didn't fill an application either. What happened? They just... I finished high school. I wasn't to go to college. So I saved up three grand. I worked two jobs for six months. I was a caddy and I was a cook at a TGI Fridays.

And I saved $3,000. I got a backpack and I went to Europe by myself for six months. Oh, wow. And when I got back, My father goes, congratulations. I said, what? He goes, you got into Boston University. I said, I didn't apply to Boston University.

And he went, congratulations. He filled out the essay. Wow. He filled out all the questions. And he had gone there for two years. So he wanted me to finish, like for the family. That's really sweet. So I showed up to Boston.

I'd never been to Boston in my life. We showed up. And, of course, my mom drives me like the day before classes start. we get in at night. And I've got my dad's Army duffel bag. That's everything. Not a fucking sheet. Not a like nothing.

It was just like my clothes in a duffel bag. And I showed up freshman year and I loved it. It was great. Wow. And then you started doing stand-up there, right? I started doing stand-up. I started doing stand-up. By the time I graduated, because you know Boston in those days, I was making a decent living.

I never had a job. That's amazing. Yeah. Wow. What year is this? I graduated in 89. So you must have known DePaolo pretty good. Oh, DePaolo, very well. He's starting 87.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, DePaula was my favorite com. Well, Don Gavin and DePaula was up there, though. I mean, nobody encapsulated, I mean, Bert came along and did it as well, but nobody encapsulated the Boston voice like Don Gavin and Nick DePaolo, and then later Bill Burr. of just so acerbic and not giving a fuck about the audience. Right.

Never caring how they, like, doing bad, good. I like it even more. Mike Donovan has got to be on that list too. Donovan's on that list as well. He's very similar. Yeah, yeah. Donovan would kind of stand sideways. He wouldn't hit Brock back and forth the whole time.

And after every joke, he goes, he goes, what else? Every bit. What else? It goes, sack fly. That sounds like. something that lands in your scrotum in the summertime. What else? Pull up to a toll booth.

I give the guy a $20. He goes, do you have change? He goes, no, that's your job. Here's the thing. I give you money. You give me change. He goes, you're a professional change maker. But then he also has to money.

He goes, you got anything smaller? Yeah, my dick pal. Which, I always laugh. The words, dick and pal together are so funny. Yeah, my dick pal, will that do? He goes, yo. a professional change maker. You can be replaced by a

machine. He's my favorite of all those guys. He's got the other great one, but it's more of an act out when he goes, this is my impression of the Boston Garden. He goes, I got to take a shit. No, I don't. The idea of you have to shit, and then you see the toilet, and you go, no, I don't.

Doesn't the toilet there, isn't it a wall? Yeah, it's one big year old. I used to, I think they've updated it. Donovan lived in my neighborhood. I lived in Brookline. And, you know, back then, the reason why I made a living when I graduated was because I had a car and a license.

And all those headliners had lost their license. They all had DUIs. And so they all lost their cars, including Donovan. And so, and Donovan was a big pothead. So I'd pick him up and I would draw, we were working in Providence at the Comedy Connection that weekend. I'd pick him up at his house. and we just about an hour drive

and we drive down and the dude would just look forward I would try to start conversations nothing, one word answers so for three nights we drove back and forth he didn't say a word I watched him he crushed I loved watching them

and then at the end of the three nights you know usually the headliner will give you some gas money so instead he goes come into my house so I go into his apartment it's fucking basement apartment it's just dark

and sad. And then he goes into the next room and I'm sitting there and he's got a VHS tape of an old Red Sox game. He taped all the Red Sox games and he watched him over and over again. And so I'm watching a Red Sox game. He's gone for like 20 minutes. I'm like what the fuck? I thought he was going to get me high or something. And he comes out and he hands me about 10 laminated sheets of baseball cards. He collects baseball cards like a fiend. He's got a file cabinet, with baseball cards. And he gives them to me, I don't know anything about baseball cards.

You know, I don't collect them. So I'm like, all right, thanks. I could have used the fucking cash, but thanks. So I take them,

and I just had them for years. And they were my aunt's basement in the Bronx. And then she died, and I was clearing out this trunk, and I found these 10 sheets of laminated baseball cards. And I look in, and half of them are Mark McGuire rookie cards.

Wow. And I'm like, what the, this is a fucking fortune. So I go to the hobby shop and I show the guy the cards. I go, how much are you going to give me for these? He goes, well, if he came in before the steroid scandal, these would be worth about $500 each. He goes, now, I'll give you a quarter. Is that real? Yeah, that's amazing.

I still have them. I'm waiting from a company. They're going to come back. Yeah, of course. Yeah. He had another great joke that reminded me of about, it's like, something I forget the setup exactly, but he's like, yeah, I was going through my grandmother's attic or my old stuff or whatever. And he's like, I found a Mickey Mantle rookie car with fart bubbles coming

coming out of the sound. And he finds like a $10,000 card and he's driven. And fart bubbles is like the most perfect. No, he's amazing. I have another Dunnivin's. I mean, I don't want to turn this into the Mike Dunnivin show here, but there was another time. I did this gig at BC High. Yeah. And it was like, you know, for the priests and the fathers and son. It was like a big event they did every year and I showed up early and the show is delayed you know those shows are always like running behind so it's like this massive gymnasium it was cut in half

like a big wall was set up to split the room in half and then this room was all the people and I went they're like you can hang out back there and there's other basketball courts that aren't being that aren't there and so you hear like a ball dribbling and I go and sit down to kill time and I'm just watching these

high school kids running up and down the court after about three minutes I'm like Donovan he's running full court four on four he has like his collared shirt on it's me and him is the show and he's literally playing full court and he's like fucking

post it up he's backing kids down and stuff and he's got like sweat his shirt's all fucking crazy his hair's all wacky and then he finishes the game it's like time to start the show

he's like he's fucking kids that call me old school I'll show you old school I'll be in the fucking temple and then he's gonna do the show and he literally has like fucking Sweat down to here. He's like, can't breathe well.

He's like, was he good? He's pretty good. Yeah, yeah. He could play. I didn't even notice him. Dude, I wouldn't have guessed that in a thousand years.

Literally, because I was like half paying attention. It was like, you know, they went up and down the court a couple times before I was like, is that fucking Mike running up and down the court? Do you know his father?

No. Was a cop in Southie, and he helped capture the Boston Strangler. Wow. Yeah. No shit. Yeah. I knew that he had the best footage of the Tom Bernanski catch or something like that.

He was like in the right field bleachers or Grand State, whatever, filming it. Yeah. And you got on the news. He like sold it. It was like a big thing. He was the original internet because he taped every sporting event and then he used to edit together. And I was at his house another time and we were smoking pot. And he just would put these tapes on.

and they were clips and a lot of them were guys up at bat just the locked off shot and just a brawl going on the crowd behind and like the announcers didn't notice it they just kept going on that's great but he um you remember bob lazarus yeah of course r-i-p yeah great comics super guy and he was dunovan's best friend and so he came over dunovan's house one time And Mike leaves him in the living room and goes into the bedroom. And he's gone for like 90 minutes. And Bob's like, and this one computers had just come out. So he goes into Donovan's bedroom and he looks over and there's nobody in the room. And he goes over to the computer screen. And it says, just like in the Shining where it's the same thing. It says, I must kill my friend Bob Lazarus, just in a repeat.

He waited 90 minutes for that joke. Was he, isn't in the closet or into the bed? That's fucking great. Anyway, so you're Irish Catholic. I wanted to ask you about that. I was on mushrooms the other night. And I had some thoughts about Catholicism. Okay.

Well, I mean, I have to say my father's like went to Catholic school and all that stuff. I never did any of the business. I'm just, it's like by name only. Still do it. Yeah, I'll still do it. I mean, I know about it. I grew up in that world, but I didn't do the, they didn't make me do the shit. Well, you grew up in Whitman.

Whitman, Massachusetts, birthplace of the chocolate chip cookie. Yes. At the Whitman Inn. No, at the Toll House Inn. Toll House Inn, yeah, yeah. Which burned to the ground, and guess what it is now? A Wendy's? That's right.

Yeah. I feel like you should win something. A cookie. I love a cookie. Yeah. You take out a cookie right now. I will come on it and eat it. alone? Shouldn't I compete?

Okay, cookie. In the 1970s, Whitman was home to a then-secret national security agency, classified materials disposal facility built on Exist Street, Essex Street. Do you know Essex Street? I'm sure I've been up and down a million times, but I can't, like, place it. Code named White Elephant No. 1, classified waste destructor, temperatures up to 3,400 degrees. This is real? The three-story incinerator used as a clubhouse by children in the area and later dismantled. That's why I bring it up because I didn't know if you were, you seemed like you would have been one of those children.

I don't think so. I don't remember an incinerator. Where did you hang out when you were a teenager was to drink? Because that's a big Boston thing. Well, I didn't drink until I was after, till after high school. Really? Yeah, yeah. What's that all about?

I think my whole family was very heavy drinkers. very nervous about it. I didn't want to do it. Yeah. And then I started and went apeshit, obviously. I brought the heat. You're sober now, right? Yeah, for a long time. But I never drank a single time in high school. I drank in, my first drink was October after I graduated.

What? Yeah. Yeah. And you didn't smoke pot? No. I didn't do anything. The idea to me, still to this day of being high in school is fucking bananas to me. Yeah. Of like walking around stoned. That was me every

day. No, I never, I just never, did it. I was an athlete, and I just, I just wasn't, I don't know. Would you play baseball? I played baseball freshman year, and then I was all track and cross country because I was a big baseball guy in basketball, and I wanted to be a baseball player. But then I was so dumb, I became ineligible for athletics because I failed half of my classes. Oh, wow. But at that point, I'd already been on... I love that, that they don't let you exercise because you're dumb. Right. It doesn't make sense. They're Yeah, yeah, you, well, I think the idea is like you're doing too much athletics. But it wasn't that.

I just didn't do work. I didn't care. Yeah. Yeah. So I was a big fuck up. And so I just, I didn't go out for the baseball team because I was ineligible at that time. And then by the time the next season came around, I was just so in the track and field area. And we were like a dominant track team.

So I was like, I'll just do this. What was your distance? I ran a mile and 800 meters. What was your best mile? 4-52, which is really humming. Nice. Yeah. Whoa.

Pretty good. You ever run a marathon? No, I've always wanted to, but it's a lot. That's a lot. I go to the marathon every year. That's something. The Boston Marathon? That's right.

Are you there the year of the bomber? I was. I'm a survivor. Whoa. Yeah. Did you hear it go off? No. We go to the Redstocks game, and then we go down.

So I was at the 25 mile marks. I was one, almost exactly a mile. from it. It was right at the ending. Yeah, yeah. And it was a big crazy fucking to do. And we couldn't get out of the city. And then there was all these rumors of like the fucking Kennedy Museum just blew up

and this thing. It was fucking crazy. I was there after, during the chase when the guys they killed some people in their escape and they shut Boston down for like a day and a half. And I was supposed to be at Nick's Comedy Stop. And I sat in a hotel for a day.

and a half. Damn. And I'd never seen the city literally empty. The only thing open was a Dunkin' Donuts. I ate three meals a day of the Dunkin' Donuts. Of course. They're like the cockroaches. I love.

They're like, we're not fucking closing the Dunkin. Fuck you. No, that was crazy. And I remember my memory of that part of it when the city had lock in place. What the fuck they called it? What was it called? Lockdown? Lockdown, sure.

And my buddy, it was right after my birthday, which is in April. and my buddy was sixth. I'm the fifth. No kidding. Yeah. We should fuck. Yeah. It'd be fun.

Got a cookie. Absolutely. Come on it. Yeah, anyways, my buddy was like, I'm going to take you out for a steak, dinner for your birthday, and I couldn't. I felt rude, but I was like, I can't stop watching this. Yeah. Because I was like, my whole city shut down.

And he's like, I know, but, well, you know, you can look at the highlights later, whatever. But I literally couldn't leave the television. It was so insane. The come on the cookie thing, isn't it like the last guy to come has to eat it? Yeah, oaky cookie, classic game. You all sit around and jerk off onto a cookie and whoever is the last one to come, the pussy. He has to eat the cookie with all the come on. Here's my question.

I have a lot of questions about it. One of them is, if you're the last one to come, that means everybody else came and you know you got to eat it. And you continue to jerk off on the cookie yourself. I think you can stop jerking off at that point, right? You just said it's the last one to come. Well, but you've already established you're the last one. You don't have to keep jerking off. Last one to come.

I suppose so. I suppose, yeah, I guess you're right. I guess you're right with that word. Maybe you'd go to Harvard because you really got me on a technicality there. Here's the thing. You don't want to be the last one to come, but it's also a little weird if you're the first one to come. Yeah, that guy should have to do something. Yeah.

He should have to lick the other guy's ball. or something. First one to cut. It sucks because what makes the game so hilarious is the last one to come is the most normal. Like he should be the winner.

Yeah, yeah. The first one to come should get the cookie. He's the fucking, he's the big fucking girl. But by the way, we talked about DePaolo briefly. My favorite, he has my favorite gay slur of all time.

Big girl. And come somebody who is gay. You know he's a big girl. Which, maybe I shouldn't say that's so inappropriate. But he doesn't care. He go, yeah, that guy's a big girl. I remember he dated the hottest chicks of all time. Oh, yeah.

Nick's a hot guy. And this girl shows up at Nick's Comedy Stop one time. And Nick's was, I mean, people think that comics hung out at the comedy store or the seller a lot. Nick's Comedy Stop had a bar. I don't think you're allowed to sit at it if you weren't a comedian. It was three comics deep. Plus people stood in the back and the Boston cops would all hang out in the back also. And so Nick brings this girl with, you know, this back in the days of the big hair,

Revere girls who just moose the sides, sprayed the top. And she comes in and he walks on stage. And of course, we're all just standing there like, you know, we're children. And we're just staring at her. And I go, so you're dating Nick. And she goes, yeah, I love Nick. He's the only guy I let call me a cunt. That's like his greeting.

That's Nick at like base level. Wait, we were talking about. Something drinking, hanging out. Let's talk about. A school pot. Essex Street. Oh, yeah, we're talking about your town. It says here that here's the day.

I went on Wikipedia to look it up. Because I just because I started in boxing. I know every town of Boston. And Whitman, I didn't know. There was never a comedy show there, was there? No, I mean, maybe, I think I've done comedy once in Whitman at like a VFW, but there was never like a regular show there, I don't think. The demographics are 98% white, 0.6% black. So tell me about the kid who's 610 black.

What was his name? We had a kid named Charlie Prater. He was the black kid in school. Mike DePena, who was a close friend of mine. I'm one of the good ones, of course. Yeah. And, oh, there was a girl named Rachel Royston or something like that. And I remember there was some game in gym class where we all had to hold a hand.

You had to hold a hand of a girl, and I held her hand. And I remember thinking, even then, as like a 10-year-old, I wish I grew up in the 60s, because that would be like, they'd be like a plaque to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, the 90s, that was still pretty, Massachusetts 90s was still pretty impressive to, like, hold hands with a black person. But, like, do you ever feel that way? Like in 1955, if you shared a slice of pizza with the black guy, you were like an angel.

You could do anything. Now I'm like, I got black people with my home. Nobody gives this shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had a friend named Steve Nixon growing up, and one of the kids had a birthday party. We were like nine, and Steve Nixon didn't get invited to the party, even though we were all like the same pack of friends. And I found out it was because his mother. didn't want a black kid at the house and my mother tells his story all the time

and I said I'm not going to the party unless Steve is invited and I was like best friends with this kid what a guy and the and the mom ended of inviting Steve Nixon and he fucking robbed their house and he fucked their mom pregnant the mother that's amazing that's really sweet yeah yeah I'm proud of that way that's very good we have a similar story Boston And I can't say, no one would know this person anyways, but there was a guy who had a bachelor party and his father was extremely racist. And this guy had to call, you probably know this guy. He had to call his father and warn him like, hey, we're having the bachelor party.

We were just out of house. It was a big, just a hang like your 60th. And we got stippers that came there, whatever. And so he said, you know, dad, just to let you know, like my, I got a friend that's black and he's going to be there. and his father hung up on him and then he calls him back and fucking choose him he's like are you fucking kidding me you fucking really and he goes listen that's the that's the that's the that's the that's the way it's going to be man he's coming and he's a friend of mine and so that father calls back again he goes all right i'll go but i'm not shaking his hand and then we're at the

party and his father is like visibly anxious he's like in the corner and a wall yeah this is all choice right to go yeah he's like sitting there and finally the guy goes up to him and go hey hey dad i got he's he can't make it he's got it's whatever and it's you could see like a just a weight lift no shit oh he's loosened up wow swear to god was he sure the black guy wasn't just really late no that's that's how late he was wasn't gonna make it i am similar to my story but your virtue you're virtuous my story i lived in everett you know everett of course and we would go to this bar in the corner the brown derby i think it was called me it was just the derby and we were

there one time i lived like a hundred feet from there and like uh uh i don't know if he was hate some kind of caribbean black fella came into the bar and the bartender way i swear to guy goes uh all set we're good and the guy was like no no i get the drink oh i can't do voices and he goes yeah no we're good all good i swear god and i was like we can't we can't drink you i mean like i'm not The woken guy. I was like, I can't be part of this. This is crazy. Yeah.

So we had to just go to another bar that was further down the street. But it was one of the craziest things I've ever seen in my life. I used to sell mescaline for this kid named Andre Green. And I'll say his name because he's in prison for life right now. Oh, great. And he was a black kid. We had projects where I grew up. And so he was from the projects and he sold drugs down there.

And I was like the white kid that would sell the mescaline to all the white kids. and he would sell it to me. And so I guess I owed him some money, but not a lot and not for a long time, but whatever. So I come home one day, and I lived up on the hill. Like we were like upper middle class. We had a nice house. And I walk in and Andre Green, who was the blackest human being you've ever seen in your life, just dark black. And I walk in and he's sitting in our nice living room drinking tea with my mother.

and he came to collect the money. And she was like, oh, your friend Andre is here. And then I took him outside and I go, I go, we're fucking done. I go, I can't sell masculine for you anymore. And then my mom for years would be like, whatever happened to Andre? That's amazing. He's in maximum security prison, huh? That's great.

Yeah. You guys are good people. Yeah. Well, you know, the Irish are very known for being very progressive people. Well, that's what's funny about the Irish is like in the 60s, and you think about the Kennedy Democrats and civil rights and all that stuff. But now what happens is they made money and they all became Republicans. Right. I mean, you look at, you know, Kevin McCarthy and all these Irish guys in politics now.

And it's just money swings you to the right. Well, yeah. And well, now it's, yeah, I mean, I don't want to get too political. But, yeah, so much is also flipped. Like, Republicans are now Democrats and Democrats are Republicans. Right. Our whole lives, construction workers and bricklayers and, you know, what are you? Union guys.

We're Democrats. Yeah, because the unions, the Democrats are the unions. Yeah, which is a fascinating moment. Jim Acosta, you know, that guy CNN reported. Yeah. I remember him saying that Trump in like 2015 in a rally. It was like 30,000 people, whatever, and they're all wearing hard hats. And he's like, well, this is, these are Democrats.

Yeah. And, you know, the rest of history. Well, also, with Reagan, the Christian coalition came in in like the, you know, in the 70s. And they basically said, all right, abortion and gay marriage, those will be our issues. And we'll get all these, we'll get all these Christian. Christians didn't use to vote Republican. Right. That became something when they targeted a couple of issues.

Anyway, here's the things I was thinking about with Catholicism. Yeah, tell me. Isn't it a little weird? All right, you're God. So, you know, church is God. Are you saying you're like, my God? Say your God. Okay.

Do you believe in God? I don't know. All right, that'll get you in. That'll get your hand stamped. These are hard questions. Well, if you're God and church is your house, right, would you put a statue of your child being tortured hanging in the living room? It's a little unusual. Right?

Yeah. I mean, my parents don't have any photos of me doing anything in their house. Oh, really? If you went to my parents' house, there is not, I'm not joking. There's not a speck of evidence that I ever existed. But your room must still be there with, like, the posters of the Red Sox. on the wall and the bed spread with the cars. They finally took that down, but there is,

and this is a funny, quick aside. Sorry, you have all this stuff planned. I keep taking us off the track. No, I would rather just talk. I mean, I always look at the script as something that you get to, if plan A isn't working, then you go to, and the only reason I'm going to it at all is I was really happy with some of the ideas that I had, and I thought you'd be fun to explore them with.

I can't wait. Well, I'll tell this quickly, but I did the Tonight Show. I've done it three times, folks. And you did Letterman? How many times? Once. Five. But I was the last comic to debut on Tonight show.

To debut? Yeah, yeah. Really? Guys came afterward. Eddie Brill? No, no. It was after that. I was, I forget the guy's name.

I'm a bad person. Williams, something Williams. Yeah. Anyways, I did the Tonight Show, and I wanted to be one of these guys that gives his mother his Oscar, you know? And so I framed the little fucking car. that says, your next comedian, Joe Liss, and mad at it. And I presented it to my mother. I was like, there you go.

And then she was like, oh, wow, like, didn't really react. And then I went back, like, four months later, and it was behind a chair. It was, like, facing the wall, tucked behind a chair. Because my mother's very OCD and everything has to be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I went back, like, another, like, three months later. It was still, like, behind the couch. Yeah.

And I was talking to my therapist, and he's like, you've got to take it back. She doesn't want it. to have it in your home. So I went back and I was like, look, I'm just going to take this. And she's like, no, no, no, no, no, we'll hang it up. And then like the next day was hanging in my old bedroom for nobody to see. We're nobody to see. Nobody goes in there.

So it is like above my bed now. Yeah. The bed that still exists there. So anyways, Jesus. So, I mean, here's the options. Your kid dies. Should we cremate him? Should we bury him?

Now let's stuff them and hang them in the living room. How about that? With blood dripping out of his hands in his head. Yeah, it's fucked up. I don't understand the, I don't understand that idea. Well, a lot of it, I feel like the Bible is motivating you to get angry. I mean, that's an angry thing to look at. Right.

And they want to get you angry at the devil because they say that the people that did that were evil, the Jews. and so you're supposed to get angry at evil because anything that's going to motivate people involves targeting anger at an enemy, at an other. Right. And so much of Catholicism is about this concept of hell and purgatory and the devil. And I think it really got beat into me as a kid, and I never realized it. I wasn't conscious of them trying to direct anger so much until I got older. And I realized that's why so many Catholics are angry, I think.

Yeah, I guess that's got to be a part of it. I always just thought, because I think of Catholics as being in Boston and Ireland, and it's just rainy and shitty and cold and dark. But you might be more on to something there. Well, yeah. You went to Harvard, for God's sakes. I mean, you know your stuff. And then the other thing was like Joseph, I was, I went on like a, I got obsessed with the idea of the Virgin Mary for a while.

And one of the things that occurred to me was that Joseph, I mean, obviously, I don't believe any of this stuff. So Mary was a woman in town that got knocked up by somebody who wasn't her husband. So I looked it up. they had just gotten married, Joseph and Mary. Because I said to myself, why was she a virgin if she's married? Right. That's a little odd. I find that strange.

So I looked it up and they had just gotten married. And Joseph was actually going to file for a divorce. Seriously? I swear to God, it's in the Bible. He was going to get a divorce. Wow. And that's when God came to him and said, while he was in bed, he had a vision of God. And it was really just, it was fucking Carmine who had knocked up Mary.

And he's in the window going, hey, Joseph. It's God. It's Carmine. I mean, it's God. I fuck Mary. You know? Yeah. Well, Geralda had that great joke where he said, this whole religion is based on a woman that really stuck to her story.

It's just such a great fit. She's like, no, no. Yeah. Right. I didn't have sex. Yeah. It's crazy. And it's also the.

idea, the immaculate concept, it's literally the immaculate conception. It's telling you as a boy that sex is something that the Messiah could not have come out of a vagina that had been touched by a penis and sperm. That it's evil. It's bad. It's not good. I mean, I feel like my father went to Catholic school the whole time, and I don't even, for him, I don't even know how much of it was the dogma or the whatever, but he just had nuns, like, beating the shit out of him. Yeah. And I don't even think he was sexually assaulted. They just, like, hit him with rulers and sticks and stuff.

Did you ever walk into your parents' bedroom and she had on a habit and a ruler? No, no, but I did. He was trying to dress like Angus Young? No, no, but I did find, I did hear, like, sex noises and stuff that were pretty intense. You did? Yeah, yeah. We had a very small house. No.

No. Yeah. And you would hear stuff. Yeah. It was very traumatizing. What time of the night? Was it late? Late. Late.

Late at night. Were they affectionate out around you guys? A little bit, I guess. Not a ton. Not really. I mean, maybe like, you know, some back rubby things or something like that. But never, they're never like spooning or anything. It's all very, it's not a lot of touching and whatnot.

No, and then the sex happens. And, I mean, I clearly didn't have cameras in your parents' bedroom. but I'm going to say two positions, tops. And one of them was tops. It's possible, yeah. That could be. I don't know. I don't know much about their sex life.

You don't want to think about this. Well, every once in a while, you know, this might get back to them. My uncles that are fans, we can't have this stuff. That's true. Yeah. But I think they boned a good amount. Well, they're very, like, my mother's very, like, sexual in, like, she's very comfortable talking about sex, like other, like people in my family will break up or something,

and she's like, well, you know, she never blew them. I'll tell you that. Really? Yeah, yeah. And I brought this up to my therapist one time. He's like, that's one of the most inappropriate things I've ever heard. It's totally inappropriate. Well, because she was like, there was like a divorce and she was like, listen, you know, I don't want to be crass, but if he's not getting it at home, he's going to get it somewhere else. And that's something you just got to know. And I'm like, this is nuts. You know, that is funny, but at the same time, it's like, it's probably true. Well, it's true. and it's a great point, but it's like, I'm your son.

You're talking about your nephew getting blown to your son. That's not right. That's not right. Walking around without a dick in your mouth. You're like a crazy person. All right. Sorry, Louis is not here. Yeah, Louis C.K. was supposed to be here.

And how embarrassing to get COVID in 2020. We were dying at your text. My wife and I couldn't stop laughing. Louis wrote, hey guys, I'm really sorry. I'm feeling like shit I have COVID. Greg writes, that's embarrassing. I mean, to have it in 2020 was like fucking cool. Like, you know, people felt for you.

You might die. That's back when COVID could kill you. Well, by the way, it's also, it's late June. Who gets COVID in the summer? What are you an asshole? I know. We're all outside. It's like 85 degrees.

I had COVID this year or last, I think it was this year. You did? Yeah, yeah. I've had it now. I'm up to three times. I had it, oh, fuck, where was it? I just, yeah, it was something exciting was going on. Oh, it was right before Skankfest.

Oh. So I had it in November. Yeah. I was like still kind of, of all the things that you could have an obligation, Skankfest is the one you're most welcome to bring COVID into, I feel like. Oh, yeah. I think the cutoff is AIDS. That's the only thing you can't have at Skangfest.

Yeah, you can get it. You can get it. I had active COVID when my son was born. True. Fun story. And this was how much things changed from 2020 to 2023. My doctor, who's a fan of mine, she's awesome, Dr. Melka, she's like the coolest chick in the world. She was our whatever delivery doctor.

And I was like, hey, I got to tell you, like I just, I tested positive for COVID. Like, what do we do? She was like, no, don't worry about it. And I was like, what? Really? she's like yeah it's fine and he's like this kid's like coming out of the woe he's like one second old

and we're in a hospital all these people and nurses coming in she was like that's fine I was like okay great so you hung out with the baby hung out with the baby I mean I was the first one to hold him and he was fine I think that they still have their mother's immunity and all that crap

and the breastfeeding keeps them a lot of antivirus too so yeah it was totally fine wow I had something I was going to ask you Oh, I want to talk about Skank Fest We hung out I did Tuesdays with stories with you guys

On Skank Fest That was really fun Yeah, you were killing Who else was on it with us? DeRosa Oh, DeRosa, that's right I think that's it And Lewis was on for a minute

You know what's funny is like I never knew DeRosa Like I'd always heard He's one of those guys like Voss that you just hear stories about and everybody's got to take on him. And, you know, he's one of those guys that makes comedy more interesting because they're just not like anybody else.

And then I got to, that was the first time I really hung out with him. And he was everything that I had heard. Yeah, yeah. No, DeRose is one of the great characters ever. He is. Brilliant comic. And I like DeRos because he's a guy that has like a really stern take on everything. Everything.

Yeah. Yeah. But he, he. he really will embrace his unlikeability with hating a thing because we're very similar. I have very strong takes, but then people are like, you're fucking retard

man, and I'm like this, well, fuck you. I don't know. I'm sorry. I want to be linked. I'm sure it's somewhere it does, but he'll just be the heel and enjoy it. Well, I think he lives in Austin now, right? He moved to Austin. That's a good fit for that person out of the type. Except that nobody

will argue with you because they all kind of have the same opinion. Right. But I don't know that it's the best place for him because, you know, the drinking. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The drugs. But we had a fun time in Austin also because we were, I forget we, do we go out to coffee or we just ran into a coffee shop? No, I just ran into you. Because I was doing, I was filming a documentary, which you'll make an appearance in.

Oh, yeah. And I had to go pick up coffee for all my gang. Oh, right. And so we're in there and we got our call. We were waiting for our coffees to be called. We had ordered them. And then there was a bunch of fat Midwestern people like loitering in the coffee shop. And there was a gang of them out front.

And then I think I said, what are you guys doing? And they go, we're going on a cruise. And we're like, and we're just going to be like, of course you're going on a cruise. They're waiting to get picked up by the bus. Yeah. And I guess the bus is late. And I go, well, where are you going? And they said, she said, we're going to go to, you know, Porto Vallarta and then Belize.

and I went, ooh. And you go, you didn't watch the news at all this morning? And I can't keep a straight, Faye. I had to keep turning. I had a couple of good lunch, but I had to keep turning away because I was fucking howling. And it's like, oh, there was a coup d'etat. There's an uprising in Belize today. They've taken over the city.

No. What? I go, that's probably why your bus isn't here yet. And you said, and this was such a great detail. You go, yeah, I think they chopped the head off the secretary of treasury. Like you didn't say president or anything. He went to the treasurer got his head decapitated. And they were still waiting.

And then they scurry outside and we're still waiting for our coffees. And we see we see her gesticulating and talking and everybody's jaws open. My contribution was, I think it was inland, though. I don't think it was like, I'm pretty sure it was like in the. the center of the country. And they were like, gee, oh, wow. And we were like, yeah, I think you'll be all right. They'd save for this vacation for the last three years.

No, that was great. And you were so deadpan. I'm always impressed by these guys, that people that can keep a straight face. I just start dying, laughing. Oh, my God. Like, what's his, Sasha Baron Cohen? Like, the idea that to pull that off is just unbelievable.

I don't know anybody. Who's done that? Like with the conviction that he has in character, by the way, on top of it. Well, it sounds like from several counties, I think he's like a psychopath. I think he's like a sociopath of some sort. Right. But it's unbelievable. Yeah.

To be like to have your life threatened and stay in character. Right. Regularly. Yeah. And going down like he goes into like the worst ghetto in Atlanta and there's black guys are at a project shooting dice and he just walks right in the middle of it. Yeah. Yeah.

And he says, genuine chocolate face, no makeup. I mean, I heard that in the theater. I fucking fell out of my seat. I hope he does more of these movies because, like, you know, I don't know, other than maybe jackass and tropic thunder. Like, there's very few times in the last 10, 20 years that I've laughed out loud at a movie theater. Yeah, no, that movie, Borat is, it's incredible. And an interesting thing about Borat is people, and I've had this debate with people, because people bring up the funniest comedy in the last 20 years or whatever. And I'm always like, no one ever mentions Borat.

And then people will say, I've had this many places. People will go, yeah, but that's not like a movie movie. But I'm like, no, that's just how good it is. Yeah. It is a movie. Right. What else is it? Right.

You know what I mean? It's a film. Yeah. And there's only three actors in it, but it is a movie. Yeah. And it's hilarious. And he's repeated it. Like Bruno was just a shade less funny, which doesn't mean it wasn't one of the funniest movies of all time.

No, he's amazing. And then Ali Jue show was also just like unbelievable. Allie G was amazing. But his acting, have you seen him do drama? No. Unwatchable. Like phenomenally ruins a movie. I think maybe I saw him in something.

He did it. miniseries about this woman who lost her child while she was having an affair and he was the husband's and he was like it was like he was trying so hard to be earnest you could just see the acting a mile away yeah yeah that's too bad well he'd just go back to doing what he's fucking phenomenal why does everybody want to do a different thing than they're really good at i don't know I guess you get bored or you're like, let me try this. You're unsatisfied, whatever. It's a bummer, though, when people, I'm five people trying it, but then I'm like, can you go back to the thing?

Jim Carrey, I feel like has not tried to be funny. I'm not saying he's like, oh, he's not funny now. He's not even attempting to be funny anymore. Right. Eddie Murphy, I feel like hasn't done like a proper, like R-rated comp. Maybe he has and I missed it. Well, you know who came back and it took him three decades? Sean Penn does Fast Times of Ridgemont High.

Jeff Spacoli is one of the funniest comedy characters in history. Yeah. Then doesn't do a funny line for 30 years. Right. And then he comes back with that movie last year that won the Oscar. One battle after another. One battle after another with a character that's almost as funny as Pocoli. Yeah, he's pretty amazing.

Except was he trying to make that character funny? Do you like black women? I love him. We keep going racial, but that's the line from the movie. I love him. No, he's amazing. I love that movie. People hate that movie.

Oh, I love that movie. I think it's fucking so good. Colin Quinn hated it. Really? Hung up on me. Really? He's like, it's fucking horrible. Jesus.

Yeah. Do you call Colin just to talk? Sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. And I have it in a minute. I guess I should. Well, we played phone.

Well, last time I saw him, he was busting my ball because I left him a voicemail and I said, hey, no reason to call back. I was just calling it bullshit. Yeah. And then he left me a voicemail being like, don't fucking say that. He's like, you want me to, if I don't call back, you'll be upset. And then I thought I was just being like a good person. All right.

Yeah, don't worry about it, nothing going on. How many comments would you say you call just a bullshit? Not a lot. My friend Ron On. You know Ron On Hirshberg? Yeah, I love Ron. He was on my podcast. Yeah, he's great.

He's fun because we talk movies a lot and then we hate all the same people. I'll check in with Louie. Colin, Ronan, Luke, Luke. Oh yeah, you just did a gig with Luke. You did a gig in Seattle, I think. Six foot six, he's gonna do us. Dude, he's gonna blow up.

I hope so. He's a really strong comic. Yeah, yeah, he's great and he's, he's, that's my guy. Yeah, awesome, yeah, I love him. Is he a Boston guy? No, he's from Portland, Oregon. Oh, right, right. Yeah, yeah, big Portland quiff.

Well, he's a guy that I knew, he lived here, He lived in Brooklyn. And, you know, he was much younger than me and in Brooklyn. So I kind of always thought he was like a wokey Brooklyn dork. Yeah. And then we did this stupid show in London together. And we were kind of walking around talking. And I was kind of careful stepping.

You know, because I'm a politically liberal, but I like to say, retired and whatever else, you know, I'm from the 80s. So I was kind of tiptoeing. And it's, you know, that thing when you meet someone and then slowly you start. realizing you're like, oh, oh, this is... Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you're like, oh, we're like... Right, right. We're meant to be. That's funny. You know those people.

Yeah, I worked with him, and then I had them open for me the next week. I asked him to come down to Irvine, and he kind of was hard to follow. Yeah, well, he goes into the crowd a little bit, and he can really get cooking. And then I think he does a Trump impression? Yeah, yeah, he's got a great bit. It's very hard to follow a Trump impression. Well, he's got a great Trump bit about everyone's like, we need a woke Trump, we need a left-wing Trump.

And he's like, just get Trump. Right, right. A few bucks and some smiles. He's like, Jen does a construct. And he does a whole, it goes on for a while. It's pretty great. Who opens for you on the road now? Luke and my friend Matt Wayne, who's a guy that no one really knows, but he's just been around

a long time. He's hilarious. His special's on my YouTube page. It's kind of hard to break out of that, though. You don't want to become a feature who's really good at it. And then you end up on a tour bus for three years. Nobody ever breaks out of that. Yeah, I struggle with it for a long time.

And it was hard because then you feel like you're never going to get work. Right. It's very difficult transition to make. And I did it way too late. Because nobody remembers the, you might be playing arenas. Right. Nobody's going to remember you. Yeah, it's very difficult.

And you think like, oh, I'm playing this arena in, you know, Atlanta. So I'm going back there to headline the punchline in three months. doesn't do shit. No, it doesn't. I try to, every time I just, I prefer Shane at the Garden a few weeks ago, and Bobby Kelly was on the show. And I think he was like,

I'm going to be at whatever. There's just too much is going to pat. I mean, Shane does an hour, and then they're leaving going, that was great. Yeah, I remember that other asshole? I don't know. That was funny. Right.

It's just, well, you just think about, even if there's 20,000 people in the arena, let's say 12,000 of them, you're great and 6,000 think you're amazing like how many of those 6,000 are going to remember at the end that cuts it down to 1,000 and then how many that are going to do the research of like let's go to Reddit and find out the name of the guy. I just I just love that you just assigned yourself 12,000 people that thought you were great and 6,000 thought you were amazing. I mean I killed. I mean I really you can ask shame. I'll call them right. I'll call them

now. Who did you open for on the road? I open for DiPaulo forever. Did I tell you that story with DePaolo? No. So this is at the old comedy connection in Boston, the Fanio Hall Club. And I was starting to be the guy in Boston that would get to open for the people. And I was opening for the game in DePaulo. And actually it's coming up on almost exactly 20 years ago. It was June of 2006. And I was a fan, so I was excited. But I couldn't do the, it was like a third through Sunday, I couldn't do the Thursday. I had a college gig. So this comic name Owen Bonus, who I don't think is around anymore, he opened

for, he filled in. And Owen was in the green room with Nick. And he goes, hey, Nick, so how long, how long you been doing it? And Nick goes, shut up, we're not girls. We don't need the force of fucking conversation. So Owen calls me the next morning. He goes, hey man, just a heads up. This guy's fucking crazy. Don't even try to talk to him. He tells me the story. And I was like, shit, all right. So the whole weekend,

in the green room, I just sat. We just both sat like this. And then I did, you know, I was good. I did the good 20 minutes. And then after the Sunday show, he goes, I like you. He's like, you keep to yourself. You got good jokes. You want to go on the road?

And I was like, yes. I started doing it. He'd get me all his day via my space. He messaged all my dates. And it was like eight full months of me just. No shit. And then finally he said something about whatever, George W. Bush. And I was like, let's get he's a fucking, he's an imperialist piece of shit.

And then we became, you know, friend, whatever. But, yeah, I owe my so much to owe him bonus, because I just literally was like, yes. Oh, that's great. And so I opened for him forever. And then I opened for Gary Gullman quite a bit. And then Tommy Johnigan, you know, John again? Sure, Irish guy.

Yeah, he's awesome. And I'm hoping for him for a long time. And then I was just like way to let all these younger guys just understood better how to navigate a career. and we're like, no, you can't feature you. You make like $100. And I'm like, no, I know, but what else am I going to do? And then I opened for, after that, I opened for Louis for that full big arena tour, which was crazy.

Oh, wow. 2016, yeah, we went everywhere. I did the whole thing with them. Did you go to Europe? Yeah, yeah. We did Paris, Amsterdam, Jerusalem, which I understand is not Europe. London, Dublin. Just the two of you?

No, he was using three people. The European part was Rachel Feinstein, Joe Mackey, and me. But I was the only one that did all the United States in Europe. I saw Joe Mackey. I was hate watching Gutfeld last night, and Joe Mackey was on. And it's almost like trying to swim in a pond of sludge. Like, I think Joe Mackey is so funny. Of course.

He could not be funny on that show because it's just a cesspool of vitriol. I've never watched it It's so awful Yeah And I think he's a writer on it I think so too yeah And you know Which God bless him

I've written on I wrote for Ellen DeGeneres Like you take writing jobs Because they're good And you know Whatever his politics are It doesn't really matter But just seeing a guy

Who I know is hilariously funny Go on that show And he would try to make jokes And it was almost like They looked at him like What are you doing? Like we don't say jokes We just say premises

of hate towards the left. And then the next person does it. Right. I love Mackey. I never see him. He's not around much anymore. Oh, because he's riding. Yeah, he's riding.

He's working. I think he might live in New Jersey. I don't know. Oh, really? Yeah. I'm not sure. I haven't seen him in the person in five years. All right.

Let's get to Fastballs with Fits. All right. You ever been arrested? No. I should have been arrested many, many times. But we ever with people that got arrested and you snuck out? out of it? No, I don't think so. No. The worst one, just quick story. Oh, this is fast, because I had a quick story. This may have to be that fast. My uncles are all firemen in Massachusetts,

and years ago I was at a bar in Plymouth, Mass, with my uncle. I mean, I have to say this. My uncle's four years older than me. I always have to say that, because I have all these stories about... Really? Yeah, I have all these stories. I'm like, me and my uncle were fucking these girls. People are like, what is this? I usually, I prefaced it. I forgot to. People are like, your uncle? You're doing blow with your uncle? Anyways, we're the same age. My family's weird, but we went to this bar and he

was driving. He drove me there and so I was drinking like a 21 year old that doesn't have to drive home. So I'm fucking just wailing back cocktails and, you know, I had a problem. And then in the middle of it, I'm like fucking hammered, my uncle comes up and he goes, hey man, Guy code, this fucking

this pig over here wants to take me back. You got to take my truck home. And I'm like, you got it, brother. You know, so I drive home, and I'm in Whitman. I'm like a mile from my house. I get lit up. The cop fucking throws his lights on. I pull over.

His car had, the registration expired like the day before. Which, you know, firemen all have the firehouse union sticker in their car. And it's like kind of a professional curse, but the cop is very young. Yeah. And I think because that we had the sticker, I was like, it's my uncle's truck. He's in the fire. And he goes, all right, well, I just, I can't let you. And the cop looked younger than me.

Yeah. So I think he didn't know whatever. And he was like, yeah, I can't let you drive this vehicle home. And I was like, okay. Because the sticker? Because you're drunk. The sticker. And he never gave me a sobriety test or anything.

And I literally was like, I couldn't believe what was happening. I was like, oh, okay. And he's like, so I don't know if I could give you a ride on. You get a walk home. And I was like, oh, I'll walk home. I'm just thinking like, I've got to get away from this fucking guy. And those ones where like, as I'm walking away, I'm like, is this a joke? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And so I walked out of it. all the way home, and I was hammered. They towed the truck, and then the next morning or afternoon, I'm, like, in bed. I still live with my parents. My uncle Dale comes in and he goes, hey, where the fuck is my

truck, dude? And I was like, it's in the driveway. And he's like, no, it's not. I'm like, yes, it is. What the fuck? And he's like, it's not in the driveway. And I was like, oh, you know what? The cops took it. He's like, what? I'm like, I got pulled over. But it was crazy that I was like, I mean, I probably had 15 Captain Cokes.

and drove home. Wait, did they take the car? They took the truck. They towed it away. They towed it away, yeah. And I strolled home to my parents' eyes. Wow. And so I was lucky.

But also, it was like, he was furious with me because he's my truck's not here. But I'm like, dude, you put me in an expired truck in a fucking blackout. Yeah. But anyways, now it's all better now. So anyways, that's, I should have been arrested then and many other times. Where did you lose your virginity? Oh, what was the guy's name? folks

Folks Where did I lose my virginity In my parents' house With my girlfriend I was nothing crazy I was You know Condom

No How old 18 Jesus I know The fuck did you do During your teen years I ran baby

That was a runner Who was the worst opener you ever had Oh wow that's tough i got i think about that well this reminds me another quick story can i tell another quick story yeah i have time i was with i was featuring for frank sanarelli he must call sanarelli the greatest and this at the providence comedy connection and now the rooms changed much better now but there used to be a bar in the back and they did a thing where the mc for the weekend wins the

contest on wednesday whoever wins the contest which is audience voting and so this guy had never done stand it did stand for the first time he brings like 30 people and so they all hoot and hollow so he wins the weekend to host. This is like 20 years ago. The club's much better now. So he goes on stage. They go, here's your opener, your MC, Mike Stevenson, whatever.

And Frankson and Ellie and I are sitting at the bar like this with our back to the stage. I'm like, you know, it's crazy. This fucking kid, he's not even a comedian. He just won some contest. And Frank's like, oh, that's bullshit. That sucks. Whatever.

So it's kind of sitting there. And then the room's just kind of quiet. And I'm like, man, this kid is really eating it. And I turn like this. The stage is empty. there's no one on stage I hear who that was rough and I go like this

the emcees sitting at the bar next to me and I go what and he goes you're on he goes

you're up I just this guy did like 50 seconds was like did he even do your insurance you just walk on I don't know

I don't recall that I don't remember hearing there was no applause I think he just left and he was at the bar like oh man Mike Gare took a turn He'd done one set in his life

As the night before for his buddies And they fucking carried him off stage So he just quit They just quit comedy He was like, you're gonna get up there And literally, I'm not joking The entire audience is turned facing Yeah

Like the stage is here The whole crowd's like Yeah What's going on? So that wasn't really my opener But that's got to be the worst I fell asleep I was so drunk one night

I passed out on the back bathroom floor with my head on the scale. I weighed my head. I have a fat head. Cinerally has that great joke. He goes, trying to lose way. Here's a diet tip. You know, when you open the ice cream, there's that little layer of crystals on the cover. Toss that. Toss that right away. It's about willpower. Last one. This is very fun. Who's your best? Who's your best? Who's your.

best gay friend. Best gay friend. Oh, that just reminds me of another quick funny story. Can I tell one more funny story? Yeah, please. I'm with Dan Natterman and Aruba Ray. You know Ray Allen? Ray Allen.

Yeah, yeah, Aruba Ray Ellen. We're down in Aruba, and we're hanging out with Norie Davis. It's a great comic, black guy. Natterman's one of my favorite comedians ever. And Norie Davis, we're talking about race and race relations. And Nori Davis goes, well, how many black friends would you say you have? Dan Nathamon goes. Well, I got to say, it's not a point of pride, but I'd have to go with zero.

It's not a point of pride, but I am zero black friends. Let me see here. My favorite Dan Adaman joke, it's such a good joke that it has crossed the lexicon. It is now a joke joke. It is a street joke that people tell each other, like two guys walk into a bar, kind of a joke. Yeah. And it is, and you probably know it, kids are sitting in a health class, and they go, do you know this one? Yeah.

And they go, today kids, we're going to have sex education. And to lead you in sex education is Mr. Wilson, the gym teacher. Mr. Wilson walks in. He's got a banana in his hands. And he said, kids, you're probably wondering, why am I holding a banana? Oh, no, no, I'm sorry. Kids, today I'm going to teach you how to put on a condom. And if you're wondering why I'm carrying a banana, I can't get an erection on an empty stomach.

I mean, Danerman has some of the greatest jokes of all time. I mean, he is like one of my all-time favorites. Best gay friend. I mean, maybe Tim Dillon, I guess. Oh, that doesn't count. Yeah, I mean, I always say, but Tim Dillon had the best line ever. He goes, you know, I've got to, you know, he talks like Tim and he goes, you know, if you have this show that needs diversity, you put me on, they're not going to, that not

can I accept that. Mateo Lane and I are buddies, but I haven't taught. Mateo is just so wildly successful now. He's on Broadway, for God's sakes. No, he's not. He's on Broadway, for God's sake. Really? If you go to see Chicago.

If you go to see Chicago tonight, you're seeing Mateo Lane. How about that? Is that unbelievable? That guy can sing. He speaks four languages. He draws like crazy. He has zero percent body fat. It's crazy.

And he's the nicest guy in the world. Well, you know, people say God hates. homos. Yeah. What happened here? All right. God gave this guy the most talent of all time. Right.

And just the great guy. But I mean, I haven't seen him in a long time. But Love Mateo. Tim Dillon. It's going to be a woman that's gay that I'm friends with. Is Jessica Kiereson gay? Yeah, she's gay. We're friends.

But when you say bad, like I'm not talking to these people regularly. I see them and I say, hey. Yeah, I call them to bullshit. Yeah. But I don't call a lot of people. Call me to bullshit sometimes. I'm going to bullshit. Oh, this is, I mean, I feel like we could go all day.

Yeah. All right. DiPaolo is another guy I talked to on the phone. Yeah. I still have on my podcast tonight. People go like, ah, fucking Republicans. It's like, no, what? There's nothing more fun than sitting down with a rabid Republican and laughing because the thing is he'll laugh.

Of course. And Nick is also the funniest person. Even if he's saying the most violent thing you've ever heard in your life. I'm like on the floor. Because his wording. His phraseology is better than anybody. No, he is literally the single funniest person of all time. I'm walking down the street.

There's a homeless lady screaming. Why did he leave me? Why did he leave me? I've known you for 30 seconds and I could use a vacation. What he goes? I dated a girl. Her legs was so hairy. She wore tights.

It looked like Fidel Castro robbing a bank. All right. All right. So we're going to plug some dates for you. Joe List. You can find his tickets at Joe List. com. Or comedian Joe List.

Dot com. What happened to, you know, I looked up joelist.com. Just joelist.com? Yeah. It's available. Oh, really? Yeah. Maybe I'll get in there.

If you get it, you can redirect it to the site you already have. But at least you've got that. I'm not good at business. I don't know what the fuck. Well, your website, your bio, gets cut off halfway through. So I only really know about the first half of your career. Yikes.

The first 80% of my career was pretty tough. I'll get it figured out. You make good money now? Sure, yeah. I don't want to say. I do well. I don't think how much money a guy like you makes. You got Tuesdays with stories?

Yeah. Do you have another podcast? The Regs with Bobby, Kelly, and Lewis Gomez and Sodor. So you've got to split it four ways. Yeah. And we only do it every other week. week. And then Tuesdays of stories you do once a week? Yeah. And you split

that with Mark? Yeah. We've got a Patreon. And you got to pay, how many Patreon followers you have? I don't know, actually. Maybe a few thousand. I'm not sure. And what do they pay? Five bucks a week? No, a month. Five bucks a month? Yeah. A few thousands. That's 15 grand, 7,000. That's 80 grand in Patreon alone. And you do ads on it as well?

Yeah. You're probably getting about seven grand an ad. You do two a shell. 28 grand that's that's 400 a year that's another 200 in your pocket that's 300 stand up you probably go out for about 10 grand a weekend you're doing 20 weekends a year less next you have a kid 15 weekends a year that's 150 grand I'd say you're pushing a half a million at this point well I go on the road more than that I go two two weeks a month so that's about 20 26 okay yeah Okay, so you are at a half a million.

I'm doing okay. But this is the problem. You want to know the problem is now you make this great living more than I ever even dreamed of making. But eight of your closest friends are doing football stadiums on a Wednesday. Right, right, right. So you look like, I'll pop on Instagram and YouTube, Reddit. Why did Joe List fail? Why is this guy such a bag of shit failure when he's pretty funny, this fucking guy?

Oh, I think it's because he's ugly. I think it's because of this. I'm like, guys, I'm doing better than all the comedians ever in the history of comedy. There's like 14 guys that have done better. It's the problem is nine of them are sitting next to me. It's crazy. I'm like, I do very well. You got to hang out with, you know, Joe DeRosa more.

Yeah. That's got to be your circle. Yeah, I got a, I need a shittier circle. That's what I need. Plus, you're given, do you have a manager? I have a manager and agent. So you got 10% there, 10% there. And I live in New York City, for God's sakes.

You have a business manager? I have a financial, yeah, I have whatever that guy. That's another 5%. Yeah. And then, you know, I live in the most expensive city with the most taxes for God's sake. You got federal taxes, state taxes and city taxes. That's right. Thinking about moving.

And you got a kid. We're going to move to. Austin. No, you're not. That's what everyone says. I didn't go to Harvard and you're not moving to Austin. My wife's family is from there. Really?

Yeah. I'll tell you what. There's a lot of gigs there and you're in the center of the country. You can travel. You've got direct flights to all your gigs. But what are you going to do? Do sets at the mothership? I don't mind the mothership.

I don't mind the mothership. I love the mother ship. There's also, you know, there's only one. I guess there's smaller clubs. There's two rooms there. There's also the creek right up the street. Right. there's also Cap City

there's a Velvita room there's another room called Austin Comedy Club or East Austin comedy club Something like that You are thinking about going there Plus you can do everybody's podcast While you're there

Yeah Sigura Rogan Kill Tony No winter You don't have to deal with a fucking horrible winter Shane's there right Half the year I think You got a backyard

A driveway Yeah Koso Koso Koso you're going to be in Portland on July 2nd and 3rd. Portland, Maine, yes. I should say that because later on, you're in Portland, Oregon.

There are two Portland. You know the story about Portland, Oregon? No. When they discovered the town, whatever, they became, they incorporated the town, they had to name it, and they were going to name it. This is true. Boston or Portland, they did a coin flip. Really? That's true.

It was almost Boston, Oregon. Wow. Hilarious. I heard that from Luke Monis. And do you know there were no black people allowed in a coin flip flip? Oregon for the fur like for a long time. Is that right? Yeah. Wow. And the last bar to allow women was the Erie pub in Dorchester, Massachusetts. And it was like 2005. I know the Erie Pub very well. Yeah, well, there was no women allowed. No shit. I mean, I have to get a reading on that.

It might have been the 90s, but it was later than you think. You just women could not set foot in the Erie pub. I think there was a lot of Whitey Bulger guys in that. I think so too. Or. Tacoma, July 23th through 25th, Portland, Oregon, after that, St. Louis after that, the mothership after that. Royal Oak, Illinois. I got to tell you right now, Joe List, let's go to this camera. Joe List, you see the power I have in the studio? Joe List is really, you know, when you talk about people go, who are the comics? And you were coming up for a while.

You're not coming up anymore. But in terms of my generation, like, you're the next generation of comics that have come up that are pure comics. You know, you're not trying to get a role on a sitcom or you're not trying to write for a movie. Like, you're just a pure comic like Morel and Norman and, you know, there's a bunch of guys that have come out of New York. And you're really, really a great comic. Oh, thanks, Greg. I appreciate that. Sure.

That's exciting to even know you. no that's nice to hear well you know i grew up watching all you guys yeah i grew up you know when i was a teenager yeah you know what i mean i love the 80s i get it all right thank you thank you gregg appreciate it