Fitzdog Radio - Kevin Bridges - Episode 1113

Episode Date: October 22, 2025

One of the biggest comedians in the UK, Kevin Bridges talks about playing 12k seat arenas as well as almost being beaten up in a club in England. Great chat (as they say). Follow Kevin Bridges on Instagram ⁠⁠@kevinbridgescomedian Watch my special "You Know Me" on YouTube! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/FitzYouKnowMe⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@GREGFITZSHOW⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@GREGFITZSIMMONS⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠FITZDOG.COM⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi, welcome to Fitzdog Radio. My apologies for my absence. I did not do a show last week. I think I missed two weeks in the last month. It's been a little bit crazy. I've been a little bit off the game. Vegas all last week. Oh, I can't.

Here it is. I got seven days and seven nights. in a hotel room nice hotel room it's a sweet it's got a lot of space it's on a 23rd floor good view immediately sink into a depression and can't get anything done so uh and i have all this time did i read no did i binge watch tv even no i don't know what i did uh it just goes by luckily the wife came out and saved me this weekend she came out for the weekend but Man, and no disrespect to the club. Brad Garretz is an amazing club. MGM's a great casino, but Vegas is not my favorite town.

It's just not. It's overwhelming in a bad way. Like, New York is overwhelming in a good way. It's filled with interesting people doing interesting things. Vegas is, it's got New York, New York. it's got semblances of places that it's got paris it's impressions of places that are interesting but it's not an actually interesting place at all and uh we did go see the wizard of oz which was fun actually more than fun it better be it was you ready for this for two tickets to a movie that's an hour and 15 minutes long a movie made in 1939

To see it at the sphere, two tickets, $360, okay, with a $40 ticketing fee on each ticket. So really, people go, is it worth it? I don't know. Do you have hundreds that it wouldn't bother you to lose? Probably, if you're in Vegas, that becomes the mindset out there is, well, I'm just going to gamble it away anyway. So why not go see a movie I've seen 38 times? But it is incredible. It's like, people know what the sphere is.

I don't have to explain what the sphere is, but, you know, the tornado comes and there's wind blowing, like hard, and leaves flying through the air. And it's pretty magnificent. The seat rumbles. It's amazing. And it's like 18,000 seats.

And they're doing this movie seven or eight times a week. I think you can lower the price a little bit. Yeah, it's a movie. There's no musicians, there's no actors, there's no microphones to check. There's nothing to do except hit play. That's not, that shouldn't be $180 to pop. Anyway, that wasn't the point.

We loved it. You don't need to take mushrooms. I think it would help, but you don't need to. And, yeah, but otherwise, yeah, and the other thing I guess it was hard is I twisted my knee last week, so I've been on a cane, and then I got one of those little push scooters

that you put your knee on top of and then push like a skateboard. I got one of those, and I drove it out to Las Vegas, which is so embarrassing. You just, it adds 10 years. A cane or one of those adds 10 years. But the thing I found was that people don't normally, look at me. I'm a 59-year-old. Not unattractive, but not attractive looking guys. I'm white. People don't smile at me. I don't get noticed. Nobody clocks Greg Fitzs Simmons walking down the street.

I get recognized sometimes, but the people that have no idea who I am, don't give a shit. But when you're on a little scooter or a cane, people smile at you. They hold doors for you. They are just, generous and there's something in their eyes that's what I just realized like I need to be more vulnerable with people I need to show people like I have depression I gotta I gotta just show people that I have depression maybe I'll wear a cure t-shirt the cure or the smiths or something like that I don't know but I want people to notice me and pity me people go oh don't pity me no fucking pity me pity me pity's amazing People go out of their way to treat you nicer because they feel sad when they look at you. Good. I love it. I don't want to be the guy that you look at and you go, oh, he's got it all together. He doesn't need anything. So I won't give him anything because he wants for nothing.

I do want. I want a smile. I want a little wave. Some people would wave just because I was on a scooter or I had a cane. It was fucking great. Look, don't get me. And not to mention, I didn't even get, I'm not even getting into the handicapped placard for the parking.

That's a whole other level. So look, you know, a lot of people want to come on and talk about how hard it is for handicapped people. But I'm here to tell you, I've been one for nine days. It's fucking great. Letters can be sent to Fitzdog Radio at gmail.com. The casino is also, every night is Saturday night. I was there Monday to Monday and, you know, on a Tuesday night you get women going out, big hair, sparkles on their faces, high heels. And then you see them five hours later, no heels. Shoes are in the hand. That means they're out. They're out of the game. They're still on the playing field, but they're not in the game anymore. You can't hit on them. They're out. It was a lot of shoes in the hand on a Tuesday night. Yeah.

There was a lot of people in the crowd. You know that Vegas crowds are rough because they're not from Vegas. They're from all you got a guy from Mobile, Alabama, and you got a guy from Brooklyn, and you got a guy from Vermont, and you got a guy from fucking Montana. Like, there's no, like, common ground to kind of hit as a comic. You don't really know what you're getting. And so, like, I did this abortion joke, and this lady got all upset. set there's a funny joke and you know she goes that's not funny and i go and everybody had laughed so

i go no it is it's a funny joke i said it's quantifiably a funny joke because the other 300 people in the room just laughed and you're the one with her arms crossed shaking her head so you know what it is funny she's like no it's not i go yep it and we just went back and forth don't tell me i can't do a joke about a topic because you have some issue Because you're a Christian or maybe your daughter just had one. I don't give a shit. Good. You'll be a grandparent later.

Maybe she wasn't ready to make you a grandparent yet. Back off. There was a big march in Vegas. There was the no king's more. Well, it was everywhere. I guess it was like in, I think every single state had a no king's march. And it was all peaceful. I mean, I'm sure there'll be some spin that it was a violent mob creating chaos.

and we need the National Guard. But the truth is, it was, from what I could tell, entirely peaceful. And there was 8 million people or something. So I don't know how that affects the President of the United States. Does that impact him in any way? I don't know. But, you know, these ICE agents are, they're out there.

The protesters are dressed as bananas. See, a guy, I saw a guy in Portland dressed as. a banana get maced by an ice agent first of all who the fuck are you ice agent what did you play varsity football 12 years ago and now you're a bouncer you were a proud boy that's what they are the ice agents are just they're just proud boys if you're so proud why you're wearing a fucking mask take your mask off be proud oh well somebody will uh recognize us well what do you think judges do you know what do you think fucking politicians do when they stand up for something they show their goddamn face even the guy with the banana his face is sticking out of it so you can mace him

it's more of a man than you yeah and we're we're just shooting missiles at fucking fishing boats in venezuela like no no no no getting on board finding out who they are searching for evidence just aerial drone strikes destroying fucking who knows if they're innocent you don't know it's not the way we are as Americans and and Trump goes well we just saved 150,000 lives by shooting out those six boats

first of all I looked it up last year 75,000 people died of drug overdoses in the US so how did he just save 150,000 lives did 75,000 more people become drug users in the last year? I don't know. Anyway, I don't want to get into politics, but let's just, let's just say this. Things are crazy right now, and you need to pay attention. My son is in New York. I'm very proud of him. He moved apartments and he got a couch and him and his

buddy. It's on my Instagram account. They moved a couch on the L train in Manhattan. They took a couch down two flights of stairs on a subway and then drove it for about a half hour out to Brooklyn, which just made me think about, Jesus Christ, that was me at that age. And I'm so proud of him. That's such a baller move, you know. I think he's going to be all right. I think both my kids are going to be all right. You worry about them. But you got to let him go. We've got to let him figure it out. I was a sign that I can let him figure it out. He will get by and do well, right? Anyway, went to the doctor today,

and I realize I've been going to the same doctor here in L.A. for 22 years. He's an amazing doctor. He grabbed my balls, and I'm fine with that. He's been doing for 22 years. We make jokes about it. And he's, I had him check me for testosterone levels. I'm going to find out on Thursday if my, I feel like my levels are low. I'm a bit tired a lot.

So he's going to check on that and we'll find out. Maybe go on those shots. Who knows? Maybe I'll get some energy going for Christmas this year. Speaking of which, I love Christmas shopping, but I like it when I do it in advance. I don't like when I get behind the eight ball and I'm scrambling. you end up buying something that you don't even care about for the person, you know, and if you do it, if you do it in advance, you can actually reflect who they are.

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my tour dates are coming up. I will be, first of all, this Sunday, we've got a show at the Comedy Store benefiting Best Buddies. It's going to be Andrew Santino. It's going to be Craig Robinson from the office. Ron Funches, Annie Letterman. Come on out, support Best Buddies at charity that's dear to my heart. That's October 26th. Then I'll be at the Den Theater in Chicago, November 8th, Appleton, Wisconsin, at Skyline, November 9th, Lafayette, Louisiana, November 12th. Then I'll be at Skankfest in New Orleans. Then Phoenix, November 28th through the 30th at the Desert Ridge Improv, San Francisco, Hasbrook Heights, New Jersey, Cleveland, Atlanta, all coming up. Go to Fitzdog.com, get some tickets, come out and say hi.

All right, my guest today, man, I've been a fan of this guys for a while. I was so psyched to get him on the show. He happens to be in the U.S. doing his first U.S. tour. He's one of the biggest comedians in decades out of the U.K. He sells out 12,000 seat arenas all over. And if you can get a chance to see him, we announced the tour dates later, but he's really terrific. We had such a great hang today.

Here's my talk with Scotland's own Kevin Bridges. My guest today is Kevin Bridges is a fine lad from the Glasgow County. He is, you know, in this country, starting to make a name for himself, but obviously over in Scotland, here, move a little closer. Over in Scotland and the UK, he is one of the biggest comics in a generation, and so it's an honor to have you here. And I did not bring a translator, but. I'm finding that my accent, it's got a similar effect on American brains. It really makes people pay attention.

Right. The focus on people's faces when I start speaking in this country. I have to stop a second, the hard drive's heaven. I'm sorry. Let me just stop. Oh, okay. Yeah. Everybody's mentioned the, the accent.

Oh, we'll wait if you're what to record. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People are really, they're really nice. Yeah, so I started to be the only guy. We'd be at parties, and I had to translate. Like, people didn't understand what the fuck the guy was saying. I think it's tough for accent than Scottish. The Belfast one.

Oh, yeah. It's similar. It is quite, see, I think when you've got an accent, you don't really struggle with any other accent. Right, right, right. you're kind of used to being, there's empathy there. You're kind of used to, like, the whole world does not sound like me. Yeah.

Whereas, like, American and English, there's, like, a lot of, so in Scotland, we get American and English television, so we're so used to the accent. Right, right, right. There's hardly any Scottish accents on TV. Although we're getting more of it. It feels like there's been a lot of Scottish TV and movies in the last few years that have gotten big over here.

Right. You know, a lot of cop dramas, procedural. my wife is really into them right yeah with Tommy Flanagan he's in the departed into that's that's probably the highest profile yeah I've heard the Glasgow accent in Hollywood kind of has right has bits and that James McEvoy but James McEvoy he's I think he's only from two miles away yeah where I grew up but he really he's nailed it he can speak really calm and softens it well it's Sean Connery I mean we understood him I mean is that even a Scottish

I don't know what the fuck he done to his accent. He softened it a lot. I don't know what he done. And Tom Jones? He's Welsh. Oh, is he Welsh? Oh, okay. People don't understand Wales here.

No. It really blows American minds, the idea of Wales. That it's a country? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went there once. I went to Lawrence and I was taking a train from London actually to Northern Ireland. There's a train, there's a boat that goes.

I was going to say, the train would be. I took the train from London out to, I guess, what's the port that you would go to? In Belfast? Southampton would be? Maybe, yeah. And then we met this couple on the train, and they were like, you know,

I couldn't understand how fucking where they said, but we understood that they said, you want to come stay at our house. They had kids, it was me and my buddy, and they had a son, R.H. was traveling in the States. And so they just felt, they felt like they should return the favor because people have been putting them up.

So we spent like three days in this little town outside of Lawrence. You know, Lawrence? Is that South Wales? It's kind of central, yeah. So South Wales has got the proper but distinctive accent in the valleys and stuff like that. Right, right.

And then Rexum is kind of, what's his name again, Ryan Reynolds? Oh, is that right? So they have kind of put whales on the map because Rexum's a Welsh football team. But that's north, they don't really sound the way a proper Welsh accent would sound.

Right. So it sounds as if you met somebody for the valleys because they're very friendly people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they were great. The town was like little valleys and streams

and there was like kids run around with shotguns going, going hunting in the woods. Right. That does not sound like Wales, but I never knew there was firearms licenses in Wales. You can't have a rifle out in the country?

Probably. I would say like farmers. Yeah, yeah. It's very strict, but I would say you probably could. Maybe an air rifle. I don't know if it would be a fool. Maybe that's what it was. I don't know if Americans would call it a gun.

Yeah, yeah. A gun by your standards. Right, right. That's one thing you had to do while you're in the States. You got to go to a shooting range. See, somebody suggested that. So we were in Austin, Texas, and somebody said, do you want to go and fire a gun?

And I was like, well, no. It's just, I don't think I would like that atmosphere. I just in a confined room. And I also would be going, like, what if one of these guys just goes mental here? Yeah. And just start spraying the place. I know.

I passed. And then we met a Scottish guy after the show. He came over to speak to me. And he was showing me a video. He had went to the gun range. Yeah. And they said to him, what kind of gun do you want to fire? And he said, a desert eagle,

because that's the one of uses. And I think it was Call of Duty. Basically, we just see guns as PlayStation game stuff. Right, right. So he picked that. And then he was showing. me the video and it was like the recoil or whatever he never gripped it enough and then it files but he literally showed me a video him nearly blown his own fucking head off right right i think he

underestimated this is an actual gun yeah rather than just we just see them as toys it's so not in our culture what no there's something romantic about watching it on film it's all very like guys going like this when they shoot and all that but the truth is to shoot a gun properly it's a real discipline Like you really have to have your hand a certain way underneath and you've got to breathe through it and, you know, I went once with Joe Rogan because Rogan was my roommate starting out in Boston. And so we came out here and he's like,

you want to shoot guns and I was like... That's such a Joe Rogan story. I'd never met the guy, but I'd imagine that's a... And we were out of the party at 2 in the morning. He's like, we're going 7 a.m. tomorrow, we're going to the gun range. And so I was like, all right, so he picks me up, we drive up. we're driving way the fuck out in the valley

where it's deserty you know there's like horses and it's dry and we're driving down this small road and then we get to a driveway and we drive like another mile like serpentining down this road and you can start to hear the pops and then we get to this ranch

and this guy comes out and he's like an old time old time he you know like got the cowboy hat and he brings us inside and all of a sudden there's four women with short, short, lycra shorts and halter tops, big tits, and they're Ukrainian, and they run the range. So now they've got these figures set up that they paint.

Every time before you shoot, they paint them. A gun kind of version of houtles? Yeah, yeah. And so they, and they are master marksmen. They are insane, and they're showing us how to roll and jump up, and then they'd shoot three targets and they do like competitions. Fucking hell.

And I was like, this is a seven in the morning. This is just a... So when you go to a gun, would you be allowed if you were quite advanced? I'd imagine Joe Rogan's handy. Yeah, you know, they gave me... You can do the roll shit and...

I actually didn't do bad. They gave me this gun. It was an AK-47, but with a shotgun stock on it. So you could shoot a shotgun, but you could do it like... Do-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D. normally you got it like you know reload and what's going through your head when you're firing

it are you kind of making up monologues or what's going on like uh yeah movie narrative going through your brain or something yeah a lot of them were club owners former club owners that i hadn't seen a few years it's the same like when i'm on the punch bag in the gym you you still get that kind of for you my fucking thinking or something that's annoyed you during the week right right i mean that's kind of heavy force if you've got an AK 47 yeah and who i would be picturing the kickback was definitely big on my mind because it was it was powerful Could you hope yourself? Could that happen?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Has it ever happened? Somebody's fucked themselves up. Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah. And, uh... Like, fate, fatally is anybody ever died in a... Oh, fuck yeah.

Seriously, I need to look that up. At a gun range? Oh, yeah. You know? How long would you need... Would you get a, like, a safety demonstration? I would have preferred a lot longer than what they gave me.

I was going to say, so when you walk in the gun range, how long until you're firing a gun? It was like, maybe 12 minutes. 12 minutes is not enough we hired jet skis in Canada and it took a fucking hour before the guy even let us start up the engine

on the jet ski in case somebody gets wet but 12 minutes for an AK 47 and you can stop drop and roll and wow are we rolling by the way oh yeah yeah sorry I told you oh no I thought you didn't you thought we were waiting I don't know oh good oh well that was good

well thank you for coming I think we were talking about Wales it was really great having you If that's the start of the podcast And it's just us talking about Wales They're going to be like I don't know if Greg knows this guy's Scottish I think Greg's well off with the accent

He's talking about Belfast and Wales So did we get the intro? You got the intro of the hard And it all may be there The heart rate was just acting up Okay All right well I'll do another intro just in case

You started off talking about the accent Yeah Kevin Bridges is a lot my guest. He's got an accent. We don't have a translator, but we do have a man, me, who lived with a guy from Belfast, which is just across the pond from you. Close enough. It is close enough. There's a little bit of a similarity with the Belfast accent. I think they've got a slightly more hostile edge. Yes. Sit down. Yours or theirs? Bills? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they've got the kind of... Well, yeah. They've been fighting for a long, they've been occupied for fucking 700 years. There's a lot of PTSD. Yes. As well.

Jesus. Now, what about Scotland, though? Like, like, how do you guys feel about your occupation from the British? Well, we voted to keep it. I heard that. 2014. And that's a hard one to explain to Americans who grew up watching Braveheart. And like, you guys voted against your own independence. Right. You ran naked against them. It's a really difficult one to comprehend for Americans. But 2014, we had the referendum. Yeah.

Was it 55% of the country voted, no? Which way did you vote? Voted yes. To stay with them? Or to separate? The question was, should Scotland be an independent country I voted yes? Right. Yes. Obviously.

I mean, you're going to vote yes. But it's a divisive issue. And there's always talk about there'll be another referendum. And they said it was a once-in-a-generation thing. Yeah, yeah. So if Ireland has been fighting for Northern Ireland, has been fighting forever to... Well, this is what the hang of Brexit

is blown the whole thing wide open. Because then there's going to be the hard border between, because the Republic Island is still the European Union. Yeah. But then Northern Ireland... So they get all the benefits of being able to travel and work in Europe. Exactly. And Northern Ireland's got to have a

border. But then if they enforced the hard border, then there's going to be mayhem. Yeah. So it's how... I don't really know how that's going to go. Yeah, it seems like this could be the solution. It's like for so many years, they've tried so many different solutions and this it's always economic the things that you know it's like the thing with the Scottish referendum is people who wanted Scotland to remain as part of the United Kingdom yeah they were saying if Scotland leaves the UK they will not be readmitted into the European Union

and then as soon as Scotland voted to remain part of the UK the UK votes to leave the European Union right so it was a bit like what a mess yeah I think with Brexit being so confusion, confusing and boring and just going on and on and on for a bit. Yeah. I think that's really dampen people's spirits for Scottish independence, just on an admin scale. Yeah. Who can be bothered having to go through or this? Well, that's what it is. I mean, with most politics, they've got to boil things down

to a 60 second ad during a football game that you're watching. And, you know, people scroll through their phone. They look at a headline. They're not really looking into the issues. So what do you make of our politics? Like, if you're here, You're here in the States doing a tour. Now, I don't want to get deep into your opinions, but, like, how do you sort of wrap your head around, how to even, because you are a political comedian.

With a fun reason. I would address what's going on at the top of the show. So do you feel like you need to do that here? 100%. There's so many elephants in the room in this country. It's like, so I'm in Portland the other night, and there's people in inflatable animal costumes. Like a fucking frog get tasered.

so how can you not mention that on stage a panda get pepper sprayed like get back you bamboo eating motherfucker get back so obviously you need to come on and mention it but I'm also conscious

to us that is insane but this is people's reality and they couldn't about I think when people check in to a comedy show they need to just go out of this is we're locked into how this guy sees us

so you don't want to like I think you almost have more leniency to speak your mind because they do that's exactly it they want to hear your opinion they don't want to hear my opinion I'm from LA they know my opinion and there's too many opinions yes the world needs less opinions but yours is a giant step back which is kind of refreshing I'm sure I you're holding up a mirror yeah from the outside right so I did I said that on stage like I've done stand up for over 20 years and this is the first time that I've toured the states no kids

And I just felt like the time was right. Yeah. The country seems fairly chill at the minute. Yeah, right. Of all the times in my career, two decades I had to come here, and I think I've picked, like... Oh, my God. It is an interesting time, though. I mean, since COVID, there's been a comedy boom in this country.

I don't know if they had it in the UK, but, like, people were cooped up, and when they were let back out again, they came out with a vengeance. And they came out to laugh hard, too. And live music is where those gigs. Yeah. I think there's such a backlog. and loads of people. I remember at the time, right in the middle of COVID,

you did genuinely start thinking. I don't know if live comedy will ever come back. You remember that time, you're like, this is the kind of, you need to rethink, like, packing people together where they're expelling laughter into the air. This is dangerous, this is a massacre. If this happens again, so I think people, when you realize you almost lost something,

people get a hunger for it. And then a lot of people making TikToks. It's like when my wife's on her period, you know, like, you think that I'll never get late again. And then when you do again, you really go at her, you know, you really, it gets aggressive. What an analogy. What an unnecessary. Well, unnecessary because she's 59, so she has a period in about a decade. So it's a completely irrelevant joke. No, I've enjoyed performance because it's so fertile for comedy as well, like stuff like that.

Yeah, yeah. I thought I would come over with a brand new show. So I came over with like 70 minutes And then I'm just kind of The venues I'm playing here I don't mean they're small But smaller than the venues I would play in the UK Now you play 10,000 seaters in the UK

And you're paying like what thousand cedars here I'm doing Aye a thousand, some of them are like six, 700 Some of them are like 2,000 But the average would be probably a thousand But it gives you that tiny bit of leeway To mess with the show And you can add tags and keep it topical

And stuff like that So I'm probably going to hold me an extra 20 minutes based on America, based on the shit that's going on. So how do you find, like it is interesting because some of the comics that are, you know, Jimmy Carr and guys that, you know, like you that are so respected and so funny and like accessible.

Like I really don't like, you know, I watch a couple of your specials. Like there's nothing that I watched that I can't figure out, you know. But yet breaking into the US market is really tough. for UK comics. I mean, in terms of getting to the level

that you're at over there. With me, what always put me off coming was the accent. Because I was like, I don't genuinely know if they're going to understand me. And I used to, I started in Glasgow, done open mics for about a year, and then I went to London,

and I had the same thing. Yeah. In England, they sort of struggled a bit with the Glasgow accent as well. I used to have to phone clubs to book gigs. You're just chasing open mic nights. And the promoters would be like,

I don't understand your accent on the phone, mate, what chance of the audience got? So I used to actually phone them and just do an English accent on the phone. Like, hi, I see you've got a comedy night on Wednesday. I would like to do a 10-minute set if that's possible. And they'd go, well, sure, yeah, I'll book you in. Then I would rock up and do the set.

So, do you adjust it here at all? Do you try to take the edge off it? As I'm speaking to you, I'm conscious, I'm speaking a bit clearer and slower. But your last special I watched, I found your accent to be less than what I'd seen in an older way. I think that it's because you're kind of aware

that you want the comedy to be accessible where you don't like to be the guy that's only funny on his own postcode. Right. So you're trying to like... And the last one was also recorded in Ireland. Yeah. So I think if you see the ones I'm in Glasgow,

you naturally just... Because they fucking hate it. If you start trying to speak properly, people in Glasgow... Oh yeah, you're a sell-out. What the fuck is this guy? Why is he speaking? So I get...

You're trying to find the balance. Like, when people start understanding you outside Scotland, people in Scotland are done. done with you. So you're trying to come from where down the middle. You don't want to lose them because you've sold out

the Glasgow Arena 63 times. And that place holds, how many people? 12,000, I guess. All right, so I did the math. That means that the box off is gross. What is it, about 30 pounds a ticket? I don't know.

Average. Something like that, probably. I've figured out. I mean, I've done it 60, 50 times over five different tours. Okay. So it's fluctuate. So in your life, you've grossed 30 million pounds at that venue.

So I'm just wondering, like, how much money are you worth now? Like, what's your net worth? We could Google it. We could Google it and check, man. That's never right, is it? I don't know. I've done all right, man. I've done things.

But then you took two years off. You made enough money that you actually just walked away for a couple years. Yeah. I stopped enjoying stand-up. Yeah. And after 2015, I've done a massive tour. And I was like, I don't really enjoy this as much. Do you feel like you went too hard and you wished you'd gone easier?

Probably. Yeah. And when you're playing bigger places, you're kind of forced into being a bit more polished like this. Yeah. You need to just perform the show. You can't relax. Exactly. And I quite enjoy the buzz, every comedian, the buzz from when you've got a new idea and you try it on stage and it gets a laugh for the first time, that's the, that's what keeps you going back.

That's what keeps you returning. And I kind of, when you're doing big shows, you don't try as much. I think I'd done a tour for about a year. And I was so fed up saying these words. And then my dad said, why don't you just stop? Yeah. Like, indefinitely.

And I was like, well, I probably could. Like, I don't chase. There was nothing that I could not afford that I wanted to know. I don't have a, I don't really live a lavish lifestyle. You know what I mean? No, I'm looking at your outfit. Like, you keep it really simple. I applaud you.

No, so I got my mom and dad. I paid off their house. I bought myself a house. I bought a speedboat, and I bought a box at Celtic Park, my football team. And that was, I lived to work in class dream. So at that point, I was, I'm going to cash in the chips, man. So I went to Madrid.

I went to Spain just to try and learn Spanish and enrolled in a college class there. Really? What is it with the UK comics? They're always like, Eddie is or it is, or whatever, I'm not sure what Eddie goes by now. He's got a few languages. It learns eight languages, performs on those.

languages, runs a marathon every day for 30 day. Like, we just get high and jerk off a lot. Like, I'm so impressed by the work ethic of you guys. Bill Burhys, he can fly a helicopter. Bill Burkhan, yeah, that's right. I mean, that's, yeah. I think, so I don't, I mean, my Spanish is pretty average, but the point is, after about two or three months,

I started getting ideas again. So I was living in Madrid and I was so focused on something else, like learning Spanish. that I just started getting ideas. It freed you out. I remember actually going to buy a brand new pad which is always a buzz and then writing just shit

and then I came back and I was like, I'm going to pop up to comedy clubs again and right back to the start and I just started loving it again and then that was it I just really started hammering the gigs but being conscious

I'll always stay present on the stage don't let that go back to feeling like you're phoning it in and do you feel like you're trying more new stuff in the bigger gigs now? Yeah, people love that. But you need to go over the, that eventually goes.

You walk on it, it goes, it is 12,000 people. It is a stadium. I've seen bands in here. I've seen people that I love in here. The imposter syndrome is overwhelming at times. But you go, they don't see themselves as a crowd of 12,000 people. They're just individual. People want to hear what you've got to say.

So you need to just reduce it back to. Right. And the crazy thing is, when you're doing a venue that big, there's a screen up. And so people aren't even looking at you. You think, like I have very little experience with this, but I have done some of those arenas with Bird Kreischer. And you go up and I'm thinking, all right, I gotta be jumping up and down

and I gotta be yelling because it's so big. And then I went in the back of the arena and I looked and there's this big screen and they're picking up little subtle. You can play it, you don't have to play a big. And you can sit on a stool probably. You could be, that's the thing that when I first played the arenas, I was always quite a still comic.

I used to keep the mic in the stand. and just stand there. And I was like, that's totally what you're saying. I was like, shit, look at the size of this stage. Yeah. Like the sheer distance. I better start getting the steps in. So I became a bit more animated.

And then exactly, as you said, I seen the DVD. I watched it back. And I was like, no, you're so narrowed in. You've got the screen. Just chill. Right, right. Take your foot off the gas a bit. So bring them to you.

Bring them in. You don't need to force, like, stay on top of them. Right, right. But it takes a level of confidence to accept it. Yeah. Like, to bring an audience that size. into a story that's a bit more requires attention

rather than just been really animated bits and like... Yeah, no, I look at like Nate Baragazzi. Well, he's amazing at that. I mean, he just brings him right in real small and subtle. And so I got...

I mean, Oasis must have been huge for you growing up. Oh man, I've seen them in Croke Park. We were actually talking... On this recent tour? I get goosebumps even talking about. Yeah. Cause at the occasion... Cause the venue for a starting in Croke Park.

Mark. Yeah. That's like 100,000 people, right? No, the history of that play. That's where the British Army, like, massacred 14 people. Oh, no shit. Like 1920 or whatever. So they've always been very protective of that.

I think it was only until 2005. They refused to have any foreign sports. That was their terminology. Yeah. So it was only supposed to be for Gaelic. In Ireland, the GAA is massive, Gaelic football in Harlem. So I think they're relaxed. I think it was 2005, and they started letting other events happen.

But seeing oasis there, because obviously their mom and dad, their parents are Irish. Yeah. And they've got that connection. And just the Saturday night, they played, you know, the song, you know, obviously Irish, Fitzsimmons is Irish in it.

The Old Triangle, you had, the Dubliners. Oh, that's amazing. They played that before the band came on. And I'm still even talking about it. the whole crowd singing it back to them. Yeah. And the screen, the camera just panning in their stadium, Croke Park Saturday night.

The sun, the sun was still up. 100,000, whatever, Irish people. And then, Oasis would bust on the stage. It was like, wow, this. I don't know how, I don't know if I can go to a gig again. I don't know, I've never seen a confluence of performer and audience. It was like one organism.

That, that audience, They moved together, they sang together, the pitch was like this thing. I mean, it was up here the whole time, right? It's like, I think it was just, it's the soundtrack of your life. Like, these songs mean so much to so many people. Right.

And there is that can hang with them, Liam and Noel, that kind of, the reconciliation hang that everybody's got a parallel in their life, like, phone your mate or try and repair a relationship or something, just seeing there to, walking on hand in hand. It was like, this is great, man. And cause their mum's still here,

and it must be so nice for her to see your two, and you don't want your two kids having a feud that lasts for two decades. So there was so much baggage. And then Liam's sounding incredible. The tunes, not a single piss break on the set list. Yeah. But every single song was a hit. Yeah.

Have you met them? I've met no. Yeah. A few times. Do you know, he dedicated a song to me. No, he did. I know that's uncool to tell that story. But it's the highlight of my life probably.

My son being born and no, got like her dedicating a song. That's insane. So it was 2,000, in the same arena, the same place. Yeah. I had a show in the afternoon, then we went straight over to the hydro arena to see No Gallickel. His high flying birds,

that was his project before Oasis get back. I hope they still continue because they've got some great tunes as well. Yeah. So we were on the guest list for that. Me and a few buddies, we rock up, and we go backstage. First time I'd met the guy.

No, I'm fucking hero. fucking big cuddle and he goes, I've got a fridge full of tenants, tenants lagger, that's a proper Glasgow, Scottish lagger. But I set myself a target of staying off the booze for one year, I was what I'm going to do a sober year. And I think I was only maybe a week away, I went 51 weeks.

So I was like, mate, this is like a bucket list thing to sit and have a tenant's lagger with no Gallagher. It's like, mate, I would love this so much, but I'm one week away for getting my year done. And he goes like, no, all right, get the year done, get the year, respect, respect. Man, good man. So it was nail out peer pressure.

He totally respected it. So I go on stage and my mate's like, you're a dick man. No, got a like an offer on your fucking can. And I was like, mate, I'm trying to get my year done. So he starts, the gig's amazing. Then he goes, this next song's for Kevin Bridges. And I was like, fucking, and I've looked genuinely. I grew up, definitely, maybe.

And then all my mates are grabbing me. Like, you've made it. They don't give a fuck about 63 nights. They don't care about anything like that. This is the buzz to them. And I'm like, show out of here what the song's going to be. And then it was like, digsy's done. from definitely maybe

but he's like he's done a year after booze and then I think people cheered when they said my name and then when they said he's done a year after booze I think they started booing well he's fucking changed man

but he's funny no proper funny like stand up level funny right right just got some good stories yeah that's amazing a great turn of phrase as well yeah

so let's talk about this US tour you're traveling around Michael O'Brien is your publicist he's mine as well well. Have you got to hang out with him at all? He came to the show in New York. We went for he did. We went for food after it. Nice guy, man. He's a good man. Is that the Irish

Brotherhood? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I only hang out with Irish people. Fitzsimmons. I swear to God, I got this group of friends, and we had a group text going. And I look at the group text, and I look at the names. And it's Fitzsimmons, Fitzsimmons, Gubbins, Fitzgerald, Maloy, Donovan and I'm like what the fuck I didn't plan on this

but like these are my closest friends, they're all Irish Isn't that weird? Is that common here though that the community is going to stay growing up? I think East Coast much more so West Coast nobody even knows what they are

but if you live in Boston New York, Philly you know you're Italian you know you're Irish, Chicago you're Polish and there's definitely like an attraction to hang out. So where in Ireland are your family?

Kerry and Cork. Right, cool, Corp and Kerry. All four of my grandparents came over from Ireland and my grandfather... Have you been, sorry, have you been to Kerry? Many times, yeah. Kalalant is stunning. Yeah, have you been down to Ken Mayer?

So my wife's name's Kerry. Oh, no shit. So every time somebody talks about the Ring of Kerry, you're always a bit like the innuendo's fucking ripping her. No, Ken Mayer, where my grandfather's from is right at the bottom of the Ring of Kerry. Right, that's stunning. Yeah.

Kalarni is gorgeous yeah so yeah they all came over here and you know like as teenagers mostly and just moved to the Bronx I'm from all Bronx people and but it's amazing like I go back there and I feel it like I was just there last summer I did a show in over in where was I Dublin maybe cool no where was I cool Kenny's got a fair festival as well no that's where i want to go next co kenney yeah i know i was in galway this show was in galway yeah that's one of my favorite places in the world oh my god that's amazing yeah we spent most of our time in galway and uh but i feel it i go there and i feel it in my bones like these are my people you know yeah and i think i think most people respond to irish people in general

they're very friendly and you know they're they're great storytellers i think my family so both mom and dad's side are all Irish, she's what, descendant. Okay. I think there's Mayo, County Mayo, on my dad's side. And my mom, I believe, Donigall. I think everybody in Glasgow. That's the tough people, Donigal. Shit.

Half of Glasgow's families from Donigal. Oh, really? It is that same thing. I'd never been to Ireland until I started stand-up. So when now, the family connections are long gone, long dead or whatever, but it was only when I was 19. I went over for the first time to do some shows. Right.

And I did feel exactly what you're saying. you feel very kind of this is your people and this is my it's a special country is it's amazing for stand-up yes oh my god Scottish and Irish audiences are really good to get it but yeah the Irish one they love when you break into a story uh-huh but they don't just need the joke they laugh on the way to the punchlines right right and it really helps you as a performer even the way you're telling the story yeah I never even knew that was a laugh but they're laughing yeah they don't like that about your style you're not in a rough to get to each joke you really take your time setting it up you're like I find so here when

I've popped into a few comedy clubs yeah I find you really need to be on it yeah it's totally definitely you don't get to tell a five-minute bit you need to be like no it's much harder and I and I hate it I hate that I have to like I was just in Vegas for seven nights and that Vegas is like boom bump bump bump otherwise they're just distracted because they're there to gamble they're mostly drunk they're tourists from all over the country like I like going to a city where they're from like you're in Portland, you kind of know who you got in the audience, you know, you've got sort of, you know, tree hugger, they're tatted up tree hugging, coffee loving liberals that have a little bit of an edge. So you know who you're talking to, you know. And then you go to Vegas and you got people

from Canada and you got people from Minnesota and Florida. And you just, and you somehow have to find this common ground between them all. It feels like a corporate gig or something like that. Yeah, yeah. And you're probably catching everybody at their worst as well. They're taking a break. They've been boozing for three days. Yep. So that's tough. And then you really have to rely on the jokes.

I mean, there's a lot to be said for that as well. If you need to get up and you need to be on it, it helps you. No, it is. It tightens things up. And I had a long story of something that just had happened to me the week before. And it's like a good five-minute, six-minute story, which I'm not as much of a storyteller. I have a couple. But, like, I found that I had to punch up the story, which,

which was good. I sat down with my computer and I go, all right, there's something, there's a moment here, and sometimes it's just a turn of a phrase. You know, it doesn't have to be a joke. It's just, you know. Just push to keep them engaged.

Yeah, right, right, right. It's quite sad though that you even need to consider that. I know, I know. A guy should be allowed to tell a five minute story. Right, right. Five minutes. Yeah, yeah. But I guess in Ireland or Scotland, they love that.

They would be like, oh, this guy's telling a story. All right, so some things I want to get to here. Yes. You, uh, what is, uh, what is, uh, there's a big thing now about obviously everybody went over to Riyadh and did the Saudi Comedy Festival

and I was looking at your website you've done Middle East. Have you done Saudi Arabia? They offered to go to that one. They offered you that? They did man. I said no but I just, I read that book. I don't judge it. I think the backlash is

over the top as well. But it's like it's fucking, it's a crazy place to take, because they're actually paying you the money. Yeah, it's not a private company. It's the government. That's the difference, man. When they say it's the Saudi royal family or whatever,

are putting on this get, I was like, nah, I'm out, man. Yeah. But actually, I've been to Saudi Arabia, 2008. Doing stand-up. And I got paid 200 pounds. So I went for the love. I went for the love of human rights abuses, the love of the game, man. Fuck the money.

I have an eye fetish. I went for the women. So it was the comedy store in London. They used to run these gigs in Dubai in Abu Dhabi. And then you go over for two weeks and just play it to expats. So I was maybe 21 or something up. We went over. And then at the end, they said there's a guy who's very keen to run a gig in Jedda and Riyadh.

And it's the same money, 200 pounds, he'll fly you over. So me and the other comic, Steve Gribbon, we're here, more or less here, another two-hour flight. we went the gig and Jeddah get cancelled so this is 2008 this is way before Mohammed bin Salman he was just in his bedroom playing FIFA and eating Cheetos or whatever

but it was like proper strict he was the guy he kind of liberalised that he made Saudi Arabia woke so this is before it was woke so the gig and Jeddah got cancelled I don't know why maybe it was illegal who knows but the one in Riyadh went ahead and we go on stage

and it was just like everybody was it was red bull was involved in some way because there was just red bull stands everywhere so everybody's getting they don't drink obviously in Saudi so everybody's just getting getting sober everybody's getting caffeinated the gig was good man because the audiences it was very new to them and it did feel edgy as if I don't know if this should be happening did they tell you what you couldn't consider no I don't think the government were not involved I think the guy was just a British guy that thought I'm going to when they try and run a comedy night. So I don't even know if it was above border. Who knows, man. Right. So we went on. I opened up. I done fairly well.

And then in the middle, they had three local comics. Really? They did. Two of them done their sets in English. And one of them done his set in Arabic. But the guy who done his set in English, he kind of removed the elephant from the room. Because the women, as you say, they're wearing the full hijabs.

Yeah. So he's like, oh. oh, look at all the girls in the front row, like your dad's think you're studying tonight. He said something like that, basically, they should not be here. Yeah. And it gets the biggest laugh in the night. In fact, he'd said, he'd hit.

And it was like, fair play, mate. That's quite edgy shit. Yeah. And then it was quite scary. The whole, I had really bad acne at the time, right? So as soon as we arrived in Riyadh, you get to the airport, and then you need to put your bags through the security again.

I don't know if that's still, the case. So anyway, I had these acne pills, I think they were called oxy tetracycline or whatever. So the guy starts going, what are these? And I'm starting to look, no, you're genuinely shitting yourself, that horrible feeling, like, out of body almost. And I was like, luckily, I was covered in spots. I was for spots. I've got really bad spots, man. And the guy's like, nah, we need to take you through. Took me into the back room, like, banged up, locked up abroad kind of stuff. No way. And in the airport, there's signs up, drug trafficking is punishable by death. So I'm going, I'm going to get my head chopped off. Yeah, like crying. Yeah. And then the guy

starts scanning. He takes the pills, opens one on them up. No, you see in the documentary, like, cocaine, like, he scans it and he looks for it and he's all good, you're good to go. Yeah. And I was like, I just, I need home, man. I was genuinely shook up. Your acne must have really broken out. I did. I was, I've never been so grateful to have a fucking spotty face because it kind of guy's like, this kid does need pills for these things. That's hilarious. But so I've done Saudi for 200 pound and 2,000. But that was before Kishoggi. Yeah.

There's a book called Blood and Oil. There's really good. Blood and Oil. It's a New York Times journalist wrote this book about the whole. Oh, is that right? About the whole regime. Okay. And it's pretty messed up.

Yeah, I mean, the same thing they're doing with Live with the Golf League. You know, they're just whitewashing their name. I'm trying to bring in stuff. But look, I mean, I get the argument. I mean, people have made the point that like... You're not going to get a bad review as well as a comic. If somebody's there's press in

there's a reviewer in well anything less than four stars the guy's getting chopped up so yeah so all right

it's time for a thing we call fastballs with fits cool let's do it oh wait before we do that I did want to talk about your

when you said you quit and your dad you lost your dad and my condolences that was how long ago 2003 okay The very start of 2003.

So, no, no, 2020, geez, oh, man. I was going to say, Jesus, fucking Christ. It feels like yesterday, doesn't it? Just took 20 years after my dad's life, man. It's only 20, 23. I don't know why I said that. Wow. Because he took me to my first gigs.

Yes, this is an amazing story. I started at 17. Yeah. And the club emailed saying, like, you can come along, but because you're under 18. you need to be accompanied by a parent or a guardian. So I took my dad. It's slightly cooler than showing up with your mum.

Right. So he drove me up. And it went well, man. And that became, we really bonded. They used to drive me all over Scotland. And it was our sort of thing. So partly why I came to the US, because my dad used to always say take it as far as you can take it.

It used to fill me with massive confidence and playing their big stadiums. He would be like, fuck it. Who else is it going to be? Just got on there, man. That's amazing. standing with the catering, and he's laminate pass. It's so unfazed.

And what did he do for work? Just loads. So Clyde Bank, where I'm from, the big industry was shipbuilding. Yeah. So he worked in the singer factories, and then they're closed in, like, 70s or 80s. Then there was like mass unemployment, usual story. So he just had kind of odd jobs.

No shit. Social worker, care work, stuff like that. Wow. A night port or just odd jobs. And then he gets really bad... So he struggled. He got really bad rheumatoid arthritis. And he had to eventually retire.

So he was on, like, incapacity, benefit or whatever. Yeah. But because he was at home a lot, I think that's how we became so close. I used to see my dad a lot more than I would see my mom, because my mom was... Did that take a beating on his self-esteem? I think he'd get depressed, man,

because you're a Glasgow working class guy and you're not working. So he did get kind of down. But, I mean, me and him had, great memories and then getting into the stand-up that kind of gave him a lease of life that became because I never knew this right but when I started stand-up he showed me an old book and he'd wrote loads of short stories and poems and stuff and no kidding so he always said that kind of creative thing himself and then so it was quite cool did you bounce jokes off him sometimes

constantly he was a good gauge yeah very good gauge a bit rough he would get you cancelled easily he stole that old school. Like, I don't know if he set up a Twitter account. I was like, Dad, walk away, man. He said, what is her pronoun, son? Like, Dad, fucking, you're going to take me down with you here, man. Just step away. Yeah, yeah, right.

He's got no career to be cancelled from. Right, he could say whatever the fuck he wants. So comedy was always me and his thing. Yeah. To come to the States, it would always be, he would be delighted that I eventually went for it and came over here. Right. So, and then when he passed, It was, was it, you got to kind of say goodbye.

You got to be there. Yeah, he was sick during the tour, pretty much. Yeah. I never knew he was that sick. We never knew it was getting to that stage. But I was going over to visit him every day and then doing the shows at night. And then pretty much when the tour finished,

it was like, you're dad's in a bad way, man. So, yeah, it was rough. But when that happens, everybody's like, it's raw at the minute, but then you'll be comforted by the memories. And at the time, that's unthinkable. Because you're so, like... Also, I think that...

But it's so true. You know, there's so many... I think... I don't think of my dad is that guy in the hospital anymore. Right, right. I think of my dad is the... Hilaria.

He was very, very funny. Yeah. So I've got so many stories that just, like, some of the mad shit he got up to. Like... Well, was he a madman when he was younger? I think, I think, I, like,

I think he quit boozing when he was, like, 40. Uh-huh. So I think I got the kind of dad's side. Right. You know what I mean? I think he was a madman back in the day. But he was just so unfazed by anything that happened. So we done a show, right, this is, I'll tell you this, man.

Barack Obama came to, like, Edinburgh to do a spoken event, a talking event. And they said they wanted a comic to go on, like, after Obama. So this guy, Tom Hunter, he's a Scottish philanthropist. He had booked Obama, and he's a fan of mine. So he said, can you come on? Basically, Obama's going to open up. Then you go on and close the show. Obama, hilarious.

So we go through to Edinburgh, and he's like, you can bring your mom and dad and your wife. It's a brilliant family trip. And then the Ariana Grande Arena bomb had happened that week. So the security was like, obviously, there's an ex-president in town, so it's going to be high.

It was ridiculous, Navy SEALs, snipers everywhere. So we had to take two utility bills, two forms of photographic ID just to get in the venue. And then my dad, Dad was just like chain smoker. So anywhere he would go, he would need to go away for a cigarette. So he's not got any ID working through the scanners, like an airport. My dad's like, look at the queue here.

He goes back outside for a cigarette and like, Sir, get back. And he's like, he's just standing there with a cigarette. There's some like Special Forces guy screaming. And my mum's like, you're fucking, you've not. That was only the first bit of the security check. And he's standing with the file. Like, relax, Patricia. But there in a minute.

Talk to the guy. He's like, where is it you're from, son? This special forces did. So any situation that I have. My comedy took us to, he was always there and just always himself and always real. So you're just left with all the memories. Wow, that's amazing.

And him and your mom together to the end? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many years was that? 50, just two days ago. No shit. They would have been married for 50 years. Wow, that's amazing. So.

How's she taking it? Hard time. It's your whole wife in it. But saying goodbye like that really is profound to be able to have that time. to say the things that you're not going to have later on wish that you'd said you know that's that I mean that's that's when I'm at that age what I've got a few friends that are starting to lose parents right and I mean one of my best mates he lost his dad like

just shocked just that like just very sudden yeah and you're like he never got to so you're grateful that as you're saying I'm grateful I said goodbye yeah yeah but I've got a son and then he's kind of helps you for it he's only four years old so I'm sad that he'll never know my dad really but that's helped my mum that's that kind of thing so anyway yeah yeah good this is deep well look

you know that's what fits dog radio is people don't realize that you show up I'm a comedian you're a comedian but we go deep but a substance go good man well I lost my dad suddenly and I was young I was like he saw me do stand up for about three years and he was incredibly

supportive so I can relate to that part but he never saw me succeed he just saw the the struggle struggle. Because I just started succeeding about six months ago. Did they come to your early gigs? Yeah, he'd come to my gigs. And then he was a radio guy. He was a pretty famous radio announcer in New York. He was one of the biggest guys in New York for 20 years. So he would go put on a tuxedo and he'd host like a benefit show. And he'd get up there and he was doing stand-up. I mean, he didn't call it stand-up. He was emceeing. But he had his stories he would shit on people in the crowd and so it was kind of like that that's probably my

biggest inspiration was watching him you know it must be quite proud as well if seeing your dad getting laughs it must have been oh my god yeah and now my kids watch me and I just realize like half my jokes are about fucking their mother and I don't think they appreciate that all right so fastballs with fits who's the worst opening act that you ever got saddled with at a gig I mean, I don't want to name names. No, you have to say the name. Oh, you don't need to say that's incredibly harsh. Just rattling off ten, ruining ten careers on the podcast.

I've kicked him over to the States, just they shit on a bunch of Scottish show and Mike did. I had a guy going ahead of me the other night. It was a black guy and he put on a white wig and did a Trump impression. And he killed, killed. And like, it took me 10 minutes to adjust after that. it's probably like prop comics as well oh yeah that's a rough follow a guy and he used to bring like a plank of wood like a two by four and set up like fruit and veg and start smash it but one of the students loved it yeah yeah if he was in the right audience it was so

surreal but I was like surely he needs to close the night yeah right so he would be like in the middle and there's a cut of next I was closing I'm like get the fucking mess of the stage you're Slipping around and fruit. There's genuinely apples, bashed everywhere, tangerines. Put this guy on at the end, man. You're kind of appalled at the stage, let alone even trying to change the atmosphere because once people have seen something like that,

it's quite hard to bring them back in here, talking about fucking deodorant or whatever. So, hey, that guy, London. London's good, is there a version of that in the US? There's a kind of comedy scene that's sort of non-league, off the radar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's that,

so there's gigs in London with guys, like, that are just insane. Yeah. And it's a shame to watch, but it's quite funny as well. All right. I remember seeing a guy

literally take a kitchen sink on the stage. No shit. Doing that expression. Everything but the kitchen sink. That was the joke. Yeah. So even when you've seen him

arriving at the club, you're going, oh, I wonder what this guy's, I wonder what this guy's opening line's going to be. And I thought he'd maybe of a twillard He'd maybe have a twist on it, but no, he took on the kitchen sink. And he's like, I'm going to throw everything at this gig tonight, including that. Jesus, man.

Like, imagine having to carry that everywhere. He had to go on the tube. Yeah, yeah. And got up to. Oh, my God. I know. These guys, they commit this one guy used to come on and drag all the time. And he was a straight, Italian, tough guy from Providence, Rhode Island.

And he used to dress up as a woman on his shows. And he got pulled over by the cops. one time and you know Rhode Island is a pretty like backward place yeah and uh they arrested him for being dressed as a woman you know they had to let him go but that was their first instinct was this illegal you can't you can't drive around dressed as a woman and then he ended up going to jail because he sold cars on the side and he was turning back the odometer right and he got busted for it's the thing that keeps track of how many miles are on the car and so he he was turning them back which is a felony

Yeah, people used to do that a lot in cars, didn't they? We call it reversing the mileage. Yeah. But these cars are too high tech. I used to quite enjoy hearing a bit of scam, but cars are pretty scam-proof these days. There's a club in Newcastle as well that used to be crazy gigs in there. And a guy, I don't know what he'd done to the mic stand before me,

but he was very physical and he was used to, like, Freddie Mercury, he just fucked up the equipment, basically. And it was a proper hostile, I think it was the last Friday before Christmas, which is never a great atmosphere for comedians. So it's wards are drunk, part big, part, big groups of guys, like fucking an oil rig kind of vibe.

So I'm closing the show, and as I said, I used to keep the mic in the stand. So I'm trying to adjust it, and then the mic stand just collapses, whatever this guy's done. But I was only backstage, so I never seen what he done. But the mic itself fell off the stage.

So I've not even said, like, good evening, not said a word yet. Yeah. guy in one of the big parties grabs the mic and starts going, who are you? Who's on the mic? So I need to climb off the stage. Like, hey, give that bit. I'm like fucking Millhouse in the Simpsons. He's like, hey, give it back. I'm trying to fight to get the mic back. And then you're so vulnerable. And I can tell you get a laugh. You're quite vulnerable on stage,

let alone until you've said a word. So, that guy. No, that's the thing about when you take the stage as a comedian, you have to assume alpha dog status immediately. Straight away. And if you don't get that opening, no you're never gonna get it it's like a football you need to get a touch or soccer right right you need to get the first touch on the ball and then everything just relaxes yeah yeah wow um what's the closest you ever came into getting a fist fight on stage although that probably sounds like it was pretty close um a couple what a guy

if a couple people threaten me yeah uh a guy in because you played some tough rooms in your day prisons i don't know gig in a prison a maximum security prison no shit shots prison. Whoa. I used to have a joke. I've done a joke about it, but it's a true story. A guy actually stood up during the set, and I was like, what the fuck is this guy going?

He's like, back to my cell. He was hating it that much. He went back to his cell, man. Ah, you had the choice of watching you or sitting. Back to his cell. This guy's shit. I'm going to, I'm a way to finish my, I'm going back to finish my life sentence.

This guy sucks. So that is proper fucking. humbling and then and then they had a raffle at the end and it's like there was loads of boxes of chocolates yeah but that in prison that's currency man so it was I've never been through a tense right when the guy was drawn at the raffle tickets it was proper like guys are winning boxes or celebrations or whatever yeah and he's fucking like and shouting at the other guy fuck you and all that so it was a very strange atmosphere I think it was some government-sponsored rehabilitation him, comedy in prisons.

And the guy who was closing the show, he never tailored his set in any way whatsoever. So he's just, he's talking about like, oh, these days when you see a limousine, and it's just a bunch of girls on a hen party, but back in the day, it was

like, is that a celebrity, and a guy's like, we've been inside for fucking 20 years, mate, no. His whole act was about being outside. Right, right. So I've had a guy in Arboroth, a place just outside Dundee, growth. I don't know what I said, or if I said anything, or the guy was just nuts, but he stands up and he's, there's an expression in Scotland. I don't know how this will land

to the American Eels, because it's very strong language. And we, the cunt is quite, they're quite liberal with the use of the world cunt in Scotland and Ireland. But this guy's like, he stands up and he shouts, I'm going to kick your cunt in, right, which is quite a Scottish expression of violence. Yeah. And I was like, what, my cunt? I was a bit rattled. Isn't the cunt already in? Hey, that's that man, it's like, and I don't even have a cunt. Yeah, the guy was, the guy was going to perform an impromptuous exchange. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then immediately undo his own gynecological efforts with his foot.

So I was trying to talk about that on stage here, that expression. I'm going to kick your cunt in, like Scottish people, we kind of over promise and under deliver when it comes to violence. But America is the opposite. Right. Like you kind of under promise and then over deliver. because you've got guns. Because we got guns. I'm going to kick your ass.

Well, I always say the guy I'm afraid of is the quiet one. The guy who's screaming shit. Beware the wrath of the silent man. If the guy pushes me first, I'm probably okay. It's the guy that quietly comes up and just cold cocks. It was nothing subtle about this guy. He just stood up during the set, I'm going to kick your cunt in.

Then you start, obviously, the comic, your natural thing is to start blaming yourself. What did I say? That bit, is that material a bit much? And then everybody, else is kind of horrified. But the guy starts coming towards the stage. But it was quite an elevated stage, so at least I've got height on my side. And how's the guy going to get up? He'd need to climb up on the stage to then kick my cunt in. So, eh, my, but I come in in,

it's in one of these small theaters. So it's just like ushers. You don't have security. It's just these, but sir, can you go back to your seat, please? Right, right, right. It's some woman who volunteered. She's coming in with a torch, we try to defuse it. Right, right. Another guy in the audience started shouting at him and then the heckler and then the other guy was a lot bigger and it just diffused but it was very it was quite a tough one to come back from what the guy just went genuinely mad well again like you're losing the alpha status that guy you know and like and the thing is is like i you know there is that with time as a comedian you start to be able to gauge how much can i push back with this person based on all these nonverbal subtle readings that you're making their

eye contact, their voice level, are they moving towards you? And you're gauging, well, I need to keep control the show. So I need to shit on this guy or control him. But if he's truly violent, you want to sort, you want to be backing off. And it's like this, it's like this taught rope that you're keeping with this person. Because your default is how do I keep the audience laughing. Right. So even in arenas, you look at shit. Yeah, right, right. Now, with arenas, you probably rarely get heckled in an arena, right? You don't hear it as much. Yeah, right.

You've got the option just to ignore it. Yeah. So if you engage, then you don't know who's shouting it. You don't know where they are. And then it just makes it everybody else starts popping up. No, it's got a... Do you sell merchandise at your arena shows? I used to them on, but my audience is just booze.

They don't want to go and buy a t-shirts. They get into the venue and just go straight to the bar. Right. So I don't think they're going to give a fuck about buying a key ring or whatever. Well, you know what Bird Kreischer does. He gets a percentage of the beer that they sell at his arenas. because his father always drank so much. You might want to look into that

with your 17-year-old manager who just walked in here. He does look great, didn't he? He looks as if he belongs here. He looks great. Great confidence, likable. I like that guy. Has he handled a lot of comedians?

Rick. He does. So he was my tour manager. We got put together because we're a similar age in 2010. So he used to drive me around Scotland. And in his careers, he got promoted within the management company

and now he looks after a lot of people. So he's a good mate as well. Yeah, that's great. It's quite cool that we were buddies on the road. And now he's my actual manager, agent type. I love it. Does your wife come on the road with you at all? She was in Canada and my son

and then they're going to come over. So I've got the L.A. show on the 16th and then I've got four nights off and then the New York show. Oh, nice. My wife and my son are going to fly to New York. York and meet me the day after the air show and we've got four days off in New York. Love it.

It will be Christmasy, hopefully, Christmas. Oh, yeah, yeah. Now you get to take them ice skating. Yeah, take him ice skate. Rockfeller. Rockfeller Center. And then, you know, there's just, the whole city just feels very alive. And it's actually not, you would think it's crowded, but it's actually not because a lot

of New Yorkers have left. So you can actually get around the city pretty easily. No, it's always been like that. A lot of New Yorkers leave town. during Christmas. And then the tourists, there's not tourism in this country the way there was. It's way down.

Canadians are boycotting the United States. And in Canada, I went to buy an Americano in the coffee shop. And the women said, in here it's called a Canadiano. And I looked up at the menu and it was a Canadiano. That's how you take on Trump, man. You need to go to his level. It's like school, isn't it?

Well, there was a certain point during the Bush administration where we wanted to fly plane over France to get to Iraq and France wouldn't let us so he changed them from French fries to freedom fries I don't remember that yeah so yeah and and now it's called the Gulf the Gulf of America no it's not the American wave yeah now we're not whatever I don't want to get a world cop seal next year is that what I don't know because now they're gonna crack down on any any player from another country tough to have a World Cup when you let me

from other countries in, you know? So I don't know what's going to happen. This fucking, this country's going down to shitter. Anyway, back to We all need new jobs. There are two types of people

in the world. Go. Two types of people in the world. Oz and bastards just did you say us and bastards aye yeah I don't know yeah is that oh you're asking me to fill in the blank

alright I thought you meant because there's somebody that says it in a movie there's two types of people in this world there's us and there's bastards oh right there's two types of people in this world there are Scottish people and there are people straining really difficult really hard to understand Scottish people I think you'll check the comment section after this podcast

and there'll be people saying Oh my God, I didn't get a word of that guy, what the fuck? Oh, no, I'm going to have subtitles. Oh, good man, good man. Even the subtitles when you put that on. I think the world realizes how frustrating it is to be Scottish. I said that like, see the face mask? Yeah.

That taught the world what it's like to be us. Right, right. Or having to repeat yourself about five. Right. See this trip the last few weeks. I've just started using an American accent for day-to-day shit. Yeah. Just out of convenience.

Let me hear it. Like, well, this morning I was trying to get an iron for this t-shirt. Yeah. So if I phone the reception and say, hey, can somebody send me up an iron and an ironing board? Yeah. They're just going to hear an iron on an iron board. This guy's been fucking haunted. And he'd send up this guy.

Send up an exorcist. What the fuck's happened to this guy? So I go, hey, man, can I get an iron and an ironing board? And they go, okay, sir, we're going to send that right up. It's just life is so much easier. I'd fucking love to be American. I would love to sound American. Yeah, right, right.

So Scottish people and the people find it really hard to be. No, that Monty Python sketch with the ferocious rabbit is just like that guy, that's one of their most famous sketches and it's just because it's just the accent. So I don't even say anything funny. Do you find it genuinely

difficult? Do you understand me? I get most of what you say. There's definitely some things I missed. Right, what like? I want to work on it. Like after we after I said your name then it's all been kind of a blur since then. Yeah. But like I like your face.

That's good, man. It's very expressive. Like, when, so if I speak like this, you speak, you need to speak really slow. But then that gets a bit tiring. You end up giving yourself a migraine. But I think more Scottish people need to break through. Plus you guys have so many colloquialisms,

little phrases and terms, slangs, right? Isn't there that thing where you rhyme things? So this, it's originally a London thing, Cockney rhyming the slang. Yeah. But I think Scottish people do it a bit better. Yeah. So.

Like what's an example of the rhyming slang? Uh, I'm trying to, give me an object or a person or a beer, a glass of beer. A beer. A beer. Yeah. I'm going for a fancy a few Richard gears. A pair of shoes. A pair of shoes.

So shoes you could say, I think it's always better when you go for a really obscure soccer player. Oh, okay. Like a Cardiff Boulouse. You used to play for Chelsea. Yeah. But you'd say going for booze. right right right so it takes a bit of work all right what you don't have rhyming slang here no no we don't do that no we're not really clever with words we have a very limited vocabulary

I would say you know you probably use 50% more words than we do right you know we we kind of dumb it down I find the I find the opposite I think Americans have got quite an extensive sound in everyday speech they use kind of bigger words than necessary in my experience anyway. Right. Well, when I prognosticate about that, I do think that it's preposterous. It's quite funny when you learn a new word and you get excited to take it for a test drive. Oh, my God. There's quite a heterogeneous mix of people in here. Yeah. Yeah. That bit of your head's going, fucking nailed it, man. Nailed it, Keith. I know. My cousin's boyfriend said the word pedantic three times in an hour. It's like, no, when it's a word like pedantic, it's like, it's got a two-week

turnover before you're allowed to use it again. Yeah, pedantic's a bit. Yeah. Not to be pedantic, but that is excessive. What's the last time that you apologize to somebody? Like a real apology? Steve Van Zant. Really? Steve Van Zant yesterday. What did you say? He staying in the same hotel as us in L.A. Yeah. One of the most L.A. experience, like, stereotyped. As soon as I arrived in LA, an English guy recognized me in the airport, he said, oh, Kevin Bridges. And he had this big, massive trophy cabinet hang,

a big, huge box, and he's like, oh, do you want to hold, he said, do you want to hold my Emmy? He'd won an Emmy for some special effects thing. Really? So I was literally, I arrived at L.A.X. Airport, and I'm pictured holding an Emmy. There was somebody else's. Yeah.

And then we get to the hotel, Alice Cooper's there. Really? It was the guy for Papa Roach Remember that cut my life into pieces He was there talking to him At the bar and then I seen Steve Van Zant And I was like, I don't want to approach this Like a hero

I love the East Street band, I love Springsteen Love the Sopranos But I don't want to annoy this guy Because he must just get it constantly And then I kept passing him Then it became a bit It was like natural He was coming towards this gate

And he held it open for me Just as a nice guy and I was like, thanks, mate. And I was like, sorry, Stephen. I'm a huge fan and I don't want to know you, mate, but I just wanted to shake your hand, shook his hand. I said, I never got a picture, nothing like that. I just wanted to shake the guy's hand.

So I said sorry is a way of annoying him. Yeah, well, because you know what it's like. On a much less smaller scale. Yeah, but it's like, you know, getting approached a lot is, you know, there's a right way to do it and there's a wrong way to do it. And a lot of people don't know that like you do, keep it short, you keep it sincere,

and you don't ask for a picture. Scottish people are ruthless. They're just come and just sit at the table. They just fucking grab you. In a nice way, they just mean it well. I got a picture with a guy in Scotland and he took off his works uniform to get in the picture.

Oh, really? Because they told me he was still signing on, and he was still getting unemployment benefit. So he was obviously working cash in hand. He took off the high biz so he could post the picture on Facebook. And then he put it back on. That was it.

Back to his manual labor for cash. What a legend. All right, the last thing I'll ask you, is what's the hackiest bit that you've ever done in your career? I think because I started at 17, the whole set was fairly hacked. Right. Like the differences, I think every comic in Glasgow starts off just talking about how rough Glasgow is.

So that, and it's quite hack, because everywhere in the world has got its rough areas. Sure. So Edinburgh is the posh bit and Glasgow is the rough bit. So I think I had a whole five minutes On the differences between Glasgow and Edinburgh Do you ever use that when you're in other cities Like when you're in Manchester

And then you talk about I don't know, you know, what's a Or Liverpool is probably a bad area in England If you ever play Liverpool and you talk about another town That's posh and use the same jokes But you feel a bit bad, don't you? Yes I think if you're going to bad mouth of a city

You need to do it to their face I'm going to the other city and go I was in fucking this place last night It's like, come on man Yeah, yeah Show a set of balls, man give them it straight. That was Glasgow, Edinburgh was pretty high.

I think talking about anything toilet kind of related to this. I've never really seen a good comic. Billy Conley had a really good bit about that, but other than that, anything kind of scatological or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Well, you had that bit about having stains in the toilet

after taking a shit. And then saying, I'm not going to use the brush that's cheating. I don't piss. Is that what it was? It was something about politicians that don't live in reality or whatever. It's like, the prime minister at the time,

he's like, he's never been unemployed. He's never woke up in his only goal for the day is to try and piss a skid mark off the inside of the toilet. I love that. Then I was like, I think the bit then I was like, I need to try and get a hard on, you get a bit of pressure on this.

If you can get an erection, you can jet wash it off. So it's semi-scatting it. No, but that's like George Carlin. And George Carlin did really smart political stuff and he mixed it in with Farts. I love that. I love when somebody's versatile. Right.

Like Chappelle's bit, a bit, a bit Sesame Street. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so wholesome coming through him. I love when somebody just dabbles into something a bit. Right. It should be, it's like an omelant in it, to use a hack analogy, but I think a stand-up show should be a bit of politics,

a bit of personal, a bit of, a bit of surreal is always nice and a bit silly. And it needs to be fun as well, you need. like telling stories and then doing some one-liners. I have some jokes that are two fucking sentences. You know, that's it. You ever wrote a joke? He just go, this is not for me. This is somebody else's joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right. And I'll call that person and they'll go they're insulted. Like, I wouldn't do that joke. All right, my friend, thank you so much for coming on. If you want to see Kevin go check him out. He's going to be in Vancouver. I think

that's sold out, actually. Raleigh, North Carolina. That's on my birthday, the Vancouver one. Oh, is that right? It's a birthday present. from the promoter. Oh, it's not nice. They've gave me a trip to Canada because this country's mad. Vancouver is one of the greatest cities I've ever been to.

Atlanta, Tampa, Houston, Chicago, Cleveland, San Francisco. Back in L.A. I'm going to try to catch you when you're back here. I was gone. You were here the last two nights.

I was away. L.A. and then New York City at the Beacon Theater. If you want to get tickets, Kevin Bridges. co.c. com.U.K. and you can

purchase tickets straight from the site and you're really just such a talented guy and I wish you luck on your tour here. Thank you brother. A pleasure to meet you, Greg. Big fan as well. Thank you, man. Love the special. I watched the rest on the plane. I done the first ten. I was like, I'd never seen you

before. It's all downhill after the first ten. I kind of loaded it up front. All right, thank you, my friend. Nice one, mate. Thank you.