Fitzdog Radio - Louis C.K. Reveals the Childhood Rejection He Never Forgot - Greg Fitzsimmons

Episode Date: August 5, 2026

Subscribe to Greg Fitzsimmons: https://bit.ly/subGregFitz Louis C.K. joins Greg for a funny and unexpectedly heartfelt conversation about their early days in Boston comedy, disastrous road gigs, awkward encounters with Lou Reed and the strange intimacy of male friendship. Louis remembers his first childhood rejection, revisits Greg’s missing wedding invitation and reflects on burnout, touring the world and returning to sillier comedy with his Netflix special Ridiculous. Tempo For a limited time, get 60% off your first box at https://tempomeals.com/FITZDOG Rules and restrictions may apply. This show is produced by Gotham Production Studios and part of the Gotham Network. https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/studios/ Follow Greg Fitzsimmons: Facebook: https://facebook.com/FitzdogRadio Instagram: https://instagram.com/gregfitzsimmons Twitter: https://twitter.com/gregfitzshow Official Website: http://gregfitzsimmons.com Tour Dates: https://bit.ly/GregFitzTour Merch: https://bit.ly/GregFitzMerch “Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons” Book: https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82 “Life on Stage” Comedy Special: https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial Listen to Greg Fitzsimmons: Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio Sunday Papers: http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod Childish: http://childishpod.com Watch more Greg Fitzsimmons: Latest Uploads: https://bit.ly/latestGregFitz Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/radioGregFitz Sunday Papers: https://bit.ly/sundayGregFitz Stand Up Comedy: https://bit.ly/comedyGregFitz Popular Videos: https://bit.ly/popGregFitz About Greg Fitzsimmons: Mixing an incisive wit with scathing sarcasm, Greg Fitzsimmons is an accomplished stand-up, an Emmy Award winning writer, and a host on TV, radio and his own podcasts. Greg is host of the popular “FitzDog Radio” podcast (https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio), as well as “Sunday Papers” with co-host Mike Gibbons (http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod) and “Childish” with co-host Alison Rosen (http://childishpod.com). A regular with Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Kimmel, Greg also frequents “The Joe Rogan Experience,” “Lights Out with David Spade,” and has made more than 50 visits to “The Howard Stern Show.” Howard gave Greg his own show on Sirius/XM which lasted more than 10 years. Greg’s one-hour standup special, “Life On Stage,” was named a Top 10 Comedy Release by LA Weekly. The special premiered on Comedy Central and is now available on Amazon Prime, as a DVD, or a download (https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial). Greg’s 2011 book, Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons (https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82), climbed the best-seller charts and garnered outstanding reviews from NPR and Vanity Fair. Greg appeared in the Netflix series “Santa Clarita Diet,” the Emmy-winning FX series “Louie,” spent five years as a panelist on VH1’s “Best Week Ever,” was a reoccurring panelist on “Chelsea Lately,” and starred in two half-hour stand-up specials on Comedy Central. Greg wrote and appeared on the Judd Apatow HBO series “Crashing.” Writing credits include HBO’s “Lucky Louie,” “Cedric the Entertainer Presents,” “Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher,” “The Man Show” and many others. On his mantle beside the four Daytime Emmys he won as a writer and producer on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” sit “The Jury Award for Best Comedian” from The HBO Comedy Arts Festival and a Cable Ace Award for hosting the MTV game show "Idiot Savants." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, welcome to Fitzdog Radio. This is a podcast that I've been hoping to do for a very long time. I've had Louis on the show only once before, and he is hands down to me the greatest comedian in the last 20 years. He is, and not just his stand up, but his TV shows, his movies. I've been lucky enough to write on his. one of his TV shows, Lucky Louie on HBO. And he brought me in on my first writing job. We wrote on Cedric the Entertainer Presents.

I was on the road for the first year of my son's life. My wife was pulling her hair out. I was on the road. And I called Louis. I said, dude, you got to help me get a writing job. Because he's been writing for TV for a while. Calls me back. Two hours later, he got me.

an interview with Cedric to come in and write monologues for him. So I had the weekend. I wrote a bunch of monologue ideas. I pitched them to him. I got hired that day. And I was then off the road for a year or two. He's done a tremendous amount for me in my life. He's been very generous. When I moved from, we started in Boston together and, you know, playing softball a few days a week, all summer. going on the road doing gigs together. And then when I moved to New York, he got me in at all the clubs. He came out to L.A., lived in our house for a while with his wife. And, you know, we just went to, our kids went to the same schools.

And he's a brother. And I really love the guy. And I'm just so happy he's on the show today. So I'm not going to do a big intro because I think it's going to be one of those podcast where people tune in to see Louie and they go skip to nine minutes to skip me. But don't skip me because I got some dates I got to tell you about. St. Pete's Joke World Festival, August 14th and 15th since, actually, I don't think I'm doing these other dates.

Vancouver coming to the Vista Center for the Arts, September 5th. Then I'm coming to La Jolla, Batavia, Toronto. Go to Fitzdog.com, get some tickets. also want to tell you about, oh my God, tempo meals is such a big part of my life. If you, look, if you want a meal delivery service, send me a meal. Don't send me a freaking bunch of, don't send me a potato and a carrot and a packet of seasoning. Send me a meal. The whole point is I don't have time to cook.

I don't want to prep it. I don't want to measure it. I want to put it. I want to put it in the first. microwave for two minutes, two minutes. I want to have 20 different recipes every week to choose from. Sometimes I want high protein meals. Sometimes I want calorie conscious meals, fiber rich. I don't use GLP1. Some of you do. They do that. And it's fresh. It's chef crafted perfectly proportionate. It's a good portion. I'm not going to lie to you. Don't eat crap. Do it right. I got some

pan-seared Cajun salmon. I'm a salmon snob. I don't want to eat crappy, dried-out salmon. This is restaurant-quality salmon. But all different types of food or vegetarian, whatever it is that you eat, they got you. So get involved for a limited time. Tempo is offering my listeners 60% off your first box. Just go to Tempomeals.com.

slash fits dog. That's tempomeals.com Fitzdog for 60% off of your first box, tempomeals.com Fitzdog rules and restrictions may apply. I don't know what those are, but they will restrict you in some way. I don't know. I don't know how. All right, my guest now needs no introduction. Here is my chat from a couple weeks ago in New York City with a gentleman named Louis C.K. All right. Yeah. There are some long AIDS is better than regular AIDS. Yeah, I mean, I guess Magic has long AIDS.

Yeah. Like long COVID. He's got something else long. I would imagine. What are you going to text somebody, Jerry? I'm going to. Did you're texting? It's not going well.

so far. Yeah. No, turning it off the ringer. I like that. You have the, I just bought a new phone

yesterday. I was begging them for that size. The little one. You can't get it anymore. People are starting to notice it.

Yeah. When I take it out, a lot of people go, what is that little thing? Yeah, I don't like this big thing. I want to do it

with one hand. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they make you go like this. I can't, I don't want to do this anymore.

Yeah. And I can't keep doing the... If this one dies and they don't let me replace it, I don't think I can... I think I'll just tap out. Doesn't it tell have a flip phone still? I don't know. I had one for...

I have one laying around somewhere. I use one for a long time. But... And you forward your calls, but you can't forward your texts. It turned out to be a pain in the ass. Yeah. Also, there's... I mean, I have this term...

My phone turned off, so I can't access the internet. It doesn't feed me news. I can't follow a link. Right. And all of that keeps me very happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's everything in this world.

You have to go on an app. Well, also. So you can't, like, you can't check into a hotel without a phone. You can't do it now. You can't make a reservation online at home on your computer and then, you know. Because they have to send you a verification code. Yes, everything is this code. of verification codes. There's a lot of things and, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But, um, pagers were kind of fun,

because then you always had a pocket full of quarters. Or I got back then it was probably dimes, right? It was dimes, yeah. And then you'd get a page and you'd call the number back. And then, I have a friend who's Lebanese, and he still uses his. And I just, I just texted him the other day, but. And it went to his pager? Do you remember the Jews blew up the Lebanese with their pagers? That's right The most ingenious Spy move ever That was intense

I mean that was like a two Three year long play Yeah and it worked I guess It worked really well Because where do you put your pager You clit it right there I don't know I have a pager You had a pager

I don't know if I had a pager Did you ever see me with one I saw you Yeah I saw you with a pager really big pager had played music it was like a boombox pager I don't remember a pager maybe I did have one yeah so anyway the Lebanese yeah Israel yeah so the last you're pro Israel then you're pro Israel

no right just say it I'm amateur Israel I don't get paid I don't get paid to kill Palestinians it's volunteer work that's very funny does anybody ever said that No. You got to do that on stage. Yeah, I'm going to jot that. I'm people keep taking them pro-Israel. I'm not, I'm amateur Israel. I haven't gotten pro yet.

Yeah, I wouldn't feel right getting paid for it. No. It would feel redundant. It would feel like a cliche getting paid for it. Yeah, I got, look, I got some, you know, some free dinners from Israel, but I didn't get, not paying me. Like one of those guys, the athletes. They gave me some clothes. Yeah, yeah.

But I didn't, I'm still am pro-am Israel. Well, because I want to play for them in the Olympics. Yeah. Can't go pro. What's your name? Fuck. Morgan Murphy. Yeah.

Very funny comic. Great hair. So she has great hair. So she has a joke that's, she goes, people are always, no, what is it? She goes, I'm not anti-abortion, although that is what my needs. The nephews call me. It's a great joke. So this pro-Israel is a similar structure.

I love a joke like that where nobody, it was sitting there. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah. Anyway. So I was just thinking the last time, you've only been on my podcast once before. Wait a minute. When was I ever on your podcast?

The day you and your wife lit up. What? Yep, and you came in and we did the podcast. In Venice? No, I used to do my show on SiriusXM. So it was at the Sirius XM Studios. Really? I have no memory of this.

I didn't know I got divorced. You just thought the government was taking half your money? I just thought somebody, I don't know, I thought she was out. Where did she go? You thought you were on a timeout? Yeah, I thought we were just taking some space. I have no memory of doing your... Afterwards, you go...

So there's no recording of this anywhere then, because it was like on XM... It was on XM. I'd have to get it from serious XM. You don't have to. You and your wife and me and my wife were very close. We live in the same neighborhood. At the time, yeah.

And so you just said, I just really... You know, I wanted to get my head out of it for a second and do the podcast. And we did. And this is the second time we done. So that's something I said to you in confidence that you're now repeating. Why do they say in confidence?

It seems like you don't really, you know, you don't feel good about lying to some, or keeping a secret. What do you mean? I don't know. I was trying to find that. No, in confidence means like I'm taking you into my confidence and telling you something. Well, anyway, you're saying that here we are in a sense. That's what you're setting up the fact that here we are.

I haven't done your podcast. No, but you've done a few lately. done a bus lately yeah well too recently you did we might be drunk yeah and then so cigara no I did cigar yeah I did cigars earlier I was promoting my my book that I wrote yeah and I did one with Rick Glassman Rubin Rick Rubin really yeah yeah it's out there it's pretty cool what was that like did you go out to his crazy place in Malibu yeah yeah yeah I heard that place is really serene. It's one of the best.

I mean, because you just go in, you drive up to this barn, and then you're in this kind of like really sparse music studio looking, but very nothing's there. Yeah. And there's this big couch, like a deep couch that's a window seat. Yeah. With a beautiful view. And then he comes in wearing like hippie clothes and no shoes, no, you know, barefoot.

And he just hangs up. mic on you like a necklace and then he there's no cameras there's no cameras none and then he just sits he just sits down and he looks at me and i'm like i've never been this relaxed in my life and he and he just goes so uh how do you write jokes yeah and then it was just talking about craft and stuff which i really fascinates him wow what an interesting guy was fun and also i drew i had a um pat and i drew a picture of him while we were talking he asked you to do that He said I had to. Can you draw?

Did that make yourself conscious? No, I asked to do it. Oh, you did? Yeah. Okay. Because I was drawing a lot. Did you draw his dirty hippie feet in the picture? No, just his face.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't like seeing guy's feet. You don't? No. Guy in flip-flops. I don't like it. But it draws your attention.

Yes. So it's more than you don't like. like it because it draws your attention. You notice it and you start looking at it and it irks you. Yes. What is it about a guy's feet that you don't like to see him? It seems kind of

like it should be a secret. It should be quiet. Like a women's feet, I think women's feet are beautiful. I don't have a foot fetish but I think women's feet are the same way I think a nice hand or you know, a nice belly or like you know, it's a body part that I

but so I'm I'm drawing to looking at women's feet, but then when I see a guy do it, it's like, no, you don't do it. It's because your dad fucked you with his feet. My dad had the worst feet. He put his entire feet in your ass.

And then he clapped him like hands. And you said, aren't I tight? Aren't I tight, dad? Aren't you proud of me? And he's like, that's not that tight. I clapped my feet. Well, I get it. Yeah. No, they're gross. Yeah.

I'll tell you something similar. If I'm like I used to have a place out on Shelter Island and I had a pool. And it's a big pool. And I guess it's still there. So I don't have to say in the past tense. But it was mine. It's not mine anymore. I don't live there anymore.

But anyway, so I used, I'd be in the pool. And if my sister and her family would come sometimes relatives, I'm at the end of this really long pool. And her husband, great guy, my brother-in-law, he, takes off his shirt down to his swimming suit. He gets in the pool. I got to get out. I got to get out. There's a man in the pool with no shirt on and we're in the same water.

Really? And for me, that's like we're in a tub and he's scrubbing my back. Like, get the fuck away from me. I'm like, I've got to go. I'll go. Who can fire up the grill. I'll make hot dogs for everybody. Like, what do you think is going to happen? There's not, well, what do you think it's going to happen to somebody's feet? They're going to make you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just don't. So you can't go to a public pool or anything like that. If it's a pool full of people, that's a good question. I mean, I've been in public pools with a bunch of people. Yeah. I mean, not recently. Right.

When is the last time you were in a public pool? I don't go in them. I won't go on a public pool. No. And I won't go on a water slide because not only is it a public pool, people, it's a bidet. You're going ass first into gushing water. And it all feeds into that pool at the bottom. It's a little chunks, forget the piss.

There's little chunks of shit everywhere. Yes. Which, you know, you're always eating shit. You're always eating shit. You know. But I don't know why. So it's the intimacy of the one-on-one. Intimate.

Yeah. Right. Like if somebody, if a guy said to you, like, think of a guy that you're not comfortable with. Yeah. I don't know who that would be. Dick Dardy. Dick Dordy.

Yeah. I'd be very uncomfortable with him. in a pool. Sure. Let's say that, I don't know, I'm trying to think of somebody in the world that it would make you uncomfortable, like Lindsey Graham before he died or... Yeah. And I don't mean to say anything bad about him.

I just wouldn't want to be in a pool with him. But what I'm saying is, think of a guy, and he says to you, he says, he invites you to a pool, and he says, I want you to stand on that end. I'm going to stand on this end. Now, let's both take our shirts off and get in. You would be like, that's okay. That's okay. So for me, already being in a pool and everything,

without that invitation, that's what it feels like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It feels like it didn't happen, but it felt like he was like, I'm taking my shirt off, I'm getting in the pool with you. Yeah. This, you know, his kids are in the pool, my kids. Right. My sister, whoever else, some friend.

I don't know, but there's something about it. I was just like. And your kids have definitely peed in the pool. I don't know what they do in the pool. Yeah, maybe. I used to belong to. to the Chelsea Peers, gymnasium. Have you been to that complex?

Gymnasium. Well, it is. It's a gymnasium. I guess it is. It's got a quarter mile track, circling. I belong. Gymnastics and sand volleyball. I joined like a whole, like you, there's a few.

There's like three or four of them. I joined a you can go. I was, I joined to the limit. Yeah. Like, it's a cliche. I've been once. Yeah. It's been six months.

I've been once. And you still belong? Yes. Oh, and I'll tell you. something that happened because I love steam rooms you know so well can I tell you my story before you like no I want to tell mine

because mine is a steam room story too that's why oh good see the only reason I cut you off is because it you said steam room I'm sorry so I go in and it's a steam room and so I walk in and I'm sitting and I sit down and I look across and there's only one of the guy in the steam room but but it's weird

because there's no it's like you know how the steam kind of settles sure and then you wait for the So it's between And I'm looking over And there's a guy in a towel And no no Not in a towel

There's a guy naked And it's Lou Reed Who used to work out there And so like famously his wife was I think Lori Anderson And she used to swim laps And he'd go sit in the steam room So I'm sitting there

And he looks at me And I look at him And there's just kind of like this nod And then And then I'm waiting for the steam and then he finally just he just gets up and he walks out and as he's walking out he's like a few steps outside the door and then so i run over and i open the door wow to tell him the steam was on hey it's wait well that's what happened and so i literally hey man it just started

what the fuck are you no no no just because it's and all i saw was his saggy ass and i picked and i just And I just left it alone. Did you speak? No, I left him alone. Okay, you just saved it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's beautiful. That's beautiful.

Yeah. Because he already was in there. He probably got a few. Yeah, he probably had two cycles already. Yeah. He was going to push himself for a third. I wish you'd done it. Yeah.

That look, that's the best. And then somebody sees me calling him into the steam room. Yeah. Well, the way you'd feel, you wouldn't need a witness to feel terrible. Yeah. The way that Lou Reed would have looked at you. Excuse me. No, I just wanted to mention that it just started again.

It just started steaming. It just, what? Never mind. But that feeling you would have had, that would have been the best. That's the best part of any person. Is those awkward moments? A horrible feeling, yeah. Yeah.

When you're at your most closest to God, I think. God, that is so true. Yeah. Because you just, you took, you, you went past the barriers of what makes you feel safe in life and you got gushy and stupid. You're stupid. You know what I mean? Because you wanted to, because you were really thinking about him. If it wasn't Lou Reed, you wouldn't go out and save any of the guy from missing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Do you remember the first time you asked the girl out? Because that's, that's really the feeling. I do remember. It was Amanda. It was a man. You asked a man out the first time?

It was a man. Named a girl? It was a man. Duh. A girl named Amanda, I was in fourth grade, and kids were starting ask each other out. Yeah. And she was really nice to me. She was really like...

I have a leaky eye. I don't think I'm, like, crying over here. I started having a leaky eye. I don't notice anything you're doing, so don't worry. A man... Why would you do that if I didn't see it? Would you do that to my back? No, you just said you wouldn't notice.

I've got to quote another comedian Nick Topolo It's okay to tell people's jokes If you name them right Of course I think it's compliment Okay so Nick DePaolo One of the funniest guys ever He did this joke

Where he says It's one of my favorite jokes Because I like the way people's jokes Follow them through life You know So Nick was just a kind of like Tightly wired Fuck the World

Yeah Great but a poet You know Word Smith Yeah, the best And then he got married And then he settled into a long marriage Which he's still in

And so he has one of the best jokes He goes, here's how And I'm ruining the joke by bringing up marriage Because it isn't how it's set up That's what's great about it So I've destroyed this joke a little bit I've taken a little off of it But the joke is he goes

I'm in such bad shape The other day I I pulled a muscle in my neck Giving my wife the finger behind her back You know it's great about that is it's like a double joke because it was just quadruple joke yeah yeah yeah why

is it a double well because there's so many guys that go like you know I'm so old they pull the muscle pulling up the toilet seat the other morning that alone's going to get a laugh well he's saying it's it's just taking his it's so humbling it's taking his ego and pounding on it

like over and over again because the fact that a little move like this pulls a muscle in his neck yeah and that it's because he's given his wife the finger behind her back. He's admitting that he's a fucking, that he's a coward at home. Yeah. And that all he has is that he can do this and it pulled.

I mean, it's just such a beautifully vulnerable moment. And it's such a funny joke. He's so neutered. He does it behind his back and further neutered that he gets a cramp doing it. Can't even handle it with his body. Yes. Right. So Amanda. Amanda.

was this really pretty girl. I thought she was the greatest. And also she was nice. She was happy to see me at school and we would laugh about stuff. And I thought, I think I could ask her out, you know. What was your weight like at this point?

Geez. I don't know. I didn't think about it much back then. So it wasn't like an issue. What the fuck? I just don't know what kind of kid you were. I don't know a lot of kids are insecure about their bodies at that age. You're saying I'm fat now.

No. No. I'm looking at myself. I'm not, I don't know. I'm only slightly bigger than you. You're probably at your peak. Yeah. You were probably close to twice my weight.

What were you, 250 at your peak? At my peak? Yeah. What does that mean at my peak? You're weightiest. You think I reached my peak? yet you think I'm done growing you haven't given up no man I'm still in it yeah I'm still in it I weigh right now about 250 yeah you look great so you can carry that kind seriously though

you can carry that kind of way I got big bones you got big bones big bones big hands yeah yeah and your head is fucking enormous it's huge yeah I weigh 250 I get up to 250 five ish and then I start going like dude and I try to get down I should weigh 238 yeah and 255 is the most you've ever been I I think I've got no I think I got close to 260 yeah at the end of this last tour I started to really put it on but Jesus when you take it off you don't fuck around I can remember you

when we worked on Lucky Lou you had a you had a boxing bag put in yeah and you went at that thing like it had fucking killed your mother. Like, had. So Amanda. Okay, so Amanda, I was a slim,

I don't know what I was. I probably was around your size. I was, I was flabby, I think, at that age. But I wasn't nobody, I don't think people would say look at that fat kid. Right. They'd say, look at that gay kid. You're right. But I was.

That ginger gay kid. Look at that kid. What's wrong with him? I was not at the, I wasn't a cool kid. I wasn't, you know, there were kids that were like, there were kids my age boys who started to wear, like, they were wearing like disco shirts, you know what I mean?

You're like 13 at this point? Well, what's fifth grade? Fifth grade is 10. 11. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. 10 to 11. And it was,

1778. So disco's huge. Yeah. So kids were wearing. And like I remember this kid had, this kid Jason had a kind of, I don't know, what's the, it looks like silk. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it went a big collar and it had pictures of Saturday Night fever on. Oh, wow, right on the nose.

Yeah. And I was like, that's the coolest. I mean, it just blinded me how cool he was. Italian? Yeah, and he had feathered hair. Yeah. Everybody had fed people, the kids our age started to feather their hair. Started using product, movies.

And so there was like a thing of some boys are handsome. Yeah. And the kids were starting to pair up and like kiss and stuff. Yeah. And so I really wanted a girlfriend and I really liked Amanda. And I called her and I got her phone number and I called her and I remember I had a baseball in my left hand. And I called her and I, the way I decided to fray. I want to take you out was, will you go to the pizza place with me? That's not bad.

That was my askout. Was that like the place in town that the kids hung out? Newtonville pizza on Walnut Street. Yeah. Still there. Every time I go back to Boston, I go to Newton and I go to Newtonville pizza, and it's still the slice that still tastes the same. Do you go because you think there'll be 11-year-old girls there?

Because I know there'll be 11-year-old girls there. Show up in Saturday Night Fever shirt. That's right. They go crazy. I buy them pizza and they fuck me. It's the easiest pussy you can get in this world. You play the BGs while you're doing it. Sure, whatever.

In your windowless van. So, yeah, I call Amanda and I said, hi. And I don't know. She was like, oh, hi. I mean, you know, she hadn't given me her phone number, I don't think. I don't remember why I had her phone number, but she was happy to hear from me. There was this moment where she was like, hey, she was really cool.

And so she said, what's going on? How are you? You know? And I said, hey, I was just wondering, would you go to the pizza place with me? And as soon as I said it, I took the baseball and I slammed it into my own head as hard as I could and threw it on the floor. Like as hard. I just want. So weird having that memory.

I can't. I never told anybody that story. Oh, my God. You're the first person I ever told that story to. And the best part is you had a really good relationship up until then. Yeah. You used to make her laugh. Yes, she never spoke to me again.

And not you're slamming a ball in your head. I fucking went, wham! Right into my head. Oh. It's weird because I don't, I can almost. put myself in that moment like you know a memory you can really see yeah and i just hated myself so much what did she say she said uh she said uh oh no no no she was like oh no why are you doing this yeah yeah you're my friend yeah yeah she sounded so mature i remember mm-hmm like she knew this

world and i didn't yeah right right right man that really affected me remembering that It's so funny. Yeah, I just, Wham! And then threw it. And I was in hell that I'd say it. And that was before she answered. Yep.

Yep. Do you think you had a premonition when you asked that it wasn't going well? It wasn't just I heard myself saying it. I mean, boy, for a kid that age to be that capable of self-hates is really wild. Wow. And then she said, well, no. Yeah. Oh.

Yeah. I was like, no. Yeah. I'm sorry. It doesn't. I just, you know, that kind of thing. Yeah. And I don't know if we were really how our friendship developed after that.

That's the thing that's so hard about asking a girl out. Yeah. Is it changes? I mean, it's all about that frenzy. That's the thing I can, and it's been a long time since I've been in this situation because I've been married for 26 years. Yeah. But I can remember that was the hardest part for me is because I really did have good friendships

with women. I still do. Like, some of my best friends are women. Like, literally my closest friends, Mary Fitzgerald, is who you know. We've been tight friends for, you know, 35 years. Sure. And to lose that over trying to take it to another place is so scary. It is. I mean, when I was in junior high school right after that, I kind of learned that you could be friends with girls. Yeah. And if you were willing to be their friend, you could get to know girls

on the highest end of the spectrum of cool, you know what I mean? Right, right, right. Like, because I just didn't have game. I just wasn't a commodity to girls that age. Yeah. When I was that age. And when I was in, we called it junior high school. we didn't have our junior high school went from seventh grade till ninth so you stayed in elementary

including ninth yeah seven through nine that's weird yeah most middle schools are six to eight six to eight six through eight but we were seven through nine yeah but so junior high school was like a whole new ball game you were in you were in school with older girls and you right and it was you left your childhood because all the girls that I knew up till sixth grade I knew since we were like babies, you know, like since second grade or whatever. So, yeah. But this is like a new world and there was all these, I, I went to a junior high school that was in a neighborhood that was all Italian and Irish girls. Yeah.

And so there's these Italian girls in Irish, you know what I mean? And those girls were so, I just was so in habit of being around them. But there are girls that were like cheerleader, like high level, you know, and you could tell you, they, if you were their friend, they, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they. tell you anything. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I used to have long phone calls with some of the coolest girls in school. And I liked, I just liked being their friend. They were fascinating to me. And I feel like a attraction to them, but I just liked having those friendships. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I had plenty of friends that were boys, but that kind of had its pattern. Oh, I would, even at that age, I felt the, the constraints of a male friendship versus a female friendship.

male was so much about sports and busting balls and surface and then you became friends with girls and not that I was talking about my emotions but there was just a level of intimate just subtle things like eye contact and things are just different you know I remember one French I mean I had boy friendships that were that were a little bit more emotional you know yeah um I had a friend his name was Greg and we were friends from like for like uh fifth towards the end of elementary school fifth grade sixth grade but we used to we I remember we had a um progression to our like to our maturity as friends yeah

so like when we were first friends we call each other on the phone say do you want to play that's how you make a date that was making a date with a boy you know what I mean you want to play yeah come you want to come over here and we don't know there and we make a plan and go throw a Nerf football around. And we both loved the Dallas Cowboys for some reason back when that was... Everybody did in those days. Loved the Dallas Cowboys. Would draw helmets and get silver paint and make, you know, whatever.

And then we both liked Super Tramp, the band Super Tramp. Breakfast in America. Yeah. And we started to say, you want to hang out? It changed to that. Yeah. And then... It's actually kind of funny

because Super Tramp's most famous song is about the progression of childhood into becoming cynical. Which song? When I was young, I thought their life was so wonderful. Yep. So, yeah, and I think it got to me.

Anyway, and then we'd go to the Chesson Hill Mall. It was like, you know, you get your parents to drop you off at the mall. Yeah. It kind of felt like a little bit of a grown-up inside of this bubble. Mm-hmm. But anyway, there was one time where

we exchanged Christmas gifts. Like we met somewhere, I'd gotten him a present, he got me a present. And we exchanged Christmas gifts and then we told, we said, I love you to each other.

And you were how old? Like sixth grade. Wow. Yeah. Felt good. Yeah, yeah. And then that friendship fell apart. Some,

they just stopped. Right. But I remember that. I remember that. remember you recently told me you love me. I never said that to you. Yeah, we were at the comedy cellar. And we said goodbye and you started walking away.

Yes. And you walked away and then you walked back. Yes, that's right. And you said, I love you. You give me a big hug. Yeah, it was nice. Yeah, I wanted to be on your podcast. No, I'm at a point in my life where I think about don't not say it.

Right. And I do. Yeah. And also you look like you're dying. Everybody says that. AIDS or cancer? I mean, kind of a hybrid. Just low T-cell count in general.

No, yes, I did. I remember that moment. You were standing near a mailbox. Maybe it was a McDougal and third or something. I don't know. And we'd been hanging out and I was like, oh, I'll see you. Then I stopped and said, no, no, tell them. I felt it.

And then I came back and told you, I think it's important not to gloss over a feeling. Right. And we're in our 50s. Yeah. So it's not like I'm not going to see you again, but I don't love that many people. You know what I mean? No, I was actually thinking before the podcast, and not to get serious, but like you've been very, you've been a good friend to me over the years. Like we started out in Boston.

Yeah. And, you know, there was all just the crazy euphoria, like, Matt, you've been. Malcolm Gladwell writes about outliers. And, you know, that... Who is that? He's a kind of sociologist. He writes these books about... It's kind of philosophical.

But he talks about outliers are times where, like, post-World War II, the greatest generation. And they came to town and there was City University who was giving out scholarships for the GI Bill. Housing was suddenly affordable. You could buy a house. And the incredible achievements that the greatest generation did at that time. And that was a, that was an outlier time. And then, and then you think about, you know, the Impressionist movement. It was, it was a time where they were revolting against the, the state art world, and they were coming up with something new.

And it, so, and I really think about the time we started in Boston as an outlier. I mean, it was a time where, I mean, people don't know, but it was you and Marin and Bill Burr and Patrice O'Neill and David Cross. and Joe Rogan and Dame Cook and Bobby Kelly and Nick DePaolo. Nick DePaolo. And that's not including the guys that had been around that we were learning from. It's funny because we think of like in history about like when you're talking about an outlier era, probably there were guys those impressionists, the guys who got that accreditation. There were probably guys from then who go like it was really the guys right after or it was really the guys right before. Right, right.

Those guys really, they were the ones who rode the crests of the wave. Yes. But the guy, there was guys before them probably. Yes. Because we, it's funny, the list you make covers a lot of errors in Boston comedy. Yeah. Because Bill Burr and even me and Marin is like two different generations. Right, right.

You were kind of right in the middle. Yeah, I was in the middle. I'd been, I started at the, like I think the dingho, which was the famous. Oh, you were part of Dingho? I wasn't. I came like, right. after it had closed. Yeah.

But all those guys, the place was lousy with Dingho guys. Yeah. And there were these legendary Boston guys who were inspiring and intimidating.

But they had, because of how successful Boston comedy was because of those guys, there was all these places to go on stage. It was like, like you could get on stage

every night. And also the distinction is when they started doing it, it wasn't a thing. When we started, there were places called comedy clubs.

That's right, that they set up. Yes. Because they would, they, there was this one Chinese restaurant to Ding Ho. And it had a good room, I think, for, I was never in there. That was the showroom. And it became, somebody started doing, these guys like Barry Crimmons and Sweeney and, you know, Lenny Clark. The guys was, I mean, Ron Lynch had a partner then.

They were called Ron and Bob and Ron, I think. Uh-huh. They were like a big part of it. And anyway, so it got huge. And the Ding Ho was, you know, two, three shows a night. Yeah. Packed. And the way I heard it was one night, everybody came for the show.

And there was a big padlock on the door because Ding Ho, the guy who owned it, would just get, he paid no taxes. He was making a huge amount of money in all cash, all cash. Yeah. And he was just taking it to fucking Suffolk Downs. and betting it all on fucking, I mean, I'm making this up now. I know he was a gambler and he didn't pay his taxes. Right. And so just overnight the place, it was over, like an overnight ending to a huge success.

Wow. It just killed the guy that he was making. He was a Chinese restaurant owner. Do you think he smoked cigarettes like down around this part of his fingers? Probably he had, yeah, a brown and yellow stains and it would move around the way track marks do. And then on this hand. I'm inventing this guy. I never met him, but...

Did the ashes get really long before he flicked them? And they wouldn't flick. Yeah, yeah. It just would fall like a fucking, you know, like a Roman tower at the end of the era. But there's a great film about this by Franz Salamita. Franz Salamita, who was such a funny comic and a great guy, made a great movie. What is it called? When comics...

When stand-up stood out. Stand-up stood out. Right. Anyway, so I started at the... in 1985, and that was all... over, but there was a really healthy open mic scene. That was one great thing about Boston. There wasn't this kind of like bringer thing that people do now. There was audiences liked open mic shows. Like open mic shows were sometimes the most crowded. I always loved real open mics because

in a place like Boston, like if you go to an open mic in New York, you're just seeing this generation of amateur comedians. And they're all trying to get somewhere. Sunday night in the 80s, but at stitches five minutes each George McDonald's he called it comedy hell this really funny comic George McDonald's the first night I did

stand of comedy was saying yeah that was the first stage I ever performed on and at the time you could just write you wrote your name down on a blackboard

at like three in the afternoon yeah and then you're in you're in the show yeah and I wrote my name it's how I got my stage name because I wrote because my name sounds like C-C so I just wrote

CK instead of this fucking Hungarian mess that he couldn't nobody would because I wasn't going to be there to say to somebody you know what I mean? Yeah. So, but anyway, George hosted open mic and a lot of the people on the shows were

tragic. They had no business on a stage. Some of them, you could imagine they lived in a little room with one bulb and they just would walk whatever from fucking Matapan all the way into the ball into it.

to do it five minutes but anyway so that was our you know so I mean I started in 85 I think Nick Nick and you were around the same time I was like 88 yeah you and Nick and Joe Rogan

and I mean Jim Laletta and Bob Marley yes Bob Marley uh Nardisi was at so he's the after he was like the post he was like the second Nick Paul O'clock.

Yeah. But anyway, but those you guys. Tom Cotter and Robbie Parker. All bought, yeah, all those guys without that time. Todd Parker, right? Yeah. Yeah. Robbie Prince.

Was he? Robbie Prince. Yep. That's what I meant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, you guys all came and I had been doing it a few years. I wasn't, I was just a guy doing it. But it was, yeah, Marin came about a year after I did.

Yeah. And David Cross was probably a year. I were mates. Oh, really? Yeah. Were you in that crazy Cambridge, like, four bedroom where comics would swap out? That's what, yeah. Brian Fraser, who was one of my best friends in comedy, he used to call it the loser museum.

It was, I mean, you really had, if you couldn't pay rent anywhere else, you could stay at that one apartment in way, like Cambridge close to MIT. Yeah, right, right, right. I was like on the fifth floor. I was in that apartment a number of times. And that's where cross comedy. would meet and come up with their sketches. That's right. Yeah.

Jonathan Groff would be there. Jonathan Groff was around. I mean, he was around when I started. But the guys I started watching were like even the like the most basic level guys. Like Mike Motto, this guy, Rich Seisler who passed away. Mike McDonald's. Mike McDonald's. Bob Lazarus.

Donovan. I mean, Donovan was already a legend. I think these guys were like a little after. Frank Centarelli. Right. Those are the guys, they were the first wave that came after Boston got big. Yeah. Sue McGuinness?

Yeah, I think she was running out of year. Very few female comics. And very few black comics. The only one when I started was Maria Falzone or she later. Way later. Fuck, I have to remember her name. She died too. Oh.

Yeah. She was my roommate for a minute. Yeah, I can see her face. She ran Mad TV. She was a showrunner on Mad TV. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She was in a couple of skirts, Lauren Nebraska. Yes.

She was great. She was great. Yeah. Kevin Knox was already around Tony V. Yeah. Frank's not a really fan, Fran Salameda. Mm-hmm. Those guys were like the Enzito and Bean.

Yeah. Bob, who was everybody's pal? Bob. Yeah, he was an open mic or forever and ever. Sweet guy. He was one of those guys who just kept showing up. Kept showing up. But all those people were at least, you'd go, I mean, when I started, it was like every

person you saw was like, this guy's amazing. Yeah. Everybody killed. Everybody was really good at me. And everybody was different from each other. Yes, that's true. There wasn't really, I mean, there was a, they started to emerge a Boston sensibility. Yeah.

Like talking about drinking and driving and McDonald's drive-thrus. Yeah. And there was timeouts now when I was a kid. It was a knockout. There was always some version of how it was so much better when you got hit as a kid. Yes. People getting beaten up. Oh, there was also, what's his name?

It was Italian guy. Vinnie Favorito? Vinny Favorito was a kind of smaller version of the guy, Joe. Yonetti? Joe Yonetti. Yeah. God, so many guys. Yeah.

We're all kind of like big stars in Boston. Yeah. And then there were guys like, Jimmy Tingle and Barry Crimmons. The Viper. What was his guy with it? Oh, Kenny

Rodgerson. But the thing is, when you talk about how the open mic nights were good, the format back then was, you know, a guy like Don Gavin would host the open mic.

Would host the open mic night. So the crowd knew they were going to Don Gavin and open mic night. So Don would come out and he would destroy with 20 minutes. Yes.

Also, the regular shows like a Thursday night at Knicks would be every week would be Don Gavin Knight. Yeah. Or Steve Sweeney. The format of the shows in Boston, I mean, when I started working on the road

and in New York and the MC was the shittiest comic. Yeah. I didn't understand. I mean, New York is a little different because emceeing in a club in New York Yeah. Is an art form. Right.

Setting up a show and, you know, those guys are their utility players. They do something very specific. They're phenomenal, most of them. But if you go on the road to a comedy club, usually the MC is the newest comedian. Yeah. But in Boston, it was a drawing headliner. It was a guy with the big name.

He hosted the show. He didn't go on at the end. Well, he would go on at the beginning, middle, and the end. Yes, he would go on first, and no one talked to the crowd in Boston. It's another shock I had when I came to New York. What do you do for living? Why would you ask them that? Don Gavin, huge comics would open a show cold.

If I go, yeah, so. Eh, joke. Yeah. Joke, joke, joke, joke, joke. 20 minutes of, like, killer material. The crowd is fucking dying. Yeah. And then they'd bring on a guest.

Usually that would be a guest spot. Like, you know, when I was coming up after open mics, you try to get guest spots. Uh-huh. So he'd bring you on, yeah, guy, new to the stage, funny kid, 10 minutes. get then Don goes on does another 15 yeah and then he brings on kind of the established Mike McDonald or Frank Centorelli who does like 25 minutes yeah and then Gavin closes with another 40 or whatever the fuck he just stays up there till he doesn't want to be up there no they were like three hour shows yes and the and the comics would all sit at the bar and watch

each other everybody did yeah yeah unless you're getting high in the back doing cold people well you know there was a big story about how at the comedy connection they used to sit at the bar and chop lines. Right. And then, you know, somebody came in and they go, you know, the cops used to sometimes hang out in the back of the club because the clubs were in the theater in the Red Light District. That's right. So there's always a lot of cops and they'd hang out.

And then the manager there, I think it was Oliver Keithley or whatever, he was like, he was like, you guys, you can't do Coke at the bar anymore. You got to go, just go back to the green room. Darn. And they staged a strike. Really? They struck so they could do cocaine at the bar. They did move to the back room eventually.

Yeah. I remember one night, and I was at the time 19 years old. Yeah. And I was at the comedy at the connection. And there was this little back room that was like a subway car, was like two benches facing each other. Yeah. And everybody's sitting there.

And I wasn't on stage. I was just hanging. I was just like I never, I went to comedy clubs every night of my life back. And this guy, Rich Seisler. Remember Rich? Oh, you kidding me? He was really smooth. Yeah, yeah.

He dressed pretty well. Amazing rhythm. Yeah, just really great. I remember his thing about some girl had just won the lottery like $800 million or something. It goes, you know, this woman's name was Lou Anne something. She won $800 million. And, you know, everybody, her friends are going to turn against her. People are going to pretend they love her.

and I just feel terrible because I love this woman. I love her. And then way later in the set, he starts talking about Sumner Redstone, I think. And he said Sumner Redstone is one of the richest men in the world. His wife is, you know, just pilfered him for so much money. And I feel bad for him because I love this man. It's different this time.

It's not like that Luann bitch at her chump change. Anyway, he was just this elegant comic. Yeah. So I'm in the back room and he's in there with all that. Mike McDonald is sitting next to him and they're all passing a joint around and there's Coke. I didn't do drugs. So I was just watching all this and he's drinking like Loenbrow or something.

And he has a cigarette going and he's trying to light another one. You know one of those? Yeah. That drunk. He's got a cigarette here and I'm watching him and he's trying to light a second cigarette. And then he sees this one and he gets confused. But I'm watching him. And he keeps leaning against Mike McDonald.

And Mike's talking to somebody and he just keeps pushing him off. And he's completely, I mean, fucked up. And he's the headliner. Yeah. He's going on last. The room is packed. Every comedian's killing. And I'm like, what's going to happen when you get?

I'm about to watch somebody completely fall apart on stage. So he's about to go on stage and I go to the back to watch. He goes on and he's perfect. Yeah. Not a false moment. in the set, he's perfect on stage. What helped was they never change their act.

No, not a word of it. Yeah. I mean, I went back, I'm not going to say the comic, but I was in Boston about five years ago showing my son colleges. We're on a college tour, and we're in Worcester. And so I just, just on a goof I go, let me see if there's any stand-up comedy in Worcester. Yeah, I always do that, yeah.

So I look it up, and this guy is performing. A guy who, when we were coming up, was one of the greats, like really fucking and sharp, original. And I said, oh, my God, this guy's playing. You're not going to believe. I'm going to blow your mind.

And so we go. And this is 35 years after. Yeah. Word for word. Exactly the same set. And then he was signing his head shots after the show. Head shots. Wow.

Yeah. And my son was like, what was that? I was like, I don't know. Was he getting laughs? somewhat you know i mean the thing is about boston they're pretty generous like they want to laugh which is why it's an outlier place because we came up at a time where like you said we followed this dingho wave so it was just suddenly every chinese restaurant in every town in new england had what they realized was chinese restaurants have banquet rooms that sit empty five nights of the week

yeah yeah and so they go or even like smaller places in Nashua. Oh God. And they just have a room. They only use it for events on the weekends. Yeah. And so they came in and you put up a comedy sign. You buy a microphone and a speaker and you start charging people 15 bucks each to get in.

And it sells out. And so we had rooms seven nights a week. Yes. You could work. You could make a good. And you'd get like $150. You could make it a good living. I never worked a job.

I was already making a living about the time I left college. Really? Yeah. I've never had a job. I had a few jobs before I got, was able to quit for comedy. Yeah. But I remember David Cross and I did a show in Dedham Mass. Yeah.

And it was a bar. And it was just a shitty bar with a dance floor, like a really gross dance floor. And there's a square bar and there's a dance floor. And they just had to stand there. And there was no lighting difference. Uh-huh. And they just, we had a tiny speaker. and I think it was a daytime show.

I feel like it was daylight when we got there. And it was one of those things where you get there and the people at the bar like, what's going on here? And they go, we're doing a comedy show and they're like, we're having a drink. There was no warning. No.

And so I was watching Dave and there was a big steel door leading to the parking lot. Yeah. Right off the stage. Uh-huh. You know, with a big bar to open it. Yeah.

And while Dave's on stage, there's this fucking banging on the steel door. And he tries to keep going, but he can't ignore it. So he's kind of courageous. He opens it. And this huge drunk guy with a beard came in. And Dave's like, hello. And the guy grabbed Dave's head and he licked.

I remember hearing David Cross going, ugh, oh, oh. Well, this guy licked the. side of his face and then went back out the door. And I was just sitting there, wow, what a crazy lady. And you were next. You hadn't gone on yet. Or I might have been on already.

I don't remember which we have. Oh, my God. Two-guys show. And that's the kind of gigs we did. And the trying to do like trying to be something other than just like, you know, I don't know, just trying to get through a set. But that's the thing. Those were the gigs that we really did, like the great.

Boston clubs. Yeah. Once you were good enough to work for money, you never got to work those gigs again until way later. Yeah. You had to go do the Chinese restaurants, Mexican restaurants. But what I learned, and this is one of those things where, like, I'm not a snob about taking gigs.

If I have a week off and there's a casino and fucking, you know, some shitty town of Wisconsin, I'll go, you know, because there's moments where, like, I just did a gig in Reno. and it was a conference for people that killed game and ate it. And so I went up and I'm like, okay. So I go on stage and I mean, I do a couple of jokes about it. There's a buffet line that has elk and rattlesnake meatballs. And I said it's really great to be here at the beginning of the next Ebola virus. And nobody laughs.

I do three jokes like that. And I was like, all right, I'm going to fine. And I had do an hour clean. Yeah. So I'm like, all right, I'm about to fucking bomb. And so, and there's something I like about bombing like that. It's the greatest. And then a woman goes down.

And a guy comes running up to stage. He goes, see if there's a doctor in the house. And there's like 250. No, it's like 400 people here. I go, is there a doctor in the house? And I love being that guy. I get to do that. You know what I mean?

It's like being the guy who gets to wake the president. Yes. And so I'm like, is there a doctor in the house? And so a guy runs over and I go, hey, you know, and I'm literally like, performance and I go, hey, I think we should focus on this right now. And, you know, let's all send good wishes over there. And we'll take a little break. And I'm on the other side of the stage.

And the woman's face down. And I'm fucking so happy. And I'm staying there. I'm going, oh, let's just let this. And the guy comes over and he goes, I think we should stay after like 15. I think we should start up again. She's still face down, like in front of everybody. I go, I go, I'm not going on stage while she's going to get her out of here.

Yeah. And so they keep working on her and half hour goes by. finally she gets up, I guess she was choking on like a rattlesnake meatball, and she goes back to her table and just sits down. And they bring me back up and I start making jokes about the rattlesnake meatballs. But at that point, I wasn't a comedian. I was an entertainer. Right.

And that's the thing we learned on those gigs is that my job is to make you guys laugh for the next hour. Not that I got to sell myself out and be a hack, but there's a part of me that finds the energy that's necessary to connect and make this work. And those are the nights that I get the most proud of. Huh. Yeah, I can really relate to that. Well, when it feels like a living moment,

when you're not just doing your set. Right. It snaps. Things that bring you to the present feel good. When I'm on the road and I'm in a city, I like to go out in the daytime before a show. And if I get even the tiniest piece of something that happened that day on those streets, I try to open with it.

Even if it's weak. Just to say I'm here with you and we're here and this is now, you know. Yeah, right. But yeah, things like that. Look, also, we get to be in touch with people from all over the world. And it's a moment like that you don't forget that. You're not going to remember how one of your jokes did in the club and Columbus, but you'll never forget that story.

I'll forget it. But, you know. But anyway, whatever. Boston, yes. So all those guys. And then there was you guys. And then after you really was Patrice, Dane and Bobby, Bobby, Kelly, and Burr. And I didn't know none of those guys.

I was already here in New York. Okay. Yeah. Hold on. I get some questions. Yeah. It says here you're not gay. Yeah.

You want to expand on that at all? So it says there. Yeah. Right. This is false. Fake news. Is that what they call it? That's right.

I'm gay. I want to bring up something that's always sort of, I think, been a issue with us. Okay. Is when you got married, when you got engaged, you said to me, hey, I'm getting married. We were down at, remember the Luna Lounge on Ludlow Street, New York? I remember Luna Lounge, yeah. And you said so it's going to be July 28th, so, you know, don't make any plans. So I get offered a gig and I turn it down.

And then I see Lower Kitelinger and a couple other people. And they're all talking about the wedding. Yeah. And I didn't get an invite. And then it gets to be like two or three weeks out. And I see you and I go, am I invited to the wedding? Yeah. And you kind of stuttered.

Then I clearly had been on the initial list. And then it got weaned down. Yeah. And I didn't make it onto the final list. And then you go, oh, no, that was a mistake. And then I got an invite like three days later. Uh-huh. But I was like, and I should have gone.

You didn't go? I didn't go. And I felt. You didn't go because of that? Yeah. Boy, we were so young back then. I know. I know.

We were so young. I mean, it was a lot of people. Yeah. It was a good wedding. Yeah. should have gone. I mean, you were invited to my wedding. Yes. But you didn't like the rhythm of the way that you got invited. Exactly. I told you I wanted you there. Yes. Yes. I told you. And then there was a mistake with the mailing list. Yes. Right. Right. Right. Right. Because then you didn't get an invite and you let me

know. Right. So I sent you one. Yes. Yes. That's what happened. Right. Right. And that's, but you found that trajectory offensive. So you didn't come to my wedding. I, I think I'm very... You didn't come to my wedding. Yes. Oh, right. And didn't send a gift. You didn't send a gift.

You didn't come to support me on the day of my wedding. Right, right. You didn't show up for me. Yeah. Because you had to remind me to send you an invite when I had told you I wanted you there. Yeah. That's what happened. I think I have insecurity about being excluded from social things.

Of course you do. Yeah. Of course you do. Do you? Yeah. I can totally relate to having been on your side of that story. Yeah. But I think I would have gone, though.

But you kind of made it up because about three months ago, not even two months ago, you were in town and you invited me to the Netflix, Ted Serendos party. Yeah. And it was one of the most fun days I've had in years. That was really fun. That was great. Yeah, yeah. It was a good time.

I mean, we walked in and... Worst food at any event I ever... It was really awful. The worst food I've ever had ever been. ever had at an event. Yeah. But really fun event. And we walk in and like, you know, you never know who you're going to.

It's funny how you think when you go to something like that. What if I don't know anybody? What if I don't talk to anybody? We were eight steps in and Chris Rock is standing there. Yes, Fred Armisen. Fred Armisen. And we're just off and running. Yep.

Constantly running into old friends. Yeah, yeah. It was fucking great. And then there was the picture. And I felt bad because they had to, if people don't know, the party is Kind of like, I don't know what the number is, but like the top 100 comedians in the world. You know, like Letterman is there. Yeah.

You know, Conan and, was Conan? I don't know if Conan was. I don't remember that Conan was there. Seinfeld was there. Seinfeld was there. Eddie Murphy was there. Eddie Murphy was there. Yep.

So anyway, all these big names. And then they set up, they've got little bleachers set up and they're going to take a photo of everybody. which I guess they do every year. And it's kind of like an iconic photo that goes out. I remember afterwards part of the festival. Just to jump ahead because I'm remembering it, Theo Vaughn came up to me after the picture and he was kind of emotional.

And he said, wow, I just am feeling this. I'm feeling a lot of things because I was just part of something that's never happened before and probably will never happen again. And I said, Theo, they do this every year. and he was like they do I was like yeah it's every year and you weren't in it last year yeah yeah so I

so I walk over and I and I start loitering and somebody's like are you coming I go I'm a plus one you know I don't know that I'm supposed to be in this photo and somebody was like I think was Nick Kroll was like just fucking come on yeah so I'm standing there and I'm feeling like I don't belong in the photo and I'm standing there and then they did this stupid thing where right before they shot the phone

photo, everybody had a ball. And you throw the ball at the camera. And so here it comes out and there's a ball in front of my face. With Tom Seguer's hand, his fist and a ball are completely obscuring my face. Yeah, yeah. And then I go back and Ted, and then we're standing out in this big open area with some bars on the edges of it. And I'm saying they're talking to Seguera.

And then Ted Sarando starts speaking. But nobody knows where he is because it's just. just a flat big party. And everybody's kind of looking around like, where is he? And I'm looking around, where is he? You just hear him with a voice because there's speakers everywhere. Yeah. Yeah.

And then I look up and he's 12 feet from me. Right. And I'm looking at him. Cigura stand next to me and I was like, oh, okay, this is a little awkward. Because you're so close. Because I'm so close to him. And then he's talking to him. And he keeps looking me in the eye, like every 30 seconds, he's looking me in the eye.

And then he's playing with a scratch. He's looking at me in the eye. And then I look to my right. Sigura's gone. I look around. There's no. Nobody within 30 feet of me, I'm alone in front of him. Because everyone kind of love.

Everybody pull back and I'm standing there. Semi-circle you're speaking to and you stayed right in the middle of it. Yeah, you did. Looking at me. Yes, you do. And I'm a plus one. Yes, that's right. And so I slid away and Sagar was wiping tears from his face and laughing so on.

Yeah. Again, that's closer to God. Yes. Closer to God. Yeah, yeah. Those are the moments. All right. So we're going to...

Should have gone to my wedding. It was fun, huh? It was all right. Go ahead. It didn't work out. We divorced. Okay. This is a thing called Fastballs with Fits.

Okay. You ever been arrested. Yeah. For what? Driving without a license. Many times. Many times rested. I remember one time I was opening for you in Cape Cod.

Yeah. And me, you and Sue McGinnis. You were driving. You were the feature. I think she was... Oh, no. You were the headline. She was the feature, and I was the opener. And you said, I'll drive. And so we met you at Nix.

And you had this, like, it was like a 68 Mustang fastback. 67. Yeah, I had a 67 Camaro, then, I think, yeah. You sure wasn't a Mustang? What color was it? White. Oh, yeah, that was a Mustang. Yeah. Okay.

And we get in, I just remember you had a bunch of CDs you just bought from Virgin Records. And you put in David Bowie Heroes. And we're driving. And then Sue goes, you have a license. right? And you were like, no. And she goes, is this car registered? You're like, no. And you're driving about 100 miles an hour going down to Cape Cod.

Yeah. It was completely stupid. I used to drive really fast. I used to fix my cars up and I never had the registration right. I used to like take plates from an old car and put them on a new car without telling the police. And I drive too fast. I get pulled over and get a ticket and never paid any tickets.

Yeah. So then next time you get a car, pull over you get arrested I was arrested like multiple times for that one time I was coming through the Lincoln Tunnel and I didn't have any money I didn't have the cash to get through Blinken Tunnel at the time it was about a dollar 50 and I didn't have a dollar 50 and so and they had a you couldn't get past the and there wasn't a you know I couldn't go to a basket because I'd get stuck yeah so I went to the guy and said hey I don't have the money and I hoped he just let me through yeah and he's like that's okay just fill fill this out so

my license is suspended and the plates are They called it fictional plates because they didn't belong to that car. So they impounded the car. They put me in Weehawk in County Jail. I was in a real jailhouse. For about 48 hours, I couldn't get out of there. Wow. Yeah, it was gnarly.

I used to get arrested all the time. So, yes. That's one of those moments. I used to have a long bit about getting strip searched because I got strip searched once in Liberty, New York. Lift your testicles? Lift your testicles, yeah. Can I use my hands? Yeah.

Tadda Rise testicles Rise testicles That was my closing bit for a long time Who is the worst opener that you ever had On the road Oh my God Uh

Geez I don't know That's a tough one I really love those guys The out of nowhere guys You know? Yeah Who's the worst I ever had There was a guy

And I don't remember his name But we shared a I did a I did an episode of my show based on it a little bit. He was a funny guy. He was an okay guy, but he really liked hanging out and drinking. And at the end of every night he drink, Jack Daniels, he always, we had to stay in a condo together back then.

And I had the headliner room and he had the feature room and we shared the living room. Yeah. We're living there for a week. And so at the end of the shows, I'd just go to my room. They had my own TV. But at one point, he had some fucking weird. guy living in our living room like some transient guy, smelly kind of hippie guy. He's just said, hey, he's going to be staying here.

And I was like, all right. Yeah. I just stayed in my room. And every night he would say, do you want to hang out with us and drink? I'm like, no, I don't really drink. And so one day he confronted me. And he said, why won't you drink with me? Like what kind of an asshole?

Who do you think you are? He fucking laid into me for not being, you know, garbage with him. Yeah. As the way I looked at it at the time. But I reenacted that with Jim Florentine playing the guy. Oh, that's great. But that guy was awful. I don't know.

I love, what I love is openers who all have one great joke. Yeah, right. There was a guy at side splitters, which usually side splitters in Tampa. It's Tampa? Yeah, Tampa. Great club. Great club. And their local guys are always good.

Always good, yeah. And I wish I knew this guy's name because I'm going to tell you one of his jokes. maybe somebody who knows it but he did one great he was a really funny guy I remember he was kind of like a father kind of family guy you know the guys that really looked like

life's already hard without the comedy on top of it you know what I mean but he had this joke about a Yelp review for a campsite it said there's too many flies

and he said that's not really a bad Yelp review for a campsite it would be a bad Yelp review for a campsite it would be a bad Yelp review for a funeral home. That's a great bit. Great bit.

I love a joke like that. I really wish I knew his name. There was a guy he used to work out of the Houston laugh stop, which is where everybody recorded my first album. Everybody's first album was there. Yes. And so this kid became so famous for this joke that people would come and work the club, and they'd be like, are you the guy with the joke about?

and he'd be like, yeah, that's me. Like he never wrote another one. Yeah, yeah. But the joke was, it's the 40th anniversary of Roe v. Wade. And he goes, which means it's a 40-year-old guy right now who knows he's the least wanted guy in the world. His mother tried to kill him, but they wouldn't do it. It's a great joke. I had one Roe v. Wade joke where I explained that it was a court case, Roe v. Wade.

Roe was a woman who wanted an abortion and I guess Wade was the baby but there was a guy in Buffalo I was up there with Kevin Brennan and they had a local opener and he was a substitute teacher that came to do the open you know who opened the shows

and his jokes just didn't end he would go like he'd say you know how they say little girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. right little boys are made of snips and snails and puppy dog tails huh

and me and Kevin would look at each other like it's like he wouldn't comment on it yeah yeah yeah it was like comedy is weird because people talk about how uh it's all violent language like I bombed I killed yeah

so violent come on man just give it a little effort well if you guys are nice you would have just written him punch lines Yeah, but it was fun. If a guy's really awful, you look forward to everything. Right, right. All right, listen, I don't want to keep you.

I could talk to you all day. Are you reading that from that? And I really think you're a good person. No, but I do want to mention, of course, your special ridiculous. Yeah, it's on Netflix. It's so fucking good. I watched it the day it came out, and my kids watched it, and they loved it. You know what I love about it is it's sort of like a palette cleanser from these power

specials where there's a cold open where you, you know, you pull up in a limo and there's lights and there's one of those spotlights that goes around in the sky. And you just walk out and the crowd, no standing ovation when you walk out. You haven't done anything yet. What's the opening standing ovation? Yeah, it's stupid. And then you're dressed like a piece of shit and there's no crazy camera work. And it's just a solid, great, smart. And I've got to see you shoot. it because I opened for you a little bit while you were getting the hour together. And it's just the improvement. I already said to you it was a great hour.

The improvements that were made, it was so obvious that you would tour with this hour for a long time because the little changes and additions and it's really one of your best hours. Yeah. Thank you. That feels really good. Yeah. Loved it. Yeah, I enjoyed, I was really happy with it.

It was back to being a little bit sillier the way I used to be. Yeah. And yeah, I really like that hour. Thank you very much. And it's your first one on Netflix? Second one. The first one was a long time ago. Yeah, right.

Yeah. So do you find a difference in people having seen it more versus on your own site? I mean, I think more people have access to it and more people have watched it. Like my specials on my website, the ones that have done very well for me, the numbers of people that watch it are just a different league. Yeah. It's less people. Right.

Because I'm in kind of a closed circuit system. But I get, they pay me directly. So it does well for me, but Netflix was immediately a lot more people. Yeah. And I don't ever have a sense of like when you're something's out there. Like, I don't know. Sometimes people come up to me on the street and they tell me they like it. Yeah.

But I'm not in, I, I really need to stop touring. And I really got exhausted by the tour. because after the special, I did a shit ton more dates. And then I went around the world. I did almost three months without coming home. And literally went around the world, did India and China and all these places. So when I got back, I was like, I can't withstand up. No, you told me, before you left on the world tour, you were like, I think I'm going to cancel the world.

Yeah, I thought about it. I was like, you can't. I go, you can't. I thought about it. It hurt. But it turned out to be a wonderful experience. Yeah. But what I'm saying.

is I don't know. I get a lot of people text me and email me. One thing I've noticed, I get a lot more emails and texts from my, I saw your special than I have with the ones that were on my website. Right. So I think it's out there a lot more. But I'm not in comedy clubs right now. Like I'm not even hanging out with comedians much.

Yeah. Because I just have had it for a while. I need some time off. Right. Yeah. Well, watch a special. It's on Netflix. And then if you want to see back, he's got nine back specials if you go to Louis Sakeel.com.

And then you've got the full season of Lucky Louie is on there. Yeah, you can buy Lucky Louie. You can buy five seasons of Louis. All five seasons of Louis on my website too, yeah. And then there's actually some old specials that are not part of those nights. You've got like your HBO half hour on there. Yeah, that's on there. My HBO half hour, my first HBO hour, shameless.

Yeah. And then there's a bundle of all of my specials. Yeah. And then keychains? No keychains. No keychains. But I have a novel called Ingram. Oh, right, right.

Amazon. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Thanks, man. I love you, man.

I love you, too. I'm sorry I didn't go to your wedding. That's okay. It wasn't great. No. No. Turns out. No.

Thank you.