Fitzdog Radio - Louis Katz - Episode 1038

Episode Date: January 17, 2024

He’s one of Dave Attell’s favorite comedians and one of mine. He writes jokes I wish I had thought of but wears clothes I wouldn’t be caught dead in. New album "Present Tense" is out now. Follow Louis Katz on IG @LouisKatzComedy 

Okay, welcome to FitzDog Radio. I'm your host, Greg Fitzsimmons. I'm sitting in a bedroom in the house. I just keep moving this podcast around. I'm a homeless podcaster right now. Not really. I've got a studio that, why am I screaming? That I've been recording my guests in, that my buddy Paul Roman has this beautiful green screen studio with a podcast room, but it's about 20 minutes away, and so the intros I just do at home. And depending on who's home and where they are,

I'm in different rooms. And right now I'm in my son's bedroom because he is in Mexico for five months, traveling around, sending us great videos of his adventures, living the life that every kid who's 23 should be living. Just fuck career. Fuck living at home. Just fuck career. Fuck living at home. Just go. He's paying like 12 bucks a night for these hostels. Him and his buddy met a couple of

Mexican twins that are 29. They met him in Guatemala and they followed them to Mexico and it turns out one of their uncles is the, or both of their uncles is the mayor of a pretty good sized town in Mexico. So they spent a couple of weeks there, like going to a mansion and DJ parties till 7am and drinking the best tequila in Mexico. And God knows what else. I'm very proud of them. Very jealous. God, to go back to those days. Why not? Why don't I just do that? Huh? I'm going to shake it up a little bit. 2024.

24, baby. That's how I'm going to act. That's going to be my age. going to be my age. So welcome to the podcast. I'm very excited to come back from Chicago. What a weekend. I had no idea if I would get in because I don't know if you know, but there's like an Arctic thing going on there. And so and it was a snowstorm and sleet and freezing rain and below zero temperatures. So for like Wednesday through Friday, I was like, well, this isn't happening. They're going to have to refund the tickets. And then Saturday morning, went to the airport. No delays, no problems getting to the hotel. The hotel was, I don't know what it is with Chicago hotels.

This one was eight feet from an L stop, a subway stop. Trains were going by nonstop. It was like the Blues Brothers. And the room had no desk. It had a loft bed. It had no closet. It just had like a hook on the... And keep in mind, this was a $350 hotel with taxes.

Because they... No. was a $350 hotel with taxes because they know. Yeah, 350. They have this. They have this. They called it a resort fee of $30. And I go, well, what am I paying this for? And she goes, well, you get discounted restaurants in the neighborhood. I go, yeah.

And she goes, and you can go to the gym. Well, I can always go to the gym. Well, I can always go to the gym at a hotel. Why are you charging me for your own gym? So you got to pay that and then taxes on hotel anyway. So I'm staying in this kind of shitty hotel. Should I say the name? Yeah. It's the Roby, the Roby hotel in Wicker park. Um, so I step out into the cold. I was going to walk to the gig, which was a 15 minute walk, took three steps outside, went inside, called an Uber, got to the show. And it's the Den Theater, which I have incredibly fond memories of playing in the past. Last year I did it. And it was my

son's senior year in college. He came out with his roommates and some friends, and I roasted him for an hour. It was such a fun show. So this year I went, and his old roommate, Rory, is still in town. Not Roby Hotel. Rory the Kid is still in Chicago, and he came out with his mom and his lovely girlfriend, and it was so nice to meet them. And, uh,

I, I just, I feel like that room is, uh, is like, is definitely the place that I will take my next special. Um, it's just magic.

The stage sticks out. It's a circle, circular stage that sticks out into the crowd. And I don't know why they just are so fucking good. Sam Morrell taped a special there. Paul, Paul Verzi is doing one, I think in a couple of weeks.

And, um, Kyle Spencer came out who does all my logos, uh, with his lovely wife who is in the weeds with a three year old and a five year old right now. And he is going back to school with two young kids. I fucking respect the hustle.

And I brought a bunch of koozies from Sunday Papers. Those sold out instantly. Should have bought like 30 more. And what else? It's just fun. Great swag. Look at the sweatshirt they give you the best fucking swag they give me a nice pen and t i think the t yeah i got the i got the den theater

t-shirt on as well you see that yeah baby so thanks to those guys ryan and the crew um what else is going on? Football. I watched some football this weekend. It's the playoffs. It was the wild cards. Some really bad officiating going on. There was a non-call of a hold on the Rams in the fourth quarter, which would have been a touchdown for us.

We lost by one point. If they had to lose to a team, though, I'm glad it's the Detroit Lions because they have never, repeat, never won a Super Bowl. And they haven't even won a playoff game in 60 years. This was their first 30 years or 60 years. Something fucking crazy. And, you know, they've got some fun players.

They've got Goff, who used to be the quarterback for the Rams, and the Rams, of course, were playing with Stafford, who used to be the Lions quarterback, and there's a couple other players that switched from team to team, but it was a great game. Congrats to the Lions for a hard-fought win. I don't like that on Thursday. Then Thursday night they played a game below zero.

They canceled Buffalo's game because it was three feet of snow and a blizzard and winds and below zero temperatures. And then Kansas City went ahead and had their game, hosting, of course, the Miami Dolphins, who are laying out in the sun the day before. And now it's below zero. They got their asses kicked, which we couldn't watch because it was NFL made a deal with Peacock to exclusively show a fucking playoff game on a channel that nobody has. They've been trying to shove Peacock down our throats.

They've been trying to shove Cock down our throats. Peacock down our throats for I don't know how many years. We're not buying it. We don't care. It's NBC. We can get your reruns anywhere. We don't care. And now we missed a great game because the NFL is so fucking greedy

that they make a deal with an off network you gotta be shitting me I mean at least I mean even Thursday Night Football is only on uh what do they put it on um Amazon I believe it's it's a joke. Anyway, uh, there was, so I sold the koozies after the show, which is very funny because people are like, they're like koozies. It's three below zero. You're selling like, why don't I sell some tank tops, sunscreen, uh, barbecue grills, Sunscreen, barbecue grills, some ice cream. But people didn't care. They still bought.

I could sell snow to the Eskimos, as they say. And then what else? Oh, there was a couple of gay guys at the show who looked exactly like each other. It was uncanny. Same mustache, same style clothing, same haircut, even had the same fucking glasses on. And I realized like I've seen a lot of that. I've seen gay guys, they start to look alike. I guess there's a bunch of factors. I mean, obviously the first one is we all try to emulate what we think is good looking, like whether it's working out or a certain kind of hairstyle, whatever, dressing a certain way. And then you see a guy who's like that and you're like, oh, that's my

ideal of a guy. That's the guy I'm trying to be. And theoretically, he's thinking the same thing. So now you're sharing clothes. You're going to the same hair cutter. You're working out together. So you're kind of like the same level of fitness. You're eating the same foods right and uh and also we all start to act like our friends you pick up little mannerisms you pick up phrases and you just become meanwhile lesbians they go the other way they go all right you be the uh masculine one i'll be the feminine one and let's separate although Although I don't think that's fully true. I think there are lesbian women that are similar, but I think there's more of a split with the lesbians. By the way, this is all based on what I've seen in my life. That's it. That's

all a podcast is. It's not facts. Don't write in. I don't want to hear corrections for Sunday papers. They're not. Fitz dog radio is just me in my son's bedroom making shit up. That's all. I'm not trying to change your mind. I'm not trying to upset the status quo. I'm just trying to get a podcast done. I'm trying to please people. But what am I going to do? Me and my wife, meanwhile, look exactly alike. We look like siblings. Like same nose, same chin, same eyes.

And people often say that, that we look like siblings. And as a matter of fact, my wife's mother, if I'm out with my wife and my wife's mother, 95% of the time people assume that it's my mother because she looks way more like me than like Aaron. And our mothers, I probably said this on the podcast, but my mother and my wife's mother went to high school together in the Bronx. My wife's mother went to high school together in the Bronx. And yeah, it's a very thin little DNA package that the Irish are toting around. We also got dates coming up.

The Atlanta Punchline this weekend, the January 18th through the 20th. Love this club. Portland, Oregon. Helium Comedy Club, February 22nd to the 24th. Huntington Beach, The Rec Room, March 1st. La Jolla Comedy Store, March 8th through the 10th. Hollywood, St. Patrick's Day at the Improv on March 16th. We're going to do a special show. Tampa, Sidesplitters, April 4th through the 6th. Go to Fitz dog.com. Get yourself some tickets, get yourself some t-shirts. The grapefruit Simmons t-shirts are still available.

Also, I want to talk about buying tickets for live events has never been easier. Ladies and gentlemen, because now there's a little thing called game time. You've heard us talk about it, but I can't say enough about it. It is a couple of taps on your phone. They show you what's playing in your area. I'm talking theater, sports, comedy, music. It's all there, and you're going to get the best deal.

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No downloading, no transferring, no printing. It's just there. Right now, it's showing me that I can go see a Fallout boy. Why would I want to see Fallout boy? I can see... Anybody good coming? The American Rodeoo is coming that might be kind of fun uh trevor noah uh is playing on uh friday the march 15th itzak perlman at the opera house tonight 55 that's a pretty sweet deal. Maybe I'll do that.

Anyway, Elvis Costello, January 19th. Holy shit, that's four days. The Majestic Theater, $122. I am all over that shit. So have fun with it. The Game Time app gets you out of the house, out doing fun stuff. Take the guesswork out of buying tickets with game time download the game

time app create an account and use code fits dog for 20 off your first purchase terms apply again create an account and redeem code f-i-t-z-d-o-g 20 off download game time today last minute tickets lowest lowest price, guaranteed. Okay. Got a nice piece of mail. Somebody who came to my show in Chicago wrote in. My brother and I are big fans of yours. We celebrated his 51st birthday by going to your show in Chicago.

Crazy weather didn't keep us back. It was a perfect performance by you. The crowd was a little quiet during the opening act, which made me think the laughs might be few and far between, but you immediately brought everyone to life with laughter. On and on, it was very nice. You brought a pin and a koozie after the show, and I thank you for coming out. Mike Laius, Laius. Lios. Must be Greek.

Then John Gardner sent an overheard. He was in the West Village of Manhattan. Yay. Sidewalk around 7 p.m. Woman in her 20s says, I can't believe I hung out with that twink. says, I can't believe I hung out with that twink. So I read that and I go, what's a twink? It sounds gay. It sounds like, you know, which I was right. It's a, it's a genre of homosexual. Like you got the bear, which is the big hairy guy. You got the, uh, I don't know the other ones. I know bear. You got the, I don't know the other ones. I know bear. But anyway, so I looked up twink. It's actually got a Wikipedia page,

which is so, it's got to be so hard for Wikipedia to decide what's what, what should go on their site. But it says twink is a gay slang for a man who is usually in his late teens to 20s, whose traits may include a slim to average physique, a youthful appearance, little or no body hair, flamboyancy, and general physical attractiveness. Possible origin of the term could be from the snack cake Twinkies, commonly regarded as the quintessential junk food.

The food is described as little nutritional value, sweet to the taste, and cream-filled. By comparison, the young men are described as short and blonde and full of cream, with cream being a euphemism for semen. How does this get onto Wikipedia? Do we need the, do we need the metaphor or the symbolism

of cream and semen? We get it. If you don't, you don't want to get it. I think. Anyway, now that I've gone down that rabbit hole, wait to see my Instagram feed change.

There's going to be a lot of fucking hairless young gay guys on my feed now. My twinks. I was a twink at a certain point. I was a straight twink. But I was a twink full of cream. All right, let's get to my guest today he is a good friend known him for many years and he's one of the most underrated comics i mean that's sort of what comes through and it's the sub it's the subtitle of his album which is the the best comedian you've never heard

of the album is called present tense but this is a guy that opens for a tell on the road year round, and he headlines his own shows in between. And he's just a smart writer, edgy, funny, really interesting special. I loved it. I actually gave him notes on the special when he was putting it together. So he's been on Jimmy Fallon, This Is Not Happening, Marin. He's been around the block. I had a great talk with him this week. So here is my conversation with Louis Katz.

Welcome to FitzDog Radio. Louis Schaefer is... Louis Katz. Yes. You said that earlier. That is so funny. I thought it was a joke. I was like, why are you saying that? And then I was like, but he'll get it right for the actual taping.

And yet, no. Nobody knows how funny that is because Louis Schaefer is one of the great, great characters of the West Village in the early aughts. Did you know Louis Schaefer? No, I didn't know what the reference was. Oh, my God. Louis Schaefer was a barker to end all barkers. He used to wear a blazer and a bow tie, and he used to walk around West 3rd Street and McDougal and he would call people into the Boston Comedy Club. Oh, wow.

And he would go on stage and he was like, there's a certain category of comedian that you can call them comics, comics, but people like Andy Kindler and Todd Glass and Brody Stevens and Brian Holtzman. People that are such characters that you go, how is this person not a legend? They are a legend among comedians. Yeah, sure. Like when Brody died, I've never seen an outpouring or a continued vigil for this guy that goes on. And Louis Schaefer was like that. He was really insane, and he used to talk about himself in the third person on stage. Really?

Yeah. He would bark, and then he would host the show. What about... Isn't Al Ubel the famous New York third person guy? I would say Al is in that same category. Who was doing the third person thing first who stood someone well who did it first are they is it am I wrong to compare the two because I've only know a Lou Bell I don't know Schaefer a Lou Bell is a more much more erudite a Lou Bell was an intellectual he okay he was it he was an

existentialist on stage yes yeah it was it was a third person with them with meaning behind it. Yes. Like, who am I and what am I doing here? And what is time? Yeah. And it was just very, very smart, weird stuff. Louis was more of a Catskills comedian.

Oh, just a throwback kind of guy. A little bit. Man, I never... That's before my time. I've never seen him. Don't even know him. I'm surprised. And I've never heard the myth even.

And then there's Louis Schaefer. Not Louis Schaefer. Then there's Louis Ferranda, who booked Carolines for- Yes, yes. Him I ran into. For 40 years or something crazy. Yeah, till it all closed down last year. And then there's Louis C.K.

Yes. That's Louis, not Louis. It's technically, I'm Louis. We're both Louis. They're spelled the same way. We're Louis with an S. Right. Louis and C.K. Right. Louisie, not Louis. Technically, I'm Louie. We're both Louie. They're spelled the same way. We're Louies with an S. Me and CK. Louie Anderson.

Louie Anderson. There was a weekend when it was Louie Anderson, Louie CK, and me performing all in San Francisco at the same time. No shit. It was like a Louie festival. Wow. Yeah, I got Greg Giraldo, Greg Rogel, Greg Gottfeld Yes sure

I feel like it's with well now with me because CK's so famous but you get it I think Greg's a common name so that's why you go with the last name that's why people think of you as Fitzsimmons there's Greg Stone also in New York I don't know if you know him he's very funny Oh and there's a Greg Warren

Yes Greg Warren's very funny. Yeah. So that's why all of you were either both names together or just the last name. Yeah, right. I don't know what I am. I'm just not that Louie. The other Louie is what I end up getting. Well, that's sort of what's at the heart of this special.

As I segue elegantly as a professional host into plugging your special. Thank you. Is you're a homosexual and you're trying to find a way to stand out. If I was a homosexual, I would have already stood out. I would be famous. I know. Have you thought about it? I've thought about, and I think it might be taken a little bit from Hawkins' bit,

but I think fake tits. I think if I got fake tits, I think I would be huge. I think that's the move, really. If you got huge fake tits. They could be- You'd go big. They could be tasteful bees. Yeah.

And I still think they would make me, you know, I think it would, you know, is he, what are you, transition? What is like, you know, that's personal. I don't want to talk about it. And just having just a little bit of cleavage. I think, don't hedge. Don't get a B cup. Get a D cup.

Really make a statement. Because if you get Bs, you might just be one of those guys that just has testosterone issues and the tits are large. Those are major testosterone. I think people undersell the B cup as a decent-sized cup a lot of the time. I'm spoiled. My wife's a double D. I've heard you talk about it often.

I imagine. I mean, I don't imagine them, but I have spoiled. My wife's a double D. I've heard you talk about it often. I imagine. I mean, I don't imagine them, but I have a man. I mean, I imagine. Firm. Firm. Yeah. I highly recommend breastfeeding to every woman who's listening, to the two women that are listening to this podcast. Speaking of which, you are, tell me the status of starting a family. You just got married about six months ago. Yeah, pretty much exactly. In July, I got married. And now, I guess it's time. We're trying to time it with, I'm thinking about going to Edinburgh in August.

So we're trying to time it so I can still do that. And then we can have the kid, as if that's going to lead to anything. And yeah, we're talking about it. She's getting up there, so we have to do it. How old is she? She's going to turn 38 next week. Yeah, it's time. Yeah.

So I'm just fucking scared. I'm really scared. It's just, I think it's like pretty late. It's basically like I'm going to do the whole back half totally different than the whole front half of my life. And it's a scary thing. Yeah, but the great thing is you've gone out and you've traveled. You've chased your career.

You've drank. You're not a big drinker, right? Not anymore, no. But you've partied and you've done it. You've done it. Yes. I've done it to the point that I now find it boring. I don't enjoy that stuff as much. But am I really done done? I don't know. I don't know. And it's not even that stuff. It's more just the stand up stuff that I'm worried about really is like making enough money and being able to keep doing it and keep the high level that I want it to keep it at. There's an old Jewish proverb, and it says that every baby

is born with a loaf of bread in its mouth. And I found that to be true. I had my baby, and all of a sudden, stuff started to happen for me. Really? Because there's a focus. Look, we're fucking lazy. Everybody goes, oh, you work so hard. You do three podcasts and stand up. It's like, no, it really doesn't take much time. I masturbate a tremendous amount. I nap, I stare into space. And once you have a kid, a lot of that shit goes away and you get hyper-focused. You start making hard choices and following through like you never did before, and you're going to see a difference in your career. I hope so. To me, I'm saying, oh, it's a 30-year straight of hardcore procrastination all of a sudden, or 40, all of a sudden now, oh, this is it. Now I'm finally cured of that? It seems unlikely to me. It seems biologically happens when you have this baby that's beautiful and that is so focusing.

And so much of the neurotic me, me, me thoughts, you just don't have time for them. They're just gone. Okay, cool. And suddenly your energy will be going towards that your commitment to your wife is going to get so much more tender and there'll be nothing between you. This baby fills any space between you. Cool. That was missing.

So no, I wish you all the luck with that. And the best sex is we're trying to make a human life here. This isn't just like rubbing our genitals until we both smile. How freaky can you be? Because I was thinking the other day, if we're going to start trying, you don't want a baby born from a doggy-style thumb up the ass. Right. Because that seems wrong to create life from thumb up the ass behind thrust.

Do we have to look in each other's eyes? Or can you be as freaky as we want? I don't know. Yeah, I think if you do it doggy-style, there's a decent chance that kid will crawl early and for too long I used to have a bit that was all about the way you're conceived is the is the personality trait so I said yeah missionary position you're boring doggy so I said you're a paranoid because you're always looking over your shoulder thing about to get fucked and then I was like if you're paranoid because you're always looking over your shoulder thinking you're about to get fucked. And then I was like, if you're a real people person, gang bang.

Yeah, there you go. So you don't even know who the father is. Yeah. Yeah, I could see that. And I can see, you know, you do reverse cowgirl. And the kid, for the first time he rides a horse, his face is backwards. Like, kid, you're going this way. Look at that.

What are you, a stunt? What are you, a stunt rider? And he's put his finger in the horse's ass. Oh, shit, that came through, too. So do you feel, now have you done your first insemination with a purpose yet? No. No, I'm still pulling out. You're still pulling out.

Pulling out? What. No, I'm still pulling out. You're still pulling out. Pulling out? What is this, 1345? What are you talking about? She's been off the pill now for like six months, I think, and I'm just pulling out, pulling out, pulling out. I don't want to, I can't, the timing has to be right. Like I said, I want to go to Edinburgh. Yeah, but don't you get too caught up in it and

not pull out soon enough sometimes? I live a fear-based life in everything I do. And so I'm sure I get caught up, but I'm so freaked out that I know how hard it is because it's that last stroke is the best stroke. It is not the same as every other stroke. It is the final stroke, but I am so scared. And actually, for the first few times, I wasn't like, it wasn't that good. Finally, I'm used to the pull out. Yeah. Like, I've now been accustomed to sex like this.

Yeah. But no, I'm looking forward to not pulling out. You know, yeah. But we haven't done it yet. I know your wife is probably looking forward to not having acne on her face. Will that happen? That's from pulling out having acne on her face. Will that happen? That's from pulling out and coming in her face. It causes acne?

You come in her face? No, it clears up your skin. No. It does. Really? You should try it. In my youth, I could. As a young man, now my belly button looks really good.

The skin is fantastic on my happy trail. That's about it. Do you remember that shooting up to your shoulder as a teenager? Yes. Well, I could shoot over my head. I mean, it was like, yeah. I've got an up-curving one, too, so it's naturally just like going, you know, like if I spilled salt. What is it we're supposed to do?

You throw it over your shoulder. It's like that, basically. Right, right. But I'm still pretty good. I still like, what is it we're supposed to do? You throw it over each other. It's like that, basically. Right, right. But I'm still pretty good. I still like, I don't know. I got something. I got weird. My body's, I got a weird body, you know?

Yeah. You know, the nut is still good, I think. But now is the test. We'll see. How old are you? I'm 44. 44, I think. 44.

I forget. Yeah. But yeah, I think so. Jesus. Yeah, pretty old by now. So let's talk about the wedding. I saw you when you were out here, and a bunch of comics came out. Dave Attell flew out for the wedding.

Yes. Who were the other comics that were, because obviously I was not invited. I'm sorry. I could have, well, it was, I mean, you got to- Was I on any list at any point? I think there's times you would have been. You're kind of bad about responding to my texts sometimes. Yeah, I am. And I feel like that, I don't know if that's just me, I don't know if that's how you are with texts. That's everybody. I've lost so many friends

because of my bad texting. Yeah. So yeah, that was kind of an issue. I think earlier in the, it's weird also when you're going through the invite list as a comedian, because as a regular person, there's someone who lives in another state. You never see them. You're like, I'm not inviting them. Between the engagement and the wedding, there's people that I saw again who I hadn't seen. I'm like, well, I guess I'm inviting them. And there was that night

I brought my wife to see you and I texted you about it. San Francisco? Yeah, I texted you about a guest set and you never got back to me. I think that guest set would have sealed it. Yeah. But, you know, I can't. But I love that you showed up even though I ghosted you.

I just want to see your show. That was really touching. I remember being very touched by that. I enjoy watching. And I'm not just kissing your ass, but you're one of those people, and I've said this to you before, that I can watch over and over again. You said it's because you have ADD and you never remember your set. But it's still, like, it's enjoyable. You're just, like, I can just watch

the multiple nights of a show when I worked with you in the past. Wow, that's really nice. Thank you, man. I appreciate that. And your wife is so charming. She's such a fucking cool chick. Yeah, she's awesome.

That's kind of the first thing you take away is, like, that's a cool person. She's awesome. It's like, I just like hanging out with her. I like hanging out with her all the time. You know, it was like a good day is just us hanging out. Yeah. So it's pretty good.

So who was at the wedding? Who made it? So it was, you know, Shang Wang, Ali Wong, and Bill Hader. Wang and Wong? Yeah. And Bill Hader was there, even though I don't know him. He was, that's her date. But he showed up and he was very nice.

This is when it was very on the hush hush. Yeah, yeah. But now it's out at the Globes and all that stuff. You know, Chris Garcia, Kevin Kamiya, Brent Weinbach, Moshe Kasher, Natasha Leggero, Todd Berry. Todd Berry? Todd Berry, yeah. Really? Yeah, we hang out in New York. Let's dive into that a little bit. Yeah. Because I've known Todd. We started together in New York. And I love Todd.

And he's one of those guys, like, I listen to Sirius XM comedy, and I flip through the four comedy channels. There's certain people, when they come on, Norm MacDonald, Anthony Jeselnik. There's just certain people I'm going to listen every time. And Todd Berry is one of those people. But I also feel like Todd has rejected my friendship. Ultimately, I feel like maybe he doesn't think I'm cool or something, but I haven't made the cut with Todd. Really?

I find a distance. or something, but I haven't made the cut with Todd. Really? I find a distance when... Maybe, look, I also don't reach out that much, but I think I stopped at a certain point. Maybe you stopped trying at some point. I can't speak on that. I do love, man, his stand-up,

especially, you know, The Cellar now has like four rooms. Yeah. And it starts to feel, to me, it feels a little bit like a comedy factory, you know? And especially everyone, and this tends to happen in New York. I feel like a lot of people have the same style. And I watch it and everything's boring.

And then Todd comes up and I'm like, here we go. This is an original voice, an original style. It's so him. But personally, I don't know if he has beef with you or not. He's definitely like a weird dude. But yeah, we get along. We were starting to hang out. I guess he was tight with Motion Natasha. So I would see

him sometimes at concerts. They would be at a festival. I would go see him at the concert. And yeah, we just hang out. I don't know. We don't hang out that much. So he flew all the way out to San Francisco for your wedding? Yeah. LA. He was here. He was here in LA. I thought he was in San Francisco. No, he was here in LA. Him and Natel were actually like... Oh, and Graham Kay is another New York comedian. But I think those are the only New Yorkers who flew out, actually. Like very few other New Yorkers came by, which is fine.

It's understandable. You know, it was a destination wedding for us because we were living in New York. Yeah. And so, but so many, she's from Northern California. My folks are from here. Oh, that's why I thought you got married up there. Yeah, yeah. So it all ended up happening down here in LA. But it was, yeah, so it was a lot of, a lot more

West Coast comics, actually. I hope I'm not forgetting some people. Who was your best man? I didn't do that. But my friend Jason was the officiant and it was awesome. He roasted the shit out of me. He was killing. He crushed. And like, you know, everyone was impressed. Every comedian you know i tell was like everyone was impressed every comedian was impressed i was like you know people always say i've got a funny friend or my friends are even funnier than me like my friends are funnier than my friends are funnier than most people yeah it's fucked me up for comedy because i don't like to do the hang afterwards yeah because

i'm like it's like these guys are funnier and they're not uh uh narcissistically just talking about their career. They actually have things to talk about. Yeah, I got a couple friends like that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a friend, Jeff Ginn, that I think is as funny as any comic I've ever hung out with. So did Attell speak at the-

No, Attell, I wanted him to play the recorder as I walked down the aisle, but he wouldn't do it. He didn't do it? He wouldn't do it. I was just glad he showed up. I was like, I remember him like, he's so nice but not nice. I was like, so you're going to come? I told him I'm getting married. He's like, are you going to come?

He's like, well, I guess I have to. I'm like, thanks, Dave. That's so nice of you. But he was nice. He showed up. But then he's always the guy that shows up early, buys you a nice gift. Yeah, totally. He's the man.

The guy that shows up early, buys you a nice gift. Yeah, totally. He's the man. He is the most polite, genteel, kind, socially generous person I've ever met. He's a mensch. Yeah, he is. I guess you could say it in one word, mensch. He is a mensch, yeah. Right.

So yeah, he was there. I was glad that he came out. And who was, oh, and my dad, my dad killed on his speech. He did. He even forgot it. He said it at dinner. I had him, I said, write that down. He comes up, he's like, he's a little out of it these days.

And we remind him to read the thing. And he says, he goes, this is the biggest crowd you've ever drawn. Boom. Crushes. Two people went nuts. And for six months, that was all he would talk about. I was like, remember when I said that? I'm like, I remember that.

That's good. Yeah, I like that. And he's probably right. Yeah. Yeah, Tal came to my wedding, and I asked him to speak, and he wouldn't get up. But then Mike Gibbons, who you know Mike Gibbons, he does my mother podcast. That's how I know him. Yeah yeah but i don't know him personally so he was my best man and then he got up and annihilated and it even to tell was like wow that was fucking good and i think it's probably

the highlight of mike's life he opened by saying like most of you i didn't like greg when i first met him and everybody laughed because it's true Nobody likes me when they first meet me. Especially, I think I'm different now, but I think I used to be a little cocky. Really? A little cockier than I am now. Yeah. Well, I guess maybe when I first met you, I was like opening. So of course you were cocky.

Is that where you first met? Yeah. Yeah. It was cool because I got to open for, I started and I was dirty. And so the only people I could open for are my favorite comics. So it was like I met you and Stan Hope and Marin and Attell. And those are all the people I opened for my first like five years. And they were all my favorites.

You know, it was awesome. I'm going to tell you guys. Yeah, it was really cool. Did you dislike me when you first met me? No, but I'm saying if you were cocky, like I should hope so. I'm some fucking new comic and you're the headliner. Right, right. So if we were peers, it would havey, like I should hope so. I'm some fucking new comic and you're the headliner. Right, right. It's like, so if we were peers, it would have been, maybe I wouldn't notice.

It's funny because I find I treat all my openers in that way, but I feel like I'm playing a role. Like I bust the opener's balls in the green room. Sure, yes. And then when they introduce me and we shake hands and you have that moment before you get to the microphone yeah I always say thanks faggot even though I've never met them before and it's kind of my little test for them and they either laugh their asses off I've had guys say to me like after the late show Saturday hey did I do something to you that's also that like, no, guy, you're a fucking opener. That's how you get treated.

That's also, I think that's hardcore. That's your East Coast, man. You bring that to the West Coast. People are like, they're freaked out. They're writing you up. Who knows what it is? That's a different, like I had to use that coming, moving, being a West Coast guy and moving to the East Coast, and that kind of ball busting was just not... We didn't really do that. I mean, we fucked with each other, but not that kind of way, I would say.

Right, right. And it's actually... Even in New York, it's kind of dead. There's no longer the table at the cellar where everyone talks shit. Oh, really? Is that gone? I mean, just people kind of sit at their own seat. It's not that classic way of just destroying everyone who walks up and all that kind of stuff. The stuff you'd see from before.

It's even before my time. No, I can remember walking into the cellar and I'd look through the window. I'd walk up the stairs and I'd look across the corner booth. Patrice, Geraldo, Keith Robinson. Awesome. Colin. And you're like, take a big breath. You look at your shirt.

You're like, they're going to come after the stripes. You look at your fucking belt buckle. And you walk in and Patrice starts first. He just puts his head back, leans his head back, squints his eyes and looks at you. I know exactly what you're talking about. And then he goes, look at you, motherfucker. And you just wait. And then you got to fight you gotta fight back yeah and you

and it's it was the best feeling in the world i loved it um yeah bobby kelly a little later he had to fight his way in though bobby wasn't he wasn't a shoe in really when he first came down he had to he had to get beaten into the gang a little bit and now he's the the guy yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean nobody bust balls better than him he's all over the place yeah and And now he's the guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, nobody busts balls better than him. He's all over the place. Yeah, and he's super funny. I love him. He's great.

I heard Keith, didn't Keith just do a special? He did. I heard it was amazing. I'm sure it was. I mean, man, to see him, honestly, it's like, I mean, I'm sure he would have preferred not to have had a stroke. Yeah. However, having the stroke, like, gives, because it draws it draws so much sympathy, and he's still so mean.

You're right. So it's like the whole act is a misdirect. Yeah. Because you're just like sad. You're like, oh. I haven't seen it lately. This is just when I saw him a couple years ago. And then you realize the things he's saying are still horrible.

Yeah. And it's so funny. Yeah. I think he's so funny. You know, I think Chappelle was doing him when he did the hater from the Chappelle show sketch. Oh, really? Remember? He talks like this.

Oh, yeah. Right? Doesn't that sound like he? Yeah. Right? Right. Yeah. To me, it sounds just like him.

That's who I think he's doing. I'd love to ask him that. And he also, like, being from Philly, you just have a chip on your shoulder being in New York, because you know nobody can stand you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah him that. Yeah. And he also, being from Philly, you just have a chip on your shoulder being in New York because you know nobody can stand you. Yeah. Yeah. So did you make love to your wife on your wedding night? I think we were too tired at that time.

Yeah, we didn't that night. So many people say that. Yeah. Yeah. We didn't do the whole thing ourselves. We had help from our folks, but we did a lot of the stuff. There was a lot of details that we were totally involved in. Yeah.

And we had an after party, and we danced the whole night. I was up till late changing the seating chart and writing my vows. It was just, there was a lot to do. Right. But it was a really beautiful, actually, my only regret is just not was a lot to do right but it was a it was a really uh beautiful actually my only regret is just not um we didn't videotape it which i wish we had done i was like i just want to be making love to her at the wedding night i mean we did but that's only streaming and you have to subscribe so it's behind a paywall but um yeah we didn't we didn't

film the wedding and i i think you know the ceremony i just wasn't like um we didn't film the wedding. And I think, you know, the ceremony, I just wasn't like, I didn't think the ceremony was going to be that great. And it was tremendous. My friend crushed. Was it Jewish? There was a chuppah. We broke the glass. My friend's not a, my friend, no, it wasn't. So a few cultural nods to the faith.

Yeah, exactly. And then by chance, actually, it actually, most of the food was Italian. I had a friend of mine who I grew up with. He has a pizza place out in the valley called Gorilla Pies. It's a really good pizza. And he actually does a pizza. You had pizza at your wedding? We had gourmet pizza.

We had really nice pizza. And he does one pie that's like a Reuben pizza. So it was both of our cultures because my wife's Italian and I'm Jewish. So we combined it in that way. You're really judging me for the pizza thing. Well, I just feel like, did they deliver it? Did guys come in with- It's gourmet fancy pizza.

But did they make it there or did they- They made it there. They didn't deliver it in boxes. No. Yes. No. Come on. Come on.

Did you have Coca-Cola bottles at the table and chips? It was a very nice meal. It was very... it was pretty big. So to keep it, like I was like a little bit silly with my, with inviting too many people. And so we had to find an affordable way to do it. So the food would be good. And luckily my friend Ben Osher at Gorilla Pies hooked it up. So traditionally the woman's family, the bride's family pays for the wedding.

Was that the case? No. Her parents threw down, my parents threw down, and we threw down. It took a combined effort. Equal parts? I don't remember, but more or less. But she comes from money is my memory of her. Oh, that would be sweet, man.

I wish. That would be great. Oh, that sucks. Do you come for money my parents are okay but not money money you know

what did your dad do a lawyer oh come on man what is he a shitty lawyer no he's not an oil magnate he should be rich at this point he's a lawyer he was a lawyer

my mom worked for the city and then the county in LA so what kind of a lawyer real estate oh come on man a lot of it's a lot of it's low income property but yes My mom worked for the city and then the county in LA. So what kind of a lawyer? Real estate. Come on, man. A lot of it's low-income property.

But yes, they do well. They're well. Do they own their house? Middle class, upper middle class. They have a house. Where is it? It's in Los Feliz. And they own it outright? I don't know if they got a second mortgage or who knows what.

It's probably worth a lot of money right now. Yes, it is. They bought at the right place at the right time, and they'll be fine forever. Is there a second home anywhere? It's funny. My sister, they own a building with two units in the back. My sister manages it. I call that Jewish welfare.

So she manages the property. Yeah, and lives for free in the back. Yes, yeah, her and her husband. Okay. Yeah, and so, yeah, there's that, too. Any idea about the savings? Do you think he has a substantial savings? I think they do.

I think they're going to be fine, yes. I don't know. I just don't know what's going to happen. I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about you in 30 years. I mean, to me, it's like you never know how much care someone's going to need at the end of their life. It's true. It could drain you. Yes, true. It could drain you.

Yes, exactly. It could get to the point where, yeah. No, I have a friend whose mother is in that kind of care, and he said he spent $180,000 last year. That's crazy. Wow. So, I mean, if you got a million dollars, that's five years. Yeah, it's not that long. It's like, I mean, yeah.

I just have the bit now that I'm working on, and I'm worried because it's a little similar to Stanhope, but I think it's not that long. It's like, I mean, yeah. I just have the bit now that I'm working on and I'm worried because it's a little similar to Stanhope, but I think it's different enough where I'm just like, instead of all we want, we asked our doctors to make us live longer and instead they're just making us die longer. And that's not what we asked for. That's great. I love that. Yeah, I do a longer bit like that. So hope, who knows what it'll be and who knows how long it'll go on for, but I'm not counting

on seeing a dime of that money because they should use it all to take care of themselves. And then it might even come that I have to start pitching in, so we'll see. Is it just you and your sister? Yes. So if they die, will you allow her to continue to live in that back house? They've worked everything out ahead of time. There's trust set up and deals set up and everything's-

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, so there's some things i want to ask you about um you uh israel and palestine oh my god what do you what a nightmare isn't it horrible when you're jewish how everybody wants your opinion now about it i uh i mean once my my opinion not on the record, is I'm fine. I'm glad that they're interested to hear what a Jew thinks. Yeah. I'm just like constantly scared.

I'm so paranoid about it all. Dude, I came down, what was it? It was, I came down to the subway in New York. The doors are open on the train. It says something written on the side of the train. I'm like, I'm sure it says like, I'm sure it says free Palestine, probably fuck the Jews. I'm sure that's what it says. The doors close.

Renaissance. Beyonce. It's an ad for Beyonce. I'm out of my mind. Spray painted? No, it's an ad. They wrapped the train. That's how paranoid I am. That with the doors closed, I couldn't read it. I'm like, I'm sure this is something. Spray painted? No, it's an ad. They wrapped the train. That's how paranoid I am.

That with the doors closed, I couldn't read it. I'm like, I'm sure this is something anti-Semitic. And it wasn't at all. I was just insane about it. So does it affect your wagering? Like, I have Palestine with the points right now. I think that's a bad bet, my friend. No, no, no.

Israel has a deeper bench, for sure. But they have no league. The Palestine, they're in a league. Israel is just like an independent league. It's just us. So what do you think about Cedric the Entertainer? I was going to say, I came here to talk about Cedric. I have things to say.

Well, I love Cedric, and full disclosure, I used to write for him. Oh, yeah. And I truly consider him to be one of the most talented people I've ever worked with in my life. A true entertainer. True. I mean, on the show that I wrote on, he came out, and he would do a three-minute dance routine with the sensation dancers that was fucking crisp. That's awesome. And then he would go into a monologue.

I was the monologue guy, so he and I would work out the monologue all week. He would do a monologue after a dance routine? Yes. How does he? I can't breathe after I dance. It was unbelievable. And the thing is, we would riff all week, and I would take notes, and he didn't want to see anything.

We would just keep riffing. And then while he was in the makeup chair, I'd hand him some bullet points. He'd glance at it. No cue cards. He would go out and fucking nail it. No way. And then he would do sketches where he was playing different characters. The lunch lady.

That's crazy. And I mean, really, I mean, I don't know how this guy was not on SNL, maybe because they didn't have black people, but so anyway, I heard, I saw these videos of Cat Williams saying that Cedric stole a bit and- Have you watched the bits? No. Have you seen them? I've watched the bits. All right. So what's your take on it? I mean, it's an impression of someone driving a car and then Cedric changed the premise and made it something different and there's still

it's a funny impression of someone driving a car it is very similar to Cats but that's what can you steal an impression of someone driving a car I don't think so and so I don't know

that surprised me a little bit. The Steve Harvey hate did not surprise me. People have been trashing him for years. No, I've written on a lot of black shows, and Paul Harvey is unanimously disliked. Oh, yeah. Who's Paul Harvey? I don't know. Probably knows Louis Schaefer.

He is disliked. Yeah. Yeah. So that was the only shock thing to me. But I thought it was just cool how he also said that Mark Curry punched up the bit for him, which I thought that was really cool that he gave him props. Dude, I saw him and I saw Mark Curry, Lunell, and Cat Williams at the Barclays Center when they toured their last.

And everyone was great, but Mark Curry, Lunell, and Cat Williams at the Barclays Center when they toured their last. And everyone was great, but Mark Curry was amazing. Really? Crushed. Yeah. He was so funny, man. He was great. He's one of those guys that people don't talk about, but he's on the road all the time. Yeah. Crushing. I mean, he's the reason I

stayed in the Bay Area to do comedy after I graduated college. No shit. I was visiting my folks in LA. I went to Berkeley. I was on a Southwest flight back to the Bay. And I was like, hey, big fan. I just knew he was a stand-up.

I was like, what? I just knew he was a stand-up. I was like, do you think I should stay in the Bay Area and work on comedy or should I go to LA? He's like, you should stay in the Bay. And I did. And I just did because Mark Curry said so. That's, that's, that's, that's, he changed my life because I was on a flight with him.

He was like flirting with the girl next to him. His mom was picking him up and his, I remember I saw him, he met the girl on the plane, his mom was picking up. He's like, mom, we're giving this lady a ride home. No way. Yes, it was awesome. Ball or move. I fucking love that.

Isn't that cool? And we're sitting in the back, Mom. It's our station. Don't change the station. And now you did a podcast. I'm currently writing a script with a guy named Matt Fulcheron. Oh, hell yeah. And you guys used to do a podcast together. Yes, we did a podcast together for

a year. I love Matt. He's great. Yeah, yeah. Matt was there. Shit, Matt Fulcheron was at the wedding. Oh, so he flew in from New York. Yes, he flew in from New York, too. Yes, I forgot about him. Sorry, Matt.

Yeah. But Matt and I did a travel podcast for a while. What was that? We called it, it was Roadheads, and it was all about travel. We interviewed people sometimes. We talked about our own. We liked doing it, but I just, it was, man, I don't like doing podcasts. So, I mean, I love doing your podcast.

I like doing someone else's podcast. Right, right. I don't really enjoy doing my own as much. I get it. And it was, I'm also a little bit of a perfectionist. And so it ended up, he was like, I'll do everything. And then I, like, realized what his level of everything was. I'm like, this is not the right level of everything.

So I ended up doing some of the editing and the leveling and making sure it was all right. And it just became a little bit too much. He wants to do it again. And we've talked about- Oh, he's moving out here. Yeah. We've talked about potentially doing it again. Yeah.

And we might. But also, the other thing is that, in the meantime, Ari Shaffir, I think, is starting a travel podcast. So I already look enough like him. We can't both have travel podcasts. So that's too much. Although he's grown out to be. I saw him yesterday. He looks homeless.

He looks homeless. Yeah. Oh, I forgot he was at the store yesterday. Yeah. Yeah, he looks like a straight hobo. He looks like a crazy person. Right. Yeah.

So we do have that separating us now. Yeah. Also, he's like a foot taller than me. He kind of blew me off yesterday. I know I saw him two days ago? Or was it yesterday? Was he at the store? He was at the store during the day and I saw him and

I had seen him. He came backstage when I was at the store. I think to come say hi to me in the green room. And I was like, hey, he's like yeah, I'm doing Ryan Sickler's podcast on Monday. I go, well, give me a call. Cause I'm on the West side. Let's get some coffee. And it wasn't an excited. Oh yeah. That sounds great. It was like a, like a nod. And I was like, okay. And so then I see him, I'm doing a podcast during the day at the store the next day. And I was like, Hey, what are you

doing? You want to, uh, grab some lunch after this podcast? And he goes, I'm going to lunch with him. And he pointed to a guy. I didn't know who the guy was. And I go, all right. Well, where are you guys going? And they were vague. And I was like, all right. Well, maybe they're... You think he's talking to Todd Barry? All right. Well, maybe they're- You think he's talking to Todd Barry? The whole East Coast has turned against you.

No, it's- You know, you got to understand, and as someone who visits, he used to live in LA. He's here for a limited amount of time. I'm sure he's got people he has to see. That are more important than me. Well, it's an editor. He's talking to an editor about work stuff. I knew he was doing that at some point out here.

Oh, is the guy kind of good-looking, taller guy? Is it Eric Abrams? Longer hair? Eric, yeah. You maybe didn't recognize him. I didn't recognize him. Oh, so it's your bad. It's totally my bad.

Yeah. My memory is so fucking bad these days. He looks way different with his long hair. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

Yeah, that's probably who it was. Yeah. Such an idiot. Yeah. But, you know, whatever. You know, it's okay. But it's your fault. Yeah.

Fuck. How's the script going with Fulcher on? It's going great. Yeah? He's such a pleasure to work with because we just- Yeah, he really is. You know, we only got to do it in person a few times. When he was in LA, we would do it, but then we've been doing it on-

We have these two-hour Zoom calls where we just- Awesome. Have our laptop. I have my laptop. I'm doing the actual physically typing. And it's just so smooth. It's just a great give and take. Yes.

He's got great ideas, and I think this script is turning out to be very very unique very grounded we really worked on the characters first great good and we really fleshed out all the dimensions of the characters before we got into any story and then the last thing going in is the funny which we're just hitting now which is like that's the easy part but you need structure. You need drama. You need- 100%. You know, act one, two, three. And so, yeah, so that's going really well.

What did you think of Joe Coy's performance at the Golden Globes? Well, I only, so I listened to it the next day. Yeah. I swear to God, the CBS YouTube thing, it's crazy sweetened. It doesn't sound like he's bombing. And everyone says he bombed. I hear laughs. I heard laughs.

I am shocked by this reaction because I didn't watch it live. I watched it on my YouTube TV. So I don't know if there's time to sweeten it. Dude, I'm telling you, it's sweetened. I showed it to my wife who saw it live. I said, was this sweetened? She said, yes, it was sweetened. She was there. She was watching it live. Oh. And wife who saw it live. I said, was this sweetened? She said, yes, it was sweetened. She was there.

She was watching it live. Oh. And then she saw it. Because I talked to somebody who was in the room who said that he completely tanked. But when I listened to it, it sounded like a good set. Listen to how smooth those laughs are. Ha, ha, ha. Really?

Ha, ha, ha. I mean, you know what it sounds like. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, listen. Yeah. Also because they weren't smart enough with it. Because he's saying like, oh, come on.

Why aren't you laughing on jokes that he gets laughs on? Why would you say that if you got laughs? You know what I mean? They should have cut that part out. Interesting. If they want to sweeten it. But also, I thought they were good jokes. I didn't think it was bad.

Especially since he only had 10 days. I mean, Jesus. Are you serious? Come on, dude. First of all, Ali gave him my number. He didn't call me. He should have hired me. I would have pumped out a bunch of great jokes.

That's 100% true. He had my number. You know who to hire. He's like, nobody calls you back. That's just how it is. You got to get used to that. No, but that's the key. I don't care if you have 10 days.

You give me 10 days, I have seven or eight writers that I will call that will give me fucking hand grenades to throw. Totally. I'm saying 10 days is enough to have five days, realize the staff you hired isn't working, hire another one and write a whole nother monologue.

I mean, like, that's plenty of time. I mean, when I was writing on award shows, I would hand in 30 to 40 jokes a day. You got seven like, that's plenty of time. I mean, when I was writing on award shows, I would hand in 30 to 40 jokes a day. You got seven guys, that's 200 jokes a day. Yes. Killers. You just staff it with killers, man. I mean, it's like, there's really no excuse.

And what I keep saying is that, like, it's one thing to bomb. It's a hard, it's a tough gig, right? Everyone has big egos. They don't give a shit about you. They just want to, you know, look pretty. And it's light in the room and it's not a good gig but you can bomb so you're maybe you're gonna bomb but you can bomb doing good jokes right you can or you can bomb doing kind of corny jokes and hacky jokes and he chose the second one you know what i mean like he should have just taken like it's also the golden gloves where you're supposed to go like hard like kind of be meaner

be edgier so like this was a chance. He could have just said whatever. Also, the cool thing about him is that he doesn't need any of this. He's going to still be a millionaire selling out stadiums, probably be the president of the Philippines next year if he wants. But this was a thing that could have leveled him up. There's always another level, and this could have been the thing that did that. And he just went so soft. It was soft is what it was.

It was corny, kind of soft. Yeah, I don't know. I didn't feel strongly one way or the other. I felt like he did a decent job for 10 days, and I feel like the people really, I mean, it's hard to be a comedian these days. People are just waiting to attack. They're waiting to judge. You think so?

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, plus you're going to offense it. Taylor Swift didn't react to his joke. Did the director really need to put a camera on her afterwards? That was fucked up. Yeah, that's fucked up, sure. And her fans are crazy and stuff like that.

And that joke is like a nothing joke. So innocuous. Yeah, it's like nothing. I mean, she went on SNL and made fun of the press coverage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. That's a weird one where I'm like, because I was hearing the blowback before I heard the bit because I only watched the monologue. I'm like, Jesus, what did he say?

And I'm like, that's it? That's what he got in trouble for? It's hard to believe. Right. But I do. And someone else pointed out, though, he also, Mike Lawrence posted a thing where, like, he didn't establish himself. He didn't mock himself in the beginning. Right, right.

His first two minutes should have been like, how did they end up with me? You know, like, it could have been all these other, you know, something to that effect. Right, right. And he didn't do himself in the beginning. His first two minutes should have been like, how did they end up with me? It could have been all these other, something to that effect. And he didn't do any of that. He just said, it was my dream as a kid to host the Golden Globes. Really? Was it?

I think right there, everyone smelled bullshit. It's no one's dream to host the Golden Globes. Get out of here. Whose dream is that? What a sad dream. The only Golden Globes I was dreaming about at that age were Pamela Anderson's. Come on, people. Where's the rim shot guy?

So, yeah, I mean, you think about Gerard Carmichael the year before. I mean, that was awful. Did you see that? I'm just, I have, he's for me I can't I can't get it I can't get start don't get me started I have to be very much yeah I'll just say I find it's like an Emperor's New Clothes thing it's like what is everyone like I don't I don't get it I'll tell you what it is he started young uh-huh and he was kind of amazing when he started like he'd come

to the clubs tight funny prolific style so likable and then he'd stop doing stand-up and he started executive producing tv shows and doing other things which is great that's great but then don't put out a new hour yeah because you haven't been on the road doing it you haven't been in the clubs doing it exactly i watch his specials and i'm like i think he will put out an amazing great special if he could finish one of his specials i think it would be great i watch his special i'm like these are some of the best premises in the business finish the joke right and and and i also man it's a timing thing I can't stand fucking pregnant pauses and stand up yeah drives me nuts Chappelle

especially Chappelle on the last one especially when his joke quality has gone down I'm Chappelle with the last special which I watched already you know I watched it right away I'm a Chappelle fan. It relies on good faith. It drags on for a while, but you know that the payoff's going to be awesome because it's Chappelle. And when the payoff isn't awesome, it's like, damn, you just wasted my time. And I feel tricked by your awesome charisma and showmanship, you know? He even said on the special, he goes, people call me lazy.

How am I lazy? I work all the time. It's like, well, yeah. I mean, it's like even, or like Jesselnik got slower on the last special. Really? He was very slow on the last special. I don't, it doesn't, him and Tig, and they're both very funny, but the, it doesn't build tension to me.

It annoys the shit out of me. It's like, I am not, I don't, I'm not on the edge of my seat waiting to hear what you have to say. Yeah. I don't really care. I just want to be laughing right now, and I don't know why you're making me wait. Right. It is not building tension. Right. It is boring me. I'm trying to think who else is like that.

They drag it out. Well, Todd's a little slow, but I think it's funny. I don't think it's slow like, or Gary Veeder's also like a, monotone dude, but to me, it's perfect. He's in the pocket, man. It's really funny. Really funny. and yeah you know when it really is not something you that that's why people talk about how nobody's funny for ten years because that's how long it takes to learn for most people there's exceptions oh you mean you mean it takes ten years for people to be funny it's to get that kind of understanding of the the creating tension and releasing it and really kind of like finessing a set I could see that I mean I just know when I started it was ten kind of like finessing a set. I can see that.

I mean, I just know when I started it was 10 years. Then like I spurred two years in and everyone's like it's 20 years. Now I'm sure it's 30. I don't know what it is. And also, you know, I dug up, honestly, I dug up some old VHS tapes of me for my first two years at the Punchline. It's pretty funny. I'm not saying the whole set was funny.

You know who's funny right out of the gate? Is that Latino kid on SNL right now. Oh, yeah. He is funny. Marcello? Yeah, he's funny. He's very funny. Rodriguez?

Yeah, yeah. Dude, I saw him. Cuban guy, right? Yeah. Yeah, Cuban and I think his mother's from his... One of his parents is from Cuba and one is from Dominican Republic. But just a natural. He's been doing it for like four years and he's like fucking owns it up there.

Dude, there's a lady, I can't remember her last name, Maddie something in New York. I think she's 23. Crushes. Really? Crushes at the cellar, man. She's super funny.

Super funny, you know? Yeah. And whatever I'm saying that I was when I started, not that, not even close to that. Right, right, right. You know, still nerves. it's like they're laughing because it's like weird that I'm so young and saying these filthy things. I look young. I look younger than 23, you know, even though I was.

Yeah. You know, she's just killing. Yeah. It's incredible. It's incredible. So let's talk about, I was reading your, you don't have a Wikipedia. No, some guy offered to do it for me if I pay him. Maybe I'll do that.

I think you should because when people are going to interview you, it's really helpful to have a Wikipedia page to look at. All right, I'll pay him after the show. I'll pay him after this tape. I'll chip in. Thank you. Just for the next time you come on. But you said your first writing job came from Marc Maron.

What was that? When I moved to New York, because like I said, it's really to my advantage starting in the Bay Area. Thanks, Mark Curry, for convincing me to do that. Because I made all these relationships with people because I would open for them. I would host for them when they came through town, which is literally why I'm sitting here right now to some extent, because that's how I met you. And with Marin, especially... And this is advantage over people in New York. You're doing all these showcase clubs. You never go to Caroline's.

You never go into Gotham to see the people headlining. You don't have these relationships. You only have relationships with New York comics. I know all sorts of comics, because they would all come through the punchline. Anyway, I moved to New York. Marin's writing on the Air America. He has an Air America show with Sam Seder. Yes.

And he wanted to do some sketches. So I wrote a few sketches for him. They went on there. And it was my first writing job. And then they shut down Air America. And I remember him telling me, he's like, yeah, man, I'm just going to start my own radio show from my garage. I'm like, oh, this is the saddest fucking thing I've ever heard. He's going to kill himself. This is horrific. Seven years later, Obama sitting in his garage.

One of many times I've been wrong, probably about podcasts in general. I heard Stern shitting on podcasts yesterday, and I was just like- Still? I was like, dude. Wow. I mean, you can't- There are podcasts that are getting 10 times his listenership at this point. Wow.

Wow. I mean, there's podcasts that are getting millions of listens. I bet Howard's getting about 200,000 or 300,000. Well, he's behind a paywall now. That'll change everything. That changes everything. If he had gone straight to a podcast, he would still be the number one guy on broadcast. You think so? Without a doubt. I understand him being

sensitive about it because that's one thing I think that Marin brought with him was all this radio experience. There's a thing to this. Actually, this has been going way smoother. I've done a lot of podcasts since I've been promoting this special, and a lot of them are good and some of them are bad. It's like, it's a skill.

It's a skill. You have to drive a conversation, and not everyone has it, you know? Well, you have to know in the first 30 seconds to ask if a guy banged his wife on their wedding night. Is he gay? Get that in in the first minute. People want to know. Have your notes. Have your notes.

All right. Well, listen, it's time to get to a thing we call fast balls with fits. Okay. I'm going to ask you questions. Okay. You're going to answer them. Okay. Then you have to answer them.

I have to answer them. Yeah. Okay. What's the gayest thing you've ever done with another man? You know, at summer camp, how at the end you pee on the fire? Yeah. I was like, watch this, guys. I'll jack off on the fire.

And I jacked off on the fire. You didn't. Yeah, I didn't. How old were you? Fifteen or something. You probably shot it right over the fire, knowing you. I'm a powerful man. Did anybody else jerk off?

No, just me. They just stood around and watched you? I turned around. I was like, wait until it got ready, and then I fucking busted on the fire. It was also like, it's not like they were like, I wonder if anyone could jack off on the fire. I'm like, I introduced it. I'm like, watch this, guys. I'm going to jack off on the fire.

And as soon as it lands in the flames, it explodes, and you're like, shit, I got gonorrhea. Or the steam is shaped like a baby. A burning baby just wailing. That's good. Where do you want to travel to that you haven't been to before? Been a lot of places. I would say Australia. You've never been there?

I've never been there. I want to do the, I just want to work there. I've heard the shows are awesome. The shows are unbelievable. Yeah, and I'm friends with Arj Barker, who is supposed to be the biggest deal there. Right. And he can't make it happen for some reason. Does he return your texts?

Yeah. He's better than you. And he's on the other side of the world. But I guess there's something with, he's not tight with the Melbourne Festival, which is the best way to get over there, or something like that. Anyway, I just want to go there just to do the shows and all that kind of stuff. Let's do something right now. Pick up your phone.

Uh-huh. We're both going to text Dave Attell right now and we're going to see who he responds to faster. He just, he called me on the way here. I can't text him now.

He'll be pissed. All right. Let's do Todd Barry. All right, all right. All right. All right. You can't say, call me right away i'm just saying you're tapping a fucking letter over there what am i supposed to say i just wrote what's up man well this is why no one texts you back because that is not that's a weird opener

that's a weird thing to say out of nowhere yeah did you already send it i'm gonna write hey been a while i don't want to do this i feel like i feel i feel bad about this i feel like we're playing with todd's uh emotional all right well you pick somebody then um sh? I don't know Shang. Don't pick your best friends. What about Marin? Oh, that'll be interesting. I might not have his number. I might only email him.

So, you know, I think you know him better. What if he needs to get in touch with you about another writing job? He has not done that. He had a whole show with multiple seasons. No one got in touch with me. I don't think he's trying to get in touch with me. All right, what about Ari? What about Ari Shafir?

He likes this kind of stuff. Yes, I'll do that. Yeah, there you go. That's a good call. All right, Ari Shafir. And stop with all the tapping! Hey, man, what are you up to all right see what happened all right send it stop typing what did you write i said hey are you still in la okay see like it's gonna be like ding

ding see you you see what are you up to you're on so you can hear me? Yeah, I put it, it's all on now. Okay. See, yours is too vague. You text people too vague. You're really bad at texting. I'm bad because I have such, I have friendships with people that I truly love, and then I just don't reach out to them. And then the relationship goes kind of sour.

Yeah. You know, like me and Santino this past year talked all the time. Like we get on the phone every other day and have hour-long conversations. Wow. And I haven't talked to him in four months. I just stop. That's crazy. I just, you know why?

You get burnt out? Do you go through a lot of friends? I have mood issues. I have a hard time not being depressed. Oh, really? I'm depressed all the time. I didn't know that. So I can't stay active on social media because I just shut down.

I just can't conjure up emotions that aren't there. And so when I talk to somebody, I have to ready myself. Like before a podcast, I have to get ready emotionally to be, I mean, look at me. I'm fucking gold right now. I think you're doing it. I'm in the right place. Yeah. Soon as you leave.

Darkness. Darkness descends. No, it's not that bad, but it's bad enough that it keeps me from being able to just lightly pick up the phone and touch base with people. Well, the phone is hard these days also. I think a phone conversation takes a lot of time. Right. In fact, I would say the only person I talk to on the phone regularly is Attell.

Yeah. There we go. Oh, son of a bitch. What did he say? No, just left for Brea. I said, hey, are you still in LA? No, just left for Brea. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Maybe he doesn't like you. If he texts me in the next three minutes, then I know that he just, yours probably got to him sooner. I mean, I don't think so. Something's going on with Ari. We went to a Dallas Cowboys game this year. Cool. We went to a Dallas Cowboys game this year.

Cool. We were both playing Houston-Dallas, and so we met up and went to a game. Nice. That's fun. I think we took mushrooms. I can't remember. Sounds about right. Yeah.

Was this before or after? You taped at the mothership, right? Yeah. How'd it go? It went great. Awesome. Yeah, really good. It's just so hard. You know this because you just edited yours.

Oh, you sent me a copy of yours. Yeah, you helped me out. I gave you some notes. How are my notes? We appreciate it. Yeah, good. Great. Yeah, really good. It's just so hard. You know this because you just edited yours. Oh, you sent me a copy of yours. Yeah, yeah. I gave you some notes. How are my notes? Yeah, good. Great. Yeah. So I'm at that stage now where we just did the first string out,

and now they'll make a cut, and then maybe it'd be nice enough to take a look at it. I would love to. That'd be great. Yeah, I'd love to. But I had a bit that was kind of like a big bit. It was a big chunk that gets an applause break. And then a comic that I respect a lot told me that he sent a friend out to see me this past week.

And his friend came back and said, you guys have the same bit. And so he called me. And not only did he already do it on Late Late Show. He's got t-shirts about the bit. No way. So there was no wiggle room. Oh, man. So I had to drop the bit.

That sucks. It's not like the clothes or anything, is it? No, but it was like a long, it was a chunk that just went in the middle of and it held it all together. Oof. So I'm going to have to make some hard cuts. But it doesn't matter. It's the right thing to do and I feel good about doing the right thing. Do you think it's parallel thinking, or do you think it seeped into your brain when you saw him do it one time?

No, it was definitely parallel thinking. Okay. Because it's not an out-there premise. It's a premise that's just sitting there. Sure. Yeah. You're like, someone must have done this already, but I haven't heard it. Right, right.

And you ask a few people, and you're like, well, okay, but who knows, really. I know. That's it. It tells funny like that. Whenever he has a new bit, I'll get a phone call. Like, hey, does anyone, did you do this? Is this your bit? Does anyone do this bit?

It's also, it's always the most, you've never heard it. I've never even heard these words put together in a sentence before. Yeah. Right. You know, you don't have a bit about a zebra eating pancakes. Like, no, I don't, actually. What is your, why, why? What are your resolutions for 2024?

I'm going to make a person. And I'm going to go to Edinburgh. Good. This is just my plans. They're not really resolutions. Do you have a booking at Edinburgh? I'm just working it out right now. I'm in the midst of it.

I'm trying to find a venue and work it all out. And then you got to do all the promoting yourself. I have a guy, a promoter I'm talking to. It's just I want to, so I'm not on that like we have to put out a special every year. The reason I'm doing it so quickly is it took me, I shot my last special May 2022. And then it took a year and a half for me to release it so in that time I'm working

it's not there yet but it's getting there alright those are good resolutions have you ever saved somebody's life I think I'm saving yours right now saving my career have I ever saved anyone's life I can't think of anything off the top of my head, but I've talked to some people, maybe through some conversations.

I don't know. Did you talk to someone who was suicidal and you helped them out? No, just people are sad and I go, hey, I feel better. That's the weakest life save I've ever heard in my life. You've done so little for the human race in your life. How would you do in prison? Horribly. Really? Fuck yeah. Horribly.

I mean, I guess I would probably, I think I would become really good at sucking dick, I guess, is how I would make it. Just knock your teeth out on the first day. My own teeth out. And just get to business. My only thing, you know, all I could do is I think if I would do, if I knew I was going to jail, I think I would go like a rush, like law degree thing. I would get a law degree real quick. So you'd be an asset to everybody.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. More than an ass, an asset. Yeah, right. Yeah. And hopefully that would do, I don't know if that would do the trick, but I do think like, you know, like I got, if I shave the beard, even with the beard, it's like, you know, people want a Jew lawyer.

Yeah. And I can present as Jew lawyer. You got the glasses. Yeah. Yeah. If you think you want to get out of here. Right. I need some protection, you know?

That's good. Yeah. That's good. I like it. I think that's my strategy. And the sucking dick on the side. Just for fun. Well, the thing about the sucking dick is how many would

you suck, or should I say how often would you suck to avoid being raped in the ass? Well, the other question is how many would you suck and is it a better move to be really good at it or really bad at it? That's true. Right? If you're really good at it or really bad at it? That's true.

Right? If you're really good at it, then people are lining up. You know what I mean? You know? If you're bad at it. You want your nickname to reflect how good you are. Hey, it's lips blowjobs. No.

I want to be toothy cats. I want to be old toothy cats. You what I want to be, old toothy cats. You don't want to go to him. They call him the strainer. Have you ever not finished a set on stage? When I've been booed off? Tell me about it. Once I got booed off. Tell me about it. Once I got booed off, I was doing...

Ally got me a spot at a gay room in New York. And I... So I've been doing the spot. Everyone's just talking. No one's paying attention. And I had this theory that I've since stepped away from where i think if you have a joke about any group you should be fine with saying that joke with them in the room yeah you should be comfortable doing that i since back down on that i don't think that's totally true like um religious jokes is the perfect example especially

for liberals like you have if you have jokes that are um um about religion or or criticizing religion they're not going to work in a church crowd you know what i mean they're going to bomb you know so it's it doesn't always work anyway they're not paying attention i'm like well i want to see what the hell they react to this joke and uh and uh and this will get their attention so i go i was recently in san francisco for the um uh aids I'm sorry, gay pride parade. Oh, no. And they were like, that's not funny. That's not funny.

And I'm like, yes, it is. And they're like, it's not funny. These are people who lost people to this horrible disease. I get off stage. Allie's like, you're crazy. And I'm like, I left my phone on stage. Please grab it for me. And she grabbed it. But I got'm like, I left my phone on stage. Please grab it for me. And she grabbed it.

But I got booed. I got booed off stage. Yeah. So that's definitely, that one I didn't finish. That was my closing joke. That's ballsy, though. You gave it a shot. Yeah.

I still think it's a funny joke. Yeah, it's not bad. It's not bad. Everything has context, man. What is the hackiest bit you've ever done? The hackiest bit? I have jokes that I do that I don't think they're that funny, and the crowd loves them, so I just do them.

I had a one-liner. My first album, I would just go, I would just in the middle of the set, I'd go, never hire a clown named Molesto. And that would work. That's it. Yeah. I don't think it's hacky. I just think it's like, really, this?

Okay, if you like that. I don't know. Do you have a memory of when you first started of something that you look back and cringe? I'm not trying to be an asshole. I'm telling you, I've just watched the tapes when I first started. I'm like, these are good bits. They're still making me laugh. Did you reboot any of them?

No. I guess they're a little hacky. I'm talking about getting a bad hand job. It's been done to death. I'm doing it. I'm saying, she's grabbing my dick like she's playing tug-of-war with the dog. Yeah, that's pretty hacky. I still think it's funny.

I think it's funny, though. I mean, I've heard these. She gave me a hand job like she had just this isn't gonna register with people But she just bought a pack of cigarettes there and old people know that you used to have to pull the handle out That's funny, too. Yeah, I mean it's so it's it's still not a bad joke It's just that I guess that's the hackiest one is this and I just I just reposted on Instagram showing how hack I was I don't care. It still makes me laugh. I'm doing the hack down. I'm pulling it like a dog.

I want you to post the gay joke. See how that goes over. It's on my album. Oh, it is? Yeah. It's on an album. I think it's a good joke. Yeah. It's just kind of mean. It takes context. Alright, so let's talk about the special before

we go because it's called Present Tense. Yes. Why is it called Present Tense? It's about being unsatisfied with my present state in life. So I call it Present Tense. But no one knows that it's actually titled that, because I made the thumbnail. It's on YouTube, and I made the thumbnail say...

The funniest man you've never heard of? The best comedian you've never heard of, as clickbait. Yeah. It's on YouTube. And I made the thumbnail say The funniest man you've never heard of. The best comedian you've never heard of. As clickbait. Yeah. It's working like a charm. Really? Like most people are like, wow, I never heard of you and this is amazing. And then there's even some people that are like, no you're not. And I'm like thank you. Thanks for helping the algorithm. You watched

it. You watched a few minutes. You're commenting which helps the algorithm. I knew it would work with the haters as well as the people that were into it. Well I gotta- Well, I got to say your marketing for the special has been outstanding. Thanks. You did a trailer with a lot of famous comedians. Yeah, yeah.

Kind of roasting you. Yeah. And the beginning of the special includes that, right? Yes, yeah. It was like all, it's, I've put in, you know, I've put in so much work into the marketing, the editing, these little things about it. It's like, the only thing scary about it is like,

I'm not sure what was the thing that's making it work. So it's like I can't recreate the whole thing. Right. I don't know what it is, but I guess it's maybe all those little parts are more than the sum of its parts. But you got almost a million views. Yeah, it's doing really well.

Yeah. Hopefully it'll be a million views maybe in a month. That's great. So I'm pretty excited about that. And the reactions, I mean, there are haters on there, but it's crazy. You think YouTube comments, they're going to be so angry and horrible i'd say 90 are just like gushing they're so they love it so it feels really good to have you reply everybody i reply to every single person except for some of the negative ones i just kind of stopped yeah yeah yeah but i try to

reply to everybody because is that a? Yep. That took a while. I see what he said. Same message. Just left for Bray in San Diego. You know how easy it is to copy-paste what he's... You know what? You know what it is with Ari? He has a flip phone. He can't copy-paste.

Right, right, right. It takes him a long time to text people. So this isn't a good measure. Yeah. Okay. But anyway, yeah, the reaction to the special has been really great, and it's nice to get that validation. I'm so happy for you, man. Thanks, man.

You've worked so hard, and you're so funny, and I'm glad that more people are finding out about you. Thanks, dude. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. So you got some dates coming up. You're going to be uh in sacramento january 18th through the 20th yes then you'll be in irvine january 25th yes wow you are going to be out here for a while and then you go to charlotte with a tell january 26th to the 28th

yes then you go to albany by yourself on february 4th then you're in san diego jesus nice routing on february 16th through 18th. That's with a tell again, yeah. And then Colorado Springs by yourself, February 23rd and 24th. If you want to get some tickets, what's your website? louisatz.com L-O-U-I-S K-A-T-Z, yeah.

Thank you so much for making the time. You've cheered me up. I'm in a good mood now. Good, good. Try to hold on to that. Yeah. I'm going to tap it into the universe, as my old therapist used to say. Thanks for having me. This was a blast. You got it, man. Thanks for coming on. Cool.

God bless. Thanks. you