Fitzdog Radio - Luis J. Gomez: Fighting, Skankfest & Surviving Comedy

Episode Date: May 13, 2026

Subscribe to Greg Fitzsimmons: https://bit.ly/subGregFitz Comedian and Skankfest mastermind Luis J. Gomez joins Greg to talk about Netflix Is A Joke, wild Skankfest stories, comedy industry politics, road life, relationships, getting arrested in New York, boxing, podcasting, and the psychology of success. Plus: Louis explains why he stopped chasing approval, Greg recounts an awkward moment at Ted Sarandos’ Netflix party, and the two dive deep into stand-up, porn, aging, and why comedians are all slightly broken. This show is produced by Gotham Production Studios and part of the Gotham Network. https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/studios/ Follow Greg Fitzsimmons: Facebook: https://facebook.com/FitzdogRadio Instagram: https://instagram.com/gregfitzsimmons Twitter: https://twitter.com/gregfitzshow Official Website: http://gregfitzsimmons.com Tour Dates: https://bit.ly/GregFitzTour Merch: https://bit.ly/GregFitzMerch “Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons” Book: https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82 “Life on Stage” Comedy Special: https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial Listen to Greg Fitzsimmons: Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio Sunday Papers: http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod Childish: http://childishpod.com Watch more Greg Fitzsimmons: Latest Uploads: https://bit.ly/latestGregFitz Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/radioGregFitz Sunday Papers: https://bit.ly/sundayGregFitz Stand Up Comedy: https://bit.ly/comedyGregFitz Popular Videos: https://bit.ly/popGregFitz About Greg Fitzsimmons: Mixing an incisive wit with scathing sarcasm, Greg Fitzsimmons is an accomplished stand-up, an Emmy Award winning writer, and a host on TV, radio and his own podcasts. Greg is host of the popular “FitzDog Radio” podcast (https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio), as well as “Sunday Papers” with co-host Mike Gibbons (http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod) and “Childish” with co-host Alison Rosen (http://childishpod.com). A regular with Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Kimmel, Greg also frequents “The Joe Rogan Experience,” “Lights Out with David Spade,” and has made more than 50 visits to “The Howard Stern Show.” Howard gave Greg his own show on Sirius/XM which lasted more than 10 years. Greg’s one-hour standup special, “Life On Stage,” was named a Top 10 Comedy Release by LA Weekly. The special premiered on Comedy Central and is now available on Amazon Prime, as a DVD, or a download (https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial). Greg’s 2011 book, Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons (https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82), climbed the best-seller charts and garnered outstanding reviews from NPR and Vanity Fair. Greg appeared in the Netflix series “Santa Clarita Diet,” the Emmy-winning FX series “Louie,” spent five years as a panelist on VH1’s “Best Week Ever,” was a reoccurring panelist on “Chelsea Lately,” and starred in two half-hour stand-up specials on Comedy Central. Greg wrote and appeared on the Judd Apatow HBO series “Crashing.” Writing credits include HBO’s “Lucky Louie,” “Cedric the Entertainer Presents,” “Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher,” “The Man Show” and many others. On his mantle beside the four Daytime Emmys he won as a writer and producer on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” sit “The Jury Award for Best Comedian” from The HBO Comedy Arts Festival and a Cable Ace Award for hosting the MTV game show "Idiot Savants." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi, welcome to the show. I'm here at the Green Lab Studios in beautiful Beverlywood, California. It's a place where if you're on your way to something that's happening, you might go through Beverlywood. If you get lost heading for something really cool, you might end up in Beverlywood. But that's why we wanted to keep a low profile. I'm not even to tell you where it is. Anyway, Netflix is a joke is happening this week in Los Angeles. and it's a little bit like, I feel like a caterer at a celebrity wedding. Like, I know what's going on.

It's right in front of me. I am not, I actually did go to something. I did a couple things. I guess I should start with, I did Tuesdays with stories with Mark Norman and Samarelle, and they had me and Bill Burr and Fahimon-War. on the, as guests. And at the improv, so much fun. Just me and Bill Bird, just fucking screaming at each other with thick Boston accents.

And the crowd was loving it. It was very fun. Fahim didn't talk much. And so Mark started shitting on him for not talking. And I have been in that place on a podcast. I've been on live group podcasts where if you don't get something in early that's good, you suddenly just feel like a caterer at a celebrity wedding. And so it happened to me on Kill Tony once.

And I just sat there and they started making jokes about me not talking. And once they do that, now you're really not talking. Now it's like, you know, the varsity football team snap and fucking towels at you in the locker room. And then you get an erection because it turns out you like them. And then you try to wrestle a guy. And they're like, hey, what the fuck? is wrong with you and then they kick you off anyway um so that was fun and then i did what else did i do uh oh i went to the big party ted sarandos who runs netflix had this big party at his house

and to call it a house is a gross understatement it is picture the house that somebody who runs Netflix would have and double it. Huge lawn, like a football field with a tent on it, catered lunch. Not that good. Food was not that good. Now, I was shocked at how mediocre the food was. Sorry, Ted, but I don't care because I wasn't invited. I went as a plus one. I was, I was somebody's date. Louis C.K. went and he asked me to go with him. And so I got my Mustang waxed. I picked him up and we drove into the party. And it was pretty cool until you get there and you see earthquake getting out of a Rolls-Royce the size of a tank. And you're like, oh, look at my pittly little Mustang. So we get there and I mean, it is literally a who's who of the greatest comedians alive

today. Eddie Murphy is standing there next to me, David Letterman, Kevin Hart, John Stewart, Dave Chappelle. I mean, it was nuts. And then on top of that, like, all of my homies were there, you know, like Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer and Tom Papa and Fortune Feimster and Nikki Glazer and I hung out with Chelsea Handler, who I'm good friends with. And it was just like, I thought it was going to be a lot of, like, you know, landmines of people you had to avoid and, like, a lot of industry.

but there wasn't a lot of industry. It was really almost just comedians. A lot of laughter. Chris Rock was going on a tear about Diddy Parties, which was very funny. But anyway, so here's the funny part. So Ted gets up to make a speech, and, you know, I'm standing by this bar,

and I'm talking to Tom Segura, and then you hear Ted Serranos go, thanks for coming today. This is a big day. blah, blah, blah. And I'm looking around. I don't know where he is. I'm looking over in the other side of the lawn.

And then I look up and I realize he's like 12 feet from me on this little podium. And he's talking everybody. And now I'm right there. And there's people. And I look in front of me to the left and there's nobody there. But Tom Sagar is standing next to me. And I just assume there's, you know, a gathering of people directly behind me. So the speech goes on for a lot.

I'm like eight minutes into the speech, and I'm saying to myself, why the fuck does Ted Sarandos keep looking directly at me? Like, do I have some, is there something on my face? Or like, he keeps looking at me during this speech. And so eventually I look to my right, and Sigura's fucking gone.

And then I look behind me, and nobody's behind me. And I realize I'm the only person on the dance floor. There's nobody within 12 feet of me, and I'm standing in front of Desirenda. So I just turn around and I walk away and I and and, uh, Sagarra standing at the bar fucking tears coming down his face laughing at how awkward I looked because they, I was standing.

I didn't know I was crossing my arms. I was uncrossed him. Hand in a pocket trying to look cool in case anybody. Oh my God. What, what an embarrassment. But, um, no goody bag. No fucking gift bag. What are you kidding me?

No gift bag? I mean, I really like, it was one of the things I was thinking going to is like, oh, this is going to be sweet. And then they have a group photo where there's about 100 comedians that are invited. And I'm a plus one. And it's kind of a famous group photo. They do whatever. They've been, this festival is going for like four years. And they do this big group photo every year.

And I'm like, all right, am I in the photo? Because I'm not invited. I'm a plus one. And so then Santino is like, fuck you. you man and he grabs me and he pulls me into the picture and I'm standing up there. I'm standing next to Theo Vaughn, Dane Cook, and Ken Jong. Is that I used to not Ken Jong? It sounds like Kim Jong-il, doesn't it? Anyway, so that and that felt all right. Every second I was standing, there was like, you know, like, it was like bleachers.

And somebody was standing on the bleachers on the other side and the bleachers collapsed. It was only about four feet, but it was an overweight comedian. I'm not going to say who it was. And it was a pretty good laugh. But the crazy thing is it took 15 minutes. And the photographer is directing everybody, find the camera, blah, blah, blah. For 15 minutes, the biggest comedian. in the business are there.

Not one fucking person yells out a joke during that time. Isn't that, and it makes you realize what Netflix is, is it's not the life of the party. It's not the Pied Piper. It's not, it's just a corporation that everybody needs to be on. You know, it's the network. There's like, nobody cares about being on any other network except Netflix at this point. And Ted was up there talking about how many. and Grammys, the Netflix comedians have won this year.

And I'm like, I don't think that you own the comedians. Anyway, I'm not going to get a note because who knows if I'm going to get a special at some point, and this clip's going to come back to haunt me. But what are you going to do? There's always YouTube, baby. All right. Speaking of stand-up, I'm going to be coming you live. Boston, Massachusetts, Laugh, Boston on May 29th and 30th.

That will sell out. Get your tickets now. New Hampshire at the Opera House, June 5th. That will not sell out. So bring friends. Agunquit, Maine, Jonathan's June 6th. We're going to be a little elbow-orraine with that one, too. St. Pete's at the Joke World Comedy Festival, August 14th and 15th.

Then I'm coming to Cincinnati for one night, Columbus, Ohio for one night. Go to fitzdog.com, get some tickets. Come out. Say hi. And now my guest. Oh my God. This guy is a character. If you know Legion of Skanks at all, Skank fast, anything skanky, this guy is related to. He's dirty. He's violent. He's unpredictable. I don't know what's going to happen on the podcast. He's on his way over here. He got up this morning to box, to fight before coming on my podcast. So I'm a little intimidated. What else do you know him from? He was on Jim Gaffigan show. He was in that film Fourth of July with Joe List. And he's here.

He's here today. He'll be here in a minute. So please welcome my conversation with the great Louis J. Gomez. My guest today is Lewis off the often mispronounced Louis J. Gomez. Sometimes people say Luis. They say Louise. They say Louis. Yeah.

Faggot. Pussy. Rapist, racist. Have they called you a rapist? A couple gals. Yeah. I don't believe that. But that just turns me on, honestly.

I always go after crazy bitches, but they're like, people like, don't hook up with her, dude. She accuses people to rape all the time. I was like, yes. Nah, yeah, that'll get me some hits. That'll give me some traction on the internet. No, no, no. I know you're a good man, and I met, I always hesitate to say, I met your girlfriend because you never know if a guy is just on the road with a girl and maybe he's got a girlfriend at home.

We broke up. No, you didn't. Really? We did. Dude, she was smoking hot. Yeah, she was hot. And a dancer, right? Cool chick.

Well, you're thinking of a different girl. So you're thinking of the last girlfriend. You definitely met the last girlfriend in the green room in the mothership. Yes. And then the one before that was a professional dancer. Okay. They were both hot. She was a gymnast.

She was a gymnast. Something interesting. Yes. Gymnist. I remember thinking to myself, Lewis, not only gets a 10, but she's also capable of doing sexual things that I've only seen on 35 millimeter film from the 70s. No, yeah. She was super cool, but, you know, she was young. It was a big age difference.

She was 24. I'm 44. Damn. Yeah, it's huge. You get to throw that on top of the gymnastics. Yeah, yeah. It was too much. She was, you know, she's awesome, great chick, but it's like, I get up like seven in the morning.

I'm, like, trying to, like, get my day going. and she's like eating Doritos waking up at one. Were you living together? No, no, no, but she was visiting a lot. And she was from outside of Philly. She would drive to me. And she was literally, we never fought. Like, we had one fight ever.

So just to add to the fact that she's 24, she's a gymnast, she's smoking hot. She also doesn't live in the same city, which is another. Positive benefit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But I'm looking to like, I'm looking to like settle down. Oh, shut out. I don't want to waste anyone's time.

I don't want, like, you know, I need a, I need a part of it. that I'm going to be able to like fucking grow with. I'm trying to level up in every way. And, you know. Well, that's what's funny about you is you have this reputation as this renegade and this philander and homosexual. No, but like all, like nothing. But, but, but in truth, like, I don't know you that well, but, but this, the energy I

always get from you is that you actually are, are looking for depth in your relationship. Yeah. And yeah. I am. Look, I'm very busy. I always have a lot going on. I don't just podcasts or do stand-up. I run a lot of businesses behind the scenes as well. So, yeah, you know, you know, you know, and I didn't want to waste her time. She was great and, you know, she's got a, you know, a lot of stuff going on for herself. And that's that, you know. Nobody feels sorry for you. Yeah, no, nobody does. I just also, like, I'm not, uh, I'll never be in, like, a toxic relationship again. I'll never be in a thing where I'm, like, arguing with a girl or, like, worrying about, like, I'm just. What's the most public argument you've had with a girl?

Me and Kim, you know Kim Congdon? Yes. Kim's great. You dated her? Yeah, we dated for a few years. Really? And, yeah, she, uh, we would fucking fight. I mean, we had, like, really, like, crazy public.

Like, one time we got out of a UFC event in Brooklyn, and she was drunk. And, uh, I guess, uh, I guess, her. her phone died or my phone died. We couldn't find each other. We finally found each other. We had a massive fight. At the time, she's trying to, like, fistfight me in front. Like, at the time, I was hosting an MMA podcast with Michael Bisping was a UFC champion.

Like, I was known in this world. And I had this Puerto Rican girl trying to, like, box me out. So I ran. I literally ran from her. She's chasing me through the streets of Brooklyn. I find a group of cops. And I was like, guys, please. I was like, help me.

She's going to kill me. And New York cops are such motherfuckers. They started laughing at me and sort of cheering her. and sort of cheering her on as she chased me. It was insane. It was the most insane thing ever. And no less than 25 people have their phones out of that point. Yes, of course.

And she is one of my best friends in the world now. But yeah, we had a super... Did she ever physically hit you? I mean, not really. Kind of. Yeah. I've never dated a girl who hasn't physically hit me, except the past few.

As I've gotten older. Yeah, yeah. But I always do the thing where I'll make them hit me. Like, I'll say the thing I know that's going to really get him angry. And then I put my chin out. because once they hit me now I have that over them I'm like oh you're hitting me this is crazy and then you know you want to be you want to have the upper hand you hit them back real toxicity real you never hit a woman now oh really I sported with a girl today oh shit Nina Carufa who's a funny comic Muslim chick where is the whole Hababhab is that what is called habab Habab Habib Habib or is that the thing on a stick yeah that's delicious you was a hijab you might put you on your head

Yeah, dude, I fucking, dude, I fucking laid one on her. Did you have the picture? Did you really? She posted a picture for her bloody lip. Here, look. No way. I shit you not. Look here.

Did she say you didn't? Yeah. Oh my God. Dude, you lit her up. So you're a lefty? No, no, no, I'm ready. But it's a girl. I'll just switch.

Yeah, I'll fuck her up. She's a girl. Right. Yeah, she's good. Did she go down when you hit her? No, but I really, I didn't really. I gave her a good one. I really gave her a nice one to the liver.

I just, you know, I was giving her a little slaps. That's a fun part about boxing with a girl Well look with what's going on in Iran right now I know Like you got to step up You gotta say something I told her I was like I called my hand

The Israeli hammer And it's fucking laid it in on her Then you gave her one in the straight Of her moves Her moose got a little wet after that one Yeah It's the first time Any oil is flowed through there in a while

Yeah So that's fun Fighting girl I don't typically box girls, but she's an amateur boxer, so she wanted to come and train with us today. Wow. Yeah, yeah. What a life she's had. I should have her on the podcast.

Yeah, she's great. She's awesome. She's super cool. She's funny? Yeah, she's funny. She's a firecracker. Damn. She's an L.A. comic?

No, she's in New York now. Oh, she's out for the festival? Yeah, she's out for the fest. Look at the life she's living. Yeah. Where'd she grew up? I don't know. You saw the headdressing.

I didn't ask any more questions. I just see it. bit down on my mouthpiece, I was like, let's go. I used to have this joke where I said, you know, it's crazy. There's like there's countries in the Middle East where the women can't even vote, which is so fucked up because they're literally dressed as voting boots. That's a great joke. And I did it for a while, and then John Stewart did it.

No, no, he didn't steal it. No, no, I texted me. I go, hey, one of your writers stole my joke. Oh, what do your writer stole it? But do you think they actually stole it? Oh, I know they did. Yeah, pieces of shit. I know, it was word for word.

That's crazy. And then, but that's happened to me over the years. Like the Tonight Show writers, they got sticky fingers. Yeah, yeah. I used to do this whole thing on my podcast, this Liars Poker set up. I mean, I say not that different from Story Wars, but it had a bunch of spins on it, and they did it exactly the way. Really? How Story Wars?

Do you guys do it last night? Yeah, we've done it every night at the festival, or for the past three nights, we have a fourth one tonight's, but killer. Dude, we had Levitz on last night. Lovitz is the funniest person I've ever met in my entire life. He's famous for lying. Dude, he's so fucking funny. He's hilarious. He was just so in the moment, like just doing his thing.

He's like, I don't even know why I'm here. It's so good, dude. He was great. That was my favorite episode we did at the festival. Really? It was really good. Who else was on it? It was kind of a couple, like, not as well-known people.

Ben Avery, who's like a podcaster. He used to be Tim Dillon's producer. He's kind of blowing up now. And then we had Robert. Oh Burst who's a strong man but also like an actor is in a bunch of stuff you know big fucking six foot six just giant beast so yeah we uh so John won no no no oh yeah I don't want to spoil it actually oh right right I don't spot this in come out for a while I did it and uh I won yeah you were great it's my mom

hold I see how to my mom hey mom hey Greg thank you for my gorgeous just roses. A little Mother's Day, two days early. See, that's your best child. Yes. Either that or your child that saved $15 by not having it delivered

on actual Mother's Day. That's right. I'm going to spend that on you next time we go out to dinner. I'm going to get you a brownie Sunday. No, that's not going to that far. Then you'd have to get the flowers on Tuesday. All right, I got to go. I'm doing a podcast, but I love you.

Love you, bye. Bye. Very sweet. She's funny. You hear the Bronx accent? Yeah, yeah. She's, she's, uh, it really comes out when she's drinking. It's hilarious.

Her and her sisters, I mean, it's just like, soda. Everything is soda. Yeah, yeah. What were you from Brooklyn? No, I was born in Jersey. Then I lived in New York for like 20 years. Then I'm back in Jersey now. Yeah.

Jesus. How do you go back to Jersey? Jersey rules. Jersey sucks. I love it, dude. I love it. Really? I got a pool.

Oh, well, that's nice. Yeah, yeah. You got a basement? You got a dog, a basement, a gym. That's the one thing I want is a fucking base because that's all leisure. Yeah, that's it. That's like, that's your fantasy area. I'm taking off the second half of July and all of August six weeks, just chilling by the pool in the backyard, doing nothing.

Right. Nothing. My kid's going to be off of school. We're going to just hang out. We're going on a little vacation. but that'll be that. Yeah, yeah. I love it.

Tell me about the basement. What do you got? I got a little gym set up down there. That's it. You know, leg press, hack squat machine, cable machine, a bunch of dumbbells. What if you get injured down there alone? How are you going to get upstairs? No, I'm fine.

It's fine. I'm an old man. I don't like it. It's not like I'm pumping iron like that. Oh, okay. I live like an old man. Yeah. I'm in the twilight years at this point.

You know, you cross a certain threshold where you're like, oh, yeah, I'm best case scenario halfway to death. You kind of go like, hey, you know what? It's almost like calming. You're like, oh, yeah, you know what? I'm going to die soon. It sounds incredible. I'm not religious.

So, like, the idea of death, I'm like, I get to go to sleep and not wake up. It sounds. Dude, I fantasize about it. Oh, yeah, I had to get a nap yesterday for two hours. It was the best part of my year. Yeah. Give me the opportunity to die. Oh.

Dude, what about a masturbation into a nap in an afternoon? We have nothing to do. Oh, my God, dude. You don't even clean yourself up. Really? The best part of the hotel last. day I just start jizzing on the sheets. What do you mean?

Like you roll over and jizz on it? Yeah, I'll jizz on myself and I'll use the sheets to wipe it up. Really? Yeah. Yeah. And then sleep in those sheets later? Yeah. Why not?

It's my last day. Wow. Yeah. What do you tip the maid generally? $5 a day. $5 a day? Yeah. More if you jizz on the sheets?

No, that's what she gets. She should assume everyone's jizzing on the sheets. It's a good bet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, I, uh... You ever get the couple next door having sex and you got those doors that connect you and you can hear everything? Oh, of course. I press my ear right to the door. I'm telling you right now, I'm like a psycho though. Like, I'm like an old Karen. Like, if you make noise like in the hallway, like my door opens up and I like look at you. Yeah.

Like I found out another trick. Like you, if somebody's making noise like in another room, which happens a decent number, we're in hotels a lot. Yeah. You can just call the room and pretend to be the front desk. You don't have to even call the front desk. You just be like, hey, you know, we're getting a lot of complaints about you guys. Right, right. easiest way. Cut out the middleman. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I was once in a hotel and it was, you ever work

Portland Helium? No. They have a hotel that put you in that's like a semi-circle. So I'm on one end and I look across and I can see in this room across from it. There's a couple and they're having sex. Oh, it's like where there's like windows like around, like in a round. Yeah, yeah, but it's a half circle. Okay. So I can see in the window and this couple is, they're going at it. And I did that. I called the room and they answered and and and I was like I was I was coaching them through it and they actually laughed and then they closed the curtain. That's funny. But voyeurism is one of my real pleasures in life. More when I was younger. You like to watch. You like to be watched. No, just any time I've been able to like I had one apartment in New York. I lived on 16th Street and across the

way was a woman with a big plate glass window. It was craziest thing. She was young and beautiful and she would come home from work every day at about 5.15. She would take a shower and then she'd walk around the apartment naked. And it wasn't like maybe people are looking. She's across from an apartment building. She knows. She knows.

She knew. She wanted it. And I used to watch and I was like I would close the curtains because I didn't want any light in my room. Yeah. And then I put my head. Well, now you're making it a problem. If you just watch, she wants you to watch.

You don't have to, you have to be a creep in it in order to be able to get off. I felt like a cameraman from the 1930s, just like with the curtain around me. Yeah, we would go on rooftops in New York City, and if you just stand up there long enough, eventually you'll see people fucking in a window. Binoculars? No, not even that much. That would make a creepier. Right outside of the old laugh factory in New York, it became.

like the Times Square Art Center was kind of the shittiest, you know, corner 42nd and 8th. Yeah. It's a whole like, you know, the whole row where it used to be like strip clubs. That whole area right by Port Authority is like pretty grimy.

Sex world. Yeah, they tried to like bring it back but it never really became anything. I think it held in there for a long time. Yeah, he had right there, yeah. Yeah. And the bathroom at that comedy club specifically, like if it was upstairs,

there was windows in the stalls. Like literally in the female bathroom. So we would just stand outside of it, smoking cigarettes, just watching girls piss all night between spots. The spots were, we were like, fuck, I got to go to a spot. We have to run in, do 15 minutes, run back out. Like, did I miss anything? And it's just girls.

Amazing. Yeah. Did you then go further down that road online? Did you find, like, did women pissing start to become a thing for you? No. Yeah. I mean, sometimes. Yeah.

But not really. Has anyone ever urinated on you? Just in the shower. Yeah. But if the girl's hot enough, I'm more like if a girl's really into it, if there's some hot chick and she was like, I want to piss in your mouth.

Yeah. I'd be like, okay, let's do it. Really? But I wouldn't be like, there's no part of me that wants a hot check to piss in my mouth. Right. Does that make sense? Well, it does if you don't have any open cuts, you know?

Yes. I mean, imagine catching something to have it to tell the doctor. Can you catch something from piss? Right. No. Are you kidding me? Come on. Of course you can.

What does piss carry? Hep C. Really? No. I think you're just making. making that up. I did. But I guess if one of my producers

could look it up, Daniel's on it. Can you get an STD from piss? Can you get an STD from piss? I wonder. No, I highly doubt it. You know, it's weird is you can fucking get it from your wife. What?

Like, I got chlamydia from my wife. How? Is that weird? I don't know. I mean, we don't cheat on each other. What? It just happens sometimes. It's like,

she told me it's like you know how it was the virgin birth it's like that god gave her chlamydia immaculate chlamydia you can get hep C from piss you can get syphilis yeah yeah but you're going to syphilis for having regular sex too so you know well syphilis is the one you don't want i think that one i don't think you want any of them really no but like gonorrhoera i got gonorrhea when i was in high school and it was one shot one pen of selling shot and the in the uh and it took 24 hours and it was gone one time i got a text message and there's a service right which is a great thing you can do to your friends you essentially say i want to anonymously tell somebody they gave me an scea and then you get a text and it's

like hey this the service you know somebody said you you know they had an scd and you should get tested yeah then i start freaking out now i'm assuming to this day it was r a shiver but naturally yeah but i freaked out so that i didn't even go to the doctor i just went on to like one of these like on you go online and like do like an online thing it's like a website and they just sent me all of the drugs for all the things that I could have had and I just took them all and that was that and nobody ever paid off the joke and asked you about it no no but I just did it to Big J then I was like that it was the best gift ever it would have been worth having chlamydia because now I know that I can do that to my friends that's great yeah yeah it's

brutal yeah if any was watching this podcast do it to your friend And then tell him, but videotape you telling your friend. Or her. Yeah. Or her. I think women get more venereal diseases than men do because their organ is internal. Yeah. And it takes the fluids in.

Yeah. You know. It's nasty. Yeah. Nasty vagina. I love it, but it is a nasty little organ. It's all open. It's like, it's so clinical.

Like, it looks like an alien mouth. Yeah. It looks like an alien mouth that's got bushes around. Like, the bushes. weird because then it goes from scraggly to soft to wet and then it's kind of acidic. What? Well, the urine. Yeah.

You know. Yeah, the vagina is a weird looking. And there's a lot of variation in vagina as well. Yes. Yeah. I've been with girls that are fucking just long lips. Yeah. That's a gross thing.

Ladies, if you have long lips, just so you know, we all think it's disgusting. No matter what, like, I know, like, you know they have like labia plants. do it. We talk about it behind your back. We tell everyone, but it was just like alien fucking tentacles. It's rancid. Right, right.

And then you get, it's like the vagina is almost like, it's like the window of a hotel room. You have like shades and curtains and blinds. It's all like folding over each other. And then you got to get in there. Yeah. Jesus.

Meanwhile, the asshole, just two little tight. It's right there. Boom. Right there. Right in there. I mean, sure, you know, you got to look at some balls, but that's okay. Well, you don't have to look.

I mean, that's a thing about, I watched trans sex for the first time recently. Right. Have you watched it? Yeah. Because I've seen literally everything on the internet. It was like watching Netflix. It was like I've seen every born video. I got to try it.

I got to try a new drop down. I was, but I couldn't finish. I couldn't close. Yeah. And I would try to jumpstart it. Like then I would go back to the other window that had Czechoslovakian hidden-to-camera massage porn, which was a man and a woman, and I would get going again. And then I'd flip over to the trans one and see if I could close.

See if you can close the deal. So I could springboard it. Yeah. But it just kept. It's just for the experience. Yeah, yeah. Have you done virtual reality porn? No.

Oh, can we, I'll order you an Oculus right now. I'm dead ass. You got to try it. Really? Yeah, it's the best. Do you use one of those pocket rockets? What do they call them? No, no, no, no.

That's crazy. Yeah. That's crazy. That's insane, dude. I'm walking around the house with fucking virtual reality goggles on naked with my kid in the other room. I can't also have a fucking pocket pussy. Now, VR porn rules. It'll ruin regular porn for you.

Really? Yeah, dude. The best thing is, like, he'll have, like, five fucking chicks, and one of them will whisper in your ears. It's like, you're so fucking hot. Yeah, you're it in this ear. And, like, there's, like, wind. And there's, like, dude, it's pretty cool. It's pretty sick.

I'm not even into porn as much as I used to be. Sounds like you're finding your way back in now It's well that's honestly I think virtual reality porn kind of ruined porn Yeah Because it you know now I watch flat I call it flat porn I'm just like yeah

Yeah If I'm at if I'm at a pinch Dude we used to look at magazines When we were teenagers Yeah And I mean not a lot of them I had like three magazines Literally the under the mattress magazine

Yeah I had like a drop ceiling So I would keep it up there My mom didn't know about it Right Yeah I had that I had a magazine up there. We had a magazine that we kept in the woods. Yep.

There was always one in the woods. There was one in the woods that all those neighborhood kids knew about. It's like, nobody take it out of there. Yep. And, yeah. But my girls, I got to know them well. Yeah. And they had interviews with them.

And I'd read the interviews to get to know them. That's a gayest thing I've ever heard. It's gay than you're watching trans porn. But you've watched it too. Yeah, it's pretty gay. Well, the thing is, is it more gay or less gay than gay porn? Less gay than gay porn. Yes.

Unquestionably. Yeah. There's tits. If they're, if they're, if they're post up, you know. Right. Pre-op is pretty crazy. Right. Also like virtual reality point.

I've done it. I've just clicked. I'm like, let me see what it's going on. Virtual reality. With trans virtual reality porn? It's aggressive. Something else goes in your ear. Not voice.

Yeah. You're so hot. Oh my God. Oh my God. That would be brutal. Dude, in flat porn, trans women could look pretty hot. Dude, once you get in virtual reality world, you start to see like the little fucking stumbles. You start to see like the veins.

It's a little bit much. All right. So tell me about your son. What's weird about it because I have a son is that you know they're looking at this stuff on their phones. I don't think he is. How old is he now? 13, but I check his shit here and there. Not often anymore.

I kind of, I give him his privacy. You may want to start backing off. Yeah, well, no, exactly. But he, like, I see what he looks at. What does he look at? He looks at, like, girls in bikinis and shit. Oh, okay. Like, he's very, very nice kid.

Yeah. I also told him early on that his phone, I have, like, a window, like an app on my phone that can see anything he's doing on his phone, which was just a lie. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I think he's paranoid that I can see what he's doing.

Yeah. But, yeah, he's not, uh, yeah, he's not really looking at anything weird yet, which at 13, I mean, dude, I was already completely addicted to porn and jerking off when I was that age. They're just, these kids are different. We're also raising them right. Yeah. I heard your mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.

Well, here's the thing about her is, and I think I've told this story on the podcast before, but I'll repeat it. When I first discovered masturbation, I had a bed that, you know, we used to have box springs. We had metal fucking springs under the mat. Yeah. So I started jerking off and it was like, it would make like a squeak noise. Of course. And so I would, I really became like, I became almost like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible. Like I got my legs up on the headboard and I arched my back so I was not squeaking.

And no squeaks. I'd stay very still. Yeah. All rest. And but I thought I was getting away with it. But the TV room was underneath my bedroom. So I come home from school one day and there's three and one oil. on my dresser, and she had oiled my box springs.

Oh, no. But left the three-on-one oil there. So you sort of jerking off with that. That's what I did. Like, wow, this is better than K-Y. Way better. Coconut oil is the way to go, by the way. No.

Coconut oil, oh, my God, delightful. Do you have to fantasize about black people when you do that? Not cocoa butter. Coconut oil specifically. It's delicious. Wow. It feels great. Yeah, very perfect viscosity.

Right. Yeah. Does it last? Yeah, dude, because it's like a solid. And then once you're the heat from your hand, you grab it, you go, it makes that sound. And then you do this with it and then it turns out an oil in your hand. And then it's great.

Just when you're done. Have you know, grilled some shrimp after that? Yeah, dude, it's healthy. Sometimes the hotels are doing this thing now where they used to have the little lotion, bottle. Yeah. And now they're putting, they're, they're locking it to the wall. They have like a big bottle and they lock it to the wall.

There's nothing more sad going back to get more lotion while you're already jerking off. Yeah, I know. It's sad. Because their lotion, it's like too absorbent. It's like low end lotion. And you've only, you only get about six minutes before you have to re grease. Yeah.

And then also like, very often it's like scented. Yeah. Weird feeling. Yeah. You don't want any of that. No. Get to the hotel. Tell, going to Uber Eats, order a small thing of coconut oil you have for the weekend.

13 bucks, you're fine. Does the Uber Eats guy know why he's delivering just that to your room? No. I don't know, but I've done it plenty of times. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I've also jerked off with conditioner.

Yeah, conditioner's good. Conditioner's pretty decent in the shower. And also your pubic care gets a nice shine to it after that. It does, but if you'd forget, like I remember one time I jerked off with conditioner, and I must have been like 20, 21 years old, right? And I just didn't wash properly ever. I didn't rinse myself off perfectly. So the condition was selling my dick.

I go to sleep. I wake up the next day without even remembering. Like it looked like my dick was like dragon skin. It had like a layer like over all of it. And I was convinced myself that I caught the craziest STD. I freaked out. I was like peeling it off. I thought it was my skin peeling off my dick.

It was the most terrifying thing in the world. Wow. So if I'm going to be like your younger. SCDs are like the scariest thing in the way. And I've never had an SCD. Shut up. I swear to God, no chlamydia, no nothing. Nothing ever.

I'm having a hard time believing that. I swear to God, I would say, why wouldn't I? You know, I just never have. I have no idea how I've just, you know, it's like Frogger, just bouncing through traffic and just not getting hit by anything. How many women do you think you've had sex with in your life? Over 100? Yeah, probably, yeah. Over 300, do you think?

I don't know, maybe. You never thought about it? I lost count a long time ago. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there was a time when I was like counting and then. Was there everyone you regretted? Yeah.

One that I've regretted having sex with. Yeah, I've regret having sex with a lot of women. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a little bit of a sex addict. To this day, I think. Yeah. Yeah.

Trying to get to the bottom of that, you know. So if a woman's dating you, how many times can she expect to have sex in a week? I'm like a lot. Like a lot. Like three, four times a night. beginning of a relationship. Three or four times in a night. And I feel bad. I'm a fat fucking sweaty, bald Puerto Rican.

I'm just pumping into her. She's got to like pretend to enjoy it. Yeah, yeah. Wait, three, you can ejaculate three or four times in a night? Yeah. Really? Yeah. But if she wants to go to no boo, work. No goo. No goo. That's going to be my mantra. I just can't believe you can do that. I mean, I'm

how old are you? Forty-four. Yeah. Next 16 years are going to kick your ass. I'm 60 and I got a 24-hour. I like what? You look great. Really? Yeah, yeah, you look great.

Jesus, that's nice to hear. Most people say I look like a turtle. I actually look like a turtle. You see me shave my face? I look just like a turtle. It's crazy. But I got a 24-hour clock now. Just once.

But that'd be nice to like just be satisfied. Like I'm just, whatever. My libido, I still have just like a crazy libido. So do the first two happen pretty quickly? Yeah. Like how long is the first? one take? Just if it's a new young hot chick.

Yeah. That sounds really creepy. God damn. If I'm on an island with a bunch of billionaires? If it's like a really hot chick, like yeah, pretty quick. Yeah, yeah. What do you mean like five minutes? Yeah, sometimes less. Yeah. Yeah. And then they feel good.

They're like, ooh, I did that. And then you get hard again. And then they're like, oh my God, you think I'm so hot. Yeah. I'm fucking chewing blue chews. My blue tongue. Why don't even rubber band around your balls? Yeah, dude. Yeah, I'm an old creep.

I'm proud of you, man. I think that's exciting to get three or four in a night. Yeah. What a mess. Jesus. So your son is 13. He's 13. Sports?

He does Jiu-Jitsu, and he boxes a little bit, but he's really into jujitsu. He's a nerd. He's like musical theater kid, straight-A student. Gay? You think so, right? No musical theater, yeah. Musical theater and straight-A. guys.

Yeah. Not too many red flags there. I got an A, dad. And you're not seeing his porn because he's got a second phone. Yeah, dude, he's got a fucking burner for all of his gay shit. Yeah, no, he's, he loves girls. He's like way in. Yeah, I got a girlfriend.

He's like three girlfriends already. He's tall. He's 5'10. Really? Yeah, yeah. He looks like me if I was good looking. Like his mom is very good looking. So it's like it's like my like, you know, brown skin and kind of my features, but like a lot more chis.

You're not a bad looking guy. No, I'm not a bad looking guy. But I mean, he's, you know, his mom was much better looking than me. You got a little of a cauliflower. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Which is, it's not even from, I did jiu-jitsu for years, but that's not what it's from. It's from when me and Dave Smith, who, you know, has blown up tremendously.

Dave's, you know, crushing in the world of politics. And, yeah, we used to be roommates when we were like 19. And we would just get drunk and stoned. and we would wrestle in the living room. We just had like beer, beer bottles and blunt wraps and cigarette butts, all of it. And we'd have wrestling tournaments in the living room

for like a year and a half. Oh my God. We would do jujitsu. We didn't know how to do jujitsu, but we would just fucking roll around on the floor. Yeah, I got cauliflower ear from that specifically. Wow. Yeah, yeah.

I think it gives credibility. I think you don't want a full cauliflower ear? No, no, no. Doesn't Shob have a full year? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's not a good look, but a little bit of one kind of says. I think the girls like it.

I think a girl sees a little cauliflower here. They're like, that's badass. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Or an STD. Then they're like, yeah, this guy's, he's been around a little bit.

Yeah. I'll take it. Yeah, but it's nice having the cauliflower here because you could just like, you know, if people are talking a shit, you just kind of like, give them a little look. Yeah. And you got the X over there too on your skin.

What is that all about? That's, uh, that's the X from the Skank Fest logo. Oh, no shit. So I have to get one of those? Yeah. Do you have any tattoos? Yeah, I just have this. Nice.

Let's get you a Legion of Skanks tattoo. You are coming this year. You're on the line. Hell yeah, man. I can't wait. It's going to be the best. Well, I have to say last year I went into it a little bit trepidacious because, you know, I used to be just a really, I was like you. I was just a dirty guy with low standards.

I don't know where you got that, but okay. Just like you. I used to be a piece of shit with a little dick and a fucking dead mom. All right. facial hair that doesn't match the chin. It can't connect it at all. No. No, but I used to be dark and I was kind of afraid of going there and something would happen

because I've never cheated on my wife. But if you're going to cheat on your wife, I think it generally happens as Gang Fest. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But so I go and I bought my buddy who's gay and his friend who's a fagg. and we went and I immediately knew things we're going to be dirty because we're walking down the street

and we got there the first night and this woman recognized my friend Tom he's a famous author and she's like he wrote this book called Chaos about the Manson murders and he's been on Rogan he's huge and she goes Tom O'Neill and then she goes

I want to have sex with you and he goes well you're out of luck because I'm gay and we're on the street and she's with a couple other people and so she goes, no, you're not, because he doesn't seem gay. And he's like, no, I'm gay. And she's like, no, you're not. And so she reaches down and she grabs his dick.

And she starts, she starts massaging it. She's like, we'll see, we'll see if you're gay. And, I mean, it wasn't just a quick rub. She just kept kneading it like it was bread dough. She just kept going and looking at him. Anything is like nothing. And then her husband was standing there. And her husband looks at me and he goes,

she gonna get him Oh my God And then he had a little bit of a movement A little chub Yeah Well he's gay They're animals Yeah

You can get him in the mood And that was a pretty manly woman Okay nice So that was my introduction to the week And then We went out And You know

It was just a fucking great bunch of people Like all the comics that You really The ones you see in the hallway of the club that you light up and you go, oh, good, fucking Jay is here, Soters here, you know. And so, and there was no industry, really.

There was like a couple agents, but not many, which is of such a relief. Sometimes you go to festivals and it's all industry. I'm here now for Netflix is a joke and there's all like, I gotta like pretend to like people. I can't do. I fucking hate it. Well, at Skank Fest, you're the industry.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I really am. You're in charge. Yeah, yeah. But we kind of make it a thing where, like, in fact, I think this year they're doing no free industry passes. They have to buy tickets if they want to come. Oh, good.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I did meet my new ad agent over there. And who else? A couple other cool. They were cool industry people. So what's going to be different this year from last year of Skank Fest? Last year there was boxing.

There was nude, the nude roast. There was a lot of. lot of live podcasts. There was the after party at the barely legal club. Yeah. What else? What's going to be different this year?

What's going to be different this year? Not that you need to upgrade on that. No, it's always so it's a year one when we go to a new location, it's figuring it out. Year two, we go like, oh, now we have to really like lay it down. Yeah. So it's just improvements overall. I mean, it's little things that you probably wouldn't

care about, but like the bathroom situation was like a big complaint for people. But in terms of like shows and things like that, we have a lot of tricks up our sleeve. A few special guests that we can't announce to show, which are going to be huge. A lot of people that have never done it before, like Eric Andre and Christina P.

Oh, nice. We have some fun people that are, I mean, the lineup is great. It's 170 comics, and it's just on the water on the Mississippi River. I have some, you know. Now, the layout, the venue is perfect. It was perfect.

It's got so much space. And I got to say, like, I've never, felt like a bigger star, even close in my life. It's all these people that are like deep comedy fans. They'll see and they be like, hey, when you did premium blend back in 98, you did this joke of it. And they all want selfies. It's like your Tom Cruise walking on the street.

Yeah. And they walk, I said to Norton, I was like, it's like, I'm a beetle. He goes, yeah, I wish it was Lenin. He's so quick and mean. But yeah, dude, they are the best comedy fans in the world, and they're very educated. They get it. Like, we do the naked roasts, and we don't even have to, like, lock up phones

because we say, you guys, there's no phones. You don't take your phone out. And I didn't see any footage from it. Nothing, no, because they don't. Nobody does. When Louis came back and did, it was the first time he performed in the States after his cancellation was he came to Skank Fest with Joe List, and he wasn't even going to go up.

He was just hanging out in Brooklyn. And he just saw this crowd. He was like, he's itching. He had done some shows in Europe or whatever. Yeah And then he went up And I mean just huge I mean the standing ovation

The whole room was like Losing their fucking minds Right yeah yeah Because you know they don't give a shit Like nobody like you know And yeah like I take the video of him coming on stage I cut my phone not a single We don't have to tell anybody

Not a single person pulled out their phone Yeah nothing was recorded Not a single joke that he told was recorded TMZ got my footage Because we you know we posted him You know just going on stage But yeah They're really really an educated crowd

That just loves it And everyone looks like they're savages. So everyone looks like they're like, you know, heavy metal, black t-shirts, beards, piercings, tattoos. Right. Sort of that skank audience. We're getting some hot chicks now, too. There was last year. You had Miss Skank Fest last year.

Yeah, it was great. Yeah, granted, you know, 11 of them were on fentanyl. But there was three hot chicks. I said, the winner of the Miss Skank Fest, they reunite you with your parents and get your daughter into rehab. Yeah, Miss Skank Fest. That'll be returning this year. That was their nudity involved in the? that?

Not really. They do what they do. Yeah. I remember the best part of Miss Gangfest was we're doing the talent portion and this girl comes up. She's fucking hammered. She goes, my talent is I'll fuck up any bitch at Skankfest. Some other girl, another girl who was on the Miss Gangfest.

She's like, fuck you, bitch. I'll fuck you up. She gets in the ring. They throw headgear and gloves to them and they just start beating the shit out of each other while the crowd loses their mind. Wow. Yeah. Incredible.

Neither one of them won. There she. is Miss Gangfest. Yeah, it's wild. But it's really, it's genuinely positive and like, you know, there's like, you know, some, you know, with the fights, it does add a level. It looks like more aggressive than it is, but even with the fights, we're all having fun. Like I box every year at Skangfest. Yeah.

Nobody's trying to kill each other. We're just trying to put on a good show and have fun. No, like Jason Ellis had somebody he could have annihilated. Yeah, he held back. Yeah, yeah. Who did he fight? Uncle Laser. Oh, right, right.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, else is a monster. You guys asked me if I would fight. And I am a fighter. Like, I've gotten into a lot of fights in my life. I have a really bad Irish temper.

Yeah. And I thought about it. And then I just said to myself, what am I doing? Yeah. You know, I'm 59 years old at that point. And who am I going to fight that's not, that's, you know, like if I fight some open micer, he's got something to prove.

Yes. I'm just trying to not get knocked out. Yeah, of course. we're going to get you somebody a little bit closer to your age If you could get me an appropriate person I will fight this year Who would you fight if you could fight one person

Todd Barry would be great Todd Barry would be great You beat the shit out of Tom Barry Yaakov Smeernoff He's beat you and Yacquov smirnoff going at it Right right That'd be fun, Atel Yeah anybody that was on the evening

At the improv in the 80s I will fight Atel had this joke last year he goes, he goes, New Orleans. Maybe you need to get your music to match your lifestyle. Like,

well, I didn't set it up right. He's talking about like, all the drunkenness and the hoaring and all that stuff. And then he's like playing the music. Like, d-de-de-le-le-le-le-le.

Anyway, well, I've fucked out you. It's all good. Sorry, Dave. I'm sure Dave did a great job with that one. Well, what's so funny about him is he did four or five minutes

of local New Orleans stuff that killed. And then I see him the next night. completely different five minutes didn't do any of the other stuff we'll never repeat it dude davidel like he throws away more stuff per year than I'll ever write in my life like literally

more high quality shit than I'll like I'll ever touch and he's like ah it stinks I'm a hack yeah what do you're the best please yeah I heard he just did the Patrice benefit and I didn't hear the joke but the premise was juggling five problems with juggling

it's like wind the price of oranges just like what a random premise I love it dude he's so funny yeah he's he's the best yeah he's the best club comic and I feel like louis's the best theater comic I think Lou yeah I guess if I had to put in order Louis the best the best living comic is Louis yeah but it tells like if you're a New York guy and you like just watch a tell like Yeah.

It's really hard to not just love what he does. And not sound like him. Yeah. Well, we all sound like him. Yeah. Everyone, me, Big J. Metzker, like, Dave Smith, the entire, like, there's a lineage of comics from New York who are just doing its hell. And we're just trying to fucking get away from it as much as possible.

That's why I love to watch him, but I used to make myself not watch him because I would go on next and I would be in that cadence. Yeah. Now, who are the young comics sounding like now? Shane, right? All the young comics sound like Shane. Yeah, they sound like Shane. Yeah, they sound like Shane for sure.

Yeah. Nobody sounds like Tony. That would be annoying. Imagine everyone's like, hello. Well, all the Austin guys sound similar. Yeah. You know, because they're, and they're talking about the same things. The problem with Austin, I love that scene.

I know there was like a thing online where I was trash in Austin because I got it. They're too cocky, right? Yeah. But it's like, look, I've been in a comedy for 22 years. There should be like two guys that were a cowboy. hat and comedy. That's it. Yeah. You don't get a whole, too cap maximum. You get, right. You got a hundred comics that are where there are cowboy comics now with bolot ties and cowboy hats. Fuck off. Sorry. I've seen so many good

comics come out of Austin over the last, you know, what has it been? Five years or so. And, and, uh, and you know, Kill Tony is blowing them up and they're, they're national. It really is like a new breed of comics that are an exciting, like, new part of comedy. Well, that scene is good because it injected. Like comedy right now, it's as big as it's ever been, literally. I mean, how many, how many theater acts are there? How many stadium and arena acts? Right.

That was, it was like, you know, Dice, Dane Cook. Right. That was it. Like, nobody was doing like arenas. Like, now there's a bunch of guys that are out there. So it's all great for everyone. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm more known today because guys like Shane and Tony Hinchcliff and Tim Dillon.

All these guys blew up. These guys were all doing my shows for years. So, like, Legion of Skanks and sort of our world, I noticed it here at Netflix, because I'm walking around and I'm like, I'm like, I'm just a curmudgeon. Like, I'm not, like, I don't like, like at Skank Fest, like, I'm in my zone. But when I'm here, like, I just, I don't like being around people. I don't like the fake, like, oh, hey, like all that shit. Do not like it. And it's not even, I'm not saying that everyone's fake that does it.

I'm fake when I'm doing that. If I barely know you and I smile at you and I act like I'm happy to see you, just so, you know, I'm being fake. I don't care about seeing you. if we've only spoken a few times I'm not like I don't really care I got to like I hate doing that That's why I was never good in the industry I was never I could go into a meeting

And get like everyone to like me Me and Atel we pitched a TV show We sold the TV show together That got like taken away And turned into something else That was never, it never got made But I watched Dave do it It was actually one of the most

I learned more from pitching a TV show With Dave Atel than ever before Because I was always like Oh I hope they like me And I would go in kind of nervous and like you're talking to a 26 year old dumb bitch. Some chick who like graduated college two years ago. She has no idea what funny is.

She has no idea what building a brand is. She just has the job at True TV or whatever network it is. And Atel walked in and he treated them that way. And he was just like, they would make a joke and he'd be like, nah, he'd like do that. It was like, whoa. And he was the commodity in that situation. And I'd never, I always felt like they were the commodity and I was trying to impress them. And I mean, it's just years and years and years of doing it.

But that was like an interesting sort of thing to watch. So that's why I do everything myself because I was never good at playing the industry game. So I started my own festival, my own podcast network, tour management company. I just do it all my world buying a comedy club right now in New York City. Like we're, yeah. It's a guy like you pulled down in a year. I do pretty well. You making half a million?

Oh, a million? A million and a half? Got a million and a half? I'm doing pretty good. million and a half dollars you incorporated you're doing smart things oh yeah yeah i got i have like five LLCs you're not being a Puerto Rican with the money are you no i got a business manager I got the Jews working overtime are you kidding me my Jews are great yeah they're great Harvey Altman uh no I was with Harvey

Altman yeah yeah I left I left for different Jews really yeah yeah I've been with Harvey for 30 years yeah it was recommended by Attell that's why I was what that's how I got in with you tell. Yeah, yeah. And they were great. I just have a company that does everything now. So they do all the business management

and my accounting. Yeah. And it's all just one thing. Are you, do you have like, like a lot of people make your kind of money and they start buying into, sorry, clothing lines and shit like that?

I started a coffee brand. You did. That was the thing that I wanted to, but it's a functional coffee. So it supports the sauce through naturally brain function. So it's got a certain mushroom element. So it's real coffee. We're launching our creamer this week.

Buy to Brain Coffee.com. go check it out. If there's one thing I would never buy from Louis J. Gomez, it's cream. Buy my cream. When you open the packet, does it shoot all over your mouth? No, no, no. It's powdered, so. Oh, there you go.

But it's really good. It's actually legit. I drink it every day. You know, I was, my testosterone was low, and I went to my doctor, and I was like, can I get on tea? And my doctor, God bless him. He was like, you know, he's not what he, an Austin doctor would have fucking put a needle in my eye right there.

And then I said this before. I was like, but I was talking about how I wanted to raise my testosterone, and Tony Hinchcliffe was like, I'll introduce you to my guy. I was like, that's okay. I'll be okay. You got to get with my testosterone guy. No, I, so I, my doctor was like, stop smoking weed, stop drinking, lift weights, take some supplements. He was like, then come back to me in six months and we'll test your testosterone. And if it's, and then sure, it was 250 points it went up.

Really? From working out mostly, you think? Working out, probably stopping smoking weed, stopping drinking. You know. Right. Yeah. Because I feel like I felt like mine was low and I went and got tested and he went, he goes,

he's little low, but not enough to take testosterone. It's just, dude, I would love that boost and energy that these guys get. People take it and they're like, I'm like doing shit I did 20 years ago. I thought about doing it,

even just this time. I was just got fat. I filmed the special in July, got fat again. I was fat at Skankfest this year. And I was feeling bad about myself. And I was like, maybe I will.

Maybe I'll go to the doctor. And then I was like, you know what, I have it in me to just do it without me. Yes. Once I don't have it in me, I don't have any moral objection to it. Like, I don't really want to stick a needle in myself. But when it comes down to it, like, I'm kind of proud of the fact that I'm able to tap into something like it's psychological.

It's psychological, you know what I'm saying? And, you know, so now I'm, you know, sober again. I'm exercising every day. I'm boxing all outlifting weights. So I'll be, you know, I'm good. About the diet. That's more important than any of that shit. Yeah, yeah.

I just cut out the carbs. I don't count calories. Some protein, some eggs, a little bit of yogurt, some sausage. You snack? during the day? Yeah, like on nuts, things like that. Wow. Yeah, yeah.

Nothing crazy. Yeah, I do a lot of like, just low carb, try to stanchotosis. Plus, if you're fucking three times a day, that's some serious cardio. It's true. But having HIV also helps. Oh, that slims you right down. You lose the weight. And you get that from a shake?

A shake? Yeah. So I'm, yeah, I'm kind of on a little bit of fitness kick. Right. I go back and forth. I've been 350 pounds and I've been 195 pounds with abs. You were a fat kid, right? Yeah, I was a fat kid.

And then I blew up right after college and started smoking weed, sort of just munching out, blew up over 300 pounds. And I lost some weight to sort of working in the fitness industry in my late 20s. Yeah. Met my son's mother, got her pregnant. I blew up to 350 pounds again when she was pregnant. We were just eating everything together. Sympathy weight.

Yeah, that happens. Yeah, yeah. So I always fluctuate, but I've done it so many times. Like, I know the answer. Everyone knows the answer. Like, in fact, any problem in your life, you probably know the answer. If you step aside of yourself and you were giving yourself advice, no matter what the problem is, you probably have the exact answers. We just don't do it.

You're waiting for something else. Yeah, exactly. Seriously. People say it makes you take a step back and see your life and you go like, of course. Yeah, it's all right there. You're fucking, you know, you're angry. I read this, you know, I get to spiritual Instagram post a little bit, you know, and one of them today was this monk was talking to a guy, and he says to his student or whatever, he goes, you're walking down the

street and you got a cup of coffee in your hand. Somebody bumps into you and you spill the coffee. He goes, he goes, why did you spill the coffee? And the student goes, well, because the guy bumped into me and it made me drop the coffee. And he goes, no, he goes, why did you spill coffee? He goes, because if he had water, you would have spilled water. If you had tea, you would spilled tea, but you spill coffee. And so the guy says, basically, you walk through life, and whatever it is you're carrying in that cup, when you get jarred, that's what's coming out of the cup. You can have anger, you could have jealousy in your cup, or you could have empathy and love in your cup. Like when I think about how I can get road rage or even literally, the physically

somebody bumping in and my reaction to that. It could be, oh, are you okay? As opposed to what the fuck that kind that one kind of fucking hit me this morning that's great that's actually really great I read a writer I watched a video and they were it was fucking it was like some sort of like college you know when they go to speak at like a college graduation is a video commencement speech yeah commencement speech some some author did it and he talked about sort of like that road rage moment it was like you're just you know the this guy cut you off and you like oh fuck like the road rage it really gets me like I'll get fucking

angry I say crazy shit dude I say I've never been more racist than when I'm behind the wheel, okay? Whatever your ethnicity is, I'm going hard, right? And, but it's like, they put it in perspective. They're like, well, what if that person's got like their kid in the back of the car who's sick and they're trying to get to the hospital? You just don't think about what's going on.

And then you kind of go, it's like, well, where are you going? Like, I'm driving like a nice car to like my beautiful home or like to my, you know, a high-end gym or to go film a podcast and talk shit with a friend, literally living my dream. The fuck do I have such a chip on my shoulder for? It's like most people actually don't get to live their dreams. You know what I'm saying?

I think we should all be trying to. too, you know? So it's like you have to kind of like step back. And I've gotten a lot less angry as I've gotten older. It's also having more success and more things in your life. It just makes it easier. You know, when you're broke and you're like coming up and you don't like in comedy, like, you know, I don't have to suck or dicks as comedians, but it's like you put this,

you have to have blind faith in this thing where there's no actual like the first 10 years, minimum the first 10 years you're like, I don't even know if this is going to ever be a career. You know what I'm saying? Next 10 years you're like, oh, I'm kind of figuring it out. And you start making a little bit of money sort of at the end of that second decade. It's like it's a really long process of having blind faith in something. And it's extremely stressful. So I've calmed down a lot just in terms of like happiness and how I communicate with people.

And yeah, but that's a great. Well, I think also as in terms of the longevity changing your attitude, like for me, so much of it in the beginning was about I was, I always worked hard. But it came from fear. I was a if I don't work hard it's all going to end it's all going to go away and then the longer I did it the more I started to feel and I'm still I still struggle with it but I much more work towards what I want to do and I feel like especially now I feel like I did it yeah like I don't have to get into a festival and prove myself to a bunch of industry people I just need to do shows that people that are good enough to come see me feel like they're leave the show and they saw some new material and they had a good time and you know like and then that's part of my life that's not everything it was everything for years I didn't go to cousins weddings and you know I lost friendships I you know romances things that you put on the back burner and then as you go further and you can have more gratitude it can become part of a bigger life

yeah no I um yeah I think just sort of being in a place where you can kind of be in the moment and enjoy what's happening, it takes a while to get there. Right. Where you go, like, I'm not looking for whatever the validation is or the next thing. Like, you know, and I think I'm kind of there at that place in my life now. And it's just been the past few years. I mean, it just, it just things started really opening up in the past few years in like some great ways. You know, it was always about giving my kid like a nice life.

You know, I remember it's like, I'm like an old school salesman. So like, I'm all about like setting goals. Like I remember when my son was born, I was like, all right, well, by the time he's four years. years old when typically we that's the last the first time I have memories is like when I'm four you started going to kindergarten you start having these moments um we have little flashes before that but four years old was kind of like in my mind the number where you start to remember things yeah and I was like but the time I'm my son's four I was like I want to have nice things I want to take him on a father son trip every year I want to have a nice apartment just you know I want to be able to take him to like a

nice meal if I want to and sure enough he turns four years old first time I had a nice apartment first time I started making a little bit of cash that's when you know we started at Skank Fest around that time. We started gas digital around that time. And then you set back and go like, wait a minute, that was just, I was just setting too small of a goal. You have to think a little bit bigger. And I think most people, everyone, in fact, hits their goals.

Like we're designed, human beings are designed to hit our goals, right? The problem is most people, their goal is to just pay the rent, just get their bills paid, just pay their cell phone bill, maybe put a little bit of money aside. You have to think a lot bigger and you have to set those goals and treat that goal like you have to hit it. You know what I'm saying? If you treat it like, you know,

whatever is I want to make a million dollars a year, that is breathing for me. That is my bare minimum, right? If you sort of can train your mentality to get there, you'll naturally figure out the path because there's so many paths of that. It's an infinite number of paths

and well beyond that. And I genuinely believe that. And I know that I am, I don't say blessed because I'm not religious, but I'm lucky to have that, whatever that mental fast switch muscle fiber is to like believe in it.

It's also, being able to handle stress because a lot of people get paralyzed by stress and once one of those goals runs into you know an object or an obstacle they just get paralyzed and they just pull back yeah and I we freaked out it's the people that can stay present in the face of like what's the biggest obstacle you think you've faced in the last 10 years with all this like generating labels and you know becoming more of like an owner of things I mean, it's a specific thing.

I think you kind of, the biggest obstacle is that mental thing where when, because there's a million little obstacles every time, but the biggest obstacle kind of is in your own head. And that is a training your mind to not think that way is something that is deliberate and you have to literally go over and over again and sort of create this belief. Right. And there's a great analogy that my buddy, Mickey Gall, said once. a UFC fighter and a high-level jiu-jitsu guy.

And I always use this whenever I'm kind of going through just whatever mental obstacle it is, right? And I kind of touched on it a little bit before where the idea is that you know, you know the answer, right? Step outside of yourself. If you were to pay yourself to manage every area of your life, like you have a manager of your finances, a manager of your love life, a manager of your podcasting and stand-up and interpersonal relationships and everything, right? their job is to kind of watch you and to tell you guide you through that you'd be the best person to hire you know the intricacies yourself better than anybody else right you actually know the answers you have to remind yourself of that but there's an answer to sort of everything right and the analogy that he was talking about was in jiu jihitsu um like if somebody takes your back right and um they have your neck they start going for a rear naked choke right um there's a specific process involved in getting out of that right you have to tuck your chin and you have to chuck your chin protect your neck, grab onto their wrists, right? The idea is you escape, there's an, you escape out to the one side that, you know,

that the arm isn't around your neck, get your head to the mat, shoulders to the mat, turned into them. There's a series of processes, right? And it's, those are absolute. Those are the steps that you need to do. You don't start punching them in the head. You don't start grabbing their legs.

You don't start biting them. Like, that's not the process, right? You don't freak out, you don't flail, you don't scream. You go, all right, protect your neck, tuck your chin, right? And I always, I use that and out. I say that all the time. When I'm dealing with a problem, I'm like, protect your neck, tuck your chair.

Yeah. What's the next step here? Yeah. What is the next step? The discipline of it. Yeah. And a lot of people can't get, they can't get there. They freak out and they go, well, what was me?

Life is happening to me. This is, yeah, shit's going to happen unquestionably. But I do genuinely believe deep down in my soul, like there's a path to anything we want to do. Everything in life is a series of decisions, right? Step A, step A, step B, step C. And you can get anywhere you want to be anybody. Anybody literally, no matter what's it, I grew up in a really fucked up situation. My mom was a drug.

addict. My dad was murdered when I was four years old. I was on welfare. The idea of making money in my life, owning a house in my life. It was an impossibility up until not to well, probably well into my 30s. Like the idea of ever owning property was something that I couldn't like wrap my head around. That was what rich people did. So do you think going through adversity sort of teaches you, I mean, to go back to like a fighting metaphor of like to be able to withstand. Because I, it's like, it's like that thing of like everybody's got to. a plan until they get punched in the face, you know? But like, do you think that that gave you a thick skin and an ability to not give up?

Failure. Do you think anybody can have that? I had a sales background as well, right? So failure is a necessary part of sales. Like in order, if you've ever sold anything, you know, you have to get through the nose to find the yeses, right? Yeah. So once you start to apply that theory in life, you start to go like, oh, you know what the

failures have to happen. Sometimes you got to fail. It can't all be wins. You know, that'd be crazy. If it's all, like that, that'd be nobody, it's not all wins for anybody. And the most successful person you know, they failed over and over and over again. You don't freak out. You go like, right, what can I learn from it?

And you go, that's a necessary part of this process. I have to fail. I have to have some of these losses in order to sift through them to find the wins. Right. And that would motivate me. When I would sell, you know, I sold gym memberships, I saw a lot of things, right? But at my last sales job, I worked for Equinox. And I was selling high-end gym memberships.

and my closing ratio was one out of four people that would walk into my office, I would sell, right? So I'd go, all right, well. So like a baseball player. If you get one out of four, you're doing pretty good. Yep, just keep on getting through the nose. Cool. Every time that you get a knife, like, I'm out of fat.

You know, the saying is every no gets you closer to a yes, right? So I would really embrace that, and I've sort of applied that in other areas of my life. So I kind of, I look at failure and I look at rejection. I go, this is, especially as a comedian or if you're in entertainment or an actor, it's all rejection. You know, if you can close one out of a, four gigs you go on castings. I mean, you're fucking, you're a star. You know? Right.

So, yeah, I think it's a necessary part of life. And I think people, if they would readjust their way of thinking and not go like, oh, I'm fucking failing or I had another loss, you're like, well, it's just part of it. You have to get them. And what's the closest you've ever come to a gay experience? This podcast, the past 10 minutes of this conversation. I do feel something, you know? I don't, I mean, I don't really, I mean, to be funny, I do gay shows.

all the time to be funny. Me and Big J made out on camera just to be funny. Tong? Yeah. Who stopped first? We played a prank on Dave Smith when Dave was on the show still. We were doing like a promo when we were in Anthony Coomia's network. It was like, you know, in the news were like a little like in the corner like it'll

pop up. It would be like, you know, a baseball player swinging a bat. Like tonight, the MLB, it's like an advertisement at the bottom. So Coomia did that, whatever that technology was. It was like, you know, up next is Legion of Scangis. It was supposed to be us being like, yeah. So Dave's sitting there and then be in the middle. Jay planned it.

We just leaned into each other and sort of deeply, passionately kissing, hard. And he was just like, what the fuck? So it's such a great little, yeah. So to be funny, I don't know, dude, it's just all fucking. But you've never had like an intimate moment with a guy. Nothing gay. Don't say it like that. Nothing wrong with it.

You watch trans porn. Yeah, I guess that's kind of gay. Did you ever close with transport? Never close. But. It's time to do a thing called Fastballs with Fits. I know, what do we call on it? We're calling it something else now?

Fitzballs. Fitzballs but fast. Fitzballs but fast. I like that. Wait, let me see if there's anything else I want to ask you about real quick. Oh, your website sucks. Thanks. It didn't load on my computer.

So I'm trying to do it on my phone and that didn't work. I'm having problems with it. It's the actual URL. I think there was some, I don't know exactly what is. I have to change the URL. Yeah. Yeah, it's Lewisofscanks.com. It'll work for most people.

Okay. It'll work for people under the age of 50. Yeah. So have you ever been arrested? Yeah. For what? Mostly smoking weed when it was legal in New York. So, you know, you'd just be smoking a joint in the park or a blunt and then the cops

that come get you. That happened like 10 times. I got arrested one time for menacing and harassment. What was her name? No, it was a guy. It was my male roommate. and we just hate each other. You know, you go through your 20s

and you just have roommates, they all fucking suck. Yeah. You know, so it was getting to the point where we weren't going to live together anymore and I was leaving the apartment and he was like,

he was like, yeah, you got to pay me for the utilities. And I was like, yeah, I'll pay you for the utilities. I was like, but I got to find the apartment so all my money that I have, I have to prioritize that. I was like, no matter, I'll pay you. Trust me. I was never going to pay this guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was, I'm wrong in this situation. As I reflect on this, I thought about it recently. I was like, I was a dick, kind of. But I wasn't going to pay this guy. He goes, so it was his air conditioner in my window. It was the summertime.

I was like August, New York City. I had a Jack Russell Terrier that had like long abrasive hair, never got him groomed. So we're going through a heat wave, like 105 degrees for like a week straight, right? In the middle of the heat wave, he takes the air conditioner out of my window because I'm not paying the utility. So he's like, oh, fuck you. You're not having an AC. It's his air conditioner. So I come up and like, it's just, dude, it's a box.

It's just so hot. I lived in the same block as Bobby Kelly, in fact, because he's part of the story. So I'm out. I'm promoting comedy clubs in Times Square, right? And I hate this guy. So after he takes out of the air conditioner, now I'm, like, jerking off in a shampoo bottle every day. I'm cleaning the toilet with his toothbrush. I mean, literally, dude, I'm being ranted.

Like, really. I mean, there's nothing rapier than there's nothing sexual as I'm jerking off trying to come into a shampoo bottle. It's all anger and aggression. You know what's crazy is he probably jerked off with that shampoo? It probably did. He probably did. So, you know, we hated each other. So then one day he calls me up.

I'm promoting comedy clubs. And he's like, yeah, I need to get the cable box out of your room. And I'm like, don't go in my fucking room. You're not welcome in my room. He's like, it's going in the room. I got to get it. I got to return to the kid. This guy's completely like right in every area of this story.

I realize he's right. So I was like, if you go in my room, I'm going to fuck you up just so you know. I'm going to fucking annihilate you. So he was like, I'm in your room. What are you gonna do? So I run home. I'm in Times Square, so I'm in Hell's Kitchen, this where I'm living. I ran back, I barely knew Bobby Kelly.

I met Bobby Kelly maybe a half dozen times at this point. I run past him. He's like, where you going? It's like, I'm gonna beat up my roommate. He's like, you're gonna get arrested. I was like, no, I'm not. So I run home, dude. I start threatening this guy in front of his girlfriend.

I'm like, I'm screaming in the hallways. I'm like, I'll fucking kill you. Now, I'm not really threatened in his life. This is the way Puerto Rican's talk shit. Yeah. I'm gonna kill you, I'll kill you, right? Right. But I am screaming in front of a lot of witnesses that I'm going to kill you.

It's like when you're saying I'll pay the electric bill. You don't mean it. I don't mean any of this. So I had a fishing knife from when I was like a teenager. It was an old dull shift fishing knife. You couldn't have killed somebody with this fishing knife. It would have been pretty difficult. You'd have to really try to kill somebody with this fishing knife.

But I put it on top of the cable box to let him know if you touch the cable box, I'm going to stab you to death with this fishing knife. The most aggressive move ever. Of course, he calls the cops. and I come home that night and they fucking arrest me and booked you? Booked me luckily Big Jay's wife at the time was a lawyer

so I got bumped ahead of all the people it was a Friday all the people that were you have to wait for like a public defender you get like on a long list so I got And you're in a holding cell I'm in a holding cell I got brought right to the front so I only spent like maybe 24 hours in jail got out but he had a restraining order

I couldn't go back to that I couldn't get myself out of the house so I had to stand outside as my son's mother before she was ever pregnant and Nate Bargazzi had to move my entire apartment, everything out of the apartment by themselves as I just sat outside smoking cigarettes. Hilarious. Nate Braggazzi.

Tell me you guys are good friends. He is my son's godfather. Crazy. Yeah. What's the closest you ever came to a fist fight on stage? One time we were in Pennsylvania during the pandemic doing an outdoor show, and Big J was on his age,

and he was doing crowd. You know, Big J, he's so brilliant. Yeah. Such a great crowdwork guy. He's like, you know, trashing this one girl. Like he's just making fun of her. They're drunk or whatever. And the girl's brother is a big guy.

He comes up to the stage. The stage is like a, like, it was a built, like, it was way too high, like, five feet off the ground. Like, so his head's like there. The stage is there. Big J is sitting on the stool. He grabs Big J. by the foot and he pulls him off the stage. No way.

Yeah, yeah. But before, as he's doing that, like I, I run out. I see it happen. I run out. This is on video. I run out and I go to kick the guy in the face, but I'm just so unathletic. I miss him. Right? He pulls Jay on top of him like a fucking refrigerator. He gets squished. Our fans beat the shit of this guy. They pepper sprayed him. They fucking beat his ass. The cops arrested him. It was wild. Wow. He got fucked up. And it's on film? Oh, yeah. I want to see that. Yeah, it's out there. I'll send it to you. Finally, what's the hackiest? bit you've ever done? My entire last special. You have hacky clips.

No, I don't have that many hacky clips. I think I'm pretty unique, you know? You know, so I guess, you know, depend on, I have some bad bits. I just wrote a hacky bit the other day. It was so hacky that I was like, I just wrote it down. I was like, I don't know why I'm writing this down. This has to have been done in one way or another. But then I think there's something funny about it being a hacky bit and me trying to test it

because it's kind of racist. So I was talking about how, um, I was like all Florida's teams are dangerous things, like the Florida hurricanes, the Florida gators. I was like, that's like, yeah, the New York Puerto Ricans. And it's just a terrible hacky bit. So then I wrote it into Chatchabit. I was like, is this a good bit? I was like, is this a good bit?

And Chachapit was like, no, that's racist and wrong. Of course. How dare you? Like, this is, you can't. It's not even equivalent. Like that the analogy doesn't make sense. And then I put it into Grok and Grock was like, bro, got to give me more racist. Give me more.

It was like, it's great, but it could. It'd be more racist. Croc was way on board. See, I don't know if I dismissed this premise. I think if you pick different cities, like, say you were in, you know, Boston. And you could say, well, it shouldn't be the Bruins. It should be like the Boston busers. Remember when they did the busing back in the 80s?

Sent the black kids of the white neighborhood. Or whatever, like, you could custom do it for every city you're in. You know, it's funny. I have an idea for a special. where I want to essentially do just jokes about every state. Yeah. Just all 50 states. It's like an hour, right?

You do like a minute or two like per state and you just kind of like fire off jokes for everything. Yeah, yeah, super clippable. It's super relatable to everywhere you're going. You know what you got to do is you got to be like one of those comedians that like uses young comics to write for them. Yeah, right. And then barely pays them. Yes. There's a lot of those.

Just put out a special that literally don't even write any of it. Just like, dude, here. Here's a thousand bucks. Like you want open for me in Cincinnati? Bring your notebook. Bring your Cincinnati jokes. Yeah. But it's just almost like a different focus.

Because whenever I film something and put it out, like this last time, between the last two specials, I was like, I got to start fresh, go out on the road, and then you're so naked. Like the first like six months, I'm like, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. So this time I was like, dude, I'm going to do some old jokes, some old specials,

trying to work some new stuff, do some crowd. I'm going to mix it up. Way more relaxed this time. I have no urgency to like work on a new special right now. I was always trying to, I'm trying to be fucking Bill Burr or Louie and do a new special every other year. It's like, what am I fucking doing, dude? You want to go out and kill every time. Just kill, have fun.

Do comedy is supposed to be fun. Right. It's supposed to be fun for the audience. It's supposed to be fun for you. You're supposed to make cash. I'm spending money on specials. I'm not having fun doing it. Yeah.

So I was like, I'm going to just chill. I have no urgency to get into something like that. No, and that's when the good material comes out because then you're really in your voice and your rhythm and shit just come. Just try to make sure you're taping it all because you've got to grab those three or four minutes every show. that's maybe that's all it is sometimes sometimes it's just like a different way of saying it right dude even not even the lines the pauses but people don't understand how sensitive comedy is yeah like just taking an extra beat sometimes to deliver gives you the laugh where it's it's so i have a few jokes like that where it's like the delivery is like the the words on paper wouldn't even

be funny yeah but you pause for a moment and then you say the line and that gets the laugh because of it's such a sensitive weird right nobody will get it nobody there's no logic to it sometimes It's all trial and error. You've got to try a bit. I won't give up on a bit until I've done it a dozen times. Yeah. If it bombs a dozen times,

I finally go, all right, fuck it. I guess I was wrong. All right, well, I tried to get your dates on your website. From what I can tell,

you're at Zanis in Chicago, June 14th. I am. Then you're going to be in La Jolla at the Comedy Store, June 19th to the 28th is literally what it says. The Rattle Me This Tour.

You're there for nine days? Wait, what does it say? It says 19th through 28. No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't. When does it come out? This comes out, I don't know, Monday. I'm in, I'm in Fort Myers, Florida next weekend, Springfield, Missouri, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Rosemont, Illinois, Chicago, La Jolla, from the 26th to the 27th, 28th.

So you're jam it. I look at your website and I was like, wow. I go every other weekend now. Yeah. I was doing it every weekend last year and I hated it. I hated it. Yeah. I wanted to be.

You got to be around your kid. Now I want to be back on the road. When I'm home now, I'm like, I kind of want to get out there and try this thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, good. So I'm happier now. Getting good crowds? Yeah, decent. You know, fucking 70% sold.

Right. That's not bad these days. If I get one or two and sold out in a weekend, that's a win for me. If you want to see more, you go to, what is it called? Scank Lewis. Lewis of Skanks. That's why you went to the wrong website. Now I went to the right website.

I'm going to change the domain name because my web guy was like, yeah, there's a warning attached to this domain. He was like, if it just changed the domain. Oh, because it says skanks. I don't know. Whatever. I think maybe somebody tried to fucking fuck me. Yeah. Yeah. My fans are crazy. It's probably somebody who loves me. They're like, let me fuck with Lewis and ruin his life. Yeah, yeah, I know. I know. Um, all right, man. Well, this has been just a great podcast. Thank you. Yeah. Always fun. Greg. I said this before and I'll say it again. I think you are one of the best podcasters and comedians out there. One of the easiest guys to talk. Every time you're on one of my shows, I'm like, God damn it, that was fucking great. Yeah, we have fun. Yeah, you're always in the

moment and we'll see you at skankfest this year we're going to have a blast skankfest tickets are on sales skankfest.com you still get single day pass there's a handful of all access passes still um so yeah get them and come and party with us yeah well thanks for the kind words man of course you yeah great hanging with you appreciate it all right