Fitzdog Radio - Nick Thune - Episode 1107

Episode Date: August 14, 2025

Comedian/ actor/ musician/artist/ golfer/ father/ tall guy Nick Thune joins me and we talk about life. Follow Nick Thune on Instagram @nickthune Watch my special "You Know Me" on YouTube! ⁠⁠⁠���http://bit.ly/FitzYouKnowMe⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠@GREGFITZSHOW⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠@GREGFITZSIMMONS⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠FITZDOG.COM⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, welcome to Fitzhog Radio, just back from New York, hit the ground running here in L.A. It's nice. I enjoy the summer here a lot. It never gets above 80, never gets below 74. Not really humid. Went to the beach yesterday. By myself, rode my bike, takes me five minutes, rode some waves, fucking sat on the sand, and just thought about life. It's so fucking relaxing. And then today I played some pickleball. I'm embarrassed to say. I played pickleball with my friend Mary Fitzgerald. She was actually pretty good. So, I'm going to go golf tomorrow. I'm going to play a little golf. I got fitzsimmons. I got Fitzsimmons. Fitzgibbons, Gibbons and Gubbins, and Dickie and a couple other dudes. We're going to play golf in Griffith Park. And then we're going to Tideski Trucks at the Greek Theater.

If you ever get to see a concert in L.A., do it at the Greek theater in the summer. It's nestled in the bosom of those hills. I don't know what those hills are. Whatever Griffith Park is. The Hollywood Hills. Is that the Hollywood Hills? I don't know. But I love Tedesky trucks.

It's going to be a great day, great night. You know, fucking finish out the summer with a bang. The rest of the trip in New York went great, went down, did some shows at the comedy seller, bombed hard on one. I did four shows in one night. You know, they have three different rooms. And one of them I tried to open with this pretty long bit defending Los Angeles, and they were not buying it.

And it was not the way to start. It was such a rookie move. Never opened with a new bit. And then I was rushing and it was bad. It was bad. But then I redeemed myself at the next show. Well, the next show, I didn't like it. I liked it.

But I had my son and Mike Gibbons' daughter in the crowd. And I just don't like having people in the crowd when I'm in New York City or L.A. It's just like it's distracting. It's a lot of pressure. I feel way more pressure in New York and L.A. I want to kill every time. And you're following fucking killers. I went up after a guy named Chocolate Trump,

who's a black guy with a blonde wig who does a Trump impression and ends by singing YMCA with the crowd. I can't, you know, that's not an easy follow. That takes some concentration. and now I'm looking out at my son's face and it's too much. And then I get a text from Gibbons's daughter 10 minutes before the show. Is it under my name? I don't know.

Not that I love her like a daughter, but I love my son like a son. I didn't want him there either. I don't want anyone at my shows. Speaking of which, I'll be at the comedy store, belly room Saturday night. But I'm inviting you. Even though you guys are like family, I get it.

There's some distance. Belly Room Comedy Store, August 16th, doing a special one-hour show with some special guests. Then I'll be in La Jolla at the Comedy Store, August 29 through 31. Dates coming up in Denver, Connecticut, Fairbanks, Alaska, Vegas, Chicago. Go to Fitzdog.com, get some tickets. Why am I doing my dates? now i'm not done talking what else uh hung out with my b u boys in new york uh went to an italian restaurant with like five of my closest friends from b u except for gibbons he wasn't there but otherwise

it was the it was really my good buddies and uh what a great time i just realized how old you look at their faces and you're like oh my god i look like them they actually look pretty good we look pretty good We're the guys that took care of themselves. What else? All right, I don't want to talk much. My wife's inside waiting for me so we can sit down and finish watching this show called the Night Manager. Holy shit. This is a good show.

It's got the woman who played Lady Die in the Crown series. She's like a six-foot-two Australian woman. Gorgeous. Not afraid of a little nudity, which I'm a fan of. and the guy from house what's that guy's name the guy who's house you know house

that guy he's in it what else I mean I was going to talk about the government's corrupt blah blah blah do we not know it why are people so upset that the Epstein files

are not coming out why why person who's a normal status person in this country. Why do you think you're going to demand that the president and the most important, powerful people in the world, you think they're going to turn over some files

indicting them as pedophiles? What fucking world did you grow up in? Were you in the world where the banking, the banking system collapsed because of fucking high-risk loans that were, and that no one went to jail for? Were you around when Bill Clinton assaulted? How many women? He didn't go to jail.

Cosby is out. Cosby's free. Why is there a sense of justice? Maybe life just doesn't have that. Maybe you need to move on with your life and go, we're never going to know what's in the evidence. And if we do get the Epstein files, they're going to be heavily redacted.

There seems to be, Jis Lane Maxwell seemed to have been moved to a minimum security prison, and now I heard she's getting out on work release. Gee, I wonder if that will affect who she talks about in the trials. Huh, interesting. But I don't expect that, though. I expect my powerful people to be powerful and to be able to cover some shit up, because then I know that someday if I'm powerful, I'll be able to cover my shit up. Stop expecting it. The Kennedys rigged the elections in Chicago. That's how he became president.

I don't know if that's the only way he became, but he definitely rigged the elections in Chicago. We know that now. Anyway, the show The Night Manager, look, it's about MI5. How many fucking shows are there on Netflix about MI5, about British spies? If you were to get rid of all the MI5 shows, scrub Netflix of all of those, get rid of all the spy shows on MA5, get rid of all the women kicking guy's asses shows. Get rid of those. Any like unlikely badasses, any like fucking old guy who can kick ass guy in a wheelchair that can get rid of all those. Get rid of all those. Get rid of. Get rid of.

of a widow falling in love again? How about get rid of all those? Get rid of the person getting blowback from marrying out of their social strata, as in every English show ever made, every Indian show ever made, every show from the 1800s about America. And you know what you'd have left? You'd have Orange is the New Black and Tiger King. That would be all of Netflix's library. That being said, Night Manager is outstanding. Anyway, I'm going to go watch that. In the meantime, hang out with me and my guest.

He has done the Tonight Show eight times. He's had specials on Comedy Central. He's done a ton of acting. He was on Love Life with Anna Kendrick. He was in Knocked Up. Millions of stuff. Millions of stuff, millions of things. he's got i recorded this a couple weeks ago so i think when i did his plugs in the interview i gave

out some dates that have now already happened so i'll just say go see him in dallas this weekend august 15th and 16th anyway um here it is my talk with the great nick foone My guest is Nick Thune, who's fascinated by the microphone. It's almost like Planet of the Apes, where they, what do they find that they were looking at? Sitting here hitting it. It's a club? I think it was a club. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was a three iron, I think. The last time we hung out was. maybe not the last time, but we recently played golf. Yeah. With our good pal, Greg Garcia, who's a big showrunner show. He created My Name is Earl and Yes, Dear, and a bunch of shows. And he won't let you forget that. Oh, well, you don't forget it because you're playing at his country.

He has a couple of country clubs. Yeah. If you saw him on the street, you would think that he owns a car wash. Because he's Mexican? I mean, no, but I was going to say because he just dressed the way he dresses. That feels like that. was a racist kind of a stab my white godfather owns a car wash really i take a yeah like he's your godfather like you're in the mafia and you're a capo but it's weird that he is my godfather because he's not in my family it's just like he was a neighbor really yeah so what was his relationship to your parents

that they picked him as a godfather friends and they made a bad choice too because he molested you went a little crazy no yeah really Yeah. Anything involving you? Yeah. Yeah, he came down when I moved to California. I didn't know that he was kind of losing it. I didn't know what was going on.

But he owned a gas station in Portland and a car wash and doing really well. And basically what he was doing was messing with the numbers on the gas station. So one-tenth of a cent for every whatever. Right. Because it was in competition with all the other, you know, like. And he had the number one Texaco in Portland. Plus car washes are all cash. That's easy to play with the numbers there.

And they caught him. They basically set him up to catch him, and then they caught him. And he lost it all. I didn't know really any of that. And he said, hey, I'm coming down for my dad's birthday, who lives in Long Beach, and I'd love to stop by L.A. and see you. And I thought, oh, great, okay. So he comes into town, and he's just kind of odd.

Like, it seems weird. And he says, have you ever been? You ever, you know, oh, because he took my brothers and my sister on a trip to Hawaii. Him and his wife did when I was young and I didn't get to go because I was in rehab. How old were you? 17. Okay. And he's like, I always wanted to make up that Hawaii trip to you.

When you want to go to Catalina? And I thought, okay. I mean, sure, I had nothing to do. I was unemployed comedian. And he goes, well, let's take a helicopter. So I just got to stop by my dad's house first, okay? So we go down and we pull up to his dad's house and he's like, I'll be right back. Okay, he runs in, comes out with a bag, throws it in his trunk, we start driving away.

And as we're driving away, I see, like, somebody waving his car down and his brother's, like, I didn't know it was his brother. I had parked his car almost blocking the street kind of, and got out of his car and was, like, trying to stop us. And he just blew right by him. And I was like, who was that? You know, and he's just like, my brother, we're not really getting along kind of said, okay? Take the helicopter to Catalina. It turns out he's also got back issues from Vietnam. Oh, okay.

Now we're seeing some backstory. So we've got, yeah, Vietnam vet. So we've got pain pills in his bag that I can just hear clinking. So I'm just oxied up, you know, this whole time that we're hanging out. Oh, he's sharing with you. No, he doesn't know he's sharing. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. No one knows they're sharing oxies.

It's just like even if, you know, your sister had a baby. Oh, yeah. I've rifled through a couple of months. in Chess in my life. Yeah. I love rifling through stuff. Yeah. Yeah, especially a crowd. That was a mass shooter joke. I got it. I just didn't respond. I just cut it. Yeah. Can we cut that in post? There's like, we don't know how to do that. Oh yeah, so we go there and got it, we had to share it. We share a room. And he wakes me up at four in the morning, just screaming, just crying. And he starts, Wait, wait, wait, did we skip the helicopter part?

No, well, we took the helicopter. I mean, it was just a helicopter ride. Did he fly it? Yeah, no, no, no. We just paid for it from the Queen Mary. There's a helicopter pad. Yeah. And we took that.

Was he hanging off the side of it, scream, and get some? I wish. Okay. I wish that there was something, he was a big guy. Yeah. When we get, you know, have you been to Catalina? You know, the butt with the buffaloes and all that stuff. So he was like, let's go take a tour.

I'm shirtless. It's hot. And he keeps like saying, let me get some pictures. of you for his wife to send to his wife. I'm like, okay, you know, like, I've known her for my whole life, and I don't think much of it. Again, so he wakes me up, screaming, crying, starts

confessing stuff about Vietnam, kills, deaths, all this shit to me at the 4 in the morning. Damn! Then we get on the helicopter, go back, get to my house, and he's like, all right, I'm going to take off tomorrow, so he's going to stay one more night, but I want to make you and your roommates

one last dinner, you know? And he kept bugging my other roommate, Peter because it was one of the, it was like back then where only one guy in the house had a computer. Yeah. Peter had the computer. Uh-huh. And he kept wanting to send these pictures to his wife and help me get in there and he's

checking his emails. And so he goes, he walks to Ralph's to get stuff to make us spaghetti because he's Italian. The godfather. Yeah. And as he's there, I just kind of think something's fishy about what's going on, the computer, all this stuff. So I go into Pete's computer, and I just type in Hotmail, and it opens, and it's his account. He hasn't closed out of his account.

Nothing in the inbox, nothing in the outbox. What's in the trash? Go in the trash. Letters to a Russian woman that he's sending money to. Can I just stop you for a second and go, I will never take you on a road trip. You steal the drugs. You rifle through the emails. Yeah.

I wanted to know what was happening. Yeah, I see that. in the emails in them pictures of me that he is using as him so he is catfishing this russian woman with pictures of me i call my dad and i'm like dad this is not good and whatever happened jim came back was like you know what i got to go actually like my dad must have called him and been like get out of my son's house yeah what's going on yeah and i didn't hear about him like years later i got a call from a church that I had gone to growing up. And they said, hey, this guy's hanging out in the parking lot

and using the showers here. And he says he's your godfather. I was like... Really? I was like, yeah. I mean, that sounds about right. Yeah. So you were his notification guy.

What do you call that? I think he was living in his car, yeah. Oh, my God, from helicopter to living in the car. Yeah. Well, oh, I didn't even say that. He stole five grand from his dad. That's why we went to his dad's house. Oh.

He stole $5,000 from under his dad's bed. Damn. Yeah. So the dad was a little shaky, too, if he had $5 grand under his bed. Yeah. They're Italian. Yeah. Italians are...

In Long Beach. Italians are very interesting people. You know, I love them, and yet I think they're kind of dumb and crooked. But I like their food. That took a real turn. I like their sunglasses. You could love them. dumb people. I love dumb people. You get what you see with Italians. They don't front. They,

you know. There's a different parts of Italy though, you know, like the northern part. That's true. And then you go down to the island. I guess I mean like the island, Sicily. Yeah. You know, that's where they're, you know. They're smarter up north, I guess. Well, they're more European. I mean, if you, if you know the history of Sicily. So the people in Sicily, what are they? More. They're more African. Okay. Yeah. Well, they're more everything, because, you know, the history of Sicily, it was only a part of Italy, like, in the 1930s or 20s or something. Before that, it was just a massive land that was constantly being invaded, which is why you had the mafia, because they were the only semblance of consistency that the people on the island had. This stuff interests me so much. I love mafia.

Yeah. Every movie, I've seen them all. Yeah. I keep searching. Like, is there another one? Yeah. There's a great mini-series on Sicily about this family that was living there. Maybe I should have said the 20s, maybe a little before the 20s, but not long.

And it had been, you know, the Greeks would take it over, African marauding tribes would take it over. That's why they're darker skinned. Mini-series, you mean like a scripted thing? Yeah. Oh, what's it called? I don't know. Okay. That's how I am now.

You're like the Sopranos. I'm the guy with the first half of a conversation now, now that I'm 59. Yeah. I can connect things, but I can't explain them. You can get somebody revved up. Yes. You can get a lawnmower started. Well, that's why I have a podcast.

Yeah. It's exactly what a podcast is. It's the first half of a thought. Mm-hmm. And then go. And then get everybody to believe it. And then hopefully the guy with you has something. You know, which...

Well, you led with... Jesus Christ, we were 30 seconds into the podcast and you gave us like a seven-minute piece of gold story. That was awesome. That... When they got money later in life, when they got that gas station, and they had a jukebox at their house.

Nice. And it was, you know, like, I'm sure it came with... With real records. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And this, I mean, the Otis Redding record on it was like,

It just changed my life, really. I mean, I didn't know anything. It was like that and like, because it was all old stuff and I didn't really know much, some classic rock. But yeah, they had a pool table. You forget to put on Oda's Reading sometimes because, I don't know, we all, when you're on your Spotify and you're picking albums out, you'll think about, oh, somebody told me recently that I have to check out, you know, the fucking truck, what's their names, Tedeschi truck? Oh, yeah, trucker. Like, I never heard of them. And somebody just told them, like, they're playing at the Greek theater this summer.

Do you want to go? I said, well, let me check them out. Holy shit. Have you listened to Desky trucks? No. I mean, first of all, she's Bonnie Raite. She's got Bonnie Raids, the same octave, the same tone, the same soul. And then she's married.

I don't know if she's married or they're just partners. I think they might be married. but this guy Derek Trucks, who is a world-class guitarist. Yeah, I've seen him play guitar. I didn't know about the band, though. Yeah. Well, maybe you want to go with us. It's in August.

We're going to play golf first up in, because if you park in that lot, you walk to the Greek theater from there. The nine hole? I think it's 18, isn't it? Oh, is it the nine? Roosevelt, yeah. Okay.

So if you want, you can play golf with us, and then we'll walk over to the concert. I love that course. it's so fun it's so fun you just walk it yeah yeah it's great i've walked it before with somebody that's been playing there for like 50 years yeah yeah it's been there so long right right it's like there used to be a big hill over there and this is that and yeah i mean it really you could i played a golf there with this korean guy that was 90 once really and he and he was walking he had a remote control thing yeah if people don't know get little push cards for golf now have a remote control so you can

and just hit a button and it walks in front of you. I got a great joke out of him, though, that I wrote. But I said at one point, I said he was bending down and picking balls up. You know, you see guys 20 years younger than that with a thing that picks a ball up. Yeah. My dad, I have to pick him up for my dad. I go, what's your secret? And he just said, kimchi.

Like, that's the secret to youth is what he said, kimchi. That's a drink? No, kimchi is like a fermented. Oh, I've had that. Yeah. Yeah. It's tough to eat. It's an acquired taste for sure. The smell is not acquired. I don't think you ever acquire that smell. Right, right. Yeah, unacquirable. Well, you know there was a whole racket going with the Koreans and the public courses in L.A. Did you hear about this? No.

Well, remember how around the pandemic, it started to get really hard to get tea times at the public courses? Like literally, if you would have to get, you get an L.A. City golf card and you pay not even a lot. It's like $100 a year or something. and then you call the number to make reservations. And during the pandemic, everybody decided to start playing golf because it was something you could do outside where you didn't have to wear a mask. Yeah, it was one of the only things. Yeah. So everybody starts playing golf,

and it starts to get hard to get tea times, and then it stays like that. And, like, because basically you can make the reservation nine days before the tea time. So if you wait, you can't do it 10 days out, and if you do it eight days out, they're all filled. Every single minute of every day is filled. So you have to wake up at 6 a.m. and immediately call and I hope that you're in the first half hour to get the T-time. So they realized

there was a Korean syndicate that was booking with computers all the T-times and then they were selling them off to other Korean people because Koreans love golf. Oh yeah, they love golf. They love golf attire. Yes. I mean, have you gone into those golf stores that are like down in like, you know, like the Korea area? No. Oh, man. It is special. Really?

I'm talking like $1,000 shirts. Yeah. That you're just like, and then you realize that's what everyone's wearing and it's golfing around you. Right. And the women, I mean, they're out there. And they're actually not bad. They're not bad. They're not fast.

They're not fast. No. No, and that's something that, you know, that really gets people going. If you think Asian people drive cars slow, play behind them in a golf round. Yeah. Be like, maybe you should use a bigger club on that one. Maybe you don't have to line up each shot and do four practice swings. Oh, my God.

Oh, they're very intense. And then the women don't want sun on them. So they've always got like the wraparound hat and sometimes masks and golf gloves on both hands. Yeah, they're like, it's that I only time I've ever done that is when it's raining or winter in Seattle. Because I'll golf sometimes over like the Christmas break. Yeah. I mean, it's not fun. You're not a bad golfer, but I feel like you were better at a certain point in your life.

Yeah. Yeah. When I drank. No kidding. Yeah. Just loosened you up, gave you confidence. Yeah. I mean, until, you know, until the back nine was not as good as a front night.

But I really succeed in a scramble. Yeah. Like when there's no pressure and we're just like kind of competing on each hole, it's fun for me. Like, you know, playing my own game, I get in my head too much. And all of my friends and my brother are getting so good that it's getting frustrating. It is tough. The thing about golf is I've been playing since I could walk. My dad was a golfer.

He taught me everything I know. I taught both my kids how to play. I love playing with my kids. So it's like a fan. I play with my mom. How do your kids play? Not bad. I mean, my son is a lefty in life,

and I taught him to play golf righty because I had heard that a lot of players on tour are lefties, and they play righty because the golf swing really comes from your left side. It's about your left arm. Your right arm is just there to guide the club. Yeah. And so a lot of lefties play righty. So I did, but I really feel like he's such an amazing athlete in every sport that he plays. like captain of the soccer team,

undefeated club team and high school team who's captains of both of them, like baseball, like ping pong, like every little darts, like everything he just is amazing at right away. And golf, he never got past mediocre. Mm-hmm.

So. And do you think that's because that's kind of the one thing that you ushered him into? No, I taught him everything. Paddle tennis, football, Mm-hmm.

love making yeah how do you do that I actually just had to have that talk with my son you did yeah well like the basics or the high end techniques basic well the thing is

is we were driving and you know those big skeletons that are at Home Depot yeah people get we drove by one and he sits in the front seat now he's 11 sometimes I forget that it's him I just think it's a bud or something yeah yeah we drive by one of those skeletons and I just kind of said without even looking over it, that would be funny

if those had dicks. And then I look over and realize, oh, shit, is that guy? And he's quiet for like a minute. You can just feel his brain like. Yeah. And then he said, do penises have bones? That's a good question. Great question. Yeah. I actually was like, I can't confirm or deny that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so some time, some time went on. It's called a boner. Yeah, that's, I mean, that's confusing to me as a 45-year-old. But time went on, then a friend of his, I guess his older brother, got caught with porn. And so those parents called me and they said, hey, just a heads up, our son might have told or might tell your son about porn if you want to talk to him about it first. And I thought, yeah, it'd be a good idea. So I did a lot of research and it was like,

make it quick and, you know, like make it, keep it under 10 minutes and keep it an ongoing conversation. Don't try and jam it all into one. And I initially started out for that. Yeah. 45 minutes later. Wow. Because the thing is, with him, I had to start, he really didn't know anything. Like, I think he'd assumed.

So you had to start, like, with armpit hair. Yeah. This is the first thing that starts going. And then you go, and if you meant, you taught him, that's, that's pretty kinky. Yeah. No French women. Yeah. So listen, son, you're going to want to.

Now, like, she should act like she's got a headlock. lot going. Yeah. She'll be into anal. I mean, that's, you're going to know that. If you get the armpit, anal is a green light. So I'm explaining, like, you're going to go through puberty, but you can't, and then at the end of it, and you're like, and people film something called double penetration, you know, like, you have to get to, like, the wildness of porn that's unrealistic. Wow. And so you, and if you miss one step in there, the next step doesn't make any sense. Yeah, yeah, right. You know, if you miss, like, getting a dick in a vagina, then coming doesn't make any sense. And double anal

feels like that can't be real. I know. I told them it's a myth. Yeah. It's something people whisper about. Yeah. Until you see the porn awards and you realize they're actually competing for who does it best. Yeah. Yeah. There's actually about 15 nominees. And I

always think about that, like double anal, anyone who can fit two of them back there, give them all a plaque. They're all winners. Yeah. Give them the, I mean, what's that, what's that award that they gave Bob Dylan the um Pulitzer No Nobel Peace Prize

No Grammy No he's the only He's the first Like musician To get one It's for writers

Yeah the Pulitzer No it's something else It's called something else Yeah the Mark Twain Oh the Mark Twain No Actually maybe Was that now

Was it Mark Twain I know he didn't show up For the Nobel Prize Oh so he got the Nobel Peace Prize That's what it was I know if it's a piece prize I think there's other Nobel Prizes

I don't think they're all the Peace Prize Nobel Anel The Nobel anal, right. And for that one, you know, they fly you into the Ukraine because that's where all that stuff is shot. And that's where most of the women are from. I was nominated for finger blasting Nobel. How old were you? 14.

Yeah, that's pretty much when you do it. Because once you turn 21, you realize, like, speed and power are not, it's not, you're not hitting a speed bag. it's actually gentle, round, motions are more effective than, bam, bam. Yeah, it's not a, it's, it's not, I mean, I think if you're going for a squirt, that is kind of the way. Right. Did you get to squirting with your son? Yeah, we talked about it. You did. Yeah, I said it's, some people think it's pee. Some people think it's something else. Right. It's going to be up to you to decide. Right. You know, you get a taste of it and see, maybe this, maybe it's just a well hydrated woman or, And there's a transition from his age to that

Because he probably still has squirt gun fights So if they get a number of girls together I go yeah, it's not a summer thing It's not just in the summer It's not like just an outdoor thing It's actually you want to do it inside You want to get some towels maybe Right right right

Yeah especially if he's going to be in your house Yeah I mean once he gets his own place He knows the squirting rules in my house Yeah We got a tarp you lay it out Yeah yeah If you're going to be under my roof

Yeah, it is so weird, though, thinking about, I remember my son being that age, and he was the first generation of kids to get cell phones at that age. I mean, that's literally, you know, he would have been, it would have been 2010, 2011, when he was that age, and that's when kids started getting cell phones. And so that was the, you know, slippery slope, well, I'm talking about, slippery. Squirting. I mean,

you don't want to do it on a slope. No, definitely don't. Actually, you know what? It would be nice to have a little bit of a, what do they call that? A grade? Yeah, in your room.

Yes. And a gutter. Yeah, yeah. Right. And then you can hose it down from the top. Yeah. And then people come over and they want to like

hang out with you and they're like, why is your room tilted? And you're like, don't worry about it. Yeah. Why are you asking all these questions? I mean, so we had a carpenter

and, you know, he was, Yeah. There was an earthquake. There's a little shifting. One of my legs is longer than the other. Yes. Right. And now you've made me self-conscious.

By the way, do you have a sister? Yeah. No, that's what you would say to the person. I was like, yeah, let's get her involved. Kirsten's involved in this time. But it is weird when you think about your son is going to see. Like my son told me his friends were watching. Remember the beheadings during the Warren

Iraq. Who could forget? Well, he can't. That's the point. Yeah, he saw those. Him and his friends saw those when they were 11. And, you know, at that age,

you can't stop your... We used to watch faces of death. Faces of Death. I was going to say, like, there was a guy that, on public access, they would show faces of death. Really? Yeah.

In Seattle. Damn. Seattle. It was so good when I was young. My parents had no idea it existed. Yeah. They found out about the Spice Channel, though, because somebody wrote

in my yearbook one year, like, you know like uh see you uh see you on channel 61 you know and then my mom read my whole yearbook and then i come home and channel 61's on she's like this is what you watch with your friends wow and i was like you're reading my yearbook yeah you haven't even read anything i've written my right you didn't read my essay on of mice and men um my yearbook was a coded listing of every girl i'd had sex with by the time i graduated wow And it was formidable. I had sex with a lot of...

My town was kind of crazy. Yeah. Like, everybody... Nobody had a girlfriend. Everybody just had sex with each other. That much back then? Yeah. Wow.

I think I had probably about 12 girls I'd had sex with by 18. Late 60s? Early 70s? 80s? That's not nice. The 80s. I graduated in 84. Mm-hmm.

And there was pre-AIDS. AIDS started right in 84. pretty much. The AIDS really kind of messed my generation up. Oh, yeah, you probably had less sex than me in high school. And that guy that died from cocaine. Len bias? Yeah.

He really screwed up drugs for everyone. Yes. It's like, dude, first of all, he's six foot five, and he's running up and down a court. Yeah. I'm doing Coke and just having meaningless conversations. Just trying to, yeah, I just trying to, you know, have another drink or something. Yes. Yeah.

Right. So you've been sober, how long? almost seven nice do you smoke pot at all psychedelic mushrooms I can't do anything can't do anything

it would I did that before because I was sober for a long time from when I was 17 until like 28 yeah but from alcohol but like around 25 26

weed kind of came in and mushrooms and then it's just it's a slope did you start drinking again from that oh yeah Oh, you did. Okay. Yeah. Interesting.

Yeah, and it just, it, it, I actually enjoy, you know, I mean, I'm sure, like, you slow down, you slow down as anybody does. I haven't had a drink in 35 years. 35. That's amazing. 35 years, yeah. But I started smoking pot at 40. Like, I quit when I was, whatever, 25, 24, 24. We started young. Again, my time was crazy. We were drinking a lot when we were 12, 13, smoking pot, doing acid by the time we were 14. And you quit alcohol because you're like, this isn't good for me.

My father was an alcoholic, and I didn't want to end up like him, and I started seeing myself going in that direction. And I found stand-up, and I was like, I was never a good student. I was high in class every day. I wasn't great at sports. I always played sports, but, like, I never made. I was on JV hockey as a senior, which I don't think is legal. Like they wanted me on the team because I was like a,

I was a captain. I was a leader. But I just wasn't good. My ninth grade year, I was on the JVB basketball team. So the secondary JV team. Oh, wow. The only ninth grader.

And you were tall. Yeah. I was at it. year and out. Oh yeah. I mean, I'd been trying to keep up with my friends, you know, up until then. I was like, okay, I'm a party guy now. Yeah. So basically, I found stand-up and I felt like it was the first thing I had some potential at. And so drinking was getting the way of it. I was bombing on stage. And so I just quit. I quit one day. I was all cooked up and drunk on stage. And I was ashamed. And I was like, that's it. And I had.

I haven't, I drank one night since then, that's it. Shame is a powerful drug. Shame is not all bad, you know? Like people talk about, oh, you shouldn't be ashamed. No, you should be ashamed to some things, and it can drive you. It was definitely the thing that made me quit. Yeah, I don't want to be shameless. Right.

You know, like, I think that that's a, like, look at this guy, he's shameless over you. Yeah, right. No, I want to understand, feel my shame. Right. I want to feel everything. That's why I don't do anything anymore. Yeah. The more, I mean, I have to face every feeling.

And it's like, then it starts to not be so overwhelming to feel feelings, you know? But when you're drinking and you can do it, it's like, for me, you know, people can do this normally. I can't. But like, yeah, anytime the feeling came up, it was like, oh. Yeah. Oh, the good feeling, let's make it better. Bad feeling, let's make it better. Right, right.

Yeah. Yeah, and then you have to find ways of, I mean, for me, I didn't do this. the program for that long. I did it for a few years. But I learned that when you're feeling that compulsion to make it feel better or hide it, like what's really going on? Like stop, take a breath. What's going on in my life? What's coming up right now? And that was enough to make me vigilant to this day. To this day, and now I meditate when I feel like that. I take a walk when I feel like that. I call a friend, you know, all the things that the program teaches you. I've been doing that where I because I'll feel anger

like a woman brought a dog into a coffee shop that clearly has a no dog sign right and it's one I go to every day it's a crime that just keeps going and the managers don't do anything about it and her dog that she's sitting at the table with

is barking now imagine that there was a human in there screaming going ah ah that's what this dog's allowed to do that but if I do that no you got to get out of here sir So this is happening, and I'm angry.

I'm angry. I'm sitting there feeling a lot of anger, and I think, what is this anger about? Is it a justice thing? Is it that she's doing that? Is it the noise? It is the noise. I'm sensitive.

It's everything kind of together, and it's like, okay, and what can you do about it? Walk away. That's right. Nothing, right? Yeah. Now I experience that in traffic all the time. Somebody cuts me off or whatever,

and I go, what are you going to do about it? And then I just slow down. I let them go. go because you realize somebody said this to me once and it always stuck with me is if I start yelling back and forth with this guy and say he drives

his car into my, now I have put this person in my life for a long period of time. There's going to be court battles. He's going to be in my head. I can cut this here's somebody I don't want in my life. I can cut him out right now. Yeah.

Yeah. You can also get an old car. This is what I I haven't done this, but I borrowed a friend's old, like, 70s Bronco once. And I couldn't drive fast. I couldn't drive aggressive. I was just in the right lane, just driving. And it was like I didn't want to. I didn't need to.

But in my car, it's not like a sports car, but I'm kind of going, I'm doubling the speed limit, a lot of places. Right. They don't. They don't. They're like, oh, you're not murdering anyone? Come on through it. Right, right.

No, I drove a Prius for a long time. And then I was finally like my kids grew up, and my house was paid off. And I, because I was always like, I had two kids, you know, and it's fucking crazy business that we're in. And even though I've always made a solid living, I never splurged on a car because I just felt like, I got to pay for college. You know, college is more important than a car. So college is, you know, all paid for it.

So I bought a Mustang about nine months ago. What year? It was two years old when I bought it. but it's so much faster than anything I've ever driven and so I'm like this is it now I'm happy and three months in a car just fucking teabones me crushes the whole side of the car and it was such a lesson about because I got so angry when he hit me

obviously he got out and I started screaming I screamed so loud that my voice was hoarse for three days And I was screaming, um, this is, I always wanted this because I always wanted. I always wanted a Mustang. I used to drive a Prius.

I didn't think I deserved this car. I was like, had this inner monologue. And the guy was just looking to me like, dude, what the fuck? And he could not have been cool. He's like,

dude, I get it. I hear you. My fault. I'm sorry. Oh, it was his fault. If he, oh, he totally.

Like I was driving down the right lane. and he made a left and there was cars some cars that stopped to make a... Did he hit it on your side? Hit it on my side, yeah, on the back. Totaled?

$11,000 in damage. Yeah, and it took like two months for them to fix it. Is it a stick or is it an automatic? Automatic. This is why I hate saying I have a Mustang because then people always go like,

is it the 5.0? This is it the GT? I was like, no. But it's a fucking Mustang. Is that enough? Is it a stick? No, it's fucking automatic. I'm like a Korean woman.

But I drive home... Do you have one of those mere advisors you put up when you park places? No. I'm always fascinated by those big coupons. I'm sorry. I had those. Those I feel like

were at a time when you also had that bar that you put on your steering wheel. Yeah. Yeah. But I drive home, I live in Venice, so when I drive home from the clubs, go on the 10, and I, as a rule, try to get it up to 110 every night. Wow. Do you feel safe when it's going 110? It hugs the road. Or do you hit 110 and then just take it down? Do you hit

110 and ride it out? No, no, I take it down. I just need to hit it. There's something about it relieves all my tension. It just relaxes me once I get to that point because I'm so used to being red light, speed bump, traffic, and then when I can just open. Open it up at the end. It's like my final piece of driving for the night, and I can finally just let it out. Yeah. That's nice.

After a good set, is it different than after a bad set? I think more likely to do it after a good set. I had a fucking good set last night. Here's a crazy story. I'm in the original room, and I'm talking about these girls in the front row, which, you know, you can be creepy as a comedian. In real life, I'm not creepy with women at all, but put a microphone in my hand, and I will objectify women in the front row.

I'll flirt with them, because it's all harmless. It's like, you know, it's a suspended reality, yeah. It's like Tucker Carlson, you know, it's like this is entertainment. Yes. These aren't facts. Exactly. And so I'm talking to these two girls in the front row, really hot, early 20s, and I go, where'd you grow up? She goes, Santa Monica.

And I go, where'd you go to high school? And she said, Sam, oh, hi. And then she smiles. And I go, what year? And she goes, I graduated in 2018. I go, do you know? And she's like, Owen. That's my son.

They went to high school together. Wow. And then she goes, I date his best friend. And then the other girl goes, and I date his other best friend. And I realize, and they go, we've been in your house. And suddenly. it was all real very real they were 24 year old girls they were my son's age yeah yeah 24 it's not 17 no no but i mean brain wise you know what i mean like they're yeah a 24 year old

girl is not a 24 year old boy right right yeah yeah i would say the change for boys happens around 28 and the change for women happens around 23, 24, where they let go of some of the instincts and urges of being a teenager, you know? They get serious. Yeah. They understand the seriousness of, yeah. Right.

I mean, I'm still trying to figure that out, but I think it really just hit this last year. Yeah, right. That's a problem. When you drink so much for so long, it just, when you get sober, they say that it starts, you start at the age that you start, right like you go back to that and then you got to work through it well that's a thing too about

people quitting is that a lot of people that have substance issues had some trauma and and it might have exacerbated the drinking or caused the drinking and then when you stop the substances okay like you said first of all now you're 15 and now you've got that same trauma that you were dealing with with substances now you got to deal with it you got to dig into it and it's So I feel like, you know, 12-step stuff is great, but in conjunction, I think therapy is crucial so you can get to what the dynamics were. Either way, whatever somebody uses,

not doing anything and just quitting drinking is definitely not the answer. No. There has to be something because that, you know, just being a dry drunk is like almost worse than being a drunk. So much anger. Because you get tricked that they might be a normal person.

Right. You know? Right. I got tricked on, oh, my God, I don't know why. This doesn't have anything to do with it, but this flight I just had. What do you sit on a flight? Do you like to sit? Window, right side.

I'm a window guy. Right side, because then if I'm working on my laptop, my right elbow isn't going into the passenger next to me. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Yeah. I like window right side too, but I like windows in general because I don't like to get up. I also don't like, if you're in the aisle, like people putting their bags up.

I'm just kind of like, and my elbows getting, my shoulders are getting hit. hit, anyway. And also the knee, when the bar cart comes through. And no one likes a middle, especially not of your six-four. Right. But, so this flight, I was on the aisle, you know, on the right side, and there was a woman across the aisle who had a whole row to herself, and she was on the window. And my rose full, to me it looks like every row's full. And I'm just thinking, wow. And so I think, okay, as soon as they're done boarding, they are done boarding, but the door's not closed, I'm going to say to the flight attendant, because I don't like to just do things.

I don't like to get singled out. Like, hey, sir, what are you doing? I don't want that. We've seen those videos. Yeah, so I just want, like, hey, is it okay if I sit in that seat? I'm ready for that, you know? And she sees me looking at the seats. And so she takes her laptop and she puts it on the aisle seat.

Okay, she's sitting there with, like, a blanket already, like, wrapped around her. And she puts stuff in the middle seat. And I go, I'm going to ask them if I could move over there, actually. and she goes, I'd rather have it to myself. Oh, she would. Did she pay for it? That's what I asked her. I said, did you pay for the thing?

And she just like, she basically goes, yeah, I did. So I'm like, all right, I don't want to deal. I'm not going to argue this, you know. So the flight takes off. Then the flight attendant comes down and I say, hey, is there any other seats available back here that? She goes, yeah, there's a whole row. It's like the last row is empty.

Yeah. She goes, you can have that if you want. So I go back. and I take it, and I didn't do anything about it. I didn't, like, respond or say anything, but then I realized, oh, my bag's up there. I need to get my book or whatever. I go up, and as I'm going up,

she's taking the blanket off. She has no legs. She has her legs cut off to here. So there was that much more room in the aisle. Yeah. Yeah. Unreal. Yes.

So then, as I get my stuff, I go back And then I'm thinking like I'm going to go back up there And just really kind of figure out What she's doing with this whole row And I get there And she has the blanket on now

And she's lying down Nubs to head Fit perfectly Yeah, yeah, yeah She's got a bed going Yeah, yeah, yeah She is dialed in And then I think she must have bought the row

She did buy the row She must have bought the row And so, you know I guess I felt a little empathy for her and I was fine with her. Did you notice how she got off the plane? She had to wait. I had to walk by her.

Yeah. Yeah. And that's when I saw the burn marks. There was burn marks? Yeah. On her legs or her face? On her arms. Going up.

Yeah, I was like, oh, this is something bad happened. Think of the great conversation you could have had on that flight if you sat next to her. Think of how annoying I was. So whatever her world is. Right. That she has to put up with. Yeah. that a guy, this white guy over here, like, hey.

Yeah. You know what's also tough is her pushing her seat back because she's got no leverage. At some point she's going to start sliding. Yes. Yeah, because you can't hold up on anything. You can't push back with your feet. Yeah, but you could...

Okay, yeah, so let's see. You're right. Yeah. That is hard. Right. You know it would be easy. Sir, can you help me get my seat back? Right.

But then once the seat's back, that's a tough angle that she's going to slowly be going like this. It's a slide. It's not a seat. It's a slide. Yeah. But you know what would be easier is squirting. Yeah. Because it's just wide open. Because those bottom half the legs can get in the way. Right, right, right. You can actually get closer in and not get kicked or something. Yeah. Yeah. It's not my first amputee I've dealt with in an airport situation. I had this one instance where I was at a small. Mall Airport, Moline, Illinois, and I was going to Davenport, Iowa. And I get out, and I'm waiting for my ride outside, and I'm, like, kind of immersed in my phone. Like, my friend's actually picking me up who owns the venue I'm playing at. And out of nowhere, a bag is just dropped on

my lap. And it's a duffel bag. It's, like, a leather duffel bag, and it's unzipped. It's, like, open. I can see, like, a silk scarf kind of poking. And I'm looking at it. And as I'm wondering, like, I'm sitting on, there's a whole bench open. Who's dropping their bag on my lap? I hear this older woman say, excuse me, sir, would you mind zipping up my bag for me? My sister's not here. Which, if you really take that sentence and think about it, that's a lot.

It's the first two paragraphs of a Hemingway novel. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, AI couldn't write that. You couldn't be like, hey, what, you know. Right. But really, I just heard, sir, can you zip my bag in the moment, you know? And I wasn't thinking, it was an older woman's voice,

so I just zip it. She grabs it and she walks away. She says thanks. And then I look over for the first time. And I see that she only has one arm. Wow. Which, you know, I mean, it's like, yeah, I guess that's tough to get leveraged to get that zipper. What if you'd been sitting next to her on the flight?

And it was a little bit turbulent, the flight. And then it landed successfully and everybody exhales and starts clapping. Do you think she would have asked you to use one of your hands? Whether she asked or not, I would have offered it. Yes. What if she's sitting on the right side? She's missing this arm, and she's all the way on the right, in your favorite seat. And you're next to her, and you're thinking, hey, and you say, listen, I don't know if you've thought about this,

but you might actually enjoy sitting on the left side window more because then you can really, and then this isn't getting in my way. Right. Yeah, because this aren't, your one arm is a lot for me. Right. It's like Tetris, you know? You want to fit into the space. All right, there's a couple of the things I wanted to ask you about.

You've got a new special called Born Young. It came out in March. It's on YouTube. Nate Bergotsie produced it. That's true. And I love a lot about it. It's so, it's unique, but it's not trying too hard. It's got your style.

You know, people always say, like, you know, what's your sensibility? and it really has your sensibility. It's artistic, but it's also good, solid comedy. Thank you. Yeah, and it's 30 minutes, which is fucking, I said it after my last special. I will never do a one-hour special again. People, you can track it online.

No one's watching. Nobody watches after 20 minutes. There's a huge drop off after 20 minutes. I mean, I come back to so many, I always like, I'll watch something that I want to watch, that I enjoy, and I'll be like, all right, I'm going to pause it and come back to it. And then I never do.

Never do. Never do. And now you've got the back 30 minutes is stuff that you've been grinding out for a year, fine-tuning, and it just never gets seen. So instead of putting out one special every two years, put out a half hour once a year. That way you can also do topical stuff. Yeah. There's a lot of, there's, and Nate said, he's like, hey, I want to, you know,

because Nate is so great, and he knows that he has a fan base. And he's like, I would love to. you know, introduce you to my, I want my fans to see you, so I want to show you, you know, show you off to them or whatever. And I said, let's just do a half hour, man. I've got like a half hour material that I've been burning since, you know, the pandemic. Yeah. Let's just get it out. Be done with it. Yeah. It all works. Let's do it. Yeah. Kept it. Shot it at the Zanis in Nashville. That new side room they've got. Uh-huh.

Which is great. I mean, I love that place. What's nice is you've got the crowd, because you don't move on stage. You literally do not move your feet one inch the entire show. So you've got the crowd encroaching. They're right around you, which gave it a very intimate feel. Yeah. And you didn't shoot the crowd. You kept the cameras just on you the whole time.

Yeah, there's like a couple establishing shots. Right. But in the end, you know, they say, and I don't know, I'm not an expert, but people say for, you know, the Instagram and all that stuff, you want this. Tight. Yeah. So, you know, if it's cutting. away a lot to see. And it's like, no, we established the size of the room in the beginning. Like, I'm not trying to show off a theater right now.

Right. I'm being realistic. Here's where I am. And then your transitions, which normally that's what you use the crowd shots for, when you want to cut something out, you cut to the cut to some people and then you cut back. But you do these, it kind of just, how would you describe the effect in your cuts? It just goes fuzzy for a second? Yeah. Yeah. That's something. something we added in the end because I was like, I mean, we're doing it between things that aren't

even, don't need it. Yeah. But I just thought, like, let's paste this out and see how we can do it. Like chapters. Yeah. Just, like, have it feel a little disconnected. Right. We're trying the 30 minutes. Let's just try all this stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And I love the way it came out. I mean, for me, it made it like, and that's the problem, though, is that, like, you can't base it off yourself, like, because you know it so well. But for me, it made it easier to watch. but if somebody hasn't seen it maybe I don't know maybe they would have enjoyed it the other way but I love it

and then the backdrop was your artwork yeah yeah which if people don't know that part of you you're a very talented artist you do kind of abstract kind of multi color just thank you by the way

but yeah I don't I'm just figuring it out I don't know but I got lucky because a friend of mine has a wife that is like in the art world yeah and she came over once and she was because you know all I did was I made art for my house I was like I don't want to buy all this art yeah I think I have a look and a color like I like certain things I can make those yeah and she came in and she's like what what is all this and I go oh I just they're all my I started painting you know like a couple years ago and she started taking pictures of them and a week later she called me she's like

I just got you in an art show no way yeah she like submitted me to this show and I went and did it and now that was in LA then I just did one in New York and it was so crazy because you know I've I've sold some pieces but nothing really that big and in the middle of like the show happening I go home I get a phone call and oh I get a DM from James Corden that says hey I want to buy this piece no way yeah and so I connected him with the art show and he bought like I have a piece that I had written on it and I was not meaning to because I write stuff, then I'll cover it. But they saw it and they thought, no, leave this writing.

And it says, you know, let's forget about Rome. Let's talk about cities that were built in a day, is what it says, kind of in the middle. And he sent it to a friend of his that lives in Rome. Oh, wow. Yeah. And it was just so cool. It was like, you know, like, and now I actually have representation that's like helping me with art. Yeah.

She's helping me and Kate McCoochee, who's also like, you know. Yeah, and also you told me you might be doing a project with Marilyn Rice Cops. She also is a very good artist. Yes, we've been doing that, sending back and forth pictures. Oh, wow. Yeah, we're doing a, we got a podcast about single parents that we're going to do. Oh, is that what you guys are doing? Yeah.

Oh, that's great. I almost did a podcast with her once. She's so easy to talk to. Oh, my God. So funny. She goes with it. Yes. Yeah.

Yes. And did you ever see when she and Karen Kilgariff did girls guitar club? I did. That was that if they had gotten behind that, that would have been one of the biggest acts in the industry. It was so goddamn funny and so tight. It's hard being a duo, I bet. I don't know, I don't know what, whatever happened to it, but I mean, yeah. Because it's Sclar brothers. They're at each other's throats constantly. No, they get on stage. Yeah, so let's talk about that. You guys. got this project now with with maryland you've already got and nick turner is a comedian that he

actually brought me the idea okay he wanted to do a single dad podcast because like if you look up single dad like literature or yeah anything it's just like romance novels right right like we fucked a single dad or whatever and he's like the mill for women and he knew me and knew that I didn't even know he was a single dad I thought he was married still and he he's like we should do this and then we talk more and we decided we should definitely have a woman and Mary was like I text her right then and she wrote back like sure that's great and we got together and it was just so good and the great thing is he has a three year old I have an 11 year old she has a 17 year old so it's kind of hitting all the things and in the end kind of the tagline that we're playing with is like a podcast for single parents even the married ones

because I mean really it's just parenting yeah right parenting where somebody travels you know like dealing with that kind of stuff right so it's It's so much material, as you know, as a parent. And there's really not a great parenting. No, and the timing is great, because podcasting is really just taking off. You did the Tonight Show eight times. You wanted to get in before that. It's like buying Nvidia right now.

You ever heard of Betamax? You did The Tonight Show eight times. Did you do stand-up each time, or did you do Man on the Street stuff as well? I've done stand-up, I think, eight times, and then I've done separate piece. For one year, I was doing, like, a monthly piece at the beginning of the show. Just back with Jay Leno. Yeah. Right.

And then, but stand-up-wise, yeah. And it's, you know, it's like... Those Jay Leno pieces were fun. I did a few of them, but they give you complete creative license. They're just like, just go do it. Yeah, I mean, they would be like, I'd have to bring in an idea. Yeah. I forget the writer's name.

I loved him. He's the stand-up. I see him sometimes at the Comedy Magic Club. Louis C.K.? No, no, the head writer for when Jay was on. Chris Rock? Did they write in the tonight show? Just naming comedians.

I was like, well, I didn't know. That's kind of cool. I didn't know they did that. But yeah, just bring in an idea and they go, okay, sure. Yeah, right. They give you this professional crew. I did one. Then I ended up doing one about the pitching process, like in behind the scenes of like my pitching. And they like let me shoot it around the office. And there was a big scene where Jay kind of, we're in the writer's room and I'm like finishing the idea, like as if there is that situation with this, but there wasn't. And Jay pops in and says something. And then he like heads out. And he's like, he got him like timing. And he pops his head in and he looks right at the camera. And he says his line. And then he backs out. And they go, all right, great. And they're like, they're like, they. They all are not, they're not scared of Jay because he is the nicest guy, but they also don't want to take up too much time.

They go, that's great. And I go, no, hold on. Jay, can you do it again and not look at the camera? Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. He's so used to looking at the camera. I know, that's all he does. That's hilarious. But he was, I mean, I, gosh, he was so nice to me.

No, the first time I did one, I'd never met him before. And I actually did a man on the street piece before I did stand up. And I did it, and it aired. And the next day, my wife's out doing some gardening and the landline rings and she answers it. She's like, hello. And he's like, hey, it's Jay Leno. Is Greg there? And she's like, ha, ha, ha, who is this?

Tom Cotter. And he's like, no, it's Jay Leno. And he fucking talked to me for like 20 minutes, just like, hey, couldn't thank me enough. Yeah. He's a very generous, nice dude. He, out of every show, was the most cordial. Not that anyone, I love all of them, they've all been great and kind, but he actually, I remember the first time I did it, I was so scared. And he came back to my room and talked to me for 10 minutes. And then he goes, hey, if you mess up, we'll just reshoot it. Nice. Which I don't think that's possible. But I couldn't believe it. I thought, like, oh, that's great. That's so nice. And he just kept doing that every time. He kept coming in there and saying that. And it's just like, you know, like to be a host of a show and really care about the guests and the talent. Is this show gratitude?

Yeah, I think it shows. I mean, his show always felt like, you know, I thought is, you know, obviously a lot of his monologue stuff was corny. And sometimes, you know, the sketches were kind of corny. But it felt like, you know, we talked about having your style and your sensibility. It has his sensibility, you know. God, Kimmel hates him. And the whole thing with Conan was like, all right, so let me get this straight. So Conan comes in to the Tonight Show, gets lousy ratings, and then, I don't know about you,

but if I get fired from a job and then they want to hire me back, I'm taking the job again. Like, he's supposed to somehow, like, defer to Conan that he is, what, some creative genius and some guy who's, you know, ordained to take over the Tonight Show. It didn't work. he wasn't the right he is a 1230 act he's not an 1130 act he's goofball he's alternative he's underground you know so i never understood all the hatred towards jay about that i i never i got that people were like we want conan to have his shot you know because they didn't they thought like for some reason that was like a bigger shot than having the show later yeah i guess prime time it's not prime time

it's after prime time right but the his the way that jay had a staff and was like concerned about them just the same way Conan had a staff and paid them you know it's like they're just seeing everyone saw the behind the scenes of what happens with almost every job in this right exactly I mean I I I one time got a job that somebody was fired from a comedian that we both know was a pilot and it's like wild that it was Louis CK Patton oh really yeah and it was for like this NBC pilot or whatever and I mean I mean, think about how different they went since they went with me after Pat. Totally different type.

And I had never met Patton up to that point. Oh, really? And so they announced, like, in the trades that I got this job. And I get a Facebook message that night from Patton that says, you're going to be so great at this. I'm so happy for you. Amazing. That's so great.

You know, and I have been fired from a job since then. I had a job that I got fired from, and it is excruciating. Oh, because. Because the odds of getting a job are so minuscule that when you finally get one, you allow yourself to breathe a sigh of relief and feel like this business isn't so bad after all. And then it just gets ripped out from under. I mean, I remember the phone call. I took mushrooms immediately after the phone call.

Yeah. Was it a sitcom? Yeah. Network sitcom? CBS. What do you think your quote was? How much you think you were getting an episode? Um, I think I was getting, I think, at that time, 60.

$60,000 an episode times 22 episodes. Yeah. And that just got taken away with one phone call. Yeah. And it was, uh, I mean, it was for a pilot, so that's, you know. Right. And the phone call, I just remember, like, getting it and the tone. It was, it was less than 12 hours before shooting the first scene.

Yeah. Right. And the table read had gone bad. Well, do you know, uh, the original news radio. Remember the role Joe Rogan had? He was like the maintenance guy or whatever. So Ray Romano was originally cast on that, and he shot the pilot,

and he got fired, and then they brought in Joe Rogan. Yeah, when they do that, too, and they shoot it, and then they get rid of you. But then two years later, he got Raymond. He went on Letterman and did that whole cut his pants off thing, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shaking his car keys. Yeah.

I mean, it's like getting fired. I remember at the time I was like, you know, I was friends with Zach Galfinacus, but more I was, I just, I idolized him so much. And I emailed him and I just said, like, I'm really down. Like, I just got fired from the show. Like, I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm over. Yeah. And he just wrote back.

He was like, I've been fired from way more shows than that. Yeah. You're going to be fine. Right, right. And it took me a year to really. kind of, it does mess with your confidence, it kind of, I know I was like auditioning different, you know, because you just, it's, right, and it's public, people know, it's really, and it does put a stink on you for a while. It definitely, you, it hurts your career, for sure. And the higher

profile, the fail, the worse, it hurts you, you know, like, you see, you see people like, you know, like Ellen, when her sitcom got canceled, like she's, like, she's, you know, didn't work for years after that. Yeah. Well, she also came out as gay, which is not acceptable. Do you have the Lord Jesus Christ in your heart? Not in my heart, but he is inside me right now, actually. Jesus.

You've got to get him out. All right, it's time for, you ready for fastballs with fits? Yeah. Don't say it like that. Are you ready for fastballs with fits? Yeah. All right. Who's your best Asian friend?

It's taking me way too long. This is fastball. His name's Cody. Cody? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. K-O-T-I.

Is that Japanese? Chinese. Oh, okay. How do you know him? I know him from childhood. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. I would just say, like, over the span of my life, him, for sure.

Thanks for not saying Bobby Lee That's what everybody else says There are two types of people in the world Go Oh, I actually used to have a good thing for this But I'm not going to think of it right now There are two types of people in the world How long do people take to come up with this?

It's usually instant But I think maybe you could say there's people that can answer this question instantly and there's people that have to think about it. Yeah. I mean, I guess there's two types of people in this world. There are the type of people who can let something go, you know, and then the type of, as far as jokes go,

like as far as like taking a moment and, like, hitting it and doing it right. Right. And then people that also try and hit it that do it way wrong. Right? Yeah. I mean, that is the crowdwork thing. Right, right.

And it's also just like when you see somebody expertly take something that you thought, oh, God, they're AIDS? You're going to bring up 9-11 right now? Yeah, right, right, right. When I was drinking, I brought up 9-11 at a neighborhood block party. They had me hosting it. It was an Atwater Village. And I was like saying, hey, and just, you know, I was joking. Like, the whole thing was a joke.

And I was just like kids. The whole street was closed down. and I said, hey guys, we're having a great time. The barbecue is just starting, and we just don't want a lot of 9-11 talk out there. You know, everyone's having a good time. And someone came up there like, no. Yeah.

This woman, I was like, hey, you handle whatever your job is and I'll handle it. People liked it. Have you ever not finished a set on stage? Yeah. Yeah. Tell me what happened. I vomited.

No. You had the flu? Hangover. Damn. I did come back out, though, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. One time at the laugh factory, I walked off.

Did the vomit come out and hit the floor of the stage? No, I got it around the corner. Oh. Yeah. I had placed a garbage can around the corner of the back to... You had a feeling. And I really... I mean, I was coming home off a Bachelor party, and it was just like...

Oh, my God. How did the crowd react when he came back out? Big laugh? Yeah. Big laugh and also just like... this is sad oh my god that's great when's the last time you apologize deep apology to somebody you know i had somebody apologized to me yesterday the biggest one of the something i couldn't imagine so i had somebody cut me out just i don't know how or why just stop responding to me five

years ago yeah a guy that i considered a very dear friend and then the last text i sent him was years ago that just said, hey, I love you. I don't know what happened, but I'm here if you ever won't talk again. And then two days ago, I like walking out of 7-Eleven with a bottle of water and I look down, there's four texts from him. And it just says, hey, I just want you to know you didn't deserve this. There's actually no reason. You didn't do anything wrong. it just kept getting longer and longer until I just was embarrassed and I just don't want to think about it anymore

because I think about it almost every other day and I had too I had come up with so many because I'm divorced and I thought maybe him and his wife had problems and his wife was like I don't want you hanging around Nick anymore he knows that you can leave right

you know or something but yeah it was just like it was the most rewarding but I've talked about it in therapy you know because it's weird to just ghosted by a friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.

Yeah, that happened to me. There was a comedian who ghosted me. And we were close. He used to say, I love you to me all the time and all that, and then he just stopped. It was weird. But what I like is that you didn't give up on him, because the instinct a lot of times, and it's an insecure instinct when somebody doesn't like you, whether it's out of the gate or into a friendship, you immediately don't like that person.

And you think, okay, so let me get to straight. you liked them before. You liked what they stood for. You like their character. You like their sense of humor. You like their values. And then they didn't like you and you went, that guy's an asshole.

How does that reflect on you? It's their thing. I mean, that's what I finally, because like, you're not a toxic person. So whoever this is that did that to you, they've got something going on. Yes. But it makes you question.

Like, all my insecurities came out and I go, am I boring? Like, you know, you know what I mean? Can I say one thing? Yeah. Did I, I mean, I went through everything. Yeah. I went through everything.

And it's the accepting of like the, you know, the apology was, was, I definitely, like, sat on the text for like an hour. And I was like, I mean, of course I'm accepting this. Like, but, you know, like, it feels weird. I wasn't expecting it. But he came back so humbly. And then we got together yesterday. Oh, nice. He was in town.

Is a comedian? No. No, he's in the music business. He owns a club somewhere in Central America, I mean, in the Midwest. And yeah, it just, it was like, I'm in town. That's why I did this. I want to talk to you. It was great.

I mean, it was just a relief. It just occurred to me that since Trump renamed the Gulf of Mexico, the Gulf of America, do you think that Mexico should rename Central America to Central Mexico? Yeah. last question what about new mexico how come he hasn't touched that oh that's good right what's he going to call that new america i mean new arizona american jumping beans what's the difference between a jewish-american princess and a mexican-american princess quinceanera the mexican-american princess has fake jewelry and real orgasms

Finally, what is Nick Thune the hackiest bit you've ever done? It's a bit that Carlos Mincea took from me. No. Really? And I don't think he knows he took it. That's the gold seal of knowing it was hacky. His opener took it and gave it to him. But it was when hurricane or some hurricane came out. And at the Laugh Factory, I mean, I'm just sorry.

starting out and I said like you know I think it was called Hurricane Ike I forget what hurricane it was but I was like how about you know like it's like how about like Hurricane Steve like that doesn't scare anyone you know like have it be something that people don't like hurricane my uncle's balls you know like name it something like that because that way everyone's going to be like oh I don't yeah yeah and it was that bit basically no shit yeah wow and and then I saw it like yeah I saw it happen I was like obviously bitter and whatever, and then I realized that's not a joke I want. He did you a favor. Yeah. Yeah. I love it. All right, listen, Nick Thune special is called Born

Young. It's on the, it's on the, what's the name of his channel? It's on Nate Land. Oh, Nate Land. And 800-pound gorilla. On YouTube. And so check it out. You're going to love it. It's a half hour of your time. It's not an hour. And then you can also listen to the new podcast. When's that coming out? Who knows? We're teasing it. It's coming on down the road. Yeah, get excited. Stand up date, Sacramento, Punchline, August 6th, San Jose.

Oh, those are canceled. But I am doing Chicago, the Chicago Improv, August 8th, 9th, and 10th. Oh, okay. Yeah. Great. And then Dallas? Yeah. And August 15th and 16th?

Yeah. And then also the Nate Land Cruise. You can get tickets for now. That's in February. Yeah. That'll be fun. going to be fun. I think I'm bringing my son. Oh, wow. I think all the comedians that have kids, it's going to be like a big... No shit. Yeah, because his audiences are family. Yeah, yeah, right, right, right.

Yeah, I love it. It's pretty cool. All right, Nick, thanks for coming back on the show. You're always such a pleasure. Thanks for having me. All right. Let's play golf soon. Thank you.