Fitzdog Radio - Paul Virzi - Episode 1055

Episode Date: May 28, 2024

A man who grew up in my neck of the woods in NY, Paul Virzi talks about sports and the early grind of doing standup. Follow Paul Virzi on Instagram @PaulVirzi 

Hi everybody, another exciting episode of FitzDawg Radio coming to you from FitzDawg Studios here in lovely Venice Beach, California where it's windy, a little breezy, but the sun is shining. Not getting the full spring that the rest of the country's getting, but I'm going to get it this week. Heading into New York. I'm going to do a big show in Mamaroneck at the, what's the name of the theater? Emmeline Theater.

So this is my home county where I'm from. So I want to sell it out. My sister's coming. I got some friends coming. It's getting there. It's going to sell out. Get your tickets. Don't hesitate. It's going to be an amazing show. I got a couple of great openers. It's going to be fun. I talked about I bought a sink. It's one of those weekends where it's like, I bought a sink. I bought a garbage disposal. I bought a microwave and a faucet. And then this week people were supposed to come and install it. I just felt like such a bitch that I wasn't doing any of it myself, that I had to rely on other men to do manly things in my house. And none of it worked.

You know, we've got a granite counter in the kitchen. They took out the old sink and the new sink is about a half an inch wider. So it didn't fit. So now we got to get another guy to come in and fucking saw a half an inch of granite, which is going to just make dust everywhere in the kitchen.

Whatever. My life's not that bad. How about Paramount Plus? We go to watch some Paramount Plus last night. We want to watch A Gentleman in Moscow. So I sign up for a membership on the television. And then it won't work. I cannot get to the channel without them forcing me to upgrade to a higher level, which I don't want to do because I only need to see one episode. We saw the other episodes. We needed one more. Couldn't do it. So then I was like, fuck this. I'm canceling. And so the only way to cancel is to go on an Android device and get on their app, Google Play.

Android device and get on their app, Google Play. You can't get Google Play on a MacBook or on an iPhone. So I can't cancel it. I spend an hour and then I call customer service. It's another half an hour. Also, I can cancel a service I ordered in four seconds. You can order it in four seconds, but you got to go through fucking, oh, fuck Paramount Plus. That's my message for today. This is a negative way to start a podcast. I should be positive. This weekend's going to be amazing. We're going to, we're flying to Vegas, me and the wife, Erin, the lovely Erin.

We're flying to Las Vegas, Nevada, and we're going to see The Grateful Dead or The Dead and Company at the Sphere. And we got dead center seats in the middle of the theater, which is I guess where you're supposed to be. Bringing some mushrooms. And we are going to just groove. We got a nice hotel. I got everything with points. My flight, my hotel, my buddy Dan Brickner, shout out in Philly, gave me the seats because he couldn't use them. This is just going to be a great weekend. We're going to a nice Italian restaurant at the hotel we're at and flying back the next day.

I love seeing the dead. I used to see the dead a lot when I was a kid, when I was a teenager, and just the greatest positive experience. And so that's coming up. Watched a special last night about animals. I love watching Animal Planet stuff. And there was a sloth kind of a thing trying to get laid. And it was all about mating and about how this sloth, what they will do to mate.

And they make these mating calls. And there's only like a couple chicks in the area. these mating calls and there's only like a couple chicks in the area so the guy listens and he hears like a mating call from way far away and this is a sloth so it takes him forever to get down the tree he's got to go across a river he he goes about one mile an hour through a river gets to the other side he's slothing along it takes him like a day to gets to the other side, is sloughing along. It takes him like a day to get to this other tree. He tracks the sound, climbs up, it gets to her. And, you know, she may attack him. The other males may attack him on the way over. He has one fight. And then he gets there. It lasts about eight seconds.

And then she attacks him. And I just think, Jesus Christ, all this to get laid. You know? And me, all I got to do to get laid is I just got to listen. What'd you do today, honey? Tell me everything. Just listen while I'm doing the dishes. For 12 minutes. and boom, in.

Nobody's going to scratch me or bite me for an unwanted move. The unwanted move, worst I get is kind of a whimper and a lame excuse. I can handle that. There's no permanent scar or possible death from that. That's fine. Life's good, I guess is what I'm saying. Life's of all humans that have existed over billions of years. Hot showers. All the things we take for granted. Just in the last hundred years.

And all we do is complain. Well, it's all going to end soon. That's, I guess, the downside. Is the death of our grandchildren. But whatever. We should be enjoying this moment. That's, I guess, the downside is the death of our grandchildren. But whatever. We should be enjoying this moment. I was thinking about racism and how we're racist against the wrong people. Like in America, it's like Latinos, black people, Jewish people.

And what what did they ever do to us? You know, like racism should be directed at the really evil people in history. British, the Germans, even the Dutch. Like what have Latinos done? What are the racial stereotypes they're lazy are you fucking kidding me these are the hardest working people I've ever known they build our houses for us for almost nothing and I'm not saying all Latinos I'm saying recent immigrants work their fucking asses off do your your lawn. Watch your kids.

Work three jobs. Good family people. They don't get divorced. You know? And, oh, black people. What's your gripe with, why is there so much racism against black people? Well, they have a bad attitude.

Do they? Huh. Well, they were kind of working for free for about a hundred years that might have I don't know I know I'm supposed to get over that and everybody's supposed to just get over that but there may be some residual anger a little bit and I think that's might be on us a little bit maybe I know you I know you can't say that but the Jews, why do we hate the Jews? What the fuck did the Jews ever do to us except give us, again, hard work, education, family, strong sense of family, and the movies? How about that? The Jews in the 1920s or 30s, whenever movies started, couldn't get jobs. And so a few started the studios in Hollywood and they brought us the institution that drives all happiness in this country. movies. You know those things that you work all day, you commute to work, you bust your ass for

a bad boss. You come home, you shop, you cook, you clean, you put kids to bed. Now you got two hours. These are the only two hours to really enjoy. And what do you do? You put a movie on from the Jewish people. They gave you that. And what do you do? You call them a million. I'm not going to name the names, the slurs against the Jews. Even Jews, I guess you shouldn't say. But you know what I'm talking about. What the fuck did they do?

Meanwhile, the Germans started both world wars, literally. Created fucking millions of deaths. Dozens of millions of deaths, what have they done, what have they possibly done, the Scorpions, the only band to ever come out of Germany, the Scorpions, the fucking winds of change, what are you, shit me, well, rock you like a hurricane, shit me? Well, rock you like a hurricane. I'll give him that. Here I am. Rock you like a hurricane. That's a, that's a pickup line right there. And so what do we do? What are the slanders against them? We, we tease them for, because they have some kinky sex on porn videos. We call them krauts. videos. We call them krauts. Oh, that's a harsh one. Krauts. Because they eat sauerkraut. Think of the words we call Jews and blacks and Mexicans, Latinos. Then you get the English,

who literally dominated, colonized, destroyed cultures. The British, you ready for this? They controlled 20% of the world in the 1920s. And they were such douchebags that they lost it all. What do they got left? They got England, Scotland, the shitty part of Ireland, the poorest part of Ireland. And what do they got, like a timeshare in the Canary Islands? That's all that's left because they blew it because there were such assholes. And now, you know, 30 million Indians died of starvation under the British while they shipped wheat out of India while famine was raging. Same thing to the Irish in the 1840s. They fucking starved us while they took all of our agriculture and shipped it out, put us on farms like fucking,

it was brutal. And a million Irish died, another million emigrated. It was awful. The Bengalis, a million of them died. And you know what Winston Churchill said as they were taking food out of the country? He goes, I hate Indians. They are beastly people with a beastly religion. The famine was their own fault for breeding like rabbits. Kenyan concentration camps. I mean, and what do we say about that? Oh, and now we cry when the queen dies? We talk endlessly about a prince who married a black woman. Oh, oh.

That's what we care. That's what all our magazines are filled with. And what's the racist jargon against them them i can't even think of one we call them the brits i can't think of a single racial slander for the british people there isn't one they get off the hook the dutch brutal colonizers destroyed africa and now we tease them oh they wear wooden shoes dirty dirty dirty dirt Brutal colonizers destroyed Africa. And now he teased them. Oh, they wore wooden shoes. Dirty, dirty, dirty, dirt.

Let's smoke pot. Let's have it. Let's go to a hash bar. Dirty, dirt. Get a hooker and a window. Dirty, dirt. So I guess that's today's message. Be racist correctly.

The people that deserve it. All right. What do we got? Don't forget, rate it. Leave a comment on Apple Podcasts. Helps out the show a lot. Write me at Greg Fitz. Greg Fitz.

What is it? FitzDogRadio at gmail.com. Send me a lot. Write me at Greg Fitz, Greg Fitz, what is it? Fitzdogradio at gmail.com. Send me a note. I'll send you something back. Weigh in on the show. Don't forget it's on YouTube if you're not watching it on the Greg Fitzsimmons channel. Good shows coming up. I got Tim Robbins was this past week. People raved about it. I got part two coming up in a couple weeks. I'm spreading it out. And then Paul Verzi is this week. Rachel Feinstein's coming up. Harlan Williams is coming up.

Andy Richter is coming up. So make sure you subscribe so you don't miss anything. Stand-up dates, as I said, Mimarinik, New York, the Emlyn Theater, May 31st. Escondido, outside of San Diego, at the Grand Comedy Club, June 7th through 8th. Pittsburgh at the WDVE Festival, June 21st. I think with Harlan Williams as well. All right, my guest today is a guy who is blowing up.

His stand-up is blowing up. He's playing big places. He's been grinding for years, and now it's kind of really paying off for him. He's got a couple podcasts, The Verzi Effect and Anything Better, which he does with Burr, Bill Burr. He's done big shows with him at the Madison Square Garden. He's been touring the world with Burr. Burr produced his first special.

His second special, Nocturnal Emissions, came out in 2022. Anyway, we're going to talk all about everything that's going on with him, but had a great chat with him. Such a funny fucking dude. We're from the same part of New York. We grew up in the same area. A lot to talk about. Please enjoy my chat with Paul Verzi. Welcome to FitzDog Radio. My name's Greg Fitzsimmons. My guest is Paul Verzi. He is a, what are you, Italian? And Greek. No shit.

A lot of people think I'm just Italian because of my name and how I look, but my mother's 100% Greek. Well, that's good news. So 50-50. It's not all Italian. Yeah, my father's Sicilian, my mother's Greek. Damn. 50-50.

Is that a point of pride for Italians to say I'm Sicilian Instead of just Italian Well my father would always Tell us that it's better He would go listen We're Sicilian is better Yeah He would always say that Right

He would say we're from You know we're from It's like an elite island Yeah It's like He would talk to us Like it was like this We were the elite Italians

Yes He goes there's Italian But then there's us It's a little But In the movie Was it True Romance It was True Romance Where Christopher Walken Has that talk about Sicilians And he calls you guys About the tribe italian but then there's us it's a little but in the movie was it true romance where christopher

walken has that talk about sicilians and he calls you guys the about the tribe of the more tribe going into uh sicily yeah changing blonde hair blue eyes to this yeah have you done the ancestry dna to see if you got a little more i i did more or less it's so funny my dad is so prideful and he loved the movie but he's like that's that's exaggerated that's a movie yeah he can't handle that yeah he couldn't meanwhile it's 12 miles away yeah there might have been some I always said how great would a sketch be I don't think you could do it today but like back when Chappelle show if they took like a an Italian neighborhood in Brooklyn like Bensonhurst and they all did 23 and me's and they found out

right yeah they would literally they would blow up to 23 they'd be like where'sst and they all did 23 and me's and they found out. Right. Yeah. They would literally, they would blow up to 23. They'd be like, where's the building? They would find the head guy and kill the head guy. Yeah. They would want to torch the building,

but they don't understand that internet doesn't have one. It's just out there. And now, and now that you've listed yourself, your cousin Vinnie, who robbed a house in Staten Island is gonna get dna tracked by your stupid search for whether or not you have more in you that's great that's great yeah so he was very much like i remember one time my first bio for comedy yeah it said like oh he comes i come from

like paul comes from italian and greek heritage And my dad read it. Yeah. And he goes, you know, he goes, why confuse people? Yeah. You know, because of how I look at my name. He goes, leave the Greek out. No need to confuse. Can you put that bottle down? Oh, sure. Yeah.

Uh-huh. Yeah. He would just be like, leave that out. You know, his typical narcissistic father. Did he hit you? Because Italians hit. I'm Irish. I got hit.

They were divorced when i was five and my older brother christian was 10 yeah so it was we just visited him right on like he we would spend the whole day sunday with him and we'd go to my grandmother so there wasn't really there was no time there was no time to discipline you would have to walk in and be like if he hit me i would never go back yeah right i'd just be like i'm gonna yeah yeah so i didn't get no i didn't get that maybe that's the secret to stopping child abuse is just don't let the dad around that much yeah just limit it so he's on cutoff point right i mean that's essentially what divorce is yeah kids get the best version of both their parents yeah because they have to it's like ordered by the court yeah because you can then you give the kid the power to go i'm not going there he hits me when i'm right yeah

i'm not going to get reviews it's like a yelp yeah i never got my mom now my mom would if i was really bad like really bad and the greeks would get the wooden spoon so my grandmother would chase me around the table with a wooden spoon, just like a quick whack. Yeah. But you have to do something really bad. Yeah. You know, but I lived with them. So that's why it was okay. So it was your mom and who else? Did she have relatives around? Yeah. My mom, my aunt was in Long Island. Um, my grandmother was in Yonkers. Yeah. So yeah, my, my mom was, where did she, where'd you grow up well i was born in yonkers yeah but i was always a westchester guy all over westchester and then for high school i moved which was really tough for me i think that's why i'm a comedian today because uh i had like i was doing

well and like i was settled in this thing and then what town were you great i moved i was in um i was in harrison harrison school district harrison. Yeah, it was a good school district. And I was like, it's funny we're talking about this because I was talking about this to somebody going, man, the direction I went. Because we're in Harrison, settled in, I'm there, and then all of a sudden after seventh grade, we move upstate to Dutchess County.

Oh, that's way up there. It's a gigantic school district. Yeah. It was like 93, like Route 9 wasn't developed yet. I saw cows on It's a gigantic school district. Yeah. It was like 93. Like, Route 9 wasn't developed yet. Uh-huh. I saw cows on the way to school start crying. Yeah. You know, how can you do this to me?

Right. And I would take the train down on weekends to see my old friends until that faded away. And then that's when older kids and partying and doing stupid shit for acceptance came in. Right. Because it was a bigger district. I had to. Right. And I had to adapt and adjust.

And that's, you know, that's why sports went away. Because I was always athletic. I'm a bigger district. I had to. And I had to adapt and adjust. And that's why sports went away because I was always athletic. I'm a good athlete. And you stopped in high school? I stopped because when I moved, I was just devastated. I started to try out and then I realized I was set to really

have the core of friends and come up and play sports. And then I just moved and I was devastated. So then older kids would be like, oh,'s funny let's take this kid yeah and then they was doing bad shit and i got caught up in that jesus yeah that's weird up there my sister lives up around there she's in courtland manor and uh it's weird because like i grew up in tarrytown oh okay yeah i did my first special there at the musical oh you

I did my first special there yeah we filmed it in 17 it came out on Comedy Central in 18 no shit Tarrytown musical oh that's hilarious

you did your first one it was like 1884 or something it's a beautiful theater and they had to they had to the only issue and if I'd known

I would have probably done it somewhere else the air conditioning it's such an old building yeah that the air conditioning had to go off for the actual taping

and it was hot in there. Oh, right. So they pumped it in between shows. The first show, I never sweated like that. I'm like, I'm having a good set

and I was just sweating. Yeah. And I go, guys, you know, everybody was like, you got to crank it and then shut it

right before the show because I didn't realize it's such an old building. Dude, when I was a kid, the music hall was in disrepair it was like this old shuttered building and then they opened it up just to watch movies so when i was a kid i saw like herbie herbie the love bug there oh okay like i remember when i was a teenager we we went back and saw animal house like nine times in that theater and then they put and then there was a fire and after the

fire they got the community to pour money in and they completely rebuilt it okay and they shot uh boardwalk empire shot some theater scenes in there really when they came in you talk about the money hbo spends on tv shows i've written on two different hbo shows okay and it's mind boggling. We shot, when I wrote on crashing, we shot John Mulaney, a town hall. Okay. We paid 700 extras to sit there for the day to shoot a 30 second shot of Mulaney doing standup in town hall. Wow. So when we went to the, when they came to the music hall for boardwalk empire, they wanted everything to be whatever. What was that year? 1930 or so Boardwalk Empire. Yeah. 30s. Yep. So they they reupholstered. Wow. The the walls, they replaced the light bulbs with exact the exact round light bulbs that had been around then. Yeah. I mean,

everything. Wow. And so when when i came in we shot a lot of that in the special a lot of the backstage did it look incredible it looked amazing the only problem is i'm a club comic yeah you know my rhythm and my energy is for a club and all of a sudden i'm shooting in a what is that 1500 seats what a terrytown yeah yeah it's like it's like a thousand yeah no no it's more than that is it yeah yeah yeah okay balcony so oh that's right yeah i didn't i look at the special now and i feel like i'm projecting more than i normally do oh did you feel like you were in the same regular rhythm what i know what threw my rhythm off uh and i had to adjust in between shows that's why the majority of the special is the second show what What I didn't like, it was bright in there.

Yeah. It was almost too bright. Like, I saw people in the balcony. Yeah. I could see them. Right. And I'm like, this doesn't feel like, and it was my first special, so I didn't know that it was going to be that bright.

So I was like, can you guys kind of like, I mean, I feel like this is like an open cafeteria type thing. I didn't feel good. Right. And then I got through it. I didn't like that I could see. I don't know why clubs haven't figured it out it out yet i mean i guess with specials but like have you done rogan's have you done rogan's new room yeah that little room it's like that and like

the the denver comedy works yeah they just figured it out it's like it's perfect keep it dark keep it dark keep the spotlight here and and that's it low ceil i want to see the first seven or eight rows because then i can talk to them that perfect that's it yep and then just silhouettes like just yeah a hundred percent yeah yeah so that was the one thing so i learned from that but um and i also learned yeah there's like a second delay did you ever hear that did we were talking about delays yesterday did you ever hear that story about regan playing where the where the gators play yeah where the gators play oh that that big florida there's like yeah there's like a hundred thousand people yeah i don't know if they've done it every year for like 25 years yeah i don't know if they do it anymore

but like i think like i know brewer has done it and we did it but regan's got this thing where like regan was up there and he told the joke and it was nothing and he goes on bombing in front of a hundred thousand but then like five seconds later because it was so big because it was nothing and he goes on bombing in front of 100,000 but then like five seconds later you're because it was so big because it was open outside. Yeah, but that's got to be Patrick. Dude, when Dice played there at his prime

so this would have been like you know, 1989 or something. Okay, yeah. So he goes down there and he's got you know Lenny Clark from Boston? Of course. Yeah.

So the great who is a just a firestorm of comedy he's got more charisma yeah that guy consistently kills they didn't give a shit because they want to see dice so he gets up there oh no and they're chanting dice they won't listen to him hundred thousand people so he kind of knew this was going to happen so he had a chair and he sat down in the chair took off his shoes took off his socks he pulled out some nail clippers because they got a big jumbotron and they they they focused on his feet and he goes i don't give a shit he goes i gotta

do i gotta do 15 minutes you guys do whatever you want. And he started clipping his nails. His ugly Boston Irish dried out long nails. And the crowd started dying. Going nuts? They went nuts. Oh, that's so smart. And he got them back. Isn't that great? Oh, that is so great.

Because he's like, I got to kill the time. That's fantastic, dude. Well, I mean, you know, look, you and Burr are tight. And, you know know it's so funny what can launch a career it's such a lesson in show up every night yep ready and give it 100 i got a development deal in west orange new jersey because the head of development for cbs was visiting her parents for christmas and just wanted to get out of the house. So she came to the local comedy club. I got a development deal. Wow.

That's yeah. Bill Burr goes to, is it Phil? A Philly of course. Yeah. And he's got, who was it that they were chanting for that? They didn't want to see him.

No, I think, I think Dom Herrera went on before Bill and they were like, like really being, and Dom's from Philly. Yeah. And they were being like, not cool to Dom.

Okay. And Bill goes, you know what? Fuck these people. Okay. Because he saw that. Yeah. And then he kind of knew

that it was probably gonna, it was gonna happen to him. So he just kind of, when they started booing or when they started being like that, he just, he was like, he leaned into it.

Yeah. And they're Opie and Anthony fans. So there's nuts. It was Opie and Anthony fans. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And so he, I mean,

if you've never seen the clip, which I imagine imagine 90 of the people that watch this podcast have seen the clip look up philadelphia bill burr hecklers and it's like you know a master class in how to deal with it just it just just owning it and that yeah literally put Bill on the map. I mean, he was known at that point. But it's funny when, I mean, try to think about other flashpoint moments for comedians. Well, Vic DiBattetto, you know Vic? Of course. He did a 16-second, remember?

He did a 16-second clip. I got to get the bread and milk. Because making fun of people in a snowstorm? Right. He started doing theaters after it. Yeah. He was just like a journeyman. Right, right. And then he go, I got to get the bread and milk and he panicked he got in the car he looked around and it just went viral viral and he started you know it's yeah it's right it I think in today's climate with the social media and with everything did you see that baby reindeer no dude

it's good dude it's well here's the deal somebody told me to see we're in the green room at the stand the other night. And someone goes, hey, Paul, you got to see Baby Reindeer, man. And I go, all right. And then I watch this thing. It's six episodes, a half hour each, six episodes. And it is some of the most disturbing,

horrible shit that happened to this guy that I got to go back to this guy and go, dude, you got to fucking warn me, man. Like it was. Really? And there were episodes that have disclaimers going, this is very disturbing like it it was really and there were there are episodes that have disclaimers going this is very disturbing if you're and it was yeah it was i mean i'm not going to give too much away but like crazy sexual disturbing what it's about is it's about a guy's a true

story and it's rarely i'm not going to give anything away i I'll just, so I'll tell you what it is. This dude from Scotland is a bartender in London. A woman comes in the bar and heavy set woman. She comes in a bar. She sits there and she's kind of sad and lonely. And, and she's like, I can't afford anything. Can I have a water?

And he goes, Oh, how about I give you a tea? And she becomes enamored with this guy and stalks him for months. Stalks shows up all this stuff. stuff okay now that it's all done she wrote the real woman wrote a memoir saying that that he he was actually a stalker too to her this is based on a real story yeah and here's the deal the guy the guy who plays him is really him no so it's him that's insane it's insane it's never i don't think it's been done. So he's reliving it as himself,

and he's in the bar, and he's doing everything. But then it goes in turns, and he's a stand-up comedian. He wants to be a stand-up comedian. So then he goes to the Edinburgh thing, and it's a disaster, but he meets somebody that's on a show,

and stuff happens. And it is the most disturbing thing, but then one thing happens in a thing where, and this is known, so I'm not giving anything away. He just has a breakdown on stage. Like when it's all kind of done. Yeah.

He's on stage bombing. Okay. I mean a bomb to the point where he's like in the finals of this contest. Yeah. And then he's just, it's nothing. Right. And he just basically goes,

all right, all right. During the set, he just, don't tell me anymore. Yeah. And you got it. And then that went viral. Yeah. Yeah. Um, he just... Don't tell me anymore. Yeah. And then that went viral.

Yeah. But think about other... Okay. Tony Hinchcliffe, who just went on the roast and destroyed. Yeah. And is now selling Madison Square Garden. Yeah. His flashpoint moment was when he did jokes that were deemed offensive to Asian people.

Oh, with that guy. Yes. That blew Tony up. There was a dip. There was a little dip where his agent dropped him, his manager dropped him. Yeah. He got canceled online. Yeah.

And then a phoenix rose from the ashes. Okay. Shane Gillis fired from SNL. Nobody knew who Shane Gillis was. Now, all of a sudden, people knew who he was. Yeah. And he kind of had this badge of honor in the sense that, you know, again, he'd been being canceled is the new doing Johnny Carson.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because Ari Shafir, same thing. Yeah. Because I think what happened is now and look now, now those people that had that happen to them, Shane and Tony. I know.

And Ari. And Ari. It's almost like the shift, the swing happened where it's like oh no he's one of us like yeah it helped yes instead of but if you were first canceled like but it also matters what you were canceled for um it seems like making fun of asian people worked for Shane and Tony. And with Ari was making fun of Kobe Bryant. But anything sexual you were done? Sexual.

Sexual, you're canceled. Well, Louie just played Madison Square Garden. He's back. But there are three or four guys in LA who got sexual charges. And none of them were legal. Like legally charged with anything. No, this was all were, you know, legal. Like legally charged with anything. No, this was all just, you know. Yeah.

That's tough to come back from. It's tough. When it's young ages too and when it's sexual stuff, it's like, because you can't put that person in a movie with the chance that it is real. That's right. That's what it is. Yeah, because with the smoke, there's fire. Because you could even say, hey, man, I like you're you seem like a good dude and there's nothing legally

you did nothing but if i put you in this movie and i can't yeah and and i understand that right you know and i do think and i'm not trying to be a dick but sometimes it all depends like how many charges like there was this nfl player and it was like 22 charges of like the same thing oh yeah yeah even if like 12 13 40 but when there's smoke that much there's got to be a little fire yeah you know right right and uh meanwhile Bill Cosby he's out it was the worst kept secret in Hollywood I've known Cosby was a molester for 15 years and I'm not like a guy on the inside loop I'm not you I'm not like a guy on the inside loop. I'm not you. I'm not represented by William Morris Agency, Endeavor, whatever they call themselves.

No, but I mean, it was something that people knew. They absolutely knew about Harvey Weinstein. There would always be jokes about it. They absolutely knew about Harvey Weinstein. He's out. He's out. Yeah. He's out.

Cosby's out. They're both out of jail. They're both out. Like, they're free. They're free. Oh, that's what you meant. I thought you meant they're out of the business no no no they're they're like out of they're free people yeah you know harvey officially out of jail yeah i think he walked he walked because yeah he's out i gotta tell you something if my wife or daughter had been

molested by either one of those guys yeah and they're free yeah there's gonna be a bullet yeah your freedom and your career are over. Yeah. Yeah. No, your life is over. Yeah. I got to be honest with you. Me too.

Yeah. Me too, man. It's like those sick people need to go. Right. And the fact that like loopholes can free them. Yeah. And Cosby did it arrogantly. He wanted to tour again.

Right. Because he almost acted like that behavior was like normal then. I know. Well, he did jokes about it back in the 70s. He talked about Spanish fly. Oh, Spanish fly in the drink.

Yeah. Me and my friends used to do Spanish fly. And it was a regular joke. Yeah. The worst thing I heard about that was when like

one of the women were like coming to after being knocked out and she was like throwing up in the toilet. He's like holding her hair back going, you'll be all right. You're fine. It's okay. Dude, that's like monster up in the toilet he's like holding her hair back going you'll be all right you're fine it's okay like i'm like dude that's like

monster it's monster that's killer yeah they can do a movie of that and if so who plays him that's a great question and i would say you'd have to do them you'd have to do a movie in time maybe not now but in 10 years who's gonna play him that's a good one i could see um what's his name from uh the rwanda movie oh my god that's good i was actually thinking yeah i know exactly what you're talking about i don't know his name but yeah that's a good one anybody hotel rwanda what was the is he he's british right no he's not british no no okay anyway anyway who would play you in your life story movie

assuming your life gets better because nobody's making a movie about yeah a guy who lives in northern Westchester yeah northern Westchester

doing you know doing strip telling dick jokes in strip malls I mean it's a short film Jerry Ferrara Jerry Ferrara Jerry Ferrara

is that the guy from who played Turtle in Entourage. Yeah. Yeah, I like that. I like that. That would be a good one. Yeah, because I always get that. And we talk the same.

Uh-huh. We like the same. We did a podcast together, and people were like, this is freaking me out. I got to turn it off. We were like, we sound the same. We like the same teams. It's true. It's like, he's the actor, and I'm the comedian, but we're the same person.

That's hilarious. Yeah. And Verzi and Ferrara are're the same person yeah and verzi and ferrara are in the same village in sicily so my aunt actually heard me and jerry on a podcast and she goes you know you might be related to him well yeah you're both black a little bit but we both have a little more and that's a little more yeah who's got more who would play you um i'd like to see um what's his name uh my i'm not pulling up names today uh all right all right all right all right what's his name oh uh uh matthew mcconaughey i could see if he shaved his head and got thinner,

I could see Matt Damon being you. Here we go. That's good. If Matt Damon shaved his head and got thinner, I could see it. Or the other guy, Woody Harrelson, maybe. Oh, okay. Yeah.

But we're both picking older people to play us. We need a younger person to play us. Yeah, young. That's true. You know, my whole life growing up and when there's pictures, if you see pictures of me like, you know, with hair and the tail and everything, I looked very much like Ralph Macchio as a kid. Oh. Very much.

And you sound like him. Yeah, very much. He was like 50 when he took her out. Right, right. He aged great. He looks great. Yeah, he did. He looks good.

He looks great. Yeah. So you're in town doing, it's the LA Comedy Festival. The Netflix. The Netflix Comedy Festival. Is a joke, which, by the way, is there a worse title for a festival? Is a joke. Yeah.

Netflix is a joke? Yeah, I don't. Huh? I know. And there's a lot of, like, this is a thing. Like, there's so many shows on the same night. Too many shows. And there's not, like like they're not giving passes

yeah so you got to pay top dollar for everything we're like other festivals and hopefully they fix this but you buy a badge yeah and maybe that badge allows you five shows so you go get to see or something right now it's like no if you want to go to this one that one i'm doing the um i'm doing the troubadour tomorrow night well this this isn't airing for a couple weeks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You will have done it. You will have sold it out. You will have gotten a standing ovation.

That's the plan. But it's tough because LA is so spread out. They got shows in East, in Los Feliz. They got them at the store. They got them at different theaters. I did a show last night at a mall above Man's Chinese Theater. Okay. There was fucking nobody there.

I couldn't find it. It took me 20 minutes. And was it part of the festival? Yeah, it's a brand new club. What was it called? Was it a lounge? It was something lounge. Hotel couch.

Okay, a lounge. Cuckoo Boo Lounge. Some weird name. Okay, okay yeah yeah and uh great lineup and how many three quarters empty okay yeah yeah yeah no it's it's but i hear that's happening i heard like there's great comedians that are either getting shows canceled or nobody's there because yeah you got a you got one at the forum you got one at the palladium and you're going up against chapelle at the hollywood ball or mulaney at wherever yeah like i think when i'm doing the troubadour kevin hart's at the forum yeah you know it's a it's everybody's here so uh but look i'm i'm happy to be here go have a good

time and yeah fly out right you know hey uh golf was great golf was great that's a big reason i came yeah early i could have flown in today and just got rest and do my show tomorrow but when they were like hey you want to do this golf thing i love golf so yeah so did you have a good time how'd you shoot uh i shot an 83 no yeah well you know you're using the best drive right right i'm normally more of like an 87 guy oh that's great yeah i'm if i shoot like under 95 i'm happy happy. Yeah. You know, I'm happy. But that course is, you know what? It's a fair course. There's no water.

Yeah. The rough and the fairway, the ball is Riviera, which is I consider the best club in Los Angeles. The ball sits up on that nice stiff fairway. It was almost like a carpet. It was incredible. A lot of sand, though. A lot of sand.

There was one hole where I drove beautifully, perfectly right down the middle, and it was in like a carpet. It was incredible. A lot of sand, though. A lot of sand. There was one hole where I drove beautifully, perfectly right down the middle, and it was in a sand trap. Right down. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know that hole that's in the front? Yeah. And I was like, dude.

But it was cool. Drew Bledsoe was... You know what's funny? These professional athletes that do these things, you think they're going to be good, and he ended up being. But it took him seven holes. He was shanking shit.

Oh, you played with Bledsoe? Bledsoe. Oh. And he was shanking shit. Oh, you played with Bledsoe? Bledsoe. Oh. And he was, like, shanking shit. Yeah, yeah. And he's like, guys, just so you know, I really do play golf. And then, dude, after, like, the seventh hole, there was one hole, 430 yards. He hit it.

I'm not joking. He hit his drive 335. No. It was, I just disappeared. Dude, and he's got to be in his late 40s. Probably early 50s. Early 50s. 50s i mean just destroyed the ball he hit it 335 wow he was basically like 60 out or 50 out after the thing

on a par four damn yeah it was cool but that that club was incredible i played golf with uh you know robbie gold the uh yeah kicker yeah i played one of these tournaments with him and he's a two handicap he's been playing the game for 10 years oh my god i mean these guys are just they're just yeah and they're competitive so if it's not working they're not like us where we go laugh it off and tell our wife i suck yeah like he's like oh we're gonna become a member and right we're gonna take lessons and I'm going to figure this out. Did you think when a kid that when you were a kid that you would be, you'd love golf when you got older?

No. Yeah. No, not, not even close. It was like a joke when you were a kid, right? Yeah. What happened was I had a friend who was really good in high school. He got a ride to Villanova to play. Oh.

And I went to the range with him and where he worked. And he's just like, hey, man, take this driver. Let me show you some things. And then he started to show me. And then I was like, oh, OK. And then I started to get a little bit of a bug. There is a stigma about it. And sometimes like Carlin ripped golf apart. It really made me go. It made me look at myself with shame. The homeless. Yeah. It's such a great routine oh it's amazing and uh so there's always been a stigma with golf where sometimes i go like like we're at this tournament i was like all right this is a great event for all the white comedians and i'm putting my my bag on the cart and i look to my left and it's kat williams i know and i talked to kat williams for like 20 minutes

what a good dude dude i met kat williams and i had to meet him and say something normally i don't right yeah like but i saw him and he was walking down and i just said hey dude i just gotta tell you man i was like i think you're great and everything he was really really nice and um you know i introduced myself and i think he kind of knew who i was because of the net when i had the netflix thing he's i think he saw it like he's all my name he didn't watch a special i'm'm sure. But he knew, and I just go, I just want to tell you,

he was just so nice. Yeah. And he was so quiet and calm. Gentle. Yeah. Yeah, and just so, really just seemed like such a good guy. And he talked about golf.

Have you seen his interviews at golf? Yeah. He's just like, all the emotions of real life are like in golf. Yeah, you have obstacles that you have to push through. Yeah, yeah.

And he's just like, and he loves it. Like, there was a clip of him.'s at tpc sawgrass oh really oh yeah like he i think like this is becoming his like yeah well it really works with being a comic on the road because you got your days free amazing you got a lot of free time it's social get some sun yeah you know i i love god i don't like the guys that are like fuck god it's like you know you're mentally weak yeah because golf is a you gotta be it's like like if me and you go to golf right together yeah i'm not playing against you no i'm playing against me exactly you know it's like you you shoot in the 80s i'm like i just want to have a good round and be better than i

normally am or like at the best i can be and it's a mental game and you think about things and people oh do your arm like that and then the guy goes go like this then turn all these different things you have to think about right well it's also about being in the moment because if you're thinking about your last shot you will go on a bad streak you have to let go you have to really and when i say let go you gotta physically drop your shoulders and when and that's why i like walking instead of taking a cart i like that time like i carry my bag normally and i like that time to walk to the ball and get grounded and then you know and each shot it's literally every second if you have too many swing thoughts yeah you're not gonna hit the ball well you have to you have

got to get it down to one thought yes and do you notice when you hit a good one like you go on you could go on a little run right oh yeah like when you get hot it's like a few holes where like a par par birdie par it's the best look at the pros you get a guy who's in the lead on thursday he jumps ahead on thursday and sometimes he stays in the lead for four days by two strokes yeah like somehow in this threading the needle game where you have to like you said with the sand trap in the fairway like yeah you can get in a hazard at any time and add two strokes here and yet these motherfuckers somehow mentally stay so focused that they can remain at the top for four days. I like, though, the opposite, where when the guy, when you see a pro fuck up.

Yeah. Like, I watched Justin Thomas, and Justin Thomas had probably, he was probably like, it was probably like a six-footer. Yeah. And he lined it up, and you could tell when he lined it up,

he was like, I'm going to hit this, it's going to, and it just went on the, like, the outside and missed, and he, on TV, he goes, you got to be fucking kidding me. Right, you saw that and they

had it on the camera and it's like that's such a real moment because that's us you do really it's a shame i like the tournaments where they don't cut anybody like i think i'm is it do they have those i didn't have this well you know the um the live events don't cut okay everybody plays okay um but uh i have a my cousin is a pro golfer oh is that right you ever heard of denny mccarthy yes yeah he just went into sudden death in a tournament like four weeks ago i've seen that name on the he's he's ranked the number one putter in the pga tour yeah i've definitely seen mccarthy on the yeah yeah yeah okay he's always in the top 20 he's ranked number 30 in the world. Okay. So I watch him, and so I've never focused on one golfer as much as – like literally every week I check my phone.

P.J. Lederberg, where is he? Where is he? Sure. And with him, I see every year he mentally gets a little tougher. He hangs in that – because he gets in that top group a lot, but then he's always had bad weekends. He always drops. And then this past couple years, he stays up there.

He's sticking it out. Yeah. How old is he? 29, maybe. Oh, wow. 30? Okay. So he's got it.

It's in front of him. Yeah, he's got some time. He's got some time, yeah. Yeah, I played with this guy, Austin Smotherman. I don't know if you know that dude, but I played with him. He's like, he's just coming up. Oh, yeah? And great guy. I did an event with him. His wife was pregnant at the time. Now they have a, now they have a daughter, but such a good guy. And like, when you watch these guys strike a ball, it's insane. Yeah. Golfers tend to be pretty nice guys. Although

somebody has to work, they need to bring in comedians and meet with you know justin thomas or mickelson and say all right here's how you speak in front of a camera tell a joke yeah be self-deprecating smile smile smile joke about yourself and then just yeah some guys just don't have some guys just can't do it yeah they just they're so goddamn boring you know the shambo and they're just they have no personalities at all scotty sheffler who i love he's another like the worst i love watching his game yeah but i he did you see what he came out he's like look i don't even like golf that much yeah yeah he's like i'm thinking about getting home to my but i think that that's why he's the same guy uh on the denver nuggets the joker he didn't want to stay for the parade he didn't want to stay for the parade. He didn't want to stay for the parade. He's like, when can I go?

He came into camp this year looking like, all right. He wants to go home and play with his horses. He's got horses back in fucking Estonia or some shit town. And that town, what town is it? Which country is he from? Is it Romania? No. No, is it?

It's Croatia, I think. Oh, is it Croatia? Yeah Croatia yeah Croatia has this factory that's turning out NBA players there's this one coach who's apparently like a savant okay and I mean it helps when you're six foot eight or whatever that guy is but yeah yeah but he's turning out big players yeah Croatia's got some guys they uh that is unbelievable. Yeah, I notice people that don't care. Not that they don't care because they all, listen, you're not going to do it for a living and leave your country and be gone. You care, but I don't think they take it with them.

And that's why Eli Manning won those Super Bowls. Yeah. Because when you listen to Archie Manning talk about Peyton and Eli, he said, he goes, my older son, he said, Peyton reads the paper. Peyton takes the criticism. He goes, Eli's going to do whatever he's going to do. And he's like, it's water off. And he's like, that guy's going home and watching a movie with his kids.

He blocks it. And I think that having that in a big game, and I hate to say this because Peyton Manning's a great player. Peyton Manning threw a pick six to lose a Super Bowl. Eli Manning goes through these things and he just lets it rip and that's it I think there's something to that right you can see it in their personalities you know like uh yeah Eli just has that kind of hang dog he looks yeah so when you watch sports yeah like how do you justify you have a kid right I have two you have two kids how do you justify? You have a kid, right? I have two. You have two kids. How do you justify that? Because I found when my kids were young, because your kids are a lot younger than mine, I got a lot of shit. There was not sitting on the couch when kids are young.

No, listen. Right now, I'm in the heart of, I'm in the thick of all their games. How old are they now? My son is 14. He'll be 15 soon. My daughter just last week turned 12. Okay. Okay. Okay.

And they are both, my son is an, both of them are extraordinary athletes in basketball. Yeah. To the point where my son is, I'm not even joking, like NBA players talk about him. Well, he's part black. He's, you know what's funny is he looks Scandinavian. My wife is like blonde hair blue. Oh, really? My wife is Scandinavian.

She's like Swedish and Finnish. Yeah. So my son has like my demeanor and everything, but he's got like, he looks like he's from Norway. Yeah. And in the womb, the Nazis took over. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

And so he's got an amazing jump shot. How tall is he? He's a little taller than me now. So I'm 5'8", exactly. He's about 5'9", 5'9.5", and didn't have his spurt yet. Yeah. But he's like, he just shoots the lights out. Really?

He's so into the Knicks. My daughter is the best sixth grade basketball player. So in the grade, she's the one. So she's, but it's so funny, they're different. He's like a Steph Curry or a Ray Allen. Uh-huh. And she's like a Draymond Green. She just bulldozes.

She gets it. She's like a scrapper. Right. But they're into the sports too but the knicks like my son will watch the nick game with me yeah but if they have practice in the games like i like when i go home on sunday it's mother's day yeah and i'm like oh the knicks are game is game and she's like you're not like it's mother's day right and i'm like all right like we'll figure it out yeah yeah you know but yeah no yeah, no, I can't do – I got to be – So Knicks are up 2-0 on the Pacers right now?

Knicks are up 2-0 on the Pacers right now. Semi-finals of the conference. What's your forecast for the NBA finals? I think the Knicks are going to go to the Eastern Conference finals against the Celtics. And, look, I think we can give them a fight, but I think our injuries are really bad, man. Yeah.

We don't have Julius Randle. We don't have Mitchell Robinson. Our best defender got hurt last night uh og and anobi with it with the hamstring we don't know when he's coming back it's gonna be a lot they're putting so much on brunson is the season too long is that why there's so many injuries i think so i think the 82 games is just so much for basketball i think that they took that down even by like 15 games, it would just be... You'd have more guys healthy for the playoffs. Yeah, because these guys are lazy, darn it. You could tell. You could tell they take, you know, LeBron.

LeBron, like after he had the scoring thing, that he passed Kareem, he went out and partied. And then the next day they're like, oh, he's going to take a rest. You know, he's fucking hungover. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, they don't... Michael Jordan always used to say that too.

He's like, I have to smoke... Michael Jordan said, I have to smoke weed to get through the season. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, yeah. Those guys were smoking, doing all that stuff. So there's no drug testing in basketball. No. Maybe steroids, but they didn't care about, you know.

They all smoke. They did with Brittany Griner. Kevin Durant plays high. No. Oh, yeah. Kevin Durant smokes weed before games. Just said it. Oh, yeah. Kevin Durant smokes weed before games. Just said it.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, those guys, I would say. You want to know my percentage? I bet you when you're watching an NBA game, I would say 30% to 40% of the guys out there are high on weed. That's amazing. Yeah. They should change the music in the arena. Just put on reggae.

The opposing. To get the opposing team tired. Play some psychedelic lights. Kenny G. Yeah, when they have the ball, you put on the Eagles. I didn't realize that professional teams do fuck with other teams, like the Miami Dolphins. You know about the side with the sun.

Oh, right. So the opposing team is just baking yeah in the sun and the dolphins are in the shade that's like they designed it for that well are the the biggest fuck is having to play an away game in denver i mean oh my god what a huge disadvantage at that altitude it is it is yeah do you like denver the broncos? No, no. It's like Denver. The city? Oh, I love it. Isn't it great? I feel like if I had to pick a city to live in outside of New York or LA, I think Denver would probably be my first choice because it's sunny.

It may get cold in the winter, but it's always bright. I played golf with my uncle, rest his soul. I played golf with him. How long ago did he die? He died a few years ago, yeah. I was trying to gauge whether or not i should say i'm sorry what's the cutoff on that i i want to say two years yeah i don't think three counts no i did two right i that's good yeah two two is right and i think it also depends on how well i know you whether it's a father or an uncle.

That's true. How did he die? Just like he was sick for a long time and he was just fighting through it. So everybody said goodbye. Yes. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Yeah.

And like don't cry about like a distant uncle that you didn't. No. You know, that's. Yeah. Yeah. It's like. You know, if you're not inheriting money, don't cry. Those are tears of joy.

Yeah. You can't be like my mother's third cousin. I'm like, dude, I'm sorry. What are we doing here? That's when you realize someone's got some unfinished emotional business. They're just using this as an opportunity to ball. Yeah. Those people are funny the emotional people yeah that they're they're looking for it right right what's this really about yeah it's like oh your therapy got canceled this week yeah right right well it's the same thing as road rage what are you really angry what are you projecting yeah um no i'm playing golf in denver and it was the most beautiful

it's 90 degrees greg felt like 75 because there's no humidity. We're on a fairway, and you see the snow-capped mountains. It was like I was standing in a picture. It's amazing. And you go up a club or down a club because of the air. The ball flies. Yeah. And the comedy scene there is just...

Comedy scene's great. Denver Comedy Works is my second favorite club in the country. What's your first? I never say. I know what it is well well what dc improv nope okay dc improv is a good one i always say second favorite because i don't want another club to go i thought we were your favorite got it so i always say second okay they may in fact be my first uh okay smart smart i couldn't believe how good that room was like i heard about it yeah and then i went up there and i was just like this is it is i mean it's like god came down and designed a club low ceilings the seats grade up as they go back it's pie shaped it's insane

the acoustics are insane it's a good size stage and also the people in denver they got that like cowboy mentality like there's a lot of energy they're like they whoop it up they're so happy you're there yes and i love that yeah i love i i noticed wisconsin people are like that too yeah but that's a different that's it's a different person that's that they're re like you said that's that thank you thank you for coming to wisconsin it's so funny you said that i had a line of people outside not for like a meet and greet or just they were just going thank you for coming yeah thank you for coming i was like what right they were like thank you so much for coming here right thank you for your service thank you for your

yeah it was like that yeah i always say that to waitresses thank you for your service well now what's your deal with um because because you're a different type of dude than like in a good way you're you're like the type of dude now for waitresses when do you get mad because i generally want to know this from you yeah uh when do you get mad or when does because all my friends joke with me that i'm a little that not that i'm hard on a waitress, but like I have a good clock. Yeah. I have a good clock.

In a restaurant or at a comedy club? No, no, no. Eating. Yeah. Restaurant. No comedy. Okay. Okay.

Me and you are eating. Yeah. You order chicken fingers and whatever. Oyster. Whatever it is. Chicken fingers and oysters? Chicken fingers, oysters, mozzarella. What am I, an 11-year- who, who has high aspirations for my life.

That'd be the weirdest appetizer order ever. Can I get chicken fingers, barbecue sauce. And what do you, what do you guys got blue points? Give me the cheapest thing on the menu and the most expensive thing on the menu. Let me get mozzarella sticks and caviar

you guys have some yellow tail no so we order yeah okay and we're sitting there shooting the shit we're talking golf and we order our appetizers when do you start going like is she where is she like do you are you like that or you never like that i factor in how busy the restaurant is. Okay. And it also depends on who I'm sitting with. Like if I'm with some people, if I'm with my family, there's no rush because it's so rare that the four of us are just hanging. We're hanging out.

It's whatever. Yeah. But if I'm like alone in the valley between appointments and I'm at a sushi place and I want to bang it out in 40 minutes. Yeah. Then I'll start. Then I do a lot of turning around you know I I crane the head around back and forth yeah but I never do a hand gesture that no it would have to it would have to be really bad a hand gesture would have to be they like curse you out like it would have to be nuts yes yeah yeah no I do the turn too yeah but I feel like my clock is right like the clock i can feel

when it's supposed to come right you know we go out a lot and i'm just like okay at least you know and i'm not like a snot and i would never here's the thing i never do it to them yeah so i'll do it to my friend so like yannis me and yannis go out because yannis lives in my neighborhood now and i'll just and he's he just starts he starts laughing as soon as i but like after you know i'm like dude should we've gotten bread yet you know he, he just starts, he starts laughing as soon as I, but like after, you know, I'm like, dude, should we have gotten bread yet? You know? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. He just goes, dude, why do you, cause he does it, but I'll never do it to them. No. I will never. And I'll, Oh, here's the thing. You're getting 20% if you suck. Right. I'm a tipper.

That's the baseline. I'm a tipper. Right. You know, I tip, I over tip. Yeah. Uh, if you're good, we go crazy. Yeah. You have to be, for me to go under 20 you have to

be it has to be like gross negligence like looking at your phone while i see my food on the thing right yeah um yeah my daughter is uh she works as a waitress sometimes and my son works as a waiter so i always feel like all right let's take care of care of them. I was a banquet waiter when I was in college in Boston. And so there was the Copley Marriott, which was the biggest event space in the city. I know exactly where it is. Yeah. Yeah. Right in Copley Square.

So I would go down, and I was a banquet waiter, which is the best kind of waiter, because you're not responsible for one table. Everybody comes out. You show up. It was all college kids. So there was like a hundred kids working the event. Northeastern, Boston College, Harvard. BU, right? BU, where I went. And my brother went. Oh, really? Yeah. What year did he graduate? Mid-90s. Yeah, I was 89. Okay. So we go go down there we were getting 15 bucks an hour which was a ton back in 1988 and uh and you would just set the table for two hours you every you had plates and you would just put a plate you know there was there'd be a hundred tables each had 10 tops

boom boom boom plates then you do salad forks everybody had it you felt water glasses that was two hours and then you'd wait 45 minutes for them to get seated yep and then you'd go out and you do you'd pet you you know you'd have the tray with uh all of it yeah like and then they would eat and then they have like a stand-up comedian or a speaker come in for an hour so we'd all go to the back yeah and we would eat whatever we just served which 80% of the time was lobster clam chowder good stuff yeah yeah so we were eating because with banquets you always cook 10% more than what what is that if somebody wants another plate exactly okay which they don't and then people don't show up so there's always tons of food so we would stuff lobster and

then I was friends with the bartender we We'd be doing shots. We'd go out. And, uh, and so that was my social life. That was the best waitering job. And somebody would go like, excuse me, waiter. And I'd walk over and he goes, can I get a decaf please? And I'd be like, right away, sir. And then I would just go to the other side of the dining room. Like nobody, you were never responsible. And it was a built in 20% tip. Everything you served, everybody shared 20%. No problem, sir.

You're never going to see me again. That's, that's the best. See, that's the best way to do it. I was a waiter at, I moved up from a bus boy to a waiter at Applebee's.

Where? On Route 9 in Wappinger Falls, New York. Oh my God. Yeah. I started out, I was, at an Applebee's. At and an apple because i was that where you wear pins and shit yeah but like not like you don't have to that's no there were some where you had to have like a this is just this is just like you

have a pin with your name on it whatever hello my name is whatever yeah and i started as a bus boy and then i i became a waiter and um it was you would think that these people were eating in a, in a five star. Right. I mean, they, the, some of the people would get so angry. Yeah. And I was not a great waiter. No, I can't imagine. I was not a great waiter.

That's not where your head was at. No, my head was not there, you know, and I was, I remember, I only messed with somebody's food one time. He deserved it. He deserved it. But other than that It was people like Balls What? Balls

Did you put your balls on the food? How did you know that? Did you? How did you know that? Well that's the move Is it? Yeah Dude I can't believe you just

You just freaked me out What was the food? This guy comes in And I don't know if he's with Like a mail order bride But he was like talking for her Yeah And they're sitting there

And he was like come here Please Like that Yeah And I go yeah And I go over there And he just He goes uh he said he wanted something and he goes um can she have a coffee he's talking for her and she gets a coffee five minutes later come here he goes this coffee isn't suitable for human consumption okay so go and then everything was wrong yeah so his steak

came out and yeah i put my balls on a steak one time I only did it once I had to he was the worst person did you stay around and watch him eat it no I didn't yeah I kind of felt bad cuz it was just a quick graze you're right right right I didn't get because as I was doing it cuz like I have a good heart so it was like the nicest way to put your balls on somebody's were your balls shaved at that point there might have't know. There might have been a hair left over. He was bad. And then there was one woman

I wanted to do it to. She was like, and it was my fault, but she went, I brought the appetizers and the dinner at the same time. Yeah. And she was like,

the appetizer's supposed to come up and like really like freaked out, man. Right, right. And it was just like, so yeah, but you would think that that's supposed to happen

at a nice place. Yeah. You know, not here. So would you's supposed to happen at a nice place. Yeah. You know, not here. So would you get a shift meal at Applebee's? Yeah. What would you get? I would get like, you know, I would either get like the skirt steak or the little steak or whatever. But, you know, yeah, or chicken or salad.

And then what was your, how soon, you started in New York City as a comic? Yeah. So what was your day job when you were working down there i dropped out of college because i just knew that i wanted to do stand-up and i was wasting money what college i went up to a college uh that was like 30 miles south of syracuse it was a junior college that i went to um and i was there for a couple semesters and i just was like partying and screwing off so i came home and I went to the community college by the house, the Dutchess Community College. And I was living with my mom, working at Applebee's.

And then I just realized one day the guy was talking and the professor started talking about getting all four of his wisdom teeth taken out. And he just like stopped teaching and started telling his story about his wisdom teeth and this. And I remember sitting there going like, this is bullshit. Like this guy is like on his soapbox like and i was like i should be and then um i got lied to about a bringer show they go it's industry night i was doing bringers i started to do bringers bringer shows people don't know is to get on stage as an open mic or you are required to bring at least at this time at this time which was 2001 to around 2000 2001 you had to bring three you had

to bring three paid audience members and they had to get a two drink and they had to get a minimum a two drink minimum so and they would tell the they would say hey tell your friend you'll be on at 9 30 you wouldn't go on till 11 they're sitting in there they watched 15 comics you know and one night it was like oh it's it's industry night and i took it so literal that i dropped out of college but i knew i was going to drop out of college anyway i thought it was like yeah it was like this gay dude was like it's industry night tell everyone and like i dropped out of college you're picturing mike ovitz is sitting out there yeah with a checkbook yeah larry david and seinfeld are looking for the new guy to put in

seinfeld and uh and um yeah so i yeah i didn't i my first open mic i did in woodstock new york Yeah, Larry David and Seinfeld are looking for the new guy to put in Seinfeld. And yeah, so I did it. My first open mic I did in Woodstock, New York at a very famous place called Joyous Lake. Joyous Lake Bar and Restaurant, whatever his bar, in Woodstock, New York, was where the bands would practice before they did Woodstock. Oh, no shit. So I heard the stone. Everyone would go in there. Yeah.

So my friend who was in construction walked by it, and saw a sign that said tuesday night open mic yeah so i did that and uh i'd had nothing written or prepared and it didn't go well and i didn't like it so i went up to the guy go book me next week and then i prepared yeah and then since that went well i was like oh i'm in i could do this so i started calling new york city clubs to do bringers so i dropped out of college to answer your question i dropped out of college and my older brother uh was a sales trainer for a cable company in the city and i became an account manager going door to door knocking door to door in queens and manhattan uh phone cable and high speed internet trying to sell it selling packages uh combining people's bills so that was the pitch

what was the worst reaction you ever got to knocking on somebody's door in Queens? All right, I got, dude, that's a great question because you learned a lot. I learned a lot.

Yeah. And I've had three, three incidents that stand out. I'll give you, one crazy one was this guy was like, I was like, oh, phone cable internet.

We could bundle everything. We put fiber optics in the ground. I'm like 21. I'm making like 51K a year, which was good. Yeah, like, knock on wood. I was like, oh, phone, cable, internet. We could bundle everything. We put fiber optics in the ground. I'm like 21. I'm making like 51K a year, which was good. Really? Yeah, like 51K a year. Wow. And then I moved up to a sales supervisor.

So I had guys in their 40s and 50s working under me when I got good at it. And this guy goes, no. Go away. And I go, no. And dude, this dude opened the door. And he just looked. And dude, his eye was like, he had that like caked over blind eye he looked like a fucking gargoyle it looked he looks he goes i said no dude it was like i got

a lord of the rings and i was like all right all right dude and then and it freaked me out one which was one which was sad well two which was sad one i know you would just sneak into the buildings you'd wait till somebody came out and then you'd get past the locked door. In Queens, it was homes. Oh, okay. In Manhattan, you were down in the lobby. Okay. So you'd set up a lobby thing. You'd have a table.

You'd have little gifts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they would come in, and you would tell them what you were doing. All right. Queens was at night, dinner time, knocking doors and trying to do stand-up. And this one sad one was I knocked on his door, and this woman, she walks. It's daylight. It's still daylight. Sun's daylight. It's still daylight.

Sun's out. It's maybe 530, six o'clock in the evening. Yeah. And she walks up to the door and she's very well dressed and she has a sweater and she has a turtleneck and she has the jeans and she walks and she just half of her face was burned and melted and the other half was gorgeous. And you could see the pain. And I usually would want to fight the the no right and she's like no no and I could see that she was dude she was

devastated because you could tell she was a beautiful woman yeah and as soon as she said no it threw me and I was all right like remember in a Tommy boy he goes okie dokie and I didn't want to be like that but that was one that i saw and then one where i got excited and realized it wasn't real i'm walking during the day we go out after lunch and i see this older woman outside and i go hey i'm here we we put the fiber optics in phone cable internet i go do you have a tv ma'am and she goes we have 27 of them and i go you do and i go that's great because we're doing everything and she goes we and the sun comes out he goes i'm sorry my mother has dementia dude i thought i was gonna have i

thought that this lady was gonna take care of my month if only that fucking son wasn't home god damn it i thought my fucking april or may was done like i would have came back to the building and they would have saw the sheet and been like this has never happened he needs an award right she's like yeah i got 27 of them i go you got 27 yeah i go wow we got bought you know so we could come and we can combine your shit oh that'd be great and the guy go hey man you would have been inside on all fours plugging tvs plugging the one tv and she's talking to the cat you're writing up up a bill for 27. Dude, she said 27 and I was just like, my quota is done.

Wow. Yeah, but you did see some wild stuff. Then people had chickens, dude. People had chickens. This one guy had all these reptiles. He had lizards. So, dude, that's the one thing about knocking doors

in a major city. You see some wild shit. Now, I've seen some films uh on the internet where a gentleman like yourself would knock on a door yeah and be invited in by a young woman that's happened but no not sexually uh this they sometimes you'd knock in and here's the problem it was dinner time yeah so these people would either get really pissed but sometimes hey do you want a tea come in get coffee so i would get a sale uh-huh um there was one woman there was one woman uh dude you're bringing all your questions are bringing

back like specific things i'm one of the best interviewers in the business i mean you must be yeah because i mean you know it's amazing it's like stern bennington and you uh so there was this older g woman, but when I mean, so now you got to think I'm 23. Yeah. She's probably, I want to say she's 38 to 41 somewhere. And she started telling me how she liked young,

young men. Yeah. And how she was sexually active with young men. And I'm sitting there and I'm getting a phone call. And this is just you and her alone in her house. Door is closed. One of her children are in a room. Okay.

Okay. And she's talking to me and she's telling me about this guy that won't leave her alone. And she's like, this guy literally said he doesn't just want my body. He wants my soul. She's telling me all this shit. She's like, you know, but I like seeing, I like young men. And I'm just sitting there and I'm like, I'm like, all right. I was too young to really understand because I was a relationship guy. I was too young to I'm like this woman clearly wanted me to either make

a move or whatever but her kids there and my brother is calling me and I'm like I'm ignoring it and she's telling me all these different things and nothing was gonna happen because the kid was there but I think she wanted me to be like hey take my number because she never bought anything but she kept talking to me yeah and then i found out when my brother was calling he fainted on the platform on a subway platform no yeah he something happened he came off the subway platform and he said as he's going down he feels somebody help him but he was probably already down yeah he just went down and he was trying to tell me and i was like oh dude this woman i remember she's about to go down too he's like i'm in saint vincent so i was like

oh dude i'm sorry yeah but there there were there are stories like that yeah i'm sure this one guy who could barely speak english 51 000 plus benefits yeah there's this one guy i don't know what country he was from uh south america he he had this accent and he would always because you'd go back to the you would you would uh you'd go back to the office the next day and you'd go to a meeting and then at 12 you'd go to lunch and then you'd go out into the field. Yeah. And then you'd go home. And this one guy, he couldn't speak too good of English, but apparently he got all these

sex. He couldn't speak too good of English? He couldn't speak like English too well. Okay. You know, yeah. He couldn't speak too good of English. And he would be like, yeah, man, I went went to the and he's and he would say he had sexual he goes i don't know what it is everybody wants to fuck me and i remember just crying

because he just wanted to get paid like he goes everybody wants to fuck me i don't know he's like men women they want to fuck me and then not make the sale that's insulting i mean at least buy some fucking cable now. But if I didn't do stand-up, I would probably be in sales. Yeah. I can see that. Yeah, you know,

if I get passionate about something, just talk about it and sell it. You know what I mean? I think that that's a good way to make, a good sale to make money. Do you sell merch after your shows? Uh-uh. No.

No. People are always like, why don't you, like there are certain cities that are good. But, you know, do like a cool venue yeah i wanted i'm doing the troubadour which i should have had some tea i should have done something but um i didn't you yeah i sell pins i have these little pins with my face and my name on them and it's the best because i travel with a bag that's about this big you know i bring a couple hundred and then it's all and it's all cash and yeah uh it's it's the best it's so easy and i only sell them for 10 bucks it's not like hey you want a

t-shirt for 30 dollars yeah 10 bucks people just like boom boom boom boom what's the pin just is a pin just as like a saying it's just i'll show you after the show but it's a no it's just my face and my name oh nice and then people pin it on their bag or whatever. And then people go, who's that? And they go, that's, you know. That's great. Rick Fitzsimmons. He's a great interviewer on podcasts. So you do, you've been, how long you been doing the podcast with Bill Burr?

Well, we kind of stopped after, it's mainly now a football season podcast. Okay. So the main podcast I'm doing now, other than the Verzi Effect, which is mine alone, which is half by myself and half with a guest at a studio in the city. You mean each episode is half and half? No no like two a month will be solo and two a month will be

with a guest. I built a studio in my house during the pandemic and I would just go on these you know go on the VersiEffect and do rants and talk and people liked it but then I started then I got a studio in New York to have guests and some people liked that too. So I do half and half with that. But the, the main podcast that's doing the best numbers is the one with Bobby Kelly. Uh, we do a bone to pick. Oh really? It's called a bone to pick podcast and it just hit a million. It's doing great.

We're actually doing the first live one at the red clay. We just hit a million views on it's new. Yeah. So we just hit a million views on that's amazing. so we just hit a million views on that's amazing something yeah great they just sent it to us we're doing a live one at the red clay comedy festival saturday night in atlanta uh-huh uh and it's doing really well where it's like a bone that i have a bone that bobby has and then fans write in and they even send video bones and the video bones are the funniest things these people take their phones something they see and it's great we're going to do a live one where they could do it from the audience we're having a lot of fun with it and he comes to your studio or you go to his because he's he's up in the suburbs too right uh he's no yeah we have the the studio where i do the versi effect in manhattan

yeah it's in midtown we do it from there oh i see we do it from there so what's the studio you sharing it or it's just yours no so uh our producer it's our producer's studio yeah he has a few shows from there i do the versi effect from there but this is the main one oh that's great because i'm going to be in new york in june i want to interview some people maybe i could rent it out definite okay and it's a great price oh good to know yeah yeah so and and it's it's a perfect two person yeah yeah it's perfect okay yeah um and then uh and then the uh the one you do with burr is that's all zoom right it has to be yeah you know and then you just go over the games from the weekend so he'll pick he'll pick four games against the spread i'll pick four games

against the spread and then um yeah and, you know, people go with us, you know, and then we do it like that. But our main goal is it used to be us battling each other. Now we're just trying to beat the book. Right. And I've beaten the book, uh, three years in a row. Have you really? Yeah. So it's like, I beat the book three years in a row and this year I beat it by 17 games. So I got a lot of people following my picks and, uh, yeah, we're in, in the show that we're writing. I'm writing a show right now. Part of it is how i could pick football games but i'm i'm knock on wood it's happened three years in a row i i i find patterns it's not even just a team i do a suicide pool every year that's my only football gambling yeah i do a suicide pool i take out four entries there's

about there's about 300 people in it wow Wow. And I won it one year. Wow. And I've been in the top five three times. That's awesome. How many people? 300. Wow. And my key is, let me ask you your keys first,

then I'll tell you my keys. All right, well, one thing that I do, and it's known I talk about on the show, is there's patterns with teams. It's not just a team's talent. There's a reason why, I don't know if you remember, but back in the day, Peyton Manning and the Colts, they would be 13-3, but they would always lose to the Chargers

even when the Chargers were bad. That's because how they matched up, that's it. The Chargers just knew how to play them. It didn't matter how good they were. But one of my things, I have this thing I call the homecoming theory. My homecoming theory is a winning team, a team that is 500 or more, when they lose a heartbreaker on the road and they're home the next

week they're gonna I think they're gonna cover I think they're gonna cover and I would say that they're gonna cover maybe 80 percent of the time now listen sometimes they go in a funk where they don't yeah but like if the 49ers lose a heartbreaker by a field goal yeah to the Colts they got and they're coming home they're coming home the next week and plus what people don't know is when when you have a bad week in football, your practice and that facility is a nightmare. It's quiet. People are yelling.

It's not a feeling they want to keep going. So a good team is like, all right, we got to get our shit together. So that's one of mine. But I'm curious to hear your suicide pool one. Mine is, well, I never bet on teams on the road. Okay. I never touch a New York team. Giants and the Jets are so fickle.

They lose to teams they should beat, and they beat teams that they should lose to. The Giants are the most fickle team. You cannot touch a Giants. Don't touch them. The Giants will beat a great team on Monday Night Football. You think they're going to lose, and then they play a horrible team. Right. Yeah.

You're 100% right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, 100%. What else you got? right yeah you're 100 right yeah yeah yeah 100 what else you got um i feel like um you know now there's a new one when a backup quarterback comes in because now the backups i don't know if you noticed this especially last year when a backup quarterback comes in everybody bets against them yeah but i lately the backups have been good true right yeah so every so the vegas money goes oh dude they got what's-his-name's out.

Fuck, they're going to get killed. Yeah. And I'll take the points. Right. I'll take it. Look at Purdy. Dude, look at Purdy. Look at the kid in Cincinnati when Joe Burrow went out.

Yeah, right, right. The kid in Cincinnati started playing lights out. So everybody goes, oh, dude, Burrow's out. Bengals are done. Yeah. And then the Bengals are like nine points. They're going to get smoked. I think that quarterles are like nine point they're gonna get smoked i think that

quarterbacks are like presidents i think we put way too much emphasis on them being in charge i think if you got a good offensive coach if you've got you know good special teams coaches you're gonna see a team do well with a different quarterback and i think that the president isn't running the fucking country of course he's not of course he's you know he's a voice yeah but you know you can't people overestimate how much importance it is i and i think an example of that too is is a brock purdy's a great example brock purdy got into a system right and he had these weapons he has great offensive minded coaches and it works yep yep and it works a guy went to the guy he didn't go to a big school did he i don't know where he went yeah but either way i mean he's just uh he's a guy that came in there

and went to a super bowl yeah it's crazy all right listen let's get to the part of the show we call fastballs with fits okay you were going to answer these questions to the best of your ability you can do it very quickly okay and then we're going to say goodbye and send you back to what do you got going the rest of the day nothing i'm gonna i'm gonna meet up some friends and i gotta do some writing and i gotta do i have some phone some business shit yeah yeah good um okay uh have you ever saved somebody's life no i don't think so has your life ever been saved yes really yeah what happened I think I we were on vacation I was really young and uh I was I thought it was drowning I went under and the toe started taking me under and the sand started going over me and I couldn't and I was and my mother came out and

got me no yeah my mother reached out and got my hand I remember that that was scary yeah that was scary man it like I went in I was little so it beat me like i couldn't even fight it yeah and i remember the sand going over me and i was like flailing and all that and my mom grabbed me and i remember that that could that would have been bad did you stay out of the ocean for a while after that no i just kind of like stayed in more yeah there is no bigger panic because I go in the ocean a lot. And when you get sucked into the water and you're getting thrown around, it's like a panic you can't compare to any. You know, when you think about the human experience and what we go through on a day-to-day basis,

maybe somebody cuts you off, your adrenaline spikes a little bit. But when you are in a massive body of water that is in control of you, it's like there's no other panic. And you realize how small you are in a massive body of water that is in control of you, it's like there's no other path. And you realize how small you are. I remember you telling me a story when I first met you in Richie Franchese's club up in Middletown, New York. You told me you saved somebody on vacation. I remember you telling me that. I've saved three people in my life.

Wow. Yeah. Wow. I was a lifeguard. Not a lifeguard, but I trained. I did lifeguard training. And when I was in Queens doing that door-knocking thing about some guy went like this to me on a bus so yeah yeah like I was walking he goes whoa Paul whoa and it came by so yeah so maybe two those two

yeah yeah um how would you do in prison uh not good at first yeah I think not good at first. Yeah. I think not good at first. And then I think like when I moved a lot as a kid, I would adapt and get friends and maybe be like the funny guy who people liked and hopefully help protect. Right. But, uh, not good at the beginning. No, the first week would be rough. The first week would be rough. Yeah. Wouldn't kill myself though. Would you go myself though would you go arian if you had to for safety um if i had to for for my life yeah yeah what if they found out that you were black though later then you're in trouble and i would say i never knew um have you ever not finished a set yeah really yeah one time what happened it was Yeah. Really? Yeah. One time. What happened? It was this awful gig. It was with Carla Bove, rest his soul. Yeah. The week before I was with Carla Bove and we did this beautiful wedding hall where it was all these cops and with their wives and it went great. And then we did another

one, which was a firehouse, no women, just firemen and cops and pitchers of beer and the bad sound and i just start unloading my gun early and they're talking they're rowdy the sound was off there was nobody police in the room and uh i remember i made a vow that this would never happen again with this one guy's like what is this the gong show i was new what is this i was making 150 bucks thought it was good he's and i'm like and it was like a fat dude i should have been able to kill this guy but i had nothing left yeah so i still so now i'm like i'm struggling so i'm like oh i'm gonna do the sopranos joker i'm gonna do this job they're gonna get and and it was nothing and after i probably had like 10 minutes left or 50 and i just go and they would just but in my in my defense it was so

crazy rowdy and talking and and this guy that booked it didn't care he's like that's comedy he's like this is like what is this jersey he said this is yeah he said this is boot camp comedy like that yeah and i remember going hey guys if you wanted to see real comedy whatever he's and i remember get to finally you guys will be seeing me whatever i'll have a show oh you did i say you guys will be seeing me you know and i ended up uh walking out and then the guy tried giving me this pep talk he's like listen this is this is like you know you're like this is like boot camp comedy you know you can't and i remember that that was that was the only time and it never happened again it won't happen but that's a classic early mistake when you're coming out is you're having a bad set and you just start taking your best bits and

throwing them out there and and you're burning them because they're not going to laugh at anything at that moment and you got to save those bits for the end. That was the lesson. Yeah, that was. And I remember there was a statue and it would. But what still bothers me is there was a statue of the boxer Joe Lewis outside of the venue. And I'm just like, you fucking pussy, you know. But yeah, no, I learned that. Like, yeah, what I thought was going to happen was unloading the gun was going to get them to go. Oh, but it was like you could. Yeah. Right. Yep. Um, final question. What's the hackiest bit you've ever done?

Oh my God. The hackiest bit I ever did was, it was probably, uh, oh man, I don't know. That's, I mean,

maybe doing stereotype stuff. Like I did an Italian president that killed I was like I want to see an Italian you know like in a three piece suit like yeah probably something like that what's the rest of the bit?

oh my god what was it? I was like I was like yeah you know you see these armed guards outside the Holland Tunnel I want to see an armed guard I want to see a fat Italian eating a meatball parm.

Then I know shit's getting done. Then I know shit's getting done. But yeah, maybe something like that. I'm trying to think of what else, but there's probably a few early ones. I remember my, I remember my first opener,

my first opening joke. I would go, cause I, but I, I started out like, not me. It was very defense mechanism mechanism what's the deal with this very like angry and i remember my roommate from boston going dude that's not you yeah you know um but i remember my my first joke was i was like yeah i'm a little upset tonight man me and my girl broke up you know and i was like uh i was

like she said i wasn't close enough with her family. So I fucked her sister. And then I go, then she got more mad. I was like, it wasn't going to be your brother. I mean, it was brutal. I don't mind that joke. I think that's a good joke. So I fucked her sister. You know what's funny?

I said that on Rogan, and he goes, I like that. I like that joke. All right, I'll take it. What's the hackiest one you have? Do you have a brutal one, yeah, yeah. I like that joke. All right, I'll take it. What's the hackiest one you have? Do you have a brutal one? Oh, Jesus. When I did Letterman the first time, which as you know, like that was the holy grail when I was coming up.

Like doing Letterman was everything. And so I got it. And I had obviously been doing stand-up for maybe like eight or nine years. So I had a five minutes that was strong yeah and it was cohesive there was transitions and it was you know and then i had this bit that used to crush and i was so nervous that i wasn't going to crush that i added this hacky bit to the end so i i the the end of my set should have been this story about getting pulled over by the cops while i was rollerblading in New York because I was holding on to the back of a truck. Yeah.

And there's a whole funny story about it. Yeah. And it had a perfect ending. It was colorful. It was vivid. It was smart. Yeah. And then I go, here's my impression of Marlon Brando at a seafood restaurant.

And then I took tissue paper and i stuck it in my cheeks and i go what kind of what kind of shrimp you got and then i moved the tissues to the front under my lip and i went we got barbecued shrimp fried on letterman and it that's good oh i got mine mine was when you were going to be naked going through the tsa and i just did the hacky uh asian guys don't like it but black guys are like let's do this that was you know yeah let's just do it i but listen every i bet you every i bet you prior had hack dude everybody well that's why i asked that question to every comedian because everybody's got one yeah every yeah there's there's very few guys that just come out of

the gate and like are just you know people don't realize that in every good set for every joke that's in there there were nine jokes that you tried and half of those you were like this is hacky this is this is cheap this is beneath me and you get rid of it but your instinct you know like on my phone i've got a notepad where i write down ideas for jokes and sometimes i look at them later i go jesus christ how fucking hacky is that yeah yeah but it's just like it's just a jot down you have to honor every thought you have as a comic because you don't know if it means something 100 and then you've got an editor later yeah yep all right listen you're going to be playing at the Gramercy June 8th that's pretty sweet Gramercy Theater June 8th I'm really looking forward to it yeah please come out

to that show yep Seattle July 26th and 27th and and then Portland the next night. Yep. Then you've got dates coming up in Tampa, East Providence. If you go to PaulVirzi, V-I-R-Z-I.com, you can get yourself some tickets. Yep. New dates are coming on the site, too, and the Netflix special Nocturnal Emissions is still streaming. That's great. Yep. Paul, what a pleasure.

Thanks for coming back. Thanks, dude. Thanks so much for having me. This was great. I had a great time. Yeah. We'll see you soon. All right.