Fitzdog Radio - Rob Huebel - Episode 1075

Episode Date: November 6, 2024

Rob & I started on a little show called “Best Week Ever” on VH1. He has since gone on to The Office, Curb, Modern Family and many films while I chose to keep a lower profile on shows like “America’s Dumbest Criminals” and Andrew Santino’s podcast.Follow Rob Huebel on Instagram @RobHuebel My Bookie: https://mybookie.website/FITZWatch my special "You Know Me" on YouTube! http://bit.ly/FitzYouKnowMeAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Welcome to Fitts Dog Radio. It's the calm before the storm, or it is in real time. I'm recording this on Monday the 4th of November. It's the evening. I have a couple of shitty lights on so I look kind of yellow and red, which is ominous and haunting, which it should be right now, because at this time tomorrow, the states will be declaring winners, or at least tentative winners.

Do I think it'll go smoothly? No. Do I think that there will be violence? Yes. Will I vote? Yes. Will I tell you who I'm voting for? No. Will it be Trump? No. Am I endorsing anybody? Absolutely not. Kyle McGovern for New York State Supreme Court. My buddy. I'm...what are we doing people? What's happening right now in real time as you hear this on Wednesday the 6th of November? Is there anything close to a front-runner or a winner? I don't, I don't know. I'm

time-traveling right now. I'm wondering. I'm hoping for the best. I just think this country can't be any more angry and confused. And I'm hoping thing, I mean, I don't know. What the hell do I know? I'm just a guy who's, you know, living in his eco bubble like everybody, eco bubble, echo chamber, echo chamber, echo bubble, whatever we live in. We're all in them. I've been trying to chill out, I've been trying to breathe, I've been trying to meditate. I went to yoga class on Sunday and there was a lot of messages from the yogi, the yoga instructor, that you have to be present and be thankful for where you

are at this moment and I took it in and I felt on a molecular level I felt change. There's times when yoga is a meditation that is combined with a physical restorative process and there are moments where you really do feel transcendent and that there is something in your consciousness that that improves. And I felt really good. It was the first time I'd felt really good. And then I was driving home and this guy merged and wasn't letting me in. And so I just went right ahead and then he got pissed and, pick up truck, pick up truck alert,

they're out there, the big pick up trucks with the four wheels in the back. And there's never any equipment back there, it's just a statement. And the guy's riding my fucking tail and I get to a yellow light that I could easily make it through and I slow down and I clip it so I just slide into the turn as it's turning red and this motherfucker stops and he honked and I smiled and I said yes this

is the transcendent moment this is time and space coming together with my spirit and my my sense of being a better person that is the person that is the better person my best person is a little vindictive who puts justice in the universe. I am the equalizer. I am Irish. I will go out and I will stand up to the shitheads and the miscreants and the ne'er-do-wells and the grifters. I am a force of righteousness Even if it means slowing down in the yellow light if that's the extent that I can make wrongs, right? I will do it felt good

What else I Don't want to talk about the election I really feel like you if you're listening to this podcast, it's because you want to fucking break. And you're probably not listening to this podcast. I would imagine all the political podcasts are getting all the traction this week. And the Meandering Middle-Age White Guys podcasts are probably going to be a little light. little light. Maybe. Had a nice Halloween over the weekend. That was fun. We had people over and we did something fun. We put up a red velvet rope on two stands and my wife and I wore tuxedos and we waited for kids to come up and we had walkie-talkies

and as the little kids came up in their costumes we had the candy on the stoop but we were by the front door where you enter the yard and the kids had to come up we looked at them we talked into the walkie-talkie and then we would take the velvet rope down and let them get through, take the candy, leave, put the velvet rope back up again, check the next kid, did it to each kid all night. Is that true? No. But that's what I want to do next year. I think that's the best idea I've ever had for Halloween because we're no longer trick-or-treaters. We are treaters. We simply treat the tricksters. We don't benefit. We just provide. And so why not get something out of it? I think that'll be

fun. My friend Matt Malloy has a tradition where he has a speaker and a microphone on his front yard and when the kids show up they are told that they will be given a piece of candy just for showing up just for putting on a costume and walking up the step but if they would like a second piece they have to earn it which sounds creepy but hear me out you either have to sing or you have to tell a joke and you got to see these kids they get nervous some of them get nervous and shy some of them grab the fucking mic and they belt out something from the Little Mermaid or Wicked and some kids tell funny jokes here was my

favorite joke from last year kid goes he goes what do you call a fish with no eyes I said I don't know what do you call a fish with no eyes he goes and I say can you open for me at the Green Bay Funny Bone in Wisconsin next week anyway somebody was telling me I live in Venice which is the best trick or treating. Everybody shows up. There's a lot of set designers that have like, what do you call that stuff? Smog machines, fog machine, not smog. We got enough smog.

We don't need machines for it. Fog machines, you know, like dry ice. And there's like zip lines with ghouls flying out of the sky, and there's noise machines, and there's people dressed as characters that spring up from the garden when you walk by. It's fun. Kids come from all over to come to Venice. There's a lot of walk streets where there's a house on either side of the sidewalk, and it's really fun. And so anyway so I was walking down the street during the day and somebody showed me there's this new

place that's got it's got cold plunges three different temperatures of cold plunge ranging from like 45 to 57 degrees and then there's also a dry sauna and you go in there for 90 minutes and you go back and forth and it's 30 bucks and I'm going on Sunday. The other thing somebody told me about is there is a place you go and you can get out your anger you destroy things You show up and I guess they like give you a hammer and there's wood and you break the wood with the hammer and you get to yell. It's scream therapy mixed with violence

and you can smash things and you wear goggles. And I just thought, here we go in the west side of LA, yet another thing that upper middle class white people do to mimic having an actual job. You could literally just work construction. You could just go to a construction site. They'll give you some fucking goggles and a hammer and there's a lot of yelling, hey, get off your ass Fitzsimmons. Your 10 is over. Grab a fucking hammer. And you can yell back. And that's your therapy. And you don't have to spend $200 an hour for it. These are the same people that take

like, that take an elevator instead of the stairs to get to their second floor luxury gym where they get on a fucking stair master. These are the people that want to look like they're outdoorsy so they put on a tanning cream. These are the people that go to high end vintage stores. It's not a thrift store, it's a vintage store and they buy work boots. Red, what do they call them? Red wings? They buy some red wings with the steel showing through the material on the

toes of the boot. They've been, they got oil stains on them. Somebody actually wore them to a job for a couple years. Somebody who really worked and these fucking hipsters buy the boots and then they buy a trucker cap that's already worn in and dirty and they put that on. Also they can look like they had a fucking job at some point. These are people that they take fucking testosterone shots so they can seem manly. Jesus. What's my point? I don't know. Am I any different? I would take testosterone if you gave it to me. Fuck yeah. Heard a guy, I was at the Blue Bottle coffee shop today spending six dollars with Tip for a cup of coffee that they

were perplexed. I walked up to the counter and I said, Ken, what would you like? No, what can I get what can I get started for you? What do you mean get started? Is this a home? Do you need to pour a foundation and then frame it? No, you don't have to get started. Just get me a cup of coffee. Well, what do you mean a cup of coffee? Just a cup of coffee. You mean like a... I'm not making this up. Like an Americana or a pour-over? I go, I don't know what that means. I go, just a cup of coffee please. And he said, well, do you want a dark roast or a medium roast? I go, just a cup of coffee, please. And he said, well, do you want a dark roast or a medium roast?

I go, I have no idea. I really, I go, it's up to you. Whatever's brewed, but it's not brewed. They have to ground the beans, put them in a filter that they put in this glass beaker that looks like it's out of Mr. Solomon's chemistry class that I took in 10th grade. And then they pour boiling water over it it but they do it in a circle. They

they pour it circularly over the grounds and then he asked me what I want in it and I said I'll take cream half and half whatever he goes well we have a hole we have 2% we have cream we have soy we have I go I don't I go whatever's on the fucking counter and again I don't want to seem like the guy with the worn-in red wings and the trucker cap I but I really am that guy. I don't give a fuck about the car I'll drink it at a gas station as easily as I'll drink a six dollar cup at a blue. Oh shit. I'm late I gotta run. Okay, my guest today, you know him from Human Giant, Children's Hospital, The League, Transparents. How about Arrested Development? How about 30 Rock?

How about The Office? How about Modern Family? This guy is one of my favorite guests of all time. He's a legend. I know you're gonna love this talk I just had with him. Say hello to Rob Hubel. Oh I fucked up. I didn't put in my dates. Can you slide this in before I introduce Rob Hubel? Thank you Where are my dates? Alright, I'll just say this Coming to Philadelphia this weekend, Helium Comedy Club, come on out Thursday through Saturday.

It will probably sell out. Get your tickets in advance. And then I will be coming next weekend to, where am I, Tacoma and Eugene, Oregon, Tempe, coming up San Francisco, Cleveland. Go to FitsDog.comcom get some tickets. Do it! Trick or Treat! It's the Halloween show, the first annual Halloween show on FitzDawg Radio. My guest bass player for ZZ Top, Elmore Raymond. Is that his name?

Nope, just made it up. Oh yeah, I think it's something ZZ Top. Isn't that their last name? No it's not. No, I don't know what they're called. Gibbons, they're the gibbons. I think they are the gibbons. That's right. But your mouth looks a little like Planet of the Apes. A little bit. Yeah. Yeah. This is a great, hi, I'm Rob Hueble.

I'm not really in ZZ Top. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Damn you. I got you guys. There goes the first annual Halloween show. Man, this is the first annual? This is gonna be, this should just be the format. It should be all Halloween talk every episode.

I think so. I think everybody's got great Halloween stories from their childhoods of like, you know, cause there was different kind of misadventure in every town. You're from Virginia. I'm from Virginia, yeah. We used to go, We used to go hard.

I mean, we would trick or treat a lot and get into all kinds of mischief. And I came from a family. When you say a lot, did you go plastic bag? No, dude. Pillo case. Pillo case! Stick your head in there, get it in there,

breathe in the mixture of sweet tarts and chocolate and everything. Yeah, no, we would stay out late and get as much candy as possible. The kids now, like my daughter has a little plastic pumpkin. I'm like, honey. That's what my kids got. Come on, don't do that.

You're cheating yourself. We'd go pillowcase and If there was a If there was a house that was given out full-size candy, which is always a couple Oh, yeah, you double back couple times. Sure. You don't yeah. Yeah, my dad and mom used to really get into it so that was really fun for us like they would like to really get into it. So that was really fun for us. Like they would like do the whole house up

and make it spooky and then they would put on costumes and hand out candy. And my dad one year did this thing, which I loved. He was an old fighter pilot. Was he really? Yeah, so he sat on the front porch. He set up a table like this with a big tray of candy with a sign that said, you know, like honor system,

take one piece, and one piece only. But then he sat outside under a sheet with his flight helmet on with a visor on, so it looked like a motorcycle helmet, and he would just be real still, and then some fucking teenagers would come along, and he'd be like, ah, just scare him.

Even if they took more than one or just did it. But he was relentless. He would get the little kids, he would get the parents. Cause everyone's like, it's dark, they're like, who's this weird guy? Is that a dummy? That's a dummy, you know? It was so fun.

That's awesome. Yeah, my neighbor, Matt Malloy, do you know Matt Malloy? He's an actor. I think I do. He did something with you. I'm trying to remember what show he did with you, but you guys were in a show together.

Anyway, ball guy, character actor, super fun guy, one of my best friends. And we live in Venice on the walk streets, you know? There's like a sidewalk with houses on either side, and so it's like, and there's a grid of them that go on for like a mile. And so kids come from all over LA, and it's also like set designers who have, you know,

cool props and the dry ice, the smog, and they've got zip lines with ghosts coming down. And there's one guy that's got like a coffin and he's got a chainsaw and he's got a woman that lays in it and every year he sacrifices a different, no, but it looks, it really does look real. Blood spurts out. It was like Trump getting shot in the ear, like it's like, that's not real.

That's not real, that can't be real. So kids come from all over and so his yard, he's got a speaker set up and a microphone, and if the kids want one piece of candy, they can take one piece of candy. If they want a second piece of candy, they have to take the mic and sing or tell a joke. That's great. One or the other. That's great. And it is, and it crowd forms, cause like all these kids wanna, they all wanna do it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And my favorite one last year was, we're off with the glasses. Enough, enough. I had to break character, didn't I? Yeah. Also, I just like seeing you like this. I know, it is weird when you are having a conversation

with somebody with mirrored sunglasses on, you don't trust them. Yeah. I was looking at your tits the whole time. I couldn't tell. I kept looking at your eyes, I was like, is he looking at my tits the whole time. I couldn't tell. I kept looking at your eyes. I was like, is he looking at my tits? No, I'm good.

So my favorite one last year was, a kid came up and he goes, what do you call a fish with no eyes? Oh, that took me a second. That's a good one. It should. That's a good one. When a six-year-old makes you take a second, that's three pieces of candy.

I mean, yeah. You gotta give it up for that kid. Yeah, man, trick or treating in LA is the best because I think because so many people are in the business, they go all out. You see these houses and you're like, what? There's a house near us. This guy has somehow, every year,

he sets up all these dead rock stars on his roof. And they're all, so it's all skeletons. No way! Yeah, but he says, but there's like 10 of them, and they move and they sing, so he's got like- Like actual rock stars? Or just- He didn't actually-

Generic rock stars. No, no, it's like Kurt Cobain, Jerry Garcia, Roy Orbison, Tina Turner, Prince. No way. Ray Charles. Tina Turner's dead? I have terrible news for you, yes. Yeah, and Amy Winehouse.

And so every year, he puts them up there, and he rigs them up. And so they move. And I'm like, what does this guy do? Yeah. There's another guy near us who puts on a haunted house in his like, front yard. He has like a corn maze. He gets corn stalks and sets up a spooky maze for kids.

And then it goes around his house. Like it goes through the garage and the carport in the backyard. And it's like a legit legit this is just a guy Yeah, it's just doing this to scare the shit out of kids, which I think is so fun Then you find out years from now that he was a pedo. You're like, I don't we didn't Yeah, it's also like such a fire hazard to have all these dry corn stuff the guys like a field And all these teenagers are smug. has like a field of dry corn in his yard and all these teenagers are smoking,

I'm like, all right man, this is gonna not end well. I'm gonna put this mic a little closer to your mouth. Yeah, put it right by my beard. Pull it right up by the beard. Okay. Yeah, there's a guy in my old neighborhood who used to, he had a whole facade in front of his house that he built.

Yeah, just for Halloween? Just for Halloween, but he puts it like a month early, and then you go through it, and then he has rooms in his house that are different haunts, but you actually go in the house. I would not want that. And walk through it.

Why would you want people? Line of people up the block every year. It's like a big tourist attraction. Yeah, we went to a maze the other night, and it was, I think, the best one I've ever been to. It was about an hour away. It was like way out in Thousand Oaks, which for people not in LA, that's like,

it's really far away. And it was in a mall, and it was like 45 minutes long. You know, like if you go to Universal, you go through one of those mazes and it's like, it takes like five minutes to go through one. You know, and there's a bunch of them, but it's still, and you have to wait forever. This one, we got like the front of the line pass

or whatever, we had a group of like 20 people, and it just kept going and going and going, and it was so good. It was so good. They had like the right balance of like, cause you can't have, you can't hire a thousand kids to work in there. So they have the right mix of like some animatronic stuff, stuff that's attached to

like, like a air hose that's going crazy. But like, you know, stuff that I hadn't seen before, like a giant, giant clown that like tries to swoop you, you know, and, um, but they got me good. You know, if, if, if you can get me like three times, that's worth the money for me. Like really get me. Like screaming, you know. Like, oh fuck! You know, and they surprise me like three times.

You know, usually like I'm the first one in our group, so I go in and I'm like looking at him, I'm like okay, that's a dummy, that's a fake, you know, person getting beheaded, or you know, whatever. And then you're like, well, that's a dummy, that's a fake person getting beheaded, or whatever. And then you're like, well, who's the real thing? And then it comes out of a closet and it gets the third person in line, so it misses me a lot.

But so this one, they got me a lot. They even had holes in the ceiling where people would grab you from this, not grab you, but they would reach down from the ceiling. You're like right when you were walking by. So that was good. That's amazing. And then your daughter is what, like eight?

My daughter's eight. She didn't go to it because that would scar her for life. This one was too intense for a little girl. I saw some little kids there. I just think that's so funny. Oh man. You fucking hire a babysitter and leave your daughter home alone.

Oh totally. During Halloween so you can go. Oh totally, I lost money on the deal for sure. Paid a babysitter a hundred bucks and you know. But um. What's she dressing as this year? My daughter is gonna be a pirate and so we're all, we all have to do, we're still in the mode of like, we all have to be the same thing you know.

Okay. So yeah, she's gonna be a pirate, we're all gonna be pirates, my wife and I, I was gonna be, I'm gonna use this beard and be like a ZZ Top pirate, I think. It is funny when you think about some of the characters that we dress as, like a pirate, they're literally murdering rapists.

Let's celebrate them. Let's celebrate them throughout history. Throughout, let's keep that, and by the way, they're not really pirates anymore, but let's keep the thought of them. No, there are. The Somalians. I guess, I guess.

In the Tom Hanks movie, yeah. Yeah, but I mean, now those cargo ships have kind of caught on, and they have these fire hoses. Oh, is that what they do? Yeah, these little like, you know, pontoons pull up next to a pretty big freight boat, freight ship, and they just, it's like the civil rights riots, they're just blowing them out of their boats

and laughing. It's just a game. It's a game. It's just pirate hunting. Yeah, it's crazy the stuff that people dress up as, you're right though, like you'll see stuff and you're like, wait, why, why, you know's crazy the stuff that people dress up as. You're right though, you'll see stuff and you're like, wait, why, why? You know, and the stuff that's also creepy,

like any sort of nun or priest or anything like that is instantly, like in the haunted house thing the other night, one of the rooms you went into, it was like a small church. Like a chapel, it was super dark and creepy. And you walk into this church and there were sheets over everybody in the congregation. So you walk into the back of the church,

there's all these church pews and people sitting in the seats and they all have a white sheet over them, which is really scary. And you're like, okay, which of these is a real guy that's gonna try to grab me or whatever? So I'm looking around, I'm looking around, don't see him, don't see him. Like, who's the scary guy?

All of a sudden, it's Jesus on the cross. Jump down off the cross, I want to fuck, man! Tries to attack you and I was like, that's not who I was expecting. Like, you got me, you got me. I was expecting to like sit next to the priest and he put his hand on my leg and I'm like, ah! Or a nun is gonna try to beat me or something.

Yeah. No, it was the Lord himself. That's good, I like that. That was a good one. Yeah, when we used Trick or Treat, we were pillowcase people for sure. Yeah. And it was, you know. Did you go with a group?

Like, do you have brothers and stuff? Well, yeah, my brother, and my sister was a little younger, but then when we got older. But gang of guys, 100% of us, dressed as bums. Like, that was a homeless person. That was fine, that was fine. Isn't it crazy? You don't see people dressing as homeless people anymore.

A hobo. Hobo like we'd get like an old beat up, like blazer and ripped up shoes and dirty clothes and we put dirt on our faces. Dirt on your face, yep. And you'd go out as like a homeless person. And your parents would be proud of that. They'd be like, great job.

Just an adorable little hobo, a little bum, a little bum that can't get a job. It's like, what are we doing? Now make sure you play schizophrenic tonight, kids. Really own it. Show causality. Yeah, when I was little, I have two brothers, and we went, we loved the band Kiss

when we were at a certain age, 10 years old, we loved the band Kiss when we were, you know, at a certain age, you know, I'm like 10 years old. We just thought that was awesome. 10 to 10 and a half, I hope. We, I don't still love Kiss, if that's what you're asking. But you know, at that age, like,

I hadn't seen that before. I hadn't seen like guys in makeup, with like spitting blood and Gene Simmons doing his tongue and breathing fire. Like, I thought that was awesome. You know? And so me and my brothers went to Kiss one year and did our own makeup, which is not easy to do when you're a kid.

And so everywhere we went, ding dong, oh, a bunch of clowns. We're like, we're not clowns, we're Kiss. You know? And they'd be like, oh, look at these adorable clowns. We're not not clowns, we're Kiss. You know, and they'd be like, oh, look at these adorable clowns. We're not fucking clowns, lady. Kiss, what's Kiss?

It's a rock band, you know. That's great. Yeah, I think the kids that like Kiss are the ones that later like WWE. Were you a WWE guy as well? I wasn't really, but I could see how that is a, that's a very, that's an easy off ramp. Yeah, yeah.

You can see that's a direct pipeline straight to the WWE. Yeah, did you see that documentary about Vince McMahon? I watched it on Netflix. It's a docu-series. Yeah. I mean, I literally, you know, obviously I knew Hulk Hogan and Stone Cold Steve Austin

and then going back to like Captain Luau battle. Like I've known, I know, obviously I knew Hulk Hogan and Stone Cold Steve Austin and then going back to like Captain Luau battle, like I've known, I know the big ones. These are all Trump supporters. Stone Cold, Hulk, Big Man. I was gonna say in my progression, I was gonna say MAGA after WWE, but I try to keep politics off the shelf.

Sure, sure, sure. So you watch a documentary and what did you learn that surprised you? That his family was so involved. Like I knew that there was a daughter that took over at one point, but that Vince was actually a character. Like he was a wrestler.

And he didn't start off as one. His father started the original kind of, this before was, this before was national. Yeah. It was regional. And they would travel around, right? They would travel in their region. And his father made it bigger,

but then Vince was the one who really got it on national TV. Yeah. And started creating superstars and selling out 15,000 seat arenas. Yeah. But that he became a character in it where he was the tough business owner, and it was very hazy between who he was as a person

and who his character was. Yeah, I always thought it was the same guy. He was a bad guy, he is, he's still alive, he's a bad guy. He's a terrible, terrible dude. Yes, and so he would involve his son, and he would get into fights with his son, and he would body slam his own son, throw him out of the ring.

His real son? His real son, cut with razors to create blood. They all would cut themselves with razors. Then his daughter comes in, and he starts like, you know, making his daughter date other professional wrestlers, and then fighting that wrestler. There was incest hinted at. It was crazy.

In the storylines of the show? Yeah. Okay, okay, not in real life. No, I don't know about incest. He was a victim of incest in real life. McMahon was? Yes. Wow.

And they hinted that it was his mother. Oh my God. You don't hear that a lot. That's really rare. Yeah, that's like a left-handed knuckleball. Us discussing this, me looking at you with that wig on and you looking at me with this beard, talking about Vince McMahon being molested by his mother,

is either a new high in podcasting or a new low. Yeah, yeah, I gotta go high on this one. Yeah, you don't hear a lot about, I think that just doesn't happen very much. Like what mom is gonna be like, oh, now I'm gonna molest my son, you know? Well, there was a really great movie called

The Perks of Being a Wallflower, did you see that? I didn't see it, but I'm aware of it. That involved mother, son, or it might have been aunt, nephew. Did it really? I thought that was like a like teen drama about like, I mean I never watched it, I just thought like,

oh this is like a sweet story about a coming of age teenager and his girlfriend or something. Well, it was. It was angsty. It was like a high angst John Hughes movie, but then at the end, I ruined the end for people. I apologize, but it's been out for 20 years. I don't think anyone listening to this

is gonna be pissed, yeah. Yeah, but the end really hits you hard. And then the final scene is David Bowie singing Heroes, which is one of those songs that for me is just, you ever have songs that if they come on the radio, if it's not at the very beginning, you change the channel because you're like, no, no, no. I gotta hear from the beginning.

Gotta get in step with it right from the beginning. And I also never wanna wear a song that means that much to me. I don't wanna wear it out. I feel like it's got X number of plays before it becomes like a yes song. Just background, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's a... What's the song that you treasure that you don't wanna wear out for yourself because it means something every time you hear it? Oh man, great question. It's a great question, it's right here. Write that down, you didn't write that down. No, I didn't write it down.

You do have a lot of questions there. Lot of good questions. That's really scary. A song to me that means so much, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to come up with that. You know what, I, my brother, my older brother used to listen to a lot of Rush when I was growing up.

And his room was right next to mine. So I sort of absorbed a ton of Rush and Van Halen. Yeah. And now it's- Those are the bands that make it through the wall. Yeah. Yeah. And now what's crazy is I live on the same street as David Lee Roth in Pasadena.

Get outta here, Diamond Dave? Yeah, when I bought the house, the broker was like, and that's David Lee Roth. And I've never seen him. Was that a warning or a selling point? By the way, you'll hear some explosions and pyrotechnics and. Full disclosure, there's lead paint

and David Lee Roth leeched out of the street. No, but it's just kinda cool that like, who's lead paint and David Lee Roth leached out of the street. No, but it's just kinda cool that like, and I live on like the poor side of the street. He lives in a giant house. And I don't think he's there. I knew you were gonna have to do a disclaimer about that. I knew that you couldn't just say, Adam.

I live in a fancy house like this. Look, you've done a lot. You've earned a good house. Well, my point is, I would have to say one of the songs that I, like a go-to, if I'm at the gym and I really need to get, like I would dig down deep into some Rush

or some Van Halen probably. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I think that Van Halen, their first album, was just insane and I think, You Really Got Me is on that first album and it starts with that crazy yeah now that skeleton is on my other neighbor's house the skeleton of his brother of Eddie Van Halen no is on oh not his brother yeah yeah wow that's pretty sick yeah well that's at my neighbors down Eddie Van Halen, no, is on. Oh, not his brother, right. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. That's pretty sick.

Yeah, well that's at my neighbor's down the street who does the band on his house. Yeah. All the good, yeah. Right, right. But yeah, that, there's some songs like that, that yeah, I agree that you have to hear the whole song. Yeah.

You don't wanna come in midway and go, oh, I'm just catching the tail end of that, you know? Right, and there's some songs that really build, and like, hey Jude, if I turn on the radio and they're already doing hey, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, I didn't get there with you. I need to take the trip to that, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

It sounds like you listen to the radio a lot rather than choosing your own. You know that we live in a world where you can choose whatever music you want, anytime you want, and listen to it however many times you want. You don't have to drive around and hope that they're gonna play a song that Greg likes. Like, oh, I hope they're gonna play it today.

You just put it on your Spotify or whatever. Well, I look at it like when I'm in my car, same thing with masturbation. Sure I can watch a DVD of porn. Sure. In my car. Okay. Or on my phone.

DVD! I can watch it. How'd this accident happen, son? Well, officer, I was watching a DVD of porn in my car. And the screen's back here, driving like that. I had to recline to watch the screen on the back of the passenger seat. I lost track of time. My joke was going to be like, I can watch porn on my phone or I can just look around and see what's out there.

on my phone or I can just look around and see what's out there. But no, I really enjoy, I don't like LA radio. I don't think there's a lot of good music stations. I like, there's some good talk radio in LA that I really like. Yeah. Have you ever done- Flying in Alley's really good and-

Have you ever done, I don't think they do Kevin and Bean anymore. I think those guys are falling out. Kevin is off with somebody else now and I think Bean retired. Okay, one of them was like up in Seattle. Like I did that show one time and they were not in the same room

and I was like, what's going on with these guys? And they tell you, don't mention it. There is like, don't mention that Bean's not here. He was in Seattle and then he was in New Orleans. It's very hard when they say, don't mention this. Don't talk about it. Cause the whole time you're just like, I gotta bring it up.

This is so weird, man, where are you? Bean, where are you? Why aren't you in the studio? And they were great. I used to go on that show all the time. And then they would do this great Christmas concert. It was a band, they raised money for something, but I mean, one year the lineup was like

smashing pumpkins. And I have this guilty pleasure band that I really love called Third Eye Blind. Oh dude, come on. Is that a guilty pleasure? Can that just be a pleasure? I think that's a guilty pleasure. I don't know that you should even be saying that.

Is it that bad? I'm not sure. My wife was horrified when it came out. Wait, Third Eye Blind, I might be confusing them with Three Doors Down. I guess you're talking about. No, no, no, it's not Three Doors Down. Okay, Wait, Third Eye Blind, I might be confusing them with Three Doors Down. I guess you could talk about it. No, no, no, it's not Three Doors Down. Okay, what's Third Eye Blind?

What do they sing? No, David Lee Roth is Three Doors Down. He's in that band for you now. He's literally Three Doors Down from my house. Third Eye Blind is... Now I'm blanking. It's one of those bands that I don't, I couldn't even name their songs,

but when they come on, I turn it up on the radio. Yeah, yeah. You know, you mentioned Smashing Pumpkins. I was gonna, I recently revisited, I was like, I wonder if this holds up. And I'm not sure it does. Thanks for coming to FitzDog Radio. Whoa, I'm out?

Did I get canceled? Are we talking about, I mean, that's, I mean, that's. I mean, give it a try it. Try it out and tell me what you think. I try it, I listen to Smashing Pumpkins albums all the time. I don't just listen to the radio.

Okay, well. Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness is a perfect album. That's where I went, I went to that one. I think I should have gone earlier, back to like the Siamese Dream. The Siamese Dream, right. I went to that one. I think I should have gone earlier, back to like the Siamese dream. The Siamese dream, right. I went to Melancholy,

and that was a very specific time in my life. I think we were both in New York at that point. Yeah, I was in New York. It was like mid-90s. And I have great memories of it, yeah. So I was trying to like sort of get back into it, and I just had a hard time getting back into it. I think it was about that time in your life.

I think there's something you can't access emotionally. My mom molested me. Your mama, your mama molested you. I can't make that joke. Yeah, maybe you're right. I don't know, what's your theory on this about keeping up with, do you make an attempt to keep up with music anymore?

Yes. Do you really? Yes. Well, when I say keep up, expand. I don't necessarily look for new stuff, but I've expanded into country in the last three years. Wow. Flew to Nashville and saw Jason Isbell at the Ryman.

Wow. Everybody's like, if you're gonna see country music live, it has to be at the Ryman Auditorium. So he does a residence, do you know Jason Isbell? I know who he is, yeah. I mean, some of these guys, I mean, Chris Stapleton, these guys shred. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're the best guitar players out there. Keith Urban, like, these guys are great. And so I started getting into that, which I really like a lot. And then my memory is so bad, I'm 58, I know you're younger than me, you're only about 50, right? I'm way younger, I'm like 28. I'm practically 25.

Look down. Oh, I got a really long beard. Yeah. It's gray, you have a long gray beard. I have a long gray beard. To match my... I look like God. I'm like a cool laid back version of God. You think God's not laid back? Look at all the stuff he's allowing to happen. God might be kind of checked out at this point. I think, God, wake up! God's like, all right, I'm done here. I tried.

Good job, Earth. Yeah. Yeah, well, back to the music thing just really quickly. I find it really difficult to keep up with music. I mean, it's just, you know. Well, my point being, I don't remember names. I'll hear something I love. I'll actually, like I'll hear something on, you know,

an alternative rock station in LA, and then I'll download the album, download. Stream. Adorable. I stream it. Adorable. I listen to side A, and then I listen to side B. I turn it over. And then I forget the person's name shortly after. There's a woman named Sienna Farrell.

Okay. Who's amazing. Yeah. And I think she's out of Nashville. But, and what's so cool about it is I started listening to her on the recommendation of my friend, my friend whose grandfather is Johnny Cash. See, that's what you need.

You need a friend in the business. Who lives in Nashville. Yeah, or someone adjacent that can be like, this is who you need to be listening to. That's what I don't have right now. Cause I'm an eight year old daughter who's just like, you know, we're listening to all of that stuff.

But here's the good news. I find Sienna Farrell, I start listening to her music, and then I notice my daughter has a post on Instagram and she has Sienna Farrell as her background music. She did not hear it from me. Wow. And she found it and she has amazing taste in music. How old is your daughter?

She's six. No, 21. That's crazy, is she in college? Nope. Okay. She's taking some classes. Okay. She's not a fan she in college? Nope. Okay. She's taking some classes. She's not a fan. Didn't like it.

Not her ball of wax. I get it. Well, she's got learning issues and ADHD. She's got the whole cocktail that a lot of people have now. And she just always had a class. She's like, I'm gonna go to college when I know what I wanna do, so I know what to study. That makes sense.

That's a good plan. Yeah, I do think my son went, he got a degree in communications and it's like, you know. What's he gonna do, a fucking podcast? What's he gonna do, a podcast? Good luck, good luck. Right? What is he gonna sit behind the board of a podcast? What is he gonna wear costumes in a green screen room?

There's no future in that. So, I gotta lose this. I'm getting so hot. Yeah, this is really itchy. Oh, Jesus Christ, look at you. Look at me. Look at me. I watched you, I recently did Good Day LA.

I did too. Well, that's why I bring it up because I do research before the show and I'm checking out some stuff you've done recently. And and I gotta say those women are so much fun Yeah, and one of them is drop-dead gorgeous my wife my wife was like How was the show and I was like it was good because my wife does the morning news for NBC Well, that's why I say I watched a clip and I was like he's being so to these women. And then I'm researching more and I was like, oh, his wife's son does morning TV as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So she's friends with a lot of them. But that is a, that was a fun show, but I also found it a little challenging. Cause you know, it's like, they're doing like four hours of live television. So it's very chatty and like, I was like, oh, we was like, oh, I'm looking at the teleprompter, and they had a story that they punted at some point,

and I was like, oh, we should have done that story. It was a story about rectal exams are gonna be done by robots. There's a robotic finger that's gonna start doing prostate checks and rectal exams and gonna be done by robots. Like there's a robotic finger that's gonna start doing prostate checks and rectal exams and stuff like that. And I was like, oh, great, yes, let's definitely talk about, and they just, they moved it off the thing. And I was like, you know, but I just didn't know

where we were going at any time and anything. Yeah, I went on and then they were like, you wanna stay for another segment? I was like, yeah. But I started off the interview with, I go, I'm really excited to be here. I go, my agent is supposed to be here. I gotta keep an eye out.

He's Lebanese. And I paged him before to see if he was gonna make it by. And I haven't heard back from him. And like, none of them laughed, except for the one super hot one. You don't even get it. No, I do get it. Oh yeah, yeah.

And she, and only the super hot one laughed. Yeah. And then she was just like, let's move on. Let's move on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they were, they were, morning TV is a tough thing to do, because their energy, not just that show,

but in general, you've done satellite radio tours before where you go around and they patch you in for 10 minutes to all these morning drive time DJs and radio shows around the country. And it's usually 5 a.m. your time because they're on the East Coast. Yeah, you're in a hotel room somewhere chew in for 10 minutes to all these morning drive time DJs and radio shows around the country. And it's usually 5 a.m. your time because they're on the East Coast. Yeah, you're in a hotel room somewhere

and you're plugging a movie or a TV show or whatever and their energy level is off the charts. Yeah. You know, it's like, ah, the weasel and the rat are talking to Greg Fitzhahey, welcome Greg, and you're like, hello? You know, you're just waking up. It's so hard.

Their caffeine intake is way up here. I find morning and stuff like that is really, is really tough to do sometimes. It's challenging and then especially since like I did one this morning with Philly, luckily these guys are not like that at all, these guys Preston and Steve are amazing. Yeah.

And so, but at the same time, I still gotta get up. So I had to wake up at, you know, 5.30, I think I was on at six. And, you know, so I have to, I got up half hour before so I could pound some coffee and get going. And then, you know, you're only on for 15 minutes. And all of a sudden, it's 6.15, my wife's dead asleep. You know, I don't know, I guess if I was a mindful person,

I could meditate and, you know, read a, but I'm just like, I'm- It's funny, man, because there's like, there's so much like media in general that so many times I'm like, how does anybody get any information about anything? Because it's so, it's so widespread. Like there's just like so much stuff.

I was doing, same thing, I was doing like a bunch of interviews about this little movie that we did, and so they had like- All Happy Families? Yes. Yeah, I wanna talk about that. But I mean, yes, I wanna talk about it too, but that's not why I mentioned.

Okay. But in the publicizing of that movie, they set up all these same thing, back to back interviews, and I'm just in my garage on my computer doing it. But some of the film journalism community, I was like, who is this? I don't know who this person is. I've never heard of this person.

Like, I had one guy that was outside on his phone, because I could tell he was holding his phone, and like his screen was vertical, I'm on like Zoom. He was like holding it, it's all shaky. He's like in front of his apartment. I was like, I don't know who this guy is. Like, how did he get on the list of media hits that we're doing?

Meanwhile, he's probably got more listeners than anybody else. He's probably gigantic. He's probably gigantic. I mean, that's the thing too. You just have to be like nice and cool to everybody. Because also one of those clips, you could say something offhand on Fits Dogg Radio and all of a sudden, everybody knows about it.

And you're like, you just got Fits Dogged. Is that a verb? I don't want that. TJ Miller just started saying that on the last podcast. Oh, I don't wanna get Fitz Dogg'd. You don't wanna get Fitz Dogg'd. Who's been Fitz Dogg'd so far? Just TJ Miller.

He's the only one. Yeah, yeah. And I was thinking I'd talk about, there's a guy named Jay Johnston. Yeah, I know Jay. Okay, so Jay is going to jail now. Yes, for a year. For a year for raiding the cap, for storming.

Storming. You never know which verb to use. Is it raiding or storming? I think it's storming. Yeah. I think it's storming. Yeah, but Jay, who is super funny guy. Super nice guy. I mean, when I knew him,

we used to do a show called Human Giant, me and Aziz and Sheer. And Bob's Burgers. And Bob's Burgers. And Bob's Burgers. So I know Jay through a lot of different things. And I mean, I haven't seen him in a million years and I think some things have happened and he kind of went off the deep end maybe.

I mean, I don't know enough about it to really talk about it, but stormed the fucking Capitol. Stormed it. Attacked some cops, like hit some cops with some shit or something. A shield. Really? Yeah, well, I think he was handed a shield

and then he took the shield and handed it forward and then led a push. Did a body, like, you know, the Eagles did the tush push? Yeah. He was doing a tush push at the Capitol. Yeah. And they got the first down. They got the first down, but lost the Capitol. Yeah. And they got the first down. They got the first down, but lost the game.

He is going to prison for a year, a year. And I think his dad was his lawyer. I think his dad is a big lawyer. No. I think, I could be wrong about that, but I think his dad was, so I thought like, well, this is like a guy who's probably gonna get off, like, you know, but also it took them so long to,

like that was now four years ago. Yeah. You know, like, and they knew who, you know, right when all that stuff happened. He was recognized instantly. He was recognized. Yeah. Everybody on the internet was like,

oh, this is the herky jerky guy from, you know. Sarah Silverman. Yeah. I actually worked with him on a show. He was a writer as well, so I wrote on it. Super funny guy. Super funny, nice dude. Nice dude.

And we wrote on a show called Cedric the Entertainer Presents. Yeah. And he was a writer and Louis CK was a writer and the great John Bowman, rest in peace, was the show runner. And he didn't drink, he was one of those guys that got sober when he was like 16,

and he was like a real problem drinker as a kid. And then he started drinking, like on that show, when he was probably pushing 30. And it was the first time he drank since then, and he drank on a Friday and didn't come in on a Monday. No, no, no, I've heard a lot of, so yeah, I mean, I don't even know if I should be talking about it. But yeah, it was bad. And like, you know, he just, so what do you do now?

Like you go to prison for a year? How do they treat you if you're an insurrectionist? Because if you're a pedo, there's a certain, I know firsthand, it ain't fun. How did that go for you? Oh, Jesus. Punching bag. I don't know if there's like,

I don't know if the word gets around, like, oh, that guy was a murderer, that guy was a January 6th stormer. Oh, you don't think that inmates know what they did? Do you? I don't know. What's the protocol? Do you mention that?

Like on day one, do you go, oh, tax. What's the protocol? You know, do you try? You don't wanna be in for like. You know, like what if you're in for some like white collar bullshit? You know, oh, text. What's the protocol? You don't want to be in for like. Like, what if you're in for some like white collar bullshit? You know, oh, tax fraud. You know, get him!

Yeah. You know? Or do you have to be tough? You know, like, I decapitated 12 dogs, you know? I think you want to just go, uh, I'm in here because I knowingly gave other people AIDS. And then it's hands off that guy. Everybody's like, forget it. Yeah.

Isn't the thing you're supposed to do first day of prison is like, you're supposed to like find the biggest, toughest guy and like attack that guy and then everybody's like, whoa. Well, that's what I do with my kids. Every time I walk in the door. Who's the biggest? Who's the toughest? Who's the biggest today?

And just go after them. That's it. Yeah. Do you think you could make it in prison for a year? I actually do a bit about this. I talk about whether or not I can make it in prison. Really?

I didn't mean to walk us into Greg's standup. Let me tell you something. There's a lot there. 35 years, I got a bit for everything. And so I talk about how I think I'd make it because I wouldn't be the toughest guy, but I'd be funny and I would roast the guards behind their backs and then I would do

you know, like some maybe pithy existential observational humor in the yard. I think that would go really big. And then the biggest toughest guy would be like, hey you, you're funny, you made me laugh. I never would have noticed you, come here. Suck my dick. And I'd be like, damn it, why do I have this gift?

This sounds more like a fantasy. This sounds like something you might like drive around and watch a DVD of and jack off to. Or even try to get arrested and sent to jail. Please, please send me in there. Well, when we restorm the Capitol on January 6th, 2025, I'm lockstep with the rest of the cast of Bob's Burgers. Oh my God.

Yeah, that's a crazy story, man. And I don't know what happened to him. I don't know who he got hooked up with to be like, yeah, this seems like a good idea. Yeah. Yeah. I think I'm gonna support this guy and go to the Capitol and storm it. Well, look, you gotta look at

what this movement draws from. I mean, there's a lot of people in this country that are angry. They feel displaced. They feel, I mean, it's a lot of people in this country that are angry, they feel displaced, they feel, I mean, it's not a new phenomena of angry. Yeah, I heard someone was talking about that, that it's like, a lot of it is loneliness

and wanting to belong, which is a real thing. That is a real thing, but that wanting acceptance and wanting to be associated and connected. Having a purpose. Yeah, to be associated and connected. Having a purpose. Yeah, to be in community. But yeah, that's not the club that you wanna join. Well, it's like the military in the sense that they feel. They're all from the military.

Well, they're all from the military. They're all former military. It's like the military in the sense that they're wearing their uniforms. Yeah, they wear their uniforms while they storm the capital. But I mean, they really feel that they're wearing their uniforms. They wear their uniforms while they storm the Capitol. But I mean, they really feel that they are doing something that is for the good of everybody,

but that only they're tough enough to do. Right. You know? I agree with that. Which, you know, good for them. Anyway, all right, let's get to the script. I don't want to keep you here all day. It's been 42 minutes.

I usually do 60. How are we doing? How are the ratings? We don't know yet. Nothing in yet? We don't know. Have I been FitzDogged yet? I gotta look online. I could FitzDog you. Don't FitzDog me. Do not FitzDog me. I drove all the way. By the way, who drives across town to go to podcasts? Don't people do these in their homes now? Is this a backhanded question? I live very, I don't know if I mentioned this, I live, me and David Lee Roth had, we were going to play pickleball today. Oh.

And I had to say, hey, Diamond Dave, I can't do it. I got to go get Fitz dogged. How long did it take to get here? 17 hours. No, it took 45 minutes. Did it really? It's okay, man. We're friends. I've known you for a long time. I'm happy to be here. And look how spooky this is.

You can't do, I couldn't, we couldn't do, we couldn't deliver these amount of jump scares. Yes. If I had been at my house. Right, right, your house doesn't have green screen. No, no way, I can't afford it. Yeah. And then halfway through,

Hey, it's Diamond Dave. Can I get some sugar? I don't need that shit. Bada ma. That's my walk-on song in stand-up. That's a great song. You know why? Cause you don't have to cue it up.

Right out of the gate. Yeah. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Right out of the gate. And people are raring to go. Yeah. You put that on,, dun, dun, dun. Right out of the gate. And people are raring to go. Yeah. You put that on, people know, here comes the show. Except then I come out.

And I sometimes think, they ask you, what do you want to walk onto? And I maybe should match my opening energy with the song rather than putting it up here. Then you just have to like slowly ease people down. Yeah. They're so excited. You know, they're like, well, you know, let slowly ease people down. They're so excited. You gotta be like, well, let's manage our expectations.

Yeah, maybe we go with like, Cat Stevens, you know? Yeah. When you comin' home, dad, I don't know when. Well, the cat's in the cradle in the silver spoon. Then I'm bringing him up. That's a better strategy, is bum Is bum them out at the beginning, and then when you come out, it's like,

hey, now we're gonna have fun. I did a show in Birmingham, Alabama, and I had them bring me up to the national anthem. Great call. I loved it. Great call. Yeah, yeah, why not? Do you go everywhere?

Are you on the road like every weekend? No, like every other weekend. But right now I'm on the road almost every weekend till the spring because I just had a special come out, some out doing the new hour. Yeah, that's what I'm here to promote. I'm here to promote your comedy special. And how did you feel about it when you watched it?

I haven't seen it yet. I'm just here to talk about it and be like, you know, just kind of, what do they call it? Like when you casually mention, like street marketing. Street marketing, yeah. I just try to work it into conversation. What's the name of the special? You Know Me.

Dude, that's so easy for me to work into my everyday interactions with people. Yeah. Yeah, you know me, which by the way, is my friend Greg Fitzsimmons, that's the name of his new special on Netflix, what's it on? It's on YouTube, so anybody can see it.

Even better, do you own it? I own it, I paid for it. That's the way to do it, right? Yep, it's the only way to do it. And like Netflix, I shot it, like I hired like a really good crew. Yeah, you have to. And I shot it with the specs for good,

to be good enough to be on Netflix. Not on the phone, you had real cameras. I had seven cameras, I had a lighting package, I built a set, and we did two shows. And then my agent goes, I finished editing, he's like, yeah, well, Netflix is booked up through the end of 2026. I'm like, well, why did I just spend all this money

on this special? Because if I'm doing it just for YouTube, people are watching on their phones. I could have spent a third of the money. And so, but I'm glad I did. You could have started here against a green screen and it would look like you're at a haunted house. Right.

Or I could have put a brick wall behind me on the green screen. Yeah, and just stood up in your living room. But you're psyched about it. You spent a lot of money on it. I'm really excited, I spent a lot of money. And when does it come out on YouTube? It's out, it's been out for a month.

It's got almost a half a million views already. What are we talking about? Let's go, you're buying lunch. All right, and you know what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna buy a round of golf. We're gonna play some golf. I would love to. And it's on me.

No, no, okay. Are you a good golfer? We never played together? I don't think so. We were at a tournament together, but we didn't play. Yeah, we were at that same benefit at that really rough course.

Yeah. I can't remember who we were benefiting, but yeah, we'll get out, we'll play with, who's our foursome? Who do you play with? Al Madrigal, I play with Al. Play with Al, I play with Al. That was his tournament.

That was his benefit for his kid's school or something. That was right by the Rose Bowl. I live right by the Rose Bowl. And was that the one where there were like nuns there and stuff? Yeah, there were nuns. Yeah, I don't like to have nuns out on the holes. Like, you know, they were like, you get up there.

You know how many I like to have on the course? How many nuns you like to have on the golf course? None. Damn it, you walked me right into it. Yeah, I just found that to be like distracting. You know, you're going up to hit. Yeah, cause like. And there's like a nun right there.

And you're like, come on. Yeah. I can't swear, I can't say anything bad. I get it, you know, you're an important figure in the Catholic Church. You don't have to sweat me on the golf course. I think that nuns are interesting because they're really, they do all the leg work in the church.

I grew up Catholic. Okay, I'm not, yeah. So I watch nuns up close a lot. And I mean. On a DVD while you're driving? I mean. Black and white. Red all over.

So they do the Eucharistic stuff. They bring all the bread and the wine up. And then afterwards they stack chairs and then they're always handing out flyers. So they're like, yeah. They do the work, the priests are like the Wizard of Oz. They're just. They just show up at the end, take all the credit.

Right, yep. Yeah, yeah, I don't remember seeing any priests at that golf tournament. No. It was all nuns. They probably did all the work and set it up, and it was lovely, and I'm sure we made money for Al Madrigal's.

Private fancy school. Private fancy school that his kids go to. But we should play golf. Plus he's Latino, so his kids are probably going to school for free. I'm not gonna participate. You almost got Fitz Dogg right there. You're trying to Fitz Dogg me.

You're trying to Fitz, I'm not going to, you can say stuff like that and you watch me. I've been trained. I don't fall for it. How many people have you had Fitz Dogg on the show? Like hundreds? Well, I try to Fitz Dogg the people that will get me traction on the internet.

Like I'm not gonna Fitz Dogg Paul Scheer. Cause like no one's watching that. But I get Rob Hubel on. I mean this guy's got some social media presence. Yes. And I would, yeah, I would repost it. If I said something terrible and racist and offensive and I got canceled, I'd at least repost it for your benefit

to promote your special You Know Me. You Know Me. Dropping on YouTube. Do you know? And I really did think about this, cause I said to you, half kidding, let's dress up for Halloween, and then you were sweet enough to say,

alright, I'm not gonna go all in, but I'll do something. And I was like, alright, good for him, so I'll do it too. And then I thought to myself, how funny would it be if you walked in and me and the producer here were in blackface and like didn't break character. No. And just to see if you stayed, would you stay or would you leave?

Someone should start a pod, I would leave. Someone should start a podcast where it's just that, it's just traps. Yeah. It's just laying traps and trying to get, you know, but you'd have to get big like A-listers, you know, but you'd have to get big A-listers. You'd have to really get them, it'd be hard to get them on the show,

but once they did, you know. Well, that's why I never agree to do a podcast that's longer than an hour, because that's when you get in trouble. You get tired. Yeah, yeah. Your guard comes down. Yeah, and you start saying, yeah, I agree with your dumb,

yeah, okay. All right, your wife's name is Holly Hanula. Hanula, thank you. Does she get that a lot? She does, yeah, because she is half Japanese and half white guy, and so everybody thinks she's Hawaiian, so everybody says Hanula. It does sound like a Hawaiian name, for sure.

And she did some acting as well. Well, she plays, she's a reporter. She does the traffic in LA in the morning. She's the traffic reporter on NBC. She's like the fill in, you know, now they call her when there's an emergency, but you know, she's not full time. But when she does that all the time,

she's on every morning, or when she's on in the mornings, she has to wake up at like one in the morning to go to work. No. Yeah, because the show starts at three. Oh my God. So she's live, or four, so she's live on the air four in the morning till seven in the morning. Damn.

Doing the traffic. And so she's exhausted when she gets home. I'm exhausted because I hear her clomping around. Yeah. Our dog is exhausted. My daughter's exhausted. We're all exhausted. But yeah, so the only benefit of having.

She's heading out and Diamond Dave's just coming home. Diamond Dave is just gonna, they pass. Yeah. Two ships in the night. But the only advantage to having your wife do the traffic report is I can call her at any time on the way here and be like, oh, there's traffic on the 10, how do I get there? And she'll go to her secret...

Shut up. No, for real. She'll go to the map and be like, get off here, get off, you know. Really? She's like, you're Chloe? Yes, I don't use like Waze or anything like that. I have like my own personal traffic assistant. That's amazing.

Yeah, my wife actually used to do weather. Really? In New York, yeah, and I never look at my app to find out like, you know, the scientific exact meteorology of the temperature. I'll call her and then she'll tell me it's 82 and sunny. And that just is so much easier for me to pick up the phone

and dial and get somebody. Rather than just go. Yeah. Also, it's LA, it's always 82 and sunny. It's always the same. We did, you've done a lot of shows. I don't need to sit here and name all. You do a lot of interviews and you must get annoying

to hear people list the same shows that you've been on. Sure, but. Over and over again. Yeah, but. But Best Week Ever probably doesn't come up a lot. It doesn't. During that, which you and I made our bones. You and I, that's where we, that's, listen, that was, I'm sure you had been doing a lot. It doesn't. During that, which you and I made our bones. You and I, that's where we, listen, that was, I'm sure you had been doing a lot of stuff.

That was like one of my very first gigs. That was one of my first things, yeah, sure. And I was just like psyched to be on TV and. Have our name up. While you were, if anybody didn't see the show, it was like they would show a clip from, usually kind of a pop culture clip, and then we had full screen of your face with your name underneath it, It was like they would show a clip from, usually kind of a pop culture clip,

and then we had full screen of your face with your name underneath it, while you did a little dry little. You would just comment on dumb reality shows and dating shows, and I thought that was a really good format for a show. It was funny, it was a weekly recap of all the bullshit on TV that you missed.

And it's funny, cause then there was some copycat shows, and now you don't see that format at all, it's such a cheap format, cause I don't know what your contract was, I didn't have one. I didn't have a contract. I did it for five years, and they never guaranteed me, I would just get a call on Thursday, and they'd be like, I would just get a call on Thursday,

and they'd be like, hey, you wanna come in on Monday? It was a girl that didn't wanna call me her boyfriend. And then you'd come in, they would fax you, cause there was no email then, and they would fax you the topics, and then you would write all the writing, you would do all the performing, you'd be there for two hours, 500 bucks.

No residuals. But to me at the time, that was a lot of money. I was like, I'm making money in this business somehow. And that was a lot of money, 500 bucks. I was psyched about that. But yeah, the only sort of, I'm trying to think of like, Talk Soup, I would say, was related to that, similar thing, Joel McHale, I think,

nailed that pretty good. I think that's a great format also. I would say the Ridiculousness is sort of like that. Yes, True TV does a bunch of like, World's Dumbest Criminals shows. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know, look, again, it's fast food. It's not like anybody's gonna look at that episode

in five years because it's all. But yeah, it was fun, it was fun, you know? And it was like the kind of thing where you could maybe come up with something that for your, well you never did stand up, but like, you know. But when you look back at that show, there are people that, you know,

all of those people are still, a lot of those people are still around and doing well. You know, like. Patton Oswalt. Patton. Aziz. Michael Ian Black, Sheer, Rachel Harris, like. Lonnie Love.

I remember, yeah, Chuck Nice. Chuck Nice. Who was, Mike Britt. Mike Britt, well, I don't Chuck Nice. Who was, Mike Britt? Mike Britt, well I haven't seen Mike Britt a lot. Yeah, but yeah, those were good times. I get, when people say that, when people bring up that credit, you know, like if you meet someone at an airport

and they go, oh, best week ever. What do you say? I'm always like, yeah, that was like 20 years ago. Yeah, no, I'm psyched. I'm always like, wow, you got a good memory. That was way back, but I feel like there's- I take it as like, what else have you done, man? Right, right, right.

Which is the wrong way to take it. Oh, I see, yeah. They're trying to be like, hey, do you remember that? I like that and I know you from that. And I am offended like, well, didn't you see the thing that I did last year? Yeah, right. Well, I think to me it's more like I see them

as like the people that wear Kiss t-shirts. You're like, all right. Don't, don't go there, man. I'm telling you, that band holds up. No, they don't. Both songs. Lick it up, lick it up. We don't have the rights to that, do we?

Do we have the rights to that? No, now we're not gonna get monetized. All right, let's get straight to it. It's time to play a little thing we call Fastballs with Fitz. Oh, don't cancel me, okay. All right, who is your best Asian friend? My wife.

That's a standard first question, by the way. And you fucking. I nailed it. I was ready for it. If you were to be trans, would you rather be born a woman who transitions to a man or vice versa? Pass.

Pass. I'm not getting Fitz dogged on this show. I'm not getting Fitz dogged. Who would you want to give your eulogy? Great question. Great, oh, that's a great question. Well, first of all, I've given this some thought. Yeah. Well, you have two brothers, so. all, I've given this some thought. Yeah.

Well, you have two brothers, so. Yeah, but I want someone that can fucking kill it. Yeah. You know what I mean? Right. I mean, for years, same thing. It can't be one person. It has to be a bunch of people.

Like, I'm imagining. All right, I'm gonna give you three. Well, first of all, I've thought about this. I'm gonna fake my death at least one time and I want it to be completely realistic. So the first time, I want everyone that's listening to know, the first time you hear about me dying, I'm not actually dead.

Got it, it's a dry run. It's a dry run because I wanna go to my funeral, I wanna see it. Yes! I wanna hear it, I wanna a dry run. It's a dry run because I wanna go to my funeral, I wanna see it. Yes! I wanna like hear it, I wanna laugh and be like, yes, that was a great story about me. Thank you for telling, you know. See who doesn't show up. See who doesn't show up, you know, so I'll do that,

probably pop out at the end of it and be like, fuck you, you know, and fuck Steve for not being here, you know, but. By the way, are we not thinking of the greatest reality show of the year? like fuck you, and fuck Steve for not being here. By the way, are we not thinking of the greatest reality show of the year? Why isn't this a show? I'm not really dead. And it would be such a big show that every time somebody died, you'd be going.

They're not dead, this is for the show. This is for the show. This is for ABC. So let me see. I'm sure one of my improv buddies, Sheer, Riggle, Owen Burke. Kroll? Kroll would be great, yeah. I mean all those guys, just Cordury, these are all.

Cordury would be amazing. Yeah, yeah, these are all Boston guys, by the way. Not all of you know, these are all. Cordury would be amazing. Yeah, yeah, these are all Boston guys, by the way. So not all of them, but Cordury is. Cordury is. So you just picked one person from Boston and said these are all Boston guys? I'm just trying to connect with you, man. I'm not a Boston guy.

I thought you were a Boston guy. I started comedy, I went to college in Boston. Okay, that's all right. And so everybody thinks I'm from there because that's where I started. I started doing stand-up there for like my first four years. Yeah, are you a New York guy? Yeah. Okay.

But I'm proud to be considered a Boston comic because there's so many great comics that came from there. Yeah, well also just being Irish Catholic, I just assumed. Little caustic, slightly racist. Slightly, just slightly. Just a little bit. Charmingly. Yeah. Charming, just slightly. Just a little bit. Charmingly.

Yeah. Charming, like old school. Yeah, Louis had a funny bit about how. Pass. I think he did it on SNL where he's like, I guess I'm a little bit racist. Like, you know, like if I see a black guy and he's in a Mercedes, I go, hmm, like that's it. Pass.

Yeah, I thought you were from Boston, that's it. Pass. Yeah, I thought you were from Boston, that's crazy. Okay, so yeah, I would have one of my comedy friends do it. Hopefully a bunch of them, yeah. Okay. Yeah. You can't ever do anything on your own. It's always gotta be a troop. I'm dead, man.

Always gotta be a troop. What have you turned down recently? Great question, zero. Nothing. Dude, nothing. I'm telling you, it's great. I mean, it's like, you know, for people that don't know, like Hollywood is completely in,

it's shrinking, it's getting like smaller and smaller, like there's just not a lot going on. So yeah, you know, I would say for young filmmakers that are indie filmmakers, everyone's available. Everyone. Here's Rob's cell phone number. Call me on this cell phone number, I will do it. Yeah, no, but which has actually been super fun.

Like I've done some things that like I did a horror movie this summer, which I've always kind of wanted to do, but you know, I was like, well, is that gonna be like, what's that, is that gonna be, you know, depressing to be, you know, but so that was really fun. And, but yeah, I feel like in general, people aren't turning stuff down. I feel like everyone's available.

I drove 45 minutes to do this podcast. Did I mention that? Jesus Christ, I'm splattered. I am hoping that changes. I hope that it'll come back. But I don't. And you'll be able to start turning things down again. So I can turn things down.

Your mouth goes, should I say no to, no, you can't do it. All right, final question. By the way, that is a great question. That is a great question. You might wanna change the name of the podcast to what have you turned down lately. Well, I think since the pandemic,

it's gonna get a little redundant. Yeah. All right, finally, you've been in a lot of sketch troops and improv troops, all that. What's the hackiest bit that you've ever been involved in? Oh, okay. Also a great question. When I was first starting, there was someone in our improv group whose father did corporate training. Like you would go into a company and do like some sort

of HR, you know, human resources type thing, where he had kind of like bullet points and then you kind of like improvise around that as characters. And I remember going to do one at the World Trade Center, obviously, this is pre-911, should I clarify? This is pre-911. Going into the World Trade Center to some big finance company, I can't remember who,

it's irrelevant that it was in the World Trade Center, but having to do like a sexual harassment improv bits. Yes, yes! like a sexual harassment improv bits. Yes, yes. In the World Trade Center, like, you know, like, hey, good morning, Dave, how was your weekend? Hey Tina, nice skirt. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, freeze, okay. What did Dave just say?

He complimented her skirt. Is that cool? No, that's not cool, you know. Okay, keep going guys, you know, you just improvise these things. So Dave, what's going on in your personal life? Well, you know, I just got dumped by my girlfriend. Are you interested in maybe having dinner with me, Tina?

Whoa, freezing. You can't ask people out at work, you know. I think Al-Qaeda got hold of the footage. They might have. And then took down the towers. Yes. That's how bad that is. It was pretty, pretty bad.

Wow. That was pretty, that was one of the low points. Yeah. But again, just starting out, I'm sure I got paid like a hundred bucks, 200 bucks to go do it. I was like, I'm sure I got paid like a hundred bucks, two hundred bucks to go do it. I was like, I'm making money in comedy, you know? Well, today you're making zero.

What? You didn't tell me that. But you get to keep the beard. I brought the beard. Oh, okay. This is my beard. What was your costume, by the way? A Viking?

I was a MILF. You were a MILF. You are a MILF. I am a MILF. You was a MILF. You were a MILF. You are a MILF. I am a MILF. You are a MILF. The film All Happy Families is streaming now everywhere. Everywhere. You name a streamer, well not YouTube.

I don't think it's on YouTube. It's harder to get on YouTube. You can buy it anywhere you buy streaming things. Yeah. Okay. Super fun little movie made with a lot of love in Chicago with a bunch of fun people, Josh Radner. Oh really? From How I Met Your Mother is my brother in the movie,

super funny dude, and Becky Ann Baker, who is our mom, and the late, he just passed away, John Ashton. Oh I know, what a bummer. Yeah, played our dad in the movie, he just passed away, John Ashton. Oh, I know, what a bummer. Yeah, played our dad in the movie and it's like a fucked up family in Chicago all under one roof for a weekend and their gloves come off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's super funny but also really good. But yeah, man, John Ashton, he was fucking taggert in Beverly Hills Cop and Mid Midnight Run, you know? Just great character actor. And I got to hang out with him all summer and play golf with him in Chicago. Oh nice.

And he was a fuckin' good golfer, man. Like could barely see out of one eye and would just smoke a cigarette and tell stories about old school Hollywood. And I was just like, eatin' it up. Wow, that's so cool was just like eating it up. Wow that's so cool. Great dude. Well that's good that you had that with him. Yeah for sure. Yeah. All right Rob Hubel thank you so much for being here again. Thanks for not Fitz dogging me. I hope. We'll see. I gotta go home and look on the internet and make sure I wasn't Fitz dogged. You don't know if you're Fitz Dogs until you've been Fitz Dogged. Oh no. That's the thing about it.

Oh my god. Alright, thanks. Thanks buddy.