Fitzdog Radio - Ron Funches (Fitzdog Radio #1136) | Greg Fitzsimmons

Episode Date: April 30, 2026

Greg Fitzsimmons sits down with the always hilarious Ron Funches for a wide-ranging conversation that goes from reality TV chaos to stand-up philosophy, and everything in between. Ron breaks down his experience on The Traitors, what it taught him about himself, and how it ultimately led to a life-changing autism diagnosis. The two dig into the ups and downs of the comedy industry, including the frustrating reality of streaming deals, social media influence, and why great comics still struggle to get specials made. They also get into: The unpredictability of making money in comedy The difference between bombing and being delusional Why some comics thrive and others never improve The weird reality of voice acting careers Hair transplants, Turkey trips, and leveling up your look Plus, Greg shares stories from Disneyland, Waymos, and the dangers of trusting a comedian’s green room. A funny, honest, and surprisingly insightful episode about comedy, identity, and figuring out who you are. This show is produced by Gotham Production Studios and part of the Gotham Network. https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/studios/ Follow Greg Fitzsimmons: Facebook: https://facebook.com/FitzdogRadio Instagram: https://instagram.com/gregfitzsimmons Twitter: https://twitter.com/gregfitzshow Official Website: http://gregfitzsimmons.com Tour Dates: https://bit.ly/GregFitzTour Merch: https://bit.ly/GregFitzMerch “Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons” Book: https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82 “Life on Stage” Comedy Special: https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial Listen to Greg Fitzsimmons: Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio Sunday Papers: http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod Childish: http://childishpod.com Watch more Greg Fitzsimmons: Latest Uploads: https://bit.ly/latestGregFitz Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/radioGregFitz Sunday Papers: https://bit.ly/sundayGregFitz Stand Up Comedy: https://bit.ly/comedyGregFitz Popular Videos: https://bit.ly/popGregFitz About Greg Fitzsimmons: Mixing an incisive wit with scathing sarcasm, Greg Fitzsimmons is an accomplished stand-up, an Emmy Award winning writer, and a host on TV, radio and his own podcasts. Greg is host of the popular “FitzDog Radio” podcast (https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio), as well as “Sunday Papers” with co-host Mike Gibbons (http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod) and “Childish” with co-host Alison Rosen (http://childishpod.com). A regular with Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Kimmel, Greg also frequents “The Joe Rogan Experience,” “Lights Out with David Spade,” and has made more than 50 visits to “The Howard Stern Show.” Howard gave Greg his own show on Sirius/XM which lasted more than 10 years. Greg’s one-hour standup special, “Life On Stage,” was named a Top 10 Comedy Release by LA Weekly. The special premiered on Comedy Central and is now available on Amazon Prime, as a DVD, or a download (https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial). Greg’s 2011 book, Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons (https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82), climbed the best-seller charts and garnered outstanding reviews from NPR and Vanity Fair. Greg appeared in the Netflix series “Santa Clarita Diet,” the Emmy-winning FX series “Louie,” spent five years as a panelist on VH1’s “Best Week Ever,” was a reoccurring panelist on “Chelsea Lately,” and starred in two half-hour stand-up specials on Comedy Central. Greg wrote and appeared on the Judd Apatow HBO series “Crashing.” Writing credits include HBO’s “Lucky Louie,” “Cedric the Entertainer Presents,” “Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher,” “The Man Show” and many others. On his mantle beside the four Daytime Emmys he won as a writer and producer on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” sit “The Jury Award for Best Comedian” from The HBO Comedy Arts Festival and a Cable Ace Award for hosting the MTV game show "Idiot Savants." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Learn more at landrover.ca. Hi, welcome to Fitzdog Radio. My guest Ron Funches will be here in just a moment. That's not true. Ron Funcges was just here, and I already talked to him. And I can tell you right up front, it was not a good interview. No, it was fantastic. Ron's the best. He's got a little touch of the, he's on the spectrum. So we talk about that. We talk about this reality show he was on that I didn't see. I like to watch the projects that my guests do before they come on. But I can't, I can't really watch reality shows because I just, I feel like the time I'm spending watching.

watching it can be spent in so many other way. I'm in the middle of a crossword puzzle. And that far outweighs watching it. And this isn't knocking Ron. He'll tell you it was not a good experience. I shouldn't, I blew it. Spoiler alert, it was not a great experience for him. But I just wrote in, here's a big announcement. If you live in L.A., this is very, very big deal. I wrote my first Waymo. I had not been in a Waymo before. And I was alone. So it picked me up. And it was just so weird driving alone in a car and jerking off. And you're used to the driver yelling at you stop, whatever, or jumping in the back, whatever. But this was just me alone. And I realized, and then I saw the video camera and I got more excited. And I felt like I was on only fans.

I think only fans should do, they should sponsor a Waymo car where it's free. It drives around L.A. You can get in it. You can go where you want, but you have to be naked in the Waymo. And it's one of those Uber pool things where other people are going to get in and they're going to get naked. And then whatever. That's my reality show. Is Waymo, but it's way more Waymo.

That's what we call it. or as black person would just say, Waymo. That's racist, and Ron's coming on. I took an Uber. This is true. I took an Uber from the airport. And my driver was Indian,

and he had his phone mounted on the dashboard, and then he was watching a Bollywood movie while driving me. And I was going to report the guy, but the movie was fucking great. I actually wanted to see the ending, so I stayed in the car for his next three rides. I want to see if the prince got the woman from the lower cast system

to come to the big ball at the palace where they wave the colored ribbons around, and it didn't happen. I want to talk a little bit about... Did I talk about Disneyland? I don't think I did. I went to Disneyland last week. I was invited by the Woody Show,

which is this big radio show in L.A. and they broadcast around the country, and they rented out Disneyland for the night. And they invited their listeners. They were all contest winners. There's thousands of listeners in the park. And then I was at the, I brought my wife, my friend's J.C. and Nick.

And I found out driving there. My friend Jaseen was a tour guide. She grew up near Anaheim. She was a tour guide in high school, and then in college, she was a VIP tour guide, so she would bring celebrities to Disneyland. And I said, well, who is the best? And she says, without hesitated, she goes, John Stamos was the best. He was the nicest. He was the most fun.

So we get to the park, and there's like a VIP restaurant that's for the VIPs and obviously I'm a VIP and so we go in there and it's free food and free drinks and it's a bunch of celebrities I'm hanging out with the drummer from Green Day whatever his name is and then I said to JC.

I go, don't look to your right right now. John Stamos is standing there and she's just like, what? And so we walk up and I know John from the stand-up world over the years and I was good friends with Bob Sagitt And so I go, I go, John, Jaseen was your tour guide like 10 years ago when you came to the park.

He goes, I remember you. He goes, I was with Bob Sagat and my daughter. And she's like, yes. And he couldn't have been sweeter, totally remembered her. And they hung out. And he made love to her in the, in Mickey's ear. Mickey heard everything. So anyway, that was just a fun night.

I'm not a Disneyland fan, but when the park is closed, except for you, it was from 9 p.m. till 1 a.m. and there was nobody there except the listeners, so there were no lines. So much fun. Thank you, Woody's show. Shout out. Tour dates coming up. I will be at the Brea Improv on May 8th. I will be there with Amber Easton. She will be opening. Boston, Laugh, Boston, May 29th and 30th, Rochester, New Hampshire,

the Opera House, June 5th, Agunquit, Maine at Jonathan's June 6th. Then I'm coming to St. Pete's and Cincinnati and Columbus and La Jolla. Go to Fitzdog.com, get some tickets, come out, see some live comedy, and don't forget Sunday Papers as well. All right, here's my interview with the great Ron Funches. My well-hydrated guest is Ron Funches. Two waters. Let me see your crazy water bottle. What do you got? W.W.E.

There's a custom bottle and they made me a bottle. This one's, actually, my sons, I took from him. And then they made me one of my jokes that I'm going to start selling as merch. So this is a good promo for me. Look out for custom Ron Funches. Now Gene Water Bottles coming soon. Probably on Ron Funches.com is my guess. Look, this show is not about commercialism.

Stamps.com is the best way to send stuff at any time because whether it's drugs or guns, if you use Bitcoin and Stamps.com, you can get anything to anybody anytime. Fitzdog promo code on stamps.com. I love it. Yeah. You know, my favorite cola is Royal Crown

because it's got a deeper flavor. Yeah, the thing that goes really nice with the Royal Crown is Freelows. They're like Fritos, but about 50% of the cost, same corn flavor, same delicious salt. I love that about Freelows. Oh, I have to do another one now? I think it's a rule of threes, right? I think we did three. Have you ever done a commercial on your podcast?

and then said, I can't do that one again. Yeah, if I've tasted some of the stuff, and it was like, it's bad. I think, like, yeah, the magic spoon. Magic spoon was tough. Oh, yeah? Magic spoon was tough. Is that a food delivery service?

No, it's a cereal. They didn't get you during, you weren't into magic spoon? Oh, I think they did. I liked it. You liked it? I liked it. Okay. Yep.

That's crazy. It was like a shredded wheat one. It was like a frosted shredded wheat one that I kind of liked. All right. I don't think there was. I did Kratem Have you heard of that?

I've heard of it It's like a synthetic opioid Yeah So they sent it to me And I don't know what it is I get the ad read the day before And I'm starting to read

I'm creating them And they don't come out and say It's an opioid I didn't know you could just do drugs like that I didn't know you could get a sponsorship from like just like LSD or like cocaine Yeah right right

I know And you can't for weed like I've never done a weed but anyway so I tried the cranium the next day and I had to cancel my show that night I was so fucking out I was like in a stupor and I liked it and I liked it because I love opioids

I you know give me some here pull that mic up by your face I will like give me some viking give me some hydrocodone and I can talk to any I would save one for Christmas I don't like those It doesn't make me itchy.

Really? Yeah. Oh, you get like a heroin addict. I don't like the feeling of it. I don't like pills in general. Yeah. Not a pill guy. No pills, no powders?

Monoxidil and Phanasteride. Let me see the head. It's coming in. Ooh. Damn. Look at you. You lost all this weight. Your hair is coming back.

Oh, I mean, it's also a hair transplant. I'm going back for my second one. Oh, was it the front? Front. I mean, and some of the crown, but the crown's still. laggings. I go back and do a second one.

You're a hot property right now. I'm working on it. Trying to get up there. You don't work the apps. You don't need to. We're stand-up comedians, right? No, I don't. No, no.

I got a girlfriend. I enjoy. So you're just upgrading for her? Just for me and for work, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I've been on a plan that I call, like, the Amy Schumer, upgraded recently to the Nikki Glazer plan, where you, like, work real hard,

and then you convince the industry for a couple years that you're hot, and then they give you a bunch of money, and then you just let go. That's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my plan. And right now I'm in the guy to get hot part of it, which Nikki is crushing. She's crushing. She's crushing.

She's crushed. Yeah, I know. Look out for it on Hulu. I know. I literally, after her transformation, I saw her at a party, and I said hi, and she said hi, and I thought I was just saying hi to, like, a fan. And then I stopped and I went, oh, my God, that's you? You know, she had the fake tan and the hair and I don't know what else, but like I didn't recognize her.

Yeah, she looks great. She looks amazing. People should be allowed to change. Allow the money to show. What is she supposed to do? Get a bunch of money and not change. If I got a bunch of money, I would get, I'd get my neck done. Yes.

Look at my neck. Yeah, terrible. Gross. And also, I kind of want to fuck it. It's sexy gross It's alluring It's alluring I like how they got you at the end

I just smile Deep No Jeremy Watkins just came on a sheet He told me I looked like the tortoise In the what show Some movie or something Franklin probably

You look like Franklin the tortoise Ninja turtles No that's like Every turtle is a ninja turtle Whatever If you guys can't get me the information Yeah Oh like Dana Carvey

Oh Yeah but that was already a weird look Yeah Yeah no yeah No you just mean you're getting older Who is it? Yeah But I mean I was just saying

If I came into a ton of money I would definitely do the I don't give a fuck about the hair The hair is gone Although I wouldn't even say don't even try to get a transplant. It's gone. I have thought about going like old school comic wig. Because those guys just wore wigs and they didn't give a fuck.

Yeah. They were like, yeah, I'm wearing a wig. I'm a comedian, you know? It's fun. It's fun. A showman. Yeah. You could shake it up.

You try a different one on a different night. Yeah. Wow, you really, when you make facial expresses, yeah, you see every, I see the story of your life. In my eyes. Yeah. skin, yeah, yeah, it's deep. Yeah. Well, Irish skin, I mean, they say black don't crack.

Irish cracks. Yeah. Irish shatters. It really does. Yeah. Age like milk, yeah. Yeah, and I also, I've been in the sun a lot. I've really, and I see that as like, when people say I'm fat, they're like, yeah, I enjoyed my life.

And I feel like that with my wrinkles. Like, I laughed. I have laughed lines. I mean, who are you trying to not wrinkle for? You're married, you got everything settled for. You're good. You could be as wrinkly as you want to be. Right.

I'm not looking for any roles. I'm not like you're a legit actor. I love acting. You are, you are so good. If nobody's seen the show, I'm going to look at it. I'm going to do another ad right now.

Watch the television show lute. It's on Hulu. It's on Apple TV. No, it's on Hulu. Is it on Hulu now? No. No. I just have to run.

You never know where you show is any. No, no, no. That's why I say with my son's cartoons. I'm like, oh, the Mario movie was on Netflix. Now I've got to go to Peacock. Who will know where it's going to be next? Right, right. But anyway, this show Lute with Maya Rudolph and...

On Tubby. Nat, what's not saying? Faxon. Faxon. He is so great. I play golf with him. I believe that. He's a great guy, isn't he?

That's fun. That's probably a laugh. He is a laugh. Oh, he's fun. He's so fun. The whole cast is great, but you are fantastic. Is that what you're going to say? Can we roll back to tape?

I don't remember saying. I think Maya Rudolph might be the best one in it, but you're a close second. But I feel like it's one of those shows that if it was, there's no reason why it couldn't be on one of the networks. and it would be one of the biggest show. You'd be guys would be one of our awards. Thank you. I think it's a great show, yeah. Yeah.

Any more seasons? I don't know. You did two, right? Three. Wow, you really don't keep up. You don't even know what network is on our many seasons. It kind of jumped the shark after two. Yeah, that's true.

No, I just didn't. I probably did see the third. I just don't remember. They all blend together. Well, you know, they don't get much momentum anymore. You don't get like, boom, every fall, you know, when something's coming out. it just kind of comes and goes. And then it's only, what, 12 episodes, 10 episodes?

Yeah. So we used to watch 22. Like my daughter right now has gotten deep into Desperate Housewives. And we sat on that couch and we'll watch four or five episodes every night. It's so goddamn good. Yeah, I missed a day when you could just get a nice filler episode. Yeah. Just people hanging out reminiscing about previous episodes.

And then they give you what happened on the last episode before you watch the episode. where they talk about what happened on the previous episode. I loved it. I missed it. You got to love the characters. You got to experience holidays with the characters, which I think I've always lamented the fact that we've never gotten like a Christmas episode, Halloween episode. I love being.

Those are my favorite watching Roseanne and stuff and waiting every year to see what they were going to do for their Halloween episode. It was always a big deal for me. Simpsons Christmas episodes are pretty legendary. The House of Horror Halloween episodes. Halloween one. And yeah, they did them all. They would do Valentine's Day. No summer ones because the show is usually in reruns in the summer.

But sometimes they go on vacation, like when Mama's family, when she won on Jeopardy, and so they went to Hawaii. And that was the summer break? Yeah. Oh, that's funny. It was a three episode art. Yeah. Yeah. Three greatest TV shows of all time.

For me? Yeah. I love Lucy. King of the Hill And then probably No, I want to say that out of respect But that's not true to me And then WCW Nitro

What's that? It's a pro wrestling show That ran for a good 10 years How do you feel about Linda McMahon As the Secretary of Education? I mean, it's just a clear indication of how you can't take anything serious It's going on around you

It's wrestling Yeah It's wrestling in politics. She doesn't know what's going on at all. I mean, they made her a thing about small business, and it's a lady who drives to destroy unions and keeps everybody not classifies as workers. Right. I mean, it's just none of it.

Tracks nor make sense. They try to be like, look, get rock is art. Like, it's good stuff. Drink whole milk. And, like, people, RFK is healthy. The whole thing is insane to even try to wrap your mind around. So I tend to not. Yeah, it's funny they just Trump yesterday fired the entire board of the science department

because they're all fighting for here's the thing that in all the chaos of everything that's happened in the last two elections, how often have you heard the environment talked about? I mean, if you talk about the biggest existential threat to humankind right now, it's the environment and it has been completely sidelined. It should be the only thing we're talking about. Because all these little fights, big fights we're having, don't matter if the world's going to edge. No, it makes sense.

I mean, it's all just here to be a grift to pocket as much money of our tax money as possible. And then leave us in a dire straits while they can go move to wherever country or planet they choose to. Ethical question for Ron Funches. You have a friend, you went to college with, do you go to college? I went to community college for three weeks. Does that count? No, but this guy. wouldn't end up in politics in Washington.

He could. No. You don't know the pipeline that Chamekla provides? There is a master's program there. So this guy, you know a guy, he goes to Washington. He emails you. He goes, Pfizer is about to launch a new hemorrhoid cream.

Okay. It's going to be huge. I'm on board. You buy the stock? Sure. Why not? Okay. What about, he sends you one that says, there's about to be another war in Cuba.

Halliburton is poised to sell a thousand missiles. Do you buy that stock? No. So we found the line. Yeah. I mean, I won't buy it. There's this Game Boy that looks pretty cool, but I won't buy it because it's made by the guy who makes drones. That's Palmer Lucky, that guy.

He also makes Game Boys. Really? Wow. Yeah. But I'm like, it looks cool. It looks like a great Game Boy, but I can't buy it because he makes, he uses the same. They actually have marketed a Game Boy that they make out of the same material that they make the drones out of. Wow.

Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah. Yeah, I'm trying to think this. I still won't eat Veal. I'm trying to think of the conscientious things. You love Veal. I like it. Yeah.

You're good. It doesn't matter to you how the little calves are treated. It does. I don't like the idea of it. But I had it. I don't go out of the way going like. Give me the bill. But if it's been offered to me and I've tried it, I liked it.

I've eaten a horse before. That was also delicious. You've eaten a horse? Yeah, in Japan. How was it? It was wonderful. I was like, why would you give this to me and then force me to go back to a land where this is shunned? Plus, the great thing is they don't have to truck it in.

It just shows up on its own. It just, they ride it to the restaurant. I don't know the horse you came in on. I didn't know what it was eating at. I haven't tried it since. Yeah. But I did not hate it, that's for sure. I was in South Africa, NIA, giraffe.

Yeah, and you've been rapping ever since. All right. Elephant, I've been there a few times. I've been there three times. Elephant, giraffe. You really are just like my friend Red. I love how much you guys look alike. And then he would absolutely be wearing an outfit that says South Africa right now with the same exact hat.

Like, man. Really? Yeah. You remember my friend Redd that looks like you. Is he Irish? Yeah, I think so. Why would I remember? Because I posted a picture of him of his birthday and said, happy birthday to him.

And then you commented, is this me? Oh, that's right. Yeah. How come you don't post on my birthday and Red chimes in? Because you didn't go to Japan with me or to Europe with me during my divorce and helped me process my divorce. He did. For how long?

I mean, a couple of years. A couple of years? Processing. No. I went to Japan for three weeks, and then I went to Paris for a week. And he was there for you, Red. How do you know, Red? Through the internet, playing video games during the pandemic.

I was streaming on Twitch, and then we would hang out, and then I would play a lot of different music. I have a pretty eclectic musical taste, and he was the only guy in a group of people that would be like, oh, I know that's all. And then we'll be like, do you know this song? And I wouldn't. And I'd be like, oh.

And so I learned to respect his musical taste. And then now, I wish I should because he's amazing. He's worked with a lot of great musicians. He's great. Oh, he's in the music industry. Yeah. Oh. Cool.

Yeah. Wow, isn't that amazing? Like, the internet really, that was the intention of the internet was going to be, it was going to bring people together and share ideas. And, you know. It was. I mean, it still does to some extent, I guess. It can.

Yeah. You got to be proactive about. about your internet use. You got to really choose. And protective. Yeah. Especially with your son, right? My kids, I tried.

Well, I found out my son was watching beheadings in like seventh grade. Remember when that was a big thing in Iraqi Beheadings? Yeah, I do remember that. Yeah, no, they would put a lot of them in the writer's room of the Eric Andre show. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. What was that like? The writing process there?

The writing room at Eric Andre's a show. Andre. It was really cool because it felt like an all-star game because, and it taught me a lot about, like, lowering my ego and the way that he would just get a bunch of amazing comedians to come in and write for him and then just would pick the best things that worked in his voice. And I wouldn't always be able to do. I learned that I'm not great at switching from someone else to someone else's voice from my voice. But he also still found some value in some of the things that I would pitch and stuff. And it just really taught me. about how to run a room and how to like protect your energy and stuff. He's like, he's one of my favorite people in the industry for sure. He's just a really good guy. He's a really, really.

That show, when I think about my favorite shows of all time, that's in my top 20 for sure, maybe top 15. You know, just the fucking punk, it was punk rock. Yeah. You know, it was just,

let's blow it all up. Let's just fucking, yeah, destroy this whole job. comedy and destruction space goes very I mean it's just very zeitgeisty and it's so cool how

like it wasn't even out during the meme era and then it's become such a meme and become like more popular in the last few years than it was at the beginning of the series. Eric Andre?

Does that mean they'll bring it back? It's kind of hard because people know that they already know. Yeah. I don't know. I mean he does a lot of stuff. Back doing stand-up which is a recession indicator to me. But I'm glad to have his voice back out there.

Right, right. Yeah. So, hold on, I get, will you do me a favor? Will you grab my black bag and bring it over here? I have some questions I want to ask you. No shoes. Her socks from him. Yeah, no, he's kind of a heavy.

Is that why you do it? Yeah. All right, first question. Okay. This thing, Traders. You were on a reality show called Traders. I was. And this was for how long?

I mean, it was like eight days. Are you locked up together for eight days? Yeah. In a mansion or something? In a castle. In a castle. Mm-hmm. And it's like other reality stars?

Yeah. It's like the Avengers are like Fortnite of reality. Uh-huh. And it just makes people from different franchises and then throw like, you know, comedians. Sometimes they do a politician from the U.K. it's a real mix and put you all together in a psychological experiment and have you accuse each other and defend yourselves.

What did you learn about yourself in that dynamic? I learned that I'm not really, like I am who I am. I learned I am exactly who I say I am and that I have a set of morals and values that don't change whether I'm put under pressure or whether I'm lacking sleep or are being tempted by money or fame, that I stay myself. And I think I thought that, but I didn't know that. And so now to know that has been really reaffirming for me and makes me feel good. And I think it's allowed a lot of people to, it's reinvigorated, a lot of my fan base to come back out and see me,

either people who didn't know me or people who did know me. but I kind of forgot about me. That's great. And yeah. They were like, oh, this is our guy. And like he's as we thought he was. Yeah, I guess there's a cash prize that you didn't win, but you won a different prize. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. For sure. What was the cash prize? Like 200 something,000, something. That's nothing. You make that in two years doing stand-up comedy. Sure.

Yeah. There are weekends where you go like, wow, I'm going to have to work a lot this year if this is what I'm making this week. And then you get a gig that comes along and you're like, oh, I can take the summer off. Yeah, it's really, I was talking to my girlfriend about this where I was just like, this is what I've learned. I'm coming up, October, it'll be my 20 years in comedy. And find so many things where I can work so hard for so little. then work so little for so much.

And it makes the job so interesting. And you never know what's around the corner. And it makes me just try to keep faith and have fun. I was doing a carnival commercial with one of the guys from Trades. Again, by the ways where I won, where I got made friends with this guy. And we know we were shooting commercial together and putting money in my pocket. And all I do is go hang out on a cruise ship for three hours. And I'm like, okay.

And this is going to be more than I make. in like months, you know? So it's beautiful. Yeah, and the thing that I don't know if they, the world knows it, but like there is no difference. When I'm doing 15 minutes at the comedy store at 11 o'clock on a Tuesday, or I'm doing, say, some corporate gig at a five-star hotel where they're paying me way more money than I deserve,

I'm trying just as hard as both those shows. There's never a time I walk on stage that I'm not giving 100%. Yeah, I mean, there's sometimes where I'm freer to like, where I'm like, I came out here on a comedy store on a Tuesday or improv on a Tuesday night. Am I going to try to like do well? Yeah, but I'm also, if I have, I might come in on those shows with a certain like, oh, say something new, work on this specific thing that you need to get a tag on that might be weaker. You know, so I'm not necessarily.

But the presence is always there. Yeah. Oh, being mindful. Yeah, being open. being in play because those Tuesday night shows can be more fun than those weekend shows. Oh yeah. And they can be better for the audience

because they love it. People always go like I only do new stuff in town when I'm on the road. When I'm on the road and I go, do you guys mind if I try some new shit? 100% of the time, there's like an applause break. They love it when you pull out a piece of paper. You know, not the

whole set, but for 10 minutes maybe like 2 thirds the way through the set for 10 minutes. They love it. Well, yeah, I mean, I've been doing a balance now because, again, the people coming out from the traders. So I'll talk about it for like the first 10 minutes. And then I'll be like, well, now you guys got to let me work on some new things. You got to let me try some things out.

And it's always been a big believer in this, the sandwich method of, you know, work something established or something new, something established. I always just try to do that when I'm working. Yeah. And there are clubs that really allow you to do that. You go to the punchline in San Francisco or the Denver Comedy Works. There's just certain clubs where you just feel like supported. And sometimes a lot of it is the sound system's great. The room is small.

It physically just creates a crowd that is, they love feeling like you are talking extemporaneously. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, people, and I think that's one of the things. that I try the most is I've gotten compliments where like a friend of mine who doesn't like comedy will she's like I liked your stuff because like it didn't seem like you were just doing an act to me it seemed like you were talking to us right and so I always try to like even if I'm working on the same material I let the energy I mean you know I guess we're doing for a podcast but I don't know

talk to you about this you know just change your energy levels be live in the moment try to interact with the crowd try to have as much fun as possible Those are the things that I'm enjoying. I get a real kick about how much my career is all over the place, how I can be. Like on a nice show, I can be in a castle, I could be on a thing, I could be in a private jet, or I could be in a mall underground at a comedy, you know, and just learning to be appreciative of every area that I'm in and also carry myself with the same respect wherever I'm in. Just because you're seeing me at a mall doesn't mean I'm not like amazing.

You're lucky to be seeing me. 100%. 100%. You know, anyway, enough about stand-up. Okay. Let's get back to this show. So you got thrown off. I did.

Was it ugly? I mean, it seems like it's always a little bit. I mean, was there drama with you being kicked off the show or were you just sort of elegantly made you dismount? You didn't watch any of it. You didn't do any of it. I don't like reality shows. I don't dislike them. They just don't capture me.

I want to see, I want to see, like, dramas that make me, I like suspense, cop stuff. I like, I like, was it, M6, what's the British show? MI6. I like anything with MI6. Yeah. Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah, you sound like red for sure enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just old.

I can't even. name the agency that I like. I mean, the whole thing is just people accusing you of being a murderer or not, or then like a lot of them are just reality show people who have, um, high self-esteem of themselves and if they don't, aren't aware of your projects, they weren't very, um, kind or like, interested in you, you know, and I'm not a big believer in being like, I've been in this, I've been in that, I've been in this. I do this.

I don't come in like that. So I think a lot of them didn't see much value in me at the time. And at the same point, I don't want to be like, oh, I wasn't. I think a lot of them were jerks. But at the same time, I judged them and was like, I don't think we'd get along out of here. And I think, and I'm as much as sometimes I try to be in a game where there's like deception and stuff, I was pretty readable of being like, I don't like you guys. And they were like, oh, okay, we don't like you either.

And also because of that, now we think you're a traitor. and we don't feel the need to be nice to you or treat you with basic human respect. Yeah. And so then it left after that. Then they voted me out. Did you expect it to go that way? No. You wouldn't have done the show.

But I mean, isn't that every reality show? Don't they always play out like that? I thought we were playing a game. I was like, we're going to play a game. I'm going to make some mistakes. We're going to be like, you're a traitor. I'm going to be like, no. No, I'm not.

And then they're going to call cut, and everybody's going to be like, high fives. It wasn't like that. You mean it was like all the other ones? Yeah, it was like all the other ones. You're right, but similar to you. I didn't know that. I'm a big believer of trying new things and, like, get invited into this world. And it certainly wasn't a mistake.

It's boosted my numbers in the clubs tremendously. It just helped me. I mean, I'm going tour and overseas in the summer, doing some UK shows, which I had done in. England, UK. Yeah. So it's got the Netherlands. So it's been overall, a tremendous plus.

I just like, I always put it. Like, it's just like a bad week at work. When you're like, I don't like my coworkers. This is why I tend to work by myself. And then it helped me go get my autism diagnosis because, you know, some of them were just straight up assholes, but there were people who just, we were having this disconnect where I felt as being very clear. And they thought I wasn't.

And it was like a thing that reminded me. I've had in my life or jobs that I've had in my life. I've never been really good in a group setting. I always strive more on a one-on-one. In fact, like, being one of my personal hells is being at a dinner table with more than six people. And I just assumed that that was just how everybody felt. And to see it play out, see some of my mannerisms on TV and then get a lot of people saying that they saw themselves in me as a late-diagnosed autistic adult made me go, you know, get a diagnosis.

So it's all turned out to be pretty positive. I just didn't enjoy those people. And then some things I was about to say to you because I forgot that the cameras are on, but I'll tell you later. Isn't that interesting, though, that you can have a bad experience and take something out of it that that's life-changing.

I mean, to be diagnosed with something that you can now use the resources that you've probably used on your son, because your son has. as autism. Yep. And so now you can change your life in a positive way. It sounds like this bad experience has been good in a lot of ways.

Yeah, no. It just helped me understand the way I work. And sometimes, the way I didn't put in it, it's like sometimes I felt in my life I've just tried to force myself into a suit that was two sizes too small to, like, fit in. And I've given myself the permission to not do that, like even in the way that, like, just in our interactions. and when we were texting back and forth,

like before I think I would have been like, oh, I'm so excited to be here. I can't wait. And then you were going back and I just write yes, because that's me. No, you didn't write back. I confirmed you and then you didn't answer. And I had to be like, hey, you're okay?

And then you're like, yeah, I'll be there. Yeah. But then you show up and I see the love on your eyes. Yeah. You have to be in person. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get that.

No, yeah. And it helped me because I've had this thing where a lot of people either love me who get to know me or like, oh, Ron's kind of standoff. She's kind of a jerk. He's real quiet. Yeah, before I knew you, I couldn't get a read on you right away. It took me a minute to get a read on you. And then we were outside.

We were in the comedy store in the front room in the lobby. And I said something, I can't remember what it was, but I was a little bit blowing my own horn about something. And you fucking annihilated me. like, I didn't know that guy, and it made me love you. Because I'm from New York. That's my love language. It's like a little jab, especially when you're getting cocky. And he just took me right down.

I was like, oh, I never saw that side of him before. No, yeah, no, that's me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think just in general, and as I've gotten older and I had two divorces, I'm just more, I keep my circle a lot tighter, and I just, I keep my energy, like, to myself so like it takes a lot for me to be like perform two shows and and like I'm not like a super extrovert so I'm not I've never been like the kindler or thing where I'm like hey off stage I'm like trying to bust jokes around you to me I'm like that's a sign you need to go to therapy

and now that he has gone to therapy you're doing a lot better Andy kindler uh huh Todd Glass get into therapy No, I mean, those people, I'm glad they are the way they are because I enjoy it, but I feel like you, like, poor them. Jesus, that's a lot of pressure. It's a lot of poor the people who have to live with them or them neared them on a 20 more than an eight-hour basis. But, no, but I can relate to that. Like, I think I'm an internal extrovert. Like, when I am on stage, I can really.

put myself out there and then when I get off and then I sell my merch which is really hard because then I got to interact with everybody and then when I'm between shows and then the club owner

will come in to chat I'm just like dude I really I need 45 minutes to just fucking scroll or read a book or they try to come in and chat with you yeah yeah yeah yeah

that got to be a white thing because they don't ever do that to me or never I don't usually see them until the end of the weekend or the feature's got his girlfriend friend in the gray room? Sometimes that happens, but I bring my feature usually.

That's smart. But the host sometimes, yeah, I think a lot of times because the host will be like, oh, he doesn't even want to talk to me. Yeah, I've let go of that a long time ago. I used to think if I don't treat the local host really well, then I'm going to get a bad reputation as a bad guy. So I'll just say to them, hey, I like to really chill between shows, so don't take it personally, you know.

But, no, I need that downtime. And then after the show, people go. hey you want to go out for a drink with us I have the show and I'm like I literally can't think of anything I want less than to go out for I mean if it's like a really good friend absolutely but not people I marginally know

not especially on a two show night yeah that sounds terrible I don't I don't want to my dream would be have a show 6 630 get out of having nice early dinner and go to bed my shows now are just like 730 same thing do my my merch and then I would bring my little steam deck video game system and I'm usually just on that until they call me back on stage again.

Oh, you do it during the day? Mm-hmm. Really? Mm-hmm. Do you Twitch or whatever that's called? No, not currently. I mean, sometimes I do, but I haven't in a while. They try to make you think there is.

There is if you're like, you know, it's like anything, like gambling, sure. But if you really want to make money streaming, then you got to do it, like, every single day. like 18 hours a day you got to do it I'm not doing that I'm not streaming like that and I don't believe in that I mean that's another thing

I think in my diagnosis has helped me with because I've always been like oh why can't I be like all these comedians that talk about things they're like every subject they have an opinion on

and I'm just like I don't care about this I don't care about that and I'm like oh it's because you can hyper focus on things that you really actually care about and that's okay

and I don't have to like get that to me like I don't mean it's not a masculine trait to me to be up there gossiping about every single thing every week. I don't care. I could care less. I don't care about what

CardiV is doing. I don't care about make the stallion's relationships. I'm not going to go up and have a... Did you hear what happened with Megan a stallion last year? Clay Thompson, girl! Oh my God! That shit was crazy! Oh my goodness! And show the video.

deal. So what were some of the questions? That was a good bit. That would be the clip this week. So what were some of the questions in the diagnosis that immediately were like buzzers? Or is that too personal of a question? No, it's not. I appreciate it.

They were about developmental questions for the first week. So it was just asking about things where she would bring up things of physical. things are my development as a chick kid that might have been delayed as a what kid? Just my development as a child. Yeah. And mostly it was just being reminded that like I used to always very much enjoy in closed spaces, that I would have panic attacks at Walmart because of the fluorescent lighting. But these are all things I thought were just like everybody was doing. Interesting. Yeah. And the bigger groups of party, bigger parties. Yeah. Because it's just too much. Too much.

Well, I think that that's what makes an artist a lot of times is we feel more. And I think that's maybe why you find a higher incidence of autism-related or, you know, ADHD. I think you get people that. Yeah, I'm just having to have a focus. I feel one of people who have been wanting to find out and want to, I have a strong suspicion that Kobe Bryant was autistic. He has a lot of autistic traits. He's not very social. He's hyper-intelligent.

And then he goes hyper-focused on. on specific things. And I feel like he was probably autistic. And also the amount of time he could practice. He famously would just practice and practice. Everybody else would be done. He'd keep going. Yeah.

Interesting. Yeah, I mean, a few comics. Laura Bites just came up. Yeah, Bites is autistic. I've seen her naked. I should definitely explain. She would. I have a pool party every summer, July 3rd.

You can come to this next one if you like. She went to the bathroom to change because I didn't know that she had gone to the bathroom. And she did not lock the door. And then I opened the door into the jar. And then I saw everything. And that's how I told her. I go like, well, good news. You know, I saw everything.

But not in the sexual way. She's a wonderful woman and hilarious. I'm trying to think if I've seen any comedians, Nick. Well, I've had sex with several comedians. Hell yeah. You were Mark Maren, lone standing relationship. How did you know about that? I really felt like that was the one thing

nobody was going to find out about it. And that's why I found out that's what they call it, what the fuck? It's like, what the fuck? Can you imagine the moment after sex with Mark Maren? How awful that would be. A pile of cats descend upon you. And he starts sharing all his self-doubts about the sex.

It was good, man. I was good, I was good, right? Was I good? Was I good? I wasn't good. Oh, but a lot of lady want to have sex with him. I heard he's the who's considered the most sexy of our industry. Who said that?

I've heard it. Multiple people have said that. The most sexual or sexy? Sexy. Like women are attracted to him. Yeah. Yeah, women like that. Women like that guy.

Yeah. And he's kind of nailed his grooming. Mm-hmm. You know, like I've known Mark. We started together. And he's stylish. Yeah, he's got a real silver fox. And he's got the dad, he feels like a disapproving dad to them.

Oh. So they want to earn his approval. Interesting. Yeah. And he's deep on stage. You know, he's a very smart guy. He's a very smart guy. He's a lot.

Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh! His persona, his persona as a deep guy is really good. Oh my God. Brutal. He's deep on stage.

That's so funny. He's going to see this clip. That is so funny. I called my own something the other day, or a year ago. He was, I don't even remember it, so I don't want to get into a full gist of it, but that he got the, like, attitude about it where he was like, yeah, somebody's got to say it. And I go, no, a lot of people.

been saying it, they're just listening to you because you're old and white and a man. But thank you for also saying it. You're not the only one saying it. But he likes to think that. Yeah. Anyway.

We're back gossiping. What else you got, girl? Let's talk about, you heard about the comedian who I was trying to think of something. I thought you're going to talk about Bobby Altof in that show. How people were mad about that? Who's Bobby?

Oh, yeah. podcasting lady she's the one who's a she's a social media person she's doing it yeah i mean fuck netflix seriously fuck you netflix i've been doing this for 35 fucking years i'm on the road 40 weeks a year i put together a new hour that i shot and i spent 40 grand shooting it and i was proud of it everybody that saw i went this is really one of the best specials i've ever seen i sent that shit to netflix they wouldn't even look at it i believe you and now you got this chick Bobby who's never done stand-up comedy and she's being paid enormous amounts of money to do a special. And I just think that don't call a comedy, you know, call it a performance.

Don't put the word comedy in there. And I'm not just talking about her. They call it a freak show. She's an extreme example of it, but there are a lot of people somewhere between me and Bobby, mostly leaning towards the Bobby end of I've been doing it for five years, but I've got some narrative or some hook. It's gross. It's gross. It is gross. It's. It's. It's gross. It's. It's very destructive for our industry. It makes comedy look terrible. Which it has for the last few years. I mean, most of the industry pitches I do right now, they're just like, well, I don't know.

It got some drama to. Yeah. The other thing they do is my friend's a director, and he sold a movie, and they wouldn't let him cast him who he wanted because they're, they didn't have enough followers. They look at the followers of every person they're casting. that's why I went on the traders how many followers you got now

oh right now 777,000 no shit what yeah and how many did you have before this show oh I mean

like 600 it's a lot yeah yeah yeah that's a lot no because adding new followers these days isn't like it used to be people don't follow anymore people I was reading about this

people watch clips they get referred to clips they figure out their algorithm they don't feel like need to follow anymore. They feel like it's been curated for them. You got to be authentic and you got to have a thing that people want to be like, I will fuck with this guy as a person.

Yeah. And luckily, that is what I'm good at. So I think it's been helpful for me in that regard. But yeah, no, the same thing. I remember I sent you my special to look at when I was working on it. Right. Shot in October. They've been pitching it around.

So luckily for me, my man, I've gone. because I was like, I want to shoot it myself and spent my money. And then we found super nice guys who produced it and they paid me. But that's been the same thing. We're like, I'm like, when is it coming out? Where is it going? Who's going to, you know, and it's just a bad, terrible market right now. But at least I got, I didn't lose money.

I got paid. I know, but like, look at you. You're a comic. I know. You would, I'm just on traders. You would think I would, put the traders. But put the traders back in. Ah.

How many other comedians is on the traitors? How many? How many other comedians? How many other comedians? Like, you know, I mean, I actually have a lot of comedians in a Pixar movie. But I'm saying, yeah, that's true. I'm saying take all that away. Take all that away.

And it's a great comic that's been doing for 20 years. Yeah. Who's interesting. Who has a different voice. That's true. Your voice is not like anybody else is in stand. I agree with you. You come out there.

You hold the microphone down. by your dick. Yes, I do, because that's where I speak from. You, right. It's like a puppet act. Yeah. But you make them shut the fuck up and hang on every word. I see what you're doing.

I really appreciate that because a lot of people go, oh, he doesn't know how to hold a microphone. I'm like, I know exactly what I'm doing. Yeah. There's a lot of things you do that are very unique. I mean, the way you are so personal and vulnerable up there and you don't chase punch lines. They happen when they happen. It's not like you need one every 15 seconds, you know. So the fact that you can't get a special is, you know.

And so you put it on YouTube, which is not the worst thing in the world. No, I'm happy to end up seeing it. Yeah. But, you know, I just got to let play out because they pay me, so I got to let them do what they do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is frustrating because I would assume I thought it'd be out by now. Right. So.

All right, let's get to the next question. You started out in Portland? Sure. Yeah. Did you know Reggie Wye? Lots back then? What? Reggie was not from Portland.

He was living in Portland. No, he wasn't. Yep. No. Seattle. No, Portland. Seattle. Can we edit this out of the show?

I just read his biography, too, and I said it was Portland. Everything in the Pacific Northwest. It draws together, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he wasn't in Portland. You wouldn't do a new question? What about Fred, Armisen.

Did you work with Fred Armisen? I did. That was my first TV credit, Portlandia. Was it? Yeah. See, you're one of the cool kids. That's one of the cool shows to get on. Bojack Horseman, Portlandia.

But on both of those. Aquitine Hunger Force. No, I didn't do that. Yeah, you did. Did I? Yep. 97. Oh, I did do that.

You did do that. I did do that. I forgot. Yeah, a very small part. Yep. Yeah. How'd you like doing Bojack Horseman. It was cool. I mean, I just like that show. I just like working in animation. I like doing

voices in particular. Um, big part of my career. So I, uh, is it a funny though? And like, people think when you do a show like you must be buddies with Will Arnett and everybody and you go, no, actually I was alone in a room with a microphone. Yeah. No, usually, I, that and I feel like stand up and voice acting are the two where everybody just goes. I could do that too. How can I do that? That's the number one question I get about voice acting is how can I also be doing that? And I'm just like, I don't know. Everybody has a different path with that. People are good mimics like Eric Baza, who's tremendous and does all the Looney Tune voices and all that.

And that's a different style. Me. Billy West. Yeah. Yeah. I don't really do this voice. And then different versions of this voice. Right.

But people like it because it's unique and it's me. and it's like, you know, my best thing about it is that it's the thing that people mocked me the most about, and now I make money off of it. I know. Isn't that great? I love it so much. I love money. Don't you love money? I have a big fan of money. I mean, people say it can't buy you happiness.

Who these people? Who are you talking about? You never been to Kyoto Japan. You never been to Burke Williams, motherfucker. Yeah, out of here. Yeah. You never shopped off the road. which I have not either.

You've never driven a Ford Mustang. That's what I'm driving right now. I'll tell you, nothing makes me happier. My wife asked me to go to the pharmacy to get some pills for it the other day. I went, I'm walking out to the car and I'm smiling. What the fuck am I smiling about? Oh, I get to get behind the wheel on my Mustang. I love that.

I fucking love it. But, you know, which isn't to say poor people can't be happy, but they have to try a lot harder. But not as happy. Not as happy. No. No. Although I. Amber's poor issue

We shouldn't say anything Paul's rich I can tell because the lack of shoes Your wife spends it all My wife's rich I'm not Oh she's the money maker What do you mean her family has money?

No Oh Is that like the old joke my wife's No but Paul owns a lot of real estate Oh cool Yeah Like this place He owns this place in the dance store downtown

And then he owns a bunch of rental properties That's pretty great in Los Angeles. But he'll always say that he's cash poor because the money's all tied up in the real estate. And as he's leaving for Africa and Europe this month,

he's telling us how the... You're paying with an apartment? You're going to bring an apartment over to Rome? It's like a pre-vacation, vacation. It's not even his vacation. Right. This is just a trip. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now, there's no work involved. He's just, all right, let's get to, here's a thing called Fastballs with Fits. That's terrible. I don't like that name. Didn't we rename it recently? Well, let's rename it now. It's a series of short questions. Nothing baseball at all.

Fitzballs. Now we're talking. Fitsballs. I like it. All right, we'll call it Fitzballs. And the graphic is just too orange pubic hair on a couple of wrinkly balls. It goes at me. Yeah.

Yeah. It just starts. swing it between us. Yeah. I asked the question that we went to swings over to you. And I go, Ow! All right.

Have you ever been arrested? No. Well, this isn't going well. Where did you lose your virginity? In my parents' home in Salem, Oregon. Which bed? Your own? Yeah.

Twin? Yeah. Yeah, the twin bed. Did you see her again after that? Yeah, she ended up being my first wife and had kid with her, who was my oldest son. The first, so you only had sex at one person until you were like in your 20s? Yeah. Did you think she was good in bed?

I mean, I had no way of else. Well, that's what I mean. Yeah, I thought so. At the time you thought so. At the time, I thought so. And later on, you said. Not I've seen the world. Right, right.

First time someone put a finger in your eyes. She was like, wait a minute. This is sex. I remember the first time a woman put a finger on my ass. I literally, I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital. She didn't ask first? Nope. Just did it.

We were doing cocaine and she had nails. That's what start. She had nails. Ooh. Yeah. No workup? Did she like lick your? your ass first or did she just straight finger?

It was a blowjob. She was licking my balls and then she stuck her finger in there. And I thought I must be bleeding or something. And I lost my erection. Yeah. And then she got mad at me and I blamed the cocaine. Wow. You didn't send up for yourself at all.

I didn't sit down either for a while. I didn't sit down. Yeah. Who is the worst opener you've ever had? This guy who is just, don't remember his name, very cocky, really thought the world of himself did not remember my feature's name.

I bet him $20 that he would not get my name right because he wasn't saying it right backstage. Went on stage. Usually, you either get, like, when someone's bad, you're like, okay, they got no good jokes, but they have some type of charisma or rhythm. Yeah.

Are they have no real charisma or rhythm, but they've written some jokes and they're just more writers, you know? And he was the worst of both worlds. Yeah. Like no charisma, no rhythm, no jokes. And then bombed for 10 minutes. And so then he's coming backstage and I'm getting ready to be like, oh, this is going to be fun.

We can talk about how you just bomb for 10 minutes. And he gets upstage and he's like, hell yeah. Yeah. Crushed it. and then proceeds while I'm on stage to ask my feature if he wouldn't mind leaving for a while so that he could get a blow job in the green room. No way!

And so then I fired him, which I've only done. Oh, I assume you were the guy giving him the blow job. No, because he did so good. He did so good, I put my finger in his ass. I had to. So we fired him, which I've only done, I think, twice in my 20-year career if I've ever fired a host. And then he showed up the next day to get his $20 because he said my name right.

Oh, hilarious. Yeah. Well, I mean, that's the thing is when you see somebody delusional and they bomb and they don't know what you realize, oh, you're never going to grow. Yeah, there's nothing to help here. You're never going to get better. Yeah. Because you think you're great and you're terrible. You can work with someone who's terrible and knows they're terrible.

Yeah. But if you think, if you're terrible and you think you're great, there's nothing to do. David Tell almost never. gets off stage and feels good about the set he just did that's why he's so great i don't think that's healthy at all either have you have you seen him walking around and doesn't look healthy no i feel like you got to have a balance like cool all right yeah but it's like you know buy some clothes you know yeah like you can have some self-esteem and in the middle of it i never been a fan of that i don't like oh he's the best because he thinks no district he is amazing

legend but I don't like I'd rather be kind of not that good but then like life is in the better in the middle yeah I guess a lot of great artists are miserable you know you look at some actors and some of these method actors that really go into it for six months they'll go into a really like Daniel day Lewis yeah terrible yeah I hate those type of people yeah I hate those people like walking Phoenix those people where you're like oh you're going to prank me and you're going to be a terrible person because you're playing this character we're in a fucking movie. Just pretend.

Right, right. Chill out. You're not good enough of an actor that you can't get back into it later. Or you're going to lose, you're going to lose 75 pounds because somewhere in the script, the writer wrote, he weighs 125.

You're like, all right, we can change that. There's a delete button and you write in 175. Yeah. It's not that integral to the character half the time. I mean, if it's like Dallas Buyers Club, you go, all right, you had to lose the money for Dallas Buyers Club.

But there's other ones where they're really just doing it to show they can do it. By the way, you look great. Thank you so much. I also feel like I just went off on Dave O'Neill because I met him in New York the other day and he didn't show me any love whatsoever. Oh, yeah, he's like that. Yeah. So I felt like I didn't want it to feel personal. Right.

Yeah. Because it felt like you had a lot of love and respect for him. It's one of my best friends. I felt like it when I said it. Before, it's like when I went on someone. Oh, Jim Norton's and I was trying to make fun of particular. treatise a little bit. He wouldn't let me. Yeah. Because you guys get real personal about that. Yeah, but I also see your side of it. I wish Dave was happier. I wish he could feel better about

his sets, you know, and I do, but it's one of those things where you go like, you know, people want to suffer for their art. I guess that's their choice, but... Maybe that's what makes them happy. Yeah, right. Now, we found it. We found a common ground. Who's your best Asian friend? Ooh, who's my best Asian friend? Hmm. I think. I don't know. I don't know who my... By the way, you're not allowed to say Bobby Lee. That's a clause in this question. No, I was going to say my friend, Chef Wendy, because she's a chef. I don't really see her that often.

Kim, New Money. I don't see her too terribly often. New Money? That's her last name? Yeah, she's a photographer. Yeah. Did she make her money on her own, or did her family have it? She probably made her money on her own. So it's new money? Yeah. Hilarious.

Yeah. I don't have a lot of friends in general, so I can't really be like, who's my best Asian friend. Right. At least you name two. Some people get stumped entirely. They don't have any? And then they go to Bobby Lee and I go, nope. No, Bobby's a bully.

So he's funny, but he's bullies. I don't think he's my best Asian friend. I was dating a Korean lady named Ennis for a while. Nice. She was my best Asian friend. Enis? Enis. Enis.

Oh, Enis. Jesus. For a while. She was my best Asian friend for a while, but not anymore. This girl gave me a blowjob on Coke once. Her name was Anus. Her name was Anis? Yeah.

I don't believe it. I don't know of Coke stories. I was a call back to the other one. Oh, the same day. It was she said, oh, in my head that lady was black who put the finger in the butt. Fingerdell wasn't that long. Thank you for getting why. It didn't have a diamond glued on.

It was like we used a long finger now. I thought it was a black woman. I love that you got one right away. But it slid right in because of the shay butter on her finger. I got to. Oh, smell of shay butter. Have you ever won any awards? I got a couple awards.

There's small awards. One for hosting. a game show for it's like a marketing based award I have a variety 10 comics to watch does that count as an award sure it does yeah that's it I think those are the only ones I have

nothing growing up as a kid mm-mm no tough childhood yeah there are two types of people in the world sure there's a wolf and then a different wolf there's a wolf and a wolf

yeah and they're fighting inside you that's it right that's what you're doing Is that like there's an angel and a devil? No, there's two wolves? Yeah. And they're frightened. Right? It sounds very mythological.

Yeah. Yeah. She gets it. Yep. Did we land on the moon? I mean, I imagine eventually, I don't know if we did. But did we at that time? In the 60s?

In 1966. Did we land on the moon? I think it's more fun if no That's my feeling Yeah It's more fun if no Yeah I think if we did

Then it wouldn't be so difficult To do so now You know It seems difficult now It's been 60 years Yeah I think we could do it again But we're like oh no

It was just It's gonna take us two years They said To get ready to do it again Kennedy had them do it In less than two years In the 60th With a fucking

Like They started the engine Like a fucking lawnmower So probably not, but great TV production. Yeah, yes. It was, well, it was a Kubrick, you know, shot. Oh, really? Did you know that?

No, no. I have only heard, you know, small conspiracy theories of it, but it don't really look too deep into it. It's an older one. I don't look too hard because I don't want it to be true. It's so much, like you said, it's so much more fun that it's not true. Yeah. But then it won't Buzz Aldrin, like, he'll find. fight people.

Yeah. But to me, that's almost like, but then Neil Armstrong won't talk about it. You know? Right. Why are you fighting? You fighting so hard. Yeah.

But then Neil Armstrong, like, just won't talk about it. Mm. Who would you want to play you in your biopic? Me. Can I be in it? You're too old. You're too old. To play you.

Well, can we CGI it? Actually, good that way. That's going to be in. be the new thing is everybody's going to be doing their own biopics yeah let me do me okay any projects you regret um nothing that i regret even the ones that i didn't enjoy taught me something yes you know i wouldn't say that there's anything i regret there was a more of like a time period where i was like oh just was saying yes to anything for money and i didn't like that because then it led me to some situations where i'm like i'm not having any

fun at all and I don't know if I'm funny and you know you get trapped on these jobs where you're on set and everybody's just like you're a genius you're crushing it but you don't feel it yeah but everybody's hyping you up and you're like I don't feel funny this doesn't feel funny to me we're not even really like trying hard to go the extra mile to be funny everybody just wants to go home nobody wants to improvise or do anything you know right but I just took the job for money so I'm stuck here until I am my run is out you know so that taught me that I don't like like no matter the amount I really can't do that I have to have a deeper reason and for the job and it doesn't have to be much more than money but it's

got to be at least one more thing yeah do you think it's helped you that the first three letters of your last name are fun I do other than the fact that it leads people to this false sense of security that they're that I'm going to be fun to talk to offstage, you know, when I'm not, you know. I think also when they see you announced at a club, maybe they haven't heard of you and they go, fun, just, yeah. Yeah, it's going to be fun. I think it puts them over the edge.

Yeah. It's not a bad one. I mean, I know it was a good comedy name because people kept asking if it was a fake name. Yeah. Well, there was a goalie for the L.A. Kings named Johnny Quick. Johnny Quick. That's a fucking good name. Yeah.

I think a lot of people are named for their job, you know. you sound like you're meant for the job i think great fitzsimmons sounds like a comedian to me greg fitzsimmons fits of laughter it's pretty good it's not bad it's not bad at all is the name of my first comedy CD fits of laughter fits of laughter mine was uh get higher die trying off of the 50 cent oh yeah that's good um final question oh and that'll let you go That's the way, but it took me so long to get here.

I mean, we can go longer. I don't want to keep you. What's the last time you ever apologized? Like a real apology, you know? What do you mean? What's the difference? Well, not like, oh, sorry, I'm late. But more of like, hey, I'm fundamentally sorry about something I did or said.

I mean, I imagine, I can't think. of anything specifically right now. Oh, I think probably my, yeah, now I can. One of my friends, I apologize to her because I, um, yelled at her when I was mad at someone else and I put my anger out on her because it was a safer place and, um, and that wasn't the right thing to do. So I apologize to her for that. How did she receive it? Uh, she received her very well. How'd you guys was there lingering problems from you saying it or you could have just gone on and ignored that you'd done that?

I think she wouldn't have cared because I don't think it was as big of a deal to her, but it just was a big deal to me to just, I mean, just to properly, if I'm going to yell at someone, I should yell at the right person. Right, you know? Right. And I just don't like treating people

who are there for you poorly because, you know, that's what people tend to do, you know, when you're like, the people that you're closest to you let out on because you're like, I can't do this to this other person, you know? Well, that's what I say to everybody that's parenting is like your kid, people go like, why does my kid act so fucking mean to me? And then they're fine at school. It's like, because when they were at school, they're being told to sit. They're being told not to talk.

You get out of school. You go play sports. Your coach is telling you don't do this, do that. And then you come home. It's the one place where you can just, you need to let it out. It's been bottling up all day. And so you've got to just like, now you have to absorb it, but you got to see that that's what's happening.

Yeah, I mean, well, that's completely different with the kids. I just like to have your home be a safe space for them to be whatever wild, little freak did they get me. Then send them to school and let them, you know, be more buttoned up and then come back home and we just play Smash Brothers all day. So I love it. But yeah, that would be the last time I apologize. And I don't think I had to, but for me, I had to.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good. Did you have another kid? I have, too. Oh, right. How old is the youngest on four? He's four. I fucking nailed it.

Couldn't remember if you had a kid and then he was exactly how old. You got it. I was going to try to show them to you, but I got too many notifications in the way. All these notifications popping up over my kid's face. There they are. Both their birthdays were this week. Oh, my God. They're both gorgeous.

Yeah, but look at my hair from the transplant. That's really the key to the picture. I notice you're leaning it in. Yeah. You're angling it in so we can see it. See more of it. Yeah, yeah. What's the cost to get hair transplants?

Depends on where you go. If you're here in L.A. can be very expensive of $30,000, $50,000. What? Are you serious? Yeah, but I'm not doing it here in L.A. and going to Turkey. You've already been to Turkey? Yeah, I did. I want to have been to Turkey.

Did you enjoy the? The trip? I loved it. It was a beautiful time. They had cats instead of rats. I've heard that. The Blue Mosque. Beautiful place to go.

Yeah. Hair of Istanbul. I will promote them because they're also taking money off of this one. So. They should have given you a sponsorship. They did this time. Oh, they did get. Oh, this one.

No. But then this one now, yes. This one. Oh, yeah. Second one. Okay. So how much did you pay them the first time? What was there?

Four. four grand. Four grand. And this one's free. This one, I still have to pay a smaller amount. Then you got to fly there? Yeah. Do you fly business class?

I do, yeah. So that's a good six, seven grand. Another four. Four. Then you've got to stay in a decent hotel. No, the hotel's included. Oh, it is? Hotel travel, a hotel and the transportation and all that's included.

I know. You're too late, but it would have been good for you. No, I'm into the... I'm into the wig. Yeah. Yeah, I'm committed. I got the Mustang. Get the wig.

Yeah. It's actually got a wig holder in the passenger seat. It comes with it. Beautiful. Have you ever not? Oh, nice. Another question. Well, you said you wanted to stay later.

I did. All right. Two more. Have you ever not finished a set on stage? No, never. Never not finished. I slept almost over slept one But never not finished

Yeah But I ended up making it and they just pushed it So it was fine Good Yeah I missed one last night Because it was a Tuesday night And Chris Spencer asked me to do a show

He does in Beverly Hills And you know whatever A few weeks ago And then like I confirmed it last week And then yesterday You know I played golf And then me and the wife

started doing a puzzle jigsaw puzzle and then my daughter came in and we started watching Desperate Housewives Your soul was full You were like Nothing else I need

Nothing else is missing From my life right now And then 10 o'clock I get a text from Chris Spencer Hey it's 10 o'clock I was supposed to get there at 9 And I was just like Fuck

And luckily I guess somebody else stopped in But I just felt like such an amateur Like I just net That never happens But that's why whenever I schedule Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and I'd show, I got to literally get an old-timey alarm clock and put it and set it because I won't remember on those nights of the week. No, I get that. Yeah, I just try to look at my overall schedule and be better at, because I used to be like, just overload and say yes to everything.

And then the day would come and I would miss it and would feel bad and get in trouble. So now I just look at my schedule and I'm just like usually on Tuesday. I will sometimes go do shows on Tuesday nights, but most of the time that's just my day with my son. Yeah. I will just be like, we're just hanging out. I'm not doing anything because I would rather, I hate missing things if I already said yes to them. Yes. I just try to be more precise on scheduling rest time.

You get asked to do a lot of podcasts? Yeah, since the traders, for sure, yeah. People like that show and they want to talk about it a lot, especially the people who saw it. If you had seen it, you have so many questions. me but you didn't see it so you don't know what to even ask yeah but I feel like there's a different angle on asking somebody about a show that you haven't seen that might be more refreshing that's true like what is it I would bet you of people that watch my podcast I would bet less than four percent have seen this show as opposed to you're at you're being asked to go on

where 90% of them have seen the show. Yeah, probably. Yeah, but I'm going to watch it. No, I'm not going to watch it now. Okay. Because I don't like how they treated you. I know you learned a lot and you got a lot out of it, but I would get very uncomfortable watching them treat you like that.

Oh, thank you, great. Last question. What is the hackiest bit you've ever done? I did a bit. One of my first bits was about, Just man boobs. I did five minutes about man boobs. You had them, I'm assuming.

Yeah, of course, for sure. And talked about, like, some home remedies at man boobs that I read about. Because back then, not only would I do a joke, I would then research the topic of the joke. I really should have known I had autism earlier. Yeah. You had pages and pages of pictures of man boobs. Yeah.

And then learned about, like, this home remedy that were men would cut the, a crotch out of stockings out of panty hose and put their arms through the legs and then use that kind of like spanks how spanks are now but before spanks and so then my bit will be talking about it for then make fun of that and then I take my shirt off and be wearing the thing yeah no no oh my god yeah so before you went on stage every night you had to go back stage I only did this once oh you only did it one yeah that was my first set it was your first set yeah is there videotape of that no Oh. Oh. I would pay so much money to see that. More than to see Larrabytes naked. If you want to see Ron Funch's live, which I highly recommend, truly one of the unique voices in comedy, he kills every time.

Not just kills with laughter, but there's some people that, like, they can kill and then the audience walks out and they don't retain any of the feeling of the experience of the show. Popcorn. Yes, exactly. And this is more like a ground round round. Thank you. That's what they call me. Ground, round, round funges.

There used to be a restaurant chain called Ground Round in Massachusetts. And there was a comedian named DJ Hazard. And he played guitar. It was a great guitar act. And he used to do a spoof of Ground Round Round. It was like really bad low-end steakhouse. It was like the, it was like the, it was like a sizzler, you know. And he'd sing,

When you're not nervous about prices or service, there's a place to go. Ground, round. I like that. But he had like five verses to it and it just destroyed. You see the one where there's this guy and he's like in a suit and he's like depressed the whole time. And his whole commercials is like he's like, his wife hates him. but he's like a fast food restaurant mascot. Does it make any sense to do?

I don't. I'll have to give it to Google, but it cracks me up. There's like just this weird fast food mascot of a guy who is a cartoon, black and white cartoon character. He's wearing a suit that's checkered, and then he would just go on these like three-minute diatribes that had nothing to do with fast food. But it was an ad for fast food? Yeah.

Ah, interesting. Yeah. I feel like I should do another verse of Ground Round now. Do it. I can't remember. All right. All right. If you want to see him live, he's going to be doing some shows for the Netflix

Festival. So they don't give you a special and then you do shows for them? I do voices and the animated shows. Oh, okay. Fair enough. The festival. I mean, to me, it's like getting mad at a toaster now. It's ubiquitous.

Yeah, like, why would I get, oh, right? This toaster doesn't work the best for me. I'm going to get mad at it. No, it's like, all right, we'll do the shows. All right, he'll be at the Toast Festival. May 4th at the improv, and then he's doing another one at the Hollywood. Hollywood Bowl.

That's pretty exciting. Who ya on that with? Like a lot of people, it's an autism benefit, night of too many stars. Oh, that's, uh, that's a triumph yeah yeah right and then thank you you always come out and you support my my benefit that helps best buddies which helps people with intellectual disabilities and you come out every year yeah love it they love it before i even knew i was in there i know i know present

i know i knew that's why i asked you you're the last to know truly uh birmingham at the Stardome, Spokane, Indy, Cobbs in San Francisco, Magubis in Baltimore, Dallas Improv, Philly, Montreal, Boston, New York City at the winery, Fort Wayne, Houston, Milwaukee, Appleton, and then Dublin and London.

If you want tickets, you go to Ron Funches.com, and you pick them up there. And anything else you want to promote? No, if people won't follow me on my YouTube, I love to keep building my YouTube. I love that. Just at Ron Funches on over on YouTube.

A lot of comedy, a lot of fun, weird sketches and video game-based stuff. So I'm over there. Great. Well, Ron, thank you so much. As always, you're one of my favorite guests to have you. Oh, I love you, Greg. You're a great dude and a fun. You're just a legend of comedy and people love you.

And you have so much respect. Thanks, man. That's nice to hear. I appreciate it. Well, it's nice to hear, though. You know. All right. See you.

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