Fitzdog Radio - Ryan Sickler - Episode 1117

Episode Date: November 20, 2025

Master storyteller and Baltimore guy Ryan Sickler gets honest and funny on this week’s episode. Also, notes from Skankfest. Tempo is offering my listeners 60% OFF your first box! ⁠⁠⁠http://TempoMeals.com/FITZDOG⁠⁠⁠ Follow Ryan Sickler on Instagram ⁠@ryansickler Watch my special "You Know Me" on YouTube! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/FitzYouKnowMe⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@GREGFITZSHOW⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@GREGFITZSIMMONS⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠FITZDOG.COM⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi, everybody. Welcome to Fitzdog Radio. I am your very congested host, Greg Fitzsimmons, just back from Skank Fest. I would imagine most people come back from Skank Fest. I got a head cold. I would imagine it's more usually venereal diseases, bone breaks. AIDS. I don't know. I got a bad head cold. If you're not familiar with Skank Fest, it's a convention. I got to think anybody listening to this. No. But it's a convention by the Legion of Skanks guys in New Orleans. Used to be in Vegas. This was the first year in New Orleans. And I was invited. Very nice to be invited. And just. way bigger than I ever imagine and way more organized. Like when you think of Louis J. Gomez and Big J.

O'Kerson, you don't think of like shuttles running on time and hot meals being prepared and shows running on time and crowds being, security being good. Everything was amazing. That being said, it was nuts. It was, you know, mushrooms. Everybody's handing you mushrooms and acid and weed and there's after party at the barely legal hustler club every night. And, you know, people fist fighting in a ring. They had a boxing ring.

They had a nude battle roast every night where one guy gets dollar bill. staple to his body with a stapler gun, like he stands there naked, this 400-pound guy who's painted green like Shrek, and people from the audience come up and they staple gun dollar bills to his body, including his forehead and his taint strip. Yes, that was my first night in town. I can't talk long because I'm so sick, but I just need to tell you a little bit about Skagfuss. Every drug is given to these kids, except those Ampec. I think that was the one drug. missing that maybe they needed the most

but it's a festival it's funny because like I've gone to festivals my whole life and usually the whole MO is you get discovered you get a sitcom you get famous and now that model doesn't work like that just doesn't happen

anymore there's no sitcoms there's no development deals it's you get famous now by getting canceled and so Skank Fest comes along where they have like nine there's nine thousand people in the crowd like wandering around this convention center they've all got cell phones while everybody is on drugs and naked and whatever and and they're videotaping it and you're saying shit on podcasts you would never say

on other podcasts people push the boundaries so far and and i think the idea is let's get canceled and then apologize on tuesday uh Doing arenas by Christmas. I think that's the new business model. And the whole crowd, they're all videotaping. And it's all like, it looks like a January 6th uprising. It's a little bit, there's a lot more women there than you would think. But the guys all have like black sneakers and, you know, a motorhead t-shirt and camo shorts and like neck tattoos, a lot of beards.

a lot of girlfriends that are way better looking than they are. I don't know what the math is on that, but good-looking girlfriends. One of them, I'm walking home one night with my friend, and we get stopped by, we get stopped by these four people on the street, and they recognize me. First of all, you get recognized like, I've never for four days been stopped on the street as often as here.

It was such an ego boost. It was so, the fans are amazing. You know, they just want to tell you where they know you from and that they love you and they take selfies. And it's literally you feel like Sean Penn or something. I don't know, Sean Penn, who's famous. John Travolta, I don't know. I felt famous.

And these four people stop us. And I'm with my friend and this girl starts flirting with him. And he goes, I'm gay. And she goes, and she's on acid. Like, this is like 3 o'clock in the morning And her jaw is like sticking off to the left Her right eyebrow is up Her teeth are, she looks like a Picasso painting

And she's and she's talking to him She's flirting and she goes I don't Southern accent I don't believe y'all gay He goes, no, I'm gay And she goes, I don't believe it And he's like, trust me I'm a gay man

And she goes and then she reaches in And she grabs his penis with her hand like deep and starts like massaging it and like kneading it like it's dough and he's got his hands out to his side going go at it i mean and then the husband her husband is standing next to me and he goes she gonna get him she gonna get him and then he finally admitted that there was a little bit of activity happening so it was a win for her It was a win for everybody. And then I was hanging out with Joe List one day at a Starbucks,

and there was a huge group of overweight, poorly dressed, Midwesterners standing in front of the Starbucks. And this couple comes in, and we start talking to them, and we go, what are you doing? And they go, oh, we're getting picked up by a bus. We're getting on a boat. We're going on a boat tour. And I said, where are you going?

And they go, well, we go to Panama and Honduras. and whatever and I go and I go oh and they go what I go you didn't hear about Honduras and they're like what I go there was a civil war a civil war started yesterday you didn't hear about this and they're like no I said yes bad it's like machetes and swords it's like and Joe List just picks up on it and starts going with me he's like oh yeah I think and she goes well they go yeah our bus is late they go do you think that's where our bus is late and Joe's like Oh, definitely. Yeah, that's why the bus is like. And then they walk outside and we see them talking to the crowd through the window.

And their arms are waving and everybody's talking. And it was fantastic. Anyway, lots of fun stuff like that happened. I'm sorry. I wish I could talk more. There was a Miss Skank Fest, which, you know, it was a beauty contest in a boxing ring. And the winner, I think the winner, they helped her the next day find her parents and get her daughter into rehab.

So it was a heartwarming. All right, let's get to it. Shout out to Sean Patton, who I had a great time hanging out with, the best. David Tell, hung out with David Tell a lot. Really fun time. Dates coming up. I'll be in Phoenix at the Desert Ridge Improv, November, 28th to the 30th. That's right after Thanksgiving. San Francisco Punchline, December 11th through 13.

I will be in bananas in New Jersey, December 26th and 27th. Then I'm coming to Cleveland, Atlanta, Sacramento, Philly, Lexington, Houston, go to Fitzdog.com, get some tickets. Come on out. We'll see you there. All right, my guest today, I actually talked to him last week. and he is the host of the honey-dew. So you already know who he is, big podcast. And he also has, he is the Crab Feast. This Crab Feast? I think Crab Feast he used to do with J. Larson.

But now he does another show called The Way Back. He's got huge podcasts. He's hilarious comedian. We had such a good hang together. he's a real friend i loved them please enjoy my chat with the great ryan sickler welcome to fitzog radio my guest is the mighty and skinny and skinny ryan sickler you're You told me 30 pounds? Almost.

I'm like 28. Is that dick weight? Where does it come from? Well, I don't know where it goes. I'll tell you that. Because it didn't go in my dick. You know what I mean? It should be lost to just funneled in.

Look how many people would start losing weight. The gym would be packed. It would be packed. Just big dicks on the treadmill. No, I just took my time. After all the health stuff, I was like, okay, my 50s have been really, like, dialing in health. Yep. I've done the CT scans on my hearts.

I did a car. cardio angiogram because my younger brother who's not it was 49 now just had a triple bypass old school too like i didn't know drinker and a smoker not at all just our genetic so i've got the bad blood he's got the bad heart my other brother's like i've set the treadmill record we're like fuck you you dick yeah bragger um but i went and got a gallery test that's called like all these uh precursors for cancer and i'm super into it now yeah it's almost like my fantasy football your body yeah the numbers inside and stuff i mean i don't know this Vegas like you right now this face is this face and his body no no no your face loves me right Vegas loves you my doctor said

and again i don't know how good this is or what this says about american society but for my age and height i am in the 10% of healthy men at my age height etc yeah i was like this he's like yeah you're top 10% I was like that's I don't know if that's good you know what I mean that's bad for the country yeah this is bad this is not top 10% no no no but on on our chart it is yeah but the thing is the way you're doing it's right like Bert Kreischer he's huge right now and he's on what he's and when I was doing his pot he was starting the epic yeah but the other I don't know the other one the other one yeah yeah yeah I really don't know these guys are all talking about that's the other thing all our friends now you're scientists well it's just right 10 milliliters of GL-2s, and I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. And it's like, can you break down the Cheetos that you just ate? What's in that? What's in that?

What's in Dorito dust? What's in that, bro? What's in the fucking vodka you make in some still behind your house? I'm going hard on trying to figure out what's going on in there. And I have, I was raped. My mother and father, you know, they were divorced, whatever. They gave, we were McDonald's and fast food. nonstop pizza, easy shit food.

Crab legs in Baltimore. Not legs, bro. Whole crabs. Yeah. But I have zero percent blockage. That's great. And I shouldn't. Yeah.

I mean, I wouldn't have put, I wouldn't have put a dollar that I had zero blockage. And I have zero blockage, internal, external, external, heart's fucking money. Yeah. So. Good for you, man. No. Knock on wood. No.

My dad went down 53 heart attack. his parents both died in their 40s. Wait, down, heart attack, dead? Dead, instantly. At Rayo's restaurant in Harlem, in the middle of a plate of pasta. No. Went down. All the mob guys ran out the back.

They thought it was a killing. They hold it. They see a guy go down. Oh, hell yeah, bam. Boy, ask questions later. Who was it? What the fuck happened? It was an Irish guy.

All right, we can come in and finish dessert. But also, and I don't mean any disrespect, but, I mean, if you're going to go, that doesn't sound like a terrible way to go. Maybe for everybody watching. Yeah. But I'm going out at a great fucking Italian restaurant in a plate of their fucking food. Yep. There's a lot worse. Laughing.

He was in the middle of laughing. No. Yep. Can we be that lucky? Yep. I've watched how my dad died and my grandmother died. I'll take a plate of fucking spaghetti any day. I want to go fast.

How do you want to die? yeah i want to go i don't i don't want to know about it yeah i want to go hey boom when it's done light switch i want to die in my sleep behind the wheel of a car that's speeding down the 405 the right way or the wrong way both back and forth you want to take people with you is what you're saying right no i i'm i'm i'm happy to go when i go because i feel like i front-loaded my life. I don't see a ton of great shit happening from this point forward. How old are you now? I'm 59. I mean, what's going to happen? I'm going to stop getting booked at the clubs I get booked at. My podcast is going to, yeah, just sort of Peter, Peter out.

My sex life is going to deteriorate. My kids are going to stop visiting us. Who wants to do that? Let me go. 68. You're good with that? I'm good with 68. That's only nine more years. Yeah, that's good. Really? Less than a decade. Who cares? Life is so overrated. I think it's like what you said, if I can plan a good death, if I can be on stage, finish the set. That's how you would want to go? And collapse. Yeah. That'd be the most viral shit we ever do, too.

I know. I finally go viral. You don't even get to see it. You don't even get to see it or enjoy it. That's exactly what's going to happen. Got 80 million views. What? I know. Yeah. I know. So, no, I think that people, I admire, like, my friend, we had dinner last night at this good Italian restaurant, this five of us, we're all writers, showrunners, all straight white guys, we are out of work a year after, ever since the pandemic.

We meet for dinner every six months, and we got a rule, if you got a job, we're not allowed at the dinner. That's great. So you all see each other all the time? And, you know, my friend was talking about his dad. And, like, he said, his motto is, I can't wait for tomorrow. He goes to bed early because he wants to wake up early. And I just think, I want to wake up as late as humanly possible. I have no interest in tomorrow. Well, I have an interest in tomorrow, but I have an interest in sleeping in and be arrested for the day.

You know what I'm saying? I want to see tomorrow for sure. Yeah. Well, Tani sleeps 12 hours a night. Did you know that? Well, I mean, he's also the greatest baseball player on this. rocking outer space so of all time or just right now of all time better than cal ripkin look i actually shook my head the wrong way of all time yeah do that for the people who read in the body

um yeah i mean a guy that look people are going to argue all they want to about babe ruth and everything whatever bay bruce was great no doubt but he's not fucking you know he he ain't hitting an 89 mile an hour fucking screwball okay right these guys are insane and for him to put on that we're World Series performance at the plate and on the mound, I don't think there's an argument anymore. And it's not. He didn't get shelled. No. You know what I mean? He's like, if you sign that guy, you're getting two all-star players. Yeah. A positional player and a pitcher. They're two and one. He is the greatest player right now. He is a leader. He inspires everybody on that team. And he intimidates the other team. And the fact that Toronto was chanting, we don't need you. Remember

there were all the rumors he was coming up there. I don't know if you heard about that. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. So, so he was. was rumored to be signed by the blue jays and they were stoked and then it was apparently just a rumor he was never on a flight all this shit he's a dodger so then the blue jay fans are like you know fuck you so during the world series up there they were chanting um i think it was we don't need you and you know who found it funny him and his wife yeah that's what i'm saying that's what i'm talking you know what i mean don't be a dick he's like i was fucking great guys that's good what it turns out they did though. Turns out they did. Yeah, they did.

And everybody could use it of Tani. There's one-on-one that guy. And then Yamamoto turns out to be the MVP, you know, throwing three games in the World Series. Three. And if you really think about that World Series, and we don't have to keep doing sports talk, that was an eight-game series. That one game was 18-A. It's an eight-game world series those guys played. That was a phenomenal world series. It was exciting. And it drew people in, you know, But people talk about, oh, you're a fair weather, yeah, exactly. I wait to the end of the season. I don't have three hours to sit around in June.

162 times a year. Are you kidding me? No, October, when it gets cold, I go. Wait until I get older, damn it. Yeah. As soon as it gets cold, I see leaves change the color, I go, baseball. Let's check in on that. It's like now with hockey, you wait until it's hot out, and then you start watching the playoffs.

It's like fucking May by the time they're playing. My baseball is my background. I'll just put it on. I don't watch it. Where would you put Cal Ripkin? Now, people don't know. Cal Ripkin was a shortstop for the Baltimore Orioles. He played longer than almost any player in history, right?

Well, I'll give you the stats if you want. The Iron Man is what they call him now. But Lou Gehrig was the guy who had it first. And wait. No, was it Lou Gehrig's record he broke? Joe DiMaggio maybe? No, hold on. Consecutive games played.

Who was it? can we look at all most consecutive games played it's i think it's lu garrett shame on me you better edit this out yeah but he got his own disease yeah he did what did what cal ripkin do but is there an argument he played too long and held the team back in his last couple of all these conversations but i can't move forward until i hear this name is this going to drive me nuts is our crack staff Yeah, Cal Ripkin Jr. Who did he beat? Who streak?

Who streak? Lou Gehrig. I was right. There you go. So Lou Gehrig had 2,130 consecutive games played. Ripkin had 2131 when he broke the streak. But he went. 2100 games without an injury.

2131. Now, he played through injuries, but not enough to keep him out. now he retired ask his kids how many fucking birthday parties he missed well his son ryan ripkin and i communicate on social media really he's a sportscaster in baltimore he's really knowledgeable and good shout out to ryan ripkin over there but 2632 is where the streak ended so he did another 500 games after that 500 consecutive games after that yeah so 2,632 consecutive games played at shortstop he's the first of the big short stops earl we've removed him from third to short and that begins the run of the Jeter's and A-Rods and the larger short stops.

Kyle's the guy for that. To your question, did he hurt the team by staying in law? We sucked. Yeah. People always say this. We sucked. That guy, if anything, should have fucking took a day off. We weren't going anywhere.

Anything. We weren't going anywhere. For year after year, he knew it. He could have took a breather, could have took a day off. could have no but he showed to fuck up the only reason a lot of people would come to orio games back then also when we sucked was because of cow let's go see cow let's be part of that streak whatever so in no way was he selfish or did he hurt the team because number one there was no one else better than him that we had yeah and two we're we're we're seller dwellers

who cares i think he also took a pay cut in the in the later years he might have yeah's the shit cow's the best and now he's part owner now let me ask you this was he married to the same woman all these years well because that would be so funny if he's like loyal to his team and he's like got six wives i think he was with his wife they're his look i don't know their personal life that much but he and his wife that he has the kids with are not together anymore but but they were during all that stuff because i had a good streak with her yeah they were there waving with the family and all that stuff yeah yeah and his dad was so his dad was so his His dad, it's crazy, too, because they're all Maryland guys.

So his father at the time was the coach. And then he and his brother, Billy Ripkin, played on the team at the same time. So you've got a father and two sons on a major league squad together. Wow. And dad's coach and his two sons. And you know Billy Ripkin's famous card, right? The baseball card says, fuck face on the bottom of it. No.

Yeah, dude. You don't know about it. And they put it out? You've never seen it? No. You got to look it up. so guys were dicking around and one of them wrote fuckface on the bats before they went out there and he just didn't look he just grabbed it and he put it up there and he smiles it's worth money

now yeah yeah it's the billy ripkin fuck face card yeah so did he ever go to a world series in all those years yeah so he's a rookie in 82 83 he goes to world series um and we win so i'm sure for cal he was like fuck yeah this is going to be we're going to be back here again and we never were so he got his He got it in 83 right away with Eddie Murray. They got it and got it out of the way. Yeah. But we were, our organization was good because we were the Yankees or Dodgers of the 60s and 70s.

We were 66, 69, 70, 71, 79, 83. That run right there, we were always in the World Series. Yeah. You know. Played the Mets in 69 and lost. That was the amazing Mets and all that, which also, yeah, we played the Cincinnati Reds and 70 and won that was the big red machine swept the Dodgers in 66

I believe it was damn I wonder what my streak is as a stand-up because I have very very rarely missed the show like I've called in sick to the comedy store in all these years maybe twice

and in terms of going on the road I can't remember ever canceling a gig on the road I always make it 35 years two of it's happened to me two One was health when all the health stuff happened. Yeah. And the other one was, it was my first time going to do Omaha, and I was stoked.

Yeah. And then the flight gets delayed. And we land in Phoenix. And they're like, that line right there. And we're like, what the fuck? And I spent 24 hours in Phoenix and never made it to, they were like, you're not going to make it on your flight today. I'm like, what? Yeah.

That was the first time I ever missed ever, and I was devastated. I went, I have ADHD, and so I went to L.A. to fly to San Francisco, like the closest airport to LAX. And I'm there an hour early. And my ticket says gate 48B. I go over. I sit by 48B. And, you know, I start reading a magazine.

And I look up and I, and I'm like, what the fuck? When are we going to board? And I go, when are we board? And she's like, no, it's 48A. And I look over and like, it was like in a movie. The door just like closed. And I was like, can I get on there? Like, no, once the door is closed.

the door is closed. And I missed my Thursday night show at the punchline in San Francisco because of my ADHD. Fucking, you could have drove up in that. I know. I know. I know. That's, fuck. Well, look, let's see what's going to happen with these TSA.

Oh, I'm so glad I'm not flying. I'm flying. I'm seeing people outside of Houston in like the trip. driveway area like they're lined up outside the airport you got pre-check and clear not only that i just had knee surgery on monday so i'm getting in a wheelchair they're gonna wheel me up to that gate i'm gonna go around everybody well you might you might be able to get in faster than everybody else yeah oh for sure they got this flight that goes they got this flight that goes from lagartian in the york to palm beach florida all the old people i was gonna say they call it a miracle flight

because it's all wheelchairs loading people on and then when they get to when they get to palm beach they walk off nobody needs a wheelchair no they're all just cutting the line okay i saw a video that this might be it this guy took his camera and he just pan like this and it was it must have been 12 wheelchairs yeah two by two and he's like this is getting out of hand i was like what the fuck is that and they're all walking off that's a motherfucker right there man I'll tell you. The Miracle Flay. I want to get on to Miracle Flight. Yeah, I just had, yeah, I had knee surgery.

And I'll tell you what, man, you've been through this hospital shit. It, you're just so tired all the time. I've been taking, I never nap. I've taken two naps a day for the last three days. Dude, I wish, that's something I wish, if I could go back. I wish I learned the art of the nap. Yeah. I've never been a nap.

Now. If I shut my system down, it's fucking down. Right. You know, rarely can I. I pop back up and then have energy to do. Yeah, I'm done. I'm foggy and I'm like, what? We wake up panicking, like, what day is it?

Where are we? Well, the key is they say 20 minutes, set your watch for 20 minutes. Can you fall asleep in 20? You know what I mean? I fall asleep in 19. Right. Yeah. My whole point is I'm now thinking about the 20 minutes, the timer's ticking.

I can't, I'm stressed out about getting there. 19 minutes. And then I'm one of I going to get really four minutes. It doesn't make any sense. No, 19 minutes. I got to go through three of those are, I ever going to work again. Two is what's going on

with my asshole? You ever lay in there and you're like and you're like, I'm not, I'm not scratching it because I don't want to fuck up my underwear, but something's going on with my asshole right now. Solid ass. And then like, Mom hasn't called me back. That's three minutes.

You know, are my kids ever going to get jobs? That's six minutes. I feel like you have to lay down for an hour to get the 20. Yeah, right, right. Yeah. How's your son, by the way? he's good yeah he's a good kid he's a good kid so we're gonna afford still no actually this kid's

done great he um they had him go this kid was out like we were he was always in another city too um forb was sending him around the country to be a master mechanic and i guess there's like schools in each city or whatever yeah um but he recently got hired for a company and i always forget they they work with a bigger company called hoonigan they're in the raceway world and they really liked the work he was doing on building these cars for Ford and stuff so they like went out to him and said would you be interested so he took that job so it's like race cars yeah he's super in the automotive no shit yeah he drifts he's a I sponsored his drift car and stuff he's out there on the drift track he drift after the LA Dodgers won the World Series he did not no his fucking

drift car doesn't work right now his drift card on work right now thank God it should but no he didn't do any of that shit no so you sponsor his drift car on a track on you sponsor his drift car Yeah, I'm one of the sponsors, but I gave them money to... How much money did you give them? Too much. Do you know about drift racing? I feel like it's the opposite of what most parents do for their son. I go like, don't drive fast, and you're like, here's some money, drive really fast.

Have fun and enjoy it. But here's the thing about drifting I didn't know. I grew up with racing being, you know, head-to-head against one another or a clock. Yeah. But drifting is subjective. It's different. it's it's so it's two at a time so let's say you and i are in our cars right i'm in car one you're in car two the job of car one is to to drive that track and as often as you can on those turns get your ass

end or your wheels to the edge of the track there's actually a white line and they judge you based on that sort of dance you can do with your car and how you can maneuver it car two is not because i kept saying why aren't you passing him he's like you don't pass car two is basically, and I know people are going to be like, shut the fuck up, you don't know. But basically, you're trying to mirror car one as closely and dance with it the best you can. And then you get judged on that.

Then we switch and now we'll do two laps. I'll go in one and you'll go in two. Wow. But it's left up to judges like boxing or UFC. So, oh, that was my nephew. So he's going to win today. Right. So I don't like that part.

The other part is they go through tires. I had no idea. Oh, I was going to say. Tires, tires. It's also nerve-wracking to be at the track. If it's your first time, it is just, like, it sounds like there's a 40-car pile-up coming at you every 10 seconds. It's just like, what?

You can't help but like, God damn, and then you get used to it. But, yeah, the tires are expensive. He had a little Z. Well, this is funny, actually. Well, God, we'll go ahead and say it. So I'm a little upset with him right now. A 280 Z? I think it was a yeah

I'm a little upset with him because he sold that car sold that car to get this other car a BMW that he really likes I'm like okay did you take the logos off of it I did

okay and I said make sure because I don't know who that guy is that could be a Nazi I don't want my shit on that I don't know he could be a you know a wife beat or I don't want

I don't know who that some guy that's going to race to the streets right he's like yeah i took him off i said okay so then two days ago he hits me up he goes i got to tell you something i go what and he goes remember the car i sold i go mm-hmm he goes well it ended up being sold now to this big drifter and i go how big he goes he's got 2.5 million followers i go all right well what's up and he thinks i'm going to be upset because he traded that car or sold that car for this other car that

was so much better, which he has not got running yet. No. So I am going to be a little upset that I've put money, and so is his mom and other people into this car that you said this one's better, and since you got it,

it's been in a garage. But that one is still out there going. So it seems like that car was fine. Being seen by 1.5 million followers. Two. Yeah. So he knows the world we live in today. And he's like, so he does, he fixes it up himself.

He builds the engine, does everything. He's great. And so is that community. Like it was, they're gearheads, man. So if we're all out there racing and your car's not working, we're all coming over to help. That's awesome. We also need you. You know what I mean?

So they just, they get hard on for car shit. So they all want to show they can do it and eat. They all love to help each other. It's actually really cool. yeah so um he goes well i forgot i forgot these are words i get to take one of the logos off of course now there were two massive ones on the door i think there was one on the back and it was a small little circle one up in the corner of the hood yeah so i said which one that little one up in the corner on the hood he said no one on the door i said the whole door it's on the whole what are you

talking about he goes i thought i took it off i go okay listen stop right now you're 22 years old i know you're panicking i know you think i'm going to be fucking pissed but i'm more pissed that you're lying to me right now you lied to me and told me you took them off then you called back and said i thought i did yeah then you said you tried and i said you didn't yeah he goes yeah well when i started to peel it off it started to fuck the wrapper up and the guy didn't want to fuck the wrapper up so my fans yesterday send me a picture there's the car and they're like sickler this fucking guy's got your honeydew car out here oh it was that was it the honeydue logo yeah no yeah that's good for you though it says with ryan sickler as long as this guy's a good guy i mean i'm

assuming he is right right i have no part in any of this i'm just being thrown into this whole mix of shit because he did this sloppy and wasn't honest about it so maybe Maybe it turns out on a great thing. Maybe this guy's like, oh, fuck, yeah, I'm going to run that. So people are seeing it. So anyway, the cars, these cars, when they're racing them out there, they're falling apart, too. Bumpers are hanging off and shit. And he's telling me he can't sell it because the rapper's coming off a little bit.

When I see it again, it's got a white quarter panel, a black fender. The car, I go, what the fuck are you talking about? So I said, dude, this is fucked up. You did this really sloppy. Yeah. And I'm not stoked about it at all. And I have a right to be upset about it. And he tries to do the mansplained shit.

He's like, well, my car's being built for this and that. I said, don't fucking do that shit, dude. Yeah. Don't tell me I don't know what I'm talking about. I said, here's what I do know. The difference between working and non-working. Your car can't drive down the fucking street right now. Right, right.

This guy's out there doing donuts with my shit on one of the doors. It's one of the things about having a son because I have a son who's, wait, how old is your son? 22. Yeah, mine's 25. Damn, he's only 22. mine's 25 and you're trying to keep the door open you're trying to go I'm cool dad I'm not judging you I'm not going to bust your balls but at the same time you're trying to give your kid discipline and accountability and that's such a fine line all the time well I'm not trying to be cool dad yeah I'm trying to be reasonable I'm trying to be understanding and I'm also trying to be open minded yeah in the sense that I don't my dad died when I was 16 but I don't know he's he's of the you know like you're the era. If I'm like, I want to be a clown. I mean, I'm sure he would have supported it, but been like, what the fuck are you talking about? Right. So I'm like, you want to be a race car

driver? Okay. I don't know anything about this race world, you know, at all. So I'm going to trust in you that you're being honest and that you're being, you're doing the right thing by your sponsors. Treating it like a business. Yes, it's a business. And it's not a handout. And there was more money. I could have, and I was like, no, dude, you got to go earn some of this. Like, you're going to appreciate it if all the money is given to you go fucking go sell some shit you got in your room at a yard so do whatever you got to fucking do to raise eight hundred dollars for these tires yeah go do that like be a part of this it's ground up right now entry level bro yeah um so yeah he started doing does he have a girlfriend he's got a serious girlfriend he had he's had her

they've been together for a few years now did he lose his virginity to her i never asked I'll get back to you on that. Well, if they started dating at 15, 18, I mean, I lost my virginity at, I was just, I was 15, but like a month before 16, so he could have lost his virginity before that. I think I was exactly the same age. February of 1990, I lost my virginity. Wait a minute, that's when I lost, wait, where were you in February? You believe this? Is there a small wooded area near your house of Baltimore?

You know, Deer Park? Deer Park. Yeah, that's where I was there. that was me in a parking lot gravel lot I lost my virginity on gravel on on your in a car but in a car mine was on you told us I was on the hood of a Camaro Camaro yeah it's legendary yeah legendary it's sliding off sliding off my pants around my ankles yeah Johnny Trouble was on the back hood Johnny Trouble Johnny Trouble he was getting laid on the back hood but it was my first time yep yeah so I don't know I don't know I don't know I'll

ask them. And then she said to me, before I lost my virginity to her, my parents were out one day and she came over the house. This girl had presents. She had big tits and she called him pride and joy. Not all. A high school girl. And we got on my bed and she pulled down my pants and she looked me in the eye and she goes, I'm going to give you the best blow job you've ever had in your life. And I was like, odds are good. The odds are very high. Was that your first blow job? So she was definitely good. No matter what, even if you came away bleeding, it was the best one. The bar was low.

She don't need to know how low the bar. But I'm telling you, man, to this day, she was, there was ballwork, there was side slides. There was a lot of. Side slides. In the 80s from a high school girl when you're a high school kid? A side slide. Where is she learning that? I don't know.

Internet then or anything. There was no porno to watch. She just had presents. Man. Yep. I'll keep that part quiet. Well, and the best part was, me and my buddy, Sneaky Pete, we had a bet of who would lose their virginity first,

that we started when we were 15. And we said, all right, 20 bucks to whoever lose the virginity first. And then after like six months, there was a couple times where I got close, and I decided I didn't want this girl I didn't think this was the one I wanted to lose my virginity to and so I said I think we should have a clause where

if you lose your virginity the other guy gets two weeks to lose his virginity and it nullifies the bet so he comes along and he tells me I had sex last night and I said who with

and he said the girl's name and I won't say it and I go no shit and I was kind of like I don't know man because you could have shot a little higher, you know, like just in terms of the miles under the hood, you know. So I said, all right, I got two weeks. And so that night I was hanging out at the benches in Tarrytown.

We sat outside, smoked cigarettes, and we waited for anybody we knew with a car to come by and pick us up. And then we'd go get a couple six packs, a bottle of, you know, Boone's Farm strawberry wine. We head off to one of the seven spots in town. You know, the hotspot, the Zok, Bong Bridge, the gazebo, the hotspot. It was like, and we would, it was almost like a rotation. If you had a car, you would just hit. This is where you go. You would hit them up because you'd find people at one of them.

And then it would turn into a party there. So, sit at the benches, and this girl pulls up with this other girl, Mary, in the Camaro. and I was like let's go and I got in the car and I had I lost my virginity to the same guy that Sneaky Pete did

a week later Same guy? Yeah my best friend and Wait So I'll just say the girl's name Linda no no no no I'll say in it

So sneaky Pete sneaky Pete hooked up with Linda and you also did And I did a week later And he said and I said to him I said I lost my virginity last night and he goes Who would?

with, I go, just some girl from the next town. I didn't have the heart to tell him who it was. And nullified the bet. He believed you? Yeah. Sneaky Pete didn't ask a lot of questions. He was sneaky. He knew I was honest, though.

And so cut to last year, he was coming through L.A., and we were hanging out. And then we were talking, and I was like, yeah, like when we both lost our virginity to Linda, and he just looked to me like, what? No. Yeah. How did it hit? Did it affect him? Could you see it? Sneaky Pete doesn't get hung up on things like that.

Yeah. He shook it off. Did he? Yeah. How quickly? I think he's gay. It was a rumor. My mother talked to some adults and came back to me. Like, she knew his family.

What recon is your mom doing out in the neighborhood that's getting under the gayhood there? There's a lot of shit talking in Tari Town And she would This is high school she's letting you know Or later and you know Much later after college I see She let me know

She's just keeping up again Meanwhile like me and Sneaky Pete Were we had a homoerotic Kind of a friendship like Well I don't know if you heard it Maybe I heard it wrong It might have been a Freudian slip But you said I lost my virginity

To the same guy Sneaky Pete did That's what you said It's what I thought I heard And I was like wait What What? And now you're telling me this.

And I'm like, maybe I did hear it, right? It was homoerotic. It wasn't homo-sexual. In what sense? What are you guys doing? Well, boys have that energy. You know, we're just dripping in sex. Yeah.

We would be at a party and got, did you ever do the, did you ever have the guy that would do the chicken heart joke? What's that? Where they pull their pants? down, they grab the back of their balls and pull it all forward together and, like, the balls and sit in the dick gets like this. And I've never seen a chicken heart, but I swear to God. So the crown is below the balls?

No, it's like, it's hard to explain, so. Just do it. Yeah, we just do it right. It's a video podcast. Next time you stand up, grab the back of your balls. Yeah. And just push it all forward. Push it forward. And it's like coming, it's hugging the dick. The dicks get disgrunched in it. Right.

And these guys would walk around a party and they go, Hey, Sickler. And then you look, you know, this dumb one, right? That joke where you look at it, they hit you, you know, that one? Yeah, yeah. This was chicken heart. They would do it all. And they go around doing it to all the guys and girls.

Hey, hey, Fitzsimmons, what's up? You ever see a chicken heart? You're like, now. And then they do that. And you start laughing because you're like, it might be what a chicken heart looks like, I don't know. But that's fucking looks funny. Just that's the type of shit on top. There were dicks and ass out all the time all over the place.

I think ours is more like a John Hughes vibe. It was like, you know, we used to, we used to, we used to drive. dress up and go to the village. I grew up right outside the city, so we would go into Greenwich Village on the weekends. We'd go to Dancateria. Clarified dress up. What do you, like dance or?

We'd wear, like, silk shirts and any makeup. Tapered pants, makeup. We'd wear a mascara on our eyes. You did? Yeah. Yeah. Any scarves? Any neck scarves?

No, no. It wasn't effeminate. It was more a new wave. It was Adam and the Ants, you know? For sure. I know Adam and the Ants. And so it was just very like. Prince is all that whole.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I grew up loving David Bowie and Mick Jagger and Iggy Pop, and I just thought all that androgyn's stuff was very cool, you know? And so I wasn't hung up on it. And so, and then, you know, we would go skinny dipping late at night in the town pool, just the two of us. The town pool?

Yeah. Just the two of us. Why do you got to get naked just to two of you? Well, because we had on our silk shirts on. Just the two of us is a hilarious silk shirt. Our mascara is running as we get out of the ball. That's fucking hilarious. You guys are getting out looking like you both just gagged on each other's dicks.

Like, what? No, we're swimming. We're swimming. You look like your power face fucking each other. No, it's, who else is in there with it? It's just the two of us. Going off the high dive with our dicks flopping up and down. Yeah.

That's great. Yeah, back then, no cameras, no nothing back then. No, no. And then we went to Europe together. Wait, hold on. Does your dad ever see you come in the house with mascara running down your face like that? He saw me. I got any, we both got earrings when we were probably like 14.

And then my, I hit it from my dad. And then I made a mistake and I turned my head one day and he saw it. And he goes, you got an earring? Was it a hoop or a stud or like what was in there? It was a stud. It was a green emerald stud. And he goes, you got an earring? I go, yeah.

He goes, you still like girls? And I said, yeah. And he went, okay. Isn't it fun? My dad's generation was the same way. If you got an earring, they definitely thought you were gay. Like, that was it. That's the outwardly sign that says this man.

I think the mascara definitely adds to it as much. I was going to say, that would be, you still like, girls? Yeah, all right, all right, we're good here then. So then we went to Europe together. We both, we didn't go to college after high school. I ended up taking a year off. I didn't think I'd ever go to college, but I ended up going later. And we went to Europe.

We saved up our money. We worked as a parking attendants at a country club. And then I worked at TGI Fridays as a line cook at night. You did? And then... What was the one you fucking... If they were like, Greg, we got some VIPs out there right now. Nine-layered dip.

That's the one. That was your specialty? Yep. Sour cream, guacamole. Hit him with this nine-layer dip, and you're going to fucking, yeah. Black olives. What's something you never eat at TGI Fridays, even today? I wouldn't eat the meat.

The steak is fucking... As Rodney said in Caddyshack, this thing still got marks where the jocky was hitting it. And they try to put Jack Daniels on it to kill the Mattie's. Jack Daniels, Barbecue's just picking it up and cover it up, dude. Trying to get you drunk so you don't notice how bad it is. That's good to know, good to know. But then we went to, so we saved up our money. We went to Europe for like six months and just backpacked around.

And there was a lot of like, you know, sharing beds at night and, you know, there was a lot of that. But there was never any, there was never any homosexuality. Never made out? Nope. Drunk or nothing, never. We had a three-way with a girl once. It was a devil's three-way. What's that, two guys and a girl?

Yeah. Why is that the devils? I don't know. I've never heard that before. Or you call it the Kavanaugh three-way also because that's what Brett Kavanaugh had in college. Remember that? In the hearing? Yeah.

It's the Kavanaugh three-way. Okay. But we didn't touch each other. You didn't touch? No. We didn't touch. I feel like she watched and you guys just made out. Boys don't cry.

He's playing on the box. They're running all over the place. God damn. Fuck the pillows up all in that place. All three of you. The girl left. We didn't even notice. She's like, I'm out of here, guys.

Hilarious. We're like, we locked the door on the way out. that's it what's the gayest you ever got well obviously the chicken chicken heart chicken heart you see those all the time um you never had a male friendship that you felt no no i'm not looking down on you at all you did but that facial i did make a face but i wanted you to clarify that no that's just not my style like yeah you're talking to me was all that face was not like how dare you right but i would say the gayest would be like i mean shit i shared a room i had a twin brother we're sharing a room growing up through puberty and everything else well that's incest that's not

so yeah but we're not touching bro right um you know i mean just that's what i'm trying to say just seeing somebody change yeah yeah yeah right i never no did you guys masturbate in front of each other no but how do you not master how old were you when you were sharing a room i mean from this is funny you ask okay so my brother was forward thinking this motherfucker so when my parents split and we had to move to this new place he went ahead and I didn't even know he did this asked my mom can I have my own room yeah she said yes yeah so now I'm rooming with my younger brother and it's the summer of fifth between fifth and sixth grade we're about to go into sixth grade and that's when I discovered masturbation yeah and I'm on the top bunk of these bunk beds with my younger brother's

about four years I love the word discover by the way because discoveries are pretty exciting like lightning you know discovering electricity discovering masturbation i would put up there with the level of i've never stopped i mean what else do you discover i still enjoy it yeah i still look forward to it i love it yeah you know and there's so many uh and it's it's really the the range of experimentation that goes on is so slim over the years like when i think about how i did it at 15 versus how i do it at 59 almost exactly the same. Really? Yeah, what do I get on top of?

What am I on all fours? You don't get on all fours? I've never used my left hand. You don't hit all fours and hit from the bat? You don't do that. The lawnmower? Is that what they call that way? No. You're that's yours now, bro.

Fucking pull start. Pool start. I'm doing that today right after this. No. So when I started, like, again, I say discovered because I was just, I always say cat paw on it. I was just touching myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't know what masturbation was, right? No idea. No idea. But it becomes a problem because I'm doing this in those bunk beds shaking every night. My mom figures out what's going on and we move to the next place.

My brother and I are right back in the room together because now we're both going through puberty together, you know. But when I first started, I literally, I just would like touch it. I cat paw it. Yeah. And it was that like how high up you went on that. You're practically at your nipples yeah just i'm just hitting the tip of it yeah so um that's the summer between fifth and six grade seventh grade that's how i'm masturbating up until seventh grade yeah and i'm in line in math class where we have to wait outside on the wall before they let us in and i'm in the back of the line and there's two guys up front and to this day they have no idea how they changed my life i see them just talk i can't hear they're just talking and one guy clearly tells a joke and the other guy goes

oh and i just said oh my i saw the throw away this and i was like oh my god they know no i was like that's what i'm supposed to be doing right let me tell you bro my dick was hard from math class till i got home and then when i hit that i was like yeah yeah right of course i didn't use until my 30s. I never used lubrication. Never? Nope. I never tried lube either because I always like the hand. I like the skin on skin.

You know what I'm saying? But I'll tell you this. And if there's any younger viewers out there watching this, don't use soap. Don't use soap. Oh, yeah. I did it in a shower with soap one time. It literally ripped my dick skin off.

And then, you know, when you're 9th, 10, all you do is get erections. Yeah. So my dick has just got like all these. wounds on it and it's clean but then it gets hard and the scabbed i'm like oh oh soap one and done bro never used so conditioner it ripped that shit up yeah and then your pubic care has got a nice sheen to it yeah it does it looks good down there i used to jerk off in the back row of the school bus on the way home bro thank you yeah i couldn't make it home what are you talking about right now

Well, my high school was 20 minutes away. How many people were on the bus? It was about half full, and it was all Catholic schoolgirls except for me. Do they know you're doing this? No. I think the bus driver did. I'd see he had that giant. Yeah, of course.

And I saw him kind of peering back. And you're just back there feverishly getting at. How are you hiding that? Because, you know, the seats are so high. Are you, like, ducking down? I'm slumped. You're slumped and just. Yep.

And what are you looking at when you're doing it? The girls? sighs in the aisle. And where are you busting? The sunshine, just highlighting the blonde hair on Gabriel Vary's thigh. Where are you busting? Well, I'd bring napkins from lunch. Get the fuck out of him. What grade is this? Nine through 12. This is so premedited. Nine through 12. My high school career. And then the seats were vinyl, but there was a tear

in the back of the seat in front of me. So, I, I would take the napkins, and I would stick them into the hole. So that seat, if anybody got an accident and they were in the back row, they were safe. There was a lot of cushion. They're like, we got this kid's DNA everywhere here for some reason, but everybody saved. You would jerk off on the school bus. Yeah. No.

Listen, you're also the guy that is the reason I don't go to, not, you're not the guy, but what happened to you at the strip. Not the massage parlor. where it got raided is the reason I don't ever go to it. I'm always scared that's going to happen. I'm always scared that's going to happen. And it happened to you. If I had been caught, I would imagine I would have to knock on doors for the rest of my life, right? I mean, I'm filled with, I'm in a bus filled with 16-year-old girls.

You're underage, though. You're underage. But I don't know. Yeah, if you got caught, you probably would have to be the perp in the neighborhood. Oh, for sure. Yeah. And an inspiration for a lot of the men. I mean, maybe.

Not the guy that's got to clean that, though. Bus driver never said anything to you? Never said to work. Kenny. You never started driving? Like you're 16? You don't start driving yourself to school? When I was 16. Yeah, so I guess it was the first two years of school.

But then my car would always break down. I'd have to get on the bus again. Sure. I had a 76. Sure. Sure it was. Things running just fine out there. I would drive the car to the bus stop.

I don't know what happened, it just died right here, man. I'm scared. I ended up dating one of the girls. The Catholic school girl? Yeah. And she was, she was really, she was really cute, and she was the one girl that would talk to me on the bus. Because, you know, I'm six, I got acne.

I was skinny. I didn't have a lot of self-confidence. And so I, but- Bro, you had more than you think. You're back there with your dick out. Yeah. To completion. That's confident.

Is that confident? That's a lot of self-confidence. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess so. Maybe you're dick-proud, too. You know, I don't know. Some of those guys are dick-proud. I am dick-proud.

I am just people to see it. Yeah. Anyway, there's other questions I wanted to ask you. Why is it that we end up telling my stories when you come on my show? I was like, here's a guy who hosts a podcast. I've never heard these. Where you ask people questions and you get stories out of people. And I go, he's coming on my podcast.

I get to ask him stories. I'll shut up. Well, how did you lose your virginity? I was, as I said, 15. I was dating a cheerleader at the school. Nice. She was 16. She was super sweet.

And we both, you know, we talked about it and everything. Yeah. And then it was like a valiant. Valentine's dinner night, and we were in her dad's Chevy Trailblazer. Remember those? Sure. Like an early SUV. And we were parked at this soccer field, like way, it was a gravel parking lot.

It was big. We went way back where it was dark and no one could see us. You know, three, three, four minutes later, we were right back on the road. And I'm going to head to our house. That was that. We were both, we were both complete virgins. Was it? Nothing what we were doing.

Nothing. It was terrible. Condum? Yeah. Oh, yeah. She was 16 and you were 15? Did you date after that? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. How many times did you make love to her? That's a good question. I mean, did it last like a year after that? Yeah, I think it was about a year. Okay. Yeah, yeah. A few times.

Do you ever go back? Here's a big philosophical question. Do you ever go back and fantasize about the girls from when you were in high school? No. Is it wrong to? Because they are underage. But are you grandfathered in?

Are you grandfathered in is a gross way to ask about that, actually. I think if you're just fantasizing about girls that you knew in high school personally, then I guess that would be okay. They're clear. You knew them. You came up. with them. You can't introduce new 16-year-olds into the carousel. No. Right. Ever. Yeah. Girls or boys. Whatever you're... Hey, is that what this is going to turn into now? I'm just

clarifying. If you knew Sneaky Pete. I'm just... I think you knew him really well. Sneaky Pete. Who's the other guy on the back of the car, Mustang, whatever, what was his name? The guy getting laid on the back? Johnny Trouble. Trouble. Yeah, Johnny Trubb. Was he homoerotic in any way? he had a Kavanaugh three way with another girl and sneaky Pete not making that up and the other girl was best friends with Linda I think your mom might be right about sneaky Pete it is weird to be in like I don't know algebra that well but that's one third times one third if you're in a three way with two guys equals two thirds What was the question? You ever got arrested? No.

You never got arrested? Isn't that crazy? Listen, the police have been to my house many of times. We were always had underage drinking. Like I've told you, we were the kids in your high school that didn't have parents. So they came often. Yeah. Like me in the back of that bus.

I've been handcuffed. Yep. But that was just to scare me. And if we didn't get all these kids out of here and blah, blah, blah. They also, when they come by enough, they also know what's going on. Okay, we have three children living in this. apartment by themselves so they kind of give you a little bit of leeway right um but yeah no so never arrested who's your best asian friend who let's see my best asian friend oh my buddy zumi back in uh

i knew him from baltimore he's a he's a great dude and he um his sister ended up being biz marquis like business manager so zumi got us hooked up one year we all went to the playboy mansion under Biz Marquis Bill and then the after party at the Mondrian Sky Bar and it was when Jamie Fox was hosting the Espies. Okay. And Biz had been hired to DJ the after

party and like the big party at the Playboy Mansion. Damn! Yeah. That's a good night. And we known him and he's like, you know, my sisters were like, what? How the fuck are we just finding this out? You know? And so then he came out. We went, we had two nights. We went to the mansion party one night with all the athletes and everything.

And we didn't go to the Espies, but went to the after party at the Mondrian. Wow. So I'd say that's my best Asian friend. What's up Zumi? Zumi, that should be your son's nickname when he's racing cars. Well, you got to be on the fucking track to do that, Greg. You got to be on the fucking track to do that. More like Fixie.

Have you ever won any awards? Oh, yeah. Just say it like that as he goes into a sip. Oh, fucking winner, bro. I'm a winner, bro. Yeah. Yeah, we were good at sports, so I've so many trophies. I actually did a photo shoot with my trophies, and I threw them all away.

I donated them to the Goodwill. I was like, what am I going to do? I'm going to make somebody fucking throw those away when I'm dead, my high school fucking trophies. But I lettered in Varsity. I had trophies from every sport. I was always an all star. I was good at what I did. I was all Juco in college, soccer, all junior college.

that's what Jucco stands for. What school was that? Catensville Community College. Oh, great soccer program. Great program. Go Blue Demons. Cardinals. Cardinals.

Not bad. They're red Cardinals. And I played on a, I was really good at soccer. I played on a under 17 development team for the U.S. Oh. My brother and I both tried out for it. We made it and I spent a month in Europe playing over there. Oh, shit.

For like a developmental called Teams U.S. USA. Wow. That's amazing. I was good, bro. And did you continue playing sports after college? No. That was it. Hung up the cleats. That was it, bro. After junior college, it was all biz. Uh-huh. It's over. Biz marquee. Mm-hmm. Biz-Markey. Well done. Damn. All right. What would you teach if you had no choice but to teach something? Podcasting. Yeah. I already did, actually. I, um, So a couple years ago, I worked with a nonprofit where I sort of set up a podcasting 101,

and these were like troubled teens and stuff in Santa Monica area, working with the Santa Monica Police Department. So I set up a program for them, and they came in, and they ended up interviewing the mayor of Santa Monica and all this stuff. And it went well enough that I then taught Culver City High School kids this course as well, and they would have seniors come, and they allowed them to come to my class, and they would come to the Culver City Music Store, and I'd teach them, like, just a podcasting 101 about what this is and how it works, and I honestly think it's taking the place of journalism.

What advice do you give young podcasters in terms of the interview itself? And the actual interview itself? Are you just a natural? Because you draw people out. I didn't know if you had, like, techniques that you used. I mean, the number one technique is just to be a good listener, you know, but as you're saying, and I'm guilty of this too, like when we're starting to fall asleep, the 40 fucking things you're thinking about, you got to shut that off when somebody's talking to. Yeah, right. You have to. All this going on. Are the lights right? Is the camera? You got shut that shit off. That's why I got the best crew in Los Angeles. You need this. They got my back. Except when it comes to research things, it takes about a minute and a half. That's okay.

We'll edit that. You'll edit it and make it look instant. You can hear the encyclopedias coming off the shelf. Thumbing through the pages. Yeah, I would say be a good listener. It also helps you ask good questions. Yeah, right. Who's the worst opener you ever had on the road? That's a good question.

Yeah. There's been a few of them. I don't know. There's no one I've ever asked not to come back. Yeah. Have you ever fired someone? No, I've never fired anybody, but I have said to them, could you do less crowd work?

Like if somebody comes out and they do 20 minutes of crowd work, I go, dude, you're killing me. You're killing me. Because now I've got to stand in the back of the room and watch your set every night so that I'm not, now I can't do crowd work. Not that I'm, I don't rely on it, But I do, in an hour set, I might do 10 minutes of crowd work.

Now I can't do that because I don't know who you already talked to. Your job as the feature act is to kill with 20 minutes of material. If you need to talk to somebody, you know, they're talking, you want to deal with it. Great. Otherwise, you should be showing the club owner that you can destroy for 20 minutes with material. While people are still filing in. Right. While there are disturbances.

Yeah. While they're still ordering drinks. while there's chatter going on. You're making them a crowd. You fucking set the table. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know his name.

It was in Canada. It was Edmonton, I believe. And you know up in Canada how they have like the, it's a weird thing. It's like the host or it goes to, it's like a weird feature host and they bring them back up again. You know, I'm talking about. No, no. It's only done. I've never seen anywhere else.

I'm like, what the fuck are we doing? We're going to host. and then I can't even explain how they do it but the host will go back up and do so the host is really the feature host starts brings up this feature for 10 and then the host is coming back again and doing 15 you're like what the fuck are you doing

throwing off all the momentum dude this guy is hammering them with just I'm going to say just retard retards it over and they're eating it up this is obviously his short bus closer And I'm like, bro, are you really going to hammer the retard stuff the whole fucking weekend? Yeah. And I was like, put that up top.

Did you say that to him? I go, you're going out twice. Yeah. Put it up top. Yeah. You think that's your strongest? Do you want to be a better writer? Start with it.

Yeah. And see what happens. Yeah. And he did. Yeah. That's good. Well, I think it's part of your job as a headliner is to try to help the openers grow. And sometimes that means saying something very direct.

That's why I'm not going to fire someone. No. Unless they're belligerent or whatever, of course. No, if they're doing something backstage, it's a problem. But on stage, like, you're there to help groom them and make, well, not groom them. But depending how young they are. A lot coming out here. Yeah.

A lot. I actually was promoted once. You ever been promoted? That was Damon Wayans. Thank you, Damon Wayans. What happened? I was, this is years ago, I was opening and the feature was, I'm not going to say, and then Damon was headlining. And the feature was so low energy that Damon didn't tell me.

me he went to the club and said hey Ryan's doing a great job open and bring another opera in and bump him to feature nice and I got promoted to feature for the rest of the weekend because the feature was super low energy yeah Damon was like I'm come I feel like I'm coming out to zero yeah yeah let Ryan's energy can we talk about how underrated Damon waynes is as a stand-up comic he is he is like I worked with him when I was coming up and he came in on a Thursday with just some ideas and he's bouncing a basketball and He was getting ready. What's that basketball movie he did?

I forget. There was some basketball movie he did. Was it Celtic Pride or something? Is he in that? Anyway. So he's practicing dribbling. No notes, no nothing. And he walks on stage Thursday night and he does all new ideas, just riffs.

Just does okay. Not great. Next night he comes in his two shows, Friday, two shows Saturday. And I see the material morph. The next show, it's good. Late show Friday, he's doing very well with it. And by Saturday, He's destroying with 45 new minutes of material.

I've never seen anybody do that before. They're so talented. All of them. They're all so talented. Black people? Yep. The Wayans. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. All the Wayans. Yeah. Yeah, he's fucking great. And also, like, that's a guy that goes from SNL to Living Color. You know, these guys, it's so funny to me because I grew up on Living Color.

And it's like, Handyman would never even be allowed to be done today. Right. Right. It wouldn't even be. It wasn't that longer. You couldn't never. Gaze on film? Forget it.

No way. People would say, nope, can't do that. Can't do that. And I think we need to get back to more of that. People seem to be having more fun when we were all laughing at each other. And now it's like, nope, nope, nope, nope. A lot of nopes out there. Right.

And I'm just like, can we all just make fun of each other again? And the thing is, is like if it's hacky, it's hacky. It doesn't matter. Like, I see guys go, and they're doing what they think is Essex. terror comedy but they're making the same observations that comics made 30 years ago there's nothing new about it meanwhile i could see somebody taking on trans in a way that's interesting and funny you know it's not the topics that are the problem it's the execution well it's the execution it's also you have to have a willing audience that audience has to be willing to accept this

open-minded we're going to hear what you have to say right right i feel like there's a lot of audiences today regardless of what the topic is that are just like can't talk about that nope nope nope nope not jesus can't talk about jesus can't you know what i mean is real oh blah blah i'm so i'm so sick of all this nonsense and comedy like it's working they've turned everybody against each other yeah it's so fucking dumb from the riod to the charlie kirk stuff to the jimmy kimmel to the first i'm the austin l a i'm so fucking sick of it it's amazing great I started listening to AM Morning Radio, Baltimore Sports Local Radio. Yeah.

I don't listen to podcast anymore, comedy, nothing. Right. It's fucking stupid. Yeah. It's so dumb. It's a lot of drama. It's unnecessary drama. It's like the rappers in the 90s.

I was going to say, we're comics and podcasters. These guys are talking like the fucking hip-hop battles. Yeah. Those dudes killed each other. Okay. They all trashed each other in their lyrics. You're not the fucking sane. Everybody shut the fuck up.

I know. I'm tired of it. And also, it is necessary. If you think Austin is the heel or the evil empire or the Darth Vader, it's fucking necessary. People don't get that it can't all just be this way. Both sides are fucking necessary. You can't just all be over here. Austin's as necessary as L.A. is as people always forget about Chicago.

That's a hell of a comedy town. It's so much town out of there. But New York, all of it, it's necessary. That had to happen, should have happened, should continue to happen, and should continue to grow. Why shouldn't it? Right. Why shouldn't it? Speaking of comedy growing, your new special is out.

It's on YouTube and it's free. I mean, that's the thing is it shouldn't be free. It's called Live and Alive. And where did you tape it? Madison Comedy on State. Oh, that's where. Give them the love. Greatest.

Didn't Rachel Wolf? What's her name? Wolfson? No. Wolf. Michelle Wolf. She did a special there recently also. She did, yeah.

People talk about, comics talk about three or four clubs as being the best ones in the country. That's one of them. Oh, Comedy on State is absolutely one of the best clubs in the country. And how many shows did you tape? Two. Did a two Saturday night. I've talked about it. I was very, like, so stoked for all the people that came out because that same night,

Tom Papa's next door at the beach. big theater. And then Monday through Thursday, it goes, it's like Sam Maril, Trevor Wallace, and Stavros. And I was like, that's in five days. Like, I'm not selling any tickets. And I sold out both shows, great Saturday night crowds. And yeah, it's hard out awesome. That club is, yeah, I love comedy on state. Thank you, comedy on state. You know, you've been there. It's so phenomenal. It's great. And it's good to be in a club to do a special because, you know, I mean, I mean, theaters are, that's what they want it shot, and they want a big jib shot, and they want seven cameras and all that.

It's like, yeah, but I'm not used to playing theaters. I'm used to playing clubs. I'm used to 250 people packed in, connectivity, intimacy, low ceiling, low ceilings, that's what you, and you really captured that. Yeah, it feels really intimate. Thank you. It feels good. And as a storyteller, I think you especially want that.

Yeah, yes, not that echoey. Right. You know. Also, they. always wanted they being the industry always wants to do it the wrong way yes we've all been doing it this way and you're like now let's shoot it in this big grand ballroom with all the a crane and why right that's not what comedy is at all no it's not it's like they just want their channel to look like big and expensive and it's like well it doesn't serve it's like they all say they

want to serve comedians you know all these channels are like well you know comedians are the essence of what we are and we respect their art no you don't no it's all commerce no you fucking yeah so i saw you got a lot of views you got like a hundred thousand in the first two days did you do a lot of big podcast to promote it yeah man i'm on this one um i've done gosh a lot ym h stavi um are you garbage santino harland soda damn kFC barstole history hyenas uh hurt and leanne shit um probably missing one but i've done a bunch already still i'm still going out there promoting it yeah good it's just it's still only a couple weeks it's not even two weeks old yet yeah it's really funny that's the other thing too i'm gonna i'm gonna quote tyler the creator like i watched him

say like what do you mean you're only pushing your shit for a year he's like i have albums i'm still pushing her a couple years old and i was like yeah why why do we put a cap on like it's a forever thing yeah right so i'm gonna be promoting it forever Yeah. Good. Brian Sickler, you're one of the comedy greats. You're one of the podcast greats. You're a good man. Thank you, dude. And I love having you on the podcast. That means a lot coming from you. All right. Starting to feel a little homoerotic over here right now, Greg. Can we go shower together without our underwear on? I'll chicken hearts, bro. Thank you for having.

Should we get on a bus? You want to get on the bus with me? I'll get all with you, bro.