Fitzdog Radio - Sam Morril - Episode 1077

Episode Date: November 27, 2024

Few people I enjoy talking to as much as the great Sam Morril. We talk sports, drinking and Ellen DeGeneres. Happy Thanksgiving!Follow Sam Morril on Instagram @SamMorrilMy Bookie: https://mybookie.website/FITZWatch my special "You Know Me" on YouTube! http://bit.ly/FitzYouKnowMeAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Hey, welcome to FitzDog Radio. It's a special Thanksgiving episode. Lots to give thanks for in this world. I know some people are frustrated with the political situation, but let's remember something. This is the best goddamn country in the world! And will be for a very long time. Remember that. Um, great guest today, Sam Morel. Holy shit, I just talked to him. He's, he's a guy I wish I lived in New York, because I think he and I would be very close friends. And we had a great chat. And then after we took after we did the podcast for an hour We talked for like another hour, which I realized we should have probably recorded that as well Although there was some shit talk and we probably wouldn't want out there a little bit little bit Thanksgiving is tomorrow. I don't know when this comes out me. Yeah, I think it's tomorrow when this podcast is revealed to the public and I am very excited. My mom is flying out, should be here later tonight and

she's come out every year for 20 years. She comes out for Thanksgiving. Big tradition, a lot of traditions here in Venice. If you've listened over the years, you know we always play soccer in the morning. There's about 40 of us to play soccer. We break up into two gigantic Braveheart teams and then we all have dinner at our homes and then we meet up at the beach at around seven o'clock at night and go screaming into the freezing cold water, ride a couple waves. And then we usually go to the Malloy and Dunskys house where there's a hot tub and everybody brings dessert and they have this giant pot filled with spiked cider and people stay till like two in the morning but anyway the Dunskys and Malloy's are gone this year and we're gonna host it at our house so I don't think the turnout is

gonna be that big we're trying to get enough people to play soccer it's a little I'm a little sad I'm not gonna lie to you I feel like this tradition after we've been doing this for 15 years mom's been coming out for 20 soccer and beach have been 15 and I don't know how much longer it's gonna last people fucking move Venice is expensive people move out they sell their houses for a lot of money and then they go live somewhere cheap like Virginia so we got people we'll be all right but I'm a little little down now we that Thanksgiving's a big holiday for me. We always celebrated we would go down to the Bronx to the house that my mom grew up in where her father lived and all my cousins from Long Island and

Westchester and everywhere would come together. There was a bunch of us there was like 13 cousins I have more cousins than that. But in the New York area, this 13 plus aunts and uncles, six aunts and uncles, and then my grandparents. And we were wild, the kids were fucking Irish kids are nuts. And you get 13 of them in a small house in the Bronx. And we would go to the there was there was a deli up the street that had a toy store. And we robbed blind we fucking robbed them we used to steal liquor from our

parents when we were like 12 we'd be in the basement and my grandfather's little his little he had like a woodchop and we'd get fucked up we drink ginger at rye and ginger rye whiskey and ginger ale. Cause that's what they were drinking upstairs. That's the smell I remember walking in. My grandfather's house looked like all in the family, like that house exactly with the stoop out front. And you'd walk in and you just smelled whiskey, ginger ale and boiled turnips.

And we'd have dinner. My uncle Paul would bring this turkey in this styrofoam cooler that was held together with electric tape, same cooler all those years, he would put it in the trunk of his Ford LTD in Long Island, he'd cook it in the morning, bring it to the Bronx, put it in the oven at like 200 degrees for like six hours while everybody just drank and Bring it to the Bronx put it in the oven at like 200 degrees for like six hours while everybody just drank and talked and a lot of laughter until

The turkey was bone dry and then they'd serve it with it was just all white vegetables. It was just mashed potatoes turnips Cauliflower like nothing had any color to it at all. Even the broccoli was cooked to the point of being light. And then my grandfather would tell he was from Ireland. All my grandparents are from Ireland, but my grandfather would do these old Irish limericks, these beautiful like, you know, poetic, lyrical limericks. And he would and then as he got older and he would start to forget them then my my aunts and my mom would help him through it because they all knew them and they tell them and then they'd sing my aunt Dolores and my aunt Peggy would sing Irish songs and it was amazing it was

great that was my old Thanksgiving this is the new one So we'll see I should keep this short because people want to hear Sam Anyway shout out to Tempe, Arizona. Thanks for coming out. We had nice full shows at the improv Hung out with my buddy Rob Dukes and his lovely girlfriend Mel. I drove around in his 58 Porsche and his lovely girlfriend Mel. I drove around in his 58 Porsche. He let me drive it. We went to a cigar bar and had a lot of fun. Todd Barry's brother came to my show, was a very nice guy, hung out with him. There was a lot of comedy fans that were like these two guys I talked to. I was on stage and I was like, how long you guys been friends? And they said, like six months. I said, that's weird. How did you meet? And they said, we each

came to David tells comedy show alone. And they sat us together. And ever since then, we just go to comedy shows together. How cool is that? I fucking love comedy nerds. They're the best. But there was a lot of it was a little maga feeling there was a guy there was a guy with a maga hat who was like six foot three with his arms crossed who literally did not smile once during my entire fucking show it made me so angry. But whatever it was fun I did some Ellen jokes and all was good so anyway let's get to it by the way I did some Ellen jokes and all was good. So anyway let's get to it.

By the way I'm coming to South Africa. I'll be in Cape Town, South Africa the first week of January and I'm looking to do a stand-up gig. If anybody lives in South Africa that's a comedian let me know. I want to book a gig in South Africa. Also looking for a good video editor if you can put together little one-minute videos for my special I'm looking for somebody who can do a highly skilled not a shit job I need a good job I got some other editing work too so reach out FitzDogradio at gmail.com also the special if you haven't seen it you know know me is on YouTube. It's got a half a million views now.

And tell your friends click on it again. Give it another watch. I appreciate that. Next week's show we're gonna have Howie Mandel will be on. And then we got Mark McGrath coming up, Adam Ray, Jeff Garland is gonna be a great month of shows leading into the holidays. Also San Francisco punchline this weekend, not this weekend, next weekend, December 5th and 6th, 5th through 7th, Cleveland, Hilarities, December 13 and 14, and then in January, Janesville, Wisconsin, Nyack, New York, Raleigh, North Carolina, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, February in Vegas, and Atlanta, and a lot of gigs coming up.

Tampa, La Jolla, Pittsburgh, Toronto. Go to FitzDog.com, get some tickets, come out, see some live comedy, and I think we're ready to go. All right, that's it. Here is my guest. You know him from all of his specials. He's got some of the best stand up specials that have been put out in the last 10 years. He's got a podcast called We Might Be Drunk with Mark Norman. And he's got a huge tour. I'm going to give out the Here is the great Sam Morell.

Welcome. Sam Morell's drinking from his Nick's Cop. Nothing but hope at this point in the season, I guess. Yeah, they'll figure it out. Where are they at now? They're they're just hovering over 500, depending on when this comes out, I guess. But yeah, yeah, they look it's just a lot of new players. They'll figure it out. Dude, how big of a thrill was it the first time? Because I've seen the clips of you being at MSG and they put you up on the scoreboard.

It's insane. I was like that's my goal in showbiz. I'm like just let me just get there. I'm kind of playing with house money now but yeah I was Mateo Lane, the comedian is my neighbor so we went to the other night and it's his first game. He's a Chicago guy and I'm like,, right, We're courtside and it really is like watching with a woman where he'd just be like, man, Josh Hart is hot. Yeah, if you have good seats, man, you really appreciate the physiques on these guys. I'm straight, but I remember seeing LeBron James up close and I was like, God damn, look at those calves. Jesus Christ.

He's ridiculous, yeah. And he's like 40, it's insane. This is when he should be declining. What's going on with his son? Has he played on the same court as LeBron at any point for the Lakers? Yeah, I was like, they did it for the story, but it's like he clearly shouldn't be there. Yeah. It's like, remember when you were starting out in comedy and there was like some showbiz guy's son on the open mic sheet and you're like, this dude's gonna fly by me, god damn it. But then in a few years they're not there.

They never are. I'm trying to think of, other than, I guess the Waynes brothers have had kids that have done okay, right? Well look, all of showbiz is nepotism, right? Yeah, but stand up is a different sport because you can't fake your way through stand up. You're either making it or not.

I think Michael Douglas' brother was a stand up and he killed himself. No, his son. It's hard. His son. Oh shit. He was awful. He was awful.

He was good at suicide. That was like the only thing he was really good at. He fucking, one and done. He did it. One and done. Perfect record. Damn. The worst is the guy that tries to kill himself and fails

and now he's in some kind of life support that the family has to take care of him because he didn't crack his head all the way. By the way, we're like three minutes into the podcast, we're on suicide. We're a good combo. Oh, I'm great at the algorithm. I make about $9 a month on YouTube. Well, to answer your question, yeah, Bronnie's in the G League right now and he's not even

doing well in the G League. I don't think an NBA player right now, we'll see. Yeah. Who knows but it's looking kind of rough. I'm trying to think have there other been what other sports has been been a father and son playing? Griffey Jr. and senior. I was gonna say yeah. The big one but they were both I mean junior was better and senior was really good. But I mean you don't want to be LeBron son and play mean, you don't want to be LeBron son and play basketball, do anything. Do you want to be, do you really want to be

Frank Sinatra Jr? Yeah. It's not a great life. It's not, look at Liza Minnelli, that didn't turn out too well. She had a run though. Yeah, but she's been on drugs her whole fucking life. I know.

Jesus Christ. She was great. I fucking love Arthur, dude. That's such a great movie. Yeah, and she she comes in my wife works at a podiatrist office and she's a patient and she comes in and her feet are fucked because she's yeah I don't think you're supposed to be saying this no I don't so what uh what do you think about Ellen leaving the country over the Trump election? I kind of respect it. I mean, finally someone is, uh, I was going to say a man of their word, I guess.

But, uh, a person of their word, because for how many years are celebrities like I'm out, I don't know. I mean, yeah. Yeah. Look, if you're going to leave, where'd you go? London? That's pretty good, right? Yeah, she went, not even London. No, she's out in like the middle of the country. She's down south

and like some, she's gonna destroy some cute little town where people used to drink tea and take walks a lot in those clunky shoes, you know. Oh, imagine her poor British butler that she's just gonna rip the shreds. It's gonna be the Ellen Staff all over again. She's just gonna cook them. I know, imagine her poor British butler that she's just gonna rip the shreds. It's gonna be the Ellen staff all over again. She's just gonna cook them. I know, but I think they're more used to it in England. I think they keep the stiff upper lip. You know, they got the palace guards, you know, where people fuck with them.

All the tourists fuck with them and they keep a straight face. Oh, I was one of them. I did it recently. No, you didn't! I did. It's on my Instagram. I did it.

I was like, let me see if I can tell my most offensive joke. And I was a little intimidated because no one was doing it. And I was like, shit. But I went up to him and I did my miscarriage baby joke. And I went up to him and he stomped on the punch line. And I was like, he really, that was like all he can do. You can't be like, fuck you, but you can stomp and like do your little march.

So that was his way of being like fuck off. Oh, that's amazing. So I, yeah, I was, I'm gonna be honest though, I was pretty nervous to do it. Well, that's the thing, those pranks always seem like a great idea until you actually have to be the douchebag in front of a bunch of people. And then you're glad you did it later because it looks good but like

Do you ever feel like that when you do those morning? TV shows when you're fucking with the hosts Sometimes there's been a couple times where It just doesn't work and now you're just the asshole who ruined a segment. It wasn't even funny Yeah, but because they have to kind of react if they just into segment it wasn't even funny. Yeah. But because they have to kind of react if they just even if they roll with it it's funny but if they are they're disgusted by it it's funny but if they kind of give me nothing it's just kind of like yeah it doesn't really work so yeah I've had a few that really the one

that people I seem to like the most I think was one was the Columbus human trafficking thing where I just kept pretending Columbus has a human trafficking problem and I could see it bothered him so I just kept going back to him and I was like man human trafficking he was like what are you talking about? And then he was like well how long have you been funny or something like that? I was like well there's nothing funny about human trafficking I just kept doing it to the point where they ended the interview early and then and then it cut to him going like I don't get what he's doing like I don't understand and and the female it's always the woman always

gets it and the dude never does yeah the dude is oh the dude always thinks he's like the funny guy that happened in Utah where like some guy came in the green room it's rare that now they kind of know I do it so some of them are cool and they're like well we'll play along yeah we won't right what some guy in Utah came in the green room and was like, I made Gary Veeder who towards me come with me because it gets awkward and I need a friend at this point there.

Because I describe it as like a bank robbery. I call an Uber as I'm going on to the set because I need a car waiting for me. You don't want a loiter. You got the lavalier mic on still and you're like, fucking, I'm going. I'm out, yeah. And this guy was like, so, you gonna fuck with me

on the segment? And he's like a clean cut Mormon guy, and I'm like, yeah, I am. And he goes, all right, we'll see. Like, he's kinda like fucking with me in the green room. I mean, he can act tough all he wants, but this is his job, I'm just passing through. So I can like, so of course I keep taking it further and Dude, I was as I'm leaving all the people were like, can we take a picture with you? We hate that guy.

Of course. Now the women if you next time you come through LA, you should do Fox News has their I think it actually might be an afternoon show. I can't remember if it's morning or afternoon. But three of the hottest women you've ever seen in your life and one of them, the hottest one has like the greatest sense of humor. I came in and I go, and I was looking off stage and they go, what are you looking for? I go, oh my, this is on the air.

I go, my agent's supposed to be coming. He's Lebanese. And I texted him like an hour ago. No, I paged him like an hour ago. But I haven't heard anything from him. I don't know what's going on. And like the two of them were like, well, maybe he's just running late.

And then the one really hot one was dying. How do you not get that? She's like, you don't get it. That's such a smooth joke, yeah. Yeah, and it happened. I did it like four days after the event. Yeah, I mean, that's what it's for, is to just, that's the only reason comedians like us

should be going on those shows, is to just burn a hole and make it weird. Yeah. And most of the time I'm just being myself,, just gonna cut everything but then it's also hard to get booked when you're like I'll only go on if it's live they're like what the fuck's he gonna do to us yeah yeah but but I did New York one which is like my hometown oh yeah and and it was like a 10-minute interview and I was kind of playing it you know somewhat straight and my friend went there after and she goes yeah they were really bummed you didn't fuck with them oh shit. I don't know what to do in a taped interview. I just assume they're gonna cut it. Yeah, I went on one in Cleveland. There's this guy in Cleveland who's,

he's very good looking and he's like, you know, funny, but he spit on me like while he was talking, like a big spit. And I go, dude, you just, like anybody else let it go, I was like dude, you just spit on me. And then he started laughing and then I started laughing and I gotta send you the tape. We laughed for like 90 seconds.

Like we just laughed harder and harder and harder and that was like the whole segment. I've had a couple of those, yeah. I actually, I actually went to the Knicks game the other night. I actually this is going to sound like a flex, but we were like so close to the freaking Bulls bench that I'm screaming. I'm a lunatic. Yeah.

So when it comes when it gets close to Nick, we're down like 18. They came all the way back and up losing. But during that run, I'm going nuts. And, you know, they're shooting free throws. I'm yelling like, fuck you. You suck. And I'm one of the guys like the 12th man on the Bulls bench this this Italian kid is like he goes you're spitting on me you're spitting on me really and I was like oh shit sorry I got what do you say yeah you were that

close that you could spin on I was screaming and then there's a guy behind me goes to the play goes goes, hey, shut up, you don't even play, and the guy goes, I play. It was just sad, I just felt like an asshole. I play, I love that. He's an NBA player, shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, he's like Potsy on Happy Days, that's before your time.

I don't get the reference, but it sounds like it makes sense. He was the player that like, he was always on the bench and then one day they they called him into the game and so he ripped off his sweats and he had his underwear on because he was so used to not playing that he never even bothered putting his shorts on so what about Matt gates what's your take on that? I mean, it must be not great if he's dropping out, right? Because they can't, I don't understand it fully,

but isn't it that they can't, if he drops out, they can't show the report, right? I think that's what it was. I think it's exactly like Trump trying to get elected so that they can't charge him. And Gaetz took, got gotta I said he pulled I said he pulled out which he's not used to doing unless there's a 17 year old girl with a Venmo account in the room oh yeah that's it's weird that they like

it's funny though like I guess you banged prostitutes back in the day there was no real paper trail but now you Venmo, it's right. Like he probably wrote like whore right in the description. You gotta know why. Well that happened. 17. I don't know if you remember Jerry, was it Jerry Springer? Who, he was in Cincinnati and he hired a prostitute

and he wrote her a check and he got busted for it. That's another way. Yeah. Damn, old school. Yeah. But it is amazing. This guy is being considered for, like, really maybe the most powerful job

besides the president in America. And he's, you know, repeatedly hired underage girls to do drugs with him and have sex. Well, it's not just him. It's like everyone. I feel like everyone appointed is associated with some sort of like sexual deviance. Even, what's her name, the WWE. Linda McMahon?

Who's her husband? Yeah, well, not only her husband, but did you hear about like that there was a referee who was accused of serially being a pedophile and they they always knew and then finally they fired him and then she hired him back and said just stay away from the boys and then he continued to do it like she's a nominee what yeah and also I mean I read about some of the stuff she did it's like she had these programs

Or it's like you you get wrestlers to go into the schools and it's called like get real or something I teach kids about respect and I'm like how fucking bad are the schools that they're like send an undertaker He'll handle the kids It's it's ridiculous. So Yeah, I mean, just being, look, she's got like a Hillary Clinton thing where she's just married to a terrible person forever. Right.

But she, except Hillary like accomplished shit on her own. I feel like, what is Linda, I know she's like, look, Trump loves loyalty. She's been loyal to him forever. That's kind of the name of the game is if you're loyal. I mean, the other guy, like, did you see the clip of Pete Hegseth on so see the guy with the white nationalist tattoos? I don't know about that. Does he? I know he was like an

Iraq vet. Okay. He's uh I met him once and he was like years ago and he was like I really like your stuff and I was like flag, you shouldn't be involved in anything. But yeah, he had this. God, what was he nominated for again? It was for something. Was it exactly it was defense? Yeah. There's this viral clip. You've got to look this up on Fox News where this probably isn't his fault.

But the fact that he's throwing an axe, like axe throwing outside Fox News, and it's like, there's no like, you're just in the street. He's throwing an axe, and he misses, and it goes over the thing, and it comes like an inch from killing a guy. No! There's a guy playing drums, it goes into his drum, and I'm like, this is the guy you've nominated for Secretary of Defense. There is video footage of him almost murdering a civilian by just being an idiot. Yeah, no, I think he's tatted up. He's got some far-right tattoos, I think. I don't know. I get all my

facts. I don't know. Yeah, well, yeah, I saw the I mean, it's funny all the people nominated. It's like, of all the people nominated, you're like, well, rfk, at least he's fit, you know? Yeah. Yeah, he's got brain worms. He's got brain worms. And it's like not a natural whatever he's doing a natural. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he's like 70 something and he is like he looks like he's in the WWE. He's shredded. I know he's shredded. And I think he works out at my gym. I belong to Gold's gym in Venice and I think,

I know Schwarzenegger still works out there but I think RFK's in there a lot also. I can see that he's fucking, he's too yoked. Cheryl Hines better look out before he Chris Benoit's her. I mean, this is some dangerous Royds he's taking. Oh yeah, he's definitely on Roy. Everybody is, every, like, Roy's definitely on Royce. Everybody is. Royce has become the new vitamin supplement.

People are just openly taking them. Yeah, I'm sure those wrestlers were on a ton of other stuff, but they didn't have a great life expectancy. No. There was a stretch where it was like Rick Rude, you know, Chris Benoit, all these dudes, Mr. Perfect, they're all just dropping. And yeah, right. I would I would probably I'm sure they were doing a ton of other shit, painkillers, all that other stuff.

But did you see the series, the docu-series about the W.V.I.V.I.N.C. McMahon? I loved it. But my buddy, Mike Mike Lawrence is a diehard wrestling fan. So I'm like, wow, that was crazy. And Mike is like, they didn't go deep enough. Yeah, of course, of course. But yeah, Vince, you know, murder adjacent, done all this crazy shit, grew that creepy ass mustache.

He looks like a fucking, he looks like Rob, what's his name, Goulet, the Vegas singer at this point? Robert Goulet, yeah, with the fake tan and the, yeah, and probably a toupee. But it was so weird. I had no idea that like he dragged his, he beat up his son. He, you know, called his wife, called his daughter a whore. His son is, like, he's not trailer trash. This is a billionaire son jumping off. Like, this is what he has to do to get a hug. I know. And then he doesn't get the hug.

Then Vince gives it to his daughter instead. It was like kind of like trashy or succession. Oh, totally. It was totally succession. Yeah. Yeah. And she actually seems sharp. If Trump had nominated the daughter

I would be like, all right, maybe, but not the wife. Yeah, she does seem sharp and she's got his ruthlessness, which you kind of need. He just knew how to... I mean, they took everyone. WCW took everyone from him and he just and he was like I'll just create this and he wouldn't pay them more she's like I'll just create a cool storyline and that was really the him and all part of it yeah it was like if a play is three acts like act three was just like anybody else would have gone like alright I'm worth a billion let me get some golf clubs and he's into

hookers whatever enjoy his life and he just dug in I mean that's the thing about certain people and you know we know them as comics and you're you know you're a very successful comic and you definitely grind like you really earn it and then you got guy then you get the arena guys like Burt, where you go like, this guy would be the CEO of a major company if he wasn't a comedian. You know? And he's got that dig in, like he digs in. And in the same way that you do,

like there's like, there's something about it that's not even about the money. It's just about, you know, winning. It's a competitiveness. And working and being busy. Like I get that. Bird is like, that tour he does, the Fully Loaded, is like, it's set up the way, like he's like, I want it to be feel great all day. We're gonna do fun shit all. It's like summer camp for adults. He brings a portable sauna and cold plunge in the bus. I'm like, who the fuck are you, dude? Like this is an it's amazing. I mean, I love it. He brings

dumbbells. He's got a personal trainer. We're working out during the day. We're getting drunk at night. We're performing. And I was like, this is kind of, I guess how you do it. This is kind of the best. I did one I did one where we woke up in upstate New York somewhere and there was a there was a giant kennel of puppies it was like a fenced in thing with like 15 puppies in it you just sat there playing with them. I'm like why are you doing this to us? So we just leave these fucking puppies?

Yeah yeah That was brutal but uh oh dude I was on on the bus with Burt, Big J, and Dan Soder. That was the one where Bobby Lee, the first night Bobby and I were having so much fun, and that night, he, I guess, was mad. He was in the top bunk, which I was too. I don't like, I hate the top bunk.

And Bobby's, you know, like 50-something. He falls off and cracks his face and has to leave the tour. Oh, right. And no one knows, we're on this group thread, no one knows he's going through this shit. So he's just like, my face, I felt, we think he's being Bobby,

he shows a picture of his face fucked up, we think he's being silly. And the one person who answers is Kyle Kanane who's coming in he just like zings him and meanwhile he had to go to the hospital and the comedians were the fucking worst and leave the tour and he was like devastated he was so he like wasn't answering my text he was like really upset and then finally he did but then yeah I mean we just like it was so fun I mean what other crazy shit did you guys do during the day we played we did batting practice at the Savannah

bananas ballpark nice we did we did surfing I've never surfed in my life in the city heck so that was cool and then was it a surf pool or was it in the ocean it was in the ocean and Daytona Beach. Oh wow. It was pretty cool. Damn. How'd you get up? I got up like in the first like couple times yeah. Damn. I'm not I'm definitely not good at it but I got lucky early on. Yeah. And and Bird is like pretty good at every sport. Yeah. But yeah what else? We did a ton. Man I they were Soder and Jay were just pulling. We were just all kind of fucked up on the bus and Soder and Jay keep pulling up

like these weird clips of just weird people and we all kind of taking turns share and I shared just like they're all the clips. Everyone's laughing at and then I pulled up a clip. I'm like Sam. I pull something up and like oh, it's Orson Welles telling this story about meeting church. I think it's like the funniest story and they all just kind of they were all like fucked up they just like stared at me

like they didn't they were like what it was like a two-minute build-up to for this punchline and they were just like huh I just like ruined I ruined everyone's yeah yeah no he looked at Mike Lawrence and I said to each other like we're like obsessed with Orson Welles, we think he's hilarious. So I thought they would die, but they were like, Norman loves it too. So I was like, ah, they'll love it. Isn't there a clip of him drunk doing a commercial for wine or something? Dude, it's end of his life is the funniest shit you've ever seen because he's just like he's this genius who has just got fucked over by the system so he's so angry and he's doing these weird he's doing commercials for like peas or for for wine and yeah yeah doing this French champagne Paul Mason and by take fours like Paul

Mason is a good wine and he's just bomb and he's so fat at that point yeah I mean dude and he's yelling at the copywriter because he doesn't like the alliteration. He's like, why would you say PPP three words in a row? This is garbage. Oh, dude, that's the whole thing. He's a genius. But Hollywood just turned their back.

And the fucked up thing is they gave him this, like, lifetime achievement Oscar. Yeah. No one would give him work. So why don't you think they were giving him work because his movies were almost too smart and too good yeah and and all they care about everyone acts like it's new that they just care about making money but he had you know I guess a few bombs he

wanted to make like Shakespeare and stuff yeah I mean Citizen Kane wasn't a big commercial hit it was oh is that right no it was afterwards and he nearly got ruined by he was you know it was about William Randolph Hearst yeah and William Randolph Hearst hated it like he was like of course he owned he owned all the papers so he was like fuck trash this guy in the papers I'm gonna destroy this guy because he was mad they were making this movie based on him and then he took it too far he called him a commie and that's when the like a couple other papers were like this guy's a fucking tyrant fuck him yeah

so that was the only reason Citizen Kane even really survived but pretty ballsy of the studio to even go forward with it knowing you had to know that was gonna happen yeah and it was his first movie they just gave him all it was a different time he just got complete creative control he wrote directed and starred in his first movie dude I think he was 24 years old 24 or 25 he was crazy young yeah and he's and he's playing an old man in it too. Like it's insane. It is one of the most, if you re-watch this movie, it's like fucking, it's insane. It's the most ambitious thing ever and he makes it work

and it's like, oh dude, he had all these great movies that just, like Touch of Evil, Charlton Heston is playing a Mexican. It's ridiculous. It's like, you're like, wait, watching it now, you're like, this is the dumbest fucking, it's still a great movie, but the casting choice, Yeah, the stuff just wasn't making money. So he was like, I'll go to Europe where I'm loved and he would just get investors to give him money to make these tiny projects. Have you been in any movies?

No, not really. I had a bit of Pardon the Joker and I had... Oh yeah, that's right. It's always just like comedian or something. No, not really. You're a comedian on stage in it? Yeah, I'm a comedian on stage in the background and then Norman and I wrote a movie, we'll see. It's such a long process, man. You're just waiting and waiting and waiting.

Yeah, I know. And the stuff that gets made is so like cookie cutter now. They really want they you know they're back to rom-coms and I think it'll switch yeah yeah it's got to I mean I think it's gonna switch when people start putting stuff out directly to there's got to be a new movie channel that funds indie films like going back to like what it was like in the in the early 90s When you were making a hundred thousand dollar movies, dude, you're so right, you know, those were those are like all my some of my favorite movies 90s is such an underrated decade. Yeah, so many good fucking movies. I want that I'd never seen called bound with Jennifer

Taylor. Oh, yeah, and of course, that's a That's a great movie. Sexiest shit, that lesbian scene is insane. Oh my God, but on top of that it's a great movie. I looked it up, I was like, oh I thought this was just like a hot movie, I didn't know it was actually good. Yeah, yeah. Just like indie movies like that, they were clearly low budget.

Dude, that's the dudes, now women, who made The Matrix made that movie. Oh no shit, really? Brothers then, now sisters, who made The Matrix, made that movie. The Waposky brothers then, now sisters, yeah. Oh, wow. Both of them became women. And yeah, that movie, but like Simple Plan, like Sam Raimi, like movies like that from the 90s, they're fucking great.

Oh yeah, like Chasing Amy and Yeah, I like that one. Brothers McMullen was pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Burns. Yeah, the Burns Brothers. I wanna ask you some questions. I came up with a list of questions to ask you.

Ask away. Well, I wanna know about, like, rank the burros in New York. Because you're a New Yorker. You're one of the rare breeds that actually was born and grew up in New York. So like, I know like the Beastie Boys had that album of the five burros, I think it was called. And they served you some. Brooklyn Bronx Queen and Staten. Yeah, of course.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So how would you rank them? What order? I mean, for me, it's prettyies. So how would you rank them? What order? I mean, for me it's pretty easy. Manhattan is one for me. That's where I was born. That's where I live.

Brooklyn is an easy two because it's just such a big borough. There's so much to it. There's so many different parts of Brooklyn. Like you have so many, I mean, a lot of people Brooklyn won probably just due to the size. Yeah, but Queens three Bronx force Staten Island five, but that's no that's no knock on Staten Island. Like they're all good boroughs. You tell me what's good about that. I mean, I'm pretty naive.

I've been to Staten Island three times in my life. Like the food is good. Yeah, Italian food. Yeah, of course. I mean, great food. I'm not gonna lie to you, and actually I spend time there, but every time I've been there,

I've been like, yeah, this is solid. I mean, I get the allure. Chris DiStefano was living there for a while, and he drove me crazy, because he'd be like, come do my podcast. What'd it take you, 20 minutes to get here? Try an hour 20. Right, right.

Dude, there used to be a gig there called grandpas. And and it was and it was owned and run by Grandpa Munster, the guy who played Grandpa Munster on the Munsters. And he and he would like, not only did he make you get there like an hour just back when you're like begging for pay get this was like a road gig, you know, I'm going to Staten Island. And you'd have to get there an hour early which meant like you said leaving two hours two and a half hours before and then you took the ferry and then he would make all the acts stay to the end because he was really into a curtain

call so you'd all have to do a curtain call then you're racing for the ferry after that to get home again oh god god. The crowds were brutal. I did one there. I forgot the name of the club there but it was like a known club there and it was just a hell gate. It was awesome. Yeah. But I've also had good sets there. I mean you know. But yeah Bronx you have the Yankees. You have also good food. It's New York. You can get good food wherever you go. I feel like the Bronx is still not getting its due. I was born in the Bronx. I lived there for the first like six years of my life. Both my parents are from the Bronx. But I was in Throgs Neck and like that whole area, the east side of the Bronx, is

actually really fucking cool. There's like really intact kind of like turn of the century neighborhoods where there's the butcher and the cheese shop and you know, like real New York coffee shops that are still like run by Greeks, you know? And I don't know, there's something really charming about like... You're in a time machine almost. It's almost like, it's like, I know what you mean.

I feel like, I feel like every time I've been to Staten Island too, you're just like, you're in a grocery store, you just hear like, you know, Frankie Valley's playing, you it's like, I know you mean I feel like I feel like every time I've been to Staten Island to you're just like you in a grocery store. You just hear like, you know, Frankie Valley's playing you just like I feel like I feel like eggs should be like $1.99. You know, exactly. Right. Yeah, I think if I went if I was gonna move back to my my aunt, well, my wife's aunt died, my mother and my wife's mother

went to the same high school in the Bronx, they went to St. Benedict's together. Isn't that fucking crazy? That is crazy. We only realized that like years later. And, and she knew my aunt, my mother-in-law knew my aunt. But, you know, so she had a house that we just sold, she passed away. And it was a fucking fucking great house and it's three stories with a great basement little backyard You know that like the last stop on the sixth train is like right there You can take the train into the city and and everybody's super friendly. It's like a student It's like a stoop neighborhood people sit on the stoops and hang out

My brother's kind of got that going where he's like way deep in Brooklyn, but he's got he's like last train last stop off the end. But then he's also got I mean, he has he drives he could take the bike. He takes a bike into the city. Does he really? Yeah, I would never do it. But yeah, he does that shit all the time. And he Yeah, I mean, it's a nice life life they got a they had a nice situation and they're right yeah park right yeah my brother's out on the other side of Prospect Park and he he rides the bike in and he's got a crew of friends he said forever yeah it's cool

where do you live downtown? I'm in the village I'm like walking I'm like a walk a five minute walk to the Comedy Cellar. So which airport do you like to fly out of? They all kind of LaGuardia or Newark but yeah JFK JFK fucking sucks. It sucks. It's JFK is like our LAX. LAX is I would say the worst airport ever but JFK is pretty bad. Yeah my wife came to get me I flew by I had a sweet gig last night I was at Tempe improv for the weekend but the Sunday night show. I've never been there dude. I always do stand-up live I've never I've never done Tempe but I heard Tempe is sick. It's sick it's great but the best part is the

Sunday night show was at six o'clock so I got off stage and I went to the airport and I flew home in a nine o'clock flight it was sweet and then my wife picked me up at the airport it took her an hour to get into once she got to the airport it took another 45 minutes to pick me up and you know it's Thanksgiving week but still crazy yeah I did I did hilarities over the weekend we it was that's such a great club and I'm there in two weeks I love it yeah yeah name yeah yeah and the best part is like the food is outstanding it's one of the few comedy clubs you look forward to the meal so good yeah I was eating like you should you're ordering like a fucking salmon you know I got a wall crusted

walleye I'm like this is ridiculous yeah you eat, I got a wall, a crusted walleye, I'm like, this is ridiculous. Yeah. You eat so many, we did three shows on Saturday, so I was like, I'm stuffing my face. You did three shows? I, I shouldn't do it, but I'm kinda like, fuck, I don't know, I'm working on stuff anyway, I'm building back up anyway, so I'm like, what the hell?

Damn. What is that, did you hang out with the owner, Nick Costas? Was he around? Of course, yeah. He made it super dark. I mean, pulling the thing Nick does, he'll tell a story about someone dying. I'm like, I just got here.

Give me a minute. Yeah, right, right. But no, I love Nick. I love Nick. Yeah, we hung a lot. We were talking just comedy. He's talking about how much he loved Richard Jenney. I love Richard Jenney.

Oh, yeah. I love Richard Jenney. Jenney's one of the of the most I think underrated comics of all time like of all time yeah he did specials every I think his specials were on Showtime so people didn't see them as much as like the HBO specials is that right or we so I don't know I don't know I think he did some HBO ones I I usually listen to him just on audio and stuff. He's such a good joke writer. Sometimes with jokes I just like to listen. Well he was a sick joke writer but he was also physically he was so precise. Like if you saw him do a show three times and if he said the word skateboard his fingers were in the same spot, his arm was at the same length, and he was like a dancer. He like were in the same spot. His arm was at the same length and

he he was like a dancer. He like moved around the stage. He was amazing. He had one of my favorite jokes because you know the difference between Charles Manson and every woman I've ever dated is Charles Manson had the decency to look like a lunatic when you first meet him. That is fucking great. That's amazing. Yeah he got he got bummed out at the end. Things were slowing down for him and he got bummed out. It's just like show business tough. I think he could have had a resurgence because he was so beloved by. Yeah, I mean, shit. I mean, Rogan loves him. That's a guy that would like propped him up. You know, so many comics I tell I feel like I feel like he was like shiml shiml was the same way yeah I could see that you know to my favorites to watch for sure I mean they just went on the road they they didn't you know other than platypus man was a sitcom that lasted like half a season like neither one of them got any

time on TV or film they just hit the road like 40 weeks a year every year Isn't it funny that that's kind of now the dream though to be able to do the road and stuff Yeah, and in the 90s though They were like the road. This is like the sad thing, but no it was it's kind of great Yeah, I guess the money is better on the road now, but I remember when I met David Letterman. He was just kind of like He's like you wait you put out specials for free I don't under he like he couldn't understand why I would do that and I was like right well you know it helps the road and that was kind of the goal is to make things better on the road yeah he

was just like I we didn't do that was for us it was to get on TV and I was like I is different ages yeah well I also think the road is a lot more livable because now you got an agent and a manager they're doing you know there's there's better flights there's a limo picking you up like it's there's a process because these clubs are used to people coming in every week and they're the hospitality end of it is really good you know and there's good restaurants in every city now and phones. I mean that's a big thing about like if you want to call a friend back in the day, how much you racking up on a long

distance bill. I remember talking to Judy Gold about that and she was like, you guys don't fucking understand. It was so lonely. Yep. Now you couldn't use the hotel phone No, you couldn't use the hotel phone because as long as you go to the pay phone you'd get a calling card and then you know as far as TV there was like five channels. There was no fucking streaming. You find out you missed a gig you're like De Niro and Goodfellas just smacking a fucking phone in the booth. Yeah man, the pager. Had that pager going. Did you really have the pager had that pager going did you really have a pager then yep 7803279 I that's how I got all my gigs on the pager and then you always walked around the city with a pocketful of quarters say it became 35 cents after a while which really pissed you off then you need the dimes also and

then when you then you call in your avails and so you'd have to like you'd have to have a pocketful of coins to call because I was doing Boston so I was leaving a ball of ales in Boston and and New York every week it was brutal yeah I remember the phone avails I mean it must have been so much better if you're writing though that you're not just constantly staring at a phone, but meanwhile, there weren't the means to put out this level of content because you can't just upload stuff to YouTube.

You can't just do a podcast. You can't just, so your brain is probably sharper, but I guess you just wrote. I guess you just had hours of material that's yeah like that type of comic yeah and when you and you were you were listening to your sets on like a cassette tape recorder you know these big bulky cassette tape recorders and yeah I just remember like being in being in the hotel room for the weekend, there was no TV to watch,

there was no phone to be on, so I would like take baths. That was my thing, is I'd record my set, then the next day I'd take a bath, and I'd listen to my recorder with a notebook on the side of the bathtub, and I would like tweak every fucking word. Like if something was a little bit different, I made a note of it and I did it differently that night.

I look at my stand up in my first 12 years and it's so much tighter than it is now. Yeah, of course. I also think there's something to like a comics early work where there's this sense of urgency and desperation. Like this has to work. I have to, your first act, I mean think about when you're doing like a corporate or something, how often a college or something like that where you just have to find a way to connect something about that first hour is so uh universal because you had to get work with that hour and then you kind of become more

you and you and you want to feel like something is lost like it is good to become more and more you but you don't become too indulgent or you become kind of just like not that relatable. Yeah I know there's a few comics that have got like that that I used to really enjoy and I still respect them but I don't like I scroll past their posts now I just go like I know what it's gonna be I know what exactly it's gonna be. Leaving jokes what exactly it's gonna be. But I remember. Leaving jokes is so important. I remember like the first special like so obsessed with tape night.

Like all right, I'm gonna get up, I'm gonna work out early so I'm not too tired. I'm gonna have only protein. I'm gonna fucking brush my teeth at this time. You know, it's like I'm gonna press my clothes the night before. Like every detail was just so thought out. Because like you said, it could not go wrong.

I see that. Sometimes I see younger comics and I'm a little envious of that feeling. Even though I'm glad I'm not. Look, I still get nervous. It's not like I don't still get nervous, but there's something really cool when you see a young comic

and they're just hungry and they're fighting. I see it at the cellar, I see some of the new guys and they're excited and they should be because they got all this fun stuff ahead of them. So it's cool. Yeah, you know who I like watching? He was just out in LA last week. Was that kid from SNL, Marcelo?

Dude, he's funny. He's really funny. Dude, he's funny as shit. And he's so charismatic. Oh man I just did a show so there's these one like some New York shit. There are these guys I'm actually wearing a Peter Luger hat right now because there's these guys who do a show they do a show at Peter Luger. No shit really? They do all the New York all the New York spots. So they do, I did one at Paragon Sports, I did one at Peter Luger.

Oh, so pop-up shows. Pop-up shows, but they're usually really good shows. Usually, I've had, Peter Luger was great to the point that we got Bodega Cat, me and Norman's Whiskey's at Peter Luger now, which is hilarious. No! It's crazy, we're at the strip house, Peter Luger, we're getting in all the cool spots, which is amazing. So we go to Katz's Deli to do a pop-up show and I keep getting fucking it's one of those things where the show is at 10 and I just keep they're

like you'll be on by 11 and I'm like alright but I'm like so they're like we should feel so bad like it's running late but here have a sandwich I'm like alright so now I'm like feeling like a piece of shit I'm drinking my own whiskey with doing pickle backs with their pickle juice, you know? And then Louie, I saw Louie at the cellar. He's like, I'm doing the show too. I'll see you over there. I'm going after you.

I think I was like, oh great. So Louie goes in and I guess he thought I went on already. He just goes on. He didn't come to the green room or anything. He's like, oh, I'm next. And he does like 30. So I'm like, fuck, this is really getting pushed back. Yeah, then then Marcelo and I are the only one left and he's like I got to shoot a thing at 6 a.m

Tomorrow. I'm like go ahead go ahead He was nice about it, but like yeah, you know, I'm like fuck and then he goes along and I'm like god damn it Yeah, and then it's like before I know it it's like 1207 or something and you're in a deli. I'm in a deli. Oh, I fucking hate it. I hate it it's like 1207 or something and you're in a deli I'm in a deli oh I fucking ate it I ate it so hard dude that and I ate it on a full stomach of two fucking cats of sandwiches I hated myself so much you're buzzed you feel guilty that you drank yeah yeah but what a lineup Jesus Christ how much they paying for those gigs I don't remember they're generous it was I I mean, and they don't announce you, which is awesome.

You know, they pack them out. Yeah. But they're generous. But I forgot what it was, but those crowds can be really cool young people, or those young people that are like, I'm like, shit, they think I'm a, it's one of those rooms where you have to be conscious

of how likable you are. Yeah. Where I'm like, shit, I opened with a joke that they're gonna think is mean too early. I talk to Gary Veeder about this all the time on the road where Gary has a lot of jokes shitting on his wife and they'll be like, and he's like, I love her. They're jokes, you idiots.

And they're not even that harsh, but I think people feel weird laughing sometimes. And it's like, all right, gotta open extra self self deprecating so they're comfortable laughing at these you know. No it really is I struggle with that because I get invited to do show like I won't go to Los Feliz I won't go to any of those like Echo Park anything in East the East side of Hollywood where it's really precious even that like I live in Venice I won't do shows in Venice because it is like you said, if you're not likable and you're not relatable and you're not self-deprecating,

then they just feel like they just get injured and then I get so fucking mad. The second I sense that from them, then I feel self-conscious and I feel old and I feel irrelevant and I do a horrible fucking set and I just can't put, I can't put myself through that shit anymore I really just want to work the main clubs in LA yeah I feel that way too but then sometimes I go back and forth I'm like

fuck am I not really I want to be relatable I want yeah people so I struggle with that because I do want to do all the shows but fuck I have a joke I think it's funny it bombs so fucking hard in this room where I said, I think I put it too early, where I was like, my girlfriend's always complaining what a mess my place is. She's like, you're such a slob, why don't you get a housekeeper? And I said, the same reason I don't get a prostitute,

you're crushing it, you know? And silence from a big fucking room. And that's one where you're like, oh shit, I guess I gotta cushion these jokes. Clearly that's a silly you're like oh shit I guess I got a cushion these jokes yeah silly joke but uh yeah man so I know I I agree with you and I disagree because I'm like shit I just go back and forth yeah no I do too and then once in a while I slip and I go all right fuck it I'll do it and it can be magic like it can be a very like if you get

them right out of the gate like Largo in LA is like that like Largo can be a little bit well it's just there's like an agenda of what they like you know and look Bill burgo is there and he kills he loves it there so but Bill kind of likes a fistfight he kind of likes it when they just... On and off stage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So let me ask you this. Rank the suburbs, Long Island, Westchester, and Jersey. Geez, I mean Jersey is a state so that's tough. Yeah, but you know what I mean. Like the parts of Jersey that are suburbs of New York. Jeez, it's so hard.

I feel like more of my family in Long Island, so I probably would lean Long Island one. But just because I'm more used to it. But I don't really know. I don't spend time, I'm always in the city or the road, so I don't really spend time there. So I would probably go Long Island. I guess I gotta go Jersey and then Westchester Westchester just feels why do you like Westchester? I'm from Tarrytown. Fuck I do like Tarrytown all right. Do you do the

musical? I've done it yeah it's great. Yeah it's great. I did it with Adele back in the day and I remember leaving there he was so funny and he was just such a bad mood and I remember leaving and he's like oh I'm such a fucking hack and I was just like dude you're the best like yeah you're all of our favorites and I go yeah I'm funnier than you guys but uh oh my god he makes me feel so to this day like I saw him the other night and I'm like I feel so fucking unfunny after like he's so good. Yeah He had some new shit that I was like, are you fucking kidding me? And of course, he's not happy about it Uh-huh. I love him. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I do I do like that area. Okay, maybe

Maybe I'll put them too. I just I'm thinking in sports terms because a jersey Yeah, fuck maybe I mean, you know what fuck it actually that's West Chester is closer to the city Maybe I'll put them too. I'm thinking in sports terms because of Jersey. Fuck, maybe, I mean you know what, fuck it actually. Westchester's closer to the city. So I'm gonna go Westchester one. And I'm gonna do a complete reverse. Westchester one, Long Island two. Because like, Terrytown's like what,

20 minutes from the city? 20 minutes from the city and we're on the Hudson River where we used to swim when I was a kid. Hudson's beautiful. You got like and the best thing is like Long Island you got one fucking road in and out LIE and it's a parking lot. If you're in Westchester you got the Bronx River Parkway, you got the Sawmill, you got the Cross Bronx, you got the Taconic. There's so many ways into the city. Yeah, I've done, I'm thinking Jersey and like, I don't really know, see I think,

other than the comedy clubs, I don't know it that well. Do you do the Stress Factory in New Brunswick? A million times. That is always a story. You come back from that club with a story every time. Yeah, Vinny's out of his mind, but I love him. And yeah, I mean, it's, I always, I love the room. The room is just kinda, like I do better in that room

with my jokes than they deserve to do, I feel like. They, you get like a little bump because of how on top of each other, last time I was there, my buddy Dennis showed up just fucking wasted. My childhood friend, his dad used to, his dad was like a giant party animal. He loved it.

I mean, he passed away a while back, but Dennis is there, so I'm like, can I tell a story about your dad? And he's in the crowd, and he's like, yeah. So I'm like, all right, I'm telling this story. He used to get us fucked up when we were kids, and we would go to the bar with him. We'd be like 18 or something, and we walked in. I remember one night, we must have been like 1920 or whatever,

and we walk into a bar, and his dad would just walk up he walked up to this hot older woman he was like lady what I would give to fuck you up the ass and we were like oh my god what the hell is he doing even then we're like Jesus Christ so I walked up to and I was like I'm so sorry about that he's a fucking asshole and she and and she goes finally a gentleman and and behind her he's a fucking asshole. And she goes, finally, a gentleman. And behind her, he's doing this. He was trying to set us up. He's being a piece of shit so we look good.

And I ended up hooking up with that woman. No. Yeah, because she blew me. He didn't get her in the ass though. He was trying to get you in the ass. He was trying to get in the ass. But he was like that type of dude that was just outrageous. He did have a good heart and that's awesome

Surprisingly had a good heart after all the cocaine he did but in the end Did you ever get hurt from drinking like while you were drunk? injured nothing horrible I When I was like really young, you know like minor fights, but like I couldn't fight so that they ended pretty quickly. So that was the- But you seem like you drink, but you're a good drunk. That's the only way I can keep going,

is because I don't get that drunk anymore. I'll just, you know, I'll get like a buzz on, but like it takes the joy out of it when you get really fucked up, you know? Like the last time I got really fucked up was on Burt's cooking show with Rick Flair And it was like it was all I don't remember anything I saw Jim Norton the next night at the cell or like the next week at the cellar and he was like He was like dude. What a nice voice mode you and Bert left me and I was like no idea what you're talking about

He played it for me. It was fucking brutal. Yeah, like just just bird night making no sense but being like, oh we fucking love you Jim You're fucking awesome. But I don't enjoy getting that fucked up. I got it. It's not worth it for me I don't like losing a whole day, but I do like I do love There's nothing like the wind hitting your face in the in the winter leaving a bar Yeah, with a nice buzz. He had a few whiskeys. I love that. Right. And when you do We Might Be Drunk, are you guys drinking every episode? Not every episode because sometimes we'll have a sober guest on and we don't want to, you know, we kind of just try to do whatever they do. Right. Yeah, I think we've had drinks with people who don't drink on before. Yeah, we just did one with

Hasan Minhaj and he's like, we were drinking and he was like, oh, I don't drink. And I was like, oh, I heard you like banana stuff. We're doing like a banana Manhattan. And he's like, I like fifth drinking buddy off, like we don't drink that much together anymore off the podcast because we're just never around but I mean he's like one of my favorite people to drink with that that's how the pod started he's just a we're both good drunks we just get more and more positive I think when we get drunk yeah yeah so it's it's easy so do you feel like your friendship is closer because you're like when you drink you're a little more like you said you're a little more emotional and like yeah yeah but no one likes a really emotional drunk that guy's too the guy who's like you're my best friend dude I'm like you I'm like we barely know each other that's the weird drunk where you're like yeah god the guy who takes

it up it's almost like the it's almost like you're like fuck this is like how women feel there's like a little uncomfortable yeah yeah it's also pushing this on me you also get that after shows when somebody comes out. And like this happened to me two nights ago in Tempe and this guy comes out and he's like super alpha male. He's got on like an IZOD shirt and his hair is like a little bit. And he comes up and he grabs my hand

like hard handshake with the pull in, with the Trump pull in. And then he's like, he's's like you're fucking great man that and I said to him I go look dude I'm gonna need you to take one step back you know like this is too intense yeah I said this is a little intense I need you to take it down a notch and oh yeah it's like no he's oh yeah totally good that's the thing I find that if you put up boundaries with people that are obnoxious They totally respond to them because they just like they kind of know Yeah, you know, yeah

I had a friend bring a friend over to my place recently and his friend is a lot like it's one of like He's kind of like, you know And you have your limit to what your friend can be, and then they have their limit, and they bring them over, and the guy's just obnoxious. He just says shit, and he like blames it, he keeps blaming it on autism. I'm like, no, I think he's rude. I think he seems confident.

I don't think this is what autism is. He's like, no, he's autistic. I'm like, he's very confident. He's looking me in the eye. He's insulting like everything. He's just a weird dude, but yeah, he was drunk, and he keeps trying to talk about the Middle East, and I'm like, we don't even know each other. and Do you think Mark Norman has a you think he's on the spectrum I Think he can't help himself. I don't think he's on this look. We're all on a spectrum I guess right I think mark is I think he's fine I think he's just I mean he I only say cuz he's mentioned it in his act like he's he's made a joke about I think

He thinks he is I don't think I think I would argue he's not because yeah, I think he his social skills are too good He's I just think his brain works so fast That he seems like he has something, you know, he's got that rain man ability to like put thoughts together Yeah, I think he can't help himself like he can't stop the words that are coming out of his mouth and time But I don't think that means he's autistic. I think he just words that are coming out of his mouth and time but I don't think that means he's autistic I think he just because he's also very if you just get him one on one too he's very skilled socially like he's a very yeah right and he's and I think he does you know yeah I would say I don't think he is because I know

autistic people and I think it's much more I guess there's a spectrum but the ones I know it's much more severe than what he has. Is he your eulogy guy? If you die, is he the guy doing your eulogy? I hope not. He's gonna plug tour dates at the end. I got four tonight at the stand. Oh god, he's gonna kill me. Comedy. Gonna miss him I don't know that's hilarious all right speaking of tour dates I'm gonna read some of yours Jesus Christ it sounds like you're doing some clubs to get the set together and then

you're doing a run of theaters yeah I can get by right now doing new stuff. But it's like, you know, you just want to make sure it's airtight for when you when you when you hit it that hard. Yeah, so so the club dates are San Antonio, January 3 and 4, Cincinnati, January 10 and 11. Pittsburgh, we do doing the Pittsburgh improv. Yeah, that's a that's a it. That's a down-and-dirty club You got to earn it there. I like yeah, yeah January 23rd to 25th and then Charlotte after that and then the tour starts

Richmond Philly DC Bethlehem Tulsa Austin Houston Memphis New Orleans Knoxville Nashville I mean, it's just it goes on New Orleans, Knoxville, Nashville. I mean, it's just, it goes on and on. I mean, they're coming to your city now, or it will be in the fall, but I'm hitting like, at least, I think it's like 48 cities in a few months. So, some of them are dead. Are you taking a tour bus?

The whole time, except for the first few days, it's a tour bus, so that'll be interesting to see how that works. Have you done that before? We did it on a few runs last year, I loved it. I mean everyone thinks that you know comedians party super hard but we were like pretty disciplined. I mean we drank pretty much every night but you know and by we I mean me and my tour manager Brian and James who films. Gary doesn't drink but you know we I just get a

bunch of DVDs. We watch some movies on there, we drink some whiskey, we wake up, we find a rec center, we play ball, and then get breakfast. And then we, I love the tour bus because you just have a day in that city, you don't have to travel all day. Yeah, you don't have to pack and unpack, your shit is already in the bus. And then, and then, where do you shower? Either the rec center or the where the venue will have a shower sometimes. And usually they have a shower. Do you ever have to rent the hotel room for showers? I haven't but Ari told me he does that he's done that before. So I haven't it

hasn't come to that because we just my tour manager is thorough and great. So he knows where there's going to be a shower. yeah if the if the venue doesn't have it we'll just most it's the thing with the South and the Midwest and stuff all these new rec centers these government funded ones are like gorgeous they know shit really we go we go to like the Y or whatever and there'd be a sauna or a steam room there and I'd be like where the fuck was this? I love the Y. The Y is the YMCA and AAA are the last two American institutions that I can get behind. It's AAA man you call you don't know because you don't have a car but

like my whole life you call AAA they're there in fucking 10 minutes the guys are friendly they know what they're doing it costs like 99 bucks a year it's great yes same with though I mean I used to go to the rec center in the city it was like 150 for the year and it's like think about what a gym in New York cost I mean holy shit he had everything there is amazing wait you go to the rec center or the YMCA in New York well they had rec centers and I'd go to both in my life but I mean, rec centers in the city had like pools and yeah. I mean, it's crazy how crowded they get. You're literally just Asian dudes love to swim, do a lot of Asian dudes,

just like tight physiques, strong old Asian dude. And and basketball courts is great. I mean, yeah, you get it. We get games cooking and it would get it would get physical we got one guy in Portland and I was like this guy he's like I'm a fan I was like oh cool and then he he then he was guarding Brian and getting like fucking physical my tour manager Brian is like a fucking he does he's a take no shit type of guy and he's like he doesn't give a shit and he's like fucking elbowing him back I I'm like god. They don't get a fight I'm gonna lose a fan. This guy's gonna get a refund for the show tonight, but I

Mean I love it dude. It's so fun. Yeah, that's awesome. You're not coming to LA though. I noticed I tried to on that West Coast run, but they wouldn't give me the venue. I wanted that night We lost it. So I ended up doing Sacramento instead, but I doing Sacramento instead but I'll come in the fall. I'm also thinking maybe I shoot my next special in LA because I've never done a West Coast special and I kind of like my crowd out in LA. Oh you do? Oh okay. I don't like crowds in LA. I like my crowd in LA. As you say I don't I don't particularly love crowds in LA but there are good there are definitely comedy fans. There's people that like that's why I like the stores. I feel like it really attracts the people that understand comedy and they they see it a

lot you know. I had these two guys last night in Tempe. It was so cool. They're sitting at a table together and somebody he said something and I go oh you guys friends and he goes yeah I go how long you been friends he goes like six months I go oh a new friendship I go that's kind you guys friends. And he goes, yeah, I go, how long you been friends? He goes, like six months. I go, oh, a new friendship. I go, that's kind of interesting. How'd you meet? And he goes, we came to see David Tell and we both came alone and we sat together.

And ever since then, we've gone to see like five or six shows together. And I was like, that's so fucking cool. I love people that come to shows alone. They're the best. Me too. I saw Nikki used to post about that a lot. Like Nikki Gl that come to shows alone. They're the best. I saw Nikki used to post about that a lot. Like Nikki Glaser used to say, I think it's like she would repost people coming alone and be like yeah cool and I was like I like

that she did that. Because I think it's going to shit alone is fine. I mean like just because laughter, you're still sharing the experience with other people. Like I used to go to movies alone on the road all the time and I loved it. Yeah for sure. Alright listen man and your special we want to plug your special it's called You've Changed and it's been out what for like four months? It's been out for a minute yeah it's on Amazon on Prime Video. Okay I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to watch it but I can't wait to see it. Who the fuck watches comedy anymore?

Well I'll watch the first 20 minutes. Comedians it's hard. But for comedians it's hard. I don't want to get influenced ever. I'll watch clips and stuff but I'm always nervous I'm going to get influenced by a bit's going to fall into my head. But I should watch more. There's so many good ones out there. Yeah, right, but I I should watch more. I've there's so many good ones out then Yeah, I do Anthony DeVito. My friend is always like always listening to comedy and I and and he says it helps him Right because it just gets his mind in joke mode Well, it also makes me push myself harder because I just look at somebody who's really got a tight special

I go come on man. You can fucking do you could do that? But I always enjoy so much comedy I always watch YouTube man you're fucking great comic but I always watch I was watching a tell and you know I see a lot of comedy at the cellar I'll just like stick in the room and watch a little bit and so I feel like I still get a fix and also it's like in the last couple weeks it's been like a tell Louie you know Colin Quinn like all these great comics are always there yeah Bill Burr so I see a lot of I see a lot of good comedy there yeah that's great all right man well I'll see you soon I'm gonna be in New York in January so maybe I'll hit you up we gotta get you on that

pod man oh yeah that'd be great, I would love that. Yeah, we'd love to have you on. Okay, cool. All right, brother. ["Bet MGM"] Bet MGM is an official sports betting partner of the National Hockey League and has your back all season long. From puck drop to the final shot, you're always taken care of with a sportsbook born in Vegas. That's a feeling you can only get with Bet MGM.

And no matter your team, your favorite skater, or your style, there's something every NHL fan is going to love about BetMGM. Download the app today and discover why BetMGM is your hockey home for the season. Raise your game to the next level this year with BetMGM, a sportsbook worth a celly, and an official sports betting partner of the National Hockey League. BetMGM.com for terms and conditions. Must be 19 years of age or older to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have any questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2600

to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario.