Fitzdog Radio - Sklar Brothers - Episode 1087

Episode Date: February 19, 2025

We had shows on MTV at the same time in the 90’s and have stayed close ever since. Doesn’t get much better than an hour with the Sklar Brothers! Follow the Sklar Brothers on Instagram @sklarbrothersWatch my special "You Know Me" on YouTube! http://bit.ly/FitzYouKnowMeAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Welcome to FitzDog Radio back from Las Vegas, Nevada today. I was out there for seven fucking nights. Let me tell you something, I've often said this Vegas is a 36 hour trip. Seven days and seven nights and look don't get me wrong I played a Brad Garrett's Club the people there could not be nicer more professional more welcoming bent over backwards to make it a good trip but I was outside I'm not exaggerating in seven days I was out of doors 25 minutes total you just don't leave yeah I mean you just get depressed and you gamble a little bit and then you lose and then you go into a shame spiral and then you

go buy a sandwich and it's $26 and then you look at the people I mean the people. I mean the people in Vegas lose some weights. Here's what you don't see. Salad bars, all of the snack shops, nothing but garbage. People are smoking and there's a lot of limping. Everybody's limping and and if you're not limping you're on one of those little scooters and not even having fun on the scooter. If I had a scooter in a casino, are you shitting me? I would be doing slalom between the slot machines and I played craps and I think, I think crap must have been the worst curse word available

when that game was invented because if they invented it today, they have to call it motherfucker hey man play some motherfucker now I'll be at the cunt table but I'll see you later in the motherless whore pavilion and then I played I said let me slow it down because craps is the most fun but I said let me slow it down to play some blackjack because I figured how much money can I lose playing blackjack? Turns out a tremendous amount.

And I was getting these dealers that got 21s every fucking time, like some kind of weird witchcrafty shit was happening, like whatever island they're from in the southeast Pacific Southwest Pacific Southern Pacific it's just like ends up on 21 every time at one point she gets a 2 and then she gets a 3 and then she gets a 16 of spades I'm like what that's card. Anyway, we talked a lot about it on stage in Vegas and my wife saved me. She came out, she came out for the final three nights

for Valentine's Day. We had a nice Valentine's Day. The Ed who works at the club got me in at this nice Italian place, La Cucina, I think it was called, next door. They treated us great. They put us in a special private room and it was all lovely. And my wife, sometimes you re-fall in love with somebody again and we just had the kind of weekend where we just hung and flirted and made love. Can you say that

at 58 without grossing people out? Watched movies, we watched the one about the priests, Conclave, I think it's called Conclave, we watched the one about the priests conclave I think it's called conclave we watched Tropic Thunder we watched shooter with Mark Wahlberg here's the thing about Mark Wahlberg you know he's not good he's not a good actor and he is so full of himself but I'll watch him I will absolutely watch him do a movie we watched the SNL special I had some thoughts on that I'll get into another time but yeah it was great great Brad Garrett was there he does this thing where he comes in every other week he comes in for a few nights of the week

and he hosts the show so the feature act instead of doing 25 does 10 and then instead of me doing 40 I do about 20. And then Brad hosts the show and he goes up and he just destroys. He's just he's six foot eight, he's loud, he's funny as shit, and he just does old school, Rickles kind of stand up and says shit that I can't believe he gets away with, but he does. And I'm telling you, people go, oh, you're going to Brad, are you going to meet Brad? Great guy, that does not describe Brad Garrett. I mean, people say that and you go, all right,

he's probably famous and rich, so he acts nice because he's got to get away with it. He doesn't want to seem like a douche, be rich, douche bag. This guy to his core is a generous, funny, good dude. Like everybody came in the green room after the show. I mean, door guys know comics from other clubs and they would bring people in pictures with everybody asks you about yourself genuinely cares. On Valentine's Day me and Aaron went to dinner and the check

came and they're like it's all set it was taken care of they didn't even say who from and it was Brad picked it up. We went gambling one night, me, him, and Jim Flanagan who was the feature act, very funny dude from Chicago. We went we hit the tables, played some craps and some blackjack and you know he just kept buying us chips left and right. It was amazing and but just a fucking good dude. He's got like all these people that work at the... did I talk? I don't think I talked about this last week. No, I hadn't met him yet last week. He's got all these people working at the club

and they were his, whatever, I don't wanna tell his business. He's a Mitch. He had a charity for terminally ill kids for like 20 years and everybody at the club is like family to him and his wife came in and she was lovely and anyway great experience with Brad Garrett check out his club if you ever in Vegas it's a fun small little room that has that has good good crowds good times I bet on my cousin Danny McCarthy I went to the sports book and I bet on Denny this

week and he was in the lead and it was gonna pay out I forget the amount 10 to 1 or something and I I put a bunch of money on him. How much? A lot. And he was in first place a couple times over the course of the weekend at the Genesis Invitational. It's a big tournament. All the big guys were there, Rory and Scheffler, and so he ended up coming in third place, did not win, but I was so inspired and I was telling my friend, my friends all followed Denny the way I do, And so we all put 500 bucks down on him to win the Masters and if he wins we get $90,000. So it's a good bet. It's a 20 to 1 bet right now and we'll

see. We'll see. I don't want to put pressure on him. I don't know if he listens to the podcast, but if you're gonna win one, let's make it the Masters this year. But yeah, I was so proud of him. He played amazing. He's the best putter on the tour. Statistically, he is the number one putter on the PGA Tour. And he's only about five foot eight, but he fucking cranks it out there.

His drives are as long as anybody's. Solid player. So we'll see, we'll see. All right, I wanna get to this soon because I think I did a kind of a longer podcast with my guests today I if you're in LA this week I'm gonna be at Largo Wednesday night performing a show it's Judd Apatow's show Conan O'Brien will be on it and somebody else somebody from SNL I can't remember who. And then later that night, Wednesday night, I will later I will be at the comedy store

doing Louie Gomez's show. I think Jay Okerson's on it as well. It's a game show where you tell stories. I have Story Wars I think it's called. So check that out and then Saturday night I'll be in Fontana California at Stage Red that's February 22nd and then coming to Atlanta the punchline March 6th through 8th Hollywood Improv the annual St. Patrick's Day show. I'm happy to announce the music for the

show will be Irish music performed by my buddy Mikey Fitzgibbon along with my daughter on guitar and flute and my son on guitar so get there early you don't want to miss the music and then I'll be coming to Hamilton Ontario Toronto Pittsburgh Boston Escondido just announced in April Tampa La Jolla, go to FitzDog.com get some tickets come out and see some live comedy. My guests! It doesn't get better than this. I have these guys been dear friends of mine for 25 years. They are just great dudes. They're so funny and every time they come

on the podcast it's a home run. We taped last week laughed our asses off I know you're gonna love it you know them from dumb people town which is their podcast they've had a few podcasts over the years but they're they got a bunch of specials and albums and they're on what we do in the shadows right now which is pretty cool they've been on everything from Curb Your Enthusiasm, Grey's Anatomy, whatever we get it we get into it on the podcast but sit back put on your headphones and enjoy my chat with the great Sclar brothers. ["Sklar's Theme Song"] All right, welcome to the show.

Jason and Randy Sklar, you are, you know, when I think about my career, and I think about the people that I can share common names and stories and places and gigs that we used to do, and you know, you guys have been a part of, you're in the fabric of my whole life. Same, so much wonderful history back and forth.

Every time I see you, it's like, there's a depth to, you remind me why I love this business. Every time we see each other, whether it's like playing golf at some comedy gives back thing, or just hanging out at the store, or you come to our podcast, we see yours. I mean, we have so many, we first moved here,

having like brunch at your house. Kevin Meany, when he was married to a woman. Yeah, yeah. With a baby. Having sex with her. Having sex with her, he had a baby. He had a kid. He had gay sex with her, but it made a baby.

Isn't that amazing? She didn't know she was having gay sex, but in his head, he was having gay sex. He was picturing a man. A man around the front. But it was like, those are seminal moments for us as we like moved here and whatnot. So it's wonderful. Well, let's talk about those brunches but it was like those are seminal moments for us as we like moved here and whatnot. So it's wonderful.

Well, let's talk about those brunches because that was a time where we were all in a vulnerable place. We had been in New York and we all had our place in New York. We were doing Largo, we were doing the clubs. New York was Luna Lounge. Luna Lounge. Luna Lounge.

We both had shows on MTV. Yeah, that's right. And we were doing Comedy Central stand-ups, but then we moved to LA and I mean, it's like we're starting all over again. In many ways. I remember going to a, we tried, we went to Open Mic.

Oh yeah. Was it at the Roosevelt Hotel? Yeah, you're performing near the fountain in the Roosevelt Hotel. Wasn't Bamford on the show? Someone asked us, are you gonna, you gotta sign up for the Open Mic. We're like, Open Mic?

We were doing like Stand Up New York and Comic Strip. Five shows. Yeah. Oh my God, Gotham and Catch Rises and Star were doing all these shows. I'm like, okay, we now have to sign up for an open mic? Like, no way. And then Maria Bamford, we saw that she was on it

and we were a huge fan of hers and she had signed up for it. We're like, oh, we can do this. And she was great and we were great. And then it took a little while. We got past at the store first and it was just- But those brunches were nice because people had told me when I moved to LA,

if somebody lives on the east side of LA and you're on the west side, you literally will see them once every six months. Right. And I was just seeing you guys all the time. So I decided that I was gonna have Sunday brunch, it started during football season. That's right.

And me and Aaron had just gotten married and we had gotten three waffle makers gifts. So we just would crank waffles and it was like Lisa Lange, Nick Swartz, and Zach Galifianakis, Mike Gibbons, Karen Kilgariff, Kevin Meaney. Kevin Meaney. Did Mike Royce ever come to one of those?

Oh yeah, yeah, Mike Royce definitely came. We had all moved out within a year. Right, and you guys were in the Santa Monica. You were in Santa Monica. Right, and we would have brunch, we'd watch football, and I remember like in the fall, it was then nobody wanted to leave, we'd end up watching baseball that night.

That's how lonely we were. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, you guys were so generous, and I always saw you guys as like, oh yeah, you're mature, you and Aaron, like you guys were like a step ahead of me and Amy. And I just. Well, you hadn't had kids yet.

No. But you were a family. Still look up to you. You guys were like a family unit. You were that one step ahead and it was great. Those were really wonderful and those kept us connected in so many great ways. But yeah, I mean, it is remarkable

that we still see each other as we do this thing. And every time I see you do stand up, I'm always like, god damn it, I love how honest you are about everything on stage. I absolutely love it. Thank you. Yeah, I mean, what Randy and I were saying as we were preparing to come do this show,

we're like, there are very few people who have bits that have stayed with us for 35. You looking at your grandmother and blowing her hair who have bits that have stayed with us for 35. You looking at your grandmother and blowing her hair like a dandelion milkweed. Yeah. To me, that's like, I put that, phrase it, put it in a museum.

Put it in the Smithsonian. That is a classic. But I'm like, that bit would, number one, we're like, it's so specific. Two, it is so funny. Three, everyone in the audience always laughed. That was always a killer bit. I think the thing about the bit that worked is,

well, the bit was that my grandmother's hair is thinning. Thinning? And it's gray and thinning and she looks like a dandelion. Whenever I see her, I get her in a headlock. And then I blow her hair like a dandelion. Whenever I see her, I get her in a headlock, and then I blow her hair like a dandelion. And you would just go. Whoooo. But I think the key to the bit is the headlock.

I love it. I mean, New York audiences loved it, and it was just, and that was the other thing about you back then, which was really inspirational for us, is that you really did material about you back then which was really inspirational for us is that you really did material. There were two types of comics in New York. There were comics who would come on stage

and kind of go after the audience and come with the energy and do this and that. Not that you didn't have energy, but you came and you did jokes. You did bits that you wrote. It was about the writing. So for us, we're like, we have to write, we have to write, we have to write stuff.

You gotta write good jokes that work everywhere. It works in New York, it works in LA, it works here, it works in Boston. I think we came and saw you in Boston, you and Jeff Ross were doing a thing at BU. BU, right. And we were, were we on that show? Yeah, you were on the show.

Yeah, we came to the show, but like, in DC, we did a thing with you at the Kennedy Center, so like, we've been around this country and all the bits just worked everywhere. Like, yeah. Well, and I think, when I think of your guys' bits, I think about how people were, including myself, work so piecemeal.

Like, here's a funny dandelion joke. And then the next one's about getting my oil changed and it's all over. And you guys do these like set pieces. You do, no they're chunks. They're a big meaty chunk. It's like a song. I mean that's what people said.

It's like a three minute or four minute song. Are you a speed wagon? Are you kidding me? I mean that was ridiculous. So silly. Over the top, annihilated every time. But just also. That was your We Are every time. Oh, but just also. That was your We Are the World.

Yeah, that was our We Are the World. Yeah, yeah. That was for me. All right, physical. Did you guys ever pull that one out? No. No, God, no, no, no. But here's the thing about Stand Up,

and I lament this. The comics that we saw, because, you know, remember the Friars Club in New York and you had all those old Borsch Belt comics like Freddie Roman. Yeah, oh my God. And those guys. Alan King.

Alan King, they never did TV and so they just kept doing the old bits. Worked on the same routine. Over and over. And they'd cycle old stuff back and forth and there's a part of me that's like, I love, when you just said that dandelion bit I was like, fucking do that.

Do it again. You should, do it. Why is it that we're not allowed to do that? You are, I mean. I always say comics and bands are the opposites. When you go, as you're a fan and you go to see your favorite band, and they say, I'm gonna play the new album, Front to Come.

They're like, get out of here. If you're a comic and you utter, and you have fans there and you utter one phrase that you've uttered before, you'll come out to the line where people are afterwards are like, you know, I wish you would do all new. And you're like, what are you saying? I know. That was one phrase.

So it's the exact opposite. They just want to see the new stuff. Give me new, new, new. Yeah, but then you got a guy like Bobby Lee, who I don't think writes a ton, but his bits are so, they're such act out bits, and they're so performative,

that I really don't get sick of watching them. So what Bobby's figured out with the podcast too, is that his, and I think he's brought a lot of what he does on his podcasts, plural, onto the stage. And now people are coming who have seen him and understand the full context of who he is, and he can just be himself on stage. And it's like-

Well, that's the beauty of the podcast standup combo, is that normally, cause look, I just played three improvs in three weekends. Where? I did Raleigh, North Carolina, I did NYAC, New York, and I did Milwaukee. Nice.

And the thing is, you know Milwaukee's like, they're like 500 seats, I'm doing five shows. I'm not selling 25 or something. No you're not. So they end up getting people coming in because they market really well. I was selling out shows, but half the people didn't know who I was.

Right, so you gotta earn it. So you gotta earn it. As opposed to you do a smaller show and you don't have to say, I like feet. They just know I like feet because they've listened to the podcast. And now I go right into the joke.

You know, and it's the same thing with you guys and your relationship and your rhythm, like they're already attuned to it and it's almost like a primer for the standup. I mean the worst, jays what's happening. The worst thing is when you go into a city and people see you and they're like,

hey what are you guys doing here? Yeah, I know. Not marketing our show very well. We didn't have to do that right here. But that's the thing is I see like, when I see these people come out at the Improvs and they see me and they go, I loved you, you were great on I Love the 80s.

That person did not find out about the show from me. No. But the Improvs sent out last and they said, oh yeah, I know that guy from, I'll go to the show from me. No. But the improv sent out last and they said, oh yeah, I know that guy from I'll go to the show. So I'm okay with that. If the, if. No, my point is why aren't I reaching those same people? Right.

Because. Further podcast. We have enough passive fans because we've done so, I love the 80s and all that stuff. Like people see that and it's enough for them to go, oh good, I'd like to see, as opposed to if they were to market a guy who's brand new, they're not gonna get the same response

from that passive crowd. But why can't we reach that passive crowd? That's what we need to figure out. That's like, this is all part of the thing. We all got into comedy to be mid-level marketers. Exactly, I know. Jesus. Jesus.

Listen, it's... Gonna wear a V-neck in a... Orvis vest. Orvis vest. We were just down in La Jolla doing the Comedy Store. First time we've ever done it. I mean, we normally... So much fun.

So much fun. The best room. Unbelievable. The best room. And we were like, and with Room to Grow, the next time we've ever done it. I mean, we normally. So much fun. So much fun. The best room. Unbelievable. The best room. And we were like, and with Room to Grow, the next time we come down there, but like we were super happy with how many tickets we sold,

super happy with the deal, love the audiences. You can walk away with some money. Yeah. The crowds were great. I was like, I love this. And then the vibe was great. Exact opposite of the American comedy company, Downtown, which we've had some good shows there. Fuck that place. But I'm just saying't Tell Me, which we've had some good shows there.

Fuck that place. But I'm just saying, like, I'm saying we've had some good shows, but that area of San Diego is just a giant fucking mess. It is like a drunk, it is like being inside of a drunk girl's vagina. It's called the lamp light district? The gas lamp. Gas lamp.

Oh, it's what, when you think of San Diego, you think of physical beauty and human waste. Like it's just a bunch of white yuppie. People go down to San Diego, this is my theory about San Diego, people go down to San Diego to, just they're like, tune out. Don't tell me about anything, I don't wanna read books.

I don't wanna know what's going on in the world. Don't tell me anything. I'm down here to retire. I maybe have seen too much shit in the military. I'm down here and I'm like, don't tell me about anything. I just- We said it's a very chill place, but our joke was there's a very thin line between super chill and lazy.

Right? Like San Diego sometimes- You cross that line. Like flip-flops chill, flip-flops at a funeral. Lazy. That's lazy. I don't care if it's a burial at sea. You show your god open respect.

Open casket fine, open toe, I don't like it. Right, yeah, walking around with your shirt off, chill. Walking around with your shirt off at 60 with no sunblock and now you have a sunburn. At a custody hearing, that's lazy. That's lazy, yeah. And so we're like, you know, just even the name Ocean Beach to us was hilarious.

Hanging out on your sailboat, chill. Living on it, lazy. Where were we? Where were you? That's the other thing. So our joke was, our joke was Ocean Beach. Laziest name for a beach ever. Ocean Beach, why is it called Ocean Beach?

Because it's by the ocean. Every beach is by the ocean. Every beach is by the ocean. And then our joke was, was Sandy Beach taken? Was Beach Beach not taken? Was another example that we would have thought of but we've been hanging out in San Diego so much that we've gotten lazy?

That's such a killer. Even the seals, they don't even swim. The seals just lay around. You know? A chill seal. We're adding this, we're adding this. The chill seal cruises around the harbor. Yeah, this guy just lay on rocks. Like there are seals that balance balls on their noses.

Right, that's a chill. Like I came down to San Diego to do nothing. Don't fucking make me balance a ball, don't do it. I'm retired. This isn't the circus, it's San Diego. I was a marine seal. I've been to Afghanistan. Afghanistan, that's what it is.

That's a good one. Isn't that water there? No, it's not. Is there water in Afghanistan? I think it's pretty dry in Afghanistan. I was a seal in Afghanistan. And then I was like, did seal Heidi Klum's ex-husband fight in Afghanistan?

I don't remember. But anyway, is that how you got the script? All right, I'm done. So, I mean, it was from, you know, we had a wonderful time down there. Our first time down there, I'm like, oh, we will forever go. But those are people that all know you as fans. Yeah, there was a majority of them

were excited that we were there. And came to see us. And as a result, you have that, there's the common link. Shows were fun. Our early show Friday, which typically early show Friday, they're a little tight, late show they're drunk

because they worked all day, they're exhausted. Early show Friday can be good, but sometimes they're a little tight. Was maybe one of our favorite sets like in recent memory that we did. It was like, we got up there, we got into it, we're doing our stuff and you kind of know where your set's going.

You know when it's like about to land. And I was like, we're here already? I can't believe we're here already. It was just, it was joyful. My niece is a waitress there. I got her a job as a waitress. Oh yeah? She's from New York and she graduated college

and then she moved out and I got her job as a waitress and it's like. Who is it, what's her name, do we meet her? Julia Gale, she's very attractive and she's very outgoing. And she was a big hit, she got to the club and her whole social life is everybody there and she just talks about what a great environment it is. They're fucking great people.

Anyway, it was super nice down there and beautiful. And we're like, we got down there, we drove down there and we said, this is what a standup weekend should be. They put you in a hotel, you're hanging out down there. The Sea View Hotel, it's like a cool old 50s hotel. Oh my God, I loved it. It's an old hotel which is like not too nice, not bad, not, it's in the middle and it's fine.

And again, Sea View, yeah, it's in the middle and it's fine. And again, sea view, yeah. It's next to the ocean, obviously. You got a view of the sea. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sea view, get more creative. And we played a little golf and we did a couple rounds. Went up to Encinita Hills and you played another round, but I had to drive back up because my younger daughter

got into college, like she was like found out. She literally, I started driving up and she's like the email's here. So I literally drove from La Jolla up to her school in Eagle Rock, picked her up early from school, we went home, opened up the email, all of us together. And then she got in and I- Wait, was that the clip I saw on the internet?

Yeah, she got in, I drove right back down. That was such a cool clip. Joyful clip. Yeah, that's nice. Joyful moment, we don't show a ton, we're not like, we don't pimp our, certainly our kids because they're older as you don't really either,

but like that was a moment that I'm like, our fans would love to see this. These are just cute, joyful moments. Now I remember the moment when my daughter said that she hates school and maybe she'll take a couple classes at Santa Monica College. And you posted that. We were all huddled around.

Gathered around her, around. And to see. My daughter could still get there, so. God willing. To see her put down the crack pipe for five minutes. The truth is. To let us take this. This is what I've realized, is certainly from her, is like we're trying to get her

to the finish line of school. That like, it's not for everybody. Like this path and this thing, that's what I learned and you learn that about your kids. It's like this, the path that you think is going to be the path, like your kid might just be like, F school, I hate it so much.

Some of the smartest people I know never went to college. Or did a year of college. It took me a year to wrap my head around that. And then I realized she struggled through high school. She's got ADHD, she's got everything. And until she finds out what she's passionate about, it doesn't make sense for her. To continue down this path.

She doesn't enjoy it enough or feel like, I went to college, I took a year off after high school. You did? I traveled around the world. Did you really? By the way, that's so, who told you to do that? Oh, well, I didn't think I'd ever go to college, should be perfectly honest.

Did you wanna be a comic? I wanna be a writer, I wanna write novels. Okay. And so I said, let me not, I'm not going to school. And so I worked for six months as a, I was a parking attendant at a country club and a cook at TGI Friday, so I did two jobs. I saved up, ready for this? $3,000.

Which at the time was like a fortune. Enough to travel for six months. Like if you were to do it today, that'd be like $30,000, right? Right. So I get a backpack and I hitchhike around. I find a spot in Ireland where my grandfather was born. Right. And I rent a little cottage and I wrote a book, I wrote a novel. And I fell in love with this bartender

at the Atlantic Pub in Kenmare and I dedicated it to her and it was in a thick notebook. You know, it was like 150 pages. And I was every night, I would write all day and then I'd go to the pub and I'd flirt with her. And I think I kissed her a couple times. It was like nothing, but I but dark red hair and green eyes and pasty white skin and the accent.

No, I'll tell you the follow-up. So anyway, I give it to her. I give it to her and she told me it was brilliant the next day. And I didn't realize in Ireland, people can say like, your bike is brilliant. Like it's just a, yeah. Yeah. Those shorts are brilliant. What? It's not your bike is brilliant. Like it's just a, yeah.

Those shorts are brilliant. What, it's not rainy today, brilliant. Brilliant, yeah. And so anyway, she kept it. At least she didn't say it was meant to. And I moved on to the next town and I left my first novel with this woman. And I came back. No backup. No backup. No backup.

I came back 10 years later, I went to the Atlantic Pub, and I asked for her, and I was with my wife. Yeah. Maybe not a great idea. Great moment for the wife. And they said she's up in Belfast. What did you tell your wife who this person was? Oh no, I told her.

You told her everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, she's got her past too, believe me. You're like, this is a friend I used to meet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She gave me a kidney. I forgot to say that. I owe her this visit.

She gave me 2,000 pints of Guinness and then a kidney. And then as they're going to get her, you just whispered to your wife at the bar, I'm still not over her. Hey! Kind of not, kind of not. But she was getting married that weekend when I went to the Atlantic coast.

The weekend you came back, Kenny. She was still working at the fucking pub. No way. She would have been there. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. That's amazing.

Who was your first love? Did you ever say I love you to anybody besides your wife? Yeah, yeah, high school. Is there one that stays with you? Like I had a girlfriend from college that I still think about. Like she was really she was a good person. There were. Yeah, there were a lot.

I dated good people. Yeah, there were a bunch. I mean, not that I think about on a daily basis or even in a like periodically, but yeah, if I sit down and go the people I was lucky enough to be with along the way, some great one camp, Camp Ramah, which is a Jewish summer camp. Like, yes, girlfriends from that and Israel trips and other summer programs were really where I feel like we ended up connecting.

Because we liked our high school, we definitely liked our high school. We went to high school in a white trash part of St. Louis. Really? White trash? Yes, it was more like just- Our school colors were acid and wash,

if that makes sense. Thank you. We had a smoking lounge. Did you have a smoking lounge in your high school? Not for the teachers. For the students. No, there was an alley behind the- No, this was a lounge, a designated-

It was a loading dock. Really? Indoor? Outside, right outside the patio. Like an atrium, outside. Yeah, yeah, yeah.'re just kids who are like, yeah, I gotta climb the rope next period. Yeah, that's hilarious.

And it's like smoking out. And we'd be looking out there and we'd be like, we know she shouldn't be smoking because she's pregnant. But I mean, like that's, so that was the high school we went to. And we loved it. And like kind of the honor students at our school were really smart and really cool.

But our creative people, the people we connected with, who we would share our dream, because we were already wanting to do comedy in high school. Were you doing theater? We did a little theater and then we did stand up in high school. You did. High school we were doing stand up. 86, 86 was the first time we stepped on a stage. We did it again.

We did it at a local comedy club. We did it our senior year, like we really were like dialed into this whole other thing that our high school friends could not get. Because St. Louis is a town, you know, where and was when our parents, when our dad grew up there, where you grow up there, maybe you go to Mizzou, maybe you go to KU, maybe you go to Illinois,

and you come back. And then you come back to St. Louis. Well, we say, I mean, our joke when we go back and do standup in St. Louis is that what high school did you go to is a pick-up line in St. Louis. What high school, in no other city is it like what high school did you go to?

It's so they can make a snap judgment about you. Like, we do high school, I can get cocaine from this guy. Okay, this, that, that. We said what high school did you go to is a pick-up line in St. Louis. What high school do you go to is a pick- in St. Louis? What high school do you go to as a pickup line for Matt Gaetz? There you go.

Hold it? I can't believe you didn't hold it long. I wanted to hold it. Where's my camera? Is he still in Congress? All right, so no, but that, that is, it's provincial in that way, that people, it's very much like, this is where we're from

and this is where we stay. So we've met creative people, like, through Jewish youth groups and summer camp and that was fun. I heard these Israel trip people fucked. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. It was madness. It was madness. Touring around, it's basically like a guided tour

around the country with a bunch of young, fun, cool. That's when we met Eric Friedman. No. Eric Friedman on airfield trip in high school. Yeah, we met him and we were like immediately drawn to him cause we're like, oh, this guy's so funny. And we just, the three of us were like, and then like all of our friends and all of his friends. And then we had all these friends.

It was like a network of friends around the country. And then this like, these cool girls from Canada. Like they were so cool. And it was like, you literally could say, I literally had a Canadian girlfriend. And you wouldn't be lying. She wasn't fictitious. From camp.

She was real. Canadian girlfriend from camp. It's like, everything about it sounds like bullshit, but it was real. I loved her. She was so cute. And you go into those- And everyone's Jewish.

Everyone's Jewish. And do they have classes at the thing for running the media or banks? No, they just- Do you get or banks? No, they just... Do you have a choice? No, you automatically go into that and they assume you just know. Right, right, right. You learn a couple of handshakes.

Isn't that a great moment when we realized in our lives, we knew the Nazis and the far right hated us and now the far left hates us as well. So now we can say, hey, we're bringing these two sides together. That's true. Like we've given you common ground. You're welcome, bitches. You're welcome. Common ground.

You all hate us. Take it and run. So, I mean, but yes, it was one of those moments where you're like, oh, that's where we met other people who were creative. That's where we would like, you know, for us back then, we'd have friends in Kansas City or Minneapolis or wherever, and this is before the internet, before FaceTime, before, you know, anything, but we'd send, we'd make like funny sketches on a tape

and we'd mail it to them. On a VHS tape. On an audio tape, and then they would send a VHS tape back and then it was like sort of comic. We had friends that were videographers for Bat Mitzvahs. And weddings. And weddings in Kansas City. And like they'd have people at the wedding,

you know, record messages for the whoever. Is there anything you wanna say to the Bat Mitzvahs or the bride and groom? And they'd say, congratulations, we're so happy. And then they'd get like an old Jewish couple to say, say this to our friends. And so like we'd have a list of like old Jewish couples being like, Randy quit playing with yourself or whatever.

It's like, so funny. I'm like, I'm like. But when you guys first got to New York, you were doing video stuff, weren't you? Didn't you guys like have like little underground kind of stuff you were shooting? Yeah, we did stuff like that. Yes, we did.

We did do stuff like that. We were like of the mindset, luckily, thankfully, and we tell new people this all the time who are like, how do I get into comedy? We're like, you got to make stuff. You just have to make stuff. How do I get into comedy? You do comedy. You do comedy, you make stuff.

You're just literally like, people today that, you know, I get friends that go, oh, I got my friend's nephew start in comedy and he wants to, you wants to meet for coffee and pick your brain. I go, pick my brain? Get on fucking YouTube. What do you wanna pick my brain? I'm a 58 year old guy. What am I gonna tell you about getting into comedy as a 21 year old?

There's things you can't tell them because there are people who are ridiculously successful just on TikTok or they become, there are a million ways you can do it, more ways than what we do. We tell people the industry will let you know. Yeah, right, right. Like you just start doing the thing

that you think is the funniest thing. Yeah, yeah, they'll find you because there's money to be made. Sure. And young comedians. And if you're good. This one kid, somebody wanted to meet with him, so I look him up on Instagram, the kid's got 600,000 followers.

I got 100. You wanna pick my brain? Let me pick your brain. Cause they're like how, yeah, that's right. You could pick the brain about that, but you know, I mean, it is miraculous. We say the miracle is that we're still enjoying working in this industry.

That is the miracle. Cause I think that's what they're really asking. It's like, how do I sustain a career in something like this? I mean, it's. That is the miracle. Because I think that's what they're really asking. It's like, how do I sustain a career in something like this? I mean, it's... Well, that's also, that's your parents. They either gave you a work ethic,

like my father taught me because he was in radio and he had years where he didn't work. Like literally in high school, he had like two years where he did not work. In high school, as you're ready to go. Yeah. Maybe not. Were you guys, was your family panicked in those moments?

Or did he keep shielding? They never showed it if they did, but. So he got, he was let go from one radio job and you're waiting to find another and he didn't want to move you around the country because he probably had like Wichita is gonna. No, because he also did TV commercials so he had to stay in New York.

He would make, the radio turned into a showcase for his voice to do voiceovers for commercials. Got it. Amazing. He would make, the radio turned into a showcase for his voice to do voiceovers for commercials. He would literally not audition. They would just say, oh, we want Bob Fitzsimmons because he's got the soft, female-friendly voice that we like. But anyway. Just like you.

Just like you. You know, but he, right. But he would smoke three and a half packs a day, so he had a little bit of a gravel. A little gravel in there, yeah. But he, you know, he taught me that if you're gonna go into this career where there's gonna be down times, save your fucking money, invest it wisely,

spend less than you make, buy real estate, put your money in stocks. He had yellow notebooks filled, before computers, filled with quotes on his stocks every month. I mean, that is amazing that your dad was in a business that is I would say adjacent to or connected to our business. That is miraculous.

Well, we're sitting in front of microphones. I know, we are, we are. And like, I think about that time when you were on Howard Stern, like they were testing out who's gonna be like the new Jackie and you were on there and I was like, to me that must have been a full circle moment for you, given the fact that your dad was on the radio.

You probably go into that building. In New York to go in. Well the crazy thing is, Howard used to shit on my dad in New York. That was his thing, he would shit on all the other announcers so he used to, my father used to host the Jerry Lewis telethon and he was the New York host for it.

And so you go, oh you gotta be some kind of a has-been to be Jerry Lewis telethon, and he was the New York host for it. And so you go, oh, you gotta be some kind of a has-been to be hosting a telethon, and Fitzsimmons is washed up. And so he said all this horrible shit about my dad, and my mom hated him. My dad kinda got it, he knew what he was doing, but they had the same agent. They both had Don Buchwald as their agent. Yeah, and Don Buchwald, my father was his first client.

My father introduced Don to all the my father was his first client. No way. My father introduced Don to all the different station managers in New York. He got him started in radio. Got him his first clients, all that stuff. So they were like this. And he just died, God bless him, six months ago. Oh, so anyway, so when I was about to go on Stern,

I was like, the first time I went on, I had won the Aspen Comedy Festival, I got some trophy. And so they said, well, this guy's kinda on the radar now, let's bring him in. So they invite me to come in and I'm like, what the, am I being set up here? So I'm going in on a Monday, I listen to the show on Friday and he had the week off the week before,

so they were playing reruns. On the rerun, it's him shitting on my father. No way. Oh my God. Did they know that? I'll never know, but I went in on Monday, and now I got my fist clenched, I'm ready. I got plenty of shit to say to him.

And he comes on and he goes, Greg, I just gotta tell you something. Your father was one of the great guys in this, in an industry where people are not well liked, everybody loved your father. He goes, he taught me so much about how to enter, he just went on to this love song with my dad. Did you play that for your mom?

Did she get to hear that? Oh, she listened. Okay. So then maybe that helped her. She never got over it. No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, Irish broads, they never get over it. This asshole.

But then, and then when- She's in the kitchen boiling a potato, being like, oh, fuck him up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like the woman never got over your novel. But anyway. Oh! She's marrying another guy with a novel

on the back of her dress. Have you ever done material, because Kevin Meaney's advice to me was, do an act you can do in front of your mother. And I was always like, I can't do it. But you guys, you seem like you probably did it. There's a lot that we can do in front of your mother. And I was always like, I can't do it. But you guys, you seem like you probably did it. There's a lot that we can do in front of our mom. There's a lot.

And there's a lot that she, but by the same token, we're always like, we want to push it. So example, in next Tuesday, we're hosting the VES Awards. Right, the Visual Effects Awards. I saw that. Yeah, so I mean, it's 1200 people at the Beverly Hilton. It's like studio heads.

I had to like buy a tuxedo, because my, I'm spending the money I'm making on a tuxedo. Smart, you guys should be paying us more. But nonetheless, we're doing this show and we're like writing. So we said, okay, here's the monologue. I mean like- Dude, send it to me, I'll punch it up.

Okay, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we wrote, okay, here's the monologue. I mean like- Dude, send it to me, I'll punch it up. Okay, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we wrote, and the thing is, the person who is the head of VES is like an extraordinarily sensitive person. It's like the worst setup for comedy, but I get it. Like she gets all the complaints, and she gets probably a ton,

and probably gets a ton from these people who- Wait, is she the CEO or she's the one who hired you So she's the CEO the group that hired us is the producers of this show Oh, I see right and they like Robin Reinhart Robin Reinhart is part of it. She's part of it So she's wonderful, I love Robin Robbins the best we've hosted like the critics choice award reality show We've done a decent job for them before. So we're like pitching these are the jokes and like they're coming back like this is,

can't say this. And what I realized is- Oh, you had to screen the jokes by them? Well, we were also, the last time we hosted the Real TV Awards, we wrote all these, the first time we did it was great and everything was great.

The most recent time we did it, we had Megan Gailey, you know Megan Gailey? Great, great comic and great writer and whatnot. She written on the ESPYs and written a bunch of things. We said, you wanna come and just help us write some stuff? And she said, we paid her and it was great, it was awesome. But we wrote a lot of stuff and we went in on these. I mean, we went in hard on these people

and the jokes were really funny, but we didn't realize we're making jokes out to people who are on reality TV shows. These are like people who are on reality TV shows. They don't watch the other shows. They're so self-indulgent. They're also like, so set. They're superstars. So set, they're superstars.

So it was like, we people did not, like these jokes weren't getting what we thought they should be getting. So much so, and we did a bit, we wrote like such a crazy bit. I don't even know why we did this. Our friend Brad Morris came on as like, he was like a new PR guy for the worst guy on a reality show.

Tom Sandoval, Tom Sandoval, who's on Vanderpump Rules. We're like, everybody hates him. Everybody hates him. He's like, I'm his new PR guy. And we're like, what is your name? He's like, David Hitler. We're like, that can't be your name. He's like, I'm taking the heat off of him.

He's like, it's working. It's totally working. It's where you guys live. I don't raise your hand. They did not like it. Like a table full of America's Next Top Drag Queen. They were not psyched about that bit. They did not like it.

So much so that someone came on stage and was like, I don't know what was going on with that bit. Whatever. Someone else like, I'm hosting this next year. And we're like, no one asked. Meanwhile, these people are corroding the fabric of society. Totally.

So I'm hosting it next year. We're like, you'll fail, but you don't understand. So because of that experience, we are coming into this bigger experience where it's like 1200 people. We don't want to do what we want to do just to do what we're like, we want to bounce it off. We want to succeed.

I don't want to do just to do what we're like. You want to bounce it off. We want to succeed. I don't want to. Absolutely. Yeah. So like, we, so we literally, this is the younger versions of us would, you know, be like, you can't tell us what we can say and what we can't say. We're comedians. Don't you dare give us notes on our stuff.

The older, more seasoned versions of us set a Zoom call with them yesterday and we said, okay guys, this is where we're at, and this is where our heads are at, and this is it. We know this stuff that we're saying, like that, hey, we're the perfect guys to be hosting this show right now. We're in 2025, just two old white guys. We're not even the same.

We're not even two old white guys. We're the same white guy twice. Like that says that, whatever. We know that these jokes, where we do them on stage, they work. So we're taking stuff from them that we've done in every, but we also know that you know your audience better than us. And so if you're, I wanna talk about these things

and why you're saying don't do this. And like, maybe there's a version that we can do. And we had a very mature conversation with them and they helped us and they're now on our side. And it was like such a better way to handle it. The young version of us would have come in and be like, what, you don't know what, you know? And so-

I have sabotaged more situations because of my problem with authority. I mean, I just have gone so out of my way to buck notes or advice. But to what end? But to what end? I know, I know. To the end that corporate bookers don't work with me anymore because I would go in.

My wife was getting all mad that they're telling us that we can't say this and that on the things. And I was like, that's not the point. And we told them, look, here's what we're grappling with. We want to do something that we feel like doesn't embarrass you and certainly doesn't make the crowd, like we don't want it to fail because it's too edgy. But at the same time, we're standing out there and it's us. If we say something that's rounded edge, not as funny,

we're gonna pay the price for it. So that's what we're dealing with. And like to actually bring that out to them and say, let's try and figure this out together, was like the smarter way to do it. Well part of it is tone. You know like obviously you guys have a voice you've honed for 35 years but Tom Cruise is not here tonight which is a bummer because apparently he does all of his own visual effects. I like that Joe. He doesn't get it. He does all of his own, you guys get it, he does all of his own stunts. Greg doesn't like it, so that's scrapped.

Will Smith is not here tonight, which is good for us as comedians on stage. That's good. Can I be on the next Zoom call? Yeah, it would have been two on one. It would have been two on one though. He's not here, he's actually remodeling the house on his son's head. You saw that on the Grammys? His son is the only kid who's on Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, and now Zillow.

Yeah! That's good. You said good jokes. I like that a lot. And we did a joke about, we have a joke about, and so this was one that we fought on, okay? We had a joke about Inside Out, Inside Out. You know that movie?

Your kids are too old now to watch it, but Inside Out is a very, very, very successful Pixar movie where they take like inside emotions Oh right right right No I heard it's amazing It's amazing Lewis Richard Kind played a guy Lewis Black plays anger Amy Poehler plays joy it's a beautiful very introspective view inside of like there's a story of a kid like a young girl who's like playing hockey and it's all inside of her brain I gotta say it's a little of a kid, like a young girl who's like playing hockey and it's all inside of her brain.

Can I say it's a little bit borrowed from Big Mouth, isn't it? Have you seen Big Mouth? This came, I think the first- No, Big Mouth came first. Big Mouth came before. Yes. It's possible.

Yeah. Yes. Okay. But a little- They might have been developing it for a while. Yeah, I mean, I don't know how long they were working on this, but it was, it's a really, really great idea. So our joke was that it's nominated tonight, but there's a new emotion that was put into this year's thing

that's up for an award, anxiety. We're like, Rain and I got a hold of a list of emotions that were, that reject. These are rejected emotions. These are the emotions. That was like a Letterman bit. So of all the emotions. Yeah, Paul, I think of all the emotions,

these are the most rejected. Paul, we just said that. All right, so one of our emotions that we picked. Sarcasm. Sarcasm, we're like, they wanted to be in it, but based on tone, they thought they didn't want to, so they were fired. Gaslighting was higher, then didn't show up,

then blamed the film, and you're like, why is it the film's fault? That's not cool. And then the last one we had was performance anxiety, which obviously it's a kid's movie. We can't have that in the thing. But then we last one we had was performance anxiety, which obviously it's a kids movie We can't have that in the thing. So but then we went further on that our our joke was like, you know And look, it's it happens to a lot of guys and we as from our experience as we've been told It's it's a normal thing that happens to a lot of guys

Like we just kept going and they're like you can't keep going No, no, they said you can't do it and we're like what if we cut it shorter? What if we just cut this shorter and just said performance anxiety it's a kids movie for obvious and obvious reasons and they're like. I think I said couldn't get up for the role. I think that was my thing and they didn't like that. Wow. So, but. That's when you do it.

I mean maybe we'll do that. Yeah, maybe we do. Maybe we do all. Well you always have to go 10% pass. You fill the room and you go and'll do it. Maybe we do all, we feel the room. Well you always have to go 10% past what they say you can do. You feel the room and you go and you push it. We also like. Now that's an interesting question.

When you say feel the room, are you guys that in sync that you are making joke choices on the fly together? Yes, absolutely. Or we just trust. It's amazing. We trust the other person. And what we have, which is great, which other comics don't have,

is if he decides to push a button and goes too far and the crowd doesn't like it, I can be like, good call to push the envelope on that one, Rand. My brother, who doesn't know where the line is. And so then it becomes a battle between the two of us. They can laugh at that. We give them permission to laugh at me berating him

for making a bad decision. Is Randy usually the one that pushes it further? I don't think so. No, we've both crossed the line and things haven't worked and you're like, okay, way to go, Jay. Good call, great call. These people are really happy that you made that joke. My favorite is when you guys walk on stage

and you go, we're Jason and Randy, we identify as us, we. As they, them. They, them. So we're gonna do that, we're gonna do that. So here's, so we said we identify as they, them, but only when we're on stage together. It's the only time.

And the sad part is we get paid like a he. Right. The other half of the joke is sometimes we get paid like a she and that's bullshit. Ah, there you go. Not that we get paid like a she, but there's a gender pay gap at all. Let's be honest you guys. Come on, raise the floor a little bit. Okay, whatever. I had a joke. So this is true. They're putting a woman's face on the $20 bill. They're finally

going to put a woman's face on, which is great news for women. Bad news for the $20 bill. Now it's only going to be worth $17. That's so good. That's so good. It's great. It's no dandelion joke but it's so good. Bad news for money. All right a couple things I want to ask you about. Sure. What's this, what we do in the shadows?

You guys are on that show? Yeah so we. I mean that's huge. Huge. So fun. Last season. Season four. So the fifth season was the final season.

Season four. We get this audition. It comes to us and we're like, was this so good? Was this written for us? It's like so well written. Is it for twins? It was for it was for twins. And it was like a Property Brothers type thing

where they come to the vampire house to do it. Yeah. type thing where they come to the vampire house to do it. But it's shot like an HGTV reality show. So it's not like their dark regular show. There's like lower thirds of other shows that don't exist. And it's like they shot a whole promo. So we do it. And my daughter who's at Michigan right now who wants to be a director,

I'm like, will you shoot us doing the audition? Like we have self-tape here. And we, Paul Sims, you know Paul Sims? Do you ever work with him? So he's like the show runner on there. Gary Shanley. Yeah, I mean. Shanley.

Shanley, Frazier, I mean, Atlanta. I mean, he's unbelievable. Atlanta, right? Unbelievable. So good, so good. So he's like, so it comes in and we shoot it and Daisy was like, okay, try this. She's giving a couple of notes on how to do it.

And they were great. We actually used them and she shot it really well and we sent it off and then we didn't hear anything for a few weeks and we're just like, we really want this. We love this show so much. We really, really want that. Who else is gonna do this? I mean, maybe they get the actual Property Brothers,

but there's gotta be more in the script. And in the very beginning, no spoiler alerts. Should we give it? I mean, I think we can. It was just the very beginning of the thing. And like in the very beginning, the way we divided it up, the way it just felt right, his character like gets killed.

Which you're like, oh, you'll come back as a vampire. That's what it does. Got bit by a vampire. I'm like, I'm coming back. I'll be a vampire. This is amazing. Then you get into the show, you get up there, and then his character is just dead.

So my character, then, I try and redo the whole house, like redo the house, but befriend Matt Berry's character, and then there's a crazy turn at the very end, I don't wanna give away, that I'm not who I am, I become someone else, and I've been someone else all along. And so the point is it was like the best exercise ever because the more of a good friend I am to Matt Berry, the shittier it is when it turns at the end.

So we're improvising all this stuff and these guys are great. Improvise while filming or in rehearsal? Yeah, so you do the lines and you do what you're supposed to. And then like then the director, Yana Gorskaya, who's amazing, who's like take what T.T.'s right-hand person edited all of his movies. Wow, no kidding. Yeah, so like she's an unbelievable director,

like one of the best directors we've ever, classy, knows the stuff, knows comedy. Laughs, laughs. Just gives it up. She's just soft-spoken and just perfect director, like perfect. And she's like, all right, let's do one. Let's just be, let's do a fun one. And I just remember improvising one where like

Natasha Demetrio is hypnotizing me to not remember what I've just seen. Now that I did saw him. And she's asking you questions. Like who else knows? She asked me who else knows, cause there's a film crew filming it. Like who else is gonna see this footage?

And I'm just like, I'm just gonna keep going. I just seen the Anthony Bourdain documentary where his girlfriend who was his wife was giving notes on the edit of parts unknown and people were so fucking mad. So I'm like, there's a girlfriend and one of the producers who gets to see some of the edits. One time, a kid flew a kite into the attic

that we were shooting at, and now that kid gives it was his feedback on some of the cuts. I mean, I was just going on and on, and no one was saying cut. I'm like, I'm gonna keep going, I'm gonna keep going. And I'm like, ah, this shit's not gonna get in. And all of it got in. No.

They just were great. And the whole experience was great. We were up there for, you were up there for Three weeks. Three weeks I was up there for a whole month in Toronto. Where? Vancouver? Toronto. Toronto.

And they, you know, they shot a bunch of stuff like our show is like a fake show, which is so funny. They shot like a produced open. Basically like, and like So our show, our show that we had as leads, like Property Brothers was called Go Flip Yourself. So it was like a house-sweeping show. And then they did scenes and stuff. And so then they dropped little scenes

that characters from their show were watching our show throughout. And the crew of their show was watching our show and betting on it throughout the season. And so they built it to it, and then we show up. We show up. Okay. And so like in the season, in the episode before,

they actually played a fake promo of our show. Yeah. And it like in the season in the episode before, they actually played a fake promo of our show. Yeah. And that it felt like it was a commercial, like what is this show? I mean, that's such a good piece of tape for you guys. You know what, one of my biggest regrets in life is that I didn't buy Bitcoin. No. Ha. Which one? Is that I didn't save all my clips over the years onto a hard drive and have a reel that, because the stuff you guys have done, you've been on Curb, you've been on

Better Call Saul, Better Call Saul, Antaroge, Grey's Anatomy. Grey's Anatomy, I mean, crazy. Do you have all that stuff somewhere? Yeah, we do. If you have clips, a lot of that stuff's on YouTube,

you can just pull it off there. But is it on this hard drive and this DVD and- Some, some. I mean, I think we had someone put everything together a few years back. Yeah. We gotta find that, but yeah.

Yeah, I mean- I mean, think about all the early stuff we did. How much fun that was. So fun. Do you have Apartment 2F? So Mike Royce just sent us the Dropbox with all of the Apartment 2Fs. So we're gonna start to-

If people don't know, Jason and Randy did a show called Apartment 2F on MTV in 1997. 97. Pilot was 96. And it had a lot of people that have since gone on to do really interesting things. It was a sitcom with standup and sketch woven into short films, woven into the storylines.

So here are the stand-ups on that show. Patton Oswalt, Jim Norton, Arch Barker, Patrice O'Neill, Bill Burr, those are the stand-ups, and Brian Fraser. Yeah, Brian Fraser. Great writer, and Jordan Rubin, great director. Jordan has my favorite, and I'll say this all the time, my favorite joke about New York,

like just being in New York City cab, he's like, it's just crazy, New York City cab, but that's the, which is a premise that a lot of people have, and he's like, you know, it's just, it's just not. I was in the cab the other night, and I said, here, let me out up on the left in that accident that you're in.

That's good. And he also had a bit where he was, and I did this bit with my, I took my 11 year old daughter to New York just to see some shows and eat awesome food beginning of this year. And we walked by the place where Jordan Rubin used to DJ. And I'm like that place. Broom Street. Yeah. Our friend used to DJ here at a club and she was like, what is that?

I'm like, it's like a dance club and all this stuff, but it was like exclusive, like bounce in the front. They wouldn't let people in. It was like Leonardo DiCaprio was staying at the Sobo Grand and would like hang out there. And like go there and like De Niro's in there hanging out and Jordan's joke was the club was so exclusive. I was DJing, but I wasn't allowed to be in there.

So our joke is that he took the claw from like, know the Korean delis where they try and get stuff on the top shelf is like a tool and I was like that's how you had to change the records through the door. You want a lot of me? Physically acting that out was making my daughter laugh so hard. Get the claw on the side window, flip the record. Cut up the line of coke. Long straw, very long straw. I remember I did a show on, somewhere in SoHo, and it was one of those gigs where somebody hits you up at the Comedy Cellar and goes,

hey, you wanna make 50 bucks? And you're like, whatever. Sure, why not? So I go down and I walk on stage and it's all supermodels. And I'm single and front row is Leonardo DiCaprio with an impossibly young, beautiful, anorexic girl. Under 25, we know that for sure. Yes, and so she's ignoring me with just a,

as Kevin Meany would say, a puss on her face. Right, you gotta get that puss off your face. And so I annihilate her, cause I don't care. Right, I don't care. This is my world. Yeah, that's right. These are people that are used to it being their world. Oh yeah, nobody ever takes shots at them.

My world. Right. And I annihilate her and he is dying laughing. Oh, he loves it. And she gets up and walks away and he was like, hey, what do I, this eight other girls. Right, exactly. Right, I'm not gonna even, I'm not going home empty handed.

That is unbelievable. And we've seen you before, like one of our favorite things that we used to do or watch you do is the old Largo here in LA on Fairfax, across from Cantors, where you would come on last. And the first like six minutes of your set was just ripping on everyone who came before you. Just deconstructing everything.

And people who did well. But the crowd loved it. They couldn't wait for you to come up and just like hose. Your review of what you had seen. I remember I shit on Odenkirk once and he never talked to me again. Oh, come on.

Stop. We did Better Call Saul with him, which was a blast. Unbelievable. So fun. He was so cool, yeah. He was so nice. We showed up on the set in Albuquerque, and he was like, oh, you guys got this.

That's great. And we hung out and- Because it wasn't for twins. It wasn't even for brothers. It was just two guys who owned the music shop. I remember, of course. And so then we're in the back, while they're filming, and you know how,

you're on shows, you've been on films or TV shows where they're always super tight budget, so they have to shoot 45 pages in one day. And you're like, we're at this location until noon, and then we gotta run over here. This show was so in its pocket, and didn't have to worry. The food was good. The craft service was good. HBO, every show on HBO was like, HBO was good. Oh yeah, every HBO show was like so in its like pocket and didn't have to worry. Like the food was good.

The craft services was good. HBO, every show on HBO was like HBO. Oh yeah, every HBO show was like that. But this one also like that because they just, they loved it. They knew they were great. Oh it was an HBO. No it was AMC. AMC.

But still they were the Breaking Bad universe, it was better also. So they like took like a whole day to shoot one scene. You're like all days day is for our scene? And so then you never felt the pressure to do it right. Oh my god, and the director, who's a writer, Tom Schnauz is the guy's name. Unbelievable, such a smart guy.

How's his nose, large? It's actually normal size, normal size. He's like, just run it, run it with Bob. Run your scene. And so we're just talking. Quiet around, he's like, I wanna hear the scene. And so they quiet the set, and he's like, just talk to me. Just talk it through a couple times. And so we're talking it. Quiet around, he's like I wanna hear the scene and so they quiet the set and he's like just talk to me. Just talk it through a couple times.

And so we're talking it through like we're talking to you right now and like it's no pressure whatsoever. And he's like okay got it, moving on. No! Just from that side. That's hilarious. That's like a premature ejaculation. Oh my god.

We were so happy cause we had like, was it good? He was like it was so natural. It was so good. Cause you didn't realize we were filming from up in the guitars. We have like a camera. Oh my God.

That's amazing. All right, it's time for Fastballs with Fitz. Let's do it. When's the last time each of you apologized to somebody? Oh, I apologized to my son recently. My son is 16. He got a new car, a nicer car than we thought he should have gotten. But he bought him a new car. No, no, no.

Release releasing a car. And then he contributed enough money to make it what he wanted it to be. We were willing to put a certain amount. Really? I like that. I liked it. So we're like, you got to be careful. You got to be. We were willing to put a certain amount. Really? He bridged the gap. I like that. I liked it. So we were like, you gotta be careful. You gotta be careful.

And then that was two months ago, he got the license and then he totaled it. Like a week ago. He was fine. It was a random thing. He's fine. But my wife and I, who, you know. His fault?

It was his fault. Yeah. It was his fault. I mean, it was kind of the fault of a car that moved in front of him, that moved away, and then the car slowed down in front of him, and he tried to get around them, and he clipped the back wheel and airbags out.

It was scary, but he's fine. But like, my wife and I, when we handle it, we handle things very differently with him. And suddenly, like once we knew he was okay, we were like, okay, now let's go in on him. Because like, now we're on the same page. And she's like, you gotta respect me. And I'm like, yeah, you don't respect anything.

I'm like, I'm like. He's like, flavor of flavor. He's like a high man. And she's like, Chuck D, I'm letting her be Chuck D. I'm like fine with it. She's like, you gotta, this is our family, it's a killing machine. I'm like, you can kill anyone.

Yeah, it's a killing machine. And then she goes, you don't listen to what we're saying. I'm like, yeah, dummy. And she goes. You said yeah, dummy? She's like, you can't say dummy. What is it, tough crowd? You can't listen to what we're saying. I'm like, yeah, dummy. And she goes. You said yeah, dummy? She's like, you can't say dummy. What is it, Tough Crowd? I'm like, what?

You can't say dummy. I'm like, suddenly, Rickles? So I'm like, and she's like, you can't say dummy. And I'm like, he's being dumb. Then it became like five minutes on how I'm not talking, right? And I was like, man, I'm out of this whole thing. But so later, after I cooled down

and we realized exactly what happened, I did come to him and I was like, man, I am sorry. I went in really hard, I went so hard. I really feel badly about it. I know you weren't trying to screw it up and I know there will be consequences, but I'm sorry about how I spoke to you.

I had to. I think my parents' generation never did that. Never. I think that if nothing else, what a change in parenting. I mean, you're teaching your kid how to then say you're sorry and other situations that happens. I always feel that way. I cannot remember what this was for,

but I understand why our parents were that way too, because there's a moment where someone catches you in something, namely your spouse. I think my wife caught me and like, you were acting this way about this. And I was like, no, I wasn't. I got very like, no, I wasn't, no, I wasn't. I can't even remember what it was.

It was tiny. But I just didn't wanna own up to it in that moment. I was embarrassed that I was acting the way that I was because it was stupid. And I was like, and then I just flat out said, I'm sorry. It took all of the, it took, like, it was the easiest thing to do, but I just didn't wanna do it for so long.

And finally I was like, you know what, fuck this. I'm just gonna say, I'm sorry. It was such a small thing and it just changed the tenor of everything. I was like, ah. How'd you feel after that? So much better. Yeah.

So much better, so much better. It brings you closer to the person. Totally brings you closer. Cause then you're like, you're you're like you're just admitting I fucked up yeah right right yeah who's the worst feature act that ever opened for you guys on stage sometimes you know you go on the road you don't bring somebody and they just throw you so I don't know I don't remember this person's name no no I wouldn't want you to say their name you You would. No, I wouldn't. He said wouldn't.

No, I would not want to. Yeah, so we were up in Portland, Oregon. Yep, they'll say the same thing. And this guy was not a bad comic, but he was just wrong for us. Like a bad, I think he had like his final bit was like. Spitting on. I don't know.

Spitting on someone's pussy. All right, whatever. It was not right for before. Dirty, dirty, dirty to the point where you're like, oh, now we gotta like, whatever, we're gonna say that's even half shocking, it's not registering at all. We're digging out of this hole that this guy did.

And it wasn't even that funny, just the audience was like, what was that? And Ron Funchus was opening for us at that zoo. He was the host. Wait, he was the feature? He was the host, that's how new he was. And this other guy was the feature, and we'd never done this ever, ever, ever,

because we never wanna do this. We went to the club manager and we were like, listen, I'm sorry that we're gonna ask this. Can we flip-flop? Because Ron was hilarious. Can we flip-flop these two and flip them so that Ron can feature and this guy can we flip flop? Because Ron was hilarious. Yeah. Flip flop these two and flip them so that Ron can feature and this guy can host them. And we'll ask him not to do this bit.

And it just sucks. Oh, the other one that was terrible was we were in Dallas, Texas, and at Hyenas. And this guy who was like. The downtown one. You know those. Fine. Great.

Mockingbird sound. Packed and so good. This guy was like in the green room before the thing was talking to us about how he sold so much merch in the last few nights, because we hadn't been to this one. You were in the other one. They put you in all three.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You did Plano, then Fort Worth, and then you came. So we were like, oh, that's cool. And he just keeps going on about how much merch he's selling. And then Randy and I are like, well, we have to sell our merch because we're splitting the money. So we have to sell a certain amount of merch

in order to like help add to the thing. So Randy and I are looking at each other. The more he's talking about his merch, and we're like, okay. So he gets up for a second, goes out, and we're like, we gotta tell are looking at each other. The more he's talking about his merch, and we're like, okay. So, he gets up for a second, goes out, and we're like, we gotta tell him not to sell merch. You can't sell his merch, that was his show. You already had a great week, you had to listen to him.

You're bragging like crazy. So, we're like, hey man, you didn't ask us, and we're headlining, and we don't do this ever, but honestly, we need to be able to sell our merch on this show, and since you've had be able to sell our merch on this show. And since you've had such a great weekend, as you've talked about ad nauseam, like non-stop, like we're gonna ask that you don't sell merch on this show. Just this show. And we'll see how it goes. I think we let him on the late show or whatever. I don't know.

So he gets on stage and he does like an extra like 20 minutes, 15 minutes. Like I think he did like 32 minutes as a feature. 33. Supposed to do 20. 20. We're like what the f- and the crowd was so hot and we're like he's taking the whole you know and then of course we got on stage and it was fine and we had a great set and then because he wasn't selling his merch we sold a ton of merch and so then afterwards like at the merch table we're like he wasn't selling his merch, we sold a ton of merch. And so then, and then we afterwards, like at the merch table, we're like, he ain't selling shit. No, he is not.

No, because he did an extra 15 minutes. You can't do that to me. How dare you? No, it's tough. I've had shows where like the feature goes, hey, can I sell my merch? And I always go like, I never act like, yeah, sure. I'm always like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine.

I go just, what I ask is just don't be on the same table as me. I need a little space between, because I don't want audience members buying from me and then feeling like they have to buy from him or not buying from me because then he's standing there. So I go a little distance, and then the host goes, I'm selling stickers.

It's like, no, you're not. No, you're actually not. You know why? I don't even mind that it turns into a bizarre in the lobby, but I don't like that now each person is taking two minutes out of their set to do a fucking QVC ad for what they're selling. It just takes the flow out of the show.

Do you do a joke about what you're selling? Cause we started to do jokes. Oh, I kill with mine. What's your joke? What's your merch joke? we started to do jokes. Oh, I kill with mine. What's your joke? What's your merch joke? I say, well, you know, I sell pins. Yes. And I said, well, I got these pins.

They're great. You can put them on your denim jacket or your backpack or just throw them in that drawer that's got the flashlight and the dead batteries in it. That's it. And it's cash only. So don't try to give me Bitcoin or Venmo and I'll do something local. Like I was in Wisconsin, I went, or a block of cheese.

Just give me the cash. Uncle Sam doesn't need to know about my little pin hustle. That's great. And that's what I do, I only take cash. It's amazing. We say that Ranny's daughter just got into the University of Michigan and they cheer and we're like, and we have, first, and we have merch in the back

and people don't know how they're connecting. We're like, so what we're saying is, if we don't sell out of this merch, both of my daughters are gonna have to go to Michigan State. I can't, I would rather they go to a women's prison. And it's a big laugh. And then people come out.

We had a woman in San Diego. This was the greatest and also the most uncomfortable and also the greatest thing I've ever seen. She walks out to our merch table, drops out her purse and she's like, takes out her credit card and she's like, I want it. And we're like, what can we get you? Like there's shirts and hats.

So I want to buy for other people. And we're like, okay. I don't want to tell, what can we get you? Like there's shirts and hats. So I wanna buy for other people, and we're like, okay. I don't wanna tell you what to do. Well I don't know how that works, and she then goes to the. As people are coming out, she's like, you want merch, I'm buying merch. Which is like just not a situation that anyone is even.

So a bunch of people are like, we don't want merch, and so we have to see people say we don't want their merch. Yeah. No, we don't want that shit. And so we're like rejected from like terrible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like all these people are leaving. She's buying it for you. You can throw it away.

And then we're like, she's not doing well. It's at our fault. I mean, she and then Jane are like, she could do a better job marketing. Maybe she needs a better like approach. whatever. Maybe she needs a better approach. Now we're talking about her approach. Do we need to school her on that? Then some people are like, that's so nice, I will. And she starts buying merch,

and she buys $500 worth of our merch for other people and herself. And her husband is standing eight feet away like, all right, she does this. And so we're feeling bad, but she does it. And they're two rich people, I think, who come to the show and we're like, can we give you a hug?

Can we, let's take a picture with you. You're so sweet. Honestly, it's such a funny thing. The merch is such a funny thing because our dad was a traveling salesman, sold alterations of lives. Remember that? He sold Velcro and like needles and thread

and shoulder pads and like bra cups. And our MTV show got canceled and then we didn't have work and we were nervous as we were doing. He said, why don't you go on a business trip for me to Washington DC. And so we go to DC to like these big malls and we're walking around in malls while our MTV show is still on the air

and kids are like, what are you doing here? And we're like, we're selling shoulder pads, bitch. Get out of here. Selling them to who? To like tailors and like Neimans and Saks. Neimans and Taylor. So you got a suitcase full of samples and you're walking into departments

still dressed in suits. In like today's man suits, men's warehouse. And we, I mean, it was like- I hope this is in the show that you guys are doing. It's man suits, men's warehouse. And we, I mean it was like. I hope this is in the show that you guys are doing. It's not, but it's such a. By the way, that was a joke that got cut from our thing from the VES awards that I was sad about. We're like, you know, this is welcome

to Hollywood's most glamorous night. You know, the fashion here is just incredible. I can't tell you, we were just on the red carpet. I can't tell you how many times someone said, who are you wearing? And they're like Nordstrom Rack, today's man. How do they cut that? They said they don't want it.

These are successful people who know how to dress. I was like, all right, all right. But so we were walking around and Randy and I, after that weekend, Filene's basement. Basement, basement. Right, Ross dressed for last. Filene's basement.

So we walk around and we get to like stay at some shitty hotel and we say to ourselves, we're never doing this. We are not doing this. This is not as much as our dad wants us to be in this life with him, which I understand he got into the business. It's a three person business. He really dreamed of his sons joining him in this business. We probably would have done well and okay and it would have been a nice life and great

for him. It is not what we want to do. We want to do the polar opposite of this. Now we are carrying our merch to cities and selling our merch to people. We're doing the goddamn same thing. Yeah, and I'm sitting behind a microphone interviewing people. That's right. You become your parent. We are a puzzle.

You're the middle circle. All right, listen, the Sklar brothers are coming to your town. They're going to be in Aspen, Colorado. At the Aspen Comedy Festival. Did you know that thing's happening? Is it HBO again? I don't know if it's HBO, but it might just be the Aspen Comedy Festival. Wheeler Opera House.

Huge theater. I'm very excited. And it's March so you can ski. Yeah, March 12th. I want to do it so badly. Detroit, March 13th through 15th. And then Minneapolis at ACME on March 20th and 22nd. Some people say it's the best club in the country.

I love it. I mean, so we went to Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle, first time we've been there in like 30 years, had the best shows. Detroit's back, baby. It's back. So back. So back, and like the fans were great,

the shows were great, so we did that, and then I loved Minneapolis, and then two weeks later we're at at ComedyWorks in Landmark. ComedyWorks in Denver, you're at the outside of Denver. South one, which I love. It's a bigger room, you can make a little more money. Yeah, it's fantastic. Do they pay you more when you work that room

versus the South one? We've been trying to craft our deals in such a way that you sell a certain amount of tickets and it switches to a percentage, which is way better for us. That's the way you do it. Way, way better. That's the way you do it.

So you have more of an opportunity to hit that with more people there. Hey way better for us. That's the way you do it. Way, way better. That's the way you do it. So you have more of an opportunity to hit that with more people there. Hey, look at us. We're all just grinding week to week after all these years. This is what Patrice, our IP would say, is like, I'm just a grime. That's who I am. I'm just gonna be grinding this thing out.

But that's how you get better. So when you see a comic, when you see someone who's been like incredibly, that's why Burst's so good. He still goes out and does sets. if you see someone who was like a great comic but then they get successful they do movies and stuff they don't have time to do stand-up anymore or they don't want to do stand-up because they're like I don't have to do that grind anymore yeah you're not as good right we by our nature of where we are in this business we have to go out and do it all the time

so we're still sharp I think it's think. There's a confidence level that comes from going to the gym, you know? It's like you gotta go to the gym because there's subtleties that people have no idea how many split second decisions, hundreds of them, are made during a set. And when you're confident, because you've been going to the gym,

then you can make those, like you guys talked about the adjustments, the gym, then you can make those, like you guys talked about the adjustments, the constant. Am I talking too loud? Am I not moving enough? Little things, do I hit this word? Do I take a longer beat between these two jokes because right now they're too hot

and I gotta cool them down because this is a stupid. I mean the pause is everything. So we were working on our two-man show, which we just. Oh yeah, let's talk about that for a minute. So we just did it at SketchFest at the Gateway Theater. In San Francisco. We just did a run of it at the Lyric Hyperion here. We have New York investors.

The hope is to take it to Broadway. Really? You got investors? We have investors. Yeah, people involved. That's good, you guys. So I believe that maybe sometime in the near next year, we have a shot to maybe bring it to New York off Broadway,

then bring it to Broadway if we're lucky. I love this show, I think it's great. But there was one little thing that we kind of added on the show and literally the pause is everything. Yeah. The joke was we survived the TikTok ban. Darkest eight hours of my life.

Yeah, terrible. Because I was like, what am I supposed to watch? I said, what am I supposed to watch while I'm driving? All right, that was my joke. And we're like put a pause. And then our buddy, Evan Shapiro, who's our director, he was like, put the pause in between watch and driving.

So then I said it, with darkest eight hours of my life, what am I supposed to watch while I'm driving? And the pause made it bigger. It made what you just said. Like, do I pause? Do I pause there? Do I not? Do I hear?

And it's the difference between sometimes no laugh and a huge laugh. And that's why, if you think of a joke, I guess if I were to talk to young comedians, and I do, I actually mentor a couple people. We have too. And I bring them on the road with me, and I try to get them auditions in town,

and I read their stuff. But I would say to them, if you had a strong feeling that a piece of material was good, and it doesn't work 12 times, do it 13, do it 14, because there's a reason why you thought there was something there. You just haven't found the way to communicate it yet. That's right.

And it's going to be the difference between a word or a pause or an inflection. I mean, who's the quote? What's that great quote I heard? Winners are losers who haven't quit yet. I mean, that's such a great quote and it's so right on and it's so true. It's like you bail on something before you give it its real shot, before you really work every angle of it. Then you might be giving up. When the fires were happening here, which were terrible,

we tried to find what's even remotely funny about the way we were engaging with this whole thing, which was how much local news we were watching. After never watching, I didn't even know we had local news stations here in LA, but then for like a week, I know everything about like Dallas Reigns. You know, how he's getting his suits tailored.

We see the changeover from afternoon to evening, and I can tell the difference between that. We know them so well. What we said was it's like hooking up with someone at a destination wedding, you know what I mean? Like something you're spending all the time with. And then you're like, well, we come back. You come back to the mainland and you're like,

new TV, who dis? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do a joke about it. I go, now because of the fires now, everybody's depressed except local news. Because it's the only time we watch local news. That's it. And they know that we're waiting for them.

They're like, welcome back to Channel 4 News. We're still fucking here. Right. Let's go out to Chopper 4 now and take a look at that blaze. How's it look, Dennis? Brrr. Well, Bill, about an hour ago, the fire was almost completely out. But then as we slowly lowered the chopper to just above the flames, suddenly they're

shooting out in all directions. We're back in business. See you at 11. That's so funny. We're like, these guys the next week are trying their hardest to just rope you back in. Like, come on, there's wind in the inland empire. I don't give a shit about the inland empire. You can see other channels.

It's fine, there's other channels. It's fine, we're open. And then we're about to shut off the TV and they're like, I'm pregnant. You're like, it's not pregnant. How do you know it's ours? It's a pillow, I can see the corners sticking out of your shirt. How do you know it's ours?

All right guys, thanks again, Love you. Love you too. Alright. Looking to buy your dream home or rent that perfect apartment? With the Redfin app, you'll know the moment your next place hits the market. Set up your gotta-have-it wish list and Redfin will send you real-time notifications for properties that match. And when you're ready to see it in person, scheduling a tour is just a tap away. Thinking about selling? Redfin can do that too. In fact, Redfin agents close twice as many deals as other agents, so they know how to get the best price for

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