Fitzdog Radio - Tom Papa - Episode 1082

Episode Date: January 15, 2025

My pal, Tom Papa comes in and helps me accept myself.Follow Tom Papa on Instagram @TomPapaExclusive $35-off Carver Mat at AuraFrames.com. Use code FITZDOG at checkout to save!My Bookie: https://mybookie.website/FITZWatch my special "You Know Me" on YouTube! http://bit.ly/FitzYouKnowMeAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

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If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. Bet MGM, operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Hi, welcome to Fit... welcome to Fitzer... little smokey here in Los Angeles. I have asthma, and I have gone through my inhaler in about five days now. I got it good, obviously Venice Beach, we're concrete, we are inflammable. Believe me, this place is parts of it have burnt down enough already. We're very lucky. A lot of people

I know are not as lucky. I've got some friends that lost their houses. My son's best friend, not his best friend, but good friend. This whole family, three generations, lived in a house that burned to the ground. And it's, you know, it's a lot of people in LA were house rich and paper poor. Paper? Money? And when the house goes down it's kind of everything it's a word it was people's retirements it was there it's just Anyway, I don't need to tell you guys. I'm sure watching it on the news Shout out to the police and the firemen who are doing an amazing job latter 63 here in Venice Talk to some of those guys today. They're working fucking 48-hour shifts. And of course it's gotten politicized. Isn't that amazing? Isn't it exhausting? If you're one of those people that finds a way to politicize even a fire. Don't you just get tired? Don't you just feel like,

God, I have to add another layer to reality because I want clickbait on the internet or I want to feel heard or I want to be a politician making a point because that's my job to make a point no matter what you know it's like oh yeah it's LA's fault you know because they were doing an operation on a trans kid and the blowtorch they were using to remove the penis caught fire and it burned because the wind the wind from all the vegans farting and the palisades and fucking what other stereotype do they have about us all the other throuples throuple parties were urinating their vaccines out and the vaccines caught fire we just shut up shut up for a minute and just

feel bad for these people. Thousands of people that are homeless. And it's not all... look I know the Palisades is a lot of rich people. You know, Steven Spielberg does not need my used Costco socks. I put a whole pile of clothes together to donate and then I turned on KTLA the local news they're like yeah we're good on clothes we got clothes like I you know it's nice everybody wanted to pitch in everybody wanted to give stuff but they need money so I'll tell you later a great place to donate money but for now let's stick to how it's not our fault you know we

live in a fucking arid place it's just we didn't we well you guys should have weeded what tens of thousands of acres hundreds of thousands of acres oh yeah that's what I'm gonna do this weekend I'll cancel my gig at the at the Green Bay chuckle hut so I can get on my hands and knees and pull out dead weeds in the Santa Monica mountains. Shut the fuck up, we didn't weed. Come on, do you weed? I don't even weed my own garden.

If the flames hit my house, we are going up in full, we're going up fast, because I haven't weeded shit. We got a lot of dead plants stuck to the side of my house anyway it's sad because it's even in the rich neighborhoods there's still like landscapers whose entire livelihood is in these neighborhoods in the Palisades these guys can't just like go sign up for another job they've spent decades building up a list of of of lawns that they care for and now you've got hundreds of these landscapers they can't just like go to another neighborhood

and start poaching lawns they're fucked they're fucked housekeepers I don't know it's a lot it's gonna affect us for many and first of all it's gonna be a lot of years because I just put a new gate up on my fence or three gates around my fence and it took me about four months to track down a contractor that had time to put three gates up. Now, this was before the fires. Excuse me. Now, good luck with the fires, finding a crew, a crew of people to redo tens of thousands of houses

as we're deporting people, half the work force, fuck that, keep them. I think that they should have a moratorium on deporting anybody from Los Angeles for the next two years. I'm going out of San Diego with some fucking wire cutters. I'm opening up, I'm opening up the fence. I'm gonna leave tools, tool belts with hammers and saws we need them right now as we always have we've always quietly counted on

immigrants to do shit sorry that's what I've sounded like for the last five days um land it oh my, by the way, I Can't swear to it, but I got out of the shower Yesterday and I walked into my room and I can swear I saw my wife Dressing me with her eyes. I Can't swear to it, but it looked like she was clothing me I can't swear to it, but it looked like she was clothing me. Is it weird that I still suck? Do you suck your belly in around your spouse?

Is that unusual? Should you just feel like you can let it all hang out literally or I don't, I suck my belly in around my wife because I want her to be attracted to me and I'm embarrassed that I look like a fucking like a skinny snake with a big rat in his belly a big bulging belly good alliteration that's why my podcast is in the top 25,000 on on on YouTube yeah all right let's get to it just got back from South Africa literally we landed our I don't know if I talked about this yet we our plane was landing as the flames had just started so we saw the smoke and the flames we hadn't heard anything in the news because we've been flying for 24 hours. It's fucking crazy.

And, it's been hiding inside this whole time. So, but we land and my kids, honestly, can I say this? My kids were a bit cunty by the end of the trip, by the end of the three week trip where money was flying out. I mean, if I told you what the airfare was for the four of us, money was flying at it. I mean if I told you what the airfare was for the four of us it was ludicrous and then no thank yous

nobody said hey you know what thanks that's it. Now to work just by the end shitty attitude and then we land and we're taking an uber X so that we didn't have to go to the Lyft Uber site at LAX so that we got picked up at the curb for double the price as we're driving home in that expensive vehicle and they're being shitty all the sudden I hear my daughter get on the phone with her friend oh is she charming all the sudden all this warmth and jolliness pops up. Who the fuck are you? Who were you two minutes ago?

Anyway, it's like they're at a weird age. They're in their early 20s and it's like you're not a child anymore and you're not an adult so we still buy you everything. We still pay for your trips but you're not at the age where you're expected to say thank you What the fuck is that? Um All right, let's get to it I'll be coming to you this weekend. I'll be in janesville, wisconsin january 17th and 18th at the comedy cabin

And then next week i'll be in Nyack, New York and Raleigh, North Carolina following that Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Why am I in Milwaukee twice in the same month? Call my agents. Please ask him. I'd like some answers. Then I'll be in Vegas at Brad Garrett's Club, Fontana, California, Atlanta, Georgia, Hollywood, California, Ontario, Toronto, Pittsburgh, Tampa, La Jolla, FitzDog.com for some tickets while you're there. Pick yourself up. The Sunday Papers t-shirt still available all sizes. My guest, and by the way keep in mind my guest I interviewed before I left for South

Africa so it was a month ago So if we don't address the fires Then understand it was because they hadn't happened yet This guy is one of my dearest friends we've known each other for 25 years and he is just a quality human being and What you consider to be a truly good friend. You know him from his serious XM satellite show, What a Joke with Papa and Fortune, Come to Papa, he's on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, he was on the Nick on HBO, The Informants, the B-movie, Jim Gaffigan's show. He's got a new special on Netflix called You're Doing Great. Not that new. In the last year. You're Doing Great. He's got a book out by the same name. And he's the best. I know you're gonna love him. Here's my chat with the great Tom Papa is my guest.

He looks pensive. He's got his fist on his chin. He's trying to figure out what am I doing here? What did I owe Greg that I drove to South Robertson? Put on a black suit, didn't shave for two weeks, kind of going for a Gaffigan look. Why do I look like Jim Gaffigan? I feel like Gaffigan and I are crossing because he's on Manjaro. He's getting skinny. And I'm eating lots of chocolates and getting fatter. Are you?

I feel like we're starting to meld. And I'm always off, but you know Gaffigan's Gaffigan. He's always like, has his finger on the pulse. And I always show up a couple years late. So I'm growing a beard when no one else is, and I'm getting fat when everyone's losing weight. Right, everybody's losing weight. I know.

And you're getting bigger. Yeah. I zig when they zag, and I'm off and wrong. It is funny when you're trying to figure out the next thing and we're doing that here in the studio. We're working on some technological things that are going to be interesting. Oh cool. And I'll keep you abreast because it might be something you want to do in here.

Oh nice. Very state of the art. But anyway, I missed, you know what I caught? I caught, what was the first app? MySpace. I was Johnny MySpace. I had so many followers. And MySpace was great because say you were going to Toledo,

you could punch in Toledo and it would hit everybody in that market. It was very specific. And then the next ones, I just was, like you said, I was always two steps behind. So were you, you were like the pioneer, like Dane Cook days? Well, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, not as big as him, but like by far my biggest app of all the social media platforms, that was the one I was so, because I had somebody working for me. The improv had like a social media department before anybody did And they just did all the tricks and they built me up tons of followers. Yeah, it really worked I remember being at the cellar at the table and uh some comics were bemoaning dane cook's

Celebrity, yeah, he was so huge and like why he was huge and it was after the crest of myspace But he was still big Dane and Some comics were just being like, you know, well he had my space and kind of like, you know Taking the wind out of his sails and you know, it's just cuz of my space just cuz of my space Yeah, and I was sitting next to David Feldman and It's just kind of quietly listening to these guys bitching and he just looks up and goes, I was on MySpace at the same time. That didn't happen to me. He's got something guys.

Right, right, I know. That is funny. Yeah, it was right, you know. Yeah. Yeah, you gotta be in the thing, but also you gotta have the thing I guess. I think it's how people look at Hollywood in like the 1940s when, like, you just had to go to Hollywood.

It seems like it. And you could be a star. Oh, like when you look back and you watch Turner Classic, you're like, oh, I would've tore it up in the 40s. Because they weren't good looking. They didn't know what was going on. Yeah, the acting was stiff. It's like, yeah, you just showed up on the Greyhound,

and they took your bags, and they got you one of those hotels on Sunset. And they got you a contract. Yeah. You had one of the first jokes about wheels on luggage that I ever heard. I did. Yeah.

I don't even remember it. I'm just picturing a guy with a suitcase. No one had wheels. Everyone just had to carry their luggage. No, there's a guy who's the driver. If you go to, god, what club is it? Tempe Improv. There's a great guy there who's a,

they have a limo driver because the hotel is a little bit of a distance from the club. And the Improvs are pretty good about sending the limos to pick you up. You don't always get the best pay, but the perks are good. The hotels are always first rate. The food's always good at the clubs. It's well run.

Not a limo limo. Well, it's like an SUV. Right. And so I've gotten to know this guy over the years pretty well. His son is a pretty famous Tony award winning musician. Right. Anyway, he was a baggage guy for, you know,

40 years at the airport in Phoenix, and it was a union gig. You made tons of tips. Right. And then the wheelie bags came along, and my job was over. Wow. He's like, the day we saw somebody drive one on wheels,

we just looked at each other like, oh shit. We're done. Grandma can do her own luggage. I watch planes, trains, and automobiles as I do every Thanksgiving Eve. Oh, you do? Oh. And they get caught on the train,

and everyone has got to get off the train and walk across the muddy field. And everybody's carrying luggage. Like everything in that movie, it's people carrying bags. And it's not that long ago. And people are just picking up your thing and going. No, I mean early in our careers we didn't have the bags. I would take a duffel bag over my shoulder.

Yeah, yeah. But I do think if you could have just had like a little tiny suitcase gotten out here in 1940, you could have been, you could have been Clark Abel. Me personally? Yeah, you could have just come out and been like, I'm gonna run all over these chumps. Who are these stiffs? Why? What do you think held me back in this career? Held you back? Because I was in the right places at the right time. Were you?

Well, I was in Boston when all those guys came out of Boston. I was in New York when me, you, and Gaffigan, and Louie, and everybody were coming up. Came out to LA at the same time. I'm not saying I've always joked that I crawled my way to the same time. I'm not, I'm saying, I always joke that I crawled my way to the middle and I'm staying right there. I kind of like the middle. And yeah, but it is weird when you see some people explode and some don't. And I don't, I don't harbor any ill will. I really don't. I'm very grateful. I was thinking when you asked me that question,

uh, the first thing that popped into my head, whether I'm me that question, first thing that popped into my head, whether I'm right or wrong, first thing that popped into my head, and by the way, you have made it, but I know what you mean, like different levels, is that you were content. Yeah. You were happy, you built this life.

Interesting. With this beautiful community, Yeah. And beautiful family. Yeah. And pop up to the comedy store, do your thing, got your shows, got your pods, got all your great friends in the comedy community, everyone loves Greg Fitzsimmons.

You did it. And you were content. And the idea of blowing any part of that up to get a little incremental bump in something, to do what? To be back, improve that happy situation you have? I don't know. You just made my day.

It's the truth though, right? I love that. That's a really nice way to frame it and I'm gonna hold on to that. Yeah, it's the truth. Well, it's, you know. Except for everybody loving you. I mean, there's a couple people

that have a big problem with you. Dane Cook. For the most part. Because of my MySpace. I was right there with him. Yeah, no, it is true and I see you in the same way. Like we chose to have families and to actually take them seriously.

Yeah. To actually show up and do some parenting. Yeah. But, and it's nice now as they get to a certain age, your daughters are out of high school, almost out of high school? One just graduated college last year. No! And one is a sophomore in college. No

So our kid I didn't realize our kids are the exact same age Wow I always thought of you as having like they were like two years younger No, I always thought I was a slightly better father than you are, but I when I see pictures of you I think maybe it's wrong, but I always thought metrics What are the metrics on you thinking that you're better? Can you quantify it? Only one thing. Yeah, only one thing. The one thing, the one way I thought I was a better father was that regardless of how

late I would have a show or travel, when the house woke up, I woke up. And I know that you would sleep in that's right when you had a late spot or a late thing and i was like yeah i think i i think i had you out now you got me there yeah well then i see how much they love you and stuff and i'm like well maybe it didn't matter maybe i could have slept you could have slept they weren't happy to see me in the kitchen at that time maybe that's the next of your that's your next memoir i could have slept i could have slept in.

I think the kids, I mean, you see all these kids that grew up like, to use an extreme example, like children of the Holocaust who end up, it was always like city college in New York that they went to, and then they got a law degree, and then they fought in the war,

and then they, you know, and they built these lives out of trauma and somehow raised kids that were good and you just go like kids will thrive as long as to me give them consistency yeah like don't set up the expectation that I'm gonna be a breakfast and then all of a sudden stop going to breakfast. I was never at breakfast. That's the problem. I started it out. And I just couldn't hear the noise without popping up.

You felt guilty. I didn't feel guilty. I wanted to kind of see what was up, see what's a part of it, you know, a little bit. But you know, you hear stories of the generations before us, kids like left home at 10 and just went out into the world. I read Mark Twain left when he was 14, 13, 12 maybe. And never went home to see his parents again.

Never went home. Out in the world. You got to, alright let's go. Like, you know, I think your kids, forget like even seeing them at breakfast, if they just took off, they would have been fine. They would have been fine and you know, there is a big argument about the kind of parenting that we did with our kids, which was very like,

almost led by them, like we support them, we try to allow them to take the form that they're gonna take organically and not try to push them into anything or shame them or push them too hard. And really there is kind of like a blowback from that right now where you're seeing kids that are lacking motivation in some ways.

I see it with my kids, they're comfortable in their own skin, which I think is the greatest gift we can give them, but I don't know that, I came out of the gate running out of college. Right, exactly. And they're not running. No, no, I think, yeah, but it's hard because the reason we did it was it was fun to have a family.

If I'm gonna have a family, I'm gonna have some popcorn and watch a movie together. And we're gonna go on a trip together and like, let's do this, like, this is fun. You hear about people sending their kids like to boarding school and it's like, really? You send your kid out at nine to a... So weird.

It's way before college. But don't you find when you ever hear those stories or talk to people who went through it, it was nothing but positive. They loved it. They have a good relationship with their family and they see them on the holidays and they were just out... Being raised by each other. Yeah.

Because you talked to three of my really tight friends. They were my roommates in college and still like my closest friends. They all went to boarding school together. And totally well adjusted. Yeah. Are all great parents. But they said that there was no supervision really.

I mean, you could get busted for having alcohol. But they weren't holding your hand. They basically really did. There was a pecking order. It was Lord of the Flies. And you know, got variants of sports. Yeah. You know, thick sports.

I don't know if it was an all boys school. No, no, it was boys and girls. Oh really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you could have survived. You could have done it. You know, God, would you imagine missing those four years of your kid's life? It's weird. Like, I mean,

now they're just gone and it's like, oh wow. Yeah. You know, yeah. Like why do it? Yeah. Just to see, just to see them on the holidays. Yeah. You know what I mean? It was like those years were, they're great and watching them grow and all of it was so cool. Is Angelina back at home? No, she's living in New York as a person. No. She assistant directed. I directed Dave Hill in his new uh off Broadway thing. Uh huh. Um caveman in a spaceship. Yeah. And she worked on that. She was an assistant. No kidding. On that and then she's got an ad agency job.

And she's doing what we did, just building her tribe and finding her way. Amazing. Grown up in New York. Wow. Yeah, my son's moving there in June. I think every kid should live in New York for at least a couple of years.

Yeah, it's so great. It just tightens you up. It gets rid of the fat. And you have to learn how to get your dry cleaning and then get into the subway and then pick up your dinner for the night at the, you don't shop for the week at the grocery store. Everyone's hustling.

Everyone's hustling, and it's creative, and it's really, it's great. I was just there all last week doing a bunch of stuff, and I was going out to dinner, and there was like a kerfuffle, like it was just slow all last week doing a bunch of stuff. And I was going out to dinner and there was like a kerfuffle. Like it was just slow getting a table and we had a reservation. And it was like, you know, just like it's getting long. It's like, went up to the hostess and was like, you know, let me see if I can pressure the situation,

make a move and get my table. Right. And she kind of just dismissed me pretty quickly. And I was like, oh, wait a minute, yeah, I'm not, I'm not just, I'm not in Iowa. I'm in a city that's filled with people going up to the hostess trying to make a move. Everybody thinks they're hot shit.

Everybody's doing hustling. And it was like, this is just not right. Did you go up and say, have you seen I Love the 70s? Do you have basic cable even? I had two times in LA that, for the first time I successfully pulled out a bribe, slipped a 20 in a handshake and got the table. That felt good, didn't it?

I was never able to do it my whole life. And it was just like, I always feel like, oh, they're not gonna want it. And I'm gonna feel like a jerk. They're gonna say, no, you can't bribe me officer. And it turns out they really want it. What restaurant? I don't wanna say because one is a...

Is it a well-known restaurant in New York? Really well-known in LA. I feel like the better known one's... I don't wanna say it because I wanna do it again. Yeah, yeah. No, I did that at a hotel once. I asked for an upgrade and I slid over my ID with a $20 bill and they put me in a suite for 20 bucks.

Really? For three nights. I upgraded. Wow. Because what do they care? They have the discretion to do that at any time. Right, yeah exactly. That's the thing when you travel, you know what they can do. Let me point this out. It was not the Four Seasons. It was a guest quarter suite hotel.

Do you know those? No. They're very basic. They're very nice and clean and decent. Yeah. But the suite is just basically two rooms. Right. It's not like, there's no thick robe.

I love a thick robe. Do you? I don't like a thick robe. I like a thick robe in a hotel, actually, because there's no activities happening. I don't mind that. At home, thin robe, because I'm usually doing stuff. I don't need the big wizard arms when I'm trying to.

You gotta get stuff done, you need a thin robe. You wanna be like a wizard. Yeah. Yeah, you gotta be, yeah, thin robe at home. Yeah. I like a robe though. Yeah, I wear a robe every single morning. I have one.

It's from, it's from it's from restoration hardware oh some random reason nice but it is thick terry cloth I swear to God I've had it for 15 years and I put it on every single morning with my Ugg slippers no upgrade you know you don't want to upgrade there's no need no it's just worn in like a mitt like a good baseball mitt once in a while you find something in life and you just go this this is it. I'm good. This is gonna ride me to the end.

What about the Ugg slippers? Do you upgrade those? I've only had, I've had them maybe three years and I've checked in with myself recently, like how's my slipper game? And I said, it's still fluffy. Those Uggs, man, they stay fluffy. They do.

Yeah. I know. You go to DSW, those things are gonna flatten out in about three weeks. Yeah, it's bougie baby. Do you slipper? Yeah, I just have been starting to slipper, Uggs slipper. Really? Yeah.

Okay. And I think it's been two years and it's Christmas time and I Dropped the yeah might be time to re-up these because I'm I don't need anything or want anything. Yeah, it's it all get annoyed And I'm like, well, you know, it's probably I could keep going but they need a gift. Yeah, I'm like, let's yeah Let's say right fluff it up fluff it up. I like it. I like being the Mr. Rogers in the house. I also have indoor vans. I saw a TikTok about this, about like dads who think they're think they got it together.

It's like, I got I got vans to take that I take out to the garbage. Then I got my inside vans. And I'm like, oh, I'm a cliche because I thought I had invented that. But I like the Mr. Rogers indoor. Sit down, you have a little bench you sit down when you come in. I don't like not wearing shoes in the house. No.

But I get the idea of not taking in humanity's filth into the house. Yes. So when you get in, you change into your Mr. Rogers shoes. Everybody does. Uh, no. No. I just do it.

Yeah. I don't like being barefoot. I just do it. Yeah. I don't like being barefoot. I've never enjoyed being barefoot. I was barefoot last night because I slipped them out of the slippers. And I extended them onto the coffee table and my wife sat down and I was like, this isn't a good look.

Just big man feet on the coffee table. Put it away. How are your feet? You comfortable with them? Yeah, they're pretty solid. They're not a mess and I see them. I can still see them. Yeah. Put it away. How are your feet? You comfortable with them? Yeah, they're pretty solid. They're not a mess. And I see them.

I can still see them. I'm not like, you know, old dudes stop looking at a certain point. Right. And then the toenails start to get thick and yellow. That was one of like my first jokes. When I was at Rascals, we were talking about Rascals, it was, old men don't clip their toenails. They sound like a German shepherd on the linoleum. Oh my God.

My father's were so bad. They started to like curl into straw. I was just like, dude, I had to, you know, I know we're the only ones that see your toenails, but even for us, it's like nauseating. Or just for yourself. Like how can you handle that Frito thickness, orange thickness on your own feet?

Yeah, I know. At a certain point, they just don't care. But your dad was showbiz. He was showbiz, but he was, you know, foot shod. He was never barefoot on the radio. I mean, that's kind of the beauty of being a radio guy is that, you know, it's not like radio now where we're on camera. How do you like this background, by the way? Ooh, it's kind of the beauty of being a radio guy. Yeah. Is that, you know, it's not like radio now where we're on camera.

How do you like this background, by the way? Ooh, it's really nice. Yeah, I noticed that you've upped your game on social media. Looks really good. Yeah, you look very professional. Thank you. Yeah, I like it. Yeah.

It's time, you know? Every comedian is now running their own TV studio. I know. It's time, you know? Every comedian is now running their own TV studio. I know! It's crazy! It's where building sets, running cable. And you talk about being two steps behind. I talked to Ian Bagg the other day. He goes on the road with four cameras and a videographer and sets them up all over the stage,

and then they're editing constantly, you know. Geez. And I know Morel does the same thing. There's a bunch of guys. Stavros, I met up with Stavros on the road and he had this guy just following him with a camera and just quietly going off on his laptop and doing it. Yeah, Bert.

Bert's got a couple guys doing it. Bert's got like a whole bus filled with people. Yeah. Sorry, stop looking at the fucking screen. I completely lost you. I know. Is it because you have a dark cloud over you? Maybe.

My eyes are so screwy that it's, I'm probably not seeing what you're seeing. I'm still trying to make it out. The same way I was trying to make out the GPS with sunglasses on, coming to see you. Like, what does it say? Wait, do you still have the, last time I saw you, you had a Tesla that drove on its own

when you weren't even in the car. It went forward while you were outside of the car. Same vehicle. Same vehicle, a 2015 Tesla. Have you seen now the new bumper stickers people are putting, I bought this before Elon became an asshole? Yeah, yes.

Yeah, man, he's dominant. Yeah, he is. Dominant. I mean. He can't run for president, so he just got as tight as he could. Luck, you know, the Koch brothers never ran for president because they were too big for that.

You know, if you're really pulling the strings, that's a sucker job, right? Yeah. Total exposure all the time. Yeah, forget it. No, the power brokers are way in the shadows. I was in a Lucid. My friend was trying to sell me on the Lucid.

What's that? It's the electric car that was built by one of the original Tesla guys. And the company is not doing that great, but the car is beautiful. Really? Beautiful. Wow.

I just feel like I have a, I have, the Tesla to me is like an iPhone that still works. And yeah, I hear there's improvements, but do I really need to re up? You know? So you bought it. You didn't lease it. I bought it. Good for you. I did a game show and took a portion of the money and just online just bought the Tesla.

And it felt so insane. And did they deliver it to your house? I still get in it and get very excited. I get very, like, I still feel like I haven't paid for gas since 2015. That's amazing. Yeah, I mean, it doesn't have, like, even the mirror alert that someone's in the lane.

Oh. Like, that's how early it is, you know what I mean? Uh-huh. So there's definitely little improvements, but I just, I've had not one problem with it, like a door handle I had to fix, I put new tires on it. Other than that, the thing just, it's great. And I was always out there just like,

my nephews would be like, dude, that guy. And I'm like, he is changing the world. There's no electric cars without this guy. And I'm just, SpaceX is changing the world. Yeah. There is no electric cars without this guy. And I'm just, SpaceX, da, da, da. And now they see me, and they keep peppering me, like, dude, this guy. I'm like, yeah, I know. I've been paid for gas since 2015.

Yeah. Rockets land themselves. It's almost like a 1950s marriage where the guy was like a football star. Yeah. His rockets land themselves. Yeah. It's almost like a 1950s marriage where the guy was like a football star. Yeah. And then it's like 20 years later and he's fat and the wife is going, no, no, I love him. He pays no attention, never takes her out. He's the same old Don underneath.

Yeah, I know. It's complicated. The world's complicated. It's very complicated. Relationships are hard to keep together. Yeah. I think being married for 25 years is one of the only things in my life that I go like,

all right, I believe in humanity because this, if we could stay together, you know, and we're kind of meant to be together, but long relationships can exist. I look at like, you know, my dad had friends, childhood friends, and you know, I think that those are the things that you can't replace. Like, now we're getting to that age where,

for the first time I check my social security payout for when I retire. Like I'm starting to go like, I have a stockbroker and he's like, all right, it's time to start planning your retirement in 10 years or whatever. And then you think about moving, everybody goes to Florida when they move.

And all of a sudden you're with a hundred new old people that you don't know? Like that's a, I'm like, I live in a neighborhood where I know everybody, I'm staying right there. Yeah, yeah. Old friendships, that's the key. It is the key. I just had my annual Christmas dinner when I was in New York.

It's 12 of us from high school and grade school. Like some of these kids I knew since third grade. That's amazing. And we meet every Christmas. In New Jersey? New York, from New Jersey. Where do you go? We were Jersey kids.

The old homestead. Oh yeah, of course, down in Chelsea. Yeah, they got a nice little room. But yeah, it's beautiful. I mean, it's just amazing that we, and it's not like people you kinda wanna see. It's like, these are the best people on the planet. I just love these kids and I know them from forever.

It's really the best. Just in the same rhythm. Yeah, it's just like family, it's literally like family. And the best part is, like I have friends like that, like I just got together this summer with two of my best friends that I've known since I was this big. We didn't talk about the past.

We didn't sit around and go, remember this, remember that. We were talking about our lives now. Yeah, yeah. It's interesting, though. I had I had the opposite when I went to one that was a little a little further out than that group. Like it was some other people that we don't see regularly. But we still knew them really well from high school. And I remember leaving the event going,

you should only talk about the past. It should only be, remember Mrs. Beltranis? Remember Mr. Conway? Remember when What's-His-Name farted and shit himself in the thing? Like, because we don't really, we're not like that tight, so we don't really care about your new, your job. Yeah.

And where your kids go to school. Uh huh. All right, that's the niceties. Right. But why are we even here tonight? It's because we both changed in the same locker room in third grade. And you forget some great memories.

And when they bring one up, it's like a gift. It's like, oh my God. We passed out in a preschool playground on a Tuesday night and woke up when Clav, like how did I not remember that for all these years? And now I get to re-experience it again. That's true. It's pretty amazing.

I just saw a picture. I was kind of looking for a friend last night online and I never got to them, but I got to like people that were close and someone had posted in the 1980s like the early 80s the pool that we went to and pictures of the old mill, you know, it was like oh those those were the days and Man, it looked like a slum. Like it was just crowded and people like in the little in the kiddie pool and it was just like so many people and masked in and I had share the same memory that the girl who posted it. It was it was a magical

place and we all just swam. It was amazing. And you look at it as an adult, you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, it's what a nightmare. Isn't that funny? Everything looks better. I remember going to the Ringling Brothers with my kids and it's three rings. That was the whole thing about the Ringling Brothers. It was the three rings. The rings are like the size of this studio.

I thought they were like football fields when I was little. We had a problem with the Ringling Brothers. Someone gave me tickets. When I first came out here to LA, I was doing something where they gave me tickets to go to the circus. And my daughters were little, and were like, we're going to the circus.

And we went to the Staples Center or whatever was there at the time. And we were walking in and people were protesting and getting in our face about the treatment for the animals. And it was just emerging that. People realized maybe this isn't cool. My daughters were horrified. People just in our face like,

you know what they do to the elephants? My daughter's like, what do they do to the elephants? It was like one of my first show business hookups. And we were like dealing with the devil. Wow. Yeah it was terrible. I bought him one of those lights that you twirl around and they were okay with it. Let's go back to your friends because I mean kind of like thinking deeply about male friendships recently because so like every movie and TV show is about romance. It's a guy and a girl. And then a lot of times it's about two chicks

having a friendship. But male friendship isn't really explored that deeply. And I think in a way we're dismissed. I think our friendships are minimized when they're actually, I think just as complex as female relationships. They're, they just, they may not express it, but I think that there's undercurrents

that are very strong and different emotions that go into it. Like, how would you describe your closest friendships with guys? Yeah, it's, you know, they're like brothers, you know? And you'll talk about, you'll talk about, we'll talk about some heavy things, like someone's relationship or their job struggles

or their parents being ill or whatever. That's as deep as you kinda go. Guys don't really, but we don't talk about, you know, our relationship. Right. You know what I mean? Right, right, right. Do you ever see that Instagram where the guy calls his friend and says, I love you?

You ever see that? No. It's just like this dude and he calls his buddy and he's like, hey, how's it going? And you have like a split screen and you're seeing the guy making the call and he's like he's like hey what's up what's up Greg and Greg's like hey man I just wanted to give you a call you know he's like all right everything okay yeah yeah man I just wanted to, I just wanted you to know that I love you.

Are you, where are you right now? No man, everything's cool. I just wanted to let you know, you know, you're really important to me and I really love you. Dude, what's up? Where are you right now? Who are you with? Are you okay? Dude, what the, what the, what are you,

are you all right? That's hilarious. He could not handle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like the fuck? What are you? Are you all right? That's hilarious. It could not handle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the guy's about to kill himself or get abducted or something. He's got a gun to his head. Yeah, yeah. He's waiting for, what do you need, money?

What do you need? Right, right. And he's just like, no, I just wanted to say I love you. Yeah. But isn't that interesting that, you know, it's always on your death, like I was talking about, what do you call it when you're about to die? Hospice. When you're about to die, death.

And I just think about what a transcendent experience, first of all, you're getting a morphine drip, so you're just open emotionally. And now you've got everybody that you love the most holding your hand, rubbing your feet, telling you all the shit they never said. Everybody's saying they love you, you mean so. Like, my kids don't say that to me. If I was dying, why do we have to wait until they won't remember? Yeah. They won't be able to throw it in our face later.

Yeah. I don't know, though. Is it that rosy? Like, do you think you have your wits about you to the point where you're realizing this moment? Well, that's the way I want to go. I'd like to die with 10 days notice. Like, the doctor goes, you got 10 days left.

I'm in a bed. You're with it mentally? Or you're? Yeah, with it mentally. But with left. I'm in a bed. You're with it mentally or you're? Yeah, with it mentally. But withering, maybe I got a cough. But I got the thumb. A little phlegmy. I got the thumb drip. Uh-huh, yeah.

That's all the end really is. Them just pumping you with morphine until you slip. Some nurse sponge-bathing you while your kids tell you that they always loved you. I mean, what a way to go. Yeah, it is pretty nice. The deathbed. I think they should do that as a spa treatment.

You do a weekend in a bed with drugs. Yeah, and everyone comes in. And then you live for another 20 years. But then you live, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But now you know how everybody feels about you, and you know who didn't show up. Yeah, exactly. Cause you gotta drop everything.

If somebody has one of those treatments, it's upon you to drop everything you're doing as if they were dying and show up. You should totally show up, cause if the guy can afford the deathbed treatment at the spa, he's got some bank. You probably, probably, behoove you to be friends with him.

Yes. But, someone said, I remember someone told me the saying that if you're, you know the relationship's over, if all you do is talk about the relationship, in like, you know, in an intimate way. Like if all you're doing is working on the relationship and talking about the relationship

instead of just being in the relationship, something's amiss. And I feel like guys at our best, I think, is that, it's like we know we're really good friends and care about each other and we're always happy to see each other. We don't really need to check in and talk about it. You know what I mean?

I remember I said to you once, we were at the comedy store and I go, hey, you know, we should, and we were with Burr. And I was like, we should all go out to dinner, like bring our wives. And you just looked at me like I was crazy. And you're like, how is it better than this? Like we're in a hallway riffing with each other and like, you know, we don't have to deal with a waiter or Valley parking or any bullshit.

Like this is it. Yeah, exactly. No one's ordering. No one's wife is like having dietary restrictions. Yeah, right, right. It is really true. Yeah. Very fortunate that way.

The club hang, man. I know. It's great. It is really great. I really think sometimes, because look, we all age out of the business. There's going to come a time where I put in for spots and I don't get them.

Hopefully I get to the point where I step away before I get phased out. I'd like to be making the choice. Yeah, exactly. But either way, if I'm not going to the clubs and doing those back hallway hangs, that's going to be a big part of my life I'm going to miss, more than those those back hallway hangs that's gonna be a big part of my life I'm gonna miss more than the stand-up even sometimes yeah I do think that then you do you can shift it to I don't know if the wives come but

you meet up at a spot and you know what I mean like you see a lot of older comics like Fairfax there's always a hang of comics. Yeah, exactly. Seinfeld's good about that. He's always meeting at the diner. And I just had breakfast with him. And when I was in New York, he always kind of had his like, he'd have breakfast with Colin, then he has breakfast with someone else.

And it's really, I learned through the years, it's not that he particularly, you know, likes anyone more than anyone else. He loves talking with comics. And he's not at the clubs all the time, and this is like the comedy hang. So I think that's probably a good method for us when we're a little older.

Then we'll meet at the diner. Do you remember the manager, Rick Messina? Well, he's got a house, and he built a Whiffleball Right. Field in his backyard. Yeah. And all these comics come by and there's like pot,

jars of pot and ashtrays and all these older comics. It's like a retirement home. Wow. They all just hang out and they have a blast together. Really? Yeah. That's pretty great. And he still does it?

Still does it. Jeez. He just talked to a guy the other day that was there. That's amazing. And it's like Zoe Friedman because she grew up, you know, obviously the daughter of Bud Friedman. Yeah. And so she has connections to,

we were talking before the podcast about Richard Lewis, like that generation of comics. Yeah. And whenever she has a party at our, she and I are very close. for the podcast about Richard Lewis, like that generation of comics. And whenever she has a party, she and I are very close, so like parties at her house, and even when she produces a show, they all show up. And it's just this great bunch of guys that are so, Mike Ivy, you know?

And you just hang out and... It's great. It's great. Yeah. It's great. I mean, cause you're all just kids. You're all like the funny ass kids. Yeah. The derlicks and the, you know,

the ones you can really be honest with. I mean, that is kind of a thing. Do you think that you are more honest with your comedian friends than your non-comedian friends? I don't know if honest is the right word but are you more free with them? I think scatologically I'm freer with comedians like I think I'll tell dark experiences maybe more than my friend friends but then if I talk about career insecurity things like that I don't

talk to comedians about that right yeah because ultimately you still are kind of peers right right right although I did with you early in this podcast yeah well we I think that's why we're friends we don't feel like we have to defeat each other right who was your person coming up that you were competitive with? I think every comic had like, not bad, like mine was Jeff Ross and we're dear friends, but he was always the guy that I watched like, why did he get Letterman? I should get Letterman. And then he grew up to a certain age and you both go, oh, we're just journeymen and we've

shared this together. But it's a really healthy drive, I think sometimes to have that person. Did you have that person? Was it Gaffigan? Well yeah Gaffigan and Geraldo were we were all kind of like started at the same time so it was yeah we were keeping like Gaffigan started out getting like tons of commercials. Commercials, beer commercials. And we were like why is he getting like why is he okay so I got to hustle up and do that. And then you'd get, like, I don't know, something on Comedy Central.

And Geraldo would be like, wait, how did you get that? And then Geraldo blows it. So kind of like healthy. Yeah. You know what I mean? Healthy, not like that always. I remember Geraldo when I first got a TV pilot. I went out to dinner with him and his wife and and Esti and

Manny I think from the cellar and we all just went out to like celebrate and I remember Geraldo saying point-blank I know we're really good friends because I'm so happy for you Wow you know yeah because even your closest there's always a little bit there can be a little bit of a good for you What's wrong with me? Why did I have a thing and he was so genuinely? Pleased that I was had you know taking this step. Yeah, and I really kept track of that I do still keep track of that. I can you can tell even like on social media It's almost like a knee-jerk reaction when you scrolling through and you see someone do something, you're like, yeah, yeah,

yeah, really? Yeah, yeah. Right. You know? But I do find like that, that is very, it's very, obviously it's petty and it subsides the older you get. It's also because you found your way way so you can be more generous with your emotions. And I don't know if when you're younger, you know, I always, there's like this thing like,

you know, you're in a good place, you have this, you know, good career and nice family, you've done it, you've money in the bank, it's like you're doing it. And when you're younger, you're a little more like, cutthroat and trying to do stuff and whatever. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing when you're young because you have to work so hard to find your way, as long as you're not really spiteful or that kind of thing. I think a little fear of failure.

Yeah, and maybe it presents itself in like slightly ugly ways and when your own thoughts or whatever but yeah you gotta yeah the fear of failure the drive the am I working hard enough you know jealousy and and I think it also it forces you to you know like you hear about like Michael Jordan after practice after working, he was the guy still on the gym floor working on his step into his pull-up jump shot. Trying to cut an inch from the side step. And I think the comedians like that. I think if you want it bad enough,

you will tape every set and you will listen to every set with a pen in your hand and you will cut a word and then you will show up at that club that doesn't let you in and hang out at the bar like you will humiliate yourself and push yourself past all points of comfort. Yeah absolutely. And I see comics that open for me sometimes and they're drinking, they're getting high before they're set, you know? And I just go like, dude, this isn't a party. This isn't a workplace. Right, exactly, exactly.

And that's when you start to become successful, is when you, or make your way, when it's just that. For me, it was when I put the blinders on and didn't watch anybody or care about anybody, and it was all about the pen in your pocket and the writing and the getting sleep and then what all that it just became the the crafter the the doing of the thing. Yeah. Not the scene. Right. The scene can wreck you. Yes. It can wreck you because what is it? It's just emotions and motion prompting. Yeah. It has nothing to do with the work.

That's why when you find people who are really dedicated, you stick around them. It's like that example. It's like, who's a better example of writing their ass off than Gaffigan? And he was always that way. So then you kind of like pick that trade up. Yeah, I was like that with the tell. I would see a tell go up with new stuff every night.

I'd be embarrassed, the embarrassment of going up in front of people you respect. That's what's great about The Cellar, is you could see the comics in the back hallway watching you. And if it was someone like Louie or Attell and you were doing shit you know they'd seen you do before multiple times. You're just like, you're ashamed

and it makes you write new shit. Shame is great. Jealousy is great. Fear is great. You know, you just embrace it. No, absolutely. And even just in life, like, there are people, like, I just watch how they live.

Just like, you know, how they are as like a dad or how they just kind of, you know, navigate through life. And, right, you get certain people and they're like, yeah, I'm keeping an eye. I wanna be more like that. Yeah, yeah. I wanna try and keep getting better.

Right, right. Yeah. Well, you were exposed to Seinfeld pretty young, right? I mean, didn't you start opening for him pretty early on in your career? Yeah, yeah. So that was an amazing role model. Yeah, oh God. On all those fronts, which is the

crazy thing. Like watching how he worked as a comic, how much he loved it, how he treated his family, how important it was to not screw around and take care. I remember watching him once after a show and it was just me, him, and his tour manager, and he got one beer, and he just sat there with that beer. It's like this was us going crazy. And he had that one beer, and he was not done with it when we stood up to go to bed. Oh, that's hilarious.

And it was like, this guy is disciplined. This guy is not, he's not screwing around. Yeah, right, right. Yeah, I always say that was the biggest break of my career and it's more than the career, it really was like, I learned a lot from him, just how to navigate your way through life. That's amazing and then all these years later you guys are still getting together for breakfast,

it's really nice. Yeah, yeah. Now the only time I met him is you brought me in when Marriage Ref was getting kind of developed. He brought me in for a day of writing. I don't even think you were in the room. Yeah, I think I was. Oh, yeah, you were in the room. It was me, you, Jerry, and then I think a Seinfeld writer. Yeah, and yeah. Good thing you got out of there. Out of the marriage, ref.

You got a couple years out of that, right? Yeah, yeah, we had a couple years. Yeah. Yeah, it could have been really huge, I think. It's crazy that it didn't go longer. It was this kind of bright, it was like a bright feel good, but it had an edge, because you had comedians on it. But it was also kind of just like a really positive TV show.

It was a lot of, it was too many moving parts I think ultimately. And the first year it was like overproduced. Overproduced yeah. And yeah by a couple people who really were problematic with the network and you know all that stuff got in the way of course. And then it also became very celebrity driven because the first year was like all Jerry's pals. And then we quickly went to like, who can we get? We had to book three people every day.

And there was a lot of moving parts. But at its essence, the idea that you could have a show about married couples are going to fight the only way they're never gonna solve it themselves you need someone from the outside to be the ref and say give me your case you're right you're wrong and that's the only way to end the marital fight yeah is brilliant yeah and that was him and his wife's idea yeah and that is in essence, that is so simple and great. And married people love that part of it. You probably could have done the show

without even the celebrities in a way. I don't know. There's a lot of moving parts, like I said. But it was fun. It was definitely fun. But it was tumultuous also. Yeah, I think that TV shows, it's like lightning in a bottle when something works, you know, just because the concept is perfect. Yeah. On paper, sometimes,

you know, when you have to translate it to camera angles and directors and studio notes and all that stuff, it's just so hard to protect a good idea. Yeah. And get it out there. There's so many other factors pulling at it. And I want to rehash the whole thing, but I remember one big example of that was Leno's show. Remember he did the 10 o'clock version of his show? And then that crapped out. And they needed to put something in that slot.

10 o'clock, right. 10 o'clock. And they pitched. We thought the show was gonna be on Sundays at like seven which is like married people let us find our way figure out what the show is and then his show crapped out and they sold us Seinfeld back on Thursday nights and it was like Jerry's back comedies back on

Thursday and we're show up with this show with couples and we don't know how the rhythm of it and we're like, and people were like, okay, here he goes. And it wasn't Seinfeld, Seinfeld. And people were like, I don't know about this. We didn't have time to grow. They just put the light on it. So you never see those things coming. And it's so interesting, like way back to when we were talking about you know finding your way in your career how little decisions have big impacts right yeah like in your life and in career and just even on a show like just going like yeah I mean what the studio says it's a great idea they really love that they're gonna back us up with a lot of advertising that say Jerry's back

seems pretty good yeah and you're yeah, that's probably a bad move Yeah, you know because you don't have the experience to know how that can go wrong You know whatever they're like I remember you and I have had development deals when we were young comics with no acting chops. Yeah, no writing chops Yeah, the only thing we knew about sitcoms was the ones we'd watch. And all of a sudden, we had a deal to co-create a half-hour sitcom. And I go like, I don't even have final draft. I don't even know the structure of writing at.

And all of a sudden, you're like, creator of it. And so obviously, so few of those went right. I mean, I knew you had a show, was it Come to Papa? Geraldo had his show get on the air for a minute. Yeah. Everybody did, you know, Tom Rhodes. Yeah.

And it was like this pipeline of Montreal Comedy Festival, development deal, and then prime time network sitcom. And we, none of us knew to say no to this, no to this, no to this. You don't know. You don't know what writer to get paired up with, to write it with.

I always said that it was, you have to learn it and be great at it at the same time. Yeah. Which is really next to impossible. And you know, whenever you hear of hit shows, there was always a little magic behind it. Yeah. These things that happen, you know,

like this break or this person or this thing where it was almost canceled and then it was rescued. There's a thing happening around a project and the opposite can happen too where all of a sudden a lot of gremlins show up and things just start going wrong. It's difficult though, it's yeah, it's it's difficult though, because it's that fine line of like grabbing onto the steering wheel and getting it done. And also letting it go and realizing that you're not really in control of all of it. It's knowing which parts you can be in control of. Because at first you don't know. No, I mean, when you look at your stand up, like you are Jordan now.

Like you know where to put the work and where to put the time. Compared to when you first start, you're just like ah, going at it. You're doing impressions, you're like, I don't know what I am. Just going 100 miles an hour, spending time on the wrong things.

Or like worrying, like I really remark on how, I used to show up at the club and be like, why are they going long? Why are they going long? You know? And now it's like, I don't care. You can do whatever. I'm here.

I'm fine. I'm fine. It's all gonna be fine. But you don't think that when you don't know how the experience. All right, let's get to fastballs with Fitz. Fastballs with Fitz. Do you have a theme with it? That's it now. Fastballs with Fitz. Cut it.

All right um who's the worst opener you've ever had back when you didn't bring your own opener or feature? Was there ever an experience where you had somebody where you were just like what the fuck oh no it went the opposite like there was a lot of times when i was opening for horrible people but the people who were opening for me, there was one guy, this was more cute than horrific, but I remember going down to Maryland and performing in like a ballroom club kind of thing. And this kid was opening for me

and he would do these impressions and he was just, he did this thing about football. Like he was always in a relationship and he would call a penalty and he would actually take a flag out. No. It's kind of the marriage rough in a way, but it was kind of like, and he'd take the flag out

and be like, no, that was offending the passer of the salt. Ha ha ha. And I just remember, I just remember after every one of his jokes had bombed and all of them bombed, without him realizing it he would go, without passing the salt, did he try another joke? And then the car said, no. But he didn't know he was bombing. He didn't know he was vocalizing. Every joke ended with a huh. That's great. Yeah it was sad. Who do you want to give your eulogy when you die? Oh my.

To give my eulogy when I die. Oh man. That's a tough one. Fits, fastballs with fits is not a walk in the park. Yeah. Do you have to swing real right away or you can watch the pitch? You can take a pitch and I can give you a different one. No, I'll hang in there.

Impossible. I would say my buddy Lou, because he's the most, he's kind of, he's not a comic. I think it'd be bad at your own funeral to have a comic out headline you. That's true. I like that. It's kind of weird. Yep.

And while comics would write something great, it's gonna be a little bit of them in there. I'd like them to come give some followups. Maybe they're there at the toasting. Then they can do it. But the eulogy, my one friend Lou is really smart. His nickname even in high school was Grandpa because he was so much smarter than us.

He would just have like rabbinical wisdom, Jewish family and smart and funny and he wouldn't blow it. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, he'd be good. Yeah, like I've been to, you know, like Norm's funeral, a guy got up who was a friend of his, and he kind of blew everybody else away,

and he wasn't a comedian. Right. Because it was so specific. Yeah. I mean, that thing of like, you know, going, having a bunch of comics get up and speak is great, you know, especially if you have really good comics who loved you.

That's for the wake, not the funeral. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or the memorial, not the funeral. Right, right, exactly, the memorial. Okay. Have you ever not finished a set on stage? Yes, very, very early. Very, very early.

It was the only time. And I was at Stand Up New York. It was one of those bringer shows. We were kinda like popping off with them. Like we were getting good. And I was very physical in the beginning. And I would like lunge. I would like kinda do this Elvis lunge thing. And I had like lunge. I would like kind of do this Elvis lunge thing.

And I had long hair and I would be like, and I would go so fast because I was terrified that they wouldn't laugh. You know, so I didn't give them room to say no. Like I just would plow. And I got up and I was doing that style of horrible comedy. And I lost my way. And I locked up. that style of horrible comedy. I lost my way, and I locked up, and I didn't know what was next, and I couldn't talk to the audience,

and I panicked, and I just walked off. Oh my God. And Geraldo came out the front of Stand Up New York, and he's like, dude, you've got great stuff. Like you're a good writer, you've got great stuff. You don't need all this. It doesn't have to be scripted. You don't have to run around.

Like you can just sit there and let it happen. You don't need that. And I was caught in it and he got me out of it. Wow. But I remember that feeling. Like, I've never even been asked that question. It's a good fastball. Yeah, there's nothing worse than pooping yourself.

Well, because we've all had nights. And you do corporate events, which can be particularly difficult because they don't always set them up for comedy. And it's a lot of times a company where people don't want to laugh in front of each other at the wrong things. And it's a lot of times a company where people don't want to laugh in front of each other at the wrong things. And there's a million reasons why they're tough.

And you have to do your 60 minutes or whatever minutes you're doing. And you can be halfway through and it ain't going well. And you know you've already burnt most of your good shit. And there is always that little voice in the back going you can just walk off and there's a part of you that is just going fuck you and you push that voice down but it's always there during a bad sign. Yeah whenever I'm in those and they yeah there are a million reasons why like the culture

is weird it's outside what whoever knows what. And when they start going south, I start to trim it. I'm like, you can't not pay me at 50. If I get to 50, 45 maybe if it's a big laugh and just, I don't know. But yeah, whatever it is, if you're ending your set early, something bad has happened. Yeah. Yeah. It's uncomfy. All right, finally, when's the last time you apologize to somebody?

The last time I apologized to somebody would have to be... It was a comedian. It was like as a, you know, more than like just a little thing. Yeah. Yeah, I think I can say it. Okay. Kira Sultanovich, we love Kira. Sure.

I know she opens for you sometimes. Yeah. San Francisco she opens for you. She's one of the funniest. She is the most underrated comic in town. She's a powerhouse. Yeah. And great person.

I adore her. And she's got a great family. I just love her to death. And we were doing my podcast and my Breaking Bread podcast. And I was going through this flux where I wasn't able to book people. And I was like, maybe I was booking it myself. And I was like, maybe I should just, just me and Kira will just hang out and we'll just do it like a radio show and people at home get to know the gang at the radio show. And it wasn't really working, you know,

and then I ended up with really good guests and she was kind of like still with me, like interviewing some of the guests, but then that form didn't really work. It felt, you know, smaller, more one-on-one like this and and I didn't I didn't understand what was gonna be the new form of the show but I started just going one-on-one and not including Kira right because it just it was changing and in my defense my small defense was that I really at the time did not know what the show was

and what it was going to be. And in that time of not knowing and not figuring it out, I neglected to keep her in the loop. And all of a sudden, it became very clear when we saw each other again. I had just let her dangle. And I felt terrible. I just felt like, oh yeah, I've been in those situations

where you think you're doing something and all of a sudden, like, you know, it goes away. And I had to really own it and apologize to her because I really do care about her. And I completely understood that I was 100% wrong. Well, yes and no. I mean, things morph in this business and you're not always even aware

that they are as they're happening. Until it's all of a sudden, you can't always keep everybody up to breast, up to speed all the time. Yeah. And especially when, you know, all of a sudden I was using a booking agent that was helping me and it was just going this way. And I always truly in my head was like, and then where does Keir, and then what are we

going to like, are we going to do like a side thing? Are we going to, it was always present in my head and still is, like, we're so funny together, I was like, we could be, we could do something. I was still always thinking we could do something and while I'm thinking we could do something, a month and a half has gone by because you book, you run these things, you know, you get ahead and before you know it, you know, you've got a month and a half of shows and she hasn't been included. Right. You know, but I should have, and I'm not great at that of like keeping people completely in the loop,

but I didn't really know what the loop was. Yeah, no, you're also doing 8,000 things and it's hard to communicate with everybody all the time. But the bottom line is I could have done better and hurt my friend and I was like, I had to sit down and be like face to face. This is, I have to apologize. Right. Nice.

Okay. It's classy. I like that. Yeah. And now we're friends again. Yeah. All right. We're going to go out and plug.

Oh my God. You are hitting the road hard, my friend. The Grateful Bread Tour. Is it really? Yeah, it's really. I love it, that's great. Yeah. Grateful Bread Tour is coming to you in Cleveland, Steamboat Springs, Aspen, Seattle, Atlantic City,

Grass Valley, California. That sounds like a nice place to live. Yeah. Santa Rosa, my daughter lived up there for a minute. That's where Charles Schulz is from, from Peanuts. Really? Yeah, he's got a museum up there. If you get a minute,

where you've found a Peanuts group. Of course. Dude, go to the Charles Schulz Museum. It's got all the cells up. Really? It's got his workspace where he did all the drawings. Wow. It's amazing.

Is that where he pumped them all out from there? all the drawings. Wow. It's amazing. Is that where he pumped them all out from there? Yep, yep. Wow. Biloxi, Dallas, Houston, Honolulu, Flint. Wow, you're Honolulu to Flint. Is that a direct flight? Yeah.

Chicago, Madison, Portland, Thousand Oaks. There's a nice one, you get to sleep in your own bed at night. Easton, PA, New York City at the Beacon Theater. Beacon. Dude, that's amazing. Congratulations. Yeah, big one.

Have you done it before? That one in the Chicago Theater, my first time doing both those big venues. Yeah, that's a big one. I did Town Hall, I've never done the Beacon. Nice. Atlantic Clearwater Santa Fe Lafayette, it goes on and on.

If you go to TomPapa.com, P-A-P-A dot com, you will be able to get tickets. And also don't forget his radio show on SiriusXM, What a Joke with Papa and Fortune. And then what's your other podcast called? Breaking Bread. Breaking Bread Bread with Tom Papa. Yeah.

Good. You were just on it. I was, we had a blast. It was fun. Yep. And thanks for having me here. I can't wait to see what the new version of this is gonna be.

Yes, we'll keep you posted. Yeah. It's gonna be, we'll finally not be two steps behind. Yeah. No, by the time that, yeah, no, because you have a human working with you, it's going to be all AI, everyone's going to be doing them for free. It's going to be, you'll always be behind. Good.

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