F**kface - A Grown Up Fall//Garfield Champ is Still The Champ [15]

Episode Date: September 9, 2020

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about a toenail update, Andrew eating pencils, an update on Andrew's rogue store, and more. Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fuckfacepod/ Sponsored by Ma...ck Weldon. For 20% off your first order, visit http://mackweldon.com/face and enter promo code face. Also sponsored by RTX. RSVP for RTX at http://rtxevent.com and follow @RTXEvent on Twitter for more info and updates! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Dragon's Dogma 2, the highly anticipated successor to the cult classic Dragon's Dogma, is out now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series S and X, and Steam. Dragon's Dogma 2 is a third-person action RPG boasting a richly detailed and deeply explorable fantasy world created using Capcom's RE Engine's immersive physics, groundbreaking character AI systems, and cutting-edge graphics. Dive into the vast and dynamic world where The Arisen is called upon to fulfill a forgotten destiny across the nations of Vermont, the Kingdom of Humanity, and Batal, the nation of Beastrin.
Starting point is 00:00:36 Dragon's Dogma 2 revolves entirely around choice. Your choice, that is. From the sword and shield-wielding fighter to fighter to the illusion conjuring trickster, there are over 10 unique vocations to choose from that all require experience to unlock new skills. And character customization is out of this world, literally. Oh, and did I mention the combat is really in-depth? It isn't just hacking at a giant's ankle for half an hour while your dodge roll attacks. You can engage enemies from a distance, climb up large foes, stab them in their weak points, use the terrain and trick, trip, or throw foes off high cliffs or raging waters.
Starting point is 00:01:10 Visit dragonsdogma.com to buy the game and start your epic quest today. That's D-R-A-G-O-N-S-D-O-G-M-A.com to learn more. I've been thinking a lot about the Giannis headbutt thing. Yeah, just like how weird sports culture is. Like the idea that you could headbutt somebody at the place you work and then be told like, nah, he's going to be out Thursday.
Starting point is 00:01:44 He'll be back for like a one day suspension for a headbutt. For people to be like, nah, he's going to be out Thursday. He'll be back for like a one day suspension for a headbutt. For people to be like, yeah, we all agree you headbutted this guy. Your penalty is you can't show up to work on Thursday. You'll be back Friday,
Starting point is 00:01:54 but you got to take a day. What do you think the punishment should be for a headbutt? It should be a lot of money and you probably should miss a couple of games. I think a few games is fair.
Starting point is 00:02:03 Do you remember when Zidane headbutted that guy in the World Cup final? Yes, I do. What trouble did he get into? He got red-carded, right? Yeah, he got sent off. I'm not sure if you get fined in the World Cup, actually. I don't know. Maybe, well...
Starting point is 00:02:16 In Premier League, you get a fine that barely registers in your bank account and, like, two weeks off. Yeah, it's similar in the NBA. You'll get, like, a $25,000 fine, which is a lot of money unless you make $35 million a year. I think more sports should use cards. The red card should be universal.
Starting point is 00:02:35 Yeah. It's the fun. Across all sports. I'd like to see one happen in like tennis or something. Well, I mean, the NBA has it with Texan flagrants. They just don't have the flourish of slinging out a yellow or red color while they do it, you know? I think they should, instead of cards,
Starting point is 00:02:53 they should be those gender reveal powder bomb things that just get hurled at the player's head. I've been watching this video of a man who looks and sounds a lot like Ed Asner masturbating and then getting fucked in the ass by another man who also looks like Ed Asner. Is this like a hobby? No, it's just a video online. And it was on your mom's house. And I just can't stop watching it.
Starting point is 00:03:22 I don't know why. You're watching gay porn? Kind of, yeah. It's just like a dude looking at the camera going, don't be stingy now, Mark. Can you explain to me how it's only kind of? Well, I'm not watching it for the sexual gratification. I'm watching it because it's fucking funny.
Starting point is 00:03:38 Gavin, does that make it less gay porn? No, I feel like if there was some really funny gay porn and I watched it for the lols, it's gay porn. I i also think it's sweeter than porn i think that there's some love there there can be love in porn yeah i just that's true that's true uh now that mike's here should we do an episode yeah you should start the episode now don't be stingy now gavin do we have to do the intro what episode is does anybody know what episode this is i i could not remember this is 15 how do you know you keep in count no wait wait no no i don't think it is fifth wait because the the sunny jergensen photo yeah that was wrong that was wrong i listened to that episode today that episode was 13 okay
Starting point is 00:04:16 yeah that the instagram called 14 uh which makes that even funnier i think what's funny is it also in that episode I announced it as episode 11 of face three two one go show yeah there you go wait uh wait three three two where's the one no I was doing it like they do it they're doing like broadcasts where you don't say the one because don't they don't they do the hand gesture I did did the hand gesture. Well, how is that helpful to us? Well, just imagine me doing it. Okay. Okay, let's do it again. All right. All right.
Starting point is 00:04:50 Quiet on set. All right. Three, two. That was a good hand gesture. That was really good. You acknowledged the hand gesture, just making it pointless. I might as well have said one. No, it was so good, I wanted to acknowledge it.
Starting point is 00:05:02 I want to give you credit where credit is due. I'm a big believer in giving credit where credit is due. I mean, Jeff didn't come in with the intro. I feel like he maybe didn't imagine the gesture. I thought Andrew was doing the intro this episode. Oh. Why would I do the intro? You were talking a lot.
Starting point is 00:05:16 Do you want a recount? It's a fucking podcast. What do you mean? You seemed invested with the energy of the beginning, and so I just assumed you were taking the lead. No, never. Well, we can do it again if you want. I'll count you in.
Starting point is 00:05:29 All right. Three, two... Hello, and welcome to episode 15 of... Why didn't I see that coming? God damn it. That's the most obvious stupid thing in the world. Oh, man. I'm going to crawl up my own ass.
Starting point is 00:05:50 We're like three minutes in at this point. I'm fucking dumb. This pandemic has made me stupid. I still don't think we need the intro. What do you mean, Andrew? I don't think we need an intro to the podcast. I don't think it's necessary. The intro is routinely half the episode.
Starting point is 00:06:06 Thanks to you, we don't have one again. Once again, we don't have one. No, we just did one. What do you mean? Every time an intro starts, obviously I tried to sabotage it, but with you sabotaging it too, it definitely doesn't get pushed through, and now we're four minutes in without an intro. We definitely said the name
Starting point is 00:06:22 of the show. I just don't know. Why do we need an intro? Who needs an intro? name of the show. I just don't know. Why do we need an intro? Who needs an intro? What's the point? I still don't know what the point of the intro is. Why do you say hello to somebody when you pick up the phone?
Starting point is 00:06:32 It's for people who get told. To acknowledge the start of the thing. They get told about the show. They're not going to start with episode one. Episode one is usually always ropey, no matter what the podcast. Ours definitely was.
Starting point is 00:06:43 And then you want to hear who's on it. As if it's the first one. You might go back if you like it. You might continue to go forwards. But every episode, Andrew, needs an intro. I don't feel... I mean, I feel like we say our names through the thing.
Starting point is 00:06:56 And every pod... Even with podcasts with intros, it takes like eight episodes to figure out who's who. It always takes a while. The intro doesn't help in that way. We all sound quite different. We're from three different nations. No, that's true. I'm not gonna, yeah, that's fair. I just, I don't, I don't know. I don't feel like a traditional intro is necessary. I feel like it's kind of like everyone does it because
Starting point is 00:07:15 that's what people do, but I don't think it's needed. It's like how people punt in football. What if, what if, how about, how about this? Well, people, okay, let me clarify, because Gavin's very confused. No, you, please clarify. Statistically, it's better to always go on fourth, but nobody does it because everybody punts. How is that statistically better to go on fourth? If you do the math, listen, there's a high school coach who never punted. If the ball's on your 30-yard line.
Starting point is 00:07:42 Listen, I didn't create math. I didn't invent it. I'm just reporting the facts as they are. How is this relevant to the intro? My point is, Eric, every show has an intro because every other show has an intro. There's no actual need for the intro. Are you saying you want me to start the countdown from four? I'm not opposed to it.
Starting point is 00:08:04 How about this? How about next week, Andrew, episode 16, we try it your way? I feel like we did it last week my way, and it wasn't my way at the time. It just happened. And it went very well. That episode hasn't aired yet,
Starting point is 00:08:18 so let's wait and see audience feedback. His way is how we've done the last three, and they've been terrible. What do you mean? Well, the last one didn't have an intro this one didn't 40 of the episode is arguing about the intro this one definitely had an intro i would disagree with that one i refuse to put this conversation's runtime into the total runtime of the episode the people are getting ripped off with our constant meetings about the intros and outros in the episode and now we're at like
Starting point is 00:08:47 eight minutes without an intro. What if we did a full episode just about the intro? That'd be pretty good. We can't. We had half an episode about a hat, Andrew. We can't. I thought that was pretty good. That's something to work toward. Maybe for our one year
Starting point is 00:09:04 anniversary it could be the intro episode. I disagree, though. This one definitely had an intro. Okay. You're crazy if you think this one did. Wait, you disagree that it had an intro? No, disagree that it did not have an intro. This definitely had an intro.
Starting point is 00:09:15 Okay. Maybe it was in there. Maybe I just didn't, maybe I missed it. The show name was definitely said. Gavin definitely stepped on it, that's for sure. Oh, man. A little bit of housekeeping since we're started. Wanted to let everybody
Starting point is 00:09:34 know, if you aren't aware of it yet, there is an official now, we've determined the need, we talked about it previously, there's an official F*** Face Podcast Instagram that you can go and subscribe to if you would.
Starting point is 00:09:50 It's just, I guess if I say the name, it's going to get bleeped and you won't know if the bleep is a part of the name. Can I spell our name? Does that work? Yeah, you can spell it.
Starting point is 00:10:00 It's F-U-C-K-F-A-C-E-P-O-D. That's our Instagram. And it's rich with pictures, I assume, of burgers and drawings of round-faced men looking up at the heavens. Speaking of drawings. And the God that smote them. Yeah. I've gotten a lot. People have sent me a lot of drawings based on the discussion of the episode
Starting point is 00:10:25 I'm gonna share a few here. I feel like oh, this is a very Definitive case here's here's one. Oh, yeah, they totally got you. Yeah, they got it. They nailed it Oh look another person who absolutely understood what I was talking about Here's the third one you've got your nose where the hair should be. You've got your mouth in the middle and you've got your standard ears. Exactly. Prove to me that these aren't professional artists.
Starting point is 00:10:53 For all I know, for all I know, that can be Damien Hirst on the other end of one of those notepads. Obviously, world-renowned, oh look, another,
Starting point is 00:11:06 I can't even imagine who that is. Is that neck face some famous street artist maybe is that banksy probably i'll be honest i showed i showed the discussion to meg my very wonderful girlfriend and i basically told her that i played her the bit where andrew was describing the points that need to be included in the photo and i asked her you, if she can picture what that is. And she's like, absolutely. I've got that in my head. And then I showed her Jeff's ones. And she honestly thought something was wrong with you, Jeff.
Starting point is 00:11:37 Well, look, you can judge for yourself because they're up. It's the second post on the face pod on Instagram. And you can even rank them there it's got my three photos and gavin's one there's no need to rank them i i just googled it and uh i got take oh that's not ours but we couldn't get just face no we can't well we got face pod that's good okay yeah uh and uh by the time this comes out there'll be a bunch of fucking pictures of uh just monstrous mcdonald's hamburger patties sandwiched in between sad struggling buns and god knows what
Starting point is 00:12:12 else we got basket weaving on there we've got grills we've got wait this isn't the right one either this is this is another one so okay it's only got two posts sorry sorry i was looking at the one that actually came up first in the search was face podcast which isn't us but it is all the stuff pod wow that's the second result yeah we're not even first on our we're new to the game we've got to work on those subscribers so that we rock it to the top of our own search Oh also I'm excited about it though because it's gonna
Starting point is 00:12:50 allow us to put we talk about so much stuff visually that then we share on discord that you know then maybe eventually at some point finds its way into a twitter or somewhere you know or reddit so it's cool that we have a place to kind of coalesce and put it all there I don't know who's running it or anything, but they seem pretty hilarious.
Starting point is 00:13:08 Great job so far. Kudos to them, whoever that is. How many shows use this Discord for their podcasts? Oh, I don't know. That's an Eric question. Two? Okay, just two. I was kind of hoping it was more just the concept that people would see these images
Starting point is 00:13:23 without any context is wonderful. Just like the nightmare of burgers and up faces and a lot of good stuff here. It's true. It's a repository of many wonderful things that taken out of context are very bizarre. Oh, one other piece of housekeeping while while we're starting off. I mentioned that we have that Instagram thing. And then the other thing is we've kind of gotten away from it. But at some point in this podcast,
Starting point is 00:13:49 it's also about creating the ultimate face collection. And currently it exists. We have two items in it. We have the Billy Ripken face card and we have Coolio's daredevil actor card autographed, which is funny because he was cut from the movie,
Starting point is 00:14:06 but they still put his autograph in. And until this moment, Andrew Panton has been the only person on Earth to have a complete face collection. But I'd like to draw your attention to the discord. You got both photo, which will also be on the discord or on the aforementioned Instagram account.
Starting point is 00:14:26 I am now the proud owner of a Coolio Daredevil 2003 movie card. No way. Yeah. I bought a box immediately when Andrew talked about it. We were talking about today. I think there were like 10 or 12 boxes like on eBay. I bought one that day. It ended up being in Australia.
Starting point is 00:14:42 It never showed up. Then like a month ago i just got a canceled order so i went to buy another one and there were no more boxes available anywhere we couldn't buy them anywhere so andrew and i think we may have unintentionally inflated the demand for the coolio cards but i finally caught a box and then i was reading about it and i don't you don't have a very good chance of getting an autograph at all it's a good pull and uh it was like the sixth pack of cards I opened coolio autograph which tells me I've been stoked I was so fucking excited I was so happy I rubbed it in Andrew's face immediately and uh it just put me uh further into the idea I know you do buddy and now we both do that we're on the
Starting point is 00:15:21 right path here with this face collection thing so there are now two people on earth that I'm aware of, at least with the name Andrew or Jeff that own both of those cards. You need to get in on this Coolio action, Gavin. Yeah. There's one box left. There's only one. You have mine. What do you mean I have yours?
Starting point is 00:15:37 That was what I was meant to get. I don't understand what you're saying. Because I won hamburger bet number one. And when are you going to put your Coolio one in a safe? Oh, yeah, but you never responded. So I won hamburger bet number one, and weren't you going to put your Coolio one in a safe? Oh yeah, but you never responded, so that deal is off the table. Well, come on now. You missed it. You had a chance.
Starting point is 00:15:54 Go buy a box. Go buy the last box in existence. Go buy a pallet. There's still only two items in the official face collection. So far that i'm aware of they are andrew and i talked about um we've been talking about it a lot a lot offline and i don't know if we want to force it but there's a bunch of funny stuff we could do like there's this dude that
Starting point is 00:16:15 andrew found a hockey player you could tell the story better andrew if we haven't already the dude that got traded for a bus yeah there's this guy that got traded to another team in exchange for a bus because the team he was currently playing for needed it to travel to other arenas and for the rest of his career his nickname was bussy for like every team he played and that's just wonderful uh so i think he is definitely in consideration so andrew sent me on ebay canada uh or amazon canada i had to change my country to view it some uh pack of hockey cards that may or may not have a bussy in it so i bought it i have no idea if and when the package will show up from from canada but i'm very excited to get a bussy that's a great card you couldn't write that like what an unfortunate thing to be known for so sad also like zero control by him like that's just a fate that was dealt like he can't pick if he
Starting point is 00:17:12 gets traded or not or for what i had a thing happen to me the other night that i feel like no one would ever write because it would have to have happened just so you could have that idea but i i feel i filled my water bottle it like a, it's not a thermos, but it's like a metal one to keep it cold. And I dropped it in my bedroom and it was full. So it made like an awful clang on the floor. It was like clang. And then a bunch of black shit went everywhere,
Starting point is 00:17:36 like spread across the floor. And I was like, what? And I was like, what happened? Because the drink thing is blue. And I was like, there wasn't anything black on this. And I realized that the drink thing is blue and i was like there wasn't anything black on this and i realized that the drink flask had landed on my pair of shorts but on the on the button for the fly which was a black plastic button and it just shattered it all across my bedroom floor i was i've never been so confused and i was like no one would ever come up with that that would
Starting point is 00:18:03 have to happen you would never just come up with oh yeah he dropped his drink on his uh his trousers but it's like the worst trick shot of all time yeah and i've got to throw the shorts away i guess i could use a spare button i was gonna ask if you're if you're gonna replace the button or you're gonna chuck the shorts i probably won't chuck the shorts. I'll probably keep them for, you know, slow filming if I get messy. It's been my experience that you hold onto clothes longer than just about anybody I've ever met. Here's my thing with that.
Starting point is 00:18:33 If they still function, like if a pair of shorts still does what it's supposed to do, and that, in my opinion, is to cover my anus and penis, right? Yeah. They work. No, totally.
Starting point is 00:18:46 If they're ripped or if they're covered in paint or they've got some faded old oil stain on them, they still are perfectly functional and I will not throw them away. I just maybe won't wear them to a fancy restaurant. I think it's to be applauded. I mean, what was the first year you came and stayed with me? Do you remember what year? Like 2000?
Starting point is 00:19:01 2006? Was it really that long ago? Yeah. Okay, well, maybe not then but like i guarantee you in 2008 in my house you wore wearing shorts or a t-shirt that i've seen you wear in the last six months oh absolutely it's cool man you probably own more okay that makes any sense but okay yeah it was a good bleep yep yep oh we have a we have a system for that you should have like I don't see how that makes any sense, but okay. Yeah, it was a good bleep.
Starting point is 00:19:26 Yep, yep. Oh, we have a system for that. You should have, like, gave me a notification. I could have the show name. Oh. Remember, we could weaponize the show name. We should have coordinated that. That's a good one. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:37 You're our live censorship. I am, and I'm always late or early. I've never hit it once. I was terrible at it. Have you had anything happen to you that no one would come up with in a script? Oh, literally this morning. Yeah. I feel like that's your life, to be honest.
Starting point is 00:19:52 It's gonna be hard to even articulate, and it's not like a, well, it's just a weird thing. The first thing I did this morning was, I woke up, I went to use the bathroom, and then I immediately faceplanted. I did right on my face This what face first into the ground why it's great my foot got caught on a towel
Starting point is 00:20:12 And it started to slide My foot was sliding left, and I was starting to go into like a splits position, and I am NOT James Brown I'm not ready for that so I tried to like push I tried to lean forward to try to counter the splits And I fell and I just landed face first on my bathroom floor. That was the start of my day Tried to counter you tried to counter side to side movement by leaning forwards. Yeah Well what like I wasn't prepared. This is a panic move Gavin I tried to reach for my bathtub to regain balance
Starting point is 00:20:43 And I just went face first into the floor. And that was in the bathroom? Bathroom, yeah. I feel like I've seen people slip in bathrooms in movies and on TV. I feel like you could come up with that. Yeah, but face first. No, but face first, like nothing else hitting first. It's impressive to fall face first in your bathroom.
Starting point is 00:21:01 Tripping on a towel. How did you not chip a tooth? I landed kind of nose forehead it was a comedic you're totally fucking fine but I try to eat some saltwater taffy and half my face falls out that's really you ever see you ever see the movie Skyfall where the bond villain takes out his false jaw and all this face like caves in that's what I'm imagining happened to Jeff So uh I guess that that woke you up yeah, that was a great start to the day it was awesome It was one of those things were like the odds sort of like your button the like when you start a fall
Starting point is 00:21:47 Standing upright and it's very slow. It's not a fast fall. This is a slow fall. The land face first. Statistically, not very likely. There's something very disappointing about falling as an adult. Like as a kid, it's like, flash, fell again. But now it's like as you start a fall, it's like, seriously, am I going to be falling right now? Am I going to fall down in my 30s?
Starting point is 00:22:07 Sure am. And it's actually disappointing. And falling as an adult is it feels very different than falling as a kid. It's hard to shake off a grown up fall. It's true. I used to love to fall. I miss falling. I fucking, dude, I tried to, I changed the position of the seat in my car, and I may have to have surgery now.
Starting point is 00:22:30 Like, I have to get a fucking MRI tomorrow morning because I tried to, I thought I slouched too much, and I thought I'd change my posture. So for two months, I sat up up straight and now my shoulder's eating itself and I may have to get it fucking surgically repaired. I've been in physical therapy for almost four months and the fucking progress report is, yeah, it's not working. We might
Starting point is 00:22:58 have to repair it. All I did was sit up. That can't be what did it. Well, I don't know what else it would have been the only other thing i can even think of that could have possibly contributed to it is when i had to climb 120 feet in the air with that rope and i couldn't move my arm for two weeks after which coincides with around the time that the problem started but probably coincidence no i think you're definitely right it's just from sitting upright i think you're sitting upright too much it didn't start hurting and then cause
Starting point is 00:23:29 all this until i sat up that was the fucking catalyst jeff have you ever had any things happen that no one would write would write do you think your saltwater taffy incident would count for that no i don't think that would count i here here's yeah i mean i feel like my life for a very long time was uh a series of small moments like that and i i was actually sitting here listening to you talk about your button story and andrew doing the james brown face plant splits and thinking about how how kind of happy i am that i feel like the universe is has has let me pass that torch on to other people. And that shit, like that shit doesn't happen to me like it used to. I can think of a million instances. I can think of one. One of my favorite is you were there for was I do that thing where I can take a bottle
Starting point is 00:24:17 cap and I can snap my fingers with the bottle cap at the edge of my fingers and I can like zing it across the room and I can make it go pretty far and I can make it hit. I can make it hurt you if I hit you hard like in the face. Yeah, that's true. And one time we were in my kitchen, this is probably like what, 2010 or 11, Gav? And I flicked one at you
Starting point is 00:24:33 and it zinged off to the side and it hit the countertop in such a way that it bounced back and hit me in the forehead and embedded into my forehead and cut me open and was hanging out of my fleshy head while it was bleeding in the span of three seconds it bounced off the counter and then bounced up off the wall behind the counter and then just straight back into his head and stuck there and i almost shat exploded with laughter. I could not believe it.
Starting point is 00:25:08 It was like the most instant karma I've ever seen in my life. It only hung there for like a few seconds, but. Yeah, it fell off. Just like you with both of your hands out in like a. And it's just like, you're like, your eyes are crossed inwards trying to look at it. It was an amazing sight in time. In the history of the universe, that was a phenomenal one moment yeah i feel like i've got like 40 something years of those just memories built on top of each other but but now yeah i feel like maybe uh maybe the universe is gonna
Starting point is 00:25:37 go easy on me in my old age it's like jesus christ the guy's falling apart you know he can't fucking he can't ratchet the seat up two positions without his shoulder falling off. We can't, we can't be letting him trip out of the, out of bed in the morning. Oh, Christ almighty. How's your,
Starting point is 00:25:54 how's your tooth? It's fine. You know, I, I go back in like two weeks to get it finished. It's a pretty not eventful. I don't chew on that side of my face anymore. Uh,
Starting point is 00:26:03 just to be safe. Uh, so the right side of my face is constantly tired and droopy. And I assume that this is, it's probably what it would feel like if I had like a minor stroke, you know, I just feel like, just like saggy and exhausted from all the over chewing on the right side.
Starting point is 00:26:18 Uh, who knows what kind of damage we're doing there, but, uh, but yeah, that's fine. We'll get it all taken care of in like two weeks. And then,
Starting point is 00:26:24 uh, I'll whine about it for a while and mope about uh you know the jackhammering and and whatnot uh to you guys and then we'll just move on until the next time i dare to use my mouth for the its intended purpose what's unfortunate about the scenario you're describing is you're saying that those events no longer happen to you and it sounds like they're still happening. It's just not funny anymore. Like you're still getting hurt. Your body is rejecting itself.
Starting point is 00:26:51 You're losing toenails. It's just not a great story. Can I give you guys a toenail update? Do you have to? I told you guys I wasn't going to look at my toenail for a year, right? And just look at it in a year. That was what I proclaimed in whatever episode of this podcast. I was like, I'm just not going to think about it. I'm not going to look at my toenail for a year, right? And just look at it in a year. That was what I proclaimed in whatever episode of this podcast. I was like,
Starting point is 00:27:08 I'm just not going to think about it. I'm not going to look at it. I don't have to look at my foot. It doesn't have to look at me. We can exist. The other day, curiosity got the better of me in the shower, and I looked totally, completely normal toenail back where it was never
Starting point is 00:27:24 gone. My toenail grew back quickly. I had to cut it. It was too long. You said that like Gavin and I both believed that you genuinely didn't plan on looking at your toenail for a year. I told you I would. I know you said it, but I didn't think that that was a real thing.
Starting point is 00:27:42 I was not planning on looking at it. How many weeks have passed that's like over a month ago you haven't looked at your toe in over a month I didn't look at my toe for probably six weeks until I finally did this episode of is brought to you by
Starting point is 00:28:01 RTX at home RTX is the world's greatest celebration of animation, gaming, comedy, and internet culture. It's where amazing entertainment and the best fans in the world meet up. And for our 10th year of RTX, we are going bigger, better, and even more online. That's because if we meet in person,
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Starting point is 00:28:43 the Rooster Teeth Podcast, Ruby Volume 8, and Red vs. Blue Zero. Meet and greets with your favorite cast, or your second favorite cast. A slate of exclusive reveals, special events, and our big kickoff, First Night. Plus virtual versions of the RTX Animation Festival and RTX Podcast Festival festival and insane amounts of exclusive merch from the RTX store. RTX at home will be live on roosterteeth.com and the rooster teeth apps in full for first members with select panels available for absolutely free. Don't miss out RSVP on rtxevent.com and follow at rtxevent on Twitter for more info and updates.
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Starting point is 00:31:35 I know my genitals are going to thank me for 20% off your first order. Visit Mack Weldon.com slash face and enter promo code face. Your downstairs face will thank you. I feel like, because last week, obviously, we addressed the second failure in hamburger eating. But we didn't really touch on the punishment for you losing. What do you mean? Well, when we made the bet.
Starting point is 00:32:03 You don't remember what you had to do when you lost? Well, I just owe you an additional hundred. Right. Also, you have to eat a pencil. No, that wasn't part of the bet, was it? Yeah. I don't think that was... I don't think... I think those were two separate conversations. What?
Starting point is 00:32:20 Are you shitting me? I don't think those were... No, I'm pretty sure those were separate because we talked about eating doors and then, like, talked about pins. I think those were... No, I'm pretty sure those were separate because we talked about eating doors and then talked about pens. I think those were unrelated. They were not unrelated. That was the whole reason to attempt the freaking burgers again was there was a pencil at stake. And you were like, oh, I'm going to grate the pencil.
Starting point is 00:32:37 And I thought you were grating burgers. I was like, what are you on about? And then you were saying, no, it's a pencil. I remember that completely differently. I remember those as two very separate conversations that had nothing to do with eric were you there for that one do you remember there's an impartial judge i do remember and i i'm i have to side with andrew i remember them being i'm very sorry i mean for content i would love to side with gavin but i do remember these conversations i remember it was eating a pencil, eating a door.
Starting point is 00:33:07 It was all of that. And it didn't, to me, come across like that was part of the bet. I'm incredibly sorry because I want him to eat pencils, but I have to be true to face. I reckon we got some bad memories up in this podcast. I think we probably need to go to the tape. I'm pretty sure the tape is clear. Let's hold on. This is the part where either Nick will or won't cut in the rollback.
Starting point is 00:33:33 All right. Maybe he played it there or if he didn't have it, then it just immediately kind of with this explanation, but I would to know I do. We do need to know. Well, maybe the audience will tell us. And when this comes out
Starting point is 00:33:45 well fuck this won't come out for like two weeks here i'll find i'll i'll find out right now i'll tell i'll tweet is no they're not no no i'm not going to eat no souls because they're gonna say yes because it's funny let me let me figure this. The last one that came out was the shitty Riddler. The one before that, Judge Judy foot rub, you hadn't done it yet. The one before that, I forgot about Piss Boy. I think that was the one. No, I think the Judge Judy foot rub, I think, was the burger bet, I want to say. I will say, I was talking to a friend about this,
Starting point is 00:34:27 and they sent me a list of ranking the most and least edible types of wood. So some research has been done, but I have no plans on eating a pencil. I feel like I should get a break after all this burger. I mean, burger stuff was hard. So you're looking to be rewarded for failure? I'm not looking to be rewarded. I'm saying I don't want to immediately eat a pencil for no reason. Well, it sounds like if you're, but you might be mulching on a bet.
Starting point is 00:34:49 Well, the audience hasn't weighed in yet. Yeah, we gotta wait for Eric's tweet to go live. Dad, I'm not, the tweet doesn't matter. The tweet is live. The tweet doesn't matter. It's just a bunch of people liking it, but no one telling me if he's supposed to eat pencils. Eric Bedore
Starting point is 00:35:04 tweeted simply this. Is Andrew he's supposed to eat pencils eric bedore uh tweeted simply this is andrew pantin supposed to eat pencils that has that's the most useless tweet you could have written there's no context if somebody responds with if he loses that bet he exactly will know see look at jeff jeff knows exactly because you you were worried no because you were worried that they were just going to say yes because it was part of the bet and all this stuff. What I'm doing, there's a barrier of entry. My point is people want to
Starting point is 00:35:32 see someone eat a pencil. That's my point. And with no context to the bet, they're going to say yes. I'm flipping on this. Gavin, I'm on your side. I think he's supposed to eat pencils. I'm definitely not. What a betrayal that was. He moved to the other side of the board I'm friends with your
Starting point is 00:35:48 dad now Eric how could this how could this be how could you turn on me like this my dad don't bring my dad into this one I'm seeing is there any replies yet no no 11 like oh who's it's just people liking it I don't like it tell Tell me if he's supposed to eat pencils. I will say, I have an update related to the burger thing. All right, well, I'm just saying, before we move on to your update, we are putting a pin in this. This is not a decided issue. I'm not eating a pin. Well, of course not, because that was not part of the bet.
Starting point is 00:36:20 But you may have agreed to eat a pencil. I never agreed. I said I think I could do it, I think. I think I said there are ways it could be done. I would shave it. I'd do the shavings, as we talked about before. This is just going over old territory. I never said I would eat a pencil if I lost a burger pet.
Starting point is 00:36:38 We're going to find out. There's no way you didn't. I definitely did. There's a 0% chance. I'm going to tell you right now andrew i think you're uh i think you're a smart a young kid with a good memory uh but i will say that virtually every time i've gone uh and i hate to admit it uh but almost every time i've gone up against gavin in a battle of memory i have lost to the tune of uh a lot of embarrassing things
Starting point is 00:37:04 he owns my car. It's true. I won Jeff's car. Because he had a better memory than I did. Which, by the way, I may need to trade my car on a new car, so I'll talk to you about that offline. Thanks, buddy. Yeah, so I would hate to be against Gavin on this. Just historically.
Starting point is 00:37:19 I don't think this is a battle of memories, though. I think Gavin's just trying to will this into existence. Yeah. I thought the same thing about a little guy named Pubert Adams. Alright, well, okay, it's up in the air. It's in the audience's hands, I think. Yeah. Two replies come in so far.
Starting point is 00:37:39 One saying no, and one saying I don't know, but why not? I think that's a definitive no. I'm gonna look. No, no, well that's one. Let's see. Hold on. Of the people that have said no, no one said yes. 100% of the replies so far have been no. I'll be honest, I'm feeling much
Starting point is 00:37:56 less confident. I definitely you've created two confers. They're back to back so I could get how it could be confused but I'm almost 100% sure. Keep looking. How about now? I need to put a pencil in the line. Well, you don't count.
Starting point is 00:38:09 That doesn't count. Oh, a new tweet. Oh, a new tweet by someone here. Just some random member of the audience. If he lost that bet, he does. Ooh, that does not sound good for you, Andrew. That person also seems to have a problem grasping tenses based on the question.
Starting point is 00:38:27 Excuse me. There's an update. Someone named Dag said, of course, but if I remember correctly... Jeff has influenced the audience at this point. Hold on. It says of course, but if I remember correctly, it was without the graphite. Which we did discuss. Yep.
Starting point is 00:38:44 Yep. I don't think I agreed to that listen if I did just like Jeff's phrasing if he lost the bet he does supposed to eat pencils we'll look into this if I said it then I'll figure out a way to make this happen I'm a man of my
Starting point is 00:39:03 work but I don't I'm almost 100% sure I never uh it's not there's no need to we don't need to get upset about it now we'll we'll go back and roll the tape and we'll we'll let you know facts play this out if you bring the receipts I'll accept fair enough uh what was your
Starting point is 00:39:20 other update related to your failure well because of my failure I'm in crippling burger debt as you know pant line still hasn't happened i say you're your luka donchik card info yeah that's true but that's only this is gonna go up it's gonna skyrocket those luka rookie carts can't sell them now so i uh i introduced my store last week the great not, not the Rooster Teeth store, because it's not the Rooster Teeth store. Eric already provided a link.
Starting point is 00:39:48 Didn't even need to do it. I have made updates to my store. Oh. That I'd encourage you both to check out and enjoy. We have added some additional merchandise. We have a testimonial video, because we are a very legitimate business. Oh, so people are going to hear about it for the first time, but look up
Starting point is 00:40:06 this version. Yeah, they're going to see 2.0 on the first one and it's a more deep site. There's more info. We've expanded. So what's new? Jeff line? Jeff line has been expanded. Go into the Jeff line and you will see. Is that Barbara with an eyepatch?
Starting point is 00:40:28 That looks like Barbara with an eyepatch. That's definitely not Barbara. That is a woman with an eyepatch. Jeff. Designed by Jeff Bedore. Designed by Jeff... Jeff Ross? California sunshine?
Starting point is 00:40:43 Okay, Jeff Bin East. It's the next line because I expect the Jeff line to be a huge success. We had four Jeffs, including Eric Stead. We got an accomplished line. What's Trevor with an eye patch? What's with the eye patches? No, I don't know. I've never seen Trevor or Barbara with an eye patch. These are two completely
Starting point is 00:40:59 different people. What is this? Would you call an old man with a list a liar video oh that's a testimonial video that is uh people that have experienced the not the roosterteeth store experience and i have nothing but positives to say can i play it yeah feel free all right i'm gonna play it you guys won't be able to hear me listen to it but i'm very proud of this story i think it's gonna do really well and once again the only name that you've committed to this is eric but door uh well as as i said i don't know we'll see what happens when this goes public how does this youtube account have nine subscribers as what i used for uh when i did the the crampus
Starting point is 00:41:40 thing that yeah eric have you had a conversation with legal yet no i haven't but my dad is but my dad is now involved so i don't know what's going to happen how is your dad involved after design one of the jeff shirts my dad is one of the designers of the jeff shirts he is his name is jeff he doesn't go by jeff but that's his name. So Andrew asked me to get him to design a shirt. The guy walking the dog? Yeah. It says C.A. Sunshine. Your dad's name is Jeff? Yep.
Starting point is 00:42:13 So I'm kind of like your dad. That's spelled completely different. What's great is that he's clearly started drawing the dog first, but when he drew the man, he didn't have enough room for the legs, so he's drawn the legs all the way down below the floor and then created a ramp so that it matches.
Starting point is 00:42:32 I think it's a beautiful piece of art. I think all four Jeffs nailed it. Yeah? And as I said, I think it says a lot that this Jeff line is opening with four shirts and not three. I think four is better than three. The larger number.
Starting point is 00:42:48 That's true. I guess it's undeniable. It's four, not a larger number than three. It is. It is. It's undisputed. I'm very proud of this.
Starting point is 00:42:58 I mean, the shirts, shirts still to be made. Shirts are going to get made in the next few days, but we have an outline. Oh, please don't. No, I'm making the shirts. shirts the shirts are coming i got my hat guy on it so there's no way it'll go wrong oh yeah that'd be brilliant oh christ i thought you'd be impressed i that's that's
Starting point is 00:43:18 definitely got models it's even i had models for the shirts That's a whole other level. That's not cheap Yeah, I didn't just take those from another store and then use MS paint and alter them Those are original you have a lot of time. I Don't have a lot of time. Well. This is for the show. What do you mean? I have a lot of time Gav what yeah, I mean for the show? For this one? Yeah. I showed Meg your pictures. And ruined a pair of shorts. What did you do? I bought a bunch of cards I don't remember buying,
Starting point is 00:43:59 and then I had Andrew explain to me why I bought them today when they showed up. That was a short thing, too. You bought those on, like saturday or sunday i got four autographs of four people i've never heard of it's great um you obviously you've you must have taken a knock to your confidence andrew because you've you've come at me with two burger challenges and embarrassingly and publicly failed both and you may have to eat pencils but no is there anything else that you have on the deck that you think is potential like impossible to lose for you well i you know i appreciate i don't this is the way you set that up
Starting point is 00:44:32 is sort of insane because the next thing i was going to talk about is garfield champ is still champ still the king undeniable i challenged the world. I put $100 at stake. Nobody came close. Wasn't even close. I crushed everybody. Still number one in Garfield. Well, maybe the stakes weren't high enough. Maybe if you challenge everyone, and if you get beaten, you have to eat a pencil. Maybe you'll have more challenges.
Starting point is 00:44:58 Yeah, but people aren't going to believe he'll do it now. I never said I wouldn't do it. I said I didn't think it was part of the bet. And I'll stand by it. I'm not completely opposed to the idea of doing it. I did one thing. It was sort of mean just before we move on from the Garfield thing. I'm in a discord and a lot of the people in it were trying to beat the times. They'd spent like the whole week constantly like motivating each other to try to do it. And I couldn sleep on monday night it was like 2 45 a.m i was finally gonna go to bed i was setting my alarm clock and i got a discord notification for a photo
Starting point is 00:45:30 and one of the people in the chat finally beat one of my times and they were so happy they were so excited that they did it and i thought well i can't sleep now so i got back up loaded garfield card up and just went at it for like 40 minutes just grinding the track over and over again I beat him by point like five two seconds and then I react as like hey good job you beat my time that's awesome good for you having already beaten it again and had a screenshot ready and he's like oh thank you so much that's so kind of you please don't beat it back immediately. It's like my birthday in a day.
Starting point is 00:46:07 That would be really mean. I had already done it. I couldn't for the first time. I was like, oh, okay, well. We should have known. Yeah. Happy birthday. Yeah, here's an early birthday gift.
Starting point is 00:46:21 Enjoy this screenshot. And he's like, you fucking suck. And instead of walking away and then going to bed i kept playing and i beat his time again this time by three seconds and then i posted seconds it was a three second beat and then i posted again don't come at the king don't come at the king that way i will shatter your dreams in garfield i got no sympathy for garfield i will crush you in garfield you see every every improvement on one of your times no matter what the game you see as a personal attack to the point where you will put down everything else in your life until you are back on top absolutely you're like michael jordan in
Starting point is 00:47:00 the last dance you take it personally yes. I have to get it back immediately. Also, they were saying like the king is dead, new champion. They're all happy and celebrating and shit. I can't have any of that. I would have been maybe a little more kind about it if they weren't celebrating. But you got to respect the king. I had to make a show of force for my Garfield dominance. You're saying then in essence that you have not done the best that you're capable of doing in Garfield dominance. You're saying then, in essence, that you have not done the best
Starting point is 00:47:25 that you're capable of doing in Garfield. Because when challenged, you are capable of digging deep, finding some bit of true grit inside of you and pushing forward even further to shave off tenths or hundreds of seconds to improve on your already world record. That's what you're saying.
Starting point is 00:47:44 Iron Sherp and Zion Jeff. world record. That's what you're saying. Iron Sherp and Zyron Jeff. All right, that's impressive. Do you know if you eventually beat back all my times on Halo 2? Wait, what? Like we were doing like Halo 2 level speedrunning at one point. This is also totally fabricated. This never happened. What do you mean we're doing Halo 2 speedrunning? It was when I was trying to do Halo 2 achievements and you just got involved. You started beating my times. We did one level. Now we're both going for the achievement.
Starting point is 00:48:09 I didn't view that as speedrunning. I thought we were just sharing times trying to get the achievement. I didn't know we were racing. Well, we weren't really racing the whole game, but there were levels where I'd be like, oh, you know, got a pretty good time on this one. You'd be like, that was interesting,
Starting point is 00:48:20 what you just said. Here's a better time. And I'd be like, oh, damn it. And we went back and forth a little bit, but i didn't i don't know where it ended like i assume you just smashed all of my times well no i i mean i'm sure i did because i've i've had that achievement and you don't so i'm just definitively better at halo 2 going fast well yeah because you did all that i was just getting i was getting hung up there was one there was one level where we were racing and it was like a two minute time
Starting point is 00:48:45 and i think this is the last like conversation we had about it actually where i set the new record by like two seconds and i was doing something and then i saw you sent me a screenshot and it was a completely different level that said like 20 minutes i think my time was two minutes five seconds and you sent one that said 20 minutes and I just glanced at it and assumed it was for that level and that you had set a new record two minutes and I was like this motherfucker and I loaded up halo and I started trying to beat two minutes and I was like this is impossible and then I re-looked at it and realized it wasn't even for that level I still had the top time you were playing a completely different level yeah that's
Starting point is 00:49:24 just that's just me sort of like you know, sharing my times I'm proud of, you know, in general across the game and you're like, this is a challenge. This is a challenge somehow. I'm not even going to look at it properly. And then you're just straight in trying to beat time. It's like, whoa. Chill. I was with you most of the
Starting point is 00:49:40 way and that we're just like exchanging times and like talking about things that work for us and we're trying to do it. But that was specifically when we were racing back and forth on that level that's a full competition book i thought you're trying to trying to take it back no no it's like i crushed your trials times i'm just i mean you may have burgers i have literally everything else do you do you have his trials times i crushed him in trials yeah that was like the beginning of all this he's such a little prick about Trials. He had that contest with Jack.
Starting point is 00:50:09 So basically what you're saying is because Gavin destroyed all of Jack's times and then you destroyed Gavin's. So Jack, who prides himself, a guy we work with, if you're not familiar, he prides himself on being such a phenomenal Trials player, but he's like two levels below you, Andrew. Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Starting point is 00:50:24 I'm not worried about jack that's way in the back i was focused on gavin i know we talked about a little bit it took me 100 days well yeah that's i think i think we did talk about that because i got some sort of freak accident time where like i didn't fall off somehow and i got propelled forwards and i was like i will never be that it put me in the hundreds i think on the world leaderboard and when you started challenging all my beginner times I was like good luck when he gets to that one and you came at me you were like what happened on this level how did you get such a fast thing and it took you 100 days and you just you did it so it's like every day that is clearly the best and most accidental thing I've ever done and you destroyed
Starting point is 00:51:02 that so it's like I it's barely worth me trying on most stuff did you have to do a crazy accidental thing to beat the time Andrew or did you just it's just kind of like yeah I was like learning the momentum of it and like how you had to hit certain ramps in a certain way I will say when I get into like serious
Starting point is 00:51:19 stupid competition mode it's all I think about and then I'll dream I'll constantly have dreams about it and i put a dent in the wall i lived in previously because i was having a trials dream and i was trying to adjust the bike and somehow in my sleep i ended up on my knees and like i was adjusting like the momentum of the bike and i head butted the wall i put a dent in it you're up on your knees in your sleep i was on my knees in my sleep and i like shifted forward to like try to balance the weight of the bike and i went right into the wall and i put a
Starting point is 00:51:51 hole in the wall and that's why he's better than you gavin i feel like that's a much better way to live like you're not dreaming about any real problems you're up there having trials nightmares. That's what I want. I mean, the real problems exist too, but I mean... Oh, okay. If I'm in competition, it's fun to focus in on these things. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to beat one of your times. No, you're not.
Starting point is 00:52:17 No, you're not. You already tried this. We've already had this talk. Look, I'm in quarantine, bitch. I've got COVID time. This is what's going to happen. I'm going to beat one of your times in one of the games. I'm not going to tell you which one. Wait.
Starting point is 00:52:33 I'm just going to sit there. Can it be any single game he's ever played? Yeah, that's what I was about to ask. Is it out of what we're talking about? I feel like it has to have been in a game that we've been going at each other before. Okay. But you won't know which Trials game
Starting point is 00:52:50 or which Halo level game. I'm just going to do it quietly, and I'm just going to leave it, and maybe I'll let you know that it's done like a month after it's done. You're not going to do it. It's not going to happen. He'll be able to see you online playing.
Starting point is 00:53:03 He can appear offline. He'll know you're playing. He can appear offline. I don't know what you're playing. He can appear offline. There are other things he can do. Gavin will fuck that up. And he'll forget for sure. And then two, could it be Garfield? Does it have to be a game he's already played?
Starting point is 00:53:19 I said to Gavin a long time ago, if he beat one of the courses on my time or one time on one specific course. You'd eat a pencil. Cats in the Hood. No, I wouldn't. Well, yeah, I'd even go that far. I told him I'd buy him lasagna for like two months.
Starting point is 00:53:35 As much as you wanted. Lasagna is like a once every six months kind of meal for me. I don't know if I wanted that frequently. I tell you what. I'm just saying I put it on the table. This is when I beat Gavin's times. is what he did he's like I'm gonna get it back and then he came back with the shittiest oh the graphics don't look too good this game the graphics are terrible I can't play this game because
Starting point is 00:53:55 of the graphics what game in the graphics are trials you know that we game dude trials HD and always it's always been ugly it's an hd yeah but you look back on it with fondness and then you load it up and you're like it's the lamest excuse to not be times you loaded it up you tried for like an hour we're like this is impossible i'm gonna say oh the graphics weren't good enough i can't i'm done look the graphics were a bit yucky it was a little bit off-putting but here's the beauty of this you're not not going to know I'm playing Trials HD. I can be playing any of the Trials. I'm updating the Master Chief Collection right now,
Starting point is 00:54:29 just in case that's the direction I go in. You won't know. It'll be brilliant. So all the Trials games are in play? Because we only did the first one. I mean, I'll gladly crush your times in all the Trials games. I feel like Trials is Trials, you know? I feel like I'm not going to touch Garth Lord.
Starting point is 00:54:44 It's like a way turf for me. I don't know where I stand with that. I know Trials, you know? I feel like I'm not going to touch Garfield. It's like a way turf for me. I don't know where I stand with that. I know Trials. I know Halo. Let's just limit the pool to that. Maybe Hitman. Any of the Trials games. We did a Hitman thing too.
Starting point is 00:54:55 I forgot about that. Yeah, Hitman's included. I killed you in Hitman and then you never even tried. But I have two jobs and you have Hitman, you know? Well, I mean, Hitman. Come on, you play Hitman all the time. Yeah, it's like your favorite game. You're never not playing Hitman.
Starting point is 00:55:12 You're always playing it. Hitman's good shit. It's a great game. It could be any three of those. I would say you probably like Hitman more than Trials and Halo right now. I'm fond of Halo and Hitman equally, I would say. You know what the most disappointing thing about the Hitman more than trials and Halo right now That I'm fond of Halo and hitman equally I would say okay You're the most disappointing thing about the hitman thing was and he doesn't even know this Because we agreed this is gonna be a thing that we did and then you just never did it
Starting point is 00:55:37 I don't think you've ever looked at the times I had like a top 65 time on one of the levels I somehow got. I was like, holy shit, I can't believe I'm in the top 100 for this. This is going to be great. I can't wait for Gavin to see it. Never saw it. Never even looked at. I don't think I even loaded up the level leaderboard to see what you're talking about.
Starting point is 00:55:58 No. It's on now. It's on. Loser eats pencil. It's on. Wait, what defines losing? I just think I have to pick. No's not losing no no i have to pick just a random future face recording and if i can say no i have a better time than you on this day in this game on this level then you eat a pencil. That's absurd. I think I get a 24-hour window
Starting point is 00:56:25 to try to get it back. Oh! I like that. 24 hours. See, in 24 hours, you can do anything that I can't. I don't...
Starting point is 00:56:34 24 is a lot of hours. That's a lot of hours. You put a pencil on the line. He'll have to update the game. That'll take some time, probably. It could be a big update. Maybe he's having slow internet. Okay, yeah, you get 12 hours. 12 hours? It's enough to fail a burger bit. that'll take some time probably it can be a big update maybe he's having slow internet okay yeah
Starting point is 00:56:45 you get you get 12 hours 12 hours it's enough to fail a burger bit 12 hours i'll take uh 16 i'll allow it okay 16 it's a bit odd isn't it 16 hours to to between me being declared winner and you discovering that you might have to eat a pencil? I can't wait to have to deal with this problem in 2025. That's the whole point. That's the next thing I was going to mention is that I can't guarantee this will happen in like four faces because it could take me eight months
Starting point is 00:57:16 just to beat any level time. And you could be on my case checking and be right behind me beating them back. Yeah, like there are a lot of times you can beat. I mean, I'm not like a speed runner. I mean, I'm sure there's tons of stuff you can do.
Starting point is 00:57:30 That's easy. Can we do some structure with this? I'd like, I'd like to propose that you guys, when, that when this happens sometime in the next three or four years, whenever Gavin, uh,
Starting point is 00:57:41 Lux into accidentally beating one of your times, and he announces it, that 16, like we announce it on face when we're recording, when Gavin brings it up, and then 16 hours after that moment, or the moment we stop recording, we have to log back on and record the results. And then we can just tack it on to the next episode.
Starting point is 00:58:00 So we get it while it's fresh. That's great. We can do that. It'd be like five, just like three, five minutes, whatever, 10 minutes, and then we'll just put it at the beginning or at the end of the next episode should we do the pencil in that section yes well what happens if i win um how does this gavin has to eat a pencil i don't know i've never i've never i've never eaten a pencil neither have i okay i've never eaten a pencil i Neither have I. What do you mean I've never eaten a pencil?
Starting point is 00:58:27 I thought maybe we just wiped the debt of the burgers. What would you prefer, Andrew? Loser's choice. Loser's choice. By the way, I know Eric told us eight minutes ago to wrap up the podcast, but I'm not including the eight-minute discussion about the intro as part of this episode. We still have 20 minutes of outro to do, too. That's true.
Starting point is 00:58:45 Oh, yeah, we've got to end the show. Forgot that was a thing. I don't know. I have time. I'll think about it. I'll think about what I would propose. Okay. For my thing.
Starting point is 00:58:53 You know what? I won a bet recently that'll actually help me with this. So this is exciting. I'm ready for you. I'm ready. Okay, I'm ready, too. Oh, while we're talking about bets and ending the show, I had an idea.
Starting point is 00:59:07 I was thinking about it at the beginning of this podcast and I looked it up. The F*** Face Podcast Instagram has 1,400 followers. And I was thinking about when... Part of why... I don't know if people know this, but part of why Rooster Teeth was on YouTube is because I saw that we were within like 30,000 followers of Oprah or subscribers of Oprah.
Starting point is 00:59:28 And I thought, I'm going to make a push to get us more followers than Oprah on YouTube or subscribers. And I did back in 2008. But it's part of what drove my desire to put Achievement Hunter on YouTube and grow that. And I was thinking it might be similarly fun with this dumb Instagram account. And if it's not, we can cut this part out of the episode and we don't even have to include it. So I was thinking of who would be good for us to race to try to beat.
Starting point is 00:59:52 And it hit me. We should try to get more subscribers or followers on Instagram than Coolio. Do you guys have any idea how many he has? Oh, he's going to have six figures. It'd be a lot. I'll say this. The top four photos, one of them is him and Snoop Dogg in fancy clothes.
Starting point is 01:00:12 One is him and a bunch of lovely women in bikinis at the beach. Here's him on stage with Fluffy, that comedian that's so popular. Everybody loves that dude, Fluffy. 71.3K. Yeah, 71.3K is what eric i honestly thought you were going to suggest us go against one of our own podcasts in some sort of convoluted forced
Starting point is 01:00:33 rivalry just to promote our own stuff and i was like i don't know how i feel oh oh cool yeah hell yeah let's do it no i don't i don't want to do any of that lame inside i just i just want to compete against somebody the best kind of competitions are when you're competing against the person has no idea a not only that you're competing but be that you exist yeah you think we're trying to run before we can crawl here though we're still not even the number one face podcast Instagram Set your sights high, baby. I feel like that's the first battle. Keep reaching for that rainbow. We'll get there.
Starting point is 01:01:09 We can't even search our own podcast. Oh, we're so stupid with this stupid name. You came up with it. I know. If I could go back in time three times in my life, I could go back. One would be the F*** Face Podcast. One would be naming Achievement Hunter.
Starting point is 01:01:25 And the other would be naming Rooster Teeth. Achievement Hunter made a lot of sense, though, in the time. If you're listening to this on a podcast app, to go from that moment to finding the same piece of content on our own website just so you can see the pictures, that's like two minutes of your life you'll never get back. It is buried deep in there. It is impossible.
Starting point is 01:01:47 Yeah, yeah. That's why you gotta get our dumb Instagram account. Yeah. That I feel like I keep promoting and talking about way too much. I just thought it'd be fun to compete against Coolio, but only if Coolio doesn't know we exist. Okay, Eric has copied and pasted
Starting point is 01:02:01 the same thing he just wrote. Oh, yeah. I'll just... Take it away, Jeff, in three, two. 71.3K thanks for listening, comma, rate five. Stars and subscribe you have to end the show thanks for listening, comma, rate five stars and subscribe. Not our worst intro. Still the best one was that guy from last week.
Starting point is 01:02:28 Well, it was also not an intro. It was an outro, but thank you for trying. Oh, that's true. I feel like this show had a good intro, though, as well. I feel like we nailed both. You were anti-intro. I don't like it, but I'm saying I think we did a good job.
Starting point is 01:02:43 With the not intro? Yeah, well, it was an intro before you end your hold on I'm adding to the message thanks for listening rate five stars and subscribe before you before you end your recordings I need an end sync this isn't part of the show
Starting point is 01:02:57 uh why are you I don't think you get to decide what is and isn't part of the show I think I do get to decide what's part of it show. Why do you keep reading what I'm writing? I'm a little bitch baby. I like to suck on boobies and pee-pees. My name is Eric Doody Pants. Why would you write all that?
Starting point is 01:03:15 I didn't actually hear what Eric said because of what Jeff said, so that pretty much sums it up. I just need a clap sync. No. Do we all have to clap at once? I'm going to count down count down i'm gonna say three two one then i'll then we'll clap and this is no it's not in the show no no no if we're recording the show ends the show ends on the clap all right we got this okay ready okay here we go three two No, hang on! 3, 2, 1 I hit my extinguisher. I expected a go.
Starting point is 01:03:50 3, 2, 1, clap! This is exactly what I said! It's exactly what I said! 3, 2, 1, clap! 3, 2, and 1. You always need to clap when you play rock, paper, scissors. Is it like, are you doing a shoot, or is it just at the end of scissors? It's like three, two,
Starting point is 01:04:08 one, clap, is what we'll do. Yes, which is exactly what I said. Eric's gonna do it right this time. Ready? Go or no go? Eric said this is a live. This is live ammunition here. Go. I'm not going to say clap. You're going to use my cadence and clap
Starting point is 01:04:23 after I say one. Three, two, one, clap clap here you go ready three two one i didn't do it yeah i could tell okay you do it and we were definitely not in sync either maybe you should say clap well now obviously you're not gonna be in sync to each other it's three two one clap yeah okay but then do you clap on clap or do you clap after clap we'll clap on clap you're gonna clap on clap okay you're not gonna be in sync to each other. Say three, two, one, clap. Yeah, okay, but then do you clap on clap or do you clap after clap? We'll clap on clap. You're gonna clap on clap. Okay, you're not gonna hear it.
Starting point is 01:04:49 I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. Ready? I'm gonna do it too. I can do this. This is gonna be really easy. I'm going to say clap and you'll clap when I say clap. No, I got this.
Starting point is 01:04:56 Eric, I got this. I'm taking control. On go. Three, two, one, go. What? Three. What? Three, two, one, go.
Starting point is 01:05:03 Three. Three. Three, two, one, go. Three? Three to one go! Three? Two? Three? Three to one go! Three to one go! Three to one go! Three to one go! Three to one go! Three to one go! Three to one go!
Starting point is 01:05:07 Three to one go! Three to one go! Three to one go! Three to one go! Three to one go! Three to one go! How did we not get it once? I feel like that's the only way we clapped it.
Starting point is 01:05:13 Well, you know what? You can't tell if we got it, cause you're on a delay from us. You hijacked the clap, you fucker! You hijacked the clap, you fucker! I feel like I set a consistent rhythm. I feel like I set a consistent rhythm. I feel like I set a consistent rhythm. Three, two...
Starting point is 01:05:23 Should we, like, extend this? Cause it's gonna be confusing, all these claps. I think we got it. I think we got it. Wait. Should we, like, extend this? Because it's going to be confusing, all these claps. I think we got it. No. We don't have anything. Three, two, one, clap. I actually did it that time. I did it.
Starting point is 01:05:33 Nailed it. Nailed it. I think we got it. Jesus Christ. Claps around the world. Yeah. My hands are sore. We'll see you next time.

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