F**kface - A Mid-Episode Retraction // Retrain an Anus [70]

Episode Date: September 29, 2021

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about the world embracing Scrumping, how to respond to a letter in the letter time, bat knobs on sale October 1st, Geoff throwing a baseball and his newest embarrassment....  Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to ffacebits@gmail.com Sponsored by Honey (http://joinhoney.com/face), Trade Coffee (http://drinktrade.com/face), and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/face14 and use code face14). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:01:38 This is a Rooster Teeth production. Goddamn, dude. Henry just farted so bad. I thought he shit in his sleep or something. I don't think he did. Oh, my God. Is there ever a good Henryry fart it no but this this smells like baby diarrhea oh he had one the other night i've been meaning to talk about it for
Starting point is 00:02:12 a couple weeks he uh i don't i don't know if we've started yet but he farted so bad uh it was a silent fart too make you know he kind of lays between em and I. He farted so bad, it woke her up. And she was like half asleep. And he just, I was like on my phone reading on Reddit. And he farted. And I was like, oh, Christ, that was rough. You know, and I just barreled through. But she actually turned over and she was like,
Starting point is 00:02:40 ugh, ugh, it's bad. And I went, what? And she just goes, eggs. And then just went back to sleep. I don't even think she knows she did it. Yeah, she farted. Or he farted. She woke up, rolled over, just in her sleep said, it's so bad.
Starting point is 00:02:56 And I said, what? And she goes, eggs. And then just went back to snoring. Was that the fart story that was postponed from last week? Yeah. I was going to tell it in a bigger way it's it's essentially that's all that happened we could redo that if you want we go no no no no i just i want to barrel through it because i feel like we have so much other stuff to talk about and a lingering fart story it's you know well i'm just i need to know is there any way that you can is
Starting point is 00:03:21 henry like the perfect equalizer and hiding farts like can you get farts under the radar oh my god dude are you kidding I you know we have the whole thing about how my girlfriend has never shit right and how I'm pretty sure she throws it in the yard and I clean it up thinking it's the dogs
Starting point is 00:03:39 I'm reasonably sure that at least 60% of the time it's her, not the dog farting. What if Henry has never farted? What if Henry has never farted? She woke herself up with her ex. Well, he definitely farted in this room a few seconds ago. But yeah, it's entirely possible.
Starting point is 00:03:58 And I'm super amenable to the idea that she's been hiding her f She's been hiding her farts as his. Have you ever attempted to cover one of yours as his? No, because I don't hide farts, dude. I don't see the point. I mean, you recorded them. You wanted to do a whole service around. I made it with my body.
Starting point is 00:04:17 I don't want the world to know about my farts. Anyway, this is F*** Face. Would you? Welcome. Is this 70, right? Last one was 69? Is this 70? I think it's 70.
Starting point is 00:04:27 I believe so. That's quite a lot. Where does the time go? Do you get the feeling that 7 looks like a way bigger number than 6? What do you mean? Like 8 isn't tons more than 7, but 7 seems loads more than 6. No. Just the look of a seven yeah
Starting point is 00:04:45 yeah no i'm more intimidated by an eight than a six you think you think everything's pretty low and then eight happens it's like whoa yeah because the six is like a smaller version of an eight if like you that if that six got jacked up fully grown like a fully developed like i feel like a six evolves into an eight yeah i guess just 70 feels like you don't you don't you don't feel like a six like for me a six is balls drop and it spins and it becomes a nine that's how i see that well then where where does the eight come in is so is an eight completely unrelated to the six in the in the genealogy tree of these numbers oh you're trying to like figure out which numbers had sex to make yeah so because like jeff is bringing up a great point listen a
Starting point is 00:05:31 seven is the is is a two and a five fooling around two and a five like if a two and a five had a baby it probably would be a seven you get a little bit of the five or maybe a one and a two maybe that's what it is a one and a two had sex adding two and five no i'm just thinking of the five, or maybe a one and a two. Maybe that's what it is. A one and a two. Had sex. I thought he was adding two and five. No, I'm just thinking of the look of those numbers. Yeah. I think a seven looks harsh. I feel like a seven's like, it like cuts through you. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:54 Do you think David Fincher has any responsibility for your views of seven? Do you think that has influenced you in any way? I've actually never seen it. Really? Okay. No. No, I don't think so. That's a no.
Starting point is 00:06:04 Good movie, though. It is a good movie. Does that hold up, though, as a movie? Probably not. I haven't seen it in a very long time. What movies do you think have a funny perspective? There's some epic movies out there, but if you were just stood in one place for the entire movie,
Starting point is 00:06:20 some of them are pretty interesting. Like in Interstellar. I haven't seen it. The main guy takes off in a rocket docks it to a space station drives the whole thing for about two years to saturn goes through a black hole and then like 80 years later comes out without any of that shit just floating it'd be weird if you were just waiting there for it. You would miss out on obviously all of the movie, but from that perspective, you'd be very confused. Do you think like
Starting point is 00:06:52 the perspective of what's happening in the world of Lord of the Rings from just a hobbit we don't know? Well, you have to be involved somewhat. You can't just be like in another town. He lives in the Shire. He's neighbors with the guy. Like over here he sings occasionally. Do you think they have like local news? Are there any like updates of like, ahire he's neighbors with the guy like over here sinks occasionally do you think they have like local news they're getting like updates of like ah they're working
Starting point is 00:07:09 with the trees now this is like like what is that perspective i've also been trying to figure out the uh the ratio between the movie that is the shortest compared with how long it feels and i think i've got the ultimate film for a movie that feels like it's four hours long, but is in fact quite a neat 90 minutes. Yeah, I think I have one too. I need to look up how long it is. What is yours? Mine is a razorhead.
Starting point is 00:07:42 Are you going to fucking stand here or sit? What are you standing right now or sitting? Sat. Are you going to sat here and tell me, you and I sat there and watched Eraserhead together and you didn't like it? No, I thought it was very interesting, very weird. It's fun to watch something that is just bizarre
Starting point is 00:08:01 and to the point where you're just looking at it almost just like, what is happening? But God damn, does that feel like a four hour movie? And it's exactly 90 minutes. It is exceptionally dense, that movie. There's a lot in there. And I think black and white adds at least 45 minutes to it. You should see the documentary about the filming of that movie.
Starting point is 00:08:24 It's really interesting. You know, he shot one scene a day for five years that's how he made that thing yeah why sounds like a nightmare or maybe 18 months or something but it was i think it was like ridiculous like five years uh they were well he got a grant from the from like the los angeles film commission or one or like one of those people or the american film society one of those it might have been an american film society anyway he won or got a grant uh and then they let him shoot like on a location a property that they owned but he could only shoot at night because it was okay day or something so they shot one scene a night for like five years weird yeah what a fascinating way
Starting point is 00:08:58 to shoot a movie yeah uh mine and i just i looked it, it is long, but it feels longer. It feels like a five hour movie, The Tree of Life. It's a two hour, 18 minute movie. It feels like it's six hours long. It's very weird. I feel like it's incoherent. It's okay. Like, I don't think many people listening would probably have seen it. It's a Terrence Malik movie.
Starting point is 00:09:18 It's fine. Yeah, I don't think a lot of people have seen A Razorhead. That's fair too. Have you guys, have you, have you guys ever watched The Crown on Netflix? No. That's an hour long TV show. I challenge you to watch one hour of that show and come back and tell me it felt like one hour.
Starting point is 00:09:38 Every time Emily's got that show on, it's like time stops. It's seven hours. It's like a ken burns documentary every episode like a full ken ken burns 10 part it's like yeah it's like ken burns baseball every it's crammed into 62 minutes or whatever of a fucking netflix show i have a pitch for for one of the like kind of an idea you're describing gavin this is a terrible idea in my head but i i would just i'd like to see this show, you know, talking about, like, a show or, like, a perspective where nothing happens.
Starting point is 00:10:11 I want a show in the Game of Thrones universe, but it's current day, and it just follows, like, a classroom of kids, and that's their history. Like, that's just the world they live in. Like, it's completely normal. It's, like, our world now, but their history is the fucking Daenerys and all that shit. But they've got, like, iPhones and stuff? Yeah, they have iPhones that are just, it's like, because I think about when I was a kid in school, I didn't give a fuck about history.
Starting point is 00:10:36 Like, I couldn't care less. And now as an adult, I have an appreciation for how interesting it is. I just love the idea of, like, what we perceive as a great drama show being the history for this world. And so like, I don't give a fuck about any,
Starting point is 00:10:50 you think, you think it'll be like, like how every 10th grader rolls their eyes when it's like, here we go with Nazis again. It's like, Oh my God, these fucking, these fucking white walkers.
Starting point is 00:11:01 Yeah. I'm sick of it. You better pay attention kid. You'd be speaking Valerian if it wasn't for these people that's what it is the show i want i just think it's interesting the concept of like that being your history and how it would impact the culture going forward also just i like the idea of kids not appreciating, because I certainly didn't.
Starting point is 00:11:26 I didn't either. I didn't give a rat's about history. Now it's probably one of my largest interests. Oh, I love it. Yeah. I feel like I did school at completely the wrong time. Yeah, like I would love if I was going into, I don't know, 12th grade right now,
Starting point is 00:11:44 I'd be pretty pumped about it. Pretty excited. Oh, yeah. I'd love to be just rolling into my GCSEs right now. A bit of year 10. I know exactly what I wanted to do. Oh, it'd be brilliant. I would love for there to be a real Billy Madison-like program.
Starting point is 00:11:59 I just want to realist. I want to do it all over. I feel like I've got more perspective on life. I'm more enthusiastic about learning. There's things I've clearly missed a lot with the shift key. I could use this. If there's anyone who deserves a second go through. Shit.
Starting point is 00:12:13 We just had a merch meeting, and we were talking about ideas from new merch. We should come up with a shift. Oh, we should sell shift keys. With just the up arrow on it? No, I like the idea of just selling a shift key. Just a singular key. Oh, like you could do this shirt as well. Could it just be like a giant, like the button we made, like a huge shift key?
Starting point is 00:12:36 We could push it. We could push it. And when you push it, it's just Gavin going, bullshit. Bullshit. Or Jack, who doesn't. Yeah, Jack. Yeah. who doesn't. Yeah. Jack doesn't believe you. Liar.
Starting point is 00:12:48 Liar. Liar. That's fucking great. To be fair, there are a lot of keys on the keyboard that I have no idea what they do. And I've used the keyboard almost every day for two decades. I had another realization that i'm scared to talk about after the shift key thing but it is something i i made recently like i'd say within the past four months or so it's not it's not new but i just didn't know this and i don't think it's a
Starting point is 00:13:15 big deal i i think this might actually be a thing that some other people don't know but uh rock band rock band was a game. Everyone remember Rock Band? How much fun that was? Yeah. I had Rock Band, and I thought the coolest part of Rock Band was the fact it had drums, because the guitar here already had the guitars.
Starting point is 00:13:35 I'm not going to sing. This is not something that interests me, but the drums are fucking cool. You can just smash these things. It's great. I did not realize that you could just hold the pedal down and continue to play i thought that you couldn't i thought you could only use the pedal when that note would appear in the game track to hit it i had no clue uh yeah the pet the pedal for like what was it was it for
Starting point is 00:13:57 like holding down the the cymbal part was like no it was like the kick drum it was like it was like to kick the drum you you'd have to i think when you properly play i think as eric is saying i think that's how you properly play the drums is you just hold the pedal down and then you release and kick when you need to so whenever that would scroll through i would click it the problem is my foot would cramp up because you're not supposed to keep your foot at that angle so i could play like two or three songs that i'd be pain i'd be in pain. I'd be like, this sucks.
Starting point is 00:14:27 I wish this was fun. I went through my whole life of rock band thinking I couldn't do that. I thought if I held it down, it would fuck up the other notes I hit. And it caused so much discomfort. And I realized like four months ago, you could just hold it down. I think that's okay.
Starting point is 00:14:40 Also, are you still playing rock band? No, but I talked to somebody about Rock Band the other day. It blew my mind at the time. You don't have room for Rock Band in your room. No, you do not. No, I don't. I really don't. It's a problem.
Starting point is 00:14:56 Eric says people are pissed about the shift key. Are they? I feel like we went over that. I don't know if they're pissed about the shift key or not, but I do think the idea of shift keys as a merch is funny. Or maybe people should mail you their shift that. I don't know. I don't know if they're pissed about the shift key or not, but I do think it's, I do think the idea of shift keys as a merch is funny, or maybe people should mail you their shift keys. I don't know. Uh,
Starting point is 00:15:10 there's definitely something there. Why did they mail me my, what, why? So you can use them now, because now you know how shift works. Yeah, but they do.
Starting point is 00:15:16 That's a great point. That's where I was going with this. That is what's going with this is, uh, is, uh, scrump has become a global phenomenon already. The world has embraced scrumping in a big way
Starting point is 00:15:28 we're very excited about scrumping i saw a lot of stuff on the instagram stories of people picking apples today is uh just to put this in context today is thursday september 16th when we're recording this i believe that this coming up Tuesday, we will be picking up our metallic scrump yard signs so that we can sell them. Wow. We are going to sell notice no scrumping metal signs. Eric's typing, and he's either about to say, yes, that's correct, or Jeff, you weren't supposed to talk about that.
Starting point is 00:16:02 Yeah, number four on the image. Oh, yeah. So it's like it's a black white and red sign that says notice no scrumping and it'll be in the store I guess next week I'd love to have that on my lawn I just feel like it would make my neighbors talk to me though which is not something I want right
Starting point is 00:16:16 do you think that old lady who threw the cucumbers would come to the door and she saw the sign she needs a clarification I don't know what scrumping is but i hope it's not throwing cucumbers at your house maybe she scrumped those cucumbers that's why she was trying to shift them do you think andrew i was thinking about another thing that is is uh very frequently used but i think some people don't know it when you reply to an email
Starting point is 00:16:41 what does it put in the subject line i don't even know how to answer that question. What do you mean? When I answer an email, what does it put in the subject line? I mean, this isn't the question. I just want you to understand what I'm talking about. Like, it has the subject of an email. When you hit reply, it changes the subject. It adds two letters.
Starting point is 00:16:58 Yeah. It does? Yeah. Do you really not know what two letters it adds? No. Okay. I wrote an email. I replied to an email a minute ago. It sort of defeats the misconception
Starting point is 00:17:10 that some people have about the two letters when you don't know what the two letters are. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, what does that mean? Well, fuck. Now I need to think about it. Let's think about this for a minute. Okay.
Starting point is 00:17:23 So my initial gut read on this would be responding to email. RE. Response, maybe? Could be that. Could be some of those are tricky where you'd think it'd be RES if it was response, but it might just be RE.
Starting point is 00:17:38 It's not Resident Evil. That's also something that comes to mind. I can narrow that out. Gavin, I didn't think this was something people didn't know until this moment. Andrew definitely doesn't know. Returning? Return?
Starting point is 00:17:54 Return email? Could that be it? Because you're responding. It's like if you... I imagine email is a physical good. You've not really got... I feel like most people think It's for reply Oh okay Well respond kind of in the same
Starting point is 00:18:11 It's like second plate and Reply would be first like it's in the same Thing but it's regarding And then the subject Oh so that's The misc so not only did you not understand What I was saying at the beginning, your misconception was completely different.
Starting point is 00:18:28 Anyway, I don't know why I asked. Eric says he still thinks it's Resident Evil. I feel like all of mine outside of Resident Evil joke answer better than regarding. I don't say regarding is just fine. Yeah. How often do you say regarding your day to day life? I don't say regard. I say in regards to fairly often, I think. is just fine. How often do you say regarding? Your day-to-day life? I don't say regard. I say in regards to fairly often, I think.
Starting point is 00:18:48 Sure. Okay. That's acceptable. I just don't like regarding. I don't... It's not a rotational word for me. Well, hey, you know what? If you don't like it, we won't say it.
Starting point is 00:18:57 How about that? We will ban that word from this show. I don't think we need to ban it. I'm just saying if I'm writing an email, I feel like there are a lot better options. Who decided it means regarding? Who made that choice? It's not from email, I don't think we need to ban it. I'm just saying if I'm writing an email, I feel like there are a lot better options. Who decided it means regarding? Who made that choice? It's not from email, I don't think.
Starting point is 00:19:08 I assume it's from old writing. I learned it in a letter writing class in fifth grade or something. What do you mean? When you learn how to write letters, professional letters and shit in school, like when I was a kid, I learned RE meant regards or regarding.
Starting point is 00:19:23 Huh. Okay. See, my confusion was I was thinking about did I learned RE meant regards or regarding. Huh. Okay. See, my confusion was I was thinking about, did people send letters back and forth? Like the same letter? Like a reply email, but physical? Because in my head, that makes no sense. But to do regarding... So they write you a letter, and then you just write regarding the letter you sent?
Starting point is 00:19:40 And then how would you use that? Or like RE that question you asked or whatever, you know? Yeah, because back then, would you well yeah because you say like or like re that question you asked or whatever you know yeah because back then when you responded to a letter if you're using new paper you wouldn't quote the entire letter under your response so you actually have to say this is what i'm replying to yeah yeah i don't i don't think i'd ever write a letter with the intent of having it be a continued conversation that seems like like a lot of work. Oh, you're one and done? Don't talk to me again? No, okay. It's like, imagine a volley in a tennis game,
Starting point is 00:20:09 but every game is a different match. I don't expect a continuation of the conversation. What if you were writing to someone, and you asked a bunch of stuff, and then you only needed a response for one thing? They would probably write what they were responding to. Yeah, well, I feel like I don't need them to say regarding this i feel like i could just get the answer i wrote to them i know what i wrote so if someone replied to something you wrote and they just wrote four yeah wouldn't you
Starting point is 00:20:32 be like what are they talking about well nobody would do that though they would provide they wouldn't say regarding they would just they'd be like ah i want uh i don't know what are we talking about how many apples have you scrumped recently? If I asked that, and if they replied four, I'd understand what that meant. Yeah, I would. I would. I wouldn't need them to say in regards to the scrumping. I wonder what your
Starting point is 00:20:56 quality of life would have been like in a world before the internet, like 30 years ago. I think Andrew was born at the correct time. I think so too. I really do. I wonder how he would navigate the convenience of modern internet world. No, I would adapt. If I grew up in a different time, I'd be a different me. I don't think you can measure current Andrew as opposed to a different time period Andrew.
Starting point is 00:21:16 So what caused you? I don't know. What do you mean? How is it conceived? You wouldn't be like the way you are if you were knocking about with the Tudors and stuff. I don't understand. What caused me? Yeah, like, you're you, but why?
Starting point is 00:21:32 Like, who sculpted you? My environment, I guess? I don't know. That's such a weird... What do you mean? What's had the biggest impact? Is it, like, your school friends? Is it your parents?
Starting point is 00:21:41 I think all of it impacts you to an extent. I think, yeah, kind of the era you live in, the people around you, your parents i think all of it impacts you to an extent i think yeah kind of the era you live in the people around you your parents your background i think all that kind of shapes you into the person you are and then you kind of acquire your own experiences as you get older oh man don't let me forget i don't want to change the subject from this but i expect i had a new experience in vegas uh that i have got to share with you guys later? I lost my train of thought. I just think, you know, I bet you I'd be fucking great at writing letters
Starting point is 00:22:10 if I was in a letter time. I'd have a quill, I'd get it all fancy, I'd have a nice ink. That's what we did. That's what we did before the internet. We used quills. But you wouldn't ever type R-E colon. No. No, I wouldn't. I think it'd be outrageous.
Starting point is 00:22:25 In my head, a letter is you kind of put all your thoughts out there, and then they acknowledge some of it and put all their thoughts. It's not really an ongoing conversation. You don't volley. It's a different thing. You definitely volley. We definitely used the whole point in letters. Nah.
Starting point is 00:22:38 I'm not sure. That's how you would have conversations with people far away, man, if you didn't want to pay a $1,000 phone bill. Yeah. I'm just saying now i'm saying my perception of what letters are in the environment i grew up in if i grew up in a different if i was in the letter time if i said the letter days the olden times the letter era i will say regardless of of when I was born, I'd never understand how faxing works. No clue. That's just a thing that would never work in my head.
Starting point is 00:23:10 Couldn't process that. I'd never fax. You've never understood fax? I'd never be a faxer. You got to put a phone number in or something. It seems very unnecessarily complicated. You think that's less convenient than writing and then mailing a letter? Yeah, because as I think I've talked about on this show before, mail terrifies me.
Starting point is 00:23:30 I don't understand how any of it works. It's just magic. It's the equivalent of magic to me. I feel like mail is the easiest thing to understand. You physically write mail and then someone takes it to where you write. It doesn't involve a modem. It doesn't involve bits. It doesn't involve silicon in any way. It's the process
Starting point is 00:23:46 that blows my mind that I could write a letter to France and they would be able to deliver it accurately and I could depend on that. And all I have to do is write an address on it and put some stamps and I'm good. But sending a text wirelessly to someone in France, that's easy. That's not magic. Well, no, that is magic.
Starting point is 00:24:03 It's all magic, but there's a physical component to it the fact that somebody's having to hold my letter and and move it like it's touching several people's hands there's like a level of personal touch to mail that i think is wild or just sending a text is fucking crazy it's ridiculous it's amazing that that's a thing that can happen, but it's just not... There's so many... I don't know. There's so many ways a letter can go wrong,
Starting point is 00:24:32 and I don't feel the same way about a text. I guess, to a point, there's no way your text will fall down the back of a trolley and get stuck behind a wall for ten years. Exactly. I had... Listen, I ordered popcorn from Toronto once. the back of a trolley and get stuck behind a wall for 10 years exactly i had listen i ordered popcorn from toronto once i got it from across fucking canada and they shipped it and just got
Starting point is 00:24:51 lost my text if it gets lost i get a little symbol on it and i can resend it a minute later my popcorn was lost for weeks weeks it was lost and weird if you had the same speed of feedback to lost mail. Like, you ordered the popcorn, and ten seconds later, it's like, we lost it. I found it. I got the popcorn. It was just in a warehouse. They forgot it existed, I think, because I complained, and then it showed up the next day.
Starting point is 00:25:19 But then I was like, is this fresh popcorn? Like, I can't. How do I judge the quality of this thing? It was very good. I'd recommend the honey mustard popcorn. Very good. I didn't even say the company. Yeah, it's good.
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Starting point is 00:30:10 I'd never recommend something I don't use. Get honey for free at joinhoney.com slash face. That is joinhoney.com slash face. Hey, I got a question now that we're 25 minutes in. Jesus Christ. What do you guys want to talk about this episode? I would like to briefly talk about the fact that I thought Andrew was doing a bit over text.
Starting point is 00:30:35 And this just makes it even better. Imagine this being written and delivered and the carbon footprint involved if this was done over post. Andrew wrote... Wait a second. Before you say that, let me just ask Jeff.
Starting point is 00:30:53 Jeff, who performed the Kenan and Kel rap? I have no idea what you're talking about. See? I'm way too old for that shit. I know who those actors are, obviously. Jeff doesn't even remember we talked about this. Oh my god. Did we talk about the Kenan and Kel rap?
Starting point is 00:31:10 Did that last episode just not happen? It was so much worse than me. What's going on? Are you both doing a bit? Now I'm going nuts. Now I'm going crazy. Did we talk about Kenan and kell last week
Starting point is 00:31:25 oh my god why would we talk about that i don't pay attention i rode i rode a roller coaster with keenan was that what we were talking about oh my god i thought andrew was doing a bit because i thought it would be insane that he didn't oh andrew out of nowhere a day after we recorded last week said you didn't mention coolio does the keenan and kel rap that's wild i just wrote considering we just talked about it the day before is this a bit he said did you mention that yesterday and I just said this is a bit and then you were I'm very confused back and forth blah blah blah I checked the freaking episode I mentioned coolio by name three times
Starting point is 00:32:17 while I was telling the story about how I was stuck in a simulation no one heard it did anyone hear that oh you were stuck in a simulation. No one heard it. Did anyone hear that story? No, you were stuck in a simulation because shit kept conveniently popping up after you talked about it. I remember that. I think it was the other way, but yeah, I at least remember that we discussed the Keenan and Kel rap.
Starting point is 00:32:36 I just somehow missed the fact that it was Coolio. Three times by name. I feel like I remember Coolio more than Keenan and Kel. You didn't remember any of it. We just went through this. What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:32:50 Well, no, he said Coolio. Coolio's jogging my memory a little bit. Or maybe it's just that we've talked about Coolio on Instagram in the past. Maybe that's what I'm remembering. Have we overtaken his account yet? Isn't that the plan? Can I ask a question? Was I in this episode?
Starting point is 00:33:05 Yeah. Yeah, you were there. Yeah, you've been in every one. That I know about. That's true. I guess, well, wait. Was there one that we did? Oh, no, you weren't there for part of one.
Starting point is 00:33:14 I forgot about that. Remember that? You weren't there. We did the thing where Jeff left, and then for some reason we all came back, and it was Eric, Gavin, and I, I think, and we threw the beginning, the intro. We threw the ball to each other.
Starting point is 00:33:28 We talked about Coolio there, though. No, we didn't. It was just the point Jeff said, was I there for it? And I said, you've been in every episode. How's Coolio doing these days? That's a great question. We still haven't overtaken his Instagram, according to Eric. We gotta catch up on that. Damn. I just, I love,
Starting point is 00:33:44 I love that you didn't even fucking remember it. Gavin was gonna make fun of me for not hearing the Coolio thing. You had no idea what we're talking about. No. I just don't understand. Is this the best gaslighting in all the world? No. Is this the best performance of all time?
Starting point is 00:33:58 I need to say that I'm wrong. I need to apologize right now. What Jeff just did made me realize that regarding is essential. Regarding is an essential part of the letter. You need to apologize right now what Jeff just did made me realize that regarding is essential Regarding is an essential part of the letter you need to include it and the context Right right now holy shit because there'd be six letters Apologize I'm wrong about that I apologize. I'm wrong about that.
Starting point is 00:34:23 Wow. That was a perfect full circle. That was a mid-episode retraction. That's awesome. That was... Yeah. Very mature of you, Andrew. Well, I didn't... Very self-aware.
Starting point is 00:34:33 I've never encountered what you just did. I thought you'd know. I was kind of honestly trying to tee myself up to look more foolish, and then you were like, I don't even know. And then I was like, hold my root beer. God damn. Oh. this shit and then you were like i don't even know and then i was like hold my root beer god damn oh oh shit it's a dumb show it is a dumb show is that your point was that you said it a bunch gavin i didn't hear it was that what you were going is that what you want to talk about well my point was gonna be can you believe andrew didn't hear and jeff was gonna be like yeah he mentioned it three times and uh suddenly my point was going to be, can you believe Andrew didn't hear Corleone? And Jeff was going to be like, yeah, he mentioned it three times.
Starting point is 00:35:07 And suddenly, my point out the window. This is in regarding to last week's episode, right? My point was down the back of a trolley by the wall. So what happened in Vegas, Jeff? Oh, okay. Okay, so here's what we need to discuss. A couple things. We're running out of time.
Starting point is 00:35:28 First off, let me just get this out of the way. There's not going to be any arguments. There's not going to be any disruption about it. We're just going to barrel through this, Andrew, and you're not going to fuck this up for me. Gavin, you don't even have to say anything. October 1st, the bat knobs go on sale on the Rooster Teeth store. That's all I'm going to say anything uh october 1st the bat knobs go on sale on the rooster that's all i'm gonna say october 1st the bat knobs go for sale maybe you get an extra item maybe you don't you
Starting point is 00:35:53 got like a 1 in 10 chance uh maybe we'll throw in something extra but if you buy a bat knob on october 1st you'll get a bat knob and maybe something else that's all okay uh are you gonna call these bat handles bat knobs on the store? Yes, yes. We're going to call them bat knobs. I went to Vegas for Andrew. Need to talk about that.
Starting point is 00:36:12 Something happened to me in Vegas that's very embarrassing. I need to talk about that. I discovered a new thing that I like to do way too much. And then Gavin and I came up with a modified stunt we want to do and we've got some homework for you Andrew
Starting point is 00:36:27 I think we need to cover all that shit I'm very excited about the homework can I just I don't know if we should talk about it in an extensive way I will say that so we had the merch meeting today and we laid out everything and I believe Jeff you're like okay we all agree but just as a heads up
Starting point is 00:36:44 we're going to explain this to Gavin he's going gonna immediately challenge what is being said what we all agreed upon i wasn't vocal in the meeting some of it still doesn't make sense to me oh i know i i i a little bird told me later that you were having post-meeting issues that's why i said you're not gonna we're just gonna barrel through it okay i just want to say order order a knob i don't understand a knob maybe maybe it comes with a logo device i don't know but you get there you buy a knob you get in a knob and it'll be numbered i don't need i don't know what to say like i don't i think they should all come in the same box regardless of if the logo device whatever you say buddy what are you talking
Starting point is 00:37:21 oh can i can I talk about something unrelated that was sort of brought up at the merch meeting? Yeah. I don't know if we should talk about this. We could edit this out, I guess, if we want to. How many baseballs do you think Jeff could consecutively swing at Gavin before he just broke? If he's in a batting cage.
Starting point is 00:37:38 And he's trying to, he's like going for a home run every time. Yeah, if he's swinging, he's trying to make good contact on each ball. How many times do you think he could swing before his arms give out? 50? Jeff thinks he can swing at 1,000 balls. Okay. We weren't going to talk about that because that's a whole other lane we want to go into. I do think I can swing.
Starting point is 00:38:03 There's no way. There's no way. What, are are you gonna be that for two days and eric's over here going there's even more baseball stuff listen we're gonna get derailed on the baseball yes yes there's more baseball stuff yes i think i we were discussing what to sell next and i andrew had mentioned that it seems weird that we don't have we have all this other baseball shit we don't have a baseball and then eric brought up uh we're not a baseball podcast and which is a fair point and then and then it would have to make sense and i said i i had the idea a couple weeks ago that like what if if we sold baseballs what if i hit each baseball with a bat first like so each bat came, each ball came pre-hit,
Starting point is 00:38:47 pre-tested, like pre-dinged, right? And then they were asking me how many I thought I could hit, and I was like, I could hit a thousand baseballs, sure. I didn't say I could do it all at once, but I can, and I would.
Starting point is 00:39:01 No, the scenario you proposed was like one time in a dugout Just swinging away what I loved about it is to have said it so confidently And then somebody quietly the meeting was like you know maybe we could just like 200 That's also a good point That's a good point That Nick brings up Or Eric brings up I only have to try to hit him
Starting point is 00:39:29 If I strike out That still counts We just won't sell that one For as much So you can own A baseball That went past Jeff We'll separate
Starting point is 00:39:39 The hit balls Versus the strikeout balls And the home run balls You can pick one or the other Oh my god You would hit like 70 balls and then you would just be ripping the boxes open just thumping like 10 at once. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:39:52 I don't know. And this all goes back to this other... I'm gonna do this. My girlfriend and I got into an argument about something and she's very fucking motivated to make it happen. Let me ask you... I didn't think we were gonna talk about this, but happen. Let me ask you. I didn't think we were going to talk about this,
Starting point is 00:40:07 but Gavin, let me ask you a question. How hard, how fast do you think you can throw a baseball? Oh, probably not very. And I'll say this. A major league baseball, like a major league baseball player throws a fastball anywhere from 92 to 100 miles an hour typically. I bet I could do 60.
Starting point is 00:40:25 Okay. So Gavin I could do 60. Okay. So Gavin's a reasonable person. I think you could do 60 as well. I don't think that's a lot at all. I'm not throwing a thousand balls. No, you just got to throw one. How fast could you throw it though? You think you could throw it 60 miles an hour? I thought this was me serving you up for hitting a wall.
Starting point is 00:40:42 No, no, no, no. Just how fast could you throw a baseball? It's madness in a different way, Gavin. It's unrelated, no, no. Just how fast could you throw a baseball? It's madness in a different way, Gavin. It's unrelated, but equally insane. Yeah, I'm going to say 60. Okay. I don't know if that's good or not. I mean, if they're doing 90, then that's barely anything in comparison.
Starting point is 00:40:57 What about you? Well, I'm reasonably certain that I could throw a baseball with training. I got to take an incineration. You know, I fell on the shoulder last year with the bike rack. And I had that MRI and I have a troubling amount of arthritis, right? So I'm going to have to put myself on a regimen of stretching and probably, put myself on a regimen of stretching and uh and probably uh yes definitely like at least a month of stretching and maybe some yeah some range of me sending a bit of posts saying how fast can you
Starting point is 00:41:33 throw the ball and i got that in response yeah all right regarding regarding the baseball speed on the back side of the letter you had to flip it over and he's still yeah the other side still qualifying regarding i'm just regarding that i think i can throw a baseball 80 miles an hour of the letter, you had to flip it over and he still did it. Regarding that, I think I can throw a baseball 80 miles an hour. Oh my god, really? I think so. There's no way. There's a 0% chance. You can train all you want.
Starting point is 00:41:56 There's no way. My girlfriend bought a baseball that records the speed you throw it at. So I can, at some point... What's your fastest so far? I haven't done it at all yet wait you own a baseball that measures its own speed and you've never threw it yet that's correct huh i don't know why why would you not throw it immediately yeah go and do it now uh i don't know where emily put it and no, because then I'll know. No, I know.
Starting point is 00:42:25 I want to say you'll see 52 and then you'll be like, oh, first off, if we do that, I got a fucking it's got to be filmed. This is going to be content. If we're going to do this, that's fair. It won't register when it goes 49. No, I'm going to. And besides, we'll have Gavin. Gavin can film it with the Phantom,
Starting point is 00:42:45 and then he can just speed it up to whatever looks like 80 miles an hour. You want me to time lapse you with the Phantom? I feel like the ball will be going slow enough. Anyway, if this is something we're into, I've already got this going on with my girlfriend. We can always turn it into a bit for for the Eric's into it so I was going to offer
Starting point is 00:43:08 it to you guys if you guys want it to be a thing we can make that happen I'd love for it to be a thing I appreciate that it would be like if you watched Usain Bolt run and was like I could be three seconds slower like it's ridiculous like what do you mean I think we should all put in what number we think you're going to throw
Starting point is 00:43:24 at and I don't think the phantom should film the ball. The phantom should film your face when you look at the speed. Whoever gets the closest to my actual number wins a thousand swings at baseball bat. It'd be awesome. I would say, I don't think throwing is a strength of yours, Jeff, but flicking, you're very good at you're one of the hardest flickers
Starting point is 00:43:48 that I've met if that makes you feel good I'm a pretty good thrower I wouldn't have I wouldn't have said I could do it if I didn't think I could do it 80 though if I can't throw 80 I get god damn close that means that if a car
Starting point is 00:44:04 drove by you at 70 miles an hour, you could throw a ball and hit it while it was driving away from you. I would assume so, yes. I love this. I think an important question, Jeff, how far are you willing to train? To what extent are you willing to attempt to go for this? Well, I'll tell you. That's a great question, Andrew Well, I'll tell you. That's a great question, Andrew.
Starting point is 00:44:25 And I'll tell you, it's all going to come down to how much it hurts to throw the baseball the first time once, because it is going to hurt a lot. Like, I can't. I can't. Like, listen, I got issues with the shoulder. So I know it's going to be painful, first of all. So if I throw it and it doesn't hurt so much and my first throw is like 62 miles an hour or something,
Starting point is 00:44:48 then I'll be like, oh, I'll train for a couple weeks. If I throw it, my arm almost falls off and I throw it 48 miles an hour, then it's going to be months. Eric just said, we play baseball on Saturdays. You're welcome to join us to see that you absolutely can't throw 80. I'm now rooting for a world where Jeff can throw 80
Starting point is 00:45:03 and he's like the pinch hitter of this baseball team. He comes into the last innings, closes it out. I want to see baseball Jeff. If you could throw 80 Jeff, Eric has to let you throw it at his bruise. No way dude. I wouldn't hurt him like that. Eric, how fast does that ball travel do you think that hit you in the
Starting point is 00:45:19 in the lap? Oh man. It was going. I mean Jory, it was a line drive. I was probably 40 feet from the plate and it hit me in the lap. Oh, man. It was going, I mean, it was a line drive. I was probably 40 feet from the plate, and it hit me in the thigh. So, oh, God. I mean, fast, fast? I also don't think, I don't think Jeff could,
Starting point is 00:45:36 I don't think you could throw 80 accurately, either. I didn't say I could throw it accurately at all. I just don't think you can throw 80, period. Hold on, I'll be right back. I gotta let my dog out. It's crying. What is like our dream, Gavin? Because we want, I want it to be close enough that Jeff believes he can do it.
Starting point is 00:45:53 So he does the training. I think if he goes, if he throws below 40, he's not going to bother. Oh, there's no way he's going to bother if it's below 40. I wonder what that number is though. Maybe if he throws like 60, 65, it's achievable. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Like when we go to mega 64, we would go to fairs and we go to baseball games and Sean, who's the most athletic of all those guys, big baseball fan, he would throw and the hardest he would throw is 69 and his record ever is 72. So when Jeff is telling me that he's going to throw 80,
Starting point is 00:46:28 I'll put $100 on it that you won't break 75. There's no way. We'll see. I want to see his pitching form too. Like, is he going to sprint full speed and then throw the ball? Like, what is his move? What is he?
Starting point is 00:46:42 He's going to happy Gilmore it? Yeah. No, I'm going to pitch like a major league baseball player. like what is his move what is he he's gonna happy gilmore it yeah no i'm gonna yeah no i'm gonna i'm gonna pitch like a like a major league baseball player i'll pitch okay so you're gonna stand you're gonna be on the mound yeah i'm gonna okay yeah so what number jeff does it have to be for you to decide that you think you can do it and train on that first throw oh i think i can do it regardless it's just about how much training and what the time frame. Oh, so it's how long of prep you require.
Starting point is 00:47:08 Yeah, I'll get to 80 regardless. It's just, is it going to take me a month or is it going to take me six months? I don't know. Okay. I think we should give him three months and if he's not at 80 by three months, then he can't do it.
Starting point is 00:47:20 Yeah, but that three months starts after I throw the first pitch. Yeah. Of course. The first test the first i was gonna say i feel like we need to make some rules on steroid usage and then i've come to the conclusion i don't think it matters so you do whatever you want it doesn't i don't think we'll impact god if i could if i could get some steroids for my shoulder i would do it in a
Starting point is 00:47:37 second not like not like jose can say go tiny nuts juicing in a fucking in a stall steroids but if i could get some like you know from a doctor that'd be fucking great I need not could say that was a great nickname oh man is that a known fact is that on the right steroids making nuts small yeah where does that where does all the nut flesh go I decided that sucks up in you I guess it. Wait, is that a negative? I guess less testosterone, right? Tiny nuts? The consequence of it?
Starting point is 00:48:09 Yeah, I feel like... Ask Jose Catego's wife. I don't know. I feel like... More skin, less... Cosmetically, less nut doesn't seem like a bad idea. It's not something I'm necessarily opposed to. Andrew, are your nuts too big? I don't know like a bad idea. It's not something. I'm necessarily opposed to Andrew your nuts too big
Starting point is 00:48:27 I don't know what the scale is You're worried about your nut size. Are you no no I'm not I'm very listen I'm not self-conscious about my nut size at all I'm just saying I don't think that if they were smaller it would be a bad thing Have you guys ever measured you know those little like? Like precise measuring yeah, like he's ever measured you know those little like those are like precise measuring yeah like if you guys ever measured your nuts what are you gonna just go around the dot like the circumference yeah yeah yeah not a tape measure but like one of those little like you know what i'm talking about those
Starting point is 00:48:55 little like shiny metal tools that they use to to precisely measure like car parts and shit right yeah you know what i'm talking about i know what you mean but in my head it's way funnier if it's like one of those things you measure your foot size in. Like a thing like that. That's fine too. Yeah, as long as you don't smash yourself. Seems dangerous.
Starting point is 00:49:13 All right, so we're 45 minutes in now. We still have... Oh, God. What was Vegas like? It was awesome, dude. I went... So I went to Vegas for Andrew to buy him some video games.
Starting point is 00:49:26 And I was hoping that it would turn into a whole funny adventure that would be great content for this podcast. What actually happened is I took an Uber to a used video game store that was lovely. And the people that worked there were very nice. So it wasn't in a rough area? They were familiar with Rooster Teeth and stuff. It was in a lovely area, nice strip mall,
Starting point is 00:49:49 really nice store, huge, tons of stuff. And I bought him a copy of Fallout New Vegas and a copy of Saints Row 2 factory sealed and got a decent price on them. And then so they're in my closet. I'll have to figure out how to get them to you. I guess I'll mail them to you at some point um good luck on that and uh but you andrew you technically own them they're just in my house in texas uh yeah it was it was super easy i was
Starting point is 00:50:15 it was happy i was looking so we were gonna go emily and i were looking for a weekend away we were thinking chicago to see a white sox game or la to see a dodgers game but we decided to hold off and wait till the playoffs and then just go to Vegas. And it was it was an excuse to go to Vegas and bet on sports. But also it was fun and it was happy to do it. And I got to explore Vegas a little bit. And I did something in Vegas that I have yet to do. I've embarrassed myself in a way that I have yet to embarrass myself.
Starting point is 00:50:43 I'm so excited. What did you do? Well, let me preface this by saying, uh, if you're training, it would be completely different. No, just to get it out there because it, because it, you know, my life is, is, is, is just imbued with feces, right? Oh no. So, uh, I will say, yeah, just to get out of the way yesterday, I, I barefoot stepped on dog shit again squeeze between
Starting point is 00:51:05 my big toe and my other toe i got to look down and see poop squeezing between my toes and on on monday morning i woke up and uh arrowhead shit the crate so i got to do that again too uh first time she's done it in a while why don't you look down dude yeah great question right in an fps game what can't see his feet. Yeah, I'm just like golden eye. What I did in Vegas that was a new embarrassment is staying at this nice hotel we always stay at, a big bathroom. I turned the shower on, took off my clothes,
Starting point is 00:51:36 and I was going to jump into the shower. And I thought, oh, I got to pee. And I froze. And I thought, oh, I should run to the bathroom to pee. And then I thought, I'll just pee in the shower. That's fine, whatever. It's not my shower. And so I jumped
Starting point is 00:51:47 into the shower to pee and you know how like when you start peeing it makes you sometimes fart or poop and you can't stop it? Oh no, Jeff, no! I had to fart and so I was peeing and I thought, oh, I just gotta fart and then I went, oh God!
Starting point is 00:52:04 That's not a fart! And I turned and I ran I just got up and I just farted. And then I went, oh, God, that's not a fart. And I turned and I ran from the shower to the toilet and I shit all the way to the toilet. A trail of little bloopy turds from the shower all the way to the toilet. Like a snail trail of diarrhea duty. Because also, I don't know what happened to me in Vegas, but the second I got to Vegas, the diarrhea turned on, and it did not turn off until I got back to Texas.
Starting point is 00:52:36 It was like a British guy visiting America after a while. I just went straight to the toilet. And you couldn't stop it? No, dude. You couldn't just hold most of it until two until no and i'll be honest with you i didn't know like i felt it and i went like oh that was that felt bad so i turned around to run and then i ran to the toilet and i sat down on the toilet and then i looked up and i saw like what is that on the floor and i went oh no and then I looked around the door and I saw that I had left the trail yeah yeah so
Starting point is 00:53:09 did you tell Emily? oh yeah immediately I was like oh my god you're not gonna believe it I do shit everywhere yeah she was horrified I like the not gonna believe it that's the most believable thing I've ever heard I absolutely believe it this isn't at all surprising that's fair yeah and so i don't even know what
Starting point is 00:53:30 to think about that one man because like now i gotta worry about shitting in the shower well i mean if it's diarrhea it's i don't i yeah yeah yeah yeah no it was diarrhea it was it was it wasn't it wasn't normal it was diarrhea i don't understand why you're applying locations to this. It's farting is the issue. Wherever you fart will be a problem. It's not suddenly a shower issue. A piss fart is different. Yeah, piss fart's different.
Starting point is 00:53:56 I don't think piss, I don't think I've experienced this. And honestly, and honestly, if I had just taken a right instead of a left and gone to the toilet like a civilized human, I would have fart-dutied into the toilet and it wouldn't have been a problem. Wait, so you ran like an out route? What do you mean? You didn't run the best path to the toilet?
Starting point is 00:54:20 Or do you mean before you... No, he went to the shower instead of the toilet. Like when I realized I had to pee and I had just gotten naked, I thought left into the shower or right to the toilet. I went right to the shower. It's a good thing you sit down and pee. It is a good thing I sit down and pee. And here's why, right?
Starting point is 00:54:36 As if I needed more encouragement to sit and pee. Oh, maybe that's why, in a way. Because you've, like, Pavlov'd yourself loved my body thinking it's yeah it's safe to fart and shit while peeing i'm in the shower i've trained my anus god damn it you're right how do you untrain an anus or how do you retrain an anus how fast of a ball do you think Jeff's anus could throw? Oh, man. Andrew, your homework.
Starting point is 00:55:13 So I'm pretty sure I have Gavin convinced on this. So we were talking about like Eric said no, under no circumstances are we allowed to jet ski joust. And then he seemed like he was down on the idea of us high-fiving in jet skis right so i had another idea that'll make it maybe a little less dangerous i also had another idea about this but you continue so what if we get we still get the sprunk ramp right and we put it in the water but we put it in the water kind of near the edge we get another ramp on the edge then one of us is on like, like Gavin or I, let's say Gavin's on the jet ski. I'm on a bicycle, right? And then, so Gavin's going, like, Gavin's following the coast
Starting point is 00:55:54 and I'm coming at him at a 90 degree angle, right? And then, so I hit, we both hit ramps at the same time. And then I pass in front of him on the jet ski and on my bicycle, we high five in the air, then I just fall in the water with the bicycle, we pull it out, and then he sails off on the jet ski. I feel like this is way more dangerous. What do you mean? That's what Gavin said. However, as I pointed out to Gavin,
Starting point is 00:56:17 as I pointed out to Gavin, who said, this seems like a lot, it seems dangerous, Gavin was scared to death when he got on the jet ski. The Gavin that got off the jet ski was a totally different man i'm scared i'm scared to do this too but once we break the trick down into segments and we practice those segments and we get comfortable with those segments and we realize they're not as scary and it was taken individually then we put the whole thing together boom we're set up for success i just don't think that's how it works like the man that got on the jet ski was obviously i i got off way more confident than i got on but i also got off
Starting point is 00:56:49 in way more danger because with confidence comes stupidity and danger oh absolutely i i told you i felt the gravitational i felt the gravitational pull towards an accident i still do that's gonna happen is it gonna happen here? I don't think so. I think it'll come in an unexpected way. I think when we do the dumb shit, it gracefully typically goes without a hitch. But we're gonna take it in parts. It's not like,
Starting point is 00:57:20 it's like I'm not gonna throw an 80 mile an hour ball tomorrow. I'm gonna throw it in like a month or two. You don't know that. Yeah. It takes time. Maybe I will. Maybe I will.
Starting point is 00:57:29 November will be the 80 mile an hour ball. Maybe I will. But, you know, if I can throw an 80 mile an hour ball in a month, I can probably throw a 90 mile an hour ball in six months. Who knows? Okay, so I'm going along the coast. You're coming in from the coast, 90 degrees. Yeah, I'm just like, I'm coming at you, right?
Starting point is 00:57:45 And am I just holding up my arm? So you're just going to hit the ramp, going like, I don't know, not too fast. Oh, God, I forgot that. Or whatever. Or so in the air. Yeah, so you hit the ramp, you go up. And as I see you're coming, I hit my ramp ahead of you so that I pass in front of you. And then I kind of reach my right arm back as I go.
Starting point is 00:58:03 And then as you're coming in, you reach your arm out. And then we just like, we just tap each other's hands. And then I fall into the water and I have to drag a bike out. I have the hard job. You just sail off. But what happens when you're midair, you're reaching back, and suddenly your front tire is heading for my forehead? Like, why do we do that?
Starting point is 00:58:22 So you move. Oh, you move. Move your forehead. Oh, that's a great point. That's a great that? So you move. Oh, you move. Move your forehead. Oh, that's a great point. That's a great point. You just move, Gavin. Also, we'll practice so that we'll practice so that
Starting point is 00:58:31 that part doesn't happen. Well, I'm on the jet ski There's no practicing this. You do this once. There's no practicing this. We're gonna... Listen, we'll practice. It's gonna be fun.
Starting point is 00:58:41 I did the stupid bike trick a thousand times for Gavin. That's very good. We're going to have to do this a few times before we get the right shot. Those are comparable. Those are very different levels. Stunts are stunts. I don't think we can even do what you're describing in GTA.
Starting point is 00:59:01 I think we can. And maybe that's some supplementary content for the site. We'll put that on YouTube. We'll plan it out in GTA, and if we can do it in GTA, then we'll try it in the real world. Yeah, let's do a GTA video. If we can't do it within an hour, we don't bother in real life. I think we can work up to this and more. So what's my homework?
Starting point is 00:59:22 Oh, great. That's a great point. Yeah, you're right. You're right. Gavin and I were talking about how to better incorporate you into's a great point yeah you're right you're right gavin and i were talking about how to how to better incorporate you into the jet ski stuff since you're in canada and how do we really leverage andrew's greatest strengths right and i think you're you're like ultimate of like superpower you're you're like you're like x-ray superman x-ray vision right or heat ray vision is uh is getting free shit from corporations.
Starting point is 00:59:46 So all we need you to do is reach out to Seadoo or Yamaha or any other, but ideally Seadoo via social media and get them to donate or give us or sponsor
Starting point is 00:59:56 F*** Face with an official F*** Face jet ski that they can provide for us. It'd be great if it had the logo on it, but it doesn't have to. Supreme sold a jet ski. We can. can provide for us it'd be great if it had the logo on it but it doesn't have to supreme sold a jet ski we can i'm gonna transcribe how you describe the stunt you want to do word for word just email that to every cdu company i could find maybe see if we have any
Starting point is 01:00:17 takers listen we need that's not gonna get us anywhere we need we need you to do your your andrew best can i can i propose my my kind of cross idea I had about this? I was thinking about this stunt too. It doesn't involve the ramp. I forgot about the whole ramp thing. I'm already, I like this better. But this is so combining of ideas, because I talked about doing the jet ski jousting,
Starting point is 01:00:40 which I think still would be... Did you see the image somebody made? Yeah, and by the way, I still think it's a good idea. Did you see it, Gavin? Yeah, you guys could do it. No, I didn't see it. Here, I'll post it right now. It was made by, I believe, someone named Moo York
Starting point is 01:00:52 on the subreddit. Look at it. You can't tell me this doesn't look fucking cool. You wouldn't watch that. It looks great, but the frame after that is both of us with a pole through our hearts. What are you talking about? We'll put a tennis ball on the end of the pole or something.
Starting point is 01:01:08 So this is my idea. Kind of a cross between the two. We get the jousting sticks, right? You guys both just ease. People are going to die. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, trust me. Mine is so much safer.
Starting point is 01:01:19 We get giant foam hands, and we duct tape them to the ends of the jousting sticks you guys high five with the foam hands going past each other why do you it doesn't matter i love that idea stick the stick is going through someone no no no you're not aiming at each other you're aiming at a middle point between the two and they're gonna cross and hit each other so they're slapping in the middle it's like a distance high five yeah it is a distance high five combining the jousting idea. I think this is the safest thing approach. I think this is viable.
Starting point is 01:01:49 I think that's great. I think that's great. What we're going to need, though, is the Sea-Doos. So we need you to work on that. And here's the thing. We're going to do, once we have the jet skis, yeah, but we need our own jet skis. I can't keep renting them.
Starting point is 01:02:05 Once you've secured jet skis, yeah, but we need our own jet skis. I can't keep renting them. Once you've secured jet skis for us, Andrew, via your Andrew Patton powers, then we can escalate. We can do all manner of tricks. We're going to be... I would like F*** Face to be synonymous with the word or the hyphenate jet ski.
Starting point is 01:02:24 The two go together like peanut butter and jelly. Like when you hear Jet Ski, immediately you think, oh, obviously, f*** face, they're the Jet Ski guys. So we'll do, there'll be a million different cool tricks and stunts and stuff we can work on. Okay. So we'd say we're definitely not a baseball podcast,
Starting point is 01:02:41 but 100% a Jet Ski podcast. We're just, that's what we are. We're a Jet Ski podcast. That's Eric saying we're not a baseball podcast. I 100% a jet ski podcast. That's what we are. That's Eric saying we're not a baseball podcast. I'm just repeating what he said. How fast can you throw a jet ski? I know how fast I can drive one. I'm just excited. I'm excited for these emails.
Starting point is 01:02:57 Andrew, when do you think you could get going on this? Do you think you'd have news for us by next week? Oh, without a doubt, could I send them by next week? Will I get a response? Who knows? We'll see. We just need, ideally... Regarding free jet ski? Ideally, two jet skis, but if we could get one, we'll make it work.
Starting point is 01:03:14 Wait, what do you mean? If we only get one, you mean you'll rent the other? Yeah, we'll make it work. Maybe Rooster Heath will pitch it. Yeah, we'll figure it out. I see. I got it. Okay, I just wanted to make sure you weren't going to try to reduce the stunt into both being on the same jet ski somehow and doing this in some way a complicated version of something that would result in your death i think also in in in uh since we're going all in on jet skis and jet ski related content here at the face which by the way if you
Starting point is 01:03:43 haven't seen gavin's slow-mo jet ski uh video it is up on uh youtube and i think on the instagram that's not the stunt though that's that's not the stunt that's just that's the same level as the bike stud just so you get your hopes no i just i just i just wanted to catch the joy of gavin's first jet ski well my girlfriend did i didn't but yeah Is there an award show for like stunts? Can we somehow like, can we submit a stunt as stunt of the year? Is there like an Oscars for stunts?
Starting point is 01:04:10 There should be. Some sort of stunt festival we could take. Yeah, I feel like that should be a thing we pursue. I don't know if that exists. So since we're going
Starting point is 01:04:17 all in on jet skis, I think we're going to have some jet ski related merchandise too. Like floaty key rings and those like things to hold your glasses your oakley's on so you don't lose them when you fly off the jet ski you know like like legit jet ski
Starting point is 01:04:32 related uh helpful merch can we do a thing jeff where we sell toy jet skis and one person just gets a real jet ski yeah why not as long as they fit in the same container you know how you had that laminated card in your wallet with all the Roman numerals on? What if we just had little laminated instructions to flip a jet ski back over? It's very easy to do. You got 60 seconds to do it.
Starting point is 01:04:59 It takes you about 30 seconds to flip it over. Gravity's going to do all the work for you. Taurus World Stunt Awards. So this is the thing. Oh, they got a cool trophy. Oh, we got to look into what is the requirements to qualify for submission slash voting. This is
Starting point is 01:05:15 exciting. Hey, Gavin Free, before we end this podcast, I am riding my bicycle to your house in a little bit, right? Is that happening? Do you have a bicycle and you're going to be riding as well? I'm going to attempt to scramble together enough air to get in this tire. I'll let you know if it works. Okay.
Starting point is 01:05:31 Because I think Trevor and I will be on our way here in a little bit. Yeah. I'll get pumping. We should alert the KXAN and the other KITV and all the other news channels that they'll be running tonight. What? Well, Gavin and I are about to hang out. Oh, I see.
Starting point is 01:05:44 The rain joke. Okay. Use the Gavin and I are about to hang out. Oh, I see. The rain joke. Okay, use the local weather. I got it. Understood. Local weather's always funny. Yeah, it plays well. Good episode, I thought. Yeah, that was fun. It was a nice one. Time does just fly by.
Starting point is 01:06:00 I feel like we didn't really talk about any of the things you need to talk about, but I'm happy with it. I think we got through it. October 1st, knobs. I shit the floor in Vegas. Bought your games. Yeah, no, I think we're good. The scariest part of that is just not realizing you shat everywhere.
Starting point is 01:06:17 That's the most worrying part to me. I didn't know until I saw it. Yeah, I didn't know the poop hit the floor. I thought I, like, clinched, you know? But I didn't. until I saw it. Yeah, I didn't know the poop hit the floor. I thought I like clinched, you know, but I didn't. That's unfortunate. But it was like, it was also, it was like pudding.
Starting point is 01:06:33 It wasn't. I don't need more details. That wasn't anything I could hold in. You know, it was soupy. It wasn't. No, it's good. Yeah. Yeah, we should wrap up.
Starting point is 01:06:41 Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, I agree. All right. Well, uh hey thanks for listening to another episode of the face podcast this is the 70th iteration of this show uh you have been listening to pretty pretty far into year pretty far into season two year two farther into season two that we are in a year two uh hopefully you like it and if you do you'll uh you'll make some stars and oh oh oh if you have any extra shift keys andrew yeah stars and likes is what we want here uh at face on the on all the the spotify's and the itunes and uh sound clouds and just stars and likes and tell a tell a friend and then and then stand over and make sure that friend listens to the podcast and if they don't slap him in the back of the head and say,
Starting point is 01:07:25 pay attention, asshole. You're listening to this podcast and you're going to laugh. And yeah, I guess that's it. We'll see you next week. Bye. That was good. Bye.

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