F**kface - Alabama Poutine // The Perpetual Food Truck [200]

Episode Date: March 27, 2024

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about enthusiasm, architect Andrew, cat guessing, what did we talk about, a food you can't say no to and whats on it, UK TV License, AH AMEX problems, doordash shooting food at you, bird love spaghetti, back back hoodie, and pin the falcon on the dick. Sponsored by BetterHelp http://betterhelp.com/face , Shady Rays http://shadyrays.com code FACE24 , Dragon's Dogma 2 http://dragonsdogma.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. My name is Jeff Ramsey. With me as always, Andrew Panton and Gavin Free. I believe this is episode 200. Not our 200th episode, but episode 200. That's correct. Cool. You sound hyped for 200. That's correct. Cool. You sound hyped for 200.

What the fuck? What do you want from me? No, you're acting like that's my fault. I said that's correct. Just could have been anything. This is a Gavin issue. I said that's correct. Could you imagine New Year's Eve? 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. 2024 said that's correct. Could you imagine New Year's Eve? 5,

4, 3, 2, 1. 2024, that's right. Factually accurate. Did your enthusiasm get laid off too, Andrew? I'm sick! You know I'm sick! I canceled a recording because I'm sick and now you're coming at me?

Oh no, okay. Never mind. I'll be Mr. Enthusiastic. Go ahead, Jeff. Tell me something. All right, I'll tell you something. Let's see. I have a question. Oh, my God!

Really? Holy fuck! Wow! Oh, shit. Incredible! You don't know the answer to the question yet. You don't know the question! I might faint if I hear it. This is so exciting.

Go ahead. Continue. I just wanted to see how everybody's feeling. Fantastic! Woo! What a day! What a great day for the 200th episode that isn't actually 200 sounds like chris folly all right well that was my only question anybody else got anything today i don't have a lot because i've been sick as mentioned, but I got a few things.

You got bad throat? I got bad everything. Bad chest, bad throat, bad sleep. How are the ankles? Bad. Bad ankles. Well, it's all bad. I mean, you manifested this, though, by doing the dog thing.

Oh, I get to listen. It's gotten worse. I've had one of the all-time bad dumb brain weeks I've had in a while, to the point where I no longer trust myself on anything i'm now running by every thought i have because i've had a combination of uh realizing that jesus christ am i in i'm in a world of my own as far as it's a bad combination of being open to almost any idea being a possibility in some form and just a logic of this makes sense to me. So therefore it works for everyone. I guess I'll do this linearly in my realizations. I've been

going through a lot of forms recently, and my partner looked at one of them and said that it's funny. They have you listed as a research and architectural assistant as your job and uh i was like oh i know why that is and i was i was all ready to like drop the logic bomb of like oh no you're gonna see you're gonna see my point in a moment and i said i have that title i gave myself that job title because when i first started doing contract stuff with Rooster Teeth, I would help Matt Bragg build maps and Minecraft. And that's why it's like architecture. And they said, that's not architect. You're playing a video game.

That's not architecture. You're not an architect. The government thinks you're an architect. You're not an architect. It would be like if I said that my job was farmer because i played stardew valley that's not what my profession is it has nothing to do it's just a lie i've just been lying about what i did at that time in my life so what form is this on though it was a tax form i disagree well you gave it to the government it's a tax form it's a form. I don't know that it's incorrect, though, Andrew.

I mean, you're... Oh, wow. Okay. You're building in... It may be in a 3D space, but it's still architecture. You're still creating and designing buildings just because they're happening virtually and not in a brick-and-mortar way

doesn't make it any less architecture, I wouldn't think. Fuck the government. The government didn't have. I wouldn't think fuck the government. Well, the government didn't have a problem. Don't fuck my government. America, I love you. Please don't audit me. I just never it to me. It made all the sense in the world. And then when that point was brought up, I thought, you know what?

That is also fair. It never occurred to me that someone could read that and think I am an architect, but that that would be an understandable path i'm gonna put a astroneer as my next occupation oh that's a good one the uh the other realization i had shortly after that was i was talking to somebody probably like two weeks ago and they were telling me about how they were getting into painting uh recently and that they planned on they're like yeah we we did a painting night it was a lot of fun i surprisingly enjoyed it more than i thought i would i think we're gonna get together this weekend and paint someone's cat i interpreted that as a literal cat painting i thought i thought that they were going to paint this cat

and i had so many questions i was like really wow i've never heard of that before like that's all i said yes i guess i don't remember that movie do they paint the cat in that movie yeah yeah he like spray paints the cat at one point that's great now i was imagining like a group of people sitting around a cat with brushes painting this cat and i had so many thoughts of like what type of paint do you use like what would be humane for it maybe it's a hairless cat and they're just painting on the skin and that's why it's okay with it but also like what type of cat would be fine with that like i i've never encountered a cat that would be that relaxed about the act of them being painted and uh it just

moved on and that has been in my head for the past two weeks of i wonder if they painted this cat that cat ever get painted you know how at kids birthday parties they'll paint a cat face on a kid yes has anyone ever painted a human face onto a cat oh man i don't think i want to see that is there a celebrity face that immediately comes to mind for you when you think of a cat cat with a human face john c reilly oh the idea of a local state fair, or just like a local carnival, there's a fucking... There's a space painting station, but it's only for cats. What do you want to paint your cat?

You want your cat to be a dog? You want your cat to be an accountant? A dragon? Whatever you want. It's like aggressively against... Like, no kids no kids it's like i just want you can't you got nobody i don't care no kids i'm a cat painter oh they don't do anyone they've never had a client ever at any fair that they've been booked at they just stand there and wait for one day but uh yeah

i thought their cat was being painted and i lived for two weeks i wondered like it was the cat okay what's on the cat and so you're not really second guessing anything at the moment i don't second guess anything really in general is the problem you're a first guest guy i'm a not asked questions first guest guy i'll ask internal questions about it but then uh if it checks out, it checks out. I went, okay, they're painting a cat. This person's a good person. They're going to be aware of humane things.

It's all above board. Whatever. This is their thing. They're in the cap. This is probably going to change how I have conversations with you going forward for a little bit. This knowledge. But I don't trust you in that same way so you so the first the safeguard is okay i'm dealing with this person and then immediately you

loaded the second guest and maybe a third guest because it's yeah so you're a face value guy unless it's my face no it's uh unless it is a john c reilly's face on a cat that's my face value but but fuck you jeff one of my oldest dearest friends yeah well jeff as you'd say for me you're always uh up for a little bit of mischief there could be i haven't trusted a thing you've already said to me and declared this podcast a prank is in the works at me. So yeah, whenever the Jeff firewall will ignite, whenever we initiate a talk, but then, you know, it'll process. And I'm not saying you're not going to get anything through,

but there's a little bit more resistance compared to that. Well, I appreciate a challenge that that prank, by the way, it's so fuck. It got so fucked up by, uh, well, you know, us all losing our jobs and everything, that, uh, it's really set me back a bit. I'm not even sure where all the elements

of the prank are, to be honest with you. I gotta put it all back together at some point. Really, really got sidelined. I'm glad. You know what? I've been, you know, I've had actually an issue with you recently, Jeff. Oh, shit. Jesus. I'm glad you know what I've been you know I've had actually an issue with you recently Jeff you've ruined it's not your fault it's kind of your fault but it's not your fault there are few things that gave me joy than hearing that your house was fucked up or that your fridge was broken or that your bike exploded it always it brought such a laugh it

brought me a lot of joy now that you don't have a job like the rest of us it's a lot harder to enjoy those things and i've been i'm struggling i'm still i'm looking for something to fill that that hole i now have and in the joy that was there from that and i haven't found it yet but it's not your fault. You didn't close the company, but you were part of making the company. But then it's like a thing of like, if you never made it,

then I would never have that joy. It just would have never existed. So I think it's better to have, what's the expression? Lost love than never loved at all or whatever. Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Exactly.

That's where I'm at with it, but I'm still, I'm in that finding phase of what that new joy will be. Can you imagine if 21 years ago or whatever, me and those dipshits, the ugly ones, we didn't start Rooster Teeth together, we wouldn't be talking right now. We wouldn't have each other in our lives.

I assume. I mean, it would be wild if we did. Like, we still managed to come together across three countries and three different generations. I don't think I would have made it. Gavin, you and I meet up, but Jeff never gets to the phone. I don't. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what would have happened.

Under no normal circumstances would I ever have crossed Jeff. All right. Well, I just, how would I, how would I have found you? I don't know, video games? But you're not a Halo guy. I used to be. That's how Rooster Teeth started. Yeah, but then.

I'm just not a Halo guy anymore because I did it for a thousand fucking years. I was thinking the other day about the, you know, when we, this was probably like 2007 and we would go to the office And sometimes we would decide to walk to the office When it was on Congress And it took like an hour Yeah it was a couple miles And we would like talk the whole time

What do you think we were talking about? Do you ever wonder what we used to talk about? We It's a great question Gav Because in addition to that when we were working down in buda and we would drive down to buda every day together and then drive home that was like a 45 minute drive to an hour in traffic we talked the whole time what did we talk what it makes me wonder like if i saw you tomorrow what would we talk about i have no fucking clue clearly we come

up with stuff yeah we're talking about current things but i just i would love to hear yeah like hear a trip down to buda or a nice long walk a walk to congress i guarantee you i don't i i i don't know a single thing we talked about but i guarantee you 40 of it was laughing our asses off. Yeah. I wonder if it would still be funny to hear it. If one of them was recorded. Or very embarrassing. Yeah. It's going to be embarrassing, right? I think it would mainly be Jeff lying to me about things.

I have no idea where that branch came from. You got hit by a branch? I had nothing to do. I really don't think I had nothing to do. I really don't think I had anything to do with that, but man, what if I did? I was drinking a lot back then. It has crossed my mind that if I could have been

drunk enough to think it was funny, but I really don't think so. You had alcoholism as the perfect defense. You were just waiting. I really don't think so. It doesn't seem like my move, dropping a tree branch on somebody. I'd have maybe kicked your foot out from under you

while you were walking in the yard or something. I don't think I'd use gravity against you in that way. Or bust into my bedroom to try and kick over all my Xboxes. Well. Oh, Mr. Xboxes over here living the life all my xboxes they're for work oh we're for work at jeff's department oh jeff's department he says do you that's really why did you kick over all your xboxes jeff that were again based on what

he said i don't remember i'm sure to be honest with you i bet there was a good reason at the time probably probably made a lot of sense in the moment oh god hey i uh i hung up we hung out without you guys recently and it was a lot of fun me and eric and nick all went to a basketball game last uh week together which was a lot of fun well i shouldn't say we went together we all went and we basketball game last week together, which was a lot of fun. Well, I shouldn't say we went together. We all went and we were at there at the same time, so we hung out. But we sat like in different seats and stuff.

But while we were there and I was eating a hot dog, as I do at any sporting event, that got me thinking, is there a food you can't say no to? Like it may not be a food that you think about a lot or that you go out of your way to get, but if somebody offers it to you, you've never said no.

Dark chocolate covered almonds. I'll always suck one of those down. Like, you could go years without thinking about them, but the second somebody offers you, no matter how full you are, you're like, well, yeah, I'm gonna have a couple of those. Yeah, I'll take three. We talking like snacks? We're talking like a snack food? It could be anything. says uh pretzels uh chips and queso

yeah pretzels are good yeah probably uh immediately like anything in the chicken realm comes to my my mind but there are times in which i'd be full i probably would reject chicken so we're talking like maybe like a bite of this or a bite of that. Maybe like a ketchup chip. A great top chip, as we've all agreed. As we've all had a consensus on. Nice ketchup chip. So dark

chocolate salted almonds and ketchup potato chips. Nick is pretzels, chips, and queso. Eric, what about you? I'd probably go french fries. I don't think that I can say no. Oh, french fries is a good one. They're so hard, especially if they're right there.

It's so hard to say no to. Have they got to be hot? I mean, I prefer it, but at the same time, I've eaten a lot of cold french fries. Like, I would prefer them to be hot, but man, I've eaten cold, cold french fries like i would prefer them to be hot but man i've eaten cold cold french fries so if we went out for a meal and you had like a starter main dessert and then i just pulled out a little mcdonald's chip oh i'd have some for me it depends on the cut fry yeah for 80 of fry i would but there's some what's a fry you don't like yeah

what what do you not like what are you turning down it's not that i dislike it's there is a wide range of success on a wedge fry and when it is good it is great but there are a lot of bad wedge fries out there so you would turn down a wedge fry? I think so, yeah. Just because you weren't, if you didn't understand, like the, the, if I would, this is a scenario in my head that has been set up of,

if I'm completely full, if I'm like stuffed and sounds like, hey, you want one of these? Yeah, well, I would pass on the wedge fry. No, even if you knew it was like to perfection. No, well, that's a different thing. If I know it's cooked to perfection, I'd probably still take it.

But if it's like a crinkle cut or a curly fry, I'm not questioning it. I'm just having it. Yeah, you're a first-guess guy, so you just go right for it. Yeah. Depends on who's holding the fries. Say I held you up a nice thing.

What's the thing that contains fries? A fry container. Container? Yeah, a fry container. They don't have a... Say it was like a nice large you've got long nice fries coming out long nice fries in a fry container poking out of the fries container but there's just like a streak of cum across one side do you go like the cum has hit maybe

three or four fries on the right would you still take take one from the left? Well, no, I think I thought you were going to go with like and a pickle. Like we dipped it like pickled, touched it, and then you went come. And that's different. And who's come is it? Is it his own come? Hang on. Hang on. Before.

Hang on. Before you answer that. Does it matter, Jeff? I mean, I'm less grossed out by my body than other people. So if you come on French fries, yeah, you be eating those fries. Uh,

no, nothing that the cum touched, but if it's like brand new, hotly salted, golden, perfectly cooked, like McDonald's fries. And there's only three of them that have my cum on them.

And there's like 80 fries that don't. I can eat around a little bit of cum. Hang on, hang on. Let's take it out. What? You're telling me you've never heard of Alabama poutine? It's just number one dish. Jesus Christ. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh, my God. I don't like this. I love this conversation. I don't. I already said no. You said no in general. Yeah, I would. No, I would not eat cum French fries.

They wouldn't be on the one you ate. I don't want to eat cum French fries. And it's your cum, and you know where it came from because you put it there. Okay, so let's take it out of the realm of French fries. And Gavin, if there was cum on some dark chocolate-covered almonds, you're eating around it?

What? How were you on me about it? And your answer is, uh. Say there's like 10 dark chocolate-cover covered almonds in a line on a table. No, no. They're in a dark chocolate covered almond container. Well, I think that's harder to get out, though. I'm going to be rummaging.

I agree with you. And more cum will go on more than started with. I feel like with fries, you're just going to see some cum on top of something. I think fries are the only food it's acceptable to eat. Oh, is that right? Jeff, I've got a hot dog right in front of you, and you cum on the left side of it. You cum on the left side.

It's even your own cum. It's unfair because you and I have had this conversation already. You know my weakness. You cum on the left side. So are you eating the right side of the dog? Here's how it's different. So what Eric is bringing up is what we didn't get around to. I'm going to get there.

I'm going to give you some time. We've got an hour to kill here. You want the truth. You can't handle the truth. Listen, when we got back around to it to it would have come to the point where i admitted that a hot dog is the food that i can't say no to to the point where if you wanted to kill me i think you could hand me a chicago dog and watch me eat it and as soon as i finished it you could hand me another chicago dog and watch me eat it and as soon as i finished it you could

probably hand me another chic dog until I died. I just would never be able to stop that specific hot dog. Here's how I think it's a little bit different. French fries are, it's like multiple items in the same container, right? If you come on part of a hot dog, it's connected.

That part of the hot dog that's come on is connected to the rest of the hot dog. It's one unit. I think that there's a difference between individual units in the same container and a singular unit. I don't think I could eat it because it's the same dog. It'd be like if there was one giant wedge fry and you came on one side of the wedge fry but not the other.

I don't think I could eat the other side of the wedge fry either. So they need to be distinct items. I think so. You couldn't eat the first bite of that hot dog. You're telling me you come on the left side. Is it my cum? Yes, your cum. Yeah, I could eat half the hot dog.

So Eric, are you saying that you would as well? No, I've already said no to this. You've said no to any cum anywhere near your food? Yeah. We're at a sporting event and I'm eating a bowl of You've said no to any cum anywhere near your food? Yeah. Okay. We're at a sporting event, and I'm eating a bowl of popcorn going,

Why is everybody cumming all over the place? What happened? Why? Why did this happen? Who brought up the cum? That sounds like a Gavin thing. Was that you? Yeah.

Yeah. That kid is obsessed with jism. I don't know what it is. I thought that was a good conversation. That was great. I loved it. Fucking great. And also, in addition to that conversation,

I have a question for you because we named a lot of different kinds of french fries and we've talked about having a potato draft in the past, but what do you think the best fry is? Because we mentioned curly fries, we mentioned crinkle cut fries, we mentioned McDonald's fries fries we mentioned uh crinkle cut fries we mentioned mcdonald's fries we mentioned potato wedges what about waffle fries like there's so many different kinds of french fries that don't have cum on them what what do you think is the best i'd actually

argue most don't um i would say uh curly i like a curly fry of the seasoning. A nice seasoned curly fry. I don't know, but I would say a waffle fry would be the hardest to get come off. Oh, it's a lost cause. There's no washing the come off that fry. Yeah, that's too much. Is this what happens when Gracie's not here? Like, Gracie's not here and it's just become this. Listen,

I wish Gracie was here. I got some statements unrelated to this what's your favorite french fry eric uh what's your favorite cumless french fry my favorite cumless french fry is i think just the regular long french fry i'm a classic french fry guy not not like like a long thin french fry yeah but i i really i'll even go like thinner too that i really like that but like i think the best french fry is Yeah, but I really, I'll even go like thinner too, that I really like that. But like, I think the best french fry is just the regular, what you would probably call bog standard french fry.

Almost like the width of the, like those long skinny fries, almost like an Andy Cap fry, but a real french fry. Yeah, it's like that, like a McDonald's size fry. But like, I'll eat any of them really, as long as there's no cum, I'm all the way in. I started to feel bad, like 80% into this conversation, that probably a lot of people are going to be eating fries while listening to this. I'm ordering fries right now. I mean, there might be a couple people coming while listening to this, too,

so they could just eat up. I had fries for lunch today, actually, now that you mention it. Whataburger. They're okay. They're crinkle, right? Whataburger? They're just regular They're crinkle, right? Whataburger? They're just regular ass fries. Just regular, okay.

Whataburger's been, Whataburger's, I hate to say it because I fucking love, I ride or die for Whataburger, but their quality's been all over the map the last couple years.

I've never been fussed, never into it. Well, I mean, I don't know that Whataburger 2024 is the one to get into. I wish I could take you back to like...

Well, you were here. It was good. It was good back in the day. You're a big fan of their first menu. Just hasn't been the same since then. It's just like, just the disparity in quality. I feel like in ingredients,

I notice it. It's the same thing as like, there's a place here called Fly Right. That's like a... Yeah. It's like a burger shop, but it's just chicken. They have like,

really, they used to have really good, they had a sandwich called a Cowboy. Cowboy's amazing. They changed, but it's just chicken. They used to have really good, they had a sandwich called a cowboy. Cowboy is amazing. Well, it was. They changed their ingredients about six months to a year ago. I can't eat there anymore. It's just, oh no.

So the cowboy tastes different? It's so, yeah. It's like so noticeable. Jeff's right though. Like the whole thing is right. It's such a bummer. It's such a bummer. The patty's different.

It's like, it's wild. The cowboy was the one thing that I ordered where I was okay with all the sauce that went down my wrist. Yeah, horse sauce, they called it. It was fucking good. I liked it too. Nick says Panda Express changed their sauces.

Yeah. I've never been able to eat Panda Express. Well, now you definitely can. We're starting to really dabble into Face Jam Nick territory where he has some really strong takes on things that you've never thought about once. No, this was my wife's take.

I'm just backing her up. What's your French fry, Nick? I like a crinkle cut fry because you can get them. They ride that perfect line of crispness to softness. You know what I mean? Yeah.

And if you get them just right, they're money. Oh, so good. Also ketchup. Hell yeah. Hard to beat a nice Orrida crinkle cut fry cooked in the oven. Mm-mm-mm. Air fryer. Woo.

That's the best. Even better. I've been having a weird problem recently where I think I might be in Tenet, the movie, because all of my robocalls are backwards. What? It's just people speaking backwards to me down the phone, and I don't know what to do about it. Like in Twin Peaks backwards?

Yeah. Yeah, I'll see you in 25 years. What? Can you give an example? Well, I don't know what they're actually saying. I've not been able to record one and play it forwards. next time i get called i'm gonna have to yeah how do i record a phone call put it on speaker and then just put it next to a microphone yeah you're you're talking into one right now probably yeah i want like your tenant phone call i need to hear it yeah it sounds

like shit it's backwards i'm desperate to hear this too. Yeah, what could they possibly be saying? And is it on purpose? Or has their tape got stuck? How many is this, how many are we talking about here? Uh, like three. But three's a lot for backwards phone calls, backwards women talking to me. That is quite a few and it's like yeah wow and I wonder if the first thing that she says is bye

I mean it would make sense I wonder if anyone listening has had these because it seems to be a new thing for me is this at all connected to the prank against me, Jeff? Is this phase one? No, but this is an awesome prank if it was. I've been getting a different kind of call lately

that I've been answering and loving. It's like I'm 12 years old again. I've been having so much fun. I've been getting sales calls for shit. I got a call from BMW the other day and they're like, Hey, man, how's your BMW treating you? And I'm in the car with day and they're like hey man how's your bmw treating you and i'm like i'm on the i'm in the car with emily and she's like why the fuck are you talking

to them and i'm like it's great well what can i do for you and they're like well you know it's uh your car's getting a couple years old now we figured you probably want to be ready for an upgrade wanted to come why don't you swing by and check out some new models we wanted to know when we could schedule an appointment to come show you the new like the new m series and i get to go oh geez i'd love to buy a new car but it's a real bad time i just lost my job on monday and i'm i'm broke i don't know that i'm gonna be able to afford my home anymore so i got a lot to figure out but uh definitely keep me in mind uh call me back in a couple months and they go like okay and they cannot get off the phone fast it's fucking

awesome oh wait a second. If you're going to have watermelon and half of it had cum on it, would you still have the watermelon? They don't usually bring up cum, but they definitely get off the phone quickly. That's quite the move you have. It's just, I don't know.

If they're going to call me and try to sell me something, I'm going to be honest with them. Now, have you noticed that they have stopped calling because of this? Has this been effective in that way? I've only had like three calls. Four, maybe, so far.

One was BMW, and then the other three were like insurance or that kind of thing. What if... But usually I would just say no thank you and hang up, but now it's like, well, I got time. I don't have a job. Let me make this person uncomfortable for a few minutes. I like the idea, though, that this goes against you

and they call back again and you got to do the same bit. And they're like, you haven't been employed yet. You haven't got a job yet. It's been two weeks. I would roll with that person. If that person wants to call me back, I'd definitely roll with that. I'm shocked.

Jesus. He's still, this guy's still not employed. It's like, hey, it's Tony from Insurance Warehouse. I just want to call and check in. Make sure you're doing okay there, Jeff. I know you were looking for a job about three weeks ago. I just wanted to see if you put any feelers out. Have you got any interviews?

We're just thinking about you over here at Insurance Warehouse. Want to make sure you're doing okay. Update is filed. A hopeless Jeff. This guy still doesn't have a job. They have notes in their like still unemployed.

I'm glad that that's I mean, if you're going to find positives out of what happened, that's a way to do it. I used to have the best time when I was a little kid and I'd get those calls and they'd be like, can I talk to your mother? And I'm like, what's this about? And they'd be like, oh, we want to talk to her about her insurance warranty. And I'd be like, it's pretty important

then. They'd be like, yes, it's pretty important. I'm like, okay, I'll go try to get her. She's in the bathroom crying because my dad said that he wasn't going to ever come home again. And mom was saying something about how we can't live here now, but let me go and knock on the door and see if she'll talk to you. And I'll be like, oh, it's okay.

I'll call back later. You really have a playbook. You've been running the triangle defense on callers for years. My playbook was to tell the truth to strangers. You can just lie and make shit up if you want. Yeah, I don't know. It's easy to just start. It's the real world so much more interesting.

I lie every time I cancel a service. Oh, yeah? Yeah, like if they ever go for the last minute, the last ditch to give you a discount, you just say, oh, I'm leaving the country, and they just hang up. Oh, that's your...

I have a different move. Oh. That's interesting. I always say it's too expensive just because i hope that they lower prices at some point i know they won't but that is no matter what the it could be completely irrelevant to that that's what i always list try to trick them to to lower and lower in the prices on a service i'm not going to use i don't really know who i'm doing it for, but that is my move. Just cancel. What are you doing?

What are you talking about? Gavin just said that he lies, so that way they don't try to do that, and you went, here's my trick to get them to lower prices. What are you talking about? A lot of the time, they will give you a lower price for like three months or something. Right.

Wait, and you're not canceling, or you are canceling? No, I'm canceling. Yeahing yeah well that's what I do but I'm just trying to help the common man I guess I'm trying to get the lower their prices for the other people he's giving them feedback by saying I'm canceling because it's too expensive and they're like what if we lower the prices and he's like it's $1 too expensive exactly

if they get enough of those they might lower the prices I'm not taking benefit from it but somebody maybe somebody will. You got to love low prices. We're unemployed, Eric. You're against low prices. No, I'm for low prices. I just don't know in my lifetime that things have ever gone down in price.

So I don't know. That's a very fair argument. Yeah. I mean, just in general, I don't typically see it. I can't believe how much TV costs. Like, I don't know, YouTube TV. And now are we talking about actual? Okay.

Yeah, like the subscription. Yeah. Yeah, like channels. Actual TV is also still expensive. It's absolutely obscene in this country. So are phone bills. Oh, I'm good with that. So how much does how much

does TV cost in America versus a comparable package in England I don't know I never paid for anything in England well see you really don't know how much shit costs in England because your mom paid for it all why we just didn't wouldn't really have it I think sky is quite expensive, but it's everywhere. Don't you need a TV license or something? Yeah, if you watch live TV, you have to pay the license, and that funds

the BBC. How much is that fee? I don't know. I think it's gone up quite a lot since I was living there. I think it's actually cheaper as well. I don't know if this is the same because who knows how many are around. I think it was a cheaper as well. I don't know if this is the same because who knows how many are around. I think it was a cheaper license if you had a black and white TV.

Oh. Is there a guy who comes to your house and looks at your TV? Well, I think that you scare people by saying there was a van that would drive around and it would be able to detect if you're using the TV signal. A nation afraid of a person in a van?

We had the same thing in America with stealing cable, though. Oh, okay. 2024, the TV license fee is to rise by £10.50. What? To £169.50. That is pretty pricey. A year or a month? That's for the year, I think. Oh. I mean, that's too much. Yeah.50. That is pretty pricey. A year or a month? That's for the year, I think.

Oh. I mean, that's too much. Yeah. Period. Aren't there, like, ads on TV? Yeah. No, not on the BBC. All right.

So Nick said, yeah. BBC is just, like, channel one and two. I don't know who to believe. People always bitch about how there's so many ads on American TV, and I guess they are. But we also don't have to pay to watch over the air television. Like you're paying 150 bucks or whatever a year in England to get ad free BBC, but you still got to pay for BBC. I mean, I guess they're just doing the ad free model before all these streaming services. Yeah, I just I never considered that.

That's that's I never thought about that way. But you're paying never considered that. That's, that's, I never thought about that way. But you're paying just the same. That's really, that's, hmm, that's interesting. Yeah, I don't know if you can get by without paying it. Like, I think if you, technically, if you don't use live TV,

you don't. Like, if you just have Netflix, you wouldn't have to pay. Yeah, I just don't know how strict they are about that, though. There's a whole network that their whole pitch is live TV like 10 second

delayed TV just get around the you're close you're gonna be a little bit behind on the sporting event you're not gonna be with everybody else but you avoid the fee genius this show is sponsored by better help relationships are an incredibly complicated thing it take a lot This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

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Head to ShadyRays.com and use code FACE24 for 35% off polarized sunglasses and snow goggles. for 35% off polarized sunglasses and snow goggles. Try for yourself the shades rated 5 stars by over 250,000 people. Hello, we are here to talk about Dragon's Dogma 2. In my opinion, one of the most anticipated games of the year. It's available now for you to get. But it is an just amazing title of third-person action. The combat in it is so cool. it also has incredibly deep customizable options which i think is so essential when you're playing like an open world

game like this uh where you're you're creating a character you're going to spend countless hours with being able to make something that is a reflection of you enhances the experience so much. And with the level of depth of the character creator, you're going to be able to really shape something that you think will be awesome or silly or really whatever tone you're going for. I personally love to make really silly looking characters in games like this, but it's whatever you choose to do. Plus another really cool thing about Dragon's Dogma 2 is that you can have pawns, which are essentially like sidekicks,

and you can join a guild and then have two additional pawns join you through that process, and they get uploaded online. So you could create a pawn and then have them be downloadable for other players to collect or pull into their own worlds,

which I think is such a cool way of sharing characters. And once again, encouraging character creation, which I think is such a, an important thing for games. I think character creators are so cool. Um, there's so many depth of locations in dragon's dogma too. You can choose over 10 different, uh, places for the Arisen and your main pond to explore. It has a rich, explorable world. I mean, just going from point to point, you're going to stumble into so many different things. It's really about the journey of the world in my experience so far. If you're excited about Dragon's Dogma 2 like I am, you should definitely check it out.

It's awesome. It's a really cool game. Take on the dragon. Make your pawns. Make your character. I'd love to see if you want to tweet at me or whatever, whatever character you make. I'd love to see them.

The combat's really in-depth. You have so many classes to choose from. You can switch between them whenever you'd like. It's just, it's so cool. Dragon's Donga 2 is an amazing game. It's so much fun. I'd highly recommend checking it out yeah that's that's about it thank you bye god man we were we were in england during the tyson fury dionte wilder fight um that's a boxing match not a big deal to you guys, but Tyson Fury is British.

And it was a big deal. It was at Wembley Stadium. And I briefly thought, maybe we'll try to go, but it was going to be way too expensive and I didn't want to try to navigate from my hotel all the way there and back and, you know, at like 3 p.m. on a Saturday on a whim. And so I thought, well, I'll just buy the

fight. Emily and I can watch it in the hotel room. It took me about three hours to figure out how to buy a boxing match in England on British TV. It was so goddamn complicated, and I had to use two VPNs to do it. It was fucking insanity. But I did it. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life. I don't know if this is still the case, but I don't believe that there was a pay-per-view system even in in london or whatever uh until relatively recently because in the past like if you're gonna uh like stream a

ufc event or whatever all the illegal streams were like the the british uh networks coverage of it because they were just air on sky or whatever like it was part of the basic cable package because they didn't have a pay-per-view infrastructure at that time i think sky is what i eventually was able to buy it through but it wasn't easy at all it's always usually satellite tv yeah it was really it was really difficult i don't remember it was i was i was able to do it eventually but and then we were able to watch it on my iPad but it was fucking hard which was that now of course not it's never worth it it's never worth it was it the second fight or the third fight it was the third fight it was the last okay I was gonna say because the second fight

that was was that a first round or second round knockout I think this I think it was and I'm a I mean I like both boxers, but I'm from Alabama. Deontay Wilder's from Alabama, so I always kind of had an affinity for him. I just wanted to see him do well in that third fight. What was it that you used to always have to cool up for? I think it was like every time you tried

to watch Always Sunny or something, something would be wrong with... Do you remember what you used to keep having to be on the phone about? I had to call every time any of you bought a video game on my credit card on the on the on the company amex was that separate yeah i don't remember this specifically the always sunny thing but every single time you guys bought a video game on steam specifically and anytime we bought a video game on Steam specifically, and anytime we bought a video game, we bought it six times, right? Because there were six of us and everything was multiplayer and we never knew who was going to be available.

So even if it was a four player, you had to get six because you needed to have people to rotate in and out and shit, right? you guys would buy a game, it would lock my credit card and I'd have to call American Express and go through six or seven minutes of the most inane and frustrating conversation where I would literally go, okay, listen. I'm about to buy this video

game again. In five minutes. It's not... Don't lock my card. I'm telling you in advance I'm going to buy it. And they're like, okay, got it. No problem. Can I stay on the phone I'm going to buy it. And they're like, okay, got it. No problem. Can I stay on the phone with you while I buy it? And they'd be like, no, sir, we're not allowed to stay on the phone

while you're making purchases. But we've got a note. I made a note in your account, so you should be good to go. And I go, okay, cool. Buy it locked. Call them up. You lied to me!

And they'd be like, I'm sorry, I can't get you to that agent, but I'm happy to unlock the card for you. And you just do that all day long, every day for like seven years. You guys hear? Hopeless Jeff is about to buy 16 games. Call him back each time.

We can't trust this. Man's about to lose his card. God, it was fucking brutal. I hated it so much. You could have just not. Oh, I guess if you didn't answer. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, you're fine.

I never once won in that situation like it never worked i never i never i never got the note i never it never worked the second time it was it was a hundred percent failure a hundred percent of the time we tried to do it over and over and over and over again for so many years. That's incredible. I would... Gavin got me all sad thinking about that. Sorry. That was the bane. It was the bane of my existence for a while.

I would get so mad, and I would just start screaming at people, and I'd turn around, and there'd be three people from Achievement Hunter filming me on their phones laughing, and it was always like a thing. It's driving me nuts. We're not even going to make a video in this game.

This is the video. Oh, yeah. We're not even playing this. Oh, I had a business idea. I had a realization. I'm not going to claim that it is as good as thank me later. But I realized I was in a a line for drive-through at a mcdonald's and that i the the notion of mcdonald's being fast food or just fast

food i feel like we're really not emphasizing on the fast of the fast food anymore things are slower so i had this thought You guys can hear me out if you think this is a good idea or not. A food truck that never stops moving. And you order, you're always in motion. And you have to try to make the orders at stoplights and then go.

So it has to be quick. I'm thinking like a burger truck or that type of thing. Just something that would keep fast food fast. Because I don't think fast food is fast anymore.'d argue it's relatively slow what if it wasn't you didn't have to catch up with on the road but it moved as fast as your car moves through a drive-thru but for you on foot yeah so it would be instead of you moving through it would just move past you and you would do all the transaction as it moves.

That's a fascinating idea. Kind of like those Japanese super trains that never stop moving. And then you get on the platform and then the platform starts to move to catch up to the train and then you transfer over. You know where that would be a great place to implement that, Andrew? Would be in like gridlock oh yeah just like crawling along and then suddenly like like jack in the box is crawling up next to you going hey man you want a jumbo jack and you could just like fucking oh that'd be that's brilliant i bet in future they could have it like a mcdonald's van that would show up on your on your car's dash in some way

and you could just if it's if it's within like half a mile and it's coming your way, you could just place the order and it would throw it through your window. Well, that was part of my thought was then like how fast, because for how physics work, right, you'd have to throw at the same speed you were moving for it to cross. Is that correct?

Yeah. No. Well, then just say no. What part was right? It would be moving at the same speed as your car and their car, but you wouldn't have to throw it at that speed. I thought that if you threw

at a lesser speed, I guess it would be moving. If I'm going 70 and you're going 70 and you throw it at 70 into my face, I guess it would be moving. Like, if I'm going 70 and you're going 70 and you throw it at 70 into my face, I'm gonna die. Yeah. Well, maybe not. It could be a potato bun. It could be a soft, fluffy

bun. Any bun hitting me in the face at 70 miles an hour is gonna leave a pretty big dent. No, you're ridiculous. You think a potato bun at 70 miles per hour is gonna do damage to you? I think a potato bun at 70 miles per hour is going to do damage to you? I think a potato bun would, but what about a Parker House roll or something softer maybe? Like a Hawaiian roll. So you're saying

I can make like a little PVC pipe, pressurize it to the right PSI that it'll come out at 70 miles an hour, and you'd let me shoot it into your face? Yeah. Yeah, I would. I mean, well, think about that that that's about as fast as i can throw a baseball would you yeah hit by baseball's a lot hard no baseball's hard i'm talking a soft

fluffy butt like a marshmallow i take a do you think if you try to catch it in your mouth it would knock your teeth out first of all we're not doing that as someone we're a root canal solidarity jeff we're not you don't do that the teeth are are like the number one weak point at this point for me I'm not dealing with that ever since that tooth popped off and I and I just easily got it put back

on like it was no big deal no pain no nothing but ever since that day every time I eat I just all I can think about is my teeth falling out while I'm eating and it just makes me not want to eat food anymore. It should make you not want to eat candy anymore. I don't! I have it! I can't! I'm scared of it!

Food is fine. No, I'm scared of it! Fuck! Food is good. It is a good point. I don't think you've ever lost it to general food. It's been candy, right? Both times? Mike and Ike, and saltwater taffy. No one ever loses a tooth to mashed potato.

Maybe that's why. Apparently I got a lot of hot dogs in my future, so hopefully they're clear. Mike and Ike sounds like a Depression-era boxer. You lost your tooth to Mike and Ike. Heavyweight champ of the world. It wasn't even good, Mike and Ike. It was like a fucking

flavors of the world. Yeah, it was weird ix it was like a fucking like flavors of the world yeah it was weird weird combinations so andrew how fast would you throw the food i don't know how fast i could throw it i just thought that i had to throw it at the speed which would then make it more complicated i mean if you were still and the car was 70 then you would have to throw it 70 oh yeah it's not it's not getting to that car it's uh i'd have to angle it really far ahead and even then i don't trust it i don't i don't think i'd make it i thought that i had to throw because i thought it would just zip out you know like when a guy gets sucked out of a plane in a movie i assume that that's what would happen when i threw

the burger out unless it was the same speed it immediately just go i mean it would if you threw the burger out of the whole of a plane while it's moving yeah or if there was like a big gap between the cars that if you're throwing from one car to another there'll be a lot of wind resistance going the other way yeah it'd be like four feet is what i i don't know three feet how far apart would you say cars are when they're driving? You'd be pretty close. Pretty close. You can touch another car from your car pretty easily. Yeah.

We've got a video on that. Gavin and I used to play this game called car touching. Traffic touching. And I didn't ever play, but I did film it. I've spent most of my life in this country trying not to draw attention or cause a fuss. You picked the wrong guy to live with. Yeah, boy, did I?

You were saying that fast food's not fast in Canada anymore. Do you guys have the thing in Canada? I assume they do this all over now. It's like a post-pandemic thing. But do you have the thing where you go to a McDonald's and you's and you you literally go up to them and you go i'd like a number one and they go all right that'd be nine dollars or whatever because it's expensive now and you spin around and you go to the first window and you give them your credit card and then they ask if you want a receipt and you go absolutely not and they go no problem and then you drive up to the second

window and then they hand you a soda and they go please pull into space number 14 we'll have your we'll bring your food out to you eventually and you're like it was just one hamburger and one fry yeah like the main thing you guys make it's a number one it's a big mac like you should have 80 of them and you're like really and they're like yeah you gotta go fucking sit over there for a while and you go i guess and then you go sit there for one to 13 minutes while you wait to get your food. Yeah, I consistently get that with nuggets.

It would have been fresher if they'd handed it to me out the window. Nah, it would have been sat there right next to him for like, nah. I don't buy that. I've definitely gotten hot food and not waited. I don't. It's for me. I always blame nuggets. I feel like it's nuggets for noise. I've also gotten not hot and not fresh food and not waited. I don't, it's for me, I always blame nuggets. I feel like it's nuggets Well, hot doesn't mean fresh. I've also gotten not hot

and not fresh food and waited. Like, I don't think it has anything to do. I think that that, I think that having you drive up to a parking spot has something to do with the timing

that they have to, they have to turn and burn and that probably corporate has them clocking how long it takes them per average customer and they're trying to stay under some sort

of a threshold. But I don't think it affects how fresh your food is at all, personally. Yeah, I don't know. But yeah, I've definitely experienced that. It is annoying. We were going to do that hot dog gun over the building, weren't we? I was thinking that. I was literally about to bring that up.

I don't know if it actually, I was going to say it's sadder. It might be funnier that it's no longer the offices anymore it actually i was gonna say it's sad or it might be funnier that the it's no longer that the office is anymore it's just a building doesn't mean yeah i know that's what i'm saying like i think it's actually funnier that it's not associated we have no business being there anymore you know what'd be fun is we do it all right we we show up we got it we definitely have to do this but then once we've established that it's doable then we have to find bigger buildings to do it and we just have to see like how tall of a building we can see the hot dog over okay what about what

about this jeff think about this hypothetical for you a little thing to to ponder the hot dog has come on it before it flies out of the tube and it all launches off in the air. Do you eat the dog? I mean, that depends on how windy it is, I guess. Very windy. What if we modify it too? What if we find a building that's seven or eight stories tall? I could go up to the sixth story, stick my head out a window and see if you can hit me.

What a way to die well that's it like what another here's another fantastic uh business idea for andrew you're delivering food to people uh in cars while they're moving fast food what if you uh it's the next evolution from uber eats instead of buzzing somebody up to your fucking floor so they can leave the food in front of your apartment door, you just open your window and they shoot it via pneumatic gun right into your hands or mouth. I definitely prefer hands, I think, than mouth. Yeah, you got the choice. Yeah, I guess choice is never an issue.

You want choice. What is the photo that Eric just sent? Did that woman get glanced? Oh, she got t-shirt cannon, I'm assuming out of a hot dog gun. Hot dog, the Phillies fanatic, shot a woman in the face with a hot dog cannon. It launches a hot dog

out of the hot dog cannon and she got hit with it. Now see, the mistake she made was she tried to catch it with her right eye. She should have used her hands or her mouth. She had shoulder surgery and could not move her right arm to block it. Oh, no.

Oh, dear. Any other thoughts, Jeff? Anything else you want to slander this woman with? Where was that left arm? Well, I don't think I'm slandering her, but if you have shoulder surgery, maybe don't order Uber Eats now to your window. I feel like there should be a service

that's very similar to a sushi conveyor belt, except above your town would be balloons holding food. And there'd be little blimps. There'd be a little QR code on the blimp. You scan it. You find out what food it's got. And if you want it, you pay for it and it pops and it drops you your food. What if

you do it more like Animal Crossing and you just have to shoot the food down? Whatever you shoot is what you get. That could work. I don't know how you'd pay for it. I don't know. Honor system. You scan the QR code with whatever hits the ground. Let me introduce you to Amazon bullets they scan And you get charged based off of a weapon I don't know I

The issue mainly Gavin is birds. I feel like with your system. There's gonna be a lot of fucking fed birds There's gonna be birds like balloons though. Do you think birds would land on balloon food? It'd be enclosed. Oh, see, I was just imagining a hot dog on a string. Just like a bowl of spaghetti on a balloon. Yeah, just a bowl of spaghetti. Yeah, that's what I was picturing. And a bird isn't going to go to that?

The bird doesn't like spaghetti? The bird loves spaghetti. Are you kidding me? this is an Italian bird he didn't expect to find food of this kind when he was migrated I was going to say immigrated migrated

sort of like immigrated they both could depends on did the bird move his family to a different country from Italy the bird keeps in touch with his nephew via Skype, and they made a whole commercial about it. It's very touching. That's the throwback.

How's it going, Grandad? Rawr! Rawr! Rawr! That's just ruffling of a bag. Nice reference to a 2005 Skype commercial. How old were you? Oh, I like to keep my references timely. I was 11. How old was the person in the commercial?

Why would you be asked how old you were? I heard a question. It wasn't named at anyone. Hey, how old were you when you watched that commercial? Oh, I was 28, I think. I believe that was last year wasn't named at anyone. Hey, how old are you when you watch? Oh, I was I was 28. I think I believe that was last year. Maybe maybe two years ago. How old are you, Gavin?

17. It's like when in our text conversation yesterday, Eric asked Andrew how he was doing. And Gavin goes, I'm feeling pretty good. Gavin was just fine. Yeah, I'm doing fine. Oh, cool. I mean, that's good. I'm happy to hear that.

I'd already come out of the text conversation, so I was just replying to the notification, you know, when you can just, like, drag the thing that pops off the top of your screen. And then I went back in, I was like, oh, that wasn't to me. I appreciated knowing how you went, though. I thought that was nice.

I mean, I guess it was like a question for the room, so I guess that's nice I'm just being chatty I appreciate it we're close to wrapping up so just before whatever the next topic is I just want to say that our last merch drop for F*** Face

is this Friday the 29th at 10am it's our final one on the 29th uh so a couple days after you hear this that's happening it's the cookbook it's the sloppy joe's jersey uh it's the face hat and it's our foam fingers so uh last chance for romance get the face stuff can i ask a question that might sound annoying and i don don't mean it to be, but it's I have a gin and you may not have the answer to this, but I'm genuinely curious. Is this stuff going to launch at full price and then be reduced to a dollar a day later? Hey, so Andrew already worked on this with the merch team.

We've lowered the prices to the lowest possible, like almost to like the factory cost of this stuff. So the, like it's still, it's not a dollar, but the MSRP on this stuff is a lot lower than you would have seen. Like there's no margin on it. It's just what we're essentially. So they're just trying, they're not trying to make money off this.

They're just trying to get Warner Brothers. They're just trying to reduce inventory and get it. Yeah, yeah. Because that's already stuff that we made. This is stuff that we have, and it was on its way to getting shipped and created and everything. So this is the last drop ever. That's great.

I just didn't want to unintentionally screw over a lot of people who went to the effort to buy immediately. Deeply, deeply discounted. I will say I don't anticipate this stuff being around for very long. We're making the cookbook, and we're making the jersey and it's the reproduction of the face hat and everything. I just I don't think it's going to stick around for very long. So grab it. This, you know, what's not going to come out now, unfortunately, that we and by we, I mean mostly Tony, but everybody and Andrew, everybody, everybody put a fair amount of work into it, but nobody compared to Tony.

But we were in the middle of putting out, of making those trading cards. What? No, just kidding. I don't see any way where those are actually going to come out now, unfortunately. Can we talk about a couple of things? A couple of things that we were in the process of making

that I'm really bummed. We were going to do more Gerplers, and I mean, that's always like a lot of fun and everything. But the stuff that had been worked on by the merch team was the backpack shirt and hoodie. Oh, we're losing backpack. I mean, we just we aren't going to be able to make it. I'm going to drop a couple of photos because I want to remember to post these. a couple of photos because i want to remember to post these so ari on the merch team put it together and i had cat model it and the photo like they're so they look this looks insane the backpack hoodie

is so fucking crazy it's so crazy i'm so bummed we can't make it i like the little uh strings even on the back of the back they had so so they had to figure out how the strings would go through so they punched holes so you could have the strings go forward through both hoods and backwards through both brilliant it was great it was genius i i'm so bummed we aren't making that because we don't have jobs. Well, hopefully we'll... Who knows what the future holds someday? The distant future holds.

Speaking of merch that I was way more excited about than I was when I looked at the pictures, the little freaking shoulder falcon is so cool. I just got mine. It's amazing. And been and i've invented a new game it's called pin the falcon on the dick jesus christ where you put the magnet next to your penis and then you have people try and throw the falcon and man is it satisfying when it lands i wonder how far apart we could get we gotta film we gotta film that, right? Yeah, I think so.

Everyone puts the magnet in their pants and then we just have like a falcon war. 100%. 100%. Who, uh... We put a magnet in a hot dog? Can we do that as well? That seems dangerous.

Oh, dude, that's smart, though. You can put it in the launcher. You can tie it to a string and then you eat the hot dog and then you can pull it back out and then eat it again. And you did one hot dog forever. How many episodes of F*** Face

do we have left? Do we know? We should talk about, it's something that we needed to talk about. I mean, are we going up until the very last day? Because- Is this the 27th episode? Yes, that is correct.

So it'll be like another month's worth in like two weeks. One, two, three, four, five, six. I'm looking at six, not including this one. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So six more after this, if we're going all the way up. So the 8th of May is the final face.

I believe so. Man, that's sad to say out loud. Yep. Well, you know, never say never, but. It's not the final. It's not the final. It's never say never.

But yeah, I mean, yeah, that's it. No, I mean, I guess technically you're right, but like we'll do something like there'll be something next. It may not be called face, but it'll be this or it will be called face and it'll do something. There'll be something next. It may not be called F*** Face, but it'll be this. Or it will be called F*** Face, and it'll be this. We just don't know.

But it'll be something. Oh, it'll be something. I'm not saying it'll be nothing. Never say nothing. There's got to be something. What's going to come out on the 15th? Something. Something.

I thought of you,avin the other other night i was eating a piece of pizza and i almost choked to death like it was the closest i've gotten to choking on food and i i don't know the heinlich so i almost certainly would die um and i thought as soon as it happened the first thing that popped my head is i'm I'm in a different dimension. I definitely just died. I'm in a different dimension now. I've transferred over. And did your life get shittier afterwards? Well, I got sick shortly after.

So, yeah, I think it's, you might be right. You might have figured this out. You transitioned into the universe where you didn't choke to death. Oh, man. That's apparently a thing. That's apparently like a... Quantum immortality or something?

A popular theory. I didn't realize. Yeah, you're not so special. Other people thought of it first. I didn't think I was special. I didn't think I came up with it. Yeah, well, I thought I invented machinima. Turns out I didn't. Turns out I didn't even come close.

We invented cum dogs though, did we? No. I mean, certainly not. I would Google and look it up. I don't want to Google it to look it up. I'll do it. I'm not scared of dicks. Great.

No pictures please. I really, Gavin's immortality theory. I shouldn't have looked it up. I shouldn't have looked it up. Yeah, no, that's right. Well, not without phrasing. I shouldn't have looked it up. I shouldn't have looked it up. No, that's right. Well, not with that phrasing. I shouldn't have. No.

Eric, what if there was a hot dog sausage, like the actual meat, and it had string tied around it, and on the other end of the string, it was tied around my penis? Now, it's not touching my penis, but would you eat the dog there? No, because hot dog wasn't my food. How long is the string? No, I wouldn't eat the hot dog. Okay, it's a cumbers fry.

Jeff, hang on. Jeff, unprompted, is asking the length of the string. The question wasn't for him, but he heard there's a hot dog. It's a three inch of string. That's not enough string. Three inches of clearance? I don't want to be three inches from your open dick.

My dick's not open. Are we talking about a Lee and the Tramp style thing? Is the string just coming out of your pants? Yeah, it could be coming out of my flies, but it is tied around the neck of my penis. But I got three inches outside of the pants.

You got three inches total on the string. It sounds like you. Yeah, I guess I might do it. Alright, and Eric, now it's a fry. Yeah, if it's just through your fly, sure. So you'd eat fly fry? Absolutely.

It'd have to be a curly fry. I'm not a pig again Andrew unprompted not asked I'm thinking about the logistics of the fry being on your dick it would have to be a curly fry for the whole it's not wrapped around my

well that's how like it's spiraled around his dick is that that's what i assume yeah i thought we're going the full dick here are you gonna have a steak for i mean nobody i mean just to be clear that's not what we were talking about right and he knows that no i thought i thought we were talking about like a lady in the tramp situation but it's a dick on the other side and what's the distance before you you cut it off you play chicken with it where would the I thought we were talking about like a lady in the tramp situation, but it's a dick on the other side. And what's the distance before you,

you, you cut it off. You play chicken with it. Where would the string come into it? Well, I don't know. You know, I'm sick.

I think, I think he decided it's a lady in the tramp situation and then stop. Yeah. Yeah. It's the first guest guy. And that was what he guessed at. Yeah. Yeah. yeah yeah it's the first guest guy and that was what he guessed at yeah yeah he's so lady and the trap has been painted with the faces of children oh god no we can't continue what are you doing so is the food you can't say no to like for me it's the hot dog for eric it's the french fry

also the same food that you would eat the closest to a cock i feel like my answer might be different if it was just like purely eating food close to dicks like i might not want a hot dog it's a little it's a little hot dog banana that maybe i'd want something round iopsie hamburger what if there it is what if jeff there's 10 hot dogs on the table and they're drowned in ketchup and mustard to the point where you can't see the dog but what are you um and obviously one of them is a penis but you don't know which are you bobbing for dogs would you go in and just bite one of the dogs and just hope you got a dog? I mean, you better hope I get a dog. It's not my dick.

Oh, whose dick is it? It's Nick's dick. Why? I don't know. Why's it gotta be Nick's? Because he's the condiment guy. No, yeah, yeah, I guess that makes sense. No, I don't think I would because, uh a i don't like that much condiment

on my hot dog that's all enough ketchup and mustard to cover it so i couldn't tell if it was a hot dog or a cock i think i'd yeah i don't think i would eat a hot dog that slathered in i'm not a big sauce guy i'm not nick okay i'd be able to tell less is more oh oh mr not a big sauce guy dies on condiment hill how fascinating I wouldn't say I died on the hill I would say I fucking reigned supreme on it by being technically correct he yelled from the hill he did

all right we should uh we should wrap this one up we only got six what an episode what a great show enthusiasm all the way to the end I love it yeah amazing all the way to the end. I love it. Yeah. Amazing. By the way, Gavin, would you?

I've got 90% chance of not biting a penis. Yeah. I probably would. I'd roll the dice on that. You'd roll the dice? What's the least number of hot dogs you'd roll the dice on? If I took one away and it was nine hot dogs, would you still try it? Oh, you would take away a dog instead of adding a second dick yeah like i just take away dogs um do you do you do it at eight i probably go no lower than seven seven's my dog number so you've

got a one in seven chance of eating a dick yeah which is slightly more than the roll of a dice. Yeah, those are pretty good odds. If it wasn't all gross and covered in... If I couldn't tell if it was a dick or a hot dog, but I also didn't have to eat too much ketchup and mustard, I'd probably try those odds. That's not bad. And then what's the worst thing that happens? The worst thing that happens is you have a dick in your mouth

for three seconds, and then you're just the guy who had a dick in his mouth for three seconds for the rest of your life you've got that out of the way that's a joke people get to make at your expense forever and then you can just enjoy phallic shit again i guess after that probably i mean do you have a dice nearby what scenario is this i don't i don't do you no i mean i can do an online oh i have uh i can do an online do an online dice and we that, you know, pick a number on the dice, and that's the dick. Let's see if you get it.

All right. I'm going to eat a hot dog, one in six chance. Uh, well, let's say the- Are you sharing your screen? Oh, you have to. Also, I just want to point out, I'm not trying to hurry this along because I'm so fucking fascinated by what's going on right now. I have to see it through. I've just

realized this is the shit we were talking about in the car on the way to Peter. Okay, I see it. Alright, here we go. So here's an ice. It says three right now. Did it die again? No, no, no. You're good. So I'm going to hit roll. I'm going to say four is a dick. Okay. So if I get one, two, no, you're good. No, you're good. So I'm going to hit roll. I'm going to say four is a dick. Okay.

So if I get one, two, three, five, or six, I got a free hot dog. Four, I've just given a... I've accidentally given a guy a blowjob. A free hot dog. All right. Hey! Free hot dog, baby!

Gavin, let's try you. Pick a number. Oh, man. Yeah, we all have to do it. Five is the penis. All right, here we go. Hey, free dog! Number three, free hot dog.

Andrew, what's your number? I think a three is safe, because it was just three. All right, here we go. That's not how chance works, but six, you were safe. Absolutely. Eric? Number one were safe absolutely eric number one eric's rolling on number one number five he's very not only did he not eat the hot dogs he's

so far away from the dick when he's eating his own hot dog uh nick last chance what do you go i'll go with a nine okay yeah it's uh one. Okay, so it's one to six. You're right. Right, right, right. You're right. I don't know why I said nine. Let's go with six. Oh, that wasn't a bit. Jesus Christ. Oh, you're right next to it. Oh, that was close. You were cock adjacent while you were eating that hot dog.

Jeff, you think those legs would have tipped me off? Don't you just want one more hot dog? Of course. Let me try. I'm going to want one more hot dog? Yeah, of course. Let me try. I'm gonna eat hot dog number two. Okay. Hey! I'm fine.

There's a guy laying in condiments right now going, what the fuck? What the hell? What the hell? How do they know? Eric just wants to keep rolling for cock. No, no, no. I just wanted to see if Jeff would and he did and he got free hot dogs, baby. I mean, I'm never hungry. I'm never completely full after one dog. Yeah, okay, so it sounds like Gavin wants to keep rolling for cocks.

Alright Gavin, what hot dog are you gonna eat, Gavin? Uh, number five is the penis. There we go. Hey! I'll go greedy. You're not greedy. Thanks for listening to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. Gavin, why don't you gherkle us out?

Come on. Oh, Andrew did it for us. Oh, gross! I don't want this to keep going. I'm actually okay with an ending in what season it is. I think it ended at some point. It ended with Gavin eating dicks. I meant the show. That was a real 2007 conversation for a podcast. Yeah, no kidding no kidding god damn maybe we need gracie back

yes hey guys major league fan jack here with a look at next week's episode of face we are behind yet again so here are some predictions for episode 201 jeff starts a new business the panting card is worth thousands eric has had enough with pleasantries. Gavin got a new toy. Should we buy a bunker? And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.