F**kface - Andrew Admits He Was Wrong // Geoff vs The Swan [105]

Episode Date: June 1, 2022

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Andrew's perspective on the name thing, skittles gummies robbery, hose explosion, an arm decapitation event, Swan Werewolf, and jetskis. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Sponsored by Hello Tushy (http://hellotushy.com/FACE), Better Help (http://betterhelp.com/face), and ExpressVPN (http://expressvpn.com/face). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Did I say kind sir or good sir? What did I say earlier? It's creepy either way. Kind sir. Let me I say earlier? It's creepy either way you say it. Kind sir. Let me introduce you to episode 105 of this podcast. I don't know what I'm doing. Why do I want to leave? This isn't my job. Dude, he's been on.

He's been in rare form. He tried to. He argued that no dance has ever been impressive for a while. And then we had to look, we had to start, we had to look up the, we had to look up the definition of impressive. It was, it was too much pleasantry. Wow.

We've been waiting, we've been around for a while. There are plenty of high skilled. It was just disgusting. Mainly, I guess how I associate what impressed means to me. How I view. What did you just eat or drink like half an hour before this?

I had a chicken wrap that Eric thought I said rabbit, and then it just kind of spiraled from there. I have a bird infestation in my home right now, in my roof. I feel like I could catch a bird, but a rabbit I could never catch. With your hands? No, I said with like a McDonald's bag and a net. If you give me a day and a bag of McDonald's that had fries in it at one point, maybe even one fry just to make it like super extra spicy on that trap,

I could catch me a seagull. How do I hire you to do this tomorrow? Buy me a net, I guess. Eric, can we Amazon him a butterfly net? Is it gonna fit in his mail slot or whatever? No, it'll be fine. Not with all the bovril in there.

So I may have killed somebody by accident. Potentially. Go ahead. So last episode, I think it was last one. I don't know. This doesn't make any sense to me. I talked about how I had. Okay, hold on.

Before you do that. Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. My name is Jeff Ramsey. With me as always, Gavinavin free and uh newly confessed murderer andrew pantin go ahead so now before i get into my murder story i'd like to i'd like to pivot for a minute to something else and just own up because i'm a big i'm an accountability guy i want to own up to the fact that i was wrong i was wrong last week i was in the wrong i handled the name thing incorrectly. I apologize.

I apologize to you both. This is, I wanted to give my perspective on it because I thought about it. I put some time in, really think about the situation as a whole. You were so wrong. This apology is annoying me. No, I couldn't have been more in the wrong. Why are you annoyed by my apology?

It's, you know, it's just bringing it up again. Well, because I just... it up again. Well cuz Greg from No idea what you were talking about I forgot about that were you just sitting silently like why I was trying to put it I was just trying to put it together and be like what fucking name thing and then Nick said jeopardy rules and I was like, oh do we do a jeopardy and I was just Yeah, that's right. You were a bit of a dick about the name thing And then Nick said Jeopardy rules. And I was like, oh, did we do a Jeopardy? And I was just out of it. All right.

Sorry. Yeah, that's right. You were a bit of a dick about the name thing. Yeah, I appreciate the apology because I was getting riled up with. You're right. You're right. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous position to have and to hold. What happened was I was so excited about the thing and I thought we're gonna give clues we're gonna make this

we're really gonna turn up the heat in these next three episodes will you guys figure out the name will you not we will find out I give one clue and Gavin immediately gets it and I was on tilt I was on tilt from that moment forward and I didn't want it to end but I also

deep down knew that you guys would never fairly guess Greg again in a different context. So I like it. 700 more episodes before we realize how closely. I also never in my head. I had the the Jeopardy rules. I never established those. That's unfair of me.

If I would have from the beginning stated that, I think that'd be fair. But that was unfair. So I just wanted I put some thought into it. And I've been haunted by that moment since we recorded not because of that itself that was i just i processed i realized that i was wrong i handled that poorly what is haunting me is jeff was coming at me and i was getting mad at jeff and we're going back and forth and and i called you the dictionary kid which is the dumbest thing i may have said on the show and i as soon as i said it i winced and i have not been able to stop thinking about the fact i said dictionary and i couldn't think of i could i was thinking piss boy i was like where

should i go with this i need another word off of dictionary and kid came out and uh that's an apology to the audience that i said dictionary because i've been i've been suffering laugh though i've been suffering well maybe you did but i just it was such a lame laughing at not laughing yeah it was a bad it was a bad it was a bad moment typically good under fire but enjoy the next seven days um because that's how long you have until that episode comes out. Oh, great. That's fine.

I'm sure people will be mad, but that's okay. When you said... That's on me. You fucked that up. When you said Dictionary Kid, it reminded me, when you said it, it sounded like the name of a late 60s, early 70s Disney made-for-TV movie. It did. And I wanted to bring that up, but I didn't get a chance.

and I wanted to bring that up but I didn't get a chance. I genuinely winced as soon as I said it and I had thoughts about asking Nick to remove it from the edit but I was like, that's so bad. I just gotta live. I gotta live with that. I was thinking, piss boy.

What's something that is like, boy, this kid came out. It was an unfortunate moment but I'm happy to get past it. And I guess I should now talk about how I may have killed somebody. Which is the point of how this started. Well, before you do that, let me just say,

that was an extremely regulation apology. And I would like to provide, I would like to accept it in the most regulation of ways. I appreciate that quite a bit. Now, you're killed. So I was saying, yeah, with the candies, I brought up recently that I've discovered Skittles gummies, specifically the wild berry gummies.

Big fan of them. I love them. I recommended them to a friend. He bought a box of 12. He didn't like him as much as me. So he just ended up with 10 that he didn't like. But I love them. I order them to my house.

It's the very first time since I've been here. I got robbed. Somebody stole them to my house. It's the very first time since I've been here. I got robbed. Somebody stole my Skittles gummies. They got left outside of my front door by Amazon. And they ripped through all of my boxes. And I was both upset that they stole the Skittle gummies that I was so excited about. And then also offended at what they left behind. Like, I felt judged by the person who

robbed me they didn't take the sour patch kids they didn't take the iced tea i bought i was hurt it made me feel like i had bad taste like the person clearly i got robbed you got robbed by potheads they didn't get far they're're around somewhere. I guarantee you. Do you think they would have left the Bovril? I think they would have. They would have left everything. If the first thing they encountered was the Bovril, they just would have left.

They would determine that the box is not worth stealing from. If that was the first item that they pulled. The ultimate deterrent. Get all these glitter bobs out of here. Just to get a pop of Bovril. I would be so mad if I stole a box and it shot Bob roll at me you're just marked off rope oh it's terrible but I so I stole I was really upset about it and then it came out like two days ago that Mars had a massive

recall because their skittles gummies contain pieces of metal in them. Oh. And the person that I recommended tried the gummies, all of their gummy packs were in that order. They had to throw away their 10 bags of gummies because they all could possibly contain. I'm not sure. But there was a recall on them because they contained small pieces of metal, apparently. And so now I don't know what happened to the person.

Mine could have been filled with metal and someone else stole them and ate them i hope they're okay they could have saved me maybe they're my hero i don't know trends dude that pothead saved your life potentially or i killed a pothead unknowingly it's the same thing one of the two i guess yeah i didn't mean to but two sides of the same coin. The important thing is we're talking to you, not them. You know what's worse? Maybe like this is the greatest insight about me. I've felt way more dread about the fact that I said dictionary kid than I potentially killed this guy that stole the skills.

The gals. One was an accident, the other one came out of your mouth on purpose, you know? I hope cringe ranks higher than murder on your conscience. Not in all cases. this one it did oh It's been sort of my last few days have how things been for you guys. Oh good man. Uh gap. Have you been? Yeah, pretty good. I Just feel like a big balloon And you would think that the balloon would be what exploded the hose exploded

are you serious? yeah did anybody get hurt? no it just exploded now when you say exploded was it exciting exploded or it just like ruptured and it started leaking out the side

like what type of explosion are we talking oh he has a video oh fuck here we go all right i was like i didn't think that was a tough question the silence let's see okay that's cool that yeah that's certainly an explosion uh that was pretty recent that's about uh 18 minutes ago how old is that hose? It was bought yesterday. Wow. So it's clearly had a manufacturer's defect.

Yeah, I think there may have been some metal strands in that hose. Because it went pop. How many hoses do you have? Were you fucked? Did you have a replacement? No, that was the replacement for a shittier hose. But we were then relegated back to the shit hose but it's fine we got by you know you can amazon prime now

something over pretty easily uh yeah but a tight window i just it was the last thing i was expecting yeah i was like looking at the balloon and i heard a pop and suddenly the balloon still there very confusing i think in all the time i've spent in hardware stores and stores in general i don't think i've ever heard anyone frantically buy a hose it's a rare item that people would ever need in an immediate like i couldn't imagine like the fire department running it like yeah any hose you have any hose all of ours that feels like such a michael bay movie moment firefighters using their hose and they explode they have to go to like home hardware or home depot or whatever buy more hoses

yeah the reason you use the hose is typically for a very slow problem like my plant is dying very slowly over time i kind of suddenly needing one unless you're gonna drive away from a fire i want to see somebody fight a fire with a crazy daisy just crazy days in their head and flopping around eric wrote that's how i imagined a snake would it's i yeah i felt the exact same it looked very snake like what do you mean why would you imagine that? I don't know. It makes sense, right? It makes sense. Yeah. Like when

a snake eats a hippo and it's too big and it just bursts out the side? Yeah. It gets too far, because it's not the beginning of the snake that explodes. It gets too far into the snake and that part of the snake is too thin and then the snake just pops and then rolls around for a while. It's probably got a weakened tummy from eating all those skittles gummies yeah i was

trying to think if like from anaconda because i i do agree gavin it's sort of a weird thought but i feel like i've seen a snake explode in that way in a movie so i was trying to think of like what movie but i don't think it happens in anaconda well i tell you what it can't happen enough and i couldn't think any other snake movies doesn't john voight come back out of the anaconda uh he gets like weirdly eaten i think they just kill the anaconda with an axe i feel like it's kind of lame how they by my memory but i haven't seen that movie in a long time i remember the first time i saw anaconda was at a sleepover at a friend's house it was like a birthday party sleepover and owen wilson was in it and i knew who owen wilson was from like zoolander and shanghai noon and i assumed he was just always like an

a-list actor and i confidently declared that he would survive i'm like oh he's gonna live to the end and he's i think the second guy to die in that movie and i stopped watching and uh there was like clearly something was happening in the movie and i i said oh what's going on and then somebody just yelled back to me that guy you said wouldn't die is gonna killed i felt so dumb he's had some pretty good deaths what was it the what's that movie the haunting where like the fireplace knocks his head off he gets the captain he went through a real run of deaths too, like Armageddon as well. I feel like all those movies kind of came out back to back to back.

I feel like you have to put in the deaths until you become so beloved that you don't die in movies anymore. Unless you're Sean Bean. Yeah, I was about to say. Nobody's told Sean Bean. Unless you're just so good at it, it becomes a hallmark of your performance.

Maybe Anaconda could be one of our next watches. And we still need to do MVP 2. I've been waiting forever for MVP 2. Doesn't it seem like snakes should have an Achilles heel? They don't really. It seems not fair. Well, yeah, but like, you know, vampires have garlic or crosses

and like werewolves have silver bullets or slugs have salt. Right? Like there should be a thing you're gonna stamp on their head yeah but like you should be able to like throw milk at a snake and it shrivels up no i i agree with jeff i don't feel like i know what to do in a snake attack yeah like a hippo and you shove it down his throat i feel like don't you hit you hit sharks in the nose right like that's the shark thing like i feel like that's their achilles oh in the nose, right? Like, that's the shark thing?

Like, I feel like that's their Achilles. Oh, I didn't even know the gills. I think you should turn a shark upside down. I feel like unless you're like James Brown and you can split your way, well, like getting halfway and then do the split, like, I don't know what the move would be. Is it an eye poke?

What is it? There has to be something. What is it? Yeah. Like, you stick your finger in a snake butthole or it paralyzes it maybe if you're in a snake area make sure you always have an umbrella with you

turn it upside down and rub its belly like a crocodile do six barrel rolls on the inside tie it in a knot so harsh inside. Oh, tie it in a knot. So hot. It's like, come after me now, motherfucker.

Just imagining I'm imagining being half eaten by a snake and then just rolling down a large hill while it's trying to eat you and you both just fall down a mountainside. God damn. Hey, should we talk about we, that was a

decapitation event this weekend. I can't believe we haven't brought it up yet. What? Owen Wilson? What do you mean? We all hung out. Oh man, Henry's going at it. He really is. Yeah, he is. He woke up. And he found the owl that I hid.

We hung out this weekend, and we went swimming together. Two weekends in a row with Eric, not a water guy. Really? Okay. Yeah, went swimming again. Eric is so a water guy, by the way. He's so a water guy. He invited everybody to water. Yeah, but I was...

Okay, here's the thing. I was talking to my small wife about this. I was saying that I was on the boat most of the time, sometimes in the water, sometimes on the big lily pad. Jeff was in the water almost 100% of the time we were allowed to be in the water. Oh my God, yes.

It was crazy. I felt like I saw you sometimes, and it's only because I had to go to where you were, which was in the water oh my god yes it was crazy i felt like i saw you sometimes and it's only because i had to go to where you were which was in the water i didn't realize that that was the case that was a moment where you were on the lily pad but then there were like 12 dudes around it it was like talking to you like you were on a big plate it was that was really funny you were you were the bell of the ball it really was like having a weird harem i didn't i don't think i liked it much but it was good enough uh but we did we we hung out on lake travis eric's small wife uh rented a like a party boat like a two decker party boat for eric's uh i guess for your birthday because we got your birthday presents

and uh and then we just spent like half a day swimming and there was a lily pad and we brought floaties and we went diving and we played games and we threw balls and we had all kinds of fun. Oh, that's awesome. But the guy, the captain, I say Captain Lightly because he was like 19,

the captain as he was driving us out there he was like, y'all want to go to Devil's Cove? That's where everybody usually goes. Or we could go over here a little closer. And we were like, we don't give a fuck. Let's go closer. And is it empty? And he's like, yeah, there's nobody here.

So we went there because it was empty. And then, like, we were there for, like, maybe two hours swimming and having fun. And then he gets a radio call on the boat. And then he goes, you guys never believe this, but over there at Devil's Cove, somebody just got their arm ripped off. They had to medevac him out. Christ! Yeah. What? And I feel like we never found out anything else. We didn't find out why

that hand came off. Emily spent the rest of the weekend looking to figure it out and couldn't find anything online about it anywhere. That information has to be delivered with more information. Has to contain more info otherwise why are you telling people i have well i have a theory on this do you think that actually happened or do you think that's that guy's move spice up the trip a little bit inject himself

into the party i do think it happened because i think we did see a medevac helicopter going from the area got it however i will agree that it needs to be given with more information because then when we were talking about it a little bit later the captain with his hat over his eyes and his feet kicked up i was going hey blaine did you hear about that guy's arm who got chopped off we don't know what happened to it and i looked at the captain he tilted his hat back and just sort of shrugged at me and then put it back down and just went back to sleep. How far away is the place that you could have went where it happened to where you were then? Ten minutes.

Ten minutes? Yeah, that's fucking crazy. That'd be like if you said the neighbors were killed by Freddy Krueger or like Jason or something. Like I'd be so paranoid that whatever ripped that guy's arm off. It's okay though, it was three blocks away. Yeah, what? You mean the thing that just ripped somebody's arm off is still around and it left?

You're okay. Yeah, like what are you talking about? Yeah, I would love to know. Like we were talking about with Meg and she, I guess, spent a lot of time on lakes when she was younger and she was saying it happens all the time. Like, I guess, she, uh, uh, I guess spent a lot of time on lakes when she was younger and she was saying it happens all the time.

Like, uh, like propeller will pop a hand off pretty quick. I guess also like, I guess also people get like their arms caught in ropes and then they get pulled and it just like, like, Oh Jesus.

Yeah. If you get your arm, like if a rope loops around your arm and then suddenly goes very taut, it can ping a limb limb off, I guess. Yeah. Wow. I, it's one of those things you hear about it's like wow i wonder what they were doing like wonder what crazy thing they were doing i'm sure he was just like a guy with two arms just

going on a party boat just like us i'm sure he was just hanging on the beach and a gust of wind came by blew his hand off blew his hand off that's. That was fucking wild. But it was a great time for everybody but that guy that day. Yeah. Oh, and probably the people he was with. So I hope he's okay wherever he is. I hope they were able to reattach it. That's always the hope. If

you'll indulge me, I do have another small story related to a personal tragedy. Please. I'd love to hear it. That have another small story related to a personal tragedy. I'd love to hear it. That's a weird way to respond to that tragedy statement. Sorry. Go ahead. So this is, no, I would love to entertain you with it.

So on Friday, I had like a thing fall through and I had a free window on Friday afternoon and Emily was off and she looked at me and she was like, seems like a great day to go jet skiing. And I was like, oh, fuck. It seems like a great day to go jet skiing. And I was like, oh, fuck. It would be a great day to go jet skiing. And we haven't been jet skiing, you know, this year. So it's probably been, I don't know, September of last year that was the last time I went. And, you know, I don't know if you guys remember this,

but there was a point in time where we were a jet ski podcast and we sold jet ski merchandise because of how into jet skis one of us was. I was very excited. I was like, holy shit. It's just like, I don't know why it didn't dawn on me that I can still jet ski. It was just like so we like race to the jet ski place. And and by the way, jet skiing did not get did not get lamer, did not get any less fun.

If anything, it's more fun than I remembered. Oh, my fucking God. Am I a jet ski guy again? I cannot tell you how much fucking fun a jet ski is. It is. Well, I mean, Gavin, you know, you run it once. Imagine how much fun you had. I had that much fun Friday, but more because I just keep getting better.

And again. And so anyway, we hop on Lake Austin, not Lake Travis where the guy got his arm lopped off, but Lake Austin, which is much smaller. And it takes about two hours to go from one end of Lake Austin, like from one dam to the other dam and back. So you can basically do like a full loop,

especially if you go about 50, 52. More of a river than a lake in my opinion. Yeah. For a good period of it. And, uh, it's a lot of fun. And so, uh, the way we typically do it is like, I'll ride the first hour. We'll, we'll take one. I'll drive the first hour.

She'll sit on the back. We'll flip. And then she'll do the way back or whatever. I should also, uh, just so I can be fair. Uh, I should mention this too. just so I can be fair, I should mention this too. My girlfriend has informed me that she likes swans a normal amount,

a regular amount. She likes swans no more or less than any of you guys like swans. She doesn't have a thing for swans. She's not way into swans. I told this story this weekend. I was practicing. I told it to some other friends of ours,

and apparently I leaned too heavy on Emily's sudden love of swans. So I'm just, for the record, she likes swans like a C, I guess. Like whatever the average swan amount is. Despite the fact that we just went to London, and we were there for a week, and there were three things she got excited about. She got excited about Phantom of the Opera.

She got excited about Hot Pot and she got excited about Swans. And only one of those things is now her lock screen on her iPhone. And I'm not going to tell you which one it is, but it's not Phantom of the Opera and it's not a plate of Hot Pot or a bowl of Hot Pot. But she just likes swans an average amount. However, when she was driving and I was on the back about maybe an hour and a half into this,

she sees a swan and did the jet ski equivalent at 40 miles an hour of slamming on the brakes. And a jet ski doesn't go but if it did, it would have done it for a long time. Sees the swan, slams on the brakes and a jet ski doesn't go but if it did it would have done it for a long time sees the swan slams on the brakes goes holy shit look at that swan that i just have a regular amount of of affection for and i'm like yeah totally it's a beautiful swan and at this point

we're like i'm gonna say 75 75 feet away from the swan i think that's safe it's a pretty good distance but like you know i can see the swan it's a big swan. I think that's safe. It's a pretty good distance. But like, you know, I can see the swan. It's a big swan. And she's like, wow, that thing is really pretty. And I'm like, yeah, it is pretty. And I'm enjoying the majesty of the swan as is she

because I also like swans an average amount. I don't have it on my lock screen or anything, but I do enjoy swans. And so we're looking at it and it's just kind of like swanning around to the left

a little bit and then it swans over to the right a little bit and it like dips its little swan beak. Not little at all. It's just kind of like swanning around to the left a little bit. And then it swans over to the right a little bit. And it like dips its little swan beak. Not little at all. It's giant. It's swan beak in the water and like kind of comes up like, I don't know, like what's her face in Fast Times at Ridgemont High when she comes out of the water. Phoebe Cates.

And it's like there's droplets going everywhere. And it's just like this beautiful swan. And she's really taking in the majesty of the swan. And then it kind of turns around and it sees it registers that we exist and you know we're in front of the swan and to the left about 75 feet i'm fully turned around because i'm on the back of this thing emily's like you know between me and the front of the thing and so she's kind of got to look over her shoulder so she's like trying to steal glances of the swan and enjoy its majesty and when it kind of turns around it like it lifts up a little bit and it takes and it like opens up the swan and enjoy its majesty and when it kind of turns around it like

it lifts up a little bit and it takes and it like opens up its swan arms and it like all these feathers come out and emily's like oh my god that's beautiful it's showing us its feathers which i agree it was beautiful but something about it seemed aggressive to me and uh and and i got i don't know something something felt off. And then, so she's kind of like still looking over and the thing is drifting. So she's like looking around. We're also in the middle of Lake Austin.

There's boats everywhere. So as a responsible jet ski driver who just slammed on the jet ski brakes in the middle of the water, she's like looking around, making sure nobody's going to clip us or we're going to hit anybody. We're not in anybody's way.

And the swanan it made eye contact with me and and you know that scene in uh the episode of always sunny where mac and charlie are both at the italian restaurant giordino's on other ends and they make eye contact and they can't stop looking at each other it keeps like zooming in across yeah yeah like the swan and i had that moment and it was unsettling for me, right? And I was kind of transfixed almost, you know how, like, Dracula, maybe not new Dracula,

but, like, the old Dracula, he would, like, look at a woman and she would become, like, transfixed, and that's how he would, and then he would, like, you know, lay her down in his bed, and then he would bite her neck. I felt a little bit like the swan

was transfixing me. Like, it was just weird, right? And then, this isn't gonna sound real um but it is i've been waiting for this and want to attack you the swan cracked its neck like you know like when you're about to get into a fight with somebody and you'll like crack your neck to the right and then to the Like, roll your shoulders. It was, like, intimidating. The swan did that. What? And then, all I can say, it was a lot of neck.

All I can say is it was, like, I realized that the swan was angry, right? And I've kind of lost my voice because I'm still transfixed by Dracula swan, right? And I go, Emily, go. I think we should go. I think we should go. And she's like, huh? You know, Emily, go. I think we should go. I think we should go.

And she's like, huh? You know, and looking around. And then, you know that scene in Terminator 2 where Robert Patrick pulls them over, he's a cop, and they realize he's a Terminator, and they're driving away, and he starts running after them with his blade arms, and it's incredibly scary because he's going really fast.

Yeah. It's like quite still. Yeah. And it's yeah. The head's still. And it's super like focused and intent. The swan raised up. And then it charged at me like Robert Patrick with it's like half flying, half running on

the water with its swan arms in front of it just like the terminator and i scream oh my god go we've gotta go you i didn't say go go now or at all at any point i wasn't that i wasn't that clever i was just like jesus christ we've gotta go and she goes what and then she kind of turns around and sees it i look at her to be like, what the fuck? And then I see her eyes register. I turn back around. It has covered the span of 75 feet in less than two seconds. When I turn around, she starts to go.

When I turn around to my right, I just see a swan arm coming at me. So I turn back to my left in time to see the swan cobra strike me in the back right above my butt and to the left of my spine. All I could see is feathers and a giant swan face

attack me and I get hit and like impact and it like pushes me forward and then Emily guns it and we go probably 200 feet and then she stops and she's like, are you okay? And I'm like, I think so. The swan bit me. The swan struck me and I'm licking it and she's like, are you okay? And I'm like, I think so. The swan bit me. The swan struck me.

And I'm looking and she's like, are you serious? And we're like checking to make sure all of our limbs and stuff are there. And we turn around and the swan's still coming at us. It's still looking at us and it's like still coming. Like the Terminator. So we got it. And we go even further. And we just eventually just go.

It's like we go under the 360 bridge. We're like miles away from the swan. And I'm just just go. It's like we go under the 360 bridge. We're like miles away from the swan. And I'm just fucking shook. Right. And we turn the thing and the guy's like, how was it? And Emily goes, we got attacked by a swan. And he goes, oh, swan got you, huh? Yeah, that's a mean son of a bitch.

And I go, you know about the swan? And he goes, everybody knows about the swan. So I guess everybody knew about the swan but us. I had a bruise where it hit me in the slough on my back. I think it's probably gone by now. And all I could think about for the rest of the day was if that swan had knocked me off the jet ski,

I'm dead. There's no way. It would still be on top of you now. There's no way I could fight a swan in its fucking home turf. I'd be floating around on my life vest, and it'd just be popping me in the head, and I couldn't turn around fast enough. I would fuck a swan up on land,

but I was so far away from land, I would never have made it. It would have picked my eyes out. I was like seconds away from dying. I was just imagining that scene in Home Alone 2, where Marv gets caked in all the bird seed and all the pigeons come in. Like that's what it would have been like if you fell off.

So anyway. Dude, a swan bit your back! Swan bit me, dude. Not quite as dramatic as the whale shark story, but just it was terrifying. From Phoebe Cates to Robert Patrick. Oh, my God. Easily.

Are you offended that it's still her lock screen? Like, whatever you see that Swan is, does it bring back memories? No. Your nemesis is now a swan. No, no, no. I'm okay with it. I've been assured that Emily likes swans a regular amount and totally appropriate.

So I'm not going to question that anymore. He's picturing Robert Patrick now with honks. I swear to God that swan went 100 miles an hour in.1 second it was like it closed that gap of 75 feet in less than 3 seconds more like 2 seconds like the time for me to like look back

back it was on me it was like it teleported did you think at any point you were going to have to kill a swan? I was. No, I'll be honest with you. I don't know that I could have. Like, it was huge. It had to weigh 300 pounds, right?

It was fucking massive. And I'm at a severe disadvantage in the water. Yeah. Like, I just don't. I don't even know, dude. That's where swans are from. Yeah, that's where swans are from. How comparable was it to when Larry David got attacked by a swan in Curb?

Is it the only thing? I'm trying. Yeah, there's one. The black swan? Yeah, the black swan. There's an episode where they kill the guy that owns the golf course. Oh, on the golf course. Has the swan, and they murder the swan.

I was wondering, as a visual visual comparison because i feel like it's kind of what you're describing is like that but on land it's immediately what i thought of when you're talking about swans and the possibility of you getting into a swan fight i remember hearing in england that the queen owns all the swans i'm not sure if that's a load of shite or not but i'm pretty sure you can't kill them if they go for you. But I think here, I don't think the queen's reach I don't think she has jurisdiction over the American swans, so I think you're good to murder away.

Okay, so Eric asked if I'm sure the swan weighed 300 pounds, so I looked up how much the swan weighs. It had to weigh at least 30 pounds. Swans are like 30 pounds max. Like 300? What the fuck?

When there's a swan on you in the water, dude, you're not a water guy. You're a water adjacent guy. It would be way worse for you. It was a swan that's like 10 times denser than others. A swan seemed like a grizzly bear when it was on my back biting me. I really want you to try to get

like a spit sample from the swan to submit to 23andMe to determine where it came from. See if you legally are allowed to go fight that swan. If it's under the queen's protection or not. Yeah, I wonder if they migrate. Jurisdiction whereof.

So anyway, drove from there straight to the jet ski store to buy a jet ski. You bought one? No. Guess what the jet ski store didn't have? A single jet ski. They had a picture of a jet ski.

I laughed very dejected. You get a fridge before you get a jet ski. Yeah, dude. A fridge and my fucking bike. That's how much fun jet skiing is in your mind? That you went out, you got attacked by a large bird and your instinct was to buy the thing that that would let you do that more that was your response 100 fantastic yes i love it that that's why i will steer clear of the swan oh my going

forward i will definitely stay the fuck away from swans uh i mean i'll be honest i would have stayed away from the swan had i been driving uh it wasn't my decision uh but uh yeah i think we'll cut a wide swath around the swans the rest of it on unbelievable fun oh my god i want a jet ski it's so great that this one has a rep like fucking quint from jaws is gonna be on a dock talking about the swan that's in the water. You can't catch it. I mean, apparently it's a known evil, which means it's always around. So anybody wants to go see the swan, I'll take y'all sometime. We'll just rent a jet ski and I'll- I know exactly where it is.

Coming this summer. Honks. Wait, the swan's- that's geese, isn't it? The swans honk? I don't think they do. I think they all, I'm sure it has its own terrible sound. Nick says they both honk. I'm just, like the scene from, so we're referencing a lot of movies today,

but the scene from Psycho with that, like just honk noises. Honk, honk, honk. Somebody should just cut swans and honking into all horror movies. That'd be great. I don't feel like we've gotten a swan horror movie that I'm aware of. We've gone snakes. We've gone birds.

Not swans. Was a swan in the birds? I haven't seen the birds in a while. I don't think there was. I saw a groundhog. Yeah. Groundhog. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp.

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See, oh, that's where you and I are. If I got fucking bit by a swan, I'm putting that on my wall. I want a photo of that Bruce. I had like another 30 minutes on the jet ski, and then we had the whole conversation with the guy, and then before you knew it, and then we ate lunch, and before I knew it, it was, yeah. Do you think you're going to get back out there and try and take it out

i don't want anything to do with it i learned i learned emily's lesson yeah i'm staying away from swans she was fine by the way swan didn't bite her i provided a meat shield for her for her normal swan viewing that would that's funny because if you were on the shore watching that happen, you would be rolling around on the floor laughing at the poor dude getting bit by a swan. Oh my god, are you kidding? That'd be the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. I'm just hoping so much on the Austin subreddit, someone just posts the security footage and then dies.

I would love to show the security footage like that someday. Like, I'm on a TikTok I never knew was recorded. I want to see that swan run a 40 based on what you said. Like, we need to get the clocks out. We need to time it. I want to know where it rests. I'm going to Google swans run a 40 based on what you said. Like, we need to get the clocks out. We need to time it. I want to know where it rests. What's it? I'm going to Google swans max speed. It was so fast.

That's a great question. Andrew, last week, you said you're not a big, you're not a jet ski guy. Like, you wouldn't get on a jet ski. Yeah, not naturally. I could become one. Maybe even more so now. I think so. You know what?

This is the problem with what Jeffff just said if i was invited to ride on the jet ski i'd never want to be on it out of the possibility i could watch him getting attacked by a swan which is infinitely better i don't care how much fun jet skis are i you could not convince me that it would be more enjoyable than watching you get attacked by a swan but you'd be incredible you'd get a great view from the other jet ski. No, I don't. I don't know. I watched him jump over a dead deer once.

I forgot about that. A lot happens on the water, man. What happens is he stays at sea and nobody thinks that's getting attacked by a swan. Like that's never in the list of possible things that could cover. I like the guy that's definitely not a jet ski guy is the same guy that wanted us to joust on jet skis. I was co-opting that idea, wasn't I? I thought

Jeff wanted to do a cool high five and then it like evolved. Let's do it. Because that's still in the works. We're talking about what jet ski tricks would be. And then I think because you had an issue about it being unsafe. And so I suggested two joust-like pulls with a foam hand on the end of each. And then you ride by, you do the high five with the joust. I also watch it as a sport.

But that's amazing. I think I would be radically changed by that experience, Jeff. I think it would be a marker in my life. Like when I, if I was playing like a trivia game and the question was, did this move, like what was this movie that came out 2022 starring Brad Pitt? I would then associate was that pre-Swan Bite or post-Swan Bite? Like it would be a marker for the rest of my life

of like how I could define time. Dude, I will admit i was a little like legitimately shook for maybe 45 minutes but by the time i was eating at hula hut with emily laughing about it i was so fucking excited for today for this moment i was like i cannot wait i cannot wait to tell this fucking story when when regulation animation comes out it's gonna be exclusively about you on the water oh this is gonna be so good animated dude i didn't realize i was as much how much of a water guy i was until eric brought it up but it's true i didn't i didn't go on the water for like a decade but now i guess i'm making up for lost time it is so much fucking fun because you were a surfer before right i used to i surfed yeah i

used to surf in my 20s yeah i guess that's true yeah yeah i fucking love oh i went to now i go to barton springs every weekend right now i go to deep eddie pool every weekend i need a pool so surfing's one of those things to me that it doesn't look like it should work. I don't understand anything about the physics of it. It's very intimidating to be in my mid-30s and have never surfed, and I just watch people surf all the time, and I'm like, it's too late now. I can't get into surfing now.

You think so? You think you've passed your moment? Oh, yeah, I think so. Why? What happened? What was the thing that changed for you? I just don't believe in it. Dude, Eric brings up a good point.

He found out over the, I think yesterday, we were recording that other podcast I do, and we found out that Gus, our mutual friend from the day job, Gus knows how to surf. And if you know Gus, you know he's like the least coordinated human on earth.

So if Gus could surf at all, ever, you could learn how to surf at 98. You'll be fine. Gus could surf. He could fly. He could do weddings. He could do everything. He's a renaissance man. Oh, man.

You know what I found out this weekend? Not everybody knows how to dive. What do you mean? Well, you have to learn how to dive. But you have to knows how to dive. What do you mean? You have to learn how to dive. But you have to learn how to swim. Don't you learn how to dive as a part of learning how to swim? It's like day three or something. No, I feel like you

jump in first. We were on the top of this double decker boat and everyone's jumping in and just like going feet first and cannonball and all this stuff. Jeff like jumps in the air looks like he touches his toes jackknifes in no splash right up back to the top and everything and it's everyone standing on the upper deck going whoa that was awesome

that's cool and then jeff's going everyone knows how to dive what do you mean everyone knows how to dive and nobody knows how to dive what are you talking about blew my mind blew my fucking mind I have a very important was this before or after the swan bite this was after this was Sunday is it possible that post swan bite

you're like 20% more graceful than you were before do you think swan swan dive were you tapping into your new your new connection that you've formed i'm like i'm like the swan version of a werewolf now yeah exactly no what was even funnier is uh i i really i i'm honestly i just i remember i learned how to swim at the ymca when I was like eight. And I just remember that was a part of it. So I just assumed everybody else learned how to swim in Oregon in the 80s in the same way I did.

But I will say, Emily posted like a video of the day of like of us, everybody jumping and diving and stuff. And my mom texted me out of the blue and said, when did you learn how to dive? I was like, are you fucking serious? So I guess I was just fucking super ignorant. I had no, I apologize to all the non-divers. I really didn't know.

You dove from the top of the boat through an inner tube. Yeah. And the sand was like, do it. Yeah. It was like perfect. It was super impressive. Oh, thank you sound was like, doink! Yeah, it was like, perfect. It was super impressive. Oh, thank you. I tried later on and I

hit my forehead on it. Yeah, Gavin fucking dive-bombed it. Because anyone can dive if you classify diving as jumping and then going upside down, but you don't have all the grace. You haven't been bitten by a swan yet.

It's not your fault. It's true. Gavin, we can... I've been bitten by a large boulder. I need you to follow me on Friday. We're gonna go on down to the lake. We're gonna get you bit by a swan. By Sunday, you're gonna be Greg Louganis.

In all seriousness, you need to track that swan down again you're going to be Greg Louganis could in all seriousness you need to track that swan down again we need a photo of that I have no fear that I could or no like I have a hundred percent certainty I could get back to that swan and

it'll be there dude I want to sit on the back of your jet ski facing the other way with a slow-mo camera and it would be the most epic footage ever filmed. Of the swan coming at us?

Yeah. Oh, please. 100%. We got to do it. That'd be so good. Absolutely. Let's do that very soon. Okay.

Do you have a little, like, you don't want to take the, I'm sure you don't want to take your Phantom out on a jet ski, but do you have, like, a smaller handheld? I mean, the smallest one is the one I filmed your bike stunt on. Oh, okay. I mean, if you want to take it to the middle of Lake Austin, we can do that. Yeah, Eric, I need a large insurance policy from the credit card. Sure, whatever.

We'll wrap it in plastic. Yeah, there you go. Insurance. I guarantee you that swan will be there and I guarantee you I can get it. All I have to do to get the swan to come after us is to make look at it. I'm so excited for this. I'll have a McDonald's bag on my head.

And they're like, how did that guy get his arm cut off again? Swan fight. Swan fight. Yeah, I don't think a butterfly net would work with a swan. I need something bigger, I think. That's all I ever heard about swans as a kid. It's like, oh, don't mess with a swan. They'll break your arm.

I just don't really understand how. Specifically? No, I didn't know that they had a finishing move like they fucking knew jujitsu you said that like they throw you into arm bars and that's a common fact what are you talking about yeah it's just i heard a lot and everyone said it no krav maga it's like one of those things that like all kids hear about and then they just move that information onto the next person like oh yeah yeah swan will break your arm has anyone seen a swan break anyone's arm if it's 30 pounds do small i'll look that up do swans break arms do swans break 60 miles an hour it might do swans break if you approach a swan nest on the river holy fuck Imagine accidentally going into the swan nest. This is terrifying.

Comment leavers, if you're a regulation listener about to turn, or if you're a regulation comment lever, wait, normal comment, what? Just a comment lever. Let me know if you've seen a swan break anyone's arm. Or if you've had, has a swan ever attacked you? Did it break your arm? Did it sprain your

ankle? Anything, let us know. They might get aggressive and hiss and flap their wings, but the danger is overrated and it's a myth that they will break your leg or arm with their wings. They are not that strong and it's mostly show and bluster. Somebody tell that

to the fucking terror of Lake Austin. I think we should go out there, find the swan and not come home until Jeff's arm is broken off. Oh man. You became the guy. It goes full circle. There's somebody else on the water

that gets told about some weird arm break that was removed and you have no context for. could be the guy that could be you dude speaking of fucking dumb guys there was a story and this lake there was a story that happened uh like maybe four or five months ago eric and nick and gavin may have heard this although i doubt gavin has because he doesn't hear much. What does that mean? This dude... I don't think he was plugged into local Austin shit, maybe.

Oh, it doesn't concern me. Exactly, see? We have this thing called the 360 Bridge. It looks like a mini Golden Gate Bridge. Well, not really. It's a half circle. But it's our version of a nice bridge. It goes right over not really. It's a half circle. But it's like our version of a nice bridge. It goes right over Lake

Austin. It's actually where sometimes we go in with the jet skis, depending on where they're putting in that day. And it is at the very top, from the very, very top of the circular part of the bridge, I guess like the aesthetic part of the bridge,

it is eight feet shorter than the Golden Gate Bridge. And so it's incredibly dangerous to jump off of because as you know, the Golden Gate Bridge, you'll die if you jump off of it. And apparently that eight feet makes a big difference. Some fucking like 22 year old dude or some young dude in Austin climbed up there as a prank and filmed it.

I think it was even on Instagram. Yeah, there's the bridge in the photos. He climbed up to the top of that and filmed himself jumping off and he didn't die. He almost died. I think that eight feet saved his life. They were saying, but he did like get a concussion and crack his head open and he needed, I think, some kind of fucking brain surgery and stuff like it was a whole thing. And they were interviewing him in.

Oh, yeah. I see Nick heard about this. They were interviewing him for the statesman or whatever afterward, and they asked him in the hospital, do you have any messages to anybody else that may try something like this? And he goes, keep following your dreams! Well, I guess he had a lot of

time for a lot of them while his head was cracked open. Yeah, no kidding. It's fantastic. Keep following your dreams. I laugh about that every time I see that bridge now. I think Eric posted his quote. Oh, I did not mean to go and jump off a bridge. I have a big fucking ego and I know I'm capable of.

Hopefully there's been motivation, not by me jumping off of a bridge to show off and say the same, but you find something within you that motivates you go chase after your own dreams like he's a fucking hero like he's inspired a nation he's inspired a nation by almost dying there he is oh my god in the neck brace oh um by the way

the the fucking uh swan is like the distance from the bridge to the end of the photo that much further right is where the swan is like the distance from the bridge to the end of the photo that much further right is where the swan is it's pretty close to that location in that it's exciting I cannot wait for the swan update

yeah we have enough locations now for a face tour book like a guide book go to the swan you can walk through the snake bushes and find baseballs. The fun, like, f*** face guide to Austin. Yeah.

It's like those not-for-tourists guides. Like, we'll show you the real Austin. F*** his way. Here's where you get pushed off your bike by the gentle ghost. Here's where you can do a sweet bike trick. And here's where bean holes don't work. Oh, Christ.

So we had a conversation about how we've talked about the anal passage shirt so much. We need to put it to bed. Yeah, we agreed. So many consecutive episodes. I did. I got my you got here, Jeff. So many consecutive episodes. I did. I got my Anal Passage shirt, though,

and I had a realization when I was looking at it. Something pieced together in my mind, and I can't unsee it now, and I'm hoping it will do the same for you. Have you noticed the giant dick on the Anal Passage shirt? No. Let me post it. Post a picture. I can't believe I'm about to google

anal passage oh yeah that's not here's the logo do you see the dick yet oh at the top the cock at the top yeah it's a dick with cock balls I see now is that an original like Eric said that was the universal load I believe so just you know in case in case you missed it I did a nice little circle for you there.

Really focus in. Dick and Balls. Every time I see that now, that's all I see. Dick and Balls. Oh, yeah. Universal Studios Hollywood has the Dick and Balls.

Oh, my God. The Dick and Balls. That's amazing. By the way, don't Google Anal Passage. Don't Google Image Search Anal Passage **** face. Or Anal Passage Dick dick and balls is probably not

Did I get get you where you want to go? I just I didn't I'm glad you you both saw it because I didn't know because I had the same thing with the slack when slack Changed its logo, and I didn't feel I feel like I didn't really hear many other people talking about it All I see is four dicks and balls pointed in every direction ready to go. That's all I see. That's all I've ever seen And ever whenever I look at the slack app. It's just like four dicks covering all angles Hashmark new four dicks coming at you from all sides. It's only one ball the perky ball No, well, it's a profile photo. It's a side. It's a profile. Yeah.

Oh, I see. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. That's awful. I was worried that when I showed the anal passage dick that I would be the only one that saw it. Because I knew it was like a slack thing. But I'm glad that you saw it.

What were you going to say, Gavin? Oh, I don't know. Oh oh so what were you talking about we're trying to we're trying to successfully put this shirt to bed but it's too successful to do so well we're not throwing i just meant like us talking about it just like because we've brought it up so many times it's like yeah like this week's episode aired and everybody was talking about it so i wouldn't listen to it and then nick posted next week's episode and i started to episode aired and everybody was talking about it, so I went and listened to it. And then Nick posted next week's episode and I started to proof that. And we start talking about it

like in the first five minutes. And so as I was being funny when I came into Pleasantries, I said, hey, can we agree not to talk about the Anal Passage shirt this week? Because it's been like five weeks in a row. And then Andrew goes, I have something to say about it.

Well, I had the same thought. But it's just this last insight. So now we're good to rest. On the four dicks and balls app someone in uh in merch said well originally they were sort of posting updates as we were climbing towards the top of the shirt list we were like at number three and then number two and now the update was we're stomping on the grave of the number two shirt in terms of how many shirts we've sold. So stupid. We have an amazing community. We do. It's so good.

Oh, it's just the most amazing. I haven't actually asked, I haven't talked to Jack properly about how he really feels about it. I feel like we've gotten a good read from Jeff. Yeah, he's had enough time now that he'll be okay. I'm sure.

I hope so. I gotta fucking go to Florida with him in two days you were not recording one of these for like a while one of these? you know how we're currently doing a show and not just hanging out yeah that's what I'm talking about Eric we've been hanging out so much recently it's hot for me to tell

it's true yeah Jeff is gone like this week next week so we aren't recording again until like june june really oh fuck well maybe we could maybe we could record sometime next week like early before i go out of town let's do it we can do tuesday i guess we could figure this out after the show no this is great supplemental content you are you monday and wednesday you are busy you are free tuesday afternoon if i am all all all about gavin face next as your tuesday afternoon looking looking oh open completely open you want to do three o'clock or is that gonna press some people with the time they have to be done with things?

Three is fine. Three is great for me. Yeah? Okay, cool. Great. By the way, Eric, you've gotten so much better at your job. Last time we did this,

it took you like 30 minutes to schedule it. You just did that in seconds. I seized the opportunity. I wasn't waiting to wear a belt. Why didn't you do that last time? Hey, when do you guys want to do MVP 2? The thing that Jeff said we should do soon. Yeah, exactly.

Uh-huh, yep, uh-huh. I mean, I can do it. Right, right. You can do it. I can do it Sunday. Jesus Christ. I can do it next Tuesday, but we're recording

face, so. I could do it next Tuesday, but we're recording F*** Face Soon, we'll do that one soon Yes You wouldn't get on a jet ski, would you let me tow you on a jet ski? In what context? What are we doing here? Am I in like a little Am I in a floaty boat thing? Yeah, floaty boat, you're in an inflatable swan I would not, if we're in swan territory I do not trust you in the inner tube. You're in an inflatable swan. I would not. If we're in swan territory,

I do not trust you in the inner tube. No. If it got if I'm not, I love you, Gavin. If things got real at that swan, you're cutting that rope. You're leaving me behind. I don't trust it.

I don't think I would cut. I think it's not like we're climbing. If I if it was between the Phantom or me, I'm getting left in the water. I'm absolutely planning on buying one of these for my jet ski when I buy a jet ski. They have those all the time on Lake Austin. People are fucking having a blast on them.

You get me some pepperoni sticks? It's called a great big Mabel and since it's an audio podcast and it's like an inflatable sofa dude Eric's water adjacent that is very adjacent for him Eric would love that and he would love a bunch of dudes like leaning on it around as he was on top

I just think that I could definitely put a cooler on that thing and have a bunch of drinks while I listen to sublime while sitting on the great big Mabel. 100%. If you give me some pepperoni sticks and two butterfly nets, I'm ready to go into swan territory with that setup. There's enough room to move around. I'm

prepared. I need one for each arm. Then I'm ready. Alright, so we're gonna... That's how you get a swan to break your arm. We're gonna do this. That's gonna happen. I will buy a jet ski. I will buy a great big Mabel. Andrew will come to Austin

at some point. So it will have to happen. I am so nervous. This is going from outside of the realm of like a funny potential to I want, let's fucking put pen to paper

and let's cement this. Let's get this done. I'm willing to do the hard part and buy the jet ski. Yeah, I'm in. I'm in. I can't wait for this. I can't wait to see you guys get attacked. I can't wait to go into swan territory myself. It's going to be a great time.

I think if you're on an inflatable swan, it will make the swan way more aggressive. Or, what if you could... Dude, what if you could make a swan fall in love with you what if you could transfix yeah what if it looks at you and oh shit that's the most gorgeous swan i've ever seen what if we bring a mirror what would it do would it just rush at itself what would be the process would it psych itself? We need to bring a giant mirror.

That's you're just asking for trouble. That giant swan inflatable. Is that Photoshop? None of that's real. That's 100% Photoshop. Not a single piece of that photo is real. That's the Green Goat giant inflatable swan pool float lounger. 75 inches. It's a big one.

Dude, I think if we went fast enough on the jet ski we could get that thing to take off Oh 100% You mean get it airborne? Hold on don't worry I found a better one What if we go the other route What if we intimidate the swan Because we're in this

This swan Is the size of my house look at the crown the queen definitely has that one big there are what are five people six people on that swan with room to spare i love this that's's going to be like $1,000. How much is that swan? That's the nine-foot crown-wearing swan. The swan banging its head on a bridge. I'll have to go to Sam's Club. You can get it right now. It holds up to six people.

Hold on. It's on Sam's Club. Like the Snacks membership place? Yeah. Snacks membership place. Well well i'll have to find it it's not showing up on the website but uh that's where it was uh from it's probably like 500 bucks wow sounds like a deal oh here we go shop now hold on does that work i spent more on a battle bus this fucking swan's gone dude oh no oh i'll find it if they if sam's doesn't have an ebay will we'll figure it out

that could be us i never would have thought that we would have a swan attack episode with jeff but i'm glad we did what a great time i'm glad you're a water guy, Jeff. As Gavin said, you've brought so much great content to the show by purely being you. Thanks, man. Well, I am looking forward to continuing water and water related activities. So hopefully I'll have tons of new stories, non-snake related stories to tell. I can handle just about anything else in the water. Just no snakes. Yeah. What about an octopus?

I don't think I'm going to have to worry about that in Lake Austin I think I'm probably safe from octopi so specifically the animals in that lake it's not all animals outside of snakes you feel confident taking I've spent a lot of time in the ocean and I've never really worried about octopi before

maybe if I was like a deep sea fisherman i'd be afraid of like a giant prehistoric octopus like ripping my my boat apart but like close to shore i think i'm probably fine i think i got chased by an octopus once in the water i got chased by something gross what is that oh it's eric posted a it's a snake inflatable. Snake inflatable? Yeah. That looks like Eric. It does. That's me intimidating the other snakes. But it's close, but different.

It's like Hollywood Eric. Like if there was an ABC family movie that featured Eric as a character in it, and they hired an actor to play Eric. It's like it's Eric but a little cleaned up. Yeah. A little cleaned up. It's pretty accurate. Why don't we go into

Canada? Well we're going to Vegas in November. I feel like you ask that every week. I want to go. I don't. Yeah. So do I. I want you guys to go. I've got a water spot love to show you guys my number one spot I got a little secret water area I'm very excited my go-to everyone ranking should we close this how did we open the episode where did this episode start uh that's so much pressure it started with you apologizing so say you're sorry to end it also, and then we'll go on. Yeah.

Apologize on our way out of this. Kind sir, Jeff, Gavin. Was that cut out of the beginning part? Is that going to just be fine? I hope so, but you should apologize for saying it again. Well, I apologize twice. I double apologize. I apologize for my apology, and I apologize for

the kind sir voice. I regret saying it. Are you going to go from that into the outro, or are you just going to stop? Oh, I thought that was the outro. Thanks for listening. Throw five stars? Ten stars? Yeah, if you don't mind. However many you can spare.

As many as you have in these trying times. Thank you for listening. Yeah, we're not going to talk about the shirt anymore for a bit. Subscribe. We have a YouTube channel. We have a Twitter account and Instagram account. And the photos will probably be on the Instagram. Look at it there.

I don't do this. This isn't my job, typically. I'm not the host. I'm not even a friend. I'm not even a friend in the bio. It's illegal for me to be here. This isn't my thing. I'm going home with it. Thank you for listening. Nailed it.

Hey guys, super fan Jack on a 10 day contract here with a look at next week's episode of face. Jeff bought a new TV. Andrew falls down the stair. Let's talk tubs again Patton has left the chat Jeff talks bread clips

A very special guest joins the episode And once again Andrew does not eat the pencil All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face We'll see you next time.