F**kface - Andrew is a _______ Guy // The Least Satisfying Redemption Possible [56]

Episode Date: June 23, 2021

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about a confusing text thread, Gavin inheriting Geoff's problems, Andrew's expanded sauce empire, and a couple redemption attempts. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Sponsored by Raycon (http://buyraycon.com/face), Ship Station (http://shipstation.com, code FACE), and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/12face) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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You've heard me talk about how convenient HelloFresh's contact-free delivery is forever, but it's been especially helpful this past year. Haven't signed up yet? Well, right now you can get 12 free meals, including free shipping, when you go to hellofresh.com slash 12FACE and use code 12FACE. This is a Rooster Teeth production. I want to know what your natural in this moment hello is. Hey, how's it going? Pretty upbeat. That's what you always sound like. Yeah, I i'm always upbeat i don't know what you want from me do you want me to be less enthusiastic generally speaking i can bring it down lower but all right let me ask you this then okay what's my normal hello uh well that's an interesting thing that is an interest i feel like it recently it's been

hi fuck everything so what so what you're saying is the hello i gave is commiserate with my average hello no hardly warrants pointing out no no no no no hello the hello you've given recently has been my life is in shambles hello this was i'm irritated hello okay actively i have life and i'm mad about would you consider an agitated hello to be a higher or or me to be in a better place than a hello i want to kill myself hello i don't know how to measure those hellos i just and all honestly like this could be on me because we had i mean you're one of the most confusing text conversations i've ever been a part of i'd like to know why why that had to happen i i would love to too that'd be great i don't know why that happened i don't know what you're talking about i just asked a question about a video game and i answered it that wasn't the confusing part i understood all that it pivoted what was the

confusing part i'm trying, where's my phone? Because I got blamed by you. Yeah, because you fav wrote it. One of the most baffling. One of the most baffling texts I've ever gotten. I don't know if we've talked about it on the show. You just lied for no reason. What?

There's no payoff. We were talking about a thing. Now here's Gavin. We were talking about a thing. We were talking about um talking about a thing we were talking about we're just we're having a conversation just like a you and i conversation there's no okay or anything we're just talking and you said is gavin here i want him to hear the absurdity that was this conversation are you talking about the text conversation no no no i'm talking about a previous one which is why i blame blame Jeff for the weirdness of this one. This one was Gavin's fault.

God damn it. What do you mean? I asked a... What happened, Gavin? In the past, I was talking to Jeff. We're going back and forth. Great conversation. Hold on one second, Andrew.

Yeah, go ahead. Before you continue. Hello and welcome to F*** Face, episode 55, I believe. Jeff, Gavin, Andrew, go. Hello. Wow, great. Wow, you did the intro. continue hello and welcome to face episode 55 i believe uh jeff gavin andrew go hello wow great um wow you did the intro i had a whole thing prepared you didn't have to do that anyway jesus christ i was trying to be nice to you you're fucking complaining about the hosting triangle i'm trying to help out i'm trying to do more of my role according to you if you help out by continuing your goddamn story okay i'm talking about it. Jesus Christ.

I said, God damn it. I said. Because Jeff came in with attitude. No, no, no. No, I came in and I said hello, and Andrew picked apart my hello. He attacked me from hello. And then he attacked me by saying I sounded like I was in a better mood than previously, and I somehow got attacked for it.

sounded like I was in a better mood than previously and I somehow got attacked for it. And I'd like to point out that I said I was looking forward to not yelling at all this episode and it took Andrew one minute. But you're in control about whether you yell or not. Am I?

Alright, please just tell your story. Okay, I'm telling my story. So we're texting back and forth, Gavin, and Jeff texts me, did I ever tell you about the time i met john favreau and i said no i don't think you have if it's like a great story maybe save it for the podcast was this today no this is in the past okay how long ago are we talking maybe like three weeks ago for it's like relatively recent jeff said this and i'm like no i don't think i've heard your favreau story hold on before you continue what what what led up to you want me to fucking tell this story you keep yelling

the story we're like three minutes in jesus christ what is your question what led up to this moment i don't know we were talking extensively we had a long talk did john favreau come up in the conversation john favreau tell me about somebody famous you met? Yes. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. This is what I think happened. We were talking about Christmas movies,

and we're talking about four Christmas that Jon Favreau was in. I said, Jon Favreau's great in that movie. And then you said, you're just generally a Favreau fan, which I also agree is great. He'd be great. Love him.

And then you randomly said out of nowhere, did I tell you my Favreau story? I said, no, I haven't heard your Favreau story. If it's good, save it for the podcast. Shut up, Gavin. I'm trying to tell this story. I said, no, I didn't hear it. You're the fucking worst. Quiet for 20 seconds.

I'm just trying to get this out. Jeff then said, the reason why you haven't heard my Favreau story is I don't have one. I just made it up right now. There's no point to it. So yeah, now that we're in this bizarre text conversation today from earlier, I blame you

because you're just out here saying stuff for no reason. There's no point. There's no punchline. It's just bizarre. I don't know what you're just out here saying stuff for no reason. There's no point. There's no punchline. It's just bizarre. I don't know what you're doing. Okay. For the sake of the audience, explain what I don't even know. What happened in the text conversation?

The three of us. Yeah, I don't know. That's what I was trying to get to the bottom of. He blames me. I think it was really, really self-explanatory. I'll tell you where things went off the rail for me. Okay. I'll go to it right now.

We're talking back and forth. Jeff had an idea about a Halo concept that I feel like everyone just plays Halo the way he thought was a unique way to play. I don't think it's a unique way to play. I just don't think that people go out of their way to kill every enemy on every map. Yeah, well, I'm

I don't... You want to clear the area though. You weren't messing with me? When? With that conversation. No, I was just thinking about Halo, clear the area, though. You weren't messing with me? When? With that conversation. No, I was just thinking about Halo, and I thought, have I killed every enemy in Halo? And I thought, probably not,

because I tend to run by, like, banshees and ghosts that I don't need to shoot in the air, or... I've put a... I've put a screenshot of what it looks like for me. Oh. I'm prone to salad,

then I have another thing for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're missing part. You're missing one message. Oh, where's the So that's where it started for me. That's why I was like, that's why later on, like that was going back and forth. I just said

and I just said in the middle of you, you go back and forth like five, six times to where Halo and I said where is the beginning of this you go back and forth like five six times to where halo and I said Where is the beginning of this conversation? You didn't miss much you miss one that you both ignored me and then you're being an idiot Getting was right there. You're being stupid. That's what the conversation went wrong for me is when you The conversation then went on to like Willa met in Dead rising and then you

were talking about ice cream so i just said after this is probably like 20 messages later 20 messages of my phone going blah blah blah and i don't know what's happening so i wrote is this the beginning of a new conversation or is this still halfway through the other one and then you just carried on and then uh and then i just tried to start my own middle of a conversation, which definitely confused both of you. Andrew said, it's like I walked out of the room, missed something, and just came back in. I said, it's like I woke up in a room that didn't exist when I went to sleep.

We were all just very confused. I got confused by this. This is where it went off the rails for me. Well, I had the beginning. I have all the context. You missed one line. My one line was, have you killed- when you play- do you think you've killed every enemy in Halo? I think was the first thing. It was the beginning of the conversation.

Well, that's important! The last level of reach they do is in the beginning of the conversation. Well, Andrew and I didn't know that for some magical reason, your phone ate part of the conversation. How the fuck do I know? How do I know? You were too late to me. You just kept ignoring me. Because you were saying dumb shit. I thought it was a pivot.

Nobody believed you. It's not that I didn't believe him. I just thought he thought it was a weird subject change to me. I agree. Well, also, you can look at it, and the last thing that we had talked about was Andrew and wanting to try another salad. And it ended mid-conversation and then picked up 24 hours later with a new conversation. So I thought he was referencing that.

Oh, no, I was paranoid that you were messing with me. And then you started ignoring me, and I was like, they're definitely messing with me. I just thought y'all were messing with me. It's the paranoia again. It's back. It's the paranoia again. It's back. It's so back. Okay. Well, what do you...

Okay. So you asked Jeff. Jeff, you asked Gavin, do you kill every enemy in Halo? Gavin never replies to this. I didn't see it. Okay. So now I'm confused. So Gavin, you were just saying shit.

Because that's why it was confusing. Because you said, then you'll never guess what showed up. It was the blue one. I said blue what? Which heightened the confusion of it. Jeff said elite. I was like fucking baffled at this point. I have no clue what either of you are talking about. I was just making it all about Halo.

As soon as you said blue, I just assumed there were... I didn't know. What a fucking disaster. Yeah. One of my messages in the middle was, then you'll never guess what showed up. It was the blue one, exclamation, because I was trying to just have a middle of my own story that would be confusing for you to read.

I was just putting in what couldn't possibly be the beginning of a story. Oh, man. Also, I said I'll do a thing next week, and then Jeff replied, I think you just started a new one with that text. I have no idea what that means. That is really where it fell off. I was replying to Gavin replied I think you just started a new one with that text I have no idea what that means that is really I was replying to Gavin okay well that was

our day this is how we've been and now we're doing this show it's been a great communication day for all of us I've got a headache already it breaks my fucking heart that I can no longer communicate with my two best friends but it's just not possible.

Like, we failed at basic human communication there. We did. It was a disaster. We should screenshot every page of that conversation and Instagram it, because that is good.

Okay, I can do that. I'll make sure. We'll have to verify to make sure we all got all of the comments. We'll all screenshot it, we'll all cross-reference. I think the biggest problem is that stupid Andrew's phone isn't on iMessage, so half the shit, I don't have any signal ever, so half the stuff I don't ever see when it's a group chat. Who gave me that phone? Oh yeah.

Yeah. What? How's it working out for you? It's great. I love it. It's way better than what I had. Thank you. It's a great gift buy-in.

Oh, Christ. Oh, I had a great anxiety moment with Jeff on text. He doesn't even know this. This is all in my head. I had a random, like, bet on text. He doesn't even know this. This is all in my head. I had a random like bad idea. And sometimes I phrase things like in my head, I map out a conversation and then I phrase it in a way that doesn't reflect that. I had a random like bad idea and I texted Jeff about it and I text it in a way of like,

this is I just had this. I'm going to forget about it. I can't do this for months if I'm going to do this. I'm going to place it here. So it's physically somewhere. And in my head, I was like, Jeff is going to respond to this. Then we could talk about it. Really, I just want to talk to Jeff.

But I'm setting it up as an entry with this. Why? Jeff never replied all day. And in my head, it was like, oh, I look like a total asshole that I'm using. Our text conversation is a post-it wall is what I thought for literally the whole day. And Jeff was just like, I'm busy. I was shooting, shooting a thing. Sorry sorry but the whole day was just anxiety it was an anxiety thing in my head of like i fucked this up so then i texted again later to make it a more direct

question because i didn't want it to just be like i'm using your fucking text conversation means a post-it wall anxiety all day about it we need to go back to basics of our communication we need to rekindle. We need a hard reset. We need to declare any pranks that are currently in progress. Jesus.

For the record, Andrew, I saw your text immediately, but you're right. I was on set and I was not in a place

where I could respond. I thought about it all day long. I think it's a brilliant idea and I would love to participate in some way when it's a brilliant idea and i would love to participate in some way uh when it's time to head to do that bet okay well yeah like i realized that as soon as you message it but i literally i had spent time that day throughout it constantly going just

anxiety brain of like that comes off as it i like that did not read the way i attended it to i hope they didn't misinterpret it do you you think it's possible to upset me or offend me? No, but I just like not even, it's not even that you'd be upset or offended. I felt like it came across in a way that I didn't intend it to. Like I did it with the concept of this will then lead to this

and then nothing happened. It was in my head like a domino fall. I'm gonna be listen, I've been a real negative downer for a little bit based on you know just every every actual thing in my life it's fair i'm gonna be a little ray of sunshine for one moment and i'm gonna say all like all comedy bits aside the pure honesty uh the the real jeff ramsey here uh when i get a text from gavin uh free or andrew pantin when i see it pop up on my phone it doesn't matter what it is it makes it makes my heart feel good and i get excited so you could be texting me you could be texting me tax problems

and it wouldn't matter it still makes my day a little bit on the inside so alright and and that's the only night that and I'm done being nice okay well you know what you did a nice thing I want to do a nice thing for you Jeff cuz you brought you brought Kanye West and Kim Kardashian on a jet ski which didn't turn out to be them but it was a moment of joy it bought two strangers it's people into joy have you seen Jay-Z on a jet ski? I don't think so, no. Oh, okay. I'm going to. No, you would know if you have.

Cactus in our server posted this when we were talking about jet ski stuff. Maybe the greatest jet ski photo of all time. I can't stop thinking about it. Look at Jay-Z. I have never seen anyone less amused. He also looks like he's 99. The shoulders up. It's just everything about it.

There's a little joy to your life. I don't think I've ever seen a photo where I'd be so ill-equipped to guess someone's age. I think he could be 30 or 70. I have no idea. That might be the least cool a cool person

has ever looked. Ever. He looks like Jay-Z the accountant. It's on the way to work. Where's his visibility spout? That's what I want to know. So thank you, Jeff, for introducing, because it led us to Jay-Z on a jet ski,

which is actually him, and is one of the best photos I've ever seen. Oh, man, that's that's great. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that back. That was. Oh, of course. I also I just wanted to the dryer. Jeff, I heard.

Have you have you checked your dryer duct? Is your dryer just curious if you've looked into the oh boy do i have a new pet peeve uh well i have two i had one for a while there that went away but it came back and that is when people text us the same fucking photo of the three cartoon characters that are supposed to represent every podcast show on earth it It's been around for years. We've seen it. The other one is this new trend of seeking me out

on every form of social media to tell me to clean my dryer vent because my dryer's overheating. As if, I'm not gonna yell, I almost jumped into it, I'm just gonna get calm, I'm gonna get calm and easy and I'm just gonna say,

hey, I appreciate the concern, but here's the deal, I'm just going to get calm. I'm going to get calm and easy. And I'm just going to say, Hey, I appreciate the concern, but here's the deal. I'm not fucking stupid. It's the first thing I did. And it's the first thing every repairman says. He goes, Oh, I bet I know what,

Oh, what? Nope. It's usually this, but yeah, yours is all clear. It's good to go. And I go,

yeah, I already, I took care of that. And he goes, yeah, it might be a problem with your motherboard. Maybe I'll have to run some diagnostics. See, you don't have to.

You have to send me the dryer vent thing ever again. I'm aware. I'm fully aware of it. Well, you're asking for it now. Yeah. I mean, have you fixed it?

Is the dryer still overheating? Oh, all the time. OK, so what you're saying is you've done the vent, but if other people have other suggestions for which you may be able to fix Jeff's dryer, feel free to send them. send all the advice they possibly can is what i'm hearing

have your problems mostly gone away well i mean i've i've chosen gotten i've chosen i've chosen for my sanity for just a little bit to... Maybe they haven't gone away, but I have... I'm ignoring them right now. Yeah, that's okay. And living as if they don't exist. I'm living in an amount of denial right now that is necessary to maintain, I guess, my life. I wish you wouldn't ignore them because I feel like I'm getting them.

Really? Uh-oh. What happened to you? It's just been a bit of a week. It's been... I think I've f***ed face myself. Honestly, I think I've done it. What did you do?

I was saying last week or whatever, four weeks ago, whenever we last did one of these, that I feel like I'm not getting problems because Jeff's got all the problems. Suddenly, I got problems. So Jeff and I have been struggling to hang out. Every time we make plans, a giant storm hovers over Austin for two to three weeks.

Every time. It shits it down. Ten days straight with rain. So I was looking on the weather this past week and it was looking pretty good. So I was thinking, all right, I think, you know, I think it's passed. I'm going to test something out. So I invited a bunch of people over for pretty much everyone I like, except for Jeff. I chose to

leave him out, and I thought, this will test the weather out. First off, I'd like to point out, incredibly offensive, but also, I was out of town the entire week for a myriad of reasons. Talk about life problems,

Jesus Christ, we won't even get into it, but yeah, continue. Yeah, well, I found out afterwards that you were gone, so it worked out pretty perfectly, but it was reasons talk about life problems jesus christ we won't even get into it but uh yeah let's continue yeah well i found out afterwards that you were gone so it's it worked out pretty perfectly but uh it was a deliberate choice just to look at your name in my context just scroll right on by anyway and the weather was phenomenal it was amazing we had we had a bunch of people over it was sunny it was about 37 degrees Celsius, boiling hot. Perfect weather to be outside. Well, it's a bit hot to be outside, to be honest.

But we were hanging out. We were doing all that outdoor stuff, listening to music. It was great. Then we ordered some Rudy's. Thought this was great. We'll just get three pounds of brisket, get a load of sausage, get some ribs and stuff. And we'd been outside for probably three hours at this point we sat down to the root he's got it all out and probably within two minutes of starting to eat there were

just a load of flies there was suddenly like 10 flies flying around us we were like oh jesus christ they can smell the food or something we're trying to eat and all of a sudden it's like if i'm not actively swatting my food there are like eight flies on my plate and we were just like what is going on and by the time we could even figure out like by the time everyone was noticing all these flies there was like 70 flies around us it's just like oh my god it was like one of the plagues from the bible has come down us it was like we couldn't even we had to just quickly scoff our food Run inside everyone went home, and I just left all the stuff out there because I was trying to decide like how do I Even

Away from the plates like there were there were like 50 flies on the couch on the outdoor like patio furniture I was like what is going on so i was like i went and got out one of those fly zapper things i i hung it on a stake that i put in the grass and i just let that work its magic and i was like oh god i guess i'll figure that out later then uh for dinner this is like much later that day i'm gonna put something in the discord here then i've been re-watching breaking bad okay so i thought you know i'll let that zapper do its work i'll i'll deal with that later it's too it's like scary out there there's so many fly i'm worried i'm gonna inhale them and just normal just house flies sat down to watch breaking bad with a bit of

dinner the episode i was on was the freaking one with the fly. Then. Posting what? Compressing video. Are we getting a video? You get a video? Holy shit. Then my food arrived.

I feel like I'm missing something. What was the problem with the food? The damn fly in the food! They delivered my food with a fly in it! Oh, I didn't see it. Yeah. Was it crawling around in there? Yeah. What is going on with your...

You have been plagued. I think my theory is this. I choked to death on a rib or something. I'm dead. And the flies are just letting me know that i've died i'm rotting somewhere but i haven't noticed like my spirit is just continuing it still makes face every thursday i gotta be honest with you i don't know that assuming that's true i don't know that it affects me or andrew in any way yeah i mean if as long as

you continue to show up. Yeah. Anyway, only halfway through. Jesus Christ! I've been waking up every morning this week to like half my power off. Like all this shit on one side of the house. I'm like, oh, this breaker's tripped. So I keep going to the

garage, resetting a breaker. Then I've realized what it is my every night at 2 a.m the little fly zapper i've got outside is just sat there on and my sprinklers come on and start spraying water in the fly zapper and shorting out and tripping the breaker no it took me like four days to realize why my breaker kept tripping. Because when the freeze happened, it like broke all my sprinkler system. Like the power was off for so long that it was all reset and I don't know how to

I don't know how to like mess with the sprinkler settings. I don't even like sprinkling my grass. What do you mean you don't like sprinkling your grass? It's waste. They've been coming on without me knowing. Just shorting out half my shit every night.

I finally figured out what was going on there. I was like, oh, brilliant. Okay, we finally got this. I'm going to unplug this damn thing. There's still a load of flies, but I'll get over it. That's in my downstairs. It's like a patio area, but there's a above it you know there's a roof uh-huh yeah so i thought i know what will clear out some of these flies i have a fan out there there's a fan on the ceiling above

the the patio where we're all eating and i thought well i've honestly a lot of stuff here it blows my mind that people use them like what's the point of an outdoor fan? I've never used the thing, but honestly it's been so hot that I thought, you know, we might as well, I might as well try and turn it on. So earlier today I thought I'll have lunch out here and I'll use the fan to

sort of cool this area down and hopefully blow away all the flies. First I had to look for the switch. I don't know where the switch for this fan is. I found it inside. It's like on a panel of three. So I was like, one of these doesn't do anything. One is a light. This one might be the fan.

I hit the switch. I saw the fan kind of go, and it turned a little bit and then stopped. So I went outside and I was just looking at it and it was going like, and it was like screeching, like like scraping it was turning around i was like what the hell's going on with that and then suddenly it looked like it looked like like someone chucked out like 20 coffee beans out of the side list the crack in the fan it just started leaking like mud and beans and i was like what the hell is that then the beans started flying around and i was like it's wasps there's a wasp nest inside my fan it's never been turned on it's been turned on for the

first time it's like crunching its way through this wasp nest ejecting them at the side they're like rolling around the floor i quickly run inside and honestly like 70 wasps as flying out of my fan getting killed by it it's littering the place there's no flies anymore now there's about 70 wasps there's about 40 of them dead on the floor they've only ground up like paste jeff can you pay attention to your problems can you take them back i'm living in a weird nightmare house. I know what's happened. I died. You just wanted to eat lunch and you created a doomsday event for this wasp. Oh my god, you have a- you have like- that's like a Dead Rising combo weapon. You combine a wasp nest with fans and now you shoot wasps at people. Oh my god, if there were people over when I did that,

it's literally right above the little couch we were all sat on. If I was already sat down, I would have been showered with wasp parts and wasp stings and shit. It was mental. It's like biblical level plague stuff. I'm terrified.

Here's what I'll say to that, okay? It seems to me, Gavin, that your problem started when you excluded your best friend from the invite. I agree. It seems like it went downhill. I'm not saying that that's the cause of it, but I might be a little careful

who I don't invite to my next get together. Yeah. I feel like that is the core of this face. I've just I don't know what's going on. This was all stuff just dormant. I've not done anything. If it helps. I wasn't even going to bring this up because I'm not letting I'm not letting the world get me down.

OK, so, you know, do I have a dryer issue? Yeah. Do do I still have a floor issue that i don't talk about a lot yeah do i still have the cracks in the ceiling of course uh does the is it dark in the fridge in the dryer it's fucking pitch black uh is it cold yeah i noticed a lot of condensation in the fridge yesterday. I'm not sure what's going on there. Is that a concern? 100%. Am I letting it get me down? Not today.

Because if I do, well, you know, I don't know. So one new thing that I wasn't going to bring up, though, but now I'll commiserate with you, is that I've been noticing a lot of wasps in my house, like inside the house. is that I've been noticing a lot of wasps in my house, like inside the house. Luckily, I'm pretty good with the electric fly swatter tennis racket now, you know?

So I'm kind of like the John McEnroe of killing flies with a tennis racket, much in that I am angry like John McEnroe and I scream at them and yell at them and throw fits. But I'm also, and I'm a poor sport. So I haven't been sweating it. I'll fucking kill a wasp. It's like I kill a fly.

But after like four of them, you start to think like this is a, this is more than a coincidence, right? So I got to go look around the house and I keep looking for where the hornet's nest or the fly, the wasp nest is. And I can't find it and I can't find it. And then, then Emily saw one

on the front porch the other day. And so she watched it for a while and found out that uh there's uh the my house is made of like uh rocks like uh i wish i hadn't said it like that uh the facade of my house the facade of my house is rock right like uh bricked rock and uh do your feet stick through the bottom of your car yeah it's like he's one of the three pigs and uh so notice that um that there are uh lots of tiny holes between the rocks where like grout isn't and apparently there's a whole network of wasps living behind in between the walls of my house so I've just been spraying wasp shit in there every once in a while.

Yeah. Then the external wall. Not letting it get me down. Anytime I see one, I just plug the hole with a rock. I'll spray a little wasp stuff in there, and then I plug that hole with a rock. Got a lot of rocks in the front of my house right now. So, you know, they're not shooting out of fans at me. But I wouldn't i wouldn't

ring my doorbell if i were you i'll say that maybe we're just gonna be locked in by wasps and that's why we can't hang out maybe i'm i'm honestly terrified if you two do hang out at this point because i feel like the curse will then move on to me. I feel like that's the only thing giving me protection at this point. It's the fact that you haven't been able to hang out. Oh, Christ. I want to say I'm sorry to hear about your issues, but

man, does it bring me a little bit of joy to hear somebody else's misery. I mean, it sounds like I'm still in the middle of it because the wasp thing was like two or three hours ago. I was gonna say, you know, the fly issue, you've probably got a dead something somewhere in your yard.

Well, where though? Because the fly is hanging around outside the door. I don't know, man, but I would go look under a porch or maybe behind a tree you see if you got like a dead raccoon or somebody's cat or something you know i don't i don't really understand the value of the singular fly device the zapper that you have up to it sounds like you have just a million flies on you at once i don't know i don't know why you have that up

what does that bring is that really helpful that doing anything they fly into it sometimes yeah yeah but in some there's like 10 million flies is what you're suggesting it's like fucking using bubblegum I feel like I should do something what do you would just sit there and let them eat the house what's good what do you want me to do I feel like you've done minimal effort is what I'm saying to deal with these flies you want me to get a big net what do you want from me I think you need at least minimal effort is what I'm saying to deal with these flies. You want me to get a big net? What do you want from me? I think you need at least multiple ones of those.

I think one clearly isn't enough. You're dealing with a fucking fly attack. You're saying biblical proportions. You got one fly zapper in your yard. It's like you've been cursed by the Scorpion King. Yeah, exactly. It's like Imhotep's mouth opened up and you're dealing with all of that shit. Like, I don't know.

And you got one fucking fly zapper in your hands like this will do. Like, no, you need seven of them. I don't know what you're doing. Now the wasps scared them all off. It's a new gang. They've moved in. They've taken away the... That's great.

I feel like those tennis racket things are fine on small flies, but I feel like... I don't know. The one I had, the big wasps and cockroaches and stuff, they live too long on it. It's too gruesome for gruesome for me no you just gotta let them cook for a minute oh it's gross no i don't like that it is gross but what are you gonna do they're they're intruding

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and type in FACE. That's ShipStation.com, enter code FACE. Make ship happen. Oh, you know, it could go well with your lunch, Gavin, which is always a nice addition to a great meal.

You never go wrong with a little bit of nugget sauce, a little bit of BTS sauce. Doesn't even need to be nuggets. Wide variety. The sauce empire has continued to grow. Well, how is the sauce market right now?

This is a... I gotta... The sauce market is booming. I hear it's the new GameStop, right? It is the new GameStop. Just wait until they're not available anymore. You sent me an article about a huge brawl that took place over the sauce.

Yeah. There's apparently in Indonesia like this giant fight over the sauce and the restaurants then banned people from going into it so you can only get it via delivery order and so then it was just delivery drivers like everybody was a fucking king sending their knights out

to get their BTS sauce it was mayhem and it's been great I like that the story about the sauce is out now because I will get things in my Twitter feed of like BTS number one on Spotify or whatever. And they're so far ahead that if you combine the other people's listen or whatever, whatever viewership, it would be less than what BTS has.

And I just keep wanting to say good for business. This is good for business. But nobody would have had any context that I'm in the sauce game that I'm tied to BTS. They're booming. They're doing great. It goes away three days from now on the 20th but i feel good i feel healthy with my my sauce thing i'll send you a photo of uh yeah what's the latest where i'm at so yeah i i kind of went back and forth trying to decide what exactly

i wanted as far as the sauce goes uh i thought do i go go 500? Where do I go? I ultimately, I'm not, this isn't, you know, I'm not a dictator of sauce. I want everybody to experience it. I want the joy, some stopping. I don't want to buy all of it. This is the final sauce tower that I built.

You're looking at 405 sauce containers. It's still up. I'm terrified it's going to fall over at any minute. Oh my God. It looks gonna fall over at any minute. Oh my god. Yeah Looks like golden Fort Knox. Oh My speaking of Breaking Bad it reminds me of the money pile that you're On your back I can't this sauce is gonna

I can't this sauce is gonna just fucking destroy the product That's what it resembles. You've got it. Yeah, you've got to take a dive into it. I can't fall into it Andrew oh Andrew if you buy all this maybe we'll talk about it's great sauce I don't know what I'm gonna do with it, but yeah, I afford that's forger five containers It took me like an hour to build that last night. I was sweating about it. I was so nervous it would fall. It's stressful building these sauces. As I said before, it's like a survivor immunity challenge.

You got to stack it. They're not stable. Oh, I'm going to need some sort of fan art of you lying on the bed. That's phenomenal. So are you done collecting sauce? I'm done collecting sauce. Okay, this is it. This is your sauce stockpile.

I got, okay, so that's a pile of 405, and it's rows of 45, and I have nine rows. So part of me wants to buy one more row. So it's a nice even 450. Yeah, why did you stop days before the end, though? Like, don't you want to get... Well, this is, yeah, well, I want some people to get the sauce. I don't want to own all the sauce from that place i want other people to be able to try it i don't want to like just completely ah you're a drug dealer you want them to get that first taste

for free so then two days from now when they get the craving i started this asking what a bts is and there are people that love them and i'd like for them to be able to try the sauce if they want to. I don't want to own all the sauces. Well, they can try. They just got to come through you first. Yeah, pay a finder's fee. But I want it was important about this is Nick is Nick is back. Nick's

been away for a while. Nick is the sauce guy. I'd say of Rooster Teeth. I feel like he's the sauce king. He's the sauce monkey, I'd say of, of rooster. I feel like he's the sauce. King is the sauce monkey. People were implying that we need to fight or that there'd be some sort of sauce war. So I felt it was important to get approval from Nick.

How do you feel about this sauce situation? I'm proud of you, Andrew. I'm proud. Proud. Okay. Very, very proud of you.

I approve. And if you have any extras, you can send them here too. Okay. Well, I'm not, listen, I'm not going to go on any of your corners. I approve, and if you have any extras, you can send them here, too. Okay. Well, listen, I'm not going to go on any of your corners. I'm going to pick my own corners. I'll be respectful of your space. I just wanted to make sure that we're good.

We got a good Sauce Alliance going. Sauce Alliance, still alive. Yes. That is my Sauce update. I don't think I'll get more. They are selling for like $10 for one of each before. We see what happens june 21st when they go away i'm kind of tempted to tweet mcdonald's try to sell back to them they're not gonna i think my next editing uh experiment is gonna be taking clips from breaking bad but on all the close-ups of meth i'm gonna cut in

close-ups of dipping nugs in sauce. We need to talk about your edit. Emily was listening to the episode last night, and she was saying that we need an episode. We just need to make a super cut of Andrew saying, I'm a blank guy. Like, I'm a sauce guy. She said there's got to be 30 seconds of just Andrew saying, I'm a pickle guy.

He's a blank guy, and he's not a blank guy. There's like two lists that are very long at this point. Absolutely. We need to talk about Gavin's edit. Are we we gonna post that and can we post that anywhere it was fantastic i assume it's all kinds of copyright issues with that but i cut in uh i cut in andrew's soda chug noises over the over the velociraptor in jurassic park let me let me see if we can if there's make sure we can post that, because we should post it. We should. Well, I will say I uploaded it privately on YouTube just to have for myself. Oh, you did?

And they did not flag any copyright. They're like, yeah, no copyright material here. And I was like, that's wild. I mean, it's parody. It's derivative. Yeah. It's great. I wish I had the link up.

I'd put it in so Nick could watch it. It's fantastic. My burp, the chug. The chug went wrong last time I did it. There are some mistakes made. I went into the lab. I thought about it. I'm not a can guy.

Add that to the edit. Not a big can person. I'm not usually drinking out of cans. I'm from having a soda. It's generally in a bottle or a cup. I think that was a mistake. Also, I don't regularly drink seven up not a big seven up drinker so it's out of my element nick said i was crying laughing while

editing that ending it was so funny because because jeff and i only heard it through the weird sort of like half cut off audio that comes through discord yeah it's like it's always got that like gate on it so that was fun that was like funny enough to make me cry going into your raw audio and listen to it i'll be honest i must have listened to it 20 times especially the one where it just sounds like you're kind of underwater but it's all foam the second time you try it's like this is all frothy it was a nightmare to live through i'm glad i'm glad it brought you joy so your theory is that well you have a theory about the the receptacle i do yeah it's all about see i'm more of a bottle person i think on for several reasons one easier to control the chug tough to control a canned chug

secondly there's a visual progress bar that i would get while chug mentally get me the rest of the way i know how much is left i know how much is going you can feel that though in the weight that would work against you what being able to see how much i've left yeah like if you're not making progress like you feel like you deserve oh no no i'm a sprinter jeff so i'm gonna make a lot of progress at the beginning and then when i struggle in the middle i'll be like, I'm almost there. It's also bigger than a can. That's the thing to remember. I think the cans are 335

milliliters. Bottle 500. Wait, you're still going to try with two though? 355. Oh no, I'm not going to try three bottles. That's absurd. That's more than I said before. It'd be one and a half. It'd be one and a half bottles, right? No, I did. I said I could do three cans.

I failed at doing one can three times. That's what I mean of happening. But I have bottles. I'm ready to try. I also have salad as well. I have a salad. What do I do first? I certainly do the soda first, right?

I know I do the salad first. First off, can I say, I think this is the great way to end the show. I think we do the salad, then the soda i have a that seems dangerous do i have a quick i have a quick piece of business i'd like to run by you guys real fast okay let me i'm gonna throw this in the discord you see what i'm holding in my hand oh that's a full-size bat oh yeah so i don't know if you guys remember a while back but we had a whole thing with baseball bats and then bat knobs and then there was we had a plan. And then you guys confused the plan out of me.

And I don't know. So anyway, here's what happened. Yesterday, a hundred of those showed up at my house. What? One baseball bat, one full size baseball bat. That's a lot of baseball bat. A hundred baseball bats is half my house. Half of my house is boxes of baseball

bats. I wasn't here. Are you a gang from the Warriors? I wasn't here. What are you doing? Emily and Millie had to bring it in. They were not happy, apparently. I wasn't around. I got boxes and boxes and boxes of very heavy baseball bats. I don't remember

what the fuck I'm supposed to do with them. Vaguely, I thought maybe I'm supposed to do with them vaguely i thought maybe i'm supposed to cut the knobs off right like and it was going to be like that was part of it but here's my question uh here's the knob on the baseball bat if i cut that off of the baseball bat it's just a fucking knob that doesn't say it doesn't say face on it anywhere shouldn't it say face on it now we've had this talk i don't understand why this is confusing yeah you're supposed to yeah so if we have bats the thing with the bats was and we decided not to do this but hey they're here you're gonna cut off the ends of all of them and

then imprint them in some way on the knob yeah i was gonna put like i was gonna put like a tag or something on it but it shouldn't it still say face like i'm just giving somebody a knob that like why do they put face on that on the big part of the bar? Nobody's gonna get yeah, that's the throwaway part. There's nothing Identifiable about the knob in any way whatsoever When is this stuff on the knob of the bat anyway, but that knob is what people want When is there stuff on the knob of the bat anyway? But the knob is what people want! Shouldn't the knob be stamped with f*** face in some way?

I think it's a manual stamp job. Yeah, I think that's your job. Otherwise, what was the point of- What was the point of writing- What was the point of putting f*** face on the big part of the bat? It's going in a trash can! No, no, no, okay, so remember before, Geoff, there was at one point an idea of cutting the knobs off the bat and selling both individually. And then trying to find the bat part, your matching part. All I know is if I cut that knob off, that knob could be anything, man. Yeah, you gotta engrave it.

That was the main point. People can use it as a cabinet handle. They can use it, you know, sat on the desk. Just trust that it came from a bat that said f*** face at some point. I mean, I guess. I just I just feel what you're gonna do get another different hundred bats Of course, it's gonna be those bats you got. Well, what maybe we shouldn't cut them because It's a nice bat when it's all together You wanna what?

Of course it is! I just I just don't know, man. Everything's nice when it's not sworn in half. Gavin, I keep having this problem every morning. I wake up and I flip my bat knob and it keeps appearing bottom

side up every day. I don't know what to do. I think I'm in the Matrix. All right, eat a salad salad i'll figure it out i'm not cutting and if and by the way uh if i have to cut these bat knobs i've decided gavin's helping so thanks in advance for that just rent like uh i'll just go somewhere that has a bandsaw you'll get through the wall in like an hour yeah we will yeah we will i can't leave my house there's wasps you can't under't under the safety of Jeff. It's because you tried to do shit without me that caused the problem.

You're going against the natural order of things. The universe is correcting you. It's wasps in the sun or it's Jeff in the rain. I've got to make my choice. Jeff is going to rush your house with nails through his bat swinging at flies trying to score you out. I don't consider the bat situation resolved. We're putting a pin in this because I'm not cutting anything until we get it figured out. I don't want to take up any more time on it other than I'm just annoyed that my house is 40% bat right now.

And I would like to get past it. Do you know where the bats came from? It's like a bat store I assume I just assumed it wasn't happening because we couldn't agree on anything yeah I don't know I forgot about it you know definitively no you don't know what the exact source of the bats oh do you want me to tell you right now no I'm just curious if you know this fascinating sports ball can't hear you but that's fine I just does wondering if you know they weren't tampered with you know that much you know this fascinating sports ball duck can't hear you but that's fine i just was wondering if uh you know they weren't tampered with you know that much you know about this fuck you

fuck you eat a salad bitch let's hear it all right eating okay well once again why do you have a salad again because this is also under fucking protest i tried to do the salad cream thing before i made a great salad i think i got the best of what everybody thought should be in a salad i put the what do you want me to do i don't know how i failed the salad cream thing i don't know what you people want what do you want from me i have a thing of salad cream and i have a salad in front of me what am i need to do what am i why why are you doing this again now yeah i i think i think what we want is an explanation as to why we're because because i did the bottle chug and everyone's like oh i didn't salad cream and every fuck you guys constantly saying salad

cream did so i want to fucking know how like what was i supposed to do i don't think you can escape what to salad cream something means now you i just i want I want to give you what you fucking want is what I want. That's what I want to do. That's fine, but it's not going to unverb that phrase. No, I'm fine with that. I'm okay with salad cream being the thing.

I just want to give what you guys wanted. He wants the term salad cream to mean like ultimate redemption. He's trying to change the definition. I'm okay with the definition being what it is. I just want to try to deliver what you guys wanted. So explain to me, I have a salad, I have salad cream. What am I supposed to do?

What are we looking at with the salad? Describe your salad. It's a chicken salad with some almonds, some bacon, and strawberry. A little bit of cheese. It's still a weird salad.'s no it's okay eat a fucking dick gavin i posted it in our text chat yesterday this is a regulation salad i thought of that i got approval by both of you this is a regulation he did he did get approval i don't remember strawberries strawberries on a regulation salad you have're having a laugh. What do you mean?

What do you mean? Having a laugh, what the fuck? It's a straw, it's a top fruit. It's very common in salad. Yeah, but salad cream's not for fruit, Andrew. Well, what do you want from me? You approved the salad. I can't help you.

I didn't know you were doing the salad cream thing again. What am I supposed to do? Do a Caesar and not put fucking Caesar dressing on it? What am I supposed to do? All you said was, what do you think of this salad? And you sent me a picture of what I thought. That looks like a nice salad. I didn't know it was for salad cream. Exactly.

I got approved. This is a regulation salad. You probably approved it without all the information. I can't believe that. I make a salad. It's not good enough. I get approved for a salad. It's not good enough.

There's no fucking winning. List the ingredients again or show me a picture of this damn salad. it's not good enough. I get approved for a salad, it's not good enough. There's no fucking winning. List the ingredients together or show me a picture of this damn salad. List the ingredients and show a picture. What kind of chicken are we talking about? Is it grilled or fried? I didn't expect this to be a fucking investigation. Is it blackened? Is it blackened, grilled, or fried?

It is a grilled chicken with a almonds, some sugared almonds, some candied almonds on it with a sweet salad. A cheese of sunshine. It's a sugar salad. You approved the fucking salad. I was trying to avoid this.

It's a... What is a standard salad to you? What is just a base a base okay if i'm making my salad if i'm doing my own salad why do i ask it's gonna be what do you mean i don't fucking know what do you want from me i'm trying to answer your question is if i'm making a salad i'm putting chicken in it i'm putting some salad in it i'm not putting dressing on it throw some berries in there i'll put some berries in it i'll put maybe some croutons. I don't know what you want. What's in your base salad?

I'm putting chicken in it, and I'm putting salad in it. Yeah. Putting lettuce. What kind of lettuce are we doing? What kind of lettuce? You know, it could be romaine. It just depends on the day. I'm okay with spinach.

You can go all sorts of salads. I'm not that picky. I don't even have dressing on it, generally. I'm here to try to appease you guys. I can't go through this again. I'm not that picky I don't even have dressing on it generally I'm trying to appease you guys I can't go through this again I'm going to just shit myself I know I know you're living on borrowed time as it is man

this is not how you want to go out where's this picture I'm trying to find I wasn't prepared I'm trying to find a photo of it I wasn't ready for this I did this yesterday I guess I could have done that but I don't know but then he's got to transfer it to the iPad and then the iPad will be out of batteries it's a whole thing yeah it's at 10% right now so okay menu Wendy I'm on the way I got that I ordered this from wendy's okay this is a pre-made got it before we recorded this is a product anyone could go out and get

it's very accessible it's a very normal salad loading into it it's called like the summer berry salad or something like that okay i'm almost there let's go to the fresh made salad category the summer berry chicken salad looks delicious it looks like are you sending us a picture from the website instead of yeah yeah yeah yeah i went on their website just so you could see you get what's on it you get all the information you could possibly want we can end this ridiculous denial that this is not an appropriate salad this is an absurd salad you want me to move the strawberries out of the way we could get the strawberries up Oh, I'd like I just want to see it. Okay. This is this is what it looks like

This is the salad right there summer berry chicken salad human. I went on a half cuz I didn't you know I'm not sure about the salad cream. Uh Yeah, also, I'll sign off on this. Yeah, you already did. I don't know why you're asking. Lettuce blend, grilled chicken, three cheese, apple with smoked bacon, strawberries. Asiago, quinoa. Ginger dressing. Well, does it have the ginger dressing on it already? No, ginger dressing on the side.

I didn't put it on. That dressing's got to stay away. Yeah, it's gone. It's out of sight, out of mind. Yeah, out of sight. Put it in your sauce. Yeah, I mean, it's gone. It's out of sight, out of mind. Yeah, out of sight. Put it in your sauce. Yeah, I mean, it's ten times better than the first thing you made. It's a regulation salad that you agreed upon already.

I don't know. I'm just trying to figure out what you want me to do, because I don't understand where I went wrong the first time. Okay, so now, if you have that salad in front of you, I would recommend taking the salad cream. And Gavin, you're going to have to correct me if i'm wrong here uh how do you don't even myself i would shake it up a little bit to make sure that it's all mixed so it doesn't you know if there's any oil that separates or whatever and then i would squirt a healthy i don't know what your deal is if you're a clockwise

or a counterclockwise kind of guy but i'd give it a full don't i need to try the salad first wasn't this part of the whole thing is i put the cream on immediately and you guys are like ah you didn't try the salad first well i mean if you're if you're trying salad cream for the first time yeah i mean right now you've already tried it and uh you're just eating salad yeah i don't but you were like the salad you tried the salad without yeah give it give it a base give it a baseline test give it some sure so i'm gonna proper benchmarking chicken fly get a get a get a get a bite get a base-side test. Give it some proper benchmarking. Get a bite that has chicken, at least one piece of chicken,

strawberries. Yeah, try to incorporate all the elements into one bite. Okay. And a good salad. All right, on a scale of 1 to 10, what do you give it? On the salad scale? Yeah.

Like a 7.5. 7.5. All right, it's a 7.5 in its raw, natural form. Like a 7.5. 7.5. Alright, it's a 7.5 in its raw, natural form. Pretty good score. It's a pretty good score. It's not bad. You know. You ain't failing that grade if that's what your

report card says. Okay. I guess now, Gav, he should incorporate the salad cream, right? Yeah, yeah. Give it a nice long squeeze on it. A nice orbit of the salad. Maybe give it a little mix. Really make sure it's all over everything that you're going to eat. You definitely want to mix it up.

We're mixing. We're mixing. Mixing the thing. Get a little bacon. A little bit of strawberry on there. A little flavor. A little bit more cheese. Okay, here we go. We're going to a second bite. Give him salad cream, he puts it on fruit and meat. I don't fucking- what am I supposed to do with it?!

It's salad cream! It's not- not fruit cream. Not salad fruit cream. Okay, I'm going for a bite. This is okay. I love the idea of a sauce being sold based on what you shouldn't put it on. You know what? 7.7.

7.7. Improved? Improved. Salad cream with fruit? Pretty good. Wow. Okay. So it went up two-tenths of a point.

So what you're saying is if you were to use salad cream, you can expect to improve the average salad by 0.2%. On this salad, with the bacon and the chicken, there's kind of some saltiness to the chicken and then the sweetness of the fruit. It really contrasts well with the kind of creaminess of the salad cream. I'd recommend it.

Yeah. So it sort of pulls it all together. It kind of, yeah, unites it, creates it, adds to it without subtracting from the flavor elements of the previous fork without the cream. So if they just renamed it fruit cream or meat cream, would you buy that? I would recommend it on most fruits or creams.

Yeah, in that scenario. You'd recommend it on cream. I would. Yes, I would. That is what I You'd recommend your own cream. I would. Yes, I would. That is what I said and it's exactly what I meant.

That was not a misspoke. Chooses my words very deliberately. Yeah. Yeah. So is that good? Are we good?

Has the salad cream, have I got salad cream redemption? I kind of want this year, year two of face to be my redemption year. Oh, face to be my redemption year A big redemption tour. Yeah, I'm on my I won the bet I won the outskirts bet

I'm gonna try to do a little bit more winning this year and a little bit of redemption of things I fucked up in the first year get better. Well Gav. How do you feel about that? Are you satisfied with the his salad creaming? Are you satisfied with his salad creaming? Well, yeah, sure. That's what you wanted. I don't know. If you don't like it, that's on you.

That's what you wanted. I gave you what you wanted. I think it was better last time I did it, but that was apparently no good, so I gave you what I wanted. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you liked that. I gave you what I wanted. I gave you what you asked for.

It was exactly what you wanted. I don't know what you want. I don't know what you want. I gave you what you wanted. I think the first time was better. Both good. It's as if, like, imagine I rented a suit for a wedding, right? But you gave me a suit that had a shit stain down the front of it, right? I had to wear that to the wedding.

Three months after the wedding, you give me a perfectly clean suit. What do I want it now for? Well, because you complained about it. And it's not just that. You preferred the shit stain suit is really where my issue is. Ultimately, I think you should have recognized that what i had before was good it was a good thing it was great the the salad the second salad cream i think is worse than the first and that was my point how good the first one was you did it again but shit

yeah no i wanted to show you that what you wanted actually wasn't better than what we had that was the whole point of that exercise the first least the least satisfying redemption possible no i feel very redeemed you see that what you wanted was wrong you don't do it better you just prove that it wasn't as good as no i did it the way you wanted it fucking done that was the point of that i gave you what you wanted and it was like i thought point was it was the first time you were trying it. That was the excitement for me. You've already had the damn stuff.

It's been standing in your cupboard for months. I forgot what it tasted like. I bought a new bottle. That was exciting. This one was glass. Maybe there's a different flavor. What happened to the other one? I lost it.

I don't know. I don't have it anymore. I had to get a new one have you lost your Branston as well oh the Bran I just threw that away I didn't

it's so expensive to buy it that was it's like four bucks that's four wow it's nothing what a waste you need to invest that

in the BTS sauce game so you need to so I think the BTS sauce game, so you know So I think I proved my point I think I'm sorry 1.0 is great I think that's fantastic, and I think the only way to top it off you have a salad It's you know it's you got sauce Soda Redemption I a little bit of soda redemption. I think I've thought about it. I put strategy in I was gonna bring a puke bucket I forgot it. I don't need it cuz I'm confident in the fact that this one is going to go way better. I'm going to actually even

swap out. I'm going to swap out the Cokes. So your problem last time was that you kept burping while drinking. You just have to hold it in. Well, my problem was my body rejected the Pepsi almost immediately. And then everything exploded. So we're going Coke.

I told Andrew that that was my favorite line for the episode my body rejects the pepsi okay we have we have a new problem i have a problem one second it's not a twist up no it's not no my problem okay what's what is going what is happening i have my mic i have my mic i have my mic attached to my end table, and in the slight moving that I've done, it is now heavier than the table itself, and if I let go of the mic, the whole thing begins to fall.

The whole table's going in? The whole table. Yeah, I'm going to release. I'm going to... We're going to release. I'm going to catch it so it doesn't hit the ground. Let's see if it's fixed. Oh.

Don't worry, Nick. We're going to end it gonna catch it so it doesn't hit the ground. Let's see if it's fixed. Oh Don't worry Nick we're gonna end it sooner sooner or later buddy. Oh, it's fucking How is your microphone heavier than your table Okay, well I maybe it was on like something I don't't know. We're good. Okay. Weigh it down with sauce. I'm opening the soda. So 30 seconds, no burp, right? That's my clear time? Yeah. After you finish, we'll start a timer for 30 seconds.

And what soda is this we're drinking again? Sorry. Just a standard Coke 500 milliliter bottle. Coca-Cola. So the question is, will his body reject the coke i'm gonna be completely honest when i opened it there was genuine fear there's a little bit of fear i've never had that before opening this up here we go okay i'm so happy we're back i am too doing the same close every episode like this all right silence so far seems to be fine yeah unless he's already dead

just coughs okay we need to know we're doing a do-over that was a dry run I start you guys made me laugh I was laughing while drinking I got us I got a second bottle I'm gonna take my headphones off so you don't make me laugh Take two. That's just a palate cleanse I'm on the edge of my seat. Here we go. I just want to listen. I know Got to get it to be a fly on the wall of that room I would love to be there. You should talk to your flies. See if you can get somebody out there. Oh, he might be doing quite well. He's been silent for... I think he's

passed out. He's gone blue. Yeah. The soda went to... The bubbles went to his brain. It sounded like it came up from the ocean. Were you like short on air? What's going on? Let's take the rise of Cthulhu. Okay, I'm done with the sodas.

It's not, I just, I don't have it in me. It's not my thing. What do you mean? I didn't even finish the bottle. I was like 70% of the way through when that happened. You just gotta hold him down. I tried. That was, I didn't even finish the bottle i was like 70 of the way through when that happened i had you just gotta hold him down i tried that was i didn't that you think i just did that for fun i was escaped but that's the challenge grow up man be a man i lost drink i lost it i tried okay listen i tried i tried the salad thing i did the coke thing i don't know what you want from me just sending confusing text messages my mic stand keeps falling over.

Do you still have one bottle? Not a full one, no. I got two half ones at this point. I could combine them. Combine them and then do it again. But really focus on holding the bottle down. Focus! No, fuck you.

Here's what we'll do. You do it, and then Gavin will do it. What does that mean? Does Gavin have soda? I can go and grab one, no. Come on. Here's what we'll do. You do it, and then Gavin will do it. What does that mean? Does Gavin have soda? I can go and grab one, yeah. Okay, you grab one. You do one. Yeah, you grab your soda.

If we do them in coordination, I want to hear the crack of the can. I don't fucking trust you. All right, hold on. Wait, but this is, you're going to do it again, right? Yeah, of course. You got to combine those into one full one.

I'm pouring right now. I like both of you guys doing this put, you gotta combine those into one full one. I like this. I like both of you guys doing this. This is good. What about you? The audience appreciates this. What about you? Where's your can? I'm gonna,

I'm the commentator. Yeah, where's your can? Uh, probably in the kitchen. Go get it. Go get a can. Ah! Alright.

Oh, Jesus Christ. I just, I love that Andrew's redemption tour is just doing the same shit, but worse. Who's going next? Well, now, Jeff went. I got Jeff is out to get his soda.

Oh, sweet. You roped him into it? I roped him into it. Nick, have you got your soda? I'll go get one. Yeah, we gotta get Nick on. It's a damn shame Eric isn't here I just love the idea Of doing this every week

From now No I can't I can't do this Why are you so bad What do you mean I'm not good at this This is not a skill I have This is how we sign off

Every week No I've gone for Grafruit bubbly sparkling water i will be i will be going with dr pepper cherry zero sugar 355 milliliters oh okay nick is back okay nick what soda are you using what What do you have on you? I have 7-Up Zero Sugar. Ooh, okay. You guys all have regulation, 350 milliliters, 335, whatever it is, cans. Yeah.

I'm in the bottle, okay. Who do we want to take a photo just for posterity? Okay, you can do that. Okay. So what was harder, the bottle or the can? The can, definitely harder. Way harder. Oh.

So I was right, I just did not get it. Okay, I'm trying to get all my burps out before. Okay. Yeah, that's a good point. You don't want to go in with a burp. No, definitely harder. Way harder. Oh. So I was right. I just did not get it. Okay, I'm trying to get all my burps out before. Okay. Yeah, that's a good point. You don't want to go in with a burp. No, absolutely not. I just ate lunch. This is going to be landing on the lunch.

I just ate salad. What did you have for lunch today? I had a soup and a sandwich. Nice. Nice. I had a big-ass burger from Hat Creek, so I'm pretty gross. Okay. We good?

We ready? Ready when you are. Are we all going to go at the same time? Are we going one by one? Now, that's an interesting question. Are we going one at a time, or are we going together? I feel like one by one to really take in all the attempts. Okay.

It'd be hard for me to listen when I've got soda coming out of my nose. Here's the problem, though. You're going to laugh if we do one by one, and it's a problem. It's a problem. It's hard. I feel like if we all do it at once, there's nothing to laugh at. Here's the deal. Gav, Gav, hold on.

Here's the deal. We're going to be doing this every week anyway. No, we're not. Let's do it Andrew's way today, and then next week we'll do it the other way. We could. I also would support the idea if we do an outro, and we have to rotate the outro as the chug progresses.

So somebody starts, whoever's next to fail, they pick up from that point until the end. What on earth are we doing? This is getting convoluted. What are we doing? I don't know. I just wanted to drink soda. You guys are talking about regulations and rules.

All right, Andrew, you go first. Okay. I don't know if that's a yes or whether it's a no. He's going. He's going. Focus, focus. No burst.

Focus. You got this. You can do this. Visualize. Be the soda. Did he fall down? No. Be the soda. Did he fall down? I heard like a knocking sound and then spit it. What was that?

I couldn't. I wouldn't go down. It just wouldn't go. I've hit my soda threshold. I just spit all my soda into a candle because it was the only thing I had on my desk. Into a candle. It's this big thing I had on my desk. Into a candle? It's this big, big, juicy red bag of

candle. All around you, all over your desk. You couldn't find a cup. We're going to need your soda candle for the Instagram, Andrew. Oh, Jesus Christ. Like I spritzed my monitor and I was like, I can't do this.

It's the only thing I had. I guess, Gab, I guess it's Nick's turn. All right. Okay, here we go. All right. It was like I was waterboarding myself, is what it felt like. Like, it didn't want to go down, and it just kept going. Okay, done.

Wow, I did it. All right, easy peasy. Very impressive. All right, let's see if we can did it. Wow. All right, easy peasy. Very impressive. All right, let's see if we can hold it. You didn't burp? Not so far. Sounds like he's struggling with it. Okay, so he's out.

He didn't do it. He at least chugged it. Like, that was good. I'm a terrible chugger. Hi, bro comedy. Jeff, you go ahead. I think I lost Alright Gabby your turn Okay am I Jeff?

Alright let's do it Here we go Are you laughing? Is that Gavin laughing? That's a problem when you're chugging Who's laughing? Is that Gavin laughing? That's a problem when you're chugging. Who's laughing? See? It's fucking, nobody was talking.

I thought that was Nick. I was like, why is Nick laughing? Stop making me laugh. I'm not doing it. What a great noise. Shut up, my bupkin. Shut up. Shut up.

What is this? What are we making? What happened? What are you doing? How does it take you this long? I think he's already... Have you drunk it already? Shut up! You've already spit everywhere.

I don't know what you... How big is your can? Why are we shutting up? What have you done? You're not saying anything. It's quiet. You just keep... You keep closing my throat when I laugh.

Shut up! I thought I sucked You're terrible That was. You're terrible. Oh my god. That is awful. You're terrible at this. I only got about... I only got... I only got about two thirds in. And then he kept making me laugh

and my esophagus was just closing. It was just pouring. It was piling up in my mouth. I just struggled start to get it down and then so much time had passed I feel like a minute had passed before I could even try and finish Came up that is impossible with headphones on Well As click and clack would say you've wasted another perfectly good hour listening to the F*** Face Podcast. Thanks for tuning in.

It sure was great having you here along for all of our story time. Everyone saw this coming. Well, we hope you tune in next week. I'm sure we'll have some more. What a cowardly move. All right, all right, all right. I'll drink it.

I don't think I can top Gavin, though. That was prime comedy. All right, are you ready? Yeah. I already opened Alright, alright, alright. Alright, alright, alright. I'll drink it. I don't think I can top Gavin, though. That was probably comedy. Alright, are you ready? Yeah. I already opened it, unfortunately, but I promise you, I'm drinking now. I'm gonna try,

I'm gonna try to make it super noticeable to hear me drinking, because I feel like I couldn't hear. God, Gavin, shut up. Your time's over. Fuck it, it's not about you

right now. Oh my God. What's that noise? Alright, here we go. Are you go are you ready yeah go ahead i can't hear a thing taking a break taking a break for breathing what do you mean it's the quietest drink i've ever heard take a breathe i can't the fucking nerve of you two to talk shit about my chug and what i'm listening to right now okay iurd. Okay, I drank the whole soda, and it's in my mouth. How long do I have to... Am I at 30 seconds

yet? I need it to be 30 seconds. Okay. Starting now. Oh, my goodness. You lost. It doesn't even matter. No one's gonna do it. All this shit about it was so easy. That's it. That was it. I just had the one burp. I'm good. Woo! See, I feel like I'm a letdown after Gavin. Oh, it would have been easy. That's it. That was it. I just had the one burp. I'm good. Woo.

See, I feel like I'm a letdown after Gavin. Oh, it would have been better just to end it. No, I'm happy the fact that you all suck at this, too. You were presenting like I was weird. I drank the whole fucking thing. At least Nick and I drank the whole goddamn thing. Neither of you two managed to do that. Well, in my video, I did.

It's hard when people are yakking down your ears. It wasn't hard for me. It's not like y'all weren't yakking down my ears. We're not as funny. That's fair. Totally fair. I'm not sure what we learned today. It was excellent, though.

Yeah, it was nice talking to you guys. My tummy hurts now. I miss you guys. It was nice talking to you guys. You know know I realize we're uh we've uh blown our cushion

we uh we haven't we're not ahead anymore yeah this really should have been a double bill yeah going into going into summer stuff that's gonna be an issue for us

so we we need to eke out an extra episode at some point I think oh man yeah maybe two next week I don't feel good now you have the soda sweats I got the soda sweats

I didn't know the soda sweats were a thing until I tried this. Yeah, I've got it, like, up my throat. That's not good. Go north at the uvula. We should probably end this now, Geoff. You want to do that outro? You were doing a great job before.

Just a second. I keep getting, like, residual fizz. Yeah. My lap is soaking wet as well. Oh, do you pee pee? Woo! Thank you for listening to another episode of F*** Face, the podcast so funny,

Gavin pee pees himself a little bit sometimes. Tune in next week, and as always, if you see a star and that star is empty and you can fill it in by clicking a button you should do that and write a review

and tell your mom say hey mom you old f*** face listen to this podcast it's for you and that's it bye bye losers losers.