F**kface - Andrew Loses Power // Andrew's Precious Bits [23]

Episode Date: November 4, 2020

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew have a bit of a problem. Andrew starts telling his story about overcoming Kelsey Grammer but then his power goes out so Eric steps in and the show is just weird for like half an hour BUT THEN Andrew comes back and Geoff goes over his new business plan. Truly revolutionary stuff. Buy the Gurple shirt: http://bit.ly/FFgurple Sponsored by HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/FACE90, code FACE90) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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This is just how I'm living. This is my desktop. Dude, are you sick? It's not good. just oh my god this is just how i'm living that's this is my desktop it's disgusting it's it's not good oh my god it's real bad i swear i'm not even do that why does it just go like dot dot dot and i didn't stack them i don't i don't know why is did you stack them like that or does it no no i don't touch that at all i just i don't look at it but what how did it get there i i don't know i guess i i do a lot of like grabbing photos of like sports news and stuff and group you can set where it puts a screenshot by the way you don't have to

send them to the desktop i didn't know i just i just screen grab them and then i just go on with my life i don't put much thought into the process, but I recently saw that for the first time in a while. I was like, oh my god, this is not good. That's absurd. I've never seen anything like it. I just never navigate. I don't see that screen. I always have my browser open, and if I want to file, I go to find it. I never interact with this and i never delete anything if i like they're definite like some things that are like seven

or eight of the same thing because i just don't one of them's just a picture of donuts yeah there's a donut conversation donut talk that's my How are you two doing? Are we in? I'm pretty good. I think we're in. I'm recording. I think we're recording. I mean, I hope we're recording.

That screen... We have to put a screenshot of that in the fucking episode for sure. Well, no, we can't put that in. It's like personal stuff there. Yeah. Like, one of the screenshots just says $3,420. Who knows what that could be about? Really?

I don't even know. Here's what we need to do. Here's what we need to do. We can't show it because it's got Andrew's personal banking or whatever on it. Oh, I'm a fucking idiot. I should have mentioned something last episode. Sorry, go ahead. Continue. You do your thing. I was just going to say we should

do like the jelly bean game and Gavin and you and I should try to count, make a guess how many files many files are on that desktop and then have it counted up and see who got closest. Yeah, gladly do that. I'll just because it's a relation. When you said that, Gavin, I thought I have no idea what that's about. I do know what that's about. I'm doing a hat raffle right now for one of the original fuck hats, the black fuck hat, through the Discord community. And at that point,

we had raised $3,420 through it. Oh, shit. That's really cool. Yeah. We're at a little over $4,000 right now, so it's been going really well. We have an insanely thoughtful and kind community for a show

that's called Fuckface about Jeff shitting himself. It's been really nice. I think there's probably 700 files on your desktop also awesome community that's my guess my guess is 776 files gavin just brought or not gavin i am so bad with names today eric brought up a great point there's only fucking four of us and i can't get these names right. Eric brought up a great point that the raffle is over. Long over by the time you're going to hear this. We're way in the future.

Have you recorded a bit for a previous episode? We could slop it in. Could I do that? Would that be possible? I feel like you do that a lot. Forget to mention a thing that turns out I did actually mention it and it got cut and it's not my fault and I never said anything. Is that what you're trying to reference?

Before we get to this, what episode of F*** Face is this? Jeff? 16. Oh man, that was the wrong person to ask, wasn't it? I don't know why I didn't see that coming. I think it's episode 23. And you are? Jeff. Hey! You're doing an intro. Yeah. I love these. Welcome to F*** Face. Who are you andrew i think maybe gavin or eric i'm bad with names who knows and i'm gavin guess what i guess that makes me andrew guess what i just found andrew what did you just find i was looking uh through my storage facility for some stuff and i thought while i'm there since you and I have been fucking around with cards, I'll look for all my old good baseball and basketball cards. And I vaguely remembered

that somebody came to me and said their kid had started collecting cards. And I was feeling very generous. And I said, you know what? They can have all my good ones. The ones I used to pay rent with when I was in the army and I was poor. I would sell cards to pay rent. And I still had a ton of really good stuff. And I went today to see if that was a false memory or a real memory. It turns out it was a real, totally real memory. I have no idea who I gave those cards to or whose kid I gave them to,

but I gave them so many thousands of dollars where the cards, uh, but when I was cleaning out some financial stuff, I just found Shaq's rookie card, uh, just fucking in with some, with some old tax papers. So I found a college Shaq classic rookie card. I looked it up.

It's like 700 bucks. Wow. Isn't that crazy? Is it in good condition? Yeah, I'd say it's probably like a 9.5. I might get it graded. Are you going to sell it? Nah, I'll fucking hold on to it.

I love Shaq too much. He's a great character. He's the funniest fucking dude. Him and Charles Barkley on TNT. Probably the best panel in sports. Oh yeah, they are the Abbott and Costello of the modern era. Those two, they are phenomenal

together. Hey, so turns out breaking news, Gerpel? What about Gerpel? That it's real? That I said it? That it's real? That you said it? And Nick cut it? We got confirmation from Nick. I said it's real that you said it and and nick cut it we got confirmation from nick i said it uh well we gotta bring we gotta bring nick in again to explain himself now that he knows it was there nick hey uh-oh what happened apparently uh there's an end bit

where jeff is starting to wrap up and say cut out anything that I said that was stupid. And as you said that, underneath, Andrew was saying, grapple, grapple, grapple. He was doing a bunch of different lines. And I apparently just lowered the track for it. I was like, oh, we'll let Jeff shine here, I guess. I mean, that's always fair. I just assume that when you heard Jeff say cut anything stupid,

you just immediately went to me and just removed everything. There's probably no thought into what the actual content was. It's really my fault. Is that where you got the idea that Andrew had told you to cut something, but it was actually Jeff telling you to cut stupid? They both told me to cut something. Andrew asked me to cut something else, but I had just

assumed that that apparently uh entire entailed that as well it did not so so that was that was your pyramid scheme or whatever that you wanted to cut yeah that you don't want to talk about no i'll talk about i'll talk about the pyramid scheme i just did a horrible job explaining it in that context so you would try to distract us from your garfield times by just changing the subject to a pyramid scheme But I guess it like it works too. Well, it did I guess it was effective Yeah, I didn't actually plan on telling the story in that moment It was just supposed to confuse and then we would give it away to something else

Jeff and I went all in on the pyramid scheme. Oh, well, you what have you got? I got the impression that he really didn't want to go down the fucking the Garfield rabbit hole. And so I backed off because I was like, I think he's really upset that he lost those times. And he's like, he's being real, like nonchalant defeatist about it, which isn't, I think, akin to your typical personality. So I was like, Andrew must not be having a I'll just back off and we'll just go down the pyramid scheme rabbit hole instead. See, at that point, I thought I had Nickelodeon Racers 2 in my pocket and I was ready to go.

Little did I know, zero leaderboards. But the pyramid, if we want to get into the pyramid scheme, a friend and I climbed to the top of a pyramid scheme at one point. It turned into a whole contest. I don't know if you, you ever heard of Staropoly.com? I think that's what it was called. It was this website. Yes.

Was it like a celebrity stock market or something? Yes. That's exactly what it was. It was Kelsey Grammer was like the face of it. And it was this attempt to say like, celebrities are going to kickstart the economy by making this social networking site where you could also sell products and

promote things it was very odd like you'd pay for a subscription and i feel like their big selling point was you could do hd video emails it's like they're big this is gonna change everything um he was the face corbin blue i want to say was in this as. He was like the fourth most popular person from High School Musical. It wasn't like it was Kelsey Grammer than a bunch of much lower personalities. Oh, good Lord. I think it turned out to be a pyramid scheme slash credit card scam. The entire thing was extremely corrupt. It was just so bizarre, all the messaging and Kelsey Grammer being involved with this.

And there were these links that would tell you that he's going to do a conference call to explain like the future of product. And just the concept that Kelsey Grammer doing that was absurd. And you couldn't really find where any of this stuff was. It was buried. Cause I don't think really any of the, any of it existed. Did he know it was a scam?

I think he agreed from my understanding, he agreed to be a part of it, but not in to the extent in which they used his likeness. They made him like the star of the website. I think he sued the company that made it. I could be wrong about that, though. This is a long time ago. This was probably around the time he was getting divorced from Camille Grammer and he was looking for extra cash.

It was like 2009-ish, I would say. Yeah. So if that lines up, then that makes sense. But they had, so it was, the company that made it was called Todd HD, and their website was Staropoly. And I don't remember if they were Starpoints or Toddpoints, but it essentially had a leaderboard of efficiency,

of like whoever the top sellers were, you would get on the leaderboard, and you could get to the top of it, and it was based on, I guess in theory, how profitable you were to try to incentivize people to see what profits they could make. And a friend of mine showed me that there is a way to get like 200 of those points a day. And it was by, I don't know if you like watched an ad or if you gave them your email address, but you would go through this process and you would click the link and you'd get 200 points when you clicked it. But if you click the thing multiple times, you'd get

as many times as you click. And you could do this pretty frequently. I don't think it was once a day because we're doing it multiple times, but you could get 200 points. So it's intended to be a small amount. And the top people had like 700,000. I think Kelsey Grammer was the top of like 750,000 of these Todd points. And so it turned into a competition between a friend and I where we were just mashing that button as frequently as we could over a week. And we slowly crossed

everybody. There's two accounts that... Well, I've lost Andrew. Where did he go? Yeah, he just straight up... Yeah, it's gone he's gone what happened maybe kelsey grammar came for him i think his laptop caught up to him he's gonna be telling the story yep thinking we're still listening i bet there's some good stuff going on right now i bet it's really kicking into overdrive right now yep what do you think kelsey grammar's doing at this part sounds like dethroned by andrew and friend yeah i think

andrew's about to overtake Kelsey Grammer. Is that where we're headed? Yeah, I think so. Niles! And then he's upset that he doesn't have the most points anymore. When you think of Kelsey Grammer, what's the first thing that comes to mind? Uh, Beast from X-Men. That's fair. That's fair. That's sad.

Gavin? Uh, Frasier. For me, it's him falling off that stage. Ha ha ha ha ha! Oh. God, uh frazier for me it's him falling off that stage god i forgot about that i probably watched that video five times a year still just every couple months when i need to pick me up i just watch him go oh good lord and fall fucking hard he fell like six fucking feet in front of kids too it. It was like a Disney World or something. Oh, poor guy. Oh, such a slam, dude. He was an odd choice for Beast.

He's a pretty good Beast, though. No, it worked. The Beast was supposed to be smart, and the smartest person in television is Frasier, so I think ipso facto. I feel like there's no way the guy has ever read a comic book in his life. No, of course not. But the comic book character is a scientist, and he like he, there's no way the guy has ever read a comic book in his life. No, of course not. But the comic book character is a scientist, and he's like, he's super, super smart. New Beast is that kid, isn't it?

From, uh. Yeah. What, About a Boy? What was he in? Yeah. I feel like all of those, like, those X-Men movies stopped mattering the second the MCU started. Uh, I think they probably stopped mattering before that, but I started uh i think i think they probably stopped

mattering before that but i think you're right like it kind of tracks also those movies are not good like go back and watch any of those movies like you'd be like oh x2 the movie's not good no no no and they were like and they made so many of them there's like first class and like uh days of future present and and all those ones that popped up. I feel like they all existed just to help Logan get made, which was a phenomenal movie. And then we just forget about them. I liked 1, 2, and First Class. I think those are my favorite three.

I think that they are necessary evils, like the first Spider-Man. Like they're necessary evils to get us to the point where we are now where these movies are like in an up like i i guess you could say like an elevated place but man if you go back and watch those with like now vision man i that first spider-man movie is like it's weird sam raimi is such a weird directing choice for that first Spider-Man movie. It doesn't make any sense. Yes, he is like why he, the part at the end where Willem Dafoe just goes like, Godspeed Spider-Man. And then like the thing flies into him and there's like this weird, like jostly camera and like these zooms,

it looks like evil dead, but it's a movie that came out in like 2000. It's like, he didn't learn how to do anything else. It was like, it's like if Jeff was doing in like 2000. It's like he didn't learn how to do anything else. It was wacky. Like, it's like if Jeff was doing like his own machinima now and just going like, well, that's my signature. Like, that's all I do.

I only do this. I just do Halo 1 machinima. Yeah, I only do this. That's my thing. It's like, oh, you didn't evolve. You should like keep learning new things. Or unlearning, which would be more the case for me. Now I just have to fucking talk and stare into a microphone.

Hey, Jeff, I saw you riding your bicycle the other day. Oh, yeah? Mm-hmm. Was he pedaling? Did you say hi? Okay, so that's what I was going to point out. Gavin, it looks unnatural. When he pedals, you can tell that there's an assist

because he's not pedaling hard enough for the bike to be moving as fast as it is I'm a fucking speed demon baby no you're not you look like you're on a like you pedal like you're on a beach stroll but you are moving like you are with traffic

yeah yeah where was I over by dart bowl I was coming back from twin liquor and Yeah. Yeah. Where was I? Over by Dart Bowl. I was coming back from Twin Liquor, and I went like, oh, there's Jeff on his bicycle. But I think he had headphones in, so it was like I was going to beep and do a whole thing, but then I went, I don't care about this that much. I wouldn't have heard you when I have my headphones in. I mean, I have the noise canceling off so I can hear the world around me,

but yeah, I was probably in the zone. Does Eric not count as the world around you? Well, yeah, I'm just saying if somebody was honking, I probably wouldn't have been paying attention to notice it. You know what I mean? You wouldn't have been paying attention if someone honked at you? Not if you were being...

I don't know. I'll tell you what, next time honk at me, we'll see if I see it. Okay. I'll tell you what, I'll go ride my dart ball later this week. I'll just keep circling around dart ball we'll see what's going on it'll be a good time so what do you think uh is happening

in the pyramid skim story now he said he texted us he said his power went off i i replied do you need power and he said uh no my computer runs on coal. So that was pretty funny. And he's still checking his breaker now. While we're waiting for Andrew, let me pose a business idea to you guys and let me see what you think about it. Do we want to wait for Andrew though? I feel like anyone else on this podcast is totally replaceable,

but we've lost like face himself. And that's what I was going to say. Just putting the producer hat on. This could potentially be if he lost his first part of his recording could be a real issue for Nick and his recording. This might be a faced episode and this might be a lost episode of face. I'm just saying this is so funny. I'm just saying I hope I hope to God that that's not the case. You know, I hope so too.

Is he recording? What does he use to record? Audacity? I think so. Either that or it's like a phonograph that takes an hour and a half to export. I don't remember what it was. It's transcribing it into a record.

It's like cutting lines in wax. Oh, Andrew's got an update. This is troubling. He says... Nope, not breaker specific. I have no power. I heard a boom and then everything went out.

I guess we might be done here. Yeah, I think this might be a lost episode, guys. Well, if Nick, if you can salvage it or if Andrew's able to save that file, it would be fun to have this as a throwaway extra. And I need to, I need to,

we need to record another episode because I gotta get this fucking business idea out. It's brilliant. I mean, we can try on a different day. Why can't we do Thursday? You got like another tooth thing or something? Why can't I do Thursday? You don't even know?

Hold on, I gotta look at my calendar. Did I say I couldn't do Thursday? Yeah, that's why we're doing it today. That's why we're doing it on Tuesday. Is this real? Why the fuck did I ask us to move Thursday? I thought you did, did you not? No, I did. I said, I did, I did, I said, hey,

oh, oh, that's right, I'm having some shelves put in in my library and they're gonna be banging and screwing and... You're not putting'm having some shelves put in in my library, and they're going to be banging and screwing. You're not putting in your own shelves? I pulled out the shelves that I put in and having built-ins put in that are made for the space. I'll be honest. I don't think I would have moved this podcast for shelves.

Well, here's why. Here's why. I got a window because then the next week i'm out of town and they couldn't do it any other time so it was either this thursday or like a month from now and you got to get those shelves they have been designed it's been a six-week process i got i gotta get past oh oh oh and here's here's why it's here's why it's important here's why it's important because when they put in the built-in shelves, they're building a built-in desk for me as well

that will allow me to open up my setup a little bit and will allow me not to be so cramped and I'll be able to perform better and make better podcasts. It'll also give me the room to put in the new PC and stuff that I'm buying. So it's future-proofing for F*** face. You're getting new. Hang on. You're getting new shelves in a new desk put in so you can perform better in the show where Andrew is talking about overcoming

Kelsey Grammer on a defunct pyramid scheme website. That is correct. Factually correct. Yes. Cool. Great. Yeah, I'm still rolling, Nick. Yeah. Yeah. Factually correct. Yes. Great. Fantastic. Yeah, I'm still rolling, Nick. Yeah. Yeah, we're all still rolling. Yeah, of course. This is just like,

who knows where this will live? I guess that's why we have the Instagram. You can put this up on like a reel and people can just keep playing it. Who gives a shit? Also, I feel like I never got a chance to mention last episode. God, I really want to talk about my business project.

I forgot to mention last episode, or at least I i tried to but i couldn't get a word in i uh i'm talking to you guys on a fully functioning totally complete a-okay 100 mouth oh are you all done with teeth yesterday i went in to get my permanent crown put on. It was the final step of the five-trip saga, the three-month saga. And I went in at 10 a.m. yesterday morning, and they said, this should take about 15 minutes.

No. We're not even going to have to numb your mouth. No. 90 minutes later, I limped out of that chair with a very, very bloody numb mouth. However, it's done. It's done. I fucking chewed on the left side of my mouth today. Hadn't done that in three months. It was glorious.

It was phenomenal. And I'm done. I'm fucking done, baby. My mouth's good. I don't have any temporary anything. I got a permanent tooth and I'm done getting 7,000 needles stuck in it. I'm done having people like fucking working in my mouth like it's a fucking 68 Buick.

I'm totally, totally back in business. Do you think you could tackle a bag of taffy to prove it or would you be worried? Yeah, that's a good idea. That's a good idea. That's a good idea.

That's scary. I don't know about that. I don't want to go through this again, man. And they were like, they were like, it was like, I knew what was going to happen before they did. They sat me down. They go, we don't even have to numb you. It's going to be fine.

We're just going to pull this out. You might feel a little pressure, but it shouldn't hurt. And I go, okay. And she goes, huh, that doesn't seem to be coming. Let me get the dentist. And the dentist comes in and goes, and she goes, well, we're going to have to cut the temporary in half.

That's okay though. What? We still don't need to do pain meds or anything. It should just take a second. And she's in there and they're like cutting and cutting. And then they go, she's in there and I heard, didn't feel anything. Cause you know, it was just the temporary thing

that we're cutting. And it goes, she goes, okay, I'm going to go ahead and get a syringe and we're going to numb you up. And then 10 minutes turned into almost two hours. But I'm done. I'm back in business. Almost two hours. But I'm done!

I'm back in business! Andrew has pointed out, he's texted me, that the pyramid scheme was edited out of one episode and is now interrupted by a power outage. It's just way funnier at this point

if he just never tells it. This is almost long enough to be a full episode called What Happened to Andrew? I would honestly put it out as a full episode. I just don't want to deprive the audience of a week of Andrew. Yeah, of andrew yeah that's why it should be supplemental

maybe we should make it a supplemental like uh this is episode 16 and a half or something yeah i mean i get we can do that it's just gonna be like can you i that's gonna drive me that would drive me insane if i was looking at the count i guess it doesn't matter it's just like i look at stuff and like when 22 matches with 22 that feels good when 22 and it's like number 23 it's like i'm gonna jump out the window well well well what what can we do to appease you there eric no you know what because it doesn't matter no listen because it doesn't matter because we've uploaded other things on this channel there's a teaser and like all this other stuff so really we got fucked on the number to begin with so it doesn't matter we could always just sling this on the end of the episode that we

eventually finish that's a good point and then just be like halfway through recording this episode uh andrew just disappeared we carried on without andrew says i think we shouldn't even address it in the return just a really hard cut well okay okay so andrew wants it to be he stops talking and then we just start talking about something else and we're just we're then 30 minutes later he just shows up and finishes kelsey graver's story uh the worst part about this is he's not gonna get his power back anytime soon i don't think i wouldn't imagine so we going to have to wait two weeks before we can get back to it. Or we just do it on Thursday

with the banging going on. There's all kinds of shelves and Jeff has to perform better. That's funny. That's still good. I can... No, dude. It's going to be like eight dudes in here

and it's not a big room. That's really funny. Well... Gavin, do you think it's actually going be like eight dudes in here and it's not a big room that's really funny well gavin do you think it's actually gonna be especially considering the first half of the episode won't have that and then suddenly the room is full of dudes all you're gonna hear is all you're gonna hear is it's gonna sound like it's gonna sound like me at the dentist All you're going to hear is, all you're going to hear is, dunk, dunk, dunk. It's going to sound like, it's going to sound like me at the dentist. I think we should do it. I think we should go ahead on Thursday.

Well, it's up. I can put it on the schedule, but it's up to you, Jeff. I don't want, I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to do. I tell you what, let's put it up on the schedule. Okay. And let's just hope for the best. Oh, Andrew's back! Oh, shit! Andrew's back! Hold on. Where? Hold on.

Oh, he might be on his phone. Alright, let's see, let's see. I see you. Okay. Yeah, you have to join voice chat. Well, don't tell him audibly. You gotta type it. I was already typing it. Sorry. Well, in that case maybe maybe maybe we just roll

no because it's gonna sound it's gonna sound like dog shit dude it's gonna be like his phone this will be funny for like a minute or so hello fresh hey get some pre-measured ingredients and mouth-watering seasonal recipes delivered right to your door with HelloFresh. It's America's number one meal kit. Just like this is America's number one podcast with the word face in it. HelloFresh lets you skip those trips to the grocery store. Nobody likes the grocery store anymore. A, people are gross. B, COVID. HelloFresh lets you skip those trips to the grocery store. Nobody likes the grocery store anymore.

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What? Oh, he's here. Okay. But hang on. What is happening? Okay, so you're on your phone. I'm on my phone. Yeah.

Is your power still out? Yes. When you, when your power, did you get a chance to save your audio before your computer turned off? From the last episode? Well, yeah, obviously from this one. I exported. I'm pretty sure I saved.

I definitely exported. Then, wait, but not from, that was the last one, not from this one. Well, no, not from this one. Why would I answer from this one? How could I save in the middle of a recording? When you're, when you, I don't want to, somebody're... Did you save the project first and then start recording?

What are you talking about? We're trying to find out if we can recover your audio when you get your power back or not so that we can determine if what we've been doing for the last 40 minutes can still be considered content. He's coming so aggressive. i thought something was happening i thought i thought there was the show is continuing i didn't understand the context of the chat i was surprised people are even here i just remembered i had a discord app on my phone we just kept going uh we're not gonna we're gonna probably cut it from the main episode but it's great well it's funny to me actually nick

just said the same thing he to me to me, sounds better than Jeff does. But he's not recording, but we don't have a way of recording his individual audio, which is what we use in the edit. It's all going to be the scratch and it's going to sound like dog shit. Isn't that every other podcast that we make is the scratch? Yeah, this one, this is an audio podcast,

so it can sound good. Don't, okay, hang on. Nick's suggestion is insane for this show. Nick, just say we can't do it. What you're doing is not helping. Just don't over-talk each other. That's not going to happen in this show. Well, here's what could happen.

No, here's what could happen. Nick mutes Jeff and me and you, but not Andrew. Well, I can't. There's no way. And he can't hear anything. I've got like 500 megabytes can't. There's no way. And he can't hear anything. I've got like 500 megabytes of data. There's no way I can deal with 40 minutes. Wait, you're on like cellular?

Yeah, I'm on a cell phone right now. I don't have fucking power. How else would I be? You sound so good. I'm still on my phone. Whatever this is, you sound as good as normal. You sound better than Jeff. Oh my God.

Whatever this is, we're 35 minutes into it and it's highly entertaining to me. That's what I saw on the thing. I thought, oh, I was looking in the Discord and I remembered I had it and then I saw all of you still here,

which was alarming to me and I assumed something was happening. So I just wrote, I see you. Now I'm here. I was telling a mouth story about my fucking last trip to the dentist yeah a lot of this recording has been us talking about what we're going to do with this recording but that's some pretty good stuff

but I feel like we can't put it out as a main episode yeah but he's in it now and he's in it at the beginning I'm okay with it I leave this steaming pile of content Yeah, but he's in it now and he's in it at the beginning. I'm okay with it. Okay. I leave this steaming pile of content to Nick and Eric's capable hands. I mean, Nick said that he's muted everyone but Andrew, so this is bizarre.

So potentially, if we're all still recording and he's recording this with Andrew, you guys could just pick up where we left off. But he doesn't have the megabits on his phone. Oh, that's right. I don't know what I'm thinking. Yeah, you're totally right. He doesn't have the megabits on his phone oh that's right i don't know what i'm thinking yeah you're totally right he doesn't have the megabits i don't have the bits i'm i have a severe lack of bits right just can we just pay for your phone this month like how do we how do we get you more bits oh it's alarming i uh my phone plan goes like right through i don't have like a main phone plan so it'll just charge to my card,

whatever the overage is. That could be scary. I don't like the idea of just having like a faucet of cash that's on that I don't know how much is coming out of. All right. Well, this could be the nice ending to the supplemental part where we find Andrew again. Right, right.

Andrew, you missed out. I hope you listened to it. There was some good stuff in there that you missed out on. Andrew, did you realize the only reason we're not doing this on Thursday is because Jeff's having a shelf put up? He said he had a contractor coming over.

I assumed it was more than a shelf. Why do you think it's better for a shelf? It's in the room that I record, and it's not just a shelf. It's also a desk. The desk that I'll be recording on. You can't move. You're on a laptop, right? Isn't the whole point of your computer i'm on an iMac i'm on an iMac you can't

move an iMac iMac because the screen is part of the fucking computer it's the most portable also you have a laptop too i'm getting i'm getting lectured by a guy who doesn't have access to electricity or megabytes that wasn't my fault okay i don't have the bytes i don't have access to electricity or megabytes. That wasn't my fault, okay? I don't have the bytes, I don't have the power, but I have the will and the determination, and if a shelf was coming into my house, I would just move where I record. I would not force a double-edged sword.

They're still gonna be hammering and sawing and making noise! I can't promise anything! I said the same thing, Andrew. I would not have moved. Alright, alright, alright. Well, we're gonna record part two two or whatever the fuck this is. We're doing it again on Thursday. Are you free?

So, Andrew, if you can at all possible get an extension cord and run it down the alley, run it down piss alley to the McDonald's or whatever and get them to plug it in and then or maybe take up like if you can go outside and panhandle for some extra megabits just so that you're ready to go. Can I check my, how do I check my bits on my phone? How do I do this? Can I do this live?

Can I do a bit check? Because I might be okay. I don't know what the bit ratio is here. I mean, are you asking these other two how to check something on your phone? I'm just kind of asking. I'm going to click the button on my phone, I don't know if it'll end. Go to general.

Can you still hear me? Yeah. Go to general. You're still good? Yeah, you're good. And then, uh, then I, uh. But you don't have an iPhone though. Oh.

No, yeah, I have a completely different phone, I realized it was pointless to ask. God damn it. Um. I'm on a Google Pixel. Whatever it is, it sounds great. Hey, if anyone in the comments knows where I can find my bits what what comments

what comments this is live what are you talking about I'm saying when this comes out Eric I'm saying if I don't find the bits this is like never coming out like I don't know how we could could this be

like is this an episode like I don't even know what this is this is definitely an episode I'm just trying to find my bits so are we now are we now saying that this this is an episode i'm just trying to find my bits so are we now wait are we now saying that this this is an episode no i think this is definitely part of the show but you weren't in most of it it's content i just don't know what to call it this is definitely content well if this

isn't content why am i wasting my time here on this phone with you these are precious bits here's the deal andrew i said we could make it supplemental, like this could be episode 16.5 or something, but Eric doesn't like asymmetry. Okay. So he said... I don't give a shit what we do with it. We're doing something with this now. I'm using bits.

This is a bit investment. I think this could be... I don't know what it sounds like, but apparently I sound fine. We should decide now whether we're keeping this as just the episode as it happened or whether we have the first half of the episode that will

finish on thursday i mean nick nick is saying have it be the episode he made a second account so we can record but then he could also listen i'm recording andrew only on this computer and everyone else on the other one he has gone through hoops to make this work. I feel like this is definitely part of the episode. I just do. We, we get a bit problem. I need to figure out my bit situation.

So Kelsey grammar, I don't think, yeah, I don't know. I don't really have anything else to say about that. And I think, uh, come on.

We left you in the middle of it. You left us mid sentence. Well, where did I leave off? I need to know. What's Kelsey's kelsey grammar has 700 000 todd points and then you and your friend were getting 200 power do i need to be should i be nervous about this you got you got attacked by the grammar hammer yeah i did i think this is a clear grammar hammer attack there could be a phase two of my bit situation you ever see something alarming and then just never do something

about it and not realize it was it was a problem until later with like like an accident or something that's a weird way to describe that you saw your your like your outlet earlier your uh your junction box was sparking when you went to get it and you thought that'll be fine exactly no i had a thing when i a long time ago i used to have my desk at a window um and i was watching a show i just started friday night lights and a power cable exploded which i don't know if either of you have witnessed that it was like a flashbang went off it was like this this bright light blinded me for like three seconds and And then I looked and I could see a cable was hanging on the line and fire was shooting out of it like four feet. It's

like a flamethrower in the air. And I looked at it. I was really enjoying Friday Night Lights. And I said, that's probably a problem. I turned Friday Night Lights back on. I just went about my day. Zero other thought never even occurred to me of who I should call or that I should call anyone. It was fine. Nothing got caught on fire. It was around a bunch of trees. It was super dangerous. But was the woman in the alley in danger?

I gotta assume she was safe. Did anybody ever come to fix it? No, I just the fire stopped eventually and I never saw anyone else fix it. I assumed it was fine. I'm sure someone lost power. So is your building off yeah I have no idea I don't know I'm uh just just definitely my unit is I didn't know where the fuse box was so that was a whole search you heard a loud bang huh yeah it was like a it was like a bang and then everything went off and then I heard another bang which I assumed meant it would come back on. I think the bangs

may have been unrelated. I think the banging noises were just things that happened. I was thinking maybe it was a car crashing into the power pole outside. Yeah. The second bang makes no sense

unless he was trying to crash it back on. Gavin, were you at lunch with me the day we saw that truck run into that power pole outside of Lucy's Fried Chicken? Oh, I think so.

Was I? Yeah, it was like me and you and John Mike and those guys. And we heard this like crazy bang. And then we looked up and there was a truck wrapped around a power pole in just the middle of the day. And everybody just ate their fried chicken and watched as the ambulance showed up. Yeah.

I feel like we used to see a lot of stuff happen like that. A lot of stuff goes on in Austin if you got your eyes open. I found the bits, guys. I found the bits were good. I'm only 49 bits. I feel like we're good in Austin if you got your eyes open. I found the bits, guys. I found the bits were good. I'm only 49 bits. I feel like we're good. Oh, you're fine. Yeah. So you gotta

kill this Kelsey Grammar story for us. It didn't go anywhere. How did it end up? We took the top of it, and I'm sure they were very confused. So you got ahead of Kelsey Grammar? Yeah, we got ahead of Kelsey Grammar and the guy that runs the site. We had like 2 million million points each and we just kept trading for the top of the leaderboard and uh then eventually the whole site got shut down because it was a giant pyramid scheme

but we climbed to the top of it nobody ever contacted you and said congratulations or hey you're no you're fucking with the system or uh and you never made money out of this pyramid scheme no there was no like you could win you could spend your points on like an hd wallpaper and that was about it there was no there's an implication that your points could be used in a further way but it was it's just the wallpaper at the time did you buy two million points worth of wallpaper i should have but no i don't i don't think i. I was in a race, Jeff. This is very serious. I had to keep every point I had. How many HD wallpapers did they have available? Oh, just one.

It was one. It was just the company logo. They made you pay for it. Wow, what a colossal waste of time. Kind of like this podcast. Nick says we're at 44 minutes already. Wait, really? Yeah.

I was gone that long? I felt like I left like 15 minutes maybe and I came back maybe 10 minutes ago? You were gone for a while. Wow. I kept wanting to... I told the whole story about how I survived. Like, my mouth's better. We had a lot of discussion about whether this was content

or not and what to do with it. We made fun of Jeff for his shelves and desk. I mean, the shelf thing is absurd. A lot of making fun of me for trying to improve my situation and trying to get a desk built so I have room to record. Jeff, what a spin that is. That is a great spin, Jeff. That's true.

It's true. That was my whole take from the beginning. Jeff tried hard not to tell his amazing business plan, which I guess now he can actually tell. Oh, I got a new business plan. I want to talk about it. Okay. All right.

What's your business plan? What do you guys think about this? And I can't take full credit. I was hanging out with Trevor and Barb the other day. We were hanging, Emily and I,

and we kind of came up with the idea together, but it's my idea. They have an idea they're going to take and run with, and I'm going to run with this one.

You know OnlyFans, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What if I started an an only fans where people bought audio recordings of me farting for them it's funny you mentioned this like what if i say like like somebody pays like 50 bucks and they're like and i take it and then i go okay happy birthday kyle and then i and then that's i turn it in in, and then I fucking sell my farts. Only farts.

Well, it sounds closer to cameo. It sounds like fuck cameo. Yeah, I was about to say, it just sounds like you're just doing cameo, but you're farting. Yeah, but it's like, I can already do cameo. I don't want to undercut anything here, but this was something that was discussed on the Rooster Teeth podcast that happened last night as of this recording. Did they mention that it was for me yes the barber played a barber played a fart and then it turned into a conversation about that briefly about like what if it was uh you could sell these and everyone said i think everyone said like that's gross and crazy but here we are so maybe you can do this thing yeah well that's i kind of had a different

angle with your fart thing this is going to come out like three weeks after that what's what's your fart angle i was thinking like i thought who buys albums anymore what if we made like a greatest hits jeff's fart album uh yeah just try to sell that and then press it onto vinyl no not even necessarily vinyl but like cd i just feel like nobody would buy cds anymore how hard could it really be to have like a top cd people still buy them in a number that would not be close to what we could do with your greatest farts but it's crazy really because cd audio quality is actually really good in comparison to most streaming and like all mp3 downloads. It's actually a lot better sounding.

I just don't have a disk drive. Yeah, who does? I just like, I just love the idea of monetizing the air that comes out of your anus. I think most people can't do that. I think, I think like if I could, because I'm already,

the whole thing started because Barb was pissed off I'd never sent her a fart and she asked for one. So I gave her a really good one called Brussels sprouts and garlic. Because that's what I was eating. Oh, dude. It sounds like it was already played on the RT podcast.

But I got it right here. I'll play it for you. Can you play it here? It's relevant here as well. Here you go. I'll give that to Nick. I can smell the fart when I hear it. It was so bad.

Emily made me go fart in the other side of the house, and I brought it back. It, like, followed me. How much would you charge for that one? Would they all be the same price? Yeah, I think so. Like, if... Like, I could...

No, how about this? I give you a fart. 20 bucks. Just, like... I walk around. I walk around, and I just capture every fart and then i just sell them farts but if you want a personalized fart no no it's like you don't want to do it oh maybe yeah like maybe all my monthly farts are like 20 bucks or whatever or

10 bucks a month on only fans you get access to all my farts then uh on another level if you want to buy a custom fart from me and i can say like happy anniversary grandma smith then that's like 50 bucks because it's like you're the only person in the world getting that fart it's just for you i don't share it with anybody else and it's uh it's between it's a contract between you and i what you do with the fart after that is your business but uh but yeah and i and i And I personalize it with a little note like, you know, you're finally 21. Or however. Okay. I don't like putting your farts behind a paywall, though.

This is I'm now going to have to pay you for this. Andrew, you're my friend. You get access to all my farts for free all the time. However, I got to like I'm not getting any younger. I'm definitely getting older. This internet video games podcasting. It's a young man's game. I got to start.

I've been giving away farts for 18 years. I got to start. I got to start thinking about my future. I got to start thinking about retirement. I got to start, you know, I've given away 10 lifetimes worth of farts. I think it's time that I start attaching some sort of monetary value to it because I think I'm worth it.

And I think they're worth it. Can I pay to not get them? That's a great question. Because, I mean, you say you've been giving them away for free this whole time. I must have gotten thousands of dollars worth of free farts. And I feel like I would have paid to not have that.

If you want to give me thousands of dollars, I won't send any more farts your way. No, I like them. I'm into just hearing them, not smelling them. Yeah. And it of dollars, I won't send any more farts your way. No, I like them. I'm into just hearing them, not smelling them. Yeah. And it's like, I don't know. It's a fun little project. And, you know, everybody farts.

Farts are awesome. Farts are fun. I think it's a big part of my personality. And I think it's one of the things that makes me who I am. So why shouldn't I reap the rewards of my butthole? I take good care of it. I bidet it all the time you know i'm real clean i it's it's a good butt that's a great point i found out something about because i've also delved into the bidet uh arena i don't know where the middle of my butthole is when i'm spraying it like i i can't tell when i'm spraying the middle like it's it

just all feels like my butthole i mean it is but but i can't i can't ever tell where where it meets i know what you mean dude i wonder if you're if you uh if you're uh your stream is too wide like maybe i don't know what kind of settings you have because sometimes i'm like oh i want to make eric said butthole blindness yeah sometimes i will really want to make sure it's spraying you know in the middle but i'm like on the edge and i'm like am i in the middle and then suddenly i'll move and it will like shoot water into my anus and i'll be like oh that was the middle but i can can't ever tell just from swinging my asshole around where I actually am. I'm right there with you, dude. I have

traveling anus and it's like every time I sit down, it's always a bit of a gamble. It's like, where did my butthole move to this time? And it's weird because Howard Stern talked about that a lot. It took him probably a year of using his bidet before he dialed it in every time

where he got right in the starfish. And I am not there yet. As much as I feel like I got to jostle and move and position, every time's a different experience. Yeah, I've really got... It takes me about

five to ten seconds to really hunt for the middle of mine. Man, once you find it, though, you are aware. Is it a fun five to ten at least the middle of mine. Man, once you find it, though, you are aware. Is it a fun five to ten, at least? It's frustrating. It doesn't feel bad.

I just don't... I'm not sure whether you're meant to get it in your anus. You are. I think you are. I think you are. You are? That's where the poo-poo is. Yeah, I just don't want to give myself an infection or something

by blasting shit upwards when it should be going down. No, it's electrolyzed water. You'll be fine. That's what enemas are all about. Yeah, it's electrolyzed water. You'll be fine. That's what enemas are all about. Yeah, but there's some debate about how effective those are. Yeah, or like high colonics. High colonics, they were a big deal

back in the early 2000s. Do I need to get on this bidet thing? Well, you had the option of a free, a free, you said it would be an issue for vertical wipers. It is, but I mean, I don't know. It sounds like you guys are taking your asshole to the water park

every day, and that sounds fun. I could get on board with that. Yeah, it's like six flags in your asshole every day, pretty much. There's no going back. I'll tell you that, Andrew. Once you squirt, you will never stop. I think you should do it, Andrew. I think you should at least... How many bogs do you have?

Three. Just get one for one of them and if you don't like it just don't use that bog yeah so wait which well how hard is it to take out because do i then put it do i put it in the one that i use the least less the least amount i really struggle with that one do you have one that you don't want to use like if you put it in the in the least used one and you like it, will you have an issue using that one all the time? Yeah, I'd have to walk several

floors just for the experience. I live in a small space that's very vertical. Here's what you should do. That's why you're a vertical wiper. I'm all about that vertical lifestyle. Here's what you do. Watch a YouTube video and then see if it looks hard.

To install, not use. You don't need to watch a video on how to use it. I say just leave it alone if you don't like it. Just because taking it off again will be annoying. It's just easy just to not. That's true. I guess I have the option to just not use it, but it's always equipped. I'm prepared.

You could poo through it without using its features, I guess. Okay, I might try this. I'll look into this. At a minimum, dude, it's got a seat heater. So even if you don't use the other bidet functions,

you will have a warm, toasty butt while you're pooping. I thought I wouldn't like that because in my head, to me, it sounded like I'd be sat on a toilet that just feels like someone else was just sat there. It doesn't feel like that at all. It feels nice and warm.

It feels like when you get in a car on a cold day that has seat warmers and you're like, ah, you just kind of relax all over. I feel like you do really have to get to know your anus, though, because there have clearly been some times where i've not found the middle and so after i'm done you know blasting and i'll have like a cleanup wipe uh it turns out i have more blasting to do yeah it's happened a couple of times oh that sounds terrible that sounds way worse than just not blasting at all i don't want to do too much too black it's it's a rare occurrence dude yeah it's just i'm just getting used to it still yeah let us know in the comments if you had the same thing, if you've also invested in an ass blaster. Would you or would you not want a camera in there?

No. Would not. No. Would not, no. What if you could get a camera in that thing, have an app in your phone, you could really aim that target up. You could figure out what's going on.

You're no longer shooting in the dark. I have never in 45 years seen my butthole and i don't intend to see it now i i think you would learn things about your anus that you would you can never unlearn i'm scared to see it i'm scared to see it i don't want to know what it looks like i'm scared it's ugly i'm scared it's got it's weird or i'll be like what is that hanging off of it or something not that there's anything hanging off of it but i don't want to find out i don't want to know the awkward but what if it's what if it's what if it's you know how people get their asshole bleached like porn stars to get

their butthole bleached what if i find out i got a really like brown butthole and i'm that i'm just like horrified i don't want to know we may live in the future but i still don't want to have a conversation with someone where i'm explaining to them that i need to wipe the lens on my toilet i don't think i think that's too much of a first world problem also a butthole works in a way that you may not realize in that it kind of it kind of turns like a little bit inside out when you do some twos oh like a prolapse like it kind of has to feed it out by basically slightly protruding um does it look kind of like when you take a long sleeve shirt off and it gets stuck at the at the wrist i mean i don't know what it looks like i just know that that was explained to me by a doctor once when i had a bit of a butthole uh issue a few years ago

um i feel like maybe you should expound upon that i wasn't aware that you had a butthole issue a few years ago. I feel like maybe you should expound upon that. I wasn't aware that you had a butthole issue. Do you want to talk about it? Oh, yeah. I talked about it on a podcast. I had to have some suppositories. I had to put some wax pills up my ass for a little while.

Were you just constipated? I can't remember the issue I was having. How do you not remember the issue? Suppositories help you shit more, typically. Oh, I think I shat some blood once. Oh. Yeah, that was it. I just blasted the bowl with blood, and I got really worried.

So the solution was shit more? No, no, no. Suppositories were to reduce inflammation, I think. Oh, okay. The thing is, and I think the part I told in the podcast was that you might have, I was having a really hard time keeping them up there because you put something in your butt like that and it just, to me, felt like I needed to poo. Like I really needed to go. But you're supposed to like lock it in and wait for it to melt a little. But one of the times I was doing it, I was like about to head out the door, there was an uber waiting so I shoved it up before work and I didn't really have enough time to let it melt so

I was like I just was hold I was just clenching it while I was grabbing all my stuff and running out the front door and as I opened my front door it just blasted back out into my boxes so I had to go back inside and like change my boxes and like clean out a load of waxy it was awful it's a terrible story that was an awesome story so then I had to put another one up thanks for listening to the most

broken episode of that we could ever have made I loved it it was something Andrew thanks for figuring out a way to make it back to us, buddy. It's no problem. I'm trying to do a bit check. I already forget.

Yeah, let's see what your final bits are at. You were at like 61.53. Oh, I got bits for days. I got bits for days. This is easy. This is no problem at all. You only spent like 20 bits? 25 bits, maybe?

Yeah, since I last did my bit check. 20 bits. Wow. I assumed it would be way more. I guess not. I'd be at zero. Well, congratulations.

Yeah, thanks. And, uh, great, uh, no power. Fantastic.

I'm excited to actually listen to an episode because I'm not, I'm not in part of it. So this is great. If you're listening to this with power or without power, or you have a butthole, go ahead and like, and subscribe. We really appreciate it. Leave us a review review talk about your butthole talk about how

happy it is when you listen to face was your was the butthole stuff too much i feel like we could maybe trim some of that out it's a bit vulgar no i think it's that's it was more medical than anything yeah i just i don't think it was super i think i'd call it medical i also think it was obviously vulgar so it's weird like we just kept stacking on so what do you mean also think it was obviously vulgar, so it's weird. We just kept stacking on. So what do you mean? You think it was vulgar? It was definitely vulgar. Nick says it's under the medicine umbrella and we didn't even mention the part. Eric says nope, all good. We didn't even mention

the part where Eric says that pooping is like puckering your lips. That was a little gross, I thought. Like your butthole. It looks like puckering lips when you go to poop. Eric, have you seen it I can't confirm or deny I can just let you know that what you're describing is what that's like so

Nick says he saw it well thanks for listening to this episode of face Andrew enjoy sitting in the dark and guys we'll see you next time on F*** Face.