F**kface - Andrew Passes to Himself // NOTTHERSTORE [31]

Episode Date: December 30, 2020

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about a very special intro, the community Christmas Album, potential bat betrayals, and more. Listen to a F**kface Christmas at https://soundcloud.com/user-741322501/sets/have-a-fkface-christmas-feat-the-fkface-discord-orchestra Sponsored by HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/face10) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dragon's Dogma 2, the highly anticipated successor to the cult classic Dragon's Dogma, is out now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series S and X, and Steam. Dragon's Dogma 2 is a third-person action RPG boasting a richly detailed and deeply explorable fantasy world created using Capcom's RE Engine's immersive physics, groundbreaking character AI systems, and cutting-edge graphics. Dive into the vast and dynamic world where The Arisen is called upon to fulfill a forgotten destiny across the nations of Vermont, the Kingdom of Humanity, and Batal, the nation of Beastrin.

Dragon's Dogma 2 revolves entirely around choice. Your choice, that is. From the sword and shield-wielding fighter to fighter to the illusion conjuring trickster, there are over 10 unique vocations to choose from that all require experience to unlock new skills. And character customization is out of this world, literally. Oh, and did I mention the combat is really in-depth? It isn't just hacking at a giant's ankle for half an hour while your dodge roll attacks. You can engage enemies from a distance, climb up large foes, stab them in their weak points, use the terrain and trick, trip, or throw foes off high cliffs or raging waters.

Visit dragonsdogma.com to buy the game and start your epic quest today. That's D-R-A-G-O-N-S-D-O-G-M-A.com to learn more. This is a Rooster Teeth production. What you're about to hear was recorded just minutes after the last episode. I'm literally recording right now, so fuck you. I'm rolling. I'm rolling.

That was a great episode. What are we going to do here, Gavin? This is kind of your idea fuck you. I'm rolling. I'm rolling. Yeah, so I'm rolling. That was a great episode What are we gonna do here Gavin? This is kind of your idea this I wish we weren't rolling I wish I didn't make this the thing I thought okay I tried to come in make a little quick joke Eric didn't understand it twice and Now I've been here for like a minute because I say amen. Do you know why I didn't understand? I'll tell you exactly why I didn't understand it because you came here earlier way earlier so i assumed that you were plotting something with andrew so that way after the episode is over you leave and then come back i understand what you're saying now i came from you constantly changing the time of the podcast you changed it we used to always be at three

and now we're always at 3 3030. Constantly, constantly changing. The last three recordings. Yeah, and that's not constantly changing. We changed the time to 3.30. Why? A, why? And two, Andrew forgot, and he was here 20 minutes early to the 3 o'clock recording. I'm very aware.

And so when I was here, i i was in a meeting and i saw you jump in with andrew and talk to him and then all of a sudden you close out of this and come back in i thought you guys were scheming something nope i i only went in with andrew which he thought was 20 minutes early it was actually 50 minutes early it's on your it's on your calendar my phone is dead. I only went in because you in the Discord wrote, you're here early, talking to Andrew. So I was immediately alerted to Andrew being in.

He was here early. I know that. So I came in to find out why he was early. And we discussed that he was not only early, he was early for the wrong time. So I was then trying to say to Andrew, because Andrew was telling me I was early, and I was like, Andrew, this isn't early.

I'm here at the wrong time. This is too early to be considered early for the recording. So just now, as a joke, I popped back in after we ended the last video, and I said I'm here early for the next recording, like a week early. I understand that now but I hope

that you see that this feels like a classic Andrew scheme where I got very worried that there was something being plotted against me like Jeff and the bats no no no no no there's that would never happen to you Eric absolutely not oh my god why would you think

that would happen to you can we talk about how are we gonna get jeff to only have left socks how are we gonna do this that's all i've been thinking about how do we get rid of all of his right socks and only make sure he has left we need to contact emily or we need to contact millie and say you need to get rid of all of his right socks but we need socks as a replacement oh you're saying get more left socks yeah like remove not just steal his socks replace them you need a recon pass on all the socks he owns so you can buy the same pairs again and then we need to swap out the rights for more lefts that is actually a good point it kind of implied he had old socks we need to figure out if those socks are still in the rotation and then flip them if they are if not we need to somehow get if those socks are still in the rotation and then flip them. If they are,

if not, we need to somehow get him to change all his socks. I was blown away that socks could have a left and a right. I didn't even, I've never heard of that. It's never heard of like, for like Argyle and like more, like really like dressier socks.

They're just cut. So if they have, there's like a little bit of a curve. So like your big toe kind of goes where it's supposed to naturally go and whatever. But also like if it's causing him so much aggravation, I mean, what he explained to me,

three plus years. What is he? Why would he keep the socks? Just get universal socks. It is strange. So when I joked that I was here early for next week's one, what is this now? This isn't next week's one. No, I think this for next week's one, what is this now? This isn't next week's one.

No, I think this is next week's one, isn't it? How could it be? It can't possibly be. We can't start it without Jeff. I'm sure he'll... Why don't you text Jeff to come back? We've made enough. It's dark, Andrew.

I'm alone in the dark and I'm hungry again. It happened again. I think if we yell socks enough, he might just show up. I feel like that might be a calling word for him. He did start without me once. That is a good point, Nick. Maybe this is a midweek. Oh, wait, we are already midweek.

Maybe this is a weekend snippet. Right. You throw it in on like a Saturday. Because you love like you would love a 30.5, wouldn't you? You'd love the way that messes with the. It's already fucked up. Who cares? It's already a fucking mess. mess I mean like his coin flip

thing I'm still not on board I know thank you Eric it was that wasn't that was really thank you Gavin you seem way too calm about that I think is it was insanity but I also had so many questions about I wanted it needs to go forward because yeah it was insane I i was playing down i regret playing down how insane that was that was a complete 90 degree turn on that story it was ridiculous i was so deep into the coin thing i was already thinking of things to say about the coins i was thinking about solutions for the coins yeah when he said socks if i had a mouthful of water it would have gone all over my desk oh i spit on my monitor at some point.

I think it may have been the sock thing. I just filled my mouth with water, and then he pivoted, and I spit everywhere in disgust. It wasn't even a spit tank. It was anger. The indignance that Andrew had for him saying socks was outrageous. It was how cool. It was based around him thinking we wouldn't understand the concept of a 50 50 choice what does that mean and the coin story is way cooler than the sock story cooler

than the sock story it reversed it's not a 50 50 chance because here's the thing it's a 50 50 chance if you flip a coin it's not a-50 chance to go into a drawer of socks and grab a sock and then pick a foot for it to go on. It doesn't make any sense. It's not flipping a coin. There's so many solutions, but I couldn't provide them because I was so distracted

by the coin. I had no room. He was explaining the coin like it was something he had to do every day. He was compelled to flip this coin. It was his thing. And then he said, I've been doing that with socks. Immediately, I'm thinking, he's flipping socks. He's throwing socks up in the air before he puts them on.

No, he's just putting on socks. There's no weirdness behind that. He's just getting dressed. Why did he get into the specifics of the Canadian dollar? Why did he make a point of like what type of coin he was giving it he was giving examples of other coins he was trying to get us to visualize the coin he would he put so much effort into the coin thing for it to mean nothing nothing at all zero purpose oh this has been like a debrief on the last recording because we couldn't have it with jeff here because he would just you know he's too close to it that's true we should start doing commentary tracks on our episodes nobody's done that on a podcast

that's what this is wow can we can we insert a hidden like audio description do they have like accessibility tracks in podcasts that we can hide this on? I don't think we can, but what we can do is release this as a Saturday, like, compendium. It's just, like, play this on your, like, play the episode on your, like, computer and then load this compendium on your phone and we'll be debriefing and doing commentary on the episode on your like computer and then load this compendium on your phone. And we'll be debriefing and doing commentary on the episode. I feel like that's right.

Yeah. I think we do that. Or do we just attach this to the front of the next episode? Don't tell Jeff at all. And he finds out about it. That's the longest. Why do you guys insist on making these like the longest episodes? Because we'll,

we'll just make it shorter. Gavin and I will just be like, we already got 10 minutes. Yeah, we will. It's fine. Oh, my God. No, we don't have that kind of control, Andrew. This podcast was over, and then Jeff talked about coins. I think it's funnier if it's on the next episode, and it's like a completely different pivot.

And then the episode starts, and Jeff has no idea that it's 10 minutes of calling him a lunatic because of his coin. I think that's funnier than just releasing this randomly on a Saturday because then we're just going to talk about it on the next recording anyway. Interesting. I know I understand your point. I think it's a strong point. What if this is very dismissive? That's like you're full of shit i'm not gonna

do what you're saying but what if we do this what if we do this at the end of the one that we just finished recording uh-huh eric records a bit saying that bit was so insane that we had to wait for jeff to leave so we could talk about it and that bit is on our website. Wow, Andrew was not into that idea. No. Like audibly not into that idea. No. Loud and clear. It's not a bad idea.

I just think it's the least funny of the options so far. Oh, yeah, it's not funny. I was just, well, yeah. Well, then why are we doing it? I feel like the point of this is to be funny. This is a funny thing. Yeah. The point of this is not to drive people to our website

like every other piece of content The point is is to face us. You're absolutely right Andrew. It was actually a terrible idea It was I mean it was a good idea for literally anything else we do but it's the wrong show Correct. It was a good idea for any other show. Hmm Yeah, well this is all about pursuing funny. Why why why? Is Why is he still not in his office? I don't understand. It was like his...

Because he's incapable of moving his leg without bashing his knee if there's a thing in the middle. That was one of those physical moments. When he explained that, was your first thought also, well, you're going to hit your head when you go underneath the desk or

something like he's gonna hurt himself still oh absolutely what wait what's he gonna hit his head on oh he's gonna go underneath his desk he's gonna drop a pen down there or something and he's it's like gonna be a thing where it's like well i won't bang my knee against the pole it doesn't matter he's still gonna like bang his head on like the underside of the desk grabbing like a dollar that he dropped or something like he's trying to coin he flipped his left sock is gonna roll underneath the desk he's trying to

solve a problem that will come back to get him no matter what I think that was a good debrief over the last episode I think that was good too we just need to decide I really think it would make me so fucking happy to record the next episode knowing that this is the start of it, and Jeff has no idea. I'm fine with that. If you want to, I'm not opposed to it. Are you okay with it, Gavin?

I'm fine with that. I think it'd be so much fun to know that this is there and he doesn't. Why don't we play it for him? It's kind of long, isn't it? We're 11 minutes in, Gavin. This is not a clip. This is like a portion of an episode. We could edit together a little trailer of it so he knows what we talked about.

Who is going to edit together a little trailer of it? I don't... You said we. I think the paranoia is better. I don't think he should know anything about this. I think it's the bad thing once again. The only reason I worry about that is that when Jeff thinks he's being messed with, he shuts down and he gets really crappy.

And we could potentially ruin ourselves for some good Jeff if we tell him right at the beginning. Well, then don't tell him at the beginning. Tell him at the end. Yeah, I think we tell him at the end. I think we act literally like nothing has happened. Hey, guys, thank you so much for

listening to this episode of F*** Face. By the way, the first 19 minutes of this episode... I think that's what you have to do. One of you has to volunteer to do the outro at a certain time. It's gotta be early we're like 35 minutes in like absurdly early just like force the end because we're gonna probably do two anyway

i feel bad though because people come to this podcast because it's the only place they get jeff and we just did half of it without him but he was completely available no gavin you're no see you're i i understand what you're saying. However, in the episode that we're debriefing from, he did say that he has stepped out on this podcast and has begun recording another podcast where they can get more Jeff. That's true. That's what he gets. That's a great point.

So he's made himself less important in this one. That's it. That's all. I'm not saying I'm just saying, you know, OK, I I'm never going to leave. I'm going to sit in the recording area now for an hour after every podcast because there's no trust. We've just established a new layer of no trust that cannot be reversed. This is really something. This is a different level.

This is really a different level. This is something else. How did you notice Andrew in the thing earlier? Because I was sitting in here because I thought I might be late because I had a meeting. So I was getting out of one meeting into the next one. And I just saw like I had it at the ready, like everything was ready to go. Ah. So I could come in and hit record.

But then I noticed all of a sudden he's in the audio thing. And I'm like, oh, shit. But then Gavin was in and I got like in this meeting. I had my camera on and I was looking in this meeting and then all of a sudden panicked like looking at like my second monitor it was really man it was something it was making me worried

this could never happen if we were recording in real life unless someone went into the room early yeah right it would be a thing where Jeff left he's like in a hurry to get out and then you just walked out to get a soda and then came back in and we went. We just like all pretended to walk out and he gets in his car. We all just come back in.

Well, I think this is a good starting point for this episode. I hope you guys enjoy episode 31 of F*** Face. And I don't know who's doing the intro, but I hope it's a good one. What do you think we're going to talk about, Gavin? Oh, Jesus Christ. You have anything lined up? No, it's quick. I'm not asking for a whole story. You should debrief the next episode before we talk about it. Yeah, I'm trying to, before it happens. Yeah, I'm saying, like, what do you think will be a

subject we touch on next week? Next episode. Oh. It'll be right before New Year's. It'll be on the 30th. Yeah, we'll be talking about it. That will be the episode release. Yeah, I think we'll be right before New Year's. It'll be on the 30th. Yeah, we'll be talking about it. That will be the episode release. Yeah, I think we'll be back on Sewing Machine because that was what was at the end of this one.

That is a great thing. Yeah, we need to talk about that because I really have a question. I'm not trying to fight you, Eric. It's just I think I have a point, and I'm just curious what your thoughts are. All right, so why don't you hand it off now to yourself in the future.

Oh, I like this. Take it away with the intro, followed by the sewing machine, Andrew. Okay, wait, wait, wait a second, wait a second. I'm lining up, I'm lining up, I'm throwing it. Oh, this is good. You're going to catch it. You're going to catch it. You're going to say, and I'm excited.

I'm going to catch it next week. I'm going to catch it next week. I'm going to catch it next week. That ball's in the air. It's flying. That's fucking great. Wait. Wait.

Here it comes. Here it comes. And I caught it. I could. Gavin, you see that catch? Nice catch, dude. You see that catch, Gavin? Fantastic catch.

That was amazing. Go ahead, Jeff. Take it away. I dropped the ball. In what way? In what sense? I didn't catch it. I dropped it.

Oh, it wasn't going for you. It was going for me. It was a toss to myself. I caught it perfectly. I had another ball and I dropped it. Okay. It rolled under the bed. I can't even get to the ball now without a broom handle.

You threw it, caught it, stood next to Jeff. He dropped his ball. Yeah, and you didn't even throw it. How embarrassing. You're just holding a ball that slipped from your hand. Tell me about it. I'm the one that's happening to you. I'm living it right now. Yeah. This is my't even throw it. How embarrassing. You're just holding a ball that slipped from your hand. Tell me about it. I'm the one that's happening to you. I'm living it right now.

Yeah. This is my hell. It is. How's your day going? Okay. Was that what I was supposed to do? What the fuck was that? Don't worry about it.

We're good. Huh? Just show us normal now. Continue. What's up? What is that about? What do you mean, what is that about? What is...

Gavin, what is going on here? Don't worry about it. Andrew, I told you. I told you. Yeah, you're right. Gavin, you're totally right. But it's fine. Jeff wants to just go.

Start. What did he tell you? I know my Jeff. Yeah. What did you say I would do? Nothing. Get crappy. Do we do...

Well, I don't know what the fuck is going on all right don't worry about it let's great we should just tell him no i don't think so i don't think we need to nothing happened tell him about what okay well do we tell him that we were gonna pretend that something happened if you get a full real episode out of jeff without telling him Well, I think do we tell him? Eric, what do you think? Or do we pretend? Because nothing happened, Jeff. Or did something happen? I... Jeff

has shut down. I think you have to. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. He's gone? I'm here. Oh, okay. Listen to that even tone. Listen to his tone.

Nick said he's gone, so I was proud that he actually left, and then he qualified that with mentally. Okay. Yeah. This is a really weird part of the show. This is strange. This is a weird opening.

It was your opening. I'd like you to continue. I think that was a worse minute than last week's bad minute. Oh, I don't... We're not getting into the minute thing again. A minute is unreasonable. It's an unreasonable request. Do you want to do the intro to the show, Jeff? You do a great job. Really good at it. Would you like me to do it? You're saying it's time for me to do the intro?

Yeah, I think we should do the intro. Yeah, hello and welcome to episode, I believe it's 31 of F*** Face podcast starring myself, Jeff Ramsey. Also, my friend Gavin Free and coworker Andrew Pansy. Compare the energy levels between that one and the full start that was like four minutes ago. And that's exactly what I'm talking about, Andrew. He's very defensive.

It is interesting. It is a weirdly guarded... That was a weirdly guarded intro, Jeff. And I noticed the co-worker. I don't get... I get the shaft on the credits, the co-credit. Just trying to cover all the bases. Mm-hmm.

How's your week so far? It's been a while since we talked, Andrew. What's going on in your world? I'm doing pretty good. That's great. Gavin, how about you oh no you have more to go yeah yeah i have one i have a question gavin for you yeah have you been flipping coins recently how's your coin flipping going no i haven't flipped any coins really i've been

flipping a coin every day since we last recorded and let tell you, it's landed about heads and tails equally. Completely uneventful. Yeah, nothing going on. Thank you for proving my point that it's highly improbable that I would always put the left sock on the right foot. Now that you've mentioned it publicly and you've made it real by talking about the sock thing,

has it continued? Yes. Yes. And I continue, I continue i continue oh hold one my dog demands my attention uh i'll be right back i don't want to let the dog wait what all right yeah andrew you gotta tell him you have to tell him now you've there's this is all we're gonna get we have to do two episodes i told you i told you last week this is what would happen. I don't understand what is happening. You can't let his guard down. He doesn't know what's going on.

You have to tell. I've returned. But nothing happened. Yeah, I believe we were talking about sock things continuing unabated as always. I have discovered that I do have a few pairs of socks that don't have L's and R's on them. So those days when I have the privilege of noticing, they make the day go a little easier.

How about you, Gavin? What's going on in your world? I've got some stuff to talk about. What's yours? Do we? Well. I mean, how do we want to do this? This is a weird duel.

I feel like we all have stuff, but nobody wants to lead with it. Well, I feel like we're not really in the show yet. You're not? You think Jeff is still? It's still started, obviously. This is in the show. I already did the intro. I believe I covered all the basics.

Yeah. Jeff, you sound still very guarded. Is everything okay? I don't know what you mean by guarded. I'm just Jeff, man. I don't know about that. You've known me for a long time. Same voice. I have. Same wacky sense of humor.

Same everything. This is a different tone. This is an interesting tone. I was wrong. Gavin, you're right. You're right. I was wrong. But surely we can't explain what has happened. No, you can. No, can we? Because then how long are we going to talk about that?

We're running out of show. See, I burped. Look, I had potty humor. That's what I do. Okay, we have to talk about it. We have no choice. It must be talked about. Do you want to talk?

Because it was kind of your thing, Gavin. I'm going to blame you for this. This is your creation. You're doing it. Inadvertently, sure, yeah. Yeah. So do you want to not talk about it? I just threw the ball to you, and you're like, yeah, I agree, and then nothing. I dropped the ball.

What did you do? Yeah. Yeah, you did. Okay. Well. Did your ball roll under your couch, too? Yeah. Would you like to borrow my broom handle? As you know, Jeff, maybe you don't know.

Did we talk about it last time i showed up 50 minutes late because i thought we were recording at one and i was early for the one yeah and then gavin came in and said i was too early to be early because the recording's at 1 30 and that doesn't count yeah i said that's not early that's just the wrong time yes that's correct yes did not count so then we recorded a show great episode i thought it was really good fantastic christmas episode the intro song fantastic as well we should talk about that talk about that after but what was i saying what was i talking about oh gavin left okay so we stopped recording right and then you left because we were done and then gavin came back after you left to do

the joke that he was here for next week's recording. Yeah, I thought it'd be funny and just show up like immediately after we ended being like, all right, I'm here early for next week. But that just confused Eric because Eric thought I thought we were recording another episode then. So then we got into an argument. We got into an argument about how Eric was dumb and he didn't get my joke. Because I was just trying to say that and then nip straight back out because you know you know the rest of the day to continue living in and then we just started arguing for a little bit and then we just we

started to debrief over what you were talking about jeff but with the coin flip thing how you were linking the sock thing to the coin thing and it went on like like 15 extra minutes and we recorded so after after last week's episode after i bitched out or i'm sorry i peaced out because i fulfilled my obligation you guys did a whole other podcast we unintentionally did a continuation yes and then we couldn't decide where it would go like did we put it on the end of last one or do we cut it and then put it on the beginning of this one and i think we determined that we'll put it on the beginning of this one and that andrew should sort of throw the ball to himself a week in the future which he did he

caught the ball but i did warn him that if you didn't know what was going on you would shut down i denied this i thought chef would be fine and then we had five minutes of what this show is so so far this episode is like 15 minutes of us talking about the end of the previous episode and then 15 more minutes of us talking about the debrief of our debrief to Jeff this is truly an episode of nothing in summary um you're not being pranked or anything like that. No. Oh, it's fine. Here's what happened.

You guys, I realized I was in the middle of a bit I wasn't aware of instantly, obviously, because I'm not stupid. And then I saw Gavin's reaction of thinking I wasn't going to play along. So I didn't. Yeah. Gavin's the reason I didn't play along there. So I was right because I made myself right. Yeah, you created my response.

You're just so ready to go with whatever's happening that... And then once I started with it, you know, I have that, I can't bail out of something. Yeah, obviously. When I'm in a bit. I would have had to, unfortunately, if you guys had,

and I'm really, thank you, by the way. Thanks for ending it when you did. Because I would have gone for the full two episodes like that. And I was not looking forward to it. I was beginning to feel bad that we started the episode by debriefing the debrief. And then the rest of the episode would have just been awkward silence, mostly. And I just felt bad for the audience, to be honest. I was starting to feel bad for the audience too.

Here's the deal. I fucked up last episode in one big way. I was so overwhelmed with the improbability of the issue that I have regarding my socks and my feet which by the way I still am.

It's still plaguing me and I've still gotten no help or relief from either of you other than Andrew trying to figure out a way to make money off my feet. What? What? That is such a gross mischaracterization of what happened. I'm the fucking nicest friend you have, and I took your bullshit sock issue seriously.

I sent you so many messages of like what if we tried this what if we tried this what about this system you are ridiculous I think the best option is that we sell we make socks that just say L on both foot that's actually part of the debrief

Jeff that's in the debrief we talk about that. Getting your only left socks. Yeah, only left socks. Anyway, I was so overcome that Andrew dropped one of the coolest things that has ever happened on us in the form of the fucking F*** Face Christmas album. And I just glossed over it because I was so overcome with my own pain. But after the episode, listened to, I guess while you guys were doing

the rest of the episode, I listened to it. I've been listening to it non-fucking-stop. It's phenomenal. Everybody involved with that thing is so talented and so clever and it's got so many inside jokes that you're still

picking stuff out the third listen through you know so you like appreciate it a little differently each time it's they did a really great job and the whole time uh we can get into it i made i or i say i emily and i cooked spent all day sunday baking cookies like different like five six different kinds of cookies made like hundreds upon hundreds of cookies and then we packaged them up in little boxes and we we gave them out to people and uh the entire time we were making cookies we were listening to i was singing along to like we're a couple of dipshits and and uh do you want to make a podcast and stuff it's really really great and it also uh once again pisses me the fuck off that that life is unfair because I get reminded constantly that everybody on earth can sing but me.

It makes me so mad. I got all the same equipment that the people that made this Christmas album have. Physiologically, we're almost identical, I would gather. Yet, when they say things when they string words together in a melody it sounds like music and when i do it it like people cry the great thing is though the beautiful thing is it doesn't stop me from singing no it doesn't it doesn't well i sing in defiance but anyway i just i feel so bad i felt i was listening to next week's episode already,

which luckily didn't have that thing at the end of it. Otherwise I would have been keen to your little bit, but I was listening to it and I was just thinking like, man, it sucks that we just kind of blew through it because I really want to talk about it and thank them for it because they did such a great job. Anyway, that's all I just wanted to say. It was a great job and I enjoyed Andrew and Eric's cameos.

I enjoyed Eric's cameo. Eric's cameo was fantastic. Mine was terrible. I'm not going to pretend. It was a great... It's insane that they pulled that off, and it was so exciting to, like, get updates across, I don't know, it felt like a few months,

or at least a month of just things, and, like, everything they did, whether it was the album art or the infomercial, it was just all so cool. Unbelievably great unbelievably it's always interesting to find out uh like what inside jokes stick with the audience and that was a great example it was really it was really fun absolutely to hear people make those references back to us in clever ways let's talk about HelloFresh for a second. With HelloFresh, you get fresh, pre-measured ingredients and mouth-watering seasonal recipes delivered right to your door.

And guess what? It's a season right now, so they will have recipes that are appropriate for this season. They also let you skip those trips to the grocery store, and they make home cooking easy, fun, and affordable. And that's why it's America's number one meal kit. They also let you skip those trips to the grocery store, and they make home cooking easy, fun, and affordable. And that's why it's America's number one meal kit. The savings in gas alone is tremendous, unless you live in the grocery store. I saw a condo downtown one time that had a secret door at the bottom that went into the little grocery store. And that was a huge—I didn't end up living there, but that was a huge selling point.

and that was a huge, I didn't get it and live in there, but that was a huge selling point. How cool you just go downstairs on the elevator and then you're right into a little grocery store where you can pick up some eggs and Diet Coke. Anyway, HelloFresh cuts out stressful meal planning and grocery store trips so you can enjoy cooking and get dinner on the table in like 30 minutes or less. That's always the most daunting thing is when you sit down and you start adding up, doing the math and figuring out it's going to take me like 90 minutes to cook this. Not a problem with HelloFresh because they take your time into their consideration. They offer like more than 23 recipes a week featuring a range of flavors, cuisines, ingredients, so you never get bored. I know that in the before times when I, before I would use

HelloFresh, I would get caught cooking like the same three things over and over again until you're just bored to death. It's nice that HelloFresh has so many opportunities to stretch your palate, as it were. Eating healthier has never been easier with low-cal, carb-smart, vegetarian, pescatarian options every week. And no matter what you choose every single recipe is packaged with fresh uh produce sourced directly from farmers they're the ones that make the food they're the food makers farmers that's what we consider america's food makers cut down on grocery bills and waste hello fresh delivers pre-portioned ingredients so you're not over buying which is a burden on the planet and your wallet and you can end up throwing away a bunch of stuff anyway. I threw away so much celery today.

I don't know why I was possessed. I like celery and it hurt to throw away all the extra celery. I don't know why I bought so much and how I forgot about it, but I did. And now it's in the trash. Hello Fresh is easy eats offering has tons of quick and easy meal solutions like oven ready or 10 to 20 minute meals, which are perfect for your busy schedule.

I am assuming you have a busy schedule. It's I think everybody does at this point. So stop bragging about it. We get it. You're very busy. Just get the HelloFresh. So go to HelloFresh.com slash FaceTen and use code FaceTen for 10 free meals, including free shipping.

That's HelloFresh.com slash F-A-C-E 1-0. That's HelloFresh.com slash F-A-C-E 1-0. That's HelloFresh.com slash FaceTen using code FaceTen for 10 free meals. That's not bad. Oh, and free shipping. That's even better. Andrew started messing with me this week, I feel like. Andrew is messing with you this week?

Well, I think the both of you are. What do you mean I turned? I think the bat thing isn't over. Why do you think I'm messing with you? The bat thing isn't over and i'm getting messed with what does that mean well i'm just gonna read a text sent to me here by uh jeff ramsey to the group text jeff said because with his cookies he delivered my bat jeff said how is the bat gav did you get it what does that mean i feel like that means did you get the bat yeah i brought the bat, Gav? Did you get it? What does that mean? I feel like that means, did you get the bat? Yeah, I brought the bat to your house.

I handmade it for you. You're a member of F*** Face. It's our first piece of cool, unique merchandise. I just wanted to know how you felt about it. Yeah, that's fine. That's fine and dandy. But I'd already thanked you for the bat in our own private text, and we'd already talked about it so why would

you then ask me again in the group text how the bat was because i forgot that we had already talked about it in your personal text okay all right also i i went back and looked at because you're right we did because when i sent that text to the group chat i thought did i already ask this question and i went back and you said you just just said, thanks for the cookies and Batman. And I said, no problem. And that was our conversation. Did you think I was talking about Batman? No, but I still didn't know

what you thought about the bat. Also, you have no idea. I, so going back a bit, spent all Sunday making these fucking stupid cookies, these Christmas cookies. There's so many people in Achievement Hunter and Gus and Matt and everybody. And so I made the Christmas list of people who I wanted to make.

Not one. I wanted to make cookies for everybody on Earth, but the people that I was going to deliver Christmas cookies to. And then I went and I got in my car and I just drove around to all of your houses. I know where all of you live now, by the way. And I dropped the cookies off. And then I came home and Emily was like,

what do people think of the cookies? And I was like, I don't know. I didn't think to ask them. And she goes, oh, nobody said thank you? And I go, well, I didn't talk to anybody. And she's like, well, were there nobody home? And I was like, I don't know. I just put them on people's front porches and got the fuck out of there because I don't want to talk to anybody. And she's like, well, nobody were people, nobody home. And I was like, I don't know. I just put them on people's front porches and got the fuck out of there

because I don't want to talk to anybody, you know, in person. And I don't want to inconvenience them. And she was like, you don't just drop food off on people's front porch and then leave. And, and never did you text them and tell them it was there.

And I didn't. And, uh, apparently that's really rude. I didn't know that, but I dropped off like 20 packages of cookies to people around town. And I assume by now they've, most of them have figured it out.

But how is it rude? It says, it says from Jeff on them. Yeah. I figured you'll go out to the mailbox at some point or you'll leave to go to the grocery store. At some point you'll open your front door and there you'll see that there were cookies.

Although I guess some people were out of town and I'm, I haven't heard back from Bernie yet. So that was like four days ago i would have done the exact same thing you did jeff i just wanted to chime in and let you know that i support you a hundred percent i would not have i didn't no ringing a doorbell no knocking on a door no tech you texted me the day before and you said i'm doing this tomorrow i need to look out for it boom it was there done i would have done the exact same thing it wasn't thanks man thanks man i appreciate that from jeff i feel like you're completely in the clear it was it certainly wasn't an attempt

to be rude i was thinking i was trying to be like if anything more gracious because like you know what's the worst like what happens what's the first thing you think of when your doorbell rings uh just it wasn't rhetorical i think i think god damn it now i gotta go to the door what if it's a stranger what if it's somebody that needs something what if it's a crazy person what if it's they want to give me literature what if it's like my friend who's showing up because they need like it's never good the best case scenario is your uber eats order is on the ground but then you're expecting that doorbell so when it's an unexpected doorbell ring it's 99 of the time going to be annoying so way better just not

to have it it could be someone just saying can you help me move yeah exactly that would be really bad or like my car broke down in your front yard can I have all like I need all of your tools and your phone. And also I'm hungry. I don't know, you know. And so I didn't want to do that. I don't want to burden you guys. And some people have kids and stuff. Kids take naps.

You don't want to fuck up their sleep schedule, ring in doorbells. And then then I got home and I felt bad because I realized I gave a bat. I hand delivered a bat to Eric, Nick and Gavin. Gavin, yours was kind of funny. And then I and I realized we didn't get anything for Andrew. So we called the McDonald's in Andrew's town and tried to order 40...

Was it 20 or 40? 20. Carrot muffins. Whatever the fuck they're called. McMuffins or whatever. And the McDonald's was like, Sir, we don't have that many. We only have six. So I asked them for an assortment of muffins to send to Andrew.

Let me tell you that story from my perspective. I randomly get a text. It was a very nice text. It seemed very sweet. It was like, we're going to send you something. I was like, that's incredibly kind. That's such a sweet gesture. Thank you.

I gave my address and then I got a text saying expected in 10 to 15 minutes. And I was terrified. I had full bat paranoia because of everything leading up. I'm like, is this a bit? And are they going to fucking shoot a hornet's nest at my door? What do I need to be prepared for? It was stressful. I had no idea what to expect because of all the bat stuff. I didn know if it was a bit I was like oh that this is very thoughtful messages

it'd be strange if this was a bit but this could totally be a bit and then I got the McDonald's bag and I immediately knew it was either one of two things it's either muffins or 50 burgers and there was just dread and holding these giant bags because I couldn't tell what they were they're just two massive heavy bags. It could have been either. And I was so relieved it was the muffins because I don't think I could do 50 burgers again. That would be the end of it. You didn't in the first place. It went from like, oh, this is such a sweet gesture to what the fuck is going on to, oh,

my God, are there burgers to, oh, this is fantastic. What a nice thing. Have you eaten all 20 muffins yet? Oh, no, I think I've had three muffins thing have you eaten all 20 muffins yet oh no i think i've had three muffins my freezer is filled with muffins oh good it's almost all muffin so you said my my bat was funny why is it funny oh your bat was funny because i delivered um i made like a map and i delivered it and aligned everybody and i I went from your house to Bernie's house to, I don't know. Anyway, I went to eat from your house to a couple others. It was near the end

because we live kind of close to each other. And I dropped off your cookies and everything. And then I drove over. And as I was dropping Gus's thing off and thinking I was done, I looked down and I saw your stupid bat on my passenger seat and realized that I dropped off everybody else's bat, but yours, I forgot about you. So I had to drive all the way back across town to your house, drop off your bat in the same spot as your cookies, which I noticed you hadn't found yet. But I thought that if you were paying attention to your ring camera,

you would see me show up twice. That might appear suspicious. Well, I got on both. Got the bat. It's fine. What do you think? You think it's worth... What are we selling them for? $1,000? I had to text Andrew about the bat. Yeah.

And then I believe that Andrew filled you in on some of my doubt about the bat. Gavin is very paranoid, but I get it. I am. Because I thought Jeff was

sending a hornet's nest at my door, so I understand your paranoia. You asked me a very weird question. This is what Gavin asked me. I mean, you have the tax out. I'm assuming you could see it. He asked me, how big are the bats? And then he told me he had one in his possession.

It was a strange question. I don't understand why you... I guess I wasn't paying attention when you were talking about the bats as to how big the bats were. I was imagining the size of a bat but it's a tiny little bat it like barely like halfway up my shin in length so i was like did he deliberately get me a small bat and then i looked at some pictures i was like i think they're all small but i was then and then there was that picture of you holding one of the bats

and i was holding my hand out in the same way, trying to match the size to your photo. And then I just asked Andrew, I was like, how big are the bats that Jeff was engraving? Andrew said, I have no idea. What's your shoe size? Yeah. Which then is a different discussion we ended up having. And then I was like, I just thought they were full size bats. Andrew's like, no, they were never full size bats.

Why do you ask? And then that conversation ended, and Andrew asked me, how big is your bat? And I said, small. And then Jeff asked me, how's your bat? So what's it? Am I just paranoid and you're just playing off it? Or did you give me a little tiny bat?

I will say, okay, so the shoe size thing, just to go back to that for a minute, I didn't think you had your bat yet Gavin you didn't tell me I had no context for if you had it or not So I thought you were asking me how big the bat was in the photo And I assumed it would be about the length of your arm But I was trying to think like a visual indicator this isn't it like a thing where if you put your shoe on like your Forearm it's like the size of like from your elbow to your fingertip or something like isn't it like a thing where if you put your shoe on your forearm, it's like the size of from your elbow to your fingertip or something? Like, doesn't that match up? No.

I feel like that's a thing. No, I feel like that's definitely a thing. What, your elbow to your fingertip? I'm going to get my shoe. I'll be right back. There's no way. I feel like it definitely, I know it feels like there isn't, but. Maybe your shoulder to your elbow?

I don't know. So is it a normal bad, Jeff? Let me go back to a conversation I had't know. So is it a normal bat, Jeff? Let me go back to a conversation I had with Andrew. This is from Tuesday. Andrew, Andrew, Gavin thinks you gave him

a fake bat. I said, interesting. Interesting. What makes him say that, Andrew? He thinks it's too small, I say.

I would tend to agree. Because I've been bitching about how small they are, the damn knob is forever. He said, I would tend to agree. He, because I've been bitching about how small they are. The damn knob is forever. He said, ha ha ha. Then a day later, he says, what did you tell Gavin that I told you?

And I said, nothing. Why? And he said, interesting. And that's it. This is the conversation I had. I don't know who's,

I don't know who's fucking with who at this point. I thought at that point it had flip back around on me again, and I was getting like triple fucked. And so I just washed my hands with the whole thing. All I can hope for is that Gavin spent at least 10 minutes inside his house looking at a bat going, is this thing fucking good? Is this gonna blow up in my face?

Is it gonna smell like dog turds? Like, what's the problem? Because that's what my life was like for like two weeks. So if I could get 10 minutes of that in Gavin's house, I'm fine. I'll take it. I'll take it. Fuck it. It's gold to me.

After I saw the message, Jeff, that you wrote in the group text, how's your bat? I just, you know, I was like, yeah, great. Later on that day, Andrew texts me, when Hitman 3 releases, we should have a contest blah blah blah i just said i don't trust you you've let my bat doubt slip to jeff he said what what did jeff tell you that i told him and i said just what he asked in the group text he said i don't see how that's a betrayal i said you always betray your greatest allies he He said, what does that mean? I said, there's no innocence here.

He said, I think if anyone has betrayed anyone here, it's you. And then we end up just arguing with each other. This is all from nothing. There's nothing. Nothing has happened. This is okay. Well, this is what happened, Gavin, because I thought that group text, your group text thing was Jeff's group text of how are the bats?

Because I didn't know the context that he had asked you in another way. That didn't register to me as weird at all. So when you said, I felt like Jeff must have sent you something directly. So then I went to Jeff to see what he'd say that he sent you. And then I was going to ask you the same. And I was going to cross interview both of you, seeing what the other person said. said but you had nothing it was just a comment that Jeff made in a group text there's nothing there you're right it's a whole bunch of paranoia over nothing it's all because I didn't pay attention to how big the bats were yes you for some reason thought these were full-size bats

we just need to sell these fucking bats we just needed to be done with. We need to move on. Sell the amazing bats. I think they're coming out January 8th. Is that right? That sounds correct. When is this podcast? This is the week after Christmas. Yeah, we're recording this December 17th, I believe, is what day it is.

Yeah, I think the bats, the Russian fuck hat, and the Ian shirt all come out on the same day in January, right? I believe that is correct. We were talking about, Andrew and I were talking about how fucking face of us it is that we're releasing our biggest merch drop ever right after christmas

after everybody's done spending money not just right after christmas after christmas pass when there's ever a sale there's no sale around january yeah it's like like two weeks after everybody got their presents and then spent all the money that they got for Christmas. So everybody is dead ass broke. Probably the brokest you'll be in the year is January 6th to the 9th or something. And so that's when we're going to release our merchandise. Dude, speaking of

the bats, Jack, super fan Jack, texted me an absolute revelation. He said, Katie pointed out that bat knob is just a door handle just a door knob yeah so we could just sell like cabinet knobs

and sign those have we ever sold door knobs I think that's a first I think it is a first do you sell a door knob as a bat knob they're the official f*** face door knob bat knob no we just call as a bat knob? They're the official f*** face doorknob bat knob. No, we just call it a doorknob too.

We're going to be like, how did you get to doorknob? And it's like, you don't want to know. It's a long road. I like the idea of tracing from the very beginning of the podcast, how do we get to selling a doorknob? Well, we'll find out what the second poorest day of the year is and then we'll release the doorknob. Well, we'll find out

what the second poorest day of the year is and then we'll release the doorknobs on that day. That'd be awesome. Yeah, that'd be fucking great. I'm excited about the E. Actually, I'm excited about the bats. I hope people like them and I hope people buy them

because of all the misery that went into each bat. But I'm excited about that E-in shirt too because I just selfishly want to wear it. Yeah, I mean, I think all the merch for that is amazing. Finally the hats are being sold. How long has that been in the works? Like seven years. Can you guys hear the dog

eating his squeaky toy? No. No, I can't. I heard something. In case you think that a clown is being beaten to death in the background. I'm glad that I've got a normal small bat. It's amazing what your own brain can do to you.

It's the worst, dude. We are our own worst enemies. I was miserable. I put the bats in the spare bedroom closet. For like a full probably 10 days before. Oh, can you hear it? Yes.

Yes. Probably a full 10 days before I took it back out again. I was just like, I got to get it away from me. I don't trust it. Speaking of normal bats, regular bats bats i got my bats this week i received my bat your fluke face my fluke face my fluke face bats i've got that on the uh on our text

exchange as well yeah do you want to go through that well you posted a picture uh on it it says it says uh fluke face at the end the fluke the uh the classic fluke face logo and it says fluke face at the end the classic fluke face logo and it says fluke face further down the bat as well and under it you wrote fluke face bat in the text Jeff said it's huge under that

under the fluke face on the bat it says all is one word not the our store not the store is what it looks like so i i just wrote nothing else i just wrote not the r store and you wrote well that's unfortunate i didn't notice i was so happy with the bats It was like a flex, it was my bat flex And there's this huge error

You get the first I don't know if Eric and Nick have seen it So I'll just post it here This is my great fluke face, not the R store bat Not the R store I cannot believe it I mean, it's so mean I assumed I could I mean it's so

mean I assumed I made the error though but then I looked at my order and I sent it correctly it was a company error on their side they fucked it up that was worth twice as much now not me but here's the thing Jeff I'm putting a light

in your face right fucking now I'm looking at you right in the eyes. This is suspicious. I emailed the company about the bats explaining my issue. This is what I got back as a reply. Who the fuck is Goffrey? That's not a real name.

That is clearly you as an alias. I think you're on the inside. I think you're so deep in the bat game. You got a whole side bat business that I accidentally stumbled onto and you're fucking me on the inside. I think you're so deep in the bat game. You got a whole side bat business that I accidentally stumbled onto. And you're fucking me from the inside. So you're fucking me. You think that I would have an alter ego that's just a misspelling of my name? Yes.

Yes, I do. You think that Jeff went out there, got ahead of this, started a bat company in hope that you would use it? Yes. No, no, no. No, not that I would use it. I think Jeff found out that he's got a deep love of bats, joined a bat company under his alias. And then I happen to use that same service. And Jeff is sabotaging me from the inside because he wants to own the bat market.

That is not a real name. Couple things. One, Gavin's solution or Gavin's idea makes way more sense to me that I would do it to fuck with you. Not that I would have some sort of love of bats. And two, that is a brutal, brutal bastardization of my name. I have in 45 years never seen it misspelled quite like that. Go away. That's offensive.

I understand it's probably how that poor man's or I'm not sure how that person identifies, but that poor person's literal like it might be the name on their birth certificate. So it sucks for them.

But I would never in a million years assume that identity. I hate I would be like would be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, uh... Your explanation right now makes me think it's just you. I'd be, I'd be, I was gonna say I'd be Dirk, but that's taken.

Uh, I'd pick a really cool name. Like Dirk. Why is it, Andrew, that if you ever try and get anything made, there's a huge manufacturing issue? That's what I said! that's what i said that's what in the first episode of this show jeff is like you bring it on yourself i don't bring this on myself this wasn't my fault i exude face this is just my life i did everything right and that's

what i get there is nothing else i could have done. It just happens. I would argue that the right thing would be not to get the bat made. No. The thing here is that Andrew's paranoia comes from projection to a degree that is like insane. He's like, Jeff, clearly this is you. You set up an alter ego. You're so deep in the bat game. And the only reason he thinks that is because he set up four or five dummy accounts so he could record an episode because he felt like doing it at a different time. I mean, like no one thinks at the level that Andrew is thinking,

but he's putting that on everyone else. Yeah, no one could even possibly dream of being one step ahead of where Andrew might go. There's absolutely no indication at any point. Like, what happened today? I was going about my business, having a day. My phone pops up a Discord notification saying Gavin Free has joined the discord later on i go this is like half an hour before the podcast starts

i look at our recording room that we record in and wait fascinating i'm typing fascinating i just just admitted that he sorry go ahead sorry we can go we finish so i look at the room you can see the list of names who are in the in the room that you recorded i look in the room i see andrew jeff eric nick and myself i actually i don't think nick was in there yet so i joined and andrew was was talking but his voice was coming out of all four accounts at the same time it sounded it sounded like a face nightmare and then nick came in and i hope recorded some and then you guys came in but how how could we predict that was gonna happen andrew i don't i don't know what the point you're trying to make how is it my job for you to predict what

i'm gonna do oh you're saying because of jeff because i'm saying that jeff no and once again i'm not saying that jeff playing this yeah i'm not saying jeff playing this my whole thing is that jeff really is into bats jeff crazily saying i'm not that much of a bat guy all he's talked about for eight weeks in a row you're the biggest bat guy i know you definitely would get into the bat business and i think you would just be lazy with your alternate alias. I've never seen that name anywhere before. And my bats got suddenly fucked.

It's very mysterious. Here's the deal, Andrew. That's a ludicrous, ludicrous assertion. I'm not going to tell you it's not true, though. It's probably not true. It's probably very most likely not true, but it could be. You're 99% sure that it's not true.

Could be. It's definitely not true, and you're 99% sure. I know it's true though. Like, you're trying to do like a mind game with me where you're trying to make me think it's not true? It is true. I'm just gonna believe that it is true. It absolutely could be true. It could be true. I could have done those things in that way

that you described. Absolutely. I think the only way to end all this paranoia is absolutely no contact during the week. What does that mean? Well, the paranoia just came from talking to you. Just talking to the both of you. For me, at least, this week. And I feel like it's dangerous and we shouldn't do it.

I feel like the source is the bats, right? I mean, technically, if we want to get really serious about this, Gavin, and follow the thread to the beginning, this is your fault. This is all your fault. This is our fault. So for you to then be the solution is talk to nobody. Fascinating. It is my fault.

Yeah, you were the first. You put you push the first domino over and they're still falling i gotta say though uh misery definitely loves company and it makes me so happy inside that you two are both paranoid uh because i'm just happy that uh that i'm not the only one that they got out of this bat scenario scathed no no we No, we're all broken. I like that I feel vulnerable enough around you guys to come clean, though, and ask, just ask about it straight up instead of holding on to the paranoia

and keeping it inside me. I at least was able to talk to you both about it, so that's nice. Yeah. Yeah, I assume that's a dig at Andrew. And a good way to end the episode, probably, as Eric points out, we have to accommodate the cool intro.

Are we putting in any of the demon that Andrew made? I don't know. It was bad. I don't know if anyone wants to listen to that. Nick had an idea, a.k.a. me, had an idea, a.k.a. Nick. We'll talk to you about it. It's a good idea. On paper.

It's a good idea I didn't but did come up with but I didn't but I'm Nick but I'm not Nick I'm all of you Andrew is talking out of our mouths and typing as us as this episode should I end the podcast as all of you which Nick is talking right now in the chat is that real Nick

I have no idea that's a great question but i could just write real nick how do you know like jeff write something in the chat or gavin somebody right now eric eric or jeff write something in the chat chat who's talking me i don't understand can we just wrap the episode i'm in hell this this is hell, what's going on? this has gotta be our the oddest episode we've had yeah, definitely up there as most

bizarre, like front to back how do we keep topping that? it doesn't make any sense, alright so Andrew you gonna unmute everyone and do a group outro? let me do the group outro now there's two voices now we got three what am I supposed to say again?

Thank everyone for listening. Yeah, could you just write it? Are you? I even brought Nick in here. I'm going to bring Nick down. I hate it. I'm going down. Okay, so.

This is a visual joke for an audio podcast I don't know why we did this this is why it came into by the way this is what I arrived into yeah me too it was a mind fuck for sure you know what I came in

I came into this followed up immediately by you guys throwing balls to each other it was not a welcoming way to enter into the podcast this followed up immediately by you guys throwing balls to each other. It was not a welcoming way to enter into the podcast. Wait, so he's not doing the outro? He's done. He's out. Andrew, Jeff, Aaron, Kevin,

go! Thanks for listening to the F*** Face Podcast. If you made it all the way to here, you're made of Stern stuff. Speaking of Stern, Howard Stern just signed up for another five years. I know he's, I was going to call him a competitor. And I thought that's not right. I'll call him a peer, but that's also not right.

We are not on the same level, but congratulations to that. He'll be 104 by the time he finishes that contract. And five stars, like and subscribe. I have it on good authority that people are really liking this podcast. And apparently it's doing very, very well in the charts. So keep up the good work. And I'm sorry about Andrew. Thanks for listening.