F**kface - Andrew's Ankle Suggestions // 2022: The Pancake Snorkel Redemption [91]

Episode Date: February 23, 2022

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Spanky Danky pleasantries, emergency porn glass, Andrew's Hospital Experience, Hotcake Hack Results, illegal knobs, wrist pockets, Gavin's drawstring drywall, and bean hole. If you want to send your towel cards in, send to: Infinity Towel, 1901 e. 51st st, Austin, TX 78723 Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Sponsored by ExpressVPN (http://expressvpn.com/face), BetterHelp (http://betterhelp.com/face), and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/face16) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Let's not argue about the moon landing podcast. My name is Jeff Ramsey. Welcome to you, the audience. Your name is whatever the fuck it is. Also with me, Andrew and Gavin. This is episode 91. That came through my speakers for some reason. Did it?

How else do you get it? Spanky Danky is his name. Spanky Danky. So I was directionally correct. I was close. Spanky Danky. What you get there, audience, in that intro, and also Gavin, because of course he wasn't here, that is a recap of this episode's pleasantries.

Couldn't bring you along for the pleasantries, but wanted to give you a little nugget of what it was because it was a wild ride for the seven minutes I was involved in it. It had already been going for a bit. So when did the pleasantries start with Andrew? Like 20 minutes ago? No, well, listen, I showed up 15 minutes ago.

Everybody else showed up 10 minutes, I'd say. Okay. I showed up maybe, they were going. When I clicked in, there was laughter and Nick was like, this is already off the rails. And based on last week's pleasantries, I decided not to attend this week's pleasantries on the grounds that they're worthless.

You missed a lot. We heard about two old men who tried to one-up each other in a Walmart about whether they were both directly involved with either the moon landing or the covering up of the moon landing. We learned about Spanky Dandy, the hottest rapper. What about this, Gavin? Next week, next time we record, whatever that is, I will not show up until one and you can show up 10 minutes early and you can have the pleasantries experience why don't we just all turn up at the same time and record it all for the audience to listen to all of because the pleasantries are a great part that i hate the mess they really are

you uh gav you came up in the pleasantries we told we regaled your uh bob vila gogurt experience oh yeah we talked about that a bit we discovered that the vin diagram of people who make a Logan's Run reference and say bro is me. We surveyed. A jam-packed seven minutes. I'll be honest, this week's pleasantries sounded better than last week's.

I think the problem is when you get here, we just end up starting the show, so there are no pleasantries. It just immediately goes in. So that's why it's offering. So what you're saying is it's physically impossible for me to attend pleasantries if I'm the last to join. I think the last

person who joins, whoever that is, doesn't get to partake in the pleasantries. Alright. So next week, you're out. So I'm out. I'm willing to step out for pleasantries and I welcome you to get in 10 minutes early. I agree with Nick. There was less pressure on these pleasantries this week. Last week, there was a lot of pleasantry pressure.

That's a good point. I think you just need to naturally show. My power might go off. Yeah, you having a rough day, huh, buddy? Yeah, got booted from a GTA video I was in earlier because my power went off, and it could happen again today. Well, it's still today. I mean, now.

We're in the midst of another snowstorm in Austin so the entire state has shut down. Things are fine on my house, though. Bit warmer this year, though. Yeah, well, last time was a historic cold, right? Yeah, it's only minus three today, which is definitely enough to grind the whole of Texas to a halt.

But last year, it was like minus 16 or something. Yeah, it was pretty sucky it's gonna continue to get colder though it's gonna be even colder tomorrow i hear oh nick said is this is this gavin's print the law episode uh too soon to tell but quite possibly quite possibly do you have a generator gavin uh i've got batteries well what does that mean what is it batteries what is i got fucking batteries i don't know what that means what do you mean your batteries explode jeff has batteries yeah i'm not talking about just double a i've got like large block like camping batteries he's got his garage is full of ac delco car batteries just in

case i got all these double i got a million fucking double as i'm ready it's like having a generator but it doesn't last as long but I don't have to put petrol in it that's fair what do you okay so let's say you lose power and you gotta use what's the first item that's getting hooked up is it the fridge what are you protecting the internet that's number one for you how many of the batteries do you have what are we working with here eight eight okay that's pretty good I don't i use them for like filming in the quarry typically but uh comes in handy when all the powers off well i mean i just turn on the internet we like ration the internet mainly because it's nice to you know hear updates about the world and uh yes maybe quickly grab some content to

watch with dinner for your crippling porn addiction right uh yeah i can't imagine like pre-downloading porn like what is it like the 2000s that would be really extreme not like i i need i need to pleasure myself now but i'm gonna do it later imagine scheduling that i'm not i'm not horny now but i'll get it down just in case of horny break glass i did not think that throwaway joke was gonna was gonna result in so much funny that's awesome gavin i don't i don't remember if we talked about it in a recording or if it was outside of the fact but gavin shared his battery holder thing at some point where it's like i'm just imagining that for like porn hard drives it's like categorized he's got different things i love the idea of just he's putting on a little usb stick a few porn videos that you've never seen before

that you know that you need offline in case your raid goes down i like the idea of you having to pick between like porn or your fridge like you've got that you need offline. In case your raid goes down. I like the idea of you having to pick between porn or your fridge. Like you've got one more battery. I think I'm gonna do that. I think I'm gonna cut a little hole in my wall and put in like a emergency porn glass. Well wait, what if you get one of those fridges

that have like a screen in the front? You could be a double threat. You could just throw your porn to the front of the fridge. Wanking while you're facing your fridge is a bit weird in the middle of the game. I think having a fucking porn stash in case that a storm takes out your powers would have gone beyond the realm of like normalcy.

I mean, that's just an area where the digital world has kind of screwed us because, you know, back in the day, people would resort to magazines which are available offline. Yeah. Or VHS. Can I get a porn mag at a store?

Like, I don't think, does Playboy stop publishing, right? They don't make magazines anymore, I don't think. I think that they started again, maybe. But there are other porn companies that still make magazines, I believe. It's such an interesting line of thought of being like, I'm horny, I gotta go to the 7-Eleven. Dude, it used to be, imagine if you were like, I wanna I don't wanna look at a picture of people fuck, but I would like to watch a video of it. You'd had

to go to the other side of town, to a disgusting dark building and then stare at the ground for 20 minutes while you try to find your flavor of porn in a porn theater. Knowing in the back there were dudes beaten off in little cubicles. The world has changed for the better rapidly. I don't understand those those theaters though like people would go in and not

wank is that the point of them what do you mean like it was always a big deal when people got caught monkeying off in a talking like peewee herman yeah we're talking about i don't want to yeah he was in another movie theater and i also think that that turned out to be sort of he sort of got fucked over by that like that turned out not to be like that turned out to be sort of he sort of got fucked over by that like that turned out not to be like that turned out to be misreported in some way I believe. Was it like a Richard Gere jumble situation? No I think there was something to it but I think I don't know

I don't know the story but I think it wasn't as nefarious as it seemed however what's his face from all the Christopher Guest movies I think his was legit. Who is that? Fred Willard. Oh R.I.P. yeah he's great did he have one of those yeah he got busted jacking off in a theater like in his 70s

this is kind of funny depending on the context yeah I guess it really depends on the theater what was playing for my my level of okay with it was the weirdest thing is it was it was a mighty wind he was jacking off to his own goals he saw bob balaban

whoever his name is i agree i don't i don't know i don't know what the point it's just like a weird thing do people would you think people have recorded like bootleg you imagine like bootleg theater porn as opposed to like when people would like illegally film movies secret have you ever watched somebody illegally film something in a movie theater before no no i remember one time i was at the show and it was like i don't remember what the movie was but i've been out a long time and it was just me and this one guy in the theater and he pulled out a fucking tripod and he put a camera on a tripod at the back of the theater. This guy's wild. Did he get caught?

No, I don't think he, I don't know what he was there for. He left like shortly after, but he pulled a tripod out. And I was like, this is fucking ridiculous. Like the level of confidence. What if he just had one of those, one of those things that people put on tripods to see if, they're like architect people. They have like levels on them and stuff.

They're levels. Survey equipment? Yeah, I just see them all the time. I just, I have them and stuff. They're levels. Survey equipment. Yeah. Yeah. I just see them all the time. I just, I have no idea what they're doing ever. I don't know.

It's possible. He worked for the theater. I don't even remember if he, I saw a camera, but he had a tripod and I just thought this is ridiculous. Like to bring in the confidence of bringing in a tripod is impressive to me. I love that level of not caring. The world has changed a lot since those days. It has. I'd like

to see somebody in there with a boom mic I mean isn't this essentially an entire episode of Seinfeld when Kramer got caught up in uh pirating movies and is it uh it was Death Blow was the movie they were they were trying to that's a great fake movie name Death Blow yeah yeah what's the one in Twilight that's another great fake movie it's like killer punch did you hear that someone did someone text me what the fuck was that let me put your phone on silent i'm gonna put my phone on silent sorry that was odd jesus christ that's awesome have we talked have you talked about what's what's happened to you I didn't put your phone on silent. No, I'm going to put my phone on silent. Sorry. That was odd. Jesus Christ, that's awesome.

Have you talked about what's happened to you, Andrew? What? What do you mean? In the pleasantries? In the last week? Yeah. Well, I mean... That was a strange pivot, because I felt like you were talking about the text thing,

which I definitely have talked about. Well, yeah, we already talked about that. What we haven't talked about is how you're basically disabled this week. No, well, you know what the worst part of that whole experience is? Is that there's nothing all that entertaining about anything that happened.

I was genuinely mad that, well, I had to go to the hospital unexpectedly because I had a foot issue. And typically my ankle foot things heal at about a week and it was not healing. So I was like, I think I need to finally get this checked out. So I did. The problem is i live up like the the most ridiculous 12 staircase setup and i couldn't go ahead i was gonna say i feel like gavin and i were very supportive of you in

that moment throwing out lots of options for ways to get down the stairs i don't remember if gavin made a suggestion jeff suggested i sled down it like jackass because you sent us a picture of a flight of stairs and then you said something like i have to do that four times yes it's a lot it's a lot of stairs so i wheeled out i called an ambulance they came and they they evaluated i explained the situation I think the funniest part of that. Well, there are two parts of it that were funny. One, I've been reluctant. I think it's partially like an anxiety thing of not wanting to get checked out and also feeling like, oh, I'm not like dying.

I don't think so. I'm fine. It heals in a week. Like, whatever. No big deal. So when we're going over, like all the different things, the guys like, are you taking any Advil or Tylil or tylenol or whatever and i was like yeah i'm taking quite a bit right now to manage it yeah and he's like well are you do you have any side effects from that and i'm like no you know my stomach has been burning a little bit uh because of it and i know that could be a byproduct

of using those in large large quantities but outside of that i'm doing pretty good he's like any shit or any any shit in your blood great flub andrew any blood he asked any blood in your shit essentially and i was like no i'm good there no problems there and he's like okay good because if that if you had that then that's when you really want to get checked out and i was just quietly like shit i was just quietly like yep i was freaking out so we get through that and then uh they're like, okay, we've looked at your foot. We have these issues with it. They're like, we think you should get checked out.

I think it would make sense for us to take you to the hospital. We're going to do that. Now we just need to figure out the best way to accomplish this, because you can't walk at all, and your stairs are ridiculously narrow and long and twisty. So they're in your house at this point. They're in my house. Yeah, it's two guys. How hard was it for them to find your house?

Did they have to follow the McDonald's guy? They had to, yeah. They had to call the McDonald's guy. They had to be waved out. It was a whole ordeal. But they get there, and they're like, we're going to need to call,

we're going to call the fire department, essentially, to figure out, get more muscle. They have other tools. We'll collaborate. We'll get this. We'll figure out a way for you to go down i was like okay cool so they do that and then like 10 minutes later there's seven firefighters on my stairwell all looking up it's like a team huddle and they're just going back and forth on what what the plan should be i'm just listening and before any of this happened i thought should i just because

everything else is fine i thought should i just slide down the stairs and then just wait at the bottom and that would i could i think i could accomplish this yeah like a little butt shimmy like a little butt like a dog doing a butt shimmy across all my stairs i was like i think i could accomplish this and but i thought i'll wait and I'll hear their opinions. I don't know what options they have. So there's like nine people at this point. And they came to the conclusion that the easiest way for me to do this would be is if I just slid down the stairs. So I have seven jacked firefighters all around me just watching. They turned into like just a peanut gallery.

They just were like there for moral support at that point so i'd ask shimmy down my stairs and then they'd grab my my desk chair put it behind me i'd sit and then i'd push myself in the chair to the next set of stairs and then i just did that all the way down to the front door to get in the in the bed i like that that was the result of their huddle like they, they're like, that was young. You get a shimmy down on your arm. Do you realize that you just lived out every lonely, bored housewife's fantasy to slide down carpeted stairs into the waiting arms of seven firefighters? I just thought the idea was somewhere else in Canada. They're like, ah, the freaking restaurant's on fire.

You have to wait. We got everyone deployed to a guy with a swollen ankle. We got a stair slide situation. We got a stair slide. They were just, all they did was say, good job. And also, like, did it sound patronizing or, like, supportive? No, it seemed genuine. There was a lot of good jobs and, like, oh, you should take a minute to take your breath.

Like it was a lot of trying to make it. I'm good. I'm fine. We're just going to do this. So then I accomplished that. What else? Well, yeah, it was an it was a noise, but it was funny. And then you had to do it in reverse, I assume, when you came home.

No. Well, that was that was the thing. I was like, well, how am I going to I'm not really sure what the game plan is for getting back up. And I just was on so many with the whole thing. The whole exiting process wasn't the best where I they did x-rays and blood work and all this stuff. And then they gave me what they believe was the issue with it. And they gave me a bunch of pain pills for it, essentially.

And the person's like, hey, can you can you walk? And I was like, I don't think so, but I don't know. I haven't tried in like four or five hours. And they like okay well do you own they didn't offer me anything they weren't like we have crutches or a wheelchair they're like do you own any of that stuff and i was like not really no they're like well can you walk and i was like i don't think so they're like cool we'll come back in like 15 minutes and try to figure this out. And they never came back. So I just slowly limped out of my room. My foot was too swollen to put on my shoes. So I'm barefoot,

just slowly staggering through the hospital by myself and then just go out the door and hop in a car and get taken home. And then I just walked up all the stairs just very slowly using the railing. Are you wearing regulation Andrew Panton shorts this using the railing are you wearing regulation Andrew pant and shorts this whole time I had been wearing regulation underwear for like the past six days well not even some so you weren't even in shorts no I

was going full Winnie that I was Winnie the Pooh in it for a lot of the days and then no I put on shorts for the okay so you didn't Winnie the Pooh in your butt shuffles down this I did I did not whinny the poo in my butt shuffle down. Donald Duck it down the stairs. No. Seven firefighters just look away. Don't look at me.

While Andrew goes, Whee! Hey, can I ask you guys a question? Yeah, of course. I was listening to the episode that just came out, which, you know, I make a practice of not doing, but for some reason, well, honestly,

it's because I can't, this fucking COVID, dude, it's driving me nuts. I can't go anywhere. I can't do anything. I'm so fucking bored. So I was listening. I got so miserable that I decided to listen to our content. Which was F*** Face Stadium Jingle, Jingle, Jingle.

Yes. What the, did we ever answer what the Jingle, Jingle, Jingle. Yes. What the... Did we ever answer what the Jingle, Jingle, Jingle mystery is? Did we cover that? We haven't, but I don't know. I kind of want to see more people guess. You said it two episodes, and so this would be the third episode since then. Well, you know what is funny, Jeff?

We have done zero in the history of this entire podcast. We have never done any show prep together as a group or exchange notes and what we want to talk about and i attempt it once and i feel like i got shit on by you for it in the episode i think i got made by you i was definitely making fun of your process it was ridiculous but i still loved it what do you mean it was ridiculous i was writing notes to like to try to distribute like this many Album fucking tracks and stuff. It was great. I loved it. I absolutely loved it Well, I'm saying that I tried to do prep for one time and I got shit on for it So I don't need to bring up the jingle jingle because I didn't it's not needed apparently

We're not going to do that no show prep, but I want to hear people's predictions I have no idea what just happened. Three episodes ago, you said, I'm going to tell you what it is in two episodes. No, because that was under the assumption that we're recording 12 episodes in four days, which is what I was under. So I thought, this is the first time we need to, and people

seem to be interested in the jingle, jingle, jingle thing. Right. And I also talked to you about the jingle, jingle, jingle thing and discussing it and the timing of discussing it i don't remember yeah clearly clearly you don't remember do you are you telling me i know the answer to the jingle jingle jingle mystery you know no he doesn't you didn't say that in front of him no i didn't tell him what what the answer to the mystery is but i told you when we should talk about it and why we should talk about that and you agreed

and then you just said nope and just flushed that information away. No, I don't remember that part. You were not there for that, Gavin. Oh. It was during the pre-show prep that we always do when we prepare our bits.

I'm pretty sure it was a Slack conversation between you and I. I don't know. I just want to know. I'm right there with the audience wondering what the fuck it is. I just want to make... Are you going to address it someday? Absolutely. Okay, I don't care when. As long as it doesn I'm right there with the audience wondering what the fuck it is. I just want to make. Are you going to address it someday?

Absolutely. Okay. I don't care when. As long as it doesn't get dropped. No, it will never get dropped. I'd like to see a week of people predicting. I think you're blue ball in the audience because you teased it. You're the worst and you don't mean to be.

You're being the worst right now. You have no idea how annoying you're being right now. Jeff doesn't remember the instructions that I'm not allowed to know. He's ridiculous. He's infuriating. I love you, Jeff, but you're infuriating. I mean, in fairness, there's nothing more forgettable than the episode recorded

between the one you're in the middle of making and the one that just came out. I couldn't tell you what was discussed a week ago. No clue. That's why I asked if we covered it, because I was listening to the episode, and I thought, jingle, jingle, jingle, do I know what that is?

And I thought, we must have dealt with it. And then I thought, fuck, I better ask the guys, because my old ass forgot. So if you had told me, yeah, we covered that in episode 90, idiot, I would have been like, oh, I'll wait until it comes out and listen to it. We have not. But you know what we have? We have gotten a lot of, i want to hear i want to hear

your two two opinions on this since the field research has been done getting a lot of successful reports back of the hot cake happy meal hack any any opinions changed any reverse of thoughts you're both against it i'm seeing a lot of reports of it working it's beyond just my store oh is that what the jingle jingle jingle is no has, it has nothing to do with that. Completely unrelated. Refresh my memory. No opinion. You guys were both very strongly.

This isn't a hack. This is bullshit. The research has come out. I've seen a bunch of people report that they've gotten three hotcakes with their happy meal. Unfortunately, appears to be more of a Canadian thing than it is in America. Doesn't seem like many American locations have it. All right. Let me ask you this.

I'll answer your question with a question. Thank you. I appreciate that. How kind of you. So you're buying... I'm going to make sure I get this straight. You're buying pancakes from McDonald's, and you're getting an extra one,

and you think it's this amazing hack, right? Yes. Don't you have 70 pounds of pancake mix in your house? Let me counter this for you. OK, this is a really you're absolutely correct. I do. I'm not saying that this is for me the most cost effective thing. Like, obviously, I'm taking a luxury and I'm ordering a thing I could technically make myself one pancakes at McDonald's taste differently than the ones I make. I really enjoy the taste of the McDonald's hotcakes, too. it's a cheaper way to get a thing I enjoy, and it's a small luxury

I feel for myself every week. I'm not the best at eating breakfast. I forget a lot of the time to just eat it. It's a meal I don't always have, but I've made it a tradition that on a recording day, I get to treat myself in the morning, and I at least have a breakfast going into it. What if you take two of the McDonald's ones and make the third one yourself? Oh. Like get the two. What if you donate your pancake mix to McDonald's

and then they can make your pancakes for you? And then when you get the pancake back, you'll know that maybe some of it came from you. I've been looking at donating most of my pancake mix, but unfortunately with COVID and stuff, there's not a lot of places that are taking it to make pancakes. Eric said, I don't think McDonald's wants anything from Andrew.

I think that's correct. I think it's a factual statement. Outside of one particular set of items from them. I think if the world ends, if there's big like big fat nuclear winter you're gonna have the the weirdest collection of stuff you're gonna be a bottle cap millionaire just from people i hear about the guy who's got the pancakes and the sauces it's like

not something you'd expect from a regular abode this is what i'm gonna say to that though okay let's say nuclear winter happens right i'd rather have the group of people that are coming into my house. They're coming after. If there's like a takeover scenario, people like whatever. I'd rather have the pancake people than all the horny jerk-off people that you will have with your fucking car batteries. You're in the jack-off capital in Austin. I want to get electrocuted and jack off at the same time. Where do I go?

We're going to see the battery beat off, dude. The battery beater. That's an excellent point, Andrew. There's a lead on this fridge. I don't mind. I can share the pancakes. We wanted to do a pancake bath at some point, but I think that's a terrible idea.

I guess I talked about mixing it right when I had my pancake maker in the bathroom. What if we lit a fire under the tub? Could you just make a big pancake? Would it cook through? I don't know how that... You'd have to like balance it, right? So it's not melting the tub.

There's probably a certain distance you could have where the heat would flow. We could put you in a tub with pancake mix? Cook it up and you'd have to eat your way out. No. I don't think that would work. I feel like, well, I think it would burn me, right? Uh, we'd like, we'd stir it. That's not what I'm worried about. What if we put you in a fire retardant suit? Okay. If we did that then yeah, I'd absolutely completely fine with this premise but it can't

be i think it needs to be larger it needs to be you know like in a movie like in creep show when fucking ted danson gets buried up to his neck in sand like it needs to be that but pancake but you need to have your head underneath because you gotta eat out no my head isn't gonna be underneath the pancake we need you basically in a tub with a snorkel oh yeah and then as as it sets we rip the snorkel out and you have to scoff your way out no this is not the fucking worst david blaine stunt of all time give me air allow me to breathe and i was coming down the snorkel i don't want to snort why can't i just have my head exposed and start slowly eating away from just my neck area down loosening up up, then I get an arm free.

Are you not a snorkel guy? I'm not a snorkel guy. I've never been a snorkel guy. I'm bad at the snorkel. I've tried it once. I wasn't good at it. Don't trust it. Is it just the act of breathing underwater you don't like?

Just knowing that your head is underwater? Yeah, it's not a thing I regularly do. And I think I tried it once as a kid and it went horribly wrong. And I just didn't do it again. Let me posit this then. Maybe it's time for a snorkel redemption. Pancake snorkeling, I think, sounds like the perfect vehicle. This is the other problem with that.

2022, the pancake snorkel redemption. I love it. I don't trust being blinded, essentially, and unable to move with the two of you fuckers being in the area and just being able to do whatever you want. I don't want that. We've talked about it. I've let Jeff bury me in a coffin once. I did. We nailed it down. Andrew, we nailed it down

and then we covered it in dirt. He was in there. What does that mean? What does that mean? How far down was he? How much dirt did he have? Not that far, not that much, but that's not the point.'s fucking exactly you just laid down in a bed they poured a pebble over you and you're like i had an air hole and an air pipe and there was a big like digger putting mud on me okay how about if you fucking have the ryan reynolds buried experience you get buried like six feet all you get is a lighter and a phone then i'll do pancake

thing no problem well does that mean we can put you six feet under pancake because we're talking inches here man yeah it's got to equate i would go six feet under pancake okay do i get any condiments any any any topping any sides with this do i get like some syrup yeah we'll give you like we'll give you like a bag full of little butter pats and individual syrups. A bag of syrup that you can rip open in an emergency. You can rip it open one at a time. Am I allowed to use it as lubrication to try to squeeze out of the pancake? Yes. Okay.

Well, this is... It's you eat how you eat, Andrew. I'm not going to get in... I don't judge your methods. I like the idea of eating pancake with a shovel. Like having that much that you need to dig up. I like the idea of using syrup as loop isn't that the idea that your body is the syriac is the syrup syrup syrup distribution method

syrup xm i feel like i'd get all slippery if i covered myself with syrup but i think there's a window i think you're right it eventually hardens and then would become an issue but i think there'd be a brief window in which i'd be all slippery. When you use the bathroom, you always close the door behind you, right? You don't want random passerbys looking in on you, so why would you let people look in on you when you go online? Using the internet without ExpressVPN is like going to the bathroom and not closing the

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relationships take work, a lot of us will drop anything to go help someone we care about we'll go out of our way to treat other people well but how often do we give ourselves the same treatment, this is something that I have absolutely struggled with in my life and still have issues with it at times I found therapy to be

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It's much more affordable than in-person therapy and you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. Give it a try and see why over 2 million people have used BetterHelp Online Therapy. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp, and F*** Face listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash face. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash face. I found out something recently, Andrew, about where you live. Is this about like the maple syrup reserves or something?

I'm assuming. Vancouver has banned doorknobs. Starting March 14th, all new buildings erect in the city will have to include lever handles on their doors rather than round enough. Not only do a lot of the comment leavers agree with me on the doorknob front, the entirety of Vancouver, knobs are illegal on new builds in Vancouver since 2014.

Did you have any idea of this? No. Weird. I'm trying to think of... They're trying to... Andrew, they're trying to take your doorknob freedom. I'm okay with that. As I said, I'm kind of indifferent to the, I don't really, I'm trying to think like the last time I encountered a doorknob in the wild. I don't think it's, it's been a while.

It's clearly not been since 2013. And it makes total sense. I guess they wouldn't. What a weird, what a weird thing to outlaw. People without functioning hands to be able to use doors. It makes total sense. That does make sense. That does make sense.

I was going to say why, like what would the the thing that would lead to that level of of wanting it changed like who would bring that to the floor to get that approved but that that makes sense yeah now that you mentioned that that part yeah that is a fun fact gavin it is illegal to what do you think there's somebody who's rebellious that's like i'm gonna put a fucking doorknob i'm doing it do you think you can go to the local home depot in vancouver and be like yeah i'd like to buy one of these doorknobs and the guy's like i can sell it to you but i have to let you know you can't install it i don't think they're even on the shelves i bet he takes you around the back of the store yeah and there's like there's like a rag over a load of boxes of doorknobs i was gonna say if you wanted a doorknob you can

only buy them through the hot dog guy in front of the store. It's the only place. It's technically within the grounds of the building, but they're not associated with it. It's a back door deal. Do you have hot dog guys in the front of your Home Depot too? Absolutely. Yeah, it's a great staple. It's a staple of Home Depot. That must be like every Home Depot

must have a hot dog guy in front of them, or a taco guy in Texas. It's not every Home Depot, but a lot of them do. And they have different agreements depending on the store. So they're typically not hired by the store. But it was an idea that essentially and it's sort of up to debate who is the first person to do it. But the common thread was like a place where people could buy a snack while getting a product. I watched the whole thing about hot dogs and Home Depot and that thing, but I don't remember

a lot of the details on it. It was. Yeah. It's just funny that like it's awesome, too, because they're very territorial because there are some Lowe's that do the same thing. And there's like a real rivalry between the Lowe's hot dog people and the Home Depot hot dog people. They're like, no, we don't fuck around with Lowe's.

Are you a Home Depot or a Lowe's person? I don't think I have Lowe's in Canadaada there's at least not one where i live i don't think you know what's weird is to like because of covid i've remained in my space so as much as possible for like three years now so i don't necessarily know what buildings are in different parts of the city i just haven't visited i was uh looking at a japanese restaurant that's my favorite in the city and i was just scrolling through google images of it and uh i was like this idiot took a photo of the wrong restaurant what a what a ridiculous thing that is and then i realized it was the right restaurant they just remodeled and i haven't been there in like three

years because of covid so it's wild so if we do have a lowes i'm not aware of of COVID. So it's wild. So if we do have a Lowe's, I'm not aware of it, but I guess it's possible that it exists. It's weird to live in... Go ahead. No, go ahead. Before it's weird to live in what? I was just going to say, it's weird to live in a small town

and not feel like you know all the main stores to it. It's been a strange byproduct of COVID. That was weird. Jeff simultaneously let you continue, but also like started telling his shit at the same time. Did I?

You were like, before... before no go ahead before i'm all discombobulated why is that why are you oh i'm just i'm just fucking all loopy from cold medicine shit oh yeah and fucking being sequestered quarantined whatever uh i have three little things I'd like to talk about before we end, but I don't know what else you guys want to cover. We're only halfway through. Yeah, feel free. I'd love to hear your things.

I saw a, this is just a comment I saw on the site, I believe, I was looking for the last episode. Someone named Mr. Steel Crayon said we should make baseball bats that have door handles instead of knobs. And sell them. Which, which you know i gotta say i think he's on to something there i mean that would probably do better than the skateboard i was yeah i was gonna try to build one for the recording of this episode but i got distracted i will uh we could sell them in vancouver we can only sell them in vancouver technically we shouldn't have been sending those baseball bats to Vancouver.

Jesus Christ, we were sending illegal knobs. Is it going to be a functional door handle? Is it going to actually be able to turn? I would assume so. I hope Big Handle doesn't hear about us and crush us with the door handle lobby. I'd be okay as long as we firmly align with big knob i'm not scared of big handle as long as we are close to big knob as long as we're close to big knob yeah the other thing is real fast uh so the other day i haven't opened it up yet but i know

they're there uh i was gonna wait till i'm covid free but uh the other day uh a box of fucking wrist pockets showed up at my house oh my god we made them yeah i gotta remember i gotta here's the problem somebody's gotta tell them i i don't know that i'm always serious when i say we we should make this stuff we have meetings and in more than one meeting you're adamant about making these this isn't a one and done. And I know. Yes. Yes. And there are slacks. There are messages to one another. What? Okay.

I was going to, I would let it slide. I would have let it slide if you didn't just try to absolve yourself of responsibility for this. Why doesn't somebody stop me sometimes? Like, I don't want that.

You're in charge. You know, it's like a quorum. Not only did we talk about this several times in those meetings, like I feel like this has been discussed three or four meetings at this point, which is quite a while. You volunteered to like sign them. That's my question.

I remember being mad at Eric and you for trying to gaslight me because I was supposed to do something with them that I didn't agree to. But obviously they're at my house. So what am I supposed to do with them? Because I'm going to do it. I just don't know what to do. That's why I bring it up. Aren't you supposed to write wrist pocket or whatever

and then sign it or number it? I don't know. You have these ideas. What do you want me to do? Hang on, hang on, hang on. What would you like me to do in the future, Jeff? Okay, here's what I want you to do. Okay.

Just remember what it was I was supposed to do with them. I'm happy to do it. Well, I'm not happy to do it, but I'm willing to do it. I just don't remember what it is, like how I'm supposed to manipulate these stupid things. Eric, you're getting a nice glimpse as to what it was like to build stuff in Minecraft with Jeff based on his notes while he was an alcoholic.

We would be 50% building in Minecraft with Jeff based on his notes while he was an alcoholic. We would be 50% building in Minecraft and 50% trying to figure out what double block upside down means and trying to make a game out of it. I just don't remember how I'm supposed to manipulate these stupid things and I want to do it faithfully and properly. They don't say anything on them, right?

They're just the pockets? Are they blank? I think they have the uniform logo on them. Okay. Yeah, so you're supposed to write the wrist pockets rock or whatever. Yeah, whatever you wrote on your original thing that you cut out from your fucking jeans and just taped to your wrist.

Oh, which I still have. It's taped to my monitor. Use that as reference. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, when you get 30 in and you start getting lost, just look back at that original that's hanging from your monitor. Okay. Yeah. I'll do that.

Got it right here. I guess you could sign it or number them. You can do whatever you like. I had numbering sounds appropriate. Yeah. I mean, that sounds good. I mean,

either way you're writing all over them. So you do whatever you want, I suppose. Yeah. I mean, this is, see, here's the thing.

Here's the thing. You're saying like, Oh, what am I supposed to supposed to oh how do i get into this whatever the thing that we haven't done yet that you keep talking about is hitting all these fucking baseballs like well yeah because uh well i don't know why we haven't done that i'm ready to go i got like as soon as i'm done with quarantine i'm ready to go jeff look up je, you were supposed to throw a baseball 80 miles an hour, and now you're saying, why haven't I hit 1,000 baseballs yet? Well, I think they only

ordered 300, so I only have to hit 300. You're not going to hit half of them. If I get a 50% contact ratio, that's got to at least be like a 300 batting average. I'm like a young Tony Gwynn. Alright, we'll schedule

a day. We'll schedule a day. There's a field we can use. We'll hit it into the backstop. We'll toss them up. You can hit them with, do you still want to dip a bat in oil or whatever you were talking about? Yeah, in paint so that we can sign them. Okay, great. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, that's cool. That's not going to get, paint's

not going to go everywhere. This will be good. Oh, i assume it probably will but we'll have gavin film it i know the world doesn't work this way but i want the you know how like you have a nerf gun or like a water gun how you have to like pump it to increase the force on it i want a bat where you have to twist the doorknob at the bottom to increase velocity i just want to see you like twisting the knob but i'm going to pump it up. Will it have numbers on it? Does it go all the way around to 11 on the ball? How do you know?

Yeah, there's like a PSI type gauge on the bat. I should only hit the balls with the handle bat. I'll have to build the handle bat prototype, and then we can only hit the balls with that. Oh, man. That was the one other thing I wanted to talk about is this. I've been in this... Well, here.

Are you guys familiar with this? Liquid Death is fixing the big game using witchcraft. Should I be watching this? Liquid Death, which is like a water company, has enlisted the help as a marketing campaign, enlisted the help of a magician or I don't know, a brewery or wizard or somebody to use magic to determine and influence the outcome of the Superbowl.

I will say from my experience, it was not helpful. Not the magic. Are you guys done with magic? Well, I think in like a week there will be, it will be announced who the offensive rookie of the year is. A week for us. It'll probably be out by the time you hear this, I'm assuming.

But we'll find that out. And from my understanding, the list included Jeff's rookie and Gavin's rookie, but not my rookie. Didn't even make the cut. And then McCorkle. Unfortunately, Justin Fields, no matter what witchcraft or wizardry i threw at justin fields nothing could overcome the dark forces of matt naggy uh which held us back but

i'm hoping for one of you two what kind of spells were you doing uh all sorts of i i'm it's not that's beyond my understanding i just had i had i. I think the problem is you were soliciting help from people. I just did the actual spells and incantations myself. That might be the thing I need to change. The only person I don't want to win is Gavin. Yeah, I understand that. Because you did nothing.

You did nothing. You did nothing and you made fun of it the entire process of doing it. It would be the most you thing. I'm just putting up, and it's a shame because I like their water. I'm just putting up and it's a shame because I like their water. I do think it's actually pretty good, but I'm just putting up

just throwing out there that if we're going to use magic again in the future to influence the outcome of anything, which I think we should because I think we still have our wizards versus magic idea for basketball and I do think that there's more room to grow in the using magic

to influence sporting events angle. I think we kind of lost lost the thread a little bit as we got distracted by other things on the podcast. I would like to revisit it sometime. But I would also like to raise the idea that

if we're going to use magic to influence anything, maybe it should be to get revenge on liquid death. Like use magic to combat their magic? Yeah, to like, yeah, I don't know. We'll have to figure it out.

Maybe hex them. I was looking at the Superbowl halftime prop bets for this year. I'd like to throw some magic at that. I'm, I'm really, I'm trying to, I've been spending the last day trying to decide what color of Gatorade the winning coach is going to get dumped over him.

It's two to one odds on orange, just the favorite, but it's, it's a tough, Hey, if you, I know you're probably doing your prop bets from your phone, but I'm going to be in Vegas for the Superbowl super bowl uh so if you want me to place any oh that's

physically while i'm there i'll be happy let me know what they have i'd love to hear it's probably a more extensive because it's like i'm gonna once again i think the greatest win i've ever had in my career of gambling it's so dumb to call it a career i don't know why i said that but the j-lo picking what song j-lo would open with when she was at the Super Bowl. Because that leak, all-time win. The excitement of hearing Jenny from the block. So I'm hoping to recreate that. Great halftime show this year.

Very excited. Very excited as well. Yeah, let me know. I mean, this will come out. This will already. Yeah, it'll all be done. Okay, so then, yeah, I'm staying at the win. So I'll be at the Sportsbook in the win watching the Super Bowl.

So I'll send you photos of all the profits thank you awesome very very fun because it's the main one i gotta pick is like who will sing first which i don't know i don't know who will perform first over unders on the anthem who will the mvp mentioned first just a bunch of ridiculous ones but i'd love i bet you this actual sportsbook has way more dumb options to pick from absolutely okay that was my things i have one thing it's a very uneventful week for me aside from something happened that i feel like i'm almost confident in saying this has never happened to anyone else on earth okay there's some pictures some pictures coming oh i'm very excited so i was putting some stuff on my wall putting some

controllers up. Oh, that's nice. I feel like I've got some nice... Yeah, those are pretty. Jeremy does this too. He's got like some nice limited edition controllers that aren't necessarily in use because they're not elites or whatever. So display them on the wall. And then I was wearing some sweatpants that have these

little toggle things that cover the end of... You know, they cover like the plastic bit. Yeah. A little plastic cap for the end of your know they cover like the plastic bit yeah a plastic cap for the end of your sweatpants he's wearing these sweatpants putting these things on the wall smi was like swatting at the strings and uh i guess at some point he knocked one of them off and down here you can see they look very similar to like the drywall anchors oh my god so i posted one of those into my wall i'm not sure anyone ever has ever done that do you think anyone has accidentally pushed the cover from their sweatpants toggle

into a hole they drilled in their own wall because i and he looked at the smee looked at me after i did this after i realized that it went straight in instead of you know stopping in the wall it just went whoop and i heard it just rattled down of, you know, stopping in the wall, it just went whoop. And I heard it just rattle down and fall into the floor of the wall. And then he just looked at me like he meant to do it. That's probably why you lost power.

And at that point, I just thought, has that ever happened? No. You're the only person. Like, no one would come up with that, would they? How old is Earth?

Hold on. I was like, of all the things, in the correct order to happen they look similar they're a similar size in 4.543 billion years

you are the only person to have done that I would I would bet my life on it I wish I was just filming my own face. Just as a realization of just like, I'm really loving these little peeks

into your home life lately. It's been highly entertaining. It's just nothing normal ever happens. I want a normal experience for once. I'm trying to get more into DIY and it's a disaster. And it's not like I'm being lazy or... I just can't.

This weird shit keeps happening. The unknown. It's never in the instructions. Oh, yeah, I guess there's probably not a thing in your door knob for explosions. I bet that wasn't a covered section. No. What else? I mean, is there anything...

Are those the two main things? Am I missing anything of, like of DIY gone wrong for you recently? I'm trying to remember. Because you had the wasp nest in your fan, but that wasn't really your fault or a design thing by you. Well, he blew up his door handle. He snatched his remote in half. He didn't vacuum for a year and a half

until we made him do it on camera. Well, I vacuumed the carpet. I just didn't vacuum the side... There was the... The sideboard. The cucumber incident. He threw a Route 44 across his house trying to repaint it. Those are great. Those are highlights. Those are great things that happened in the house. What's the most ambitious DIY project you've taken on?

Is this it, you'd say? Yeah, it's pretty simple stuff. I've done some, like, wiring. I drop shit in my walls a lot, I'll be honest. I'm not used to having like big hollow walls with nothing in between. I had this, this, uh, thing that you could tie around the end of a wire. It was like a magnet. On the outside of the wall, you have like a magnetic roller. So you roll it up the wall and it sort of drags wires up or down the inside of your walls.

Mm-hmm. But I guess I was just unaware of where other wires are on the wall. Like to an outlet, there's wires going down the wall and then like coming out sideways. And I ended up tangling this freaking magnet thing to the point where there's still one inside my wall and I just sealed the hole up because I couldn't get it out.

It's like in one of my walls, there's a load of string with a magnet on the end wrapped around the wire that feeds the outlet by that wall. And it's just going to be in there forever. Like the next door to the house is going to find a lot of weird shit in the walls, I think, based on how it's gone so far. It's like all those old American houses with loose razor blades in the bathroom walls. Oh, yeah.

Oh, no. That sounds terrible. You don't know about that, Andrew? No, I've never heard of that. Yeah, in old bathrooms, they used to do that in an old medicine cabinet sometimes. There'd be like a little razor thing where you just like pop your razor in

and just go into the wall forever. It's like the most short-sighted thing ever. It was like a staple inside of medicine cabinets. There would just be a little slit for you to just throw shit away inside your wall. in the old days though i think like this is that that shit was probably made like in the 1930s 1940s i think razor blades lasted a whole lot longer back then they were made to to be more durable so you probably weren't popping one a week in there it was probably more like one every six months or something. Oh, I thought it was like a weekly thing. No, razor blades are,

that's, it's one of those scams like light bulbs where razor blades are made to deteriorate and suck so that they're infinitely replaceable so they can sell it to you forever.

But you can make a razor blade that lasts damn near forever. I want to know the history of that though because what, is it just, you're not going to. Look it up on Google.

They got it all. Anything you want to know the history on, Google got it. Do they? Yeah. I just want to know the history on, Google got it. Do they? Yeah. I just want to... What was the conversation?

Did somebody say, well, then where did this go? And then just like, I don't know. But who cares? Yeah, there you go. Razor blade slot. Razor blade slot.

Because they're sharp and dangerous and you don't want to throw them in a trash can and then pick it up and get... You cut yourself. Oh, that's fucking... There's another photo of... Is this the remains of... Yeah. That's what happens if you cut open like a's fucking there's another photo of is this the remains of yeah that's what happens if you cut open like a certain aged american home i really like the idea of of

like a generation of people having their pile excess like this is great grandpappy's razor it's like when the people like call the ice and you can this is six million years old that's like well that's all granddad's races so in the 1930s the worst wall to get thrown through would be a bathroom wall if you're gonna go through a wall that would be the worst one like that scene in the matrix whether in the that's like a shitload of razor blades cut him up i would i'd be so pissed if i got thrown through a wall and landed on a razor pile if i was fighting somebody let's say i'm in a fight to the death right i'm having a full-on brawl with somebody in a bathroom if i threw them through the wall and they got they landed

on a razor pile i would call a timeout on their behalf because that's just unacceptable. I would feel so bad. That would end the fight. Gotta call in a doctor. I'd throw in the bathroom towel just to end it immediately. This cannot continue. Did you ever live in a house, Jeff, that had one of those? I assume so. Yeah.

I mean, I want to say maybe the old house that we lived in together in the downstairs bathroom might have had it, but I can't remember specifically. But I mean, it's something that like the second you mentioned, it's so commonplace in my head. I feel like I see it all the time. I would go so far as to say any house that's 80 years old or older, probably that hasn't been completely renovated, probably has one of these. You might be living in a home. You, dear regulation listener or comment lever, you might be living in a home uh you dear regulation listener uh or comment lever uh you

might be living in a home right now with a uh a hidden cache of razor blades that you have no idea about go check out your bathroom and look at it with a critical eye back when i had a yard i used to think about what is the coolest thing buried in that yard that i just have no ideas there if there's anything like if i were to dig up the entire yard how far would i have to go before i found something and what would that are you just talking straight down like i'm talking straight down on my if i just got a shovel and was like i'm gonna spend the next 15 years whatever i feel like it's just digging holes in my backyard i mean what's the coolest thing than not you'll probably find nothing right i'd assume so no i the possibility. My backyard is full of shit.

Really? Yeah, I don't know who the motherfuckers were that lived in this house 40 years ago, but they were straight up burying trash in the backyard. What's the coolest thing you found? Nothing cool. Nothing cool at all. But like digging to fucking put a flower bed in or something, you're like, why is there half a milk jug buried like what the fuck and i'm constantly picking up like i think they

were kind of like austin has this uh this eclectic vibe andrew uh it's maybe not as prevalent as it was as the with the influx of money and tech bros and stuff but austin used to pride itself on like every you know everybody's backyard was like full of christmas lights 24 hours or 365 days a year and you would have like these little weird gardens of like found shit and like a lot of old wrought iron rusting it's all cute there's like coffee shops like spider house which is closed now but kind of pride themselves on it it's like it's weird it's like being in a salvage yard that's a coffee shop i didn't know it closed yeah it did it did. The place next door to it that they operate is still open,

the ballroom, but the coffee shop's closed. Real sad. So the people, there were definitely some hippie-ish people who lived in my house at some point who would just bury, you know those glass rocks?

Anything they had, they were like, throw it in the backyard and it'll be a thing. I was cleaning up in the extreme back of my yard i was just cleaning up piles of leaves and i like i touched on something that was like hard so i dug it out and it was like a ceramic tile and i thought what a weird thing to be in the ground and then i noticed there was it was budding up next to another one and i pulled up 25 ceramic tiles. Somebody just laid them in a pattern and said like, hey,

it's a back deck now. I put 25 ceramic tiles on top of the ground. It's a deck. And then eventually dirt and age covered it. Yeah, the ground ate it. My backyard is full of that shit. I'll just be like, I'll kick the ground and it'll hurt and I'll be like, what the fuck? And I'll dig out a brick. Like no reason.

Middle of the yard. Maybe if we go to your yard to dig the bean hole, we'll find some really cool shit can we make a fucking bean hole finally finally do it let's finally 2022 is the year of the bean hole what's this idea predates face all together do you want to explain it jeff yeah uh i got really into bean holes a couple years over a decade ago at this point because i read an article in the New York Times about it. And what it is, Andrew, is it was started by loggers up in the Northeast, like in the main Vermont area.

What they would do is they had to feed all the loggers and they were moving campsites like every two days, going further and further up into the extreme North. And so the chef, the cook, would have to travel ahead of them and prepare food and have the food ready for them when they got there.

So they developed this ingenious idea where they would dig a hole in the ground, right? And then they would take a big-ass, like, cast-iron pot, and they would fill it with beans and then, like, a ham hock and tomatoes and onions and just everything you would want

in, like like some yummy ass baked beans, right? This crazy recipe. And then they would close it up, right? Put the top on the, on the big cast iron, stick it in the hole about four feet in the ground maybe. And then they would burn a bunch of wood and then they would get all the hot, uh, essentially the hot coals and they would cover the bean hole or they would cover the the the cast iron bean container with all these hot embers right and then they would stick like a piece of plywood over that and then cover it with like a foot of dirt and then 48 hours later when the loggers would come up they would knock off the dirt pick up the thing pull out the bean hole and they would have the

greatest tasting beans on earth in this giant pot that they could all eat communally for like two days and then uh at that point then the chef would go up two days further and then make another bean hole and so uh every from everything that i've read in my extensive bean hole research there is nothing on earth like bean hole beans there is nothing on earth like 48 hour prepared bean hole beans. And when I was in the army and we fought forest fires in Montana, one of the things that they did

was they would give us these solar lunch bags that would have like a burrito in it and it would be wrapped in like tinfoil. And the instructions were to find some hot ash on the ground that had burned and then kick a hole, stick it in and then cover it with the ashes and come back in like 20 minutes. You'd have a cooked burrito. And ever since then, I thought that was the coolest idea.

It's like the nature's microwave. Yeah, nature's microwave. So when I discovered the beanhole, I've been obsessed with the idea of making a beanhole forever. And we've been talking about it forever. And I really want to do it. I just haven't done it. Yeah, you absolutely need to do that. I explained this whole thing to Eric Barr recently. Oh, did you? Yeah.

I would like to think that the inventor of the beanhole also invented the razor blade slot. Like the concept of like, this is his follow up. Like you brought on Shark Tank. Let me, everybody knows the success I've had with the razor blade slot. I got the newest innovation. Okay. We're not done putting things in a hole and then just forgetting about them for a while. I got the newest innovation. Okay. We're not done putting things in a hole

and then just forgetting about them for a while. This is the bean hole. You will never have beans better than when you put them in a hole. Do yourself a favor and after this episode's over

at some point throughout the course of your day when you're not watching the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City which you absolutely should be doing

but I know you're not going to do. Oh, you fucking pretzeled me so hard with the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. I'm just telling you. I just know you. I know you. You're not going to do. Oh, you fucking pretzeled me so hard with the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. I'm just telling you. I just know you.

I know you. You're not going to fucking do it, so it doesn't matter. Don't give me the pleasantries of maybe I'll check it out someday bullshit. Just be honest and tell me you're never going to watch a show that I recommend because I want you to. Anyway, while you're not watching the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, what I would like you to do At some point Is watch any video

On bean holes on YouTube I will It'll blow your fucking mind As soon as we're done There's a ton of good ones Should we do it this month? No it's too cold It'll be like summer again

By the end of the week Well Eric says June Let's plan for March March is good bean hole month I have another update Another small update That I want to say

A lot of people Telling me I'm an idiot For putting the fingerprint door handle. I could have just turned my door handle upside down. My door handles already work both ways. I'm not sure if that's a variation, but I can turn my handles up to open the door as well. So I'm flipping upside down. I don't think we'd do anything.

Money bags over here with the ambidextrous door handles. Look at you. High class. I mean, they were on the doors already when I moved, but sure. Very, very, very, very subtle brag I moved, but sure. Very, very, very, very subtle brag, Gavin, but we all got it. Uh-huh.

Look at this fucking guy over here. Message received. Loud and clear. Message received. We understand. Which ways do your doors go? I have knobs, baby. Nobs everywhere? My front door is pushed down with my thumb.

My other final update is that... Jeff, what's the name of the dwarf in Lord of the Rings? Gimli? Tough! Right? Gimli? Yeah, Andrew, what did you think it was called? Listen.

Listen, okay. I... First of all, I got it wrong. Second of all, I'm trying to crawl to my door to see if my door handle twists both ways I thought it was grimly. I spent my whole life From Lord of the Rings is called grimly. That's a cool name I just like the idea of Gimli son of gloin being grimly son of groin This fucking door does let me slide to the other part of my room.

We're going on a little bit of an adventure. Be careful. You could hurt yourself. Andrew, please, don't hurt yourself. No, I'm just dragging everything. Oh, that's all over. Okay. All right, we're not going to end it

while Andrew's crawling across this room. Holy shit, I think my doors go both ways. My doors go both ways. I wasn't going to say anything about this, but fuck it, I'm going to tease it because it'll annoy you guys. I was thinking about both of your lives recently and about their particular frustrations

that you deal with on a day-to-day basis. And I felt bad about it. And I thought, as a good friend, I'm going to think about your problems and I'm going to figure out ways to solve them. And then I went out and I did that, and I bought some stuff for you guys that I think is going to help make your lives easier a little bit.

And so, Gavin, I have yours in my, I'm looking at it, but I can't give it to you yet because Andrew's doesn't arrive until I believe February 16th. So on February 16th, I'm going to drive your gift over to you and then you guys can have them on the same day and then we can talk about it on the podcast. But I want to let you guys know, help is coming on February 16th.

Your lives will get a little bit easier, both of you. Interesting. It's so funny you say this. Did you know that Amazon doesn't sell dildos anymore? I'm assuming they stopped relatively recently because I was going to do the same for you, Jeff, because you you've been you had covid and you've been quarantining as a good friend.

I should send you a box of goodies just to make it through to have a good time with. But they don't they stop. They don't sell dildos on Amazon dot com. Couldn't find one. Well, that's a shame. It is a shame. It was in reference to Jeff once mailed me a capture card for like work stuff. Yeah.

Yeah. Like a work order. I'm a good friend. Yeah. Nice guy. And you were going to mail me a dildo, but decided against it at the last minute as a joke. So I was going to send you a dildo, but I couldn't find one on Amazon.

If you send it to me, if you find a dildo and send it to me, I will put a handle on it. If you find a dildo and send it to me, I will put a handle on it. Thanks for listening to another episode of the Hanky Danky Bob Vila Old Man Podcast. We really appreciate it. Like and subscribe. Is that a thing? I don't know.

We do have a YouTube channel, though. But we also have a podcast. And that's what you're listening to. And that's what this was. And now it's over. Bye. Hey, guys. Minor League fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of face. That question is too bread.

Andrew pulled an all nighter. Gavin's eyes are messed up. The boys are up early. Jeff talks about hitting baseballs. Bananas can save your life. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.