F**kface - Andrew's MVP 2 Powerpoint

Episode Date: December 3, 2022

Get your banana wipes ready, here is your primer for MVP 2 as presented by Andrew Panton. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Dragon's Dogma 2 revolves entirely around choice. Your choice, that is. From the sword and shield-wielding fighter to fighter to the illusion conjuring trickster, there are over 10 unique vocations to choose from that all require experience to unlock new skills. And character customization is out of this world, literally. Oh, and did I mention the combat is really in-depth? It isn't just hacking at a giant's ankle for half an hour while your dodge roll attacks. You can engage enemies from a distance, climb up large foes, stab them in This is a Rooster Teeth production. Hello and welcome to another piece of supplemental content for the F*** Face Podcast.

My name is Jeff Ramsey. With me as always, Andrew Pant and Gavin Free. Somewhere in the back, Eric and Nick, I believe, are hanging out. And I'm excited about this one, fellas, because this recording is nine, approximately nine months in the making, I would say. Somewhere around there.

I'd love to know how many times we rescheduled this. At least six. Eric, how many times have we rescheduled this? Yeah, I think everyone got at least two in times we rescheduled this. At least six. Eric, how many times have we rescheduled this? Yeah, I think everyone got at least two in where we rescheduled it. Gavin might only be responsible for one, but I don't remember. No, I'm one. I was going to be quiet.

I only rescheduled once. I'm not giving Gavin the one. He did not have that. That's good. He was going to be quiet. Well, I'm going to be honest and say I'm two or three, and I don't feel like I was the worst offender. I think I'm two.

Yeah. At least six. Based off that. Regardless, I will say this. We recorded the latest episode of F*** Face yesterday.

I believe it was 127. And after it, we realized this was on the calendar and everybody wanted to record the monkey movie today except for Andrew. So we didn't let him reschedule it, but he did try.

He did try yesterday to say, let's keep the recording slop or record more face instead. I suspect that's because the 98% that he said he had that he was done on the presentation was more like 8%. And now that you're yawning, it makes me think you pulled an all nighter. No, I it was done by the time that happened sorry i want this show to release every single week it's supposed to and gavin previously said we better be ready for the by the end of october because he's out all of november which isn't the case it's not the case it's not my fault it's not my fault that i was just going based off of what i was told and i was concerned about the listeners being able to get the show. I apologize

for prioritizing their entertainment. You're a freaking doc, dude. You've got like four incompatible apps. You've got two question marks. It's the anxiety. The doc is going to be great. The doc is fantastic. I would hate to see what your desktop looks like.

I think we've seen that before. You want to see what it looks like right now? Minimize this, please. desktop looks like oh you want to see we've seen that you want to see what it looks like right now yeah minimize this please yeah we're going dropping out of that dropping out of that oh that's not terrible no it's pretty yeah it's a picture of your fingers i don't know what that oh that was uh me complaining about a break shit and what the feed was for me and what my perspective was i was trying to be like this is quality ahead. Is that a picture of Vancouver Island where you live? No, I don't know what that is. It's just the standard Mac thing.

Okay. So, now that we're an indeterminate amount of time into the supplemental content, I realize we haven't said what it is. What we're going to be doing is this is going to be content in two parts. We've been talking about watching the movie MVP two for a very long time. We're finally going to do it.

It's about a monkey. That's about as much as we know, highly influential to Andrew as a child. But before we wanted to watch MVP two, Gavin and I felt like we needed a primer on MVP one because we don't want to be lost in the weeds trying to catch up on old storylines. So Andrew, the first piece of this content, Andrew's going to give us his recitation,

his distilled summary of what MVP 1 was all about. Andrew? Yeah, this is an important lead-in. The doc has been made. I'm excited to share this with you. This is going to just go over kind of the broad strokes of the movie, because I realized while re-watching this to gather these images uh the second movie has little to nothing to do with

the first movie so you don't need this no it's completely pointless you're really gaining no additional information from this experience the movie ends in a completely different spot the the the second one begins we get right into the middle of the action so would you say MVP 2 is more of like a soft reboot kind of like Evil Dead to Evil Dead 2 kind of thing I would say so but I haven't watched MVP 2 since I was probably

10 and I'm terrified that it's going to be a boring terrible movie and that this is just all around the worst idea. Would this be presented in Dubox? uh no i should have i should have went through yeah that's on me that's my failing no worries no worries yeah that's on me so should we begin this presentation of mvp i believe this movie came out 98 that could be wrong i'm sorry real quick if you're listening to this and you want to see andrew's slideshow

go to the face*** Face YouTube. In the video version of this supplemental piece of content will be Andrew's full slideshow. Just wanted to let everyone know what was going on. Looks like a movie came out in 2000, by the way. Okay, 2000. Great. If you guys have any questions or want to interject, feel free.

Interrupt at any time. But we shall begin with MVP, most valuable primate, a presentation by me, Andrew Panton. On to slide number two. But before that, banana wipe! Look at all the bananas! Bananas coming down! Bananas falling! We got the banana wipe! Oh, look down, it's raining bananas! Look out! Oh, it's coming through! It's coming through with the banana wipe! Oh! Look down, it's raining bananas! Look out! Oh, it's coming through! It's coming through with the banana wipe! You salad-creamed that banana wipe so goddamn hard!

No, the tech wasn't there. I was limited with what could be done. That's the best banana wipe we got. But here, we begin the motion picture with Jack. It's the story of Jack, and you may be wondering, is it minor league fan Jack? No! It's not! Is it famous Jack minor league fan jack no it's not is it famous jack blackjack

No, it's not him either. Maybe it's jack Johnson who did make a monkey movie But it's not this monkey movie is this story is about jack this monkey. That's jack Sleeps in a college. He lays in bed. That's true Shadow we key is he a chimpanzee. He's a chimpanzee Yeah, we're not gonna judge about the drool and you he a chimpanzee? He's a chimpanzee. Yeah, we're not going to judge about the drool. And you may be wondering, what does Jack like? Jack likes 90s decor.

You can see a lot of Godzilla in there. It was probably around the time that came out. Jack also really likes hockey. He's a big hockey guy. He's got Gretzky there. He also enjoys coffee. You see Jack Mugg and his best friend, well, not his best friend,

but his co-worker, Dr. Kendall. His co-worker. Jack also really is a big air-drying guy, like Jeff. You see a lot in common. He loves to air-dry. He's super into it. Jack loves being... Oh, I i forgot this is the whole slide my

apologies other notable actors dave thomas you may be thinking wow from wendy's nah different dave thomas not related in any way next slide didn't even show a picture of him jack loves college he's uh so he's there it's like they study him they do research he's a big fan Next slide. He didn't even show a picture of him. Jack loves college. So he's there. It's like they study him. They do research. He's a big fan of college, mainly because his best friend Darren's there. He loves Darren.

Darren is a janitor at the school. They're best buds. They hang out. And that's his coworker, Dr. Kendall, who you previously saw a mug for. The mug guy. Yeah. Yeah. He's like a researcher who does this study with Jack

showing how intelligent he is, and they do it in front of kids, this whole thing. We should make Dr. Kendall mugs. We can... Jack also super into rollerblading, loves to help Darren clean up the school. They ride around,

and they do classes. The kids love them. They do all sorts of things. But here's Dr. Kendall at home. So they have their big class and then Dr. Kendall's at home because this is Jack's final year at the school. He's going to arrange to send Jack back to his reserve,

which is, I believe, called El Simeon, and he's reminiscing about the past. But then tragedy, tragedy strikes. Dr. Kendall spills his milk. It falls. It hits the past. But then tragedy! Tragedy strikes. Dr. Kendall spills his milk. It falls. It hits the floor. It's tragic. Also, he is dead!

Dr. Kendall has died. He's no longer with us. We'll have to make an in-memoriam mug. And the saddest part of all of this, nobody told Jack! He showed up to to work he's like what where's dr kendall he's really sad because dr kendall is now dead oh no bad guys the bad guy showed up that's the head of the school he's a bad guy he's a british accent you don't really learn all that

much about him got a white suit you can tell he's a bad guy. They're there to take Jack away. They're like, what are we gonna do with Jack now that he's gone? And he's like, I'm gonna sell Jack to a hepatitis research facility. And they'll test on Jack. But Darren's here to save the day! Oh, shit! I clicked too quick.

It was a double click. The janitor like fucking Sam Fisher sneaks by, holds the wall the wall listens in and he's like we're gonna sell him to hepatitis and then that's his face when he's like oh no hepatitis is bad jack we might believe the guy in the white suit can't see that mop yeah yeah you are so then darren is like we gotta get the fuck out, Jack. So he throws Jack in a big bag and they go to the train station. And he's like, be quiet, Jack. I'm putting you on this train back to your home.

So then he throws Jack on the train and Jack pokes his head out to see what's up. Because he's heading back to the El Simeon Reserve, which is right there. You see that? El Simeon. That's where he's from. That's where his family is. That's where he's trying to go to. Go here, Jack. El Simeon. That's where he's from. That's where his family is. That's where he's trying to go to. Go here, Jack.

El Simeon. Meanwhile, in Nelson, Canada, we are introduced to Stephen and his sister, Tara. Stephen is a big hockey guy. He's from California. They just moved to Nelson. big hockey guy. He's from California. They just moved to Nelson.

They've got a team in Nelson, Canada called the Nuggets, which, uh, from old school is their biggest fan. He loves them. He's big, big Nuggets guy,

loves the team. Steven being this hot import from California, you mix the Nuggets and the potential of Steven as an elite hockey player. And you get eggs because they suck. They're the worst team in the league. They get thrown eggs at. Everything's bad. They're a terrible team. They're just awful in every way.

So they suck, but Steven's on the nuggets. But uh-oh, there's another issue. That's not your stop, Jack. He slept through the train. He missed his stop. He's now in Nelson, Canada, and he's walking around. He's just trying to figure things out a little bit.

He moves through. He doesn't know where to go, but that treehouse sure looks cozy. Why didn't Darren go with him? Because he has to continue working. He has a real job. He works at the school. He just didn't want Jack to be sold

and potentially killed in a research project. But the treehouse looks cozy. He climbs up it. He makes his home. He's just living his life. He's cozy. Everything is great. And maybe the best thing about Nelson is that the kids have bananas.

It's a great place to live. Jack is really, really enjoying the new environment. So he reaches. He grabs the banana. That's Tara's banana while they're watching Steven play hockey. And, you know, first meetings are often tricky. So she notices the banana move. She's like, what's going on with this banana? Jack's like, hey, what's up? My name's Jack. I like hockey and 90s decor. And she does not take this well. She is very alarmed by seeing this, and Jack knows to get the fuck out. He just runs. He books it. He goes back into the woods. He heads back to the treehouse. I like that we can see

the previous screenshot in that new screenshot. Yeah, sometimes it happens. You get a little two for one. Two for the price of one. You're taking them too quickly. Well, you know, this movie moves quickly, Gavin. You got to keep up with it or else you get held to pass.

First meetings are tricky, but often they are worth it because they become friends. She follows them to the tree house. They're now buds. Jack is a hockey guy as previously established. He loves hockey.

So when they get him on the ice, they're like, whoa, look at you, you're doing hockey stuff. He's skating around, he's playing in the net. He slapshots the puck. He hits it so hard, it goes through the net. That's how good his slapshot is. Going through the net. So then he's like, you know what?

I want to play for the team. So he walks into the facility, throws some gear on, hops over the boards into the ice Grabs the puck scores the goal gets out Leafs shows up scores leaves. Everyone's like what's going on there. That's fucking crazy They realized it was a chimp. They're all like what the hell is that monkey doing on the ice? They're all they're freaking out So then all the owners have a meeting because they profit shared This is a real scene and plot point in the movie. The owners get together. They're like,

what should we allow this monkey to play in our league? They all profit share. They're like, oh, people will pay money to see this monkey play hockey. Let's do it. So that's them.

They're all agreeing that he could be in the league. He's now a legal player. Everything is above board. Welcome to the team, Jack. Hey, can I just one quick intersection? you said we could do that while shit's up on the stage uh because the audience has already pointed out a few times and

i imagine they're going to point it out over and over again we we know that a chimpanzee is not a monkey it's uh yeah i get it they're not the same thing but no monkey's just a fun word to say okay sorry go ahead now with jack joining the nuggets the nuggets go from shit to hit hit immediately they're going up they're scoring goals jack's hitting people with sticks they're on papers he slums up oh everything's great they're going to the harvest cup which is like the highest uh achievement you get it's like their super bowl essentially for their league or stanley cup if we're within hockey but what happened to those bad guys? He's all like calling around.

People are like, hey, where's Jack? What's going on with Jack? We're going to remove our funding if you can't find Jack. So he's calling, going like, where's my monkey? And he's eating. He's eating stuff. And then he looks at the TV and he sees highlights of Jack playing hockey, saying that he's going to be in this tournament. So he's like, oh, there he is.

There's my monkey. I'm going to go get him. So he travels to Vancouver, BC, which is where the championship is for the Heritage Cup. And this is all because he doesn't like hepatitis? He was trying to, no, there's no reason. He just wanted money. They're going to pay him money to send him to this facility. So he's walking around the arena.

Tara walks into him, spills her hot chocolate all over his pants. And then him and his sidekick are like, Hey, have you seen my monkey with a wanted poster? And Tara like runs away in fear. And so he chases after her and goes to the team's room and is like, give me the monkey now.

And he points at him. They closed the door. I think this guy was dressed as a pirate once in keenan and cal i'd love to check that so quick they have to make a plan because they're there to steal jack so they're going through they look at the back of jack's photo they see the name el simi nature preserve they're like this must be it this must be be his home. So they call the preserve, and then Tara gets in a cab, and she's going to go help figure things out. She's leaving the arena.

They're go-go now. She's go-go nowing to get assistance for the future. After all that happens, we go back to the game, because it's important. It's the championship match. It's 1-1, 2 minutes, 32 seconds on the clock. Third period, it's down to the game because it's important. It's the championship match. It's 1-1. 2 minutes, 32 seconds on the clock. Third period. It's down to the wire.

The Nuggets take a shot and it stops on the line. I need to drink a water in my throat. And that's not a goal. That's not a goal. It hasn't crossed. It stopped directly on the line. So it's a big scramble. The goalie gets all

caught up. The goalie's being held down. They're fighting. All the players are fighting. But Shaq, he slides for it. He goes right between the legs of the guy. Oh, he's begged him. And he scores! The Nuggets win.

The Nuggets win the championship. They're all celebrating. Everyone's all happy. It's a huge success. But wait! It was Tara all along! She's the one who scored. slid in and they're like wait was tara where's jack what happened doesn't matter party time we're celebrating

we're celebrating the win it's a big win bad guys lost but where's jack jack's on a journey he was the one who got in the cab! They took him to the airport and bought him a ticket to go back to the El Simeon Preserve. So he's riding in, he goes home, he gets driven there, he sees his family, his best friend Darren now works there, everything's great. He gives him a hug, it's just happy, everything's all run happy, they win the championship, everyone's great, he goes home, darren's there it is the end of the film banana wipe yeah oh you did it that was excellent but wait there's more where are they now so i was curious uh about jack and who played him in the role. Jack was played by three different chimps.

Louis, Bernie, and Mac. Yes. One of them, Bernie. See there? Bernie played him, I think, the most for MVP, and I believe also in MVP 2. Bernie is now in the Oakland Zoo. Oh.

He got put on a train? Yeah, he just flew. That's where he really went. He went there. I read in 2010 was the last update I was able to find of Bernie. So I emailed the Oakland Zoo to confirm he was still a resident there. They replied saying yes, he was. And then sent me a bunch of information about how using animals and films is wrong.

So I did not follow up. Banana wipe! The end. What about the other two chim chimps i have no idea where they went okay what was the uh what was the bad guy's name in the suit oh god what was is it peabody maybe i don't remember he's such an insignificant character in the in the movie i was trying to look up the cast to see if he did, in fact, appear in... Oh, is that right? Was I right? I don't know.

I can't. I think he worked at a jewelry shop in Friends, too. Is his name Dr. Peabody? Maybe that's it. Yeah. I think it is Peabody. Okay, let's see. He appeared in...

Oh, my God. He's been in 115 things. He's been in a lot of stuff. I've seen him as just a miffed Brit in pretty much every American thing he's in. You said Kenan and Kel, right? Yeah. He's not showing up for that. Oh, shit. Could be wrong.

What's that show called? Kel, Kenan and Kel? No, no. He played Gavin the waiter. He played Gavin the waiter in 1999 in Kenan and Kel. Yeah, I think he was dressed as a pirate with a parrot on him. He was the British colonel in The Spy Who Shagged Me. Really? Oh,

that's where I recognize him from. Yeah, I could see that now. Oh, he's in MVP 2 as well. Oh, spoiler. He plays a different character. He's Dr. Peabody in Most Viable Primate in MVP 2 Most Vertical Primateate which i do not know

what it's called his name is mr rahasia interesting okay we'll have to keep our eye open for him anyway i didn't mean to i didn't mean to get a sidetrack but no that's andrew that was a phenomenal recitation i feel i feel completely and totally versed in the mvp universe now and i don know about you, Gavin, but I was I was I was hanging on your every word. I loved it. That was great. And and the surprise banana wipe at the end. Yeah, it's yeah, I got a lot of help in putting that together. If it was just me, it would it would have definitely been more salad creamed.

I'm glad that you guys enjoyed it. I'm excited to watch this movie. I yeah, I don't know if this is terrible. i don't know if this is terrible i don't know if this will be fun i'm hoping it will be fun i know it starts out great it has a fantastic opening it's the only thing i've revisited in recent time should we should we start you probably should this guy is like my new favorite actor his roles man he uh i've posted in the check the text chat was that darren or p-body oh there he is mr p-body or dr p-body that's fantastic oh that's awesome oh all right well i think that covers uh mv, Most Vertical Primate from 2000 in its entirety.

If you needed a primer before you watch MVP2, you've got it right there. Thanks for listening to this. Now go ahead and stop. And then if you're brave, hop on into MVP2 with us, Most Vertical Primate. What service is it on so people can watch along?

Amazon Prime. Amazon. You can get it on Amazon. And Tubi. I was about to say, I have no idea. It sounds like Amazon Prime. Okay, there you go. I mean, you just share a screen through Discord. Yeah, I clicked the button and it took me here.

You clicked the Discord button for sharing screens? I clicked the Discord button for sharing screen and it took me here. I don't know why you're mad at me. I don't know why. I'm getting yelled at for yawning. All I did was yawn. I'm getting attacked for that. I'm clicking buttons.

I'm doing everything I'm clicking you think that you think the thing that absolves you here is that you're clicking buttons you think that's what i want to hear yeah yeah because you wanted me to share my wait why is gavin gavin just shared his screen it was very easy oh congratulations you want a different computer i mean it's so we're able to do a thing that I couldn't do on my computer. It's 100% simple. No, I got a security pop-up. Yeah. I mean, it's dead simple to share your screen. You can choose to quit Google Chrome app now or do it on your own later. Uh-huh.

I don't under... Are you... Do you not have Discord? You have the app? Like a browser app? I'm just on their browser. Yeah, I just go on the browser. What?

I just Google it. Oh, we're... I don't use the app. We're fucked. This isn't like... So we're doing Discord through a browser app? I'm just on their browser. Yeah, I just go on the browser. What? I just Google it. Oh, we're... I don't use the app. We're fucked. This isn't like... So we're doing Discord through a browser. Why? The entire time.

Why? Why wouldn't I... Because, listen... Why would I do it any other way? It's a program. Look, I'm sharing my screen. Yeah. Jeff, did it take you...

Like, when you were doing that, did it take you to a Google Chrome page where you just started clicking buttons? No, it didn't do any of those things. Okay, wait. No, wait a second. I think it's okay now. I think we can record the screen now.

Share your screen. This is so good already. Okay, we're going to entire screen. Who's Jerry Lee Lewis? What do you mean, who's Jerry Lee Lewis? He's not American. Gavin's not American. Oh, yeah.

I mean, consider that. I think I'm sure he's dead. He's famous for marrying his. Oh, no, no, no. Jerry. No, Jerry Lewis is not dead. Are you talking about Jerry Lee Lewis or Jerry Lee Lewis? Jerry Lee Lewis is not dead.

Oh, a bunch of reports came out saying he died. He is not dead. He's famous bunch of reports came out saying he died. He is not dead. He's famous for marrying his 14-year-old cousin. He's not famous for marrying his cousin. He is famous and he married his cousin. But not dead? No, he's not dead. No, it came out yesterday.

A bunch of people reported that he's dead. He's like 88 or 89. He's old. It just popped up on my watch. Dead at 87. No, wait. Hang on. No, he didn't act. He actually died? Jerry Lee Lewis died?

Did he just die? I mean, it just popped up on my watch saying it. I just tweeted about it yesterday. I mean, one day ago, Entertainment Weekly, one day ago, Jerry Lee Lewis is alive after being erroneously reported dead at 87. Is he dead? That would be annoying to die the next day after that. He cannot be. It's not on cnn that happened with the queen right there are fake reports that they

were like oh she's dead and they're like no she's not dead she's fine wikipedia says he's alive no wikipedia says he's dead and tmz is reporting oh yeah no he's dead he's dead we weren't even gonna give him socks i mean hi 88. Gavin, do you remember, have you ever heard that song, Goodness Gracious Great Balls of Fire? Oh, yeah, I've heard that. That's Jerry Lee Lewis. I tweeted that yesterday. Oh.

After the thing. Just because I thought it was funny. Yeah. You tweeted. People wouldn't have context. All I did was tweet Great Balls of Fire, the video for it. Because he was reported dead? No, because he put Icy Hot.

No, because my balls were on fire. Oh. And then you, so you killed him i guess i didn't mean to do that holy shit we andrew killed jerry lewis oh andrew's live okay so jeff go ahead and intro it and then we'll go from there. Okay, you ready? Am I recording? Your dock is a nightmare. I just wanted to make sure. All right. Is it now? I'm going to wait for Andrew to say he's recording and good.

I'm recording. Yeah, I'm good. Seven minutes in. Are you streaming to us at the highest quality? I don't know what that means. How would I check that? Because you get to pick the resolution. Oh, stream settings.

I can change windows. How many bits do you have? Are you going to pick the resolution. Oh, stream settings. I can change windows. How many bits do you have? Are you going to blow through all your bits? Oh, no. My bits are good. My bits are secure. I don't know how I would change that setting, Gavin. How does it look?

You look for me. Tell me how it looks. It looks a bit blurry. There's one setting that says smoother frame rate, and the other one says more readable text. So I want like yours doesn't have that. I hate.

He's using a browser version. Jesus Christ. Of all of the apps on your dock, of all of those, none of them are Discord. No. Why would I download it when I can just Google it? I don't even know what all these are. I'll tell you what they aren't.