F**kface - Antagonistic Moods // Smut [178]

Episode Date: November 1, 2023

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about killing Andrew with a towel, mini helmets, the Key West hypotheticals, the Justice League, Geoff’s many podcasts, shooting references, morning pleasantries, the admirals club, boarding groups, contingency plans, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the solar eclipse, clips girl dinner lunch, SnowRunner, Tax Day, First Light Books, Andrew’s broken chair, the scorpion chair, when Eric worked at Razer, phlegm, smiles, Geoff’s trip to the dentist, the Incredible Hulk, RoboCop, smut, the new kissabel apples, the Dallas Quest, and more. Subscribe to the LetsPlay channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkxctb0jr8vwa4Do6c6su0Q. Sponsored by Shopify (http://shopify.com/face), MeUndies (http://meundies.com/face), and Nuts.com (http://nuts.com/face). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Oh, I'm getting leaf blowed. Oh. Oh, no. You're getting leaf blowered? The neighbors have fired up a leaf blower. Oh, I can't hear it. It's fine. That's your problem. Yeah. I agree with Andrew. I also can't hear it, so

it's fine. Okay. Hello! That was almost Tim Allen-esque by you. That was so awesome. God, this is great. Sorry. Continue. Hello. Hello, and welcome to another episode of the... What?

I wasn't sure if I was rolling, so I was just double... I was confirming. You decided to say it out loud while I'm doing the intro? Well, I asked, am I rolling? Who are you asking? Who did you ask? Who did you ask? Okay, we're not asking.

I have an outer monologue. I talk. Talk to myself. Who's after us? Talk in your brain. Oh, my God. Hello, and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face podcast. This is number 178.

My name is Jeff. There's an Andrew and a Gavin somewhere. Here we go. Now, that was a memorable intro. I have a question about the censorship of our podcast name if you're halfway through saying face does it still bleep if you don't say face no i feel like we established this on episode like two yeah what we're like 200 in we're almost 200 in what's happening yeah but have we talked about like a like an intent but it didn't get completed i i

yeah i feel like we discussed this i think if there's a breath between it it's fine it's not you're saying fuck and you're saying face you're it's two separate words if you say to one breath face that's probably going to get edited but if you say fuck face okay that's just checking because because you you intended to say it there but you didn't say face so i I don't think we covered it, but Gavin wanted to kill Andrew by strangling him from behind with a towel, but then looking in a mirror,

so he still made eye contact, but he felt like there'd be a degree of separation. Oh, because eye contact was ruined. I don't think I could have taken looking into your eyes while doing it. Oh. But looking into your eyes through a mirror, he thinks would be fine. Yeah, it's like a separation there.

A layer of divide. So I, just to clarify, am I fighting for my life every time you're strangling me to death? Am I willingly letting you choke me? No, and you, you, well, you argue, you're like, please don't do this. This is gonna hurt. I know what I said yesterday. I know I told you it's not a big deal. No i'm am i trying to fight you off like obviously i'm not

gonna hurt you but am i am i trying to prevent this from happening oh i think you should i i would like to you know i gotta be honest we we never considered it being a fight because i i just want to say i've been thinking about this a little bit. I've got a tree trunk of a neck, okay? It's going to be a difficult job. I think you're greatly underestimating how much time it would take and how exhausting of a process it would be for you to physically have to do this. How were you going to do it, Gavin?

You were going to use a towel, then you were going to wrap it around a wooden spoon or something so you could twist? I think, yeah, because I was worried about my ability just to go with my hands. I don't think I'm strong enough. I don't think I have the grip strength. I don't think you could strangle me with your hands. So I think what I was going to do is I was going to take either end of a towel and sort of swirl it until it's

like a pool noodle-esque and then I was going to wrap that around then get a wooden spoon and lodge that in the ends and then use the spoon as like a twisting mechanism to sort of like crank the towel tight if you know what i mean while looking at you in the eyes through a mirror now how do you feel about that andrew i i don't know if the towel, I think the towel would provide less tension than you would think. I think I could survive you doing that with a towel. Okay.

I think the whole layer that none of you considered is how difficult it's going to be to strangle me. Because much like my unbreakable nose, I think that I have a very unchokeable neck. It's a very thick. This was something I was going to bring up. Do you think if you described Andrew the way we described Ian, people would be able to draw him? Unbreakable nose, tree trunk neck, longest back. All back.

Yeah, I mean, as soon as jeff presented this uh scenario i immediately didn't think i'd be strong enough to do it with my bare hands yeah and and for the record i didn't want to strangle you i was happy to shoot you every day as opposed to strangle you 12 times yeah i don't the bullet would be a problem i can't there's nothing i think it would be really hard to shoot you for a while but like by month three it's it's like brushing your teeth probably. And so I think I figure you would get used to it a lot faster than you would get used to the 12 stranglings. Because then you have to think about it all month long. You're like, oh, God, it's is it the 20th?

Oh, rent's going to be due. I got to strangle Andrew. Is it tax month? You know what I mean? Like that shit would weigh on you. Once again, you're not factoring in my perspective of fighting this. I would get really mad and be like, I'm going to make this fucker

take all day if he's going to try this. All day. Do you think you could clench your neck muscles and really try and prevent it? Oh, absolutely. I got some pretty big shoulders. I can turtle this neck. I can go to the shell to reduce the neck area, the thickness of the neck. Even if you got your hands on there, it's going to be exhausting.

So do you think you actually have a girthier neck? Like if we measured your neck, would it be? Yeah, I think I got a girth neck. Absolutely. I think this is something I thought about a lot. Now, if you use tools, I think you could choke me out. about a lot now if you use tools i think you could choke me out but i think that like if you were to put me in like uh what would be what'd be uh i'm trying to remember the name for the choke but there's like different chokes that i think i'd be very resistant to you and i know a lot of them are

actually based on like cutting off circulation which causes it but i just think i got like a really girthy neck do you think if we put something constrictive around your neck and you flexed it hard enough, you could snap it? I don't think I could snap it, but I think I could generate enough space for me to continue the blood flow as well as like gargle breathe. That'd be such a cool moment in a movie though, if someone was in the middle of the towel slash wooden spoon choke

and then they just flex their neck and the spoon exploded. Do you think if a boa constrictor tried to constrict your neck, but you were ready for it, that you could, like, prevent? The answer is no. Because a boa constrictor, their whole thing is constricting.

That's their life. A human, generally speaking, their whole thing is not strangulation so i think there's a level of fatigue that a person would face that the boa constrictor would not well the boston strangler and the hillside there's a few there have been a few people who their whole lives was strangling yeah that's a few human constrictors yeah but i would like to i'd like to size up the girthiness of those necks that the bostonangler was going after. I bet you he went for very pencil-like necks.

Yeah, dude. If just sneaking up on you and then grabbing it, just going, oh, shit. Oh, shit. Come on. You think the Boston Strangler is like, that is not a neck. I can't handle that neck. No. Yeah, I would feel fine in that environment. There's so

many. He would have to take out 99% of the necks before he even considered going to mine. I think that's fair. Yeah. I've thought about this outside of this show, like outside of this conversation. That's a random thing that I should have brought up. I have a very thick neck.

Your neck is still not as wide as your head, though. Well, I mean, that's fucking that's a huge thing you're describing. huge it's a huge thing you're describing but it's it's it's big enough to support his head that's a great point yeah which is probably what makes it so goddamn strong and sturdy he's got andrew has got a lot of brain you opened a mini helmet recently in the break show and i had the realization that any helmet to me is a mini helmet but that's that's like that's like a baby helmet is what that actually is in the context of my

head scale I don't know what I was expecting opening up that middle that uh mini helmet on the break show but uh very underwhelming I won't be buying any more mini helmets I'm definitely not a mini helmet collector it felt like a cheap plastic piece of crap. It was like what they serve, not even like the nachos. It's what they serve the little ice cream scoop in at a baseball game. Yeah. Because we're making the nacho helmet for F*** Face, right? And it's way nicer. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. We're making a F*** Face nacho helmet. It's way nicer than the one that I just paid $120 for or whatever. Yeah, absolutely. And maybe we'll sign some. Gavin, we made this nacho helmet just in case you for or whatever. Yeah, absolutely. And maybe we'll sign some. Gavin, we made this nacho helmet just in case you needed nachos. That's true. Okay.

Will you sign some? Yeah. Will you eat nachos out of one? Yeah. Interesting. Why wouldn't I? I don't know. That's why I'm asking.

I'm just asking. Just asking questions, man. Who do you think has the heaviest head? Do you think Andrew has the heaviest head? Oh, easily, yeah. Absolutely. I think I have both the heaviest and the most hollow. Wait, what?

I got a lot of room in there. I have a very knockable head. But an unbreakable nose and all back. One day we're all going to get together. When we get together with hugs and all that, then you guys are going to knock on my head and be like, wow, this is like this is a dome. You got a dome in there. So you're saying you have the most empty

head, but most massive head. Yeah, well, like if you knock on it, the sound travels. The acoustics in my skull are second to none. It's bouncing off the walls. You're going to see. You'll just see. How am I going to see?

Eventually, we're all going to get together, hugs and all that. After we do all the hugs, Gavin, you can try to strangle me, and then you guys can all knock on my head like it's a door, and it will, the sound, the sound it makes. I want you to know, Andrew, I don't actually want to strangle you.

You say that, but then you create a hypothetical in which you have to. I didn't create shit. strangle you. You say that, but then you create a hypothetical in which you have to. I didn't create shit. And then you spend all weekend. I adapted. I'm pretty sure you created that hypothetical. Yeah, and then when somebody picked the one that you didn't like that they picked, you made sure that you kept putting things on that one

to make sure they picked the one that you wanted them to. Yeah, but my one was dogs and nosebleeds. Jeff's one was Andrew. I don't remember it that way. Oh, okay. Okay. Oh, so it's Jeff. It's all kind of hazy.

After you had to take a picture with your worms and dirt, it's all kind of hazy. Oh, no, this is okay. It's Jeff's fault. Gavin, I was about to talk shit to you. I was about to say I'm going to turn your gold hands into dog shit hands after people see your lack of strangleability on my neck, but now it's a Jeff thing.

Dude, it's not a Jeff thing. Don't listen. There's fucking three people who were there and two of us can't remember. You think the guy that throws... Don't fake news me into this being Jeff's fault. Eric and I remember it a little differently. We already established that Jeff had shitty hands last week.

I've seen... Well, I haven't seen it, but I've heard Jeff throws like 25 baseball. I'm not scared of those hands. There's no power in those hands. Fucking 50 without training. What are you talking about? Also, I never want... First, for the record,

I never wanted to strangle you. I wanted to shoot you. I think the strangling thing is way too personal. And I would never have even attempted it. Well, you know better. You're a wise man. Now, let me ask you a question. You think you have the heaviest head.

Who do you think amongst us has the heaviest thoughts? Oh. Because I think it's me. Oh, it's definitely you. Yeah, you immediately came to mind. Okay, thank you. Not in the sense of like, they're great thoughts, but I think there's a lot of sadness. There's a lot of...

They're all dark thoughts. Yeah. Sort of like, they're like really just dark marbles inside your head that weigh so much. Yeah. It's like a war and peace size novel of dark thoughts that just rattle around all at all times. The weight and type of thought that makes you consider either strangling or shooting one of your closest friends. Those kind of heavy, dark thoughts. Have you guys do you guys have contingency plans

on how to kill all of us around you? No, like never thought of it. What are you talking about? Well, I read a Justice League comic once when I was in high school, and in it, they were talking about who was like the baddest member of the Justice League, and it was determined that Batman

is the most dangerous member of the Justice League, even though he doesn't have powers, because he has a contingency plan to kill every other member of the Justice League if they go evil or rogue. Like Superman's a good guy, but if Superman goes dark, Batman has to be prepared to take him out. Same with Wonder Woman, same with Aquaman, same with everybody. So I have always thought I should probably have a contingency plan just in case things go wrong on how to get rid of everybody around me i mean couldn't superman just fly through the earth though yeah batman's got a contingency plan for that yeah he uh he makes his skin transparent so he can't uh get the uh rays from the sun i think was the way he did that you can do dark knight returns you just build a suit out of kryptonite and just beat the shit out of them.

Sure. What would be us going? Like, what is us going evil mean in the context of the show? I don't want to find out because I the only thing that I can immediately think of is going rogue is like maybe making other podcasts. You got like seven of those. You're the most rogue. I'm not going to kill it.

I'm making another podcast. I hope not because you have seven of them. You got so many podcasts. I do not have three you have seven of them. You have so many podcasts. I do not. I have three. That's your standard. I have three fucking podcasts. That's all.

That's more than most people have. But I make them all with people in this podcast. Like, Eric is involved with all three of them. And Nick. Yeah. Thanks, Nick. You don't. Okay.

Yeah. No. Yeah. Yeah. We'll say yes. You produce them. I'm just saying. So, all right.

Is really a one man effort. That's all I'm saying. Yeah, that's true, yeah. We'll say yes. What? You produced them. I'm just saying, so all right is really a one-man effort. That's all I'm saying. Yeah, that's true. That's unfair. That's unfair to Nick and Gracie and everybody involved, and Kelly, that are involved.

How dare you? It's a group effort. I'm sorry, Nick. I'm sorry about that. Andrew, how many podcasts do you have? One. Okay, cool. Just checking.

Yeah, one for me. Anyway, nobody's killing anybody about making rogue podcasts that's not what i was thinking more of like you're just going evil evil like columbine evil you know jesus christ what are you what you do have the heaviest thoughts what's wrong with you what the fuck you'll be 48 someday and you'll you'll accumulate your heavy thoughts too i think the worst part, well not the worst, but I think an amusing part of that

is it also shows how old Jeff is. That is such a dated shooting to reference. There's so many more relevant ones. You really dated yourself there. A lot more recent. Of course! But that's the one that imprinted on me because I was, you know, in high school or whatever when that happened.

It's probably also the one that imprinted on all the other bastards who tried it. That's true. I'm not going to make assumptions about them. That's fair too. I don't want to be in that space. I'm going to move on. On a slightly lighter note, Gavin and I hung out this

morning. We started a new thing. Pleasant trees. Oh, now I'm hurt. We just started a new thing. Pleasantries. Oh, now I'm hurt. We have a, we just started a little coffee club. We got coffee at like 9am this morning. Yeah. Okay. Congrats. You guys have been friends for like 20 years.

We would have invited you and coffee this morning together. You live in Canada. I've never heard Andrew say fuck you but i think he just did well i just like i'm happy for you guys but you guys are best friends you've known each other for 20 years oh look at how zany we are we're getting coffee in the morning dude i i just i just made a so all right podcast about how little i spend time with gavin i we just got together gavin and er Gavin and Eric and I,

and I realized it was the first time I'd gotten lunch with Gavin in six years. So getting coffee with Gavin is also a big fucking deal to me. I loved it. It was a bit loud in there, though. My back was to the checkout, and I... Of course you did. You guys are best friends.

Why wouldn't you love it? What are you talking about? He calls his best friends like it's an insult. This is the best episode of the show. It's like there's venom behind it. You're like, oh, we had coffee together. Crazy. I got together with one of my closest friends,

and I don't know if you'll believe it. We had a good time. I didn't say I didn't think you'd believe it. I just said on a lighter note, it was nice to get coffee with Kevin. It is a lighter note. I'll give you that. That is correct. I'm happy. How was the coffee? Was it good?

Real fucking thrilling. You have a decaf? It was just better than Columbine, alright? It was. I'd hope so. There was zero talk about strangling you all coffee long. That's great. I support this. More coffee is what I say. You're making it sound like we spend so much time talking about strangling you all coffee long i probably that's great i support this more coffee

is what i say you're making it sound like we spend so much time talking about strangling you know what happened that we didn't address last time is that after eric touched the silver and got cursed by the war um and almost almost drowned in the shower i forgot i forgot to bring up as well that we went to the Admirals Club on the way home. Oh yeah. And Eric choked on a drink of water in the middle of the Admirals Club. And that caused me to spit coffee.

It was like right as I was saying I almost spit coffee on Eric's small wife because Eric was choking on water. Water was trying to get me one more time before we were like really truly done with the vacation i had to get up and walk away for about a minute because i couldn't i couldn't swallow the coffee that was in my mouth it was like sputtering out and i was like oh my god the second it started going down my gullet he choked and i just just

it was locked in my mouth for like 45 seconds. We went to the Admirals Club once on the way there, once on the way back. And both times we ate cubes of pale cheese. And when I boarded with Gavin, he was group one and I was group six. And my wife was group one and I was group six and my wife, my wife was group seven. She refused to board with me and Gavin in group one because she thought she was going to get in trouble. And I was like,

look, look, I could, I could sort you out and get you in the Admiral's club. I can bring two people in and, and get this. You could board with me too. But,

uh, she wasn't, she wasn't confident in my ability to get her in. I mean, the first time we did it, I didn't know that you could just with me too but uh she wasn't she wasn't confident in my ability to get her in i mean the first time we did it i didn't know that you could just do that i didn't know you could board with someone from like the like a higher group or whatever most of the time you can yeah uh the first time it happened gavin went up to scan his pass and it was like a sleight of hand magic trick where as he was going to scan his pass his phone turned off i blew it i really i it was like i'd never flown before it was he his phone turned off then he turned it back on then he scanned then

he had to open his ticket but he opened his credit card then he had to close his credit card then he opened his ticket and then he scanned his ticket and then i scanned my ticket and then they went wait hang on Gavin. That's not the right ticket. Yeah. Cause it was a connecting flight in Dallas. Yeah. And I would,

I was good for Dallas to Key West. I was giving him the Austin to Dallas because it reset the one I opened. But then he scanned the one from Dallas to Key West and then it flagged it because it had to print out a different ticket because he had a different seat. And it was like i tricked them into going into like boarding with group one and so i was like wow that was really cool that kevin did that and then the next time the woman didn't give a fuck about us boarding together whatsoever and i went oh this wasn't as cool as i thought it was

yeah they don't really care but yeah i had an absolute nightmare it was like it vanished the second i turned the phone over and then it was like credit card wrong and then it was like wrong ticket i was like shit and i was like wrong seat because i got the upgrade so we had to print the new one i was like man and all the people behind me other group ones were getting real huffy puffy yeah because you're acting like a fucking idiot yeah he was acting like a real group seven that's all and then i saying. And then I got really worried that Eric's small wife was watching from afar to see how it was all going. And I was worried that I was embarrassing myself. The best thing about being the group one

and pulling previous group or like later groups with you is that it works 95% of the time. But the 5% of the time it doesn't work, you still get to board as group one and it's just embarrassing for them. I've never had it not work. I've had it not work a couple of times. My wife was really afraid of having it not work

and having to turn around and wait for six more groups. I was so proud of her though when she decided to go for it. Yep, she finally did it on the last part and she didn't think that it was possible. She just kept going, I'm going to do it. And I asked her after walking down the jet bridge, after we boarded, I was like, how do you feel? Because it worked.

And she just like puffed her arms out. Like she was overheated or something. Like all the nerves got to her all at once. She was like afraid afraid she like puffed out all big like a like a cat fronting on someone it was amazing she felt she felt big oh yeah i i need to ask you eric after you know nearly dying in the shower yeah and then choking in the admiral's club have you enacted your contingency plan against water? Because it is clearly, it's gone evil against you. Yeah, I figure I'm going to strangle it by looking at it

while I look at it in the mirror and just see how that goes. Oh, the towel would actually absorb. It would be a great move. Yeah, yeah, you use the towel and it absorbs all the water. And that's kind of like the same thing. You know what I mean? I would almost say it's even more sinister in a sense because

you're removing it you're taking if you go to the sea with a towel you're absorbing it from its home ripping it from its comfort and then letting it die out in the sun somewhere else that's evil that's an evil move Jeff how would you kill Nick probably the same way I'd kill water it'd be

sponge related in some way. I think you think you would absorb him. Maybe. I don't know. I'll be honest. I think I'd probably just shoot him. A lot of people don't. A lot of people don't need a complicated contingency.

Andrew does a little bit because he's devious, you know, and Gavin, you're clever. So I'm not going to get into the specifics with y'all because I don't want to give you any ammunition against me. I don't you know, what's the point of a contingency plan if everybody knows it? Right. What's the point of being a doomsday prepper and living off the grid on your boat if if you take everybody you meet to see your doomsday prep? Come by and see my boat. I think the way to kill Nick is,

do you remember that woman that Walter White takes out like the last season of Breaking Bad by poisoning her coffee? Oh, Lydia? With the ricin? Yeah. They put it in the sugar that she pours in her coffee. Just put that in any ketchup packet within a five-mile radius of Nick. Just any condiment.

So ketchup instead of stevia? Yeah. I think the way to kill Nick is just to lock him in a room with too much food. Oh, that would do it. Oh, yeah, he would do it to himself. Kind of like Sloth in Seven. Yeah, he would absolutely be. He can't stop. He would be the gluttony guy. He'd be fucked.

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So go check out all the delicious options at nuts.com slash face and you'll receive a free gift and free shipping when you spend $29 or more. That's nuts.com slash face. Hey, I don't want to further incur the wrath of Andrew, but should we mention that we hung out and did something kind of cool this weekend?

No, listen, I want to be clear. It's not that I had an issue with you guys hanging out i love that i'm excited to hear it just sounded like there was no point to it it was the point of the story was i had fun so if there's something that cool that happened when you guys hung out please so having fun doesn't get to be a point no so wait andrew if i just hung out with you this weekend yeah if if If we just had fun. If it was in person, that'd be notable. If it was just us playing Halo,

that will because we haven't seen each other in person in like four years. Well, whose fault is that? Yours. It's just as much yours as mine. You fucking are getting up planes all the time. What are you talking about? Whose fault is that? He's got you there.

You've been on way more planes than i have in the past six years i'm gonna come i'm gonna get some monopoly money on your door this year there's not a lot of this year left man there's no it's october this comes out in like november i'm gonna get it in your house you better not fucking you better not be in canada during my wedding gavin you have traveled for personal reasons to places much further than it is to my place i don't want to hear this that's my fault what's further than you've been to like japan and italy and all these fucking you're traveling all over the world what's further he immediately named places you just went to. I thought you were talking about stuff for this.

Stuff with this group. What do you mean? No, I'm just saying you've taken personal trips to further... Listen, I'm on point today. I'm in a little antagonistic mood. You know what happened? This is what happened. I was going to tell the story

before. I did something I haven, you know what happened? This is what happened. I'm going to tell, I was going to tell the story before. I did something I haven't done in years and it's made me, it's brought out the little antagonistic side of me. I accidentally went into a game chat for the first time in probably like four years. I've been playing a lot of

Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I like that game and I've been trying to get achievements in it. And it's a game that audio cues really help when you're playing so sort of the goal of the game is there's a group of victims that have to try to escape and you have a group of killers

trying to kill you and prevent you from escaping so I was playing as a victim and I thought oh I I should have some audio to this because it would make it easier I'm trying to escape for an achievement and I put my headset on I play like three or four games and then in like the fifth game all of a sudden I hear a voice and I put my headset on I play like three or four games and then in like the fifth game all of a sudden I hear a voice and I get freaked out because I forgot like oh shit I

guess I'm I'm technically in game chat so I'm in this lobby and how it works is it sometimes takes like two or three minutes to find a lobby so it's a process then you get into the lobby there are two requirements for the game to start the first is that you need seven people you need a full lobby the second is that you can pick a variety of killer characters but at least one person needs to be playing as leatherface or else it won't start there's a timer in the top right that ticks down and if there isn't a leatherface or the lobby isn't full it will kick you back to the main menu once it hits zero so we're all in this lobby and I get spooked by this guy saying, Hey, somebody switched to cook on the killer side.

That's one of the killers you could play. He's currently hitchhiker. The second person is a character named sissy and the third is leather face. So he says, Hey, somebody switched to cook and nobody does anything. And then like five seconds later, he says,

no, come on. We need somebody go to cook and nobody does anything. And then he waits a little bit more five seconds later he says no come on we need a somebody go to cook and nobody does anything and then he waits a little bit more and then he says okay seriously we need for this level we really should have a cook and then the guy who's playing leatherface switched to cook which now means the person who was playing sissy would have to be leatherface and they just quit they just left because it. And there's like 90 seconds left in this lobby and I've listened to this whole thing

and there's a part of me that I think do I want to say something to this guy? Because I don't actually care but I feel like if I say something you'll probably get real heated and that could be funny. So I think about it for a minute and I say ah fuck it I'll do it. So I bring my headset down

and I said why'd you have to. I'll do it. So I bring my headset down. I said, why'd you have to go and bully somebody? Be cooked. Now we're not going to play. And the guy immediately went, mind your business. Mind you. He just kept saying,

mind your business. And I said, I am minding my business. None of us are going to get the play because you had to bully somebody into being the cook. And now we don't got a leather face. There's 60 seconds left. He kept saying,

mind your business. And I said, I am, what are you talking about? You're being ridiculous then he said just wait you just wait so you try to escape this house i said nobody's escaping nothing we're not gonna get to the game we got two people we don't got a leather face we're not gonna go anywhere and he just kept saying good look good look in this game i'm gonna get you ain't even gonna leave the basement and i'm yelling back at him nobody's gonna get to the basement we're not getting into the house this game isn't happening because you had to decide to be your fucking like

andy reed try to call out the offense this is ridiculous what are you doing and he's just getting more mad at me and then because of my rally one of the other victims put their headset in it was like yeah you're a real idiot and then he's yelling at that guy and i'm like oh i'm getting him i'm getting he's getting real mad and we're just going back and forth the clock hits zero everybody gets sent to the main menu and i open up my recently played with and i immediately messaged the guy gg and i'm laughing about it the entire time i turn around and i look at my partner who's been who witnessed all of this and they just immediately said, I think I know why your rep was the way it was on the 360.

Ever since then, I apologize. It was a little antagonistic. I think it brought a fire out. But please, proceed with your story. What happened? What was the fun thing that happened when you guys got together? Oh, this weekend?

Yeah, this weekend. Tell me all about it. Well, now I don't want to tell you because I just feel like you're going to be antagonistic and aggressive and angry. No, I got out of my system. I don't know if it's cool enough. I don't know if it meets the doesn't rise to the level of Andrew's ire threshold. But we all got together on Saturday and we watched the solar eclipse.

That's all. That's pretty. That's yeah. It and we watched the solar eclipse. That's all. That's pretty. That's, yeah. It was almost a total solar eclipse. We almost got a ring of fire. It was like, it was so close. It was. Yeah, that was pretty cool.

I saw a lot of people posting about that. Yeah. The moon was like smaller than the sun, so it wasn't a proper total. But yeah, it was really cool to see. And it made all the shadows weird. Just made being outside very weird. That's all. Please don't yell at me.

I ate so much cheese on a cheese board. It was awesome. Yeah, we had like Eclipse girl dinner lunch, and it was amazing. Eclipse? We had, Andrew, we had Eclipse girl dinner lunch. Yeah, everybody knows what that is. I'm always having Eclipse girl dinner lunch. Yeah, everybody knows what that is. I'm always having Eclipse girl dinner lunch. Speaking of video games, did you guys see the big news today?

No. Oh, shit. The new trailer dropped. It is out. The trailer dropped and it is out. Season 11 of SnowRunner just hit. Scandinavia, baby. There's going to be a new Burlap 6x6.

It's an amphibious Russian vehicle. I'm going to tear up the countryside in it. I'm so fucking excited to play tonight. You don't even know. I mean, is Gavin going to play? You had Gavin play, right? Gavin played once, and then the little bitch bitched out every other time since. We've played like every night since then.

Is that why you had to go get coffee with him so he wouldn't call you names? He fucking literally told me the other night he had to do taxes. He was like, I have to do my taxes. Like that's the most like I have a headache. I have to wash my hair tonight fucking answer I've ever heard. It was tax day. Not in America. What?

Yeah, it was. The tax day is in April. Yeah, if you have an extension. The other tax day is September 15th is when it was, I believe. October 16th. October 16th. Oh, shit. Did I miss a tax day?

I don't know. Go wash your hair. No, no. I paid mine in September. I paid mine when my accountant told me to pay it. My biggest issue is actually that because Meg was in Japan, that's why she couldn't come to Key West, and she came back and is very jet lagged,

and because she's jet-lagged, I am also jet-lagged. You know, just being in a bed with someone who's not asleep, it means that you're awake too. Yeah. So I'm bed-lagged. All kidding aside,

we will be ripping up Scandinavia tonight, so if anybody wants to... Are you doing tonight? Yeah, if anybody wants to play SnowRunner tonight... I'm free tonight. Okay, hop on. It's funny that you say that now because i've been i was trying to organize that and you just didn't you ignored my text so that's oh i didn't ignore your text i was editing a podcast and i didn't have time to respond and then oh the one man effort

into this sounds like it sounds like you have a lot of podcasts you were that's my uh that's my picture that is from the tutorial sort of stuff you just completely undercut me gavin you son of a bitch oh sorry i was about to say that i saw speaking of me being happy that you guys were online i saw you guys playing snow runners and it made me so happy i was like this is great i'm so happy that jeff's back in the games i'm glad gavin is into it because uh jeff i know has been really excited and has wanted us to record a video in it and gavin was somebody who like i had done the tutorial like a year ago i don't really remember any of it but i've done it at least so i can play but gavin hadn't and uh i

thought i'm gonna try to remind gavin to get him onto it and the next day you just happened to be doing it and so i texted you about it. And then I saw you still in the game like three hours later. So I assumed that you were either playing or you just left it on. And so I asked, so how did SnowRunners go? And the image that Gavin sent

was what he replied with for how his tutorial went, which I thought was very funny. I could get him out of that. That's easy. You can get him out of that? Yeah, nothing's too stuck is all I heard about this game.

Almost nothing is too stuck. There have been a few instances. But Gavin, how was it? How did you feel? What was it like playing Snowrunners with Antonio and Bernie and I? I'll be honest, it was very high pressure. Like, I was really worried I'd embarrass myself, but

everyone was very welcoming and giving me tips and like, oh, you know, winch to that tree and all this stuff. And at some point, I almost completed one mission. That mission that you almost completed took us about another two hours the next night to complete. You had done a lot of work.

It was tough. It was a lot more about the environment of Siberia than it was you. It's so funny you said that because the next night, they were so nervous. They're like, I think we than it was you. It's so funny you said that because the next night they were so nervous. They're like, I think we blew it with Gavin. I don't think he had fun. He's never going to play with us again. You guys were both so independently nervous of playing with each other.

It was really fucking funny. And they had so much fun too. They're like, hey, fit right in. It seemed like he was enjoying it. The only problem was we had really, really bad problems getting disconnected, which I had forgotten to mention to Gavin that that sometimes can be a thing. The next night we had really really bad problems getting disconnected which i had uh i'd forgotten to mention to gavin that that sometimes can be a thing the next night we had zero drops but the last time we played and bernie just couldn't stay in all that long it's like sometimes it works

perfectly and sometimes you're beset with tech problems yeah it's a bit of a temperamental turd but it's really fun when you're in it yeah are you guys gonna try to record a video tonight then or what oh i'd like to i texted about it i'd love to oh so this is your point here okay sweet wait what hold on what'd you say andrew remember when i texted you last night gavin if you had plans the following day yeah and i said i'm free after this yeah that was i was trying to yeah you didn't reply to me no because i was waiting on jeff to reply oh but you didn't reply to me. No, because I was waiting on Jeff to reply. Oh, but you didn't text me till today. No, I texted you last night and then I replied.

I texted you in the morning. Let me let you know about this feature called a group text. I I responded to you, Andrew. I said, well, you can check your phone. I respond. Yeah, I'll look. I'll look at it. Can you let us know what it says, Andrew?

OK, give me a second. Let me. Let me open second. Let me open it. Let's do it. Okay. Sweet. Well, Eric, you want to be here too, right? What's that? Didn't you want to watch?

If there's a way to watch, I would love to watch. Somebody would have to broadcast their screen to you and you'd just have to watch in Discord. I can't do that, but one of them probably can. Okay. Yeah. I think I'm really excited for the response to this episode because it is so out of step with the other 170 that we've done this feels so terse and almost confrontational but none of it is out of malice

and i'm enjoying it so much but i think people are going to hate it oh is this a shit episode no no no no that's the thing i don't think it's a bad episode at all but i think there are a lot of people who don't want you guys to argue ever and this has been this starts with you we're gonna talk about i don't killing andrew some more none of it has been malicious or mean it has just been like bitey in such a fun way i take exception to that eric i think it has been toxic yeah mean and i'm angry i i genuinely love this podcast because the dynamic can be so rambunctious and weird and then it can be this and then we can

turn on a dime and it's like none of this ever happened it's the best hey what do you think of that Andrew oh shit it donged it says image 0298 you donged it it was a dong again

oh that was gonna be oh shit It's image 0298. You donged it. It was a dong again. That was going to be... Oh, shit. Gavin just dropped a 7 meg dong. That was a big old dong. I don't know what happened there. That's a gold medal dong right there. Damn, you're ding-donging. Oh, no.

Double dong. He doubled it. It's a reverse harem. I mean, could I take a screenshot? Will it dong that way? Is this a dong? Boom. What do you think of that, Drew?

Oh, that's a nice coffee with you and Jeff. I didn't know you took a picture of me. Jeff's wearing a bright red jacket. That's his nice coffee with you and Jeff. I didn't know you took a picture of me. Jeff's wearing a bright red jacket. That's his new jacket. That's my new jacket. This is a coffee shop we were supposed to do for Animo, but we haven't done it yet. Yeah.

First light. Oh, it's food. Is it like a library? Don't review it on this show. It's a bookstore that has a coffee shop in it. Oh, that's awesome. That's a great vibe for it. shop in it oh that's awesome that's like a wonderful you that's a great vibe for it um the coffee looks delicious that's great got myself a little cap

nice not allowed to give my review on the coffee here i have to do that elsewhere thank you but yeah it's for one of your other podcasts one of the seven and any snacks with it what do you say andrew any snacks i'm curious if you had snacks with your coffee no i thought all their snacks looked well i don't want to give i know i guess i can't say i wasn't fuck it i don't care eric can be mad at me i thought their snacks looked pretty shitty i wasn't okay oh no that's too bad yeah what are you gonna do they had lots of books i love that can i ask for an update andrew on on your chair? It's still a stool. Still a stool? Yeah, I'm still just living the stool lifestyle, yeah. What if we put out to all the companies that they can send you a chair,

and if the chair lasts longer than a year, they get an ad read? I love it. Yeah. I think that's great. We should go with that Herman Miller chair, the really fancy $2,000 one. We should get them to send the... It's supposed to be the best chair in the world. They're probably going to want an ad reading about what.

Yeah, I was thinking more from Staples, but I like where you're at. Like a DX racer or something. Staples is where I've been going, so I don't know if Staples is the... I think I just found the chair for Andrew. Okay. Here it is.

I'll put it in the... Oh. Oh. It's better than a 7 Meg chair for Andrew. Okay. Here it is. I'll put it in the... Oh. Oh. It's better than a 7 Meg dong. Thanks. Yeah! Gaming chair cockpit. I don't know if I have the room for that.

It looks like a scorpion. It does. And it's got three monitors. Holy shit. Yeah. $14,000. I just want you to have that for images later. God, that's so cool.

What the... Look at it from the back. Yeah. It's pretty cool. So the? Look at it from the back. Yeah, that's pretty cool. So I think we need to see if gaming, if the gaming chair cockpit, ergonomic computer gaming cockpit, adjustable hanging three-screen monitor with LED light, headrest, lumbar support, high back recliner, color style one,

Boyati company wants to send Andrew a chair uh a chair we can test it out for one year if if it lasts we'll give you a hell of a ad read that's that's one of those things that is very cool probably while you're using it and very annoying when you're shimmying around it and it's taking up half of the room i think it's one of those things that's very cool when you ask for it when you're 14 and it continues to be cool until you're about 18 and you're a senior in high school and then your friend comes over and they're like what the fuck is this

that chair is what it was like to work at Razor I feel like it'd be like being in a Decepticon is the way I feel in that chair. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Like a Michael Bay Decepticon.

Well, would you like a chair like that, Andrew? Or would that be a massive inconvenience? I don't think I have the space for that. I think it's a wonderful chair. I like the idea of this being like the equivalent of the sword in the stone, maybe,

or like Cinderella's slipper, but for my ass like the chair the right chair that'll fit anything that'll get me a new chair i support because this is i i'm getting i'll be honest i deal with some uh uh tush fatigue some ass fatigue in this setup where do you feel it like on just in the cheeks just the cheeks yeah i'd say after about like an hour in the chair i gotta kind of get up and stretch out or lay down for a little bit because it really the cheek cheek problems are high in this setup i think you should email a bunch of companies and propose what we've just proposed i think the angle you could take to is like listen i have an incredibly long back and a very sturdy neck and head.

And there hasn't been a chair invented that can withstand me. Are you up to the task? Yeah, it can't withstand you. Are you up to the task? Is your chair sturdy? You guys collaborate and come up with a template that I can send, and I will send that to every chair company that I can find what about that collaborative effort okay yeah but you have to send it whatever we give you to absolutely yeah that's what I'm saying who are you gonna send it to though every chair company I

can find I don't know I don't know a lot of chair companies off the top of my head so I can't list them to you but I will I will do the due diligence I will send it out yeah but you can lay down in the scorpion you can lay down in the scorpion. You can lay down in the Scorpion chair. You can get rid of your bed and just sleep in the chair. You can sleep in the Scorpion chair, Andrew. Oh my God. You can take a Scorpion nap. So big.

It's either that. I'm just looking up cool gaming chairs. it's either that i'm just looking up cool gaming chairs uh so to me it's it's either that one or kind of what the situation is that you're already in which is just a thing on the ground you're kind of we got to find a middle here for you bud i'm gonna be honest please i'm cutting you off again i'm sorry yeah i sorry what's happening is I've been dealing with like a chest infection so if I laugh really hard I'm gonna cough up so much phlegm so I'm trying my best

not to laugh and I feel like that has really reduced my jovialness in this episode cause you're not getting like endorphins from laughing I think so yeah and like I'm trying to hold it back like I'm smiling but I, and I think like there are many times this episode where I typically be laughing really hard, but I'm having to hold it because I don't want you guys to have to hear me coughing up a bunch of phlegm.

To be honest, I think we've instinctually kind of picked up on that and we've been trying really hard not to be funny this episode. You know, make it easier. I don't know what Andrewrew looks like smiling yeah uh you also you also said that and andrew didn't laugh but i bet he was smiling i am i'm smiling very wide right now do you have a good smile no i don't think so do you have do you have a beard right now yeah i have a beard i don't like my smile just in general. Why not? Because I don't... A lot of people have...

And this is a lifelong problem for me. A lot of people have a great tooth smile, you know, with the mouth open. Oh, I do not. I just have never had the confidence or the ability to do that. So I'm a lips-pushed-together smile. I'm a closed mouth.

I think I am, too. Yeah, me too but I mean when you laugh you can't you can't laugh with your mouth shut that much I mean it can be done

but it's not yeah it's not easy I have enough lips to cover my teeth right it's never an issue I feel like you have an excuse though because you had to like

your jaw had to be readjusted right like that's well readjust that would be a that's a modest way of putting it

it had to be like taken apart and sliced into 30 pieces and then rebuilt like the fucking $6 million man. But at least you haven't had any dental work recently, right? No, I went to the dentist last week. Oh, are you serious? Yeah.

I didn't tell you guys. Oh. But you were only there for like 10 minutes, right? Three and a half hours. What happened? No, not three and a half, three hours. Great. What happened?

I went to just my normal teeth cleaning the week leading up to when we went to Key West. And the mouth doctor dentist lady, she was like, your back tooth, back, lower, right tooth is cracked. It's been cracked for a long time. I've been keeping an eye on it. It's cracked around the filling. And I think it's probably time to... It's going to crack completely pretty soon. So we should probably just throw a crown on there.

And I was like, oh, okay. And so part of why I had to get home when I did was because I had... From QS is because at 8 a.m. the morning after QS, I had to go to the dentist and get a crown. And so I had to go do that. And for some reason, for some fucking reason,

it took about three hours and it ruined my whole day. And I have to go back next week to get the permanent crown put in. Why are they crowning a crack? Just get rid of it. That's going to be so much hassle later that is certainly an option for you okay i'm gonna keep as much of the teeth as i can

anyway so yeah it wasn't particularly painful or anything uh but it definitely took forever and uh i definitely got a mouthful of shots i'm just so over even talking about it that i didn't even bring it up on the podcast last week and i probably i wasn't ever gonna bring it up but yeah yeah i'm in the process of another dental thing right now it's just i i'm having trouble finding the humor in it so i'm not not really excited to talk about it i think what's funny to me is you talked about them taking your jaw redesigning it six million dollar man style or another example that comes to mind is robocop both those situations they made a vast improvement on the base human form for you it was just like getting to normal to average like that that's the worst part of that experience which is

i'm sure upsetting to you but very funny that you have to go through that that's the worst part of that experience which is i'm sure upsetting to you but very funny that you have to go through that eric just wrote normal cop which is perfect i had to go through the robocop treatment to become normal cop yeah i just to get me up to to like to get my face to a c to a solid c i had to go do all that yeah i don't think robocop was in better condition after the surgery. He could take a bullet a hell of a lot easier. Yeah. He could barely fit in his own car. He essentially

became a superhero. Yeah, but his face was all pasted to a robot. Would you not say the Incredible Hulk is a superhero in an upgrade? It's the same thing. Yeah, but the Incredible Hulk gets to go back to being Bruce Banner whenever he calms down. Robocop doesn't get to go back to being cop.

Yeah, he can't get his hand shot back on. Yeah. Yeah, he's just constantly robo. All he can do is like constantly drive by his ex-wife's house in the second movie and creep her out. He constantly gets taken apart by bullies. Yeah, he does. He gets fucking ripped apart by fucking street thugs uh are you guys gonna play that robocop game have you seen the robocop game no i haven't

i haven't seen it robocop rogue city have you you haven't heard about it no it's an fps game where you're robocop and you are blowing people away you move move slow like RoboCop, and when you shoot people, red mist. They explode. You pick them up and throw them out the window. It's really cool. Could you target a bunch of dudes' dicks and blow their dicks off?

I think so. I think that is a thing you can do. There's a demo out right now, but everything that I've seen about it is like oh wow they made a robocop game where like you know how in like the boss is like a slow move you know like resident evil 3 nemesis like he moves slow and he's coming after you that's you you're robocop you move slow and you are relentless it's it looks awesome if we play that, we should do a dicks only playthrough. That's such an idea.

I love that. Like if you kill somebody not through their dick, you'd have to restart. A dicks only speedrun? It's like the rules of engagement are dicks only. Anything else is like a fucking UN violation. Maybe we do like a submission of the best dick shots in games. Wow.

There's some great shots in it. Like Stranglehold. We just start doing dick percent runs. Yeah. What's the dick kill in Stranglehold? You could go into like bullet time and make it slow motion and you could steer the bullet into their dick and then they'd grab their crotch and be like, oh and they'd fall over holding their dick. Was it Sniper Elite

3 where you could shoot Hitler in the balls? Yeah, shoot their balls off and make them explode. Through someone's eye out of the back of the head into someone's balls. Yeah. Take out their eyeballs and then take out the other guy's regular balls. This is a great idea.

Two balls, one kill. I was listening to a bunch of your partner's smut podcast, and I was kind of blown away at how few euphemisms there were during the smut like i was expecting it to be like a little bit george rr martin style but it was like man i took my thick dick and rammed it home through her pussy and it's like jesus yeah it's just saying shit yeah you want to come now from your vagina don't't you? What the fuck? Yeah, it really is like they describe it, like they describe dicks, and they go decorated with veins.

Yeah, that's what I was going to say. That's the grossest thing I've ever heard. It's also every dick is the biggest dick ever made. It's like the dick was the size of a small Scandinavian town. It's like, it's fucking, and by the way, written for women by women. Oh yeah. Gracie said,

I question my role here more and more each episode. Listen, I'm talking about my wife's podcast. I'm talking about my fiance's podcast. There's nothing we can do about this. The thing that I found troubling with the dick, as you brought up, Eric,

there's a line in the book about decorated with veins. The way it was phrased, it was like a dick was like the 360 faceplate that you could pop off the side and put a new, more veiny option. Gross. Ridiculous. Gross.

Yeah, but what do we know? We're just a bunch of dudes with veiny dicks. Yeah, listen, I don't read books it made me insecure about my veininess i've it's something i've never thought about are you light on veins you feel under decorated i feel very under decorated is it like smiling with your mouth closed is that now imagine if your partner uh went on a podcast and talked about it, but not you specifically, just how decorated this other one is. Yeah.

Boy, she was telling me about ones that they want to read, and she's like, I think we're going to do like a Thanksgiving thing. And I'm like, I don't even know, like, why would there be book porn about Thanksgiving? Thanksgiving? So many stuffed euphemisms. They just did. They just recorded. You weren't here for it eric

but on monday they recorded their halloween episode and it was a book called evil boys and spoiler the evil boys have big veiny dicks no anyway clutch my pearls podcast is yeah it's such a good name for a podcast yeah listening to it made me realize that this is like kung fu movies for women it is like what a great way to put it it's like it's so it's it's their thing and i love that they're into it it's not at all my thing it doesn't necessarily fully make sense to me the appeal of it but hey like the fucking enjoy it it's just dumb specific content for for a very specific group what's the equivalent with vaginas though like i feel like there's not a lot of descriptors

or it's because dudes don't write books yeah i mean like dudes don't write sex books i should i just want to say that um this group here shouldn't start making guesses at what the descriptors should be no no interest just we'll leave it to the professionals what if we all try and write a smut paragraph no i'm out nope i don't want anything i'll put the tiger bomb back on my balls i don't want anything to do with this one what if we write like the male equivalent of what a smut thing would be so it would be like 50 shades of manning and it's just all about touchdown passes. Like, it's not. Oh, this is really something. I can't believe you wouldn't read my smut.

Don't want to. I'll read your smut, Gavin. I would gladly read your smut, Gavin. If you write it, I'll see if they'll read it on their podcast. There you go. Let's see if we can get them to read a smut we write together. I don't want to write it. You write it.

Gavin and I will write it. Gavin and I will write it together. Gavin, you want to collaborate with me? Yeah. You want to go get coffee? You want to go get a coffee? Let's go have a smut coffee. Let's go to a coffee club. That's the coffee I want to hear about.

I got to say, it's been really kind of fucking, you know, they've been working on this for about three months in the background, and it's been really kind of fucking up. They've been working on this for about three months in the background. And it's been really kind of humbling to watch three people who have never worked in the entertainment industry ever sit down and figure out how to do what I do for a living, start to finish in their spare time and figure it out and then launch a product and go, why is this so hard for you? And yeah, I got to be honest. I don't know because you just made it look really fucking easy. And apparently, I'm not nearly as good at this career as I thought I was. My wife has never edited audio or video.

So she learned Premiere and how to edit in audacity. Dude, fucking crazy. premiere and how to edit in audacity. Dude, fucking crazy. Your wife is a better editor a month in than I am after 21 years. I feel the exact same way. Oh no, they're laughing.

And Emily is a better like, is a better Howard Stern, a better like straight man who leads people through a podcast but also, I say straight man, but also being very funny in the same way, than I am, and I've been trying to be that person. She's just naturally that person,

and it's like, some of us have to work really fucking hard and do it like 10,000, 10,000 hours, and you just pick it up, and you're like, oh, I'll just do what you do better. Oh, it's Monday night. I'll just do this real quick. Oh, okay, cool. Thanks. Alright, we should wrap up now. I'm going to go learn how to cut hair.

Oh, that's such a good idea. Oh, you want to cut my hair? Oh my God, can we do that? Can we film that? I'm certainly down for it. You make me look like a fool. Gavin, what if he promises to really try? I'll try super hard.

And if I get it wrong, I'll apologize real sincerely. Not in baby voice. A genuine... That's the only way I know how to apologize. That's a double punishment then for Gavin. What are you going to do? It's like people are always like, I demand an apology.

You go, okay. Oh, no. You say so. Oh, no. Oh, before we, before we wrap up, because I know Eric wants us to wrap up. Did you guys see this bullshit?

There's a new fucking apple on the market. Why is it like a tomorrow? It looks like an apple, orange tomato hybrid. It's called, and I, I, I distrust it because of how they describe it. It's a kiss a bell-bell apple, right?

And they say the kiss of nature. It's the perfect partner that links taste and well-being to offer a vitalizing and natural antidote for the contemporary life. I just want an apple. I don't think I like that apple. That looks, uh, it looks disturbing. It's disturbing me. I don't know why.

In some of the images. I don't know why. In some of the images. I don't like the way it's described at all. It bugs the shit out of me. I don't want to vitalize or have a natural antidote for the contemporary life. I'm pretty happy with my contemporary life. I don't need an antidote for it. It says, if you look at the sticker on the apple, it says kiss a bell. I'm red inside.

Yeah. Me too. When you cut it open, it kind of looks like it has leprosy is my issue it's like a leper apple and i don't want to bite into that i don't think i ever looked at leprosy i'm just thinking about like um kingdom of heaven there's a scene with the edward norton he's like a king or whatever and he has it oh god so should we try this apple? Nah, fuck them. Yeah, there you go, baby. Would you go for a Kissabel orange or a Kissabel rouge? I mean, I think the rouge looks better.

Although the rouge kind of looks like a butthole. You know what I mean? Yeah, they're a bit anus-y. The top one where you can see the seeds isn't as bad, but the bottom one, it just looks like a fucking asshole. It's pretty sphincter. I think the top one looks like if a watermelon had an anus. Yeah.

Interesting. Watermelon's anus. Yeah. Anyway, this podcast is a Cosmic Crisp podcast. Yeah, big time. We're loyal. I'll still try this apple, though. I bet it's...

No, I will definitely try it, but it's not going to compare. Yeah, I don't know that I... I don't want to find out I like it better. I'm really happy liking the Cosmic Crisp. Well, you can head on over to facepod.com, and you can watch Face Off if you want to check that out. Yeah, we got a million things for you to do now. You can listen to this podcast. You can watch our supplemental.

We typically drop a supplemental episode just about every week. We got gaming, two gaming videos a week. We got the break show. People have been very kind about our Let's Play videos. A lot of people saying

it's gone from the summer of 98 to the winter of 2012. And that's a compliment, they're saying? And I saw that someone was uh confused about why andrew only got to play once in the face off and someone suggested that he should have he should have played becca for his second round which makes no sense but also makes total sense yeah in our universe and by the way without

spoiling anything but andrew came up with a mechanic for the next season that makes the latter make more sense. It balances the teams better. I think the way we did it makes total sense when you look at it and evaluate it. But I think the new idea that Andrew came up with is going to make it... It actually makes

me more excited about season two because we get to do it. But you got to watch season one first. Otherwise you're lost. That's true. Big matchup this week, right? You and I, Jeff, for one people. Oh, it'll be over, I guess. Oh, it'll absolutely be over. Yeah.

No, but yeah, you can talk about how exciting it was. Yeah. Oh, it was real exciting. I had hope. I had a brief moment. All I did that entire series was lose. I lost the randomizer. I lost our game

first one eliminated on a raft by myself for a bit can i oh can i share quickly before we wrap up i i really i face myself massively the other day just yesterday i did this because we're doing the video game content and all that stuff and i've been having so much fun trying to come up with format ideas to just spend more time with you guys because i love you guys you're some of my favorite people i just any excuse i can have to spend more time that's clearly evidenced by the first half of this podcast well here's the thing let him be nice let him be sincere he was smiling i had a big cough okay and i cleared some stuff some stuff out. I'm good. I'm back to myself. The evil is out of my body, okay? I'm back to my normal jovial being.

But I love you guys so much, and I love you, Jeff. And I've been looking at, we've been exploring. I have a place in my heart for really dumb licensed video games. I just think they're, especially when they bring in, like, the normal cast of the thing, so broken in, like like the best way. And I think it's so funny. And so I've been exploring those and I learned that there's a Dallas game and I got really excited about playing the Dallas game with you and it came out on the NES.

And so I bought, I bought like an expensive machine that you can play NES games in HD on. And I was so fucking excited. I'm like, yeah, this is perfect. We can play the Dallas game. It's called the Dallas Quest, as Eric just posted a photo of it for. So then I bought the machine. It shipped out and everything. And I decided, well, now I need to buy the Dallas Quest.

And so I'm looking online. It didn't come out for the NES. I just invented that in my head. What the fuck? It's like a Commodore 64 game. It's got an Atari logo on the image. Yeah, there's an Atari and Commodore. It never released on the NES.

I just, for some reason in my head, it had, and I bought this entire console for this specific purpose. So now, I'll figure out something else to do with this console, but I really... That's how badly I wanted to share in the Dallas experience with you, Jeff. Maybe there's like a

Knott's Landing or a Dynasty or a Falcon Crest game we could play on your expensive emulator. It's not even an emulator. It's why it's so expensive. It like runs, you need the cartridge and it like runs the thing

as it is intended, but in HD. Can we still play the Dallas Quest somehow? I would love to if someone could figure out a way to do that. So we need to emulate Commodore 64? Yeah, either that or Atari probably. I'll see what we can find. I'll poke around.

It looks great. Look at the bugle and the rifle. It looks just like Sue Ellen in that image, too. What I've heard in my research of the game is that it's a really good game, but it has almost nothing to do with Dallas. Unfortunately. Like, you start out, is it the South Fork

Ranch? Is that what it's called? Yeah. So you start there, and then the South Fork Ranch? Is that what it's called? Yeah. Yeah, so you start there and then almost immediately travel to South America and like everything that's Dallas related gets removed. Well, now I will say in season three, they'd spend some time in South America. That's where Jock's helicopter goes down and he disappears.

So there is a tie. I was lukewarm, but now I'm in. Oh, there's a rat. You see, small shovel, giant rat. That's a Dallas rat? I like that where it says, like, what do you want to do? It just says, well. Well.

I have to play this game before I die. By the way, can I just say I'm up to season seven on Dallas now, if you guys want a current state of Dallas. Season seven's real dog shit. How many seasons are there? I think there's 12. Season seven, we're like 83 or 84. It just flips hard.

It's six really, really good seasons, and then a big steaming pile of shit that's season seven so far. Like it's gone real fucking ridiculous real fast. Just real fast. It's bad. Alright, now we wrap up. I don't know how much longer I can. I mean, I'm going to watch the other seven, the other

five seasons or whatever, but man, I may not enjoy them. Anyway, we should probably stop. I'll just talk about Dallas forever. Yeah, I know. Oh man, fucking Ray Dallas forever. Yeah, I know. Oh, man. Fucking Ray Krebs is on trial for murder. Stop talking about this. He pulled the cord on Mickey.

Facepod.com slash first if you want to support the show directly. We got all the stuff there. But hey, if you're just listening to the show, that's plenty of support too. Thank you very much. Bobby and Pamela got divorced. Miss Ellie's off camera. Sorry that you have to listen to this part of it.. Thank you very much. Bobby and Pamela got divorced. Miss Ellie's off camera. Sorry that you have to listen to this part of it. I apologize for this part.

You've heard your options. Lucy's lost her goddamn mind because Mickey's dead. This is the whole thing. Well, I turn off the podcast. Bye. Hey guys, Major League Fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face.

Remember the Sonic, guys? Let's make the coolest jersey ever. Who's getting waxed? Cursive is making a comeback. John Carpenter has the right idea. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.