F**kface - Appropriate Squirts // Key West Bachelor/ette Weekend [177]

Episode Date: October 25, 2023

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about physical calendars, fountain pens, joined up writing (aka cursive), the Empty Quarter, bean hole, Andrews matrix chair moment, UFC 4, brushing your teeth in the dark, Key West, Sloppy Joe’s, the very inexperienced boat captain, sleep spaghetti, stepping on sea urchins, the tiny shipwreck, leaving Gavin behind in the ocean, dirt & worms, getting recognized in public, would you shoot a dog for $175M or strangle Andrew to death once a month?, the ghost tour curse, jet skiing, pleading the second and more. Subscribe to the LetsPlay channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkxctb0jr8vwa4Do6c6su0Q  Sponsored by HelloFresh http://hellofresh.com/50face Code 50face , BetterHelp http://betterhelp.com/face , Katos Coffee http://katoskoffee.com Code face10 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Visit dragonsdogma.com to buy the game and start your epic quest today. That's D-R-A-G-O-N-S-D-O-G-M-A.com to learn more. Alright, Gavin will be here in... Hopefully. Well, let's see. It'll be 25 seconds now, so he'll be one second late. I hope he's okay.

That's my guess. One second late. Alright. Imagine he just doesn't show up. Yeah hope he's okay. That's my guess. One second late. Alright. Imagine he just doesn't show up. He just died. What is this? 177 or 178? This is 177. Yeah. Okay. Sorry, I got excited about teeth. I didn't even put the number in there. Sorry.

Bah, bah, bah. Cool. I hope Gavin's okay. There he is. He's right on time. He's right on time. Did I nail it? You got it. You nailed it. There he is. He's right on time. He was right on time. Did I nail it? You got it. You nailed it. You did great.

Straight up nailed it. Nailed it. Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. This is episode 177. My name is Jeff Ramsey. With me as always, Andrew Panton and Gavin Free, who for the first time in 177 episodes, nailed it. Congratulations,

Gavin. You finally showed up on time. Thank you. So do you think in another 177 episodes, you'll hit it again? Uh, what's the maths on that? Three,

three, uh, just another 177, three 54. I believe. Yeah, that'll be the one I nail on again. By 354? Okay. Wow.

Well, I'll look forward to it. I'm going to pencil that in on my calendar then. I won't. I just am going to believe he's going to do it. Do you have a physical calendar? I can't remember the last time I bought a calendar. No, I don't have a... I was just making shit up to be funny. No, I don't have a... I was just making shit up

to be funny. No, I know. I'm just serious. You got me thinking about calendars. I think most people don't have a calendar for 2026 yet. I'll be honest with you. I also don't have a pencil. Really? I don't know when the last time I've seen a pencil was. I mean, I know that there's a whole pencil thing on our

podcast, but in all seriousness, no, I struggle to find a pen in my house on the rare occasion that I need one. I have the same problem, but I struggle to find one that has ink. I have tons of dead pens I just never throw away. So I'm in constant pursuit of one that can work. What pens are we talking? Like Sharpies? Fountain?

Like a fountain pen, typically. You have fountain pens? Well, I don't know what a fountain pen is. What's like a big pen typically like you have fountain pens well i don't know what a fountain pen is i just like a big pin is what he means oh yeah like a like a you click it a click it type pen fountain is like fancy with an ink cartridge why are you guys just like saying yes to stuff and they go never mind i made that up why we're like two minutes into the show well fountain pens i'm sure i have a fountain pen pencil i don't think i've ever you have a fountain pen i will based on that reaction probably don't actually you saying that you have one of these

oh no i don't think i have one of those that looks real fancy did you not have to write with one in school i remember them leaking all over the inside of my damn pencil case what hang on what what year did what what century did you go to school? Are you a vampire? Beginning of year three, we all had to have fountain pens in our pencil cases so we could practice the joined up writing. Were you writing letters to Winston Churchill? What the fuck year was it? What is joined up writing?

What does this sound like? What do you mean? Where it's all attached. Cursive? Do you mean where there were some attached cursive do you mean curse we have so much to get to oh you know what joined up am i supposed to be calling it cursive i to be honest i'm calling it what i was taught in year three that fair. No, this is one of those things where everybody who's British is going to write in after this episode comes out, and they're all like, yeah, joined up writing. That's what we call it.

In America. They're going to use their fountain pens and write in joined up writing their angry, angry letters to us. My friend Sam used to always squeeze the ink cartridges and have them fire out across the table, and it would always hit me in my nice, clean white shirt. What do you do on Fridays? No, he didn't do that every every week that was more of a... Oh okay. It wasn't a yogurt situation. No, more like an end-of-term situation. The most tragic part about your hatred of fountain pens

is you're really excited because the prior year you were using quills so it seemed like a step up at the time yeah get them andrew get them we chucked those ink wells in the bin we got the plastic cartridges i remember i got in trouble in third grade when we were learning cursive because i missed the part in which the letters had to connect i just didn't know that so i did entirely like they had he had the thing in the front of the class that was each letter in cursive and i wrote each letter individually next to each other and i submitted it and my my third grade teacher was somebody who would yell all the time and i was always scared of getting in trouble so i'd try not to but he'd find ways to help me and he walked over the paper and i terrible handwriting like it just looked awful. And he said, what are any of these? And I thought he just meant he couldn't read the thing.

And it was so bad. I couldn't read it. And I was like, I don't know. I wrote down I wrote down the words I was supposed to write down. He said he didn't write. None of these are words. You just wrote down letters. These are all letters.

You have to connect them. That's not how this works. Do you think you would have gotten it right the first time if it was called joined together right? Yeah, I would have. I would have. I would have got it. I think that does exactly what it says on the tin. There's no question about it.

How did you miss the only important part of cursive? Because I missed a lot of grade three. I see. The whole point is like everything. We surely would have a tail on it ahead of it and behind it to join yeah i just thought it was just go back i thought we're just doing fancy letters when was the last time either of you wrote in cursive um i write that i exclusively write in cursive do you like if i'm writing yeah i only write cursive. Hang on, let me write something. Do I write joint? I would say... Yeah, I'd do that.

1997? Yeah, I mean, I signed my signature in cursive, but I don't know that I remember cursive at this point. It's been so long. I mean, I don't want to be a Billy Madison bit, but really, I don't know that I could do as... I don't know that I could write Rizzuto out in cursive right now. Yeah, it's for me.

Honestly, it's not like a fancy thing. It's I've done it so much more than non cursive. So my non cursive looks worse than my cursive. It looks like absolute shit. I think I just do it. I do whatever feels right. Like if I write my name, I write g separately and then avin is all one line i uh when i was a journalist in the army i had to i had to write a lot right i was i had to take

notes and write shorthand and that was all in cursive and my cursive and my shorthand got so bad that i had to i mean i already had shitty handwriting to begin with. I've got shitty anything to do with hands. Like if my hands touch it, it's probably shitty. The boy with the shitty hands. We have the boy with the golden hands and the boy with the shitty hands. The boy with the shitty hands. My shorthand got so bad that I learned the hard way that if I didn't transcribe my notes within about six hours of taking them, there was no Rosetta Stone that could get me back to understanding.

It's like disappearing ink. Yeah, exactly. And it just became garbage. And I'd be like, I wrote this yesterday. How can I not understand what I wrote yesterday? And there were a couple of occasions where I'd be like, yeah, I just want to have some follow up questions if I could about the the meal plan at the, you know, at the restaurant or at the what the what if I mess hall this week and you have to go interview like a cook

about some dumb shit like, oh, well, we're going to, you know, we're trying out chili this month. And I would be like, yeah, I just got a couple of follow up questions and then I have to go and basically ask them all over again. They got to be like, oh, didn't got a couple follow-up questions, and then I'd have to go and basically ask them all over again. They gotta be like, uh, didn't we talk about this yesterday? I'd be like, yeah, I just, you know, when you say it twice, it adds more texture,

and then I can fill the story out better, and I'd have to cover for the fact that I just couldn't understand what I wrote, and it was useless. That was the first eight years of Achievement Hunter. Yeah, that's true. We still, we'll never know what the greatest Achieve achievement hunter video ever made was

I wrote down you guys might know this but greatest let's play of all time yeah I used to keep a notebook a book with me

that Millie gave me and I would write down ideas on the fly and I wrote one that was I could read the title and the title was the greatest let's play

of all time and I remember feeling that when I wrote it. And then there's like a page of notes that are unreadable. And Gavin and I tried for months and months and months. We even made it. We worked it into content. We made like maybe this is what I was talking about videos. And we never got it.

And I will never know what that fucking idea was. I remember it was I remember it was i remember it was vertical that's the only thing i remember it was in minecraft and it was vertical maybe we should do some like spectral analysis or try x-raying it to see i'm sure technology has improved since the last time you've tried this if they can find roads that were roads from people walking them with camels and feet 6,000 years ago buried in the desert, they should be able to. Oh, I just saw this documentary about this place called the Empty Quarter. And they discovered trade routes by doing some sort of a ground penetrating radar.

radar and they can see where the ground is still harder after 3 000 years where it used to just be a trade route where people would walk and and like bring their carts and camels and stuff and it packed the earth down to such a degree that it's still there you can't see it because you know dust sand has covered it now but if you the ground penetrating radar whatever can still see that packed dirt and can still trace the lines of these great trade routes throughout the Middle East. And like they're never going to go away. I just think that's wild. You got to get one of those in your backyard so you can find ideal beanhole locations.

Find it from where's the dirt the lightest. That's such a great idea. That's a great idea. We could find the Buick before we hit it with a shovel. I mean, we're not going to do that, but we do need to dig this beanhole. We were talking about that with the shovel. I mean, we're not going to do that, but we do need to dig this bean hole. We were talking about that over the weekend. We need to figure out,

apparently some flowers got planted where we were going to dig bean hole dirt and now we can't dig it there. Is that right? Oh, yeah. Emily spread blue bonnet seeds and so now we can't dig where I wanted to dig. So we have to find an alternate dig,

which is fine. I got my yard's big enough. I got another one. I can't wait for Beanhole 2. Beanhole 2? It's not even Beanhole 2. We have stuff that we have to do with the beanhole dirt. I'm aware. I'm just saying I'm excited personally about Beanhole 2.

I think you guys can do it on the second chance. I think you've learned some things. I totally agree. We might be the first people to ever dig a six- bean hole and try to cook beans that far down we'll basically be cooking them for the slea stacks yeah uh easily so thank you for the laugh nick should uh should we talk about last weekend could i could i interject with one small thing that happened to me and then i feel like it'll be all Key West I'm excited to hear those stories

I would love to hear what happened to you I had a classic thing talking about Beanhole something that happened in the past to the show that is a classic thing my pixel recently broke something that I have a long history of the show well I have a continuation

I have an update for another thing time is a flat circle things happen over and over again. This technically happened in September, but I've just been rolling with it. I broke my budget chair again. My chair broke in September. You're having a laugh.

Is that chair three? This is a chair three, yes. Are we now one every single September? Maybe. I don't know when the last one was but yeah it is uh it is a thing where i keep buying the cheapest chair i can and it would have been better just buying a decent chair is the dilemma much like my phones i keep accumulating chairs so it broke in september and i thought well this is a problem, but I learned my lesson last time. I bought a one-year warranty on this thing,

so it is fine. The warranty expired in the middle of August. It was no longer under warranty, and that sucked. That was just my life that I was living, but it was fine. I continued to use it in September. Then a few days ago,

it broke again in a new way where the the back part the part that gives resistance when you lean back on the back support of the chair no longer gave any resistance and i thought this is not great but i just have to remember it's fine i'll remember to not try to lean back and we could just keep this going. And so I went into bed, couldn't sleep, got up like three hours later, and I'm just on my computer, and then it happens.

I forget that I can't lean back. I lean back, and I go to the counter. I remember as I start to lean, but I've gone too far. My partner is sleeping. They have to get up really early for work so i'm trying to be quiet the chair the back of the chair snaps back and i end up stuck i'm like keanu reeves this is what i was like in the chair i was that was the angle i was in and i i was locked in and i could put my head on the end of the bed but i was stuck in the matrix bullet time pose. Uh,

and I was, I was trying to get out. I couldn't, I had to be there until the chair fully broke. I took photo. I broke the back of the chair. So this is what it ultimately ended up looking like. So as you can see the the back support completely detached.

I went out. It's like I used the emergency eject on the chair. It gave out. I made it. I was okay. No injuries. It was probably the best chair fall I've had. Is that the exact position it went?

Is that like where you ended up lying? Yes. How long did you have to lay like that until the chair broke? Probably like 10 seconds, I'd say. And it was, I was trying to, it wasn't like I was there for a long time, but I'm trying to be quiet and also problem solve while also trying to not laugh at just the like, how I'm going to get out of this stupid situation. And then I was mad because like, i gotta buy another chair do i just

buy a nicer chair but instead i found a solution what happened was on the the back left side it snapped off back right was still attached i smashed my chair uh to the right until now i have upgraded it i now just have a. I'm sitting in an office chair stool and this is my current setup. Why have you dressed everything up to look like giant chicken nuggets? What do you mean? Why have you wrapped it all in?

It's just a blanket. It's an orange blanket. Although it looks kind of, with the green bag it looks kind of like an apple or a cherry with a stem. It does, maybe a pumpkin? Yeah, I'm with you Gavin. I thought something was going on here that wasn't just a step. It does it may be a pumpkin. Yeah, I'm with you Gavin I thought something was going on here. That wasn't just a blanket. No, it's just a blanket let's take a look at some of the other shit what you got supplies you got like a Bag what's the paper towels for what's the paper towel just generally you know dusting?

I like oh, I have the same little trash can. Yeah. It's in my bedroom. Is that your bottle of vodka back there, or is that mouthwash? It was mouthwash. That's what I used to tell people, too. I had a problem. Why does the other one have the camera information on it? Because I had to use my dumb budget phone, and I guess it

data marks or whatever. It imprints when you take a photo. My umidigi or whatever the fuck it is that's a 50 megapixel picture it's like dog shit oh it's terrible but I have a stool now I have an office stool so it's that's the first time I've seen brown overexposed how long how long

are you gonna roll with this stool before you I think as long as I can I think yeah till this somehow breaks in another way is it comfortable here because life that's chairs cost money I I'm not going to buy another budget chair and I'll just go through this process. Chairs don't grow on trees like that giant

pumpkin in his bedroom does. So that that was my great chair adventure. The other thing I just wanted to quickly add and this is a complete aside

to everything we launched face off in the process. I might be done by the time. We're looking for a new game. I wanted to show you guys something. I was playing around in UFC 4. I'd like to submit UFC 4 as a candidate for maybe our next game. UFC 5 comes out at the end of the month but

UFC 4 has action Bronson in it. It has a full tournament mode and so I just threw this together in like 15 minutes. I made a character. This is my official visual pitch for UFC 4 being worth. This is what

Gavin has in mind. You can make a team of something. I feel like that's it. That's done. UFC 4 it is. I quickly threw together. I, I said, I get stacked Bronson.

Is that like a budget foghorn Lakehorn on that guy's chest? I think so. Yeah. That was one of the animal tattoos. So I went full stomach chicken Tums in a tattoo on the left. You can spell words. It's a, there's not like a lot of color options, but you can do some real dumb stuff.

And it has a full already baked-in tournament as well as a UFC event mode. That's fantastic. Maybe we might have to make a couple of fighters. I think we make heavyweights, like a light heavyweight and whatever. Does the AI fight the AI? We can make that happen?

Yes. That's so... God, this is so cool. How many different weight classes are there? Oh, there's a Yeah. That's so, God, this is so cool. Can, how many different weight classes are there? Oh, there's a lot. There's like seven. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

It looks like 11 maybe. Not to get, well, that's too many, but I like the idea of us having a roster of talent who, but they all bridge or they all are on different weight classes. So you can only have like one heavyweight, one lightweight, one bantamweight.

Maybe we just do like the five. Five? You originally just had five. Yeah, so let's do lightweight. That sounds awesome. Welterweight, middleweight, light heavyweight, heavyweight. That's a lot of fights, guys. I already, oh yeah, that's true.

That's a great three. Maybe three is good. But we need a roster, right? Yeah, I think that's important because we made a whole team for F*** Faceoff. We're all the front office for our teams. Now we're scouring the globe for the greatest fighters in these three weight classes. We're putting together our,

uh, I love her, our ideal fighting team. And we have to see who brings home the championship in each weight class. And then we see how it all plays out. But if we need people to sort of like mix weight classes around, we might have to see what happens there. I'm excited to find out if any of my

baseball players end up in UFC, if they've switched careers. Crossover. You told me Jacob Mayonnaise could be in UFC 4. I just proved episodes 2 and 3 of F*** Face Off phenomenal.

Great. Tenomenal. Great. Tremendous. Well, get ready for episode four because it won't. Don't worry, baby. You got four or five coming down the pipe. Five out of six tremendous episodes in that series. Hey, I have a I wouldn't say it's like a it's not a life hack, but it's maybe a life pro tip.

I learned I learned the hard way last night. i was out i was up uh you know i was trucking with the boys last night uh till pretty late um i invited andrew even but he he didn't want to do it so why i'm scared why is andrew already in i thought you know we were potentially having to audition andrew just gets the invite in eric and i were talking about this in Key West. We were already having a conversation and I was just throwing him a bone. I mean, the guy's sitting on a... He's a pretty damn big bone. The guy's sitting on a fucking stool with no back right now. He's not living well.

I'm trying to help him out. I mean, he is all back, so that's the worst bit of the chair that could break. It's true. He's got no support for the thing that he mostly is. Anyway. He mostly is. And. He mostly is. And I end up going to bed at like maybe two o'clock

or whatever. And I went to brush my teeth. And like Andrew, I try to be kind to my partner by not making a lot of noise or turning the lights on as well. And so I walked into my bathroom, you know, total lights out.

But there's like enough moonlight coming through the window that I need to brush my teeth. And so I put toothpaste on my toothbrush and I brush my teeth in the dark. And the second I put the toothbrush in my mouth, I realized that what feels like an appropriate squirt when you can't see and what is an appropriate squirt are very different. And my life pro tip is never brush your teeth in the dark. Ever. Ever, ever, ever.

I got about, I don't know, a shot glass full of toothpaste in my mouth on once, it felt like. And I choked on it. I made all the noise in the world gagging. It was brutal. And I don't know if you you ever tried to brush your teeth

with too much toothpaste, but it's not good. Toothpaste in moderation. That's my life pro tip. That's crazy. I guess, yeah, it is crazy. I guess it would be funny. Maybe that could be like a fun punishment and like face off. You gotta brush your teeth with like a whole tube of toothpaste. All the boots

are full of toothpaste. That's next season. Oh, God damn. So we went to Key West. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we went to Key West. How was that?

We have a good time? It was Gator's Bachelor Weekend. Wedding party party or something. What was the name of it? Something like that. Yeah. It was like the Bachelor Bacheloret. Wedding party party or something. What was the name of it? Something like that. Yeah. It was like the Bachelor Bachelorette weekend. We all traveled together.

It was me, Emily, my fiance, Gavin. You were there without Meg. She didn't want to come. And that's not true. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. She was she was she was on a work trip. She couldn't make it.

She desperately wanted to come and was very sweet. And I felt terrible that she couldn't come. And Emily's sister-in-law, Heather, and then Eric and Barbara and then Emily's best friend, Vanessa, and her husband, Bernie, who's Big Rig Bernie, the guy that I do trucking with.

All very cool, but I was very happy to spend more time with all those people. It was a great group. Good mix, right? Yeah. Vanessa and Bernie are a ton of fun. Yeah. Oh, also, I should mention, because I heard about it from Emily, or through Emily from Vanessa, I mentioned

a while back that somebody bought me a Kindle, and I really appreciated it. It was Vanessa. I didn't specifically say that Vanessa bought me the Kindle. Thank you, Vanessa. I really appreciate it. It was a great gift. She wanted credit? Yeah, I think so. So, yeah, we went to Key West. We got there on Friday.

We all met up. I went to Sloppy Joe's early and had a little lunch before we met everybody else. Then we all got together. What did we do on Friday? I wrote a list of stuff down. Let's see. We played some bingo.

We went to Sloppy Joe's and we stood outside and we played bingo. What did you get? First off, all the stuff I told you before we went there, I told you that it feels like the universe is ending around the edges of the frame, but it's just as vibrant in every direction as it is in front of Sloppy Joe's. I told you that the people are way drunker than they look. Were both of those things true? Yes.

And it was very interesting to get a real life perspective on the surrounding areas. Like now I know where everything is leading off the camera frame and stuff. The whole street is so much, there's so much more going on than I thought. And even the cross streets are busy. Yeah. It's really weird being there in person to see it because it's both bigger and smaller than I thought. It's the streets down around the other sides,

like where the camera like drops off. There's stuff there, but it doesn't go on for a very long time. Key West is not a big place, but the street itself, okay, like decent size. It's fine. Yeah, everything's really nice and condensed. Like nothing's very far from anything else

in the area we're in. We walked from like one side of the island to the other in like what, like half an hour? And Jeff got a bunch of blisters. That was fun. Still have those blisters by the way still dealing with that from flip-flops every single fucking person i couldn't get my my footwear right the entire weekend i was every time i had to make a decision i made the wrong goddamn decision uh and everybody but Emily walked away, I think, with foot problems

when it was all said and done, which I guess we'll get into because that was a Saturday problem. But so we stood outside of Sloppy Joe's. I think y'all went in and got drinks and stuff. And then we just stood outside next to the Shades sign across the street and we played Sloppy Joe's,

which is some of the most fun I've ever had in my entire life. Because it's like looking in a fishbowl, but you're just like right there. And we all had our phones out because we're all using Gerky T's Sloppy Joe,

online Sloppy Joe generator. And it might be some of the most I've laughed and the most fun I've had. And also, as I was telling you guys, it's a whole different world when you're like looking at somebody and going like, stupid hat, stupid hat. And the guy makes eye contact with you.

Or you're like, oh, mullet. And then he just turns to look at you. It was also just great being in control of the camera because it was my own head. And I could like crouch down and look at whether people were wearing shoes or not. was phenomenal my favorite part of the night was we're standing there we all have our phones out because we're playing and this older couple uh maybe in their early 60s walked by and they're wearing sequins like they're decked out in pink sequins and the

the lady looks at her husband and she's so sloppy drunk. Everybody is so sloppy drunk. And she goes, this is all on their phones. Oh yeah. And she just points at us as they keep walking. He's like, come on, let's go. And she was just like,

and then they walked back by five minutes later. She's like, on their phones again. We were seriously debating going off to try and find a couple of lawn chairs to just plop down in front of sloppy Joe's place to sit while doing bingo. We wanted to formalize it. There's a CVS we were talking about. Yeah, I kind of

wish we had. Maybe we'll do it next time if there's ever next time. Sloppy Joe's is fucking fantastic though. And once again, I don't know if those people have any idea who we are or what we're doing, but I still am so fucking scared for them to find out. I don't know if those people have any idea who we are or what we're doing, but I still am so fucking scared for them to find out. I don't know why.

Like I was, I was afraid we were being too, we were being too noticeable when we were there. And, uh, like we did a thing where Gavin and Eric's, uh, small wife,

Barbara decided they wanted to, to play out a little scene. They wanted to do a trip for the audience. Just in case anyone at home was playing bingo. Yeah. They needed a trip. So they, they decided that she to do a trip for the audience. Well, just in case anyone at home was playing bingo. Yeah, they needed a trip. So they decided that she was going to trip Gavin on camera, but they were both nervous about it, so they practiced it like fucking ten times

on the street in front of everybody. Meanwhile, all the Sloppy Joe's bartenders, but not bartenders, security guards, are just watching us because they got nothing else to look at. We're directly in front of their eyesight. And then they practice and practice, practice. And then they go around and then they ask me to let them know when the coast is clear so they can do it.

So I'm standing across the street and I'm filming the whole fucking thing with my camera, right? Because I want to get a good shot. And I'm yelling action. And they play out the scene in front of it. So we couldn't have been more conspicuous, I think. And they're just staring at the whole thing. But I maintained the illusion in my head that we were flying under the radar somehow, but I don't think we were.

And we just kept going back. I think we must have gone there three or four times, too. I think we went every day, didn't we? Yeah, yeah. It was really fun. It was getting a drink and walking around and then eating something and then coming back and standing across the street and playing Sloppy Joe's Bingo on your phone there live.

It was great. It was super fun. I think my favorite part is because I wanted to do a trip and also spill my drink at the same time. But my favorite part of it is that you could see me and Eric's small wife rehearsing it on the other side of the street. And for some reason, she completely switched up the side on the night.

We were rehearsing it on the left. She tripped me on the right. It was, it had me all freaked out. And then I think I fell off camera, but it was good. It was a, I think it was a good execution overall. We were very good. Oh, I think so. I thought it was great.

Well, you're talking about being scared, Jeff, of like them noticing i don't know if eric knows this i think they've noticed in a way that they don't understand fully but they have upgraded the sloppy joe's camera setup and it is one of my favorite things to watch now it is a whole new layer they have upgraded the in bar camera for sloppy joe's really so before you could only just see the stage if you went on the inside now it is a 360 degree camera that shows every aspect of the inside of the bar so it is added a whole layer of uh when you slop o'clock is so much more fun when you could see slop o'clock dancing just middle-aged people drunkly dancing to shitty cover bands is wonderful it is so good and i in my head i credit that specifically to you jeff and emily

making the game and them looking at like their numbers being like i would people love these cameras we gotta like upgrade this setup people People are going crazy for this location. Dude, I would love to be able to take credit for that, but I don't know that I can. It is pretty cool though. And I didn't find that out. You're the one that explained it, that showed that to me.

They also, I guess they're investing in it more too because they've started their own YouTube channel. Before they were just on like the Key West Cams channel, but now they have their own dedicated Sloppy Joe's channel with all their streams on it. And they're on both. So they're actually on there. So they have two live streams up at the same time now, which is kind of cool.

So they are clearly invested in the whole live camera angle of the business. And it seems to be working for them because they have a gift shop that's fucking full every time I go in there. And I have bought hundreds of dollars worth of stuff from that gift shop already it was so cool just to see people online and comment levers and regulation listeners immediately finding us on the cameras like we didn't even announce anything they could yeah we would we

would just walk through the frame and it would just be filling the filling the socials i think eric was the first person to show up on the camera and like six minutes later it was on reddit it was just it was pretty cool it was great do you love coffee do you love dogs then you'll love Kato's Coffee. We offer a wide selection of coffee roasts, single origins, blends, K-Cups, whole bean light, medium, or dark roasts, single origin coffees from specific regions, or blends, Cato's Coffee has you covered. It has a variety of sizes. Kato's Coffee offers coffee in a variety of formats to meet the needs of all customers. Whether you're looking for convenient K-Cups for your morning cup of coffee or whole bean bags to grind yourself,

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We did a bunch of stuff. We went on a boat to a sandbar which by the way emily is in the process of uh uh refuting and uh complaining because we looked over at the uh at what we booked and we booked a sandbar that was a good five miles from where we ended up and emily sent them like photos and GPS coordinates and stuff. It was so funny listening to Emily try and be polite, like politely asking where all the stuff was and like where we were going to go next.

I'm just kidding. Just the flattest answers. I want to be clear. It sounds like what we're doing is complaining about a place that we went in the middle of the ocean on a boat that we rented. Andrew, I need you to know that we went out on a boat that we were not supposed to take with a captain who was not taking us. Should not be a captain. Was not supposed to be taking us to that place.

was not supposed to be taking us to that place. 30 minutes into us finding this sandbar that was just, I still have an urchin spine in my toe. 30 minutes after being on this sandbar that we are not supposed to be at, another boat comes up and they go, hey, you've taken the wrong boat we need this boat what the fuck are you doing apparently our captain has only been a captain for two months also we should preface this by saying our captain lost his phone in the water when he fell into the water. No. His phone and his wallet. Oh, no.

And he had this huge black guy because he had fished out the water the night before. There's no way for them to contact him. So when we show up, by the way, we show up at like an industrial shipyard on the wrong side of town. We take a cab and the cab drops us off and we're like, where the fuck are we? And then I see just like a tiny sign next to a bunch of like shrimp trawlers. And we go in there and he takes us out on this boat

and we've booked this day, Andrew, where it's like half a day. We go out to a sandbar. It's supposed to be these, you know, gorgeous sand, like beautiful, like turquoise water sandbar. You go out and you play. There's all these pictures of people sitting in lawn chairs and like throwing footballs back and forth and stuff and then after

a little bit we go to another one and then if there's time and the weather's good we can go drop off you guys don't even know this we're supposed to go to an island what and hang on island yeah what and then when it's all done we come back well we go out we go about 30 minutes out and there's just this patch of dark darker than normal water it's dark because it's just a sandbar covered in sea urchins and he goes i hope you guys brought your shoes and yes he did say that no he goes oh yeah you gotta have your water shoes it's too dangerous out here in the water without him and we go well that wasn't on the reservation it told us to bring a towel and sunscreen and this not didn't tell us to bring water shoes yeah he was like uh it's not a swimming pool yeah which is a fair point right but at no point did they tell us we needed water shoes and

by the way we went to a sandbar the next day on jet skis and we did not, we did not need water. That sandbar was fucking gleam. It was gorgeous. Uh, anyway, so he gets us, he takes out here and we just stop and we're like, is this it?

And he goes, this is it. And by the way, the guy's very nice. I feel like we're shitting on him. He was a really nice guy. He was, uh,

for the most part, um, it was a nightmare. And you know, a nightmare and you do it. No comment. But like a nice nightmare though. Friendly nightmare. And so

he's like, well, get to it. Have fun. And we're like, have fun with what? Nobody's got... We've got like three pairs of flip-flops between us. I had my Nike Air Maxes on because we and we're like uh we also reserved like a lily pad which if you don't know what that is it's like a big foam like rectangle that you roll out it's like eight feet long and you can lay on it and you're like half in the water half out and like everybody can kind of lay on it and corral

around it's like a it's like a focal point in the water, right? And he's like, no, we don't have any of that. And we're like, well, what are we supposed to do? And he was like, I don't know what to tell you. And we go, what do we have? And he goes, we got some flippers. And he gave Emily a pool noodle. He gave Emily a pool noodle.

And there was like a... Some sleep spaghetti. Yeah, some sleep spaghetti. And one noodle, one sleep spaghetti. And he goes, there's a shipwreck over there you can swim out to. And everybody's like, no. And I was like, I'll go. Because I felt like somebody should. Because he's like, this is the only thing I'm offering you.

So I very slowly, in very dirty sea urchiny water that was only about knee deep. But he was like, don't, whatever you do, don't touch the ground. So I tried to swim in knee deep water without touching the ground is almost impossible. I swam out to, uh,

the shittiest, smallest, uh, fucking shipwreck of all time. Can I post a picture of it? Yeah, please. I want to see this.

This was the deepest the water got, and this was the entire shipwreck. Oh, my God. That is it. That is very accurate. It's below Jeff's waist is how high the water goes. Is that the shipwreck behind him? Yeah, it's covered in birds.

It looks like a rowboat wreck. It's so small.. It looks like a rowboat wreck from from like it's so small. I've seen bigger barrels. And so I swam back and I was like, OK, what do we do now? And he's like, well, this is your day. So enjoy it. So then we're all just like trying to nobody wants to go in the water because we don't have like the right attire, you know, and we're like we're sharing shoes.

And so I think just Emilyily and eric and i got in the water at that point and uh and then yeah a few minutes later another boat comes up and these with a whole crew like a whole party of people on it they're like or no i'm sorry they weren't at that point it was just two dudes who look really angry really pissed off fucking mad guys who were rightfully mad at this and they're like guy what the fuck are you doing you got the wrong boat and he's like oh i don't think so and they're like yeah this is we that's the big boat we need we got 20 people that are so they had apparently a party of like 20 people show up to get on their cruise they're having like a booze cruise and there's just no

fucking boat for him and these guys are looking around going, where's the fucking boat? And they're like, oh, we'll call Captain whatever his name is. And they're like, oh, he's not answering because his fucking phone's in the bottom of the ocean. And so all they can do is like sail out to where they think he is, which is a half an hour away from where they docked. So they're a half an hour into a voyage. Meanwhile, I am assuming there's 20 incredibly pissed off people that are on a bachelorette party or something like we are wanting to go out and get drunk and have fun. And so when they get there, they are in a bad mood.

And our dude is oblivious. Like he does not pick up on their social cues whatsoever. Nope. So we do what we all discover in the moment is a very gentle go-go now we the boats pull up and we have to jump off of our boat and get on a new boat uh which is kind of annoying because we had like these uh big ice chests that were like sunken in the middle of the boat and we'd individually put all of our sodas and stuff in there so we had to like pull all of that out and then transfer it across and you know we had uh we had made ourselves comfortable so everybody had to like pack up all this shit

and then we had to put the pool noodle away i had to put the pool noodle away but then we end up on a boat that's actually much nicer and has uh has the has the fucking uh has the lily pad the lily pad that we ordered and all the stuff we were supposed to have and so they take off and we're like cool cool cool and so emily goes like well i think we've i think we spent enough time at this one can you take us to the uh to the other sandbar and he's like i don't know what you're talking about and she's like yeah we're supposed to go to two sandbars and he goes now this is the only one for you this is all you booked and then he's like i remember he said no this is the destination yeah and i was like it's on the reservation.

And he's like, I don't know what to tell you. And she's like, well, can you, can you put the lily pad out then? And he's like, I guess,

oh, suit yourself, you know? And so he very nonplussed rolls out the pool, the lily pad. And then we all coalesce around the lily pad for a while. And, uh,

by the time I, oh,avin and i did our best to make fun so we i had this little thing i bought at cvs that like it's like a little rubber face and you squeeze it and water fills into it and then you can throw it and it sprays water as it does so gavin and i made a game where we we tried to hit each other in the face and you couldn't flinch and it took us about an hour until one of us hit the other one in the face. That's after I was able to borrow Emily's flip flops. And I immediately lost one and stepped on an urchin. So by the time we left, every single person in the party had found out they had stepped on sea urchins, except for Emily and I.

We were somehow the only ones who survived. And I didn't even have the shoes. I was just bound and determined I wasn't going to touch the ground under any circumstances. And it was very hard not to. And so we made, dude, we made so much lemonade out of that piss, but I

was fucking, it was great. I had so much fun. It was a lot of fun and we had a really good time out there. We were out there for a good amount of time, but don't worry, because there was still more time, and he's like, do you want to tour the harbor? And we said yes. Before that, we did move from one sandbar to another side of the sandbar

at one point, because he was like, the engine's too close to these weeds. It's going to get all caught up. So he moves us like 200 feet. Is that when we were all on the lily pad? All of us? We're all out on the lily pad and we're like, should we get in? And he's like, no, I'll just tow you. And we're like, okay, sure, whatever.

And so he just starts pulling us and I'm laying on the lily pad and Gavin, everybody's kind of like hanging onto the side and just to be funny. Trying not to touch the floor. Mainly for survival. Just trying to hover above the ground. Just to be funny because I'm laying.

I can't even see him. I just lay my hand back and I touch Gavin's hand. I find where it is. And I just peel his fingers off the lily pad as a joke. And I hear Gavin go, oh no. And I turn around and he's already 15 feet behind us and he can't. It was literally right as the boat started to move

like he just peeled my hands off and then when I went to re-grab it it was gone and then I was like no because I'm trying just to float now and not walk I so didn't mean to do it. And the captain didn't care.

I'm like, man, overboard. And he's like, catch up. I was like, wait, I've got no shoes. I was just hugging this little floaty thing that I was, like a little saddle thing that you'd like shove into your leg. So I'm there like with my knees up against my chin my asshole pointing down i'm there like just swimming with only my arms with my knees in

my face trying to catch up with the thing and it's going just too fast and everyone was pointing and laughing at me i mean you uh you caught up eventually right oh? Oh, big time. Yeah, because you caught up to it and then when we went again, the rope that was tying us there was cut by the motor and almost snapped you in the face. Which makes total sense, by the way, and which is why you

shouldn't do what we were doing at all. And I can't believe the captain let it happen. That rope snapped and it went slinging back and it almost cut heather's head off and hit you right in the fucking face yeah i just felt because that that time i was really gripping on because i didn't want to get peeled off it again and then and then we all just started like smooshing into each other i guess from the water then the rope whipped right across me

and it sounded like a shotgun when it hit too it was fucking loud yeah but it was you know like in a movie when somebody falls overboard like on a big ship in the sea and you see how fast the ship sails away and how quickly they're just alone in the ocean when i looked back that's what gavin looked like i was thinking i mean we were in waist deep water but i was like i'm never never going to see him again. For like a few brief seconds, I was terrified. And then eventually, after about 20 minutes of hard swimming, he caught back up to me. It was the fucking most effective dickhead thing I have ever done in my entire life.

And I wasn't looking for that result. I was just being funny i didn't realize how fast we were going and how hard it would be for gavin to catch back up it felt like a real peter parker chasing the bus moment emily said it was like it's like scar and lion king yeah that is a real long live the king moment it's like it's like will Willem Dafoe at the end of Platoon. So that happened. So that was, it was not go-go now, but it was like a go when you're ready.

Jeff booking boat activities with groups on vacation? I feel like you're 0 for 2 on these. Well, this isn't the last boat trip on this or the last water excursion on this tour so I'll we'll see how it ends up but yeah so at that point the guys like I feel real bad

about all the mix up so I'm gonna give you guys an extra hour you want to go you want to go tour the harbor and we're like I guess we don't want to be in this dog shit water stepping on sea urchins anymore. That's for sure. And so,

uh, he just takes us on a tour, which is kind of nice. And he just shows us around and tells us where some good restaurants and stuff are. And then he takes us to the water world area. I think I've mentioned that in the past where there's all these dudes that live on the hook,

which are just like people that live on boats and not like you think people who live on boats and not like you think people who live on boats that are half sunk. Like, I don't know how to describe it. It's insane. It is literally like apocalyptic. And he drove us through that for a while.

And I, I don't, I hope in the past, cause it was the thing that struck me the most. The first time we went to Key West was just how insane all of those on-the-hook people were living. It was all around the homeless island. And we went right through all that stuff. I'd love to hear y'all's impressions of it, because I was just flummoxed by it.

You're expecting a lot of boats on these lines. And when you see it from a distance, it looks cool because it's a lot of boats sort of like lined up. And then you get close and all of the boats are like if a pack rat had humanized and then lived on a boat and then some of the boats sink and they don't do anything with them.

They simply let them sink and be in the water what appears to be forever uh yeah there were andrew i've never seen more sunken ships in my life than i did in the 45 minute period we were touring harbor. And we asked him about it. We're like, so what happens to these boats? Does this like, does Key West pull them out? And he goes,

nah, man, they're here for good. He's like the, uh, the owners ain't got the money to pull them out. And, uh,

it's, it's expensive. The city didn't want to put that money into it. So it's just, it's just here now. And so there's like 500 boats out there. I think he said, or like 350 boats out there i think he said or like 350 boats out there

probably 60 of them are are 70 in the water and there's just a mass sticking out that island with all the homeless people living on it it's like 500 feet away from an island just full of mansions oh looking right at it it's crazy it is so surreal it's, like, I've never seen a greater example of the haves and the have nots in the same frame. You know? Yeah. It's like, if those, those homeless people wanted to make a very short swim,

uh, all at once, they could, they could take over that fucking rich person island in about 10 seconds. Not that that's going to happen, but. Well, I mean,

there has been a revolution or whatever in key west before that's true on the sovereign nation there could be part two another takeover oh i want you to know i brought my passport with me when i went oh hell yeah i had i had t-bone on me at all times thank you very awesome uh so anyway we toured that for a while and eventually uh i guess that would be the end of let me see i'm looking through my nose uh yeah that would be the end of let me see I'm looking through my notes yeah that would be the end of that that's the end of that day well that's the end of what happened then because we went on a

is that the day we went on the ghost tour yeah that was the day we went on a ghost tour but that's also the day we walked over for the sunset dinner where Gavin took a very funny photo I don't know if you want to talk about that Gavin took a very funny photo. I don't know if you want to talk about that. You could tell it.

The person who waited on us at the restaurant was very cool. Turned out to be an RT community member. And so recognized Gavin immediately and was so taken aback and so delighted uh that they were they're just lovely and we had we had a great time joking around with them but gavin at because he wanted to see what it was he ordered a dessert called like worms and dirt i guess is that what it was yeah and it was just like pudding with crushed oreos on and gummy worms yeah and when they delivered it, they were like, hey, this might sound weird, but can I get a photo of you eating that?

And Kevin's like, I guess. And so they took a photo of Kevin eating worms and dirt, which the other night both agreed was the strangest photo request we've ever had. Yeah, I've never been asked to like pose with the food I was given before, but it very funny she was so nice too like she walked up to start giving like introductory waitress spiel but immediately got like visibly sidetracked like she forgot what she was saying and then we realized it's because she just looked me in the eyes and like knew who

i was but maybe couldn't quite place it, like her brain was trying to catch up to like, who is this idiot in front of me? She looked at Gavin and went, sorry, you look like someone. You look like this guy from this podcast. And Gavin hid behind his venue and then went, what

podcast? And she went, oh my god! Oh my god! And then we ran into some kids on the when when we were at the ghost tour we ran into some kids uh that were incredibly drunk who did my least favorite thing when i get to meet somebody is uh i was just like in the gift shop and the dude walks up and he goes hey you look like jeff from rouge teeth and i go well that's you know hi that's uh that's my name it's nice to meet you and he Jeff from Rouge Teeth. And I go, well, that's, you know, hi. That's my name. It's nice to meet you.

And he goes, you're not Jeff. And I go, okay. And he's like, are you? And I'm like, yeah. And then I have to like, I'm not going to, listen, I'm not going to spend time trying to convince you that I am who I am. I don't care if you think I'm me or not. But he was very aggressive with it. And I'm like, no, I'm really me.

I'm sorry. And he's like, i don't believe you and i'm like and i go and i did the thing that i i assume all of us do which is when i'm uncomfortable i go oh you know you know what gavin's right over there you should go talk to him and he goes i don't believe you and he goes wait a minute you've got to be jeff because you said you know who gavin is oh but maybe you're just a fan. I don't know. I'm going to go talk to Gavin and figure this out. And then I didn't see him again.

Yeah, then I got him. I was further down the road. Oh, he just saw Jeff. I think I just get really embarrassed when I'm around new people and I get recognized. Oh, for sure. Because it happens all the time and it's awkward. And it's always, well, I'm awkward.

Yeah, but it's awkward because we's always, well, I'm awkward. Yeah, but it's awkward because we're awkward. Yeah, I'm awful. I try, I have the shittiest small talk. But, you know, thankfully when they're face listeners, then we don't need to do that. We have, we just talk about Andrew and we have our own language and you just

that is the nice, like the face community members, the regulation listeners and the comment leavers, they really do. It's a different level. Because you immediately slip in to F*** Face talk. And it's so cool. And I'm so excited to talk to them about it,

especially when it's recent stuff. I'm like, oh, these guys are active listeners. And I love talking about Achievement Hunter. And I love talking about Red vs. Blue. And when I was doing Red vs. Blue, I loved talking about it. But it is just different. I don't know why or what it is that's different about it,

but there is just something different about talking to people about F*** Face out in the wild than any other RT productions. I don't know why that is, but I love it. But yeah, for some reason, I was just more embarrassed because all of your cool, real friends were there. They are very cool. I'm taking my little

worms and dirt picture. So, that dinner, though, is where... Oh, yeah, that's right. Andrew, I'm really sorry for where this is going. Uh-huh. That dinner is where Gavin started to pose some hypotheticals

that set the tone for the entire rest of the weekend, I would say. And I came into the conversation late, but how did it start, Gavin? What was your first? I think it started when I was just talking to Eric's small wife about different hypotheticals. And then I made one, it was like half one i'd given to andrew before and half just brand new where i said you can kill a dog every morning or have a year-long nosebleed what and then it turned into a lot of dogs died that weekend. Then it turned into you get one hundred and seventy five billion dollars.

But every morning you wake up and there's a dog and a gun and you have to pick up a gun and shoot the dog between the eyes. And then it's instantly disappears and it's gone and the gun is gone. And then you can go about your business. But but you get one hundred seventy five billion dollars. disappears and it's gone and the gun is gone and then you can go about your business uh but uh but you get 175 billion dollars i this was originally pitched to me as gavin fucked up when he told it to me the first time i believe gavin said would you rather have five million dollars or a one year long continuous nosebleed it was a very easy either or it was meant to be like a million dollars but but i accidentally made it into a would you rather which i very much enjoy but then everything about the weekend became

like would you do it to shoot would you shoot a dog for you get you get a million dollars for every dog you shoot like it just kept going there was one where you could get... Oh, we also determined that the dog has the same soul. That was very important to my wife. Yeah, she was like, but is it the same soul every time? I was like, why does that matter? No, it does. It's no one's dog.

It's a dog that purely exists only when it's about to be shot. And then it vanishes i i want you to know that he keeps posing these things to make the dog killing the more enticing he just kept doing that he's like like you would pick the nosebleed and he go no no you don't understand the dog it's. It comes back the next day and doesn't even know what you did. And you're like, right, it's still taking the nosebleed. He's like, right, right, right. But the dog doesn't know

what a gun is. It doesn't know it's in danger. And you're like, yeah, but I don't want to kill a dog. I'm pretty sure I ruined every single meal we had. We had to kill it. And then the $175 million comes in where it's like you get $175 billion, but you can only see your partner for five days a year. And that started like this whole conversation on that.

That's how we found out how little we mean to all of our wives and fiances. Yeah, it was really something. It was all the guys going, I love you more than $175 billion. I wouldn't take that in a heartbeat. And being honest about it. And Emily and all the other women going I would I love you more than $175 billion. I wouldn't take that in a heartbeat and being honest about it and Emily and all the other women going nice knowing you. Yeah. So then off

of the $175 billion in the killing the dog the dog got replaced and it became well it became do a dog every morning didn't it or strangle Andrew to death is the deal why why did I do this here's the deal. Why did I even run into this? Here's the deal. What did I do? After you die, you're immediately reborn in Canada at home,

and we go about our business. We still do the podcast. We talk about it, and you're like, I don't have any memory of that. I feel fine. It's no big deal. But in the morning when you wake up and it's time to strangle Andrew, you tell us a different story.

You're like, don't listen to that version of me. It hurts every single time. It's excruciating. I remember it after I'm dead. I'm in the void. It's terrible. And then we kill you. And then a second later, you're like, no, I'm fine.

None of that's true. I had to say that part too. So you never know which side is real. And it had to be with our bare hands. Yeah, and it had to be looking you in the eyes. And it had to be with our bare hands. Yeah, and it had to be looking you in the eyes. We determined that the best way to do it would be to kill you on the 30th

and then kill you on the 1st. You have two bad days, but then you have a lot of time between. Yeah, a lot of time where we don't have to kill Andrew. Andrew, we talked about this starting on Saturday and all through Sunday. It was, I mean, a full day and a half of talking about this. About you specifically.

But why me? I don't even know half the people on this trip. It's not a point of reference. Everyone on the trip knows who you are. Oh, okay. But still. But it's because we love you so much that we can't think of anything more reprehensible or heinous than harming you.

I appreciate what you're saying, but I feel like having to strangle any human to death is in itself a difficult thing to process. Well, I agree. Sometimes we could shoot you. Yeah. And then it was like, well, you know, he dies instantly, he doesn't know.

But then you come back and you're like, right when like, Gavin's got the gun in front of you, you're like, please don't, you don't die instantly,

I'm telling you, it's excruciating. You'll never, it hurts so bad. And then he has to pull the trigger. It was, but then five minutes later,

you slack him and you're like, no man, I'm good, it's cool. It was, it was getting to the point where it was like,

strangle Andrew once a month or shoot Andrew every day. And both scenarios, you just keep trying to get us to not do it. And then immediately after you're killed, you're back home. And you go, oh, no, I just have to say that stuff. Yeah, that's fine. I get it. And there was no money. Yeah, that's fine. I get it. And, uh... There was no money! Yeah, that's the problem.

Which way do you want to kill each other? I feel like there's, like, a subtext to all this of, like, you started with a very obvious you do this over that, and then just progressed to in what form do we do this? Yeah, the outcome's the same it was such a weird weekend well then and then on the ghost tour eric decided okay to laugh in the face of danger we we're running out of time but i guess i will talk we gotta do it we gotta do

it uh andrew on a ghost tour i don't believe in ghosts there's no ghost okay that's fine however however yeah before you continue this should we end this as a cliffhanger like should you could you like should you say what it is oh okay yeah hey andrew ghosts aren't real but curses are oh nah that's what i said too and now i believe otherwise yeah no let's see that's that's that's that's too much we we gotta be we gotta we can't do that so we did the ghost tour oh there's a part of the ghost tour where you get off the ghost tour and you go into like this museum and there's a thing. There's a 65 pound thing of silver. And they go, don't touch this if you're going to go on the water tomorrow, because it's like it's cursed. Every boat it's been on is sunk, whatever.

And five, five boats. It was on and all five boats sunk. My wife, my wife touched it with one finger and she's like, he, he, he. And then I went, I don't care. So I pick it up and I did it like a bunch of times. And I posed next to it and all this stuff. Because we were going on jet skis. We were going to go swimming.

It's like a whole thing. I'm like, there's no way. It's fine. I'll be fine. We go on jet skis. Totally fine. We go swimming. And that pool.

Sucked. A little iffy. I thought at most I'm like, oh, I'm going to get like an infection. We go swimming. That pool sucked. A little iffy. I thought at most I'm like, oh, I'm going to get like an infection. Staff infection. That's what's going to happen. That's a staff infection swimming pool. A little bit of a film. Bad pool.

But again, nothing happened. We were even celebrating after the jet skiing and then even more so after the pool being like, that's silver. That was a bunch of shit. Eric touched it. And he's gotten through all of the water of the day. So then I go to take a shower. There's a bottle of liquid soap and I pour some

into my hand and then I bend over to set it down where it was and I'm looking right over it, I guess, as I do that. And it hits the ground and soap flies into my right eye. And I have my contacts in. So I've never had my eyes burn that bad in my life. So I have to immediately get out and take out my contacts. And I'm like, fuck, this is the curse.

I got the soap in my eye for oh man that isn't that that's crazy so I get back in the shower and my eye is beet red and I'm trying to like rinse it out and it's still just like stinging because it's full of fucking soap and I am just trying to get it out and get it out so I'm spraying splashing water in my eye it's not working I'm using it's a little hose thing it's not working. I'm using this little hose thing. It's not working. So I'm looking up at the rain can sort of shower head. And I don't know, I guess I tilted back a little bit too far. Water went up my nose, but for an extended period of time.

And I have never in my life choked so much that I thought this is the end. I'm going to die until that moment where I literally could not breathe. My wife had to, I'm like slamming into doors, clutching my throat. And my wife is coming to check on me. And I'm just going. It's, I can't get any air in. Eventually I'm able to breathe through my nose and not my mouth the rest of my night i'm coughing and wheezing because of how bad i choked and my eye is blood

red i came down because we've had like this really nice day on the jet skis with you having some drinks all day it's all been like ah yeah would you shoot the dog would you strike glad and then we come we all meet up for dinner he's wearing glasses and his eye is blood red and he's just really quiet he looks defeated i didn't want to say anything i didn't want to ask about your eyes like you seem a little seem a little bit out of sorts. It was so fucking bad. I really thought, like, the amount I could not breathe was fucking scary. I've never been able to not breathe like that.

And it was from water. And I went, I'm done. That's it. I'm going to die right now. And the way you announced it, you were like, yeah, everything was going really well. I'm like, I almost died in the shower. And then your small wife was like, yeah, I thought

he was a goner. She checked on me. She didn't know what to do. There was nothing to do. I'm clutching my throat, naked, running around the hotel room, trying to just beat my chest to get any air in. It was awful.

I feel terrible you went through that and then continued your evening talking about strangling me to death. Determining it would be best to do it on back-to-back days. How bad I feel for you. Let me just say, Andrew, I plead the second. Yeah! When we were at that dinner,

we had a pizza dinner at the end. Fuck it, let's just finish this out. We're almost done. Long episode, it's fine. Before we get to pizza dinner, so we go jet skiing, right? After the kerfuffle where I didn't have

appropriate water shoes for all the sea urchins i thought i need to wear something i can get in the water i don't want to i don't want to wear my my nikes uh in the water so i had a pair of flip-flops and i thought oh i'll just i'll just wear these to jet skis the jet skis were on the other side of the island and we were gonna take a cab but we were just early enough and the weather was nice that they were like, let's just walk. I haven't worn flip flops in, I don't know, 10 years. And it was a mile and a half, about a 30 minute walk.

By the time we got to the jet skis, I had 97 blisters. I had to be that asshole. If I was in front of Sloppy Joe's, I was the guy walking barefoot. I couldn't use my, I threw the flip flops joe's i was the guy walking barefoot i had to i couldn't use my i threw the flip-flops away and i just had to go barefoot because it was like torture devices so eventually my feet caught up to everybody else's because everybody else is covered in

sea urchins i think vanessa had it the worst yes then we get on these jet skis and all i can say is it was a perfect experience for me uh jet skiing on the ocean, as I told the boys before, is totally different than jet skiing in the lakes where Gavin and I do it in Austin. I think that remains to be true. It's like a different level. We jet skied for about 90 minutes. We toured.

We went completely around the island. So we went on the Gulf of Mexico and on the Atlantic Ocean, jet skied in both. We jet skied with dolphins Somehow they were just like cool. They were just like 12 dolphins jet skiing around with us hanging out And we all sprayed Emily By rooster-tailing into her and Emily Emily got Gavin so fucking good Well her visibility spout she she was the

only jet ski that had one that wasn't the instructor guy but for some reason it was going like 45 feet in the air so anytime i was behind her all of her water was landing on my head and then we went under a bridge and she was just spraying the underneath the bridge and then all that was dripping on me as well i got dirty bridge water all over my head. I was like, fucking 20 minutes ago, I would not be able to see. Everyone was walking back with like, you know, maybe wetness around the swim shorts. I was completely drenched from head to toe.

So, the jet skis went well? That was a fun experience? Yeah, it was great. So, your problem, Jeff, isn't like aquatic vehicles. It's when you hire a captain so just don't hire captains on that yeah you've got to be the captain yeah i guess i need to be the captain i don't know what it was though whenever whenever eric and his small wife were describing what

happened to him in the shower i i just could not it was so funny to me. My eyes just immediately started just tearing up as to how serious the event was. It was completely out of nowhere. It was one of those weekends where I feel like I didn't stop laughing the entire time. Oh, it was so fun. And like everything. I'm sorry, go ahead.

Could I post the picture I took of your eye? Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah, go ahead. Could I post the picture I took of your eye? Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah, go for it. Yeah, we were doing a lot of.5 camera situations. This is hours later, and so it doesn't look that bad. Look at my other eye. Not even close. Look at how blood red that is and that is i would say half of how red it was when i got out

of the shower also also that thousand yard stare like he just went through vietnam i just don't understand the entire rest of the i don't either i don't understand why i don't put down a bottle of soap and have your eye over the spout I don't know either down when they just pop it down. Why are you looking at it? So we watched a love we watched a lovely sunset Which was also weird by the way because we saw a bunch of a bunch of like special forces on zodiac boats because we saw a bunch of special forces on Zodiac boats fucking just show up and go through all of the pretty yachts and the people's sunset watching. And it looked like we were being invaded.

It was like, I don't know if you remember the Chuck Norris movie Invasion USA, but it reminded me of that. And I guess they were just doing some maneuvers because there's a lot of Coast Guard and Army and Navy out there. That was kind of funny to watch. But we went and we had this, Burndog found this amazing,

oh yeah, that was the sunset. It was so pretty. Found this amazing pizza restaurant on the other side of the island and we all walked over there and in that dinner, that's where we learned the finer points of Eric's eyeball and at some point we were doing the hypotheticals and

Bernie said something and Emily thought he said I plead the second and we're like she was like plead the second amendment and she just misheard him but that turned into the slogan for the rest of the trip and so anytime anybody shot the dog or you Andrew they were pleading the

second and if you've ever been to walking around Key West you've seen a lot of shirts for sale that where that would fit really well. No kidding. Yeah, it's it's definitely MAGA country down there when it comes to ten dollar T-shirts and koozies. But anyway, so we we we all couldn't stop saying plead the second to everything. So we just walked around finger gunning and pleading the second each other for the rest of the night.

And then I don't think i told oh and then after i ordered a pizza because it was like this pizza restaurant and i ate half my pizza and then i just picked all the ingredients off the other half so i wasn't super hungry but i loved the ingredients and when the lady came to pick it all up and leave bernie was like hey man let me get the rest of that pizza and i was like oh i i already picked all the ingredients off but he wouldn't fucking believe me i had to plead the second on it he wouldn't fucking believe me and we got back to the hotel room later and he's like hey man you gotta be honest with me you didn't eat those ingredients right and i was like i swear to god i still don't think he believes that i picked all the ingredients off the pizza even emily going i watched him do it he's like man i just don't think so

but we had to get up the next man, I just don't think so. But we had to get up the next morning and you guys don't know this, but we had to get up and, cause I flew out early cause we, I still wanted to do the break show. And so Emily and I flew out at like 6 a.m. so that we could get home in time and basically go straight from the airport

to the break show. And we got a fucking Uber at like 5.30 in the morning, got into the car, and it was playing Darude Sandstorm at full volume. And so at fucking 5.45 in the morning, bloodshot and exhausted, I had to listen to the entirety of that fucking song all the way to the airport. Then another funny thing that's happened that I have never experienced before,

but now I'm kind of surprised it doesn't happen more often. We go and we had a layover in Atlanta, right? Uneventful flight. We get to Atlanta. We have like a two-hour layover. I don't have... I couldn't get the Delta app. I couldn't log in on the Delta app on my phone.

We were flying Delta on the way back. And Emily had it. So she had my ticket. She was just like... She had my digital ticket. So she was scanning it for me. So I didn't have any way to see where we were going.

And I just said, hey, where, where's our connecting flight? And Vanessa looked at her ticket and she goes, it's E26. And we're like, OK, so we go. We were in like B terminal. So we go all the way to the E terminal and go to the 26 gate.

And it's like Salt Lake City or something. And I'm like, what the fuck? That's weird. And Vanessa looked at her ticket. Her seat on the next flight was 26E. Come on! And we walked all the way across the air. We had to take a tram to get

there all the way across there. We were... Our fucking connecting flight was the next gate to where we landed. So we had to turn all the way back, take the tram all the fucking way back to the other side. And I was

laughing so hard at that. I didn't know people could do... I don't know why I've never made that mistake before. It makes so much sense because the number... Because almost all terminals and seats, they line up. I mean, there was an E26. Anyway, that was very funny.

And that was pretty much the trip. Then we, y'all stuck around a little bit longer and slept in. Emily and I went straight to the break show and then had the most insane break show I think we'll ever have. Yeah, we posted some clips and everything. It's looking pretty cool.

Like that's wild. Gavin, I mean, I got like, I wanted to get this, I had this box of WNBA cards and i really wanted to get this an autograph or any kind of like hit on brianna stewart she's my favorite basketball a wnba player and uh i got a fucking autographed brianna stewart which was awesome and that's like a huge hit uh we were opening up alan and ginter and i got the voice actress who uh I got an autograph of the voice actress who does Ash Ketchum,

which I guess is like the Pokemon boy. Yeah. And also I guess she's in, she's in Camp Camp, which I didn't know, which is fucking cool. And then I had this box of historical, like historically significant cards.

I pulled a fucking relic and a piece of Vincent Van Gogh's handwriting. So now I have a fucking relic and a piece of Vincent Van Gogh's handwriting. So now I have a card that has Vincent Van Gogh's actual handwriting on it. Curses. Isn't that insane? It's joined up writing. It's fucking crazy.

It is joined up. And it looks like somebody used a fountain pen. Yeah, it looks like he used a fountain pen. It was such a great trip overall. I just, I think it only would have been greater if Andrew was there. Yep.

I don't think I want to be there based on the theme of the conversation. To be fair, Andrew, you were there in spirit. No, I can't. First of all,

if the whole, if everyone's involved, I can't, I can't change the momentum of that conversation. I just like the way that you presented it of like, it was a compliment to me

that I get to be in this position where it was like hey guys I got a new hypothetical on this one well it's because we're trying to pick someone we wouldn't want to kill yeah but you're lining it the problem is you're lining it up with a thing you wouldn't want so it'd be like well okay so your car gets broken into every day

or you have to decapitate Andrew I don't feel good about it. I love him, but let me create a scenario in which I have to kill him. We tried it with other people first, and it's like, yeah, I'll kill my parents. Nobody cares. You were the only person that gave anybody pause.

And it felt like you were there with us. What about we have to drown him, or you sleep on a pen and knives every night? What are we going to do, guys? What are we picking? What are we choosing? Real tough call. I wouldn't sleep that well. Yeah. In a pen and knives. No. I'm just saying. I'm not happy about

it, but I guess I gotta kill Andrew again. Andrew, let me ask you a question. If you had to, would you rather shoot Gavin once a day in the morning with a pistol between the eyes every day for a year or strangle him to death, looking him in the eyes once a month? Now, he doesn't feel it.

And as soon as he dies, he's immediately reborn. We do the podcast together. We do supplemental content. We do blindsides. We're fine. And he's like, no, it's no big deal, man understand if i were in your position i'd do the same thing i die instantly it's not a big deal now the morning when you wake up and gavin's in front of you and you have to make the decision to shoot him in the eyes or strangle him uh he tells you a very different

story but what would you rather do strangle him 12 times or shoot him 365 times i'll take the year-long nosebleed is what i'm gonna to opt for. Oh, you plead the second! Andrew pleads the second. And I also eat all the pizza toppings, so I'll do it all. Now we definitely have to wrap up. Alright, we gotta stop. I'm going to just post those pictures just for the video version.

There's a couple of crimes right there. Thanks for listening to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast, and remember to be kind to your friends and your family members. Treat them well. Be sweet. Yeah. Be kind.

Hypothetically and in the real world. Hypothetically be kind. Cherish the ones you love. And also give us lots of stars and positive reviews. Bye. Bye. Bye. Now, would you rather give us five stars or contract a terminal disease every day? Think about that.

Real tough one. Hey, guys. Major League Fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. Someone screwed up. Who has the unchokeable neck? The boys are getting feisty. Gavin parked his truck in a bad spot. Tiny Jeff in a big coffee.

Yet another new apple. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face. you