F**kface - Are You Feeling Wronged? // Silver Medal Friendship [139]

Episode Date: February 1, 2023

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Gavin maybe wrongs Andrew, Gavin's phone lifehack, best movies with number letter, falls draft redux, things I learned about Eric, durantula, resort falcons, pool infection, fridge update, Signal Awards, The Zimmies, Trials, Warzone, being a stump guy, The Traitors, and the novelization. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail]  Sponsored by Honey http://joinhoney.com/face Shady Rays http://shadyrays.com and use code FACE and Shopify http://shopify.com/face. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dragon's Dogma 2, the highly anticipated successor to the cult classic Dragon's Dogma, is out now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series S and X, and Steam. Dragon's Dogma 2 is a third-person action RPG boasting a richly detailed and deeply explorable fantasy world created using Capcom's RE Engine's immersive physics, groundbreaking character AI systems, and cutting-edge graphics. Dive into the vast and dynamic world where The Arisen is called upon to fulfill a forgotten destiny across the nations of Vermont, the Kingdom of Humanity, and Batal, the nation of Beastrin.

Dragon's Dogma 2 revolves entirely around choice. Your choice, that is. From the sword and shield-wielding fighter to fighter to the illusion conjuring trickster, there are over 10 unique vocations to choose from that all require experience to unlock new skills. And character customization is out of this world, literally. Oh, and did I mention the combat is really in-depth? It isn't just hacking at a giant's ankle for half an hour while your dodge roll attacks. You can engage enemies from a distance, climb up large foes, stab them in This is a Rooster Teeth production. Okay, this is episode 139. You can begin whenever you like.

That was a great intro by Eric. I believe we did label him the official intro earlier. Or late. At the tail end of last year or this year i'm not sure when anyway so there you have it that was eric uh he mentioned this is episode 139 of the face podcast my my name is jeff with me as always andrew and gavin uh this is our first recording in a couple weeks. We didn't record last week because, well, Eric and I went on vacation together. And boy, do I have a video and some thoughts on that to share with you guys today. As a matter of fact, I have so much. I was compiling my notes today before I came over.

I have 22 things listed to talk about today. That's what I whittled it down to. Is that what happens when you hang out with the cost in real life it's not all eric a lot of it's other stuff i imagine that we won't i won't get to like 19 of the 22 things because i assume you guys have shit you want to talk about as well and uh uh this is a podcast for all of us it is the triangle right isn't that that we that's right the comedy triangle is what we determined. The comedy triangle. Going back. I feel like I wronged Andrew yesterday. Ooh! Are you feeling wronged?

You know what's funny? I didn't want to... I wasn't going to bring this up, but I did ask a hypothetical to both Jeff and Eric before the show started to see where they fell on it. Oh! I didn't realize that was Gavin.

It was Gavin. It was absolutely Gavin. That might have affected my answer I asked Jeff and Eric before what you know pleasantries Gavin that you're never there for and I expected you not to be there much like I should have expected you not to show up

last night when I organized Gavin I were talking about because we were doing trials like recently right he beat the time we did that little bet and then in our off period I decided to try to beat every time Gavin and Jack have in all the trials games so I've been doing that and he sent me a photo of Gavin used to do a thing called trials Tuesday where I think you'd get together with your friends and like four or five TVs will play trials and i asked gavin do you

have any more like weekly days that you do like a fun oh this is like i have a movie monday type thing and he said no and that makes me sad so i thought you know what my friend gavin he doesn't have a day for anything it's wednesday we've recently been playing war zone so i just texted him feels like a war zone wednesday to me and he said absolutely and the sucky thing about that is you text me that at like noon it might have been even earlier and i just spent the rest of the afternoon so excited for war zone wednesday i was like oh man i'm not usually one who looks forward to the evenings but i was like i can't wait for later it's gonna be brilliant well you say that you you

said absolutely what do you want to do it i said what about this time no reply which is not completely unusual for you with game stuff i interpret that as a yes sometimes i've written in my phone an answer and not hit send when i thought i did i i thought it was reasonable for you to be there i waited about i I said, what time do we start? And then you immediately replied with the time. Yeah, I gave you time. And I asked you as a question. I was like, does this work for you?

You never got back to it. That's fine. You've never missed. You've never missed a gaming thing that we've said. Once there was a time and place, you've always been there. So I assumed you would be. Waited about 20 minutes texted to ask if we're rescheduling you said oh fuck what about later in the evening i

didn't feel like playing later we're probably gonna play for like an hour i just didn't have it in me i thought i was tired so we've rescheduled to today but what i was asking jeff and eric was were you late for that because i asked you a time and you never responded to that request it was a question and since you didn't lock in i wasn't sure if you were late or not or if it just technically wasn't scheduled i've done a dumb thing which i thought was an amazing hack i did this about a year ago. I made a shortcut on my iPhone that puts my phone into do not disturb anytime it's on charge.

And I figured that way I don't have to manually set it for a time. Anytime it's getting juice, I assume it's in the night and I'm charging and I don't want anything. But yeah, I forgot to charge my phone the night before. And I was doing a midday charge, which had the interesting side effect of basically silencing my phone and my watch and everything for the entire day.

So it's a flawed system. And then when you were just like reschedule, I was like, oh shit, like I missed the time. I missed like like i just forgot you did but i didn't know i didn't know what time i was being late for and i'd already i've already been late for it but i you don't you weren't according to jeff and eric you were clear you were not late it was never never finalized jeff and eric would you like to change your answer based on the knowledge that it is me? Would I like to change my answer? 100%. Do I think I can?

Morally, no. I still think you're not late, unfortunately. If it were anybody who were late in this scenario, I would like it to be put on the record that it should be you. But no, I think you're in the clear here, man. Yeah, I mean, even knowing it's you, I still wouldn't change my answer.

I just don't think that you're absolved of all responsibility in that situation. You never said yes. I do find it fucking weird. I've known you for more than half your life now. I've known you probably 20 years, Gavin, or close to it. And you're worse at communicating and being on time and making shit and response, just general correspondence than you've ever been in your life. And you are in a house of technological wonders.

You have a goddamn clock you built just to show up at this podcast on time. You have 700,000 phones and devices to notify you things. And somehow you're at an all time low. I do think you might want to take a step back and evaluate what you're doing wrong. Well, it's interesting coming from the person I text yesterday who didn't reply to me. Oh, did you text me yesterday? Oh, hold on. I'm not the one on trial here, but let me see. Oh, oh oh oh oh you texted me last night at 8 43 p.m i was in the movies when i received the text and then after the movie was over i just went straight to bed so i haven't even had a chance to watch it yet i'm sorry yeah i saw m3 and m3 oh how was it it

was really funny it was really good what do you think is the best entertainment product with a number in the name? Like, do you think Driftria is a good game? Oh, God. I see what you're saying. Fuck. What are some good ones? Was there like a Screthrium?

A Screthrium, maybe? I think the third one, and then I think maybe the fourth one also, and then I think probably the fourth one also and then I think probably the fifth one. I think they all probably had numbers in there. And it has to be has to be a number replacing a letter. Right. So yeah, like a too fast, too furious where they use the number on both instead of like the two. I don't think that counts. I'll have to think about that.

Kind of like a Falls poll. We're pulling from all movies and properties ever made. They don't all come to mind so quickly. That was probably the most confusing thing Andrew's ever presented it's not at all because not only not only did i not understand what you wanted and the way you

described it i still have problems with but even in the discussion in person on office day i couldn't even figure out who was arguing for what and who was mad at who like i sat there for that whole thing after i came in because i came in late to that recording i couldn't figure out who was on my side at all like i've never been more confused it was interesting to see the different sections of uh listeners and comment levers having differing opinions like where things were slanted more like i'd say on our reddit there were more people vocal that I was in the right for that system on youtube I'd say it was definitely majority uh you guys eric and jeff and then the the site was I'd say like probably 60 40 for me for for you guys actually but you could have made it so simple

just by saying we'll pick four of our favorite four. Well, yeah, that was the whole point. I don't understand. So to draft this. Why would you draft something that isn't... Why didn't you call it the great face condiment draft? What do you mean by that? Well, we were trying to come up with the best thing. Right. Pick the best thing.

Why not just call it that? Why would... But when would we... I don't understand what condiment says to do with what we're talking about. That's where you've lost it. Well, you didn't call it the condiment draft. You just... We picked our favorite condiments. When did we do what condiment has to do with what we're talking about. That's where you've lost it. Well, you didn't call it the condiment draft. We picked our favorite condiments.

When did we do a condiment draft? What are we talking about? I actually remember I listened to it recently. It was episode 63, I believe. Oh, we did a condiment draft? No, we did. We made our own condiments. No, we just picked the best condiment. We made it.

Okay. You didn't call it drafting our condiments or drafting different condiments into the same bowl. We just, I don't know why you phrased it as a draft is what I'm saying. Because, well, we couldn't, we're not going to make the same condiment. We could make the same pick. You can't have two people. Condiment. Because we're not naturally going to make the people condiment because you're not naturally gonna

make the same what if you also made shrimp cocktails that was also your idea i don't know i don't understand why you're coming at me with the labeling of your project that was your thing i'm just saying picking our favorite things are you asking me no wait wait no time out gavin are you asking me why i didn't name the idea you came up with the condiment draft yeah is that what okay because i didn't fucking name it because it wasn't my thing you're saying you would have i don't think i would have i don't think i would have ever thought of condiment draft and it's the draft a draft is a simple thing. You have a list. We have a pool of falls, and you pick the falls. And to be honest, I was trying to be ambiguous because I wasn't sure if I wanted Skyfall.

I didn't want to narrow it down because I wanted some bullshit possibly. That's why it's a draft. I don't... I did not see continued arguing on the rules of the draft. Can we... Let's move into something. I. On the fucking bingo card today. I will

say though this is a great opportunity I wanted to bring up. I've been talking about with Eric all weekend on vacation. I think we should really do another draft. We definitely should do another draft. We should do it exactly the same way with Andrew. Same fucking rules. My recommendation

was we do it in March for March Madness, and we just do basketball-related fails or something. I think this is too good not to do over and over again. Well, I think the whole thing was phenomenal. I don't get the pools. I get the pools, but I don't understand. Why would we submit? Why would we go through that process twice?

Why don't you guys do your own fucking research and don't rely on me bringing in some high-quality falls that you're going to steal from me once we do the pool? We all brought falls. What do you mean? I'm saying, but if we did the pool idea, right? Like, the original, the thought that Eric and Jeff wanted where we all share a pool of falls.

That's Gavin's fault. I'm ready to pivot to something that's actually confusing, which is the signal words. You're saying that what I wanted, it's not what I wanted, it's what a draft is. That's just incorrect. That's a false statement. But that's fine. Agree to

disagree. I think the audience liked it overall. I saw a lot of definitely, a lot of mad people that the videos weren't in our video but i mean those are just other people's videos right that's what we're gonna steal people's content we don't get a bunch of then we're just gonna get the fucking we would get our falls draft taken down in eight seconds yeah yeah that makes total sense right it doesn't make total sense to the audience for some reason but i mean i can understand it not making sense to like people who haven't dealt

with youtube's copyright strike system but yeah i mean it's it's not easy as nick correctly pointed out it's for the same reason we can't play mvp2 for like with you or we can't upload that movie just as a counter and as someone who doesn't understand the youtube copyright strike system and apparently doesn't even understand what a draft is the grape lady didn't upload the grape lady falling like that's not their content right like isn't that weird like how we're stealing from somebody who took right here from but it is uploaded and what we would be doing is putting 20 already uploaded videos into one video and then going, hey, I fucking dare you to take this down. But it's a process that requires one person to click one button and then no verification to go by.

And then also puts the whole channel at risk to be in a bad standing on YouTube. So really, I'm just not going to take advice from the audience in general, especially about this. You could argue that it's, you know, it's derivative enough and fair use enough for us to actually be able to do that. It's just the systems in place to protect us from that are absolute dog shit.

And that's absolutely true. But it's also the thing where people go, well, you can play 14 seconds of a song before you get it taken down. That's not a real thing. That's just the thing people made up. That where people go, well, you can play 14 seconds of a song before you get it taken down. That's not a real thing. That's just the thing people made up. That's like going, well, if the teacher's 15 minutes late, you can leave. That's not real.

Eric went on a rant about that on vacation. Actually, it was pretty funny. Is that like the five second rule? Yes. Yes, absolutely. Yeah, there's probably a case that we could we could upload those videos uh but we would be it would get taken down and then we'd have to fight it and get it put back up and then one of the other people would get it taken down and then we it's just like we've all been down this road

enough times there was about a fucking 10 year period where i just i had nightmares every night about copyright strikes on youtube for achievement hunter it's just it's not worth it at the end of the day. Yeah. Copyright strikes and you're fucked. I mean, you kind of screw it off to one. Like, you get a lot of your features disabled even if your channel's still there. And then you got a petition to get it back and it's a fucking nightmare.

What if we just went to somewhere we didn't care about, like Dailymotion? What if we did video only on Dailymotion and just dared people to both find it and then report it? So your idea is to still steal the content but just put it somewhere else i don't think it's stolen

you think you think it's okay to steal the content as long as you put it in a place that nobody is not be able to find it well i, I think the grape lady video was already stolen. So first of all, I don't feel like I'm stealing the tick talks is that's where it gets weird. Where if it's somebody, if the fall or uploaded it, then it's worse than that. So then first off,

the news channel of the grape lady video could, could strike us if they wanted to easily. Uh, but what most people, what happens more often than not with these clips is there are, there are companies that buy viral clips in the droves, kind of like old stock photo companies. Uh, and like, I think one's called jash or jazz or jash, but they go and they buy these videos for 75 bucks a piece. So they could very quite possibly own a lot of those videos just because

the person who uploaded it, uploaded it. it was funny, and then somebody offered them $350 for it, and they signed away the rights to it. I wouldn't be surprised if most of those videos are owned by a company like that. That's interesting. I didn't know that. There's a whole economy. I just think if YankeeFan22VT is brave enough, there's a way.

There's a way for us to figure it out. Jeff, I have a question. Yeah, okay. What's Wheel of Duck? Oh, Wheel of Duck. Thank you. It's actually not Wheel of Duck. I wrote that wrong. It's Wheel of Suck.

Let me write that down. I now have 23 things to talk about today. What do you want to talk about most on your list today? We'll get to it six episodes from now. I think the most time-sensitive stuff that I would like to talk about is the vacation with Eric. I learned a lot about Eric on this trip.

I thought that this was the first time I've vacationed with a f***facer in a very long time. First time I've ever vacationed with Eric. Couples vacation. We went to a beach resort in Cancun together. And I thought you guys might find it interesting.

So I wrote down all the stuff that I found that was fascinating about Eric. And I made a little video as well just to kind of show you guys might find it interesting. So I wrote down all the stuff that I found that was fascinating about Eric. And I made a little video as well just to kind of show you guys what Eric's like on vacation. If you'd like, I can upload that to Slack. It's two minutes. It's two minutes.

I kept it as succinct as I could. Made it on my phone today. Okay, I think it's up. So you guys go watch that. Should we all press play at the same time? Sure. All right. Slack. Okay. And then feel free to all press play at the same time? Sure. All right. Slack.

Okay. And then feel free to describe as you're watching it since this is an audio podcast. All right. Are you ready, Andrew? I'm ready. All right. Three, two, one. Play.

Eric on vacation. It has a title card. You've edited this. Yes. I'm looking at. You're just filming him. He's already annoyed boarding the plane by the looks of it he's annoyed at the airport it's nice just texting he's on his phone a lot. How many planes

are you on? Well. Is he saying, no, don't film me? Yes. Yeah, a bunch. A bunch. He's shy. Oh, in a hotel of some sort. He's checking into the hotel.

I was really bummed to... In the back of the car. In the back of the car. I was so bummed to miss this trip. Maybe I'm not now. No, no, no. It's not over. Oh, he's getting boarding passes. I bet you he's gonna be...... I bet you he's going to be okay with being filmed. This one. Oh, he never notices. Okay.

It's like... First class. There's no footage of the vacation. It's all just the airport. It's just the airport. It's Eric annoyedly walking past you in first class. I got upgraded. I have so many questions of... I got answers.

As soon as the video comes up. How many flights, how many airports is this? Uh, probably three airports, two flights. So, Austin to Dallas, Dallas to Cancun, then... You're hiding behind a bin? We did it. We did it. We're back. Tell me about the vacation. That's where you cut it off?

Yeah. What do you mean? That's where it ended. The rest of my sentence was, just so you guys know, how was the vacation? I said, it was great. Jeff slept a lot. I think the video cut off at how was the vacation and you said it. It did.

Yeah. Unfortunately, that's all the vacation and you said it did. Yeah. And then unfortunately, that's all the footage we had. I the frame. So anyway, I feel like that encapsulates Eric. I wanted to get like slice of life, like fly on the wall, kind of kind of footage of them. And so there you have it. You said encapsulates Eric when when on vacation.

I think Eric probably just generally doesn't like being filmed without his knowledge. I assume that that is not specifically a travel thing. Well, I don't know. He's filmed a lot. I mean, it's just mostly are you excited walking down the aisle in an airplane? Well, you should have been

excited because you were going on vacation. Some of that was coming home from vacation. Well, yeah. Alright, listen. There is a chunk of the vacation that was cut out. The vacation? Well, yeah, but here's why. That makes sense, though, because I was also on vacation and I don't want to work on vacation.

So I filmed up until my vacation started and then as soon as my vacation ended, I went back to work and I filmed the rest of it. The second you leave the resort, you're back on the clock. ended, I went back to work and I filmed the rest of it. Well, thanks. The second you leave the resort, you're back on the clock. Yeah, I was back to work. That's true. That was, we were on,

that was in the car going either to or from the airport in Mexico. Yeah, that was three in the morning going to the airport. Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah, I worked up until the second my vacation began which was when you and i both checked into the hotel and then the second it was over i was back on the case there's no way you didn't talk about face almost the entire time uh pretty much the entire

time it was a lot of talk about the show but we were on vacation it's different that's idea central though i bet it was like the ultimate office day it was pretty good do you want to know some things I learned about Eric? I will guess that you learned that he hates board games I did learn that actually thanks Gavin I hadn't put that in the

hates board games at one point we're talking and board games were brought up, and then Jeff immediately grabbed his phone and knew. I just knew. I'm like, he's texting Gavin. So I just texted Gavin simply, no. I just texted the word no, and then it was, oh, yeah, okay, cool.

So he was definitely texting Gavin about this. Great. Eric, I found out from his lovely small wife, she likes to play board games with friends and Eric is board game cock blocking them from doing that. And so I just wanted to let Gavin know that Barbara likes to play board games. Untrue.

I play board games with her and with other people for her. Sounds like you love it. I do not. And I make it very known that I don't. It sounds like a great time. Here are the things I learned about Eric. First off, I would like to point out, Eric had every opportunity

in the world for four straight days to kill me, and he didn't do it. Not a serial killer, not a murderer. I think you can safely travel anywhere with him. I slept in front of him for four straight days. I slept by the pool. I slept by the beach. I slept anywhere. I slept in front of him for four straight days. I slept by the pool. I slept by the beach.

I slept anywhere I could. I slept at dinner. Anywhere I could sleep, I slept. He didn't even harm one hair on my head. Thumbs up there. Big stamp of approval. Traveling with Eric. He's not going to murder you in your sleep. 7pm, Friday night,

I get the text from Eric, No. I replied, What if it's one-on-one chess? And he replied, This sucks. Okay. Things I learned about Eric.

Eric hates soup. His exact quote was, It's been almost 40 years, man. I'm just not going to learn to love it. Eric doesn't like board games. Eric hates spaghetti. Eric hates dreams. His dreams and your dreams.

He hates everybody's dreams. Eric doesn't think there are enough teams named after spiders. And Eric hates spoons that are hot. He'll eat a spoon with cold food, but if it touches hot food, he doesn't want the spoon anywhere near him. And that's pretty much it. That's all there is to Eric.

I mean, there are no spider teams. Just think about it. There should be, and there's not. He's very upset about it. Seattle Spiders? It's not a... Is that a team, or that a team or did you just pick a name of a city and the name of a spider? That'd be a great team.

I don't know what the sport is, but that'd be great. I think I'm with you on that one. I can only think of... He doesn't like soup. He hates it. He hates soup. It's all forms of soup. A mid-temperature food like a mashed potato. That's warm forms of soup. A mid-temperature food, like a mashed potato. That's warm,

but not hot. Is that okay? Yeah, that's fine. Okay. Do you typically eat mashed potatoes with a spoon or do you eat them with a fork? I feel like I have them

with a fork because I'm having other food with the mashed potato. I guess, you know, there are times in my life where I've only had mashed potato. That's true.

Me too. So I can say, also, just so you know about the hot spoon thing that's a jeff concoction where he started connecting dots and really all i was saying was like it was just sort of found out of like oh you like hot foods that you would eat with a spoon like you don't really like that and it's like i guess that's just soup mostly uh So I just started agreeing. I just started saying, yeah, it's easier.

He 100% agreed. I clarified. I can't think of teams. That's a good call. I guess people don't like spiders, but people love Spider-Man. So I have a theory about this because the Cleveland Spiders used to be the team

before they were the Cleveland Indians and now the Cleveland Guardians. They were originally the Cleveland Spiders. I have a theory that spiders are not chosen because they are seen as feminine, but snakes are seen as masculine. So you have teams named after snakes, but not after spiders.

Are there a lot of snakes? Snakes as boys and spiders as girls. Medusa disagrees. I can't think of any snake teams. What are snake teams? Arizona Diamondbacks. Yeah. That's a snake thing?

I didn't know that was a snake thing. Diamondback Rattlesnake. Yeah. It's a snake. Yeah, but when I think of spiders, I think of Anderson the Spider Silva, which is pretty fucking awesome. So I agree, there should be sports teams, but that's also not... I think of Don the Spider Silva, which is pretty fucking awesome. So I agree, there should be sports teams,

but that's also not... I think of Donovan Spider Mitchell or Kevin the Durantula Durant. Is your favorite Spider the Durantula? It's clearly a take on a Durantula. If we were doing a spider draft, that's a top three pick. Oh, yeah.

Undeniable. It's number one. I'm glad that you had fun. I'm glad that you've learned so many things about Eric on your vacation. We all learned something fascinating about Falcons. What do you guys know about Falcons?

They're really bad at football. They're good at punching. Yeah, he's got a great punch. Anything else? They're no condor. That's one of my notes. We do need to schedule a condor,

man. We get to the resort. It's like an all-inclusive place which by the way all eric said for four days is anytime he ordered a drink be like can i get a margarita and the guy's like yes sir and eric just go all-inclusive to himself he wasn't talking to anybody he just like he just repeated all every time you take a bite of food from the buffet he'd go all-inclusive he uh yeah you should yeah yeah yeah yeah absolutely that that's how i got so many so fast and that's also how eric got his sunglasses back when he yeah absolutely that that's how i got so many so fast and that's

also how eric got his sunglasses back when he left oh that's true they got guy wreck remembered him from the tip and gave him to me to give to eric uh by the way the fucking buffet at that place had these candy stars that were kind of like runts that were so fucking good. I'm still thinking about them. Every meal, Jeff just ate probably a hundred stars. But you're the root canal guy. I don't know why you do it to yourself. I took care of my teeth. Also, doesn't that line up

with what a root canal guy would do? Is it a hundred stars predictable for the root canal guy? Yeah, but the root canal guy doesn't want to be known as the root canal guy, I assume. Yeah, but he can't help it. They got those delicious stars all over the place. The stars are good.

I will say that Eric was incredibly consistent with his water adjacency. I never saw him get in the water. I saw him lay near the water a bunch, near the ocean, near the pool. Says he got into the ocean briefly. I didn't see it myself. Didn't witness it. uh all inclusive though uh for sure and you mainly pool guys or beach guys we started as beach guys and then we retreated to the pool nice because i was literally literally just like laying down on a on like a bed with like a little roof on it you know and uh like a cabana i guess laying down

in a little cabana at like 9 a.m emily would get up at sun at sun up and go like put shit down on the beds for us and then everybody would just kind of amble on out later and i would lay down and fall asleep at like 901 and i'd get up to go to dinner at like 5 p.m that was pretty much it i just sleep that's great uh anyway we got and immediately, immediately a lady walks by us with a fucking falcon, like a giant falcon on her arm with like the leather thing. And it had like a little falcon cap on it so it couldn't see. And we were like, holy shit. And Emily's like, oh, my God, they have like a pet falcon we can touch. And the lady was like, don't get near this falcon.

And they were like, stay the fuck away from the falcon. And we we were like why would there be a falcon that they just parade around and we thought that's weird maybe it was a guest or something but the falcon kept showing up and we discovered it was we called it the beach falcon then we called it the breakfast falcon and then uh because it was just always around and then finally i googled it do you guys have any idea whether why they have a falcon at this hotel? For rats. For rats and birds. It is a fucking defense falcon.

It's the Orkin falcon. Yeah. It literally, the lady walks around the premises eight hours a day with a falcon on her arm to scare the shit out of the birds. And it works. The falcon worked every day and there were no birds. Sunday, I guess we determined the falcon's probably Christian, was taking the day off, having like, worshipping his bird god,

and there were grackles and pigeons everywhere. Well, not pigeons, but seagulls. It was insane. So I started reading about it. Falcon protection is a huge industry. A lot of hotels in North America and in the Middle East all hire teams of falcons. I was reading about it. It's like a big business.

Most hotels have like three or four falcons on staff that just rotate. And they have like four or five people whose job it is to just take care of the falcons. Not fucking kidding. It's a humane way to deal with pests and shit. I don't think the falcon actually goes out and kills birds although it could and if it wanted to it's just like scarecrowing yeah it's just scarecrowing those things are tough as nails but uh yeah it was insane did they make a human version of the falcon cap i was just looking at it when you brought it

up i'd love to see a person human falcon cap a human falcon cap are A human falcon cap. Are you asking Uniform to get involved in this? I think Uniform might need a human falcon cap. Maybe it's like a sleep thing. You block the sun out with it. Maybe you want to just improve your senses. I don't know. The last thing I need to be wearing is a hat where only my nose pokes through.

That's dangerous. You guys, I'm serious. You guys should only go to hotels with intimidation falcons because you know you're fucking safe i'm gonna ask every hotel's falcon policy the second i book from here on out it really should be a booking category like when you're booking online you're like looking for deals like looking for the cheapest i would always click falcon falcon supported is that is that thing for like like what a five-star hotel have a falcon falcon supported is that is that a thing for like like what a five-star hotel have a falcon oh i think oh they better yeah they better have a falcon if they're a five-star hotel it wouldn't have a falcon it would have five falcons how do you think you get from four to

five stars gavin it's the falcon the falcon is what brings you there that's so great i love that i mean i assume it's i assume it's gonna be cruel somehow but i don't think so the concept falcons seemed pretty well cared for and apparently it's a it's a very uh popular practice among hotels bigger hotels so i i imagine it's probably like kush gig for a falcon it gets it gets training every day from what i read and it gets to just fucking hang out by the beach. And it gets Sundays off, apparently. You can't see the beach, but it is near the beach.

But that's what you want. Honestly, there are people that listen to the beach sounds. Like, that's still pretty good. You don't need to be there. I don't want, I don't, I prefer the pool over the beach if I'm going to hang out by something. The beach is almost like a little too much wilderness. If I'm gonna hang out by something? The beach is almost like a little too much wilderness.

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I didn't even have this listed talking about preferring the pool to the beach. I prefer the pool to hang out by two. We the first time. Oh, my God. I the first time Emily and I decided to get in the pool because we'd been beaching it for the first two days and it's like i don't know what be careful in cancun the water's extra salty there for some reason it's way saltier than normal salt water uh eric doesn't know because he didn't get in the water but he loves to argue with me about it how it's

a pro it's like the appropriately salty but I'm telling you it was extra salty. Anyway, it's normal saltwater. I just don't think Jeff's in the ocean very much. It's not way more than you are. Way more than you are. Extra salty. I don't know why. It was like the heavy salting this this season.

We so we get into the pool. We get into this. I guess a giant fucking pool. That's like 10 pools in one kind of thing, you know, like a hotel resort. And we get into like this whirlpool area and like we we immediately sit in lean our backs against the wall and this group of british and american women come over and they're having a conversation and i guess the british people they just met recently and the british people are just having a conversation and the american ladies come over and. And they're like maybe in their 30s. And I'm not thinking anything of it, except they're very loud.

The American lady goes, this is my friend Kate. I'm making up the name Kate. I don't remember what her name was, but it definitely wasn't Kate. She goes, this is my friend Kate. She's the one with the yeast infection. And I'm like in a whirlpool with these ladies, right? And then it gets so much worse. Then the British people go, oh, I'm sorry in a whirlpool with these ladies, right? And then it gets so much worse. Then the British people go, oh, I'm sorry.

It's okay. You don't have to. And she goes and Kate goes, it's okay. I don't mind talking about it. I'm not embarrassed. This is great. So Emily and I shot up out of the pool and ran to another pool and jumped back in and were like trying to wash the yeast infection

off of us. It was so gross. And just not what you want to hear right when somebody gets in a pool a foot from you. And so we're hanging out there for a few minutes and then Emily goes, oh shit, we left our stuff at the other pool. I'll go back and get it. And she said when she went back and got it, she said they were still talking about it.

It had been 10 solid minutes. She said they were still talking about it. It had been 10 solid minutes and she said they were still talking about it. She's like, I think I got it. I had a lot of antibiotics. And then, you know, you spend five or six days in a pool, you're going to get a yeast infection. You guys are so dumb. These are the smartest people in the world.

They were trying to clear the pool. It worked. When Emily went back over they were like, ah shit, she's coming's coming back yeah this pesky old yeast can't shift it they are the smartest women on earth if that's what they were doing because it worked like a charm we were like fucking shot out of a cannon away from that whirlpool did they react at all when you immediately got up no it's according to high f. I don't know why they high-fived. That's incredible. I'm going to try that next time it's a little crowded.

Yeah. You're just going to declare that you have a yeast infection? I don't know. Does that work? What about, you need a list. You need, like, escalation. Oh, man, I have these contagious warts. Oh, man, the only thing that alleviates all these contagious warts on my ankles

is this water. I can't reach it. Oh, man. This Ebola's been getting me down recently. When is this jockage going away? That's it. Yeah, just say you had whatever Jeff has had for like the last eight months oh god

Jeff's crotch rot mixed with that lady's yeast infection is the next plague if those things get together and evolve into super virus that is that's how the last of us started that is the zombie apocalypse oh hey I have

one other thing I'll mention here on my list because it's real quick. I have an update on my fridge. Is the fridge here? No. It's supposed to be February. It's supposed to be February, but I did the other day, Emily was like, shouldn't we have a fridge by now? And I was like,

oh yeah, I'll call them. So the next day I got up and I called them and I talked to the lady on the phone and I said hey I'm the guy I'm the idiot that bought a fridge a year ago and still waiting on it and she's like not only do I remember you I have your fridge

and I would like to give it to you this coming Monday morning they are delivering my new fridge wow I am like four days away from having my fridge Coming Monday morning. No. They are delivering my new fridge. Wow. I am like four days away from having my fridge. Can we all be there to like greet it? Can we put a ribbon across the front door?

I would love it if you guys are all well. I'll tell you when they're coming over. Everybody, please come for the ceremony. I think we should all stand in a line either side of the door and clap as the fridge gets wheeled in. I'm all about it. And then for all the inevitable problems, like how it doesn't fit through the door, or they can't get the old fridge out because the island is in the way,

or there's a hole in the floor where the fridge sat for 30 years, or whatever. You guys will be there to see the breakdown of when I lose my fucking mind. It's the start of a new season. I think we have to restart. We have to go to a new... It's a new arc, obviously.

Will that be season six? I believe so. Season six is... Oh, that might be a good... New fridge, new problems. That's a great tagline. We're set. It's definite now.

I want to come over and film it. Okay, please do. I'll let you know Monday when they call to give me the window. So excited. I have like 18 other things to talk about,

but I don't have the energy to talk about any of them. So I figure, Andrew, you want to talk about Signal Awards. Are you tired from your vacation? All you did was sleep. No, I'm feeling pretty rested from the vacation. I'm just tired from all of this talking and thinking. That's fair.

I mean, I can get into other stuff, but it's like high energy stuff like i i have one more uh thing i'll talk about after signal words okay well it just is very brief we're talking about things that make no sense so the single awards have come out thank you for all the people who voted for us we did win the listener's choice thank you to the audience for making us the listener's choice which i think technically i was thinking about it that means that we're not just award-winning friends we are award-winning friends with the most supportive listeners yeah like there's a there's like a side category of like supportive of french of all

the best buddy nominated shows they are the best buddies to the best buddy. That's like a second, there's like a hurdle. There's like, they have won their own award. I think in their own way, they are also award-winning friends. But the confusion of it, so when we got Silver, Silver medal, we have a Silver medal friendship,

by the way. We have a Silver medal friendship, but two shows got gold and every other show in our category got silver which was very confusing so then i i started looking at other categories there are some categories where there were six shows in the category five of them won gold one of them won silver could you imagine how goddamn bad you'd be if you're in a category of all gold and you're just the only silver show?

There were like four or five categories that were that way. I found a category that didn't have a gold show at all. They had one silver and two bronze was the entire category. So I was like, what is this? I was like, what is this system? I said to Eric that it's like

if you were doing participation trophies and it was managed by a drunk dad. It was like from the is this system? I said to Eric that it's like if you were doing participation trophies and it was managed by a drunk dad. It was like from the outside looking into it. It didn't make sense. Everyone won. Technically, nobody lost, but there were different tiers of winning. What does it mean? On our category, with two people getting gold,

we were a third place, last place winner.'re no no we're not so i emailed them i was like what is this system uh and they said that the shows were not competing against themselves they were like our ranking is based on their panel of judges evaluating the show as an individual thing. So it's not that we lost to the two gold shows. We are just silver quality based on their system. It makes no sense. It's not an award.

Everyone wins the award, but their panel determines the value of the win, I guess. How do you get a goal? I bet it's because we don't have a falcon. Probably the falcon. If we had three more falcons, we probably would get platinum, which isn't even a ranking yet. I'm glad to hear you guys say that,

because I do think we should look into protection falconing. Yeah, I think it's great. But that, so we want, so then I was like, well, what? Do we get an award for this? Like, are there physical awards? I saw other people that were in the same boat we were, that were posting photos of awards. I'm like, how does this work? And they brought up that there's a store page.

I don't know if Eric has found out. I guess whoever submitted us should have also gotten a login page to the store so we could buy an award that that we've already reached out to our pr person and she's looking into it right now okay so we don't know how much they're worth but this it's probably hundreds this is where i have what i think is the next great idea for uniform i think we need to make our own awards called the Zimmies and make it seem prestigious and just email companies that they've won

the Zimmy award and if you want it, you have to pay for it. And we just make nothing that way. Are you just counting on companies just being like, oh yeah, another one for the shelf? Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. I love this idea. You just reach out. if you send out hundreds of emails to brands saying they've won the prestigious zimmy award uh would you like to

like have a statement about it like congratulations also if you'd like to buy the physical award here's the link at least 10 are probably buying that award we could afford discord nitro which we don't even need anymore but but that's how successful this will be we can buy stuff we don't need i love i like how all the trophies are like so elegant often they're like a you know a man or like a woman in a very regal pose i would love one that's just a freeze frame of don z Zimmer with his face in the ground. What if we took, like, remember the Don Zimmer teddy bear? Like, what if it was just that cold?

So the Zimmies, I think, could be an avenue we need to explore. I wonder how much we could charge. Because I think, well, when I was applying for my visa, we discovered that the guy I worked with had an Emmy that he didn't know about. Like the immigration lawyer researched him and found an Emmy. And he was like, I don't have an Emmy. What are you talking about? And then he's like, oh, shit.

I want an Emmy. He had to pay $400 for the statue. Oh. So if an Emmy is $400, I don't think the Zimmy was going to be. No, I think the Zimmy could definitely be like $200. I think the Zimmy is at least half an Emmy. And then we'll just go to a trophy shop, buy a $9 trophy, put their name on it, and we're talking $80. Absolutely. That's the plan.

I don't know that that money math adds up there. I just did, but close enough. Yeah. I mean, it's the heart of the idea, the sentiment. Emmys also, they're bullshit. You get regional Emmys. They're people that have won the Midwestern Emmys. It means nothing.

Is it just like franchised around the different smaller awards? I know somebody who has won Midwestern Broadcasting Emmys. Wow. Because they direct direct they're like the head of the direction for the pacers interest so they have like four midwestern emmys so it's it lowers the grade of the i'm saying easily 200 250 for a zimmy no problem i like it the zimmies i think it could be a great invention for us i do have one other really brief thing that's just infuriating as we talked about trials and whatnot i've been trying to beat all of gavin and jack's times and

it's been going well yeah every day we've we've been getting a text from andrew being like the uh the only next logical thing i can do is beat all your times in trials evolution and then we just ignore that and then the next day it's like trials fusion no there was a system to it where i because i learned that gavin brought jack in for the fireplace video to try to beat my times and so i made a group text with them and said upon learning of this deception the only rational reasonable thing to do is to beat all of your times and trials whatever the next one would be and then whenever jack would reply i wouldn't. But then the next day I would say the only rational and reasonable thing to that, to what you just said is to beat your times and the next game. And I was trying to go through

all the games, but then Jack stopped replying. So I congratulated him on doing the dopey marathon thing. And he was like, Oh, thanks man. Like that's, I appreciate it. And then I replied to that. The only rational, reasonable thing is to beat all of your times and trials, whatever four is. So you've just gone apeshit with trials. I've been going apeshit with trials and you have some great times,

like across multiple games. There's this time where Gavin was like 2000th in the world and I could not figure out how you did it and I was struggling with it. And the second trials game has a bug where when you go to watch replays, it just is glitched. None of the videos work from my experience. So I've been trying to grind it out. I spent genuinely seven or eight hours trying to do it.

I'm getting close. I'm narrowing it in. And I finally beat it. And I'm so fucking happy. And then this screen pops up. I beat Gavin's time after like seven hours and it says please reconnect you cannot post to the xbox live leaderboards without a connection to xbox live please reconnect now and try reposting alternatively you can discard your score

and continue playing offline i mashed retry for like 10 minutes and it would not go through i had to forfeit the time i had to then spend two more hours to get the time back it took me two additional hours because the game was bugged and it just randomly decided to not let me connect oh it doesn't make any sense that it can't just store a local copy of that time and just upload it later it it's completely it makes zero sense at all but that has been well you were enjoying and learning about uh rashes and yeast infections and falcons and cancun i was uh trying to beat gavin the truss and that was an evolution that was the second yes i think that's i don't even remember getting a good time in that game i remember my freak accident one in trials hd but i didn't realize I'd actually done any good in Evolution.

Oh, you had some great times in Trials Evolution. Wow, that's interesting. I wonder if I can take Kenny back. Xbox 360 did some weird shit to games like that back in the day. I remember one time I was playing an arcade game, and I was like 15 hours into it, and I had like one or two achievements left in it, and the internet dropped in the middle of it,

and it was just all gone. Like I just lost all progress in the game. And when I got my internet character back, it was like I'd never played it before. It was just like... It was like Thanos snapped it away. And I feel like that shit happened all the time with 360. The first Hitman did that to me a lot.

When it first came out, there were like tremendous server issues. I kept getting disconnected. But even though it's a single player game, it would just boot you back to the menu no absolutely no sense that's so weird yeah that sucks i never had anything like that i'd have things like in fallout uh not manually saving ever just going off of the auto save and dying at the same time as opening a door like 27 hours into the game so every time i'd reload into my save it would just be me dying immediately i had to restart fallout new vegas because of that like 20 something hours in the whole game sucked the whole game the whole game it sucked that's

the only time and that's how good fallout new vegas is like i actually went back and i played through it again it's a great guys like yeah great game. Most games, that's the end of it for me. So Gavin, are you going to beat all those times back? I mean, I'm sure I can sneak one of them back and reveal it months from now. Honestly, Jeff, I'm just hoping that he shows up to play Warzone is where I'm at. I'm not worried about his times.

Is that why you asked me if I wanted to play Warzone with you? Am I your backup in case Gavin doesn't show? Well, it's just we, for some reason, we tried to play Warzone with you am I your backup in case Gavin doesn't show well it's just we for some reason we tried to play Halo while you were in Cancun and there were not enough people in the playlist to find a match for what we wanted to do and then we started playing Warzone which Gavin had never

played and he's like this is great why don't you ever invite me to this and I said I don't know this is you're the only person I play Halo with this is what I primarily play and then I saw they were trios, so I was like, shit. There's quads, so you do four people? I played the shit

out of Warzone. I haven't really played Warzone 2. Who'd you play with? Warzone? Yeah. By myself. You can do singles, doubles, trios, or quads, so I would always just play solo. Do you want to try trios with us? Yeah, of course. Nick loves Warzone 2. We should just get everybody into Warzone. Let's do quads. Let's just all play. do you want to try trios with us yeah of course nick loves warzone too we should we should just get everybody into wars let's do yeah let's just all play let's get nick in we'll all play andrew and i did a cool stunt where we swapped cars while we

were driving that's great it's a great game you just do dumb bullshit in the open world i learned that if you can angle yourself or there's a train that goes around the map and i learned if you angle yourself the right way it clips onto you like you can hook onto it so i got downed and then i crawled and i angled myself to the train and the train just pushed me like 60 feet away from the guy who was trying to find me because i was going at train speeds while on the ground it was very dumb there's some great the game is so broken but there's some good dumb bullshit in it. Do you guys ever think about how every time you go outside, you're walking into a bird's toilet? We live at the bottom of the toilet for every bird on earth.

And there are, I looked it up, there are 50 billion birds on earth. So basically every day we walk outside,'re taking we're it's like we're walking from one end of a toilet bowl to the other and we're just hoping the 50 billion animals don't shit on our heads i mean i i live in an especially there's a panel there's a panel above my front door for my building that got knocked off a long time ago and nobody's fixed it and birds now live in the roof and they just shit down the hole and it lines up perfectly with the i quite literally every time i step outside it's uh you're taking a dice roll i feel like i got shat on as a kid so much more than i do now do you think you went outside more as a kid than you do now i mean that must be it

right or maybe just birds are more shitty in england I don't know. I don't know. When was the last time you got dumped on? By a bird? Yeah. Oh. I can't remember a specific incident, but it's happened in my adult life for sure. In the last four or five years, I would think. I've found a little bit of bird poop

on my shoulder or something. I don't know. It doesn't happen that often. I've been doing a lot of that. Yes. My internet's shit today. I think it's because of all the uploading are you still uploading that file no it's done the fireplace video is up on the face channel now we just have to wait for youtube to decide if it's gonna come out it ended up being 248 gigs yes well i tried to make it as big as possible because it because obviously i'm compressing it down to like five percent of its original size so we could upload it but i'm trying

to max out what we get and i ended up doing one that was slightly too big and then i did one again that was like 245 gigs do you know how long it's going to take to process does it like give you a like a no should i check now see if it's done yeah is it up switch account eric gave me face today that your bird shithole that's my bird shithole it lines up perfectly with the walkway right down here lines up straight it's dangerous it's dangerous game uh-oh it says checks still running checking one found what does this mean uh-oh did we film a copyrighted fireplace no could you imagine if like brick you could copyright brick no it's just us and our shit in there yeah oh no it just says copyright

still checking so what does it say one found okay so by the looks of it hasn't even started processing yet okay so why have you been going outside what have you been doing oh i've just been a bit of a stump guy i'm trying to get rid of a stump getting chainsaws involved and uh you know how like i'm just like Technology's getting away from me Like I got really confused When I thought I was talking to Dan But I was really talking To my own ringtone and Dan

I was just chainsawing down Some branches and stuff And I thought Oh that's a cool new feature Every time I started Chainsawing something The volume on my AirPods went up

And I was like Oh shit do they have like automatic noise compensation this is great and I was like practicing it I was like wow it does every time I start chainsawing this log it turns up the volume and then when I stop it turns it back down again this rules I was like I was like almost about to go inside and bore Meg with that and then I realized what was actually happening. I'm going to post a Slack right now.

Okay. Five second video. The glove was rubbing against the dial on my watch. Turning the volume up and down. Basically, every time I moved my arm in that direction, my glove would roll up the volume, and then I would stop, and it would roll the volume down.

And I was like, oh, that's not as... How big around is the stump are we talking about? Ooh, I'd say... What would that be? A foot? Front yard or backyard? Back. You need to hire... You just need to hire a guy with a stump grinder to come in and take care of it. Now, here's where you're wrong. My quote for getting the stump ground away was like 350 bucks. And I have a chainsaw which i

think i've ruined and an axe which i've ruined and a bunch of other tools and it turns out i was more determined to waste 350 bucks destroying the tools i already have than just to pay a guy to do it yeah the cool thing is is he'll come and do it and all your shit doesn't break and then he leaves and he probably takes a lot of the sawdust and shit with him i've had a lot of stumps ground and it's like the coolest service ever and it's also fun to watch the thing is the thing is that annoyed me though is you could buy a stump grinder for like a grand so that guy's making back the money on his grinder within like four or five jobs probably what you're saying is we need to get into stump grinding as a or at least we should definitely have one so it's like an option for us yeah absolutely sounds like you're you're saying is we need to get into stump grinding. Or at least we should definitely have one.

So it's like an option for us. Yeah, absolutely. Sounds like you're, you're always using them. I've, I've, I've had like three stumps ground in my yard,

I think, or four. Yeah. Now what is, I've, I've never heard a stump grinder. Yeah. It's like a,

what is, what is that? It's like a machine with circular saws and a bunch of, it looks like a horror movie. It looks like something got a saw. Huh? And there's different kinds. But the nice thing about a stump grinder too is it gets under the because you know you still have the fucking giant ass uh what are connected to stumps roots yeah yeah and that's and that's what that's what i'm up against now is that stupid as i get old

i'm having to dig i'm like i like chainsawing away getting through slice by slice and i'm having to dig up lower like trying to eventually i'm just gonna like chainsawing away getting through slice by slice and i'm having to dig up lower like trying to eventually i'm just gonna bury what's left of the stump i think because i've destroyed all of my tools are you at least like on your way to a bean hole like how's the how's the like the hole once you get rid of the stump or you bury the stump how far until you think you're you're in bean territory potentially i don I don't, I'm definitely not as deep as Jeff's, and I'm making, because I should have just done 10 minutes of research,

but all I'm doing is just kind of screwing around. Like I'm drilling deep holes into the stump to make it easier for me to cut into slices. But then when I'm digging, a bunch of stone, like my yard is full of tiny stones and rocks like Jeff's. A lot of the stones are like falling into the holes. So then when i'm chainsawing through the stump it's like a fire light display like the chain is hitting the tiny stones and sparks are just shooting stones out of these holes it's lethal it's i'm really glad you saved that 350 dollars as a yeah it would it would

have been the best 350 dollars i ever spent it turned out, as I almost blind myself and set fire to the yard. We are right at that hour, so we do need to wrap up, but I'm going to post this and then you guys see it, and then I'll delete the link so that way he doesn't see it. But this went up today. Oh, man. This is something we should promote. If you go to store.roosterteeth.com,

we put up a new four-inch decal that is Jack's face that simply says anal passage below it. There's no other piece. That's the whole thing. Is that what I approved today? Yes. Oh, shit.

Yep. Well, you probably should have looked at it. That's why I tagged you and brought you over there. I knew you weren't going to look at it. They just said they just said, can we sell the anal passage sticker? And I was like, yeah, why wouldn't you sell it? I didn't realize. Well, you know, what's wrong? Well, the shot's fired, I guess. Well, it's on sale now. Store.roostersteve.com

Wait, Jeff, what did you think it was? Uh, I don't know. I just thought maybe like the logo with the anal passage logo. Is it that a cool answer for the guy who's approving it? I forgot. I think it was. I don't know.

I was in the middle of writing stuff. I was busy. It was just a fucking sticker. I didn't know. Yeah, it is. It is not replying. Once again,

that's absolutely get to it when you get to it. Yep. So that's on sale now. Store.roosterteeth.com. Go and check it out. It's a lot. It's going to be mad. Before we end, have you guys seen that new Peacock show, The Traitors?

No. All right. Well, you should watch it because it's a reality TV competition show. It's basically Werewolf competition show. It's fucking, it's basically werewolf. Okay. The game, but live action where 20 people are like 10 reality TV stars,

I think, or 15 or something. And then like 10 or 15 normal people. And they're all in a house and every night they go to bed and one of them gets murdered. And then the next morning they try to figure out who the kill,

who the traitors are. I mean, it's werewolf. It's exactly werewolf, but it's done like in a castle in Scotland. It's done really well. And it's got a lot of people you'll recognize from big brother and survivor and stuff.

But Alan coming is the fucking host of that show. And he is the most delightful host I've ever seen in the history of reality TV. He is perfect for him. He is worth the entire show is worth watching it just for the moments that he's on camera. He is a goddamn treat to watch. And I wish we had...

I don't think I've ever seen him not in character. I wish we had people of his caliber hosting reality shows like this. I hope it's a sign of things to come. He's Scottish, right? Yeah, he takes it to a whole other level. He's phenomenal. And it's also cool to see Werewolf done

in a high production setting it's a lot of fun is it like one game that's being told throughout this entire season yeah it's basically like in the daytime they get up there's like three traders and like 17 uh i forget what they call them uh but like normal people uh faithful they call them like 17 faithful and then uh they'll do a competition together to win money and basically it's different than the mole in that like in the mole the mole's trying to get them to lose money and that's how they succeed and this one if any of the traders are there at the end they win the money uh and if no traders are left then the people that are left win

the money and it's like 250 grand and so they do like a competition at the beginning of the show where they try to make as much money as possible. And I guess like the traitors can fuck with them if they want to. But it doesn't really help them because they're trying to look unsuspicious. And they want to live to steal the money later anyway. And then they'll sit around a roundtable and they'll vote somebody out who they think is guilty. And then they just all fight about it. And then they go to bed and then the tra sit around a round table, and they'll vote somebody out who they think is guilty, and then they just all fight about it, and then they go to bed, and then the traitors murder somebody.

So every episode, two people get eliminated, which is cool. That's great. What you're describing feels perfect for Alan Cumming. Like, I could do a murder mystery type thing, like him really leaning into that. That'd be fun. He just has, like, fabulous outfits,

and he's, like, so emotive, and so emotive and just like in it like he's just great in it so anyway that's my recommendation watch alan cumming uh host the trip best alan cumming role uh was a uh floop floop loop floop root floop spy kids the spy kids guy i know what you're saying that right his name was either i His name was Floop. Was it Floop? No, I think it was Floop. He's great in that. What do you think the best oncoming role is?

Goldeneye? Yeah. He's invincible. He's pretty good in Goldeneye. Was he in... No, Floop. Yeah, he was Nightcrawler. Yeah, he was Nightcrawler.

Great as Nightcrawler. Yeah, that's right. So you're going to let me know on Monday when I should come and film the fridge? As soon as I find out, I will let you know. And then, I actually made it through a lot of my list today. I appreciate you guys indulging me. I have still

to cover in a future episode. Cookbook progress. I've made a lot of progress on the cookbook I was going to talk about. You've been killing it with that cookbook. The novelization of I really wanted to talk about the You've been killing it with that cookbook. The novelization of I really wanted to talk about the novelization I did and how I wanted to know how everybody liked it. Gavin didn't seem to like it, but everybody else I was wondering.

Sprint bit biased. I've got a, maybe I'll read it next episode. Yeah, you should read that passage. I just made it as a test, just a little Oh, do it right now if you want. I'm going to fucking open. Let's see. The other day, I was reading Reddit, I'll do it right now if you want. I'm going to fucking open. We'll see. So I thought as a... The other day, I was reading... I was reading Reddit, I believe,

and somebody had listed a trans... Like, transcription of all of the cucumber stuff. And I thought it read funnier than the podcast was. And that got me thinking, I wonder what would happen if we novelized an episode of a podcast. So I did... The other day when I was writing the cookbook, I took a break from the cookbook

to write just one page of what it could look like. And so here I'll give this to the audience and we'll see what you think. Face episode 135, the novel adapted from the podcast of the same name by Jeff Ramsey. This is short, so just sit with me. As with most days, it began with an argument. I was not earlier than dude!

A clearly defensive Gavin declared. Technically, it was 11.59 when you jumped in on my clock, Eric calmly started as Gavin interrupted. It wasn't! It wasn't! He declared indignantly with the pompous wine reserved for only the most posh of Brits. Eric continued undeterred, unfazed. I'm just

letting you know. Your clock is. He began, but Eric continued patiently, knowing full well how to deal with the mood swings of this man child. All I'm saying, all I'm saying is that it was 1159 on my clock. That's all. I'm not accusing you of anything. Your clock is wrong. I'm simply stating a fact. Jeff chose that moment to enter the conversation. It was 1159. Well, hold on a second. He then immediately and expertly switched gears, refusing to be derailed. Hello and welcome to the F*** Face Podcast. Eric, what number is this? And with that, the podcast was officially in session. Uh, this is 135, Eric answered,

trembling with fear of Jeff's impressive nature. Uh, episode 135, probably. My name is Jeff Ramsey, and with me as always, Gavin Free and Andrew Penton. And Gavin, you were one minute early today You've never been early in your life Why did you decide to change things up a brilliant dig knowing it would strike at the weakest part of Gavin's? Perennially on time psyche the Brit was defeated and he knew it but tried to defend himself anyway

A statement clearly no one believed, least of all him. And scene. That's all I have so far. Why do I sound like Droopy? You sound like you've been attacked by 90 bees. Oh, that's just my Gavin voice. That's how he sounds to me in my head.

Oh my God. I wish he sounded like that to me. I'm jealous. What does Andrew sound like to you? He hasn't come up yet, so I haven't thought about it. I can't wait. Yeah, I had a slight issue with that retelling. I can see that.

It was pretty word for word. I just had a realization that I'm disappointing myself. I'm ashamed. I can't believe I've done this. I did not, ever since we started the Icy Hot thing, with the balls and the ears and whatnot, and I remember I was iced up that episode. Remember that one, a long time ago?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've applied Icy Hot to my ears every single episode we've recorded from that point forward, and I forgot today. The streak is over. You have not been very funny today. The streak is over. You have not been very funny today. The streak is over.

Wow. Wow. I'm disappointed. It showed, too. No offense. Wow. Yeah, how do you feel like it affected your performance? You know, I think it was fine.

I think it was a solid performance by me. I think it's on par with recent performances. We'll see what the audience says anyway oh by the way if you would like audience if you want Eric if you want Andrew to continue I see hiding his ears before episodes let him know if you want me to continue writing the novelization

of episode 135 let me know I was really enjoying it flexing my writing muscles and I feel like I captured the true nature of face and I guess it's about time for us to wrap up. Does anybody have anything else they want to cover before we end it? Didn't you say it took like 16 listens to get? Oh, so annoying. I had to listen for that one page. It took probably I had to listen like over and over and over and over and over again. It was a fucking nightmare. It would be very difficult to make a whole novel

from a whole episode, but I would do it if there were enough demand. Please don't. And tune in next week. Oh, did you guys have anything else? No. I think Eric has something. Oh, you think Eric did?

What did you want to say, Eric? Thanks for listening to the podcast. Follow us at F*** Face Pod on Instagram and on Twitter, but that's the end of the episode. Goodbye. Yeah, there you go. Tune in next week for Cookbook Progress.

Make 2023 the year of lists. Emily's sleep routine. We're going to talk about how we should all work at the mall just for fun. We're going to talk about how I set a prime rib on fire. We're going to talk about

how we need to invent a new noodle. We're going to talk about food teleportation. We're going to talk about the Go-Go Gerbler. We're going to talk about a book that took me three years to finish. We're going to talk about Action teleportation we're going to talk about the go go gerbler we're going to talk about a book it took me three years to finish

we're going to talk about action bronson and music with drums and lions we're going to talk about the mall being back baby and I got numbers to prove it we're going to talk about an idea I had for a show called face catches a game we're going to schedule condor men we're going to talk about the wheel of suck

and Andrew had a new idea for a show as well all next week where we also invent the human falcon cap for sleep. Bye bye. Season five is going to be fucking awesome or six. We're six. Six. Five was great. Six. God damn it. I fucked up.

Hey guys, Major League Fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. Do seasons have episode limits? We get an update on Jeff's fridge. What the hell happened during Does It Do? The banana did not injure Jeff. What do you do with a used sofa? The boys enter the war zone.

And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face. Peace.