F**kface - Banana Notoriety // Best Butt Years Are Behind Me [33]

Episode Date: January 13, 2021

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Nick's baby, Winnie the Poohing it, the cookie dough ice cream of video games, and more. Sponsored by Hello Fresh (http://hellofresh.com/face10 and use code face10) and Honey (http://joinhoney.com/FACE) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Welcome to F*** Face. You've survived the year 2020. Just for posterity's sake, we are recording this episode on January 7th in what has already turned out to be the most uneventful and boring week in history. Nothing going on in the world, certainly not in America. But over the holiday break... What the fuck, Nick? What?

You had a baby? Yeah. You didn't tell us you were pregnant. I thought I did. No. Oh, congrats. Thank you. That's so cool.

Yeah, congratulations. Give us the deets. What are the stats? Oh, he's good. He's two weeks old now, and he's real cute. He's almost sleeping through the night sometimes. Did you name him Jeff? No, his name is Arthur. Missed opportunity. Arthur's a good name, though almost sleeping through the night sometimes. Did you name him Jeff? No, his name is Arthur.

Missed opportunity. Arthur's a good name, though. Great movie. Good name. The original, not the remake. My wife wanted to name him Gavin, but I was like, I work with a Gavin. That might be weird. Well, dude, in all seriousness, congratulations.

I totally was caught off guard when that was announced. I'm so glad that I'm not the only one, because I realize Nick is probably the person I like the most, but know the least about, because I didn't even know he had a wife. So that was like, there was like a, there was a four day stretch of like, Nick has a wife? Good for Nick. That's great. I didn't know

that. That's crazy. And then finding out like four days later that you had a kid. It was like, oh shit, and she's pregnant? And he has a kid? I know nothing about Nick apparently. A ventful year for Nick apparently. Wait. Why do you like him so much?

Yeah, why is Nick your favorite? What's that? Nick's a great guy, and Nick may or may not have audio. I don't know what he has, what he doesn't have, so I'm definitely not playing to potential blackmail, but Nick's great. That's all I'll say. Great guy. You always kiss the ass of the editor you have to. Whatmail, but Nick's great. That's all I'll say. Great guy. You always kiss the ass of the editor.

You have to. What happened, Andrew? What happened was, so I have all those Discord accounts. Then we're on break. We had a two-week break. I was like, I got nothing going on, so I'm just going to sign it.

I don't even remember who I signed in as. I think I signed in as my Eric account. And then I joined the chat, and then I said, like, why are you here? In reference to me thinking people might get notifications and show up and that something might happen. And then nothing really did. Gavin joined and said he was confused.

Said Happy New Year and left. It was on New Year's Eve, wasn't it? On a year's day. When was it? Oh, it was last Thursday. Is that New Year's Eve? It may have been maybe the first day. I don't know.

It doesn't matter. Anyway, I did that thing and it was completely uneventful. Nothing happened. I closed out of Eric, but then I forgot to close out of my main account. And I was just in general for like six hours without knowing it with my mic on. I put myself in a hot mic scenario and I had a nap in that time. And I looked at my phone and I saw there's a bot we use to record audio. And I saw a notification for it that it was summoned And but I cleared the screen and then when I checked discord that message was no longer there

So I was very parrot I thought that I did I dream that like I was kind of disoriented when I saw it maybe that didn't exist So then I texted Gavin about it. He confirmed that he also got the alert which then created a lot of paranoid I Kind of have an idea of what Nick may or may not have but I don't know to what extent he has it so Nick has like five hours of

your bedroom just Andrew beating off hard for five hours no that's not that's not in the audio I don't have to worry about that some illicit drug deals going on probably who knows I'm guessing Nick has shared the audio with you based on what you just said this is very concerning now i'm terrified i can either confirm nor deny uh the ownership of any such files uh nick do you care to weigh in have you listened to all six hours of andrew beating

off and selling drugs i'm uh i'm only two hours in but I'll let you know what it really picks up in the fourth hour stick with it there's a good arc it's coming so we we haven't talked in about two I want to say well it sounds like you guys said hello to each other last week but we haven't recorded in like two weeks which almost three three weeks yeah I think technically three weeks I think it's the longest break we've had yeah this was the longest gap it's been horrible way way way too long to go without recording i got so fucking lonely at one point i texted gavin sweet stuff really it's true wow i got so low i texted and I was thinking about him And I just texted nice stuff to him that made me feel incredibly lame after I sent it

But I still did it I think I text some nice stuff back today. You did you're fairly nice Yeah, what nice stuff what tier of niceness are we talking about just sappy just like sweet super sappy and like Miss you buddy type thing codependent and like sad and And like, uh, miss your buddy type thing, codependent and like sad and like, I love the, that kind of stuff. Okay. I love it. And I just talked to you a hell of a lot over the holiday. I, Andrew, I probably talked to you more than anybody outside of my girlfriend and my daughter.

I feel like I've started texting Andrew more than everyone else combined. Like I probably in the last five years text Andrew like 50 times, but in the, in the But in the Christmas period, I've probably sent him a thousand texts. That was like the weird thing of the break is Gavin and I have established a texting friendship. Oh, I love that. That's so adorable. I missed these interactions so much. And as you could expect, things get out of hand over text as well. Andrew has spent a lot of the last week trying to beat Donkey Kong 64

just from a random text conversation. Before we go any further into that, I have to ask, since we talked about Nick's news over the break, has anyone else associated with F***face in any way had any major life-changing events in their personal lives they want to talk to that happened over the break? Anyone? Eric, maybe?

No, I can't think of anything. Maybe. No, I don't. Nope. I can't fucking believe you. Okay. What? What do you want me?

Jeff, what is it? What happened to Eric? Yeah, what happened to Eric, Jeff? Nothing. Apparently nothing. Okay, Andrew, you were talking about Donkey Kong 64. Okay, hey, listen. Okay, here, here. I got there. I got and then that's it. You got fucking. apparently nothing okay Andrew you were talking about Donkey Kong 64 okay hey listen okay here

here I got there I got and then that's it you got which also we found out on social media yeah because I don't

talk about my personal life publicly but I share with my friends which I consider you even though Andrew said that Nick

is his favorite well I didn't so you got you got bleep that's really exciting for you. So you got bleep. That's really exciting for you, Eric. Yep. Congratulations on bleep, man.

Thank you. That's really cool. Yeah. All the happiness and love to Eric on his bleep and Nick on his baby and also getting married, apparently, to the woman you had the baby with, which is cool, too. I still can't believe that Nick is Andrew's favorite, even with the blackmail. Of course he is. Well, he's never had to deal with negativity from Nick, but all he gets from you, Eric, is end the show now.

What are you talking about? Shut up. End the show. You have no idea. The ideas, the amount of ideas he comes to me with that I facilitate or try to help. There's stuff that's never going to come to fruition that is just out of control and i don't know how to make a judgment call with him it's going to be a mess you need to just start a face fund and give the credit card to andrew and all you need to do eric

is make sure that four to five thousand dollars is in that account at all times and just wait and see what happens i will say now that nick is gone i could say that i specifically said my favorite that i know the least about i didn't say favorite so it's a ratio thing it was a ratio con nick is great i'm not saying he's my favorite of all time ever great guy love nick but i didn't say that second of all I have an appreciation for Eric because I brought up something to him that is an absurd thing to spend any amount of money on makes no sense and he never once asked why I said what it was and he essentially said like well what color and I love appreciate it's fantastic that's I have a lot of respect for Eric as well Eric

ranks I I didn't know Eric got ****ed, so apparently I don't rank high. There you go. You should follow each other on social media. That's how he talks to his friends, apparently. And the rest of the world. I text Jeff and he doesn't text me back. Does that happen to you guys too?

That's not true! I always text you back. I mean, just let me know if that happens to you guys also. Hey, Eric, do I text you back? I don't think I have your number. There you go. Well, maybe if you sent me a thousand texts like the new text buddies I would I would respond to a few of them text you to on Monday hey did you watch the New Year's Tom Segura arm break shit oh shit I'm I'm

sorry I didn't respond no don't apologize here I get I get it no I wanted no Eric it's fine I understand I talk to Emily sometimes. Not a big deal. Don't worry about it. Yeah, I did watch it. And by the way, if you're not familiar with what Eric's talking about, another peer or competing podcast of actually famous people that are talented, the Tom Segura, your mom's house. Well, actually, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer's Two Bears, One Cave.

They did a live show on New Year's Eve, and they had footage of them playing basketball. And Tom went up to do a dunk. And all of, I guess he tore the patella in his knee, which is a really bad thing to tear. And so he collapsed, and his left arm was behind him. And so he got like a Joe Theismann or Gordon Hayward or Paul George-level level broken bone where he just crushed his arm and it was bent backwards and he was laying on the ground and they have it in 37

different fucking angles because they were filming up for a TV for an online special. And then Burt Kreischer walks over when they realize what's happened and he just picks up his bent backwards arm and just goes, let me get that for you and just bends it back straight. And you can see like the bone sticking out and shit. It is fucking horrendous. Ew. Is there a good thing

to tear in your knee? You said it was a bad thing. Apparently a bad thing to tear. I don't think there's a good thing. No, I don't think there is either, but I think it's worse than like, it's like if it were a sports injury, it would have been a career ending injury.

Anyway, we can cut that from the podcast if it's not interesting, but it was fucking crazy. And I did. I've seen it so many times, Eric, that I'm desensitized to it. It doesn't gross me out anymore. I think it'll gross people out. So gross. Anyway, now that we're all caught up on well wishes and catching up and your budding text friendship, how's everybody's break? Do you guys have a lot of stuff to talk about? I looked at my phone, my notes I keep, and I have 10 things to

talk about, which means really that'll be my content for the next six months because we'll probably get one every other week i feel like the last 10 episodes have been jeff struggling to squeeze in one thing obviously it's been it's been tough it's hard to get to i didn't have much happen over the break so this might be you all right i'm trying to think what happened. I had to run around my building almost naked, mainly naked, like a blanket. That was fun. Oh, you said you got like tricked by a delivery driver or something?

Oh, yeah, it was infuriating. So my building is weird where my door doesn't line up with the door to the building. So sometimes people deliver things to the front of the building, even though that's not where I'm at. Your door doesn't line up with the door to the building. if you go to like the front it's like a complex and if you go through the front door of the complex you'll never find my door it just isn't it's not attached to that do you just not live there no i don't live there technically i don't live there but it's my address so it's super confusing for getting deliveries but most of the time it's

not an issue because i can put a pin of where they need to go even though it doesn't match with the address they'll go there but this person completely ignored the pin and i had ordered it every piece of bottom half clothing i had was in the wash at that time so i was winning the pooing it once again no pants is that a pretty common thing for you i'm sorry because i'm starting to see you in my head that way it happens so much no I know it happened with the ankle, but outside of that, this is the only other time where I've been in this situation. Yeah, I'll be honest. It's like

replacing my mental image of you. Same, same. It's like when I think of Andrew... Usually when I think of someone, like I think of Jeff or I think of Andrew, I think of someone just in a generic outfit. I'm not imagining what they're wearing, but you now, I'm specifically imagining your lower half just, but you now, I'm specifically imagining your lower half just with your knob out all the time.

What color shirt is he wearing when you're imagining it? I think he's wearing a pale blue for me. It's red just like Winnie the Pooh for me. It's like he's literally wearing Winnie the Pooh shirt. The shirt's even got a collar. It's a short-sleeved shirt with a collar. So I ordered it, and then they text like a photo of where they left it.

And it was the photo of the front of the building. And I was waiting for it. And so I didn't have any bottoms. So I just grabbed what I had, which was a small blanket. And I had to run through the rain and lap the building essentially. Quickly grab my food. I ran past like two people. And all I have is this small throat blanket

covering my bottom half i don't even have shoes on because it's a popular area i don't want my food to get stolen so i grab it and i run back get to i'm frustrated i open everything i got a lemonade because lemonade i think a very underrated thing about lemonade maybe the best travel beverage of all time if you're getting it from a fast food restaurant it travels so well the ice doesn't impact it it's a great i would say it's the best travel beverage of all time. If you're getting it from a fast food restaurant, it travels so well. The ice doesn't impact it. It's a great, I would say it's the best travel beverage you could get. Interesting.

Do you know where they make the best lemonade in the world, Andrew? I don't. I'd love to know. Gavin, do you remember where they make the best lemonade in the world? Oh, was I there at the best lemonade? You were. Yeah. It's in Hungary, in Budapest, Hungary, supposedly,

is where the best lemonade in the world is. Based on what? It's a whole thing there. So if you ever is where the best lemonade in the world is. Yeah. Based on what? It's a whole thing there. So if you ever go to what I'm saying is if not only does it travel well, but if you go to Hungary, it will taste really well to Andrew if you ever go. OK, noted on my list. So I get my drink and I'm trying to put the straw in and it just won't go in and I'm getting frustrated like the straws bending.

I can't figure it out. And then I lift the lid because I think like maybe there's two lids and that's just one lid. They fucking, with clear tape, they taped over the lid, the straw hole. I've never seen that. I don't know what the purpose of that is outside of fucking with me. Why would you do that? Probably a hygiene.

Yeah, they're probably just taping the lid down so it doesn't spill. No, but it's just like fucking, they use scotch tape. It wasn't like a sticker, it was like somebody scotch taped across over the hole, and I couldn't see it because it's clear tape, and it's a clear- it's like a- it matches the lid. Are you still- are you back in your place now, or are you holding up a blanket still? No no no no no no no no, I'm now back in my place. Okay, Dick's out again.

Dick is still out. Thing's still in the dryer. And I'm just furiously stabbing this drink with a straw and it will not go through. And it was a tape issue. I've ordered plenty of food before. I've never had the top sealed like that. And also the bag was like stapled shut. So it's like, what are you doing?

I don't need that much security. I don't know what the value is of the tape. No, like tamper proof it's making sure the drivers aren't eating your food they could just take the fucking lid off if they want to second of all i'm ordering isn't the lid taped down too like doesn't the tape extend over their lip no the lid was just the lid they just taped down the little it was a tiny little cross that only covered the straw and it's like i'm ordering from a fucking fast food place i don't need it to be fort knox i'm okay i'm accepting a level of risk i can live with that but i've never had it taped before and it just felt like i was being fucked with and for it to go back to back with my pants let's run around the building and then have the

drink thing i was just fed up i was furious as i rate so that was my food thing was it from a hamburger sandwich shop those don't exist okay so no i'm gonna go out on a limb andrew and say that they weren't pranking you they were just trying to keep it from spilling probably from past experience how often does a thing spill out the straw hole that never happens i would ask the professionals as a matter of fact why don't you order from them again? And in the special notes, ask them the question. Be like, last time I ordered, I noticed or two times ago, I noticed some tape over the lip. Is this a common practice? And if so, how is it?

Is it born from being overly cautious? Was there an inciting incident? How are they going to reply, though? Are they going to leave a note? They're not going to send a representative with the food. Dude, if you can if you can order a pizza from dominoes and ask them to draw pikachu on it and they fucking do it in full color i'm sure they'll they can jot a note down saying yeah dipshit we don't want it also we spit and everything i've got to be honest if i had nothing to wear i don't think i would

resort to just putting a blanket around my bare cock and balls and ass. I would probably just quickly put on something dirty because that's going to be a lot more convenient than holding a blanket around myself. Before the blanket, I would grab a t-shirt and put my legs through the fucking arm holes and pull it up and then tie it like a belt. Well, then you'd be dangling through the neck hole. Not if you leave enough space like MC Hammer pants, kind of. You guys are also just summoning items. I didn't have either of those.

Like, those weren't choices. I had to go. So you had no access to any lower half clothing anywhere. No, not at the time. No, I would have had to go up several levels. It's a whole... I was at the... It couldn't have been further from me where my clothing was.

So I just grabbed what I had in the space that I was in. the most cover i could get was a blanket you hate changing floors i feel like we've established this here's the thing it's not even a hatred of changing floors my food is out there gavin busy street every second is a layer of risk and i'm taking a gamble by going for the extra levels i mean if it's desperate, why are you ordering food with no pants on? Well, because it's never happened before. This is an anomaly. This was a shocking thing that has never happened, and for it to go back to back

with also the straw being covered was wild. It was too never seen it before. If I saw a guy shuffling through the rain, holding a blanket around his lower half, I would definitely think he's got no underwear on like that's exactly what that says to me yeah yeah i don't but why do you care as like i don't care that doesn't bother me oh well yeah that's a good point what if it was

the guy's first day and then like the next day he came into work and his boss was like listen we've had like 30 complaints from bottomless canadian men who had to go outside in the rain to get their orders. You've got to we got to mix things up. You got to do things differently. It's upsetting the balance. I didn't complain. I just I went about my day and was very confused by the lemonade. How was the lemonade when you got it open?

Delicious. It travels so good. Lemonade is such a good travel drink. Do they put like chunks of real lemon in it? Absolutely not. No, this is such a good travel drink. Do they put like chunks of real lemon in it? Absolutely not. No, this is like a fast food. Have you got any extra use out of your Keurig since the cookie coffee and all that garbage? Have I ever?

I'm loving the Keurig. I haven't made a cup of coffee in it since, but I'm loving it. I'm having a great time. I still think you should give coffee another chance, maybe in a clean mug. I definitely will. I'm not done with coffee. i just have been really enjoying i got a whole hot chocolate lifestyle going right now fantastic from bed i haven't moved my keurig it's where my waffle maker used to be it's still next to my bed i feel like your level of enjoyment of anything is very highly impacted

by how little you have to move. Like if you know, if everything that you need is in the same room, it like boosts your joy somehow. How delightful. Just imagine, Gavin, how delightful it is. You wake up. You don't even have to get out of bed. You're still wrapped up in covers.

You're comfy and you click a button and you got hot chocolate all of a sudden. Now you're drinking hot chocolate from bed. You haven't even gotten out of bed that's a win on the day you're like the poor version of caligula bot and futurama i just like hot chocolate it's a delicious beverage and i can enjoy it from my bed what's the first thing you did this morning after you left your bedroom um have you left what do you mean today no i have i have i'm trying to think i went to the kitchen i guess yeah i went to the kitchen i made toast you made toast yeah it's not not that eventful what was the clothing situation on that journey i had underwear i had underwear on okay cool i'm not a pants guy teddy whiteys or box never no i'm more of a boxer boxer brief guy

gotcha that's fair me too yeah so in our big long text uh conversation we got into the subject of donkey kong 64 yeah which to me is a game that i played in like 1999 or whatever it came out when did it come out andrew somewhere around then i have no idea yeah i don't know why i'm asking so i i love it because i was a kid andrew is always talking about how it's such a shit game And he lists reasons it's shitty And looking back on it Yeah it has like a billion collectibles And you have to play every level like five times

Because it's five characters So it is a pain in the ass And they make you play the original Donkey Kong Which is freaking impossible for me for some reason It's not a fun game the original Donkey Kong No I'm so bad Especially on a Nintendo 64 controller for some reason So Andrew he's always been shitting on it.

And then he announces to me, I've never played it. No. Never touched it. So I challenged him to play the whole of Donkey Kong 64 by the next recording, which is today. And I was thinking he'd probably actually quite enjoy it. Andrew, thoughts? It starts out awful. It's terrible.

Like the first, I don't know 10 hours not great then it gets enjoyable for maybe six hours and then i haven't played it because it's dreadful once again there's so many characters there's so many unnecessary currencies there's just too much everything jeff i had him stream just to me his progress and i didn't have a mic no game audio i'm just like going about my day glancing at my ipad with his donkey kong stream and he finally gets to the original donkey kong bit you have to pull a lever on an arcade machine and you have to watch that cut scene every time you try it and i was watching him eat shit at original donkey kong over and over and over again even to the point

where i got meg i went and got her i was like you gotta watch this he's trying to beat this he's trying to beat like four levels of original donkey kong and at one point he got so far and we were both like on the edge of our seats we're like oh he's gonna do it and then he ate it right at the end like for some reason walked into donkey kong as mario just like walked into his ass and died and i i immediately was like oh he's gonna be pissed at that and immediately on the stream it comes out of the arcade machine back to 3D Donkey Kong and he just starts slapping the shit out of the machine and throwing grenades at it so I was like oh he's definitely pissed off they don't explain how to beat Donkey Kong they

just introduce an entirely new mechanic and I well, maybe I need to interact with him in some way. You don't. You just die immediately back to the beginning. I was playing Donkey Kong while I believe you're watching The Hobbit, Gavin, and I think you may have finished The Hobbit before I beat the Donkey Kong thing. I was going to finish The Hobbit, but in the end, I just paused The Hobbit because I thought what you were doing with Donkey Kong was more entertaining. I did it. It took, like, what, two hours hours i think i played that for at least two hours straight i was very impressed i've never had the patience to get past that bit it's a good game but it's not a good game like at the time i could see why i said to gavin it's like the cookie dough ice cream of video

games or it's like your favorite if you played it as a kid but then once you learn like what good things taste like and become sensible as an adult, you can't go back to it. I feel like being an adult is people telling you that the stuff you like, in fact, isn't very good. Like you with Donkey Kong, Jeff, obviously, with telling me that Ace Ventura 2 isn't good. And just people just tearing down your childhood pleasure. I still like cookie dough ice cream. Yeah, it's not bad. When was the last time you had it?

Well, we have something in Austin. We have H-E-B. Our grocery store has ice cream, and they have something called cookie two-step. And I have it all the time. It's half cookie dough and then half Oreo ice cream. But that's a different thing. You're just talking about a different ice cream flavor. But half of it is cookie dough. Yeah, but there's a different

fucking flavor. What do you mean? Those don't correlate. It's both. It's cookie two-step. Half of it is cookie dough. It's not mixed. Do you eat half of the time? No, I like both, so I eat both at the same time. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. The point is I like cookie dough ice cream. You're no longer eating just... If the goddamn other kind of...

If the other step in the two-step wasn't there, I would be just as happy eating the cookie dough. I don't know about that. It's a very basic ice cream. I think if I wasn't fucking keto right now, I would go buy some right now and film a video of me eating a carton of cookie dough ice cream with a fucking smile. I gotta try that.

Sounds good. It is good. It's fucking super good. It's HEB, baby. Or if it's not HEB, it's either HEB or it's the other one. Bluebell. I can't remember. The one with the botulism. Yeah.

If that's where you're going with that, yeah. It's one of the two. Yeah. So you don't like Donkey Kong 64, huh? It's a bad game. Like, if you're a kid, it would be great. It has things in it that are really impressive for the time, but playing in 2020, it's a bad game like if you're a kid it'd be great it has things in it that are really impressive for the time but like playing in 2020 it's not great I mean mostly I

was just blown because I was just thrown out like oh maybe you could beat it before we next record and suddenly you're playing it it's like it takes like 30 hours to beat the thing I've just ruined your week by the sounds yeah I was mad at you it's very easy to get me to do something you said I challenge you to do it and I was like yeah I'll do it we didn't even do it for any prize or any money or anything you're just doing it yeah there's no stakes it's just you said i challenge you to do it i'm like okay sure and then i looked at how long to beat which eric posted and it's like a 28 hour game i think i just said you fuck and i sent you a screenshot of like the average playthrough time it's a 28 hour game but not the way you were playing it when you're racing that beetle fucking beetle there's a slide jeff where you have to beat this

beetle and get 50 coins and it just is terrible it's impossible i yeah i wouldn't know i've never even owned a 64 it's a great console i guess i don't know mario party come on but the first two mario parties are so good great games those are good games for sure. Classics. No Donkey Kong 64 you could skip. I was actually kind of mad at you over the break a little bit, Andrew, because you texted me out of the blue for no other reason than to just tell me everything I thought about fruit was wrong. Oh, yeah.

I got so annoyed and I felt so dumb and I was just getting mad and belligerent at you and then I would just be wrong every time. It was like every time I was wrong and I just felt it made me madder and more belligerent. Maybe we should find that text conversation. I don't remember every aspect of it. But yeah, I said something and Jeff called me an idiot for asking and I was right. He was like, is a fruit a banana?

And I'm like, of course it is, you idiot. Stop. No, it's a banana berry. Banana berry. That's it. And I'm like, of course it is, you idiot. Stop. No, it's a banana berry. Banana berry, that's it. And I'm like, of course it's not, you moron. And apparently it is. That was my reaction too. And so then I put it in to see it

because there are things. And then strawberries aren't berries. It's very confusing. Blackberries aren't berries. People call me crazy and that I'm like an alien. The world just doesn't make sense. I don't think it's a me issue. Labeling of things makes zero sense at all.

I oh, I remember I remember the basis of that argument was that you were saying that whether a banana would want to be considered a berry or not. And I my argument was that a banana is a big enough thing on its own. It's surpassed berrydom. It's bigger. It's like Justin Timberlake and NSYNC, right? Like the berries are NSYNC. Blackberries, blueberries, raspberries,

those are NSYNC. And a banana is Justin Timberlake. Yeah, he's a part of NSYNC, but he's got a much bigger career on his own. And if he ever goes back and hangs out with the other berries, it's only to help them make a little bit of money because they're not doing as well as him.

NSYNC is like a berry smoothie because you always get banana in that for some reason. Yeah. I guess because bananas are berry. And I think you're overrating the banana. No, I think bananas onto their own. They're a whole industry, man. In what sense? They're iconic.

In what way? Bananas? Yeah. You don't think a banana is a bigger thing than all other berries put together? You mean like in literal size? In dollars? No, like in notoriety and fame and in... Notoriety?

What are you tracking that like fucking it has a Gwen Stefani song? When you think of a monkey, what do you think of? You think of a banana. When you think of people slipping, what do you think of? You think of a banana. I don't think of a banana. It has more screen time than the other berries. Yeah, it has way more star power than the other berries.

Bananas, Justin Timberlake. That's all I'm saying. Donkey Kong gets health by eating watermelons, not bananas. Very confusing. It's a curveball. You wouldn't expect that. You'd get bananas. But he's off to bananas the whole time.

He collects them. Doesn't eat them. So what's a gooseberry? Is that a berry? I have no idea. Nothing called berry is a berry, apparently. I was thinking about like, where does the goose come from? Why is there goose and gooseberry? That's what was confusing me. How do we get the goose?

Where's the straw in a strawberry? Yeah. That's a great, once again, that's another just good question. I can't argue blueberry. That one's pretty obvious. These days, it feels like online shopping is the only shopping we really do. That's where today's sponsor, Honey, comes in. It's the free browser extension that scours the internet for promo codes and automatically tests them when you're checking out. Honey's basically your online shopping best friend. Here's how it works. Get Honey on your computer for free in two easy clicks. Then, when you're checking out on one of the over 30,000 supported sites,

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Oh, yeah. Well, HelloFresh.com slash F-A-C-E 10. That's HelloFresh.com slash Face 10. America's number one meal kit, according to America. We've had a lot of food-related conversations. Andrew, are you hungry? Are you just hungry? No, I didn't bring this up.

You were talking to me about what the best food to faint into would be. Yeah, we had a whole conversation, Jeff, that we want, we had a few things that we'd like you to kind of solve or get your opinion on, part of our text conversation. We're talking about if you were going to pass out

while eating at a dinner table let's say assuming you're at a restaurant specifically and you're going face first and like you know there's nothing you can do you just gotta pick a spot to land like the plane is crashing you gotta land somewhere yeah what would you ideally hope was on the plate for you to land on easy to sustain the least damage easy loaf of Loaf of bread. Who just has a loaf of bread on their plate? There's always a loaf of bread in the middle of the table?

You're like sat at your... You do not have the reach. You don't have time to leap forwards like a salmon and land on a loaf of bread. Okay, alright. Well, if I don't have time to leap over the salmon, then I'll go with... Leap over the salmon? I think a beef wellington would be soft.

A beef wellington? That's very specific. Well, it's because it's got... It's multi-layered, right? So there's going to be padding. You've got the beef in the middle, and that beef is going to be tender because it's been cooked for a long time.

So the beef's going to be spongy and soft. Then you've got that duck cell or whatever layer around it, which is like mushrooms and shit. And that's going cooked for a long time. So the beef's going to be spongy and soft. Then you've got that duck cell or whatever layer around it, which is like mushrooms and shit. And that's going to create a just, even if it's like microscopic, a tiny little air pocket between them. And then on top of that,

you put the sometimes some Parma ham or something around it. And that's another layer and ham's pretty soft. I think we all know that. And then on top of that, you put the pastry, the pastry the flaky pastry and if I'm hitting I'm not going to complain about putting my face through pastry ever I feel like you're at a juice risk with a beef wellington you could hit a pocket of meaty hot juice that could jet out into your face you could so okay well it sounds like you guys

have put a lot of thought into this we have what did you come up with well it started because i once watched someone faint into tomato soup it was like it was a blood bath that would be brutal and andrew is like man that must be the worst thing to faint into because you could drown in it and burn yourself if it's hot right yeah that's that that was my whole thing yeah like not only do you sustain the blow, there's no relief from the impact of hitting that bowl. You're then just in a hot bowl of liquid constantly burning you. Like a DPS, like an RPG game, like a Borderlands-like weapon. You just hit points flying off of you. Yeah, they're face down in the soup,

and you just see numbers appearing above their head, killing over and over and over again. You don't get that with a loaf of bread. It's kind of what happened to Whitney Houston. I don't know what that means. What do you mean? She drowned in a hot bathtub. That's what is...

Not at all. How is that anything alike? Because she passed out and drowned in hot liquid. But that's not... We're talking tables. This is somebody passing out and drown... You just said it's a drowning risk and that it would be hot.

How is it any different? It is slightly more connected than your whole fucking eating two ice creams and calling it one. But it's still ridiculous. If you're eating alone and you have some hot ass tomato soup and you pass out face first into the tomato soup, you could drown and burn. Yeah, but Jeff, if somebody gave you tomato soup, would you ever say this reminds me of Whitney Houston?

Like, it's such a leap. I don't think it's a leap. I would never connect the two. It's like watching a kid fall into a pond and drown and be like, man, I want some tomato soup. I don't think those two things are alike at

all because I'm not eating tomato soup and then thinking I want to see Whitney Houston drown. There's very false equivalencies there between like, I think to see Whitney Houston drown. Like there's just very false equivalencies there between like, yeah, no, no, I think you're way off base. I think that the two dangers of passing out in the tomato soup are the exact same dangers that befell Whitney Houston.

I don't see how you don't see that. It's just a weird connection to make. It's the only person I can think of that died by drowning in something hot. If it was anybody else, I would have said them. You know it was hot. Yeah, she only second-degree burns. It was like Jesus Christ Yeah, it was brutal all right to be fair I think the head landing in the soup bowl actually displaced most of the soup you can drown in a teacup of water They say a teacup or a teaspoon of water

If you can turn in a teaspoon you could definitely drown in a teacup What if it's one of the ones at Disney World? Disneyland. Those things are huge. Andrew challenged me to pick a food that would be perfect to fade into. And I think my suggestion was sponge cake. It was. But I felt like that was cheating.

I felt like that was like when you're playing a game of you meet a genie and you get three wishes and saying one of your wishes is more wishes. I technically could do that, but it's like a cheat. I think you're just telling me that's the perfect answer. No, I gave you an even better answer. I initially said that the mashed potato is the crash pad of the food world. Like, it's such a perfect thing to land into. Not at all. And Gavin disagreed. You

disagreed too. I think that's crazy. I think it's such a good food to land into. Not at all. No, I think that's bad as well. Mashed is hot, and also if you've got it in a bowl, you could drown hot, and also if you've got it in a bowl, you could drown in that. It's not scaldingly hot. And if you've got it on a plate, your face will just displace it all

and you just hit the plate. He's right. There's no structure to mashed potatoes. Listen, I am a fucking huge fan of mashed potatoes. I love them to death. There's no way you're a bigger potato guy. There's 100% way I'm bigger. I could easily eat you under the table

in mashed potatoes. No chance. 100%. I don't even care. Zero. I could eat mashed potatoes while doing the fucking sewing machine while you just sat there in bed with no pants on eating mashed potatoes and I would still beat you.

I love mashed potatoes that much. But there's no rigidity to it. There's no structure to it like there is with a sponge cake gavin's right you would hit those mashed potatoes and they would be gone instantly they would fly 30 feet and you're potentially dealing with an immediate seal in your mouth and up your nostrils if you fall into a big mound of it you're gonna get it right up in there we're assuming that you have some level of control on impact you would go side of head you'd land on it like a pillow

and it would be great. But then we pivoted because we argued about this, and I came to the conclusion that if you're going to faint at a table, you want to do it at breakfast because as the meals and the table progresses through time,

it becomes more dangerous. The most dangerous table is the dinner table at a restaurant. Safest by far breakfast, and name a better food to crash into than a pancake just a stack of pancakes it's an edible pillow yeah you got a good point pancakes is a good one pancakes is real good and you are right about dinner because you know dinner you've probably got maybe a fancy wine glass and if you land face first on that the stem is gonna go up your jugular

plus there's probably like a steak knife there yeah Yeah. You might have meat on the plate. And if there's meat, there's probably a jagged bone. You have a flame scenario at dinner that you don't have at any other meal. There's going to be a lit candle most likely. You know, the problem with breakfast, though, is there might be hot coffee around. Maybe not in your world because you're scared of it, but. Not scared. Coffee's like the hottest liquid at the table.

Also, Americans cook bacon until it's completely rigid to the point where you could land on that and get some pretty severe scratches on your face. It's an interesting, yeah, it's an interesting point. I'm trying to think though.

In defense of our bacon, our American bacon, I think that we cook it so that it would break apart very easily. Why do you need bacon to break? You want it to be crunchy and crumbly. That's the best way to have bacon.

When you eat a steak, are you annoyed that it doesn't snap in half? Those are different things. Totally different. Once again. You guys just have the worst example. That's such a bad example. No, it's like, I want all my meat, I want to cook ribs, do it tender, sort of come off the bone nicely, cook a nice steak, yeah. I want my bacon to crumble and

snap. What? Well, don't you snap into a Slim Jim? Isn't that meat? Slim Jim doesn't snap. Snap into a Slim Jim is the fucking I mean, at Achievement Hunter, it's slip into a Slim Jim, but it's the same thing. Snap into a Slim Jim. Also, what about burnt ends on brisket?

The more cooked, the better. The harder, the better. You want to gnaw on that shit. I mean, we'll never agree on bacon. I'm European. It's never going to happen. That's fair. That's'm not i don't want to argue about it it's just a weird argument that you think all meat should be done the same way is more of my issue with your statement yeah i gotta agree with andrew well most meat is bendy what it is what do you mean most meat is bendy most meat if you hold it at one end, it flops at the other end. Okay.

Pizza does the same. What do you mean? I don't know what you're talking about. What does the same? Gavin's saying that if bacon doesn't flop, it's not cooked right. It's overcooked. Yeah, holding bacon at one end, it shouldn't be like a diving board at the other end. And I'll tell you,ica when we pick up a piece of bacon if it flops over we think we're gonna get botulism it is undercooked pork i think the main issue is that americans use a different piece of the pig

for their bacon yeah yeah for sure i don't know if that's true you guys in uh canada you guys call ham bacon yeah it's a bullshit canadian bacon is bullshit do you guys call it canadian bacon there or isn't that a little redundant no it's because it's not we have bacon as well bacon is bacon and there's canadian bacon which is just like ham i see it's not good well that was fascinating um cool why did you break i think i think i woke up on the wrong side of the bed today or something man i've been off all day why why are you off i don't you know man i don't know because i'm in a good mood i've been in a good mood we just made it once no i'm still in a good mood nothing bad happened i was excited to film i was really looking forward to filming today and then it's one of those you

ever one of those days where you just like you start talking and you're like i don't like anything i'm saying you know what i'm talking about does that never happen to you no no no absolutely that's every day like we're all performers we do it all the time it's not every day for me there are days when i'm quite entertained by myself i'm a big fan of me sometimes but i'm a harsh critic of me as well and today i don't like what this dude's talking about. I have it retroactively for sure, but I try not to do it while I'm talking. I try not to be halfway through a sentence and then I'm like, blech. I'm just trying to be more self-aware. I love, Gavin, when you are saying something and realize mid-sentence nobody cares and just pivot off.

It's a fantastic, I'm a big fan of when you do that. I think it only happened once on this podcast when we're talking about magnified glasses. You want this whole thing or just like nobody cares. Sometimes you got to cut your losses. Yeah, for sure. I have a question for you, Jeff. I got an answer.

Okay. What was your bit at the start of this recording? What was that? What was the plan? What was my bit at the start of recording? I was, so I'm typically the first one here. And then you were in the chat just saying like seven minutes until we record.

And then you're doing a countdown. What was the point? What was the purpose of that? Here's what I said. I said, hello, cast mates and production partners. Oh, that was really you. I am excited to be filming the first two podcasts of the year with you. Good tidings.

And then I said, getting close to a full crew. I, for one, can't wait because Nick and Eric and Andrew here were just waiting on Gavin. And then when I saw that we had seven minutes to go, I said, seven minute warning. I was just being nice, polite. I don't know. There's no bit.

No, there wasn't a bit. I was just like, it's the start of the new year. It's a fresh start. 2021. We're seven days into the year. America's on fire. I was just trying to be like, put some positivity forward. And everybody was just like,

nobody would talk to me. And everybody just kept responding with, hmm. Well, it felt like a bit. No. And then I assumed everyone would think that it was me in my Jeff account. Yeah, that's what I thought.

So then I just tried to kind of take ownership of it because I didn't know what you were doing. And it scared me. You're just being positive. I thought it was a whole bit. Oh, yeah. I stopped looking after all that. I missed all that. Let's see.

I mean, there's not a lot there to look at but I was expecting it to lead to somewhere and it was just you being nice. No, no, no. The only thing I had planned was to make a joke about how nothing happened has happened yet in the year. I see. I debated on even wanting to

talk to you guys about it. We avoid politics on face because we talk about fucks and faces and farts and butts and stuff. So I don't want to get like all political. But I am. I do think it's curious that I'm the only American on in the main cast and you're British and you're Canadian. And I'd love to get some insights. But then I figured, you know, it's dangerous territory to tread on when our podcast is very much not about that stuff. So then I really didn't have anything. I think you psyched yourself out.

Just the 10 things I wanted to talk about that I know we'll never get to. But I feel like you have this list, but now you're proud of how much you have on this list and you don't want to spend it. No, I'm happy to. To the point where now there's a five second silence. You just stay in silence. Yeah. They're not all winners. No, I'm happy to the point where now when there's a five second silence, you just stay in silence. Yeah, they're not all winners. No, I just know some of them are. Some of them are.

Dude, I did some. I did. I had a first. You want to hear one of them? I'll tell you one right now. Hold on. Yeah, tell us. I'm gonna tell you one right now.

OK, look at this one. OK, how about this one? There was a day during the break. I think it was after Christmas, but before New Year's, where I pissed my pants in public and then I came home and while I was talking about it

with Emily and Millie, I shit my pants. What has happened to your lower half? Yeah, dude, I don't know. We were at a container store of all places walking around and I had to piss and I was like, i gotta go to the bathroom i'll be right back and i hate going to the bathroom in public places during the pandemic

and stuff because it just feels extra dirty and you feel extra paranoid but so i ran into there and it was cold so i had like a jacket on and my belt got like stuck in my jacket somehow and i was like trying to get it off and i got like close and then my zipper got hung but my dick had the idea that things were happening and so i just i let a little bit go i thought and then my zipper got hung, but my dick had the idea that things were happening. And so I just, I let a little bit go, I thought, and then I peed and I dried off and everything. And then I walked out and I looked down because something felt weird. And it was way more than a little bit.

It was like, it was, I pissed hard in like brown, like tan pants. So I had like a big brown piss middle and I just ran and I picked up a box and i just held it at lap height and i fucking walked around the container store till i found emily and million i was like and i was like we gotta go and they're like we're not done shopping i'm like all right well uh you know okay and then they didn't notice that i was holding it weird so i didn't say anything for a while and they were like lollygagging so then eventually i was like hey uh can we get

out of here i had an accident and they're like oh no are you okay. So then eventually I was like, hey, can we get out of here? I had an accident. And they're like, oh, no. Are you OK? What's wrong? And I was like, I kind of pissed my pants. And they're like, ha, no, really. And then I moved the box and showed. And their eyes got so big.

And they started laughing so loud. And then Emily pointed. And there were people looking. And everybody in the container store from that moment heard the conversation about how I pissed my pants because Emily was repeating everything I said at volume and Millie was not being subtle either.

And then I got home and I dried off and then I thought like, that was crazy, right? And we were talking about it and I was like, yeah, that was kind of embarrassing. And then I had to fart. And so I moved my leg a little bit. It was one of those, you know how you have a fart

that's like a slow bubble that you can feel coming out of you? And then it comes out of your butt and then it does just a satisfying little pop, a little fart pop? I had one of those, except it was a wet pop. And then so I had to run to the bathroom. And then I came back after I had to take a shower and everything.

And they were like, where are you? And I was like, you guys didn't know. You guys didn't see me shit my pants there. And they just I guess they hadn't known. So I realized that I outed myself and I didn't have to. I just like the idea of all of your underwear in your drawer. Just they don't know which one's going to be taken for the day. And the underwear you picked that morning had absolutely no idea what was coming.

It was going to be piss and shit. Also, you were bragging recently on a face that you don't vomit much. No, never. Do you shit and piss yourself more than you throw up? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I mean, you make it say like, listen, I don't want to sound like I piss myself. It was a one time, currently a one time thing.

I definitely shit my pants way more than I would ever pee my pants. I have now officially pissed my pants while I peed the bed one time when I was still married to my ex-wife. And then this time, yeah. So I've peed myself as an adult twice. I have shit myself many times.

I've shit myself probably four or five times in the last year. I thought it would get better when I quit drinking, but it's just different shits now. It makes me wonder how many, like in the next decade, how many times do you think you'll shit yourself? And, oh, maybe we should predict it. Maybe we can like place bets.

I would say I average shitting myself three times a year. So probably 30 times in the next decade that's a lot unless things get worse you know i'll be uh i'll be 55 by then i don't imagine things will improve so you know we could probably throw another five to ten shits in there easily uh just to account for you know the declination of my body so what what was that, 35? Yeah, I think 35, I will shit myself 35 times in the next 10 years. How about you, Andrew? Maybe, maybe twice. Nonsense.

Maybe. Yeah, enjoy it while you can. Life catches up to you. Your asshole is going to catch up to you, buddy. Well, is the number raising with you with age? I just assume in my head that this has been your lifetime average. Well, I think now a lot of it's age before I think it was booze, you know?

So I think I wasted my good anal years being shitting my pants because I was drunk. You gave your best years a handicap. I gave my best years to the bottom of the bottle. My best butt years are behind me. Yeah, it's unfortunate. For me, I feel like shitting and throwing up are directly related to how much i travel like i have shit myself more in other countries than the one i live in and it's usually just food poisoning or new diet or not like new uh

gut climate you are very very sensitive to uh different foods in locations. I've noticed that about you. You have a very sensitive tummy when it comes to that stuff. Not that it stops you from eating, but I've noticed over the course of all of our travel, we've traveled together extensively, that your tummy definitely is affected by locale a lot. I think there's a direct attack going on there. I have thrown up more from Australians cooking me bad food than i think

any other single thing every time we do like an event in australia you know in the past we've gone to like cookouts and barbecues and stuff and a bunch of community there and they're like cooking up stuff i throw up every single time from poorly cooked australian meat and i don't know why it just is the exact same stuff surely it's dead cow i have an idea about that i think that they're poisoning you because you're british and they don't like i think that i think that even if it's subconscious i think australians serve british people bad meat because they don't like them i also for the record i think the entire world does that to americans as they should.

I mean, I get it. I fucking listen. I get it. But I think we just it's kind of like it's kind of like Princess Bride, right? We've just our stomachs are tougher because we get poisoned by way more. Whenever I think of Australia now, what one of my first mental images is like a hotel toilet with vomit in it. And that's unfortunate because I really like Australia as a place. It's just a shame about all the people trying to poison me.

It is a shame. Oh, Australia is fantastic, dude. Yeah, I love it. Also, I got to say, I'm looking at my notes. Number two on my list. I have to say I was so just overjoyed by the nose flap response I got on social media. It was weeks ago now

because we talked about this so long ago, but I mentioned how I can turn smell off and I have nose flaps. I was amazed at how many people, probably more people reached out about this one thing than maybe anything that I've been reached out to for related to Rooster Teeth in years. It was unbelievable.

So let me get this straight. You can take in a big deep breath through your nose sucking in all that air but because your flap is shut you don't smell the air it's more it's like where the smell is there's a valve or to me it feels like a flap and i've heard other people say that that's the closest approximation they can have but they don't think it's a flap that's like a muscle i guess and i just like you just shut it then you just don't smell can i show i have an endoscope can i shove it up your nose and you close the flap and i'll see if i can see it yeah yeah i think so i think that'd be a good video once we can uh probably the worst thing

to do in a pandemic it's me messing around in your mucus. Yeah. Yeah, no, for sure. Anyway, I just wanted to say I've been wildly, amazingly disappointed in the lack of sympathy or help or response for my sock problem.

But the nose flap response was truly fantastic. So thanks to the audience for that. Also, I want to let you guys know I tried something new the other day and I highly recommend you do it if you ever get a chance.

Fart into a hot blow dryer. It's gross. Okay. You know how I blow dry myself dry now when I get out of the shower, like my balls and my butt and stuff? I had a fart in the chamber the other day, and so I was like, I've never farted into a blow dryer before. I was already blow drying my butt dry.

So I farted into it. It immediately baked it, and it became three times worse. The smell. It was hideous. So it actually changed the aroma. It's like a bathtub fart. Yeah, yeah. It was like it added a level of spice and depth to the fart that I just was new to me.

I just you don't think you can experience body smells from your own body in a different way this late in life and i was uh i was excited to find out that there are still things that we can do to ourselves that are interesting and new do you get all dried out from blow drying your entire body do you have like dry skin now absolutely not huh no not at all that's ridiculous i'd think he'd be less flaky would be my guess less flaky i think so i think he would be i think it would be good for the ski got a lot of air pressurized air knock the flakes off yeah so. I think it would be good for the ski. It got a lot of air, pressurized air, knocked the flakes off. Yeah, but I feel like it would create flakes. Well, I don't know that it would create flakes, but I do think that Andrew is missing out on the idea that a towel acts as an astringent

and probably like sloughs off more dead skin than you would blow off with a blow dryer. No, that's fair. Like the friction of the towel. That's a good point. Andrew, are you a passive dryer or an active one i don't know what that means what do you mean by that like you get out of the shower do you get the towel and just go to town like rubbing it all in everywhere or do you just sort of wrap yourself and drip it dry oh no we're we're getting everywhere absolutely not no i don't want to drip dry it's terrible so you're just immediately out of the bathroom yeah as soon as I get out towel and then immediately telling off we're getting aggressive with the towel

Something that happens to me a surprising amount of times though. I don't know what it is Maybe this is just a me problem. I have a feeling it is you ever just forget to like dry your ass And ice for some reason I completely missed the ass and then I'll go to put on like underwear. It'll be wet. It'll be gross. And I have to take it off. I have to do a redry because I just missed that area. If you start blow drying your body, you'll never have that happen again.

I'm telling you, I might have to invest gentle, warm air up your butthole and on your taint is one of the best pleasures in life. It's like one of the things that makes it great to be a guy, I think. And once you experience it, you will look forward to showers because of what you get to do after. Oh, I mean, Andrew, I got a waffle maker. Oh, shit.

You get a blow dryer, because at Christmas, I couldn't talk about it at the time. Way back in the day when we were talking about it, and you were like, you need to get one, and I was like, I need to find the right one. I bought Emily that day a Spider-Man waffle maker i was just waiting for it to come it makes like spiderweb waffles it's fucking awesome you haven't left any mix in a plastic bottle no i didn't do any of that gross stuff so do you think your pleasure from blow drying your nuts and and back and ass and all that stuff if you got three pieces of wood cut

like two holes in each piece mounted six blow dryers do you think that would increase the enjoyment you get out of that with more blow dryers or do you think one is enough i think it might i mean it would be super efficient right like you'd be done faster and it might be fun to have like the whole body experience all at once yeah but i think there is something nice about like i the older i get the more i'm really starting to identify and uh enjoy and look forward to routine and just like the repetition of doing little things over and over again yeah like picking up your right foot grabbing the left sock yeah which still you know happens all the time but like i look forward to standing in front of the mirror and i have a little routine

you know i don't even like it's like it almost becomes like sense memory where you like i start with my right underarm and then i go across my chest and then i do my beard a little bit wettest part of my body 100 always the beard so it needs like three or four go-throughs and you do your hair a little bit and then let that air dry and then you go down your chest and then you get the balls and you got to lift your dick up off the balls to get into that area and then you go around your left leg up and then lift my leg up a little bit lift your dick up off the balls to get into that area and then you go around your left leg up and then lift my leg up a little bit to go right up in the gooch and get that and then I go down

the back of my thighs, that's also nice, warm air on the back of your thighs is nice, then also I go up my back the small of my back, that tickles that's fun, it always is cold and tickly you know, and then you get to the shins and then I use my right hand to rub my shins while I I'm surprised that so much detail the uh super powerful dyson hair dryer doesn't

have enough oomph to lift your penis up maybe it would have enough to lift your penis up i like that that would be a measurement of the quality of the blow dryer. Can you levitate? It's got four inch penis lifting power. I bet I could find a head dryer that could lift and suspend a penis. Oh, I'm sure. There's probably one on the market right now. Target that would do it. You think you could just go to Target and find one?

I don't know about that. That's a lot of force and you need like an angle. It's probably be an angle thing too, right? Like you need a good angle for it. Dude, I'm fucking blowing through my idea and all the stuff i wanted to talk about i know i can i just say real fast and before eric tells us to stop you do know like we have two of these uh we don't have to get into it uh and make a whole thing out of it because i have some other stuff uh let me just say i fucking hate computers i hate personal computers i hate pcs i got one fucking alfredo put a bunch of work into helping me pick out and

order this awesome origin PC. And then it took like two, almost three months to come in. And then it came in in a crate and I had to like crowbar it out of the crate and set it all up and turn it on. And it goes, and then I had to go take it to Alfredo for a couple days and while Alfredo figured out that a fucking heat sink fan cable disconnected and it was overheating and it was a fucking nightmare and

then and I haven't even talked to Alfredo since because I felt so bad shit still doesn't work right and I can't join local networks because Windows 10 is a piece of shit and I fucking hate PCs so I have like four4,000 worth of PC setup right next to me so I can stream and so that Andrew and I can do like face streams if we want to do and with baseball cards and stuff and all this other nonsense

so I can play GTA with you, Gavin, because the Achievement Hunter guys want me to play GTA a bunch, and it's just fucking broken money sitting at my desk. Fucking hate PCs, and that's face. Thanks for listening.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. No? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Before you wrap up the show, you brought up waffles before, Jeff, with the waffle bar and everything. It was very dangerous. And the coffee as well.

It was a very intense moment. It's a little... Some of the things of the podcast, a little dangerous. High stakes. So, uh, I recruited, I went back. You remember when we did Fluke Face or when I did Fluke Face, I guess. And we had the other people playing as us.

Yeah. It was when you did the, that was the radio play. Yeah. We took the transcript of the episode, casted people in different roles. Um, just with like the danger of everything. So I went to the company and I got a stunt double. And outros have been deemed too dangerous for me to do. It's a high-risk scenario. After the waffle thing, I just got to be really safe.

So I got the fluke face me, and they're going to fill in for the outro because it's high stakes. It's dangerous. Is this the thing you asked Eric for where he said what color? No, no, no, no. It's a completely different thing.

I'm going to go. You guys can do the outro. It's just a little dangerous. Good luck with it, though. Have fun. So Andrew has joined a new Discord account called Anupanton. Is this Andrew? Hello? Right. Hi. So

I'm supposed to be here to stuntman for Andrew. Is this live? Is what live? I mean, I'm a real live human. Is that what you mean? You're responding to me and the words that I say. Human, are you, is your name also Andrew? No, no, my name is Evan. Well, then we didn't, I didn't ask for your name.

It says it was Andrew. Okay. Why do you sound so much better than Andrew? Yeah, what's the deal? Hey, do you want to be on our podcast? Do you want to replace? Are you Canadian? No, I'm American.

You're American, you say? Interesting. Good, even better. Import issues. Do you wear pants? Can we please wrap up this episode of this podcast? Can we please do the outro, please? Andrew Evan, take us out.

All right, so that was F*** Face. Congratulations on F*** Facing your co-cast members there, Andrew. And I look forward to being a steady member of the cast from here on out. It didn't sound like you did anything dangerous there. Didn't sound dangerous at all. Why are we paying for, why is this coming out of the show budget? You guys are paying me? Jesus Christ.

All right, well, like and subscribe, I guess. Is that what you say? I don't fucking remember. Stars, leave a star, leave a review, leave a star. The Andrew double didn't do half the outro. Goodbye! What a fucking devil.