F**kface - Bean or Bark // Sea of Thieves Hack [205]

Episode Date: May 1, 2024

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about potato facts, raccoon fingers, opposable thumbs, stinkiest temperatures, cold sauce, the flavor of cold, the great raccoon scandal of 2016, coffee and vanilla beans, animals we don’t care about, birds, new draft ideas, formal apology to the Celtics, the Vancouver Canucks, getting ahead of light, rug cleaning, believing what we see on the internet, never asking questions, not correcting people, trading cars for rugs, Albert snores, Sea of Thieves life hack, The Panton Store, and more.

Hello and welcome to another episode of the F***face Podcast. My name is Geoff Ramsey with me as always, Andrew Panton, Gavin Free, episode 205. Don't quote me on this, but I believe this is our 204th episode first permanent potato patches on US soil were established in 1719 near Londonderry New Hampshire sorry go ahead continue I just wanted to get that out of the way oh what was the potato facts bit I can't remember I can't remember. I can't either. You had one. I just we'll talk about between episodes. That was a whole thing. Oh, you've this is your Easter egg.

You've buried potatoes. This is the second to last episode of Face under that name. So I need to I need to empty out my drawers a little bit. I Easter eggs got a friend pantry You might have some Gavin. I was tracking you via slack people have speculated on that for a long time slack It automatically updates what time zone you're in Whenever you sign on so that is when we're doing the money thing that was my system of checking to see but did it ever change It automatically changes whenever but did you ever see it somewhere else

no because I eventually just came to terms with the idea you were not coming so well you know the VPN would keep it in central time wouldn't it you you're not VPN in on slack calm down you're not the international man of mystery. I mean VP. Ed is just the whole device We're gonna throw around fancy letters like that. I don't know this guy over here I don't I don't think you're just to work son I think it works great because I know whenever you're in London son. I know whenever you're overseas son Maybe cuz I tell you. He's got you there, son.

I check, that's how I knew it, because I don't, you know, time is complicated, and if you were back home, I didn't want to message you at 2 a.m., so I checked Slack to see what time you were in. I mean, I don't get alerts in the night, wherever I am. Yeah, we clarified that later. That's why I started texting you at 2 a.m. I Think I think my last 2 a.m. Text to you was what?

Was it about thumbs was it appendages? Or maybe I didn't text I was thinking about what animal I would most like the fist bump Which then turned into which animals have hands? Oh? What would be a good fist bump a sloth sloth would be an awesome fist bump does a sloth have hands. Oh, what would be a good fist bump? A sloth. Sloth would be an awesome fist bump. Does a sloth have hands? Yeah, sloth has hands with those crazy claws and they're always curled up.

It makes a perfect fist, man. A sloth would be a perfect fist bump animal. It would take a really long time. I don't think you need hands. See, that's potentially, that looks like a Wolverine. I think you don't need hands or fists for a fist bump. I think fist bumping an octopus would feel so I hate it I hate it. No I don't trust on to go into a fist shape and it would just go boink. I

Don't like it. I don't trust it. It's gonna it's gonna fist bump me and my wrist It would take me out like Jack Nicholson and Mars attacks like we'd I think everything was all good And then it would just immediately on the attack and then you'd have a flag sticking out of your heart Yeah, the octopus flag the octopus like everyone's favorite nation octopus I Turned into a larger debate of do raccoons have hands or what constitutes a hand I was talking with someone who felt that raccoons didn't have hands because they didn't have thumbs and Is the thumb a requirement to have a hand? I think a thumb is only requirement having a thumb

You don't think it eliminates. That's a hand one. That's a fucking hand if I would say two hands if you had a thumb instead of a big toe, it wouldn't be a hand. I just think if we're not like the placement, that's like total thumb placement. So why is there a thumb? Like it doesn't have enough bend? Doesn't have enough joints? I guess it's just not considered a thumb. don't think it's from the names well look up do raccoons have thumbs maybe maybe you shouldn't do anything on your computer man no I'm not on my I'm using my okay I'm so I'm so worried about anything on this computer we just had it we just had a slow start to the let's play today raccoons do not have a

posable thumbs they do have five dexterous toes. They just don't have opposable thumbs. What makes this thumb opposable? Yeah, I don't know. Why? Why is my thumb opposable? But my finger isn't opposable. Is it because it's opposite? Is that what opposable means?

The ability is facilitated by a cellar saddle shaped joint between the trip trapezium the wrist bone that supports the thumb and the first metacarpal which allows an approximate 45 degree range of Rotation of the thumb about its own long axis I think it's I think it's because you can like move it left and right and up and down like further than you could your fingers I think that's what it's saying my my argument for raccoons having hands despite a lack of thumbs is if a person got into a very specific, let's say like construction accident that resulted in them losing only both of their thumbs, nobody would say they lost their hands.

What if they kept the thumbs but lost all opposability? Oh man. I don't want to live in a world with not opposable thumbs. Here's why a raccoon has hands, because it can count to 10 on them. Okay, so Jeff, if you lost your thumbs in a construction accident and the only thumbs they could replace it with

are raccoon fingers, would you take that? Yes. Okay. You'd have little, you'd have two little raccoon fingers. Would you take that? Yes? Okay Yes, I Be just like the girl in fallout. I just take the new finger. I don't care. I Feel like you might have a huge advantage in some wars. I bet you a raccoon toe as your thumb is a That's a sneaky thumb. I think yeah, I bet you could pierce stuff with that nail too. Oh I do my own. I could put new holes in the in belts. What would be I?

Go ahead specific Why is there anything of what I've ever punctured in my life with? Won't be the best animal to hug not a sloth My brain immediately went bare, but I don't want to deal with the claws the claws make that a problem But I feel like every other part of a bear hug It's term a bear hand has like seven fingers doesn't it Gracie wants to hug a polar bear bag Why a polar bear specifically a polar bear? I've just always really liked them. I Mean any I mean it's it's friendly in this scenario specifically a polar bear? What? I've just always really liked them.

I mean, any of your I mean, it's it's friendly in this scenario. You're right. Yeah. Coke has done wonders for the image of the polar bear. Like it's not like what, what would be the best animal to hug that is also not going to rip your throat out while you're hugging it. It's just like, what would be the best animal to hug? I don't know if a polar bear would often be good to hug.

Cause it's probably going to be really cold and wet and damp. I think best animal to hug? I don't know if a polar bear would often be good to hug because it's probably gonna be really cold and wet and damp I think best animal to share a coke with for sure I like the idea if it's not wet if it's just chilly a nice little chilly hug that feels comfy That feels relaxing like that does look great. There's no way they smell good There has to be Like a minimum size in the wire meant for the hug right like it would you can't be like a minimum size requirement for the hug, right? Like it would you can't be like, oh, like raccoon isn't a good answer because it's not getting its arms around you.

It's just sort of being like that's you. Like he's trying to hug you. But you know, I can't. So like there's that kind of thing. You know what? Like what's the minimum? Can I ask a question that I hope doesn't make me sound dumb? Yeah, of course.

Well, Gavin, you were saying that they probably smell bad. Yeah. Does it smell when it's too cold outside? Like, can it get so cold you don't smell stuff? I don't know if this is a real thing or not, but I feel like there is a scent to very cold. I feel like you could smell the chill the I don't know that I've ever smelled anything when I've been cold other than the smell of cold.

I have now I've been to like a penguin encounter thing where like they let you into like the penguin place and like you feed the penguins and stuff. It was so fucking cold in there and it stunk so bad. It was awful. So it must be so, so, so much colder to not have any smell at all because I'll never forget the smell

of the penguin enclosure. Do you think maybe in that instance, maybe it's the opposite and maybe cold makes stuff smell more? Like there's not heat in the way? Like there's a bell. like like there's a heat waves are there's a bell curve. Yeah Like normal smell it's called it's like it's it's called the smell curry. Yes 15 degrees is no smell but then you go below 15. You're like, oh no, it's minus six. This smells like shit like yeah That's a good idea Nick wrote warm air is not as dense as cold s the molecules have more room to move around and they move faster

Making them more available for us to smell so that the more room for the molecule molecule the stink So that means right before a vacuum is the stinkiest possible time like if I farted right before a That's why you fart smell worse under the covers. It's not just that they're trapped, it's that it's hotter under there. Oh yeah. Andrew going, hmm. Like a scientist approach. I'm thinking.

I always, I wish that- What's the science? I don't know about the science of that. You know how there's hot sauce? I always wish there was cold sauce. I wish there was cold sauce This show that might be the most Gavin sentence you've ever fucking said man what I Super spicy things, but I feel like my tolerance for cold would be very high

But there's not like a sauce that makes things colder in the same way that gives a hot sensation. What is cold? What is a cold flavor to you? Like what's what tastes cold? I want my mouth to burn in the same way my mouth would go. Oh, that's hot. When I'm biting into some hot sauce. Yeah, no, I get it. But I'm like the only flavor that I can think of because spicy is just spicy. It just it tastes like spice or heat. Right. But the only thing I can think of that's like the flavor of cold would be like that pale blue Gatorade Oh, yeah, what about all okay with that?

No oatmeal do you have cold oatmeal? Well yeah, why oatmeal this it's just really not spicy This is just really not spicy. I don't really. Get your piping hot brains. I just feel like if you want caught in sauce, stuff is hot because they made it all they put spice in it Or they put stuff in it you you just go you just undoing But I'm saying I wish I in the same way. I wish there was a capsaicin equivalent to gold mint But mint is like a different flavor I don't know yeah, and yeah much more can have a spicy effect it can but when I think of it is like a sauce or

Like some kind of other piece to something it's cooling It has a cooling effect more than any other food that I can really like think of Gracie is saying lettuce ice and water which is not Spiced to me though, what about like a lettuce sauce Blend salad dressing blend lettuce and ice and put that on a hot curry and see what happens. Oh you could call it lead ice Is that a lettuce the look of disappointment of Oh, is that a lettuce? The look of disappointment of the restaurant seeing you pour your lead ice over the dinner that you just made.

I would want to see if I could get a very spicy vindaloo, put some lettuce sauce on it and then put a bunch of hot sauce on top and really trick everything about my mouth. I just wish there was a negate. I just wish it went the other way. I wish there was a cold one. That wasn't beer related, because I know that's a beer thing. A genuine just cold sauce. I'd be a fan of.

But the temperature wouldn't be cold. It would just be non-spicy. Well, every... I mean, no. Well, hot sauce is hot. Right. hot hot hot hot hot what do you mean? It's not it's not like it doesn't emanate heat 25 degrees when you put no yeah yeah Room temp cool cool. Thanks, man All right, so why did why is what I said didn't make any sense? Well? What did you say can you repeat what you said?

No, we evaluate Yeah, go ahead Didn't make any sense. What did you say? Can you repeat what you said? State what you're gonna say I said that the sentence of me bitching about it grammatically collapsed from under I feel like I feel like you're not even sure where you stand I mean I'll be on your side in the sense that it feels like every single product is becoming spicy, like even the Starbucks summer drinks are. We've put spicy shit in them, but I've never heard of a spiced oatmeal that does seem like an unclaimed untouched. Maybe just spice it up.

Yeah. Oh, yes, I'm cinnamon. But like, that's not I can. I feel like it up a little bit. Yeah. Oh yeah, some cinnamon, but like that's not, I can, yeah. I feel like cinnamon is its own thing as well. It's not cool or spicy? I don't know where cinnamon comes from. Isn't it spice? Is that a plant? It's a spice.

No, but like, do I dig it out of the ground? Is it in a tree? Where would I find cinnamon? Now I wanna, I'm asking, cause you're kinda of like positing this like do I do this, do I do that? Where do you think it comes from? It strikes me as something I need a shovel for. It feels earthy.

It feels like it's in the ground. Only raccoon thumbs can dig him out. Yeah. Only non-opposable thumbs. That is, so you guys are familiar with the great raccoon scandal of 2016 Cinnabon almost went down raccoon labor is it a plant no it's a tree box actually it's true but that makes sense because I've seen it all rolled up when you buy the stick of it. Like similar to vanilla? Yeah. Vanilla comes from a tree? Or a bean?

It's barky, isn't it? Like bean bark. It is? I don't know. What is happening? What is going on? It seems to be in the point path. Where does vanilla come from?

It's not like a fruit. Vanilla is just a bean. Cinnamon is bark from a tree. Oh. But isn't vanilla beans like bark-ish? What does that, what do you mean? What does that mean? I know cocoa beans are in trees because of Minecraft.

Vanilla bean. Let me look at some pictures here. Okay. Here's a couple. It's all white. It looks like it would never. I would never. Right, yeah.

I would never. Right, yeah. And do you know why that is, Gavin? Why is that? Because it's a bean that they dry out. It's a bean. It looks like. It's vanilla bean. It looks like a string bean.

It's less barky and more, it's more like a pod than a bark. So it just looks like a green bean at first. Okay. Right, right. So it's not even close. They're like similar. I just thought they came like that. I didn't realize we did that to them. So what's his

raw vanilla taste like? I don't know. Like, like before they do like process it or whatever. Yeah. I don't know. Have you seen like, like cacao before it's? Yes. Yeah, it looks like brain. Have you seen that, Gavin? Yeah, exactly. So like you wouldn't think that that's what chocolate comes from, but here we are, you know. It was like a bug inside of a thing. It's gross.

If you gave me a machete and said, go get some vanilla from this jungle, I'm never identifying that as vanilla. Yeah. And even if I asked a local and he said, get that, I'd call him an idiot. Yeah, I'd be like, I don't trust this guy. That's how sure I was that vanilla didn't look like that. I'm going to chop this off the tree to be polite, but I ain't fooling for this. So is it only is it only brown if we bake it like his coffee green?

Yeah, no coffee. Yeah. Don't say why you say no. What the cherry, the cherry, no coffee. Yeah, don't say why you saying no What the cherry the cherry the coffee cherry? Doesn't have to be the coffee bean like a raw coffee bean Yeah, coffee is chair a coffee bean is cherry coffee bean comes from a cherry What and it's a fruit it's the the inner part of a fruit. I've always wanted to try coffee cherry Why very why you said coffee Wow, that's a coffee bean. Yeah, before they're roasted, they're this sort of like greenish,

palish yellow color. And then they're look up coffee bean before it's bean. It's a fruit. Before it's a cherry. Coffee bean before it's bean. Is that what you said? Yeah, he's totally right. You got it. Coffee bean before it's bean. First result, I'll send it here. Okay. Here you go. Yeah, it's like a cherry.

It is. It's a little fruit, like a little grape. So it goes through a cherry phase. Yeah. And then what? We cook it afterwards? Yes. Wow. What the damn? A coffee bean is like the cherry seed. The thing the thing about coffee is that it should probably be way

more expensive than it is because it doesn't grow everywhere and you have to do so much to it to make it be drinkable. When when does the caffeine occur? Is it caffeinated cherry? I don't you know, I'm not sure but I bet it is I bet there's

I bet there's naturally occurring caffeine within it. I'm not a big coffee guy But look at how fucking delicious it looks like as a fruit I mean, I would love to try one. I don't know how available they are because it's a shitty fruit It's like the thinnest layer of Actual fruit bit it is like 95 percent seed Hey, you asked me to throw away the ones that look like They'd be disgusting. I'd throw away like the coffee bit

Look at how delicious that looks it does across that yeah Remind me remind me while we're talking about fruit before after we wrap this up remind me I have a fruit thing I want to switch in three gloves no shit If you want to I was thinking what is that what is that? The monkeys eat that shit like they eat the fruit and then we cook their poo to coffee The little civet thing was that shy? Oh, I guess it would be it's a cat a civet is a cat, isn't it? Oh, I thought was monkey shite Yeah, I think it's cat shit but um

But yeah, it must be that they like that fruit likeie? Nick shot that out of a cannon earlier today. You said that's a cat? Yeah, it is a small, lean, mostly nocturnal mammal. Got hands. Native to tropical Asia and Africa. Wow. Civet. Civet.

Civet's cute. And I think it's not like a good thing to eat. Yeah, I don't think it's a healthy process for them. I think that there's a lot of concerns about it not being good for the civets. It's like that thing where like they feed ducks a lot of stuff and then you eat like their liver. You can't eat. It's like the same thing like making the coffee.

Gooseliver shit. Yeah. Yeah. Are there certain animals you don't care about? This is now we're talking. Now we're getting into it. Mos, I do give a shit about yeah, that's absolute Turbo genocide I'm all for I just read I

Watched the Chris Pratt Jurassic Park movies and the last two especially are really reliant on you thinking the dinosaurs should live and deserve to exist And I just don't give a fuck about them at well I want them all to die yeah, but on its on its face it Goes against its very thesis which is well these things need to be able to live and then you go well No, they got it. They went extinct one time. We can just bring them back again. I And then you go, well, no, they got it. They went extinct one time. We can just bring them back again. I don't know. It's terrible.

Yeah, I don't like any of it. I don't like that they domesticated raptors. It'd be like Predator 2 having a predator. We don't. I don't like any of it. Yeah, I want them to be dumb killing machines. I don't like the fact that it's just allowed in that world that there are now flying dinosaurs, pterodactyls and shit. And you're just like in an American Airlines plane and you're like, oh, look out the window. It's let's hope that pterodactyls and shit and you're just like in an American Airlines plane and you're like, oh look out the window, it's a, let's hope

that pterodactyl is not hungry. Oh no, it is. Yeah. I don't buy it. I don't the $6 trillion military budget. We can get rid of pterodactyls. I ain't worried about pterodactyls. Wasn't the whole plot of the first movie, Hey, you shouldn't play God.

Yes. Yeah. So why are we on the side of the dinosaurs? Because it's movie seven yeah They got bored there was a guy who had a gun and he pointed the gun at people and the gun didn't shoot bullets It shot dinosaur how many times you can just tell that same fucking story you gotta mix it up Yeah, does the lunchbox still exist? Yeah, I just opened some in fallout 76 last night

But that is a modern thing for today's school kids. Oh yeah. Oh well like a lunch bag like they're they're like Millie has them or had them and you would like freeze it overnight and then you take it out and then put this shit in it. I think Jurassic Park I think Jurassic Park lunchbox. Really? Yeah. I think BD Wong. Did you have a Jurassic Park lunchbox? Yeah, and I had Thunderbirds

Wow The more recent film Thunderbirds or the old Thunderbirds old puppets Nice FAB very cool Did you did you have any Thunderbirds posters on your wall? And no posters, but I did have a little model of Thunderbird two and you could drop the middle and Thunderbird forward come out.

Gracie just posted a curious George lunchbox. I think I may have had the same. Nice. Oh, that Eric, that is very that that reads that check. That's the one that I had. I had the Simpsons lunchbox in 1991 or whatever. Just real quick, I want to circle back that while we were talking about dinosaurs and animals, you don't care about Gracie just started listing them in the chat birds, pigeon crow, June bugs, crickets.

I like any of those. I like the cricket noise. I think a cricket can create great atmosphere. You don't like the noise. I think I'm traumatized by it because over the summer my apartment had a cricket infestation and I would go to them in the middle of the night. Fair enough room.

So now I really hate them. OK. That's fair. And Gavin. No I don't really mess with birds. They kind of freak me out. Don't mess with birds. I'm not a big fan. One flew really close to my face a couple of weeks ago. Have you ever been chased? Chased? Yeah.

Have you ever chased my bird? Not to my memory, but I would I would not like to be. That's scary. I love tiny little birds. Yeah. Like a hummingbird. Maybe not that small, but one you'd find in like a pet smart home. It's like, wow, look how small that is. OK, like'd find in like a pet smart. It's like how small that is Yeah, like a goldfinch

They all admire those from afar Well, you don't hate them so small. I want nothing to do with it, but you don't try it So you would never have a bird feeder. It's not no oh my god 35 in my backyard cuz Emily All like hummingbird or like general feeders. It is like bird Thunderdome every day in my backyard The pigeons that the morning doves and the blue jays going at it left and right all the fucking little birds running around picking up The pieces it's like the squirrels get involved. It's it's like a giant cage match. I got mad squirrels. Yeah, I have a garbage bag that has probably like 16 containers of McDonald's fries in it

on my patio, and I'm in constant fear whenever I remember that it's out there. That I'm just going to wake up to a swarm of seagulls. They're going to fly out. Why are they out there? When I thought that the nugget buddies were going away and I bought like 20 nugget buddy meals at one time in the past, I just it was too many fries. I couldn't I could at least refrigerate.

You can't preserve the fries. So they just have a bunch of fries out there. They're in a garbage bag. And I didn't feel like taking it down. So I put it to the side out my patio door, and then I just haven't it's been winter So I haven't gone on the patio, and I just forget that it's there. You just there right now Frozen raw out there. Oh well. I mean it's it's McDonald's fries. They're gonna preserve. They would survive the fallout bombs He's also at the part in the smell curve where it doesn't emanate an odor All right, I never smelled anything. Yeah, but I was worried about the bird smelling it

What if you went out there now and just huffed the bag? I know I'm listen My breathing tubes are not great as it is. I'm not I feel like we're on the edge of recovery. I can't do that. It's too dangerous. Just throw three more months into your recovery for no reason. Yeah. Hey. Also, how cold is it? I need a temperature.

We were talking about heat. It depends. Oh yeah. I don't want to amplify the bag. Might not be dense enough. Or too dense. Talk about your fruit thing. Yeah, I was gonna say, hey, last week, I think it was last week.

We we recorded a couple of drafts, right? Yeah. Yeah. And obviously for the new thing. And it was some of the most fun I've had in a very long time. I forgot how much I enjoy doing the drafts, and I want to keep that momentum going. And so I want to propose a new draft to you guys. And I think it'll be interesting because the pool, I mean the pool is always everything in the world that fits the category, right?

But I feel like the pool for this one is naturally a little smaller, and I think that we all have heated opinions about these things. So I propose to you guys, and there's a part two to it, I propose to you guys we do a fruit draft. We do a fruit draft, right? Well draft our favorite fruit and then at the end

We all take the four fruits that we've combined that we ended up with and we have to make them into a smoothie And then we do a taste test to see whose smoothie tastes the best Wow So you're gonna have to like come on you can't just if someone takes your fruit You can't just shove in any old fruit fruit You're gonna have to have a complimentary fruit I mean, I think that the taste test would have to come later and supplemental content probably but but yeah, that's essentially well how That's great. I think that's a fantastic idea. Thank you. That's great. Thank you. I was pretty excited about it I figured that maybe that'd be something we do here in the next couple weeks I also had an idea for a draft that I think is is probably shit, but I want to throw it to the group. Okay a

Question draft What does that mean the best questions? Oh, I like it. I Mean, yeah Let's do it I'm not gonna say no to a draft Alright, I Will say there was less enthusiasm from Andrew on the Absolute less enthusiasm that was me processing. I don't have my brain around it at this point

But I trust Gavin and so I'm all about it and you had a tree has to figure out a way how to cheat it He just gonna take yeah, I yeah definitely look. Oh, can I just put a question mark at the end of a regular sentence? Okay, uh do you think that there's probably like a number one, like a number one question? Yeah, I can think of some good ones, but I feel like even today we've we've had does a raccoon have thumbs? Great question. Why is there no cold sauce? I have the I don't want to ask my questions here because I want to say for the draft. I have a draft. I don't want to ask my questions here because I want to say for the draft I uh I

Have a draft idea that was inspired. I had this thought well Jeff you're you're explaining your draft idea I know it's unrelated could we do a birds Gracie likes the least draft and she just has to judge She's the judge after doesn't have any bird. Yeah, yeah, but I she has it has to be a hierarchy system. Yeah Doesn't have any bird. Yeah, yeah, but I she has it has to be a hierarchy system. Yeah Like there are snakes. I hate more than other snakes exactly like well each compile a gang of birds And then Gracie will say who had the worst gang which group would she least like to be around and that's how we do ever Wins so we decide who wins We had a lot of drafts this excited. Hey, can I can I take the, can I do one other real quick thing here? Of course.

I want to, before we get too deep in the episode, I feel like this is something important I need to address. I have, I've prepared a statement that I would like to read now. If you guys would just wouldn't mind just being quiet while I try to get through this. This might be a little difficult for me, but I'm going to go get a glass of water. You start. Yeah, that's fine. All right. I'm just going to go. Dear Boston Celtics and fans of the Boston Celtics, I am truly sorry.

Last night is my fault. It is on me. Please don't blame the team. Don't blame the front office. Please don't blame the referees. Please don't blame the Miami. Don't blame the front office. Please don't blame the referees. Please don't blame the Miami Heat. It was definitely me. I chose the wrong socks yesterday morning.

I knew the consequences that if I picked wrong and I still did it, I took green and I something in the back of my head was like, you should wear the white socks today because it's a home game. But I wore green because it's like a louder color. And I felt very loud in my and proud about Boston and the end result is we got our fucking asses kicked by 10 points at home because I didn't listen to my gut and so I promise that I'm never going to make a sock related mistake again. Sincerely, Jeff Ramsey. If you roasted them, would they be brown?

If you roasted them Would they be brown? If we lose to the heat I might have to do that We have sports if you want to go into sports, I'm sorry Jeff Did they lot I shocked to see that they lost by such a large margin Well now you know why now you know why because I was standing in my closet yesterday morning thinking if you fuck this up for the Celtics They lose tonight because you chose the green socks and then the other part of me was like that. Oh, that's superstitious Don't be stupid. You're 40 almost 49 years old and I fucking knew better. I should I should Anyway, I uh, I had a similar experience

With the knucks as you may remember at the beginning of the season I talked about making an alternate like a burner account just to complain about the Canucks my as you may remember at the beginning of the season, I talked about making an alternate like a burner account just to complain about the Canucks, my caviar phone. And I bought the caviar phone in the form of a new digi. But the Canucks for most of the year were the number one team in the NHL. Unexpectedly, nobody saw this coming. They were elite. And so I never wanted to address it or

acknowledge hockey in any way. People would ask about it because I thought if I say, no, I don't have a caviar account, then I will immediately need one and the team will be terrible. And we made it all the way to the playoffs and I got to enjoy one game and then the star goalie got hurt. And we're going to this gun. He's done for the season playoffs are dead I got to have one one game of joy and hope and I thought the whole year being like I'm not gonna fall for it I'm not gonna buy into this and I bought into it and

It's already it's already full of shit. So I'm equally I don't have a sock issue Jeff I just have no hope at all. At least you have a sock to pick. It's just it's over. I'm really sorry. It's done. That's yeah, it's, you know. Maybe we'll get out of the first round. We'll see. We'll see. I'm going to be dumb and have hope still.

But, oh, so words suck. So what's are terrible? Yeah. There's a pain. Do you think anyone will ever be able to find your old light? Like if... Old? Like... What?

Imagine a... say there was a street light shining on you when you were about to kick the child, right? And the light was bouncing off everything, bouncing off you and just went out into space. Are you worried that if we ever can travel faster than light, people will get ahead of that light and be able to see you almost doing it? No. I don't care. Have you ever done anything else outside that you would be scared of people see? Almost everything I've done outside. I'd be scared of people seeing

thing like There's one time there is a giant mossy rock and I spent a whole day taking the moss off because I convinced myself It was a Pokemon taking the moss off because I convinced myself it was a Pokemon. The six you can. That's rock was a Pokemon. Yeah, I thought if I got all the moss out, it would spawn a Pokemon because it was like a I don't know. Oh, six, a six in a forest.

But you know what time I was given a really fancy. Yeah, I was alone. I'd spent a lot of time in the woods alone. I was given a really fancy rug that like a family friend traveled to India and that was their gift back for me. Was this nice rug? And I took it into the woods and I did it immediately because I had a little wooden house and I just put it out in the dirt.

I mean, part of that might be on the family friends for giving a six yearold a rug as a gift I was probably like you just wanted to play with it. You know yeah, I did. I really want I thought it would really bring the woods together Really tie the woods together My parents advised me against it and saying it would ruin it and I was like now it's gonna be great and then immediately It was oh you ran this by them. Uh, yeah, I did.

Oh, this is on them then. Well, no, they told me they're like, hey, you're going to ruin this gift that you were given. They were letting him learn a life lesson. Yeah. I don't know what I learned. I guess don't put rugs in the woods, but I don't think. There haven't been a lot of opportunities. Do you think it's still there?

I don't know, because that has largely turned into houses. It was it was an undeveloped subdivision at the time. But I bet you that my little wood house is no longer there. Oh, here's the video somebody somebody found and recovered your rug and cleaned it. A rug cleaning video is great. Oh, they can be so satisfying. Those are the best. I don't trust him though I think they're all fake. Yeah, I wish I could believe everything's fake. What's fake about it? I think that they've made it as dirty as possible. Yeah, it's they're superfluously dirty. It's like yeah Yeah, it's like it's like fake dirty, too

It's like superficial like none of it's like actually in there like it's kind of dirty, but it's not that dirty It's like some of those old like tool restoration videos, but they're all just backwards. They're like making it day But I'm getting close to just being a accepting what I see on the Internet guy Because it's almost certainly going to be fake. But it like it doesn't change my life negatively if I just believed it was real. There's no consequence for at least the stuff that I'm watching. I'm working on just deciding that everything is real. I'm I'm scared and going the other way.

Yesterday on TikTok, I got served up two videos. One was LeBron James at a press conference post-loss talking shit about D-Lo. And it took me about three seconds to go, oh, this is AI. This is fucked, because AI, because his voice sounded weird, and then I realized I was looking at AI. And it's like, that's fucking scary.

And then I saw a clip of Will Smith and Chris Rock, like having a discussion face to face about the slap, and then I saw a clip of Will Smith and Chris Rock like Having a discussion face to face about the slap and it just what they were saying didn't quite make sense And then about five seconds and I went oh fuck. This is AI to Having both of those served up at me at the same on the same day I was like we're like six months away from never being able to tell the truth ever again That's about care about either those things though. So once again argue my point like I know there's always talked about at the same time I'm sorry. What was that? Yeah. Yeah, I don't care. We'd get a quiet for a second I'm trying a new approach instead of saying you go

Know that obviously could be an extreme that is used terribly, but I don't care about either of the things you described. I'm OK believing that LeBron James said whatever he said, and I'm OK believing that Rock and Will Smith talked about the slap. And it's not it's not those two individuals in general. It's that some asshole in his spare time thought it would be funny to make it and throw it up on the Internet in two seconds. And it's happening with such frequency And such ease that I'm getting it served up multiple times in like one ten minute session

And it may not be shit that any of us care about but it will be it will be really consider Just not having opinions Yeah, I mean I it's all I listen when I take my bow of silence. What is there to have an opinion on or who to tell, you know? How far would you go in life without ever expressing an opinion? I think you just breeze through. Yeah, I bet you could.

Yeah. There'd be no resistance to anything. Just breeze through life? Yeah. Like you're getting to the end? It feels like this should have been conflict. It feels like this should have been like a Jim Carrey, Tony Shalhoub movie in the he's like the guy who can't make a decision.

Yeah. It just be called on the fence. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. This is good. This is very good. Somebody AI Jim Carrey and on the fence, please. On the fence with Jim Carrey and Tony Shalhoub.

AI Jim Carrey and On The Fence, please. On The Fence with Jim Carrey and Tony Schulz. I have, I mean, I don't ask questions and it's an annoyance for me. You don't? I don't, no. I ask an alarming lack of questions. It's like the painting the cat thing is a perfect example. I will just accept what is given to me generally.

Or I might doubt it, but I won't vocalize any questions about it I have there are things in my life that I think about all the time that I can get a resolution to you But I'm not gonna ask the question for that resolution So I just continue to wait or any of the questions for us that you could sort out right now No, or do you do you want to hang on to any of the questions for the question draft? No, no, I don't well I some of them maybe actually even know the primary one No, that's why you would excited about my draft idea. You're not a questions guy Do you feel like there's a point where you stopped asking questions like it or like was it cold turkey

Was it a conscious decision or did it like taper off or has this been a consistent thing? Do you feel like there's a point where you stopped asking questions, like was it cold turkey? Was it a conscious decision or did it like taper off or has this been a consistent thing? I think at some point in my life just decided if the person wants me to know the information they will give me that information. And so I just am not gonna ask about anything. I've heard times where I should be.

I've made the conscious decision to stop correcting people when they're wrong about anything Because you always just look like an asshole or smug and then it's funnier if they get to go through life being wrong You have any examples of that of like somebody you think about wow they were wrong, and I didn't correct them And it had it's probably happens multiple times probably happened three or four times with you today. I Can't think of anything Did you correct me on the vanilla thing was that only Eric? No, that's me. That's all I can't really say. I didn't crazy shit. I've ever heard. What do you mean? Like if somebody says this don't yeah cinnamon and vanilla

It's like the same thing and you just let it go. Oh I couldn't think of what a vanilla bean looked like in my head at the time And so I didn't want to I didn't know where to land on it So I just got quiet right, but if you did you would have just let that go Gavin sounded really confident, and I've learned not to second I don't think I sounded that confident. I don say don't think so either I sounded pubert adams confident, and I I've been burned too many times That's true Gavin oh has owned every car. I've owned for the last like fucking 10 years Feel free to just buy me out of the car thing there, and then you can finally have your car again. Yeah, well

No, I'll give you a great deal I like I like the I like the arrangement we have going right now. I'll trade you your car for your best Indian rug Now we're talking You're gonna end up with a you're gonna end up with a fucking rug though I'm gonna keep it indoors. I'm gonna keep it nice I want to go and Google Street view to my old house to see what the were my if I could see if it's Oh, you should definitely do that. Oh, man. I have a fucking dog problem. I now have a dog problems again. Oh, yeah What's your problem? It's not shit related, which I'm real happy about But I've been you know lately, just like stressed.

It's been a bit stressful. And there comes a point in time when, you know, you put the dog to bed, he sleeps in a crate, obviously, in the bedroom, and he starts snoring at about 1 a.m. every night. And if I'm not asleep before 1 a, I can't go to sleep. It's like it's like it's like I have to thread it. You remember the episode of Always Sunny where Charlie and Frank had to get home and then eat cat food because it made him tired and then get

to sleep before all the cats showed up to meow about smelling the cat food and they had like a perfect window to sleep. I have that now with the dog that I have to thread. And if I miss the window, I have to go sleep on the couch. I've slept on the couch like three times in the past week. Because I just lay at the ceiling and listen to the dog. And I can't hit his crate or wake him up, because if I wake him up, he'll start crying and be like, I gotta go to the bathroom.

And then I'm outside with the dog Going to the bathroom, and then he just comes back in and goes back to sleep and start snoring again instantly So I've just made double the work for myself so my solution has just been I sleep on the sofa now most nights Well, is there no way of rolling him over without waking him up absolutely not We're gonna he's gonna get a surgery that'll help him breathe a little better later in like three months So maybe that'll change it But as it is right now, I just have to be asleep by like 12 45 And if i'm not I don't even I shouldn't even bother going to the bedroom

And if he's out of the room and in the crate what happens then? uh Well, he's a baby. I don't want him to have to be out of his bedroom It's just a baby I can I can go to bed earlier or sleep on the sofa. I don't know. He's just a baby. I can go to bed earlier or sleep on the sofa. I don't know. It's just a baby. I was going to ask Gavin, do you have this problem with your cats at all? They have a second door.

Yeah. A buffer door between their bedroom. And fingerprint handles. Yeah, I got all kinds of problems. But I don't have to lock them all out though. To be fair, They're not babies. Yeah, he's just a baby. He's only seven months old.

Oh, man, my my wood house is so gone. It's so dead. Oh, what is it now? House, it's backyard and house. It's actual house. It is upgraded. I have a life hack. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah. It's have a life hack. Oh, hell yeah

Yeah, it's a gaming life hack. I was playing Sea of Thieves I've been deep into Sea of Thieves recently. You missed a great let's play today Gavin. Oh He did but unrelated to that just general news the evening I was uh going around the map and there are these Kind of beacons you can go to that indicate you have to fight some enemies and get a bunch of loot and so I was heading that way and There was a boat that was nearby Already and I went up and I was like yelling. Hey, I'm friendly Let's be in an alliance like I was using the in-game chat for this and they immediately attacked me and were dicks and sunk me

And I was like, those fucks. And when you sink your boat, respawn somewhere else on the map. It happened to spawn at literally the closest island to them that it could possibly spawn at. And there was a rowboat on that island. So I decided I'm going to paddle my way all the way over to their ship and then try to their powder kegs and stuff. Or they're like bombs.

I'm going to try to blow up their boat. Because if they sunk me, I'm sure they have some stuff, maybe I can get them back. So I spend like 10 minutes rowing, and I'm being all tactical, I mean, sneaking them rowing behind rocks. I swim over to their boat, and I start to climb the ladder onto their ship,

and one of them is just waiting with a gun pointed at me, and they immediately shoot me. I panic, I run through the fort, I'm zigzagging left and right, I dive and I hide and then I just, I emote into the sand so they can't see me and I wait and I'm so nervous and I'm starting to like peek around a little bit.

I probably just hide for like 10 minutes and then I start moving around and I decide I need to try to get closer To their ship so I move a little bit further into the the fort and there's a wooden kind of ramp walkway That I could hide under so I ran into that and then I put into my sleep emote Like where are these guys and I'm looking around I have game clips of this a bunch of it I'm looking around and as have game clips of this, a bunch of it. I'm looking around and as I'm spinning my camera, I see their ship perfectly line up directly behind me.

I can see it through the wooden wall that has a bunch of like chips in it. I can see their boat. And I'm like, oh, no, they're parking literally where I'm hiding. And they're going to run past me so many times setting up the ship, because typically what people do is they'll run the chest to the beach, put it down and then harpoon it onto their boat. So it's faster. And I had a view of the harpoon, so I thought I can just lay here and I'll just watch the

harpoon. I grabbed five flame grenades from the rowboat on the way there. So I'm just waiting for them to get that gunpowder in and then I'm gonna throw a fire at them and just hope That that window appears but the harpoon is so quick I can't make out what they're pulling in or not and I decided this is the life hack I decided I'm going to look at my recent players and just see if I could get any intel on these guys And I had two people that it said I had met recently like within the last three minutes and I clicked one there wasn't really any info on it but then I clicked the second

one and on Xbox you are able to sync external profiles to your gamertag and this man had a Discord account and a Twitch account and it had a link account tabs and I went oh shit so I clicked his Discord and then immediately he was streaming. He is live streaming this whole thing. So I brought up my computer and he was the guy that was loading the boat. So I now had eyes and ears on what this crew was doing. And I'm just laying, listening to the stream, watching, seeing what they're doing. They're moving stuff around. They're talking about me a little bit.

Uh, and to be completely honest, I found this guy to be kind of annoying. He's doing voices. Didn't really like it. Wasn't having a great time. But then like a movie, I'm probably, I've been waiting like 30 minutes at this point in the sand just watching the stream. One of them says it's a crew of three. One of the people in the crew says I I need the commendations for delivering gunpowder

barrels. Should we load them up? And there was one of them on the crew that was by far the best player. And he wrote in the text chat, no. And then I went, oh, damn it. But then the guy doubled down and said, come on, you know, I need them. You need them. We could load the boat with them. And then the guy was down and said come on you know I need them you need them We could load the boat with them, and then the guy was like okay fine. You could do it and

like a movie Because the guy that was streaming doesn't play sea of thieves a lot so they were like explaining stuff to him Like a movie the guy that wanted to get the gunpowder barrel Grabs the it is like a gunpowder barrel of legends It's the most powerful gunpowder barrel in the game. And he says to the guy, yeah, you see that the gunpowder barrel legends, it's so effective, it will instantly sink the biggest ship in the game if it goes off on it. So I'm going to I'm going to put it in the crow's nest. So hopefully nobody says that.

I was like, this is it. This is my time. So I come sprinting out. I have my grenades. I start throwing them everywhere on the boat. I see him climbing the ladder. And then they're like, oh, he's here. He's here.

He's throw fire. And he jumps off the ship to try to prevent it from exploding. But it ends up exploding perfectly level in the hands next to the boat. It destroys their ship. They have like 60 or 70 gems. They have they've been playing for a long time and they're just filled with loot. And it immediately sinks. I think I unfortunately didn't have a clip of throwing the grenades.

We have a clip of me being in their sinking boat. I killed the last guy. So now their boat's gone. But then they kill me. However, my boat is parked really close by, so I can just ride on over and start harpooning all this shit into my boat. But I'm listening to their stream, and so as I'm listening, I hear them go, Oh shit, he's coming! Grab, like, they grabbed the four things that they viewed was most valuable

and then started rowboating away and we're like, we hope, hopefully he doesn't see me. I'm like, I'm just watching you guys. It's great. And they're like, he's coming. We got to go. We got to find somewhere to go. Let's just go to this island. What they don't know is I am so just freaked out and like the adrenaline is flowing. I get lost and I go the wrong way. I end up in a storm. I go to the wrong outpost. I am fucking this up in every way, but they think that I'm like good

and calculated because of what I've done. They rowboat to this island and he's like, this is what we're going to do. We're going to bury our treasure so that way he won't know where it is. And let's put it all on top of each other in a row. So we know and it's easy for us, but he won't. And it's like, this is so funny. I can see I literally see where you're burying it. I know what you're doing.

They're talking about hiding spots that I'd never find. It was great. I eventually. I fuck up so bad, I had to do a figure eight. I get to where I sunk them and I took so long all of the shit has just sunk to the sea I didn't get any of the stuff that was on their boat But neither the day and so then I loaded up they were about 80% of the way done unloading from the vault that it opened I got the rest of it and I continue to watch the stream They handled it very well losing Losing all their stuff.

They lost more than I've ever lost in one time, and they handled it way better than I would have. One of them was like, Ah, that's just how it goes. I'm done for the night. And then the two of them kept playing for a little bit. And then maybe like five minutes later, the guy that was streaming said, I'm done for the night. Like, this is fun. I think I'm going to take a little break. Thank you for watching. Have a good night, everybody. I'm going to I'm done for the night. Like, this is fun. I think I'm going to take a little break.

Thank you for watching. Have a good night, everybody. I'm going to, I'm going to set up. I'm going to redirect you to some other stream. And so then I signed into my Twitch account and I wrote good night. And then they, they went, Andrew Panton, you're the guy I killed.

I was like, I've been watching the whole time. That's how I got all my shit. I've been fucked in, I've been watching the whole time. That's how I got all my shit. I've been fucked in. I've been watching. He said, oh, man, good play. Good job by you. And then there was a pause. And then in a very dejected way, he said,

can I at least get a follow for this? Because I was one of two people watching his stream. It's not a big streamer. This is a small lie. I obliged and I was hoping that he people watching his stream. It's not a big streamer. This is a small, I obliged and I was hoping that he would post the VOD. It's not up. I don't think he saved it. I would rule if there was a way to watch that.

Yeah, but I was hoping I could clip his realizing that I've been in his chat the entire time. That is how I was able to see. It was just so cinematic, the guy being like, convincing them to load this powerful bomb and then being like like this bomb is the most powerful bomb in the game Hopefully they don't know where I'm gonna put it cuz I'm putting it here and the other guy told saying no immediately and then finally caving Yeah, oh it was perfect And that is why I love that game because it it can beat you down

like I lost two point five hours of progress cuz I got sunk and I didn't get anything for it And I was like this is there should be studies done on how this game has broken me because I should be outraged But I'm I don't I don't feel anymore about it But you also have the opposite of that justice of getting revenge because I wanted to be in an alliance I wanted to work together, but no Because they were greedy we all lost everything so my life hack is Maybe don't attach your twitch account to your gamer profile or else You might get swiped on by your enemies certainly don't know why you're griefing. Yeah, yes

Like I can't don't stream No, it's don't associate your Xbox camera tag. Oh No, it's don't associate your Xbox camera tag With the thing because if he was I'd have no way of knowing that he was a twitch streamer I'm never gonna just randomly assume it was because his profile literally led me to his switch account That I was able to do all this that was a all-time great face story Andrew. Thank you So how many clips of that do you have? I? Thank you. Fantastic. So how many clips of that do you have? I probably have like five or six.

That'd be most of them. Like cut yours, cut your audio from this along with the clips like overlay. Oh, my God. That would be so like a short or something. It's most of them is me laying in that thing, just peaking and freaking out as they run by me. And then the only combat I have is me being in their ship that's on fire, That's filling with water I unfortunately missed the part where I threw the grenades, but yeah, I definitely have clips for it

So maybe the adrenaline is high all right It was so high. I was so embarrassed that they're like we gotta go this guy's coming after us And I'm like where the fuck am I in a storm? I'm just so disoriented It uh great I'm just so disoriented. It was great. That is my life hack. Dude, that's a hell of a life hack. And this was a good episode.

This is a fun episode for sure. I'll see if I can. Maybe I'll. Know if anyone else has a thing they want to close on. I'll see if I can find a clip. Jeff, what episode was this? This was episode 205, our 204th episode, also known as our Pint ultimate episode Wait, is it Pint? No, is it Pint or Pen? Pen ultimate episode Wow that that gap way to bring up a 15 year old argument

Look, that's what the end of the company is all about. Yeah. Yeah, it's true. It's true. Oh God and the company for me is taking over the store you guys see those banner images I thought that was so funny man, so all that stuff sold out pretty quick, huh? I didn't see I didn't I didn't even see updates on it or anything. Oh here. Let me did you save the company? No, no Did take over Yeah, I'm gonna post a link to the store. The fact that this is what the art store is going out on is ridiculous.

That's amazing. That's absolutely amazing. Oh, but it was all the credit goes to the merch team that was their idea to like do a takeover thing and it was so funny. You know let me say as the as the human individual who created our online merch presence, built our first web store, managed the first four stores, was 100% in charge of all of it for the first seven years. I couldn't be prouder of how that story ended.

And can you see that banner? Looking at that banner made me think about when I first discovered Red vs. Blue, and if I could go back to me in that moment of discovering the site for the first time and just showing that image of like this is going to be the last thing that the store the website that you're on that you've just become obsessed with. They're going to sell a line with your name taking over the store and it's going to be plungers.

Now get to figure out how to get there. I would do is no way. It's one of those things where if you if you did see that, if you saw the end from the past, you would never be able to get there. Impossible. Yeah. No chance. You'd just be like, when do I start working on this? I gotta drop out of high school immediately.

I did, I bought some thumb sticks. I think I'm gonna send some, but I bought some just in case you didn't get them So we can oh, yeah, I want to skate them I haven't I haven't had any of the most recent stuff or you're definitely gonna thumbsticks. It's at the office Oh where though? Yeah, there's a there's a bunch of stuff in our office Yeah, I was just there. Yeah. Yeah, you were just there. There's boxes of shit. Yeah, there's boxes of stuff I mean like boxes of stuff like boxes and boxes Tony made a special box just for you

Like I just go and pillage when I go back to get my stuff. Yes. Yeah. All right. All right chill out Is it pillaging if the company's dead? I don't think that's a pillaging. I think you're just I think it's just stuff. I don't think it belongs to anybody. I Guess you're pillaging from HBO or Warner technically Y'all believe that the fucking Mythbusters shut down the company. That's crazy Shark week took us out Thanks, Gavin. Thanks Gavin. Oh Man, I hate to say it, but we should probably end this episode

So that we can record the next episode Hell yeah Do you know did you have your clip? Oh? I'll throw it in next one. I don't know we get what we're talking about it now alright. Well. We'll see you next time Thanks for listening one more episode bye Hold on not so fast oh no no idea yeah yeah yeah you got the fuck this is a disaster I thought it was going to be the next episode.

Motherfucker! You talk so much! I know! He was astonishingly... Oh! I didn't even hear it. He was in the mask. I'm in the mask!

I did it! He didn't sound different at all! He didn't sound different at all. He didn't really talk. I talked the whole time! You didn't sound different at all. You didn't really talk. Now I will say, so I will say, I was thinking in this episode, I'm like, Nick is being so vocal. He's making so many like face jam style noises.

But I thought it was just me going like, I didn't even, it didn't fucking clock it as like he's wearing the mask. Mother fucker I got you think about I did and I actually are the first couple times I heard him speak up I went oh, I'm glad I can hear Nick. He sounds normal. I don't have to worry about that bit Sounds a hundred percent God To nil that's see Nick takes 20-24. 20-25 though!

Oh, good luck son. We're coming back strong. Wow! Also, Nick, you have to give that mask back to Warner Brothers. Oh! I had to get this out of the way for that reason. Alright, seriously though, let's stop. Bye!

Hey guys, Major League Fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F***face. Alright, seriously though, eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F***face.