F**kface - Black Bawks Down // The First F**kface Recipe [32]

Episode Date: January 6, 2021

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about starting a war with Gus?, a hamburger sandwich shop, Andrew's coffee soup, and more. Listen to a F**kface Christmas at https://soundcloud.com/user-741322501/sets/ha...ve-a-fkface-christmas-feat-the-fkface-discord-orchestra Sponsored by Tushy (http://hellotushy.com/FACE) and ExpressVPN (http://expressvpn.com/face) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Dragon's Dogma 2, the highly anticipated successor to the cult classic Dragon's Dogma, is out now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series S and X, and Steam. Dragon's Dogma 2 is a third-person action RPG boasting a richly detailed and deeply explorable fantasy world created using Capcom's RE Engine's immersive physics, groundbreaking character AI systems, and cutting-edge graphics. Dive into the vast and dynamic world where The Arisen is called upon to fulfill a forgotten destiny across the nations of Vermont, the Kingdom of Humanity, and Batal, the nation of Beastrin.
Starting point is 00:00:36 Dragon's Dogma 2 revolves entirely around choice. Your choice, that is. From the sword and shield-wielding fighter to fighter to the illusion conjuring trickster, there are over 10 unique vocations to choose from that all require experience to unlock new skills. And character customization is out of this world, literally. Oh, and did I mention the combat is really in-depth? It isn't just hacking at a giant's ankle for half an hour while your dodge roll attacks. You can engage enemies from a distance, climb up large foes, stab them in This is a Rooster Teeth production. Hello and welcome to another episode of F*** Face, a podcast about three dipshits doing dipshit stuff. My name is Jeff. With me, as always, are Gavin and my very, very,
Starting point is 00:01:48 very, very, very, very, very good friend, Andrew. What an overcompensation that was. Hello! Hello. Is it 2021 now? Uh, I, God, I hope so. We ended 2020 on F*** Face with a, uh, with a, like a
Starting point is 00:02:04 weird left turn. I think it's a great episode. I disagree with this. It'll be interesting to see the response. You haven't heard the first 15 minutes of it. I think that's true. 15 minutes. It's a great.
Starting point is 00:02:15 Let's let's promise not to outdo that episode with this episode. OK, should I just open with there's something I meant to mention last episode. We didn't get around to it. I think this is mention last episode. We didn't get around to it. I think this is pretty exciting. Okay, didn't get around to anything. No. Yeah, we did. We didn't really talk about anything.
Starting point is 00:02:32 But the one thing I did want to talk about, we did not address at all. I don't think Jeff even knows about this. I'd be surprised if he does. Okay, did did you know Jeff that? Okay, thank us later. Real thing now. I madeff that okay thank us later real thing now i made a website for thank us later it's a totally real site we're kicking i'm gauging interest i meant to ask you yeah last episode did you run an ad on the rt podcast that's the thing i ran an ad on the rt podcast for thank us later just to gauge interest we have a new suit
Starting point is 00:03:06 we have super fan gus now as well as super fan jack gus was kind enough to do it ran an ad for thank us later i've been getting i've gotten like 70 emails from people mainly confused a lot of people don't know how to react if it's some people somehow think that somebody stole the business idea and launched it within the week you've got an ad for it i've got a lot of those too which would be incredible although if there's one business you could immediately steal and run with it's one where they don't do anything for the first four months you literally would only need a one so is this the same superfan gus that you told us before the episode started because you didn't want to talk about it in the episode that you were starting a war with him? No, I'm not starting a war with Gus at all.
Starting point is 00:03:51 I completely disagree with that. I was just you know, what happened was I was listening to the podcast. I wanted to hear the ad. Gus did a great job. Such a nice guy. Gus has a podcast of his own as well called Black Box Down. I don't know if you've looked into black box down jeffrey gavin fantastic show great podcast have you been to their website
Starting point is 00:04:11 just curious they have a they have a black box down website yeah they have their own website and you know it's really nice because like super fan gus is great really great guy went on their website and i was so touched it was such a nice gift to us i didn't realize they're such big fans uh black box down is just kind of a fan site for face which i didn't anticipate i just put a link in the thing black box down very official site it's black box down it's their podcast oh you had eric post it who did the draw oh i did eric did post it whoops i forgot what happened you're getting tangled in your web of lies no i'm not i just made the fall guy. This has nothing to do with me.
Starting point is 00:05:05 I saw this. It's Eric's fault. Eric did this. Blackboxdown.com. Blackboxdown. Yeah. I was shocked. I'm a f***ing face fan blog.
Starting point is 00:05:15 Yeah. Superfan Gus. I didn't expect it, but it was really nice. Did you draw that on some notepaper? No, I didn't do any of the drawings. These are wonderful drawings from maybe the community. Maybe I don't know who made them. Maybe the community did.
Starting point is 00:05:31 I don't know. I didn't make the site. Gus did. Super fan Gus and the podcast. I think it was very touching, so I wanted to share it. I didn't expect it. I just stumbled onto this. It's a cute drawing.
Starting point is 00:05:42 We should make a t-shirt out of it. It's a very cute drawing. There's a picture of the f*** face logo. There's a picture it's a cute drawing we should make a t-shirt out of it there's a picture of the face logo there's a picture of the disgusting waffle oh i see what you've done you son of a bitch i what do you mean what i've done i who's i'm sorry who made this site again superfan gus superfan gus made this site okay what's the one next to the waffle it looks like someone's gut in a wetsuit um that's the that's the that's the fuck hat oh yeah oh did you not recognize the fuck hat no what did you say like a gut in the wets yeah you know the iconic face moment the gut in the wetsuit i thought it was someone's front we all got in the wetsuit can we sell
Starting point is 00:06:27 face wetsuit guts just the front of a wetsuit car to go with the doorknobs can you have the front of the wetsuit without the back don't you need a back of a wetsuit to have the front isn't it just part of a wetsuit at that point wait you don't know that you buy wetsuits in halves you think they come as one whole wetsuit no they come they come as one whole wetsuit don't try to fuck with me i know about wetsuits you get a wetsuit you're not gonna trick me on wetsuits i was trying to get andrew knows wetsuits i fucking know wetsuits so much i had a wetsuit when i was growing up i know what i have a wetsuit i've worn a wetsuit gavin well i'm not saying i'm not saying the whole front of a wetsuit i'm saying we cut the stomach
Starting point is 00:07:10 off and just make like a it'd be like a mouse mat almost but out of a wetsuit that's a good idea i was just saying can you have a front without a back can you just sell a front of a wetsuit it's just part of a wetsuit of them there's nothing identifiable about a front of a wetsuit i think we could yeah i just think labeling it as the front of a wetsuit is weird is my well it's just like think of it this way like like you want to go swimming you want to go surfing you want to go boogie boarding and you're pretty you're pretty resistant to the cold but you're for whatever reason your abs get cold you've You've got chilly abs, and you just want to cover that part. You've got a sensitive tummy. So we'll sell the front of the wetsuit,
Starting point is 00:07:52 and we'll make a strap. You can come back around. That's a good idea. I'm now on board for this. Could I have a buckle system, like those really shitty, cheap buckles? Could that be the... Great.
Starting point is 00:08:04 I love this. It can be whatever you want it to be. You're helping design it. There's actually two pieces of art, too. buckle system like those really shitty cheap buckles could that be the great i love it can be whatever you want it to be you're helping design it there's actually two pieces of art too if you go to the about section another great black box down whatever artist or maybe gus did i don't know whoever did these phenomenal job you know i've got to say the um because the latest one to come out at the point of this recording is the one where you talked about teenagers i did see a few people thinking that 18 and 19 they weren't a teenager it is though i would say the majority of comments i saw were people that were both on my side for that and the sewing machine i would say that i had the majority opinion wait for that i think the majority of comments didn't know what
Starting point is 00:08:42 a teenager was no no no no i think a majority of comments were on my side that it's not as crazy to not know what that is. That it is a weird thing. I disagree. I don't think the majority at all was 40. At all? I would say at best, I think it was 50-50. No, I would say 70-30. There were a surprising number of people that acknowledged that they had
Starting point is 00:09:05 never thought about it either, which it just blows my mind. But it certainly wasn't the majority. Oh, I think there was a lot of people that were like, Jeff and Gavin, this is the first time. A lot of people saying, I hate to do this, but Andrew was right. I did see a few of those.
Starting point is 00:09:21 Having to come to terms. Yeah, it was a nice even mix of, wow, I hate to say it, but Andrew was making a lot of sense in this one, combined with, I don't know what's wrong with Andrew. He needs help. Yeah. I also saw a few, not very many, but a few that were like, you guys were a little mean to Andrew
Starting point is 00:09:38 over the icky shuffle thing, which I think is ludicrous to say. I don't think we were too mean at all. Oh, it was mainly Eric. Eric was just wrong. What's everyone saying about Sonic Burger? They're calling you the Sonic Burger guy. Oh yeah, you're some sort of a hypocrite.
Starting point is 00:09:54 I thought that the name of the restaurant was Sonic Burger and only found out recently during a Face Jam episode that it is not called Sonic Burger. It is just called Sonic. So you were called out on that podcast? Yes. Or in the comments? Oh, both.
Starting point is 00:10:11 Can I just say, Eric, because you're at a much more mature podcast than FaceJam, a perfectly understandable mistake, and these things happen. I think we can all agree that that's totally understandable. I think to me it's just confusing the hedgehog with the hamburger and i think that's an easy mistake to make because i feel like most people who play the hedgehog also eat the hamburger place
Starting point is 00:10:32 so it makes sense i will say sonic the burger yeah uh i will say in uh my defense uh against the icky shuffle thing, and really I feel like the comments that people left for Andrew saying, I'm right. I think that crazy people leave comments. When was the last time you left a comment on something that you consumed as a fan? That's all I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:11:01 Just something to put out there, something to think about. You know, you got to take about you know you gotta take it you gotta take it for what it is and really the people who are saying I agree with Andrew I mean really that's like saying why do you read comments they're all left by comment leavers right right no you're right that's it
Starting point is 00:11:18 I think the people that leave comments are fantastic Eric get yourself back off mute you're not done we had an exchange yesterday we went I think the people that leave comments are fantastic. Eric, get yourself back off mute. You're not done. We had an exchange yesterday. We went back and forth. Eric just making shit up about the sewing machine and that I made it. I didn't come up with it.
Starting point is 00:11:34 It's just what I was told it was. And I was open to being incorrect. We went back and forth. I called him out about the Sonic Burger thing. Eric then replied, maybe I will because I would not do that with Sonic the Hedgehog, the thing that would be easily confused for the hamburger sandwich shop. I replied, what the fuck is a hamburger sandwich shop?
Starting point is 00:11:53 Eric said he'd get back to me on that, that he could find one. Haven't heard anything about it. Where's your hamburger sandwich shop? It's tough to find. When you Google hamburger sandwich shop, it's a lot of pictures of hamburgers and not much else. There's no such thing as a hamburger sandwich shop. Here's what I think. I think there are a lot of hamburger sandwich shops,
Starting point is 00:12:13 but they all have websites and aren't on Google Maps because they are all run by old men who just go, the internet, that fad. So yeah, I feel like I'm right about that. There's no, what is it? What even would be a hamburger sandwich shop? Like, I don't even understand what that business is. It's a shop that sells hamburger sandwiches.
Starting point is 00:12:32 I think it's pretty clear. It's pretty self-explanatory. But why would they only do that? Like, an ice cream shop, I get, it's only ice cream, but, like, nobody's just selling hamburgers. Well, why would you think that that denotes that they only sell hamburgers because Jeff because he's a crazy person no because if you're
Starting point is 00:12:50 no no no no no shut up for a second if you're making it anything else you just call it a fucking restaurant or a drive-in or a diner there are names for what these businesses are if you're going as far to specifically call yourself the hamburger sandwich shop
Starting point is 00:13:05 that's because you only sell hamburger sandwiches there'd be no other reason you ever been to Dan's Dan's hamburgers oh are you talking about Dan's hamburgers well that must be the only one there certainly wasn't a spin off restaurant from Dan's hamburgers was there you mean the one called Fran's hamburgers
Starting point is 00:13:21 that's interesting now Jeff when you ate at Dan's hamburgers and Fran's hamburgers Oh, Fran's Hamburgers. That's interesting. Now, Jeff, when you ate at Dan's Hamburgers and Fran's Hamburgers, and you went, I'm sure you got a hamburger, but were there other things at the hamburger sandwich shop? Sometimes I'll get a shake or some french fries. Interesting. Over at Hat Creek Hamburgers, I'll often get tater tots. I'm not saying hamburger places don't exist.
Starting point is 00:13:42 I'm saying none of them identify as a hamburger sandwich shop go to ed go to fucking dan's or franz and say are you a hamburger sandwich shop and just watch the soul leave their eyes nobody will know what you're talking about when they marry none of them will say yes yeah they got divorced i think franz is actually gone oh no but dan's is still around yeah there's i think there's two dans now so there's no more france nick also pointed out that there's the texas hamburger company that's weird well i i don't i don't entirely understand what the argument is like if you go to cheesecake factory but that's a restaurant that's a perfect that's a perfect. That's a perfect example, Gavin. They don't identify themselves as a fucking factory.
Starting point is 00:14:27 If you go into Cheesecake Factory and say, are you factory workers? None of them will say yes. It's a restaurant. What? It's a restaurant. It's not a factory. They don't identify themselves as a factory. The restaurant is called the Cheesecake Factory.
Starting point is 00:14:42 Another day at the factory. That's my point Nobody would identify that as the factory What kind of factory? Oh which one? The Cheesecake Factory I mean it's what you brought up with It's a perfect point for me to make my point None of them are factory workers
Starting point is 00:15:04 Is a restaurant not like a food factory by default? What does that even mean? What's the definition of a factory anyway? I don't know, but it's certainly not the cheesecake factory. It does not fall under those definitions. I mean, if you had like a robot making a cheesecake, would that make it a factory? I don't think so. Factory, noun, a building or group of buildings where goods are manufactured or
Starting point is 00:15:26 assembled chiefly by machine yeah we get ourselves a cheesecake making robot we've got ourselves a factory i said chiefly it doesn't doesn't necessarily mean it has to be i i feel like a factory needs to have a big smoke cloud how How about spaghetti warehouse? Now we get the definition of warehouse. Warehouse definition. A large building where raw materials or manufactured goods may be stored before their export or distribution for sale. I would say that applies.
Starting point is 00:15:58 How does that apply? They're selling them at the place. They're not exporting. Yeah, prepared for distribution or sale. Yeah, you're distributing it to your tummy. There you go. There's no scenario in which people are going to side with the hamburger shop. Is this where you wanted to be at the start of 2021?
Starting point is 00:16:16 On this, arguing this point? Is this how you wanted to start your year? I didn't. I felt like it was a very straightforward thing. And I'm surprised that you and Gavin are backing up this factory hamburger shop nonsense. I mean, I. Hamburger sandwich shop specifically. I'm fine with the hamburger shop.
Starting point is 00:16:35 Hamburger sandwich shop is absurd. What if the person's last name is Hamburger? Hamburger sandwich. But they don't identify their business as a as the hamburger sandwich they'd be a restaurant john hamburger sandwich shop it's ridiculous you're ridiculous jeff you're ridiculous i don't know man i uh i think i gotta i think i gotta side with eric on this one what do you mean i win name a hamburger sandwich shop name one place that identifies themselves as a hamburger sandwich shop i think we listed a bunch that was
Starting point is 00:17:06 a hamburger. No, you didn't. You listed burger joints. You didn't list places that would identify as hamburger. I'm sorry, hang on. So originally, you were just disqualifying anything that had the hamburger because they sold other things. Now you're qualifying it as a hamburger joint. So you just keep moving goalposts, man.
Starting point is 00:17:22 Do they sell joints? That's a great question. That's up to them to decide. They could, depending on what state. It's possible. I googled hamburger sandwich shop. Three places in town showed up. Luke's Inside Out, Food Heads, and Lily's Sandwich.
Starting point is 00:17:41 50 greatest burgers in town. What's it doing then? I mean, Andrew, as basic as this question could be, is a hamburger not a sandwich to you? I wouldn't call it that, but I'm fine if it is. I just don't think that's fun. I wouldn't want to refer to a hamburger as a sandwich. I mean, I've never referred to them as that,
Starting point is 00:18:01 but I think they are, technically. What was the name of the place, Jeff, you said a minute ago? Oh, I've already moved on. I don't know. But I will say this, Andrew, and this may be in defense of you. When I Googled hamburger sandwich shop in quotes, TripAdvisor returned a
Starting point is 00:18:18 hamburger, different hamburger slash sandwich shop. Eric, pick a place. Pick a location for me, please. Dan's Hamburgers. No, no, no, no. Pick a location. Dan's Hamburgers? You want to go to Dan's Hamburgers? We can do Dan's Hamburgers.
Starting point is 00:18:35 Dan's Hamburgers. Are you going to call them? Is it Austin right now? I'm going to contact Dan's Hamburgers. This is out of control. We're going to fucking settle this. They don't even know they're on this podcast. This is, we can't use this. No, I can't. I'm not going to call Hamburgers and we're gonna fucking settle this. They don't even know they're on this podcast. This is- we can't use this. No, I can't. I'm not gonna call them, that'd be rude.
Starting point is 00:18:50 I also don't know where my phone is, but I'm gonna send them an email right now, asking. If they identify. There's like- Dan's Hamburger Shop takes a while to enter. They got a whole graphic. While we're on the food subject, A, has your salad cream arrived yet? Sure. And B, have you noticed your electricity bill go down since you gave up on the waffle dream?
Starting point is 00:19:10 I won't know the... Is Jeff flipping a coin? Are you trying to get anything but tails? What was your question? Salad cream hasn't arrived yet. And no, I get my power bill once every month. so we've got
Starting point is 00:19:26 to wait a few weeks still yep i think it's two months actually if if you determine that there's been no consumption like no less consumption will you go back to waffles and hot dogs i will you know what actually i forgot to set it up. Oh no This is a mistake. Can you hear me? Yeah, okay? Click I was trying to email Dan's and I got a pinwheel. Oh my email doesn't work. Let me close the email. Well, sorry I Don't think we made this episode less weird guys. I don't know What was your question? I got so distracted by the
Starting point is 00:20:05 hamburgers salad cream and the i my bill and then what were you saying jeff i was gonna say if there's no change in the bill oh that's what i was gonna say i bought a keurig machine so i'm gonna put that in the rotation i was gonna try you don't drink coffee yeah i was gonna try it for the first time on the show i just forgot to set it up because I was so consumed by Superfan Gus's website. I like this idea. Wait, yeah, set up. Do you have it? It's, I mean, like what do you mean?
Starting point is 00:20:31 Here, why don't you, I'll tell Gavin a story. It's going to take a while to set up. Yeah, take your time. Dude, I used to have a Keurig. It's not going to take you long at all. Yeah, plug it in, put water in the back, good to go. Drop a pod and in 60 seconds we have coffee. Get a non-recyclable pod in there?
Starting point is 00:20:46 Look, we're barely 20 minutes into this. We got another 40 minutes ahead of us. You've got plenty of time to make coffee. This is great. What a great way to start 2021 with your first cup of coffee. I love this idea. I feel like you just want to talk about something and you don't want me here for it, so you're creating a system.
Starting point is 00:21:01 No, I want to talk about anything and this is anything. This is something happening in the podcast and you can keep your headphones on andrew no i can't what do you mean i have to fucking walk down a flight of stairs i can keep my headphones well that could be dangerous for you what is it with you and changing floors you make it sound like you're going to the airport or something no just no you're saying gavin my headset cord is maybe five feet long there's no way in which I can make it down there. How's the ankle? No, I'm not even saying that.
Starting point is 00:21:28 I'm saying the majority of the time spent setting it up will be setting it up, not the brief 40 seconds it takes to go downstairs and get it. I was just... No, I was countering that you said you could keep your headphones on. You'll be... There's no way I could. You can keep it on while you set it up.
Starting point is 00:21:42 Oh, while I set it... I thought you meant while I get it. That was my... No, no. You'd be halfway done while you set it up. Oh, while I set it up. I thought you meant while I get it. That was my... No, no. You'd be halfway done by now if you had left when we told you to. That was my... Okay, I'll go get it.
Starting point is 00:21:51 All right, do it. That's great. I'm gonna go get it. How's your everything go okay? You making it downstairs? What am I picking? What am I having? What am I having?
Starting point is 00:22:02 What are your options? Wow, that was fast, Andrew. You had gone like one minute. I- I- I don't have a mug. Okay. I'll have to get that. Um, okay, so I got dreamy creamy salted caramel. Option one. Those are your two- Okay. That was one flavor. Raspberry choco latte. Okay. French vanilla.
Starting point is 00:22:33 Jamaican rum yum i think that might be it gone bananas i don't know how this machine works andrew do you have coffee just fucking normal coffee no i um my dark My sister hazelnut. I mean, these are all medium roast. Stay away from hazelnut. I mean, you don't have just like medium roast French drip? French roast toast? French roast? I got French roast toast roast.
Starting point is 00:23:01 You okay with that? That okay? That okay? I've never... Those are some... I guess... Those are my choices. French vanilla is probably your closest to actual coffee option there.
Starting point is 00:23:15 Okay. Yeah. Are we going French vanilla? Do you have an opinion on this, Gavin? No. Okay. How do I do this? How does this...
Starting point is 00:23:25 Do I just put it in the machine and hit go? I'm assuming. Well, did you fill the reservoir with water? Yeah. Yeah, I did the water thing. Okay. Water set up. Is it plugged into an outlet?
Starting point is 00:23:35 It's plugged in. Are you prepared to spin the electricity? Yes, I'm prepared. I got the bits. Okay. I got the bolts. Then, yeah, just stick the cup in, the K-cup in. Okay.
Starting point is 00:23:44 Close the thing and then hit the go button. There was like a teabag in there. What do I do with the teabag? That alarmed me. Take it out? But what do I do with it? It was in its own box. Wait, what?
Starting point is 00:23:55 There was like a teabag thing. Put it in a drawer? I don't know. Okay, I was just curious. It was weird. It was a weird part. Mine didn't come with a teabag. It was weird. It was a weird part.
Starting point is 00:24:02 Mine didn't come with a teabag. Should we talk about how until last week I didn't know that people listened to this podcast? Oh, did you want to talk about that? That's funny. So like a couple of months ago I was talking to Jeff about just life and stuff. And you were telling me about how no one listened to F*** Face.
Starting point is 00:24:31 And it was like ranking bottom among all the recent podcasts. And I was like, oh, that sucks. I think it's pretty good. I think we have fun making it. It's a shame that no one listens to it. And I thought that for months. Last week, Jeff and Eric were just talking about the performance of face it's like number two in the whole company yeah it's behind the rt podcast uh and i'm hoping that we'll take that over before
Starting point is 00:24:55 too long too and i was like wait people do listen to this and you're like oh yeah i just told you no one listened to it so you'd work harder what does that mean if anything made me work less hard because i was like well no i know you i know you if you think it's like i think you'll try harder what do you mean try how do you try on a podcast what do you mean this isn't doing well be funnier you can't just i'm not there every week being like, oh man, if more people were listening, I would turn up the funny. No, I was, I was slightly demoralized. I was, I was feeling a bit sad for the next few months because I believed it was pretty
Starting point is 00:25:35 decent. Now you're telling me you were lying the whole time. Like it's going to make it. Gavin, it's doing incredibly well up until the last two podcasts. It's been doing incredibly well. I have no last two podcasts, it's been doing incredibly well. I have no idea how these two are going to be received. So in conversation with other people, like if Trevor's talking to me about Red Web or something,
Starting point is 00:25:52 I've always just been like, yeah, shame about face. He must have been like, what are you talking about? It's one of the most listened to podcasts we do in the entire company. It is like, it does. It does so well. I'll be honest between episodes like eight and 30. I thought it was like the dregs of the list and I was actually bummed about it.
Starting point is 00:26:22 It's been doing, it's been doing so well for like a while now and like and that's thanks to everyone who listens and everything. Are you gonna like coast now? Like how are you gonna change? What are you gonna do? My point is it can't affect my performance.
Starting point is 00:26:38 I was just sad. Well you just said if anything if anything it made you work less. So now that you know it's successful, you're going to work harder. So we can expect a better version of Gatling. That's the stupidest mindset ever. Why do you always lie about the most pointless thing?
Starting point is 00:27:00 I believed that you were bummed as well. You were like proper giving it like, yeah, I mean, I hope the views pick up. Otherwise, we won't be able to make it anymore. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. The day we had that conversation, I think that was true. It was just only true for like another three days. So you just never gave me the update.
Starting point is 00:27:25 I just never updated you when things were going well because I didn't see the point. Yeah, you were talking to Eric about it I think a couple of weeks ago after we ended it. I was blown away. I was like, what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's doing super well.
Starting point is 00:27:41 I just hit myself with coffee. It's my first experience. I took coffee to the face. Yes. Yes, it was. Yes, it was. While you two were talking, I was just going, fuck, because I just threw coffee in my face. Why can't you operate basic things like mugs?
Starting point is 00:28:01 No, it's a big mug, and I wanted to get a good whiff. So I was like, oh, I'm going to spin the liquid around a little bit, and it rode right up the cup, hit me in the forehead. Not good. Andrew, did you know that this podcast is doing all right? Yeah, I was here last week. What do you mean? Of course I do.
Starting point is 00:28:18 This is great content, Gavin. Before that, did you know? What do you mean? Oh, no, I just, I don't care. I don't, like, like... I hope it no i just i don't i don't care i don't like what i hope see that's a true that's that's a performer right there he's doing this for him he's not he's not worried about the numbers he's doing it for the fans and that's great he's a real podcaster that's right i still did it all those 20 months or 20 weeks that i thought it was shit i was doing it for the love as well.
Starting point is 00:28:45 I was just sad at the same time. Here's the deal, Gavin. I didn't want to have to stop making it. I feel like our friendship operates at its highest level of efficiency and success when we trust each other and what comes out of our mouth less and less. Right? I want you to question everything i tell you for the rest of your life and i feel like by the way i feel like i've been displaying that for years i don't feel like this is a new thing this is a continuation of of the
Starting point is 00:29:18 of the lineage of the tenure of of our uh manipulating and lying to each other yeah i just feel like i should i should trust you less by now. And I don't for some reason. Hey, in all seriousness, Gavin, congratulations on your assistance and the success of this podcast. You're doing great. I was just very...
Starting point is 00:29:41 Jesus Christ. What the fuck? Coughing like he smoked a cigarette People drink this Oh my god How do you live How do you survive day to day What does that mean
Starting point is 00:29:58 What do you mean by that This is horrendous What don't you like about it Everything It'd be easier to answer what I do like about it What't you like about it everything it'd be easier to answer what i do like about it what do you like about the smell the smell is okay everything else not good this isn't good what is it so so take us through it did you have a did you gulp it did you have just a sip what do you i just i try i mean it's too hot to gulp i was gonna gulp it but i took a sip
Starting point is 00:30:20 and it's just it's terrible this is not good why did i buy a coffee machine well i'll tell you i'll be honest with you dude you got a bunch of weird ass flavors none of those flavors sound like coffee coffee is great it's when you start adding hazelnut and shit to it that it gets weird you might be a person uh and i would caution it against it uh i've said this many times you'll your life will be easier if you just drink black coffee but you might be one of those people that needs a little bit of milk or cream or sugar or splenda and you need to find that ratio uh where you gotta like de-coffee it a little bit and sweeten it up to get it to to like to to appease your palate i can't but okay we're gonna try
Starting point is 00:31:02 something this is a mistake this isn't okay sweeten right that's what you do with coffee like if you think it's too bitter you sweeten it that's what a lot of people do yeah i just dropped like how many are these one two three four what are you what are you putting in there i just put in ice no i have these like Maynard Sour Patch Kids watermelon things. They're sweet. They're sweet. And do they melt? They'll melt.
Starting point is 00:31:31 They melt in your mouth. So why wouldn't they melt in the coffee? So what, you're adding sour to bitter? I guess, yeah. I just dropped like a bunch of like sour Maynard's watermelon things in. Do you think that will cancel it out? Or do you think that will what's that gonna do? What does sour bitter taste like?
Starting point is 00:31:48 It can't taste worse I'm putting something in maybe it'll taste better I'm adding stuff to the mix I think you might find out it can taste worse I don't have really any I have a sugar cookie on my desk should I put that in too? Whoa you're putting food Into your coffee
Starting point is 00:32:03 Yes you're asking You said I need to make it sweeter I don't have any sweet stuff Like, wow, you're putting food into your coffee. Yes, you're asking. You said I need to make it sweeter. I don't have any sweet stuff. I'm grabbing what I have. I've got a fucking sugar cookie. I can put a bit of the sugar cookie in there. That has icing in it.
Starting point is 00:32:17 Oh, you know what you should do, dude? There's actually sugar on the cookie. I'm putting the cookie in. Dip the cookie in the coffee. It's already in the coffee. I can't dip it. You put the whole thing in? Yeah, I just dip the cookie in the coffee and it's already in the coffee you put the whole thing in yeah i just put the cookie in the coffee you're an animal you're go downstairs and get sugar no i'm already i've already been gone like for 15 minutes i'm not leaving again it's bubbling oh this is bubbling i also have honey nut Cheerios nearby Stop putting food in your coffee! The honey nut Cheerios is not gonna help.
Starting point is 00:32:48 Why wouldn't the honey nut Cheerios help? Cause that's also sweet. There's a nice honey flavor. I've added sugar through the sugar cookie. Oh, it's corn, wheat, coffee, Cheerios! Let's pour some Cheerios in. It's something other than coffee now. Okay. So I have some honey in there. They're like marshmallows almost. This is really the first cup of coffee you've ever had.
Starting point is 00:33:14 Yeah. I had one sip. It was no good. This might be better. He's making soup. This is soup. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:21 I'll take a photo. This is like when Millie was like two and she would cook for me. And she'd be like, here's a bunch of flathead screws in an open can of chicken noodle soup. I made it for you. This looks delicious. I don't know what you're talking about.
Starting point is 00:33:37 Have you had any yet? No, I'm just taking a photo. Post in the Discord. I wonder if it's going to be soggy. This might be the first ever uh face recipe this could go towards our recipe book oh the recipe book yeah you might not like this it does not look good we'll throw that in with the the wetsuit guts and the doorknobs the ab warmer what the what on? There's no coffee in there. Dude, that's so fucking gross.
Starting point is 00:34:08 That's a cookie and Cheerios at the bottom of a mug. No, there's actually a decent amount of liquid. It's a big mug. It's a really long mug. That's so gross. Yeah, Nick's right. It looks like a fucked up ramen cup. That's exactly what it looks like.
Starting point is 00:34:23 It does look like a ramen cup. It looks like beef fucked up ramen cup. That's exactly what it looks like. It does look like a ramen cup. It looks like beef ramen noodles. It's fucking gross, dude. How's it taste, though? Honestly? I got banned for spamming. I was trying to get it off the screen. Honestly?
Starting point is 00:34:40 Yeah. I could drink this. You would drink that? This is substantially better. Got a little bit of crunch with the Cheerios. It's not that bad. I...
Starting point is 00:34:57 You're either getting weirder by the week, or you were just hiding it better at the beginning. I would never order this, but it doesn't taste as strong as it did. Why, Andrew? Why would you never order coffee with Cheerios and a cookie in it? There's actually a really bad back taste.
Starting point is 00:35:15 This isn't good. This isn't good at all. Oh, that sneaks up on you, that back taste. Is that the same as an aftertaste, or is that a taste specifically in the back of your mouth? No, it's like a back, like, you thought the taste went down, you thought it was gone, and then it crawled back up, and is like, I got more, and it's not good.
Starting point is 00:35:35 Nick's got a good point. What is that shit stain on the left side of the mug? Oh, it was a hot chocolate mug. Wait, it's an old mug? It's a dirty mug? It's the only mug I had. So you made coffee in a dirty hot chocolate mug? I mean, I made...
Starting point is 00:35:52 Well, that's contaminated the experiment. You went downstairs and you came back with a dirty mug? I never went downstairs. I had one on my desk and it had hot chocolate at the bottom of it. Come on. And I was like, I'm not going to go downstairs. I'm going to be honest with you, Andrew. I still don't think you've
Starting point is 00:36:09 tried coffee now. What you're drinking is not coffee. Can I ask a question about the hot chocolate? When was that from? Last night. Okay, that's not too bad. It's still disgusting. It's not terrible, though. No, it's last night.
Starting point is 00:36:26 What time did you have hot chocolate last night? I don't know, like 10 p.m. maybe? It was late. It was a late night hot chocolate. What prompted you? Were you just wanting a little treat? Just a little hot chocolate at night. It's pretty good.
Starting point is 00:36:38 Was that to settle your tummy before you go to bed or something? No, it's just you enjoy a nice cup of hot chocolate. It's the time, Jeff. Did you make it or did someone make it for you? I made it. I made it. I made it. Gonna eat some milk.
Starting point is 00:36:50 Pour in the mix. Stir it. Did you use water or milk? I used milk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to use water. I'm now a milk guy. Did it have marshmallows in it?
Starting point is 00:37:01 Yeah, it did. Had some marshmallows. Had some whipped cream. Oof. It was fantastic. That's pretty good. that's pretty good that's pretty good okay so it's 2021 we're ready to put 2020 in uh the rear view mirror but hey real quick though take a look back there and what do you see that's right it's your butthole you've been neglecting it.
Starting point is 00:37:31 I've been telling you for a long time. Don't, yes, run from 2020, but don't run from your own anal comfort. You need this. So pay attention. We're talking about tushy. It's the future of toileting. It's technically been around for centuries, but it's been expensive and it's cost thousands of dollars. And as an American, if you're an American, you know what I mean? It wasn't readily available for us here. I get that it's all over Europe. They're very refined people. They have very sophisticated buttholes in Europe and other parts of the world, but we were definitely lagging here in America. But thank God, the brand new Hello Tushy 3.0 modern bidet attachment is here to level that playing field. And not just for us. I think you can use it too, Europe. It's for everybody. Let's all let's democratize our
Starting point is 00:38:11 buttholes, right? It's stylish. It's eco-friendly. It's easy to install. It's affordable. And it doesn't just cleanse your butt. It does so with a precise stream of fresh water. And I don't know if you've ever squirted water in your butt. Maybe it sounds a little weird at first, but I'm telling you, it's a clean like you want to experience. And once you have it, it's intoxicating. It's an intoxicating way to clean yourself. I'll say it. You'll never get enough of it. It cleans itself also, not just you, because it's got this like smart spray, automatic self-cleaning nozzle thing. So it takes care of all the dirty on you and it's got this like smart spray automatic self-cleaning nozzle thing so it takes care of all the all the dirty on you and it which is super convenient and you're gonna save on
Starting point is 00:38:50 toilet paper you're not gonna use nearly the toilet paper you used to use you're not gonna be driving to the store to buy toilet paper as often as you were so you're gonna save in gas and the trees will thank you plus every hello tushy bidet attachment comes with a 60-day risk-free guarantee and a 12-month warranty. So go to hellotushy.com slash face and get 10% off plus free shipping. This is a special offer for our listeners. Go to hellotushy.com slash face for 10% off.
Starting point is 00:39:20 That's hellotushy.com slash F-A-C-E. How do you choose which internet service provider to use? The sad thing is, most of us have very little choice because ISPs operate like monopolies in the regions that they serve. They then use this monopoly power to take advantage of customers, like when your friend owns every property on one entire side of the monopoly board, and there's no way you can get out of there unscathed. They take advantage of you. Data caps, streaming throttles, the list goes on. Plus St. James, Parkway, the whole thing. But worst of all, many ISPs log your internet activity
Starting point is 00:39:56 and sell that data to other big tech companies or advertisers. To prevent ISPs from seeing my internet activity, and you know what I'm talking about. It's thimble related, it's decorative spoon related, it's highly collectible, it's highly sought after, and it's my private information. I protect all of my devices with ExpressVPN. So what is ExpressVPN? Well, it's a simple app for your computer or smartphone that encrypts all your network data and tunnels it through a secure VPN server so that your ISP can't see any of your activity. Just think about how much of your life is on the internet. Sadly, every site you visit, video you watch, or message you send gets tracked by ISPs or other tech giants who can then sell that information for profit. That's the reason I recommend ExpressVPN as the best way to hide
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Starting point is 00:40:57 and other tech giants who mine your activity and sell off your information. Protect yourself with the VPN I trust to keep me private online. Wink, wink, spoon, spoon, thimble, thimble. Visit ExpressVPN.com slash face. That's E-X-P-R-E-S-S-V-P-N dot com slash F-A-C-E. And I spelled real good to get an extra three months free. Go to ExpressVPN.com slash face right now to learn more. free go to expressvbn.com face right now to learn more speaking of weird uh weird liquids and beverages this is gonna i think this photo sideways maybe it isn't i don't know so i have a dilemma
Starting point is 00:41:33 i've been meaning to bring this up for weeks now do you remember when uh how long ago jeff was that when i made that do you remember how long the waffle video was uh it's been about a month maybe it's been about a month three weeks. It's been about a month? Three weeks to a month, yeah. What I did, because it was when my ankle was fucked up, so I didn't have, I just needed to use something to mix everything, so I was using a water bottle, and I put everything in that. I didn't end up using all the mix.
Starting point is 00:41:59 I still have that water bottle with mix in it, and I don't know what to do with it. Oh, throw it away. I'm scared. Well, I don't know what to do with it. Oh, throw it away. I'm scared. Well, I don't know. I'm scared to touch it. It's inflated, but I also am concerned it might explode. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:42:12 It just keeps inflating. So I feel like... I would leave it alone. I'm scared to touch it. Do you live in filth? Are you... No. No. I'm a to touch it. Do you live in filth? Do you? Are you? No. No.
Starting point is 00:42:27 I'm a very clean person. It just was kind of tucked to the side of my bathroom countertop. I just never paid attention to it. And then one day I looked at it and was like, that's not good. And I went to touch it. It was very inflated. I'm scared to touch it.
Starting point is 00:42:40 And I don't really, like, how do I dispose of it? Yeah, it releases tons of gas. I wouldn't. I don't really like how do i yeah it releases tons of gas i wouldn't i don't know what to do i would just let it i would let it play out it's it's uh it's natural progression just keep it as is yeah i'll just see what happens document it i kind of am oh dude do you have a tape measure no oh you could get one and you could measure it and see how big it gets. Yeah. Yeah, measure the size. It's really like a science experiment.
Starting point is 00:43:09 Yeah, we'll get the resources when we're measuring heads, and I can just apply it to the bottom. There you go. Two in one. That's a great idea. Yeah. Flawless. Are you guys still playing Cyberpunk? I am.
Starting point is 00:43:23 Thank you so much for bringing that up. I have a question for two of you. Okay. This is the number one thing. I mean, not the number one thing. My game is completely broken. I can't progress through the story because one of the main missions is bugged.
Starting point is 00:43:36 But this drives me crazy. I haven't heard anyone else talk about this. So every time you do like a mission, they give you a chip, right? And then you're like, yeah, I'm going to see what's up with this. And you put it in your head. I have yet to pull a fucking chip out of my head.
Starting point is 00:43:49 How many slots does this guy have? Is the whole side of his head ports? Well, surely he's pulling out when the thing ends. You never see that though. Well, if you pulled something out of the side of your head, would you need to look at it? No, but I see it peripherally the entire way. I see it peripherally going in.
Starting point is 00:44:08 No, no, here's my thinking, though. If I'm reaching around the back of my dumb iMac and I'm trying to put in an SD card, I'm looking at the SD card, I'm trying to figure out the right way I'm putting it in. When I take it out, I reach blindly behind it and I pull it out. I don't look at it. No, it doesn't.
Starting point is 00:44:24 If you, Eric, pulls up a clip in the game, you putting it in, you put it in and then you put your hand down immediately. There's no extracting. I have like 89 fucking chips in my head. Can't we just assume that it happens off camera? Like, you also have an apartment with a bathroom, but you don't take a shit.
Starting point is 00:44:42 We just assume that it happens. I don't like, but I don't know. I feel like it assume that it happens. I don't like, but I don't know. I feel like it's weird because they establish you can pull it out. There are scenes where you're pulling stuff in and out, at least with one chip. So it's just odd to me that there's no animation of you extracting it in any way.
Starting point is 00:44:56 It's just there. Maybe the way it works is you feed it in kind of like a dot matrix. And then as it's being used, it goes through your head and then it poops out the back. It just goes into your pocket yeah i don't i don't think that's true i just i'd love to know if somebody i'm sure somebody will someone needs to make a video of all the times you put chips in your head and then find out how many chips you would have at the end of the game in your head i bet you it's hundreds oh it has to be for sure i'm enjoying the game i love the game it's so here's my problem with it i don't sleep well anymore because i'm playing
Starting point is 00:45:32 i can't stop playing i like uh i won i one more minute it or like turn in one more mission it until it's like fucking three or four in the morning i've been i had worked out a schedule i'd been going to bed at like 11 o'clock every night waking up super refreshed at 7am. Now I'm playing goddamn Cyberpunk until 3 or 4 in the morning and waking up at 8 wanting to murder everybody. It sucks. And I realized
Starting point is 00:45:55 that's what it was always like my entire life because of video games and drinking and stuff. I'd never had good sleep until this last couple years and I really have grown to like it and i fucking i hate i wish i wasn't so addicted to this game i'm sort of the same way because i i don't find a ton of time in in the daytime when i would yeah when it's probably the most appropriate time to play so i so yeah i sometimes start playing at like 11 p.m and then
Starting point is 00:46:21 and then it's one and i'm like oh man i, I stayed up late. It is also a buggy broken game, but it's so much fun it doesn't matter. Yes, a lot of bugs are funny and a lot of the other ones I've not reached a game-breaking bug yet. I've reached some immersion-breaking bugs, but nothing that's ruined
Starting point is 00:46:40 the experience for me yet. I've been handed a lot of stuff that's invisible. Yeah, I very often cannot get on my motorcycle. I just don't get a prompt for it. And if I kick it or punch it, I'll be able to. Just dumb shit like that. I see a lot of guns floating in the air.
Starting point is 00:46:55 A lot of floating guns. A lot of floating data pads. But I'm playing on PC where I guess it's way less buggy than last-gen consoles. Are you close to beating it? I don't know. Do you know how the story progression works?
Starting point is 00:47:10 Because there's like the three bars on the start screen, and it has like the one... The percentages. I'm at 90, 20, and 40. Oh, I'm at... 90, 20, and 45. I'm at like 25 and 4 or something. I don't think the left one is story related. It's like
Starting point is 00:47:29 notoriety or something like that. Like it's your rep I think in the world. I don't know. I was confused about that too. Well, I'm at a point where I had to pick up a mission to go to see Hanaka and it was like I went to start at Nissa. Just so you know, if you start this mission, you can't come back to the rest of the game till the game's over so I backed out oh okay
Starting point is 00:47:48 this is probably boring as fuck for our podcast I'm like level 20 something okay what about you again uh 12 12 okay I haven't had too many great bugs I think the best bug that has happened to me is I summoned my car and it drove up the street to my right and I was like great I'm gonna get in it and instead of turning left to me it took a right and then just started driving down the highway it's just leaving without me it became like fully automated have you ever summoned your oh I have a motorcycle but have you ever summoned your car and had it hit you no that happens to me all the time it's fucking hilarious I get run over by my own car. What do you think would happen if you put on a glove, like a safety glove,
Starting point is 00:48:29 or like an oven mitt? Put on an oven mitt, right? Because that'll protect your hand. And you go in to your bathroom and you shake that bottle. Why do I need an oven mitt for it? To protect your hand from shrapnel. Yeah, if it explodes.
Starting point is 00:48:44 Yeah. Your hand is ground zero. But would an oven mitt, is an oven mitt for it? To protect your hand from shrapnel. Yeah, if it explodes. Yeah. Your hand is ground zero. But would an oven mitt, is an oven mitt providing that much? Well, yeah, if the plastic is sharp enough as it whooshes by your hand skin, it could cut you. You get like a paper cut,
Starting point is 00:48:55 but the oven mitt will protect the hell out of you. I don't have an oven mitt. I mean, I'm willing. I have a sock. I still have a sock on my desk from when. Sock would work. Sock would work. The one we did the left sock thing. Okay, I got a sock. Yeah. So you're going to do a sock on my desk from when we did the left sock thing.
Starting point is 00:49:05 Okay, I got a sock. So you're going to do a sock and shake? I guess I'll do a sock and shake. I guess is that what we're doing? Yeah, that'll be okay. I'm really taking one for the team this episode. I'm even drinking shit coffee. I'm shaking stuff.
Starting point is 00:49:19 Well, I feel like we're starting off 2021 right. It's the year of Andrew taking one for the team, and here we go. Okay. I guess I'll go do this. Every episode, Andrew's gonna take one for the team. Why don't you do it in front of the mic, though, so we can have progress? You want me to, so if it explodes, you want it to be in front of all the tech?
Starting point is 00:49:38 That's your idea? Well, are we gonna hear it? Why are you even doing it if we can't hear it? Well, why am I even doing it at all, Gavin? This is a horrible idea. Just put your sock on. It's already on. The sock's on, Jeff. It's just we're talking about the logistics of this. Can I ask a question? Yeah, go ahead. Was the
Starting point is 00:49:53 sock on before I brought it up? I don't think we need to get into that. If you told me Andrew had two sock puppets on, a Jeff and a Gavin sock puppet, the entire time we record every podcast, and he was just mouthing us, I would not be so happy.
Starting point is 00:50:11 Who did you think superfan Gus is? Andrew last time said that a lot of the visuals of this podcast would be him flinging his hands up in the air above his head in disbelief, and now I'm imagining just two socks. Two socks coming up above his head. Little button eyes. I could bring it over but like what if it... I need a cover. I need a cover. I'm gonna... I'm gonna put it in a shirt. I'm gonna shake it. That's what I'm gonna do. Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Starting point is 00:50:40 I'm going to put it in a shirt. I'm going to shake it. That's what I'm going to do. Okay, okay, okay, okay. What do you think Andrew's doing? I think he's trying to figure out... I don't think he's taking the socks off to wrap it in the shirt, and I think he's trying to cut corners.
Starting point is 00:50:58 He really should take the socks off, prepare the bottle, and then put them back on, but I think he's trying to fumble his way what do you mean what what do you mean well you're going to wrap it in a shirt yeah so what what are you saying what should i do i'm not saying you should do it you should just do what you're doing well then what are you talking about talk us talk us through it well we couldn't hear you so we were we were trying to figure out what we were imagining what was happening i see i see okay so i grabbed shirt this is not good this this feels really bad nick has written in the chat
Starting point is 00:51:31 if the bottle survives do you think he has the waffle maker nearby could he try and cook oh god i'll tell you what andrew if we should try that as an alternate and i'll pay for the electric cost what for that waffle don't worry what's the worst that could happen i don't think anything's We should try that as an alternate, and I'll pay for the electric cost. What? For that waffle. Don't worry. What's the worst that could happen? I don't think anything's going to happen, but it explodes. I think it exploding and then me vomiting because it's going to smell so bad.
Starting point is 00:51:55 It feels so full. I can't even grip it with the sock. Okay, so let's tie a knot, I guess. What did you tie a knot in? I don't know. My'm wrapping my hand i'll take a photo please take a photo what and please uh these will all as with all photos from this website i mean what this podcast as with all photos from this podcast they are they appear on our instagram uh Instagram. This is my hand right now. What is that? That's my hand wrapped in a shirt with a bottle.
Starting point is 00:52:30 You can see the bottle outline at the top. This is very alarming. Is that an action photo? I love the blurs. It's so blurry. Because I have a shit phone because I broke my phone. So I bought an old, broken, shitty phone. What do you want from me?
Starting point is 00:52:46 You're fucking whining about the blurriness and I'm holding a waffle bomb in my hands. Fuck. A waffle bomb. Fucking worried about the blurriness. You asshole. It's a waffle bomb. I got a waffle bomb. What do you want?
Starting point is 00:53:01 I'm scared to shake it. It feels so full. Oh, it's shaking. Don't just shake it. It feels so full. Oh, it's shaking. Don't just shake it. Oh, God. You gotta shake it vigorously like it's a shake wave. I know. Yep. Yep. It's gonna explode. It's gonna explode. I don't want it to explode. It's not gonna explode. It's gonna explode. It's gonna explode.
Starting point is 00:53:17 It's gonna explode. Are you shaking it now or are you just looking at it? No, no, no, no, no. No, I'm holding it. I'm holding it like it's a grenade that the pin is out of, and as soon as I release, it explodes. I'm very nervous about this. It's gonna explode. It's in the safety shirt.
Starting point is 00:53:31 You're fine. Fuck. Okay, it totally is. What if I lose my fucking hand? What if the bottle takes my hand off? You got a high volume... You got a sock on. You'll be fine.
Starting point is 00:53:45 The sock will collect all the bits. Honestly, I'm going to take another photo because I re-wrapped it. This is like a cast. This is so good. You're right. This is so good. This is restoring my faith in this podcast. After the last
Starting point is 00:54:00 two, I was like, we were all fucking high-fiving how well the first 30 went and how many people were listening to it, and then we made these last two. What was wrong with the one before this? You think every episode sucks. The one before this was the weirdest episode ever. No, you've always seen it.
Starting point is 00:54:14 What was the one before that? Oh, you're counting this one as these two? Yeah, these two, this one. Yeah, have you been here for this podcast? Look at how secure that is. It is so wrapped. I could knock somebody out with this. I could fight. I just shook it i like did a fist thing when i said not andrew why are you bothering with the socks now why don't you just grab that and shake it because i you told me to
Starting point is 00:54:36 put the fucking sock on because i thought you were just shaking it now you've wrapped in a shirt take your hands out of the socks grab the shirt shake, shake that. No, the sock, it listens. Oh, I grabbed the shirt. Oh, I see. I go out of shirt. Don't listen to Gavin. I go out of shirt. If it blows up and it blows your fingers off, the sock will hold them in so the doctors can reattach them.
Starting point is 00:54:57 I think the sock's going to collect all your gubbins. Okay. Okay, here we go. Oh, boy. Oh, God. okay okay here we go oh boy oh god he's really good i did what do you mean you fucking told me to shake wait i don't think anything's happening i'm gonna look at it i'm extracting the bomb i think it was diffused this is really hard to get out I'm gonna drop the bottle and it's gonna
Starting point is 00:55:27 don't drop the bottle okay bottles coming out no it's not how to fucking okay here we go I feel like it's getting fuller. I would pay a million dollars to hear an explosion right now.
Starting point is 00:55:56 It's out of the shirt. That'd be very dangerous. I'm covering my eyes. How's it look? Can you peep through your fingers to look at it honestly it feels way more full than it did before
Starting point is 00:56:11 I don't like this at all what if I are you going to keep shaking if I open it will it explode no that would lose the pressure you don't want to do that I'm willing to open it for the sound of it opening. But will it fire?
Starting point is 00:56:27 Okay, you know what? All right, all right. Because one of two things is going to happen. We're either going to set it aside and then wait for it to explode and then have you document the damage. Or you can open it right... We can open it right now
Starting point is 00:56:40 and then you can describe the smell. That's what I'll... Okay. I'm going to open it in the shirt. I don't think it was ever going to explode. I think the top was going to blow off, if anything. That's kind of an explosion. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:53 The top is very inflated. It does look... Okay, so I'm going to open this in the shirt. I'm scared to even fucking open this. Pour some in your coffee. Okay. Oh, boy. I hope we can hear the hiss oh that's a fucking smoke shot out smoke shot out through the shirt what the fuck was that was that batter what was that
Starting point is 00:57:18 am i dead is this like a trap i just poisoned poison Am I gonna turn over the fucking alien from district 9 there was smoke oh God we still haven't cracked the seal. I think that was just peripheral like mix on the inner lid It's been released are you alright? It's been released. Yeah, it was like the fucking tomb opening in the mummy. Yeah, I was about to say, this is the plot of the mummy. Okay, we're gonna smell it. Oh, God. God, I hope you're Brendan Fraser. What?
Starting point is 00:58:00 It's so bad. It's so bad. Another one. Another one. Another one. What? What? Come on.
Starting point is 00:58:30 Oh, God. Oh. Oh. I can hear him in the distance. Oh. He's like a napalm himself. Why? I can't breathe, guys.
Starting point is 00:58:51 My stomach hurts. My stomach hurts too. I can't breathe. I can't catch my breath. Oh, it's extra funny when the Discord cuts it out slightly. I know. Oh, God damn. That was like a dangerous laugh. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:59:16 If that had been like 3% funnier, I might not have been able to breathe. I could have died. Oh, Jesus. I think I have a perfume idea, guys. I got have died. Oh, Jesus. I think I have a perfume idea, guys. I got to say. Jeff, I'm going to mail it to you. How bad was that? Like one to ten, ten being the worst ever.
Starting point is 00:59:35 Well, that was bad. That was bad. That was like an eight. Oh, wow. Can you still smell it? What did you do with the bottle? It's still on my desk. I just put a lid on it
Starting point is 00:59:45 I capped the demon bad what would you describe the smell just like spoiled milk I guess it was a very milky was there milk in there no there was no milk in there
Starting point is 01:00:02 oh god I think if I took another another with I'm impressed Gavin up he's got such a I almost did mince your stomach you wanted to know what it smelled like let me take another with I want to be right accurate representation please do thank you It smells... Fuck. Stop it. I'm done.
Starting point is 01:00:30 Stop doing it. I'm done. It smells like milk and paint. How much to drink it? Milk and paint. No, I'm not drinking it. You fuck. I don't want you to drink it.
Starting point is 01:00:42 I don't want you to drink it. That'd be dangerous. I want you to taste it. No. I just want you to put... What is that? You don't have to ingest it. I don't want you to drink it. That'd be dangerous. I want you to taste it. No, what the fuck? What is that? You don't have to ingest it. I just want you to put a little on your tongue. No, I fucking opened a waffle bomb for you.
Starting point is 01:00:52 You drink some weird shit. I wish if I had some, I would. I'm drinking a Diet Dr. Pepper. Here, hold on a second. You know what? I'll save this for you, Jeff. And I'll send it to you. And you can have a sip.
Starting point is 01:01:02 Just, I don't think it's legal. You might get in trouble for, for sending that, uh, cross country. Uh, just a little, just a little,
Starting point is 01:01:10 on the tip of your tongue, just like a little drop. Just so they don't know what it tastes like. No, I didn't. Um, no, I fucking opened a bomb.
Starting point is 01:01:16 I drank bullshit coffee. All right. All right. I'm good. I think Eric wants us to stop anyway. Oh God. I feel like I got an ab workout. I'm ready. I'm ready for workout. I'm ready for the...
Starting point is 01:01:26 I'm ready to warm him up with that. Jesus Christ. Was that one any less weird? No, this is... We're on a tear of weird episodes. Wait, where did he go? He left. Did he leave the...
Starting point is 01:01:44 He left. Andrew? What the fuck? All right, Jeff, wrap it up so that way- Uh-oh. But I'm still- The fake me is still- This is a mess. Jeff, the fake you is still there. He hung up the wrong one. He didn't realize. Goddamn. All right. Well, that seems like we should probably check on him. Thanks for listening to F*** Face. Oh, by the way, this is, I think, the seems like we should probably check on him. Thanks for listening to F*** Face. Oh, by the way, this is, I think, the last podcast I'll record in my bedroom. Oh, let's not get ahead of ourselves. As of today, Contractor left today.
Starting point is 01:02:16 I think I was before I came in here, I was even painting the ceiling. I'm almost done. Fucking like I already on wallpapered and stuff. Andrew, where'd you go? I got it. I got all that sorted out. I mean, I'm dying over here. I'm going to leave.
Starting point is 01:02:31 I just, before I left, I just had to once again give a shout out and a thanks to Superfan Gus. That's all. That's all. Well, there you have it. He left again. He's gone again.
Starting point is 01:02:40 He fucking left. He's gone again. All right, let's... 2021 off to a weird start. Let's just wrap it. All right. Thanks for listening to another episode of F*** Face. If you did, you have my sympathy.
Starting point is 01:02:54 We done yet? Why'd you keep leaving? End the fucking episode. Jesus Christ. How long is it going to take? I'm dying over here. We'll do the outro and we'll go. You do the outro.
Starting point is 01:03:06 I'm doing fucking everything on this podcast. You keep interrupting me doing the outro. Okay, we'll do the outro then. Thanks for listening to another episode of F*** Face. I hope you enjoyed it, but I doubt it. Hey, check it out. It's 2021. We're off to the races.
Starting point is 01:03:21 I wish I could say it's going to get better from here, but at best, I think it's just going to get weirder. But tune in to find out next week, or don't, whatever. I'm not your dad, as far as I know. I'm certainly not your boss, so I can't force you to listen if you don't want to. This is America. It's a free country,
Starting point is 01:03:40 probably a free country wherever you're living, too. I don't presuppose that everyone that listens to the show is in America. We are a global fan. I don't know how this isn't wrapping up. I'm trying to hit it right now. People keep interrupting me. Anyway, so like us and subscribe. Five stars on the Apple. Hey, we really appreciate it.
Starting point is 01:03:58 Don't forget, F*** Face Pod is the name of our Instagram where we put pictures of all this stuff up. I believe we have a Twitter too. And oh, merchandise. Let's not forget about the f*** face merchandise that's coming your way January 8th. What day is this? Do we know, Eric?
Starting point is 01:04:15 I think this is the 6th. This is January 6th in just two days. You just had Christmas. You thought that was fun and now you're broke. But don't be broke. Sell something of your grandma's to get a little bit more money because Chris-manuary is out. It's the new holiday, and you're going to want to...
Starting point is 01:04:34 Chris-manuary, it's the new holiday that starts in January. You don't want to wait a whole other year to buy presents for people or to get presents, so we started a new holiday, Chris-manuary, where you can buy three different face items. They make great stocking stuffers for your Chris Manuary stocking. We got a baseball bat. We got a Russian mistake hat, Russian fuck hat.
Starting point is 01:04:56 And we got an Ian pocket tee. So check those out in two days. And as always, thanks for listening.

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