F**kface - Bobcat & Steve // Andrew's Sponsorship Opportunity [85]

Episode Date: January 12, 2022

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about the snow removal budget, cat piss presents, the sauce to Burnham ratio, Gavin questions a device, Geoff is back on the bike kind of, and Andrew's slats. If you want to send your towel cards in, send to: Infinity Towel, 1901 e. 51st st, Austin, TX 78724 Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Sponsored by Shipstation (http://shipstation.com and use code FACE), HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/face16 and use code face16), and Honey (http://joinhoney.com/face). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Get 16 free meals plus three free gifts with Face 16 at HelloFresh.com slash Face 16. This is a Rooster Teeth production. I had a thing that happened last night and it made me feel like one of the worst humans I've ever felt. Probably like a low for me as far as is, but it wasn't. You know, if that makes sense. I laughed at a thing. Hold on one second okay hold on one second one second hello and welcome to another episode of the face podcast i am jeff ramsey with me always gavin free andrew pitt andrew you said you feel like one of the worst humans well i don't i don't know if i want to talk about the shit because i feel bad

because it's not the thing but it was so it's been snowing where i live like way more than usual we got so much snow and uh a lot of people been trapped and i was reading that apparent i don't know if this is true or not this is just like some random reddit comment that the city i live in has the lowest snow removal budget in bc and some people were like yeah that's why that's why like the snow is not being plowed anywhere it's just there's nothing going on. Do you have a plow? I don't personally have a plow. I'd love to have one. Not you, but does your city have one? Yeah, my city has one.

Yeah, they've got like six, I'd assume. They've got a few, but they're not in use for whatever reason right now. Or at least it doesn't seem that way. But last night, my entire building started to shake. And I was like, what the fuck? Is that a plow? What is that? So I walked outside and I couldn't, or I walked to my balcony. I I couldn't see anything and I walked back in and I saw it again a few

moments later so I ran out and it's this fucking bobcat there's this bobcat going down the street that was like plowing the road and like trying to remove snow or ice I guess from the road and uh I looked at that and I was like oh I wonder i wonder what it's doing like how impactful i've never seen a bobcat used as a snowplow and i looked behind it and there just happened to be someone in an electric wheelchair like six feet behind it and i started laughing immediately not because of that but because in my head it was like that's the budget of our town it's like they got a bobcat and steve they're out there trying to get rid of the snow and i felt so bad because i saw it was if you looked at it from a perspective it was me looking at somebody in an electric wheelchair and immediately laughing extremely hard but it was all

this context around it and had nothing to do with bobcat and steve but what was steve doing no he was just he was just going down the road. It was just a complete coincidence. He just happened to be behind it. He just happened to be, and he was far enough behind that I didn't notice immediately, but he was part of the team. Is that the worst place to be on the road

or the best place? Yeah, I was about to say, what if, I mean, to me it sounds like Steve is an incredibly rich, successful dude who has his own personal snowplower who snowplows in front of him everywhere he needs to go whenever he leaves the house. Steve sounds like the most baller fucking dude ever. It's like way better than a red carpet.

I just felt horrible in the moment because it was like I looked at and it was not in any way. They're removing the white carpet. So that was my evening. Oh, man's christmas that is great that reminds me real fast that reminds me you and i had a conversation yesterday the day before just brief where i asked how the weather was in canada which is like the lamest question to ask which is why i like to ask it like how's the weather over there it's like that's not you fucker is that what our friendship is you know we're down to asking about the weather so i i try's like, that's not, you fucker. Is that what our friendship is? You know, we're down to asking about the weather. So I try to do it at every opportunity.

And you sent me a picture of snow. And I couldn't, it broke my brain to think that you were snowed in at the exact same time. Gavin, I assume you can corroborate this, and Eric and Nick. It was 87 fucking degrees yesterday. I cleaned out and reorganized the shed, you know, where I put my lawnmower and stuff. And I was sweating like a bitch.

I had to take a shower after because I was pouring sweat. I cut a little bit of the grass yesterday because it's so fucking warm in late December in Texas that my grass is growing again. So I had to clean up a little patch. And you were snowed the fuck in. Yeah, it was like 28 degrees Celsius. And it was like swim weather on Christmas Day. Oh, that's terrible. Like it was snowing on Christmas.

Beautiful. It was fantastic. It doesn't happen a lot here. It snowed last night. It like topped off everything that was gone. I'm like, i'm trapped in i'm locked in it's annoying i wanted a mcdonald's breakfast this morning but i felt bad or using a delivery service app on the same day where they canceled all mail deliveries because of conditions

it's like i can't i can't order early for you right now right it's like 10 in the morning it's 10 in the morning yeah recording this earlier than usual so you didn't you you like morally didn't go for it no i felt like it if they have if the mail isn't being delivered i certainly can't summon a mcdonald's order i feel like that's just wrong i feel bad even though they are volunteering to do that but i don't know it just felt i'd have to what if you got bobcat and steve delivering your food? Yeah. Steve, I'm sure, is great. Bobcat, I'm not sure about. Steve seems like a great guy.

Speaking of feeling like a terrible person during snow, did you ever... Such a specific category. Did you ever, on really snowy days, if you're walking to school, play a game of guess who might be dead? No. What? If it on like really snowy days, like if you were walking to school, play a game of Guess Who Might Be Dead? No! What? If it was like fresh snow, you would just look at all the houses that had no footprints

leading to the door. No! It never even occurred to me to do that. Is that a game people play? It was a game I played with my friends. You just see like, you'd see either no footsteps or you'd just see the footsteps of the postman like going in one and then out the other.

But clearly like the occupants have never come out. So you're like, oh, they might be dead. Have you ever considered the moral weight of what if they were dead? What if you called? What if like, do you think there's ever a prediction that came true? I feel like that's a really funny game unless you call out someone who's actually dead and then it's terrible yeah unless you win it's a it's a really funny game until it works if you

win it's sad it sounds like the beginning of an unsolved mysteries episode it's like when the mailman noticed his were the only tracks for eight straight days the mail was piling up. I feel like that was a thing. Oh, God damn. So how was your Christmas, Andrew? My, okay, this was my Christmas was, I love Christmas. I had three presents under the tree.

Big Christmas guy. Big Christmas guy. All three of them got pissed off by my cat. That was my Christmas. I had a great time. Three, a hundred, nobody, there are a few other presents under the tree. No other presents were impacted.

My cat went three for three just over mine. Never happened. What have you done to Sam recently? I haven't done a single, I've been the fucking nicest to Sam. Sam's doing great. She's just living her life and she's pissing all over my presents.

It was great. That was my Christmas. Before we like go deep, I just want to, I feel like we should shut this out because we didn't. It was great. That was my Christmas. Before we go deep, I feel like we should shut this out because I meant to last week and my computer exploded trying to print the law. There is another Christmas album

and it's really good. People should listen to it. It's awesome. Yes. Ave Govino is an absurdly amazing song. They did a great job. Oh, and I need to apologize to the Comet Lever twins who asked me to participate.

And I said yes. And then I got distracted and forgot. I feel terrible about that. A single. You can do a Christmas single in summer. I was all about it. And then I just got distracted with other shit. Yeah.

And it completely slipped my mind. That's fair. The problem is I. Yeah. Well, anyway, how was your Christmas, Gavin? Had a bit of a mare with the presents um i i'm i hate to be like a last minute christmas shopper because there's this panic involved you make worse decisions everything's more expensive so yeah in i think it was september i pre-ordered

the uh bo burnham album inside on vinyl because he released the songs just on on vinyl he likes to have a he likes to have our favorite stuff you know to play on a record player so I pre-ordered it or at least I thought I did bloody uh 20th of December's coming around and I'm I'm like wait what didn't I and I'm searching through my emails and I'm panicking because I can't find any trace that I actually bought this thing i do this a lot where i'll just like shove something in my cart and i'll just not follow through all the way like i'll get to literally the last button click and then like three days later i'm like i didn't press submit damn it but yeah i guess like three months went by had absolutely no no record of it so i had to

obviously completely sold out everywhere i took to ebay i was like oh my god because i hate i just hate last. I hate like paying more for something that clearly isn't worth that. And they're all like two, three times the price on eBay.

You got to pay for shipping and all that stuff. So I'm just like, oh, I'm trying to find one that will be here before Christmas. I found one,

spent, you know, about three times the price on it. And thankfully, Christmas Eve, it shows up. That's a relief, dudemas eve it shows up that's a relief dude did it show up in intact and what you ordered yeah but then i realized same day i get an email

um saying updated delivery date 29th so i was like wait a day god wait a second turns out the original one has gone through i just couldn't find it because i guess i use apple pay and i didn't actually have an account or anything so my email just showed up nothing so i got so i have a second one coming the first thing i open on christmas day from meg to me inside on vinyl oh no we got it for each other and i got two we have three of the damn things now so if you need uh if you need some nice you guys are the world's biggest bo burnham fans holy shit i mean we i do really like bo burnham i think he's a genius i don't like him three vinyls worth but but christ i've got an excess of them now.

I might take back to eBay. No, no, no. Hear me out. Listen, I got these things called BTS sauces. I got a lot of them. I give you 274 for one Bo Burnham. That feels like a fair trade. What's the sauce to Burnham ratio?

I think your sauces are... You're cutting yourself short on the sauces. I think they're worth more than a Burnham. No ratio. I think I think you're I think your sauces are you're cutting yourself short on the sauces. I think they're worth more than a burn them. No offense. Wow. Okay. Well never mind then Gavin, you know, a burn them fan chef. I I'm I'm a burn them ambivalent. I I've I've seen him in interviews before

and he seems very adept and seems lovely and really interesting. I liked that eighth grade movie, but I never saw Inside. I've seen some of the standup. Yeah, I like them. I don't have an...

I'm like vaguely pro Burnham, I guess. Inside and Make Happy, I think, are very good. Very good shows. That's what I hear. That's what I hear. Everybody seems to agree that they are lovely. If they're not three vinyls worth, is it two? Do you think Inside's two vinyls worth?

Would you be fine with two? Is the three, like, at what point? Or is it anything above one? On the Burnham vinyl scale that you were saying. Is two acceptable? Like, at what point? Was three, like, just too far? Is what I'm trying to figure out.

Well, how useful is two? I think it's nice to have a spare. Do you have two record players? I don't have two record players. Well, you got a spare. You got to back up Burnham. Is it like a rare colored vinyl or limited edition in any way? Or is it just a bog standard?

No, there was one. I think there was a yellow one, but that was immediately sold out. I wonder what you can do. There's got to be something clever you can do with these two extra bog standard Burnhams. You got two bog Burnhams you need to get rid of. There's got to be a funny way to do it. He's accessible, right?

He's an internet dude. Maybe we could figure something out with him. What's the... What? Some random stranger accidentally bought three? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why not?

You've got a following on social media. I'm sure you could make some stuff happen. Get him to autograph him and give him to charity or something. I think he did tweet me once.

What's... Or we could shoot him into space or... I don't know. What's the most confused you've ever been by a gift? Christmas gift, specifically i i could say i've once confused someone yeah what was that did we disconnect that was fucking what happened

what happened i thought you're everything okay no that was straight i thought gavin was gonna continue i didn't know that that was he took like a pause like we were gonna that was fucking crazy to see if if that was like appropriate for the conversation of course you'd give it like a go ahead or whether where the fucking continue we're hanging on your every word and there aren't a lot of words to hang on right now fill us in this is i kind of feel bad about this now too i i once i a Christmas card from my gran and I realized that I hadn't actually thrown out all of the Christmas cards from the previous year and she'd got me the exact same card that she gave me the year before. Like it was identical, even wrote the same stuff. So I just brought out the old one and showed her. I was like, why'd you send me two?

And she was like, and she was trying to figure out how she'd mail two. I didn't tell her that one of them was from the year before because I wanted. That's so mean. I know. Now I wouldn't do it because I feel like she's so much older that it actually messed with her. But back then it was like she was young enough for it to be funny. You monster. But yeah, I feel like, yeah, I definitely wouldn't do that now but she was just like how did i send two and it was like the same color pen and like the same amount of stamps were on the thing she was like but i did

but how did you uh did you ever tell her that they were from two separate years or does she still think that she sent you two in the same time frame? I'm not sure I ever told her. But you know, she was in her 60s at the time. That's fine. That's not a sort of senile age. That's just funny. This is a funny joke. An unsolved mystery. It's haunted her. I feel like if I told her now,

it'd be more traumatic because she'd be trying to remember. You remind it just for her to remember to then ruin ruin the thing i remember um i got one year so i don't know it was probably like eight or nine i was given monty python and the holy grail on dvd i know what concept of it was like my introduction to monty python i didn't know anything about it and I fucking loved it I thought it was so funny and then the following year I was giving breakfast at Tiffany's on DVD and I was like I was like really breakfast okay well you know Santa really nailed the pick with the Monty Python and the Holy Grail so I guess you know he seems to know my preferences he seems to know my taste I'll watch I watch I thought it was so boring and i was like why did i get this i was it was from santa both years i was still in like full-on santa i was like santa fucking nailed

monty python i don't know what he was thinking with this with this breakfast at tiffany's pick what had happened is somehow my mom bought the wrong movie and then didn't notice in the wrapping process that it was the wrong movie she was equally surprised when i opened breakfast at tiffany's it's just a complete accidental gift was she going for another python and got the wrong one i don't know it was a year later i i don't know i don't understand how she was able to fully wrap it without like having the thought of why is this a gift for me she was going for life of Brian maybe it's got a name in the title

how uh how old were you I think I was like eight to nine or nine to ten yeah breakfast at Tiffany's is a was a great movie for but might be lost on an eight year old yeah I didn't I didn't also some pretty problematic shit in it

too unfortunately breakfast at tiffany's back yeah yeah the whole mickey rooney plays an asian man's stuff oh it's pretty pretty rough oh that's not good yeah that's unfortunate what about you jeff how was your christmas uh i think it was good um i'm trying to remember i'm i've uh i've been sleeping a lot lately and so my brain's a little swiss cheese right now uh i uh i had a similar kind of fuck up i mean it wasn't as hilarious as gavin's or anything but i did get frustrated with a certain uh company that you buy kitchen shit from where i bought a i'm not gonna call them out uh psyllium's manoma but uh i bought emily one of her one of her like her second nicest gift was this giant like really nice picnic basket that uh has like everything you could need in it like

you know all the different silverwares and like even salt and pepper shakers and it's all like really pretty and nice i thought it'd be a fun gift that we could maybe start going on picnics and stuff. And, uh, I fucking, I shopped around. This was in November.

I bought this thing. I was trying to be ahead of it too. I shopped around a bunch of places. A lot of places didn't have any in stock. I finally found one at an unnamed kitchen supply store that, uh, I'm no longer a fan of. And,

uh, they had one in stock. So I said, okay. I spent a ton of money on it. I bought it. And it said... It checks like the item is in shop. So I bought it. And then I thought, oh, I wonder when it's going to ship since it's in stock. And when I went back in with the order number to look, it updated the shipping date from in stock to March of next year, maybe. And then it wouldn't let me cancel the order. And so it's held me hostage. So I had to buy Emily a Fisher Price picnic basket for small children and wrap that and say, I'll replace this with a real one.

Yeah, this is a placeholder. I'll replace this with a real one in four months, maybe. Well, hey. It's fucking annoying. Next time you need a basket, Jeff, I got you. You just let me know. Give me a week's notice. I got you covered.

I don't know why that company, like, Flilliam's Blanoma and, uh... Flilliam's Blanoma, yeah. They just sell stuff that doesn't exist. They sell... Just say out of stock. Yeah. Don't let me order something in November and give it to me in May.

You don't have it. I got something that's arriving five months from now. God damn, dude. I one time, I didn't buy this. This is not kitchen gear, but when I was living in the condo downtown, I was having to buy new furniture and stuff when I was striking back out on my own again.

And I had to buy some uh uh nightstands and so i i don't want to call out any particular company again so i'm gonna call this uh i'm gonna call this company messed melm uh or let's call it est well let's call it est well yeah uh and uh so i bought two nightstands from them, and I was excited about them because they had charging stations built in where you could just, you know, like the ones you just lay your iPhone on and it charges,

which I have now. I bought a third party. I have an external one. But these came just installed, and there were USB ports built into the back of it as well. And I thought, this is the fucking future, right? This is, everybody's going to have this. So I was like, fuck yeah. In stock?

No problem. Bought them. After about a week, I got an update that they, that the shipping was delayed, going to be delayed a month. Then, right around the time it was supposed to show up, I got a delay another month, and then it was delayed three months. After a year and a half,

I canceled the order. At canceled the order at some point at some point i was like emily was like you gotta cancel this and i was like i kind of want to see i just kind of want to see how how long it goes and i had after about two months i went and bought normal nightstands which i still have i was like fuck it i'm never gonna see these this is gonna take forever uh and then i thought well you know and if they come in and they're really cool maybe i bought normal nightstands, which I still have. I was like, fuck it. I'm never going to see these. This is going to take forever. And then I thought, well, you know, and if they come in and they're really cool, maybe I can sell the other ones on, I don't know, to friends or whatever. And, because I still really want

these new technological ones. And then after a year and a half, I finally just canceled it because I wanted my money back. But I'm reasonably certain that they never existed. They just, they put a picture up on the Estwell website and said, here, buy this. And then they thought like, maybe it's like a pre-order situation. Like maybe if enough people buy it, we'll actually go into production and make them. And they just never did.

And so for literally 18 months, every month I would get an update that my shipping has been delayed a month. I called them a bunch and they'd be like, oh yeah, they always had an excuse. Like it's going to, I promise you, I probably called them four times over the year and a half. And then eventually I just called him and I was like, just cancel this. And they were like, are you sure? And I'm like, yeah, I'm sure. And they tried to convince me. And I was like, look back through. It's been a year and a half. You're not giving them to me. And they were like, I see. I see. Yes. It appears that we're not. It appears that we are full of shit. We'll go ahead and cancel that for you right now. I've got one of those that I'm just letting go it's just seeing how long it takes i bought this i think it was for i've been for

valentine's or her birthday like 20 beginning of 2020 i think i bought this and every every quarter i get an update email on uh when this thing's getting delivered it's like a left it's like a dead by daylight statue uh So according to this screenshot, currently expected to arrive June 2022 to August 2022. When did you place the order for that? Feb 2020. And they've already charged me and no refunds. I can't even say don't bother it's just not an

option yeah that's uh that's what i'm going through with a certain picnic basket right now motherfucker dude i wonder who'll get it first i wonder if i'll get the picnic emily get her picnic basket or you'll get your dead by daylight statue first i predict face will have ended by the time i get the statue it'll be over oh that's that's sad i feel like that's too far like you are that's enough time that you're no longer the same person when you ordered that like you have changed as a human being by the time you get that statue it's gonna be like a generational gift i'll be a part of the next generation by the time i get it. It'll be like my mom got it for me. There might be a second or third iteration of the game before

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I have a thing, a company thing I talked to you guys about that I found very amusing. Okay. As you know, we have the bits email that people can email in on. And recently, I got an email on it for a, I'm not going to say the company or what they sell. Well, I guess I'll the the type of what it is i got an email on it for wanting to do a sponsorship with our show they're a sex toy company and they want to promote a very specific product that is a blowjob device and i was like this is such a fucking why would you reach out to this email this is so odd i realized that it we have we have faced ourself

in the sense of they think this is a face fucking podcast oh yeah face blow job yeah like they i don't think they know anything about the show outside of the name face which they've interpreted very literally as like this is the place to sell the blowjob device i wonder what other shit we could do with a blowjob device that's not sexual uh stick a bit of velcro on it i wanted to just write back and say sorry we're an apple podcast but i wanted to discuss i just thought it was so funny. Why is it? You suck it off

or it sucks you off? How does it work? It sucks you off, I believe. You suck it off. So you can practice giving blowjobs. Why is that so weird? What do you mean

why is that so weird? People suck on dildos and stuff, don't they? Jesus. What is... What is this? What is this? You think this is like a product by Super Soaker? What are you talking about?

What's so weird about it? Are you sucking on a lot of dildos? In your personal life? No judgment here, I'm just curious. No, I've never done it. Do you do a lot of blowjob practicing? No, I don't. I love it. It you do a lot of blowjob practicing? No.

I love it. It's not that weird. I bought this to work on my craft, not for pusher. This is a tool. This is a tool. I think that's weird. I think maybe just, I think you would have said dildo is what's weird about it. I think that's just as weird

because you would have just said dildo. You said blowjob device and that's why I'm off base. I really think... That's why. No, no, it's not. Wait, wait, wait. I just love the idea of Gavin at home going,

I wonder how good I am at this. Well, let's see. I got a 75. I wonder if I can beat my score tomorrow. It's like one of those machines you punch in the arcade. Numbers go up. If it's something that you put your knob in, does it really matter?

It could be any hole, couldn't it? Why specifically someone's mouth? It could be any hole. Oh, Gavin. What a weird road you took me down. I've never used one of them. mouth oh it could be any hole oh gavin do they make specific do they make one with like like teeth and tongue and stuff i don't know i didn't expect all these questions well i think have you seen the device

i don't think they included it. If it has teeth and tongues and stuff, I have an idea. Here's a, you could use it, you could use it, you could use it if you have, like, sore teeth, like, maybe you just got a cavity, or maybe you're, you're just, you know, you've got weak

teeth, you could use it to pre-chew your food for you. You stick, like, a piece of steak in there, and then just smash the end together until it chews up the food, and then you just drop it in pre-chew your food for you. You stick like a piece of steak in there and then just smash the end together until it chews up the food and then you just drop it in your mouth like a baby bird. That's called a blender. Why would you want to mash it up in a fake head?

Then you'd have to brush its teeth after. I got a news for you, buddy. You're brushing its teeth after no matter how you use it. This is apparently what it looks like. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. That's really detailed.

It looks like a brittle water filter with a mouth on top. I have one of those in my fridge. It's a soda stream. Yeah, that looks... Oh, my God. Why is it... Why have they gone to all the effort to make the chin and the nose and then there's a blue plastic below it.

At least give it a neck. With giant screws. The blue neck with the giant screws really ruins the mouth illusion. It's even got little nose. Yeah. I don't know. I'm not sure my toothbrush would fit in there.

Well, I imagine it's designed for things to fit in there. Yeah. As Eric said, I think a lot can fit in there. He's probably right. What a weird direction you've taken the podcast in season four, Gavin. I didn't bring it here.

Andrew brought in this mouth shower. I didn't expect for you to go the way you did. The questions you asked. You could give me a million questions. I never ask what's the purpose of the device? Who's it for? Oh, man.

Oh, God. That was fun. Holy fuck. You're like... You're worried. Never mind. I can't. Would you kiss it? Before or after?

I was thinking recently of... You know how you... You two... What was that thing you were doing last week? Or the week before where you were basically just kidding yourselves? It was like the... Having two socks and having a spare because it's like a spare sock instead of just buying.

That caused a lot of inspired conversation in the social. Oh, really? What was the situation? Well, a lot of people agree with you, Gavin, that Andrew and I are way off base and stupid. I think that what people are missing and where my line of reasoning is, is obviously, first off, these are unisex socks, right? They're not left or right socks. These are just tube socks, normal socks that don't have an L or an R on them, obviously. But I think that the problem is, the way that I was approaching it that maybe I didn't articulate clearly, is if you buy three socks and you lose a sock, you have a pair of socks still.

If you buy four socks, yeah. You're saying the exact same thing? How are you articulating it different? That's like, this is insane. No, because people are like, because people are like, no, because you'd still have

two pairs of socks, but the second you lose a sock, you don't have two pairs of socks. So why? I don't know. I think it's brilliant. I think three socks is the way. Can I clarify?

Can I attempt to clarify this idea as the other person that is on board with this thing? First of all, it costs the same amount as a singular pair of socks. So it's like you're getting one free. Yeah. We're going in with a value. It's a bonus sock because it's the same price as two. That's where the bonus comes in. But you don't lose money selling it.

You don't know. What a weird... what are you none of this is real what do you mean i'm gonna lose money selling it you don't know my factory setup you don't know the deals i've made maybe it's not all about the the bottom line you capitalist pig maybe it's about providing the best product for the customer. My biggest issue with it is that your main problem with owning two pairs of socks is that if you lose one, you end up with three. That, to you, is the problem. And you're starting your solution with that. You're saying, buy the problem.

Did Jeff leave? No, I'm listening. Oh, I'm listening. Let me do another counterpoint to this whole thing as well. It is a spiritual argument I feel we are making as the three sock people. On an intellectual level, you are completely correct. It's a ridiculous claim that we're making. But it's once again, it's like Coke tastes better in the snow.

There's just a personal security with the third sock. Right. Right. So it's not, it's not, you're trying to win a logical debate. Oh, Eric's freaking out. Eric missed that last week, I guess. Were you not there for that, Eric? No, I think I missed that one about Coke tastes better in the snow.

I don't remember that. That really, I'm I missed that one about Coke tastes better in the snow. I don't remember that. That really, I'm like listening intently, and then you said that, and it's like, I got sideswiped. Well, I don't know that I remember that either, but I don't disagree with it. Yeah, I was saying that if it's snowing outside, Coca-Cola is my beverage of choice. One, it's snowing. There's something about the atmosphere of snow coming down. It heightens the experience of drinking a Coke, which Gavin thought was ridiculous.

Strongly disagreed with. It's ridiculous. And then I was equating all of your, your, you're just, you're just kidding yourself to make yourself feel good. No. I was saying how that was like the people who set their clocks fast to make them think that they're not late and all that stuff. And I've realized that I have one scenario where I do kid myself. Yeah? What's that? Sometimes, well, I think I spoke to you about this when we were playing Halo, Andrew,

but sometimes if I'm making coffee, like I'll pour the milk in first, because if I pour the coffee on the milk, I don't have to stir it. It saves me wasting a spoon, right? But sometimes I put in too much milk, or I might not have enough coffee left in the pot so in order to try and make it seem like i've got more coffee i just pour it slower and i realize

i'm like i'm stretching out the pour because it adds more hope to like i might actually have more coffee if i don't just quickly pour it into the milk because i don't want really milky coffee i want i want it to be the right ratio. And I realize I'm just kidding myself. I could just completely turn it upside down and just dump the whole lot into the milk and it'd be the same amount. But that is one area where I'm just lying to my brain by just pouring it really slowly, hoping that there's a little bit more in there doing it that way. But that's slow.

It heightens the experience. It heightens the experience. You're not just lying. And it gives me hope yeah that's see you know you get it it's not just about the destination it's also about the journey it's about how you get there do you have any of those like kind of strange quirks jeff or like you do i mean it does nothing but no well i i'm sticking with the drinks and obviously I, I don't drink beer anymore because of the crippling alcoholism, but I will go to my grave saying that nothing tastes better than an ice cold

beer after doing yard work on a hot summer day. Like beer definitely tastes better after, after you've done an hour of cutting grass. It's like the best, coolest, most refreshing flavor ever. Yeah. The best grass. It's like the best, coolest, most refreshing flavor ever. Yeah, the best beer. Or three hours of cleaning out a fridge that broke.

Oh, man. Oh. Speaking of breaking, did I tell you guys I rode my bike again for the first time in six weeks? No. Five weeks? How did your butt hold up? How did that go? Well, I wasn't on the bike long enough to find out.

I got about three miles from home and it died. My butt was fine for those three miles there and back. But yeah, I'm about ready to shoot my bikes into space.

What happened this time? Just the battery go again? Yeah. So what I think is happening, if I had to guess, right? This is a refurbed battery. I have two refurbed batteries. I'm not sure if both are having this problem or just one, but I'm so mad at all of it that I had to walk away for a while.

But when I come back to it, I'm going to mark this battery in a way and then conduct these tests on the other battery and see if I'm going to mark this battery in a way and then do the conduct these tests on the other battery and see if I just have a bad replacement battery. However, what I suspect is happening with these shitty cheap batteries is that, you know, the, the,

the thing with a full charge supposed to go about 30 miles. I suspect that I plugged it in after going like 15 miles and it's just like the next time I wrote it, I could only go 15 miles. Right. And so I think that every time i rode it i could only go 15 miles right and so i think that every time i plug it in uh it just it can only charge up to the amount that i used it because i came home after i walked you know after i fucking labored to get it home and i plugged it in really fast and it turned on immediately and still had like 80% of the battery. So I think it just like turns off or whatever when it hits that point when it last charged.

And it just needs to be plugged in again for one second to like wake it back up again. So I'm even wondering if maybe I could, because I have a bunch of the extra cords, if I could even like cut the end off of the plug and just bring it with me. And whenever the battery turns off, if I just shove it in, if that's enough. Or if I have to bring like a whole charger with me and then just like stop somewhere and plug it in for one second and then the bike's like oh wait no i'm sorry i'm fucking i turned off like an idiot i'm totally fine you still have 85 of your battery here my bad and then i can keep going i suspect that's going to be the case but uh if i go near that bicycle anytime soon i'm gonna

throw it in a fucking river so if you just unplug the battery though and plug it back in what happens then? that doesn't do anything I have to literally plug it into power or put something in that thing for it to trigger that sucks and all of your bikes are broken? you have like three of them right?

well I have three bikes, two batteries now and Millie's bike is broken so I have Emily's bike and mine and two batteries now and uh millie's bike is broken so i have emily's bike in mine and two batteries among them but you know i wasn't able to ride the bike for five weeks any of them and so this was my first attempt back and uh it went dismal and so i i don't know man maybe i'm done with bikes i need to find a new a new coping mechanism i will say if if we're talking just trying to put a positive spin on it it's good the bike broke and not you. That was the previous issue, right?

It was that you couldn't ride the bike. Now the bike cannot be ridden. I'd say that's an upgrade. Yeah, that's true. My butt feels fine since then. I don't have the pains that I've had. I take that as a positive. No, Eric wrote, so what?

You had a normal bike i wish i wish these things turned into normal bikes when when the electricity goes off they don't they turn into slightly movable objects it's like an anvil with wheels it's like an anvil with wheels yes what if you go in that had a mechanism that you could just like disengage when it's dead so it is a bike do they exist you know like the scene in the dark night where the batmobile dies and it turns into like a batmobile motorbike like he shoots out i love the idea of a bike turning into a bike like the bike breaks so you then just turn into a functional bike the problem is i mean it still functions as a bike it's just a very heavy bike because these batteries are

fucking heavy you know you take the battery off and uh then it's uh it's still not a great bike but it functions more as one does that totally break the batmobile when that happens or did that is it did it just happen that way in the movie like can he just bike out of the batmobile and then and then just drive it like rear it back in does he like back it back into the batmobile remember yeah and also like could both sides do that like what if you're in the passenger seat when that happens? Is it only one side is a bike? What does the other side do?

Because I think in the movie he gets the bike out after the main car's broken. Yes, he does. And it looks like it destroys itself. It is funny to think that, like, that shit always seems

to work for him. Like, Lucius was very good at his job, I guess. But, like, it would be funny to see Batman after, like after like solving the crime trying to put the bike back into the fucking car and like a lash won't stick it's like stuck in one thing and he's like he's like trying to fucking force it he's like this piece of shit yeah i would like to think that that happened i would like to think that batman has frustrations that we just don't see yeah the everyday issues you know when you see in movies there's like a broadcast From space or some evil villain

Is able to take over every TV In the world And broadcast a message that to me is the most Unreal based on the Difficulty I have like casting Something from my own phone To my own TV on my own Wi-Fi network that to me is the most

Unrealistic thing in movie history That they could just take over TVs. Yeah, if they could, I would pay them extra money to make Hulu work in my bedroom every time. God damn. That's what we need to do is we need to hire supervillains to

fix our tech problems. I was about to say it'll be like a catch me if you can thing. They get hired at the end. We need you to show us the way. I know you're trying to poison the water reservoir, but we really need streaming to cut you a deal. Can you cast this for us? Technology is unbelievable. I was broken in a different way, Jeff. Last few days.

I bet my bed has been fucked. My bed has been destroyed. I had a box spring that was wooden. Have you has anyone here ever had a box spring that was wooden have you has anyone here ever had a box spring that was like wooden slats yeah you would lay on top yeah they're the worst they're the they're the worst at least in my experience with them maybe you have a shitty one it fucking sucks it's constantly falling down a hole i'll be laying in bed and all of a sudden i'm in a hole and it's like i'm deep enough in a hole you know like in a movie where a villain lands on top of a car and like how it indents it's like that's how

much of a hole i'm in i'm in like a fucking car movie hole it stinks and it's just been that way and i i hurt i hurt my foot shockingly so i'm hobbling around and every fucking night i'm falling in a hole and i can't sleep because i'm in this fucking car hole and it sucks so is it the slat has come loose or it snapped or what like how are you going down a hole so some of the beams are broken as well as it just slides it'll just slide off and fall down then i'm in a fucking hole and it stinks but your head is still on eight pillows my head is still on eight pillows my legs are is still on eight pillows. My legs are propped up. My midsection is in a fucking hole. It's the worst.

Can't sleep like a bee. You do. I do. That's exactly right. I would try. Sleep is a strong word, too. It's really tough to sleep. And I'll be like 3 a.m.

I'll make a slight movement. It's like the scene in Jurassic World 2 with the glass where they can't move because it's really tough to sleep and i'll be like 3 a.m i'll make a slight movement it's like the scene in jurassic world 2 you know with the glass where they can't move because it's denting like that's me in my bed and then i inevitably fall in the fucking hole no matter what i do i'm just imagining the camera angle below your bed and your face is pressed against the slats so so this has been an issue for a while and i eventually i i just said you know what enough is a fucking i can't take this anymore i'm just gonna my original plan was to flip because the slats are on two sides the bottom bed slats and the top bed slats bottom bed slats what kind of fine well it's like you roll them out like there's two sections of wood that you roll out for the

part of it oh you'll see two halves mine's in two halves which which makes it i think another issue where it separates the halves meet right in the middle so like yeah it's a constant i'm fucking falling in holes all the time while i'm just trying to sleep i've had hot hops where it's left and right no this is this is top down are you sure you don't sleep sideways go to bed sideways? I don't. Okay, well, we're gonna, we're gonna get to that anyway. Oh, no. I deassemble the bed because I'm gonna flip them

and I realize how fucking broken this, this thing is more broken than I realize. There's all the wood is cracked. Everything's fucking destroyed. I've had this for a long time at this point. So it's like, I'm just gonna get rid of it. Gonna throw it all away, but I need a box spring and i have a king size bed which is i don't know five years ago i was like you know what i'm gonna really treat myself i typically don't buy

things for me i'm gonna use my bed a lot i'm gonna go all out i'm getting a fucking king but it's the it's the only king size i have i have one other queen in the spare room no wonder it takes up your entire room king sizesize bed for one person It's fucking it's great. It's a fantastic. I would highly recommend it so I brought in this queen-size box ring but I have this other problem now where it doesn't fit on the box ring and So I'm having to sleep very carefully. I'm so every time I go to bed now. I'm in the middle I'm so nervous. I'm gonna roll if i roll a little bit to the left or right i'm fucking just flying out of this bed oh so that's width ways that's not the end of the bed that's the side of the bed that's the side of the

bed which has led to me realizing i've had my bed on sideways this entire time and i would highly recommend anyone with a king-size bed because it's large enough where you can have it on its side i have more width than i do length i'm like five foot ten it works great i feel like i it's genuinely like half my bed is in a different state when i lay in it you have so much space i would would highly recommend it. So because of this, I've learned that I've been sleeping on my bed sideways, but now with what you guys have brought up, maybe I've had the slats on the wrong way the entire time too.

Maybe my bed has just been twisted. I don't know if that's true. I'm going to look at the company that I bought this from and see if they've got it installed. No, it doesn't look like that. Eric just posted. It's the top one, the top slats. It's the it goes in my head but it's not it's not those kind top slats so it goes top top down i'll just post a link to the thing that i use but i yeah i've been my my life hack is if you have a

king bed which i know is a luxury flip it on its side sleep the other way it is a great experience you have so much extra space. But that's how I've been broken. But, so... Falling in holes, Jeff. You, you... I just feel like you'd want more length, though. And, are you, do you travel in your sleep?

You don't need, length is overrated. What? Length is so overrated. Well, I... Length is... I'm never gonna grow taller in bed. Yeah, but sometimes... I might roll.

Yeah, but, like, sort of, you're on your back in bed and then sometimes you want to like push you want to turn over on your front and like push on the headboard so you slide down a little bit and you're just sort of in the bottom of your pillow and then you you appreciate that your legs don't dangle off the end of the mattress yeah i've never had my legs dangle first of all second of all i've never pushed down on the pillow the only time i've had my legs dangle is when i've fucked up and like laid in the middle of the bed but at appropriate pillow height i'd say within pillow regulation of where they should be i've never dangled yeah i guess you are halfway up a pillow mountain that'll bring your feet in no i okay so i'm looking at the thing i did it correctly i'm it's not i'm not crazy it's just it's a shitty design yeah i don't like those slats uh beds

because it you can't stand on the bed really if you need to no and you just hear it cracking it's terrible it's a terrible stand on a lot of beds uh i mean so you're changing your life david strikes me as a guy who loves to jump on the bed. No, I'm not a jumper. That feels very Gavin. I just, you know, sometimes standing on the bed is useful for, like, changing a light. Mm. Or, that's pretty much it. We just have to use it.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Have, uh, was the last thing we recorded the tuxedo, or was it the podcast? It was the podcast. We did one. We did a podcast after the tuxedo or was it the podcast? There was a podcast. We did one. We did a podcast after the tuxedo. Okay, we did. It was a back-to-back one. Is that the one where you had your tech problems?

Yes. I couldn't tell you what was happening in that episode, but we did record the most broken episode of the show because of the law. Did the law ever come out? The law has come out. I've been working on it. I've been looking. I've been trying to figure out loopholes for us

for this get out of jail free scenario. I tweeted, I just wanted to print the law and somebody immediately replied and the law won. And I was like, you have no idea how accurate that is. You couldn't have summarized it perfectly. So what are you guys gonna do for New Year's? Because we're recording this on december 30th i'm gonna be snowed in that's what i'm gonna be most likely wishing i could order mcdonald's but

can't waiting for for steve and the bobcat to ride by well maybe it's maybe it's time that you learn how to make your favorite mcdonald's item at home there is i mean if we want to talk fast food controversy there's a big controversy in in Canada right now with Tim Hortons because they've released a new menu item in Mexico. And people are like, fucking, I want it. It's Canadian. I think it's owned by Burger King. It's not even a Canadian chain anymore.

But people were outraged by it. The new item was like a sausage and an egg patty or whatever. Sausage patty. Is it an egg patty? What do you call the McMuffin egg? Is that a patty? or whatever. Sausage patty, and is it an egg patty? What do you call the McMuffin egg? Is that a patty? Fried egg. Fried egg.

Between two Eggo waffles is the whole thing. The Eggo is the bread, is their idea. And people are fucking outraged about this. I don't understand why anyone's mad. An Eggo isn't a fucking inaccessible item. You can buy them anywhere. It's the most easily creatable fast food item in your home you could ever have just buy a box of eggos and buy one of their sausage mcmuffins and you have

everything yeah but isn't a regular mcmuffin easy to make too i guess but i feel like you can maybe have some variance in the meat or the egg like the egg goes just an egg there's nothing special about that egg oh so they're just getting they not making Eggos, they're just getting shipments of Eggos. No, they're just using Eggo Eggos. I don't understand it. It's a very weird food controversy that is happening. It looks good, though. It looks fine.

But it's just, I don't understand why people are like, why can't we have this? Fucking go buy some Eggos. You can create this. Three minutes. So easy. Well well you can do the same thing with an egg mcmuffin you just need to go buy english muffins a sausage patty and a slice of cheese and an egg an english muffin is just as easy to come by as egg of waffles no it's it's a

different because it's not a mcdonald's egg it's not the mcdonald's cheese like all those things you don't you don't know it's probably superior in every way than those ingredients you can't come oh come on mcdonald's has the best coke so they might have the best eggs i can't rule that out i don't know what their egg plan is i'm just saying that there are unique specific items that you can get only there a mcdonald's egg tastes different than a burger king egg or i'm assuming wendy's has eggs in their breakfast menu because i know that i don't we don't have breakfast menu in canada for wendy's today um do they really have the best coke yeah they do they like pay a premium to have the best coke they like get it specially delivered and

store it in a unique way and that's also why their straws are larger than any other fast food chain straws they made like an investment a few years ago, and we will have the definitive best Coke experience of any fast food chain. What does that have to do with the straws? It's not thicker Coke. Because it's a larger straw, it hits more taste buds per sip, is the

idea. It's like part of the drinking experience. There's a whole Coke thing. So I don't know. Maybe their eggs are as involved too. You wouldn't think that a chain would specify something like coke but it's just annoying it's frustrating have you this is gonna seem like a random question jeff do you storm out of rooms in arguments yeah i've done it on this podcast you've stormed i guess you have haven't you i realize i'm not a stormer i can't i was trying to think of a time i've done it on camera i was trying to think of a time in which i've stormed out in an argument with anyone yeah this

is the conversation we had during halo when we're talking about I think I was talking about like what it must have been like to storm Normandy and stuff and you were just like I don't think I've ever stormed anywhere yeah I've never I don't think I've stormed in my life in any context you said that you'd like slammed a door open or closed but you'd never made the transition across the different rooms yeah and we decided that storming you had to move between rooms at a minimum why do you think people storm out of a room i think well okay so i have a theory on this and maybe it's just i'm applying it to my my personal life and this has made me realize something i don't like about myself jeff oh i feel

like the storm occurs when you have hit a peak in the argument and that person's opinion and they just need to leave they just need space and then they they walk out i think it's like i've hit a max so i'm leaving this because i can no longer engage in this and i hate that because i'd rather just for me personally how i operate it's like well that nothing has been solved by the storm the storm has not solved this conflict so i've realized go ahead well i've just got my experience with storming is a little different but go ahead that's fair as i said i think it's probably just my experience with storming i've realized i'm a storm chaser jeff and i thought i hate it that's what my biggest annoyance with this you don't want to be a storm chaser and that's my annoyance with the storm is not only is

it unsettled I know you're now forcing me to move you're now forcing me to change my scenery it's like a reverse I'm chasing the storm I don't like it but what's I don't like you if someone's storming out they want to be alone or away from you yeah they're trying to leave you. So why would you follow them? No, you got to let the storm settle. It depends on the storm. You got to let it... You don't run into the high of a hurricane.

You got to let it calm down a little bit. You got to let things settle. But ultimately, things are still unresolved. So you got to clear things up. You got to clean it up a little bit. So then I end up chasing the storm eventually. Yeah, you're just defeating the purpose of the storm because the storm needs to settle without you.

Yeah. You're causing the storm. Listen, I've been in the eyes of many storms and I've always come out correct on the other side. I've got a great read for storm entry and leaving. I want to know why you're pissing all these people off. I can't believe you've never storm all these people off. But they're going to kill it. I can't believe you've never stormed out of anywhere.

I can't think of a time in which I have. Because you said you opened a door hard. Did you open it or close it and you hurt your foot or something? Yeah, I opened it in frustration because it was like seven different things were all going wrong. But you're not counting that as a storm. I slammed it. No, that's not because I didn't leave. I didn't leave my space.

So even if you couldn't like storm into a cabinet because you can't get in there. It's a walk-in pantry, maybe. Just for the record, if I ever storm out of a room with either of you, and I've probably done it with you a few times, Gavin, in person. I think you stormed in a lot. Yeah.

I remember one time yelling at you, you specifically and you guys in Achievement Hunter during a production. And I think I stormed out that time. But for me, when I storm out, I'm doing it for you. Because I have hit a point where I'm going to say something and I can't like I'm a pretty controlled dude for the most part. But I get to a point when I get angry enough that my mouth will say shit that I know I shouldn't say that I that I get too mean or too angry.

I could be too hurtful. angry. I could be too hurtful. So when I storm out of a room, I'm trying to stop myself from saying something so mean or hurtful that it could cause repercussions later. I'm trying to get away from the situation because I can feel my

mouth about to get away from me. Can I say this, Jeff? If that were the case, if I was in that scenario with you, I would know not to follow. I would let that storm cool off a little bit. I wouldn i wouldn't immediately pursue that's like the the cow and twister you know like when it's coming by you've hit peak you're not going in one to a cow storm yeah you don't want to be dodging cows no you don't what a great movie that is i just love twister what maybe that oh what a dumb philip seymour ho Hoffman is so good in that movie. The extreme.

He's so obnoxious. I feel like I'm a silent stormer. If I storm out, you won't realize I'm like an Irish stormer. I'm an Irish storm. I just quietly leave. You're a very polite Irish storm.

Jesus. I'm not swinging doors around. I want like a weather report. That movie feels like God, that movie must have come out 20 years ago at this point. I think it was 2000, wasn't it? A lot of people in that movie are dead now.

They are. That's sad. Philip Seymour Hoffman's dead. Paxton's dead. Anyone else? Or is it just the two? I mean, there's still quite a few. I'm sure there's other people that were involved in the film that have died. I guarantee you.

Absolutely. Yeah. A hundred percent. My favorite thing about that movie is that the villains are the villains because they have corporate sponsorship. It's like the only real difference between the two groups. They're not in it just for the thrill of the storm. They've gone

corporate how dare they and then they treat them like real villains like some like they do some harsh things to those characters and uh maybe my memory is wrong but are they the least villainous villains in a movie i think they're assholes but i think like largely their conflict is is based around the fact that they have income that they're being paid to like chase storms and they got fancy vehicles they do have fancy vehicles corporate it's such a dumb the fucking the story do you know why he's the extreme he dropped the bottle of jack daniels and it never hit the ground it's so fucking dumb it's a great movie does he die in that movie? Who? Hoffman. Hoffman?

No, no, none of the good guys die. Just the bad guys, because they're corporate. Isn't there a good guy that gets dinged in the head with, like, a hubcap or something? I've never heard a death be described more comedically. I don't want to go out by ding. I don't want to be described more comedically. I don't want to go out by ding. I don't want to be dinged to death.

Dinged by hubcap. God damn. This is fun. Yeah, this was good. It was nice to sneak a little one out right before the end of the year. I'm sad to hear that you're going to be snowed in. I hope you make the most of it. I'm going to go swimming because it's really hot. I rented a house with a pool

so I'm just going to go swimming for a couple days. Gavin, I assume you're going to ring in the new year practicing your blowjobs. I'll be there, yeah. Gurgle, gurgle. See you in 2022. Hey, guys. Superfan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. It's season four, episode three.

The boys talk about a new intro song. Canada is a bottom-tier country. Andrew makes friends with a seal. The guys make a tuxedo friend. Jeff makes someone uncomfortable. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. Or walk a marathon. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.