F**kface - Bovril Chug // The Trojan Horse [134]

Episode Date: December 28, 2022

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about a Bovril Chug to start, beef brained, corndog update, Geoff's food game, trojan cucumbered, recommendations for Geoff, merch, Golden Gurpler, Andrew the Soda Guy, text chain scheming, beet pee, Andrew in Austin continued but not finished, and Geoff's Real Housewife Hulu problems. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail]  Sponsored by Better Help http://betterhelp.com/face Dad Grass http://dadgrass.com/face and Kato's Koffee http://katoskoffee.com and use code face20 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Oh. He's gone straight into the bubble, has he? Oh my god. Andrew, it's hot. You gotta take it slow. No, it's lukewarm. It's the Gerplar's plastic cup. I didn't want to melt the cup. I love the Gerplar too much.

Oh, I got beef everywhere. Oh, man. Ever since Dodge the Bomb, the smell. The smell is so bad. Oh. Oh. Oh, Jesus. Okay.

Golden Face. How are we doing? I gotta be honest with you. I didn't expect that. Jeff Ramsey, Gavin Free, Andrew Panton. Here we are. I was thinking as you were introing, I was like, oh, this would be a nice bit. We could...

Nope, it's already happened. Never mind. What a... How is the Bob role? Are you enjoying it? Oh, it's so... I hate it. It's terrible.

Why did you agree to chug this again? I don't remember. Yeah, I was like, to celebrate the launch of the Bob Roll, I'll chug whatever is the most liked response within reason. The launch of the Bob Roll. The Gerpler.

Gerpler. Listen, I'm not doing well. I'm not... Yeah, beef brain. I'm beef brained right now. I like that being something that affects you like brain freeze. I brimleyed it a little bit. I said the wrong thing.

I'm on the ropes here, okay? That's the first use of a brimley in the wild. I love it. Oh, man. Jesus Christ. So do you consider yourself a bovril fan then no what part of that would make you think i was a bovril fan at all i don't know man i think the dodge the bov really tainted it for me i think in a different if i would have just tried it normally as intended so this is the first time you've had bog-standard lukewarm bov? Yeah, ever since the Dodge the Bov, I just have been avoiding it at all costs.

I can't imagine lukewarm is the preferred temperature to ingest. You could have. I mean, I think the preferred way is to keep you warm on a cold day. It's got to be steamy. Yeah, it's like piping hot. Oh my god. I have so much beef all over me right now. Did you spit up beef water?

Oh, I spit it everywhere. It's everywhere. Oh, my God. That's so fucking gross. This is going to be fun to be in for an hour. Great. This is great. That is so fucking gross.

Oh, hey, real quick, while Andrew's doing that, I got a corn dog update. Oh. Emily had corn dogs a corn dog update. Oh. Oh. Emily had corn dogs for dinner last night. Yeah? I had zero desire to eat corn dogs. Interesting.

Didn't faze me at all. Didn't even, they looked, as a matter of fact, I looked at it and I thought, like, what an inferior food, and I ordered a hot dog. And I had a Chicago dog instead. Yeah. That's awesome. That sounds good.

I would always go Chicago dog over corn dog. If a nice hot dog was on the table, I would definitely pick that over corn dog. I feel like corn dog is something to eat if you're in a car. I would say when I was younger, I thought the chili dog was like the top tier of all hot dogs,

but I've really turned a corner on the Chicago dog. I really think that's the way to go. I don't know about you guys. I feel like I still need to eat it with my hand. Yeah. And a chili dog sometimes is like a soggy knife and fork situation. 100%.

100%. Absolutely. Speaking of food, should we get into your exciting food game, Jeff? Yeah, Jeff dropped us off each a bag of food, I guess. Oh, yeah. You've got some stuff. Yeah. So you were able to get everything on the list, right, Andrew?

Yeah, I'm all good. Okay, good. I tried to pick. I spent way too much time last night researching products that are for sale in Austin and Canada at large. And this isn't Dubox. This is just food. No, this is a little food game I came up with. Everybody should have received a bag of a bunch of crap.

With the exception of Eric, I think you got a box because I ran out of grocery bags. So if everybody has their bags ready, I also asked you guys to prepare a pin and a piece of paper because we're going to write some stuff down. Oh, shit. Do it. Let me do that. Yeah, it was in there. I'm just saying the anchos. Yeah, you go grab your pen and stuff.

Yeah, that's fine. We can just fill. I'm so excited about this game, Jeff. I think once we open up and get into it, it's going to be a great time. Yeah, for clarity's sake, Andrew, I bounced some of the ideas off of you last night, and you kind of helped me form it.

I had this idea when... I don't remember what we were doing. It was, we were leaving, I guess, work from the office day. And for some reason, I stopped at a store and I saw these potato chips and they just looked weird. And I tried them and they were,

and it just got me trying to figure out how I could make like, because I knew we have like, we have these two episodes we're recording today and then we have to record one or two more next week so so that we can finish out the year and so i was just trying to come up with bits and uh anyway i came up with this idea for like a gross food thing but then when i was trying to put it together last night it uh it made sense to be a kind of a different game and so i'll look yeah i don't know if gavin's still here i'll kind of explain

it as we go i don't want to give up the entirety of the game because I think you guys playing along and not quite understanding where we're going with it is going to make it funnier in the end, if that makes sense. And hopefully for the audience, too. Also, is Gavin in a penniless house? Like, we're...

It was the paper that was the struggle. Also, number one in there is also included. I bought you guys gifts in Michigan when I went... Every year, I take my fall Apple trip to Michigan. And when I was there, I got you guys some caramel. I got you guys some hot cider mix. And then I got you guys stickers from the

Yates Cider Mill. So everybody should have those as well. Gavin, you got the best sticker. I didn't realize after I bought them all that there was one that was clearly better than the other.avin you got the best sticker uh i didn't realize after i bought them all that you're that there was one that was clearly better than the others so you got the really good sticker uh and uh that's not because i'm playing favorites it's just that i i've known you longer than everybody else so i just went with length of time uh okay so so what we have is a bag except well except for eric who has a little box. And in it are a bunch of different kinds of potato chips and

chippy type things. Now, I don't want to confuse this with the supplemental content we still need to do where I present American Chip. The chip-off. The chip-off, right? Yeah. This is actually going to be called I'm going to call this

the Chippenza. The Chippenza. The Chippenza? Yeah. The Chippenza. The Pulpiza. call this uh the the chip the chip chip well this is your chip yeah they called the chip the pulp is a chip pulp is a chip pulp is a midday chip pulp is a uh okay so this is quite the combination of flavors jesus yeah well you're gonna be recording your impressions of them uh so first off everybody pull out of the bag we're're going to do this in order. The first thing you'll see is Uncho's. Okay? Okay. And I would say...

Eric, sorry. Andrew, you might have Muncho's because I wasn't able to put painter's tape on yours, obviously, because you had to buy it yourself. Everybody else has Uncho's. I do. I always get paranoid when the price is on the product in print.

Why? Really? Why? It's just such a weird thing to me. I feel like it's convenient. That means that they're the same price in print. Why? Really? Why? It's just such a weird thing to me. I feel like it's convenient. I like it. That means that they're the same price in every store they're in? Yeah. I guess so. I'm opening them now.

Okay. Let's open them. Yeah, open up the Unshows and I want everybody, before you do it though, I want you to, uh, what we're gonna do is you're gonna open it up and you're gonna take your first impressions. Like, and you're gonna, we we're going to record two numbers. We're going to record from one to five, one being the shittiest, five being the best. And this will make sense later.

Open it up and I want you to have your like pre-taste impression. Just write down a number. It could be three. It could be whatever. And then you're going to eat a chip. And then after you eat a chip, write down your post-chip impression. And then just combine those two numbers. So if it's like

five and five it's ten if it's three and four it's seven hopefully you get the idea pre yeah post like unchose yeah everybody okay so we're so so it's you open it up before we take a bite write down the number that we have the impression of and yeah just like you smell the bag give it a number again add those yeah got it just wanted to be sure. Freshness, appearance, whatever you guys think. Just pre. Like, whatever metric you use to evaluate pre-eating. Out of five. I got the knockoff brand, Muncho.

So I'm going to, it's a lower score already. Yeah. Because I have a lesser quality. I'm threeing this at a four. Okay. They don't have Unchos in Canada, unfortunately. Okay. And then everybody, Nick and Eric, go ahead and write yours down too.

And then everybody take a bite from the chips and then write down your post score. Okay. I appreciate the audience's patience in this. I know it doesn't quite make sense yet, but I think it'll be funny. Oh, dear. That's way saltier than I was expecting. When we put it all together. Interesting. Salty. Okay.

That's gone to a two for post. I'm going to say... Yeah, I'll agree that two two for oh wow okay once everybody has recorded their score let me know and we'll move on i'm good i'm ready to move on and now i'm gonna now oh by the way i will say there are some uh uh two things of um and i i apologize i had you by these two andrew there are two things of chocolate i didn't get that part of the game finished, so just hold on to those. Those will be for the future. I threw them in anyway just because I figured we'll get to it at some

point. So what we have here is we have Terra sweet and beet potato chips. It's like sweet potatoes and beets. That was what started this whole thing. We have Blue Fuego or Blue Fire Takis, Dill Pickle Kettle Crinkle Cut Potato Chips, Muddy Buddies, which this whole thing we have blue fuego or blue fire talkies uh dill pickle kettle crinkle cut potato chips muddy buddies which um i mean i don't think gavin or i think it's a pretty american i've never

heard of them yeah i don't think you guys have heard of muddy buddies i'm kind of excited to hear your impressions on those and then uh pork rinds pineapple and ancho chili uh okay so let's open up the bag of tara sweet and beet potato chips next and then write down your first impression. Oh, gosh. Oh, dear. What is that for?

I mean, the pre is not great. What does that mean because they're beet potato chips did you put a cucumber in this or is this just I got you you son of a bitch oh my

you've been cucumbered you didn't even see it it snuck right in under the radar you got trojan horsed with a cucumber you fool You didn't even see it! It snuck right in under the radar! You got Trojan horsed with a cucumber! You fool! You fool, Gavin!

Is this whole thing just for me? Are you shitting me? They're all... It's just you! You got a bunch of cucumbers in there, buddy! Bunch of cucumbers! So why did you do that? While we have... You didn't even see...

While we have here, Gavin? The unshows were a MacGuffin to get your... They were just bog-standard potato chips to get a baseline to trick you. Every other... Open up the talkies. Open up the kettle. Open up the money buddies.

Open up the pork rinds. In them, you will find pieces of one of the biggest cucumbers on earth. You are shitting me. I just got a whiff of it. And then I put my hand in and it was wet. Are you serious? This has been in the works for weeks.

Weeks. Open up the Takis. Hold on. Hey, Gavin. Myself and Nick received no such box nor bag of any of these chips. It's just me eating chips on my own? Yes. Yeah. It was all a cover to get cucumbers on your doorstep without you knowing.

And to bring them in. We recorded an entire episode of F*** Face with cucumber next to you, and you didn't even know. Yeah. Yeah, that entire episode of 133, you were cucumber adjacent the entire time. It was sealed. Yeah.

Yeah. So, I was wondering why, when I picked up each bag, the bottom felt like cold and wet. And I was like, maybe it's just like the flavors. It like registered, but not enough for me to think anything strange is going on. The bottom of the bag is like damp on each one. Andrew, I'll let you, this is your, this is, was, this was your masterminded.

How did they, glued... You glued them shut? No, no, no. This is... It's way more complicated. You have no idea, Gavin, the journey that this has been. There has been failure at every turn. I came up with this a few weeks ago.

Shortly after we did, I was thinking, like, how can I get something on your doorstep without you knowing? And at first, I was thinking, like, physically, how could I do it? Because you've the ring camera, it's going to be difficult.

And then I thought, oh, I can Trojan horse you. I'm going to put it in something that you're not expecting. That's great. You just give it a share. Cucumbers in another bag of chips. Sneakily in there.

So originally I was, I wanted to do it in a thing of trading cards. You okay? I'm just opening each bag. These ones are blue. Yeah, it's in all of them. So I was going to do this, and I wanted to do it in Mr. Bean trading cards

and have you open the packs, and every pack would have a slice of cucumber nestled in. And then Jeff brought up, oh, what if we just do it with chips instead? Because that is easier. It makes sense with the thing. what's even better is jeff naturally just came up with the double salted licorice like it was a whole part of the show and that would be the perfect vessel because you're not expecting anything it makes sense for you to get it to have it so we did the office day

and as soon as we finished recording the office day i tweeted to jeff i bought him a bag resealer off of amazon i said i'm so excited for you to put the cucumber in the licorice and we're like we're gonna it's gonna arrive tomorrow we can get this going to which jeff replied oh no i gave gavin the bag of licorice jeff completely forgot about our entire plan of getting the liquor using the licorice to get to you so we had to pivot on the fly and that whole text conversation you were in was all a ruse of us being like have you tried these chips i actually love those chips those are delicious they're fucking great the terra nova i'm a fan they're really tasty yeah they are i can't believe the level of deception.

So then you want to take this because this is where it escalates because my bag resealer kept getting delayed and it wasn't even to Jeff on time. You can take this over from this point. Okay, so I was waiting on receiving this tool called a bag resealer that allows you to open up like a bag of potato chips and then reseal it, right? Like it like heats it shut. And it was out for delivery last night. I had the chips. I was ready to go. Actually, I just had those Tara chips and I was going to try to fit it all in that. And then at like 10 PM, Andrew texted me and he was like, I don't, I don't think the bat, the resealer is going. It's been shipped. It like, it didn't make it to you today.

It got sent back to the warehouse. It'll be out tomorrow for delivery. What are we going to do? And so I hit Google and I started reading and I found out that you can... Gavin just keeps putting photos from the covers. So I saw on YouTube that you can use a hair straightener, like a curling iron, or like a flat iron is what it's called, a flat iron to reseal a bag of chips. So I went and grabbed Emily's flat iron. By the way, Emily, I'm sorry. I cleaned it. I promise. Things got a little dicey for a moment, but I fixed it. And I took that bag of Terra Terra chips and I carefully cut it open and then I tried to reseal it to see if it could be done. And it worked, kind of.

And so, but I did melt some of the bag and stuff and it wasn't perfect. And, but then Emily texted me and she was like, because I was like, hey, just letting you know ahead of time, I might have ruined your thing. And she was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't you have like, because I was like, hey, just letting you know ahead of time, I might have ruined your thing. And she was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't you have, like, because I have a sous vide. And she was like, don't you have that thing

that sucks the air out and then seals it to put like steaks and stuff in? And I was like, oh my God, I do. You don't have to use the air suck thing. You can just use the seal. And so I tried that on a bag of chips and it worked.

And I was like, oh my God, this is amazing. It looked professional. So then I started cutting up the cucumber and as I started to dump it into the bag of beet chips, it made the bag of potato chips weigh like 80 pounds. And I was like, there's fucking, there's no way I'm gonna hand him

a 27 pound bag of potato chips and have him fall for that know, have him, uh, uh, fall for that. So what I did was I, I, I sliced up, I sliced up all the cucumbers as thin as I could with a mandolin,

which, which broke and didn't work where the dam. So I ended up just kind of half assing that. And then I put them all in the oven on the lowest setting for like a half an hour to try to evaporate all the water because I figured most of the cucumbers water weight, right? So then I got them drier and then I tried to soak and press all the

water out to get them as light as possible. Then I realized that still wasn't light enough. So I ran to the store and I bought as many weird kind of potato chips as I could find. All that other stuff I bought like two hours ago. I bought it an hour before I potato chips as I could find all the all that other stuff I bought like two hours ago I bought an hour before I went to your house and I brought it back and then I carefully opened them all up by the way I filmed all of this on my phone for you

guys and and I filmed it so that the angles are terrible uh unusable uh anyway so I filmed all this and then I got all the potato chip bags home. I opened them all up. I evenly split out the cucumber into the different bags, resealed them all, stuck them in a bag, was still worried that you weren't going to fall for it. So then I added in the gift of the shit from the apple orchard, because I've been meaning to give that to you guys for months as like a combo thing to try to make it all make sense. And then I got on Slack and I said, this is the plan for today. I need to make sure everybody has the same address that they did last time I went to your houses. And then Nick was like, oh no, I moved and pretended to give me his new address.

All as subterfuge to further convince Gavin that this was a real event. Everything surrounding this seemed so legit. I can't believe it. I can't believe it jeff and i were on earlier today yeah jeff was so giddy showing me like all of the bags he had and like the it was great yeah i can't wait to see the video i did a video call with andrew to show him the whole process and how it worked and all because i wanted you know so unfortunately this is his this is andrew's prank obviously and i'm just i'm just his proxy agent and so he clearly

gave you the the cucumber while he was in austin right obviously i also did one one dumb thing i went to the store and i bought uh when i bought the cucumbers i bought three uh and as i'm checking out uh actually as i've checked out and I'm walking to my car, Andrew texts me and goes, hey, be sure to get the smallest cucumber they have. It'll be easier to hide. And I went, oh, fuck. I bought the three biggest cucumbers in the store. I don't know why.

Yeah, I don't know why you did that either. A big cucumber is funnier. I asked if you'd put cucumbers in this because they look like really fancy chips. I was like, oh, there's like other veg in here. I really only said that as a joke. And then you were like, yeah, take it. Take the cucumbers. I was like, oh my God.

Also, the two things of chocolate, they were there to cover a chocolate bar that didn't work. they were there to cover a chocolate bar that didn't work. I took like a gross kind of chocolate and I got a mandolin and I shaved it down until it was really thin, except it broke in half. So I had to super glue it back together. So then I hide like a flask and a Bible or a gun. Yeah. So what I did was that I layered the top of the chocolate bar with cucumber and then sealed it back up.

But when I went to go put it in your bag, it had leaked through and it was very clearly tampered with. So I had to just like pivot and throw that away. Luckily, that was from a different cucumber. So good. I had cucumbers in my hands without realizing. Yeah, dude. Lots of them. Oh, my God. So many.

By the way, these. Lots of them. Oh my God. So many. By the way, these are my final scores. Jeff, when you showed me the cucumber you bought, it looked like the mallet that like a caveman would have in a cartoon. I've never seen

a bigger cucumber in my life. It was massive. Oh, that was so good. Nick said he wasn't sure how far this bit was going, so he was writing down fake numbers like if I called for the scores it would be legit. I have been on

pins and needles all fucking day for this moment. I can't believe that. Just praying, praying you would fall for it. The Trojan crisps. Oh, Trojan crisps. Trojan crisps. So it's what? It's 1-0.

I'm up. I'm on the scoreboard. Yep. I'm ready. Prepared. Don't have my paintball gun anymore, but I got things set up. I should be irritated. I should be frustrated.

I'm so impressed. I just can't believe it. And I should just go with my gut. There are a few tiny little things that just registered as like, oh, that's a bit. I just didn't believe it. And I should just go with my gut. There were a few tiny little things that just registered as like, oh, that's a bit, and I just didn't follow through. What were they? What were the things that you're like, huh? Well, the first thing that we were doing a crisped bit that somehow isn't the other crisps thing we're doing. I was like, how is this suddenly snuck in?

But I didn't register it. Like, I didn't want to like kill a bit or anything. So I was like, okay, then we're doing this. And then like the cold, wet feel of the bags. Just registered, like, a little hint of, like, oh, that feels a bit weird. But I guess I've never had these chips before. I'd also like to point out. It stinks in here, by the way. Oh, no.

Gavin, I am an independent agent. I am not aligned with Andrew. I am a free agent. I am not aligned with Andrew. I am. I am. I am. I am a free agent available for anybody. I'm just as willing to help you get back at Andrew or Eric. What's your availability towards the end of the month? I'll be available.

I'm around. He's a free agent to help you get back at Andrew. The guy we can't go visit, get to in any way. And also he bought a paintball gun for protection. I returned it. I returned it. Yeah. On the record,

return the paintball gun. I would just also like to say, even though Jeff is applying a service to you, I'd highly recommend Jeff, Gavin, even though it's against me. Great service. Really?

I give him five stars. Really keen? Fantastic. Fun to work with. Just all around. Great, great use of service. Did you by any chance

pour an extra bucket of salt into these unchos or is that what just did they taste like no no that's just what they taste like the unchos weren't opened or tampered with in any way they were meant i just wanted to get a little bit into the joke before the reveal they were designed for that and as a hilarious callback to the alphabet contest. Oh, man. That couldn't have gone better. The way that we fell into this being like six bags of chips was originally just going to be the bag of licorice. All of the blunders, I feel, just made it better, ultimately. It added, we had to work so much harder

to try to sell the deception that was going to occur. I still don't have the the bag resealer that it should and actually it said it was delivered oh it's probably probably was delivered while we're recording absolutely yes probably outside your door right now but your thing was so much better i love that we i didn't know you had one of those and it's so much more convenient to use than the little resealer i was sending it. It worked like a charm, too. It worked great. Gavin never noticed the seal. It was the wetness. It was the cold and the wetness

that kind of lured him. There was nothing visually about it, it sounds like, that made you suspicious, Gavin, that they were tampered with. Yeah, they opened pretty easily, but I didn't really think anything of that, either. There you go. That was flawless from beginning to end.

Kevin, I hate tricking you. I'm sorry, but I had to. So you weren't driving around. You just drove to me and then went home. I sent a text to that saying like, all right, I'm going to go out and drive to everybody's house now and make the rounds. And then I just sat and played Jim's Award for a minute until I thought enough time had passed. And then I'm going to go out and drive to everybody's house now and make the rounds. And then I just sat and played

Jim's Award for a minute until I thought enough time had passed. And then I just drove to your house and back. Yeah. So how giddy were you for the entire last recording? Were you just so excited? Oh, it was amazing. I thought we'd get to it pretty fast. And then the episode just kept going and going. Then I thought, it's even funnier if thought we'd get to it pretty fast, and then the episode just kept going and going,

and then I thought, it's even funnier if we don't get to it. Are there some in the dipped banana bites? No, they're a MacGuffin, too. Okay. Only because I couldn't figure out how to open and reseal that without you seeing it. I was going to say, because that's like a tear open. Yeah, I couldn't do it. That's, yep.

I was like, that wouldn't work. About halfway through the last episode, I realized this is so much funnier if you would record an entire episode without knowing. So I just tried to stretch the cooking thing as long as I could to make sure that we would wrap up and go to the next one. You guys are getting really good at this.

I do want to point out that me and Nick were only just asked to play along. Had no idea what was happening or why that it was a cucumber involvement. It was just Jeff going, hey, pretend like you got this. And it was me and Nick going, you got it. No hesitation. No idea why. Yeah, I looped them in with as little information as possible an hour before

the podcast started and just said cone of silence i need you guys to just go along with this i'm telling uh pretend that you got this bag and then i even said like i even like as i'm trying to i'm trying to do like the quentin tarantino thing in reservoir dogs where you make the lie so believable right uh like he's talking about pissing with the drug dog so i was like eric i didn't have a bag for you so i had to use a box like i was just like throwing out bullshit details i think yeah when you go back and listen i think there's going to be like a lot of little suggestions from us of like what's going to come in our excitement of it i i literally huffed the bag it smelled weird and then i looked at the cucumbers

oh these are interesting oh my god i'm so slow on the uptake oh they're and this went through so many iterations too like there's gonna be a real sneaky i thought about you having something for a while and then doing a fake cucumber thing where i got caught so you would not expect that you already had the cucumber in your possession. There were layers. This went through a lot of iterations of planning. I was also terrified

you would answer the door and I wouldn't be able to keep a straight face. So I was really hoping that I wouldn't run into you when I dropped off the bag. Yeah, you wouldn't have enough. No, I was fucking. I was bouncing off the walls with excitement.

There would have been no way to hide it. Was there? Do you think there's a glee in just your appearance, Jeff, when leaving it at the door? Do you think there's a visual joy that can be? I tried. So you should evaluate that footage and just tell if Jeff seems like happier than normal. I usually does something whenever he drops something off.

I blew him a kiss on the camera. Oh, okay. Alright, Gavin Ball's in your court, buddy. And I'm back on the market, just for the record. The contract has ended. Highly recommend. I'm going to be hiring, I think. It stinks of like soggy salt,

cucumber, and like Vancouver child kicker beer mat. Rug. What's your oxygen level right now? Is that okay? Whatever your scan was before? How are you doing with that? Oh, dear.

That might have helped us, actually. It could have. Yeah, maybe that's some of the freshness of the cucumber. It might have helped us actually it could have freshness of the cucumber might have affected my intelligence oh no is that lethal? is that a lethal amount? that's pretty high

it's 300 outside oh no you gotta get a plant or something did you also pump CO2 into my room before you delivered? Oh, no. Oh, no. You got to get a plant or something. Did you also pump CO2 into my room before you delivered? No. I will say that's the one thing I was bummed about is, like, the bags deflate when you open them. And I wish that I'd had, like, compressed air or something that I could have tried to shoot into it to puff it back up.

That'll be how I improve next time. Yeah. Maybe, like, a bike pump. I don't know. Yeah. Just yeah just like a can of compressed air just be like i could i could seal it up 99 of the way just have the little thing the little uh tube in there and just like hit it and then seal it i bet oh man i thought i was worried with the whole you know me taking the photos in austin with the the cucumber i thought you'd be on high alert gavin so So I was worried about that as well. No, I just never for a second.

That was so good. My guard was fully down. I wasn't suspicious at all. Oh, man. And would you say that now your guard's going to be higher? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Because I'm in the lead. I've secured it.

We don't have long to go. Plus, we said, I don't remember if this was in the episode or not or if this was something we talked about later. Any failed attempt, you cannot try again until 10 days later. So you're almost running up to a point where you can only get one attempt. We're getting close. Let's just sneak in an attempt right before Christmas.

Unless he's already done it. Unless he's already done it. Unless he's already done it. Have you checked your door recently? No, I haven't. Not going to because there's nothing there. Not worried about it. Zero percent chance. I'm going to let everybody know right now.

If you send me anything, Jeff, Gavin, for Christmas, it is not entering my home until after the holidays everything i'm viewing every item as a potential cucumber i'm not doing cucumbers for you ever he's doing monopoly no you're doing monopoly money you're right yeah that's i forgot it wasn't a cucumber office monopoly money i'm not oh fuck i can't do anything about that can i because you're putting it to the door there's no stealth oh fuck yeah it's just gonna be on I? Because you're putting it to the door. There's no stealth. Oh, fuck. Yeah, it's just going to be on your door. It's going to be screwed to your door. Yeah.

What were you going to do with the paintball gun? Were you going to shoot the cucumber away? No, I can see the entire lead to my door from a balcony on my room, and I was going to shoot down at him. That makes sense. So I wouldn't have to chase him. Yeah.

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we will donate $2. Head on over to our website at katoscoffee.com and pick up your bag today using promo code FACE20 for 20% off your order. Well, I got nothing else. That's been occupying most of my brain space

for the last couple days. Although I will say we did some discussion, we had some discussions about the Gerpler and going forward, gerping forward, what to do. I wanted to, I proposed an idea.

We should talk about Andrew, I believe. I can't remember who I talked to anymore. Yeah, we're talking. Right, right. I wanted to see what you guys thought about this. So first off, I, you know,

a lot of the reason we do the limited merch is because we can't hold stuff in inventory forever uh and it's uh it's expensive to do that um and so we try to do limited runs where we sell out everybody gets one and then we move on to the next thing i do think a ger a gerpler upon reflection and especially how much i use it now it's become like my primary my primary means of chug is uh is through the gerbler and uh i don't want people to be deprived of the opportunity to get a gerbler so i feel like that should be maybe an evergreen product that we always have in store in some way but because we've already released them if we're gonna put out another version i'd like to make them different in

some way uh and so we talked about doing a blind box. This is an idea Andrew and I came up with. We talked about doing maybe blind box Gerblers where you could get either a green one or a purple one or maybe some other color. And it's just like random. You don't know what you get until you open it up. But also what if there were 10

golden Gerblers that are randomly inserted? Because I don't know if you know that, but sometimes when you go to Pizza 10 golden gerblers that are randomly inserted. I don't know if you know that, but sometimes when you go to Pizza Hut, it's usually a red glass. Sometimes it's clear. Sometimes it's kind of like a gold color. If we could get and release 10 golden gerblers into the wild, super

rare, super random. If we made 1,000 gerblers, there would be 10. So it'd be very rare. It'd be very low chances of you getting one. But if you drew a golden Gerbler, I was thinking it would be really fun if we included in the bottom of the Gerbler, just like in the glass.

Factory tour? Factory tour? That was sort of the thought. Yeah, the Charlie, the golden ticket is definitely an inspiration for that. I referred to it as the Wu-Tang album that Martin Shkreli bought, but what if it includes in the Golden Gurp a little

USB drive that has a special 10-minute episode of F*** Face that only exists on that drive and you can only get it by getting the Golden Gurp Blur? That's such a ridiculously custom piece of content. And then it's like, if the people who

get it want to upload it, that's fine. It's their content. They can do whatever the fuck they want to. They can release it if they want to and share it with the world or they can hold on to it. And you got like a one in 10 chance

of like if somebody gets it, you know, you got 10 options or 10 opportunities for people to release it if they want to. And then it would be like non-canon. It could just even be about, it could be about,

who knows? We could come up with something. We could even do like a little scripted thing or whatever. But it would just be like a special treat. If you draw the Golden Gerbler, you get with it a special episode. Should it be on cassette or something? Could be. Could be.

We could do eight track cassette, whatever. Golden Gerbler. It's going to be so stupid. I want, I just want them available at all times because I would love to replace every cup I have with the Gerbler. I love it so much.

It is, as you said, Jeff, it has become my primary cup. Yeah. It's fantastic. So I think we should do the soda chug from them. Yeah, definitely. We need to do that as well.

Maybe next time. We'll do it this time if you want. I mean, yeah, you've got it already. Well, I do, but I don't have a can of soda. You have to have a can of soda in your house. I don't know if I do. Come on. I might.

I'll look. Give me one second. Eric, do you have one? Do I have a can of soda? Or a Gerpler? I don't think I have a Gerpler here, but I do have a can of soda. Well, I mean, we've done that. All right. Alright, sorry man.

Did you participate last time? Yeah. There's no reason to do that again. Right. I don't think I have any soda. That's mind blowing. I'll get one.

Why? Am I a soda guy to you? Oh, yeah, big time. Yeah, me too. Really? Yeah, you seem like a soda guy to me. Totally. Fascinating. I don't.

I'm looking at an empty can of Coke on my desk from last night. Okay, so you are a soda guy. Yeah, I guess I am. Yeah, I enjoy. I'd say I'm more a beverage guy than a soda so we all said you were a soda guy and you were like so taken back by it and now it's like oh yeah I'm a soda guy what well that I would have always have a soda on hand as well you've got one I don't think that's true on a different floor and you know it no I don't know you don't like changing floors

no I don't so that I got that empty coke changing floors. No, I don't. So that empty Coke can, that was the last soda in your house last night? That was the last one. We missed it by 12 hours? We missed it by 12 hours, and I'm an idiot because I talked about doing it prior to. I should have drank that. I should have saved it.

I mean, we could start with Jeff today and each do one in a different episode. I will do that. Like I can do one when I get my gup. That's a fun idea. You think so? But then it's like we're dragging. I don't want it to be like the icy hot thing where we do it like four times.

Or like the soda chug that we did four times. Yeah, like we've already done this. I don't think we need eight of these. I'd rather sync up if that's okay. That's fair. That's fair. All right. So we'll all.

Let's go official. Does everybody have access to a GURPLER that they can have available next time? I don't have one. What are you talking about? How do you not have one? You're leading this. You don't have a Gerplar. No, I've never.

What are you saying? I don't have any of the recent stuff. Dude, go to work and get your mail. It's at the office waiting for you. I guarantee you it's in the mail. I assure you it's not. It has to be. After every podcast I go in there, there's nothing.

Do you not have a Switchbook? Do you do this? I do, but it's because you put it in my hand and give it to me oh oh that's right i did okay with a bunch of licorice i feel like we went through this in the past where you're like ah nothing nowhere the mail i never get it anywhere and then eric brought you like 25 bags of face merch yeah i think we've done this yeah it's it's there. Cool. This is it's just like Andrew is not a soda guy, but as a soda, Gavin doesn't get any of the merch, but he gets all the merch.

All right. I haven't got any merch since that big hole. Are you saying there's another big pile? Of course. What do you mean? Where is it?

Because I go in there every week. Walk in, look to the right, find your name. It's written out and then there's nothing by my name telling you dude we'll see i don't even i mine's worse i get a notification from slack every time i get a piece of mail addressed to me and then i go into that room and there is no jeff section

there's a section where i get all the face stuff and i leave it there until we're gonna do a break shit or whatever and then we grab it all but the jeff's the jeff section doesn't exist and i've never seen the jeff mail i don't know where it goes but it doesn't go to me maybe they're keeping our stuff aside somewhere i've i'm looking at the text conversation that you that we all had on tuesday night yeah or tuesday afternoon it's so long just to set up doing the chip thing yeah it starts with you saying are either of you beats guys so you could specifically talk about those terror chips yeah what was the text conversation right before that why don't you run through it i mean we can all play our parts

okay well i'll just say before you even get that or text between jeff and i figuring out like what chips sound weird that you wouldn't have had. Do you want to read your messages out and then we'll read the other one? Sure. We can do that. Let me pull up my phone. Just remember, people listening, just remember all of this is bollocks. Yeah, this was just to fuck with you. Can't believe it.

I'm gonna start here. My paranoia really dipped. It's crazy how just time will do that. I'm gonna start here. The resealer arrives at your place tomorrow. We get hit Gavin with his cucumber and licorice bag on Thursday. Okay, okay, okay, yeah. I go, yeah, dude.

Oh, shit. I'm so excited. I gave it to him today. Eric told me to. Ah, I forgot. What? Why? How?

Jeff? I'm so dumb. I was distracted with the fireplace talk just this is just a wrinkle so now and just for context to this comment we almost did the

licorice thing on the office day and I kept being like no later later we'll do it later we'll do it later because that was the whole that was going to be the vessel

I said that's why I kept pushing it to do it later and I went yeah that makes that makes sense. Yeah. You were like, oh, it should be in an episode. It should be in an episode.

Whenever you have a strong opinion, I should be suspicious. Hey, why don't you want to chug soda today? Oh, that's a good point. Why don't you? Andrew said, that's so funny. And I said, I'm so mad at myself. What is another candy or chip? And I said, there are so many bits we I said, I'm so mad at myself. What is another candy or chip? And I said, there are so many bits we have in the air to remember at all times.

This could be a real easy fix. And I said, we'll be together again for the fireplace. I could sneak something into his camera bag. No, it has to be on his porch. Do you have a cucumber? And I said, I have an idea. I'm going to go buy one now. Well, getting one, maybe pop into the chipper candy aisle, look for something disgusting.

Doing so. Oh, one other thing. I gave everyone Apple related gifts in Michigan. I can drop those off on his door, too, and pretend it's a part of the whole deal. Then I could say in our group text, I found something that might be worse than the licorice. And you could be like, I'm literally grocery shopping right now. I'll pick one up for you, Gavin. I'm literally grocery shopping right now.

I'll pick one up for you, Gavin. And then I sent him a picture of cucumbers and then the banana thing and then the terror chips. I like Jeff sent me a photo of cucumbers and I replied, I'd go with the smallest, which he completely ignored. I just missed it.

Yeah, I missed it. And you said the problem is the seal. I don't think we can fake a resealable bag yeah that's sort of the the heart of it and then we could go back to now our group text yeah and then the group tag that's going to take forever to scroll through i don't know if this is is this entertaining to go through these is this uh well i think it puts out the extent of bullshit that you've laid down like the tracks of shite yeah, yeah, this was just the three of us. I didn't have Eric or Nick in it at all,

which is why they didn't know about it. It starts with Andrew's, are either of you Beats guys? Yeah, are either of you Beats guys? No. When you said no, I was so excited, Gavin. I was like, fuck yeah. I'm still waiting for mine to load. Just said I love Beats.

I said I just had the worst chip of my life. And I know I haven't tried the licorice, but you guys gotta try this. And I said I love beets. I had beets at... Oh, no, I see. Yeah, I said,

are they like potato chips? Meanwhile, I had already bought them. Yeah, it's like sliced dried beet with seasoning. And I said, have you guys ever eaten enough beets to turn your pee red? No, but I didn't expect more pee research

and I said we should have a red pee off someday which I still agree with I see like how red we can make our pee by eating a bunch of beets I still have the same issue I don't know how we track that and measure it and share it like I just don't know I don't know I don't want to see your pee though well it looks like red blood

it won't look like pee that makes it better i have a clean toilet it'll be fine no i'd rather not see your blood or pee uh and then i i pulled a screw and grabbed the chip that just showed me and i said it's these fucking things i like other terra chips but those are absolute garbage i love all terra chips they're all great uh and i said i'll try to grab some later today i gotta go uh yeah millie was six i said i gotta go to the store to get her some chicken soup anyway uh you said sounds good i said let me know if anyone has any other gross foods to get i'm trying to get gavin engaged in the conversation because i figure when he starts

responding we'll have him on the hook and then we can borrow in for ages and my phone was going apeshit and i just looked at it like right at the end of the conversation so i'm like fishing and i said like what do you guys think the strongest flavors are? Probably cheese. And then we had this whole conversation about garlic and cheese and versatile foods. This goes on for a while.

Buffalo sauce, and then I said anchovy? Then you fucking showed up, and then it was gone. I said olives are first. And then we had a whole conversation about... It was a whole thing. Then I pivoted. My goal was to keep it going in different directions

so it didn't feel too focused. So like I got off on muffaletta sandwiches for a while, which you guys have never had, but they're fucking delicious, by the way. No, I've had one. I don't like olives, yeah. They're amazing. Fuck you.

That was so genuine. Yeah. And then that went on for a long, long time. You said the muffaletta is the worst sandwich on the planet. I was offended. And then you ate cucumbers. Fantastic. Cucumbers on my porch.

In your hands. In your hands. In your room right now. You carried them up. On my lap. On your lap. Sitting there. You carried them up. On my lap. On your lap. Sitting there. Cold.

And slightly damp against my lap. It's interesting because the problem I had earlier was that the bags got real hot because I had put the, because I cooked them in the oven for like 30 minutes. And I thought, oh my God, these bags are hot. He's never going to believe me. I'm glad they cooled down.

Nothing suspicious about these hot bag of chips to believe it on your front door. I can just imagine the steam coming off of them when he opens it. They're like fanning them and blowing on them on my doorstep. That was great. Thank you so much for your help, Jeff. What a fantastic series of series of events yeah that

was that was that turned out really well that was the exact opposite of a salad cream for sure couldn't have been further from salad 100 yeah you i don't know what the opposite of a salad cream is but have we ever determined that no i don't think so i mean we can add maybe that's what this is you chipped it you chipped it? I think we could have work. We'll come up with something. We'll workshop it, yeah. Absolutely. What else you guys got going on? Not much.

I'm on the fence about going into the process of the cucumber photos, but I don't know if I should wait to go into detail on that whole saga. Because it's kind of nice because the cucumber, there might be a last act. Maybe I should save it. Should I save it or should I go into it? I don't know. I think there's going to be a last act

if Gavin's going to try to enact revenge on you. I mean, you... It seems that you both don't think I was in Austin. Like, definitively. You both strongly believe that. Okay. Don't say both. I think there's four of us here that don't think you were in Austin.

Yeah. And forensics were done. And the forensics were done. None of you... Just to us here that don't think he was. Yeah. Nobody here thinks it's an Austin? The forensics were done. None of you? Just to verify, nobody thinks that it's an Austin? Yeah. So then how would I have gotten the photos? What would be the...

What would the... Where did they leave? I don't understand, like, what... Like, you're the only person that can hold up a cucumber at the Austin sign? Like, I'm talking about. Okay, so the thing would be that I wasn't there, but I had somebody in my place. Yeah, the way that Jeff...

Are you joking? I'm just asking. This has been a very angry year for Eric. This is insane. Because it's so... This is, like, so insulting to because it's so, this is like so insulting to our intelligence. I like the fact

that Eric clearly hasn't known Andrew for as long as we have, so we just expect this. Wild. Just asking. Just asking. Oh, so yeah, oh. How do you guys think I did this? Eric, he's just curious. He's just curious, and he's just gonna dump something in the chat. Just let him do it. No, I don't have anything to drop in the chat i was just okay oh i was just

trying i thought you were i really thought you were keying up i thought someone was coming no yeah there's what are you gonna drop in the chat i i don't know what they thought i was gonna drop in the chat i have nothing to drop in the chat i thought you were gonna drop a photoshopped into someone else's picture and asked should i just go because it was a whole i need to i'm not gonna just reveal because it okay i'll say this is what i'm gonna do i can't imagine i can't imagine being a listener of this podcast and having to listen to what andrew is saying right now like people have to be screaming at their phones they have to be they have to be screaming at their phones. They have to be,

they have to be, there's no way that people are just going, ah, and I'll wait patiently for the answer. People must be fucking screaming at their phones. I think everyone's happy. First of all, I'm in a great mood.

I'm with joy. Yeah. This has been a lot of fun. I don't feel I was, I'll say i wasn't in austin sadly i wish i was i don't want to give up the person who assisted me with this unless i know they're okay with it so i'm gonna have to i'll slack them and i'll get back to you guys well you by saying slack you tell us who it was someone who works for us no No. Yeah. No, I use... It was clearly... I bet it was fucking Jack is who it was.

Go back and listen. Whenever I... I always use Slack to refer to messaging someone. Whenever I... Go back and listen. The audience... Especially when you're using Slack. Yeah.

I Slack someone. You know, that's when we're chatting. When I'm sending a text. You know the way I say I Slack to you. Yeah. Whenever I text someone, I'm always like, I Slack them. That's the thing. I'm trying to see... There know the way I say I slacked you. Yeah, whenever I text someone I'm always like, I slacked them. That's the thing I- I'm trying to see- there's no- There's no hand skin.

That's the thing- In any of these pictures. Deliberately. I wanna see Andrew dig himself out of this bean hole he's just put himself in. No, I- I- You know, I use Slack as message all the time. I think- It doesn't have to be Slack. No, you don't. I think someone is hiding their hands because they know that you can recognize someone by their hands.

We're just going to move on. It's fine. We'll talk about this later. This is the worst. Slack them about it. And then in a general sense, not necessarily use the platform Slack. Right.

And then if I get approval, I'll say who it was. So after all that. Was it Greg from Finance? No, I don't. I'll say it's not Greg from Finance. They might not even be on our Slack. It's, you know, I use... Wait, hang on, hang on.

So now it's on Slack, just not on our Slack. Uh, no. I don't have any other Slacks. Well, maybe I do. Actually, wait. Maybe I do have multiple Slacks. Wait a second. After all that buildup, you don't even have this ready to go.

You got to talk to someone. Well, I didn't plan on, I didn't know where, I didn't listen to the research that was done. I didn't know where everyone was at with it. I wanted to feel the room. And obviously there's a sense I came clean. I wasn't in Austin as much as I'd like to be,

but I'm not going to just give up this person who helped me for the kindness of their heart to pull this off. What about making sure they're okay with it. I feel like I've accidentally given that away already. We're going to move on. We'll settle this with them and then we'll talk about it next time.

If it is Jack, that's because then he would have gone to that instead of all of the break shits. Do you guys have your Christmas trees up yet? I still need to put my Christmas tree up I mean I will say yeah you have five on your counter

I will say if it was Jack it's nice to see him being useful Jack is great yeah I just said it's nice to see him being useful that's an unnecessary dick actually that's a no it's not an unnecessary dick no I don't think a justification. No, it's not an unnecessary dick. No, I don't think it's unnecessary. I think it's fucking on point.

I don't know what to say in this situation. I'm going to be quiet until we switch subjects. So it's someone on Slack. It's someone we work with. And they went so out of their way to help you do this insane thing. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to message everyone on Slack. I know it was you.

Yep. There you go. And one person will reply. And that's how we'll find out. How do you message every single person? You don't. You can only message eight at a time. And that's in groups.

I don't know how to message everyone. You can just go. You can go in the general Slack and you can just post it there. I can't even type in that one. They don't let me post. I'm just imagining Gavin going to the biggest Slack group and saying, I know it was you. But here's the thing. Andrew is telling his little helper not to reply see this is you can't you can't trust this

i also don't know why he's not just talking about it that's the weirdest part to me what is there to hide at this point what if it was nick i don't think nick would drive down town to do that nick has a kid nick has a kid. Nick has a kid. He's got responsibilities. He's got responsibilities. He couldn't do it. I'll talk to the person and then we could, you know, maybe I'll reveal this.

I'm not going to throw someone under the bus. I don't want to throw someone under the bus. We didn't talk about that. I thought, you know, everyone would just think I was in Austin. That was my plan. You, hang on. You thought that everyone thought you were in austin for real that was the plan

yeah it was just everyone would think i was in austin and i'd go with that i never considered the possibility of having to say i wasn't in austin i didn't talk about that with them in what world do you think you were tricking us right I was the that was plan a and there was no plan B. I didn't Any other scenarios so plan is that we would believe you were here Yeah, cuz I had all the photos did anyone for a single second no even Entertain the idea that you could set foot here. no no no that was a miscalculation on my part listen some plans go great the cucumber went really well that one that we're talking about right now wasn't we didn't exactly go as i thought it would go i will say i will say andrew this

would be the absolute perfect time to throw an image of you actually being in Austin in the subreddit or the Slack or the Discord or whatever the fuck it would be. And then go, just kidding, it was me. I tricked you again. That would be awesome. So if you can do that right now, you will 100,000% redeem yourself. You also have

pictures of you in Austin, I assume. From the past. No. I don't have a single photo of me in Austin. What about the one of you and Austin, I assume, from the past. No. I don't have a single photo of me and Austin. What about the one of you and Gavin at the fucking pinballs? Oh, yeah. I guess that does exist, but that's already been used. That probably wouldn't work if I was in the photo.

Although, to be fair, I did forget that I was next to him once before. That's true. That's how sneaky I am. Oh, man. We'll put a nice bow on this in the future. I have a very... You know how I have that annoying double tap TV thing where I

have to turn my TV off twice? Yes. I have a new annoying thing that's going on in my life that makes... It's been going for like three weeks now. And I want to fucking murder somebody for it. I'm so angry. You know, I have I have Hulu. That's how I watch.

That's how I watch the Real Housewives franchises that I watch. Beverly Hills, Potomac and Salt Lake City are the three that I'm into right now. Beverly Hills on hiatus, obviously. Everybody knows that. But Salt Lake City and Potomac are going strong. And so every Wednesday I watch Salt Lake City. Every Sunday I watch Potomac with Emily. There is this thing happening now on Hulu where and I have like the we have like the Hulu plus or whatever.

So you get live TV through it. So we get like all all of our TV through it, which is essentially like cable i don't know why we just don't have cable still uh so i have this thing happening where when it starts to record a new episode of potomac or uh salt lake city it records it and I go to play it. If it's still recording or if it's just recorded at any point in time the day the episode comes out,

it's a black screen. Then the next day, it works. What? And it's only, it's only Potomac and it's only Salt Lake City. It's no other shows that I watch.

It's no other shows that I record. It's not even other Bravo shows, because those both are on the Bravo channel, because I watch Mediterranean, Below Deck, and a bunch of other stuff. But it is only those two Real Housewives shows. So like last night, I laid in bed with Emily for 45 minutes trying to trick Hulu into letting me see the show that I recorded. And I just couldn't. And it'd be fine because I have Peacock, too. But they don't show it on Peacock until the next day, which is when it works on the fucking Hulu anyway.

And so I feel like the goddamn Hulu people are trying to stage an intervention with me where they don't want me watching fucking Potomac and Salt Lake City until the next day. And you might say to yourself, wait a day. That's not a big deal. Here's why it's a big deal. A, I pay for it. B, I want to watch it when it comes out. And C, I listen to celebrity gossip and Real Housewives podcasts. And they do recaps the next day.

And I got to get up in the morning on Thursday morning. And my normal routine is to listen to Danny Pellegrino. Tell me and talk about all the funny shit that happened on Housewives the night before. And I can't fucking do that till tomorrow now. I couldn't listen to Danny Pellegrino today because it would have spoiled the whole goddamn show. I couldn't listen to Heather McDonald today. I couldn't listen to any of it because they'll talk about the goddamn episode last night that i could only hear i couldn't watch how about this watch it live i can't watch it live it's black oh it's like even oh it happens

in the live feed yes i thought it was oh that's funny can i ask you just on the recording now i i tried the the real housewife uh salt lake and it Salt Lake, and I didn't like it all that much. Would Potomac, would that work for me? You think? Are they different enough? Incredibly different. Okay, I'll give that a shot for you. If you're going to try,

here's the deal. If you're going to watch Potomac, watch this season. I will. Okay, I'll hop into this season. Hop into this season, and if you're going to do it, it's not far in. I'll hop into this season. Hop into this season. And if you're going to do it, it's not far in.

I'll be honest with you, dude. These shows are, they take a little bit. It takes a little bit of time, a little bit of investment on your part to understand the dynamics of the people involved

and how they all work together. If you stick with Potomac, and I won't recommend Salt Lake City this year. I'm actually not a huge fan of this season of Salt Lake City. I think, well, I don't want to I don't sure people people get in trouble for talking shit about certain housewives I'm not going to do it uh but I'm not a huge fan of some of the people on that show this year who I used to be a fan of but Potomac has a fight between

Mia and Wendy in I want to say like episode four or five that is the most entertaining and wild and craziest thing. And it's set up, it's set up these, this fucking battle that's going on episode after episode. So do it, but give yourself

four or five episodes. Get to the fight. Get to the fight. I'll give it a five episode run. I'll get to the fight. I'll give it a fair shot. And then see. Not to go too deep on reality TV.

Last two episodes of Survivor. So good. Fantastic. God damn. God damn it. I was, my pick to win got voted out last night devin you haven't been keeping up with the season no so the second i don't feel like this is that big of a spoiler at all for like what matters they did a thing where all the people that were left they gave them a thing that was like hey there's an advantage in the woods go find it and everybody And everybody scrambled for it. And what they did was they attached it

because typically it's like low down and it's like in the dirt that you have to dig through. They just attached it to the middle of a tree, like lined up with everyone's sight line. And it was the thing where everybody was just walking past it being like, I have no fucking idea where this thing is.

Like people were brushing their noses against the advantage, talking about how they couldn't see it. There were people having conversations in front of it when it was like at their eye level. Yes. Here's a tip by the way if you're ever going to go on Survivor if you notice a

cameraman filming you from a certain angle and he or she won't move there's a fucking there's something there. Yeah and he keeps doing like a rack focus to's a fucking, there's something there. Yeah, and he keeps doing like a rack focus to the tree. Yeah, anytime you see a rack focus, there's an idol. It's hilariously infuriating

because it's not a brief thing. It is like a two-minute sequence of people resting their head on the advantage, laying against the tree with no concept it's there, and then just continuing on looking for it.

It's great. So good. And it's not like, it's there and then just continuing on looking for it it's great so good and it's not like it's not like super camouflaged or anything it's pretty no it's pretty blatant it's fantastic it's one of the best scenes i think the show has had in a long time just so goddamn funny it reminds me of there's a show called crystal maze in the uk it was like a you get a certain amount of time in a room and if you don't get out in time you get locked in and you have to get crystals and then take them to the end but there was one where it was like a a mirrored maze and the crystal was at the end and there's this guy like crawling through this mirrored tunnel and he gets all the way to the end with the crystal right in front of him on the floor but he reaches for it in the reflection

of the mirror and just bangs his hand on the mirror and doesn't know what to do he's just like oh and then he was running out of time so he crawls all the way back out without getting it it was literally like under his hand but he tried to grab the reflection version instead of the real one and it's probably the dumbest I've ever seen someone be filmed on camera

we should probably wrap up we gotta wrap up dude thank you so much for listening to this episode of F*** Face I hope you being the audience enjoyed it because a lot of pre-pro went into this one way more than usual

way more than I realized and it was can I just say it was an absolute treat to pull off and i'm so glad it worked and thank you for being such a good sport gavin and not holding it against me good this this was not my fight uh i just i was just i'm just working in my role as a free agent so well i'm glad this has opened some doors for me. I'm excited. Absolutely. Maybe you can tape Monopoly money to those doors.

Not at my watch. All right. Like and review and all that nonsense. And you know what? Tell a friend. Tell a friend about F*** Face. Tell them about how much fun we have.

Tell them about all the shenanigans we get up to. Tell them about cucumbers and wilford brimley and whale sharks and and pope the fucking popolitz and tell tell them tell them about the oxygen level just uh co2 level if you manage to turn your friend onto face based on those instructions, please let us know. There's no way that makes any sense to anyone. And we'll see you next week for episode 135. Bye for now.

Bye. Bye. I'm going to throw away some cucumbers. Hey, guys. Major League Fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. Gavin has a fancy clock. Get out of bed quickly. Let's talk about really old videos.

It's time for a poll. We've got a piss update. Jeff knows way too much about duck penis. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face. you