F**kface - Breakfast with F**kface // Naming a 20,000 Things [92]

Episode Date: March 2, 2022

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about what is a black coffee, hangin in the bathtub, Naming 20k Things Bet, an apology to Gavin, Geoff's CONTINUED root canals, Donkey Kong bails, and banana shapes. If you want to send your towel cards in, send to: Infinity Towel, 1901 e. 51st st, Austin, TX 78723 Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Sponsored by ShipStation (http://shipstation.com and use code FACE), Betterhelp (http://betterhelp.com/face), and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/face16 and use code face16). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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I don't get it. What about the Coyotes? The Coyotes are moving to a stadium that seats 3,000 people. No. Are you serious? Yes, because they got kicked kicked they forgot to pay rent on their current stadium and then they paid it they're like oh it was a mistake we just forgot they're like no you fucking for how this works you guys just decided not to pay it fuck you we're kicking you out even though we built this arena specifically for you

we're not gonna let you lease here again So they needed to panic make an arena. And the only arena in the area that they could go to is a college arena. And they'd have to like readjust it. So they'd remove its 5000 seats currently. And they'd remove 2000 seats to make it NHL like ready. Yeah. So they all spend the next three years in a 3000 seat arena. That's insane.

spend the next three years in a 3000 seat arena. That's insane. Their arena in like, I've been to that arena, like, you know, been like in that area, like where that arena is. It's huge. It's really nice. Everything's like built up around it and everything. Why would they stop? Why?

That's insane. They're terrible. What what's going to happen to the nice arena? They said they're just going to try to pivot away and find other things to book through it. I don't know if that means musical events or what. You know, change it to concerts and stuff like that. Yeah. It's built in the middle.

Like they built all like this dining and shopping and everything around. It's like in the middle of like, you know, it's like the way that every arena is now where like there's just shit around it. You know what they should do? They should turn it into the world's largest Starbucks. It would be packed all the time. We should just see if we can get the naming rights to the thing that isn't for the Coyotes anymore. Oh, yeah.

Why Starbucks? Because I've never been to a Starbucks that doesn't have a line of 400 cars in front of it. Clearly there's demand. You gotta go to bookstores. I like a Starbucks. Well, I mean, don't get me wrong. I love books, but I don't get me wrong i love books but

i don't think you're gonna fill an arena with book fans no i'm saying starbucks the starbucks and bookstores never have lines at least where i live yeah there's zero cars at the starbucks inside of a bookstore at uh i will say this and like austin is one of those like fucking austin's a foodie city right so they have they have like tons of... Fuck, we're recording. I heard that. It's time. There's Gavin too. Anyway, Austin's a coffee city and they have a bunch of snobby coffee shops. But that being said,

Starbucks has drive-thrus and every drive-thru is slammed. Morning, Gavin. Good morning. Good morning. Do you drive-thru for coffee? Yeah, I drive-thru for coffee all the time. They got rid of the fat-free fruit swirl

and I've been... I lost... They lost me. You know what they have? They changed their small pies. What? Starbucks? Yes, they used to have these mini apple pies. They were great. Oh, what I'm a big fan of at Starbucks is the black coffee. And they still have it. Like, no matter

when I go, no matter what time of day, if I can get through the line, there's a black coffee waiting for me. They never run out. They have that shit stocked to the gills. I appreciate it. I didn't know until very recently that you could put cream in a black coffee. I thought it would lose its title of blackness.

What? Wait, what? Huh? What did you think it becomes? Well, I thought that immediately once you put cream in it, it was no longer a black coffee. I thought a black coffee was just nothing but the coffee. Isn't that what it is? I think once you put in sugar, it no longer is a black coffee.

Or is it cream as well? What? I don't know. I don't drink coffee. I order black. I will say in Australia and other places outside of the US, if you put cream in a coffee or milk, they call it a flat white. Flat white. Okay.

So on some hemispheres, I think you're correct. Okay. You order a black coffee in Australia, they look at you like you're an asshole. And you're like, I get it. I am. But why would you get that reaction? If you order a black coffee in Australia, they look at you like you're an asshole. And you're like, I get it, I am, but... Why would you get that reaction? You're creating less work, I'd assume. It's the most simplistic form of coffee.

I think in Australia, they pride themselves on their work when it comes to coffee. That is a... They have... Is that like commissioning a famous artist and just being like, hey, could you paint me a white canvas? Yeah. They take it so fucking seriously over there. They're newer to the coffee game,

but I had a joke about this in Australia for stand-up when we did the tour a couple years ago. They kicked out Starbucks. Starbucks closed 70% of all of their coffee shops in Australia. It's the only place on earth that isn't Starbucks isn't destroying. And it's just because the Australians are like, it's not good enough. We're that snobby about our

coffee. They take it so seriously. Every single Australian. Yeah, pretty much. Have you ever felt pressure when you're in like a restaurant of that type, like a subway or something where you can customize your order to like add things that you feel like you're being judged if you don't have enough items on your your your meal or whatever your drink whatever it happens to be i the first time i went to subway i just

had a turkey sandwich just like plain just bread and turkey and it's maybe the most judged i've ever felt in my life oh because they like go down the line and yeah because they go down the line and there's like yep no don't want lettuce don't want uh you can nope peppers don't want that no cheese not a big fan of cheese no you don't need to salt pepper it either uh don't need to toast it just uh yeah just the bread and some turkey please thank you is that really what you would get there no not now i've evolved since then that was my first my first subway experience i was taken to a subway and i ordered just a plain turkey nothing else just honey out i think or whatever the honey bread is i i feel like subway is one of the few places not that i've eaten there

the last 10 years but it's one of the few places where i can get exactly what i want because they encourage like going down the line if there's just a place with a menu and you have to like just say all the modifications up front i don't ever do it because i just want to order something that's a number typically i can't eat at subway because their bread tastes like wet chemicals but i agree with you in theory you don't even have to you just have to point at shit you know you know they're like you know how but mcdonald's mcdonald's is like entirely consistent. No matter what country you're in, you can pretty much get what you're used to. Subway is in so many places.

There are so many subways around the earth and they're all completely different. Oh, yeah. It's strange to me. Like New Zealand makes a lot of the bread for Subway. And it blows my fucking mind. The idea of like you going into a Subway and leaving with bread that was made in an entirely different country.

It's just so weird for me to process. Like, where it was all sourced, like, it's fucking wild. I'll tell you, the weird thing is how processed that bread is for it to be able to survive that trip. When Millie and I, like I said, I'm not a huge Subway fan, but when Millie and I were, we went to a vacation, like a daddy daughter vacation to iceland a couple years ago at this

point like maybe i don't know three or seven or twelve years ago whatever it was and uh that city i love iceland but reykjavik shuts down at like 7 p.m i feel like or at least when we were there and so there were like we ate subway almost every night because it was the only place open at like an 8 p.m. And our food schedule is all backwards. And so we, I spent so much fucking time in the Subway in Reykjavik, Iceland. And it's not the same as the Subway in America, but it's also not good. And I bet it was expensive as shit. Yeah, probably.

What, what's your bread preference? What's your go-to bread? In the world? No, not, not in general, in Subway. Not generally. It's way too broad of a question. We're subway they've got like six breads i like the idea that there's something that's too broad of a question for us uh fucking white bread just white bread okay that's fine i'm a flatbread guy doesn't sound like gavin's been in there 10 years in the last 10 years that's

fine gavin hasn't been there since they've had six breads. I always pick the third bread. The third bread is always the best bread. No, like 90% of the time, the third bread's the best bread. Dude, you gotta talk about good-ass bread, though. Do they have Jersey Mike's up in Canada? No, not where I live, at least. Dude, if you ever get a chance to eat Jersey Mike's,

Rosemary Parm. That bread, you... Ugh. It's a shame you can only eat it once. I don't know if this is controversial. I'm a Quiznos guy. Quiznos is good. I like me a Quiznos.

I like Quiznos. They've got a honey mustard chicken sub. Fantastic. It's perfect. Best sandwich out there, in my opinion. Oh, hey, by the way, should we talk... What time is it? Should we start the show? Yeah, it's 8.06. 6.06 sandwich out there, in my opinion. Oh, hey, by the way, should we start the show?

Yeah, it's 806-606. I mean, we're started. Why are we doing this? Here's the deal. Yeah, here's the deal. Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. My name is Jeff Ramsey, and I sure am happy you're along for the ride today. Along with us in the car, Andrew Panton over there in Canada.

Gavin Free in Austin, Texas by way of Her Majesty's England and in the background making everything work, we got Eric and Nick and we're all awake at 8 in the morning having fun and fellowship together, wanted to start our day

off right, the best way to start your day off is with a little bit of f*** face we agree, so everybody got up, 8 o'clock day off right. The best way to start your day off is with a little bit of face. We agree. So everybody got up at 8 o'clock for us here in Texas. 6 a.m. for Andrew. Bazinga. Weird that not sure who recommended

that we start at 6 a.m. for Andrew, but I love it. And he's been in a great mood all morning. I'm great. I just didn't sleep. Yeah, it's definitely my fault that it's 8 a.m, but was it my suggestion? I think it might have been. It might be a double whammy. Well, I'm excited though. This is going to be an

interesting process of a day. I didn't sleep. I don't know what recording I expected the morning one to be the one I suffered. It might be the evening. We might have a complete flip of what I thought would happen. How many hours till we record again? Twelve. Thirteen? Fourteen? we might have a complete flip of what I thought would happen. How many hours till we record again? Uh, 12,

12, uh, 13, 14, 13, 13, 14 hours till we record. Yeah.

We're going to record another one. So we're doing, um, uh, the, the morning, the zany morning face show. And then it was said,

it was put to us that we had to do three this week and, uh, someone wants to do two on Tuesday, but I'm busy all of Tuesday, so we decided just to put it at either end of the busy. Yeah, we're just going to make you a little extra busy. We sandwiched the busy. So we did one at 8am and one at

10pm. 11pm. 11pm. It's 11. I thought it was 10 too. I looked last night and laughed when I saw it was 10-2 I looked last night and then laughed when I saw it was 11 for you guys no it's 11 that's it we fuck Andrew and then at the beginning of the day

he fucks us at the end of the day that's how it works and then nobody's happy I assume we all woke up within the last hour right I haven't slept 7 yeah that was my first question I assume we all woke up within the last hour, right? I haven't slept. Seven, yeah. That was my first question. Look, right?

Six isn't 3 a.m. Like, three, yeah, stay up, right? No, no, no. Six is like the next day. It's the next morning. No, no, no, no, no. Listen, Cory boy. I tried to go to sleep,

and I kept waking up every 45 minutes i slept through my alarm so i said fuck it i'm just gonna stay up and so i've just been up since like i don't know 2 a.m what have you been doing what have you been doing with your time i i just uh largely in the bathtub just stretched out in the bathtub in the general call waiting to see what was going on i said what time did you join the call? I joined the call. Whenever I tweet, I tweet at like 3am that I'm joining the call for pleasantries. I've been in the calls

since 3am. I've been ready for pleasantries. I'm a very pleasant morning. The way you handle something that could be just solved with two alarms is unbelievable. I set three of them. I didn't trust them. I didn't trust them. Can you imagine not trusting three alarms? Here's what I don't trust about it. I changed all of them. I didn't trust him. I didn't trust him. Can you imagine not trusting three alarms? Here's what I don't trust about it.

I changed all of my fucking alert noises to Gavin going, ooh, oh no. And I wasn't sure if the alarm would also be that. And I think I would sleep through that. So I just, I was having like reoccurring nightmares essentially of sleeping through the show. So then I couldn't get to sleep. And I thought if I'm only going to sleep at 30 minute bursts, like, I don't know what, I'll be more tired doing that, I think, than if I just stay up, so.

I'll tell you who's apparently the most tired out of all of us is, I just looked over, is my co-pilot, Henry Hatfield. He is, he's in his normal little day bed that he sits in where he squeaks and he's just fucking snoring away. He is out of it. It is way too early in the morning for him. He's like, I'm not ready to clock in on the squeaks yet.

He's going to be disappointed later that he missed one. Yeah, he is. He goes to bed early, too, so I doubt he'll be up at 11 p.m. tonight. Well, Andrew, I think you've wrecked yourself here because you have work to do between the recording. No, I think I'm sharper than I've ever been with this approach. I'm excited for the sandwich of a day and of a bet. I realized I don't have anything to lose, I think, based on what we've talked about before.

I guess the losing is just having to do the work. What is the bet? So we were playing Halo like last week. Mm-hmm. And I asked Gavin a question. And his response, I said, I think I could have had a million guesses and I wouldn't have ever said

what the answer to the question was. I mean, do you want to just say the question? I don't remember what the question was. Oh, yeah. Andrew's always asking very inquisitive questions while I play Halo. We get to know each other, even still to this point. Of course.

He asked me why I was interested in, or how I got into slow-mo, what made me interested in it. And I said it was an episode of Tom and Jerry, where I think Tom makes some sort of high-speed camera to catch a very fast mouse that's eating the cheese that he can't see with his human eyes or cat eyes.

And I was like, Oh, that's really interesting. And that was like the first thing that got me intrigued by it as a child. And Andrew said that in a million guesses, he wouldn't have guessed Tom and Jerry. And I said to him, I don't think you could name a million things.

Tom and Jerry would have to be in there because I don't think you could name a million things. Tom and Jerry would have to be in there because I don't think he could name a million other things. I think he's greatly underestimating how many things I know. I know so many things. I put it to him that given a day, he couldn't even name 20,000 things.

So how do you name 20,000 things? I'm going to open a Word document and I'm just going to start writing the things I know. Can you do a favor? Can I add to this? Of course. After you complete your Word document, can you record yourself saying the 20,000 things?

That's a great idea. I would love to release that as a piece of content. So I didn't consider that. And there's 20,000 things. The bet is if I can complete the 20 000 things gavin has to print them at home we had a debate about font size it has to be a single digit font size it can be no higher than font size nine no higher than font size and i don't know i don't know how many pages that's gonna be but i'm very excited i'm committed to this but we need to

clarify a few things so we just need to make sure the rules i don't want to many pages that's going to be, but I'm very excited. I'm committed to this, but we need to clarify a few things. So we just need to make sure the rules. I don't want to break any rules or cheat. So what are the rules? What are the restrictions? I can't copy and paste. You can't copy and paste. I think you can't.

You can't just like Google things. I'm not allowed to Google at all. I think you just have to sit in front of a word pad, a notepad, and just think away at 20,000 different things. What if I walk away for a little bit and I get inspired? Like, what if a seagull flies by my window? And I'm like, oh, that's the thing. Absolutely fine.

Okay. So it's anything that I can think of as well as what I encounter in the world without specifically searching for it. Yeah. And you can't just write a list of words. Like, a word isn't a thing. Okay.

But you could write Google. Google's a thing. Google's a thing. Google't a thing. Okay. But you could write Google. Google's a thing. Google is a thing. Yeah. Hold on. I'm going to Google 20,000 things and see what it says. Can I do multiple things? If they're different? If they're different things, but they're written the same?

What do you mean? Can I claim pork and beans the food and pork and beans the Weezer song? Yes. Those are two things. I can do this by the time we're done recording. and Pork and Beans the Weezer song? Yes. Yeah, those are two things. Okay, fucking easy. I can do this by the time we're done recording. This is going to index really high on Google,

by the way, when we release this, because the number one thing when you search for 20,000 things is just 20,000 things you can buy with $20,000. Huh, I should have thought. In my head, Andrew's going to be flying out of the gate. Thing, thing, thing. It's going to be crazy.

It's not going to stop. But after about 4,000 things a few hours in, I think he's really going to be struggling for things. You think 4,000 is the line I'm going to hit? Yeah, I think that would be your wall. Do you think that's the bad part of the marathon when you're like,

I don't know if I can do it. I'm at mile 19. I can't believe I have 7 more to go. Because you've got to have all this done by 11 p.m. tonight. Yes. So how many hours till... What is that? That's going to be 13 hours. So 20,000 divided by 13 is 1,538 things an hour.

Divided by 60. Okay. I have another question. 25 things a minute. Oh oh you can do a thing every two seconds that's fine i have another rules clarification yeah i don't have a portable computer if i go on the road can i use my phone and then copy and paste what i wrote in my phone to my word document well here's the thing that you're going to want is you're going to want access to the word document because i assume you want to have a system where you i assume you want to have a system my computer

freaking out sorry it's like flashing my face it's like blinding me i don't know what's going on it's like so not only my computer always does this at 8 16 every morning you just never wait to see it i've never seen a computer issue cause somebody to have a human issue like you lost the inability to speak because your computer was broken now what it is is that my screensaver tries to start but it freaks out for like five seconds flashing shit in my face before it actually starts here's what you're gonna want you're gonna want it so that when you press enter it numbers uh it like increments one number. Yes, I agree. You gotta want it counted as you go.

So either you need a Google Doc or you need a Word doc that you can... I think Google Doc. Well, okay. Who has to verify that there's 20,000 if that breaks? Is it me? Do I have to do that independently later? Because I'm saying, let's say it's, let's say we get to six o'clock and I'm running out of things. If I just go to a bookstore and just look around

at the books, can't bring my computer with me. Do I have to catalog that? Well, first of all, can I copy and paste if I write on my phone to then my computer? And then do I have to catalog that properly within my time limit? Or can I do that after? It seems that Eric is wanting to chime in with some rules here. Just use a Google Doc. You can get the numbered thing because you can take a Google Doc on your phone. That's a great point. You don't have to copy and paste anything. It's in a cloud, which is not a place but a thing

that you can access. And then I'm telling you, the numbering is on you. I'm being crystal clear. The numbering from the beginning it better start with one and go sequentially this is not a oh man it started numbering and then it became dots it better be numbers front to back here here's another clarification do i need to label the specific things can i just write pork and beans? Or do I have to write pork and beans song? Pork and beans food.

Yeah, because we're not going to go through 20,000 things and go, what did you mean by pork and beans twice? And you go, I don't know. Because when we started this, you said, I don't remember the question you asked me. So yeah, clarify the best that you can. Yeah, we're going to have to search for duplicates at the end, right? Yeah. To make sure. And if there are two of the same entry

without an in brackets clarification of two different things, then we've got a problem. I think I should get a window to clarify and if I can't, then that's clearly I fucked up. And I will take a loss on that. And worst case scenario,

if he doesn't number it, we can always just copy it and paste it into Excel and count the rows. Okay, if he doesn't number it, then Jeff just copy it and paste it into excel and count okay if if he doesn't number it then jeff can copy it and paste it into excel i don't know what you would give i don't know why you would give him an inch why why would you give him an inch i learned this from gus i learned this from guests why would you give him an inch why to what to whose benefit to the audience the insane google docs i'll make this right now. Things I know.

I don't know many things, but I do know a lot of things. I don't know many things, but I do know exactly 20,000. Yes. How many do you think I'll get, Jeff? What do you think of the odds of this coming together? I think you'll get as far into this

as your decision to watch all of season two of Salt Lake City, Real Housewives. So I imagine one, you'll get one in. I'm trying. I'm trying. Yeah.

Yeah. Why? Why was it if I win? Nothing. We didn't. That was a mistake. I think on your end is that we agreed to the terms. And I think my punishment is that I spent my day attempting to write 20,000

things that I know. Ever at every point of, especially the fact that I haven't really slept going into this day, at every moment of this day after we're done recording, you will know exactly what I'm trying to do. Unless you knock out 20,000 things by lunch. That's true. Oh, dude, write down lunch. That's one of the things.

That's great. I'm thinking about all the breads in Subway. Since we decided this, he's been texting me just the occasional thing. Gotta stretch my prowess, gotta show him I'm the real deal. Earlier this week, he just texted me, Wheel of Fortune, paprika. Two different things right there i wrote i wrote i wrote egg tiernamen square he's just giving me options it's i don't know what he's doing he's not taking this seriously i can't wait to see how many pages this fucking thing is i'm excited to read it i can't i can't figure out because it's such a weird task,

I can't figure out whether it's really difficult or really easy. I think it's impossible. You think it's impossible? You're not going to do this. You're not going to come close. You think it's impossible? I'll be amazed if you get the 3,000. Really?

You're going to lose your mind. I don't think so. I'm excited to present this list later it's a funny it's a funny idea for about 20 minutes and then you look up and you're like i still have 12 hours and i better i'm behind i gotta get going that's your miscalculation i don't think this is funny at all i just think this is gonna be a thing i can do i don't think it's gonna be difficult i don't think it's amusing going in i would i'm just so interested to find out where you stopped because you're gonna have so many things ready to go in your head you're literally

not gonna stop typing at the beginning until you don't have a word ready to go so what i'm fascinated to know is that 50 words in or is that a thousand i don't know i have no idea when that will be for you so how many what's the math on this? I need 25 words a minute for the entirety of? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And the longer you're on this podcast,

the less time you have. That's a lot. Oh, that's true. I calculated 13 hours, but it'll be 12 hours when, no, is that right? I got a hard out now. Well, I mean, we might,

who knows how long we're going to go for this. I do. I do. I know how long I'll be here. Got words to write. I got a document to make. Three thousand. You could be right.

I could be greatly. It reminds me of there is in the challenge. One of the eliminations was you had to lift a thing filled with random items. And one of the items was watermelons. So like the two people have to go back and forth and be like, I can 40 watermelons and eventually one of you would say do it and if you did it then the other person was eliminated and if you couldn't then you were eliminated and i think they got the like 33 watermelons and the guy's like do it and the other guy just lifted it effortlessly and he was like i guess i don't really know what a watermelon weighs like there's no i've never considered

so we're gonna find out i could be greatly overestimating this word thing the math why don't we problem why don't we do a test minute no i can't do a test minute what if we just start a minute you have to name vocally and this is great practice things endlessly for the minute could you do it uh well Well, I'm in the dark, so this is going to be a... I'd rather be in light. Turn the lights on. Oh, no, no, no. Do these count? Can I write these?

I did pay my electric bill. This could be preliminary work. So I get one minute right now and I could put in whatever I want to for the next minute. Are you going to type as you say or are you going to just say? I think I'm going to

type as I say. Okay. I made a Google Doc. I don't want to do that. I want to make a spreadsheet. I'm going to Google spreadsheets. So one minute, I can do whatever I want. And I'll give you the go ahead and I'll time it for a minute. Okay. This is going to be... I didn't

expect this. This is a sneaky tactic by you. You caught me off my game. I was not prepared for this. Okay. All right, let me know when you're ready. I'm loading in right now. I'm not even going to name the spreadsheet. Okay.

Ready. That's so stupid. Give me a countdown. Give me a countdown for one minute. You better stop. Say out loud as you type so we can hear all right three two one go vin diesel chimpanzee hockey skateboarding tony hawk bob burnquist rodney mullen tony hawk pro skater 2 i'm right i'm actually talking faster than i'm typing so i just wrote skateboarding two times in a row tony hawk bob burn quest i'm not even oh god this

is i'm falling apart okay i'm just gonna rapidly talk how much time do i have left 25 seconds tony hawk pro skater 3 tony hawk pro skater 4 tony hawk pro skater uh american wasteland uh tony hawk pro skater ride uh guitar hero guitar hero 2 guitar hero 3 guitar hero aerosmith edition uh guitar hero ac dc uh rock band rock band 2 rock band 3 rock band the beatles ACDC, Rock Band, Rock Band 2, Rock Band 3, Rock Band, The Beatles, Rock Band, a guitar, a bass guitar. Oh, stop. Anybody have a count on how many things that was?

I couldn't. I lost the ability to type at four. I spelt Tony Hawk, Tony H-W-A-K, and I spelt chimpanzee with a j uh i think i counted 17 things there's no way it was just 17 i did i wrote tony whack so it's become clear that andrew can get there if he knows 20,000 athletes in video games. That's it. Ooh. I at least know 1,000 of those. That's a pretty good technique.

Numbering different iterations of the same thing is smart. Yeah. Because they are different things. Yeah? Vastly different things. Halo 5 is very different from Halo Reach. Did I even touch on Halo? You're just giving me Halo now, Jeff. Come on, man!

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Oh, do I have to say why? Oh, shit. In general, it's generic. Why do you think I would be sorry? Oh, is it because when you were mad, but I didn't realize you were mad? No, no, that's funny. That was just me being funny.

I was only pretend mad anyway. When I told you I was taking a time out from our friendship and then you started texting me and I told you I would only respond to you during work hours because we're co-workers. I wanted just to add some additional context to that, Jeff. We were playing Halo at that time or maybe it was after and gavin was like i think jeff's really mad at us i think he's mad at me there's

genuine concern in gavin's part that you oh good well you know yeah it's worried i get it i'm the best friend anybody could have i would hate to put that up too uh no i apologize to you gavin because when we planned this i promised i i said that i was going to get up early and i was going to drive to get breakfast for you and I was going to take it to your house. Oh, shit. I was going to leave it at your house. Oh, yeah. And I didn't. But it was on the agenda.

I actually had a plan. I was going to go yesterday and I was going to buy a bunch of cucumbers and I was going to stick them in a bag and then I was going to throw... I was going to throw... I was going to go to Taco Rito or some taco place, get a couple breakfast tacos, throw them in a bag and then i was gonna throw i was gonna throw i was gonna go to taco rito or some taco place get a couple breakfast tacos throw them in a bag with cucumbers and i was gonna scale the side of your house throw them in there and then leave and then tell you on camera like while we were in the podcast that there were tacos waiting for you i didn't get i didn't get to it because of uh i had a bad day yesterday and, it threw, threw me off my game.

But, uh, do you guys remember? Sorry, go ahead. No, I think that was, I'm fine with that apology because it's sort of you messing with me.

You're apologizing for not messing with me. Yeah. I mean, the tacos would have still been good tacos. That's true. If you'd, if you'd have replaced them entirely with cucumbers. No, there would have been cucumbers and real tacos. That's true. If you'd have replaced them entirely with cucumbers. No!

There would have been cucumbers and real tacos. I just have decided that I'm never going to put anything on your front door unless it includes cucumbers from here on out. You guys remember how for about a solid year I had just a tremendous amount of teeth problems? yeah well oh no

i hesitate oh my god no do you guys remember that root canal i got that took five the five root canals in one tooth not the surprise uh the root canal no not the other two but the the initial one that kicked it all off yeah to five seconds like two months i had i didn't know jeff jeff has had so many root canals that it could be like a police lineup that we need to try to identify there's like seven of them it's like root canal three and five please step forward and say ow jeff root canal two jeff root canal three forward and say, ow! Jeff Rue Canal 2, Jeff Rue Canal 3. I was eating some hard candy on Saturday

and I bit on it and I just had like a weird pain in the back of one of my molars and I thought, ow, that's weird. A little sensitive. And then Sunday it started to be a little sore. Monday morning I woke up from the pain at about 5 a.m.

Excruciating. And went to the dentist. It's a long six-hour story about just incompetence and shit going wrong. And usually I delight in telling those. But I don't want to yell right now because my mouth hurts. And I just, I don't have the, I don't have the energy to be angry.

So I'm not going to go into all the particular ways, the dentist and the pharmacy and everyone in Austin fucked me over yesterday. But everyone that you motherfuckers know who you are, every single one of you knows what your incompetence did to me. He knows the hours it took out of my life knows the pain you caused me and karma will find you i'll tell you that right now you six or seven just miserable sons of bitches out there it's not gonna be me but some the universe will get revenge for what you've done to me i'll just say that that's all i'm gonna say

for everything that went on yesterday. That's all I'm going to say. I'm too upset to talk to get into it. But I went to the dentist eventually and they were like, oh, yeah, looks like I'm not going to get mad once they once I convinced them that it was the tooth that it was. I didn't have to fight with the lady anymore. Is this the same dentist? Well, that's part of the problem.

That's part of the problem. That's part of the problem. I went to my dentist and my dentist is no longer there. My dental company has a different name on it now, my dentist office, and most of the people are there, but my dentist is gone.

And so all of a sudden, I have a new dentist under, I have no idea what happened there. But it made me think about a story, which I can get into later. So anyway, I got to meet a new dentist yesterday under a new name because my dental company is now something else.

And they took an x-ray eventually when they figured out how to take x-rays at the place where they take x-rays all day, every day. And they were like, oh, yeah, it looks like when you had your root canal, maybe that sometimes there can be like a side channel that doesn't get seen. It wasn't showed up. And anyway, so you've got like a little infection there. So we'll just need to we'll just need to go in and take that out.

And I go, please do, because this is like I'm an excruciating pain. And she's like, well, I can't. You know, you're going to have to go to the endodontist who did it last time because they have like a special equipment to get into this thing and so best of luck and so I called the endodontist eventually there were a bunch of points of failure between

these times and when I eventually convinced them to give me the correct endodontist I argued that successfully the endodontist was I argued that successfully. The endodontist was like, yeah, we can see you next Thursday.

And I was like, boy, I'm in a lot of pain today. And they're like, yeah, cool. We'll hold on to that and we'll see you next Thursday. So I called every endodontist in Austin and no one can see me. Ironically, every endodontist in the city in the 11th largest city of America, Austin, Texas, every endodontist in the city in the 11th largest city of America Austin, Texas every endodontist has an appointment

next Thursday but nothing between now and next Thursday probably 30 endodontists all are free next Thursday very busy very busy between now and then some of them, not all of them. So anyway, the pain was unbearable.

I asked for pain meds, to which they refused to give me. But they did give me antibiotics, and they swore that the antibiotics mixed with Motrin would help it go away. And so yesterday was one of the longest days of most painful days of my life. And eventually it did go away and I was able to get to sleep. And so far, so good this morning, although it's tentative. But yeah, I got to get another root canal next Thursday. I got to reroute canal my rooted canal because they didn't root canal.

The first five times weren't enough. So next Thursday, I'm getting my first and hopefully only root canal of 2022. Thought the other three were behind me. Thought the 13 months of hell, dental hell,

were behind me. But turns out they were, it was just, there was like a little bomb waiting in my mouth to explode. At what point do you just pull them all out

and get a completely fake set of teeth? I, dude, I don't know. Soon? Fucking, who needs teeth? I feel like you may be close to setting a record for the most root canals on a singular tooth. You have to be near it. Yeah.

What is this? This is the eighth. I don't even like this fucking tooth anymore. No, this would be i mean one root canal that took five sessions right and then uh so this will be this and this will be retreating that canal so this would be the sixth time they've drilled into this for this problem do you have a ranking of teeth Do you have a favorite tooth? I have a least favorite tooth, I'll tell you that. There's a bottom tier.

Yeah. I will say on the bright side, one piece of good news. We haven't really talked about it, but one piece of good news. Guess who tested negative for COVID today, finally? Yay! Yay! 13 days straight testing positive with no symptoms. And this was an at-home test, or is this like...

At-home test. After this, I'm going to leave and go get a test at Rooster Teeth. But yeah, finally, my first negative. I've been living in my spare bedroom for two weeks, not interacting with my girlfriend. Well, interacting with Millie, because she also had it for a little bit but um she got better weeks ago or forever ago so yeah uh as of today i can by the

way people don't give a shit about covid i told the dentist i'm like i i'm testing positive for covid but i don't have symptoms i haven't in over a week and they're like we don't give a fuck come on in so wow yeah that's interesting and then in your mouth yeah i know that's what i was thinking too where it is yeah they were like yeah do you think that there's any connection to that and and everybody on the planet only willing to see you in our future thursday do you think there's any connection i don't know i don't know i don't know maybe that's what did it maybe a little bit of covid going in your tooth so i googled that at five in the morning when I was in excruciating pain.

And yeah, there's... I read... Google has some people that are saying that, but then I talked to the dentist and the dentist was like, that's stupid. So who is?

Imagine if that created a new variant. Yeah. Goddamn. Enamelcron. Well, that sucks that's the worst no it's great I don't have COVID anymore

it's awesome the other part sucks I'm just trying to be positive is there any I don't understand how dentistry works why haven't you just pulled that tooth at this point what is the reason for keeping it why are we holding on to this tooth

I assume I need it to chew and stuff. I feel like you certainly have enough of other teeth. I mean, I'd rather, when in doubt, keep your teeth, I think. For sure. I think we've crossed the line of doubt, though. I guess that's where

I'd put the statement. I'll also be honest with you, man. I got a lot of time and money invested in this tooth. I'm not giving up on it. I'm not letting it throw in the tooth towel. Fuck no. I am bound and determined that this will be the only time I do this this year, though.

Well, Andrew, do you have... You seem to have very little experience with a dentist. Do you have your wisdom teeth and stuff? Yes, I do. I haven't had them removed. And they're fine? They didn't come in all messed up? No, yeah, well, I don't... Yes, I do. I haven't had them removed. And they're fine? They didn't come in, like, all messed up?

No, yeah, well, I don't, I don't, yeah. I think I'm good. I'm actually, I'm heavily relying on those wisdom teeth for the 20,000 words. I put a lot of effort, I banked on that wisdom specifically. Wisdom teeth is, I'm going to make a mental note of that. That's a thing. There you go. All the different teeth.

No, what if I name my teeth? Can I credit each tooth? If the first 500 things you write are sequential to this podcast, we'll know you were cheating and writing shit down now while the podcast was going. Oh, he'll have to mix them up in the spreadsheet to throw us off.

Yeah, if he writes like, cucumber, bag, taco, breakfast, tooth, COVID, he'll have to mix them up in the spreadsheet to throw yeah if he writes like he writes like cucumber bag taco breakfast tooth covid negative positive test well we're gonna know buddy root canal root canal canal that's three things right there just think of all the compound words you can turn into three things that's amazing um what would you so you're invested in this tooth is there any thought of if you pulled it turning it into something else you're a chain guy would you ever have like the tooth on a chain like maybe a gold could you dip it in gold what could you do with this tooth? If I were to have this tooth removed, what I would do

is I would put it in a trebuchet and I would launch it to the moon. I want it as far away from me and this planet and our atmosphere and the gravity of Earth as possible.

I would like to break through and launch it into earth as possible i would like to break through and launch it into deep space and i would like it to float through eternity uh every day getting further and further away from my mouth you're either in my mouth or you are against my mouth and if you are against my mouth you better get as far the fuck away from my mouth as you can muster and don't ever stop. It's not far enough. No matter how far you've traveled through the universe, it's not far enough away. Keep going.

Now, outside of the things in your mouth, is there anything else against your mouth? Or is everything against your mouth currently in your mouth? There's nothing against my mouth right now. Tooth and I are having a bit of a disagreement that's been going on for about 15 months, but we're going to work it out through a lot

of pain, a lot of drilling, a lot of discomfort, a lot of sweating, a lot of gripping the seat and praying, waiting to raise my hand because it still hurts, all that. All the trauma that I've endured over the last year and a half ahead of me next week.

I'm supposed to go out of town this weekend. How the fuck am I... So are we going to have to move face on Thursday? No, it's at 7.30 in the morning. Great. Faces? No, no, no.

My tooth deal is at 7.30. And I've done... Half of the podcasts I've done have been after a 730. And I've done half of the podcasts I've done have been after a root canal. So I just... That's true. Are we recording normal time Thursday, I assume? If Gavin can.

Are you around to record, Gav? I think so. Okay. I'm excited. We got MVP 2 on the calendar. We got a second movie. We got some stuff on the calendar. I'm very looking forward to it.

Yeah, we did some... So when does the supplemental piece that we recorded come out when we organize today oh that's a great question i don't i don't know what is that coming out hopefully it comes out before this so people understand what goes into planning anything which by the way i would like to say uh if the audience has watched that i don't listen to that like 20 25 minute little thing we did uh that wasn't for content right that's just what it's like we just decided to record because we were we had just been recording but that's what it's like for eric i would say seven out of ten times he has to schedule anything for us

but eric could weigh in on that yeah by the time this is out so this is episode number 92 this will be out uh the first week of March um that supplemental piece will have come out after 91 so on the uh like the 25th 26th so you can you can listen to that now uh just know that we started rolling on that probably halfway through the conversation of trying to get that scheduled. So before what you hear, there's another 15 minutes of trying to get an answer and trying to get that scheduled. So we just decided, I guess we'll just start rolling on this and see what happens halfway through trying to figure it out. halfway through trying to figure it out. Yeah. And that's, like, what happened just now was a very small piece of that where,

hey, will you be here for Thursday when we do this episode? And Gavin just gave a maybe. But as established, a maybe is a yes. Just a yes. I feel very strongly about. The way today and tomorrow go will determine that. Is there any way we can influence today to go well?

Do you need me to help? I can be on set again. We can push it later. To guarantee that I'll be there. The recording? Yeah. For next Thursday? Yeah. For the 17th, you want to push it later? Well, if you

want a definite answer. Yeah, I mean, we can push it later if you need to. Hold on. This Thursday. Right? This Thursday? Are you talking about the 10th or the 17th? I think we're talking the 10th here. We're talking this week, I assume, and not next week. I thought we were talking about the 17th or the 17th? I think we're talking the 10th here. We're not. We're talking this week, I assume. And not. I thought we're talking about the 17th.

We're talking whatever Jeff has his thing. That's the 17th. I thought it was. I thought it was the 17th. Jeff said next Thursday is when he can get his tooth worked on. That's on me. That's hey, I haven't slept. That's on me.

I missed that. I thought we're talking this Thursday. Don't use that as an excuse. You said you feel great. You feel sharper than ever. Yeah. You're not allowed to say, well, I didn't sleep. You're firing on all cylinders.

This is a knife that is dulled quickly. This is a dull knife at this stage. We're slowly going through. I think that minute you did really. Gavin strategically took the wind out of my sails at that minute is what that was. Right down wind. Right down sails. I was not ready for it.

He made me sprint in a marathon and I got to regather. I've hit that wall. I've also found out it's bailing on this weekend's Donkey Kong. What? That's not true. That's not true. That's not true. Go ahead and isolate that for the soundboard. The what? No, we'll need that.

That's a good one. What are you thinking? That's not true. This weekend is a no-go. Cannot do this weekend. And that was established. So if I did say that, I think you misheard i think i said the weekend after the one that that episode came out on right but that's it came out today

yeah the weekend after so it would be not this weekend the following weekend the weekend after the episode is this weekend the weekend no the weekend after okay the week of the episode so you're doing so you're strategic in that yes this is a weekend i like i i can't there's some i have stuff can't do it this week it's busy man established so the following weekend but then i think we have this exact same conversation and the next one we record and it is the same day it's just more clear and your defense of being confused i remember feeling confused after establishing that because i knew there was one weekend in february i couldn't do but yeah i'm not worried about that either i think that'll be easy i'm excited and and as a reminder you're playing all the way to the end of donkey

kong 64 all the way to the end to the credits can credits. Can we... 44 hours to do it. 44 hours to do it. Okay, 44 hours. That's a great point. We're also really bad at... So if I win, you have to wear 64 pieces of clothing in an RT podcast. What happens if I lose? You have to eat 64 bananas. Oh, yeah. One every day. I have to eat

a banana every day for 64 days. Okay, thank you. Stakes have been reset. We know the schedule. I can't imagine what day 65 is going. Okay, thank you. Stakes have been reset. We know the schedule. I can't imagine what day 65 is going to be like for you. Like, will it be the best non-banana day of your life, or will you be like, yeah, you know, I'm kind of used to

bananas now. I'm kind of missing them. I think he'll miss them. I think so, too. I think he'll become a banana stan. I don't think, I don't like the texture. The taste is okay. Dude, remember, he said bananas. He didn't say what kind of bananas. There are more than a thousand different variants of bananas. That's true. We didn't go over that. It's like

apples. People just don't realize they all, everybody's all in on the Cavendish banana. I think it's Cavendish, right? But there's many different textures and styles and colors and shapes of banana. Maybe not shapes, but the other parts for you to explore what's your favorite banana shape

apple would you eat would you enjoy banana if it was shaped like an apple and had like a you peeled it in the same way what do you mean like it just looks like an apple but everything else about it is a banana? Yeah. No, my issue with the banana isn't the visual of the banana. It's the texture. I actually think the visual of the banana is pretty good. I think it's visually a pretty appealing fruit.

I agree. It's fun to open. It is. I had a banana yesterday. It was fucking awesome. What's so funny about that that's just a lot of passion yeah well it's soft man i can i can't but if i look at my if you make eye contact with my tooth in nose i'm so bummed that you have to go through that again. Yeah, me too. It's the fucking worst. It's my own personal hell. It is really, I'm not

even kidding, like the worst thing that I can imagine. I felt such a sense of relief that I'd be finally done with all of that nightmare, especially after the last after the last the last weekend I was pretty rough and I thought, well, at least that was the last one!

I can't yell because the pain, but yeah, I'm fucking, I'm gonna go insane. This is, I get, I get that movie Joker now. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I like, I like enthused banana Jeff. If this is, that's a byproduct of this tooth issue. I'm always eating a banana. Enthused banana Jeff. If that's a byproduct of this tooth issue.

I'm always enthused banana. Well I know. But it's a different. Your delivery of it was fucking awesome. Was like you looking out into a field. Or something like the grizzled. A grizzled banana vet. It was fucking like. Reminiscing about the good old days.

Like I had a banana the other day. I've got that thousand yard potassium stare. You guys know the phrase thousand yard stare comes from the military. Are you familiar with that phrase? I associate it with that, but I don't. I don't. Yeah, it's like it's a phrase that they say,

like guys in the military who have killed people in action who have been in battle have what's called a thousand yard stare. Yeah, they just kind of see through things. That's fucking real. I know a lot of dudes in the army that had that that is uh yeah i don't know i don't know anybody who was in combat who didn't have that is it just a case of like when there's nothing

else to think about your mind just goes back to that and you just stare off into the distance i think it must be right where it's like it's always i never really talked about it well i had one friend who had it bad and i talked about it with him a little bit, but yeah, he was a gunner on a helicopter in Panama in some incursion, and yeah, he was like... He would get choked up if he talked about it too much, but yeah, dude, if you just idle time, they would just sit and...

I can't imagine the horrors replaying through their minds, but you know. This has to be the only time in the history of the world in which a person was expecting to hear a banana fact and instead was sideswiped by the horrors of war. Well, listen. Listen, we don't talk about it a lot, but I spent five years in the United States Army,

so it is a part of my past. I just was not prepared for that. I was still thinking about the potassium stare and the banana peels. I was thinking Mario Kart. And it just got very real. Do you guys know where the origin of slipping on banana peels came from? No. So I have a faulty memory.

So I'm going to be going off memory. So I may be getting a few facts wrong. memory so i'm gonna be going off memory but uh so i may be getting a few facts wrong but uh i believe uh around the turn of the century turn of the turn of the 19th century 20th century uh littering was a huge fucking deal in new york uh and people would just throw trash around and i guess bananas were very popular because they were cheap and easy to come by and you could carry them around they had a handle uh and people were throwing fucking banana peels and trash all over the street so they started to say like if you throw a banana peel on the ground they're not slippery but you could slip and break your leg it was like a scare tactic to get people to stop littering but they are slippery

have you ever stood on one uh no maybe i don't think i've ever i don't think i've ever i don't think i've ever slipped on a banana peel here we go uh here we go i fucking got it right here hold on uh hazard okay in comical context banana peel is also part of a classic physical comedy slapstick visual gag the slipping of the banana peel the gag was already seen as classic in 1920s america it is traced back to the late 19th century when banana peel waste was considered was already seen as classic in 1920s America. It is traced back to the late 19th century when banana peel waste was considered a public hazard in a number of American towns.

Although banana peel slipping jotes date back to the 1850s, they became more popular beginning in the 1860s where large-scale importation of bananas made them more readily available.

Slipping on a banana peel's... Oh. I guess it was... It says, slipping on a banana peel was at one point a real concern with municipal ordinances governing the disposal of the peel yeah so i guess it is from a little bit of truth maybe that's why the caution wet sign is yellow think about that i'll go back I love I love. Oh, well, check it out. Before banana peel jokes came into vogue, orange peels and sometimes peach skins were generally seen as funny as well as dangerous as well.

So it's just a fruit problem. Fruit is slippery problem. And no, it's a it's a fucking people are disgusting problem is what it is people were littering in such droves that they had to do something about it at least it's biodegradable that's true i was really expecting that to be a war story i'm really like my reads for where these banana tails are gonna go yeah i have no sense of it this isn't a Bob for me. I had a terrible, terrible guidance on

if we're going to horrors of war, actual fun banana facts. I don't think I have any more fun banana facts. Hold on. Is the banana the slipperiest fruit? It's definitely the most, like, it's the poster for slippery food. I mean, as someone who

worked in a supermarket i watched a lot of old people eat it on grapes it was like really when i was at work at waitrose it was my like number one area to check because one grape goes on the floor and an old an old lady will bite it it was i was making a pass every like 10-15 minutes under the grapes just making because people are animals people are there picking through the grapes they eat them they drop them they don't give a shit people go down did you guys know that bananas are radioactive they contain small amounts of the isotope potassium 30 to. That's a banana fact. It is.

Yeah, well, I think when originally the 64-banana talk was happening, Gavin was scared I'd die from radiation poisoning. It says for it to be harmful, you'd need to eat close to 700 bananas a day for 80 years. Oh, damn. Better get to it. Can you imagine? We got another bet, Andrew. Yeah. I was about to say, can you imagine we got another we got another bet andrew i was about to say can you imagine somebody who's like 30 years into it

we've been trying to get him to stop for 30 years but he just will not stop eating 700 bananas a day dude bananas cure depression if somebody ate 700 bananas a day they'd be the most mentally adjusted person on earth i mean okay if it kills you in 80 years it's a pretty good life it's a pretty good life 80 years i'd take 80 years guaranteed if that was something taking 80 years to kill you like oxygen does that anything if that's a good point if i was playing deal or no deal and the banker offered 80 years i would take 80 years i'd be good with that for life for life yeah how long do you think you're gonna live oh man how long do you plan how long do you time it's 8 a.m how long do you plan on living

as long as humanly possible i don't know there's factors yeah i'm gonna live we've had this we used to have this talk all the time back in the day. Gavin wants to die someday. I don't. I want to live forever. I want them to put my brain in something Ted Williams style and I upload my consciousness like that upload show. I want to be I want to live for fucking ever.

And part of why I try so hard at my career is so that I can amass enough money to buy immortality someday. And I'm not anywhere close, by the way. Some people live so long, they watch their kids die of old age. And I think that's tragic. I don't think that's how long a human should live. I would just appreciate that if Millie lived one day longer than me. Now, I want her to live forever times plus whatever. I don't want her to die a day after me. I don't want her to die a day after me.

I don't want her to die ever. But I don't plan on outliving Millie. I plan on her living... It's the same genetics. She's going to live just as long as I will. It reminds me of... Why do you want to live so long? Because I'm curious about stuff. I'm still enjoying... Life is still fucking awesome, dude. Yeah, but if you put in 500

years, you'll be an old man for 420 years of it. Who cares, dude? The Celtics are still going to be playing. I still got basketball to watch. I still got bananas to eat. They're soft. I still got teeth to drill.

I still got life to live. I have enough enthusiasm and energy and curiosity to live 10 lives concurrently, dude. One is not going gonna be enough. It reminds me of Colin Quinn had a heart attack. He's like 60 or whatever at this point. And he was like, yeah, I had a heart attack and I realized now I'm gonna die. Like up until this point, I was kind of on the fence

if that was gonna happen to me. But now I feel pretty confidently one day I will die. I appreciate your enthusiasm for living. What's the point? If you're not going to be excited about it. No, completely fair. I'm excited about the next 50 years. Do you know how many fucking Donkey Kong games

are going to come out in the next 500 years for you guys to do challenges on? What I do know is we need to wrap up the show so I can start writing words now. We're coming up on an hour. I need all the time I can get that minute. So we should end this episode with a countdown.

Ooh. Okay. But then we gotta wait a little bit because we have to fill some time. So maybe we should do the outro and then... Do we do the outro after the timer? When do we do the timer? No, the outro. Nine! You gotta do all the outros

to first. Hey, this is the outro. Thanks for listening to the outro. Nine. You've got to do all the outros to first. Eight. This is the outro. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Tune in next week. For us, it'll be 11 hours from now. 12 hours from now. Eight. Seven.

I said eight twice. Six. We really appreciate you listening. We liked it so much, we said eight twice. That's three times. Six. Five. Four.

Three. Love you bunches. Don't forget to eat your bananas, potassium's cure depression, 2, 1, 7, 6, why are we doing it again, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, go! That's me, I don't know why I'm saying go. I'm so dumb that I thought the audience would know when it's 7 for me. I was like, we gotta time this exactly. It doesn't fucking matter. It's going to come out. Oh, you were trying to make it land on edge. Stop talking.

It's over. It's done. What are you doing? You counted down. He's right. It's done. All right, I'm going to stop. Bye.

Hey, guys. Minor League fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. The boys discuss proper flag etiquette. Jeff finds a new e-bike to blow up. Andrew doesn't understand Google Docs. The list begins with Vin Diesel. Discord has a closed loop G.

Panton is moving his bed. Gavin peed himself in front of a celebrity. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.