F**kface - Can Geoff Ever Leave the House Again? // Friar Tuck Cake [64]

Episode Date: August 18, 2021

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about the purple nightmare, Olympic gambling, why Jurassic Park happens, and cake phrases. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Sponsored by Hello Tushy (http://hellotushy.com/face), Raycon (http://buyraycon.com/face), and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/face14) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Hello and welcome to episode 64 of the F*** Face podcast. I just realized I definitely don't think we did an intro the last one we just recorded uh so just listen to this one twice i'm jeff jeff uh with me as always is gavin gavin and andrew andrew yo did we not do an intro i feel like we did we started it started with you and uh eric fighting over in sync Oh, yeah. Top Dog and NSYNC. And then I don't think we ever got around to it. We did 63. Okay.

I think so. Well, this is 64 then, if my math is correct. And the principles of addition continue to function as described to me as a child. This is episode 64 of the F*** Face Podcast. And I don't know about you boys. I still have three things left over to talk about from my previous list that we didn't get to because of the world's longest open water story. But I don't want to monopolize the episode either. No.

If you guys want to talk about anything, go right ahead. No. I mean, if it's on par with the ocean rescue story, I mean, I just need to know everything. I need to know how your day is. I need to have a continuation. Let me tell you about today. This is the portion of this. This is called Purple Nightmare.

I feel like I want Andrew to guess what this is about. What do you think purple? That's a great idea. I would like you both to guess. I described it as a lucid waking nightmare a purple lucid waking nightmare i'm gonna guess that you dreamt that you were on a boat and grimace was yelling at you to go now is my guess i was thinking bonnie so far off when you say purple nightmare it was this actually a nightmare or is this an experience

that was real that you just you're just calling a nightmare it was an experience that was so horrible it felt like a nightmare okay you're riding you're riding your bike and you saw a lovely field of lavender to your side and you thought oh that looks nice and then suddenly your bike just veered into it and you rolled down a hill through lavender thus living a purple nightmare on the way i wish i'm gonna continue off that i'm gonna guess that jeff was trying to do his bike trick doing a practice run trying to get into it was listening to prince while doing so and it went horribly wrong that is my second purple nightmare I love the idea behind that. It's a little more pedestrian, unfortunately.

So, I thought I was gonna have a good day today and it's largely been a good day. What made you think that, though? I just felt like it. I woke up in a good mood and I thought,

like, today will be... I knew I had to go to the doctor. I hadn't been to the doctor in a while and I wanted to go get some blood work done and, you know, just a wellness exam. So, I went and got a tetanus shot because I figure

if anybody on Earth needs a tetanus shot,'s me and uh i mean you cut your hand open on something yeah also you know you want to check your cholesterol and do all the stuff a man like myself has to do in his mid-40s and so i was kind of looking forward to that because it's one of those things that you put off and you put off and i was glad to finally be doing it you know and so i had to i had to leave kind of early to go to the doctors. And one thing I do, uh, when I have Millicent, you know, with joint custody, I have her half the time. So on the weeks that I have Millicent every morning or virtually every morning, I make her a smoothie because she has some specific dietary requirements. And, uh, I really, I've, I've learned how to make this awesome smoothie that's really fun.

And she seems to appreciate it. And it sets her up in the right way for her day. She's all full of nutrients and stuff. And anyway, so I was making her smoothie. It's a blueberry smoothie. It's got a lot of stuff in it. But the main ingredients are blueberry and banana and peanut butter. And it was the yogurt that caused the initial problem and some honey and some other stuff.

Anyway, so I have this like ninja food, like smoothie maker machine, and it makes like a 20 ounce smoothie. And so I was talking to Emily this morning while she was getting ready for work and I was making the smoothie and putting it all together. And I crammed it a little too full of yogurt, which I can't stand. So when I put the lid on, the way it works is you like fill it up. You put a lid on that's got the the little fucking blades in it and then you stick it on the machine and it goes and it spins it all up. And so when I put the blades and I pushed it down, it fucking shot yogurt out of all the sides, which if there's one thing I like less than yogurt,

it's goopy yogurt coming out of the sides of a smoothie thing. It was like, I retched. I'm like, whoa. How's it coming out of the sides?

Because I like, at the top where you like screw it in. Oh, okay. There was too much volume and so it like squirts. It's like yogurt squirt coming out of the top.

That'd be a great way to describe it. Gross yogurt squirt and i was like cool so i go over uh i go over and i rinse it off and then and so the the now the the canister is a little slippery and wet right then i take it over to the smoothie machine and i put it in the smoothie machine and i get the smoothie all nice and blended and it's very purple and uh then i go over uh back to the to the kitchen sink because some more yogurt squirt has come out and so i take the cap off and i'm like trying to just you know clean it up a little bit get the yogurt squirt off of it and stuff so that it's uh not disgusting for millie and i turn around with it in my hand, and I guess I just wasn't holding it well enough,

and it was wet, and I throw the smoothie across the kitchen, and it hits the floor, and it explodes, and 20 ounces of purple smoothie makes, 20 ounces of purple smoothie can cover an entire house. It can cover all of the floor.

It can cover three different carpets. It can cover every kitchen cabinet. It can cover all of the walls. It can cover a lot of ceiling. You can paint a lot of ceiling with a 20 ounce purple smoothie. That's one of those, I don't know where to start kind of messages. Which can paint a lot of ceiling with a 20-ounce purple smoothie. That's one of those, I don't know where to start kind of messes up.

Which bit do you clean first? It went so far, it shot across the island of my kitchen. Gavin, you know where my, you've been to my house. So my kitchen, it shot over like the little cutout area on across the dining room table. It covered the windows in my living room it did like a james mcavoy bullet bend around the wall and managed to then spin back and hit my front door which isn't even visible from where it hit the ground it sounds like when mr bean tried to paint

his flat by putting a firework in a can of paint. I didn't see that. And I just stared at it. And Emily was leaving. And I just went outside and said, you've got to come home. You've got to come back. She's like, what's wrong? What's wrong?

I'm like, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. And she runs in. She's like, what's wrong? And I go, what do I do? And she just goes, I got to go to work. She was like, wake up, Millie. She'll help you. And then she left. Because she had to go to work. She was like, wake up, Millie. She'll help you.

And then she left because she had to go to work. She had clients in the chair or whatever. I know she filmed a video of it. So you guys can see that at some point. But I then got up, Millie. And for 40 minutes, we cleaned purple. It was just everywhere. And every time I thought it was done, I would move a dining room chair and realize, no, the whole seat is full of purple.

And I had to clean three different rugs. I had to clean the ceiling in two rooms significantly. We've got to get you a security camera

or something. Yeah, inside, right? And then, and then after it was all done and I got it all clean, I walked into my bedroom and I sat down and I just cried.

I cried for a good two minutes. Just cried. I cried for a good two minutes. Just cried. And then I got up. I wiped off my tears. I went back in and I made another goddamn smoothie because Millie needed her breakfast. And so I made another goddamn smoothie

and then I endeavored to have a better day after that. There's always just like an underlying level of tragedy to all your funny stories. Was that today? Did that happen today? That happened at 9 a.m. today. What a start. And you thought it was going to be a good day, which means you probably only had an hour or two of thinking it was great. I was expecting the blender to have fired it out, but it was just you throwing it.

I fucking threw it i fucking threw it with with like like i threw it with like some force dude i i don't even know how to describe it was it like a gronk spike like what are we taught as far as yeah yeah kind of like a gronk spike yeah there you go that's a good way to describe it yeah it was like i've never been more shocked in my life i was like it was as bad, Gavin. And I recognize there's a story from years and years and years ago where my dog had diarrhea and my Roomba ran over it and it shot shit six feet up my walls, right?

It wasn't cleaning up feces, I'll say that. So that was a bonus. But it was way more cleanup. It got way, it just, like, it laughed at the rumba shit story it was like i can top that easily so in terms of grossness it would probably rank a three behind the rumba shit and the tough dead cow but in terms of spread it would probably be number one yeah it's a three behind those it's's death is easy number one in terms of difficulty cleaning up and spread. Yeah, it was a motherfucker. All my mail, my Alexa got covered.

Just a drippy purple mess. All my mail is stained purple now. So then, here's my next story. Regulation fart. So then, I go to the doctor. I do all that.

It's all fine. It's great. I like the doctor. He's a new doctor. Love him and everything. Come home. I get some lunch. Have some chili chiles for lunch.

It's delicious. Everything's going fine. Then I have a quick little meeting, a little work meeting, and sitting at my desk, having my work meeting, and there's about 10 minutes to go in the work meeting. And I have a just a perfectly regulation fart, quiet fart. So I feel comfortable doing it. I just like move my chair. You know, nobody hears it because it was silent.

Nothing feels amiss. Nothing weird. As I said, it wasn't I didn't have to push. It wasn't a hard fart, wasn't a wet fart. It was just a perfectly regulation fart. So I fart. Don't even think anything about it. Forget about it. Finish my business in the meeting. Get up to go to the bathroom. They're like, oh, I should do a poo now. Walk over, pull down my pants, sit down,

realize there is a pile of shit in my pants. No. There's no way. How do you not feel it? How did you not notice it? I shit my pants like a's no how do you don't feel it i shit my pants and like a like a little cow pie a little like like a cow pie and i just didn't feel it i don't understand i don't understand i don't understand and it was like it wasn't it was like oh no it wasn't like a streak or a little bubble it was like there was weight you know it like

weighed my underwear down and I don't know how it happened I don't know how a regulation fart had had non-regulation results and I don't know how I didn't discover it at all until it was way too late so that was a quick trip that was a shower and laundry

if Jeff didn't take a shit, it would still be in his pants. He would have known. Maybe, maybe, maybe. I had to check and make sure this very chair I'm sitting in didn't have shit in it.

It didn't. It was fine. The pants contained it. But yeah. How much time passed between regulation fart and shit discovery? 10 to 11 minutes.

So not enough time for it to sort of go hard no no it was still pretty goopy oh i'm i'm honestly blown away that after the so to date when we're recording this the episode where andrew rips a homer in his words at the end of the last episode that came out yesterday i am blown away andrew that you had no repercussions from that wet disgusting noise i couldn't it was funny i think i i texted to you guys i couldn't figure out that evening i was just it was like a home run derby in my ass all night it was just i couldn't i couldn't stop and i was like what is going on this is a regular and then the next day after we recorded i had a fiber one bar. And then it just,

it was like throwing another log in the fire. Like it came back and I was like, oh, I ate like three of these that night. That's what caused it. So you have fibered up. I was fibered up. And that was what was producing non-regulation fonts.

Yes. God damn, dude. By the way, the audience universally loves your fonts. Congratulations. Huge win for Fuckface. Zero, zero negative comments,

R.E. Andrew's butt. I was amazed, and it was joyous to see. I think we've got a good audience. I think we've got one. It's not an audience that turns them off in disgust. It's an audience full of embrace. Even with such a wet, disgusting thought. Painless.

Speaking of audience, that's one of the things I wanted to talk about. Oh, by the way, I should just say, I'm now terrified because I don't think I can trust my farts anymore. This is uncharted fart territory for me. If I can't trust a regulation fart, can I ever leave the house again?

Yeah, I mean, would that be a fart that you would have taken the gamble on in an airport or something? Yeah! Wow. It was a regulation fart. Just a normal, bog standard regulation fart. You've got to figure that out.

That's going to get you. Yeah, dude, I'm not excited about it. But've got to figure that out. I know! That's going to get you. Yeah, dude, I'm not excited about it. But anyway, speaking of the audience, I wanted to talk about the twins. I feel so bad because we did the fucking...

I feel so bad that they're probably going to eat my condiment. I feel really bad about that because they did the salad. You know the twins, right? They, uh... The comment leavers,

and I'm going to say comment receivers after this because they got a lot of love. They took our four salads and they made them and then they did a salad taste test to determine what the best salad was. The twins, like the girls? Yeah, the girls. Oh.

Yeah. I didn't know that anyone had made them. Yeah, they made them. They videotaped a review. They put it all up on Twitter. They had pictures. By the way, mine was, no offense to you guys, mine was easily the most aesthetic.

If it wasn't the best tasting, it was easily the most aesthetic. How do I find this? Where do I look at these? I'll send it. We can link it to you. I appreciated that they acknowledged mine had great spirit. I feel like that was what I was going for

in the dinner Zimmer salad. Definitely not a taste design. One of the twins liked yours best, one of the twins liked yours best and one of the twins liked mine best. I don't think anyone liked mine. I think they appreciated it. Yeah, yeah, no, no. The spirit, as I said,

I appreciated the spirit call it for it. As far as taste goes, it's a disaster. So were they ranked? They did. Yes, they ranked them. It's a great video. I'll send it to you. Yeah, send it to me.

I want to see. It was awesome. They also the uh waffle bomb on fire and uh and smelled it in a video not too long ago as well they're making better content out of our content than we are i wonder if they'll make all the condiments that's what i'm saying i feel terrible i didn't design mine with the thought anyone else would try it. I feel bad. I mean, yours is also just atrocious, Gavin. I feel bad about that, too.

It's not a good tater tot condiment. Yeah, it wasn't good. Cocktail sauce. Nothing wrong with it. And not for tater tots. It was a bad combo for tater tots. It's weird on a tot. I'll give you that.

It's not terrible in general. Hey, do y'all think I could be invited back to the Slack at some point? I'm so glad that you mentioned that, Jeff. Because that's on my note. I wanted to bring up the fact that I sent out in the episode that came out, we talked about the state songs, the ranking of those, and the motion picture song. I posted those, and then Gavin made a joke saying Tennessee,

spelt 10, becauseessee has 10 state songs and my original i thought was gavin should be removed from this channel for that joke that was which then made me realize oh my god jeff still isn't in the slack and so it's been a long time maybe we just have a one in one out rule from this point Well here's the thing you left out a protest So I thought it would be unfair of us to then drag you back in out of your protest So if you're out of protest, we'd love to have you back But if you're willing to come back the regulation Zimmer looks freaking delicious Yeah, because I make good-ass salads that looks like an amazing looks like looks like a fruit salad. That looks like too much apple in there. I know how to make a fucking salad, man.

I eat them. I love them. Raymond's looks. Ooh. Yeah, dude. It's a lot of different. The blueberries next to the meat. This looks a bit weird.

It's not good. It's not a good salad. Oh, Nick's looks healthy. You take that avocado off of Nick's and it looks delicious. It not a good salad. Oh, Nick's looks healthy. You take that avocado off of Nick's and it looks delicious. It's a good salad. If you like avocado, I understand that it would be a bonus, but if you don't,

it's a big detractor. So you want back in the Slack, Jeff? Just to clarify, we can add you back. We'd love to have you back. I have a question, though. Does Jeff get to see all the stuff we wrote while he was gone?

I think so, yeah. I mean, it's up to him if he wants to scroll up. I don't think I do. I think it starts where I join. I think I lose all my progress. That was a lot covered that we should probably fill. Maybe we could just repaste it all. Maybe it wasn't for me to

see. Well, that's everything I had on my list. Now, all I'm left with is the queries and insights, which I was just going to pepper in as we as we get one of those, of course, was the twins. Have a question for you guys.

Let me ask you guys a question. OK, when I was in Mexico on the island, there's a rule in Mexico. It's it's in every toilet in the in the island. They said, please, please don't flush toilet paper. It's flushes as little toilet paper as possible. It's an island and the plumbing isn't great. And so they they want you to like throw it in a waste bin um and that got me thinking what if every person on the island flushed toilet paper at the exact same time would it blow up i think all the pressure would funnel to like one toilet somewhere. Which got me thinking,

what if every toilet on Earth was flushed at the exact same time? Think of it like a global shit-in. Poop or not, but everybody flushes the toilet at the exact same time. Would Earth implode? Yeah, the planet just cracks in half there i mean maybe not but something has to happen right like that many millions or billions of toilets flushing at the exact same time it would have to have some sort of effect what would that be it would have to back up somewhere because all this this water is currently stored and it's like held up by gravity.

So you've got all of gravity of all of these tanks just ready to drop water. Yeah. Jeff is describing this like the lamest project mayhem. Like he doesn't want to blow up the financial district. He just wants every toilet to flush at the same time. I just am curious what would happen. Like has anybody ever done a study? should google it find out like you want to do like

flush across america yeah like are there any uh are there any like civil engineers out there that would have any idea like what the ramifications would be if if every toilet on a system like on the same treatment facility or whatever flushed like would there be enough water to instantly return at all would it be like would it get overwhelmed and start like would it be like in a movie when like like when all the pipes start

busting and like steam starts poshing me out but it's just shit and piss everywhere the scarecrow in Batman begins yeah exactly exactly like that lower level of the Titanic shit and piss everywhere. The scarecrow in Batman Begins. Yeah, exactly. Exactly like that. It's the lower level of the Titanic, but it's just because everybody flushed.

Exactly. I wonder if you'd be able to see it from a plane. What would it look like? What would you be seeing? That the ground came in, maybe? I don't know. I'd be like, what was that movie?

2012? Yeah. So if you're out there, if you're a comment-leaver, and you have any insights into what would happen if a million toilets cried out at once, let us know. Thankfully, not enough people listen to F*** Face to actually cause an environmental disaster.

I'm not trying to cause one. I'm just wondering what would happen. I'm not recommending disaster. I'm not trying to cause one. I just am wondering what would happen. I'm not recommending this. I don't want to do this. I'm not espousing it as an idea that we should pursue. I'm just curious. Oh, I can't wait.

We're going to get a response back like September 1st for how far ahead we are. What a time. You waiting for this? Just about three weeks after we forget about it. Yes, exactly. we are what a time you're waiting for this just about three weeks after we forget about it yes exactly well the summer's here you know what that means uh sweaty crotch swamp ass the living ain't easy unless you got a hello tushy bidet you want to keep your sweaty crack clean all stinky summer long? Well, you want to use the brand new HelloTushy 3.0 modern bidet attachment. It is stylish, it is eco-friendly,

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Our noses will thank you. Here I am sharing my experience as things approach normalcy. Have I found myself feeling anxious and needing to calm down? Why all the time? And that's why I use Raycon wireless earbuds. Like I go for bike rides. I try to go every day, try to ride between 22 and 30.

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I appreciate it. It kind of gets me back to where I need to be. But it's not just about calming down. Sometimes you need to be pumped up, too. Like you need a badass playlist because you're about to go work out at the gym, I assume. Not me, but maybe Blaine. I know that I like to listen to instrumentals, really good, like kind of like modern jazz and just kind of weird stuff that just kind of helps, uh, helps me surf my thoughts a little bit without being too distracted by, uh, you know, what the music is saying or trying to tell me. But let me tell you right now, Raycons are the best way to listen. They come with a bunch of gel tips for your comfort. And unlike some other brands, they don't stick out of your ears and make you look like a, I don't know, like a 1950s,

uh, alien. Raycons have a 32 hour battery life. I don't know, like a 1950s alien. Raycons have a 32-hour battery life. I don't know, that's like, well, I don't know how to count past 24, so it's more than a day, I'll tell you that. So you can listen to what you want, when you want, for a really long time. They start at half the price of other premium audio brands, but they sound just as good, which is awesome. You're basically paying half the price for just as good of a product. And they come with a 45-day happiness guarantee, so you really can't lose. Give them a try, and you'll see what I mean. Create your own soundtrack with Raycon. Right now, F***face listeners can get a 15% discount off the Raycon order at buyraycon.com slash face. That's buyraycon.com slash face

to save 15% off Raycons. Buyraycon.com slash face. I did a thing. I don't even know if I should talk about it. Maybe it would be satisfying if I talked about it because they will know the results before I do at this point. It will be long over.

By the time they hear about this, this will be a distant thing. The Olympics start in two days. I love the Olympics. Like the spelling bee. I had people, I tweeted out about how great that spelling bee was. People were like, is this a bit?

Not a bit. Spelling bee, fantastic event. By the way, not to derail your story, but that was fun. Gavin wasn't around for it, but you and I hung out and we just texted all night watching the spelling bee together.

And it was enthralling. I had the best time watching the spelling bee together. And it was enthralling. I had the best time watching the spelling bee with you. It's a great event. People should watch it every year. It's a lot of fun. Even if you're not doing ridiculous things like what my fantasy football league does. It's just a fucking awesome event to watch these people. There were so many intense moments.

I've never seen someone go to spell the word and then like ask for more clarifications on like origin and whatnot it was intense the person who won almost lost it's a great thing i was a a social event and i try not to spend too much time on my phone when i'm around real people and i just had it down somewhere and then i picked it up and there were like 175 in the group chat. It was like reading someone's live tweet from like an Apple event or something. It was amazing.

I couldn't believe what I was missing out on. There was like moments of tension in there. Oh yeah. There were predictions. Andrew was convinced they were icing his guy out. He was very upset about it. My kid, they went to commercial break upset about it i was outright my kid they went to commercial break two times in a row on my kid just icing them just putting the pressure on

i feel like that was a good enough read to the point where along the same lines as a break shit stream we should just have like a live stream reaction or commentary to an event that's going on like that i think it would be good yeah well. Well, I don't know. Maybe something, I don't know, we're going away and stuff. But so I love the Olympics. Fantastic event. I've gambled heavily on the Olympics this year. I'm excited to celebrate it. I didn't have much of a strategy.

I just took the over for every country's medals that it would let me bet on. So I'm cheering for everybody. Not gold medals. I just need any medals. So this is my betting list. I haveada us australia belgium china colombia denmark finland france germany great britain japan netherlands norway spain and sweden all over the number of medals this is number of medals earned that is why they how can you get half a medal so that's it's for

setting the over under right so by putting a 0.5 you can't win half a medal? It's for setting the over under. By putting a.5, you can't win half a medal. It'll clearly be either above or below that number. I'm going the over for everything. I don't know if that mathematically is even possible for all these bets to win for going over, but I'm excited. This is going to be my next two weeks is watching basketball and rowing and track

just being terrified about medal placement. So if two people in Finland get bronze medals, Yeah, I'm all about Finland. I was like, 1.5 for Finland? That seems super low. Who are you most worried about? Finland, because it's 1.5. I had to look.

They got 20 athletes in it. I'm excited, though. But by the time that people hear this, the Olympics are going to be over like a week ago. They ended over a week at this point. So they will know if I'm miserable. I wonder if Great Bitten

got their 44 and a half or not. Hopefully it doesn't come down to penalty kicks, right, Kevin? That was too soon, man. It's too soon. That was fantastic. Just watching the misery. And I didn't even know that was happening.

I don't think we've talked about this in a regular face. But if you want to see my live reactions to England losing the 2020 Euro final, it's in our third. It's in our RTX BreakShit stream. It's on YouTube. Oh, dear. But the timing of that. The timing of that stream.

Unbelievable. It was fantastic. Yeah. Couldn't ask for of that stream, unbelievable. It was fantastic. Yeah. Couldn't ask for a better setup for that. That was great. Oh, there's surfing in the Olympics? Yeah, there is. And skateboarding now.

How do you get a gold medal at surfing? What are they scoring you on on surfing? I could guess, but I guess one. It's the same way they surf in competitions. It's like complexity of the ride uh you know how many moves you do similar to skateboarding yeah very similar to skateboarding okay yeah I just never I've never watched competitive surfing I'm jazzed about the like sports that I give a shit about being represented finally like surfing and skating that kind of

stuff obviously basketball but the USA men's basketball team sucks apparently. So we'll see. Yeah, they barely made it in, right? Yeah. 1.5 medals for Finland is nuts. Like if they get two bronzes. Yeah. Not only is it like I didn't put the odds on that,

that was like an unlikely thing to happen. They gave favorable odds that they wouldn't get two. So. So Andrew, what are we looking at? Let's say if you hit every one of these, are you retiring? Not even, no. I just put one unit on every bet. Okay.

So it's not a huge difference either way. I need about half of them to win to make the money back that I put down. So I feel okay about it. I'm sure you will. Yeah, we'll see. I'm just excited to be up at 3 a.m. watching some random event that I typically wouldn't care about just yelling about medal placement.

It's going to be great. Russian handball all over again. It will be. Yeah, I love it. It's handball in there. Handball is. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Interesting. It is interesting. I'm excited. I want to get in on this if there's any live discussion. Okay. Well, you're going to be... That's the second conversation I had. well you're gonna be that's the second

conversation i had you so you're going you're going you're going to foreign country are you gonna have to quarantine still at this point yeah fuck okay i was hoping that'd be now rules would change cool because last time you said that you're gonna be stuck for four whatever days and you're just gonna play outskirts play it outskirts yeah yeah so i just wanted to see i wanted to if i could relax a little bit not have to think about outskirts i think it's actually six days because fuck you technically if i if i test negative on the fifth day uh oh i think it's like seven days because then i'll be waiting like 24 hours for the result but technically the day you land is day zero so So, yeah, I'm probably a week straight of outskirts.

That's awful. People who are fully vaccinated don't have to quarantine, but only if they got vaccinated in the UK. What a dumb... Even though I got shot with the same shit. Weird. It's annoying. That is a strange thing.

I feel I'm still processing. I was laughing so hard. The fact that Gavinavin how has your day been so far today just a normal day you shit your pants or anything that's what i'm kind of getting at uh pretty solid day yeah i mean i had another covid test but um that'd be like the 70th one probably yeah i got it yesterday that's pretty normal at this point yeah it's an uneventful day you and i were just living our life. Jeff had a fucking die pack go off in his house,

and he built a sandcastle in his shorts, and he's just here. I just keep processing how wildly different our days are. Yeah. And not that abnormal of a day for me either. I just don't always think to tell you all the dumb shit that happens because it's so commonplace that's why i need i need a live feed to a life we have such different like the last kitchen disaster i had was really under i got a rice

cooker like over a year ago never used it i was like ah i'm gonna i was in a weird spot of like hungry but didn't want to make a meal this was late so i put the rice in did everything hit start one hour appeared i was like whatever i'll wait an hour waited an hour opened it up i was more surprised than morgan freeman and seven to open it up and see the rice uncooked like it was just it looked the exact same as I put it in. What I didn't realize is it wasn't a start button, it was a delay start button. So I clicked delay start for one hour,

sat down there and just waited, and then opened it like, ah, rice time. Not even slightly cooked. It then turned on after the fact. I had to wait two hours to make my cup of rice. It was dreadful. But it's like, it's a contained issue i don't have shit on my walls i don't have well exploding i will say the last time we recorded you had a

that is true intense issue with a tea kettle the tea kettle ramen scenario was was a bad god i forgot about that i was looking at the pictures this morning that was a disaster but yeah and i've learned like since then that that's like a 200 kettle the fancy fancy shit it's it's a nice kettle yeah dude you're flexing your your kettle flex was pretty intense wasn't it wasn't a kettle flex it's a nice kettle yeah yeah i was uh i just had a pretty pretty nice day i was rendering footage earlier. It was taking ages, so I just thought I'd quickly watch Jurassic Park. It was a good movie.

I realized, I've seen that movie, I must have, well, I saw it way more times as a kid. Maybe like, I must have seen it like 15 times. I don't think I ever realized

what the movie's about. Or like, why the movie happens. Because it's always like a plot of a movie, right? The main plot is, you know, man,

rebirths dinosaurs and it goes against nature nature fights back dinosaurs don't do it talking the mosquito thing like the origin of it is that not even that i didn't realize that movie happens because the guy that dies at the beginning the guy that gets sucked into the raptor pen his family is suing the park for 20 million dollars and the investors are pulling out and john hammond needs two experts to sign off on the safety of the park don't think i ever paid attention to that you could summarize movies in a way that doesn't reveal well i guess that would kind of give it away but there's like really ignorable plot in movies and i i feel like i want to go through all the movies i've seen a load of times and like write down the plot of why they actually take place i'll be honest dude you

just blew my mind yeah yeah right yeah i've seen that movie so many times i don't either it's just like the unmemorable crap like you're you're a kid you're watching it's like man i wish the helicopter would land on the freaking island we see some damn dinosaurs and you don't see any you don't really listen to any of the exposition i'm sure uh i'm sure minor league fan jack is fucking going like oh how did you not know i can't believe it's right there in front of you if we called jack do you think he would know now why jurassic park starts yes and i want somebody else to do it because i'm not going to be responsible for piping in Jack again at the last time. Just tell him to go on Discord. So you do it.

I don't. Let me see if he's on Discord right now. I'm trying to think if any other... I guess I wouldn't know. Is that the most exciting legal dispute of all time as far as genres of movies? Name a more thrilling legal movie

it's a lawsuit movie kramer versus kramer liar liar lie is liar liar thrilling that's just like funny isn't it i'm gary glenn ross that's not a thrilling movie that is uh dialogue heavy there's no the pelican brief i haven't seen it the firm aaron brockovich what is the plot of the pelican brief i don't know dude i saw it when i was a kid i was just asking i was really hoping it was like a pelican stole a briefcase and then yes that's what a few good men that's a good one that's a good one nick scout my cousin vinny that won an academy award excellent point nick it's a good one i just mean i bet you jurassic Park is the only movie that features both a law dispute, like a lawsuit, and dinosaurs. Which I know is a very specific genre.

There's not a lot to go with, but you just don't, there's not a crossover you anticipate. All right, I'm looking, I'm gonna, let me text Minor League Fan Jack right now. Oh, I texted him. He said, in just a minute, I could. Okay.

Well tell him yes. Then fucking get his shit together. Andrew, I'm going to need you to, I'm going to need, I just realized I'm going to need an Andrew Panton list of the most thrilling legal battles in film of all time. I don't have that. Well,

I don't expect you to have it right now, but, but I, I expected you to come back with it at some point. And then we can put it, I was thinking about it, then we could, all these lists are perfect for the zine. That's a great point. I forgot about the zine.

That's a great point. As did I. I don't, I don't have that. I do have, I do have a new list. I do have a new ranking thing. This will come out, NFL preseason just started. NFL touchdown songs, The definitive list. I listen to all of them.

Some of them. It's it's I mean, there's 32 teams. So hail to the redacted. Yeah, well, I mean, it's that they changed their name, but they're too lazy to change their song. It's very clear what it is. Yeah. Number one, the next episode, which is not that's the Snoop Dio motherfucking G song. I don't feel like many people relate the title of the next episode which is not that's the the snoop do motherfucking g song i don't feel like many people relate the title the next episode to that song great song new orleans

saints when the saints go marching in it's a shit talk type thing like if the running back goes it's great it's a great combination i have a seattle seahawks bias las vegas raiders raider nation is fine it's an ice cube song i mean there there's just, a lot of these are generic. I didn't know the Jacksonville Jaguars is an actual song, but I described it as sounds like when the Power Rangers form into a big robot to kick ass.

That's the vibe you get from it. I think it's called Bro-Him though, upon further research. It was that. The Miami Dolphins is a wild one. They use their fight song, which they made in like the 70s and they just lie to their fans every time they score it's like miami dolphins are number one they always think about

winning a super bowl they're the best team that's ever existed i struggled to find a thing that the dolphins were number one at just in any way any i lost andrew i lost andrew too i thought i thought i lost me and i was about to be like, God damn it. Because I just, I was explaining to them before you got on, I had my internet fixed yesterday

and the guy, it took about three and a half hours and I'm reasonably certain that nothing improved. Ah. Wait. Because I've been, you know,

I lose you guys for about a minute at a time sometimes. But it hasn't happened today. Also, Andrew just told me something while he's gone. I'm going to cover for him. Jacksonville Jaguars song number eight,

Bro Him, when he said that, I recognized that song. That's a song by a punk band called Pennywise, a SoCal punk band from the 90s. No, it's a song.

I'm assuming the Jaguars are using the actual punk rock song, Bro Him. Hey, Andrew's back. Hey, I'm back. Where did I get? When did I disconnect? What happened? Because I kept going. You were talking about the dolphins but dude you said bro him so like yes

the punk rock song bro him by the band pennywise that's a great song it is but the detroit lions song i would recommend is fantastic if you're gonna listen to one touchdown song listen to the detroit lions touchdown song it is wonderful it sounds like the band was like in the arena and they're watching the game and they missed the touchdown and the only guy on alert was the horn guy because it's just like

and then a pause and then a second one and then a third one and then a band kicks in with like three seconds left into the song so it's just like imagining the horn guy just yelling like my god please get to the drums somebody do something i can't hold this myself and then like the music comes in at the last second it's great and it's a shitty yeah exactly it sucks as a song but just the context or the vibe that it gives you is why it ranks so high

it is really dumb it's a fantastic song i read that um there's a lot of la sports teams across multiple sports who always play i love la by randy newman at sporting events but but that song is about how much la sucks isn't it isn't that a song that's like, look all this shit stuff that's in LA. It's like an ironic song. I feel like maybe they don't understand it. Yeah. I can't believe you ranked Prince's Let's Go Crazy as number 30. Well, because it's like the way

it's mixed. You gotta understand that these are mixed. These aren't just the songs. It sounded like I couldn't tell what it was initially. I thought, wait a second, are the Vikings doing the DuckTales theme as their touchdown song? Because that would be quite the move. And it's Let's Go Crazy by Prince. That's not a judgment of the song. It's how it's used for the touchdown.

Makes sense. Thank you for the clarification. A song in an EA sports game that you've never heard outside of it. Yeah. And if you hear that, that's exactly, if you played EA sports games, you would get that vibe as well. What's fascinating is Green Bay, the Colts, and the Bengals all have the same touchdown song. exactly if you play da sports games you would get that vibe as well what's fascinating is green bay the colts and the bingles all have the same touchdown song which is that um i don't want

to go to work i just want to bang on my drum all day that's the touchdown song is that why you've written drum banging original asterisk yes so so what you listen to it and the first two i heard it was the bingles and the Packers and they just have an instrumental track of it they don't have any lyrics the Colts have like a horn at the beginning they include the lyrics and they remix it a little bit so it became a question of who used it first was it the Colts and then the other two swooped in because I think teams somewhat frequently change their touchdown song that's something that a lot of teams necessarily are married to but it's as i guessed the colts it's like when you try to copy your friend's homework and you just make the minimal amount of changes so it's not recognizable

they stole the packers song in like 2014 which was that and they just slightly edited it so it'd be a little bit unique but it's just the song it It's a lot of history. The Miami Dolphins fight song, just sort of like random tangent. The guy that wrote it got like no credit for it. And he's now a defense attorney in Tennessee. And he is the creator of one of the most iconic, like he got his band together. They recorded it, sent a bunch of demos out in Miami, waited a few months. He called his friend like, hey, have you heard a song called Miami Dolphins number one and his friend was like if I hear that song one more time I'm gonna kill somebody he had no idea that the song was getting a play it was the biggest song in Miami and he

just had no clue nobody would believe that he wrote the song it was so iconic like he told his friend annoying I wrote that and his friend was like you're full of shit there's no way because you're just a random musician in the middle of L.A. There's no way you created the Miami Dolphins iconic song. So we had to fly to Miami and buy a record of it to show proof that this is my name. I made the song. The Dolphins wouldn't do shit for him. They refused to pay for it.

They're like, we're just going to continue to use it. We're not even going to recognize you so he said fuck you miami and he went to houston and he re-recorded the same song and tried to sell it to the houston oilers which is now a defunct franchise and it sounds slightly different and you think like oh he did it because he wanted a musical change what happened was he hired a bunch of musicians who all showed up stoned and they brought the wrong instrument so it just like made do with what they had so there's a random horn in it because the guy brought a horn for some reason it's absurd it's an absurd time but he was able to sell it to the oilers but then they died so all he's made is like a thousand five hundred dollars from this song all he got from

miami was two game tickets he got free tickets to a game in the 90s. That's all the compensation. Nobody knows who he is, but he wrote one of the most iconic football songs that is played every time Miami scores at home since like the 70s. What's this person's name? That's the thing. I don't remember.

It's the least memorable name of all time. I forgot. It's all this effort. It's like this guy deserves the recognition. He does. I don't remember his name though. though no i've read like four stories on the guy i've tried can't remember his name it's the it's the opposite of the basket weaver whose name you knew but you didn't know anything else about i know everything about him but his name well you want to guess it or uh it's uh i feel like it might be igor we're gonna go with an igor igor patterson igor patterson guessing it's so much more insulting considering

we live in a time where you could find out in one second online faster than it took you to make up a name probably probably. Probably. I will say by the way you're describing life continually kicking this guy in the dick, I feel like I'd get along really well with him. He sounds like a real Jeff. Yeah. Lee Offman is his name. Igor.

I was close. Igor Patterson. Lee Offman. Almost the same amount of letters in the first name. Lee is a short name. Igor Igor only four I feel like I was relatively close I remember it was a short name cool Igor That's the same as me like oh, what was his name? I think um Frankenstein I think Oh Jim shit. I was closer. No those are come the letter count those names are way off

I was only one letter off one two syllables versus one though big that's true that's a good point if i would have got the syllable count that would have been an icing or a cherry not an icing you always have icing on the cake it's a cherry on the top of the sundae well i see on the cake is also a phrase yeah yeah but like well i guess there are icingless cakes now right aren't they called naked they're always happening well i mean like i feel like they're more popular than they used to be this technology has moved on it's retreated from the cakes it has well there's naked cakes now and there's still icing on them i guess but it's like the side or is there

icing on a naked cake i'm not crazy you know what i'm talking about like it's in the middle layers but it's not on the sides i've made one i made one years ago yeah well like the top and in the middle if you're doing a layered cake yeah i just feel like if it's on the sides it's definitely on the top as well it's not like nobody makes a cake like Friar Tuck's head. I want a Friar Tuck cake. Honestly, I would eat the shit out of that.

I feel like the ratio of icing to sponge would be great. I'm not a big icing guy. I'm a big icing guy. I'll tell you what. You can have the Friar Tuck. I'll just have the icing that you shave off the top of his head. What's the whole point?

It comes without the neat. You'd have to just eat the back of his head. I'll eat the back of his head. I'll eat his face. I just want the back of Friar Tuck's head. That's all I want. You can have the face. I just want the back of Friar Tuck's head. That's all I want. You can have the face. Larry David kick.

Oh, shit. Oh, my God. Jack's still not showing up. Maybe he's doing his normal level of face attendance. Hustle? Yeah. It's a standard face hustle. Well, if this is the case, then I assume if it's going to go's a standard face hustle i well if this is the case then i assume if it's

gonna go sop with him then i'll probably be getting hit up in a couple of seconds to leave this podcast to go work on annual pass for a few minutes when's our next break shit uh i was asking eric that this morning i would like to know because i would like to start planning for early august is what I requested. So hopefully somewhere in there, but sometime in August for sure. All right. I don't know if it'll be when you're in town or not, Gavin, but I'll try to schedule it so that you're around.

Well, maybe Andrew could be there in person and I'll be in the TV. Ooh. Well, we could do that. Well, I mean, we need to give Andrew a couple weeks notice to start the trip. It's true. It's not a fast trip for Andrew. Go now! Go, go, go! Go now! Go, go now!

Just jumps onto a ferry. I'm trying to figure out what I want to tell. I'm deciding if I just wanted to say go, go now, or if it should say go, go now, and then have a boat sticking half out of the water. Ooh. I think it's definitely a boat. Oh, hello. Hello.

Hey, minor league fan, Jack, welcome to the podcast. Oh, thank you so much for having me. It's an honor to be here. It's nice to have you through Discord and not through Jeff's phone, through his mic. I swear to God, I was actually there. You couldn't hear me. I don't know what was going on, but I was there. Yeah, I heard it later in the recording.

Jack, quick question for you. Shoot. What's Jurassic Park about? Jurassic Park is a movie about a scientist who creates dinosaurs and then a gentleman who turns them into a theme park based around those dinosaurs. Yeah, okay. But why does it, why?

Why does the movie? What's the point of the movie? What's the plot of the movie? Like, why? does the movie... What's the point of the movie? What's the plot of the movie? Like, why? I mean, yeah, I would argue the point of the movie is that don't mess with nature and nature finds a way. Yeah. And the plot of the movie is everything looks good, but no, nature found a way and they

replicated and then destroyed everything. But why does the movie happen when it happens? Can you rephrase that question, please? What's the inciting incident for things to go wrong? What causes the events does the movie happen when it happens uh can you rephrase that question please what's the inciting incident for things to go wrong what causes the events of the movie uh a uh nedry the hacker it shuts down the power and because of that the the the walls go down and the dinosaurs get out and start eating people why is alan grant there alan grant and ellie slater and or excuse me ellie sattler and i and Ian Malcolm are there to basically give their thumbs up of approval on it because the lawyers

were pissed off because people had died and so Hammond needed someone to basically kind of give a thumbs up on the whole park to be like oh it's safe and it's great and so he brought them in because he was funding their dig in Wyoming I believe or Montana and so he's like I know them and I can fund your dig for further if you

come give me a thumbs up and And that's why they were there. Holy shit. He knew more than you did, Gavin. Holy shit. And I feel like it's Gavin's fault for how he phrased it. He phrased it horribly, like six times in a row. Well, that was true. I didn't want to give anything away

in the information we were after. I was hoping it would just eventually get there. But there's a line between not giving it away and actually asking what you're asking. You asked like six different questions that were unrelated to what you're pointing at. I was just trying to get closer and closer to the reason the movie started.

Oh, man. See, Jack, Gavin watched Jurassic Park today and he discovered that the movie was about something he never realized. And he was explaining to us about the $20 million lawsuit over the guy that got sucked up by the Raptors and how they brought Ian and the others on to basically certify that it was safe.

And I said, if anybody on earth knows that, it's you. I was just blown away, Jack, that I'd seen that movie about 15 times, but I never really knew that was the reason the movie event stopped. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the whole point of it is

Gennaro, the lawyer, is there. And he's like's the whole the whole point of it is genero the the lawyer is there and he's like we gotta get people to sign off on it and uh yeah there you go i bet there are very few people on earth who remember that the lawyer's name is genero you are in the top 0.01 of jurassic park fans probably i'm a jurassic park super fan too i guess all right okay uh uh robert mold what's his name moldoon robert moldoon yeah he's the Probably. I'm a Jurassic Park super fan, too, I guess. All right. OK. Robert Muldoon. What's his name? Muldoon. Robert Muldoon.

Yeah. He's the warden, the game warden. Where did John Hammond find him? Oh, was it in like an African safari, I think, is where he found him? It was. It was from Hammond's Park in Kenya. Damn, he knows his shit. Jack, who wrote the Miami Dolphins fight song?

The same guy who wrote the Country Road song. Oh, that's great. John Denver. He nailed it. If you would have known that, Jack, I would have left. You would have blown my mind. Nobody knows his name. I don't even know his name.

I've read six stories about the guy. I can't remember his name. His name's Igor Patterson, right? I remember that. I don't even remember. We just said his name. I don't remember what it is. I just remember Igor. All right, Jack. Thanks don't even remember. We just said his name. I don't remember what it is. I just remember Igor.

All right, Jack. Thanks for proving Jeff right. And thanks for blowing my mind. All right. Yeah, appreciate it, Jack. Talk to you later. Big fan of the show, you guys. Love you guys.

Thanks, Jack. There you go. That was minor league fan Jack. He didn't leave. No, he's still here. He's hanging out. Did he leave on his end? Did he just close the app? Because he was on his phone.

I think he just closed the app. He just walked away from his phone. He's still there. I wonder if he just needs me to leave now. Okay, love you. Bye. I wonder if whenever he's done talking on the phone, he's like, like alright mom I'll see you later

and he just puts his phone down fully on and just goes to another room Jack really knows his shit with that movie yeah he does hey Henry found the squeaky toy again I forgot about Henry the squeaky toy Jeff you were trying to shush it but in your ocean rescue story it was really

it added a lot to it it was fantastic it was so funny it was just distracting me i was trying so hard not to forget the different elements of the story nick says that was the cherry on top andrew would say the icing on the cherry oh man by the way uh my girlfriend the other night she gave me she asked me about something and she gave me the look and it was uh she didn't have to she didn't say anything but with her eyes uh i very clearly got the message to get these fucking bats out of our house oh okay so i gotta do something about these god damn bats. I asked yesterday, or the other day,

to get more tags, because we determined last time we recorded that we have elements of a lot of ideas, but not enough to do any one of them. So hopefully those will come in soon, and then Gavin will come over and cut a hundred bats while I watch. So just to recap, you have a hundred bats and nine hundred

knobs? Correct. And a thousand metal tags. I like... I just still love the fact that someone just bought everything in our discussion. Didn't, like, worry about what we'd settled on. It was like, well, they talked about this, they talked about this, they suggested this.

I'll just buy all of that. Now I've got everything. In their defense, I mean, I've been so confused for so long, I don't know that I gave any kind of correct instructions on what we wanted, because I don't remember. I'm so fucking far gone with these bats, man. I just want them out of my life.

They haven't even started yet. I like that they fucked with you more by doing what was said than Gavin and I ever did by implying the bats were manipulated some way. They've caused way more just annoyance. Yeah, this is real for you. Yeah, I'm looking at it right now. They've become a permanent shelf in my library

for me to store stuff on. We're probably not going to record for a bit at this point. I mean, I know the break shit thing will happen, but we're probably at least two weeks, I'd assume. I'm going to miss you guys. I'm going to miss you too. Yeah, I think we just need to stay in touch. There's going to be you too. Yeah, I think we just need to stay in touch. Going to be a lot of excitement for when we come back.

It's multiple layers of like, we need to stay in touch because I love you guys, but also just to make sure Jeff is still alive. Yeah. I feel like it goes back and forth between Andrew and Jeff on like, who's more in danger. Because sometimes there have been times

where Andrew's just like, dropping pints of blood out of his ass and I'm actually worried that he's going to die and now at the moment it's just gone Jeff's way so it's very different because I feel like Jeff's danger comes when he's going to look at sharks mine is I ordered pancake mix and then just everything

fell apart my life it's the mundane that gets me I look I just got my tetanus shot so I'm feeling pretty safe right now. You're going to be climbing over so many fences, not worried about it. Andrew, I think we need to start booking in the dates for when you're going to try the marathon, though.

I feel like it's never good when a bit is discussed and never happens. But we should try and make it happen. I completely agree. This is the redemption year. It's going to happen. Yeah. I've been very happen i completely agree this is the redemption year it's gonna happen yeah i've been very vocal on this when did the redemption year start 20 is that just the beginning of the year you know it was it no it started when this podcast turned two years old whenever that was so episode what 50 53 54 well that'd be one year when did i declare yeah

well yeah we're going into our second year though yeah yeah we're the first the first year yeah we're going into the second year year two season two year two year two is like redemption island it is yeah sure why not okay man i just started season 35 of survivor and talk about the dumbest premise yet it is that premise heroes versus healers versus hustlers it's a great season it's a good season so far but what a dumb concept heroes versus healers versus hustlers what they really they do run out of premises pretty quickly god damn they eventually just start calling it island names like like gavin said redemption island like they move away from like the group premises that are just like this is an island about redemption we're gonna call this island ghost island or what is it uh uh like

when they when they like when they ban them to the island by themselves exile island exile yeah you got exile there later there's a later season called island of the idols and so come on people are like oh shit are there like a million idols on this island they go one at a time like somebody has to go to the island of the idols it's not it's not idols they just got boston rob and sandra hanging out on a different beach and they're like how's it going in your game? And then they give them tips and they offer them challenges. No, they're not playing. They just coexist

on a different island. Quest givers. Yeah, they're the idols. They did that last year. Like Cochran was hanging out on a boat giving advice. Yeah, that was a random reward where Cochran shows up and is like, what's in it for them though? Like those people like Boston Rob's really good because he's

trying to win. Money. Oh, for the players? So, okay, this is how it works. It is great. So, you get there, right? And Rob will be like, there's one, the first one I remember. Boston Rob is like, I'm really good at making fire. Do you know how to make fire? I'm going to teach you how to make fire. And then, so

they go through the process of teaching the person and then they'll offer them a challenge. So Boston Rob was like, I'll give you, I don't know, a second vote at a tribal council if you can make fire faster than me, but if you can't, then you lose your vote at the next tribal. And then they're like going back and forth, and Rob is like, you know, it's a big move having two votes. It could be a real game changer.

You've got to evaluate your thing. He eventually convinces the person to do it. They lose miserably. And then it just goes to a confessional of him going like, they're the dumbest person alive. Why would they challenge me? They didn't know how to make fire. I taught them.

How would they ever beat me at this? It's a really dumb premise. They have them hiding Gavin in a little spy shack at tribal council. They sit above it and do commentary of what's happening. Terrible season. Matt, after Jeff called you Russell Hance, I went on a bit of a Russell Hance tour through the season. One of the most insulting things that he was ever said. Boy, is that an insult.

And also, boy, does that guy's game not work if anyone has seen him play. Jesus. It's thrilling. He was so lucky doing back-to-backs. He was. He went on Survivor Australia, first one voted out. Did not last long. That's true.

Just immediately gone. Something I was looking at there is, like, I guess they do, like, two at a time sometimes on Survivor. Yeah. Does that mean that Russell was sat there in the final... Well, this is a spoiler for Survivor. It is. Russell was sat there in the final of Survivor this is a spoiler for Survivor. It is. Russell was sat there in the final of Survivor

knowing that he'd already gone out again and got to the final of the other one, but had to do that entire season talking about his previous season, not knowing whether he'd won it or not. Yeah, you blew my mind because I knew this going in that the whole thing they talk about constantly

in Heroes vs. Villains, which is a second season, that none of them had the chance to see him play and he was kind of this unknown variable, which is largely why I think he has success in that game. It never occurred to me that he would have done both, been in the finale for both, expecting to win

two million dollars, like you pointed out, and win zero. He didn't make a dime from playing Survivor. It's terrible. And I watched the one dime from playing Survivor. It's terrible. And I watched the one where he cried. Oh. That's Redemption Island. And then we got stuck with his nephew for two seasons.

Oh, I haven't got to that yet. You guys are watching this show like you're popping in and out season to season. I've watched it live every season since it came out. I had to deal with the Hance family for like five years. Yeah. Five consecutive years of Hance. It's a long clip. It's a long,

they really, they try to get the most out of the Hance family. Yeah, we probably shouldn't talk about Survivor too much on this because there's so many people who haven't seen it, but I would love like an offline

Survivor conversation at one point. I'm so into it. I want to do like a survivor fan podcast, kind of like Rose buddies for bachelor. I've been, been trying to promote that or trying to throw that idea towards Trevor for a while. I don't know if we'll ever get to do that.

I don't know if there'd be any audience for it, but if you're a comment lever and you want to listen to us talk about survivor, let us know. Maybe we'll make a survivor podcast. Andrew would have to be in it because he's like the world's survivor authority authority. It's bizarre to me because I'm one of the things the pandemic people started watching Survivor for some reason, maybe because it was added to Netflix was an entry point. But I have lived most of my life not being able to talk to anybody about Survivor

and just watching it constantly. It's maybe my favorite show. I love Survivor. It's a staple of my life as far as entertainment goes. Dude, it's all I've watched for the last 15 seasons, like the last six weeks that and Housewives, you know, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, obviously. The other thing Gavin did that blew my mind is he had watched like five or six seasons. He somehow hadn't seen Boston Rob play Jeff. And he's like, yeah, he's like like what season is boston rob on and i'm like season five season nine season 20 season 22 like he's in six or seven seasons yeah it's amazing that you avoided somehow a boston rob sees that'd be hard to do what am i on now i'm on one where oh it's dude he's so half-assed my birthday cameo. It was great.

Boston Rob? Yeah. Do you still have it? It was so good. Yeah, I think so. I have him and Coach. Coach's was like an hour. He just did it.

That checks out. Can you get probes? Ooh. I don't know. I would recommend, in a not serious way, Boston Rob wrote one of the worst self-help books I've ever read. I haven't read many, but it's an atrocious book.

Is it bad advice? It's not bad advice. Every chapter is about three pages long, and then he does a summary at the end of every chapter where it's like three statements that cover all of it, and it's the same structure of real statement, joke statement, heartfelt statement for everything. And it's just, it's unnecessary.

It's called the Boston Rob Rulebook. It's available anywhere online. Like you can get it, you can Apple store, whatever. You can buy it digitally. I think he would be a great guest for this if we ever did it. Oh, I'd love it.

He's a fascinating guy. Yeah, he is. For sure. It's interesting. It's also interesting how personally people take that game. There are people from his seasons that have not forgiven him for how he played

i this is so i was taught me that like if you win something you just shouldn't do it again like there's what's this guy what's this guy's name jt or something j who apparently won once but i've only seen him just completely not understand how to use idols like he gave one to russell and then he went home with another one it's like this guy should never have come back i can't believe like sandra won twice right she did but she like plays the game where like she gets there by the end because nobody views her as a threat she's like a quiet philip yeah yeah and her strategy it's the most so jt has a phenomenal seasons i'd recommend watching uh token teens um whatever i think that's like season probably 18 would be my guess he becomes most iconic for later and my my favorite later jt moment and

of all the seasons he gets into a fight with somebody over sugar they won like a coffee set at a reward and he's like she keeps eating all the fucking sugar i'm sick of this person and their sugar consumption it was mckayla i think yeah mckayla was clearly like joking around when she was like oh seven drops of coffee at a spruple of sugar she was just having a good time jt's furious. So then Sandra just ate all of the sugar in the dish and then did like the gym from the office face knowing that JT would see it and be like, Michaela ate the fucking sugar.

It's such a good moment. It totally, totally worked, too. There's like a perfect pull focus to Sandra who just nails the lens. It's like quite unlike most shots in survivor but they clearly left it in because it was like the cameraman must have been like oh my god that was perfect good yeah oh my god what do you think the best season of survivor is that's such a okay that's a long question we should wrap up i guess it really depends on what you're looking for so

like there's sort of an arc i recommend that you started at the beginning of the russell season because that russell whether you like him or not changed the game dramatically i love i loved him highly entertaining to watch wasn't in game changes though uh no but like i'd argue that 80 of that cast wasn't a game changer it's a terrible it's a really weird cast that was a good season i don't know spoilers i'm still one. Okay. I just finished it two days ago. Okay. Game changer. Well, that is who's like a Zeke on that season and Andrea.

Zeke is on it. Andrea. Aubrey's on it. Game change is like Haley. Yeah. Ty is on it. Sierra is on it. Both Sierras.

Have you seen Beauty Brains of Brawn? Yeah. That's a great... The thing with Scott Pollard and Ty. What a vote. Oh, with the super idol. Yeah, the super idol where he's like, you gonna give it to me?

And Ty's just like, nah. Scott's like, really? And he's like, yup. Oh my God. So Gavin, you said you're on that season right now. So have you seen where Seri, have you seen the vote with Seri where she tries to use the idol?

Or tries to use the advantage? Seems like a spoiler. Yeah. Not really. I just won't spoil it for you. But it's an iconic moment in Survivor. We should wrap this up. Yeah, we should wrap this up

and then probably pitch some sort of Survivor podcast so we can just make that. Yeah. All right. Well, this is us stopping. Sorry if you don't watch Survivor. That was probably insanely boring last 10 minutes.

Yeah. You should try it. If you haven't, try it. It's on Netflix. If you're in the US, it's on Amazon. I only started watching it because y'all talked about it and then I was bored. Yeah, I don't know. How do you watch you're in the US. It's on Amazon. I only started watching it because y'all talked about it

and then I was bored. Yeah, I don't know. How do you watch it outside of the US? That's a great question. It's on... I watch it across Netflix, Hulu, and Paramount+. So if any of those are available

outside the US, I don't know. Yeah, but all of those have different libraries. Sure, sure. I don't know what... Yeah, Paramount Plus is available in Canada. Paramount Plus has all the seasons.

It's the only service that has everything. Okay. That I'm aware of. That's a real piece of shit, though. I'm not a huge fan. Yeah, so far. I can't wait to get you guys into the challenge after Survivor. That's going to be...

I'm ready to go, buddy. I got, like, what, five more seasons of Survivor? That should take me another two weeks, and then I'm... It's sad. I've realized there's not enough time left in my life to watch all of the television that I want to. Yeah. Yeah.

There's too much reality TV that's been made and I don't have enough time left on Earth to get through it. I think I'm not, for the first time since they came out, I think I'm going to skip this season's Love Island. I just haven't had the time to jump into it and I'm getting way far behind. So I think I'm going to skip this season's Love Island. I just haven't haven't had the time to jump into it

and I'm getting way far behind. So I think I'm just I might be off the Love Island train because there's just no time. Great time to start the challenge. I think it starts next week. New season.

Well, I have to watch 25 seasons to catch up. That is true because unlike Survivor, the challenge uses the same cast every season. So it's great. This dumb,

dumb, trashy people trying to be political. And I have not seen that show, but I have seen X on the Beach, and I'm sure, I think a lot of them are from that show, so it'll be interesting. Yeah.

All right, well, we still seem to be talking, though we all agreed to stop a while ago. Nick is now posting the Discord as Eric. Thanks for listening. Like and subscribe.

See you next time. Rate five stars. Find us on Instagram. Goodbye. I like wrestling. Me. That's my hair.