F**kface - Crisis Averted // Sloppy Joes Bingo [146]

Episode Date: March 22, 2023

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Geoff's roof, The Preview, non-rehash of the grocery store, pizza party at Geoff's, hot dog chews, Geoff's root canal, earliest childhood disappointment, movie reviews, the new game Sloppy Joes Bingo, the Year of Slop, and Andrew's XFL fandom. F**KFACE Opening Day livestream 3/23 @ 11am CT, tune in! Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Sponsored by ExpressVPN http://expressvpn.com/face, BetterHelp http://betterhelp.com/face, and Manscaped http://manscaped.com + code FACE20. Already a FIRST Member and need your Private RSS feed for this show? Go here: http://bit.ly/FIRSTRSS. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dragon's Dogma 2, the highly anticipated successor to the cult classic Dragon's Dogma, is out now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series S and X, and Steam. Dragon's Dogma 2 is a third-person action RPG boasting a richly detailed and deeply explorable fantasy world created using Capcom's RE Engine's immersive physics, groundbreaking character AI systems, and cutting-edge graphics. Dive into the vast and dynamic world where The Arisen is called upon to fulfill a forgotten destiny across the nations of Vermont, the Kingdom of Humanity, and Batal, the nation of Beastrin.

Dragon's Dogma 2 revolves entirely around choice. Your choice, that is. From the sword and shield-wielding fighter to fighter to the illusion conjuring trickster, there are over 10 unique vocations to choose from that all require experience to unlock new skills. And character customization is out of this world, literally. Oh, and did I mention the combat is really in-depth? It isn't just hacking at a giant's ankle for half an hour while your dodge roll attacks. You can engage enemies from a distance, climb up large foes, stab them in This is a Rooster Teeth production. Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. My name is Jeff Ramsey.

With me, as always, Gavin Free and Andrew Panton. This is episode 146. And let me just say off the bat, crisis averted. Yeah. Everybody stand down. Crisis averted? We're good. What happened? There was a crisis?

Well, well, hey, buddy. There was a potential crisis where I need to have some work done on my roof last week. I had a little shed in the back. I had storm damage, right? This was part of the continuing process of surviving Austin. I had storm damage, and I needed to have my roof on my little shed replaced, and then I needed to have some sealant work and some flashing and stuff fixed on my house roof. And they,

they couldn't show up. And then they, uh, like they missed their appointment and then they just showed up today and we're on my roof an hour ago, stomping around with like air compressors going. And I was like, fuck,

fuck man, this is going to suck. And that, and they're totally gone. They're just gone. I need to stop you right there. Why? We didn't do the preview. What do you mean?

What preview? Oh, yeah, we haven't done it yet. We need to plan it. I was thinking about that. We need to probably figure out what the preview, at least figure out. The bit where you set up the thing and then we go back to it,

is that what we're talking about? I mean, I can give you one right now. Well, it's still a little late yeah i feel like it's strange we've already started unless you want to re-edit the sequence see this is why you being on time is a real problem gavin if you were here two minutes early to be fair i was i was screaming wait wait at the beginning but uh my i guess my mic wasn't on no it didn't come through it didn't come through at all I shouted hello that's what we heard okay next week then yeah we'll do it next week good reminder

thanks buddy if we did it now it would just be the actual thing so we can't well it would be a preview for later in the episode I guess that's true I hadn't thought about that. Not often do people preview 75% of the way through a podcast 25% of the way into the podcast.

Strap in the last act. Eric has a problem with that bit. No, it's the way you did it. It sucked. Yeah, it's 100% It's very confusing. Oh, but the concept is strong? Okay.

No, I mean, no, it it's not but that's fine it's like not a strong concept and also you said to be fair and then talked about how your mic wasn't working and i don't know what's fair about that you came not prepared what's fair i know that it shouldn't be after the intro i've tried to put it before to be fair there's what you came you were on time and we're not prepared i don't know what's fair about any of that i didn't change anything i kept yelling until it eventually came through i don't know what you want from me i didn't change a thing i want you here one minute early so that way we can uh plan these things and then not have to spend the first yeah it's not a big ask.

It's a one minute early thing. If we're talking about what's fair, that's fair. I have to agree with Eric on almost everything he said except it not being a strong idea. Gotta agree with Gavin. It's a very strong idea. But we're not... It doesn't matter.

Here's the thing. For the invite for next week I have called it F*** Face 147 don't forget the preview so hopefully that helps everyone that does that's a great reminder that this interaction reminded me we should circle if we're talking about like recapping things eric what was your smallest thing what did you buy two questions with that i bought a very small lip balm uh it was very tiny i'm upset with gavin i think we were fleece i don't want to rehash the whole thing that you guys got into but i was absolutely with jeff i felt bamboozled uh upon hearing it uh absolutely furious that it was gavin's idea and we kept

like it was his idea after being told that it was his idea. So I don't really, I don't know what the whole point was. It doesn't matter whose idea it is. We were all together. We were talking to you about the rules. If it was your idea, you dictate the pace. The only rule I had was that you have to buy the single item. You ignored that rule and bought it together.

Shut up. Because we had questions and you were there and it's your thing. And it would be your job to answer the questions to clarify the rules. You can't just go, I have one rule. If we have questions, your job there is to clarify. I wanted to discuss the damn rules in an episode before we damn did it. That's the other thing. You talking about it, like, made no sense.

It's like, yeah, we'll figure this out in the episode. We already fucking did it. Yeah, you bought the thing. I don't know what you're talking about. Was that a trial run? Like, what was that? What was your cherry? Why were we even at the fucking store

if you weren't ready to do your bit? If you wanted to figure it out first, if you wanted to figure it out first, why did we do it? Because the day before, I sent a picture to Andrew and he said, I'm scouting. I'm looking around. I'm at the HGP. I'm sort of getting ideas.

And Andrew was like, we're already doing this tomorrow. I was like was like oh because i forgot we planned to do that so i didn't what that was before the episode recording we just went and did it because andrew said we were doing it so do you think at that point you should have maybe you can like be on your toes and ready to answer any fucking questions that we have about things we're doing i don't know we didn't discuss any of the rules regarding... We don't have to discuss the rules. It's your thing. You come up with the rules. But I... I wanted to discuss with

Andrew in an episode so we could finalize the rules to the point where we were doing it all together on that point. So we might as well defer to Andrew as the judge because he's going to be the one who's going to have stipulations. I wish Nick was here. So this whole thing happened because you talked to Andrew and Andrew told you when it was being

your idea was being done and you listened to him. Yeah. And he said we're doing this tomorrow and you said, oh, okay, boss. I don't want to kill the bit. If he's already out shopping, I'm not going to step in. Look, I'm a yes man. I'm ready to go. I would rather have the rules planned out. Here's the deal. Look, I'm a yes man. I'm ready to go.

I would rather have the rules planned out. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. We don't want to rehash this. I just snorted coffee all over my keyboard. I hate this stupid bit. I solid dreamed it. I admit to it.

I wrecked it. And now I've got coffee on my keyboard. Please take a photo. Andrew, we actually, it feels like it's been a fucking year since we did a podcast. It's been, I hate when we take weeks off because so much happens. We had a pizza party, not last weekend, I guess the weekend before. Okay. And this all came up and Eric and Gavin went at it. I'm surprised that there's still this amount of anger because i'm so glad yeah i didn't know that that was the thing i just

wanted to make sure eric knew that we had that moment that was perfect that was good that was better than i could have imagined that i loved it i'll be honest i i knew in the last recording that eric was gonna rail me and i was preparing for it and then he railed me in real life at pizza party and i and i thought for this for, you know, we've already had the discussion, mainly, I'm just gonna remain cool. He immediately got on my back. Because I listened to it,

and I went, well then what the fuck was all that? And it just brought it back to the surface, because nothing was resolved! So what type of pizza? Did you guys make pizzas? Did order oh jeff is a pizza master he's a pizza guy dude dude i don't know how to tell like do we have six pizzas and everyone was better than the previous the more pizzas i eat that jeff cooked the more pissed off at Jeff I am that he butchered my plowmans. He made a flowery slop

out of my amazing ingredients and every pizza after that has been an absolute goldmine of flavor and texture. Well, there's some reasons for that. First off, last time when we were making the videos for F*** Face we used pre-cooked dough.

This time I went and bought fresh dough and did the whole spin it out in the air like an asshole kind of thing. And the chef did that whole thing and then made the pizza on top of that. So the dough actually cooked with the pizza. And then I just got better at it as I went. And also, I didn't use any of Gavin's trash ingredients,

which helped too, I think. But yeah, that pizza oven, I'm't use any of Gavin's trash ingredients, which helped too, I think. But yeah, it's that pizza oven. I'm not scared of it anymore, man. Oh, I also, I watched two YouTube videos this time, so I got like double the knowledge. So now are you using it to make sure the spiders don't move back in? Is that the strategy of regular usage that the pizza parties are happening?

You can't have the spiders come back. You need to keep that flame going. Well, there's that, plus like, you know, I'm trying to be more social these days. And it used to be you'd be like, hey, come over and get drunk at my house. And then people would come over. But when you're sober, you're like, hey, come over to my house. And yeah, you know, I'll probably have like a Diet Pepsi and you could have some some like, I don't know, bubble water wherever you want.

So like the pizza makes a good draw. People over. I'd be so excited to get invited. It's great. Fresh pizza. Oh, that's great. Fresh pizza? Oh, that sounds great. Dude, you have an open invite to my... If you show up at my house, I will immediately go to the store and buy pizza supplies for you.

Oh, fantastic. Anytime is fantastic. Night or day, 365 days a year for the rest of my life. That sounds so good. I'm glad you're a pizza guy. I'm glad that it sounds like the pizza oven is now going to stay, I'm assuming? Yeah, it's not going anywhere. I fucking love it. Yeah, we've been having so much fun with it and and it gets easier every time that's great on the subject of food if you don't don't mind me changing subjects for a minute a

little bit i have discovered it was a conversation we had before people have the way that i had burger confidence i feel like in interactions i've had people have bite confidence we're talking about like the average bite to completion on various food items and i bought i'm gonna post a photo of it i was i had a i got a costco hot dog post photo for you guys to see i want you to guess how many bites including chewing it took to consume this hot dog how many do you think it would take you? And how many do you think it took me? Standard hot dog.

Oh, there's no scale there. How long is that? It's a Costco hot dog. Is that a foot long? Yeah, I'd say it's a foot long. Oh, there's a finger under it. Never mind. There's a scale.

Oh, yeah. It's a big hot dog. Costco hot dog. Costco hot dog is roughly eight inches long. Okay. That is five bites. Five bites, including chewing. Not just bites.

Chewing. Oh. Every chew. So like chews, chews. Well, we did the math, didn't we, about how many chews? You're supposed to do like 20 to 30 chews per bite, right? Which seemed a lot. I felt that was excessive.

So, Gavin, you'd be hundred chews minimum on that that seems like that seems high you think 100 is high i think i'm doing like a yeah maybe like 150 looking at saying 150 jeff what did you do you have a guess well i i'm i'm torn between what's appropriate and what i think i would actually do right right? Like, you're supposed to chew 20 times. Do I actually chew 20 times? There are days that I would eat that hot dog in three bites and not chew at all. No. Just fucking suck it down.

I think I'm going to say 182. Including bites, bites and chews, that hot dog took me 322 chews to consume. Oh, my God. 322. Wow. That. Oh, my God. Wow. That seems so high. That's what you think. I'm challenging you. Go out, get yourself a Costco hot dog.

Tell me how many bites it takes. It's going to be higher than you think. I don't have a Costco membership. I have a Sam's Club membership. You can sneak in. I wouldn't have any membership. Just walk in. My point is, next time you're looking at a food item,

guess how many chews it will take you, and then count it. I bet you you're looking at a food item. Guess how many chews it will take you. And then to count it. I bet you you're low balling by a lot. To be fair, let's let's because we want to put this out. The audience might have Costco memberships and they might want to try this out. Not that this is in any way an ad for Costco, but it is definitely an ad for hot dogs. What's what's the preparation here? It's just a normal hot dog

on a sesame bun with ketchup. Okay, okay. So that's what the official, that's what the regulation hot dog you would be eating from Costco would be. I've had this talk with several people since we had a text conversation about this kind of general idea.

And every person is way lower on their bite to chew ratio. And then they try to eat something and they're brought to reality very quickly. Much like me with the burgers. As soon as as i would have the first burger i'd realize i was in a lot more trouble than i realized going in i think people greatly underestimate how many bites it takes to consume an egg yeah i think it would stress me out too like if i'm if i'm approaching like a hundred bites and i'm not even halfway through i'm gonna be i'm gonna be like

really thinking about it and try to eat and swallow bigger pieces. I hope I don't die doing this. No, you're not trying to get under. Why are you trying to get under a bar? Just naturally eat and count your bites. Yeah, it's not a competition in any direction. In my head, it is. Okay, so you're trying to eat it in less bites or more bites?

How do you win? What's the game? Well, I mean, less bites is more impressive. Is there any level of impressiveness on either side of this someone's gonna choke to death because of a hot dog from this podcast it's not a race i know it's not a race but if you knew that jeff had it in 190 bites and you were almost at the end that you were like on 170 when you want to come in slightly because it means nothing yes yeah i said yes jeff said yeah i do it i do it 180 you're right i could if eric's gonna do it 180 i'll do it 175 there you go my point this is why somebody's gonna choke to death eating one of these fucking hearts that's what i said we're good at just making a game out of everything that's true

but i just like there's a limitation i think because i've gone through so much food abuse with this show that i i have a window or a different perspective of like that's not that's not real when you're at 170 realist yeah i've become the realist of food on this podcast you have being at 170 and needing to get to 190 if you can't do it you can't do it there's not like you can't force that that's just a thing that's not gonna happen i like the idea of just shoving in the last hot dog and be like well i could bite it three times then i just have to swallow oh it's so gross or like the idea of like just keeping it in your mouth to try to break it down a little bit with a bite it's terrible

terrible do you think joey chestnut could eat 300 hot dogs in the time it takes you to chew one? Definitely, I'd say 100. I'd put him at 100 easily. Yeah, probably, right? That's fucking crazy to think about it. If you think about now, like you eating a normal hot dog, and how many was it, 300 and what? It was like 322. Like a normal hot dog consumption is 322 chews for you and that dude eats 75

in 90 seconds or whatever the fuck it is. That's wild. Yeah. Some people are just built different. Oh, it's like you have to change your lifestyle to be like a Joey Chestnut. Like you need to practice. Yeah. It's a whole thing. Mickey Mantle Gene. I have a

clip that I can't believe we let slip through. Oh. Okay.ff knows what it is oh do i well i mean don't you what here we go i'd be the weird guy in this yeah jeff thank you so much well i don't know what that was how about this? I was thinking about our initials the other day, and the five of us, if we take the first letter from each of our first names, it spells Anne Egg.

Wait, you were thinking about... Andrew. Andrew, it's not you. It's not you. Andrew. Andrew, Nick, Eric, Jeff, and Jeff. Yeah. Andrew, Nick, Eric, Jeff, and Jeff.

I was channeling my inner Gus on the RT podcast when he says his name twice, I guess. Yeah, believe me, buddy. I saw one billion comments about it the second it aired. I can't believe I didn't notice that it was my name that was missing. That's funny. I'm pretty sure I meant to say Gav and Jeff, but I totally fucking...

I Gregged it. Another G? I wouldn't say South Creek, but it's... Well, it's another G name. It's got to be right. That's fair. Yeah.

Hey, one piece of loose... A loose end that's out that there's not really a story to tell, but it just got lost in the fray and I don't want to leave it hanging. I did get a root canal last week. Oh, no. If anybody's wondering. No.

I don't run out of reactions to you saying that. I don't know how to react to people. There was no major story or nonsense to it or anything. I just like I was on the way to, you know, I had to record the, I felt like we gave it a great plug in episode, whatever episode just came out 154, uh, maybe, but, uh, the other podcast I did with Gus, uh, and my ANMA, uh, I was, I had to swing by the dentist on the way to that podcast just to check in and have the conversation with her about if I needed the root canal or not. And then I figured we'd schedule it for later in the week. And I sat down and she was like, yeah, you need a root canal.

And I was like, I definitely need a root canal. And she was like, let's get started. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought we would do it like Thursday or something. And she was like, I have time today. And I was like, can I come back in like an hour and a half? And so I ran over and I recorded that other podcast and came right back, got the root canal.

And that was pretty much it. I don't have any more pain. It's not finished. I got to go back next Tuesday and have the root canal, and that was pretty much it. I don't have any more pain. It's not finished. I got to go back next Tuesday and have the root canal finished and then have my permanent crown put on, and then that'll be the end of my tooth era again, hopefully.

So this was under the crown? Yeah, it was under the crown. So they've taken off the crown, done half a root canal, they do the other half of the root canal, and then put a new crown on? Your percentages are off. They've done 90% of the root canal, and they a new crown on uh your percentages are off they've done 90 of the root canal and they have just like a little bit left but yeah and then the crown has

to be replaced so they uh the reason i'm doing it tuesday is because that's when the new crown comes in your dental saga is so extensive that when you said roof earlier i assumed you meant the roof of your mouth i immediately went to your mouth and not and i don't think there's any other person in my life I would make that leap with. I think you're the only one. Yeah, I had a whole crew of dudes up in the roof of my mouth fixing my tooth shingles.

Well, you have described like two women crawling around inside your mouth. It's true. It is absolutely true. That's totally fair. Anyway, so I just want to leave that out there. Hopefully nothing goes wrong next Tuesday, but, you know. mean nothing good it's 10 they just got to do 10 it's easy fucking just fucking tired of talking about my mouth so yeah no it's fair it's totally fair it's been an extensive process how have things been for you gavin i don't feel like i've

talked to you in a long time yeah i've had a it's a busy filming time uh-huh but you know i'm free for i'm free for more warzone now that's exciting did you send out the sticks are they still waiting to be mailed i have not sent them yet okay i've been nervous about it i put my hands above my controller last night like just to see how far i could hold the controller with my thumbs in the air and it was alarmingly not not a lot around three inches huh yeah it's not it's not gonna look good I think I'm gonna quickly run into troubles but I've been I've been thinking about it I have some strategies lined up in my head of how I can have you been practicing I've been I mean I

played a little bit of wars and I haven't played that much recently but I've been thinking about like how can I make this work and just to be clear like I can as long as my hands are not touching the stick part I'm good good, right? Yeah, you can twiddle the nubs in any way you want. You can interact with the top nub in any way you want. Any body part, I think, is fine. But if you're holding the sticks, I think that's cheating. Yeah, okay.

I've been thinking about, like, can I use my chin on my left stick and then that would free up my left hand? Like, just trying to figure out, but I think that would be the my left hand like what just trying to figure out but i think that would be the easiest a chin is definitely gonna go into play i i think because you were talking about streaming the longest one i feel like you should stream the early ones because they're gonna be the biggest jumps like going from one inch to two inch is gonna be way

more significant than going from eight inch to nine inch you think so i think so okay well i'll do both then i I'll start. I guess I have to start with no sticks, right? Like, I have to get a win to get on the sticks? It's like the World Cup qualifier. I can't wait. Yeah, I think as soon as you win the first game, Canada has entered into the stick game.

What an honor for Canada. A great accomplishment. do you have time soon should I get him out this week yeah man whenever you yeah I think as quickly as possible oh

yeah if you're gonna mail something to Andrew can I throw something small in there that I have to send to him sure okay thanks it's no big deal

I'll just uh I'll get it to you whenever but just let me know before you mail him and I'll drive it over I'm mad about one of my notes what's your note I wrote down my first ever childhood disappointment.

But I wrote it as that. And I can't remember the disappointment. But what if you think about it? I don't remember. I've been trying to think about it all day. I'm like, why didn't I write the actual thing? Because I remember thinking about it. It was like two days ago I came up with this note.

And I already can't remember what I was thinking about. So something triggered a memory for you. And you like oh that was actually that would have been my first disappointment yeah in life and it registered to me as my first letdown really i'm so mad i don't know what it is anymore huh maybe a pet thing eric says maybe a pet thing yeah i don't maybe it was a thing about your parents liking your little brother more than you because that came up a lot, if I remember correctly. I'm trying to think. Do you have an immediate answer, Jeff, on your first disappointment to just take Gavin's bit that he doesn't have an answer for?

Yeah, I think I do. I was sitting here in the back of my head just trying to remember my earliest memories. And I think I remember... I think it was shitting my pants that's on brand yeah i remember being in my grandma's front yard and playing with a kid and knowing i had to poop but like i was having so much fun playing i watched this the other day actually at that coffee shop that i go to to write for face i watched a kid who was playing just piss his pants and didn't skip a beat and just kept on playing. He was

having so much fun. He didn't care and he was just covered in urine and all the other kids ended up getting covered in urine as they were rolling around together. It was fucking disgusting. You were sat there watching someone else piss? I mean, I guess I was. Yeah. I was just sitting at an outdoor coffee shop that had like a playscape and a kid was

running around. And it just happened and it just you were just enjoying life and then something happened in front of you. Well, I was writing, I was writing recipes for the cookbook, which by the way,

you guys both owe me recipes. I did. Yeah, you owe me the poppazza and you owe me the plamens. And then we're done and then we can make this stupid book, which is almost done.

Anyway, I remember playing with my friends in the front port or like in the front yard and being, having so much fun that I just didn't want to stop. And then suddenly I shit my pants and then thinking, like, being so sad that... Not that I shit my pants, but that I had to stop. And I remember going to the front door, knocking on the front door, and telling my grandma I shit my pants. And then that's where the memory stops.

So that's like the biggest disappointment, your first disappointment in yourself. But it's not like you were thinking, oh, shitting myself is going to be great, and then it's where the memory stops. So that's like the biggest disappointment, your first disappointment in yourself. But it's not like you were thinking, oh, shitting myself is going to be great, and then it wasn't. No, it was just like the first time I can remember. It's like my second memory at all, and my first memory wasn't disappointing. So if that makes sense.

Yeah. Yeah, that does. That's an interesting thought. I remember an example Gavin gave is a great point of, I don't remember being excited for something and then it not living up to expectations. I feel like I went through that set with like Lego. Like I was never patient enough to build Lego as a kid, but I like getting the set. I remember like my third birthday party having a Mario balloon that I thought was so fucking

cool. I was like, this is great. I love this fucking Mario balloon. So I kept it in a room away from all the other balloons to be like I'm gonna play with this later and then my cousin found it and they brought it outside and I was

like ah Mario and they got spooked when I did that I was like what is Mario doing outside and they got spooked and they let go of the balloon and it floated away and I was devastated that's probably the first time i've ever been disappointed in a person but not like an event but i was so demoralized just like i put i specifically moved this balloon to be safe no balloon is safe and float away i just remember i

still remember just looking into the sky as mario drifted away that is disappointing that trick that's reminded me of the first time I was disappointed in a person. When I was a kid, I had a Super Nintendo and I used to play Zelda, Link to the Past. And someone, one of my friends just deleted the save.

And I didn't realize that I was, because it was a pre-owned Super Nintendo with pre-owned games. I was just playing on someone else's save. so i had all the weapons and i didn't really have to play so i was just running around like killing stuff and i had all this stuff and then i was just reset to not having any of it and i never i was too young to like get it all back it was gone forever and my parents were like i don't know i actually i haven't i haven't disappointed this brought up another memory i was probably around the same age I

decided and I completely convinced myself that I was going to make a magic potion and it was going to be fucking awesome it was going to be great and so I had this bowl of water it was like a little glass bowl of water and then I filled it with salt and pepper and then I stirred it and I was like

this is going to be a magic potion this is going to be so good and I drank it and I was like, this is going to be a magic potion. This is going to be so good. And I drank it and I like puked essentially. It was just so I was just gagging constantly. And it flipped from this is going to be the greatest thing ever to why did I think this would work? This is so bad. This is awful. Never again.

I will never do this again. That was probably the first time I was excited about something and then it was completely derailed by reality of what it was it's completely ignorant to you salt water and pepper not being a good mix I had a similar kind of toy or like disappointment moment

like that where here's another one that just triggered I when I was three or four my somebody got me for Christmas a little toy called a Toonyville Choo Choo. There's a little train that played music. I will never forget the Toonyville

Choo Choo and it was the loudest goddamn toy, which is why I liked it. And everybody in my family hated the Toonyville Choo Choo to the point where they would only let me play it outside or play with it outside. Oh my God, there's my Toonyville Choo Choo. That's it.. Oh my God. There's my Tommyville. Tonyville toot shoe. That's it.

Oh yeah, dude. That thing was fucking fabulous. And, uh, uh, my mom got so fed up with me one day. She gave me my grandpa's tools and said,

I bet you can't figure out how it works. And so I took the whole goddamn thing apart and it was over. And then I realized after I had taken it apart, I realized I don't know how to put this back together. And I did realize in that moment at like maybe four, my mom knew I wouldn't be able to put it back together. And I was pretty fucking disappointed in my mother and myself that day. Oh my God.

See that thing at the top? It looks like a giant, it looks almost like a red penny. Yeah. It's like, those are songs. You like slot them in. Oh,

you slot them in. And then it plays different songs. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. It's fucking cool cool it was super cool uh until until i uh destroyed it that's devastating it's weird how the earliest disappointments are like just scarred into our brain yeah outside of yours which you can't remember yeah mine's healed i guess you're a lot healthy mentally healthier than we are, Gavin.

You're far more evolved. I just repressed it. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Getting to know yourself can be a lifelong process, especially because we're always growing and changing. I mean, as we go through life, we will have things happen to us that will impact us in ways we probably won't ever understand unless we talk about it with someone. Therapy is all about deepening your self-awareness and understanding because sometimes

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I have a couple things that I don't know that we'll have time for everything today because we haven't spoken in a couple weeks, but I did do, I'm trying to maintain, if there's any desire for it, I have maintained my movie review thing. And since we didn't record a movie last, or an episode last week,

I actually have two movie reviews. I could do one or both or neither of those. And then I also have a thing, Andrew, that I have specifically kept from you, not because I didn't want to include you in it, but because I showed something to Eric and Gavin

at the pizza party that has kind of exploded my life and changed me into... I'm in a new era of my a new phase of my life if you will a new era uh and i would love to to bring you into it and i think that you know gavin was talking about how we're great about making games out of everything i have created a game that i think we're all going to play for content okay um eric said do the reviews and then that first thing so i'll just do i'll just do one review and then we'll see if you guys want the second one okay can we hear the films and choose?

Okay. Yeah. The first movie is a movie called Triangle of Sadness. And the second movie is a movie called A Report on the Party and Guests. A Triangle of Sadness or A Report on the Party and Guests. Have you done any other movies? Those are the two movies that I watched. Okay. One a week.

I would like Triangle of Sadness. Well, there you go. Great example. Triangle of Sadness is actually, I've been nominated for an Academy Award this year, I believe. It is a new movie. The other movie I watched is an old movie.

Boy, that, Eric just posted a picture of the movie. That poster says it all. It was made by a man named Ruben Ostand, and here it is. I watched a movie called A Triangle of Sadness. The Triangle of Sadness is about a man's forehead, quite literally. It's about

old people throwing up. It's kind of like Below Deck meets Survivor. People have sex for pretzels, and that's pretty much it. So here's how I broke it out. If you are a fan of sex work, of nipples, lots of different kinds of nipples, of old people, of vomit, of old people vomiting, of old people sliding around in their own and other people's vomit

and quite possibly pooping themselves at the same time and lush tropical settings, then you should check it out. Oh, also, it has the only recognizable person in it is, do you guys remember the TV show Cheers? Yes. Do you know the guy that, do you remember the character Coach who died?

Yes. And then they had to replace him with a guy named Woody Boyd, kind of a dumb country guy. I don't remember Woody Boyd, but yes. Yeah, well, that guy, the guy that played Woody Boyd in Cheers is in the movie. He plays the captain. Okay.

Based on your description of it, it seems like a suitable pairing would be Guesthouse Paradiso. Oh. Jeff, they didn't get that it was Woody Harrelson. That's his name. Woody Harrelson is the guy that played Woody Boyd in Cheers. I just assumed. Okay. Drop that.

His name was also Woody, which is pretty easy to remember. Yeah, it was just like the first thing I remember seeing him in. So that's what popped to my mind. Woody Harrelson, that's his name. Have you seen Guesthouse Paradiso? Yeah. Is it good? I feel like bottom.

Okay. I don't know what that means. I like Jeff's reviews more than Gavin reviews is what I've determined. I want to hear your review of a report on the party and guests because it's a Czechoslovakian film that I cannot believe you watched. Yes, that's the movie. I watched a movie just this last week called A Report on the Party and Guests by a man named Jan Namak.

It was filmed in Czechoslovakia in 1966. And here are my thoughts. It's about people in the woods having fun. A lot of people in Czechoslovakia in the 60s like to eat cake with their hands. They like to do a lot of stuff outside that you would normally do inside, like have picnics and eat food. They shave with an electric razor.

They like to bathe in the creek in the 60s in Czechoslovakia, even with soap. It was a lot about how sturdy desks are. Most of the people in the film had poor chair posture, I noticed. Also, everybody in Czechoslovakia in 1966 looks exactly like somebody who's in popular culture today. There was a lot of lookalikes in there, the biggest one being a guy who looked just like Cole Escola.

And that's pretty much it. they like to eat outside a lot they had a whole dinner outside oh uh and it's uh it's like i guess the other thing about it is it's uh it's an allegory for like oppression and conformity and uh unquestioned authority and uh it's a i guess like a teardown of of stalinism it was banned in Czechoslovakia for 20 years. And the director had to flee the country. And I don't think he ever got to come back. But it's mostly about people shaving outside and playing pranks on each other and picnics.

A lot of picnics. Which would you recommend out of the two of them? To watch? Yeah. Well, if you're a fan of old rich people vomiting on themselves and on each other i would recommend that one if you're a fan of people who look like people you've seen in other stuff having picnics and eating cake with their hands like savages and then taking a bath in a

creek in the 60s uh i would recommend that one sort of either or why were you shocked when gavin said which one would you recommend and then you said to watch like there's something else you were going to do with film. I think that's fair. What is your favorite movie, Jeff, to listen to? I have an answer. OK, Tron Legacy. I don't feel like I need to see any of that, but that is a good soundtrack. It's a good soundtrack to that movie.

I can listen to that movie all day. Well, I'll be honest, unless you speak Czech, you probably shouldn't listen to A Party and Its Guests because there's a lot of reading involved. Yeah, but do you want to listen to Triangle of Sadness? I mean...

Yeah. I haven't tried just to listen to it, but have you seen that movie, Eric? I've seen parts of it and went, ah, not for me. There, it's excessive with the volume. Excessive is ah, not for me. There, it's excessive with the volume. Excessive is a fantastic word for it.

Yeah. Excessive, I think, is the right word for it. So there you go. Those are, I've now reviewed three films. Those are two of the three films that I've reviewed. And there you go. I gave you a new one, Academy Award nominated one, and then an older classic as it was, as they were, as it were.

Huh? I get so lost in your movie reviews. I feel like I somehow come away with less of an understanding of a movie I've never heard of than I did going in. For the Czech one, the Winona Ryder one, that motivated me. I actually recommended that movie to someone based off that recommendation of yours. Without seeing it? Oh, no.

Yeah, not at all. It was just, it was the same day. Someone was like, have you seen any good movies recently? And I was just like, ah, this Winona Ryder one. Watch that. Maybe that's what we get out of this, is we get a show where Andrew passes on Jeff's movie reviews and recommends them to other people. Having never seen any of them. Yeah. Andrew passes on Jeff's movie reviews and recommends them to other people, having never seen any of them.

Yeah. And I just not being able to convert Jeff's score system, just saying all of them are great. You should watch this. It's great. Well, I think everything inherently has value. It's all just how you look at it. All things.

All things. Yeah. Every film has value to the right person. Even Guesthouse Paradiso. Maybe you should watch that. I'll give it a shot. There's vomiting value to the right person. Even Guesthouse Paradiso, maybe you should watch that. I'll give it a shot. There's vomiting and nipples in it. Oh, well, I mean,

I just watched a lot of those, but I'm willing to check it out for sure. Speaking of vomiting, what's up, Andrew? Oh, I want to know your lifestyle. Okay, okay. So I wonder if the best fucking, is that, it looks like Ger gerard dipido throwing toilet paper

i guess it should be it's a gif but it's not playing that much uh i guess i'll do this you guys feel free to go watch it it's a little compilation i put together today a minute and 46 seconds and then we'll come back and discuss so what what am i watching exactly is this on twitch or what is this so what you're watching this is on youtube this is on youtube what i have given you is a is a compilation of some of the clips i've recorded on my phone from a live stream that appears on youtube 24 hours a day right now that i stumbled onto emily and i stumbled onto it two weeks ago, and it has taken over our lives. In Key West, Florida, there is a bar called Sloppy Joe's.

And Sloppy Joe's put up a webcam that they broadcast 24 hours a day. It's been going for like four months straight without an interruption. And they put up a webcam at the entrance to their bar, and it kind of faces out towards the street to an intersection. It's on a place called Duval Street in Key West, which is like their version of Sixth Street or Bourbon Street. And so what I cut together for you, Andrew, is a is highlights that I've been sending to.

Oh, my God. Gavin and Eric for week. We got to fight. They're fighting. I'm sorry. This is a fight's gone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So the compilation included a guy throwing up in a trash can. It included just a straight up go-kart just driving around the street, which was very funny. It included a lady deciding to take a nap on the middle of the street.

And then I cut out about three minutes of her rolling around on the ground. And then she gets up and just books it. Uh, it included a bunch of nerds getting into a fist fight. Um, it included a dude doing some weird dancing, uh, uh,

just a bunch of nonsense. And then at the end, it included a guy who walked right up to the camera, who had a shirt on that said, Hey face, which I take as a sign that nothing to do with us. It was like a North Face shirt, but it said, hey, face. And I thought like, wow, this is this is the universe telling me that I'm in the right place right now. I've been watching this channel at night nonstop. Like I have it on in the background

anytime there's like a commercial break or halftime in a Celtics game, I'm over there watching it. I keep it up on my phone. I've become addicted to it. And it's just this camera that's out front of this, like of this bar in Key West and Key West is at this time of year is just full of like old fucking like bald middle america lawyers and dentists and accountants and shit in their 50s who are going down to florida to cut loose and getting fall over drunk and they are getting into

fights they're uh they're flashing their old man titties at the camera they're taking naps in the street there's dudes dressed up like Rocky taking photos with people, even though the dude dressed up like Rocky is probably like two 80 and pushing 60. Maybe, uh, it's just, it's insanity.

It's bedlam. And Emily and I have been so obsessed with watching it that I started to write down all the things that I was seeing. And, uh, very quickly that turned into let me pull up Discord that turned into an idea

that I want to show you guys right now as soon as... Fuck off with this select more photos nonsense. Here we go. What the fuck? There we go. U go uploading to the discord sloppy joe's bingo okay yeah i have created great sloppy joe's bingo we have written down about 55

of the things that happen the most frequently that always happen because i and i've been playing bingo every night adding and modifying and eliminating until I have it whittled down to about 50 things. I want us all to get together. You see some of the things on bingo. Tricycle. There's these weird tricycle cars that are always driving around. People crying. Happens all the time. People in dumb hats. Happens all the time.

Almost get hit by car. Constantly. Puking on the ground in a trash can at least once a night. Couple fighting? Guaranteed. Dudes with bandages? I promise you'll see one. Guy-on-guy scooters? Nothing funnier than watching two dudes try not to touch each other on the same scooter. Skateboarders? They're everywhere.

Car delivery pickup? You see that fairly often. That's an easy one. Sucking on a chili dog outside the Tasty Freeze? There's a hot dog stand right down there, and people love to eat their chili dogs right into the camera. You see that a bunch. Tons of mullets. Free space is called fuck space. Can hear the cover band playing Green Day. Happens at least eight times

a night. People in formal attire. It's a beach, but it does happen. People sitting on the curb. People wearing cowboy hats. Cop cars, ambulances, fire trucks. They're constant. People in go-karts. You just saw one. People picking their nose, picking a wedgie out of their butt,

scratching their crotch, spitting. All that shit happens. Bachelorette parties. Please. Dancing. You already saw some of that. Luxury cars.

I saw Rolls Royce the other night. Aggressive honking. It's the best. Ghost tour bus. That swings by five or six times a night, plus about 30 other things. I have the Sloppy Joe's bingo cards randomized, so we all get different stuff. My idea is that we all get together one night.

The sucky thing is, is like prime time is like 10 or 11 p.m. our time in Austin. OK, but we all get together and then somehow we all watch the live stream and then somehow stream via Twitch or whatever us commenting on it and playing bingo. I cannot wait to do this. Yeah, this is a great idea. Will we have the ability to zoom in on the stream to show stuff up close? I mean, I don't know.

It's just on YouTube. You have the controls that you have on YouTube. I don't know how the logistics of it work, honestly. But I think if we can figure out where we just all broadcast together, I don't know. You were showing me that thing the other day, Andrew. And then we can invite the audience to tune in and then they can open up riff tracks. They can open up the screen themselves. I don't know what the legality is of us rebroadcasting a public live stream because all this shit is happening publicly i don't even know what i can do with that video

i just recorded that stuff off my screen but it's just people in a public space so i i don't know if we can maybe release it or not we'll have to maybe look into that a little bit is that privacy in public i feel like it's not i think it's less about privacy in public and more about it being not our video. Yeah. Sure. But the video is of a public space, right? So it's confusing. But if we pick a time to do this stream and have our own bingo cards and say it's 10 p.m. Central Time on whatever date,

and we get together at Jeff's house, and Andrew watches at the same time, and we all have our bingo card, and then it's all scrambled up. We all have different bingo cards. I bet we could tell people, hey, we're doing it at this time, or we can maybe record something and put it out with some kind of timestamp

or recorded piece um i just don't know about broadcasting live the same like the thing the interesting thing about the stream is because it's constantly broadcast it's not being pulled down and archived so you all you have a 12 hour buffer so you like you can go backwards 12 hours and that's it and then so i think it has to be like in the moment you know what i mean or we have to we have to clip and 30 minutes out of that stream and then decide that we're gonna you know re-upload it what if we couldn't we we do it we're doing we're like watching it live and we can't stop until we get a bingo we just have to continue well potentially i mean i love i love that idea but you'll get the bingo i mean it's

i've been playing it for a couple weeks i think you'll get the we'll get a bingo within 20 minutes my fear is that we get bingo too fast oh wow yeah full card when i was describing it to gavin i was i was saying it's it's like uh well you just get a bingo in any direction, not full card. Full card would be fucking... No, but I'm saying if we did it full card, how long do you think that would take? Oh, I don't know.

That could be brutal. I think we play it as a regular bingo, and we do what I was telling Gavin, the old Achievement Hunter Minecraft rules, which is if the game takes five minutes, we play it ten times. If it takes 50 minutes, we play it once. And pretend like that was the plan all along.

Yeah, and then we have the power of editing, so it was always the plan. The premise of being like six hours into a sloppy Joestream miserable just waiting for a guy on a scooter is really funny to me. Oh, it's fucking the best, dude. It's the best.

We're calling people who live nearby to get on a scooter. Yeah, exactly. It'll be like one in the morning and Emily and I will be trying to go to bed and it'll be like one in the morning and Emily and I'll be trying to go to bed and I'll be screaming cowboy hat for fuck's sake man come on it was like trip off a curb I want to go to sleep yeah it's pretty fucking fun I just mean like it's it's absurd to wait for these things so like if we had to like really wait if we were like

I'm so fucking sick of watching sloppy joes for as long as we have please for the love of god will someone just fight someone will a bandage guy just walk by please we just we need to get out of this like i think there's something really funny and that it's definitely funny we could we could do like a plussed up marathon version you know how like uh roosty did that like uh uno stream sure i almost said you know uno stream uh we could do like our version could be like the sloppy joe fucking stream and then but this only works as long as this fucking live stream is up because i have scoured the internet after i found sloppy joe's and there are no other cameras that are of similar quality and location

like there's nothing on sixth street there's nothing i could find on bourbon street anymore if anybody knows of good ones it'd be i'd love it i didn't know you were allowed to just film the street with security cameras or like film i thought you have to like aim it at your own property i mean that's probably their property isn't it it's the whole street no no it's like this it's the sidewalk like probably right in front of their business and that's i mean i think that's probably like the long and short of it no yeah maybe right i mean the government does it think about it and if the government does it then sloppy joe can do it uh i do think this is something we should do i think that we should offline and pick a day and a time. And then we can,

you know, scramble at bingo cards and do this. And I mean, shit, worse comes to worse. I bet I can screen record and we can figure out how to release something like this. It's a, it's a really good idea.

Jeff, this is a really good idea. I feel like it's worse than the, um, the falls though, in that if we don't put the video in, so there's no, there'd be no way for the people to enjoy it if they couldn't. No, no. I the video in, we have to. There's no point.

There'd be no way for the people to enjoy it if they couldn't see it. No, no, I think we have to. I think we have to put the video in. Let me kind of poke at some things and see if I can figure it out. If I was 23 years old and on Twitch, it wouldn't even matter. I would be able to do it for like five years

and it wouldn't be an issue. Yeah, unfortunately, you started a business 20 years ago and it's owned by somebody else so i know really just do whatever we want all the time what if we did it under fluke face that's a great idea i have an anal passage youtube channel that is ripe for you use that again um anyway that so what i when i say i'm in my sloppy area what that has ushered in is it has changed how i live uh i now kind of at the same time i started wearing these pants that emily got me for christmas that i i they were like almost like pajamas they're like i don't know

how to describe they're like almost like parachute pants but they're like gathered at the bottom and they're like pajamas and i've i've started wearing them 24 hours a day because they're so comfortable. Like, I don't even care. I was hanging out the other night getting dinner with super fan Vanessa and her husband, Bernie and Emily. And Bernie looked at me and he's just like really cool artist, heavy metal dude. And he goes, you just gave up, huh? You just totally given up. And I was like, pretty much. I just wear the pajama pants 24 hours a day now. We've started eating Sloppy Joe's. We've had Sloppy Joe's three times since we started watching Sloppy Joe's. I got two Lazy Boy recliners.

So now I'm sitting sloppy. I'm just sitting sloppy in a recliner. That is a really sloppy era that you're in. My favorite thing on the bigger card is how subjective some of them are. Dumb hat? Oh yeah, you'll see it when you see it though. Like, some dude in a

top hat walking around the beach, it's a dumb hat. That's fair. It's also contextually. I'm glad that you found this era, Jeff, that you're now in and it's brought you so much joy. Yeah, I call it year of slop and I'm going to embrace it. It's going to be my slop year. I'm mad at you for

putting me in an era. I'm annoyed with you. What does that mean? You've put me in an era that I wouldn't have been in otherwise and all it does is bring pain. I've been watching the XFL since it started based on your recommendation. Jeff, message me. We got to record this thing. I've got watching the XFL since it started based on your recommendation.

Jeff messaged me. We got to record this thing. I've got an idea. And so we recorded a podcast all about XFL fandom. And I was like, okay, sure. I'll get into this now for how it works in Canada.

I have to watch these games live or else I don't see them. They play once on a streaming service. There's no way for me to record it. So I have to lock in. We're now three or four weeks into the XFL season. We have not recorded a second episode. I don't think we will record a second episode, but I'm still watching these games,

taking notes on all the things that are happening and how I feel about it, and being disappointed because I've been following the Seattle Seadrag have through the first two weeks been awful awful so bad they keep screwing things up they're just terrible I hate Ben DiNucci they won last week I wasn't able to watch it because I had something else going on and I have to see it live or else I don't see it so I missed the only win they've had all year and they after after a back to back second week, they blew it completely blew it. I sat in my bathtub mad at you, Jeff.

I was like, I fucking I'm genuinely frustrated by this team. And I only care about this team because Jeff recommended. I don't want to have opinions on Ben DiNucci, Jeff. You've made me have opinions on Ben DiNucci and I hate it. Ben DiNucci, Jeff. You've made me have opinions on Ben DiNucci, and I hate it. Well, let me say it was... I think it was a great

idea, and I think it was a great... It was a great... The problem is... The problem is we just... We got there a little too late. I wish that I had identified that XFL was going to be coming out a little earlier so we could have put a little more prep work into it. I thought the test that we did on week one,

or right before week one, went really well. But then just life got in the way, and we could never get... Are you watching the games? Yeah, I still am. I'm going to commiserate with you. I'm going to commiserate with you because I'm a Brahma's fan. Dude, I bought all the Brahma's gear. I'm walking around my house in San Antonio Brahma's clothes.

They're one and fucking two. They're terrible. What? All right? they what what do you mean what you bought the gear yeah dude i'm gonna be a brahmas fan i'm wearing fucking brahmas clothes never mind i guess i was gonna say well the usfl kicks off in mid-april so there's time thought about it you want to do a usfl thing but i wasn't aware that you bought all the promised gear. Could you just do a summary episode at the end of the season? Yeah, that's what I was going to say. I think we need to record one, and it could be a two-episode thing maybe,

or even just one. I think it's funny, the beginning and then the end of where we ended up with our fans. I just got out a little ahead of my skis on this podcast, and I had a burst of creativity and I just wanted to test it with you. And the test went well enough that I know it's possible. I yeah.

It's a sweet logo, right? That's the worst logo I've maybe ever seen for sports. It's all lightning. Gavin, it looks like a bug. Dude, how else do you make a cow cool and make it a lightning cow? Look at that. Look at it. Look at it looks like a bug dude how else do you make a cow that looks like look at that no look at it no look at it eric that's an ant eric it's an ant that is a bug their logo you need to look is a bug you need to look inside yourself right now and realize that your hate

of the chargers is bleeding into how you feel about this logo. You see lightning and you're triggered by it. It's deep down. Can we get together sometime and we should look at the XFL logos and rank them because I have them. Can we see more examples? I give you

all of them. There's only eight teams. There's eight teams? How about this? Gavin, there are eight teams in the entire league of the XFL, which by the way, I don't know if you know this, is owned and run by The Rock. Yes, that's why they're the Brahmas. Three of

the eight teams are in Texas. Yes. They all just look like other logos. Only one fucking team, I believe. Now, only two teams are on the East Coast. Orlando and D.C. Everything else is West Coast. It makes no sense.

The Battle Hawks has the worst logo. Well, here's the problem with the fucking Battle Hawks. I've decided that they're my enemies because they played the Brahmins in opening day and they kicked the shit out of them. And the worst part about it is fucking A.J. McCarron is their goddamn quarterback. One of the greatest quarterbacks in the history of Alabama football and I got to fucking out of him. And the worst part about it is fucking AJ McCarron is their goddamn quarterback. One of the greatest quarterbacks in the

history of Alabama football and I gotta fucking root against him? Ah. Ah. Ah. It's a bummer. How many games are there? 10 or 11? Something like that? Yeah, I think it's 10. Huh. Yeah, the season

lasts like 3 or 4 months. That's why I thought it was perfect. It's like the relaunch of this. Like, it basically died, and then The Rock bought it from Vince McMahon, I guess? Yeah, that's correct. And brought it back. So what do they do at the end? Is it like the Rock Bowl?

Like, how do they, who wins? Yeah, it's the Rock Bowl. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's the Rock Bowl. It's going to be in San Antonio. Super Bowl game. It is, we're going.

It's close to you. Hey, but the USFL also only has eight teams. It's the Rock Bowl. It's going to be in San Antonio. Super Bowl. It is. We're going. That's close to you. Hey, yeah, but the USFL also only has eight teams, right? That's true. And that's these are their logos. And these look like logos. The XFL logos do not look like logos. The XFL logos are bad. I think.

No, I disagree. I think there are more USFL logos I dislike than XFL. There's only one XFL logo I think is terrible. USFL is another thing that's just, it's an old thing that's a new thing again. See, you have all these leaks. This is perfect for relegation. Everyone who loses in the main NFL should go into the XFL.

Oh, Gavin, it's never going to happen because this is all worse than college football. It's perfect. Oh, Gavin, it's never going to happen because this is all like worse than college football. It's perfect. This is never, you'll never get it. It'll never happen. Oh, man. Imagine if the Renegades went up.

I found the XFL to be very engrossing this season. Engrossing? I've enjoyed it. Yeah. They have some fun rules. Level play, hit or miss, fun rules.

I don't know, were you keep up with the the lemon the lemon issue in the first week that was by far one of the greatest sports stories i've seen recently absolutely fantastic yeah the beer snake beer confiscate yeah so it was a seattle sea dragons game against the washington defenders and i guess the defenders fans have this ritual of making a beer snake where like everybody in the stands puts their beer cup together and it extends several rows. And they're in the process of doing that. And then security confiscated the beer snake.

So all the fans started pelting the field with lemons. Yeah. And it just I don't know where they got those. Like, those are huge lemons. I don't know where they got all the lemons from, but they're like hitting players and refs with the lemons. So they had to briefly stop the game and then it changed the momentum of the game where seattle was like dominating and then washington rallied after the lemon attack that they generated themselves that their own security team stole and there's this great moment where like the sideline reporter

like gave an update and it's like yeah we went to the side and they were like we have no idea why they stole our beer snake but we will not stop throwing lemons until it's returned to us there must have been one fan who was the point of contact between everyone else and security and he had to be like look you guys took the beer snake the lemons are gonna keep coming you're gonna have to give the beer snake back it just became like a unified front of lemons it's like they do so much fun stuff like they have everybody mic'd up you're hearing the coach and the coach is fucking every coach in that league is wild yeah it says wild shit you're getting access on the sidelines that's just insane i'm gonna share this with you guys real fast hold on just to show you uh here's like what the filming is like it's a tiktok called xfl cameraman got no chill

it's uh they're invasive went straight in with a squat a handheld squat that's great that's what's going on in the xfl it is fucking nuts that might be the most condescending stance i've ever seen in my life. It has made me question all football coaches, the level of access we have. Like, I don't know if the Seattle Sea Dragons coach is an idiot or if this is just like standard coach speak, but like they were, they lost the second game to a field goal

with two seconds left. They were like up by one and they lost by two, I want to say and uh they called a timeout to try to ice the kicker and so they called the timeout and everybody kind of like walks back to their sideline and their coach yelled tell them they need to block this it's like great fucking analysis i'm glad wow great job is that what like all coaches say like i don't know i need to know if that's what all coaches do or if he's just ridiculous in that way.

There's another play where it was fourth and whatever, and he's like, tell them that they need to convert this. It's like, no shit. What is that doing? It's not a play. Did they attempt live censoring of swearing? No, there's no point. No, they don't care.

Well, I think they don't want it, but they don't have the tech to stop it. They didn't think it was one of the worst ideas. It seemed cool, but I saw it a bunch on opening day and I haven't seen it nearly as much since. They would throw to the booth when they're reviewing a play to see if it was a penalty or not. And you see the guy who's in the XFL,

the professional who's determining whether a call was correct or not and you see the guy who's like in the XFL like the professional who's determining whether a call was correct or not and he looks so fucking lost and confused and it's just a dude on a computer going uh and you're like oh my god I hope that's not how they do it in the NFL and the NBA because that is brutal

it made it more entertaining though like I wish the NFL would do that like you cut to them and it's like, you hear him saying like, okay, what angles do we have? Is that the only angle we have of this? What about this? Let's try this.

Let's go to this. And like hearing it all live, like it just, it feels better. You're making him sound more competent than he looked. I don't know. Maybe the games I saw with him were different than yours, but he was great in the ones I saw. If I had to film on a

sport that had like decisions based on footage i would i would find that so stressful like if i was if i was not only getting coverage of the game for the viewers but i was also providing evidence yes i'd be so stressed also you're doing that for the xfl camera work affects the game well not just that yeah there's six cameras i assume at most it's it's like four like they can't have many cameras per game at the xfl as opposed to the nfl where they're like now we have no angle of this it's like what are you you're a fucking billion dollar what are you saying 800 cameras how do you not have it's insane so i actually i really enjoy the back and so much of it just comes down to whatever the call on the field is

because they can't, they don't have an angle to overturn it or whatever. Or it's definitive. I think they should mic the ball. That'd be... Inside. That would be great.

Just hear a lot of like people getting slammed and panting. Who knows if it'll continue like this in future seasons, but it just, it feels like the Wild West right now.

It's just like, you don't know what you're going to tune in to see. It's insane. Every day. Uh, Eric says we should wrap up. Uh, and,

uh, speaking of access and, and wrapping up, uh, I, I, I have one small story I want to tell you guys, because if I don't tell it this week,

it'll never get told. Um, and, uh, before you get to that story real quick on the 23rd at 11 a.m. Central, me and Jeff are hosting a live shopping thing where we're going to be releasing the, uh, face baseball line, uh, our jerseys and all that's a hat. Uh, well, there's a bat.

It's good stuff. So go tune in and you could, uh, buy that stuff. And we're also giving away some of the cards to people who buy stuff. Now you can tell that story. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we're the cards to people who buy stuff. Now you can tell that story. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we're going to do like a break stuff.

It's like a mixed break stuff and then live sale thing. So we'll pull like random cards and then we'll ship them to people that, you know, like random. That's awesome. And I got to say, I've been wearing the Jersey around the house. It's so fucking comfortable and it's so nice.

It is mine. It really does rule. Eric said it rules. Okay. Here's my brief story. And then I'll let everybody go. The other day, I decided I was cleaning out my closet, spring cleaning, you know, and I decided to take a bunch of stuff to the storage unit where all of our Christmas and

Thanksgiving and Halloween decorations live. And it's like Fort Knox, the storage unit place. I don't really think about it much, but you have to enter in a code to get into the gate, right? And what's different about this one than any other one that I've been to is you also have to enter in a code to leave. You can't just pull up and a sensor opens. If you make a move, if you move more than 10 feet in my storage unit, you have to enter a code. So I wasn't even thinking about it. I go there all the time. I basically live there from like October to January

as we're shuttling Christmas and switching out Thanksgiving and Halloween and shit because you know how insane Emily is with the decorations. And so I don't really think anything of it, but I had like a bunch of old merchant stuff I wanted to hold onto. So I thought I'd throw it in storage. I drove over there and there was a guy putting in his code and he drives in and so the

gate was open so i just followed him in and then i parked and uh i grab all the stuff out of the car it's like a bunch of trash bags and i like hold it and i walk up to the door to go in the sliding door to go in uh to the storage unit and uh i go to enter in the code and I just don't know it anymore. Like it's just gone. Like I can remember the last half of it, but the first half doesn't exist. It's not even like I can't remember. It's four numbers. I can't remember any of the numbers.

Like it's just like it's like I forgot four numbers for my brain. Like it goes like one, five, eight, nine. When I look at it like they's just like it's like i forgot four numbers from my brain like it goes like one five eight nine when i look at it like they're just gone uh and i'm like what the fuck and i go that's weird so i i take a step back and i i go through my phone i try to find anywhere i have it written down in a notes app or something i can't find anything i try a bunch of different codes i'm not getting anywhere because i clearly don't i don't even have any like a like a first or last number to go off of. I just don't remember it. And so I text Emily and I'm like,

Hey, this is embarrassing, but I, uh, I don't know how to get into the storage shed facility right now. Uh, if you could just text me back with our code, I'd appreciate it.

And she doesn't respond because she's at work. And you know, when Emily's at work, she's cutting somebody's hair for an hour or two hours at a time. She's not on her phone and she doesn't have access to her phone because she's, you know when Emily's at work she's cutting somebody's hair for an hour or two hours at a time she's not on her phone and she doesn't have access to her phone because she's you know her hands are busy and I think like depending on where she is in a haircut right now I could be stranded I could be fucked for like an hour and I go this is clearly not worth it so I take all the stuff and

I throw it back in my car and I back up to leave. And that's when I remembered, you need the code to leave. And I look around and there's nobody leaving or coming in. There's just that one car and he went inside. I don't know where he is. And I realized I'm fucking trapped in the storage unit. I can't get out. I can't get out of the, there's no way for me to leave this facility. And so I go and I park again and I just sit there and I think for a while and

I text Emily again and futility and I don't know what to do. And I thought, well, if I sit here long enough, somebody will come and open the gate and then I can leave that way. And just nobody ever does. And I would say after maybe 20 minutes of just like listening to a podcast in my car, I think, oh, I'll have Emily, I'll text the superfan Vanessa because she works the front desk and she can go over and just physically ask Emily the code

and then come back and give it to me. Apparently, Vanessa was gone for the day, but she still somehow managed to get in touch with Emily. So like another 10 minutes later, I get the code from Emily and I'm like, thank Christ, because I've been at the storage unit

for 30 minutes at this point, just sitting in my car. So I grab all the bags out again. And I'm like, thank Christ. Because I've been at the storage unit for 30 minutes at this point, just sitting in my car. So I grab all the bags out again, all the trash bags. And I go in and I enter in the code. And I can't believe I ever forgot it. And of course, that's the code. I've known it. I have it ingrained in my brain.

I'll never forget it again until the next time. And I go in and I go up to the elevator. Like when you go through the sliding glass doors, you go into an elevator room. And then there's another door that's locked. And then beyond that is like the first floor. It's a-floor i'm not on the first floor you need a different code per floor to get in right so i don't have access to the first floor just to the elevator room and so i go and it says like oh elevator's down for maintenance sorry use the one on the other side of the

building and i'm like motherfucker and but luckily the door is propped open because they're like this sucks you know people that are on the second third and fourth and fifth floor they don't they don't have a code to get in the first floor to go to the other elevator room i'd have to walk out and go all the way around the building which would take forever with a bunch of heavy bags so i walk through because they left the door open and i go all the way the other side of the building and i enter in my code and i go up in the elevator and i dump all my stuff and i go down the code i go down the elevator and i turn to go back and i see that

the elevator uh the door on the return like from the other side elevator back across is shut and my code doesn't work and so i then have to fucking walk out and walk around the entire circumference of this giant storage facility in the fucking i mean it's only maybe 88 uh in texas right now but it's still hot as shit all the way back in so that i can get in and leave and i was so fucking angry and so mad that i spent and when it was all said and done like over 45 minutes just to drop off two trash bags that's why do they want people trapped on their property why would they who does that benefit i have no idea i have no idea but i'll tell you, if I was trying to steal something,

I was fucked. There was no way I was stealing anything, that's for sure. What if he were just alone? What if he didn't know anyone? Would you have to call the police? Oh, yeah. Well, here's the thing.

There's a front, there's an office where you could go in and just ask the guy your code or whatever, except it wasn't open at two in the afternoon on a fucking Wednesday. go in and just ask the guy your code or whatever, except it wasn't open! At two in the afternoon on a fucking Wednesday. He was just gone for the day. He decided to call it early.

I wonder if anyone has ever starved to death just waiting for someone to open a door. I would have had to eat old Achievement Hunter shirts to survive. That's all I had. Anyway, it was super embarrassing. Here's maybe not a life hack, but life pro tip for you.

If you're going to go to your storage unit, be sure you have your code before you go through the Fort Knox of Gates. Yeah. Or maybe don't go to a storage unit owned by the Riddler. Yeah. Maybe that's also a side. It's like the beginning of Mystery Science to a storage unit owned by the Riddler. Yeah. Like, maybe that's also a side.

It's like the beginning of Mystery Science Theater when they're trying to go into the movie. All the doors. Yeah. Or, like, get smart. Ugh. Okay. Well, Eric wants us to stop. Okay.

Bye. That was the end. That was a prompt stop. Is that it? Is that how it ended? Typically, there's an outro. Jeff usually does the outro. I'm not going to step in on a toast.

Oh, man. Oh, you know what? I was going to say, did we already stop? Are we still going? No, we're still going. Because if we're still going, if we're still going, I wanted to say, hey, we don't do a very good job of promoting it, I don't think, or talking about it, but we have a face YouTube channel that has all of our videos and stuff on it. I've seen some people

talking about it and asking where to watch certain videos in social media lately. Please take a look at our YouTube channel. It's got a new regulation animation up. It's a scrumper, no scrumping. The Apple scrumping saga is up there as well as every podcast we

do and all of our supplemental video content like bike jumps and pizza making and stuff. Is Does It Do up by now? I don't know if the new episodes of Does It Do are up yet. By now, yes. Unless we put it up, yes, it should be out. Okay, well, there you go. Yeah, check out the new Does It Do.

But please, if you wouldn't mind, subscribe to that YouTube channel because, yeah, I'm afraid we're not doing a good job of letting people know about it. We're not. That's a pretty good job, though. I see. That was pretty good, Eric. You say that was good? Yeah, I mean, yeah, except for the part where

we ended the one time. So everybody tuned out and then hopefully they stuck around for the rest of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought we did a great job. What else are we not doing a good job of promoting? Real fucking banger, dude. We have a YouTube channel. We have, dude. We have a YouTube channel. We have an Instagram. We have a Twitter account.

We have all that stuff. We have all that stuff. This is where you would plug what their ads are. What's just the name of this podcast? For the YouTube channel, I think it's FCK FacePod. Is it really? It's not the name of the podcast? I think so.

It's weird. But if you search F star star K F- c e you'll you'll get there you know i would as as our youtube advisor gavin i would like for you to know that i refuse to take that position i think you already took it what are you talking about took it by the way how are my thumbnails gav am i doing a good job yeah i've been meaning to say you've done a great job with the thumbnails, Jeff. Oh, thank you so much. Well, thanks for listening to F*** Face. This has been a great episode. Episode 146. You can follow us at F*** Face

Pod on Instagram and on Twitter. Check us out on YouTube. You can listen to these wherever you get podcasts. You go to RoosterTeeth.com. Check out everything we've done previously. And that'll do it for this week for Jeff and Gavin and Andrew and Jeff.

I'm Eric and thanks for listening. Bye. Yeah. Now we're face pod. Okay. Yeah. They cut. Hey guys,

major league fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of face. What is the worst pet who loves sea monkeys? Don Dorman is in the air the boys talk does it do is face responsible for banks failing and once again andrew does not eat the pencil all that and more on next week's episode of face