F**kface - Double Early with a Hard Out // New Prototypes [77]

Episode Date: November 17, 2021

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Gavin's rules for being on time or early plus the subcategories, Applecentric vacations & events, pastrami guys, prototypes that will shock & amaze you, and more 10...0% dark chocolate. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to ffacebits@gmail.com Sponsored by Hello Tushy (http://hellotushy.com/face), Quip (http://getquip.com/face), and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/face14 and use code face14). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:01:57 Oh, there's Gavin. Two minutes early. That's weird. Wow. Look, it's an early day. Oh, OK. Why didn't. Hmm. So we Look, it's an early day. Oh wait, okay. Why didn't- Hmm. So we're starting this ten minutes early because you have a hard out at four. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:15 Why didn't you just show up early? Because we're all here around that time anyway. You're now two minutes early to being on time, which is ten minutes early. What's your problem with that, by the way? You're double- you'll double- you're a dude who refuses to show up early or late and you're double early today. You're double early today. With a hard out, I feel like it's responsible to be double early so that we're not rushed. There are so many goddamn rules to you showing up to
Starting point is 00:02:36 things. It's so complicated. Just show up, just show up when you want to. Five minute window before or ten minute after. That's exactly what I did. What are you talking about me that's a rule you just gave him another rule no it's just like that's a general thing gavin's got subcategories he's got if i'm if there's a hard out then you gotta be early you just said what's this bullshit you're showing up whenever you want you should just show up whenever you want you idiot there's
Starting point is 00:03:00 a range is what i'm saying i think we all kind of live in a social range. You said five minutes. I was two minutes. That was within the range. What do you want from me, Andrew? Yeah, but you go against the range, is my point. You are not a range guy. You are an on-time guy. You've been very vocal about this. We've argued about this.
Starting point is 00:03:16 So I'm just saying it's kind of wild that you're here early. I already pre-warned about the earliness today. I said it about noon. Yeah, but you're earlier than your pre-warning of early. You're before the early. He is bringing up a point that everybody acquiesced to your tyrannical demands to move the podcast up
Starting point is 00:03:34 10 minutes. We all relented because it's like, it's Gavin. What are you going to do? We're used to it. It's who he is. So we all say yes and move it up as we do because we're team players and then on top of that you then showed up earlier it's just very out of character for you i don't care personally by 10 minutes to be earlier and i look at discord and every single person is in
Starting point is 00:03:59 there already except me why would i wait when i've already got the that's what i've been saying forever what do you mean we're talking in general things you will wait i've already got the that's what i've been saying forever what do you mean we're talking in general things you will wait you've said in the past you will wait outside of a thing before entering there's no there's no hard outs hard outs mean we gotta we we might have to cut it short so being earlier than than expected like surprise, is okay in your eyes, but only if there's a hard out in play. If you said come over at 7
Starting point is 00:04:33 and we have to stop hanging out at 8, and then you were like so feel free to come over whenever, I'd probably come over earlier than if you just said come over at 7 and we'll hang out indefinitely. Holy shit. there's like a whole strategy to get Gavin to show up at a certain time without saying a time you just need to like display it in a certain way but here's the issue and here's why you can't be mad I'm never late no you haven't you haven't that's also not true it's rare it's
Starting point is 00:05:01 rare it's very rare but you haven't I just just I also think it's Eric says that you do have subcategories and he thinks he agrees with Andrew. I agree as well, but I just think it's weird that Andrew, who I feel like and I'm not trying to poke a bear here, start a fight. But I feel like Andrew is the king of subcategories. I just I just think it's an interesting kind of hypocrisy for Andrew to call somebody else out on subcategories, even though I agree with him. All subcategories and regulations. Totally agree with him. I feel like I have been very vocal and consistent, and my any additional amount of thought or effort is too much. And I feel like that's on par with my complaint of Gavin.
Starting point is 00:05:40 He has rules. My when I show up to a thing does not matter if there's a hard out or not i feel like it would have been easier for me at this point to be less considerate and just not mention the hard out i just pissed off exactly at four i'd be like i gotta go bye like surely that would have been less blowback and potentially made a crappier product especially if andrew was futzing around with technical issues like sometimes he does. The last time that happened was like seven months ago. And if we're doing measurements,
Starting point is 00:06:10 Jeff, I still feel is in the lead. And a lot of the time I was delayed with my futzing around. It's because Nick would tell me to futz. Nick would futz me before the recording and I'd be futzing around because of Nick. You're the only one who's been futzed by Nick, I think.
Starting point is 00:06:26 I have been. Wonder why? Because I'm the only one here early. I'm first one here. Hey, hey, hey. You can say you're the first one here all day long. I will argue with that. You're not the only one here early. That's true. That's actually completely
Starting point is 00:06:41 right. I misspoke. What I was going to say is that I don't think you even needed to alert the 10-minute early thing Gavin We all would have been here. You could have just shown up. He's right about that We were all already guaranteed to be here also recording already. Yes There's literally zero times where you have joined the show and we've had like prep ahead of time There's that doesn't exist. Look, I apologize. I should have... I'm not going to tell you guys anything. Son of a...
Starting point is 00:07:10 You know what's weird? I don't know what I want from you. Because I don't want you to apologize. I don't want the apology. I don't feel you need to apologize. But I don't understand how you came here two minutes early. It's insane to me that you did that. Eric and Nick accept your apology, Gavin.
Starting point is 00:07:29 And just like that, we're already five minutes into episode 77. We blew all of the early time arguing about how early it was, and now we're starting at the normal time. The F*** Face Podcast. Can you believe it's been 77 weeks already my name is jeff ramsay with me as always gavin free and andrew pantin they don't like each other it's okay i like them both where were we i like i like having quite a bit has it been 77 weeks are we counting that week where we didn't do one well i guess like what 70 how many weeks are we at? 75, right? Because we're too ahead.
Starting point is 00:08:06 78 weeks then, says Eric. So 76. Like how many weeks from the point in which we first recorded to now has it been? More or less. Well, because we recorded the first one two and a half weeks early, right? Sorry, I said anything. No, we got to figure this out. That's a great point. You just really get to the bottom.
Starting point is 00:08:24 God, you know, I was thinking in the car on the way over here about everything. Everything we have to figure this out. That's a great point you just made, Jeff. We're trying to get to the bottom of it. God, you know, I was thinking in the car on the way over here about everything we have to talk about today. I forgot that I didn't tell a series of bicycle issues I had last time, although we had so much else to discuss. Obviously, everybody went out and got some 100%
Starting point is 00:08:40 dark chocolate, so we're going to do the chocolate thing. What else was there oh oh oh i just realized uh i'm about to embark on a whole apple weekend and i didn't even tell you guys about it what uh oh yeah yeah exactly and this is my third apple weekend that i've had and i realized that it's not something that's ever come up or that we've discussed but i have apple centric vacations and uh and it's never crossed my mind to talk about it on this podcast are you doing like scrumpvember or something what's going
Starting point is 00:09:09 on i'm sort of but one thing i wanted i was thinking on the drive over here i had to uh i was at over at the day job we had a lunch with some guests in from out of town and we were you know doing the wine and dine just everybody having a lunch getting to know each other the talent and it was a lot of fun and i was kind of sad i had to leave early and then in the car i was driving over here i was like oh i'm not sad because i get to record this episode and i realized how excited i was to record this episode and then i got to thinking do you ever i mean i know we know i know intellectually we know what we've done what we've accomplished here but do you ever take a step back and think how many obstacles to success we put in front of ourselves with this podcast
Starting point is 00:09:51 and still managed to survive and dare I say thrive? I'm pretty proud of all of us. Like we named a podcast face. You can't sell it. It's unsearchable. We shot ourselves in the foot from day one. Everything we did for this podcast was to the detriment of the success of this podcast. Yet somehow, 77 or 75 or 78, nobody seems to know the math, weeks later, here we are. I'm still driving across town like giddy that I get to come and sit in front of a microphone and record
Starting point is 00:10:31 with you guys. Because it's the highlight of my week, maybe even right now the highlight of my life. And it's stupid that we're even in the place that we are. I mean, thank God for the comment leavers, right? For supporting us. Oh, absolutely. Well, Nick raises a good point too.
Starting point is 00:10:47 If you hashtag f*** face, the hashtag ends at the asterisk. So it's just, everything we do is hashtag F. So we can't even tag our own stuff either. Like not even the fact that it's unsearchable, it's un-hashtagable as well.
Starting point is 00:11:01 We had to convince Rooster Teeth, hey, we want to make this show. We want to call it something offensive. Maybe the second most offensive word on Earth, probably. And then we want you to go to advertisers and tell them to give us money.
Starting point is 00:11:18 And then we want to name it something that's impossible to search for. It's impossible to find. You've got to be a goddamn scientist to connect the dots to find our podcast on anything and it's like here we are so i just want to say congratulations to everybody involved in in face that's i'm super happy and proud about that that's very cool that we're still i'm not sure how much we deserve it but it's definitely still the highlight of my week too it's like strangely therapeutic and how much i miss it
Starting point is 00:11:46 like when it we're in a routine of it it's just like oh yeah this is the highlight of my week when we take an off week it is like a noticeable gap in my week that week it sucks it's like i have to put my life on hold and i can't talk about stuff for that i fucking hate it i fucking hate it and then you got to queue up your life so that you can remember to like it sucks it really does it's also Nick brings up a good point it's also stupid we bleep the fucking name unnecessarily every time we say it to make it even harder
Starting point is 00:12:16 so now people don't do they do we search for F star star do we search for fuck do we search for F bleep I don't know I don't even know I feel like we we're always talking about the comment leavers but what do we start for f bleep i don't know i don't even know i feel like we we're always talking about the comment levers but what do we refer to the people who don't leave comments but still listen because surely it's just as important i think it's all just comment levers i think oh eric said what what have we ever said listeners i think i think it's either i i'm okay with andrew uh saying comment
Starting point is 00:12:45 levers like that kind of encompasses everybody i know that we talked about uh calling them the ians or the fuckers uh but i think comment levers or if you wanna because i know we like to subcategorize here because we like everything to be regulation we could call them zimzoners i've heard a lot of zimmers a lot of zim stuff. What if we call them comment unleavers? What does that mean? We got comment leavers and then comment unleavers. People who leave comments and people who don't. Yeah, it sounds like they're
Starting point is 00:13:14 removing comments. No, they're just unleaving comments. They're just not leaving comments. We can call them the comment no-leavers. Do you want to call them that? No comment unleavers. No comment unleavers. Comment. No levers. Comment on levers. No comment. I don't care. Eric's Eric seems bad.
Starting point is 00:13:34 Eric, why don't you chime in? I don't. Why? Comment lever seems fine as an encompassing thing. And I understand that everything for some reason in the show is subcategories for whatever reason that is just why would you not just call them listeners why does it have to be why did it have to be another thing because now we have comment on the big idea is comment on leavers yeah they don't leave comments they're like they're like the un leaver one who doesn't
Starting point is 00:14:03 leave although i do like the idea of everyone being called comment leavers whether they've left a comment or not. I like that too. Long time comment leaver, first time comment. I just went in to the very first invite I got for recording this podcast. 76 weeks is where we're at. Okay. Figured it out.
Starting point is 00:14:24 76 weeks. Clear answer're at okay okay figure it out 76 weeks clear answer but this is 78 uh yeah well because we recorded a few ahead right like we're two weeks ahead 77 or wait when is this when does this episode air what day the 17th this is november 17th so a couple things we we're recording this We have already recorded at this point. We haven't in real life yet, but in podcast life we have. We're doing a special thing next week where we're all going to eat apples together.
Starting point is 00:14:53 I'm very excited about that. We have the Cosmic Crisp launch coming up. I meant to ask about that. I know that was put on the schedule. I wasn't listening when that conversation happened. What is that? What are we doing? I like like your favorite part of the week you can't bring yourself to listen the entire time no no no it was the po it was after it was after the episode it was after i ate the chocolate
Starting point is 00:15:15 and i was just i was like completely zoned out and i thought we were yeah i thought we were talking about when we'd record the next episode i I did not realize that this is an Apple event of some kind. We're eating. Yeah, we're all going to get the Apple, the Cosmic Crisps, and we're going to eat Cosmic Crisps together and then review them. It's an Apple event. Okay. Okay. It's an Apple event, and it's on.
Starting point is 00:15:38 Okay. I'll look at the calendar. It's on the calendar. I don't know. Yeah. We all agree. And it's not an episode. It's specifically we're going to eat apples to talk about it.
Starting point is 00:15:46 Like, what is this? We're going to review the Cosmic Crisp we've been talking about for months. I'm just. Now that it's finally out. I'm just asking. Just asking. Okay. I'm ready for the Apple event.
Starting point is 00:16:00 So can you do it on that day or not? What day was it? Oh, my God. It was it? Oh my god. It was the day you agreed to. What do you care what you're doing on that day? You agreed to the time. What does it matter what we filled that time with? Yeah, I'll be
Starting point is 00:16:15 there. I don't know when, but I'll be there. What the fuck does that mean? I don't know when it is, but I'll be there. Andrew has strict requirements about what he'll show up for. No, I want to show up for it. I just didn't know it was its own thing. I thought we were scheduling the next episode. November 9th from 1 to 2 p.m. Central Time.
Starting point is 00:16:32 Cosmic Crisp Apple Event. Now, how many weeks will that be? That's 11 a.m. That's 11 a.m. your time next Tuesday. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay, I remember that now. I remember that part.
Starting point is 00:16:42 11 a.m. Yeah. Got it. I'm excited to eat an apple. I'm excited to eat a Cosmic Crisp and see if it's any good. I am concerned about your apple thing because I feel as though
Starting point is 00:16:52 I am strongly the apple guy of this podcast, but if you're taking vacations based around scrumping, it sounds like, I don't know if I can hold that title. I didn't say it had anything to do with scrumping,
Starting point is 00:17:04 but I'm glad that you mentioned it's apple-centric, but scrumping implies stealing apples. I'm hold that title. I didn't say it had anything to do with scrumping, but I'm glad that you mentioned it's Apple-centric, but scrumping implies stealing apples. I'm not stealing anything. I will say, though, this brings up another excellent point.
Starting point is 00:17:13 I'm pretty sure, last episode, we were talking about all the fucking merchandise that we may or may not be making that nobody can remember when it's coming out. In all of that conversation,
Starting point is 00:17:22 I think we forgot the fucking scrumping sign is coming out or is already out at this point when this airs I think it comes out it comes out tomorrow
Starting point is 00:17:30 I think to buy so this will be old what is like November 3rd or something 4th today is November
Starting point is 00:17:37 7th November 5th what is going on today is the 4th it comes out on the 5th where did the 7th come from why does it fucking matter to the people listening?
Starting point is 00:17:47 I don't know, but you're talking about it. I'm constantly confused when people sat in front of a computer, don't know the date or time, when it's right in front of them, no matter what the operating system, it's just right there. Anyway, I hope you bought a scrumping sign and they're not already sold out. If they are, we'll order more. And if they're not, buy bought a scrumping sign and they're not already sold out.
Starting point is 00:18:06 If they are, we'll order more. And if they're not, buy a fucking scrumping sign so they sell out and we have to buy more. Did we ever get more hats? Like, I feel like the hats... People like the hats. The Russian fuck hats? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:18:20 Yeah. I feel like they just went away. Like, we never got more. It's a great question. They're probably hanging out with all the jet ski gear in the, uh, I like to imagine it was just in a shipping container that fell off a boat.
Starting point is 00:18:32 It's just like in some beach somewhere. Fucking floats to some Island. Somebody opens it up. He's like, why do I have 2000 orange ping pong balls that say 19 on them? In like four years. We're going to learn about the jet ski army, like the Tupac army, where they just stole all the Tupac shirts.
Starting point is 00:18:49 And it's going to be a bunch of people in jet ski and fucked up hat merch. It's going to be a great army. The Russian fuckhead army. Yes. I don't know about you, but I love my butt. I love it so much, I want to take care of it. It takes care of me. It helps me sit.
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Starting point is 00:23:00 how oh my god can we talk about something before we get into apple event this is scab rained as hell this week. I don't know what's going on. I fucking, I sat down to eat my, today is, we're recording a podcast today, so obviously I eat my pre-podcast pastrami.
Starting point is 00:23:16 Went to a restaurant, ordered a pastrami sandwich. And by the way, guys, there's such thing as a bad pastrami sandwich. And I am sad to say I had it today. I don't want to call the restaurant out, but it was a local Austrian restaurant
Starting point is 00:23:28 and their pastrami sandwich was dog shit. Was it the quality of the pastrami? Or was it what they added to the sandwich? I was the flavor of the pastrami. The bread wasn't great. The whole thing just, it just didn't, it wasn't like all the pastrami that I've had thus far has been thin sliced. And so it just like layered on top of each other.
Starting point is 00:23:49 This was like thick, almost like brisket. It was just like, it was wrong in a lot of ways. And it really, a, it really bummed me out because I, I didn't know that you could have bad pastrami,
Starting point is 00:23:59 but also I got me thinking like, if this was my first pastrami experience, it'd probably be my last. So I'm really glad that I got a good pastrami sandwich when i did uh but i was sharing this over text and gavin you mentioned that you also had a pastrami sandwich today and then you've been perfecting pastrami sandwiches at your home and i am blown away by this i want to hear everything there is to know about it you said you became a pastrami guy so i was like let me get involved i'll order some on my next uh grocery. And I've been trying to sculpt the ultimate pastrami sandwich
Starting point is 00:24:27 just by adding different stuff every day, maybe removing stuff, you know, trying it with mayo, trying it with pepper, just sort of changing one variable at a time before I finally... I've been doing it for about two weeks, and I think I'm close to the ultimate sandwich. Do you want to hold off on what the ultimate sandwich is
Starting point is 00:24:42 till you get it? Yeah. I'm going to try red onion tomorrow. I'm going to see what that does to it. I'll tell you what I think the current perfect pastrami sandwich is after that. See if they're similar in any way. Andrew, are you interested at all in pastrami,
Starting point is 00:24:58 and would you be interested in also joining the quest for the ultimate pastrami sandwich? I'm very interested in joining it. I don't think I've ever tried pastrami. That's i was yeah i don't think i've had it is it like a readily available can i get pastrami anywhere i would think so okay i think it is very similar to brisket it is it's just prepared differently it's also very similar to corned beef like corned beef is the same thing but it's boiled whereas uh pastrami is cooked more like a brisket is. I don't think I could even recognize pastrami in a lineup.
Starting point is 00:25:29 Look at pastrami. I was just like you until very recently. And I think a lot of people are, Andrew, and that's part of why I want to bring pastrami to the masses. I want to raise the global consciousness about pastrami because I feel like a lot of people are missing it, are missing out on it. Myself, you, a lot of
Starting point is 00:25:50 people. Is pastrami, is this a deli meat? Would this be considered like a general deli meat? I mean, it's like with the cold cuts and stuff in it sometimes. Definitely a Jewish deli meat. I'm not, I mean, I would say it's a pretty, I'd say pretty prevalent
Starting point is 00:26:05 yeah okay i was just like trying to put in my head of like if there was like you know like the police lineup and they had all the deli meats walk out i definitely couldn't have identified pastrami by sight by sight yeah i'd have no way of telling what the pastrami was i wonder if you could do it by smell oh i don't know if i've smelled a pastrami. I guess we'll find out. That brings up a question I actually came up with the other day. Well, actually today when I was buying all the chocolates. Do you think if we did a blind taste test and I put a bar of like a little nugget of 70, 75, 80, 85, 90, and 100,
Starting point is 00:26:41 you could get close to correctly identifying them and putting them in the right order? You're not talking about pastrami anymore? I'm talking about chocolate. Okay. What percent pastrami is this? Did you say chocolate, or did I just miss... No, he said chocolate. He definitely did.
Starting point is 00:27:01 I must have missed the word chocolate. And it all fell into place when I heard the percentages, but I was like, slightly confused for a few seconds. I'm pretty sure I said chocolate. Yeah, it'd be interesting to have bites of each and try and rank them. Yeah. Like, could you tell the difference between 90 and 100 with your eyes closed? I wonder.
Starting point is 00:27:22 I mean, not yet. There's a 99%. I'd love to know if you could tell 99 to 100. Right. I mean, right now I could probably rank them by how much I hate them, and that would probably get them into pretty much the correct order.
Starting point is 00:27:35 I haven't actually had anything between 70 and 100. I'm excited for this chocolate thing. I would advise if you... Gavin, are you going to try any or are you done? Are you out? Because it sounds like everybody else. I already opted out. Okay, so you're just going to listen? You're going to be the person giving commentary while we're all suffering?
Starting point is 00:27:55 What I wanted to do, what I said last week, is that I wanted to actually develop my palate first and slowly work my way up and then potentially do it when I'm at 100. I would recommend you start breaking up the pieces, Jeff jeff okay i'll open it up and start breaking up the pieces are we doing this now no no no no i'm just saying like when we get there you're going to want to be prepared because i we're having a chocolate off right isn't that what we agreed to yeah well i think that you've set you've set a world record at nine minutes and 30 seconds exactly
Starting point is 00:28:24 and i think we're going to see if you or I or Nick or anybody else can beat that time. I think I can definitely beat it a second time. This time I broke it up. I put some thought into it. I have a strategy. I think I can get it. It looks like so much. Jeff, you could do yours on camera.
Starting point is 00:28:40 I don't really like chocolate that much. Like, I don't like dark chocolate at all. I'm ambivalent towards milk chocolate. Why would I do it on camera? Bit official. I could. You did the soda chug on camera. Did I?
Starting point is 00:28:57 I don't remember that. Yeah. Do you want me to do this on camera? I mean, what do you think, Eric? Yeah, I think you should do it on camera if we have that option. Why not, you know? All right, be right back. Then at least we can see his dog.
Starting point is 00:29:11 Wait, why did he have to go? That was the point, is that he didn't have to. The point was that this didn't interrupt any of the show. What the fuck is going on today? What is happening? This is a weird one. I didn't realize how much i messed up the podcast by moving it a mere 10 minutes to the point where we wasted all of the new time complaining about
Starting point is 00:29:34 what time it started we still have we still have a hard out that hasn't changed now so now we're just up against the clock but jeff had to go for a minute? Like, what's happening? No, I'm back. Are we doing our prototypes before the show? Yes, we have to. We have to do the prototypes. Oh, I forgot about the prototypes. Yeah, let's do that. We should do prototypes. Because we were hanging off the last episode
Starting point is 00:29:57 on postponing prototypes. Dude, thanks for mentioning that. I completely forgot that they existed. Really? You're the... Why? How? We're doing this because of you. What do you mean? Well, I appreciate it. It's very sweet of you to say. I moved on.
Starting point is 00:30:11 I moved on to other stuff, I guess. I just forgot about it. What do you... I was thinking about chocolate and apples. The uniform, Jeff. You can't forget the uniform. Well, don't say... You can't say it like that.
Starting point is 00:30:24 It's uniform. Uniform. Combining the fabric of the farm with the can't say it like that. It's uniform. Uniform. Combining the fabric of the farm with the power of one. Uniform. Yeah. I feel like that changes every week. Yeah, I think it goes backwards around. I can't get this straight.
Starting point is 00:30:36 So how do we want to do these prototypes? Who wants to go first? Do we want to talk about the process that we went into making them? I'd like to see where you guys went, because I think we all had different things. I wore my prototype during the entirety of last show, and we never mentioned it. Why didn't you stop? I lost my sunglasses and my keys in my prototype. Who wants to go first?
Starting point is 00:31:04 I can go first. i will go first so i have put i'm gonna be honest jeff when you first originally pitched it i wasn't so sure and it sounds like you're not either because you forgot that this was a thing you've already moved on from the idea with so many brilliant ideas so i've been thinking i thought a lot about it and i was like so what what is jeff wanting he wants the pockets to be gone. You're really big on wrist technology. It needs to be a wrist thing. And I was trying to think of different ways I could do it. I had a few things planned. I think, Jeff, I discovered a thing about you that you may not even know about yourself. I feel like I went so deep into your psyche that I'm going to drop
Starting point is 00:31:40 something on you and you're going to be like, holy shit, you're right. I don't think you're an anti-pocket guy, Jeff, as much as you are a Velcro guy. I think what you're looking for is provided entirely via Velcro. And it's a really, it's like a basic, we can just innovate. We can, I don't know what the Velcro market is like. I went, I used a basic product with a lot of flaws and I think Uniform could really advance this idea. This is sort of like the base idea.
Starting point is 00:32:06 The base concept was you just, you get some Velcro as the thing, and then you can expand to it. You have the ability to really add whatever you want to. So like you're saying pockets are important, like you need to be on the go. What you need to do, like sometimes you need a snack so you got your snack when you need it you got your wallet on your side you don't need to worry about being pickpocketed because it's inside at all time you got a coke you ever need to do the soda chug you're ready like you are just prepared for your fucking day it doesn't even stop there you got
Starting point is 00:32:39 fucking chocolate on the bottom half like you're just ready you want a nice little snack you want to pick me up you're good to go so what a nice little snack. You want to pick me up. You're good to go. So what I think, really, the uniform... We need to look into Velcro technology in advance on this because this is easy to do. It looks great.
Starting point is 00:32:53 What else can you do with your hand while all that shit is taped to it? Oh, literally anything. It's hands-free. It's all on the wrist. This is so good. It's all on the wrist. This is so good.
Starting point is 00:33:02 This is Velcro on the go, man. It is Velcro on the go. On the go. This is so good this is velcro on the go man you can on the go this is so good it's velgo yeah it's go crow my favorite part is just that top picture without anything on it it looks like your hand is choking yeah it was like too tight oh it. Oh, it was very tight. It was not because I was nervous because I put that on like, I don't know, 90 minutes before we recorded to like get things prepped.
Starting point is 00:33:33 It was a whole process. I never wanted to give a hand to Heimichael and River before. And then I got everything on. It was terrifying. It's a terrifying process. How'd it feel? How'd it feel? Did it feel good?
Starting point is 00:33:49 Did you feel... You know what? Jeff, to be completely honest with you, it felt very insecure, which is why I think there's room for Uniform to greatly improve on this thing. Look, these are jumping off points. These are meant to create inspiration,
Starting point is 00:34:04 to strike inspiration so that we can then go out and explore. And I've seen a lot of, I don't know if you guys have been on the subreddit and the socials, but the audience has come up with some amazing stuff. Like the rocket with the W. That's really cool. Andrew, I think this is fucking amazing. And this is exactly what I was talking about. I didn't even consider velcro
Starting point is 00:34:25 brilliant idea it looks like you'd go to check the time and an apple would hit you in the face no you're just gonna sling stuff no you don't no you okay well first of all i can't wait to fucking see your prototype second of all you're not checking the time on that hand that is clearly a coke apple chocolate wallet hand that's not a time man you can't even have a watch anymore no then you don't put your watch on that hand you put your watch on the other hand you've reduced the main functionality of the wrist is what do you mean how many fucking watches do you wear do you need a watch on both hands? What are you talking about? I'm right-handed.
Starting point is 00:35:07 My watch goes on my left. Well, then put it on your fucking right and put this on your left. Flip it. It's Velcro, man. It doesn't care where it goes. You can put it on your goddamn leg for all I care.
Starting point is 00:35:21 You got choices. You got multiple limbs, Gavin. It's a Coke can on your... You're going to walk by a radiator and ding it, and it's going to spray all over the room. You don't have to put a Coke can on it! You put whatever you want. It's 2021.
Starting point is 00:35:35 What radiator are you walking by? Where do you live? Radiator? What is this, New York City in the 1940s? Are you drying your socks? What the fuck? People still use radiators in new builds. That's not an old thing.
Starting point is 00:35:49 Not in Texas! Well, not here, no, but... If you used this product, you would have had your fucking Sonic drink, Gavin! It wouldn't have been in your yard! It would have been secure! Maybe if you'd have used this product, you'd have hit yourself in the head with the apple and it'd knock some fucking sense into you. I don't mean to be down on this product.
Starting point is 00:36:10 I think it's a really good product. I was going to go somewhere else with that. I'm just going to stop right there. I don't want to cause more arguments. Andrew, I think it's great. I love it. it i love everything about it it's a fantastic starting point and i'm open to criticism just not any that gavin is saying is ridiculous right terrible complaints okay so between which subjects do you allow criticism well i think any valid criticism is fair you're coming over here you're like what if a fucking giant magnet comes by your house?
Starting point is 00:36:46 Like, what are you talking about? I'd like to see somebody try to scrump that fucking apple is all I'm saying. Good luck. Security. Excellent point. It's not an excellent point. It's so much more secure in your pocket. No, it's not.
Starting point is 00:37:11 No, it's not. It's going to bruise. Fuck you. Nobody puts apples in their pockets. I want to see you walk around Austin with an apple in your front pocket. If I was going to make an apple unstealable, I'd probably put it in my pocket. I wouldn't hang it off my wrist. If I'm in a park and I see a guy pull an apple from his pocket,
Starting point is 00:37:31 I'm leaving. I'm terrified. It's a psychotic move. Just pull an apple from your pocket. I swear to God, if you are ever anywhere in a public setting and you see an adult human being pull an entire intact apple out of
Starting point is 00:37:46 their pocket and start to eat it, turn around and go the other way quickly. That's not a good, healthy person. Ugh. Alright, Gab, I guess it's your turn. It's the go-kro. The go-kro. I love it. Okay, should I do mine?
Starting point is 00:38:02 Oh, I can't. I cannot wait for this. are you gonna oh i'm excited remember to keep uh all criticism regulation yeah regulation criticism yeah i will regulation criticism yeah okay so i've i've based... Personally, I feel like the pocket is absolutely fine. If anything, I want more pockets. So I really just summed it down to what Jeff wants. And what Jeff wants typically is the following. It's a three-step process is what I've nailed it down to.
Starting point is 00:38:36 Number one, find a problem that doesn't exist. Number two, solve it in an inconvenient way. And number three, give it a name that's a real stretch. All right. Those are the three requirements that I've identified. So let me introduce to you the nice to treat you in a in a covid world. You don't always want to go for the handshake. Sometimes you may want a fist bump or a high five.
Starting point is 00:39:00 The high five talk from the previous week really got me intrigued about this idea. The high five talk from the previous week really got me intrigued about this idea. So the nice to three to you gives you an option of three greetings that you can come for using the power of the wrist. I feel like I'm watching a hand give birth to a fist. And I should point out that
Starting point is 00:39:26 Meg Turney helped me make this because there was some sewing required. It looks like an alien facehugger shadow theater. It's like next he's gonna make a Toberman picture and then he's gonna make a butterfly. A biblically
Starting point is 00:39:46 accurate angel! If you want to store an apple, put it in your pocket. Gavin. In many ways, this was not the assignment, but also in many, many ways, this is one of the greatest inventions I've
Starting point is 00:40:12 ever seen. I think this is exactly what we're looking for at Uniform Uniform. Combining the fabric of the farm with the power of one. Uniform, sometimes also referred to as uniform. Combining the power of one with the fabric of the farm. Uniform. I think that what you've done here is brilliant, and it's exactly the kind of visionary thinking we need here
Starting point is 00:40:31 at F*** Face Industries, a subsidiary of F*** Face Industries, which is an arm of, as we all know, uniform. Uniform, combining the power of one with the fabric of the farm. Uniform. So I'm really proud of you and I have no criticism. I appreciate that, Jeff. Andrew, any criticisms
Starting point is 00:40:48 from you? What does it feel like to hit that for a high five? Is it floppy? Does it just flop? Is there any feedback? You get a light slap sound, but it's a little bit springy. What is
Starting point is 00:41:04 this called again? Nice to threet you? Yeah, nice to threet you. Let me write it down. Nice to threet you. How do you do a trademark? How do you do a TM? I'm going to go the other way.
Starting point is 00:41:21 That is the funniest fucking picture I've ever seen in my life. I'm going to compliment Gavin's invention. You know, if you are ever attacked by a flock of birds, the additional hands would be great. Like, this is a great product. I've got nothing but compliments for this. It's phenomenal in every way.
Starting point is 00:41:41 Oh my god, dude. So what about you, Jeff? Yeah yeah what do you got jeff oh well i i i for i really like making commercials right you guys know i really like to do the graphics uh i like to go above and beyond i don't have time to do a graphic treatment this time i took some photos i didn't think they were great so i just made a little video. It's about a minute long. I'll go ahead and drop it in here. What are the odds it's too big? Too big for Discord. Oh, is it going to be too big for Discord? We do this every time. It's always too big for Discord that he puts into
Starting point is 00:42:14 Slack. This is just part of it. I'm opening Slack right now. Let's see. It's too big for Discord. So, let me put it on Slack. This has happened like four times. Well, dude, I can't even remember that we were doing this this week, so why should I remember the files then? Okay, so for those listening, Jeff has a bag on his hat.
Starting point is 00:42:36 What Jeff did is he made a shittier... It's not a bag, it's a pocket. He made a shittier fanny pack, and he attached it to his wrist. What I did is I took an actual pocket from an actual pair of pants and I cut it out so I have a pair of pants with no rear pocket now. I have to remember not to put stuff in that pocket which shouldn't be an issue because I don't use rear pockets
Starting point is 00:42:54 anyway, but it is a pair of pants. It's like still in. It's still in rotation. It's the only pocket I can find. Why? You're going to put your passport in those one day. I just have to remember never to use that pocket. And then what I did was I sharpied wrist pockets rock on the side of it,
Starting point is 00:43:16 and then I duct taped it to my hand. And then I put all my stuff in it, and it worked. The glasses got a little stuck. What should you have to contort your entire body to try and get this done? Well, that's because I'm trying to show off the glamour shots. You know, I want everybody to see it for the best. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:37 And then your glasses fell, and you didn't have a free hand to pick them up. Oh. I think we have two very viable products. I'm feeling really good about this. Really, really good. Jeff's looks so annoying. I can't remember how annoying it must be to do anything other than make that video.
Starting point is 00:44:04 Did you try to do anything else with that on your wrist? Uh, like what? Like laundry. No, no, no, no, no. Nothing like that. I love the idea of making a commercial for a product that one of the steps is duct tape it to yourself with ease.
Starting point is 00:44:20 Well, it's just temporary. It's temporary. It's not heavy duty tape like I was anticipating. Do you know what I like about doing laundry? That I don't have to take all my pockets off. Yeah, but you have to empty them out. That's true. You know what's faster than emptying them out?
Starting point is 00:44:40 Just take the pocket off. Just de-velcro it off your wrist. This doesn't replace your pockets, though. You still have pockets. You've just got empty pockets. I guess they're pre-empty. Just take the pocket off. Just de-velcro it off your wrist. This doesn't replace your pockets, though. You still have pockets. You just got empty pockets. I guess they're pre-empty. That's a good point. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:51 I'm working on cutting all my pockets out of my pants right now. I may not have a choice soon. It just hangs all over your fingers. It's so annoying. It's the fucking worst. It the worst what would you feel confident in putting in jeff's wrist pocket gavin like if let's say you're going out with gavin or jeff you're with you know what i'm immediately thinking like snacks i bet you know i don't trail mix in there or something i don't trust it i do not trust the
Starting point is 00:45:26 no i don't trust the security of it gum yeah i think i trust gum if i'm it's like what are you okay losing is sort of the question i'm asking you're not gonna the only way you're gonna lose it's because you can't get it out of the pocket because it's too deep well the bad thing with gum is that if you forget it's in your pocket and you wash it you wreck all your clothes with this it's never gonna go in the lawn that's great actually that's the ultimate gum storage that's brilliant gavin you know like movies where they're transporting something really valuable and they have like it handcuffed to their wrists like the metal briefcase imagine seeing somebody walk out with one of those like this is that we're transporting this thing? It's like a gold bar sticking out of it.
Starting point is 00:46:08 Yeah, I feel like it'd be good for loose stuff. Like loose little tiny things. Oh, it's going to be loose. I like that you went for a pocket that was so much wider than your wrist too. Not one of those small pockets. That's the size of the pocket in my pants, man. I don't know what to say. I'm glad I dug deep and went with Velcro
Starting point is 00:46:28 because that was my first idea, Jeff. I was going to do the same thing, but I was going to use shorts and not in rotation. I would never use an in rotation pair. Yeah. It's going to be a fun little game of pocket roulette I'm going to play with myself going forward. After all my criticisms
Starting point is 00:46:44 of Andrew, I didn't expect for that one to be the most convenient. I love it because we got three unique and distinctive takes, three new products. Well, two are very similar, but at least two new products that could go to market here very soon with the appropriate testing.
Starting point is 00:47:02 And who knows which one's going to be a huge, if not both, huge hit. If you're listening to this on the podcast app, what's the easiest place to see these? Instagram? Instagram, yeah. Or find the YouTube version. Yeah, there's a YouTube version.
Starting point is 00:47:17 Yeah, it's on there too. I'd say Instagram. These are some great creations. I am impressed by all of them. I'm proud of everybody. I like these. I think we should maybe have a quarterly Uniform brainstorm. Well, you know, it's funny because we hinted at it briefly.
Starting point is 00:47:37 We haven't talked about it too much, but we actually have a show going in pre-production that's kind of adjacent to F*** Face, but it's sort of a uniform uniform, combining the power of one with the fabric of the farm uniform. It's kind of a uniform-esque. It's kind of in this
Starting point is 00:47:53 world, and so comment leavers, I guess, should keep their eyes peeled, because hopefully that'll be out at some point in the next couple months. That was a great segment. That was a really good segment. Thoroughly enjoyed um yeah it's my favorite thing a moment just enjoy i'm so i have had i it has been so professionally and personally rewarding creating products to make the world a better place uh through through face like the beef
Starting point is 00:48:19 bracelet and the too spicy i see obviously now wrist pockets uh and just like just just knowing that that you're helping humanity in some small way uh and now that you guys are on board and doing it with me it's like it's like the dream come true for me i'm excited do you know what was admitted to me recently what minor league fan jack has access to this discord and obviously he's big fan so sometimes he just scrolls through the chat and tries to guess what the episode is about. I watched him do it today. Did you really?
Starting point is 00:48:52 Yeah. I saw him doing it today. Yeah. I think it'd be quite confused with this one. I like the ones that have no context to the actual show. I cannot wait for him to speculate on a Danny Trejo conversation that never happens. That's gonna be great.
Starting point is 00:49:09 Now you gotta mention it. Oh, I saw those pictures of, was that Danny Trejo from Far Cry? Yeah, I didn't know Danny Trejo was in Far Cry 6, and then I assumed he wouldn't be killable. Yeah, he makes tacos. Yeah, he's making tacos. It's just like a giant ad read for his taco business, or promotion, whatever. And I didn't think you'd be able to kill him, and you can absolutely kill making tacos it's just like a giant ad read for his taco business or promotion whatever and i
Starting point is 00:49:25 didn't think you'd be able to kill him and you can absolutely kill danny trejo and i felt tremendous guilt about this so i just kept him on my shoulder for like the next 40 minutes of playing that game i was just everywhere i went i just had danny trejo with i really love the idea of playing that game where 50 of your screen is danny trejo back. Just taking up the entire left side. I saw the images and I assumed it was something like this and it got me thinking you should if you can carry him with you like that, you should just see how many scenic places
Starting point is 00:49:54 you can like share with Danny Trejo. Like just set him down leaning against a wall at the beach then take him to the top of a building and then off to a mountain, you know, next to a fountain. I agree. It feels like a things to do almost. It does. It feels like very Travelling with Trejo.
Starting point is 00:50:09 Travelling with Trejo. Well, now you've got to make that video. I guarantee you he would retweet that too. That's fucking funny how early in the game can you get to Trejo I didn't find him until after the game can you just go straight to him if you know
Starting point is 00:50:33 I think you might be able to it was a weird thing where I was literally in the final act of the final mission like three minutes before finishing and the character was like yeah you want to go hang out with Danny Trejo and I was like fuck this mission yeah I do what do you mean danny trejo's in this fucking game let me just stop like the final arc of this thing let's go do that but i couldn't i was locked in so i don't know for me it wasn't until after it was over i found him about 10 hours in and i
Starting point is 00:50:58 think you could have gotten there way earlier i think he's in the like when you leave the opening island and you pick your first like story i think he's available the, like, when you leave the opening island and you pick your first, like, storyline, I think he's available from then. That's weird. I don't know. Take him through the whole game. If only it, like,
Starting point is 00:51:12 reflected in cut scenes. What a great story that would be. Dude, that'd be phenomenal. So should we do chocolate? Like, we're coming up on, oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:20 So real quick, before we do chocolate, I was gonna say, so I'm going on an Apple trip this weekend and I'll be fucking with y'all. You're say, so I'm going on an Apple trip this weekend, and I'll be fucking with y'all. You're doing what? I'm going on an Apple trip this weekend. What does that mean?
Starting point is 00:51:31 I feel like we still don't know. Every November, this will be the third November in a row, we go up to Detroit to visit Emily's sister and their family. And by the way, big Slow Mo Guys fans. Their kids are big slow-mo guys fans gavin so uh congratulations i'll give them something uh yeah sure absolutely and you and you know you know their you know kent right yeah he's uh he's uh emily's sister's husband uh anyway so uh so like a small world right anyway so we go visit them uh every november
Starting point is 00:52:01 for a weekend and every time we go, they take us to a, like an apple mill, where they make fresh, hot apple cider, and they make fresh hot apple cinnamon donuts, and they have all these apple-related foods, and it's all very apple-y, and it's like the highlight of my
Starting point is 00:52:20 year, and we're going this weekend just so that I can go back to the apple mill, and then it just struck me, oh yeah I guess we do this apple shit and f*** face. I never made the connection but I just booked my tickets like two days ago to go up and have my apple weekend and maybe I'll get lucky and there'll
Starting point is 00:52:36 be Cosmic Crisps there but I doubt it because I'm sure it'll only be apples grown locally to Detroit. That's exciting. But I'll take tons of pictures. I feel like that puts you in Apple guy territory of the podcast. Are you worried, Andrew? It's less about the Apple and more about the donuts for me. But yeah, and the Apple.
Starting point is 00:52:52 Yeah, I was going to say, like, I think I believe, Jeff, you once said that an Apple is never above a six or seven for you. So yeah, I would say seven. Even though you're traveling for them, I think I'm above as there's some nine or ten apples out there. I'm more about going for the apple experience.
Starting point is 00:53:09 Like it's fall and it's beautiful and the leaves are, you know, and it's this like, it's invariably it'll be because I've been to a few different ones. It's by like a little stream and there's like a big wheel spinning in the stream and there's like families having picnics and it's just very quintessential like fall America. i'm more for that experience and it's less about the apples and more what they do with them apple cider hot apple cider that shit's good i would rather like i'm way more excited about that than just than eating a bog standard raw ass apple you know that's fair i want to eat some chocolate is what i want i want to eat some chocolate let's do it did you ever eat the banana by the way andrew after's do it. Did you ever eat the banana, by the way, Andrew, after your chocolate?
Starting point is 00:53:47 It's funny you mention that, Gavin. I was going to bring it up after the fact. Guess who bought some fucking bananas yesterday? Nice. I bought a whole set because when... Set. I bought... Listen, I had banana anxiety. I realized I've never bought a banana before.
Starting point is 00:54:01 I didn't know what to do. I was very... I was like, well, what is the protocol here? There are bags. Do I put the bananas in the bags? Do I need to know a code? didn't know what to do i was very i was like well what is the protocol here there are bags do i put the bananas in the bags do i need to know a code what do i need to do i don't want to be embarrassed i don't want to look like a banana rookie when i get to the counter i go to check you don't know banana code i don't know banana code jeff i was very insecure about it until i saw another guy scroll stroll by with his cart and he had bananas in it and i was like okay i'm good
Starting point is 00:54:25 i don't need to overthink this nick has a good point what um what color status have you got i went with yellow because uh i figured that's them in their peak right ready to eat ready to eat yeah they're still pretty good into brown as well but i think the greens are the worst gotta wait when they get brown that's when you make banana bread out of them. So what happened after I ate the chocolate yesterday, I needed just something that wasn't dead in my mouth. So I started eating an apple. One of the best apples I've ever had.
Starting point is 00:54:56 I can't tell if it was just a great apple or if the chocolate made everything taste like shit to the point where anything other than that was amazing. Like it was a return to flavor yes so if i still think the banana is dog shit after eating this bar bananas stink they just suck there's like this is the best way if i'm not gonna like a banana in this environment i will never like a banana what kind of apple was it uh i don't want to i can't say i'm once again i'm keeping my cards to my chest. I'm not going to let you shit all over my favorite
Starting point is 00:55:26 apples. Okay. I don't want to shit on your apples, but okay. I promise you I don't want to shit on your apples. The stuff we're private about on this podcast. You've said other ones. Jeff admitted that was a smart move.
Starting point is 00:55:42 I gave you that a Granny Smith is in the top seven. That's all I'm going to give you. I'm not telling you what Apple that was. Is it two or is it six? Could be seven. Alright, so we're running out of time because Gavin has his heart out. I'm ready to go.
Starting point is 00:55:58 Is everyone else prepared for their chocolate? The time is nine and a half minutes. Yeah, I'll stop my stopwatch again. So who's doing? Jeff's doing this. I'm doing this again. chocolate the time is nine and a half minutes yeah i'll start my stopwatch again does ever so who's doing jeff's doing this and there's no i'm gonna do it nick is doing it i believe are you doing uh you doing on camera jeff oh shit i gotta do it on camera okay uh how do i do after all that so wait why did you get up earlier and say i'll be right back uh i was just getting a drink. Why?
Starting point is 00:56:32 I just thought it was like to sort out the camera or something. It was like after the camera discussion. Yeah. Oh, no. I was just like, oh, I should get a drink. Okay. New movie recording, right? Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:56:43 All right. I'm recording. Oh, you're just not lying. I have 21 little squares of chocolate to eat. Right, I'm with you, Gavin. I assume everybody else is as well. Let's not even worry about it at this point. Okay.
Starting point is 00:56:54 Hello? I'm ready. On go. Hi, Jeff. Gavin, do you have a timer out? Hello? You're the timekeeper. Okay, you got to do this countdown.
Starting point is 00:57:01 You want me to give you a countdown? Yeah, I'm ready. Is everyone else ready? Anyone? Jeff, are you still there jeff jeff je oh you've got to be testing testing check one two yeah we hear you what happened are you recording jeff hello Jeff? Hello? This is hell. I'm in hell. I can just imagine Andrew with chocolate in his hands and his mouth open. I'm holding it!
Starting point is 00:57:57 I'm holding it! We got a goddamn heart out, Jeff! What are you doing? Jeff, what are you doing? This is why I gave the extra ten minutes! Jeff, are you doing Jeff what are you doing this is why I gave the extra 10 minutes Jeffrey yeah but you also caused this by bringing up him filming it you gave the 10 minutes to take it away hey can you hear me now yeah yeah we yeah can you hear us yeah hold on night gotta make sure I don't lose my audio real fast
Starting point is 00:58:26 uh holy shit are you still recording no no my recording stopped I gotta restart my recording hold on save save the other one first I am I am that's what I'm doing oh boy oh I was all worried cause I kind of
Starting point is 00:58:42 dropped my chocolate that I wouldn't get it in my hands in time that was 8 minutes ago I know I know it's chocolate that I wouldn't get it in my hands in time. That was eight minutes ago. I know, I know. It's fucking sucked. I don't know what happened. Just like, as soon as I hit record, I stopped being able to hear you guys.
Starting point is 00:58:55 So, testing. What? Uh-oh. Remember all the shit you gave me about my futzing, Gavin? Remember the futzing conversation? Getting in this episode? Testing, testing. Check one, two. Alright, I'm ready to eat chocolate if you guys are.
Starting point is 00:59:09 I am so ready to eat this. I'm not recording this video, by the way. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. Gavin, countdown. Are we ready? Yes. Okay. Three, two, one.
Starting point is 00:59:23 Chomp. Now, Gavin, two, one, chomp. Now, Gavin, what we didn't anticipate is that this is just going to be people with their mouths full of chocolate and somebody has to talk. Yeah, I've got no one to talk to. Yeah, no, it's just going to have to be me and you because I didn't, I was thinking, well, it's not just going to be Gavin. And Nick is eating the chocolate also, but he's not on microphone. I'm here. All right, so how many squares in do you think we are? Andrew, do you think you're faster than last time?
Starting point is 00:59:56 I like this. My favorite thing about this podcast. I can't drink anything during this, right? No, no, no, you can't drink during, no. My favorite thing about this podcast is how we'll do something and then just keep doing it every week until we're bored of it. We've already done this. Oh, man. We just keep doing everything twice.
Starting point is 01:00:15 It's really fucking sucks. This is so gross. Yeah. Jeff, how would you describe the taste? Is there anything like chocolate? No. It's just bitter. How many squares? Three. I'm on my third No. It's just bitter. How many squares? I have back consistency.
Starting point is 01:00:25 Three. I'm on my third square. You better work faster, bud. I have 18 to go. Oh my god. Andrew, how many squares? We're all in. They're all in?
Starting point is 01:00:35 All in? Mm-hmm. Oh my god. I think Andrew pre-broke them and just shoved it. Nick, what about you? Nick, how many, what about you? How many squares in are you? I've got seven left in my mouth right now.
Starting point is 01:00:49 And how would you describe the taste, Nick? Awful. I would describe it as like chocolate but with no ability to get sugar or anything tasty. Just goo. I don't know how those wallow. Sugarless goo.
Starting point is 01:01:06 Oh fuck, this is... I would be surprised if Andrew wins with everything in his mouth. Like it's hard to swallow stuff when your mouth is completely full of other shit. Especially this, because it turns, it feels like it turns into a paste. I just finished it, I'm done. What? That was it? You swallowed it like pills? I mean, it was goo, but yeah, it was, yeah, kind of like that. Wait, how many squares was yours?
Starting point is 01:01:31 It was like 20 squares, something like that? Yeah, like 20 squares. It was like two minutes. Yeah. This took Andrew 10? He doesn't like dark chocolate. I don't know. And he's done in two?
Starting point is 01:01:45 Andrew, how you doing? Five paws in the time it took Patrick to do one. I'm throwing up. Nick is super human. Why weren't we filming Nick? That's incredible. Sorry. He's done.
Starting point is 01:02:04 He ate it all. And Jeff and Andrew are just struggling. What's the time? The time is almost it's like 2.50. Nick's already like hands behind his head, like legs up on the desk. He's done. He's sorted. I'm so thirsty though. I mean, if you're done eating the chocolate, if you ate your whole chocolate bar, you can drink.
Starting point is 01:02:26 I'll be back. Why wasn't he getting a drink? He was just enjoying his victory. I just violently vomited. What? I didn't even hear it. It looks like I diarrhea'd all over my toilet. It's just chocolate. Oh, you're
Starting point is 01:02:48 serious. Yeah, no, I just like, I was trying to swallow it down and then it just like got me wrong and then I threw up in my mouth a little bit and I ran to the bathroom and it just went everywhere. I'm gonna...
Starting point is 01:03:03 I took a picture. I took a picture but it's too gross to show you. It just looks like a splatter shit. Is it... Is it too gross for us? Yeah, I mean, too gross for the audience. But yeah, I'll send it to you.
Starting point is 01:03:19 I'm working on it but this isn't helping. This conversation is not making this easier. Andrew, I hate to inform you that we're coming up on your original Five minute. Well, give me updates. How much time period you're at 420 almost Well, I have the worst heartburn in the world right now. Oh, no It is so bad. Oh My god You got on the seat so bad. Oh my
Starting point is 01:03:46 God. Oh, gross. You got on the seat. Why did you lift the seat up? I didn't get a chance. It was shooting out of me. You better tell, you better let Emily know that it's chocolate. I gotta clean it up, dude. I'm gonna go clean it up. You're gonna try
Starting point is 01:04:02 to and you're gonna leave behind splatters and she's gonna go, what the fuck? Let's leave that picture of the discord for Jack to see. I'll be honest. I might throw up again. That was... Andrew, are you okay? Oh, no.
Starting point is 01:04:18 It may have come up for Andrew. Oh, Andrew. I don't feel good. Oh, Andrew. I don't feel good. It tastes so bad. It's like that. It's not food. Andrew, you still there, buddy? Uh-oh.
Starting point is 01:04:42 I don't hear him anymore. Oh, he might be. He might have to go and throw up could you hear him no i think i see his name flashing i see it flash every so often but i don't think it's i think it's like him from like another room going but you can't hear him do you think do you think maybe he he passed out i think maybe he went to go throw up like you. Maybe it's only picking up the convulsions. Never again. Never again.
Starting point is 01:05:08 Oh, see, he's back. There we go. He's alive. Andrew, are you okay? I'm not going to try this fucking dog shit banana. Wait, hang on. What happened with the chocolate? I'm done.
Starting point is 01:05:20 I finished the chocolate. You got it all down? You didn't throw up? Yeah, I just, no, I didn't throw up. I went to a different place mentally. I was the chocolate. You got it all down. You didn't throw up. Yeah, I just no I didn't throw up I like what you got was close. I went to a different place mentally. I was physically here mentally and emotionally Well, there's no point in continuing after Nick finished. Yeah, you did it in six minutes I think I could get the five Jesus Christ the banana
Starting point is 01:05:40 Oh, I also you didn't tell me when you were done anyway, so I was was around the time I came back, so like probably five seconds when you hit pause. I can't believe how sick that made me. Oh. Trying the banana. Everyone seems really down. This still fucking sucks. All right. All right.
Starting point is 01:06:01 You're a fucking, you're a lying asshole. That's a good banana and you know it. No, bananas. You eat that You're a lying asshole. That's a good banana, and you know it no We tap it in and you like it. That's a good banana fucking banana out You do know to you do know to peel a banana. Oh that's fucking yeah I know how to feel a banana. You know how to feel a banana You fucking pervert. It's fucking gross.
Starting point is 01:06:31 I'm so surprised. This is a trash fruit. No. That's insulting. The taste, like, in other things I'm okay with. Just by itself, this is a garbage fruit. Terrible. There's no such thing as a garbage fruit.
Starting point is 01:06:44 All fruit is good. That's banana. Bananas are the worst fruit. I can't even speak. So, Andrew, was the chocolate better the second time or worse? I just want to watch Nick eat chocolate, is what I've learned from this second experience. I don't understand what he did.
Starting point is 01:07:02 I don't know the approach. I followed your method. I broke up all the pieces and wolfed them. It's the exact same brand, the Lindt 100% chocolate thing? Yeah, Lindt 100% excellence. Unsweetened chocolate. Damn it. How?
Starting point is 01:07:16 Like, your mouth starts to reject it the second you put it in there. I may have an advantage because my wife and I tried to give up a lot of processed foods years ago and to sell, or anytime we would actually have something sweet, this is as close as we could get. It was no sugar, so this was the only we'd have.
Starting point is 01:07:36 Oh, so this is a clear, like we're adopting the darkness and Nick was born in it. He's living it. This is just part of his. We were on a different level going in. The darkness of chocolate. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:50 Mm-hmm. Ugh. I was impressed, though. That was a hell of a performance by Nick. I did not see... Nick, you're super human. Thank you. That was really impressive.
Starting point is 01:08:00 I don't know what it says about me as a person, but, you know, here we are. There was... When you finished at two and a half minutes, I was beginning to entertain the idea of throwing up, and I was only six, seven bars in, maybe eight. I don't know how you did it. I will say it was harder listening to you describe you vomiting in a toilet
Starting point is 01:08:19 and then hearing everybody gag. That was the toughest part of the two runs. I found the vomiting to be the toughest part, but yeah. I'm saying for me. The actual vomiting. Yeah. Oh.
Starting point is 01:08:31 I don't even think a nine and a half would have been doable for me. It was just so bad. That was fun. I feel good. I feel way better than I did the first time I did this. This is a good experience overall. I'm never going to do it again.
Starting point is 01:08:44 Yeah, that's another closed chapter i was miserable jeff the first time how many did you end up eating three six i think i had a little bit less than half of it okay it's kind of hard to tell because i started to break them up into tiny little pieces but yeah i'd say i had less than half it's not a taste thing as much as it is you just need to start being able to break it down is the issue. Yeah, well, and your body
Starting point is 01:09:08 doesn't want to swallow, like your mouth doesn't want to swallow it because it doesn't recognize it as food. Yeah, like I said, it was sort of like swallowing pills
Starting point is 01:09:16 was how I was able to consume it the first time is what I learned I had to do. Yeah. Well, that was the show. All right.
Starting point is 01:09:22 I think we should wrap up. Another weird one. I thought it was a fun episode. Yeah, I liked it. I had a great time. I enjoyed it too. I was the show. All right. We should wrap up. Another weird one. I thought it was a fun episode. Yeah, I liked it. I had a great time. I enjoyed it too. I always enjoy it. It's always fun.
Starting point is 01:09:31 Okay, well, there you go. You've listened to the Fruit and Chocolate Podcast yet again. 77 episodes, 77 different hot takes on apples. Thanks for sticking with us. And unless you didn't, in which case,
Starting point is 01:09:48 you don't hear this anyway, so it doesn't matter. Go fuck yourself. See you next week. Or I won't, because you won't be here because you fucked yourself. Bye.
Starting point is 01:09:53 Bye. Bye. Bye.

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