F**kface - Early for Being Late // We're Gurpin' [21]

Episode Date: October 21, 2020

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about doing intros again, what our friend Jack thinks about the show, concentrate tubes, and more. Buy the red F**k hat shirt: http://bit.ly/RedFshirt Sponsored by Mansca...ped (http://manscaped.com/face) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Dragon's Dogma 2, the highly anticipated successor to the cult classic Dragon's Dogma, is out now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series S and X, and Steam. Dragon's Dogma 2 is a third-person action RPG boasting a richly detailed and deeply explorable fantasy world created using Capcom's RE Engine's immersive physics, groundbreaking character AI systems, and cutting-edge graphics. Dive into the vast and dynamic world where The Arisen is called upon to fulfill a forgotten destiny across the nations of Vermont, the Kingdom of Humanity, and Batal, the nation of Beastrin.
Starting point is 00:00:36 Dragon's Dogma 2 revolves entirely around choice. Your choice, that is. From the sword and shield-wielding fighter to fighter to the illusion conjuring trickster, there are over 10 unique vocations to choose from that all require experience to unlock new skills. And character customization is out of this world, literally. Oh, and did I mention the combat is really in-depth? It isn't just hacking at a giant's ankle for half an hour while your dodge roll attacks. You can engage enemies from a distance, climb up large foes, stab them in This is a Rooster Teeth production. Okay. I have... Oh, God, it's close.
Starting point is 00:01:41 It's 2.59. This is Jeff, and I have decided as an experiment to be late to today's podcast i'm never late it was a whole thing we talked about how i like to be 15 minutes early but i decided to see how the other half lives and so i'm gonna see if i can be if i can stomach being one minute late it's driving me nuts. All I have to do is just click one button, just one button to come in. But I need, oh, it's hard to do. It's hard to do. They're getting mad.
Starting point is 00:02:15 I can see they're talking. They're upset. I, uh, oh, they're all in the, oh, why is one minute so long? I wish I had a timer. It's really, it's quite hard to allow yourself to be late when you could walk through the door. I don't, if I join right now, I'm still technically on time. I don't know how you people do this. I don't know how you perennially late people, God, I used to manage a call center before this career. And you know, it was a blessing when an employee would show up on time early was unheard of uh 99.9 percent of the time everybody was 10 minutes late they seem so comfortable with it i am uh i'm nervously rubbing my leg because i just want to join the stupid room. Oh, 301. I'm joining. I'm trying to like. So, uh, hey, what's up?
Starting point is 00:03:06 I, uh, I'm late. Ask me why. Okay. Why are you late? I wanted to see how the other half lived. Yeah. I logged into 259. I hit record and I just talked.
Starting point is 00:03:16 I talked through it, uh, while I tried desperately not to, not to join. Uh, I don't know how people can do it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So you're saying that you're late to this recording yes however jeff in your way of describing being late to this recording you have just explained that in fact you logged on early and started recording early and started recording by yourself early but then showed up late you son of a bitch i was i was early to my being late prank god damn it even to being late you were early you're right you're fucking right i just wanted to talk through the psychosis of it because i was sitting here and i was driving
Starting point is 00:03:58 me nuts and i was just begging it to be 301 so i could just fucking join because i hate it i hate it at my core being late. Then I was early! Ah, you're right, you're right, you're right. Fuck. Wait, am I late now? Are we doing the episode now? Am I late because you started? How much of yours are you using? Are you not recording? I'm recording now, but I
Starting point is 00:04:17 didn't record when you joined. I didn't expect you to yell about being late early. I was recording already. I'm a good boy. I don't even know. Fuck. I don't even know. Fuck. I don't know what to do with that. Did you do the intro? Yeah, did you do the intro in it?
Starting point is 00:04:31 No, I don't do intros anymore. Andrew turned me off to him. I will say I've been thinking about the intro and I think it probably does make sense. God damn it, Andrew. I've reconsidered the intro because we never really say each other's names on the show. So I don't know how else. So I don't understand.
Starting point is 00:04:47 So when I say all this stuff and it's weeks ago, you disagree, but then it just takes you like a month and a half to come around or what is it? Yeah, I think about it. I process it. For a month and a half? Well, I don't know. There's a lot going on.
Starting point is 00:05:01 I was thinking about it and you're right. We don't really say our names. I think the intro sucks in terms of a flow of a show. I don't think we need it in terms of... I don't know. It just feels weird to me. What feels weird? You just described all the reasons for needing it,
Starting point is 00:05:15 and I don't understand because it's not for the flow of the show. It's strictly for business. It's a... I don't understand. No, I get what you're saying. Okay, so from my point of view it's more naturalistic to just talk and doing an intro feels more performative or like it has to go a certain way and that feels weird to me i'm not as comfortable with that as just talking so
Starting point is 00:05:38 that's where my issue with the intro was yeah but i always do it uh well now i'm now i'm disagreeing with you after agreeing with you. That is not true. I'm happy to do it, and you always decry it and say like, stop doing it, it doesn't need to be done. Nah, I disagree. I feel like I've done a few intros early on. Well, I tried to throw them to you to throw you a bone. Maybe two or three? Well, very kind of you. I definitely did an outro. But we didn't do intros because you kept talking about how the intro was dumb.
Starting point is 00:06:04 That's fair. Is that why we stopped? I just thought we all agreed. No! Nobody agreed! To my frustration, everyone just stopped doing the intro. Well, maybe we should do the intro. Oh my god. This is, uh, this is, how far, Jeff, how long have you been recording for? Uh, seven
Starting point is 00:06:20 minutes. Oh, that's not bad. I got in here like 20 minutes and was talking to myself non-stop. So we're both doing our own solo thing. Welcome to A F*** Face, episode 21? 16. 16. What a fool I am, of course. 16. I
Starting point is 00:06:36 am not your host. I'm not the one who does intros. Andrew. Joined by... My name is Jeff Ramsey and... And I'm Gavin. And I'm Gavin. That actually fits really well with what we did a good job. Oh, man, the audience will not know it because Nick is so clever with the blade, as it were. But there's some fuckery going about with the editing in this episode, I imagine.
Starting point is 00:07:02 I mean, technically, between you and I, Jeff, we would have like 30 minutes based on how early we were if we just went with our audio. We both were solo doing things. Were you just talking about you being late earlier or were you doing other things? I was talking about me being late. I was just talking about like what it feels like,
Starting point is 00:07:18 how it was like eating at the pit of my stomach. I was rubbing my leg. I actually realized I ripped some fucking leg hair off. I was rubbing my leg so hard. So you were like sat ready to go at your station being late. Yeah. I just, I thought I wanted to see how the other half lives. I wanted to just, I wanted, I've been early for 20 something years. What was it like? Uh, I hated it. I felt gross. I felt bad. I saw them all in the voice chat and I saw the little blinkers going, you know, and I was like, oh, they're talking and they're wondering where we are.
Starting point is 00:07:49 Eric is slacking us. Andrew's getting mad. And I'm like, oh, man. And it just sucked. And I was like, I was every time I was watching, I was like, it's still three o'clock. It's still three o'clock. I could just log in right now. It was the hardest, physically difficult not to join. And then I joined one minute late. And Eric immediately, when I explained it, Eric immediately went, you're the dumbest person on earth. You were early. I don't think I've ever been mad at either.
Starting point is 00:08:11 I'm trying to think. What is the angriest I've ever been? I've taken note, Andrew, of my favorite part about making face, and it's when I interrupt you while you're giving me the answer to the question that I'm asking. It happens so much just by accident,
Starting point is 00:08:24 and you you always just snap in the most hilarious way that's so out of character for you i love it every time it happens it doesn't make sense like i'm it's not even like i'm being vague i'm trying to do a metaphor i'll be directly explaining the information you're looking for and you'll just yell like faster give it now what i'm hearing is gavin is mike pence and andrew is obviously kamala harris and you're the fly on my head and i'm the fly yeah because usually it's like hey andrew why don't you do it like this and you and andrew will be like no don't do it like this and i'll be like how do you want it done and you'll be like well stop interrupting me it's like it to me it's like
Starting point is 00:08:59 a perfect flow of conversation but for you i'm like stepping all over you and that's what i like about it it's that canadian speech pattern you never know when you can jump in is that a thing it is now okay sure i feel like you andrew is like ready to jump out after every single word and he's not fully committed to each sentence he's just like he'll finish saying one sentence then leave too big of a pause for me to then hop in. Like that? Was that like the pause you were looking for? That one was massive. That was a big pause? Yeah. Well, I didn't know. I didn't know what you meant by long pause. Could have driven a Buick through that pause. Yeah, but I'm
Starting point is 00:09:33 talking about pauses after you speak, not after I speak. Oh, okay. Well, I'll speak with less pause? Would that be... I'm trying to be Canadian nice to you right now, Gavin. How would you like me to speak? What adjustments could I make? I mean, this is outrageous. That was a clear
Starting point is 00:09:51 pause, and you both just nothing. Just leaving me out to die. Listen, don't let me into this nonsense. You were talking to Gavin. I'm listening. Yeah, and I didn't want to step all over you. That was not stepping. That was stepping in a different way. You just threw shit at me.
Starting point is 00:10:07 That was terrible. You left me out to die there. This podcast in only, what is this, episode 16? In only 16 episodes, it has descended to the point where now we can't hold a conversation. Like the mechanics of a conversation are outside of our grasp currently. Yeah, it's all broken down. It's all become so meta in and of itself that we barely know how to function. We probably couldn't function outside of our grasp currently. Yeah, it's all broken down. It's all become so meta in and of itself that we barely know how to function.
Starting point is 00:10:27 We probably couldn't function outside of this podcast as it was. Oh, absolutely. When I think of us now getting ready for F*** Face, I think we're about seven episodes away from being, I don't know if you remember 2001 A Space Odyssey, but when the monolith appears
Starting point is 00:10:41 and the apes go and start beating it with sticks, I feel like we're, by another six or seven episodes, we're going to be apes just beating the microphones with sticks. We're regressing. We're dehumanizing. And then suddenly we'll be in space doing it. Yeah. We got an intro now. We're back to the intros. Can you believe, Gavin, that I said
Starting point is 00:10:59 I was pro-intro and got yelled at about it? How crazy that is? Today you did? Today, yeah. I said we should have intros. I think the intro is important. I expect everyone to say, oh, that's great. You finally are reasonable. And they yelled at me. Well, it's because you've broken our spirit on the subject.
Starting point is 00:11:14 How did I break the spirit? I think it's a valid point. I've seen the other side. I've evaluated. I was reasonable. I thought Eric had a pretty good point when he explained how you'd broken our spirit. And I don't know if we need to rehash it,
Starting point is 00:11:26 but listen to the first two minutes of the podcast, Gavin. You'll hear it. Very eloquent in the way that he explained the fuckery that is Andrew Panton in the intro. I came around. He beat it out of me.
Starting point is 00:11:36 He comes in hot and he goes like, oh, we're going to do an intro. And I was like, we don't do an intro anymore. You convinced me otherwise. And he's like, well, now I think we should.
Starting point is 00:11:42 I think it makes sense. I think it makes sense, too. I just, we don't say our names on the show ever really I mean I refer to you by your name multiple times every episode Do you? I guess you do maybe should I reverse my position in my back that we don't need intros? No, we're doing intros I'm gonna start writing down how often we say each other's names just so I can get a better grasp of this
Starting point is 00:12:03 I need the data. You want stats after every recording? Well, yeah, I'll do my own stats. I don't expect that of anyone else. But yeah, stats are going to be done now. Okay. Do you remember last episode? We're talking about colors, new colors. Can I say something?
Starting point is 00:12:16 Yeah, go ahead. Before we go too further in last episode. Sure. I wasn't happy with my performance in last episode. I left feeling kind of bummed. I thought you guys were great. But I just want to apologize if I didn't happy with my performance in last episode. I left feeling kind of bummed. I thought you guys were great, but I just want to apologize if I didn't bring it 100. If I brought it like 88 or if I brought it like 92,
Starting point is 00:12:32 I apologize. I try to bring it 100 every time, and I don't feel like I did. I even immediately messaged Nick, and I just said, cut out everything I said. Was it your least favorite episode 16 that we've done? It was my least favorite performance in an episode 16 that we've done? It was my least favorite performance in an episode 16 that we've done.
Starting point is 00:12:46 Despite how you feel about that, I feel like you said maybe the funniest thing that was said on this podcast within that episode. What was that? When we're talking about cool stuff and it was, I don't remember the exact line, but you made a reference to like building a company like an Animal Crossing. Like it just suddenly happened. I thought that was very funny so to give you credit up until that point gavin's line of that you were a man of beverage when talking about orangutans was i think the most singularly funny thing said and that passed
Starting point is 00:13:17 for me thank you so much i i feel a little redeemed honestly i appreciate that i i feel it's i i have to mention then i had lunch with jack today who uh if you're not super familiar with our company it's a guy we work with dude he listens to this did you know that he listens to the podcast which a makes me uncomfortable and is a little weird um but b uh he likes to talk to me about it he told me that this last episode so maybe it wasn't fuck i don know, the episode that just came out this week, not that we're talking about the one before, that Gavin said the funniest thing he's ever said in his life, and you and I completely and totally missed
Starting point is 00:13:54 it, Andrew, and glossed over it and didn't give it the reverential respect it deserves. Apparently, we were talking about judge stuff. Gavin said he would be Judge Gavel, which is a very funny thing to say. And I don't remember it at all. And I guess we blew through it. And even on my listen through, I didn't hear it. So Gavin, congratulations.
Starting point is 00:14:11 Jack thought that was a very funny moment. And I'm sorry I didn't give you the space. He texts me that. And I didn't even remember saying it because no one reacted to it.
Starting point is 00:14:21 I went back to find it and no one says anything. And to me, I assume I just throw it out as a throwaway comment. Like, it's better than silence. But I wasn't super proud of it. It tickled Jack to the point where he had to... Oh, I love that. He had to bring it up today.
Starting point is 00:14:37 I thought that was interesting. Were you just looking at him like, huh? I was kind of like, oh, yeah, funny. He's like, you didn't react then. You don't know what I'm talking about. I'm like, yeah, he's like you didn't react then you don't know what i'm talking about like yeah okay you're right judge gavel good on you gavin hey thanks see because your name is gavin and we call you silly names like gaver gavel whatever yeah and then a judge bangs a gavel so it's funny on multiple layers oh is that what that thing's
Starting point is 00:14:59 called it's uh it's a gavel it's called a gavel yeah. It's what I was going for. It was a twofer, but Andrew and I, we considered it an ofer, apparently, because we didn't even notice. I think you did notice, it just wasn't worth it. I remember it. Yeah, that's my point, right? You heard me say it, and you thought, huh. Is this an episode where we're going to analyze what Jack thinks is really funny? Like, we're just going to talk about the jokes that land for him and how good they are this is now turning into an indictment on jack's taste no it's not at all an indictment on jack's taste it's just it's funny we're really
Starting point is 00:15:36 we're going into the weeds on jack's opinions i'm gonna be texting him every week i'll be like what do you hey what do you think about that one wasn A new segment. Jack's favorite line of the week. We should have Jack on one time and he'll just be like, here's the funny thing that was said. A recap episode? What if we turn it on him? What if we have him on for 30 seconds and he has to say something funnier than we've ever seen?
Starting point is 00:16:00 All I can think of is Jay and Inbetweeners going... Yeah. Doing a bit of a crazy frog. Oh, man. Shout out to Buckley there. You know, that's something that we haven't really broached. I know I said that I wanted Bill Ripken to come on the show someday because he was the inspiration for the name of the show for me. And Andrew was like, well, hold your horses.
Starting point is 00:16:22 Let's find out if he's funny first, which I agree. But we've never really talked about having guests on the show. Is that something we're ever going to do someday? Maybe by the time we get to episode 16, we could be doing that. Yeah, well, let's see if we can get through episode 16 first, right? I'm on the fence about it. I really, I think maybe someday, but I think right now we're building, we need to build the foundation and maybe a floor of this
Starting point is 00:16:46 house before we start opening up the spare bedrooms to other people. The problem is we keep destroying the houses we're making it and changing what it looks like as it goes. Part of the problem. Trying to like jump in. Imagine going into a show and the first six minutes are yelling about
Starting point is 00:17:01 does the intro matter and reversing opinion. every week. Yeah. And just not knowing how to close it. It's a it would be a weird thing to walk into. I think it would be a challenge. Hey, this is Andrew from the podcast you're listening to. I'm interrupting you for a minute because typically this is where the ad would start.
Starting point is 00:17:23 But this isn't an ad. The ad is about to happen. I just I really had to take a minute because typically this is where the ad would start, but this isn't an ad. The ad is about to happen. I just, I really had to take a minute. Jeff typically does these things. And, uh, I mean, he's known for his legendary tales, these legendary ad reads, but I'm going to have to take it over this week because Jeff, unfortunately, uh, blew his asshole out in a fart related accident. He's been trying really hard to find new sounds, hit new tones,
Starting point is 00:17:48 and in the process of doing so, it just went bad, and he just... I don't want to be vulgar, but everything that should be on the inside is now on the out. We think he's going to be okay. It's sort of like when an athlete tears his ACL. We think his asshole will return to normal, But he's out this week because of it. So I know I think would be really nice if you could reach out to Jeff on Twitter or Instagram, really, however you want to. And just check in and make sure his assholes. OK, thank you.
Starting point is 00:18:15 Enjoy the ad. You're a mirror on the wall. What is the best brand for my balls? Manscaped, of course. Hold up. Is that a nose fube? Good thing our partners at Manscaped are here to ensure you're taking care of your manhood and your nose hairs with their new performance package.
Starting point is 00:18:29 Nobody loves long nose or ear hair, and trying to deal with it can be a nightmare. Why pluck those hairs out when you can whack them? It's way less painful than plucking. Endlessly plucking is insanity. Don't do it to yourself. Don't put yourself through that pain. Manscaped Performance Package is the ultimate men's hygiene bundle. Go with that instead. Included in this package is the Weed Whacker Ear and Nose Hair Trimmer, which is waterproof and uses a 9,000 RPM motor-powered 360-degree rotary dual
Starting point is 00:18:57 blade system. 9,000 RPM! That's a lot of RPM. This nose and ear trimmer provides proprietary skin-safe technology, which helps prevent nicks, snags, and tugs in those delicate holes. You don't want any of those things near the delicate holes. It's a terrible thing. Avoid those at all costs. This bundle includes the Lawn Mower 3.0 trimmer, the best trimmer on the market for your balls, butt, and body. And you need to invest in your holes. You don't go cheap on the holes. The holes are very important. They're delicate. Invest properly in the holes. Get the performance package now to receive two free gifts, the Manscaped boxers and shed travel bag. Also,
Starting point is 00:19:36 you will receive a replaceable blade every three months to keep your weed whacking and lawn mowing time clean and enjoyable. The performance package is the best value that Manscaped has to offer. Get 20% off plus free shipping at manscaped.com slash face. Thank you, Manscaped, for making us look sexy. I am so serious about this amazing bundle. I am making a call to action. If you are stuck in the past plucking away like a psycho, stop everything that you're doing.
Starting point is 00:20:03 Immediately rush to manscaped.com slash face. Help me help you embrace whacking. Stop plucking. It's terrible. Plucking is an awful idea. Embrace the whack. Get 20% off and free shipping at manscaped.com slash face. That's 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com slash face. That's right. I'll say it again because I can go to manscaped.com. Go get yourself 20% off of that free shipping. What are you waiting for? So we were talking about colors.
Starting point is 00:20:34 We were talking about colors. We're talking about Gerpl. Wait. Okay. Speaking of lines you didn't get, did you guys not hear Gerpl last? No, you did because we talked. Oh, yeah. We talked about making a Gerpl shirt. Yeah. I feel like I didn't hear it in recording But we talked about it in slack afterwards no it was in the record
Starting point is 00:20:50 I think it was you two were talking and closing the show and I just kept making up color names I kept saying gerbil, but yeah, so we're talking about gerbil Jeff had a whole bit where he wanted to read our text line Which was just forgotten about completely oh shit which was just forgotten about completely oh shit um god damn it was you're really enthused about it too you're like excited and i didn't know where it began and where it ended and i felt bad because gavin only had one line of dialogue if we did that i had this whole thing worked out where i was gonna try and get you two to flip roles without knowing and so i could have the gavin spot so i do the least amount of talking that would have been great wait do i do the least amount of talking no in the text in the text, do I do the least amount of talking? No, in the text.
Starting point is 00:21:26 In the text chain. If we were doing the script, you had one thing that said like, cool, and that was it. Man, I thought that that was, let me, alright, you can be honest with me. Was it a good idea? I think it's interesting. I thought it was an interesting idea too. And now I feel like
Starting point is 00:21:41 the audience must be really confused if there is still an audience at this point what it boiled down to is and this is the problem with us recording so far in advance sometimes is after we did the episode a conversation started about fuck I don't even remember why I wanted to do it
Starting point is 00:21:57 do you remember why I wanted I'm looking at I'm trying to find the text right now it was a funny conversation but yeah so gerbil I don't know if you want to still do your GURPL bit, Jeff, if you're still that committed. Oh, no, I have it.
Starting point is 00:22:09 I have it. I have it. Okay. Here's the way it would have worked. The audience tunes in and maybe, maybe, do you guys have it? Or do you guys have it
Starting point is 00:22:17 in front of you? I can pull it up. All right. Andrew, start it off. We should sell a GURPL color shirt. Love it. Interesting fact about Dumb and Dumber.
Starting point is 00:22:24 The original screenplay was actually written by Chicago filmmaker John Hughes, The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Vacation. But due to the deal he made with the directors, his name was to be stripped from the project, including the script. Damn. Would you intentionally write a shitty script if you knew you would not be credited? What color blank should we print Gurple on? Uh, yes.
Starting point is 00:22:45 And black? White? Surely some sort of greenish purple. I wonder if hypercolors is still a thing. The uglier the better. I don't think it even
Starting point is 00:22:53 needs a design. An ugly-ass greenish purple blank. Does it say Gurpal on it anywhere? I think it exudes Gurpal. Doesn't need to be stated.
Starting point is 00:23:01 Maybe on the inside tag. If you could find out how many times you've been bitten by a bug in your life, would you want to know? I don't think I would. I think the answer would be too gross.
Starting point is 00:23:10 Only if I could then bet on the bug bites. Well, yeah. I mean, if we could make it a gambling thing, sure. I bet it's thousands. I would take the under on Gavin. Gavin strikes me as someone who doesn't get bitten frequently. He is so hairy. I bet it's harder for bugs to get in.
Starting point is 00:23:25 Four. Can we release an episode as a text log? I think we can do anything. Do you think if we performed a text conversation, the audience would be able to tell? Absolutely. Maybe. Let's perform a test.
Starting point is 00:23:35 Let's read our lines next week, starting from we should sell a Gerpel shirt up to and including this part of the conversation. Well, I can see this idea went over as well as the baseball bat. I think it's great. I feel bad adding to the script. Gavin only has one line of dialogue of the conversation. Well, I can see this idea went over as well as the baseball bat. I think it's great. I feel bad adding to the script.
Starting point is 00:23:49 Gavin only has one line of dialogue at the moment. Bam. We already had that conversation. Did you know that brown isn't a color? It's just dark orange. Picture of brown. Aren't all colors technically just a shade of another color? No.
Starting point is 00:24:02 Primary colors are just those colors. Did you know that some colors are impossible? There's no such thing as yellowish blue to humans. I don't know about that, Gavin. I want us to do something like... Oh, I don't want to read that part. That's a bit for the future. And scene. That was a good scene.
Starting point is 00:24:17 That was a good scene. I'll be honest. I hadn't actually read 80% of that. I just came back to my phone one day and saw like 27 on the text icon. I was like, what the hell? And then I just scrolled all the way to the bottom of it and wrote, bam. So, the genesis of that is we were having the Gerbil conversation
Starting point is 00:24:34 and it was funny. And then I was trying to have a conversation about Dumb and Dumber because I was really embarrassed in the podcast because I was telling a story about how there was a scene in Dumb and Dumber that was in the trailer that's not in the movie. And I thought it was the scene where he falls off the jetway, the jet bridge, and it's not. But I think the thing is there's something different. Like it was a different shot or something. I remember it very clearly in my mind. And then I was saying
Starting point is 00:24:57 that that's probably what most Mandela effects are. People just misremembering or content being cut for television or whatever um or sometimes scenes show up in trailers that are not in the movies and uh gavin very adeptly pointed out that that scene is in the movie and i'm a fucking dumbass and that made me feel really stupid so i went on a whole mission reading all over imdb and everywhere to try to find that difference and i was never able to but i did read the interesting thing about uh the fact that john hughes wrote dumb and dumber which is crazy to me and then i I was thinking, what a funny conversation. It would be funny if we tried to read
Starting point is 00:25:27 one of our text convos naturally, but sticking to the lines and seeing how long it would take the audience to figure out we were doing that, doing something off. And it turns out just listening to us go through it now would have been almost instantly. It would have been immediately.
Starting point is 00:25:41 It would have been in one second. We had Eric and Nick wondering what the hell was going on during that little read that we just did. Hey, do you want to do a bit with me right now? I'm going to be Eric Bedour today at 3.23 p.m. You play the part of Nick Schwartz and let's do another interpretation, okay? Andrew, you just hang tight. What the fuck is happening what is going on am i having a stroke is this what the show is now and scene that was
Starting point is 00:26:11 good thank you it's so obvious that you guys are reading something i mean gavin is just uh robotically reading something yeah but jeff puts so much enthusiasm when he reads. Like the way that he never ever sounds when you're just speaking with him. Acting! That's not acting. The dialogue doesn't match your emotion at all. You're just really enthused and yelling about every line. You would never speak that way.
Starting point is 00:26:41 See, I'm reading with the same tone that i had at the time while i was typing it but circle back i'm not done with gerpel we were just getting started on this gerpel talk i'm really glad you remembered that whole thing andrew because i it was i i flushed it down the fucking brain toilet i mean we should have started with it we kind of announced that we were gonna do it well you weren't even fucking here, so. Alright. So I sent a message to all of you in our Slack earlier this week saying, I've been working on something behind the scenes. That was
Starting point is 00:27:16 terrifying. I said, don't be scared. I said, don't be alarmed, but I'm doing some work behind the scenes here, which is funny to say in a behind the scenes. It was a behind the scenes of the behind the scenes here, which is funny to say in a behind the scenes. It was a behind the scenes of the behind the scenes chat. And I talked to Tony, this shirt stuff, clothes stuff, design stuff, and I put Gerpl in the motion. We're figuring out Gerpl.
Starting point is 00:27:36 You guys are Gerpin? We're Gerpin. I have some options. We could evaluate the different Gerpl takes I have. Don't need to go with the design pattern necessarily. Just some color. Just some color just some color Possibilities of what a gerbil might look like how do you feel about that as a gerbil? Oh my god, it kind of looks like those cups
Starting point is 00:27:55 You know those paper cups you get like a fast food place to those who can't see it It's like a tie-dyed cyan and purple it is with a stack of money on it for some reason some might say gurp So might call that a girl. I was just curious how you felt on the girl scale one out of ten How girl is that I'm gonna give that like a nine? I don't know that there is a perfect, but I don't know how you could top it It's a lot of white on it. It is a lot of white. I would agree with that I think maybe the white ratio is a little too much I'd like a little bit more blend of the purple and and and the green but uh so then we have another this is
Starting point is 00:28:29 ignore everything about this but the concept of what about gerbil crayon shirt how do we feel about that what if we make a gerbil crayon have that as the design that could be the shirt we go for how do we feel about a gerbil crown i can't imagine getting up in the morning looking through all of my shirts and thinking that's the one for today what okay well what is there an evaluation on your shirt choice every day do you how much thought do you put into it well i i think about if i'm going to be on camera that day i'll probably slop on some new merch that is currently being sold instead of some old shitty merch that looks a bit ragged that's fair that's about it i just it it totally the the swim trunks go on first first thing i do wake up roll out of bed put on the swim trunks and then depending on the color
Starting point is 00:29:16 of the swim trunks i have i pick the appropriate shirt color and that is it shirt color just can't clash with the swim trunks swim Swim trunks are so uncomfortable. Oh, they're so comfortable. They're so comfortable. You're sat on like rustly material and your bollocks are in a net. It's because you're buying dog shit. Swim trunks, man. I'm telling you, I found this pair of swim trunks.
Starting point is 00:29:38 I don't work for these people. I'm not shilling for them. This isn't Spawn. None of that. But this company called Bather. I bought them in Austin. Sounds like you're looking down at them right now. I did. Spawn. None of that. But this company called Bather. I bought them in Austin at Sounds like you're looking down at them right now. I did. I did. I just looked down.
Starting point is 00:29:50 Well, I'm wearing them right now. You know who I am. I looked down I looked down to see the label. So I bought this one pair of swim trunks. It was ridiculously comfortable. I like the height. I I noticed most shorts are too long but I'm not I am a little demure I don't want to show too much leg
Starting point is 00:30:10 but I don't want to hide myself either you know and so they're like the perfect length and they're so they're fucking expensive they're like 80 bucks for one pair but you know I'm worth it so I bought like seven pair of bathers and that's just all I wear you find the one thing that's cozy and comfy
Starting point is 00:30:26 and then you just buy a hundred of that. The same thing with that pair of jeans I own that are a pair of pants. I own nine colors of one pair of pants and that's my entire wardrobe. Yeah, I got a lot of red and gray shorts. Yeah, you do have a lot of fucking like salmon colored shorts.
Starting point is 00:30:39 It's like a fucking truck drove by your house when you were a teenager and a box fell out full of shorts, salmon colored shorts that fit you and you it's like it's like a fucking truck drove by your house when you were a teenager and a box fell out full of shorts. Salmon colored shorts that you fit you and you were just like, well, I guess I'm set for life. Yeah. I mean, isn't it great to have multiples of stuff? Oh, it's the best. So it's just like, oh, I could just take these off and put these. It's like with socks and stuff.
Starting point is 00:30:59 Yes. It's the best part about being a guy, I think, too, is like you just find what works and then you just beat that into the ground i started doing a thing with uh it was like an old sponsor of one of our podcasts that i assume i won't say the name of about underwear and i just subscribed and once a week or once a month i get some boxes and then i just pilfer around in my drawer for the shoddiest probably like 14 to 15 year old pair of boxer shorts with a hole in and i pick them out and i throw them away and they slowly over time over the months will become fully replaced with a brand new set of boxes yeah that's smart i do something similar yeah i was thrown off by your use of i assume i won't say like that you didn't have a choice in
Starting point is 00:31:40 the matter like there was some other force that could somehow make you That was completely your decision. I don't know why you had to articulate that you were unsure of whether to proceed. Yeah, that was a really weird way of phrasing it. This is very strange. Is that what was in the script? Is that what we typed out? Yeah, it must have been an autocorrect or something. Oh god. Okay, so we got those out of the way.
Starting point is 00:32:00 What about this for a Gerpel Venn diagram shirt? Little bit of green a little bit of purple gerbil in the middle how do we feel about this as a possibility that's the one you think that's why i still got ones to pick here's here's what you got to do too if it had the g in the green and then urp in the gray and then le P-L-E in the purple. So the word goes across all three. I think that'd be phenomenal. Oh God.
Starting point is 00:32:28 So we're, that's like a solid 9.9 is the Venn diagram gerbil. Is that a true blend of those two colors, by the way? If you actually, you know, 50% opacity over each other. You think I know how colors work? I just got sent. I got no clue.
Starting point is 00:32:42 I can't answer that. I feel very good about that one. Where are you getting these from? Is this from, is this from this Tony? Yeah, these are all from Tony. I got no clue. I can't answer that. I feel very good about that one. Where are you getting these from? Is this from Tony? Yeah, these are all from Tony. I was talking back and forth. I was trying to explain the concept of GURPL. And I was very, I appreciate Tony's clearly.
Starting point is 00:32:55 I can trust him. I said, don't tell anybody nothing about this. It has to be a secret. You're able to just deploy employees of this company. You barely even work here. And we've got people. I'm technically, I don't work there. Like I'm under contract.
Starting point is 00:33:08 I'm a contract. I'm not an employee. Hey, head of the multi-million dollar merch department. It's contract employee Andrew Panton. Drop what you're doing. Drop what you're doing. I have some work for you. I need you to invent a color.
Starting point is 00:33:24 I kind of said that. It never occurred to me that that was absurd, but yeah. This is coming in hot. I'm going to need you to drop everything. Should we explain that last one to those who can't see it? The Venn diagram? It's basically a Venn diagram of green and purple together, and in the middle, they're gray.
Starting point is 00:33:40 Yeah. I'm assuming Nick will put all these up in the... Yeah. Yeah. And it'll be on the instagram too i have an issue with that instagram but gerpal four i think this is the ugliest gerpal by far uh just i i feel like it makes me think gerpal but it just doesn't look pleasant i don't think i'd want to buy that shirt have they like deliberately warped the look of the blank to be all like floofy and blumpy in the wrong areas?
Starting point is 00:34:06 Like, who wants to look like that? It's all lumpy and weird. It's pretty odd, yeah. Maybe we'll do the lumpy variant of Gerple, a very limited run. So that's Gerple 4. Gerple 5 is gonna come across as very self-congratulatory. This was not my idea, This was purely Tony's idea. I guess there are Pantone swatches.
Starting point is 00:34:29 And so he wanted to do like a Pantone, Pantone, Gerple, Pantone swatch. I'm butchering explaining this. This is a train wreck. It's a shirt that has a swatch on it that says Gerple. How do we feel about this?
Starting point is 00:34:40 I fucking love that shirt. If I'm being honest with you. That one should come out either way. Okay. But I don't think it's main Gerple. Okay. You know where that shirt belongs, Gavin? I'm being honest with you. That one should come out either way. Okay. But I don't think it's main gupple. Okay. You know where that shirt belongs, Gavin? I'm going to tell you right now, and you're going to instantly know.
Starting point is 00:34:50 Many, many years ago, we went to the Netherlands together. We went to, for a work thing. And we were in Breda. It was a college town. We gave a talk on like machinima and online stuff. I don't remember. Yeah. It was bullshit.
Starting point is 00:35:02 Some bullshit. Some excuse to go to the netherlands and in that little cute college town of bretta which was phenomenal uh by the way and uh just a gorgeous place um there was the museum of graphic design i believe and we went and spent the day there and that shirt it looks like it would be a poster on the front of the on the front door when you walk in yeah it looks like it would be a poster on the front door when you walk in. That would be like hanging above the door. Like April 17th to May 26th, Pantan Gurpal exhibit. That place wasn't far from the best smelling alley in the world.
Starting point is 00:35:37 Dude, dude. What did it smell like? It smelled really good. What does that mean? Are we talking like a bakery, or what is the smell? It was food. It was food. It was food. It was waffles and all kinds of...
Starting point is 00:35:50 It wasn't just waffles, though. I think that there was some McDonald's in that smell, too, if I'm being honest with you. Is there any smell that a slight waft of McDonald's doesn't improve? No. Slight is the key, though. You don't want too much. Just a little bit. It was like a cornucopia of pleasant smells that combined together to make the ultimate Voltron
Starting point is 00:36:11 of delicious smell. And I can't pick out what each piece was, but I know waffle was a big part of it. It was like if my nose had a G spot, it had its fingers all over it. All that smell was stimulating every single piece of the inside of my nose. It was amazing.
Starting point is 00:36:24 I wish you hadn't said that. No. Did I ruin that creeped me out it was a nice image oh so what what is the gerbil i think we should pick the go-to i feel like i know based on the reactions but what is the definitive gerbil it's got to be the venn diagram i think it's the venn diagram and then we should make the panton color too okay So you think we go Venn diagram with the G-U-R and the green and the L-E-N. I mean, we can play around with where the text goes if we even need it. But yeah. I feel like we should lock into one of these shirts and then whatever we lock in with, the audience won't know for two weeks.
Starting point is 00:37:00 And what if we pick the shirt that the audience doesn't want? That feels like a good face to me. We're committing to something immediately without any reaction to our possibilities. Let's pick the shirt that looks like it was stitched and made to fit, I don't know, Jabba the Hutt's body? No, I'm not saying the shirt needs to be. I just think we should go with something. And it would be funny if what we thought was the best didn't align at all with the audience. It's just an easy. Well, that's usually how but yeah i'm with you i'm with you yeah the the
Starting point is 00:37:28 audience wasn't very aligned with you last week andrew uh with the whole bag being a container i yeah let me restate that was my fault i'll own up to it i i should have explained my point better that's on me i i accept that a bag can be a container it contains things my issue is socially if i said hey gavin get me a container and you come back with a bag i'm gonna think you're a psychopath nobody does that nobody gets a bag if you were holding like a handful of grapes or something i probably would get a bag or like some sort of small thing that fits in a bag like fruit well the fruit comes bagged and also fruit comes in containers like blueberries come in I probably would get a bag or like some sort of small thing that fits in a bag like fruit Well the fruit comes bagged and also fruit comes in containers like blueberries come in containers berries come in containers not bags
Starting point is 00:38:11 That's true. Oh frozen ones are bags. Oh Frozen ones come. I didn't you know what I'm not a frozen fruit guy, so you're right. That's a good point You're not a smoothie guy. No not really you big frozen food guy Gov no I bought a blender and some frozen fruit once and I made a smoothie and I thought, it's not for me. It's nice, it's delicious, just a lot of faff and it's not like great for you.
Starting point is 00:38:31 It's just like a ton of sugar and shit, isn't it? Let me ask you guys the question. When was the last time you bought at a grocery store from the frozen food section, like one of those tubes, you know, it looks like about the size of a Coke can. And it's just like orange juice concentrate or limeade concentrate or grapefruit juice concentrate. And then went home and squeezed it out into a pitcher and then mixed it up with water and turned it into juice.
Starting point is 00:38:58 Well, I think neither of us are from the 60s, so we don't know about that. I know what you're talking about. I just, it would never, I would never buy that product. I just feel like, yeah, well, that's what I'm getting at is I was thinking about that. I know what you're talking about. I would never buy that product. I just feel like, yeah, well, that's what I'm getting at. I was thinking about that the other day in the frozen food section. I saw that, and I was like, oh, I should pick that up because I like Limeade. And then I thought, when was the last time you
Starting point is 00:39:15 saw anybody? Probably 25 years. I was probably 16 at my grandma's house the last time I saw that technology in use. But it's still in the grocery store. So somebody's doing it. And I agree with you guys. I think it's from a time long past. So does the concentrate tube just exist for people older than me? And as they slowly die out, like the baby boomers slowly die out, so does the frozen juice concentrate?
Starting point is 00:39:40 Yeah, there'll be an inventory in the supermarket one day and there'll be like every single one that they put on the shelf will still be there. And they'll be like, right, the boomers are dead. Is it just a space saver? Like surely concentrate orange juice in like a tub or like a carton is that but with the water already added. I guess it must be. Yeah, and it keeps longer, right? Like you can have like 10 cartons of orange juice in your freezer whenever you need it.
Starting point is 00:40:04 That's a good point. Are you a pulp or no pulp? I prefer pulp, but I have no qualms with not having pulp. It's not a turn off. Yeah, I mean, as we would call it in England, I like bits in my orange juice. That's what they call it? Bits? Yeah, with bits.
Starting point is 00:40:19 Orange juice with bits. Pulp is such a better word. Or, check this out, orange juice with no bits. It's not just orange juice? Well, there's no, there's no normal orange juice, is there? It's like peanut butter. What do you mean? They're smooth and crunchy, but there's no like regular. I feel like regular is smooth. You feel like regular is smooth? I feel like regular is crunchy.
Starting point is 00:40:39 Really? That's interesting. Yeah, I feel like regular orange juice is with bits. I think, well, we can probably figure this out. We could probably, there has to be sales data. I think Gavin's right, and here's why. If it doesn't have pulp, it specifies orange juice pulp-free. That's a great point. They feel the need to mention it because they don't want to disappoint you when you find out there's no pulp in it, because I think pulp is the expectation. Some pulp. Eric had a great question. What if you want a bit of orange juice? How is that a great question? What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:41:06 A bit of orange juice? You just compared to having it in a bottle? I assume it's because Gavin calls pulp bits. I don't know. Yeah, it was one of those comments that should have been audible and in the moment, not read over a minute after the conversation. Probably not. No, I didn't see it until then.
Starting point is 00:41:23 And the context really didn't line up it was very confusing eric says he nailed it me and jeff nailed it i agree eric that is a clear example of why pulp is a better word there would have been no confusion if he wrote pulp you know also why pulp is a better word than bit go ahead why because i think that save for that one word like if you flipped it i don't think quentin tarantino has a career. Bit fiction. I don't think anybody goes to see bit fiction. It does feel like a very different movie. Yeah. That'd be like a computer hacking movie or something.
Starting point is 00:41:50 It would. Real quick, not to keep sidetracking away from wherever you were headed with the grubble stuff, Andrew. No, we're done. Oh, are we done? We're grubbed out? Yeah, we're grubbed out. Put the lid on the grub for a minute.
Starting point is 00:42:00 Okay. I was watching the latest season of the Great British Baking Show or whatever the fuck it's called now, British Baking Show. I feel like it's been through so many iterations. Bake Off? Bake Off, yeah. The new one that has Noel in it and the little bald man who's very funny.
Starting point is 00:42:14 And in it, I think a Scottish dude, he used the word donkey as a unit of time. Donkeys, yes. Yeah, he said that. He was talking about how he hadn't made a macaron. He hadn't made a macaron in a donkey. and I was like I assume that means a long time But he was like yeah It's been a it's been a donkey since I've made a macaron and I was like what there's a lot of good words for the Pasture time like I haven't done that you know donkeys years or I haven't done that in yonks. It's all good It's all good stuff. Yonks is a good one who uses yonks? Would someone who uses donkeys also use yonks?
Starting point is 00:42:47 I'd say the donkey stuff is probably more, it's more close to Cockney than, I'd say yonks is what my grandparents would say. I like donkey. I want to start using it in my day-to-day lingo, but I want to look up the etymology of it. Maybe next episode, I'll probably forget. But if I don't, I'll come back and I'll tell you the history of donkey and why.
Starting point is 00:43:03 Because it's like, are donkeys slow? Do they take a long time to get from point A to point B? I don't think there's probably that much consideration into it. Well, it's got to come from somewhere. You can't just point at something and be like, I've decided that the word pillow means six years. There's a long history of animals being used to refer to things that aren't animals in England, like a monkey.
Starting point is 00:43:23 Well, here we go. According to Eric, punning allusion to the length of a donkey's ears and to the vulgar pronunciation of ears as years. Oh, because it's like cockney. I get it. Donkey's ears implies a long time because donkey's ears are long
Starting point is 00:43:38 while donkey's years is supported by the belief that donkeys live a long time. Oh, that's interesting. And for currency, like 500 quid is a monkey. Why? I think there's a pony as well. There's just, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:43:53 It's just like, it's London slang, isn't it? We have that in America. Like, I'd love to hear what you have in Canada because like in America, a $10 bill is called a sawbuck. I don't feel like we have a loonie and a toonie for the $1 coin and the $2 coin. I don't feel like we have a loonie and a toonie for the one dollar coin and the two dollar coin i don't feel like we have but that's the name right it's not it's not slang yeah that's not even like the nickname it's just like i can't think any good canadian currency nicknames you don't have like like the canadian version of like stacks or anything like that no not that i'm aware
Starting point is 00:44:21 of dude speaking of loonie toonie i didn't realize until three decades alive on this planet that Looney Tunes are Looney Tunes. Like, Looney Tunes. Oh, the spelling? Yeah, I thought it was T-O-O-N, like a cartoon. Yeah, that would make more sense. I don't think of singing when I think Looney Tunes. There's not a lot of tunes. I guess an American saying the word spelled T-U-N-E-S is an American says that like T-O-O-N-S. Whereas I would say
Starting point is 00:44:52 them differently. Yeah, I think Eric just wrote, technically it's Looney Tunes and Merry Melodies, which is correct. I had no freaking idea that it was tunes. It's one of those things that maybe the definition of the word can evolve over time. When you watch a show, now I haven't seen the Great British Bake Off. From my understanding, it's a very wholesome show. It's the best. Is it just the wholesomeness you're going for? Because
Starting point is 00:45:13 it's technically isn't it a competition show as well? It's a competition show where everybody supports each other and it feels it just feels like a breath of fresh air in a world where everything is stressful and agitated and people like even the people that are losing they genuinely want the i mean like they just support each other in the most wholesome way and it's hard to frame it other than to say it just makes you feel good and it makes you feel good about people that's good and and sometimes you really fucking need that right now you know sure also sometimes the cakes are so hilariously bad that that makes it worth it. There was a fucking Freddie Mercury cake.
Starting point is 00:45:49 You know how Terrence and Phillip are in South Park, where they're just like a circle with the fucking cut down the middle? Somebody made a Freddie Mercury cake, and that's essentially what it was. And it was the funniest guy. It was like Freddie Mercury from the nose up. I know the guy had an overbite, but they just took the lower part of his chin off. And then they made a David Bowie whose neck was wider than his head.
Starting point is 00:46:13 And then somebody, for some reason, it was supposed to make a bust of a cake of someone that you admire most, like a hero. And somebody did Mark Hoppus from Blink-182. Yeah, there he is! He put it up already tom delong i'm sorry it's not mark hoppus it's tom delong they're different yeah sure uh yeah tom delong is the one that believes in aliens and mark hoppus is the one that is trying to keep the band alive dave's three different flavors of tom delong looks nothing like tom DeLonge,
Starting point is 00:46:45 no offense to Dave. I know they were under the gun there. But it's, so it's also funny because you get to see stuff like that. I gotta stop watching it. Yeah, that sounds good. I don't like, like American cooking competition shows.
Starting point is 00:46:55 It seems really pointless to me. Nothing like that. Like it's, it's a weird thing because, so like let's say, like American Idol, right? You're watching and as a viewer, or the voice is probably a more current example.
Starting point is 00:47:06 You're hearing these people sing and you can kind of form an opinion yourself on the performance and then get attached that way. Cooking competition shows you can't taste the food. So you have no evaluation as a viewer of what the product actually is in any meaningful way. That's why a lot of the times on those shows, the judges are so good because they can so well describe what a taste is. way. That's why a lot of the times on those shows, the judges are so good
Starting point is 00:47:25 because they can so well describe what a taste is. Like I used to watch a lot of like Australian MasterChef and stuff like that because they're really good at like just saying stuff with their mouth and it going into my mouth. That's one way to say that. I was with you 90% of the way and then you lost me there in the end i think part of
Starting point is 00:47:47 uh well presentation's a big deal of bake-off uh andrew because they're trying to make it look like these perfect uh british pastries and and bake things but i think the thing that makes that's really nice and probably is why the show is is partially as as sweet as it is is all they're winning at the end is like a ribbon. Like there's no money prize. They're not competing for a chance to open a bakery in their small town or to like, to get to like, I don't know, apprentice under Christina Tassi or something.
Starting point is 00:48:17 They just get like a first place ribbon and a bow. And then at the end of the season, I think they get like a little serving platter or something. That's nice. It's like, you're just doing it to do it and to, at the end of the season, I think they get like a little serving platter or something. That's nice. It's like you're just doing it to do it and for the spirit of competition and yeah. I really should watch that. I had a pretty breakthrough moment in my dreams last night,
Starting point is 00:48:34 which I was pretty proud of. I'd like to hear it. So I've had, I guess since COVID, I've had just tremendously boring dreams. And this was a little bit before as well, where I just don't dream about anything i dream through my own eyelids so i end up dreaming about like my nightstand and what's on it from the angle that my head is actually at while i'm asleep and it's become a real problem because it's just i'm dream i can't not look at my my table next to my bed but last night uh there
Starting point is 00:49:02 was some weird shit showing up in my in my dream version of my nightstand like there was like a cat and like some sort of demon thing and i can't close my eyes because my eyes are closed i'm asleep so i had to dream a second set of eyelids that would close over my uh real dream eyelids so i couldn't see the demons and i have eventually figured out how to close my eyes in my dream where my eyes are stuck open I'm pretty proud of it can I do you have any idea what I just said that I do that's a lot to unpack I'm just I'm fascinated by this did you try to wake up first or did you immediately go I need to create a second set of eyelids then make them
Starting point is 00:49:41 operational that was honestly the first thought because it's hard to wake up from a dream. Especially when your dream feels like you're awake looking at what's next to your real head. Let me ask you a question. Are you at all worried and I'm being serious here. Are you at all worried that one of two things could be happening? One, maybe
Starting point is 00:50:00 the tensile strength and thickness of your eyelids is deteriorating to a point where they're almost see-through. And you are actually seeing those things because your eyelids are just disintegrating. And maybe you're losing them. Or maybe you're getting... Have you been bitten by any weird bugs lately? We had a conversation about you and bugs earlier.
Starting point is 00:50:22 Maybe you're getting some sort of super eyesight powers that allows you to see through things and you're going to need to learn how to how to control that and turn it off kind of like professor x has to learn how to shut out all the uh all the thoughts of everybody in the world i think there's nothing wrong with my physical eyelids and and it's definitely not me with my eyes open because sometimes i'll move my hand in front of my eyes and i can't see it but in the dream i assume i'm not moving my real hand there because i'd be like knocking shit over just to be safe i would go to like texas eye specialists and have them measure the the the the thickness of your eyelids and make sure it's appropriate
Starting point is 00:50:59 maybe see if i can pull a truck like six feet with my eyelids or something i think you're asking for trouble there i just think you should make sure that they're you know you might what if you have your what if you have like some sort of a keratitis or something to your eyes which is the thing that gus had a long time ago uh that's like it makes like sandpaper on on your eye and your eyes every time you blink are like slowly sandpapering away the inside of your eyelids you're just eroding your eyes i made that up but it could be true you need to find out yeah well anyway in the comments let me know if if anyone has problems just dreaming through their eyes uh and how to stop it because my only way of stopping it was to close my dream eyes which then meant i was just dreaming about black nothing do you do you think uh do you think
Starting point is 00:51:43 it maybe this is a side effect of your brain bulging out of your forehead? Maybe. The old frontal eminence. Yeah. Yeah, maybe. I had a sleep breakthrough myself recently. This has been a real game changer for me. You know when you wake up in the morning and you don't have to be quite up yet, but you
Starting point is 00:51:57 have to use the bathroom or something, and you could sleep for longer, but you have to get up to use the bathroom, and it sucks. It ruins you. You're just up at that point. I have started and let me be very clear. I do not recommend this to anybody. This has been a game changer for me. I have started going through that process, but I never open my eyes.
Starting point is 00:52:15 I just keep my eyes closed. It's like I'm still sleeping. It's fantastic. I have a space that I can navigate without walking into things. I've been walking with my eyes closed a lot recently. It's a real game changer. If you've got a setup in which it will not hurt you in any way, be very cautious. As I said, don't recommend this for everybody, but it's valuable.
Starting point is 00:52:34 I feel like I'm still sleeping. I feel like I'm stealing sleep time. Yeah, I mean, there's a lot to the sort of the wavelength of light you get in your eyes that can cause your brain to wake up more. Like blue light in the morning, that will get your brain cooking if you keep your eyes closed i see you don't get that no you don't it's fantastic oh so i would definitely not recommend doing it but it's great are you an eye mask at night kind of guy no okay just regular eyelids just regular eyelids what if you put on an eye do you use an eye mask? Yeah, yeah, I could dream right through that thing too. Oh, wow, okay, I was gonna say.
Starting point is 00:53:06 What- have you tried two? Like, eventually, eventually the physical things that are on my head will break through into the dream and I just won't be able to see through them. You should really just try sleeping with a VR helmet on and just see what happens. See what your visibility is.
Starting point is 00:53:22 It doesn't matter what I put on my head, it does matter where I am. Like, if I'm on a plane, I'll dream about the seat in front of me really yeah that's so strange it's tragic it's so boring i had a spider-man dream when i was a kid and that was like the greatest dream i ever had i immediately took my mask off i was flying around the city everybody knew i was spider-man it was great you did a face reveal of spider-man like the moment you were literally the first thing I did. I'm like, I'm fucking Spider-Man, everybody. This is...
Starting point is 00:53:48 Want to see me climb this wall? I'll climb this wall right now. This is amazing. And it was the greatest dream. And I told my cousin about it. I was like, I had this Spider-Man dream. You got to get yourself a Spider-Man dream. I don't know what you got to do to make that happen,
Starting point is 00:54:01 but work on it. It's fantastic. And the whole summer, he would try to have the Spider-Man dream. And it finally happened like at the end of August. And he said, hey, I had my I had the Spider-Man dream. And I was so excited for him. I said, oh, what happened?
Starting point is 00:54:13 You climb buildings. What do you get? What did you do? What was going on? And he said, nah, I was Spider-Man, but I was stuck in a swimming pool the entire time. And I had no I had no ability to use any of the powers. I could not leave this swimming pool as spider-man. It was like in the water He was in the water and he could not get out his webs did not work
Starting point is 00:54:31 He could not climb all of the things that make you he's essentially just a guy in a spider-man suit who didn't know how to swim stuck in a pool It's like being the invisible man in a room with all the lights off. Yes, exactly It's like being the invisible man in a room with all the lights off. Yes, exactly. It was pointless. Fuck. I didn't even think of this as content until the timing of you saying that walking to your bathroom with your eyes closed is fucking crazy, Andrew.
Starting point is 00:54:54 And by the way, I think that's a brilliant idea. And earlier today, I almost died on my bicycle. Oh, I should say this. My girlfriend listens to this podcast and she's always worried about me getting, being safe. Because I was riding in a bike lane and I was just thinking about how long and straight these bike lanes are in Austin and I thought
Starting point is 00:55:12 how long can I ride my bike with my eyes closed straight like if my eyes are my eyes what keep me straight because my hands are what move and change the direction so if I just like hold my hands frozen in place and close my eyes, how long can I ride straight? And you can ride
Starting point is 00:55:30 straight with your eyes closed until the car in the oncoming traffic lane honks its horn at you because you're driving right at it. Why would you test this by a route? Why would you do it there?
Starting point is 00:55:45 Because that's where I had the thought. I had the thought you're driving right at it. Why would you test this by a road? Why would you do it there? Uh, cause that's where I had the thought. I had the thought and then I tried it and, I woke up, I didn't wake up. I opened my eyes cause I heard a, cause a horn car honked at me and I was barreling down. Uh,
Starting point is 00:55:55 I was very far away from the bike lane and, uh, I was definitely in traffic. So, but the problem is Jeff with your experiment is you prove nothing. Cause you have no idea how like you were there cars the entire time like you just learned when a car was there i picked a quiet road it wasn't you could have been off course the minute you closed your eyes i probably was
Starting point is 00:56:18 could have been instantly you proved nothing yeah no i i mean i agree and i thought to myself uh experiment failed won't try that again. I like that you even tried it, though. There's no process of thinking that, like, what if I immediately veer off? How would I know? Yeah, I like that the alternative is, like, a man dies in Austin hit by car riding bike,
Starting point is 00:56:38 but you never would have heard why. And that's what's brilliant about the fact that you lived through this. The Citizen app update would not have mentioned, like, while driving with eyes closed to prove dumb point. Eric said, Eric wanted to let us know we're at 55 minutes, so we should wrap up.
Starting point is 00:56:51 But also he said, he pointed out that I started and ended the podcast today by proving nothing. Oh, I think that's good work all around then. Yeah, I appreciate that. And by proving nothing twice, maybe that means I proved everything. I don't think it does. Something to think about. No, I don't think I have to. I don't think it does. Something to think about. No, I don't think I have to.
Starting point is 00:57:07 Well, sit with it for a while and think about it. I can let you know right now I will not be thinking about that. Yeah, I think I'm good. I think I processed it. Well, Andrew, do you want to do the outro since you love intros so much? I feel like I've already carried the show with my intro.
Starting point is 00:57:21 I think someone else should do it. That's fair, Gavin. It's all you. Thank you for watching episode 16 of F*** Face. Make sure to rate five stars if you listen to this in a place with stars. That and subscribe.
Starting point is 00:57:34 There's no bell to ring. Don't do that. See you next week for our 16th installment of F*** Face. That was really good. I wanted to wait until you finished. When we started the show and I was here 20 minutes early just talking to myself, I was thinking about why is there never a decimal system with five? Like if you're doing one to ten, there's always a decimal, but five is always stars.
Starting point is 00:57:55 You never see a decimal in the five, one to five scale. Well, because des is ten, D-E-C. But it's just if you're going to do a system, okay. What you're after is pentimals Is the pentimals the exact same as a decimal? What it doesn't that doesn't make you sing stuff but deck deck is ten deck is ten I know what I'm saying just if I'm a critic of fucking I don't know pizza I don't give a shit about that if I'm going one through five
Starting point is 00:58:21 Why can't I have a four point six is what I'm saying Nick Can you make sure there's a pentimals somewhere in the title of this week's can't I have a 4.6 is what I'm saying. Nick, can you make sure there's a pentamal somewhere in the title of this week's episode? I don't know what one is. I'd just like to point out I was trying to prove one more thing. I closed my eyes
Starting point is 00:58:33 through half of that conversation and then opened it through the last half and you guys didn't get any funnier or less funny. Okay, write that down. Stop.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.