F**kface - Eating the Ploughman’s Pizza

Episode Date: December 12, 2022

WATCH THE VIDEO VERSION if you can. From Geoff’s house with a pizza oven, it’s a F**kface pizza day. Now that the pizzas are done, it time to dig in. Join the whole crew as they break down their pizza adventure and determine if these pizzas belong in a cookbook. Andrew even gets in on the Pizza Day action. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dragon's Dogma 2, the highly anticipated successor to the cult classic Dragon's Dogma, is out now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series S and X, and Steam. Dragon's Dogma 2 is a third-person action RPG boasting a richly detailed and deeply explorable fantasy world created using Capcom's RE Engine's immersive physics, groundbreaking character AI systems, and cutting-edge graphics. Dive into the vast and dynamic world where The Arisen is called upon to fulfill a forgotten destiny across the nations of Vermont, the Kingdom of Humanity, and Batal, the nation of Beastrin.

Dragon's Dogma 2 revolves entirely around choice. Your choice, that is. From the sword and shield-wielding fighter to fighter to the illusion conjuring trickster, there are over 10 unique vocations to choose from that all require experience to unlock new skills. And character customization is out of this world, literally. Oh, and did I mention the combat is really in-depth? It isn't just hacking at a giant's ankle for half an hour while your dodge roll attacks. You can engage enemies from a distance, climb up large foes, stab them in This is a Rooster Teeth production. Well, here we are. Office day.

Is this the entrance? Eric said that this is the only time we'll ever use the pizza oven and that that's it. But I say, and Nick agreed very quickly, that this will be a semi-regular thing and we'll keep coming up with recipes and improving. And then it all goes into the cookbook. Hi, welcome to the supplementary episode of F*** Face. We've gotten together at Jeff's house to cook these pizzas. This is how you set the scene. But this is like 20 minutes into the pizza video isn't it is this a separate thing are we not?

We don't really like audio of this as an audio podcast Are you for real see this is why he produces what podcast. He's right. He's totally right. There are people who just want this. He's totally right. You're right. That's a good point. You nailed it. Well, in that case, let me just say, we just filmed episode, what,

128 yesterday? Yeah. And then this today. Eric has been on point with the intros. I nominate Eric for season five intro guy. It's so easy to set the scene and then you go. I don't... Welcome to F*** Face Supplementary Pizza Podcast number one, office day number two.

Not quite sausage talk. It's Jeff. It's Gavin. It's Andrew. Nick and Emily also here. We're recording live at Jeff's house. Jeff and Emily's house. I'm sorry, Emily.

Jeff and Emily's house, which is beautiful, Emily. It's absolutely gorgeous. Only she gets the compliment for that. Yeah. As if I'm some design scrub. I will say, I don't think it would look like this if you were to decorate it. Andrew is

in his home in Canada. I am. And is trying to make a similar pizza. And that's the scene. Take it away. Well, yeah, I don't know. Similar is, I went a completely different direction. Not similar.

Basic pizza, to be honest. I did ask Eric to forward me the list of ingredients that they were going to get. But then Jeff just decided to make a pepperoni pizza. So I didn't feel like I needed to follow up. Well, I still made my pizza. Just so you know, pepperonis on the list. There you go. Yeah.

Oh, it was. So what did you make? Absolutely it was. Do you want to see us first? I did a very basic barbecue base pizza with some cheese. It's a cheese barbecue pizza. What kind of barbecue sauce did you use as the base? I used a Rufus Teague barbecue sauce as the base sauce.

Is Rufus Teague a famous Canadian barbecue master? I don't know anything about... What was the woman that made the baskets? I know less about the barbecue guy than I know about Leona Waddell, I think was her name, on the scale of knowing. Can I ask, are you saying that you just put barbecue sauce instead of tomato sauce and then put cheese on top of it? Yeah. Yep, that's exactly what I did.

Huh. Did they usually have chicken or something on it? No, absolutely. Yeah, I didn't have chicken. Wasn't on the list. I'll tell you what, Andrew. I didn't have any of the stuff that I used today. We just got it.

No, that's fair. Yeah. You know, I... Listen, I'm cooking out We just got it. No, it's fair. Yeah. Listen, I'm cooking out of a skillet. If we want to be honest, I realized phase one, I was in trouble when last night I went to remove my dough from the freezer, which had been there a while. And I learned it expired like seven months ago. So I didn't have much hope for this. Just generally speaking.

He was going to make pizza any day now for about a year is now is that in your little mini fridge in your bedroom no no no that's the proper fridge i don't have a freezer i don't think he has a bedroom this is properly frozen uh but yeah the yeast was uh was not not great probably died didn't rise very much. Kind of flat, kind of hard in ways I can't describe. Maybe that's the death of the yeast in the dough. I've taken a variety of

photos, though, to show you my dough. I've made several pizzas this month. Should we switch to a... So what did you do then? What do you mean, what did I do? Did you use the seven-month expired dough? Yeah, absolutely I did. It's dough. It's been frozen this entire time.

You're gonna die. Don't eat that. He's gonna get botulism. No, it's just yeast. It's just the yeast that died. I'm not gonna die. The yeast died. It's only some of it that's dead.

All right, well, why don't you show us? Okay, let me pull up my phone. So this has been a journey as a whole, so I'm gonna show you guys mine before I get to see the pizzas that that You made yeah, yeah, I think based on this setup, okay? Yeah, so we're gonna we're gonna go in a little bit of a journey So I used to skill it the tiny waffle maker skillet version you guys had so this is this is my first This is my first attempt okay, so I made a tiny little baby pizza

I used a McDonald's million dollar game piece for scale Oh, wait, that's- So you can see the size of how tiny it is Oh, God I went with a tiny little pizza He made pizza chips This is- Oh

What did he say? Pizza chips! That sounds amazing! Yeah, it's- it's a little pizza chip- that's a great idea I thought about getting Pringles pizza chips to maybe put those in the mix, but I didn't So I let that cook, I wasn't confident it would cook at all Yeah, it did it rose it even rose There's still some yeast alive and that's another bitch and I prepared a second tiny little pizza Which I put on and let me say it looked fucking delicious as it cooked

It rose and cooked we got a little cheese going actually looked pretty goddamn good so that's my tiny that's the tiny little pizza i had and every time every pizza i made i got like italian pizza hands because i'd make a pizza and i'd grow confident so we finished the little guy put that to the side we start working bigger we're getting a little bit bigger with every little pizza i ate the little one honestly Honestly, delicious. It was fantastic. It's fantastic pizza. I ate the second one that you see next to it as well. I cooked that up.

I took a bite. I was so excited. I ate it before I even could take a photo. Very doughy. It was very doughy. Didn't cook all the way through was the problem on that one. But we kept trying,

and we just kept getting bigger. We got to get more cheese in the mix. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Your pizza confidence is growing. It is incredible. It is, yeah. It has grown exponentially.

Got that cooking in the skillet. I couldn't close the lid because it was burning the top of the cheese, which was a problem I should have considered beforehand. So we went open-faced on that one. And this is what is currently sitting next to me, ready to be enjoyed. It's going to be very doughy. It doesn't look very much like a pizza.

It's barbecue sauce. It's barbecue sauce on dough with some cheese melted on top. Yeah. You can't really see the pizza. What? The crust isn't... Is that the crust of the top? Yeah, it's spilled over quite a lot.

It looks like the blob from The Blob. Yeah. It looks like remnants of, like, the Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters. Like, you shot a chunk off him. Yeah, it's not great. It's gonna be bad, but the little ones are telling you

they were fucking delicious. They look pretty good. They look delicious. That little baby one? I'm gonna go back to that. The little baby one is the way to go. Let's stay on They look delicious. That little baby one? I'm going to go back to that. The little baby one is the way to go. Let's stay on that.

Yeah. That looks phenomenal. Okay, there you go. I love that. Yeah, I'm not... He kind of fell to his pizza hubris. Like, he got pretty confident.

It's like confidence, quality. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely. Yeah. Yeah, it's a great scale. I'm excited to see what you all did.

I had a belief going in that mine would be undercooked and yours would be charcoal was how I assumed it would go I said yesterday that it would be two ends of a different shit spectrum now which

do you want to start with Jeff's pizza or do you want to start with Gavin's pizza or Eric's I made a baby one though yours might be good to start with because it would take over from his side. Oh, that's true. Oh, we can grow in size. Yeah. We'll present our pizzas to you, Andrew.

I'll monitor the camera. Okay. So your pizza is slightly bigger? Is that what you're saying? This is Eric's baby. This is my baby pizza. Hang on. Oh, this is Eric's.

That looks delicious. Thank you. That looks great. So it's a regular pepperoni pizza, and I did a crescent roll stuffed crust with mozzarella cheese around the outside. So... That's fantastic.

There you go. I'm pretty happy about that. All right. That looks... I want a piece of that. Right? Not bad. That looks great.

That's the first... Andrew, that's the first of our pizzas. Do we want to go to Jeff's now? I think we should go to Jeff's. Because that's sort of the whole deal, right? And then we can tuck in all together at the same time. Because Jeff's is very similar, I believe. It's just a pepperoni pizza as well, from what I understand.

Yeah, this is a nice, lovely pepperoni. I don't like the way he's got the knife out. We don't have a pizza cutter. You know what? That's not as overcooked, for sure, but it's not nearly as bad as i expect that looks like a store-bought pizza that doesn't look like a pizza how's that uh yeah it looks fine oh he's not impressed he doesn't give a fuck about he was so complimentary of mine yeah it was okay it's a little too flat he didn't care didn't care. I like a thicker crust, personally. Okay. Okay. And now, Gavin.

Oh, I'll be right back, Andrew. Oh, you want to take your... Okay, cool. Let me set this down. So far, I'd say Eric is winning. Well, thank you. Hard to disagree. He's not going to be very nice.

Gavin said Andrew's not going to be very nice. All right, Andrew, you ready? Plowman's. Yeah, let's see yours. The Plowman's Pizza. Okay, well, it looks like it was made by a plowman. It has your staple to it. Let me introduce you to some of the ingredients.

Obviously, we've got the Branson pickle stuffed crust that Eric decided we should make. We've got some ham under there, all English cheddar. We've got some boiled eggs sliced. We've got some chutney. We've got some pickle lily. And under one side is a load of pickled onion. That looks

so bad. That looks terrible. It looks like whoever cooked it realized the Branston was shit and tried to burn it out. Just like all of your edges are fucked. By the way, this happened within about 16 seconds of being Well

Just left to go get another soda Plates yeah, cuz I'm gonna try some of each so we're gonna try each of these pizzas Which one do we want to try first we Do we want to go down the line? Do we want to say Branston for last? Yeah. Or do you want to tuck right into it? Because then we'll be full. We won't need to eat it.

Thank you. Okay. I guess we'll... God, what a knife. Great knife. Okay. We're going to tuck into my tiny pep. So here we have Eric's tiny Ratman pizza.

We have Jeff's simple pepperoni pizza. And we have Gavin's plowman special. All three are going to go in the recipe book. Look at that. Imagine if this was a pizza cutter. That would be crazy. He's really hung up on the pizza cutter thing. Yeah, well, it's part of, you know, cutting a pizza.

Just saying. It worked fine. Jeff, you want a little slice? Yeah, baby, of course. The only one I don't want is Gavin's. Oh, come on now. No, I'm going to have some. Gavin?

Do we, like, all eat at the same time, or can I go now? Yeah. Well, I'll wait. We'll all wait. Be patient. I'm starving. We're good, we haven't had much pizza to eat. Now do you think that this- Do you think your pizza's gonna taste better than the condiment you made?

If we're gonna compare previous creations. Let's not bring up condiments while we're all in person. Alright, let's give it a try. Mmm. Mmm. That's a. Mm. Pepperoni pizza. There's cheese, there's pepperoni, there's dough. I can taste the- How's the stuffed crust? The dough flavor's there.

Stuffed crust is good. This is a good pizza. That looks like a great pizza. I think if we learn how to control the temperature and then learn what temperature we need to cook at, we can really dial that in. Should we try that one? Absolutely.

Yeah, I'll cut it up. If only I had a pizza cutter, right? He's saying it like that, but now he has to cut the pizza, so I guess we'll wait and see. So for those listening, when we move on to Jeff's pepperoni. You really should be watching this, but... This video is on YouTube as well, so you can see...

There's also a video of the process of the pizza being made. Or maybe it's just one video. Or maybe it's just one video. Gavin said, please, only make me make one video. Well, I'm not making this bit, so it's fine, right? Who's making this bit? Is this? This is audio.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was just a video. It's good. It was a freaking camera. Yeah! Andrew, I'm kind of bummed that you're not here to eat the pizza with us. Yeah, honestly seeing both of your pizzas made me realize that my pizza is barely pizza. Nick, I gave you the biggest pizza.

It reduced- I was feeling good about my pizza is barely pizza. It reduced. I was feeling good about my pizza until I looked at yours and Jeff's. I was feeling good about my pizza until I looked at mine. I would never feel good about what you made. That's on you. Jeff got that big slice. So fuck it. I deserve it.

Okay. You cooked them. We tuck it into this one? Yeah, let's tuck it in. Oh. You cooked them! We tuck it into this one? Yeah, let's tuck it in. Mmm! Oh! Oh, baby! Emily went, Mmm, and then threw it down.

Fump. That is a... That is a bog-standard pepperoni pizza. Mm-hmm. Thin crust pepperoni pizza. That same sort of doughy feel. I think it suffers from the same issues with not knowing what temperature to cook a pizza at. I think this tastes like pizza you would get at Blazer Tag. In a good way.

Yeah. Yeah, good way. Sometimes that's the pizza you like like cafeteria pizza it is like tombstone i would eat that you know right now and finally oh god this is gonna be so gushy, I think. Yes. Palate cleanser for late. Okay, who wants the onion side and who wants the regular branson side? I'm good.

Nick is so into this. Oh, God. Now I'm scared. Nick is like ready to try anything and also go ooh it's good that's so much oh my god the impression I get from Nick in these moments

is that Nick really likes being alive oh yeah really just like into life I'm just gonna do it all I think Nick is a guy who really watches what he eats around the house and does a good job about it. So when

it's time for face jam or face to do a pizza day, he goes alright! And that's it. Hang on. What happened here? I've forgotten the camera person. Definitely wants to try some. Definitely. Oh, I got a big-ass chunk of egg okay now here's here's my initial assessment before biting into it. Yeah, it stinks

There is an odor when I was holding the laptop earlier Distinct odor it has this yeah a stink odor. You're right. 100%. Alright. Down the hatch? Yeah. I'm gonna go get a drink. Yeah, absolutely, man. I got Diet Coke and Diet Coke. Can I have one? Is this like an onion odor? What is the scent?

I think part of it is it's pickled and it's chutneyed and it's oniony. So it's like a, it's like a vomity sweet and sour. Hey, Jeff, you're out of sodas. I got one outside. All right, do we want to all bite at the same time? Yeah.

I'm gonna go for the tip and I'm also gonna go and grab some crust afterwards. Oh, it's so wet. Okay, here we go. It is burping. Stop, stop we go. It is dripping. Stop, Wyatt. Stop burping. I can't make room. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, that is... You know in like a horror movie when like in a found footage like all the audio cuts out when the worst thing happens That's what I've experienced like I could just tell this is the worst part of this pizza eating Yeah, I don't like it I don't like it at all. Why would why would Papa John's make that? I cannot recommend that.

Well, you know what, though? It's kind of complementary flavors. There's nothing that sticks. It's all like... Hold on. As opposed to insultory flavors? I feel insulted. Yeah.

It's... It's... It's... Gavin, it's like inedible. I got way more Yeah. Ugh. It's... It's... It's... Gavin, it's like inedible. I got way more onion that time. Oh no! The pickled onion. Nick keeps going!

Oh no! It's pizza day. I didn't get it the first time. Pizza day, he's gotta go. Who knows when he'll have this shot again. Dude, the crust is good. That's good crust. I told you.

With the Branstad. This is almost edible. No, it's not. These are flavors I don't think I've ever really had. I don't like how Branstad pickle can be crunchy and soft at the same time. I don't like how Branstad pickle can be crunchy and soft at the same time. You love it. He's just going to town.

Just like his mom used to make. Gavin's looking for paper towels. He's doing a great job. And if you want to bring a few of us some that might be pretty cool. Oh Thank you, my man So no yeah, no I'm gonna say the crust is great. You enjoy the Branson pickle crust That's the problem in the middle it's here's the deal I feel like We may have a little bit more of refining work to do or maybe not maybe we just we can we can through context clues from making this first was recording. Not any of it? No, I don't think so.

I just got that one right now. It's okay. The audio's good. Oh, I stopped when you served me. I think it... Oh, I think we've got some of it. We've got none of us eating my pizza. Oh, no. Should we film that?

It's like two clips. Pickups of eating my pizza. Emily's just like me. We're both professional film people. Hey, you want to eat some of mine? We got to try and get... Oh, yeah, we need fun to that. Let's explain.

Eric loves an intro. Let's explain what happened. there was a problem with the filming and We lost all of us eating Gavin's disgusting pizza Now we get it again. Now. I will say lost is a strong word when we never had it to begin with Lost implies it was something we had Yeah, get that egg on there I would say get get that bite and get the crust as well I want.

Yeah, for you. Oh yes, yes. Eric. Nick's a fucking freak for this shit. There's pickle on that for sure. Oh yeah, Eric, get the bite of the front with the egg. Oh, I got it. It's white, listen. Oh, I didn't get that flavor at first.

Honestly, every bite I've had of it is completely different. All different. I really might be sick. No, come on. Every bite is a snowflake, Eric. Why'd you do this? On purpose.

Oh, maybe you should get on camera too. Oh, Emily should have some. I think mine will be good because it doesn't have egg in it. Yeah, that, yeah. Yeah, the egg is the problem. I may get a little piece of egg for you if you want. No, no, no. I don't like eggs. It's pretty crispy from about 18 minutes of boiling.

Mmm. It's like sweet onion and pizza sauce. You got some... I have a drinking problem. So you like the Plowman's pizza. Yeah, do you want to get some crust? Yeah, I think I've heard the crust is the best part. I hope you don't get the bite that Nick did a second ago.

It's the char. I don't know who's... And get the front, get the egg. Go, go, go, egg, egg, egg. Eric, get the egg. Egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg. It's all food, Eric. I can't.

I've got... He literally almost threw up down the pizza. So if you're just watching the video... Terrible crust burp. If you're just watching the video, we do have audio of all of the original by eatings. So go back and listen to that. It's the full picture.

Eric, are you really not going to go for the egg bite? I really don't know whether I can. I think you can. It's like egg chutney. You got it. You got it. Come on, man. Just remember it's... What are you doing? How do you know? Just remember it's all food. You like eggs. It's all going there.

You like pizza. You probably like chutney. You bought all these ingredients. I did. You did. I think looking at it is making it worse. Don't look at it. You bought all these ingredients! I did. You did. I think looking at it is making it worse. Don't look at it! Just close your eyes and go to town. Oh, it dripped on all the wires. You should have gone pick a lily drop.

That's a Nick problem. Aaron carries this. This is his problem. Okay. Go on, my son. It's making it worse. Down the hatch. Got this. Big boy, brave boy. Big brave boy.

Look how strong you are. Look at those strong fingers. Look how brave you are. Big, strong, brave guy. What would Fernando Tatis do? Steroids. Yeah. It just tastes like egg.

Yum. There's egg on it. Everybody likes eggs. It's like when I try to tell my kid something's good. Yeah. I like it. tell my kids something's good. I like it.

That's the face the lady made when I proposed to Emily in front of her. Yeah. Yeah. I told them, you haven't heard it, but I told them that nobody there was into us getting married. No, no. It was fun when we have this major life moment and get back on a tour

and just sit there. Just like no one gives a shit. Congratulations, by. Yeah. It was fun when we had this major life moment and get back on a tour and just sit there. Just like no one gives a shit. Congratulations, by the way. This fucking sucks. Wow. I mean, it definitely wasn't good, but I would, I mean, I ate most of my, well. Right.

These are all flavors that you know. I've never had that kind of pickled onion or that chutney, but. Is it the worst pizza you've ever had, Eric? Yeah. I mean, like legitimately, like legitimately, I'm trying to think of a pizza I've had that's worse. And there's never been a pizza that almost made me throw up while taking a bite. Like you've never eaten a piece of pizza before that turned you off of pizza.

Yeah. I mean, I'm eating a different pizza to get the flavor of this pizza out of my mouth. Watching you move that pizza closer to your mouth and then you gagging him. Vile. Vile. Vile. I hate it. Okay, so I think scoring.

Scoring. What would we rate Eric's one yeah what would you rate my tiny pizza I give you a tiny pizza an eight point seven five okay Gavin uh probably six and a half six point five I do I that's in I wait Andrew I can't wait for Gavin to rate his own pizza. Let's be fair, it was a very simple pizza. It wasn't very adventurous, so you're losing marks there. I don't want adventure when I eat a pizza. I just want it to taste good. Hey, we have a special guest who just walked in.

She won't try it. Oh, she won't. My small wife is here. Eric made a small pizza for you. Here's the thing. This is regular small a small pizza for you. Oh, do you want? Okay, so here's the thing. This is regular small pepperoni pizza stuffed crust.

Totally fine. No, no, no. It's 100% regular. It's normal. It is regular pizza. Then Jeff made a pepperoni that was also normal. Gavin made a pizza with chutney and hard-boiled eggs. And ham.

And ham. Pickled eggs. Do you want to try it? Pickled onions. Branston pickle. Is that what you- Pick a lily. Or was it for the bit? It's not.

Yeah, it's still, well, it was for the bit. Gavin rated my pizza a 6.5. It's tough press. Uh-huh. I'd give my pizza at least a 7. It is a, at least a 7. It's a solid pep. It's just press. Uh-huh. I'd give my pizza at least a seven. It is a, at least a, it is a. It's a solid pep. It's just, you know.

I would, I'd say eight, seven, five. Okay. Then how about Jeff's pizza? Jeff's was a bit more doughy and cold. So I'd say six. I'd give mine a seven, nine. I, I'm with, I'd give yours a seven. I think it's, it's a pepperoni pizza.

Nick, what's your score on both of those? Seven on the little one, eight on the. Okay. And now it's a pepperoni pizza. Nick, what's your score on both of those? Seven on the little one, eight on the... Okay. And now it's time for Gavin's pizza. Well, it's a two, isn't it? Let's be fair. It's not good. It's not good, but the flavors, I think... Every

bite was different. It's the English cheddar. The English... The cheese is so strong. It's very English cheddar. The English... The cheese is so strong. It's very strong. But then everything stands up to the strong cheese. Yeah. So it's just a fight.

The cheese basically stands up in the middle of the field, fronting on whoever... And then the Branson pickle's like, I'll match you, you son. And then everyone else just squares up to it, and all the flavors match. It is... Except for the pickled onion. I couldn't get on board with that. It's absolutely, I mean, two, I think is, I mean, I'd give it, I mean, I guess I'll give it a one.

If it was cooked better and not burnt, I could have eaten the whole thing. It's a 10 on originality. It's a 10 on creativity. It's a negative 200 on every other thing there. So your rating is? 2.7. Higher than mine? Yeah, maybe 2.7. 200 on every other thing. So your rating is? 2.7.

Higher than mine? Yeah, maybe 2.7. Nick? I'd give it a 3. Thanks, Nick. Thanks, I appreciate that. That's great. Emily, what do you think? It's an abomination.

Well, that's not a number. I think a 2. Okay, 2. Appreciate it. I don't think it's a pizza. What do you mean? I mean, it looks like a pizza I don't think it's a pizza. What do you mean? I mean, it looks like a pizza. I feel like it's a chutney on bread.

Like, that's just an appetizer. Barbara, just based on the look. This is one gap. Do you hate yourself? Um, yeah. But not as much as how that turned out. Two. Two. Two based on the visuals. And what was your rank that turned out. Two. Two.

Two based on the visuals? And what was your rank? A one. One. We should call it the Plowman's Two. I will change my score to two for that. Absolutely. This one's going to be the recipe, the Plowman's Number Two.

Oh, man. I love it. Yeah, I think I would probably do it again without the pickled onion and without the pickle lily. Okay, so hang on. Shut the fuck up. Okay. What are you talking about? The Branston pickle was the whole point.

No, pickled onion is different than Branston pickle. Even though Branston pickle is pickled onion. I'm talking about the pickled onion in the jar. The yellow stuff. Exactly. He had two different kinds of pickled onion. He liked one. You didn't have any of that

because I only did that on half the pizza. You had the best kinds of pickled onion. He liked one. You didn't have any of that, because I only did that on half the pizza. You had the best version of that pizza. The one bite with the egg just tasted like egg, but it was so wet and firm. The cheese was so strong. Oh, but the crust was phenomenal. You had the side of the pizza that he's on board with. Yeah, if I made it again, no pickle-ily, none of that yellow floppy pickle, and the rest was phenomenal. Phenomenal!

Phenomenal! It just needed to be cooked. It needed to be not raw and hot. It was hot floppy bread with burnt bits. It, like, gave me a headache. I don't feel good. That's all the carcinogens. I feel bad. Okay.

Like, we didn't even talk about when, like when that chunk of wood fell on Gavin's pizza. We had to separate it from the pizza. You dropped wood on my pizza? Big ass hunk of charcoal. Okay, so it wasn't a win. What? But I've learned a lot. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. That's the thing. You got to start somewhere. Andrew, how would you rate all these from looks? Did you do that already? Yeah, from looks, I would say that Gavin, yours was a one. Actually, I don't know if I can imagine a pizza that looked worse, to be honest. It's tough to scale. At least it was a one. Actually, I don't know if I can imagine a pizza that looked worse, to be honest. It's tough to scale.

At least it was a slow. But I can't imagine a worse looking one. Here's the thing, Gavin. Your pizza looked like if a children's TV show was trying to show a disgusting pizza, it would have cut up hard-boiled eggs and chutney. It would have those things things and it would be somebody pulling the lid off the pizza and the kid would go,

bow! If Nickelodeon made Fear Factor, that would be a challenge. It looks like your pizza is something Mark Summers made kids put together to avoid being slimed. And they're eating...

Oh, this is wild. This is awful. Okay. Hey, how would you rate Jeff's pizza just based on looks? Yeah, I'd say yours and Jeff's have to be a seven, just as a minimum. Like, it seemed like it was cooked. It's pepperoni.

There's nothing too fancy about it. It seems like kind of a basic dough. Like, it's fine. It's solid. It's a solid pizza. I will say, I think we made those just to have something to eat. Yeah. Yeah. That's how it pizza. I will say I think we made those just to have something to eat. Yeah. Yeah.

That's how it feels. Yeah. The real star of the show is Kevin's Plowman's number two. What a star it was. You've never seen a star fall that fast. It was a real crushing burn.

Uh-huh. So proud of you. I'm proud of all of us. We all made a pizza today. That's awesome. That's true. That's cool.

Jeff's one and only time using that pizza oven. So far. Are you open to using it more? Well, we were talking about today, Andrew. It's barely been four years that I've lived here. And we finally broke the seal. So, any day now. It's barely been four years

getting around to use that big thing in my backyard that takes up so much space. Is anyone having like a bubbly feeling in their tummy? No, because I only ate like two bites of that. Mostly egg. Bubbly feeling. Yeah, just like a little bit of a unsettled, sort of raw egg, sort of.

Well, I guess we should wrap up our pizza day. I keep smelling it. Yeah, it's not a good smell. It's not a good smell. It just stinks. It doesn't. It stinks. Can we identify this?

If you huff all the ingredients, can you tell us what the pizza stinks of? Onion. It's a sweet onion smell, mostly. But then. It's the Vidalia onion. That's the thing I'm taking out, so It's a sweet onion smell, mostly. But then... It's the Vidalia onion. That's the thing I'm taking out, so that's fine.

But then, egg. But then just simply egg. Like, it's so sweet, and then it smells like an egg. Think about this, Gavin. I used seven-month expired dough and cooked it in a waffle iron, and I would have scored higher than that.

Oh, absolutely. Andrew, just based on looks for yours, 100%. Your tiny little cute handheld pizza. Your bagel bite is adorable. Those are adorable. Good work. Good work. I want to sell stuffy versions of it to kids.

You can sleep with your little bagel bite pizza puff. Okay, we should wrap up our pizza day so we can have a bubbly tummy I'm going to go and have an afternoon really something if you want to watch this you can I mean we'll have the uninterrupted video except for somebody interrupted it

but it'll just go to like, you know, the logo and then it'll come on back to when we're going and resetting. And there's also a video of us making them. There is. There's a video of us making, it might be at the beginning

of this thing, but not the audio. I don't know. We'll see. Maybe we'll Pulp Fiction it and who knows where it'll appear. Yeah, it'll, right there in the middle.

It's a non-linear piece of video. A successful office day? Oh, it's a great office day. We're getting a lot done. A pizza video. A successful office day? Oh, it's a great office day. We're getting a lot done. Two for two. We're getting a lot done. Yeah. We watched the monkey movie, and now it feels like uncorked, like we're ready to go.

Yeah. Every day. Yeah. Thanks for joining us, Andrew. Thank you. For making such incredible pizzas, Eric and Jeff, and for whatever you made, Gavin. I appreciate you looking at it. Catching a lot of heat.

Too bad our pizzas didn't catch any of that heat. Well, Gavin's caught all the heat at the very beginning. Gavin's pizza caught on fire. One second. Gavin kept going, I've been sabotaged. I was sabotaged. And then the only part of the pizza

that was any good, the only part of the pizza that was any good, the only part of your pizza that was any good was the crust. I had to bite through the ash to get to the good bit. I thought I knocked most of that off. With the wood that you dropped on it? Well, that'll do it. Follow us at Face Jam.

Fuck. Sorry. It's a natural habit with this amount of gross food honestly honestly This is how I feel after most face jam episodes where you're just like this is shit You've got two default intros one has a gut full of nasty food and you just went to that one Follow us at face pod on Twitter and on Instagram You can see all the pictures there if you listen to this like a freak You could go on our YouTube channel and watch the video of it. If you do both, that really helps us out.

Can't promise it's going to help you out. So thank you very much. Any parting words for your pizzas? I just want to say my last parting word will just be what a phenomenal job you have taken over doing in season five as the intro outrooutro guy. And I just really appreciate it. After Andrew's confession

that he understands intros now, I'm glad that there's an appeal here. We're trying to reset. We're trying to make it make sense to people who come in on this number episode, so we don't have to go, yeah, go back to 16! Episode 128? Find episode 46 and count backwards

until you find the one. Any last words, Gavin? I don't think so. Andrew, anything strong to take us out on? No, I'm sad I didn't get to try some seven pizzas, but I'm glad I'm sort of glad I'm not there to avoid whatever

Fuck government the plowman's number two. Yeah, this is all the plowman out there Hey, if you do make your own plowman's number two Please don't yeah really like a pic. Yeah, send us a picture, but also rethink what you're doing plowing the rain. Yeah Don't yeah, we found a person who don't like wet. Yeah, I don't know why they live there, but alright. Okay, goodbye. Thank you.

Bye.